Chapters √-1 √-1 √-1
An Imaginary Citizen
[WINK!!!]
A sudden burst of magic, coupled with a magical sounding ping, announced the arrival of the unicorn stallion in Ponyville.
However, this particular burst was gold-earth in colour, and the “ping” was lower pitched than that of a certain purple unicorn mare with OCD.
It was also louder, indicating that the unicorn had teleported a very long distance.
Namely, halfway between Ponyville and Canterlot.
Not that anypony was around to hear or see him. As was his habit, he was visiting early in the morning. As was also his habit, he did not appear on the north side of town, nearest to his house, but on the south side, firstly, because one of his friends worked nearby, and secondly, because it was a shorter distance to the Market District and Town Hall from the south side than from the north side, and he didn’t want to walk through the rest of the town.
He trotted past Sweet Apple Acres, waving a hoof to his best friend Macintosh, who was exiting the barn with several tools.
Imaginary continued his trot north, past the local vineyard now, and there he saw a brown unicorn mare with glasses, apparently supervising her hired farmhooves as they tended to the vines.
However, he couldn’t help but notice that more than supervising, she was staring holes into the wings of a silver pegasus stallion who was facing away from her.
It was difficult to suppress a chuckle, and he almost forgot that he was on his way to Town Hall.
“Enjoying the…fine morning, Miss Grapes?” he asked, snapping her out of her trance.
“Gah! Imaginary! Gracious, you’re worse than A.J.,” Grapes uttered.
“Worse? I thought every pony awake heard me wink in a few minutes ago. I still have to fix the long distance volume of that…”
“I heard the wink, figured it was you, and dismissed it. Then you come up, all soft-hoofed, and startle me.”
“Soft-hoofed? I supposed it rained earlier…but considering how heavy I am, it would be quite a feat for me to trot noiselessly. Are you sure I didn’t…break your concentration?”
“Wait…what?”
“You seemed rather engrossed in your supervision that you didn’t hear me trot up to your gate. I suppose you must be overseeing something quite…complex for you not to have noticed me. But as long as I’m here, do you have any of that asparagus wine left?”
Grapes blinked. “Not very much. It’s good for lamps, and cleaning farm implements, but I would not recommend drinking it.”
“Well, I never said I was going to drink it. Your cousin Macintosh gave me a sample of some of what you gave to his sister. Its solvent qualities are just what I was looking for in a research study I’m doing.”
“That’s what A.J. gets for not saying it had to be palatable,” Grapes observed, trotting to her cellar.
As she went to get the wine, Imaginary noticed some of the male farmhooves working about. He thought for a moment, and then strained slightly to pull a paper out of his unruly mane.
A blonde unicorn with blue eyes and a goatee came up to him. “Hey, dude. ‘Sup?”
“Good morning, sir. I’m just a customer of Miss Grapes.”
“I’m Dusty. Grapes’ cousin. I’m kinda helpin’ out.”
“Pleased to meet you. I’m Imaginary…and before you ask, yes, I’m also quite real. Are you visiting along with the other farmhooves?”
Dusty smiled a bit, and pointed out a glittery light blue pegasus mare. “I, uh, don’t go too far from her. That’s Queenie.”
“And who is the big silver guy over there?”
“That’s Stormfront. Grapes’ Very Special Somepony.”
“I kinda figured that a few minutes earlier,” he chuckled. “Well, since you all are more or less visiting here, have you heard of the charity event that will be held for the local orphanage?”
“Yeah. I’ve donated some, ‘cause I can’t enter.”
Imaginary studied the colt for a moment. “Odd, you seem old enough…unless you already have a VSSP.”
“Queenie would probably skin me alive if I tried. I’m mildly famous.”
“Ah, enough said. Well, I see other stallions here, so in case they haven’t heard of the bachelor auction, here’s the…here’s the……” he struggled to keep it upright and float it over to the colt, “…here’s the official notice, ugh. Maybe Mr. Front will be interested.”
“Not really,” Dusty said taking the notice from him. “Bet Firestormer would be though.”
“Well, just pass it around. It is for charity after all. Maybe Mr. Front will rake in twice as much as my friend Mr. Biceps.”
“Grapes would be the one who’d want to bid on him, but she’s gotta save the bits for the farm…and I don’t have much to lend her. Some of the pegasi mares would love to have him for a date…”
“Don’t be surprised if mares form herds to pool their funds to outbid the others,” he whispered.
Sour Grapes came back with a small cask. “Here you go.”
Imaginary hoofed over several bits. “Thank you kindly, Miss Grapes.” He then closed his eyes, his horn glowed, and with another loud pop, the cask disappeared. “Also, I’m sure you’ve heard of the charity event coming up next weekend. I’ve given your helpers more information, in case they want to help out.”
“You mean the Stallion Auction?”
“Well, it’s the Bachelor Auction; I don’t think it’s limited to ponies. Anyone can sign up, as long as they’re male, and available.” Imaginary was about to leave, but then he whispered to her, “Though, I would hurry things up with the Object of the Morning Analysis if I were you…unless you don’t mind him being auctioned off, even if it is for only one night.”
“Wait…what?”
“Thank you, Miss Grapes, I’ll see you later,” he said in his normal volume, and he trotted off to Town Hall, leaving behind a rather confused mare.
√-1 √-1 √-1
As he trotted past the farms, he looked behind him to see way off in the distance a treehouse near the edge of the feared Everfree.
Now, as a citizen of Canterlot, Imaginary had been to the palace several times, and he had attended the recent knighting of the Bearers the Elements, after their victory over the chaotic chimera, Discord. He had seen and heard of their exploits, starting with the Prolonged Night at last year’s Summer Solstice, and the subsequent purification and re-introduction to Equestria of Her Highness Princess Luna. So with all of that information, he very much knew who lived in that semi-isolated house:
Dame Fluttershy, Knight of Harmony and Bearer of the Element of Kindness.
He had heard of how Dame Fluttershy was quite the introvert, perhaps as much as he was, but even so, that didn’t prevent her from wrestling bears, if Mr. Biceps’ reports were true.
Not to mention that Dame Fluttershy single-hoofedly threw out a dragon from Canterlot Valley and even broke a cockactrice’s petrification spell, too.
And the fact that she lived near the Everfree Forest showed that despite her being shy, she wasn’t exactly helpless, either.
Perhaps it was best if he kept his distance from a pony as powerful as her…
Nearby was Sweet Apple Acres, home of his friend Big Macintosh, and his sister, Dame Applejack, Knight of Harmony and Bearer of the Element of Honesty.
It is said that it’s almost impossible to lie to an Apple.
It is also said that it’s almost impossible for an Apple to lie.
Whether those two rumours were true or not, it was much more recommendable to befriend an Apple than to antagonise one. While he knew that Macintosh was quite friendly, the Apple family was also known for their short tempers; and coupled with their near-constant muscle-building work at the farm, it certainly wasn’t wise to start any type of quarrel with them, even if one was a unicorn or a pegasus.
Or a griffon, if the rumours were true.
He met Big Macintosh and his family several years ago when he first moved to his distant house between Ponyville and Canterlot. After making a few calculations and seeing that it was easier to get supplies from Ponyville instead of Canterlot, Imaginary had winked in one very early morning into the market district and saw the Apples setting up their stand. A few polite conversations later about where to get building supplies, and the fact that the two were very muscular males, was enough for the two to strike up a friendship.
Bulk Biceps completed the trio a week later; he landed in front of Imaginary’s house and informed him he had seen the house from a distance, and since it was closer to Ponyville than Canterlot, Imaginary would have to place his weather orders at the Ponyville Weather Office, and Bulk would assist him in doing so.
Still, while he was good friends with Macintosh, and by extension, his younger sisters and grandmother, Imaginary couldn’t help but feel somewhat apprehensive whenever Applejack was nearby. Perhaps it was the fact that she was co-owner of Sweet Apple Acres and was very likely much stronger than him; after all, she had helped defeat a hydra, harvested over half the orchard once, and could probably uproot a tree if she kicked it hard enough. In fact, some ponies say that it was her strength that impressed the buffalo tribes so much, that because of that they eagerly signed a peace agreement with the ponies of Appleloosa.
That, and having saved Equestria twice was also quite impressive…and…he was sad to admit, intimidating.
With Macintosh acting as a “buffer”, though, he would be sure to never get on Applejack’s bad side.
Imaginary continued trotting toward the town proper, and first he passed an empty park, then a building that looked like a very stylish merry-go-round.
Carousel Boutique, home of Dame Rarity Belle, Knight of Harmony and Bearer of the Element of Generosity.
A unicorn like himself, she was also a seamstress, fashionista, and according to her cutie mark, an experienced gem locator. Though despite her alleged daintiness, she was not a mare to be trifled with. If what Macintosh told him—that is, relaying what Applejack saw—was true, Dame Belle had calmed a great sea serpent, and subdued an entire pack of Diamond Dogs and plundered their gem hoard, using only a smidgen of her magic font.
The rumours of Rarity’s telekinetic powers had spread throughout Canterlot, especially after her brief stints with another fashionista and a professional photographer; it was said that she could control over 100 objects simultaneously, hence, her ability to produce practically en masse any clothing order of any style or combination.
Also, from Macintosh’s reports, she was nearly as busy as Imaginary was, so it was doubtful he would ever meet that Knight.
Then again, it was doubtful she would want to: she had managed to set practically all of Canterlot in an uproar after what she did to His Highness Prince Blueblood at the last Grand Galloping Gala. Some nobles were actually amused, and quite a few were more than shocked and offended, but it was clear that the majority of the nobility now feared that mare, especially when Her Highness Princess Luna openly approved of what she did at the Gala.
Like Fluttershy, Rarity was not a mare to be trifled with, despite her prissiness. One wrong word or gesture, and he would become her next pin cushion, with the other Knights’, and Princess Luna’s, blessing and approval.
Imaginary approached Town Hall, and he couldn’t help but notice behind it, in the distance, a very, very large tree.
Like Fluttershy’s home, the tree had been hollowed out to house a library: Golden Oaks Public Library, to be exact, home of Dame Twilight Sparkle, Knight of Harmony and Bearer of the Element of Magic, Personal Student of Her Highness Princess Celestia, Two Time Champion of Equestria, and Rescuer of Her Highness Princess Luna.
Now that was a mare that could intimidate just about any stallion who knew who she was and what she had done.
She also helped in defeating a hydra, ripped away the veil of speciesism from Ponyville, reorganised Winter Wrap-Up in less than one day, tamed an Ursa Minor and floated it single-hoofedly back to the Everfree Forest, and even managed to hypnotise the entire town by herself, too.
Not to mention that she had been the only student at Celestia’s School for Gifted Unicorns that managed to hatch that irksome dragon egg that NO PONY was supposed to hatch .
Rumours of the size of her magic font said that it was either the size of a pool or even a very large lake. After all, the amount of hornpower that the Elements of Harmony needed to cleanse Princess Luna and petrify the god of chaos Discord was probably matched, barely, by the fonts of the princesses themselves. And the fact that she was able to expend that much magic without burning her horn or even collapsing from magic exhaustion was also quite known among unicorn prodigies like himself.
Her telekinesis and teleportation powers were also way beyond his current level, or at least that’s what he could deduce from what Macintosh told him.
If Imaginary had been a prodigy at Celestia’s School For Gifted Unicorns, Dame Sparkle was a star , literally, with her talents dwarfing even the most able and nimble of the college, including himself.
And perhaps it was his imagination, but whenever he came to town, he could feel Dame Sparkle’s magical signature from a distance. The only two other beings who radiated so much power were the princesses, and that’s when they were close by, but here, next to Town Hall and about 500 metres away from Golden Oaks Public Library, Imaginary could sense a magical presence inside that tree. He would probably need to ask other prodigies from CSGU if what he was feeling was actually there, of course; he didn’t want to start any unnecessary rumours about Princess Celestia’s Personal Student.
Then again, whenever Twilight moved about, her magical shine seemed to move about with her as well.
And then, of course, there was that display when that pseudo-prodigy, The Great And Powerful Whatshername, decided to show up.
Imaginary was working in his home that night when he felt something HUGE in the air. He winked outside and could definitely feel Dame Sparkle’s magical radiance at the same time he saw an Ursa Minor, sound asleep, being levitated back to the Everfree Forest. Even though he was several kilometres away, he doubted that any unicorn worth his/her salt ignored what they felt that night.
And any unicorn worth his/her salt would thus be very wise in giving Dame Sparkle all the respect she was due. Some say her parents made her angry and she turned them into potted plants for a minute or two.
Which is not to say that he didn’t have close calls with Princess Celestia’s Personal Student. In the few occasions he needed to walk near the library, he made sure to visit only when that fearsome aura wasn’t nearby, but even then, the library practically glowed with her residual magic.
And that dragon assistant of hers either simply didn’t sense it, or he was too used to feeling it 24/7.
There were also rumours that Dame Sparkle had a laboratory in the library’s basement, filled with equipment that would make jealous anypony of the faculty of the Magic Research Institute where he worked at, and that in that laboratory she conducted top secret experiments, reporting the results only to the princesses.
Not that he would ever want to go down there to find out. If he even breathed the wrong way toward Dame Sparkle, her dragon assistant had an Instant Messaging Fire Line linked directly to both princesses, ready to send word to them that their top Knight of Harmony was being attacked, and Imaginary would either be banished, placed in a dungeon, or banished and then placed in a dungeon in the place he was banished to.
While he knew that Dame Sparkle was studying Friendship, and was probably just as friendly as Big Macintosh or Bulk Biceps or even himself, the fact that he knew who she was, and who her connections were, and what she could do, were enough to give him cold hooves whenever she was nearby.
For now, he had no need to borrow or return a book, though, so he could proceed without problems into Town Hall and sign up for the bachelor auction. He trotted up the stairs and toward the main entrance—
—and it was here that he noticed that Town Hall did not open until 10.
Face-hooving himself, he snorted at the fact that Ponyville’s government workers did not have as much work as Canterlot’s bureaucrats did, so they opened one hour later, and very likely closed one hour earlier, too.
He had no intention of staying out here for another hour, so he decided to come back after lunch, just before the end of the school day, since he had a family errand to run at that time.
Stepping down the stairs again, though, he stopped when he saw in the distance a very large cloud structure floating in the sky.
Dash Mansion, home to Dame Rainbow Dash, Knight of Harmony and Bearer of the Element of Loyalty.
For the first time, Imaginary snorted.
He was aware of Dame Dash’s exploits: managing to achieve Mach 1 on her own wingpower, making the atmosphere explode into a rainbow ring, clearing 200 square kilometres of sky in 10 seconds, and single-hoofedly expelling a bellicose griffon from town.
His snort was because he was also aware that Dame Dash, for all her alleged loyalty, power, and exploits…
…was a prankster .
And not just any average prankster that would simply target close friends and family, with “jokes” innocent enough to have both sides of the prank laughing at the end.
No.
Being the daredevil she was, he heard that she even dared prank Dame Sparkle herself while she was in the middle of a very dangerous experiment .
He didn’t know all the details of the prank, but he did know that an explosion had resulted because of it. He didn’t know if the princesses intervened, though, but he sure hoped that they did.
And then…
Imaginary huffed.
And he snorted again.
And then…
…then, there was the incident with Her Highness Princess Luna three weeks ago on Nightmare Night…
Imaginary shook himself so he wouldn’t be overcome with rage.
No, he wouldn’t give Dame Dash anymore thought today. He had given her too much already.
He turned…
And saw near the market district a pastry-shaped building.
He froze in fear momentarily.
Sugar Cube Corner Bakery and Confectionary, home to Dame Pinkie Pie, Knight of Harmony and Bearer of the Element of Laughter.
He had heard the adage of “laughter is the best medicine”, but from what he heard from Big Macintosh, Laughter, that is, Dame Pie, was, ironically enough, a bitter pill to swallow.
It was Dame Pie who had been Dame Dash’s prank partner. Quite a dangerous combination, as the two even dared to prank Princess Celestia herself.
He wondered if the princesses were still figuring out what to do about them.
While he feared Dame Sparkle, Dame Pie was a pony that actually made him cower. Despite being an earth pony, Macintosh swore that he had seen her teleport, and pull objects from thin air, and she even had a magical ability to foresee events in the immediate future. Even Dame Pie’s very laughter was powerful enough to banish ghosts and goblins in their home turf of the Everfree .
But that wasn’t what he feared.
What he truly feared was the fact that Dame Pie was very likely NOT a mentally stable pony.
And this was from the other Knights of Harmony themselves, too. If Macintosh relayed Applejack’s report correctly, from what had happened at Dame Pie’s last birthday, then it was very likely that Dame Pinkie Pie had some degree of schizophrenia .
So if you get a schizophrenic, and pair her up with a prankster…
Perhaps it was that aspect of hers that the princesses feared.
And it was their combined actions against Her Highness Princess Luna that filled him with fear and apprehension.
Which, he knew, placed him in a quandary. While all six of them had restored Princess Luna and defeated Discord and very much deserved their knighthood and their stained glass monuments at the palace, and were thus worthy of honour and respect, Dame Dash’s and Dame Pie’s actions brought about feelings within him that he knew had nothing to do with honour or respect.
And not wishing to stay and find out what would happen if those feelings surfaced, Imaginary charged his horn and disappeared.
√-1 √-1 √-1
An Imaginary Hermit
Shortly after lunch, Imaginary winked into Ponyville again, this time not next to Sweet Apple Acres, but right next to Town Hall, so as to avoid any accidental meetings with any pony he didn’t want to meet.
He trotted up the stairs and felt relieved when he saw the front door open, and he stepped inside—
—and saw a work crew installing a stage and runway inside the auditorium.
Giving them their space, he trotted over to a green earth pony mare with an orange mane, and a gavel for a cutie mark.
“Excuse me, madam, but where is the registry for the Charity Bachelor Auction this weekend?”
The mare turned and appeared to give him the once over, as if wondering if he was auctionable material. “Our apologies, sir, but the main registry had to be closed today because, as you can see, Town Hall has quite a lot of installation work scheduled today.”
Imaginary almost felt relieved at the news. It was too late to sign up now, and he’d still give his donation to the orphanage, and neither Big Macintosh nor Bulk Biceps would be able to berate him about it—
“However, there is a secondary registry at the public library. You can go ahead and register there during their business hours, and once that’s done, the auction committee will contact you later this week if there are any last minute changes.”
Horseapples.
“Um…well, thank you for the information, madam, have a good day.” Almost fuming, Imaginary turned and left Town Hall.
And maybe it was his imagination, but he thought he could feel that mare staring at his flanks…
…nah. Only one mare had ever thought that he had good looks, but that had been a long time ago.
The stallion stepped outside and blinked away the sudden sunlight that poured into his eyes. He stopped for a moment to clear his eyesight—
—and suddenly two enormous blue eyes were right in front of his.
“Hi! I’m Pinkie Pie, and my Pinkie Sense™ told me that there was a pony in town that I didn’t know before and so I followed my Pinkie Sense™ and I saw you and I’m sure I’ve never seen you before and if I’ve never seen you before it means that you’re new because I know everypony, and I mean everypony in Ponyville—”
Buck. He was hoping to avoid this.
