The sun began to set on Equestria, John stood on the hill above Ponyville. His dark green eyes staring out on the horizon, his black hair covered by his black leather stetson. His denim work shirt was unbuttoned and untucked revealing his sweat soaked undershirt, his stained jeans were held up by his black leather belt. A pair of steel toed boots on his feet, a frown on his face. It had been seven months since he had been brought here, the pain of being away from home still ached in his chest. it was even worse knowing he could never return, the ponies said they had needed a dozen guards and Big Macintosh to hold him down so he wouldn’t take his revolver to himself. He conveniently forgot that had happened, he just wanted to die that day.
“John.” A voice said behind him, he didn’t turn to look at who it was. He had nothing to say to them still. She was the reason he was stuck here now, he could never face her. “Applejack said I could find you here.”
“And she was right.” John said coldly, this unicorn couldn’t seem to get the hint. “Now you can go and leave me in peace.” He muttered before pulling out a cigarette and setting it into his mouth, his chrome zippo lighter was whipped out and lit the cigarette. He took a moment to eye the engraveings on it, the eagle with a quiver of arrows and an olive branch stared back at him. Beneath it were the words United States Army, he had had it since his first day in basic. It only reminded him more of how his life was gone for ever. He remembered the day he left the army, age thirty.
“John, I’m sorry how many times can I say that to you?” The pony asked, John put his lighter away and took a drag on his cigarette.
“Say it as much as you want, I don’t change a damn thing.” John’s venomous words cut deep into the pony. “I had a real nice life before all this, getting the farm back on its feet, seeing my mom turn 50, building a business for myself. Not a damn thing you can do will change that its gone, so don’t waste your breath Lyra.” John kicked a rock off the hill into the distance, Lyra winced at this. “Just leave me alone, theres nothing left for us to say to each other.” John turned, his angry face covered by a bit of stubble. Without another word he walked past the mint green unicorn, his boots kicking up small puffs of dirt.
Lyra felt a tear come to her eye, she had been so selfish that day seven months ago.
I’m finally gonna prove it! Humans do exist!” Lyra said happily, her horn glowing brightly. The spell she was reading over was just what she needed, finally after a lifetime of failures she was going to get a real live human.
“Its not going to work Lyra.” Bon-Bon said in a deadpanned expression, Lyra didn’t listen. Her smile growing increasingly scary. In a flash of immense light Lyra cast the spell, on the cieling a massive portal opened. Slowly a bipedal creature began to emerge from it causing Bon-Bon to faint and Lyra to smiled even wider.
Lyra shook her head of the memory, she didn’t need to remember anymore. All she needed to know was that John wasn’t happy about being brought from his world to Equestria and even angrier when he learned he could not go back. How he had tried to kill himself, crawled into a bottle, never smiled once. Lyra felt another tear roll down her face as she remembered it was all her fault for his suffering, Celestia had been Livid with her. Everypony was mad at her, but John, John loathed her so much there wasn’t even a word for it.
John walked down the hill in the direction of Berry Punch’s bar, a bag of bits in his hand. His revolver in its holster was gleaming in the twilight. Ponies made way for the depressed figure, his eyes set straight ahead. Each time his boot impacted the dirt it seemed to drag a bit, almost as if he was in a trance as he walked. Without acknowledging any greetings he just walked until his destination was within sight, the door’s were open as usual and there was hardly a soul inside from what John could see outside. Berry Punch eyed him as he walked, her face tried to mask the pity as best as she could. John ignored what she could not, he just walked through the door and walked to his usual seat before sitting down and removing his hat.
“Just give me the usual Berry.” John said with a emotionless tone of voice, Berry had never seen an alcoholic before John. Her usual customers were social drinkers but not alcoholics as many believed. Berry shook her head before taking a bottle of whiskey from under the bar and sliding it down to John. He caught it before it slid off the end and proceeded to open it. In one movement he had down an eighth of the bottle, Berry Punch winced at that. John took his revolver from its holster and slid it to Berry Punch. ”Probably not the best thing to have on hand while drinking.”
