What Would I Do

by asdfghjklsemicolon

Rating: teen
Tags: Slice of Life, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Sad, Original Character
Length: 2205

A follow-up to "You Can't Save Them All" - Sweet Breeze's thoughts drift in all directions following the night Sunny Days died.

This is a direct sequel to my first story to You Can't Save Them All. It is highly recommended you read that first, or you'll be completely lost in what's going on.

With her mind raw with grief and guilt dragging at her hooves, Sweet Breeze tries to cope with the aftermath of her failed attempts to save Sunny Days' life.

Published 2013-07-16 17:00:02 UTC
Last updated 2013-07-16 17:00:02 UTC

If the Sun Died Out?

Sweet Breeze groaned as she opened her eyes, the warmth on her face awaking her from her slumber. She put a hoof over her eyes and tried to sink into her pillow, only to find that she was as far back as she was going to get. Her sky-blue mane, once so silky and graceful, was now matted and unruly. Not just from sleep, but from the lack of care. It'd been four days since that day and the desperation in Sunny Days' voice was still fresh in her ears. She should have gone over there herself, she could have saved the young mare; she could have tried at the very least.

But she hadn't. She'd sat her desk just talking into her headset, hoping that her voice could lure her client away from the thin line between life and death. She scoffed at that thought as she stared at her ceiling through a blood-shot lavender gaze. She was foolish to think that sitting at her desk could have saved the struggling mare. Sure, she'd saved ponies by doing it before; for the past five years in fact. But if she had to be honest with herself, she felt like an idiot for thinking that every call would end with a grateful blubber and a deep breath.

She looked back on her interview with her manager Ruby Shine, the older Earth pony who ruled the hotline operation with an iron hoof. Ruby had told her that she shouldn't expect to never lose a pony, but Sweet Breeze had dismissed the thought with a flick of her ear. There was no way she'd ever lose a pony. After all, her special talent was compassion and understanding. Sure, a lot of ponies in Equestria were caring, but Sweet Breeze always had a feeling she was the best at it. You don't get a cutie mark in helping just for giving a foal a piece of candy, you had to work for it; and work Sweet Breeze did and it always proved triumphant in the long run. Except now. She didn't feel proud, she didn't feel victorious. She felt guilty, scared, and terrifyingly depressed. She almost laughed at the irony. Almost.

She turned her head slowly toward her nightstand as her phone buzzed to life and the screen lit up. There were only three ponies who could be calling: Melody Flow, Playwright, or Ruby Shine. For the past four days she'd ignored every call and text, no longer wanting anything to do with the outside world. Her friends had come and knocked on her door yesterday, but she hadn't moved to answer it. She couldn't let them see her like this; so... out of her element.

But that wasn't fair to them. They were obviously worried, and Celestia knows she's caused enough heartache lately. Reluctantly, she lit up her horn and levitated her phone to her ear after pressing "accept".

"Hel-" She broke into a coughing fit as she spoke. Her voice was cracked and dry from the lack of speaking, and her throat was raw from crying. She added a nearby glass of water to her levitation and took a quick sip before trying again. "Hello?"

"Breeze?" Melody Flow's accented voice drifted from the speaker. Sweet Breeze always liked her accent. Melody was Veneighzuelan, and her origin dripped off of her every word.

Breeze's reply was stopped before it could start as a higher, more fretful voice joined in. "Breeze, are you okay?" Playwright must be with her.

Breeze sighed and shifted a bit on her bed. "Define 'okay'."

"Breeze, we've been so worried!" Playwright squeaked.

"Yes, mi querida, Wright came close to sending the police over to your house!"

Breeze smiled a bit at hearing Melody Flow call her "dear". "N-no, there's no need for that. I'm fine."

"When are you coming back to work? Ruby's been pissed that you've been gone seven days without calling." Playwright sounded annoyed, but whether it was toward the pony in question or Sweet Breeze herself she couldn't be sure.

Seven days? Breeze closed her eyes and took a deep breath. "Tell her that I'm taking a mental health break."

"What, you are crazy?"

Breeze rolled her eyes; sometimes Melody's understanding of English was less than correct. "No, I'm... I'm a a bit sad."

Breeze propped herself up when she heard Playwright take on a more serious tone. "Breeze, ignoring calls and keeping your curtains drawn for a week is not something that somepony does when they're 'a bit sad'."

It hasn't been a week, Wright must be mixed up. Sweet Breeze nervously fidgeted on her comforter. She could almost feel the brown Earth Pony's blue gaze on her.

"Do you need us to visit you?"

"No, Mel. I just need some space, some time to clear my head."

"You will call us later, yes?"

"Yeah, call us!"

"I'll call, guys. Bye."

"Adios."

"Bye, Breeze!"

While the mere thought of leaving her bed hurt her head, she was glad she did it. She twisted her neck, sighing in relief when she felt it pop in all of the right places. She stretched each leg individually, getting the same results as she had from her neck. She slowly trotted to her bathroom and grimaced at her reflection. Her curled blue mane was frizzy and wild, sticking out in all directions; some even entwining. Her eyes were bloodshot, red, and puffy from crying. She could see tear stains running down her cheeks, but she couldn't be sure if it had been the tears alone to darken her fur or the makeup running with it. Not that anypony who hadn't seen her before would know, but her fur had gone from being a shiny light grey to drab, and stormy looking. She tilted her head, thinking back to her phone conversation. She was beginning to think that perhaps Playwrite had been right; perhaps it really had been more than four days since... the incident. Surely her appearance couldn't have gone so downhill after just four days?