To avoid her .
“—and if I don’t know you then that means that we haven’t met yet which means we aren’t friends yet but that’s okay because I’m Pinkie Pie and I’m here to become your bestest friend—!!”
[WINK!!!]
Pinkie blinked for a while, having been momentarily blinded by Imaginary’s magical teleportation flash. “Huh? Where did he go?” she asked after blinking her eyesight back on line.
√-1 √-1 √-1
[WINK!!!]
Imaginary quickly looked around, and then groaned in frustration when he realised that he hadn’t teleported home, but to the entrance of Golden Oaks Public Library. Unfortunately, his last thought before meeting Dame Pie had been precisely “registry at the library” so his magic brought him here instead. Well, no matter. At least now he would be able to register in a quiet setting and then he’d be on his way to get—
A miniscule green dragon approached the library’s front door, and he was carrying a rather large load of quills and parchment.
Politely, Imaginary opened the door with his magic, albeit with quite a bit of effort, and allowed the dragon to enter first.
“Thank you,” said the reptile, waddling inside.
“You’re quite welcome, Mr. Sparkle.”
Spike turned, giving the stallion a questioning scale-covered eyebrow, “Uh…do I know you?”
Imaginary entered and closed the door. He replied with his library voice, i.e. , a quiet one, “Not personally, Mr. Sparkle, but I do know that you’re the Secretary/Assistant to Her Highness Princess Celestia’s Personal Student, Dame Twilight Sparkle.”
“Um…yes, that’s true, but why are you calling me ‘Mr. Sparkle’? My name is Spike.”
“True, but if you recall, it was Dame Sparkle who hatched you, and she has raised you from birth, and since you have never been claimed by any other family—equine or draconian—you are by default a member of the Sparkle Family.”
“How do you know all that?” asked Spike, placing the materials on a table.
“It would be quite difficult for me to not know that, Mr. Sparkle. You and the Knights of Harmony are actually well known in Canterlot. After all, it’s not just anypony who gets immortalised in stained glass at the palace. That, and I was at the knighting ceremony several months ago. Also, I went to Celestia’s School for Gifted Unicorns, and everypony there very much knew about Dame Sparkle’s exploits from her first day.”
“Strange, if we’re well known, why does everypony there act like they don’t know us?”
“Jealousy, mostly. After all, it wasn’t a noble who managed to restore Her Highness Princess Luna or defeat that mad god Discord, and it was the first time non-nobles were knighted in…several centuries, I think. I guess they think that if they ignore you long enough, you’ll go away or something. But I doubt they’ll be able to forget what the Knights of Harmony did at the last gala, mind you.”
Spike chuckled for a moment, and agreed, “Heh, yeah! Say, is His Snootyness Prince Blueblood still getting icing out of his mane or tail?”
Imaginary leaned down and whispered, “Yes, but you didn’t hear it from me.”
The two looked at each other and then chuckled quietly.
“So, are you looking for a book, Mister…”
“Oh, I’m sorry. My name is Imaginary, Researcher for Equestria’s Magic Research Institute. And before you ask, yes, I’m quite real. And I’m not looking for a book just yet. I heard that the library was an alternate registry location for the upcoming bachelor auction.”
“Oh, you want to register for that? Follow me, then.”
The stallion allowed the dragon to lead him through the library, and as he did, he couldn’t help but feel something. “Pardon, Mr. Sparkle, but is your employer here—?”
And then, he felt it.
BIG TIME.
Not only did he suddenly become conscious of Twilight’s magical residue, he could feel her magical presence nearby.
“Uh, are you okay, Imaginary?” Spike wondered why the stallion had frozen in mid-step, with a facial expression that resembled that of a pony who had just met a manticore for the first time. “Twilight is here, yes. Do you want to talk to her?”
Very, very carefully, Imaginary set his hooves down. “Um…no…no, don’t bother her, please. I…just came to register for the auction, and I’ll be on my way.”
There was something off about the magical aura he was sensing. He felt Dame Sparkle nearby, but it was different from the other times he had been near her. Right now it felt as if her aura was being…
…amplified?
Muffled voices drifted in from upstairs:
“Atten-tion!” Pause, “Well? Aren’t you curious about how it went?”
“ Oh! Commander Hurricane, sir! How did it go, sir?”
“Horribly! Those other tribe leaders are so disrespectful! Don’t they realize that we are a mighty tribe of warriors, and should not be crossed? We have got to break ranks with those weak foals!”
Pause, shuffling of papers.
“Clover the Clever! I need you!”
“Yes, your majesty. Did the other pony tribes see reason as I predicted?”
Buck, he knew that voice. Even her voice seemed to radiate magic.
“Those other tribes are impossible! I, for one, can no longer bear to be anywhere near those lowly creatures. The unicorns are noble, and majestic. We will no longer consort with the likes of them!”
Pause, shuffling of more papers.
“Wouldn’t it have been easier to use th’ door, Chancellor?”
Silence.
“Ahem! Wouldn’t it have been easier to use th’ door, Chancellor???”
More silence.
“Pinkie!! Your line!!! Uh…Pinkie??”
“Hey, where did Pinkie Pie go? She knows we have rehearsal today!!”
All of the Knights of Harmony were here???
Spike whispered, “Don’t mind them; they’re just rehearsing for the Hearth’s Warming Eve play. I’m going to be the narrator!” he said proudly, extending his head spines.
Imaginary sighed with relief. At least they were busy and would not come downstairs. “That’s…quite an honour for you, Mr. Sparkle. I’ll be sure not to interrupt them.”
The two males eventually arrived at a table on a far wall, very much nestled in a corner of the library, flanked by shelves and more shelves of freshly dusted books. Spike then handed Imaginary several sheets, a quill, and an inkwell, and went to put away the newly purchased items.
Imaginary sighed and tried to ignore the mares upstairs as they looked for Dame Pie, and eventually he tuned them out as he quietly read the rules of the auction:
…Okay, all winning bids are final and non-negotiable…must be paid on the spot that night…if payment can’t be made, the stallion will be auctioned off again…the stallion HAS to agree to date the mare(s) with the winning bid that same night…the committee is not responsible for how the date goes…all participants are to keep things legal on their dates…there are no refunds…no checks nor credit cards are accepted…all payments must be made in Equestrian Bits…no exchange of goods or services are accepted as payment…officially the date ends at midnight of the day of the auction, and once the date ends the stallion is freed from any more obligations with the mare(s)…
Sounds simple enough.
With a sigh, and then with a grunt, he grabbed a quill with his magic, carefully dipped it in the inkwell, and slowly began filling out the form, trying to use his best hornwriting. He set aside one page and started filling the next one—
[BLAMFWEEEEEE!!!]
A blast of confetti and streamers, a banging of wood, and a screaming dragonling—who flew across the library after being whacked by a door opening explosively—almost made him do another emergency teleport, this time all the way to Canterlot. Instinctively, though, he set up a magic shield, which managed to protect him from the rain of confetti and streamers, and from the very excited pink earth pony mare who was bouncing on the table in front of him, staring at him with very wide eyes and a very creepy grin, reminiscent of a peculiar villain who wore lots of make-up in some detective comics he read several years ago.
“Here you are!!! I was looking all over Ponyville for you because my Pinkie Sense™ wouldn’t stop sensing you and when my Pinkie Sense™ won’t stop acting up it means that the new pony is still in town but it wouldn’t tell me exactly where so I had to ask around for you and then I remembered that I had seen you at Town Hall so I went inside Town Hall and asked around for you and the mayor’s assistant told me that she had seen you and that you were on your way here to the library and I FINALLY FOUND YOU AND I CAN FINALLY GIVE YOU A PARTY!!!!!!!!!”
Imaginary unstopped his ear, and when he did, he heard voices upstairs:
“What? What was that bang?”
“Pinkie, is that you?? When did you go downstairs?? We’re supposed to be rehearsing !!!!”
Then came the sound of hurried clopping as the Knights of Harmony ran downstairs to see what the commotion was.
Pinkie, naturally, ignored them and continued babbling, “So let me welcome you to Ponyville!!! I’m Pinkie Pie, but you already know that, but I’m saying it again anyway in case you forgot my name which is very unlikely because as you can see, my mane and coat and tail are the same as my name!! Pinky!!!”
“Spike? What happened to you?” asked Twilight as she reached the ground floor. “Pinkie?? Get off the table! And why are you yelling again?? This is a library !!!”
The Element of Laughter ignored Twilight, as was expected. “So…what’s your name, New Pony In Town??” She blinked excitedly at him, but Imaginary didn’t reply. When he didn’t, Pinkie noticed something. “Hey, how do you make the confetti and streamers float in the air like that?? Oh, wait, you’re a unicorn, and you’re using a magic shield to keep things clean? Are you worried about me getting the library dirty? Don’t worry, I’ve held parties in here before, and Twilight doesn’t mind!”
“PINKIE!!”
Now giving him bedroom eyes, like she did with Cranky, she asked again, “Sooooooo…what is your name??”
Imaginary gave her a response she wasn’t expecting. With an expression of disgust toward the mare, he said, “Dame Pinkie Pie, would you kindly lower your voice, please? This library is currently in its business hours, meaning that it’s functioning as a proper place of reading and research, meaning that under its rules, everypony in it is required to speak quietly in consideration of others. And please get off this table. I’m sure the librarian won’t appreciate you bouncing on it.”
Pinkie, naturally, ignored his request and continued demanding very loudly, “But I’ve GOT to know your name otherwise I won’t be able to write it on your cake, and I know you wouldn’t like it if it just said, ‘The New Brown Unicorn Stallion Who Arrived In Ponyville Today’!!!” It was then that Pinkie noticed the forms he was filling out, so she twisted her head so that it was upside down, pressed her face against the gold-earth force field, and read the forms. “Imaginary?? Your name is Imaginary???” She pulled away from the force field and her head spun back to its original non-contortionist position. “That is the neatest, bestest, most imaginary-est name I’ve heard! I’ll have to throw you an extra imaginary-est party just because of that!!”
Snorting, Imaginary charged his horn again and cloaked the forms, rendering them invisible. Looking around the pink mare, he saw Twilight, and asked, “Madam Librarian, would you be so kind as to impose some semblance of order in here? It’s difficult for me to work here under the present circumstances.”
Pinkie yelped when a purple aura surrounded her and pulled her off the table and away from the stallion, and she “oof’ed” when she was set down rather heavily behind Twilight. “My apologies, sir. My friend tends to get a little excited when meeting new ponies,” she glared at Pinkie, “and she tends to forget this is a library where ponies are supposed to be quiet, especially when other ponies are trying to read or study!!!”
Finally realising her error, Pinkie bashfully laid her ears back, smiled sheepishly, and whispered, “…sorry…”
“Thank you, madam,” he said, turning off his shield and de-cloaking the forms.
A few bits of confetti and streamers floated to the floor.
And now it was Twilight’s turn to have her curiosity piqued when she saw him work his magic.
She quietly approached him as he continued filling out the forms, and quietly asked, “Pardon me, sir—”
The quill nearly flew out of Imaginary’s telekinetic grasp as he jumped in his chair.
“Sorry, I didn’t mean to startle you, but I couldn’t help notice that you cast a spell to set up a force field and another spell to make the parchments invisible…simultaneously…well, not quite simultaneously, but you did cast one spell after the other and held both without any visible strain.”
Imaginary tried not to start fuming because he kept getting interrupted, but he was being questioned by Princess Celestia’s Personal Student herself, the Knight of Harmony. So he had no choice but to humour her. “Yes…they weren’t much of a load because I didn’t cast them at the same time, and the force field wasn’t that large, either, and it doesn’t take much hornpower to render the parchment transparent. If I had been running low on magic, I would have simply made them, and the ink, the same colour as the table. Light bending is quite difficult by itself, but transparency and camouflage…not so much.”
He was about to continue, but Twilight insisted, “Oh, I know that much, but I don’t think I’ve ever met a unicorn who could cast an invisibility spell so quickly.”
Imaginary sighed and was about to request for quiet again, but he was interrupted by a dragonling who spoke while rubbing his head, “Why would you say that, Twilight? He went to Celestia’s School for Gifted Unicorns, like you.”
The purple unicorn’s purple eyes widened at that piece of information, and she suddenly teleported right in front of the table with a high pitched “ping”, startling the stallion yet again. “You did ? Wow, I didn't know there were any other CSGU alumni in Ponyville except Lyra Heartstrings!”
Imaginary blinked, “Ms. Heartstrings lives here now?”
“Well, from what you heard from my dragon assistant, my name is Twilight.”
The stallion completed her introduction, “Yes, Dame Twilight Sparkle, Knight of Harmony and Bearer of the Element of Magic, Personal Student of Her Highness Princess Celestia, Two Time Champion of Equestria, and Rescuer of Her Highness Princess Luna. Your…reputation precedes you, Dame Sparkle.”
Now it was Twilight’s turn to blink. “‘Dame’?” It was the first time somepony addressed her with her official title. “Oh, you’re referring to the knighthood we received five months ago. But I don’t exactly remember you from CSGU…not that it would be your fault specifically, Mister—”
“Imaginary!!” blurted Applejack, stepping up to the table. “Fancy meetin’ yew here, Sugarcube, an’ at this hour o’ th’ day, too!”
“Wait, you know him?” asked Pinkie, almost indignantly.
Imaginary was about to reply, but Applejack continued, “Sure! He pops raght into town every mornin’, very early, Ah might add, but he an’ Big Macintosh are great friends, an’ any good friend o’ Macintosh’s is a good friend o’ th’ whole Apple Family, raght, Sugarcube?”
The male was again about to reply, but right there the orange mare gave him a very heavy pat on his back, which she considered to be a friendly gesture, but he considered it to be a manœuvre a pony would do if another pony was choking.
And this time the quill did go flying off his telekinetic grasp.
“Well, good t’see yew here! But whut brings yew here, an’ at this hour o’ th’ day, too? Normally yew juss’ show up at th’ crack o’ dawn t’buy groceries an’ fancy equipment.”
Again Imaginary tried to reply, but he was interrupted this time by the other earth pony mare. “HOLD IT!!! Applejack, you mean you KNOW this pony, and you never told me you knew him, even though he lives in Ponyville and I’m supposed to know everypony in Ponyville but I don’t know HIM???”
The stallion tried to explain, but Applejack beat him to it, “Now, dontcha get yer mane up in a knot more than it already is, Pinkie. Imaginary here lives very far from th’ last house an’ farm in Ponyville, an’ that’s why he winks into town all th’ tahm! Why, when Big Macintosh goes over t’his house f’r a visit, it takes him ‘bout an hour’s trot or more t’reach it! Th’ only way t’get there faster, if yer not a unicorn, is by pegasus.”
“Hey, YEAH! I know you too!!” Imaginary was about to set up his shield again, because now it was Rainbow Dash’s turn to get in his face, though this time the pegasus was hovering above the table.
“You know him too????!!!!”
Imaginary froze. Dame Pie almost sounded like she was growling.
“Of course I know him, Pinkie! He’s just the creepy hermit who lives between Ponyville and Canterlot! Once a month one of the weather team flies to his house to pick up his monthly weather order!”
It was here that Imaginary balked. He was about to shove his force field into the pegasus’ face, but fortunately for her, Twilight’s telekinesis yanked her tail back to the floor. Still, he managed to ask, “I beg your pardon?”
“Rainbow, that was very rude!” scolded Rarity.
“Yeah, Rainbow! Ah’ll have yew know that Imaginary here is not some creepy hermit, otherwise Big Macintosh an’ Bulk Biceps wouldn’t have become friends with him in th’ first place!”
“You know Bulk?” asked the blue mare, rubbing her sore flank. “Why has he never told me about you, either?”
Applejack replied for him, “Eh, it’s a stallion thing.” Then she turned to the other pegasus who was hiding behind Spike, and added, “So don’t worry, Fluttershy, Imaginary’s mah friend, so it’s safe f’r yew t’come closer.”
Fluttershy, naturally, still hid behind her mane, and only replied, “Um, pleased to meet you, sir.”
“The pleasure is all mine, Dame Fluttershy,” he said with a slight nod.
And here, all the mares, and Spike, blinked at him.
Twilight spoke, “There’s that ‘dame’ thing again, Mr. Imaginary. I know that’s the title we were officially given, but we really don’t have much use of it, especially among friends. Still, I suppose you know who we are, then: Applejack, Pinkie Pie, Fluttershy, Rarity, and Rainbow Dash. On behalf of the Knights of Harmony, let me formally welcome you to Ponyville…and please accept my apologies for the rather brash behaviour of Pinkie Pie and Rainbow Dash—”
“HEY—!!”
“—I know they can appear to be a bit aggravating, at first, but they do mean well. After all, they’re my friends.”
“The pleasure is all mine, Most Excellent Knights of Harmony. And forgive me for interrupting your rehearsal. I’m just here to fill out these forms, and then I’ll be on my way.”
“But wait!” Pinkie approached him again, though this time somewhat more calmly. “I still don’t understand why Applejack and Rainbow Dash and Big Macintosh and Bulk Biceps and even Twilight happen to know you, but I don’t, and I’m supposed to know everypony in Ponyville! Hmm…could it be that I already held your Welcome-To-Ponyville Party already and I forgot? Could it be that I already met you but I forgot because you don’t show up in town during the day?”
Imaginary sighed, and explained, “Dame Pie, you don’t have to worry about giving me any party,” the pink mare seemed to ignore him as she pulled out a small notepad from her mane and furiously searched through it. “First of all, I don’t think many ponies would want to visit my house because it’s so far away, and secondly, technically I don’t live in—”
“AHA!!!” she shouted suddenly, hitting a page with her hoof. “I KNEW I hadn’t given you a Welcome-To-Ponyville party!” Pinkie shoved her notepad back into her mane. “Because I know everypony in Ponyville, and if you’ve been here for so long, then I HAVE to give you your Welcome-To-Ponyville party AND an extra-extra-extra LARGE housewarming party to make up for it!”
“Dame Pie, I don’t actually live in Ponyville—”
“Oh, yes you do, Imaginary…hmmm…can I call you ‘Immy’? I’ll call you ‘Immy’ if you call me ‘Pinkie’! I know ‘Dame Pie’ is what everypony calls me up in Canterlot, but we’re not in Canterlot! We’re in Ponyville where titles don’t matter!”
“First of all, no, you may not call me ‘Immy’. Second, I’m addressing you as ‘Dame Pie’ because as a Knight of Harmony and a Champion of Equestria, you deserve a little more respect than what you’re currently being given in Canterlot. Third, no, I don’t actually live in Ponyville even though I do most of my shopping here. And fourth, I’ve lived in my house for several years now, so a housewarming party would be a trifle pointless at this point in time.”
“Why would you say that? Isn’t your house just waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaay out there past Whitetail Woods?”
“It’s way past Whitetail Woods, and that’s why I wink into town all the time but, no, it’s not in Ponyville…look, let me explain this to you:”
Imaginary charged his horn and materialised in front of them a rather detailed ærial view of Ponyville, Canterlot, and Whitetail Woods.