“Why are you doing this to yourself?” Berry Punch wanted to say, she held her tongue though as she saw John’s eyes watering a bit. The atmosphere began to return to normal, ponies ignoring John and going about their own discussions. John sat there just staring into the bottle before taking another swig from the bottle and setting it down hard on the bar. To Berry Punch it was hard to watch, the constant downward spiral that John was in made it hard for her to sleep at night. She decided it was time to do something.
“Hey, Shot Glass can you watch the bar for a few minutes?” Berry Punch asked, the grey Earth Pony in question nodded. Berry Punch walked out the door. John thought nothing of it, she was probably going to get some more supplies or something. Little did John know that Berry was actually trotting towards the library. He looked at his bottle, it was halfway gone. Shot Glass looked at him with a puzzled expression, John shrugged it off. The only thing going through his mind was his old life, how his life had been before this all happened.
”Happy Birthday Mom!” John said with a massive smile on his face, in front of him was his mom who had a big cake with fifty candles all ablaze. She smiled at him before blowing out the candles.
“John you didn’t need to do this, just having you here is enough.” His mom said with a smile o equal size to John.
“Absolutely not! Its your fiftieth mom, you should have family with you. I just wish James and Samantha could have come.” John said with a sincere apology for his brother and sisters absence. “But you know how busy things can get in the city.”
“You’re a good boy Johnny.” His mother smiled.
John felt one tear leave his eye and roll down his face onto the mahogany bar surface, he hung his head heavily at that memory. His life was going so good until that damned unicorn stole it away, words could not express his anger, his sorrow, his feeling of loss. He took a big swig from his bottle of Whiskey and blinked away a few tears. He was brought from his stupor by a pony taking a seat next to him, he looked over and saw who it was.
“Hey Twi.” He said in his defeated tone, turning back to his bottle. He felt a hoof on his shoulder, normally he would have shrugged it off but at this point he was welcome to anything.
“Hello John, is there something you want to talk about?” Twilight asked, she put a wing over his shoulder.
“No, I just need a few more bottles.” John said gesturing to his drink, he took another drink before slamming the empty bottle on the bar. “Bring me another.” John took a few bits from his pouch and tossed them on the bar.
“No, don’t bring him another.” Twilight said to Shot Glass, John glared daggers at her. “You can’t keep doing this to yourself, John. I realise its been hard for you, its been seven months since you had everything you know and love taken and I understand that but you can’t do this to yourself. It’s killing you.” John returned his look to the empty bottle.
“Maybe that’s what I need.” He said coldly, his tone was so cold it sent chills down Twilight’s back. “I don’t know what to do with myself anymore Twi. I can’t work for Applejack for the rest of my life. I can’t go onto welfare. Maybe you should have let me just off myself that day, your life wouldn’t be so damned complex if you did.” He hung his head again.
“Hey. Studies have shown that this...” Twilight gestured a hoof to the bottle. “isn’t good for you, As your friend I can’t let you keep doing this to yourself. Please just stop this.” John sighed before getting up from his seat and shrugging off Twilight’s wing. “Where are you going?”
“The Forest, Maybe I’ll feed myself to a manticore.” John said emotionlessly, Twilight felt that hit her hard. She knew he was seriously considering doing it, it scared her to think somepony she was friends with wanted to be rid of himself so badly. John walked out of the bar past Berry Punch who was carrying a crate of whiskey with her, he grabbed a bottle discretely before popping the top and taking a swig. He sat his hat back on his head and turned towards the forest, Twilight watched from the door.
“Oh Celestia what am I going to do with him?” She asked herself, almost immediately she began to trot after the lone bipedal on his way to attempt his own demise. The night was now out completely, the stars out in force. This was going to be one of those nights she would want to forget about as soon as possible.