She lit up her horn and sighed as she heard the sound of water spilling from the shower head. While waiting for the water to heat up, she trotted to her front door. She took a deep breath before opening it. She flinches as the sun hit her face, causing her to throw a hoof over her eyes. She glared at the ground and stepped back when she saw her newspaper. Or, more particularly, the obituaries. With a shaky hoof, she raised the paper to her face and scanned over the stories and pictures until she saw the one she was looking for.

Sunny Days (16)

Sunny Days (described by her peers) was a fun, energetic pony who always looked out for others, even working part- time at Ponyville's Soup Kitchen. The ponies she served were grateful, the ones she was close to saddened at her passing. Miss Sunny Days leaves behind her father Skid Mark, her mother Loop, her older brother Burn Out, and her unborn child. She...

As hard as Sweet Breeze tried to keep reading, she found that the tears falling onto the paper were making it impossible. She let out a shaky breath as she forced her eyes to look up at the picture, and a whimper escaped her lips as she rested her lavender gaze on it.

When Breeze had pictured Sunny Days, she'd based her on how her voice sounded: desperate and scared. The picture in the paper depicted none of these things. Sunny Days yellow coat was glossy and smooth, her purple mane was long and silky, falling in glossy waves around on her shoulders. Her green eyes put Celestia's Sun to shame. The three Suns on her flank smiled at her, their meaning lost to the bedraggled Unicorn staring at them.

Breeze put a hoof to her mouth and stumbled back inside her house. "She..." she swallowed as she closed the door. "She was so beautiful." She cried. The tears flowed freely as she set the paper on her coffee table and stared at it, blubbering words so intelligible that they were lost in translation even to her. She continued staring at the picture as if it was the Moon being shown to her for the first time.

She blinked when she took a breath and found the air to be warm and wet, and her vision turning misty. She almost went into a full blown panic before the sound of her shower running slipped into her ears. She gave the picture a look before turning back to her bathroom.

She lit up her horn and focused her magic on the knob that controlled the cold water. She had it turned more than halfway before stopping. Perhaps the hot water was exactly what she need. Turning the knob back to where it was almost off, she shook her head before stepping into the shower. She let out a hiss of pain as the scalding water soaked through her fur and touched her skin. She grit her teeth and squeezed her eyes shut, willing herself to bear it. She levitated her shampoo over to her and sighed in relief as the cool gel she squeezed out gave her relief from the burning of the water; even if it was just for a few seconds.

As she lathered herself up, she began wondering if Sunny had ever done this: forced herself to bear pain in order to take her mind off of her worries. How different had the younger mare been from Sweet Breeze herself? When she raised her hooves to wash her mane she caught a glimpse of the the inner part of her left hoof. Three scars, perfectly parallel to each other, lacing across her grey fur. Invisible to those who weren't looking for them, but not to Breeze. She could feel them there when she walked or wrote something down. She knew they were there. She gazed at her hoof for a moment longer before pushing all of the thoughts out of her mind and closing her eyes. The lack of something to think about returned her attention back to the searing water that trickled down every inch of her sore body. She moved her head to where her face was in the direct path of the water. She whimpered as the water burned her nose and eyelids, yet she relished every second of it, glad for something else to pay attention to for the last four days... or a week, as Playwrite had said.

When she was was sure that there were no traces of soap on her, she turned off the hot water, only to turn the cold on full blast with a wave of her horn. She gave a quiet squeak of shock and held her mouth agape as the freezing water rained down on her. She giggled a bit as it seeped onto her underbelly, tickling her unintentionally. She turned off the water with a sigh before wrapping a towel around her and stepping out of the shower. Using her magic to towel herself dry, she made her way to her living room and gazed down at the paper again. She smiled as an idea sprang to her mind.

"So, this is her?" Melody Flow spoke the question loudly to Sweet Breeze, who was busy washing dishes in the kitchen.

"Yeah," Breeze called back. She put the last dish away and made her way to her friends. She smiled when she saw Melody staring at the framed clipping of Sunny Days' picture. "She was beautiful, wasn't she?"

"Very." The accented Pegasus answered her. Melody's green eyes were warm as she looked at the picture for a moment longer before turning to look at Breeze. "I am sorry that I did not get to meet her."

Sweet Breeze frowned as she glanced at the picture. "Yeah..."

"Yo, Breeze!" Breeze turned at Playwright's voice drifting from the hallway. A second later, the brown Earth Pony's blue eyes head popped up. "I finished your bed!"

"Thanks, Wright." Breeze nuzzled her friend as she approached.

"No problem!"

"Sweet Breeze, are you feeling better now?" Melody asked, concern dripped off of every word. The fire-colored mare was a worrier, even more than that librarian at Ponyville's library.

"Yeah, I'm fine." Breeze grinned at her friends.

"Awesome!" Wright smiled and wrapped her forelegs around the other two mares. "Let's get some food, hm? I'm hungry, and a nice watercress sandwich sounds really good right now."

It was the mention of food that made Breeze realize just how hungry she was. When was the last time she had eaten anyway? She shook her head and smiled, listening to her friends chatter as they all exited the house. Standing on her porch, Breeze looked looked over her shoulder at the Sunny Days' bright smile. Her mood faltered for a second before she took a deep breath and closed the door. Sunny Days' father was still free, and if a world where monsters roamed free was the place where Sunny's foal would have been brought into, then perhaps the foal had been spared.

Perhaps they both had.