“You see, while my house may be closer to Ponyville than Canterlot…” A dotted line suddenly appeared between the two towns, “…this is the official Ponyville-Canterlot District Line. As you can see, the Canterlot District extends quite some ways from the foot of Mount Canter—it was divided like that after the railway was laid out, precisely to keep things in order with the railroad—and the Ponyville District starts where the actual fertile land begins in the valley. My house is very close to the District Line. So unless a major political shift happens between the two districts, for the time being I pay my taxes, and vote, at the Canterlot Town Hall.”
Pinkie noticed that Imaginary didn’t actually point to his house, and it wasn’t labelled anywhere in the map, so she asked, “Oooooo, neat…so where IS your house, Immy?”
The map suddenly disappeared right when his horn stopped generating an aura.
“Like I’m going to show you my house, Dame Pie. And do not call me ‘Immy’.”
Twilight, meanwhile, was quite impressed by that display, but before she could ask him anything else, Imaginary signed the last form, and hoofed her the parchments.
He stood and declared, “And as I said before, my apologies for interrupting your rehearsal; I truly hope that my interruption does not cause any problems in your performance this winter. It’s been a pleasure meeting you all—”
As he stood, however, Rarity walked up and also gave him the once over, considering he was going to be auctioned off this weekend, and she was going shopping that night, too. “Oh, please, darling, don’t be in such a hurry! You’re among friends here! Any friend of Applejack or the Apple Family in general is a friend of ours! Say, if you live closer to Ponyville than Canterlot, why haven’t I seen you around? And if you also do business in Canterlot, I’m sure you would require a set of formal clothes which I would be most happy to provide.”
“Well, as Dame Apple said, my schedule sadly conflicts with everypony else’s here: I can only show up in the very early morning or late evening, though I do tend to show up occasionally during the day. However, it seems that every time I do, none of you are in town.”
Applejack snorted, “Now how many tahms have Ah told yew not t’call me ‘Dame’, Sugarcube? Yew make me feel lahk Ah’m back in Manehatten! And no , don’t yew call me ‘Miss Apple’, either, yew hear??” Then she turned to the others, “But it’s true. It seems that every tahm we go outta town, Imaginary here shows up durin’ th’ day, an’ eventually Big Macintosh tells him everythin’ we’ve done.”
“So that’s how he knows so much about us,” said Fluttershy, barely making herself heard.
“And it’s your exploits and achievements that make you truly deserve your titles, Most Excellent Knights of Harmony. You six are quite worthy of being addressed with respect and—”
“Oh, stop it, ‘Immy’!” Applejack gave him another very heavy pat on the back, making him cough for about a minute. “If’n it was all about goin’ on adventures an’ bein’ heroes an’ everythin’, yew’d also qualify f’r knighthood, raght along with Big Macintosh an’ Bulk Biceps!”
After recovering his breath, Imaginary eyed Applejack with confusion. “Huh? But the three of us haven’t done anything that remotely approaches anything the six of you have already accomplished!”
The orange mare laughed, “Now don’t tell me yew forgot whut happened when th’ six o’ us were in Appleloosa.”
“Something happened in Ponyville when we were visiting your cousin?” asked Twilight.
“Darn tootin’! Well, not quite in Ponyville, but it was still somethin’ huge. Didn’t yew read in th’ newspapers ‘bout a train accident up in th’ mountain that caused a whole trainload o’ logs t’come tumblin’ downhill like a huge avalanche o’ trees?”
Twilight thought for a moment, and replied, “Yes, I remember that. But the newspapers said that the avalanche didn’t harm anypony or any houses because it happened in an isolated area, and no ponies who were on the train were injured or killed! Imaginary, were you on that train along with Big Macintosh and Bulk Biceps?”
Again, Applejack replied for him, hugging him very tightly with only one arm, “Ha ha, nope! This fahn stallion here wasn’t up in th’ mountain, he was at th’ foot o’ th’ mountain! Yew know, raght where his house is? Raght in th’ path o’ th’ avalanche?”
“Dame Apple, I would hardly call that a heroic event, and it certainly wasn’t something that I did on my own, precisely because your brother and Mr. Biceps were there to help me.”
“Wait,” said Twilight, “the newspapers didn’t mention anything about three stallions saving the day! What exactly happened, Imaginary?”
The brown stallion sighed and explained…
√-1 √-1 √-1
The log avalanche rumbled closer and closer, and showed no signs of stopping or slowing down. Whatever tree that hit a rock or a stump and stopped rolling or turned perpendicular to the flow was simply bounced over by hundreds of trees that continued on their path toward Imaginary’s house.
“Ah don’t suppose yew can stop it with yer magic?”
Imaginary shook his head in a near panic, “Well…if I tried really, really, really hard, I could stop one…with a bit of an effort…”
Bulk Biceps hovered above them, “Well, look on the bright side, Imaginary, maybe your house will stop the avalanche and save the train tracks, and you’ll be able to build yourself a new house a bit closer to town?”
The unicorn didn’t reply, but tried to remember a lesson a friend of his taught him long ago. “You know, maybe I can’t stop this by myself,” he suddenly replied, “but perhaps the three of us can…”
“How? Yew’re th’ only one here with magic!” snorted Big Macintosh.
“The only one with unicorn magic, Mr. Apple. But we also have here a pony with Earth Pony magic, and one with Pegasus magic, and that just might be enough for a trick a very close friend taught me once.”
“What was the trick?” asked Bulk, now raising his voice because the rumbling was increasing in volume.
“Follow me!!!” shouted Imaginary, and the three galloped, not away from the logs, but toward them.
“This had better be a VERY good trick, Imaginary! Ah’m not about t’leave mah sisters alone just t’save yer house!!”
The logs bounced closer and closer
“You’ll be okay! Trust me on this one!!” And Imaginary then whispered to himself, “Because I trust you, dear Abstract.”
Then, he recited very loudly to his friends, “The basics of telekinesis are almost philosophical, as are the various theories concerning the existence and mechanics of magic! When dealing with non-living objects, you have to establish that there is an intelligent, logical, and thinking part, that’s YOU, and a non-intelligent, non-logical, non-thinking part, and that’s the object!”
“Yew might wanna hurry with yer lesson, Imaginary!”
As the first logs were less than 20 metres away, the unicorn started trotting backward, and his friends did the same.
“When dealing with objects larger and heavier than yourself, first, don’t try to resist the object!”
“Don’t try to resist??” yelled Bulk. “How are we supposed to stop them if we don’t resist???”
“First, instead of resisting, approach the object, and then…become one with it!!!”
“Become WHUT??? What’s that supposed t’mean???”
Imaginary didn’t reply. Instead, as he continued trotting backward, he allowed the first and largest log to bound up to him until it pressed on his chest. The unicorn still didn’t try to stop the log, but continued trotting backward at the same speed the log was rolling.
Big Macintosh and Bulk Biceps then understood what he was doing. The three also positioned themselves against the log so that it pressed against their chests, so that now the log was still rolling downhill, but with a controlled speed and trajectory .
“Don’t resist the object, become one with it!! Become one with the logs! Become one with the avalanche!!!”
Above them, the rest of the trees caught up with them and smashed against the first log. Again, the three stallions didn’t resist the blows, but allowed them to speed up their reverse gallop. The three of them strained to keep up, pressing themselves against the wood but not so much that it would cost them a broken rib or shoulder.
When they felt the whole of the avalanche pressing against them without any more sudden jolts, Imaginary continued, “And once you become one with the object, the object now has an intelligent, logical, and thinking part!! And that part is YOU! YOU can now order the object to do your will!!! Let your magic flow through the object, and make it an extension of your body!!!”
Only then did Imaginary’s horn glow. His gold-earth aura first enveloped the first log, but then slowly expanded, flowing up to try to envelop the rest of the avalanche.
“We are now one with the avalanche, and since we have the brains, we can now bend it to do what we want! First, we slow it down!!!”
Imaginary gasped when he slowed down his reverse gallop, as tons of wood pressed on his chest. Big Macintosh and Bulk Biceps, too, felt the pressure on their lungs as they began their gradual deceleration.
Sweating buckets now, the unicorn intensified his aura as he “grabbed” the entire avalanche and commanded it to slow down.
Much to their relief, the three felt the avalanche slowing down.
“D—don’t try to stop it suddenly!! Take away its speed and momentum!! Gently—apply a brake!!!”
Their reverse gallop now slowed to a trot, but it was still moving too fast for Bulk’s liking. He turned around and saw Imaginary’s house getting bigger and bigger.
“Aaaaaand…HOLD!!!”
Imaginary suddenly clamped his four hooves on the ground, stopping his trot, but he still skidded downhill as the logs’ inertia continued to fight him. Moments later, Big Macintosh and Bulk did the same, further subtracting speed and momentum from the avalanche.
They skidded quite a long ways down; nevertheless, their speed continued to decrease. Imaginary forced his magic to not only grab the logs, but also press them against the hillside. Big Macintosh channelled his earth pony magic to make himself one with the hillside as well, thus gradually making himself an immovable object, and Bulk Biceps flapped his deceptively tiny wings like there was no tomorrow, as if he was trying to fly forward and even push the avalanche uphill.
And if anypony, or anyone, were watching, they would have seen a faint aura emanating from Big Macintosh’s legs and Bulk Biceps’ wings.
Not only that, but the muscles of all three stallions bulged through their coats as they physically strained to stop.
It was the combination of the three types of pony magic that eventually ground the avalanche to a halt, just as the stallions’ hindquarters pressed against the property stone fence.
As soon as they felt themselves stop completely, Big Macintosh and Bulk Biceps detached themselves from the log and quickly found rocks and smaller logs, carrying them over and wedging them against the front logs, immobilising the flow for good.
And as soon as they did, Imaginary cut the flow of magic and his horn stopped glowing.
And he suddenly collapsed on the ground.
Bulk Biceps and Big Macintosh thought they were imagining things, but it certainly looked as if smoke was flowing from the tip of Imaginary’s horn.
“Th—thanks, my friends—the loggers should come down here and pick everything up—in the meantime—I—think I will rest a bit—I think I used up my entire font for this little trick of mine—drat—” he suddenly realised, “—if I almost used my entire font, that means that I’m going to be asleep for quite a while—could you tell the dean of the Magic Research Institute that my next…report…will…be done…next…week…………or two…”
Imaginary fell unconscious.
“We’d better carry him inside. He’ll probl’y be sleepin’ f’r a whole week…”
√-1 √-1 √-1
“I had to stay in the hospital for a week. Not in a coma, mind you, just sleeping from magic exhaustion. While my illusions and shields and teleporting are impressive, even by your standards, Dame Sparkle, my telekinesis is, unfortunately, not my best ability. I imagine that you would have been able to not only stop the avalanche, but also return the logs to their original positions on the train. Mr. Apple and Mr. Biceps told me that the loggers and train crew eventually arrived and saw what happened, and they helped in getting me to the hospital when they saw that I wasn’t waking up. Mr. Apple and Mr. Biceps also dealt with the reporters who wanted to know what we did, but lucky for me, they know I don’t like being the centre of attention, so they just told them that ‘the avalanche simply stopped’. It also helped that the railroad and the logging company paid us a huge compensation for our ‘inconvenience’, begging, of course, that we wouldn’t reveal to the press all of the details of the accident. I used a bit of the money to buy myself a new watch, too,” he lifted his left hoof to show his analogue watch. “I’ve been getting new research equipment, too.”
“But…is that all you received, darling?” asked Rarity. “A ‘compensation’? Why, that avalanche could have not only destroyed your house, but also the train tracks further downhill! You’d think that the Royal Equestrian Railroad would at least have requested the Royal House for tickets to the Grand Galloping Gala as a reward for you.”
“Well, Dame Belle, I don’t mind that at all. I never did like formal get-togethers, much less the Gala; after all, you seven are witnesses of just what a stuffy shindig it actually is. Besides, I’m not much for formal clothing, either.”
“But aren’t you going to the Bachelor Auction? Oh, darling, you must wear something formal for it! It will greatly increase your chances of getting high bids!”
“I ‘must’ wear something formal?” Imaginary turned and walked back to the table, where the official rules of the auction still were, and scanned them with his right hoof. Moments later, he said, “Odd, the committee doesn’t say anything about it being a formal presentation. I guess we stallions just have to look our best that night, but formal wear isn’t mandatory.”
“But darling, you simply must allow me to make something for you. Your fly-away mane simply has this…je ne sais quoi that most stallions simply can not carry off as well as you.”
The stallion tilted his head. “You really think so?”
“It’s a little wild, but it seems to suit you. And your roan coat…hmmm…what goes well with a roan coat?” Rarity started walking around the stallion. “Definitely not purple. Maybe a shade of orange to bring out your eyes. Black goes with everything of course, and would match your fetlocks…with orange highlights.”
“Well, Dame Belle, I’m not much for extremely formal events…right now any outfit you’d design for me wouldn’t get much exposure.”
“Pish tosh, why so formal, darling? Please, call me Rarity.”
“It’s…a trifle difficult for me to become familiar with other ponies, especially those of your rank…and exploits. You should know more than anypony that your knighting wasn’t just ceremonial. I was there, too, Dame Belle.”
“Yes, of course, but ‘tis hardly ever mentioned, now is it? And seriously, why is the title for a female knight ‘dame’? It makes me feel like an old nag.”
“It’s not just anypony who gets immortalized in stained glass in the Canterlot Hall. From the visits I make to deliver my findings, there is a lot of resentment going around the Canterlot unicorn elites because you managed to achieve that rank, even if they do owe you their lives. It’s as if they think that by ignoring you and the other Knights of Harmony, they won’t get their noses rubbed in the fact that you are a Champion of Equestria, and they’re not. As for ‘Dame’, I doubt you’d want to be called ‘Sir’, and ‘Lady’ only applies if you were married to a knight. There is also the archaic ‘Ser’, but it sounds quite a lot like ‘Sir’, which might explain why there haven’t been many mares vying for knighthood in Equestria…”
The stallion would have continued, but then he saw Rainbow Dash and Pinkie Pie approaching, obviously to ask him more questions.
“And while this conversation has been very educational, I’m afraid I have to be going now—”
“But wait!” The plea came not from the earth pony or the pegasus, but from the purple unicorn. “I know we have rehearsal today, but would you like to stay for tea, at least? I would love to hear more about my fellow students from CSGU. To…well…catch up…I guess, because interacting with them is what I should have done during my time there.”
“I would love to stay and chat, Dame Sparkle, unfortunately,” he glanced down at his watch, “I have to pick up my nephew from school.”
“School?”
Applejack suddenly bent down and yanked Imaginary’s foreleg up with her teeth, ignored his yelp and near loss of balance, and read the time on his watch. “Dang! School’s nearly out, an’ Ah have t’pick up Apple Bloom, too!” She turned to the pink mare and added, “Pinkie, we’ll have t’rehearse later, but make sure yew memorize awl o’ yer lines, okay, Sugarcube??”
Pinkie Pie blinked, but smiled and replied, “Okie dokie artie-chokey!”
Imaginary and Applejack trotted out the door, with Imaginary politely opening the door for her with his magic, again with quite a bit of a strain.
“Thank yew kindly, Sugarcube.”
He grunted as he released the door. “You’re quite welcome, Dame—”
“Ah told yew not t’call me that!”
“Pardon.”
Unfortunately, Imaginary couldn’t seem to leave his problems behind, because the rest of the Knights decided to follow them: Twilight wanted to continue talking, Pinkie Pie still wanted to know where he lived, Rainbow Dash wanted to know what else he knew about their exploits, Rarity had pulled out her drawing pad and started sketching a design for his formal outfit, and Fluttershy simply didn’t want to be left behind. And Spike just wanted to see what else happened.
Twilight caught up with him and continued, “Mr. Imaginary, I’m sorry if I’m sounding a little insistent, but is it okay if we talk on the way to the schoolhouse? I simply want to know where the students of our class are working and/or studying right now—”
“Hey, Imaginary!!!” Rainbow Dash interrupted Twilight’s question, and positioned herself above and in front of Imaginary, deftly flying backwards without any problems. “So you signed up for the auction? Heh, that’s one way of introducing yourself to all of the available mares—and two percent of the available stallions—of Ponyville!” she chuckled. “But just so you know, you are up against some very heavy competition, literally! I mean, Big Macintosh—”
“Dame Dash,” he said curtly, and very determined to not look up at her. “As the captain of the Ponyville Weather Team, do you know if my order for this month has been properly received and processed, and if will be delivered without any problems?”
Rainbow blinked at his non-sequitur question, but replied, rather subdued, “Your order has been processed accordingly, and it will be delivered on schedule. But Immy, could you stop it with the ‘Dame’ thing? ‘Dame Dash’ just doesn’t sound as cool as ‘Rainbow Dash, Knight of Harmony’ !” she struck a heroic pose above him. “Now, about the auction—”
“Uncle Imaginary!”
Unfortunately for her, they had now arrived at the schoolhouse, which the colts and fillies were running away from, as if it were some kind of monster. And Rainbow Dash’s question was interrupted by one particular colt who was approaching the group very quickly.
“Pip! My favourite nephew!”
“Yeah, right! I’m your only nephew!”
The tiny pinto colt galloped as fast as his stubby legs could carry him toward the brown unicorn stallion. Two metres before he reached him, Imaginary took a mock aggressive stance, charged his horn, and Pip Squeak squealed with joy as the gold-earth aura suddenly catapulted him into the air. Several summersaults later, the colt landed on Imaginary’s back, who flexed his knees to soften the landing.
“Whoa, there! You’re getting heavier every time we meet, Pip! Has your mother been feeding you gemstones laced with iron?” Imaginary wasn’t kidding. Even for a foal, the fact that Pip was an earth pony made him quite heavier than he looked.
“Nah, I’m just a growing stallion, and one day I’m going to be just as big as you , Uncle!”
Twilight, meanwhile, realised something was amiss. “Wha—Imaginary, I thought you said your telekinesis wasn’t up to par! How in Equestria were you able to do that trick with Pip?”
“Believe me, it took me quite a while to learn it, and I had a good deal of motivation to learn it, right, Pip?” he asked, bouncing the colt a bit.
“That’s why ‘e’s my favourite uncle!”
“Pip, I’m your only uncle.”
Twilight thought for a moment, and continued, “Let me guess, Pip: your mother is a unicorn, and your father is an earth pony?”
“Whoa, ‘ow did you know?”
Imaginary chuckled, “Nothing gets past Dame Sparkle, Pip.” He then turned to the mare, “It was my sister who decided to take a job up in Trottingham, and there she met Oblique Squeak, and they eventually married. After this fine specimen was born,” he bounced the giggling foal a few more times, “they decided Trottingham wasn’t the best place to raise a family, so I recommended they move to Ponyville. They arrived shortly before Nightmare Night.”
“And Ponyville is the best place ever!”
“Despite all the craziness that happens here just about every week?”
“I don’t mind the craziness, Uncle. In Trottingham, nopony sings or dances in the streets.”
“Good point there. So, you started school already?”
The colt sighed, “Ugh, yes.”
Imaginary raised an eyebrow, “Something the matter there, Pip? Having problems at school? Are the other foals making fun of your accent?”