As John walked he took another large swig from the bottle of ill gotten whiskey, it stung his throat for a moment before a slight sort of sweetness replaced it. He wasn’t actually going to let a manticore eat him, but a walk in the forest did help to clear his nerves. His hands in his pockets, his eyes ahead, he tuned out everything that wasn’t directly involving him. He just wanted to be alone and forget where he was, fate had other plans however.
“John, don’t do this to yourself.” Twilight had caught up with him, he sighed and looked down at her.
“Relax Twi, if I was really going to do it I would use my gun. No, I just needed a walk.” John said to her reassuringly, it didn’t help much.
“John the girls and I are scared for you, you haven’t smiled at all, you barely come out of the barn and when you do its either to work or to drink. It’s the hardest thing I’ve ever had to see in my life, it hurts me on the inside. Every morning I fear i’ll wake up and hear you decided to go through with it, I know you care about us. Thats the kind of Pon- Person you are.”
“I’m a liability Twi, you remember how the Griffons reacted. When they heard about me they wanted blood, the minotaurs have been even worse. How many times have you gone on diplomatic missions?”
“57 times in the past 12 months.” Twilight answered.
“How many of them involved me?” John asked, Twilight paused before shaking her head. “You see what I mean. Celestia wants nothing to do with me, she barely tolerates me hanging around with you. The only ponies I have on my side are you, your friends, Vinyl and Luna.” John stopped walking and looked up the night sky before hanging his head. “Talking isn't doing. It is a kind of good deed to say well; and yet words are not deeds.”
“What does that mean?” Twilight asked.
“It means that no matter what you say, it may make someone feel better but it does not change what truly is. At least thats how I interpreted it.” John replied, he chuckled for a moment. “And I thought I’d never find use for shakespeare.” Twilight stared at John for a moment, he had never chuckled before. “But back to the subject at hand. You and I both know that its been nothing but a political shitstorm since I showed up, I’d be better off in the gallows.”
“John, please stop doing this to yourself.” Twilight said as she watched John take a swig from his bottle of whiskey. “Don’t you care about your friends?”
“OF COURSE I DO!” John shouted, he glared at Twilight.
“Then stop doing this! It may be that you hate it here but Celestia damnit you have friends who can do nothing but watch you do this to yourself!” Twilight said, a few tears coming to her eyes. “You want to be dead?! Fine! But don’t you tell me that we would be better off without you! Thats not how friendship works.” With that Twilight magicked the bottle from John’s grasp and smashed it into the ground, then she opened her wings and took off without waiting for Johns reaction to her actions. John looked at the smashed bottle and then into the sky at Twilight who was flying away, he sighed before turning in the direction of Ponyville.
His feet dragged in the dirt as he walked, he was unsure what to do. Maybe he should just go home to the barn at Sweet Apple Acres, maybe he should get something to drink, apologize to his friends? He needed to do something, he couldn’t just stand around all night. Finally he decided it would be best to go home, his feet shifted direction and traveled towards the orchard. How had his life gotten so bad? That was the only question he would ask god if he died right then and there.
As John arrived at the door to the barn he looked up at the night sky, those tiny dots out in space that didn’t seem to have a care in the world. Near one of those dots was earth, his true home. He felt a sigh escape his lips again, with that he opened the door. The barn was dark, hay was laying about on the floor and in the loft. A makeshift bed sat in the corner with an acoustic guitar leaning against the barrel that acted as a nightstand, John walked over to the bed kicking off his boots and taking off his hat. He lay on his bed and stared up at the ceiling for several minutes before finally drifting off to sleep.
(-♠♦♠-)
John was awoken by a stray beam of sunlight, he covered his eyes and turned over but his slumber was completely lost. Reluctantly he sat up and looked around, it was later than he normally got up and Applejack was pretty punctual about waking him if he wasn’t up on time. Shrugging it off he got up from bed and stretched, his joints popped loudly and released the tension he felt on his back. He walked over to his pile of clean clothes and began to change, slipping into a new pair of underwear, socks, Jeans and and new undershirt. He tucked his stained denim workshirt in after buttoning it and then sat his hat atop his head.