“Nah, school is fine, and there are nice ponies there, but…there are these two bullies who don’t like anypony who is still a blank flank.”
Imaginary stopped. “Bullies? Have they been harassing you?” he asked, quite seriously.
“Not yet. They just ‘ave it in for three fillies they ‘ate. Not sure why they ‘ate them, though.”
“Really now? And I take it your teacher hasn’t done much about that problem?”
“She thinks everypony deserves a second chance. And a third one. And a fourth one. And a—”
“Say no more, Nephew. I’ll look into this problem…and perhaps I’ll give your teacher a few suggestions…” The stallion turned to the mares and declared, “Well, like I said before, Most Excellent Knights of Harmony, it’s been a pleasure meeting and speaking with all of you, and again, I apologise for interrupting your rehearsal.” His horn charged up once more. “If any of you will be making bids at the auction, well, I guess I’ll see you there. Have a most pleasant day.”
“But Immy, what about your—”
[WINK!!!]
The stallion and the pinto colt disappeared.
“—party?” Pinkie Pie just stood there, despondent. Cranky Doodle Donkey at least had been blunt in rejecting her parties, but Imaginary seemed to have chosen to simply brush her off, as if she wasn’t there.
“Is it just me, or does that guy seem a bit…hermit-like after all? It was as if he didn’t want to talk to us!” Rainbow Dash snorted in annoyance.
Twilight pondered, “Or he’s just not very talkative, period, a bit like Fluttershy, right, Fluttershy?” The mare in question squee’d quietly and hid behind her mane. “But you must also consider that he was in a hurry, and he thought he caused the interruption of our rehearsal, when, in fact, the interruption was caused by you , Pinkie.” Now it was Pinkie’s turn to squee in embarrassment. “And you also have to consider that he’s from Canterlot, technically speaking, so he considers us to be Very Important Ponies, and he’s giving us…well…”
“A respectful distance?” asked Rarity. She looked up to Rainbow and added, “He was intent in giving us our space, and treating us formally, but he didn’t have any problems when he picked up his nephew. That doesn’t seem very hermit-like at all, Dash. And he is going to the auction; I doubt any hermit would even want to come near one of those.”
“He’s juss’ a nice quiet stallion,” said Applejack, as Apple Bloom trotted up to them. “An’ maybe a tad shy, too, lahk Big Macintosh. An’ since he’s from Canterlot, he can’t help but be polite an’ formal, ‘specially t’us , yew know, ‘THEE Knights o’ Harmony’,” she said with flair. “An’ mostly everypony he meets he calls ‘em ‘Mister’, ‘Miss’, or ‘Missus’, even th’ foals! Lahk our sisters, Rarity, he calls them ‘Miss Apple’ and ‘Miss Belle’. Before our knightin’, he also called me ‘Miss Apple’ as well. He even calls Big Macintosh ‘Mr. Apple’ even though they’re good friends. Big Mac doesn’t mind, though; Ah guess that’s juss’ how Imaginary is.”
“But how am I going to give him a party? He DESERVES his party, and even MORE now because he, Big Macintosh, and Bulk Biceps stopped that avalanche!”
Twilight stepped up to Pinkie, “Well, he’s not as brash as Cranky, but he is just as reserved. Maybe if you ask him, you know, politely , and without pressuring him, or getting in his face,” she scolded, “he’ll eventually agree.” Then she thought a bit, “But he does have a point. It might be quite a problem to hold a party in a house as far away as his…”
Pinkie just stood there, again, as the colts and fillies dispersed, and as her fellow Knights also went their way and bid her their farewells.
All except Rainbow Dash.
“Say, Pinkie, did you give Pip Squeak’s family their Welcome-To-Ponyville Party?”
“Of course! What kind of party pony would I be if I didn’t?? But it had to be a short party. They had just moved in, they were very tired, and Pip was very, very, very eager to go out on his first Nightmare Night.”
Rainbow thought for a moment, and asked, “Pinkie, was Imaginary at that party?”
Pinkie blinked.
And blinked some more.
With a sudden realisation, she blurted, “No, he wasn’t!! And he wasn’t anywhere in the Nightmare Night celebration, either!!!”
“Then maybe our favourite Egghead isn’t exactly correct about Imaginary’s reasons for not wanting to be around us…”
“So you don’t think that Immy really, really, really doesn’t want a party because, according to him, it would be ‘pointless’, and also not worth the trouble, because he lives so far away?”
The hepta-chromatic mare hovered above the pink one, thought for a moment, and replied, “Let me figure out that last one, Pinkie. I’ll tell you what I find out tomorrow, okay?”
Pinkie stood there one more time, but she suddenly smiled and replied, “Okie dokie lokie!!!”
With that, the two mares bid each other farewell, and Rainbow Dash sped toward her cloud mansion, while Pinkie Pie bounced back to Sugarcube Corner.
√-1 √-1 √-1
An Imaginary Bully
The following afternoon, Imaginary stepped out of his house, closed his eyes, and breathed deeply the cool air, mixed with a gentle rain that—
“Rain?” he suddenly said, teleporting a calendar in front of him. “Today is Wednesday?”
[ZOOOOM—CRASH!!!!]
Rainbow Dash suddenly crashed into his barrel—
That is, she almost crashed into his barrel. Despite having aimed for the stallion perfectly as he stood in front of his house, it seemed as if she flew right through him and then crashed on his front lawn.
Then Imaginary stepped out of his house again , and looked at the dishevelled mare as she groggily tried to get to her hooves.
“You’re…faster than you look…” she groaned. “How did you do that?”
The stallion seemed to ignore her question and replied with another question, “Dame Dash, today is Friday , not Wednesday . Why was my rain order delivered so early?”
She shook herself and extended her wings slightly. “That’s not your order! It’s just a stray rain cloud! I…um…it got away from the team and we didn’t notice it until now…and…I…uh…caught up with it just now and I tried to get you out of the way.”
Imaginary turned and saw that, indeed, it was only one small cumulus that was floating stationary 5 metres right above his front door. “Why, it seems you’re correct, Dame Dash. But as long as it’s only one cloud and you caught up with it, then there’s no harm done…um…you are okay, right? That hard landing didn’t give you any trouble?”
“No!” she replied indignantly, whipping her wings and hovering above the male once again. “It takes a Tartarus-of-a-lot more to get the best of Rainbow Dash!” she posed in mid-air.
He didn’t bother looking up. “So it does. Well, I trust that you’ll have that cloud taken care of promptly. And thank you for going through the trouble of trying to help me all the way out here. I hope you have a nice day.” Imaginary charged his horn again—
“WAIT!!! I also want to know—!!!”
[WINK!!!]
“—where…were you…on Nightmare Night…oh, buck it!” she groaned. Rainbow ascended a bit more, and looked around the area; very much confirming what he had told Pinkie Pie yesterday at the library. “So he does technically live in the Canterlot District…too bad his house isn’t 100 metres closer to Ponyville, otherwise Pinkie Pie wouldn’t have any problems giving him a party. But how did he do that trick and have me fly right through him—?”
Then, she remembered:
“…my ILLUSIONS and shields and teleporting are impressive…”
Rainbow Dash face-hooved herself. “Well, DUH! He just cast an illusion!! But why is he friendly only with his family, but not with the rest of us?” As she pondered on that question, she flew up to the rain cloud and pushed it back to Ponyville.
√-1 √-1 √-1
[WINK!!!]
Imaginary rematerialised near the schoolhouse this time, again to pick up his nephew and teleport him home. However, being Friday, he noticed that the foals had already left the schoolhouse and many of them were at the nearby park to wait for their parents there, and they decided to play there in the meantime. The stallion shrugged and headed for the park, but as he did, he noticed the start of an altercation.
Two fillies had just arrived at the park: one was pink with a white and lavender mane and tail, sporting a silvery tiara on her head and flanks, and the other was a grey mare with light gray mane and tail, with highlights, she sported turquoise spectacles and a matching necklace, and her cutie mark was an elaborate silver spoon.
And they were currently taunting the rest of the foals:
“Well, well, well! A blank flank convention! Don’t these babies all look adorable with their flanks completely bare, Silver Spoon?”
“Yeah! I hope they brought their diapers in case they have an accident ! Oh, look, the babies are going to cry !!!”
Silver Spoon and Diamond Tiara laughed, until they heard a colt yell, “HEY!!!”
They looked up, and saw a brown pegasus colt with a black mane and tail hovering just above them. “Go back to Canterlot where you belong!!!” he yelled.
Diamond Tiara scowled at him and replied, “We don’t live in Canterlot, you stupid blank flank! We both live in our mansions here in Ponyville, right, Silver Spoon?”
“Right!”
The colt scoffed, “Yeah, right. Then why don’t you go back to your fancy boarding school for snobs ??”
“We go to school here , you dummy! Are you such a blank flank that even your brain has trouble keeping up with your wings?” asked Silver Spoon.
The pegasus suddenly landed, looking quite confused, “What? You go to school here ?”
“So you’re not just stupid, you’re deaf too?”
For a moment, the pegasus colt seemed unsure of what to make of Diamond Tiara’s question, and after a while, he turned to the other foals and asked them, “Hey! Are you all sure they’re the daughters of Filthy Rich and Hefty Pockets?”
All the foals replied with a less than enthusiastic, “…yeah…”
Diamond Tiara stomped and growled, “Of course they’re our fathers! They’re the richest ponies in Equestria!”
The pegasus colt blinked at them, as if analysing their statements, and then asked, “But…they make you go to school…here?”
“Do you have a problem with where we go to school, you stupid blank flank?”
“No, but I’m wondering why you don’t have a problem with where your parents are making you go to school, if they’re so rich…”
“HEY!” blurted Silver Spoon, “What’s that supposed to mean?”
The colt just looked at her, and then he suddenly hovered and laughed, turning to the others, “It’s okay, guys! They can’t do anything to us!”
“What do you mean by THAT???!!!” yelled Diamond Tiara. “My father has enough money to buy you and your families out of Ponyville!”
The colt just kept on laughing, as the rest of the foals began approaching the newcomer and the bullies. This had certainly caught their attention.
“WHAT’S SO FUNNY???!!!” the bullies yelled.
Calmly, the colt landed once more and said, “S—sorry, but it’s just so funny how your parents have fooled you for so long…”
“‘FOOLED’??? You’re the only fool here, you miserable blank flank!!!”
The colt didn’t flinch at Diamond Tiara’s shout. He just trotted around them and explained, “Hey, it’s not your fault that you didn’t see this at all. But think about it, and think reeeeeeeeeeal carefully…” he stopped in front of them, and said in an almost-whisper, “If your parents are as rich as they say they are…then why are they making you go to school in a poor…tiny…run-down schoolhouse filled with so many ponies you do not want to hang around with?”
The bullies suddenly fell silent.
“Why are they making you go to school here , instead of those big fancy schools in Canterlot? Or even in Manehatten?”
Diamond Tiara and Silver Spoon could not answer that.
The colt pressed on, “So I can see only two answers for that: either your parents don’t think you’re worth spending all that money in a fancy school—maybe they think the two of you are too stupid to get in—or…” he paused, “…they’re not as rich as they say they are and the school in Ponyville is the only one they can afford—”
“MY FATHER IS RICH!!! I LIVE IN A MANSION!!!” yelled Diamond Tiara.
“I LIVE IN A MANSION TOO!! IT’S RIGHT OVER THERE, BLANK FLANK!!!” Silver Spoon furiously pointed at a rather large building some distance away from the park, but the colt didn’t even blink at it.
“So? You may live in a mansion, but that doesn’t mean your parents actually own it. For all we know, your parents could be working for two rich ponies, who are very kind—unlike you two —and very generous so as to not allow two fillies—even ones as ugly as you—to live on the streets because your parents are so poor that they can’t afford to live anywhere . For all we know, your parents only take care of the mansions and some of the business of their bosses and it is them who let you live in their mansions!”
Before Diamond Tiara could come up with a retort, Apple Bloom suddenly added, “Hey, that’s raght! Mah Granny Smith said that th’ Rich family started a lot o’ business deals with Sweet Apple Acres, but now that Ah think about it, Ah’ve never seen yer dad or his ‘servants’ at th’ farm doin’ business with mah brother or mah sister or mah Granny! And yew know that none o’ mah family has never gone t’yer mansion, Diamond Tiara!”
The bully in question was speechless.
“So for all we know, you ugly, miserable bullies , Apple Bloom could be way richer than you , mostly because she actually owns land.”
“NO!” yelled Diamond Tiara, almost in tears. She trotted rapidly in place, frantically trying to think of a counter-argument, and suddenly, her face brightened. She smiled maliciously and growled again, pointing at her head, “My tiara!! It has real diamonds! And it’s in sterling silver, too! AND IT’S WORTH MORE THAN ALL THOSE STUPID APPLE TREES OF YOURS—!!!”
[WHAP!!!]
The tiara fell to the ground, courtesy of a stealthy wing slap, courtesy of the pegasus colt. Diamond Tiara was about to whine and complain and demand that he pick it up again, but what she saw made her freeze.
“Is it?” he asked, holding one hoof over it, ready to stomp on it. “If it really is real silver and rea l diamonds, then that means I’m going to get really hurt if I stomp on it, right?”
“You wouldn’t dare…” the bullies growled, still frozen where they stood.
“Why are you so afraid, Diamond Tiara?” he asked with hooded eyes. “If this tiara is real silver and diamonds, then I’ll hurt myself and you can go back to calling me and everypony else here whatever insult you can think of. Of course, your dad told you that this is real silver and diamonds, right? He’d never lie to you, just like he never lied about you being poor and living in somepony else’s house, right?”
“Give me back my tiara!!” Diamond Tiara took one step forward.
[CRACK!!!]
Diamond Tiara and Silver Spoon gasped, taking two steps back.
The pegasus colt lifted his hoof.
Pieces of the tiara fell from his appendage, in silver-like and crystal-like pieces.
The colt took a closer look, “Wow…plastic…and glass…who would have ever thought?” He suddenly turned to the bullies, “And that means that you two are only two…miserable…ugly …poor fillies.”
The bullies took another step back.
“…poor fillies…” he repeated.
The bullies backed away slightly faster.
“…poor fillies…” Apple Bloom joined in.
Diamond Tiara was about to start crying.
“…poor fillies…” Now Scootaloo and Sweetie Belle added their voices.
Silver Spoon tripped on a rock and scrambled to get on her hooves again.
The entire group of foals began to chant, “Poor fillies…poor fillies…poor fillies…poor fillies…poor fillies…poor fillies…poor fillies…poor fillies…poor fillies…”
They weren’t loud, or even in harmony, there were just in unison.
But it was enough to make the bullies turn tail and run away, bawling their eyes out.
The brown pegasus colt let all the other foals run ahead of him. As soon as they did, the image of the colt shimmered and disappeared.
Imaginary stealthily de-cloaked himself behind a bush, near his nephew, who had been standing at a distance from the altercation.
Pip Squeak saw him, walked up to him and said, “Uncle Imaginary, that was mean!”
He sighed, “I know, Pip, but from what Mr. Apple and his little sister told me, combined with everything you told me at dinner last night, what I did here was nothing compared to what those two bullies have done to just about every filly and colt in the school, including you . Do you think they deserved it?”
Pip thought for a moment and then smiled, “YEAH!!”
“It should calm down those two for a while. If the problem persists, I’m afraid I’m going to have to send a rather poignant letter to the Ponyville Board of Education concerning their bully policy…”
“But did you ‘ave to break Diamond Tiara’s tiara?”
The two walked to the centre of the park, as the other foals eventually got tired of taunting the apparently destitute bullies. “To be honest with you, I’m surprised I didn’t need to use an illusion to break it. It really was made of plastic and glass. I also wasn’t expecting Apple Bloom to help out the way she did, either, so that was a shot in the dark, believe me…”
Imaginary trailed off when he saw his two best friends approach, and as they did, their young relatives approached as well. Apple Bloom bounded up to Big Macintosh, and Featherweight hovered in front of Bulk Biceps.
“Hiya, big brudder!”
“Daddy!!!”
The unicorn smiled, “Good afternoon, gentlecolts…and family thereof. I see we all were drafted into picking up our charges from school today.”
“Eeyup,” Big Macintosh nuzzled his sister a bit, then with a quick movement of his muzzle, he gently tossed Apple Boom on his back. “Yew’re ready f’r th’ auction tomorrow?”
Imaginary sighed as he tossed his nephew on his back with his magic. “Ready as I’ll ever be, I suppose. Is formal wear mandatory, though?”
Featherweight simply hovered for a moment and perched himself on his father’s back, who replied, “Not that I know of, but it might help in getting higher bids.”
Apple Bloom laughed at that, “Yeah, well, Ah doubt mah brudder here will need that! An’ he’s even gonna help out th’ orphanage even more by matching!”
Bulk turned to Macintosh, “Matching what?”
Imaginary suddenly realised what the filly meant, “Wait, matching ? You’re going to match whatever is bid on you and donate it to the orphanage?” The earth pony stallion nodded silently. “Wow, Mr. Apple, I’m surprised that you didn’t end up being chosen as the Element of Generosity instead of Dame Belle.”
Macintosh chuckled, “Ah might have been, if Ah had known that A.J. had run off with her friends that night. ‘Sides, we had a good year, an’ we’re even settin’ up Granny Smith’s hip operation in Canterlot next month.”
Imaginary laughed and stomped on the ground, “Mr. Apple, I think we all know the real reason why your farm is debt free and why you’ve been able to rebuild your barn several times now even when your insurance company bailed out on you. And it’s not because of your bumper crop.”
The red stallion snorted, “Don’t yew say it…”
The unicorn smiled, “Why? Is it a crime to exploit your talents? Or more exactly, your good looks?”
“Ah ain’t exactly proud o’ whut Ah did, yew know…”
“Why not? You were just hired to appear in a soap commercial , say a few lines with a very deep voice…and now you’re raking in royalties left and right.”
Macintosh pressed his forehead against Imaginary’s, “An’ it would have been all raght if’n it weren’t f’r every single unattached mare beggin’ f’r my autograph when they recognize me!”
The unicorn gave a fake sigh as he turned away, “Sadly, ‘tis the price of fame. I hear Dame Fluttershy still has a few problems with fans who remember her from her brief modelling stint. Lucky for her she has five other knights watching out for her…”
Macintosh fumed for a moment, and was about to calm down, but just as Imaginary was walking away, he whistled a very familiar melody.
“WHY, YEW…” The earth pony snorted and charged at the unicorn, but his target winked away with the pinto colt just when he was about to get run over. Macintosh snorted again while his sister giggled, and he stomped back to Sweet Apple Acres.
Bulk Biceps shrugged, and flew off, carrying his son with him.
In another sector of the Ponyville sky, a cyan pegasus mare had been watching most of the above scene after she arrived with a stray rain cloud.
“So he does have plenty of friends, even though he still treats them a bit formally…but why is he so reserved against the rest of us…?”
√-1 √-1 √-1
An Imaginary Auction
Dame Rarity Belle had been generous enough to donate to the Auction Committee the stage and runway she had designed for her first fashion show. It had been modified to give the whole Town Hall Auditorium a more masculine feel, with its dark colouring and angular motifs. The “landing”, that is, the circular platform at the opposite end of the runway, no longer sported a flower blossom, but a very angular dark blue silhouette of a stallion’s head, similar to the profile of the knight piece in chess. It was surrounded by minimalist angular depictions of a brown oak, a white pair of wings, and a purple starburst, representing the three types of ponies. Above the stage was a banner that declared:
FIRST ANNUAL BACHELOR CHARITY AUCTION
IN BENEFIT OF THE PONYVILLE HOUSE OF REFUGE
A bit of heavy-bass music—courtesy of a white unicorn mare with a blue spiked mane and purple sunglasses—filled the air, but at a tolerable volume.
To the right of the stage, beside the curtain, sat a middle-aged blue pegasus stallion, with a white and grey mane, wearing a charcoal jacket with sky blue seams. He was going over his presentation notes, and clearing his throat.
Backstage, Imaginary wandered about, taking a closer look at his “competition”, if a pony could call it that. He was actually quite impressed with the number of stallions that had signed up; perhaps the population ratio of Ponyville wasn’t so skewed after all. Still, there were plenty of stallions taller and more buffed than him, some with spiffy or flashy outfits, and, of course, everypony was very excellently groomed for their customers tonight.
He looked up to see another angular dark blue silhouette of a stallion’s head hanging on the rear curtain, which would be displayed to the audience for a few moments as the main curtain opened and each stallion trotted out to the stage and the runway.
And as the opening drew closer, Imaginary, like quite a few of the males around him, couldn’t help but feel slightly nervous.
“Well, don’t yew look spiffy tonaght.”
The unicorn turned and saw his two friends approach, and he was also surprised at their transformation. Big Macintosh had removed himself from his ever-present yoke, and his mane had been brushed to the side, almost covering his left eye. His tail had also been smoothed down and it was no longer plagued with split ends. However, what impressed Imaginary was that his friend sported a brown leather jacket and a black western wire tie, which was adorned with a green apple half.
Bulk Biceps had baby blue jacket and a matching modern tie, which offset his extreme musculature. His spiked crew cut was arranged neatly on his head and neck so that it now pointed in only one direction: up. His tail, however, was arranged in an Indian braid, and his jewellery had been properly polished.
Imaginary couldn’t help but feel as if he had forgotten something at home, since he only wore a black bowtie and matching cuffs. “I look spiffy? Mr. Apple, you are quite the image of a powerful land baron—!!!—which technically, you are…” he realised.
“Well, you’re quite a different stallion tonight too,” said Bulk Biceps. “You actually combed your mane and tail.”
The unicorn laughed, “That I did. I think I used up all of my brother-in-law’s mane and tail spray, too.” Which was mostly true, as his normal fly-away mane and tail had been brushed back and arranged neatly in layers, and again, all split ends had been surgically removed.
Macintosh chuckled and told Bulk Biceps, “Yew owe me 20 bits.”
“It’s not over yet, and you know that.”
The unicorn blinked. “You actually thought I wasn’t going to show up? I’m surprised, Mr. Biceps; we all know this isn’t exactly for my benefit.”
Now it was Bulk’s turn to chuckle, “Well, showing up was only part of the bet that we made, but I think it’s best that we hold off on the details until tomorrow, barring any disasters, of course.”
“What, you also bet that I wouldn’t reach a certain amount, or that I wouldn’t be sold at all?”
Now the two friends chuckled. “Imaginary, yew haven’t checked th’ number they gave yew?”
The brown unicorn pulled a small plastic chip from under his bowtie, which declared a particular number. “So I’m not among the first ‘victims’…but aren’t we going to be auctioned off randomly?”
His two friends looked at each other, and again laughed. Bulk patted Imaginary’s back and said, “We all respect the opinion you have about yourself, ‘Immy’, but let’s just say you’re going to be very surprised at what the committee had to say about you.”
Before Imaginary could say anything, a pegasus mare, with a tan coat and orange curly mane and tail, and wearing a headset with a microphone, trotted up to the group and said, “Okay, gentlecolts, take your places! The sale of the century begins in 5 minutes!”
All the stallions hushed and formed a queue to the right of the stage, each taking their respective numerical place.
And Imaginary found it odd that he was so far back in the queue, near the end, almost; perhaps other stallions would show up as the night went on.
Then, they heard the music die down and the emcee declare: “Ladies and gentlecolts!! Welcome to Ponyville’s First Annual Bachelor Charity Auction!!!” And the music blasted once again as the mares clopped.
If Imaginary didn’t have butterflies in his stomach before, he definitely had them now.
“We have prepared for you the best, the finest, and the most handsome stallions that our wonderful town has to offer for all the mares tonight!!!”
Feminine squeals of excitement filled the air, making Imaginary snort in disgust.
“Now before we begin, we would like to thank Ponyville’s very own, Dame Rarity Belle, Knight of Harmony, Two Time Champion of Equestria, and Bearer of the Element of Generosity, for providing our stage and runway!!”
Imaginary heard clopping of approval, and he could imagine Dame Belle standing up and blowing kisses to the audience.
“And before we begin, we’ll go over the rules briefly, in case anypony forgot anything: Each stallion will be bid on by all of you lovely mares, and the mare with the highest uncontested bid will win a date with the stallion for tonight! The date will be agreed on by the winner and the stallion, and it will begin as soon as you step outside. Now, officially, the date ends at midnight, but if you wish to continue, hey, that’s all right with us! Just keep things legal, ladies, please.”
Feminine laughter drifted backstage, much to Imaginary’s chagrin.
“And do keep in mind that all of tonight’s proceeds will go to The Ponyville House of Refuge, so bid generously, ladies! Also, quite a few of the stallions backstage have spoken with the committee and have said that they will match the winning bid and donate the amount to the Ponyville House of Refuge as well!!”
Approving clops made the stage vibrate.
“And remember, all sales are final, no cheques or credit cards are accepted, and all payments must be made in Equestrian bits, and no exchange of goods or services are accepted. However, before the main sale begins, first we have a group of young volunteers who also want to do their part for The Ponyville House of Refuge, and have spoken to the committee—and their parents, of course—and they have asked to also be auctioned off tonight and sold for playdates to their peers. So, we begin tonight with the very recently established U-13 Auction! Let’s hear it for Ponyville’s very own 13-and-under colts!!!”
What??
Imaginary looked around, and saw several colts trotting about. At first he had thought that they were backstage only out of curiosity and maybe because their single fathers/big brothers/uncles couldn’t get a foalsitter for tonight, but now he saw all of the colts first gathering on the opposite side of the curtain, and then trotting up on stage. Was Pip Squeak up there? Could his sister have given him permission to do this?
His vantage point was too far away to see clearly who was on the stage right now, but he had an idea.
He charged his horn, and then sat down.
Or, at least, that was the illusion he cast. Now, fully cloaked, he quietly walked up to the curtain to see what was going on.
“A few minor modifications for the U-13 auction: their playdates will last no longer than 9 pm, and they will include an adult chaperone,” several colts groaned at that, making some ponies in the audience laugh. “The bidding will proceed as normal, and for all the fillies who are worried about not having enough bits tonight, fear not. The organizer of the U-13 auction stated that in case of a lack of bits, two of Ponyville’s wealthiest families will help out, and match the bids! Ladies and gentlecolts, let’s hear it for Mr. Filthy Rich and Mr. Hefty Pockets!!!”
Imaginary saw the two wealthy ponies stand up and wave to the crowd. Beside them were the two bullies—one with a new diamond tiara on her head—who were sitting smugly and looking with contempt at Mr. Apple’s sister and her two friends nearby. Quite an elaborate and very hastily set-up plan to prove that they weren’t destitute, but, he reasoned, at least the orphans would benefit from the bullies’ desire to show off their bits to the world. He turned to the stage as the volunteer colts stepped down, looking for his nephew, but much to his relief, Pip Squeak was not there. Maybe his sister thought that 9 pm was too late for such a young colt—
—he did a double take when he saw Mr. Sparkle—Spike—among the U-13 group. Which, he reasoned, was logical: the dragonling was not even a teenager by dragon standards just yet.
Looking back at the illusion of himself sitting in the queue, Imaginary decided to stay and watch the U-13 auction, just out of curiosity. He wondered who the bullies were going to bid on, if at all, and if they were going to be willing to actually go on a playdate with their prizes, even if it included adult supervision.
“To start the U-13 Auction tonight, first we have a fine specimen who likes to take things slowly, always pauses to smell the roses, takes time to pay attention to all the details, and yet was able to escape from the clutches of an Ursa Minor! He hopes to be a big show magician someday, let’s hear it for the unicorn: SNAILS!!!”
Imaginary then saw a lanky orange unicorn colt with a green mane and tail and a snail on his flanks trot up to the stage, and with his nose in the air, he paraded himself down the runway to the landing, where he slowly rotated for the fillies. Snails smiled with enthusiasm, and waited eagerly.
“The bidding starts at 10 bits…do I hear 10 bits?? Anypony?”
Snails stood there, still waiting.
Diamond Tiara and Silver Spoon just stood there, mocking him with their glares.
“Um…9 bits? Can we start at 9 bits? Any filly?”
Imaginary now saw the true intent of the bullies: they would get back at yesterday’s taunting by taunting the colts right back, in front of their parents and friends and peers and all of Ponyville as well .
He was considering casting an illusion to at least give the colt a few bits—
“FIFTEEN BITS!!!” yelled a filly somewhere in the audience. The entire audience, and Snails, gasped at the bid, and even more so the bullies, who hoped they wouldn’t have to pay for the ugly, lanky colt.
The emcee was also shocked at the bid, “Whoa, that’s the highest bid of the night so far! Fifteen bits, ladies and gentlecolts! Do I hear sixteen? No? Fifteen bits going once…fifteen bits going twice…SOLD to the filly with the lovely daisy on her flank!!”
Snails pumped the air and ran back down the runway, where an usher ushered him to the right, and led him to a table at the back of the auditorium, where the committee, the cash register, his parents, and his date, a baby-blue unicorn mare with purple hair and mane, were waiting, the latter with a very big smile on her face.
In the audience, the bullies strained to look at the two nerds. “Is she paying on her own? Is she??? ” Diamond Tiara wanted to know.
Having glasses meant she had slightly better distance vision, so after a few moments, Silver Spoon replied, “Um…yeah…she brought her own money. Don’t worry, D.T., we won’t have to pay for that ,” she sighed with relief.
“He’s not the only ugly colt in town. Let’s hope the next ones also get low bids.”
√-1 √-1 √-1
The U-13 auction continued, and much to the bullies’ relief, the bids were relatively low at first, because the two colts that followed right after Snails were very plump: one was a turquoise unicorn with orange hair and tail named Snips, and the other was a gray earth pony with black hair and mane and silverware on his flank.
Nevertheless, despite their lack of flair, ruggedness, and good looks, they managed to get surprisingly good bids, as no colt was sold under their starting bid of 10 bits. The fat earth pony with the silverware, in fact, was sold for 20 bits to another earth pony named Peppermint Twist, and the bullies were going to have to pitch in 5 bits each to help pay for the bid.
So it seemed that the fillies in Ponyville didn’t care much about “good looks”; they had previously formed good friendships with the colts, and now those friendships were giving forth their fruits.
However, as more colts came up, Imaginary noticed that each one was considerably better looking and less overweight or underweight than the first ones.
And when Spike went up to be auctioned off, surprisingly, he brought in 47 bits, courtesy of Dame Rarity Belle’s sister, and the bullies were going to have to contribute 10 bits each.
It looks like Dame Sparkle did a good job in removing the ostracism of appearances from Ponyville. It didn’t just stop with the speciesism displayed against that zebra mare, but even went as far as to influence the children for good, he thought.
The auction continued, and now the “good looking” colts came up, and they were going for as much as 30 or even 40 bits. Only now did the bullies actually bid on the colts: it seemed that Dame Sparkle’s efforts stopped cold when it came to die-hard bullies like those two fillies.
Still, he was quite surprised when the emcee said, “And now, for all of you lovers of exotic ponies, here we have one who loves the night, is a great flier, has excellent hearing, is an experienced fire-fighter, and is a straight-A student! Give a welcome to Earshot!!!”
Quite a few ponies, including Imaginary, gasped when a night pony colt walked down the runway. While he had seen a few whenever he visited Canterlot at night, as a rather large number of them were part of Princess Luna’s Night Guard, this was the first time he saw one so young.
His fur was charcoal grey, and his mane and tail were purple, but what really stood out were his chiropteran wings, and his glowing yellow eyes, complete with vertical pupils. His ears were also a bit longer than a normal pony’s were, and his cutie mark was that of…
…Imaginary squinted. He wasn’t sure if that was a purple cocoon, a purple ear, or a turnip, with waves headed for it.
It wasn’t surprising that neither bully bothered to bid on Earshot, but much to his surprise, he managed to get 63 bits from a brass-yellow unicorn filly with a slightly curved horn, and a very tightly curled obsidian mane and tail.
Score another one for Dame Twilight Sparkle and the re-acceptance of night ponies into Equestrian society.
One grey pegasus colt named Rumble managed to get 75 bits, thanks to Scootaloo. The only reason he didn’t get a higher bid was because the bullies refused to pay more for a blank flank.
“Ah’ll meet up with yew two an’ Sweetie Belle an’ Spike later on,” whispered Apple Bloom to Scootaloo as the pegasus filly stood to claim her prize.
“You’re going to stay for the rest of the auction?”
“There’s one more colt up f’r bid,” the yellow filly smiled.
Scootaloo smiled and said, “Go get him, crusader!” and ran to the back of the audience.
The emcee declared, “For our last U-13 auction, here we have a promising reporter, with an eye for the right picture. He’s quite talented with photography and news editing! He’s also the current editor of the Foal Free Press, let’s hear it for FEATHERWEIGHT!!!”
“YEAAAAAAAAHHHHHH!!! THAT’S MY BOY!!!” rumbled Bulk Biceps from backstage, eliciting quite a few laughs. This was quite a surprise for Imaginary; he would have never thought that Bulk would agree to all this, even if it was for charity.
“We’ll start bidding at 40 bits. Do I hear 40 bits?”
“Fourty!!” yelled Diamond Tiara, looking smugly.
“I have 40 bits, do I hear 45?”
The audience hushed for several moments.
“FIFTY!!!”
Again everypony gasped. The bullies glared at the yellow earth pony blank-flank who sat with her arms crossed. It seemed she had her eye on Bulk Biceps’ kid for a while.
“SIXTY BITS!!” yelled Silver Spoon.
Almost with a sigh, Apple Bloom countered, “Sixty-one!!!”
“SEVENTY!!!!” yelled Diamond Tiara. There was no way she was going to be out-bid by a blank flank.
The emcee decided not to intervene as the bidding war continued.
“Sev’nty-one,” declared the Cutie Mark Crusader. Now it was a war not to get the pegasus colt, but to show each other up.
“EIGHTY!!!” Silver Spoon was not going to be out-bid either.
“Nann’ty.”
“ONE HUNDRED BITS, ALL OF OUR OWN!!!” yelled the two bullies simultaneously, bringing another round of gasps from the audience.
Apple Bloom just looked at them, and turned to the emcee. Before he could announce anything, she said, “One hunnerd an’ twelve bits with thirty-two cents!!”
At that, Diamond Tiara whispered to her friend, “There’s no way that blank flank can pay that much, even with help from her family!”
“Let her get stuck with the highest bid, and let’s tell our parents to not help her out! We’ll sneak around to the back, right behind her, and we’ll be right there to look at her face when her stupid sister tells her she can’t pay for that skinny colt!!”
The two fillies giggled evilly, and sat quietly, biding their time to see Apple Bloom’s smug face be wiped off her head.
Seeing that the bidding war stopped, the emcee resumed, “One hundred and twelve bits with thirty-two cents! That’s the highest bid yet! One hundred and twelve point-thirty-two bits going once…going twice…SOLD to the yellow filly with the big red bow!!!”
Amid another flair of music, Apple Bloom smiled, and went to get her prize. Stealthily, the bullies also stood and followed her.
√-1 √-1 √-1
Once the music died down and the stage and runway were clear, the emcee continued, “And now, for the main event that you ladies have been waiting for, The Stallion Auction!!!”
All the mares squealed and whinnied and stomped, making Imaginary roll his eyes.
“First, we have a very learned stallion, he’s an accountant and a public notary, and if you ask nicely, he’ll also do your taxes! Let’s hear it for—”
“SHE’S PAYING ALL OF IT????!!!!”
The audience laughed at the interruption from the back of the auditorium, but the emcee simply cleared his throat and continued, “Um…let’s hear it for Poindexter!!!”
All the mares, and Imaginary, balked when a lanky pale yellow earth pony stepped up to the stage and walked down the runway. His brown mane and tail appeared to have been dipped in engine oil. Sporting a green plaid bowtie with matching cuffs, he walked to the landing as if he were Faust’s gift to mares, despite his buck teeth, thick glasses, and…Imaginary wasn’t sure if those were freckles or pimples.
“We’ll start bidding at 100 bits. Do I hear 100 bits?”
Poindexter rotated slowly, waiting.
And waiting.
“Do I hear 90 bits? Does anypony bid 90 bits, ladies?”
And he waited.
And waited.
And now he was starting to sweat.
“How about 80 bits? Come on, ladies, he can get you the best tax refund this year!”
Maybe that was the key to the sale, because somepony yelled, “One hundred and one bits!!!”
The emcee smiled, and Poindexter sighed with relief. “One hundred and one bits going once…one hundred and one bits going twice…sold to none other than the Bearer of the Element of Kindness!!!”
Perhaps Imaginary should have been surprised, but given the circumstances, he wasn’t. After all, somepony as kind as Dame Fluttershy wouldn’t have let a pony like Poindexter be humiliated by paying a lower price, especially considering his talents.
The cloaked unicorn quietly walked backstage once more, and there he saw who was up next:
Mr. Apple’s cousin: Hayseed Turnip Truck, a pale-cream earth pony with brown mane and tail, also with buck teeth, but at least his freckles were normal-sized.
Imaginary looked around, and saw that the same setup was being used for the stallions as it had been for the colts: the gaunt, overweight, lanky, and less-than-stellar ones first, and the more handsome ones going last.
But if he was among the last ones, shouldn’t there be more stallions after them? Or perhaps they simply couldn’t make it tonight?
He took his place in the queue, turned off the illusion of himself, and waited.
Hayseed also managed to get 100 bits, much to everypony’s surprise, but Imaginary didn’t know who paid, since he didn’t know the mares in Ponyville that well. And the next stallions were sold for 200 bits or more.
√-1 √-1 √-1
As the auction progressed, the price per stallion kept rising steadily, and then there was a spike when Mr. Apple’s other friend, Caramel, went up to be sold. It seems that he already had a mare who had her eye on him, and another bidding war ensued, ending at 450 bits. There were even bidding wars between mares and stallions who represented the two percent of the other available stallions.
However, Imaginary looked at the end of the queue, and there were only three stallions after him: Mr. Stormfront, Mr. Biceps, and Mr. Apple.