John nodded approval to himself as he looked in the mirror he had set up next to his bed, with that he put on his boots and double knotted the laces as always before walking to the door. He pushed it open, the sun assaulting his tired eyes. He looked around for someone, normally Big Mac and Applejack would be in the fields but still visible. John looked down at himself, he hadn’t remembered to put on his holster so why did he have it. And more importantly why was his revolver in said holster, he had left it at the bar.
“AJ!” John called out but no one answered, the wind blew unsettlingly. “Applejack!”
“Hello John.” A voice said from behind John, he whirled around to see another person. Not a pony. He was dressed entirely in black, his hat covered his face. “Lets test that mettle of yours boy.”
“Who are you!?” John demanded.
“I’m a friend of your friends, you could say. I been sent here to take care of you.” the stranger slid his hand towards his hip but John was faster. his revolver was out and the hammer had been drawn back before the other gun had left the holster. A single round went off and a bullet tore through the stranger’s chest, he fell to the ground.
“Heh, I remember when I was that fast.” The Stranger grunted, John walked over to him and looked down with his revolver at the mans head. His face still hidden by his hat, he let out a soft chuckle. “Guess thats what happens when you go down this path.” he said looking at himself, his gruff voice sounded eerily familiar. “Son, you gotta a stop doing what you're doing with your life or you're gonna end up like me.”
“Who are you man!?” John shouted, the stranger chuckled as he felt back on the ground.
“Someone you know well son, someone you know well.” The man said letting out a cough before going limp, John stepped over to the body. He looked at the hat, it was similiar to the one he himself was wearing, he moved it away and jumped back. The face that stared at him was a very old and scary looking version of himself. “DON'T LIKE WHAT YOU SEE!?” The face shouted at him before burning away to ash. “THIS IS YOUR BODY!” John looked at himself, his own hands were crumbling apart. “THIS IS YOUR BODY ON DRUGS!” He was starting to turn to dust and he couldn’t let a scream out. “ANY QUESTIONS! HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA”
Everything went dark and John found himself looking around until he was surrounded by fire with hundreds of burning skulls glaring at him. “YOU ARE DOOMED! DOOOOOOMED! WE HAVE A SPECIAL PLACE FOR YOU HERE!” They all shouted at the same time. John found his own face staring at him, it was on fire as its skin began to burn away and it too began to shout at him in the voice of thousands of demons.
(-♠♦♠-)
John shot up in bed as he felt to hooves shaking him, he was drenched in sweat and his heart was beating faster than anything. He whipped his head around and saw that Applejack was looking at him with a concerned face.
“Sorry AJ, I guess I overslept....” John said sheepishly, Applejack shook her head before she spoke, her tone was full of concern and she had an ‘all business’ look on her face.
“Sugarcube its two in the morning, you woke me up, everypony could hear y’all from the house! Naw ah know y’all are having trouble sleeping and ah was content to let you sort it out But John, you got me and the girls worryin bout you! Tell me what y’all dreamed and ah’ll tell Twi to get Luna, let us help you PLEASE!” Her mane was uncombed, she really had rushed out here to help him.
“Son, you gotta stop doing what you're doing with your life or you're gonna end up like me.”
John looked at Applejack for a moment, suddenly he grabbed her into a tight hug. She returned the gesture as quick as she could. It was the first time he had actually been so frightened by a dream, the vivid picture of it all burned into his mind. He remembered how when he was younger his mom told him that sometimes god would send a message to you in your dreams to help you find your way. He had laughed it off then, but now he wasn't so sure. After he let go of Applejack John told her everything, his dreams and what had happened the night before. Applejack sighed and put a hoof around his shoulder, she knew it would be tougher than just waking up one morning and saying. ‘I quit’