Why was he placed near the end? At most, he should have been placed around the middle of the queue, perhaps right after that doctor who lived in that very tiny blue stable…
…speaking of which, he wondered if the doctor’s kaki outfit helped in getting a winning bid of 475 bits by a grey pegasus mare with a bad case of strabismus…
After the doctor, a black pegasus named Thunderlane was joint-bought by two pegasus mares—sisters, it seemed—for 500 bits.
“Heh, I knew Flitter and Cloud Chaser would pull off something like that!” laughed Bulk.
So by now, Imaginary’s own predictions were coming true: mares were forming herds to pool their resources and buy their stallions jointly, but he certainly didn’t expect it to happen halfway through the queue.
Ten stallions later, one of which almost started pole dancing without the pole, and it was Imaginary’s turn, almost. The stallion before him was a white blonde unicorn, quite similar to Prince Blueblood, but his cutie mark was that of an airship, and his mane and tail were a darker shade than that of the prince. Imaginary wondered if he was related to the prince, considering he had a very similar build, and the airship shipyard was just below the city proper of Canterlot.
And the blonde managed to rake in no less than 759 bits.
Now it was the moment of truth. Imaginary shook his tail, combed his mane back once more, and waited for his introduction.
“And here we have a fine specimen, technically not from Ponyville, but from Canterlot! A unicorn who works…at an institute in Canterlot, currently living…um…in Canterlot, of course! He specialises in…uh…” The emcee had to shuffle his notes, as some information seemed to be missing. “…magic, of course! What kind of unicorn would he be if he didn’t?” The audience laughed. “He enjoys…”
Now the emcee was truly stumped. Why had they allowed this incomplete entry? He quickly read through the blank lines…
“Hey, Imaginary, yew forgot t’fill in a line or two?” whispered Macintosh.
“Let’s just say I kept getting interrupted—”
“…ah, here we go,” the emcee suddenly continued. “He’s quite friendly and won’t hesitate to lend a hoof if you ask him nicely. He has strong friendship and family values…” He flipped the page over, but there was no more information. He wondered why the description stopped there, deliberately omitting the likes and dislikes. “Um…well, let’s hear it for…one who is despite his name, is quite real…here’s IMAGINARY !!!”
The brown unicorn sighed with resignation and stepped onto the stage. When the curtain opened, the stage lights and camera flashes threatened to blind him, but grudgingly, he did as he had been told: walk forward up to the end of the runway, and then stand still on the landing while it slowly spun around—which very much forced him to show his flanks to the entire audience, he suddenly realised.
Never had he felt more self-conscious than now, despite deliberately having not filled in the entire entry.
What was truly shocking for him, though, was the fact that some mares were actually whistling at him . Sure, they had whistled at some of the stallions that had gone before, but him ?
“Bidding starts at 400 bits—”
Say what? Didn’t the previous stallion start at 300?
“Do I hear 400?”
Imaginary rotated on the landing, looking around at the mares who were studying every hair on his body, it seemed. No pony raised her hoof or yelled out a number, so now the emcee would very likely correct himself and lower the starting bid—
“Four hundred!!!” yelled a mare from near the back.
And before Imaginary could turn to try to see who had bid on him, from the opposite side of the auditorium another mare yelled, “Five hundred!!!”
“Six-fifty!!!!”
“Six seventy-five!!!”
“Seven hundred!!!” Strange, that bid came from right next to the mare who bid 650 bits.
“Seven hundred and ten!!!” Yuck, that mare sounded old .
“Seven hunnerd an’ fifty!! And yew gals know that young stallion is worth plenty more than that!!” And that mare sounded even older—
What? Mr. Apple’s grandmother was here???
And did she just bid on him???
“Eight hundred!!!” yelled two mares simultaneously.
Oh buck, no. They couldn’t POSSIBLY be forming herds to bid on ME!!
“Eight hundred and one!!!”
“Eight hundred and five!!!”
“Eight hundred and TEN!!!”
By now mares were practically jumping and hovering all over the auditorium. He had already doubled Mr. Caramel’s worth.
“Eight hundred and twenty!!!” Huh? Was that Ms. Lyra Heartstrings over there?? Maybe if she won the auction they would get a chance to catch up and talk about what they had done after graduating from—
“NINE HUNDRED AND FIFTEEN BITS WITH EIGHTY-SIX CENTS!!!!”
Imaginary’s jaw almost hit the landing.
And every single pony gasped at the two mares who had yelled the bid simultaneously again.
And then an eerie silence filled the entire auditorium.
He wondered, though, if they bid that amount because they truly thought he was worth Ѡ915.86*, or if they just got caught up in the excitement of the bidding war.
And he knew that the two mares were sitting smugly, obviously proud of themselves, because no other mare was challenging their bid. He wanted to know who they were, but couldn’t see them because the camera flashes kept blinding him.
Finally, the emcee announced, “That’s…yet another record breaking bid! So, 915 bits with 86 cents going once…going twice…SOLD to…” he squinted to see who had won, “By Faust! TWO of the Knights of Harmony, ladies and gentlecolts!!”
Oh no.
He hoped to Faust that the two mares in question were not the same mares he was thinking about. He charged his horn and—
[WINK!!!]
—reappeared at the back of the audience, in front of the table where the mares were supposed to pay. Quickly, he looked around to see who had paid for him—
“Wow, you sure are eager to start your date, aren’t you?” said the mare at the table, who, strangely enough, was the same mare who had directed him to the library earlier that week.
Imaginary ignored her, and then stiffened when he saw just who was coming up.
He suddenly whirled toward the cashier and asked, “Nopony else can bid on me now?”
“Honey, I doubt any mare can afford you at this point, but even if she could, you’ve already been sold.”
They were getting closer.
“Okay, I’ll do these mares a favour, and pay for them, right here, right now.” He charged his horn again.
“You mean you’re going to match their bid? That’s mighty generous of you—”
“No, I mean I’m going to pay what they bid on me. We…had a previous arrangement,” he lied through his teeth.
“Oh…are you sure?”
At that point, the unicorn’s magic connected with his cash chest in his house, he fed it the coded runes that unlocked it and allowed him to access his money, and moments later, 950 bits materialised on the table.
He would have gasped with magical strain, but he was used to teleporting objects long distances. “I’m sure. Here are the 915 bits and 86 cents…and a little bit more for all your trouble.”
The mare was quite surprised at the unicorn’s magical feat. Her assistant on her right, a yellow unicorn mare with turquoise hair, scanned the money with her magic for a moment, and then nodded at her. No illusions or counterfeits here.
“Okay then, here’s your receipt, and sign here. And as soon as the mares sign too, you three can begin your date.”
Buck. They have to sign too.
Snorting, Imaginary signed and waited a few seconds for his “dates” to arrive.
And arrive they did.
“Hey, Immy! You sure are eager to start our date!” bubbled Dame Pie as she bounced next to him.
“Yeah! You left the usher waiting to ‘ush’ you here! Ha ha!!” Dame Dash landed next to Dame Pie.
“Most Excellent Knights of Harmony,” said Imaginary suddenly, turning to them, “as a gesture of generosity and gentlecoltness, I’ve gone through the trouble of paying for your bid, and adding a little bit more in benefit of the orphanage. All you have to do is sign your names here,” he pointed at the parchment on the table.
Pinkie Pie and Rainbow Dash’s jaws almost hit the floor, and they would have stood there in total silence if the emcee hadn’t called up the next stallion:
“Our next bachelor is Stormfront!! Currently employed at both Grapevine Hills and the Royal Equestrian Rogue Weather Bureau, he enjoys cooking, cloud sculpting, long flights by the beach, and is an accomplished aero-dancer…!!!”
“Is…is that true?” asked Rainbow Dash to the mares at the table. They both smiled and nodded.
“Oh…oh well, that’s…very generous and kind and gentlecoltly of you!” Even Pinkie Pie was flabbergasted and nearly speechless at Imaginary’s gesture.
“Um…yeah! Wow, Immy, that’s a very good side of yours that you have there!! I would have expected this from Big Macintosh, but…wow!”
Eagerly, the Knights signed their names, and the mayor’s assistant declared, “Have fun!!”
Imaginary looked at his “dates” and replied, “Oh, we will.”
With that, he turned and trotted off to the exit, with the two Knights following him, just when Stormfront’s bids reached 900 bits…
Author's Note
*I’m using the symbol “Ѡ” for the Equestrian Bit, but other symbols may look better for it. If you want to see my suggestions, go to http://fav.me/d4vxph0 and post a comment on which one you think looks best.
√-1 √-1 √-1
An Imaginary Date
Outside Town Hall, the three ponies could hear the mares inside practically scream their bids at Stormfront…or Bulk Biceps, since he was after him. At least he wouldn’t have to hear Mr. Biceps’ annoying shouts and grunts which he would definitely do in front of an almost exclusively female audience.
It was a cool night, and the pegasi had cleared the sky precisely to help out in the dates that had already started.
“So, Immy,” said Dame Dash as she hovered above Imaginary again. “That was very cool of you. Are you also going to pay for dinner? I think Pinkie Pie has a nice pastry setup ready at Sugar—”
“The two of you wanted to date me?” he suddenly asked, whirling toward the bouncing pink mare behind him. “Why?”
Dame Pie blinked at his sudden question, but she smiled and replied, “Oh, silly Immy! How else were we supposed to find out more about you? After all, Rarity did have a point: if you’re friends with the Apple Family, then by extension, we’re your friends too! And friends should know about one another as much as they can! And, considering that you know about most of the stuff we’ve done to help Ponyville and Equestria in general, it’s only logical that we should also know more about you!”
Imaginary snorted at Dame Pie’s “infallible” logic.
“Dashie already told me where you live, and sadly,” she sighed, “you’re right, you don’t live in Ponyville, which means that I can’t give you your Welcome-To-Ponyville Party or your Housewarming Party. But,” she suddenly lit up, “There’s still your birthday party! You just have to tell us when it is, because for some reason, Big Macintosh refuses to tell us, even Applejack,” she wondered. “Not to mention there’s your We-Saved-My-House-And-The-Train-Tracks-From-The-Avalanche Party!! You’ve just GOT to let me set that up for you and Big Macintosh and Bulk Biceps!!! And don’t worry, I can get all the guests to Pinkie-swear not to tell the railroad or the logging company about it!”
Dame Dash added, “Yeah! I mean, we don’t know why the announcer was having trouble giving out all your details, but that’s not important now. We’re all out here now, and we can start getting to know each other more right—”
“You two want to know more about me?” he suddenly asked.
Again, the two mares blinked at him, but didn’t answer his blunt question.
“Okay, here’s one bit of information about myself: I’ve always wanted to gallop down the path that runs through Whitetail Woods and around Mount Canter, you know, just like The Running of The Leaves, but at night, breathing in the cool air and enjoying Luna’s moon and stars. In fact, I think I’ll try that now. If you want to, you can run with me, if you’re up for it, that is! Readysetgo!!!”
At that, Imaginary began galloping north.
The mares blinked again at his sudden departure, and then Dame Pie yelped, “Hey! Wait up! Immy, why are you doing this?? Where are you going??”
“Immy, wait up!!” added Dame Dash.
The pink mare first tried bouncing after him, but the unicorn was unusually fast for somepony of his girth, so after a minute or two, she also began galloping. The blue mare, naturally, simply flew after her “date”.
“HEY!!! Why are you doing this???!!!” Dame Dash demanded to know.
Imaginary, however, ignored her and simply continued galloping north, heading out of town. His reply several moments later was, “How odd, Dame Dash. I thought you wouldn’t have any problems galloping next to a unicorn, and wouldn’t choose to fly above him. Didn’t you participate in the last Running of the Leaves by…you know…actually running most of the way?”
“You little—I can run just as fast as you!!!!”
The stallion smiled. Mr. Apple was right: Dame Dash’s weakness was indeed her ego.
And now the two mares were galloping along with the unicorn between them.
“Very romantic, don’t you think?” he asked. He wasn’t panting, but then again, the run had barely begun.
“This is your idea of romantic ?” asked the blue mare.
“Why not? Normally I wink just about everywhere, but this way I can take in the sights! And even you dash from place to place! Wouldn’t you agree that now you can take in the beauty of your surroundings?”
“Look, I’m not—”
“Say, Immy, could you slow down? I’m not as fast as you!” Indeed, Pinkie was starting to lag behind the two.
Imaginary turned a trifle, and replied, “I don’t understand it, Dame Pie. Mr. Apple told me that you were the fastest earth pony mare he’s ever encountered. Didn’t you race Dame Dash from the top of Smokey Mountain down to Sweet Apple Acres, and nearly win?”
Pinkie Pie blinked.
“Um…I kinda have a hard time remembering what happened that day…until my birthday party actually began. I do remember being very angry…Dashie, did I almost run as fast as you were flying?”
The blue mare thought for a moment, and would have shivered if she wasn’t galloping. “Uh…not quite, but you did kinda run faster than any other earth pony I’ve met, Pinkie. But to be fair, you were kinda very angry at me and the rest of us, so what happened there was Angry Speed, not actual Racing Speed.”
Imaginary scoffed, “Oh, come on, Dames!! You two are Champions of Equestria ! You’ve gone on overnight hikes, raced up and down mountains, chased each other all over Ponyville, fought against a hydra and won , and are even great dancers! Dame Dash, you’re the most athletic pegasus in Ponyville and Cloudsdale! Dame Pie, do you not practice parkour with practically all of Ponyville? You two couldn’t possibly have any problems running—not racing, running!!!— with a pencil-pushing unicorn from Canterlot like me!!”
Rainbow Dash eyed him strangely. “Pencil pusher? Immy, if you’re a pencil pusher, why are you so buffed??”
The stallion blinked and looked down at himself. “Oh, that. I’ve been going to a gym since I was 13. I may be a nerd, but hey, who says nerds can’t go to gyms? There’s this great place in Canterlot that has machines for all three pony types. I can help you get in with a letter of recomm—”
“NO!!!” yelled Pinkie Pie. “Look, I may know parkour , but normally I warm up first!!!”
The male blinked again, and replied, “Oh, excuse me, then. I knew I had forgotten to do something before we began.” And he slowed his gallop considerably. Pinkie Pie was able to catch up with him and Rainbow Dash, but despite their lower speed, the three were still galloping. “Sometimes I forget my own strength and speed, and you’re right, Dame Pie, we shouldn’t have taken off so fast at first. After all, we have to go around Mount Canter. We shouldn’t have any problems finding our way, thanks to Princess Luna’s moonlight.”
“But…is this how you want to start our date?” asked Rainbow Dash. “Just…galloping?”
“Think of it as ‘aerobic sightseeing’, Dame Dash,” he smiled, and pressed onward, following the path that led across the forest and toward the foot of the mountain.
Suddenly, Pinkie was galloping next to the pegasus, and she whispered, “Maybe it’s his way of working up an appetite for dinner?”
“Maybe,” she whispered back. “But perhaps this is why he didn’t fill out all the details when he signed up for the auction; maybe he thought mares would think he was too weird or something.”
The three ponies continued their trek through the moonlit forest, in silence, save for the sound of their gallop.
√-1 √-1 √-1
Equines were built for running. That is, their body shape and physiology enables them to gallop for very long distances and for prolonged periods of time; originally they developed that ability in order to escape from predators by simply running for a long distance rather than running faster than them.
In the last Running of the Leaves, Dame Apple and Dame Dash had further proven that fact by very much running that race twice in the same day . Then again, both mares were the most athletic in Ponyville, so it was not something that left them collapsing from exhaustion at the end.
On this night, three ponies were running down that same path, and being ponies and doing what they were built to do, none of them showed any signs of fatigue or exhaustion as they galloped around Mount Canter.
Even Dame Pie, with her habit of having desserts compose 90 percent of her meals, was able to keep up with the other two athletic ponies. It also helped, of course, that the other two weren’t exactly running at their maximum speed.
As the night went on, the two mares tried—unsuccessfully—to start another conversation with the stallion:
“So…how old are you?”
“Do you live by yourself?”
“What’s your favourite colour?”
“What’s your favourite food?”
“Do you like chocolate cake?”
“How do you get your coat so shiny?”
“How long have you lived in that house?”
“Where do you work?”
“Did you ever see Twilight at school?”
“Did you see my Sonic Rainboom when you were a colt?”
“Were you even born yet?”
“Do you think you can do an illusion of an Ursa Major?”
“Where do you want to go after we finish dinner at Sugarcube Corner?”
“What’s your full name?”
“How did you get your cutie mark?”
“What does your cutie mark mean, anyway?”
“Where were you on Nightmare Night? Don’t tell me you were working!”
“Do we know your parents?”
“Are they part of the nobility?”
“Do you wear contacts?”
“Did you see my last Sonic Rainboom?”
“Where were you when Discord attacked?”
“How did he attack you?”
“Were you scared when Nightmare Moon stopped the sunrise?”
“Were you surprised when your bid went up so high? Were you? Were you?”
“What’s the farthest you’ve winked so far?”
“Why do you live in the middle of nowhere, anyway?”
“Have you ever been to Twilight’s basement? It has the neatest machines!!”
“Would you like to try some parkour yourself?”
“Do you know any cloud walking spells? You could visit me if you did. If not, Twilight can teach you.”
“How long have you known the Apples?”
The stallion, strangely enough, did not answer any question whatsoever. Occasionally he glanced at his watch, but beyond that, he just kept his eyes up ahead, following the path as the three galloped around the mountain.
And as the three came back around, the questions got more and more pressing.
And personal.
And annoying .
“Pip Squeak is your nephew? Do you get to foalsit him often?”
“Would you ever want to have foals of your own?”
“Do you have a Very Special Somepony?”
“Are you a virgin?”
“Why is your eye twitching?”
“Know any pranks?”
“Have you ever pranked anypony?”
“Which do you prefer? Unicorns, pegasi, or earth pony mares?”
“Or…stallions? You know, if you do, we’ll totally understand, and—”
The stallion skid to a halt as they arrived at the outskirts of Ponyville.
He was panting and sweating, which was understandable, but not as much as Dame Pie, whose mane and tail—while still in their curly mode—were sagging due to all the sweat, and she was panting somewhat heavily. Dame Dash, the most athletic and with the most endurance, had barely broken a sweat, and she was not panting at all, just breathing deeply.
“Most Excellent Knights of Harmony,” he said with slight gasps. “Thank you for joining me in such a vigorous run. I hope you enjoyed tonight’s date, even if it was extremely improvised on my part. To be honest with you…I didn’t expect any mare to actually bid on me.”
“DATE??? You call that a DATE???” spat the pegasus. “All we did was run around the mountain!! And we haven’t even had dinner yet!!!”
“Not…to…mention…you…never…answered…our…questions!!!” panted the earth pony.
“Yeah!!! What’s up with that???!!! Come on, you’re our date, you HAVE to take us to dinner and have a POLITE conversation with us!!!” Rainbow Dash snorted.
And that made Imaginary blink.
“I…beg your most honourable pardon?” he asked, glaring at the pegasus.
“You heard us!!! We bought you, so we OWN you!!! Now you WILL take us to dinner RIGHT NOW, and you WILL tell us why you want nothing to do with us!!!”
Imaginary blinked again.
“You…own me, Dame Dash?” he asked slowly. He glanced at his watch again, and then continued, “Dame Dash, Dame Pie, if you recall, you didn’t actually pay for me at the auction.”
“Hey! Yes…we did!!! No…wait…we…we didn’t…” Pinkie suddenly realised.
“No, you didn’t. I paid for myself, and even then, I politely decided to take you both on a date which, sadly, I had to improvise, because I had no previous plan for a date whatsoever…because as I mentioned before…
“…I…
“…wasn’t…
“…expecting…
“…to…
“…be…
“…sold!!!” He snorted, “And I don’t think you had tonight’s date planned either, did you?”
Dame Dash snorted at him, and stomped up to him, “No!! And so what???!!! Do you really think you’re being polite right now? You don’t want to tell us about yourself, and you don’t want Pinkie to throw a party for you, even though she’s going to pay for everything…just what the hay is wrong with you???!!!”
“Now…are you going…to take us to dinner???!!!” Even Dame Pie was getting angry.
“Yeah!!! If you’re really the gentlecolt you say you are, you’re GOING to take us to dinner RIGHT NOW and have a Faust-freakin’ NORMAL date tonight!!! AND STOP CALLING US ‘DAMES’!!!”
Just then, the three heard the bells of the clock tower ring in the new day.
Imaginary snorted again, and growled, “One: It is now midnight, so our date is officially over . Even if you two DAMES had bought me, I’m no longer officially bound to do your bidding. Two: Even if the date hadn’t ended, I have no reason to answer any of your annoying questions, because…” his eyes almost seemed to glow with anger, “...I don’t answer to the likes of YOU two.”
“What???!!!” screamed Dame Pie. “What do you mean by that???!!! Don’t tell me you’ve suddenly turned tribalist on us, you Immy-Meanie-Pants!!!”
“What I mean by that,” he continued, “is that I don’t answer to ponies as nosy and as INCONSIDERATE and as…bloody DISRESPECTFUL OF OTHERS AS YOU!!!!” He panted for a moment, letting the shock sink in to the two mares. “And finally, the reason I address you two as ‘Dame Pie’ and ‘Dame Dash’, is because as Element Bearers, Knights of Equestria, and Champions of Equestria, that is the respect you deserve . But when dealing with you two personally , as far as I am concerned, that is the only respect you deserve. And concerning your ‘tribalist’ accusation: in case you forgot, two of my best friends, my nephew, and my brother-in-law are non -unicorns, ergo , your argument is invalid, Dame Pie. But from what I’ve seen and heard…sadly…the only tribalist pony here…” he turned to the blue mare, “…is YOU, Dame Rainbow Dash.”
At that, the pegasus practically roared with rage and hovered above the strangely disrespectful stallion, “I’m tribalist?? I’M FREAKIN’ TRIBALIST???!!! YOU MISERABLE…BIGOTED…BUCKING…HORNED FREAK…JERK!!!! WHAT MAKES YOU BUCKING THINK THAT I’M SOME BIGOTED TRIBALIST????!!!! DO YOU SEE ME PUSHING FOR THE SLAVERY OF UNICORNS AND EARTH PONIES AND DEMANDING THAT ALL PEGASI BE IN CHARGE OF EVERY SINGLE GOVERNMENT POSITION???!!!”
Imaginary didn’t bother looking up at her. Instead, he just turned around and sighed. “Dame Dash, sadly, you’ve just proven my point. Not by your words, but by your actions.”
“Wh—what? What the buck do you mean by that???!!!”
The pink mare, meanwhile, still in shock, leaned toward him and said, “Um…Immy…why do you think that about us? And about Dashie? I mean…the Element of Laughter and…you know, Loyalty ? That…doesn’t make—”
“And to further prove—” he suddenly turned to face them, “—that I’m not a tribalist or as rude or as mean as I may have come off tonight…I will take you both to your homes, right here, right now. But as far as I’m concerned, this date is over.”
He charged his horn one more time, just as Dame Pie said, “But Immy, wait! Would you like it if we treated you to din—”
[WINK!!!]
The pink pony disappeared.
“Hey! Where did she go???!!!” Dame Dash demanded to know. She hovered above him one more time and demanded, “Imaginary, where did you wink her to???!!! And look up at me when I’m talking to—!!!!”
[WINK!!!]
The blue pony disappeared.
Imaginary sighed.
Now quite exhausted himself, he charged his horn yet once again, and—
[WINK!!!]
—also disappeared in the darkness.
An Imaginary Confrontation
√-1 √-1 √-1
An Imaginary Confrontation
Nopony saw Imaginary the following day, which was Sunday. Big Macintosh and Bulk Biceps speculated that he was up in Canterlot visiting other friends, which was corroborated by Pip Squeak’s parents, who theorised that he might have gone to see a movie or a play.
Which was beneficial for him, because it gave time for all the ponies who were ticked off at him to cool off.
Dame Pie and Dame Dash, being very close friends with the other Knights of Harmony, naturally told them everything that happened on their pseudo-date the previous night, with the expected exaggerations, which were, naturally, attenuated by Dame Sparkle and her deductive analysis.
Even so, Imaginary’s behaviour and accusations sent ripples through the group of friends, and they eventually reached Big Macintosh and Bulk Biceps.
And, naturally, they were more than shocked and ticked off at their friend.
However, unlike Dame Dash and Dame Pie, they were patient, and so they asked the Knights of Harmony to be patient as well.
Imaginary would eventually wink into Ponyville once more.
And wink in he did; the following Monday afternoon, to once again pick up his nephew from school.
As the pinto colt trotted up to him, he saw Big Macintosh and Bulk Biceps approach. “Ah, good afternoon, my friends. You know, I left Town Hall rather suddenly because of my unexpected ‘date’, so I didn’t stick around to see how much money you two managed to bring in. What were your final bids?”
The earth pony and the pegasus said nothing.
The unicorn turned and was about to repeat his question, but it was then when he saw that all of the six Knights of Harmony were approaching him as well.
Glancing around, he also noticed that neither Big Macintosh’s little sister nor Bulk Biceps’ son were there yet.
And being the smart unicorn he was, he deduced what was going to happen now: “Pip, go play with your friends for a bit. It seems that the big ponies need to have a talk with me.”
The pinto colt looked up at him and wondered, “Uncle, you’re not in trouble, are you?”
Imaginary sighed and replied, “It’s nothing we big ponies can’t handle. Now run off and I’ll go get you in a trifle, okay?”
Pip Squeak shrugged, and his stubby legs carried him to the park, where a few other foals were playing.
A few moments later, he turned to his friends and asked, “So, Mr. Biceps, how much money in total did you have to pay Mr. Apple on your lost bet?”
Neither stallion replied at his question, but instead, Dame Sparkle suddenly winked in front of the brown unicorn, and began, “Mr. Imaginary, yesterday morning my two friends, Rainbow Dash and Pinkie Pie, met with the rest of us to talk about how our dates went. And, I’m sad to say that what they had to say about you was…less than what we had hoped for, considering all the nice things Applejack and Big Macintosh have mentioned about you before.”
Imaginary just looked at her and replied, “I don’t understand, Dame Sparkle. Are they complaining that they didn’t have to pay one cent for me because I paid for my bid in their stead, or that I got them home safely via winking?”
“No, Mr. Imaginary, they’re complaining that they had the worst date of their lives when they went out with you.”
“Ah, it’s that type of a complaint. Well, Dame, Sparkle, perhaps it was because they’re simply not compatible with me, because that night the three of us discovered that we all had extremely different tastes and opinions about what a date should be like. But to tell you the truth, wasn’t the date irrelevant in the first place?”
Twilight blinked. “What do you mean, ‘irrelevant’? That was point of the whole charity auction!!”
“Not quite, Dame Sparkle. The point of the auction was to raise money for the orphanage, and from what I hear, they raked in quite a lot more than they expected, thanks to the generosity of the wonderful mares of this town, including Dame Dash and Dame Pie, not to mention the generous stallions who went out of their way to match their winning bids. I simply happened to go out of my way to pay for my own bid, and, by the auction’s rules, I wasn’t technically bound to go on a date with them anyway . But really, Dame Sparkle, you do know that the auction had no say about how the dates should go, except that they were to end at midnight, which mine did, despite it not being bound to the rules. But was my date the only ‘disastrous’ date of them all? Is that why you’re singling me out, despite the fact that the orphanage got more money than was actually bid on me?”
The purple unicorn snorted. “That’s not the point!! Sure, the orphanage got enough funds for a year and a half now, but even if you paid for yourself, you still took Dash and Pinkie on a wild goose chase and not only did you refuse to answer every single question that they asked you, you had the nerve to accuse Rainbow Dash of tribalism!!! Look, I don’t know how the dating scene is in Canterlot right now, but did you even make an effort to at least give Dash and Pinkie a nice date? Even if they didn’t pay anything for you, they still went out of their way to go on a date with you, and the way you treated them…” she sighed, “It wasn’t fair to them, you know.”
For a while, Imaginary said nothing, and just looked at leader of the Knights of Harmony. Then he glanced at his friends, and then at the two mares in question, who were glaring at him in a very creepy way. Dame Pie’s eyes, however, made him shiver, and he knew better than to turn and look at Dame Fluttershy in the eye, despite her remaining behind the rest of her friends.
“Okay, you got me, Most Excellent Knights of Harmony, you got me. The reason why our date turned out to be a disaster was because, as a nerd, I’ve hardly ever been on dates, therefore, I’m…rather clumsy and disaster-prone—thanks to my poor telekinesis—when it comes to being around mares. And as I told Dame Pie and Dame Dash, I wasn’t expecting any mare to make a single bid on me, much less agree to go out on a date with me.”
Twilight’s jaw dropped, along with Rarity’s, Applejack’s, and Fluttershy’s.
“So when out of nowhere, two of the six most powerful non-alicorn mares in Equestria suddenly wanted me to give them a good time for the night, well, I panicked, can you blame me?”
“And your accusations of tribalism?”
“Well, you could attribute that to ‘panic talk’—”
“Panic talk, mah flank,” snorted Big Macintosh, suddenly stepping up and pressing his forehead against Imaginary’s. “Ah know yew t’be more than polite t’everypony around yew, an’ that naght was NOT how yew normally behave, panic or not! Ah’ve seen you in ‘panicky situations’, an’ th’ LASS’ thing yew would do would be t’go around in circles an’ be all rude ‘bout it! Now, whut’s really th’ problem here, Imaginary??”
Imaginary didn’t blink or even flinch at the huge earth pony’s demanding question. He just stood there for a moment, and then replied, “Well, you do have to consider one thing, Mr. Apple: the last panicky situation we were in didn’t involve mares, and I had the advantage of having two wing ponies with me. And Saturday night, I was not with one, but two mares, let alone two Knights of Harmony . I…fell apart, unfortunately,” he said oddly calmly. “I know you and Mr. Biceps thought I was ready to start dating again, and I thought I was too. Sadly…the disastrous date proved the three of us wrong…and sadly, two of the Knights of Harmony were unfortunately caught up in that.”
Big Macintosh blinked. “Wait…is that why yew didn’t answer every question in yer form?”
“That, and I also kept getting interrupted,” he glared at Dame Pie and Dame Dash again. “But for the most part, yes, I wasn’t comfortable in revealing every single detail about myself to a townful of mares whom I hardly know. Which is why I got very suspicious when they started shouting high bids at me anyway. Your grandmother didn’t have anything to do with that, did she?”
Here, the huge stallion faltered, but as an Apple, he couldn’t exactly lie smoothly about it. “Uh…well, she kinda knows most o’ th’ stallions an’ colts in town; she juss’ gave a nudge or two t’th’ other mares ‘cus she sorta knows whut th’ stallions were worth…including yew ,” he glared at Imaginary again, “from what Ah’ve told her, at least.”
“Well, I suppose I should thank her for that, and I will, don’t worry. Her heart was in the right place, but considering that I’m just a pencil-pusher from Canterlot and suddenly two Champions of Equestria suddenly want a date with me…it…really was too much, too soon.”
Big Macintosh and Bulk Biceps stood back a bit.
Could Imaginary be right?
However, Twilight refused to drop the issue. “Now that you mention that, Mr. Imaginary,” she said, now with her anger gone, much to Dame Pie and Dame Dash’s chagrin, “there is another issue that we want to talk to you about. We know you’ve heard about all the adventures we’ve been in and how we became Champions and Knights, and we know that you were raised in Canterlot and so you’ve been taught to be as polite as possible, and much more to ponies in our position…but we can’t help but notice that you tend to…shall we say, distance yourself from us. We may be the Knights of Harmony, but we’re more than that. When we’re not off on adventures, we’re very much just run-of-the-mill ponies, like you. I may be Princess Celestia’s Personal Student, but I’m also a librarian. Rarity is a fashionista, but she’s a seamstress—and big sister—first. Applejack is a warrior, but she has never stopped being a farmer. Rainbow is the fastest pony in Equestria, but she is also a Weather Supervisor. Fluttershy may wrestle bears and cockatrices—”
“Um…Twilight…”
“—but she’s still a very shy veterinarian. And Pinkie Pie, as crazy as she might be, hasn’t stopped being a baker, and just recently she became a foalsitter. In Canterlot, we may be ‘superheroes’, if you will, but here in Ponyville, life goes on normally, or as normal as it can get with the usual crazy situation that pops up just about every week.”
Imaginary sat on his haunches, breathed deeply, and replied, “I understand that you six haven’t forgotten your roots, despite the greatness that you have achieved, and the greatness that has been imposed on you, but from my perspective, not only are the six of you ‘superheroes’…the six of you are…stars , practically.”
“Stars?” asked Rarity, intrigued by his description. “Well, I don’t know if we should argue with that, wouldn’t you say so, Twilight?”
The purple unicorn thought for a moment—
“Guys, I just want to clarify…”
—and said, “Wait, you think the six of us are…unreachable? Held aloft beyond everypony else? Shining as a work of art, but so far away that it is unthinkable to even consider trying to interact with them? Only to be used as guides for orientation and navigation? Appearing only when most ponies are gone, and as such, only studied by a hoofful of ponies? Arranged to the—”
Imaginary quickly lifted a hoof to halt her description. “That…is more or less my definition, yes. And not only that: the six of you have been entrusted with a great power, and are close friends with other great powers, such as the Princesses. What’s more, Dame Belle is an entrepreneur, but she’s hardly defenceless, as she proved at the last Gala, and when she was captured by Diamond Dogs. Dame Apple is a land baroness, and could very likely squash me like a bug if she tried. Dame Fluttershy may be shy, but she has made adult dragons cry .”
“But…Mr. Imaginary, concerning bears…”
“Dame Dash has the entire weather team at her disposal. Dame Pie has…uncanny abilities. And you, Dame Sparkle, your brother is the captain of the Royal Guard, and not only are you the Princess’ student, you’re her personal friend as well…so if something goes wrong when dealing with any of you, there are plenty of very powerful ponies who are going to be very angry with the culprit, and thusly, deal with him accordingly. I mean, the Apple family alone is very protective of each other, am I right, Mr. Apple?”
Big Macintosh sighed, but he had to nod in agreement.
“They watch out for each other, and will not hesitate to keep a very close eye on whoever decides to date any one of them, even though they can take care of themselves more than anypony, and even more Dame Apple…um…Dame Applejack, who could buck a pony in two if he even breathed at her the wrong way.”
“Well, sure, but—”
“And that’s just on the issue of friendship,” this time he didn’t let A.J. finish, “There’s also the issue that the six of you are the Bearers of the Elements of Harmony, which have been used, on average, once per year since they were recovered, to solve national emergencies. The six of you plainly know that you are now one of Equestria’s main lines of defence, which is why the Crown has plenty of reasons to keep you safe from harm, lest any one or more Elements of Harmony be impaired in performing her duty in case of another national emergency. So if anypony, or anyone , should so much as lift a hoof against you or even harm one hair on you, it would provoke a national crisis, and the culprit would be labelled as a traitor , or at the very least, an Enemy of the State . So when you add all of that up, a run-of-the-mill stallion like me can’t help but feel…” he sighed, “…intimidated , by who you are, and who you know, and what you’ve done, and what you can do, and who can come to your rescue with just one Dragonfire Instant Message. The six of you have done so much to help the Princesses and Equestria in general…so yes, you’ve become stars, and as such, the six of you deserve stars to be your Very Special Someponies: stallions who are able to achieve amazing things the same way as you six have, stallions who can keep up with your power and exploits…and due to my defective telekinesis, I don’t exactly ‘qualify’ for that position. And because no one wants to take the risk of causing you harm, even accidentally, that is why every available stallion—and two percent of the available mares—are giving you a very wide berth. If the six of you are stars, it’s because it’s the Crown who has placed you there, very much for Equestria’s sake.”
“Oh my,” said Rarity, in an abrupt realisation. “That…that would explain…that explains a few uncanny similarities of our dates!!!”
“Your dates, Dame Belle?”
“My stallion never seemed to relax at all, he let me make all the decisions of the date, and he seemed to be in a very big hurry to get me home! We got back to the Boutique at 5 minutes past midnight, and he wouldn’t stop apologising about it!” She shook her head. “No wonder he galloped off so quickly! He thought he had offended me!”
Dame Sparkle blinked, “The stallion I bought took me dancing, and it all seemed to go well, but Imaginary’s reasons would explain why he was practically ten lengths away from me throughout the whole dance…and he got me home at 11:45…and also left in a very big hurry…”
“Poindexter couldn’t talk without stuttering,” said Fluttershy. “At the restaurant he kept hiding behind the menu, he couldn’t stop sweating, and he hyperventilated several times…and he took me home at 11 but left me at the bridge near my house before he ran off…I thought he needed to get home to take some medication. But concerning my ‘bear wrestling’, I just want to say that…”
“Dagnabbit!” The land baroness stomped hard enough to crack the hard soil. “No wonder mah date never got within 10 feet o’ me! He thought…” Applejack paused, calmed down, and turned to Imaginary, “…he…did he really think Ah was gonna buck him clear t’Appleloosa if’n he even looked at me th’ wrong way??”
“Or he thought your brother would, Dame Apple. Wouldn’t you agree, Mr. Apple?”
Big Macintosh just backed further away.
“You’re part of a very wonderful, loving, tightly-knit, and protective family, Dame Apple. I’m quite sure you felt the exact same way for your brother the way he did for you the moment you knew that he was on a date that night, right?”
Applejack glared at Imaginary and pointed at him for a moment, but said nothing. Her hoof trembled slightly, and then her muzzle scrunched up.
Slowly, she put her hoof down, lowered her ears, relaxed her nose, and sighed.
It was very, very difficult for an Apple to lie.
Imaginary continued, “It’s almost impossible to not be afraid of the six of you. I’m surprised all of you were even at the auction, too. That’s why—”
“—you didn’t expect to be bid on?” Twilight asked, deducing his conclusion.
“Yes.”
“And much less be bid on by two Knights of Harmony?”
“Yes.”
“Which is why you panicked and deliberately sabotaged your own date because you were afraid of Rainbow Dash and Pinkie Pie?”
“For the most part, yes.”
“Because your telekinesis is not up to par, and so you thought that your telekinesis was going to act up during dinner and cause an even more disastrous scene?”
“Yes.”
“Which would have prompted them to ask for our help, and that would have brought on very dire consequences for you?”
“You got that right again.”
“You…truly thought that you weren’t good enough for any of us?”
“It…wouldn’t have been fair to any of you, Dame Sparkle. The six of you deserve the best, and I, for one, know that I won’t be able to reach the level you deserve.”
“So you said what you said last night…in order to distance yourself further from us, or at least from Pinkie and Dash. If things had gone worse…you are certain that we would have retaliated very seriously, or even our families and the Princesses.”
Imaginary closed his eyes and sighed. Then he turned to the mares in question, and replied, “In a nutshell. Like I told Pip, nothing gets past you, Dame Sparkle.”
Neither Rainbow Dash nor Pinkie Pie had anything to say in rebuttal to that. Instead, Pinkie just whispered something to Rainbow and the two slowly backed away.
With the situation apparently explained and defused, the rest of the ponies relaxed. Twilight rubbed her face again and said, “I’m…sorry for confronting you this way, Mr. Imaginary—”
“Don’t be. Like I said before, you are watching out for each other, so it’s understandable that you came to their aid when you heard about what happened Saturday night. To tell you the truth, I was expecting this confrontation to happen early yesterday.”
“Yeah, but we couldn’t find yew, Sugarcube,” said Dame Apple.
“No?” He thought for a moment. “Oh, that’s right; I didn’t tell my sister where I was going yesterday. I was going to hit the gym, but Saturday’s run and teleportations had me quite exhausted. Instead I spent most of the day sleeping and catching up on a few novels in my basement. Now, if you’ll excuse me…” The unicorn stallion turned and shouted, “Pip!!! Time to go!!!!”
“Mr. Imaginary, before you go…”
“Wait!!!”
He raised an eyebrow, “Yes, Dame Sparkle?”
“Um, look, before you go…well, you mentioned that because your telekinesis isn’t what it should be, you feel that you’re…well…‘lacking’…in abilities. But if you don’t mind me asking, exactly what do you find difficult with telekinesis? I mean, that trick you do with Pip…”
As Pip ran back, Imaginary explained, “Well, for starters, I can handle large objects, especially in times of panic, like during that avalanche. What I lack is fine tuning. And if you look closely…”
Pip ran up, accelerated, and once more Imaginary used his magic to launch him onto his back.
Suddenly Twilight’s face lit up. “Of course!!! You didn’t actually use telekinesis, you used a force field to catapult Pip from the ground to your back!”
“Wow, you were right, Uncle, nothing gets past Dame Sparkle,” said Pip, bouncing on Imaginary’s back.
Twilight facehooved. Ugh, not you too…
The stallion laughed, “The hard part was getting him to learn how to propel himself and do the summersaults.”
Twilight tapped her chin with her hoof for a moment, and asked, “What I find difficult to understand now is how you have trouble with fine telekinesis, but you have no trouble with shielding, illusion, and teleportation, when fine telekinesis requires much less hornpower…tell me, Mr. Imaginary, how did you achieve your proficiency in long range and multiple teleporting?”
“Well, Dame Sparkle, it turns out that it was part of my special talent…”
A short distance away, the two “scorned” mares were conspiring:
Pinkie giggled and whispered to Rainbow Dash, “Hey, remember when Apple Bloom used that loop-de-hoop to give Twilight a mane cut that looked exactly like Rarity’s?”
Rainbow chortled, “Ha, yeah! Spike couldn’t get his eyes off her!”
“Well, we don’t have a steel ring from an old barrel right now, but we do have a rather large horseshoe…” She held aloft the item in question in her hoof.
The blue mare stared at the horseshoe. “Whoa, where did you get that?”
Pinkie giggled, “I have emergency horseshoes stashed all over—”
“—Ponyville in case of a horseshoe emergency, yes, stupid me, forget I asked. But you want to give Twilight another weird mane cut?”
“Oh, nooooo…I only want to know what Imaginary would look like if he combed his mane sideways!” she snorted, trying to keep quiet. She hoofed over the horseshoe, which was large enough to fit a Saddle Arabian horse. “Here. You’re very good at horseshoe tossing, so I’m sure you’ll be able to make it spin around Imaginary’s horn like Apple Bloom did with Twilight’s!”
“He he he, of course I am!!” Rainbow Dash took the horseshoe and set it up in her hoof, and slowly turned toward Imaginary, who was about 10 metres away from her. “Now, cover me, Pinkie, we don’t want him to see it until the last moment…”
“…of course, the increased load does put a larger strain on the teleportation, but as you said, Dame Sparkle, it’s like exercising a muscle: do it enough times and soon you’re practically doing it out of instinct.”
“But with a longer distance, aren’t you worried about appearing in the middle of an object, Mr. Imaginary?”
“Oh, I know all about the risks, but what no pony has told you is that if it’s such a terrible risk, then why has no unicorn ever fused him or herself with the air that they’re appearing in? That’s why I first studied the safety algorithm for teleporting in the rain, then added my own algorithm to the sub-iteration of the Exit Routine, which adds to the failsafe setup that prevents the body from fusing with the air, so that now it includes all type of matter as well, besides water.”
“Wait, you’ve managed to add an all-inclusive failsafe sub-spell? But isn’t that even more draining?”
“By definition, yes, but it would only become problematic if you are completely unfamiliar with the place you’re aiming at, say, in the middle of a crowd. You might end up 10 metres away from the spot you had in mind because it was the closest point available that had enough room for you to fit in. Of course, I can’t teleport from here to Vanhoover…just yet,” he chuckled, “my font isn’t large enough.”
“It’s already large if you are able to teleport all the way to Canterlot without problems. But I do wonder why you have so much trouble with simple telekinesis.”
“My professors ruled it as a learning disability, much like dyslexia. I myself aren’t sure, but I’m hoping that later on I’ll find out how to finally get it right.”
Twilight stood deep in thought, hoof in chin, for a moment, and then asked, “Is it okay if I observe you while you try telekinesis? Maybe I’ll be able to see if anything is out of the ordinary. And I have equipment in the library for further analysis.”
“I’m not sure what else you’d be able to see, after all, my parents spent a lot of money on doctors to find out what was wrong…still, with you being the Element of Magic, I wouldn’t be surprised if you actually found out.”
“Please,” she lowered her ears, “I appreciate the compliment, but I really don’t feel comfortable with others just saying that I’m very powerful.”
“Of course. But you do have to admit, an Ursa Minor floating asleep in the middle of the night from Ponyville to the Everfree is not something the average unicorn can do. Tartarus, not even I can do that!”
“Uh…yes, but it was still quite a strain for me to do that, it almost gave me an aneurysm! I’m surprised I didn’t lose consciousness, either, and I think I even felt a nosebleed coming on, which was the very least I expected. Um…okay…” she quickly changed the subject, “Ah, here’s what you can do. Pip, can you get off his back for a moment?”
“Sure thing, Dame Sparkle.” With a small hop, the pinto colt jumped to the ground.
Before the two males could ask her what her idea was, Twilight continued, “Mr. Imaginary, you’re currently very familiar with Pip’s weight and mass, and thus you can catapult him on your back, and teleport with him without any strain whatsoever. So, with that knowledge, could you try using your telekinesis and lift him, and just move him up and down in a straight line?”
Pip Squeak bounced with excitement, “Oh boy! Is this going to be different than just bouncing on your force field, Uncle?”
Imaginary chuckled, “Oh yes, very different, Pip. Now, you’re going to feel a slight tingle all over…” and he whispered to Dame Sparkle, “…but I know I’m going to get a migraine in a little while…”
“Not if we can figure out what is wrong,” she replied. “Now, just try, gently.”
The red-brown stallion set his front hooves apart, lowered his head, narrowed his eyes, and his horn glowed with his gold-earth magic. Moments later, Pip Squeak also glowed, and after a few seconds, his stubby hooves slowly broke contact with the ground, but only by a centimetre or two.
The colt giggled as he felt magic envelop him. And when he saw his uncle struggling, he began to cheer him on, “You can do it, Uncle!! You stopped all those logs; I know you can lift me!!!”
“Yes…!” he replied, “But as I said before, you’re heavier than you look!!!”
Applejack, Big Macintosh, and Bulk Biceps, now curious about this experiment, also approached and encouraged their friend as well.
“Is this diffrn’t from whut yer friend taught yew?” asked the land baron.
“N…no…not really…”
“Maybe it’s all in your head,” snorted Bulk playfully, “but then again, that’s where your horn is,” he chuckled.
Imaginary pressed on, and he was very clearly struggling: not 10 seconds after starting the spell, he started to sweat.
His horn shone brighter.
And brighter.
Twilight looked closer at his horn and the aura both there and around Pip. “That’s a lot of hornpower you’re expending, Mr. Imaginary. I wonder if the problem is with breaking an earth pony’s contact with the soil…”
“It’s not breaking the contact,” he grunted, “It’s just trying to get my nephew off the—”
[PONG!!!!]
“YAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAaaa………”
A horseshoe suddenly hit Imaginary’s horn and spun around it a few times.
Pip Squeak was suddenly launched straight up, ascending several hundred metres.
Imaginary’s magic burst from his horn and rebounded into it several times in less than one second.
And the brown unicorn collapsed on his side, groaning with PAIN…
“PIP!!!” yelled Bulk, and shot after the tiny colt, who got tinier the higher he ascended, leaving behind the other unicorns and earth ponies, staring at the scene in terror.
[ZOOOOOOOOOM!!!!!]
The huge white pegasus suddenly spun out of control, as a smaller yellow blur shot past him, and the wake caused a sudden turbulence that left him disoriented for several seconds. Bulk Biceps managed to recover from his spinout before losing altitude, and he quickly searched for Imaginary’s nephew above him.
What he found instead, however, made him drop his jaw.
Fluttershy had been the one who shot past him, and it was she who had caught the pinto colt. Currently, she was slowly descending, and speaking quietly to the foal in between gasps, “Now……don’t be scared……Pip……I’ve got you……we’re almost……at the ground now……and there’s no need to cry—”
What Fluttershy forgot was that Pip Squeak had been the only foal to approach Princess Luna on Nightmare Night.
Which was why he was yelling, “YOU DID IT, UNCLE!!! YOU LIFTED ME WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAY UP IN THE AIR!!!! WAIT UNTIL THOSE BULLIES ‘EAR ABOUT THIS!!! DO IT AGAIN, UNCLE, DO IT AGAIN!!!!”
Meanwhile, two mares were, literally, rolling on the ground, laughing.
And laughing .
And laughing .
And laughing .
And laughing some more.
“RAINBOW DASH!!! PINKIE PIE!!! WHAT THE TARTARUS DO YOU THINK YOU’RE DOING????!!!!”
The rainbow mare tried to reply in the middle of her guffaws, “Hey—A HA HA!—chillax, Twilight! HA HA HA HA!!—We were just trying to—A HA HA HA HA!—give your friend here—A HA HA HA HA!—a new manecut the way Apple Bloom did to you! HA HA HA HA HA!!!”
“YOU HIT HIS HORN!!!”
Rainbow Dash stopped rolling and giggled, “So? What’s the big deal? Don’t you hit your horn all the time? I hit my wings all the time and that doesn’t stop me from flying, A HA HA HA HA HA HA!!!”
Rarity stomped up and pressed her forehead against Rainbow Dash’s, “Are you two mentally deficient?? Hasn’t anypony ever told you anything about unicorn horns??”
Pinkie Pie, rolling on the ground, replied, “That it’s where your magic comes out from?”
Suddenly both pranksters were held up to Twilight’s face, surrounded by a purple glow. “You IDIOTS!! You never hit a unicorn horn, and much less when the unicorn is casting a spell!!!”
Calming down a trifle, Rainbow Dash replied, “Geez, Twilight, it’s not like we broke his horn or anything—”
“U…Uncle?”
The two pranksters saw Fluttershy land very heavily with Pip Squeak, who immediately galloped to his fallen relative, just when Applejack, Big Macintosh, and Bulk Biceps got to him to try to offer assistance. The Knight of Kindness, however, just lowered her head and let her wings sag while she tried to catch her breath.
Twilight continued, “You…you two don’t get it, do you?? Hitting a horn right when the unicorn is casting a spell is like…” she struggled to find an equivalent, “like…kicking…a stallion……….in between the legs!!!”
Big Macintosh, Bulk Biceps, and Pip Squeak winced.
Rainbow Dash and Pinkie Pie suddenly hushed.
The unicorn stallion had his trembling front hooves pressed against his temples; he was wallowing helplessly on the ground, unable to stop groaning.
And his groaning got louder.
And louder .
The pranksters were suddenly dropped to the ground.
“Um…oops?” said Pinkie, now quite scared.
“Pinkie, do you know what the term ‘aggravated magical assault and battery with a blunt object’ means?” asked Rarity.
“Um…not yet?”
“Then let’s hope Imaginary is as forgiving as I think he is.” Twilight and Rarity turned to the fallen unicorn and gently cast on him some pain relieving spells, hoping they would ease his torture—
“Oh, Faust! His horn has a DENT! Quick, Rarity, help me get him to the hospital!!!”
Effortlessly, Rarity encased Imaginary with her magic, only up to his neck in order to avoid touching his horn, and lifted him up.
“Miss Fluttershy, please take Pip Squeak home, an’ tell his parents that Imaginary had an accident. A.J., take A.B. back t’th’ farm. Bulk, get yer kid, and Ah’ll meet yew at th’ hospital.”
“Sure thing!” replied the white pegasus. “Fluttershy, LET’S GO!!!” he roared, snapping the mare out of her shock.
“Oh, right…right…” She grabbed the pinto colt once more, and with great effort, flew off.
Rainbow Dash and Pinkie Pie, meanwhile, could only stare with horror and shock as their friends flew and galloped off in opposite directions.
And then an even greater terror filled them when they heard Pip Squeak’s panicked cries fade away as he was flown home, “……Uuuuuuunncle……!!!!”
Moments later, the two pranksters were left alone.
Completely alone…
√-1 √-1 √-1
An Imaginary Emergency
After the three pony tribes were fully integrated, thanks to the leadership of the Princesses over 1,000 years ago, all towns, cities, and settlements began to establish services and cater to all three tribes, and thusly, over time, no village, town, or city—except the pegasi cloud cities—could be said to be exclusively an earth pony, pegasus, or unicorn town, regardless of the majority of the population at any given time.
One of the first services to be fully integrated in all towns and cities and settlements were the medical facilities. In fact, one of the first laws that were passed by the Princesses at the start of their reign precisely required all townships to provide medical care to all ponies. All healers—as they were called back then—were to give treatment to all three pony types, regardless of the tribe of the healer. Later, as hostels and inns began to specialise in the care of the sick, they made sure that all three pony types could be tended to, and the healers of all three tribes eventually worked together and shared the medical knowledge accumulated exclusively by each tribe until then, thusly giving medical science an important boost. Then, when hostels became exclusively medical facilities: hospitals and clinics, medical science advanced even further, giving rise to the age of medical specialisation, again by all three pony types, for all three pony types.
The latest boost had been rather recent: Equestrian doctors—earth ponies, unicorns, and pegasi—were now able to treat gryphons, zebras, donkeys, cows, sheep, goats, and even cervine species up north.
Large cities, like Canterlot, Manehatten, or Vanhoover, now had specialised hospitals, with sections designed solely for the treatment of injuries or illnesses exclusive of earth ponies, unicorns, and pegasi.
Small towns like Ponyville, naturally, had one general hospital, but even then, it was able to treat all three pony types without any problems.
For instance, Ponyville General had a small ward designed specifically for unicorns.
And it was there where Twilight, Rarity, and Big Macintosh had taken Imaginary just now.
The three had burst in the emergency entrance, with Rarity still carrying Imaginary with her magic, and it had been Twilight who galloped to the receptionist’s desk and declared, “Quick! We have a unicorn with a blunt force trauma to the horn that resulted in a magical rebound and backlash!!! He needs a suppressor ring immediately!!”
Nurse Redheart was about to ask Twilight to calm down, but when she saw the dent on Imaginary’s horn, she visibly blanched, which wasn’t easy considering she had a white coat to begin with.
She pressed a button on her desk and spoke to an intercom, “Code 12-U, Code 12-U at Emergency, prepare a Suppressor. Code 12-U.” Then she ran around her desk and pulled up a stretcher, where Rarity finally laid him down, with a gasp of relief as she stopped her magic flow. At that moment, several unicorn orderlies burst through the ward’s doors, took one look at the groaning unicorn stallion, and rolled him inside the emergency ward.
“Miss Twilight, Miss Rarity,” Nurse Redheart already knew who the Knights of Harmony were, “are either of you his relative? He needs to be checked in.”
Rarity couldn’t answer; she was panting with slight magic exhaustion, so Twilight replied, “N—no, we’re not. His sister and brother-in-law will arrive shortly, and they’ll be able to check him in properly. We can only tell you what happened…”
√-1 √-1 √-1
As Twilight, Big Macintosh, and Rarity explained to the nurse the incident, Imaginary’s injury was treated and his magic was stabilised with a magic suppressor ring on his horn. Thirty minutes later, Pip Squeak and his parents arrived.
The unicorn mare had a chestnut coat with a black mane, and her cutie mark was the summation symbol: ∑
The earth pony stallion was a brown and white pinto, just like Pip, though almost the size of Big Macintosh. His whole head and chest were brown, and his mane, tail, and unshorn fetlocks flowed with a combination of both.
And his cutie mark was that of an oblique angle.
They were able to give Nurse Redheart all the necessary information to have Imaginary properly registered, and they would have stayed to talk with the others, but at that moment, the doctor, a tan unicorn with a brown mane and tail, came out.
“Family of Mr. Imaginary?” he asked, and the three newcomers stepped up. “His magical backlash has been stabilized, and his horn has been properly sedated and numbed. He’s still unconscious, but if you wish to see him, you can go in now.”
Thanking the doctor, the family trotted into the ward…
√-1 √-1 √-1
It was night time now, and it had been a while since Imaginary’s relatives finally left. Big Macintosh had also returned to Sweet Apple Acres, shortly before Bulk Biceps stopped by to see how his friend was doing, but once everything had been explained, he, too, eventually returned home, relieved that his friend would be okay.
However, Twilight and Rarity decided to stay for a while, because they were waiting for two other ponies to show up.
And show up they did, finally, at 8 pm.
The unicorn mares looked up when they saw two other mares enter the waiting room.
“Ah, good evening, my two friends ,” Twilight began. “What brings you two to such a glum place like this hospital?”
“Uh…hi, Twilight,” said Rainbow Dash, with her ears down and her wings slightly open, but pointing down. “We were just—”
“Passing by?” asked Rarity, indignantly. Her mane and tail were slightly dishevelled, but for once in her life, she didn’t mind.
Or care.
She had more pressing things to discuss with her fellow Knights.
“Pinkie Pie, you and Rainbow weren’t just walking around town, looking to prank somepony, and then decided to prank somepony here in the hospital, were you?”
The pink mare also had her ears lowered, as well as her head. “Um…hi, Rarity. How…how is Im—”
“Immy?” asked Twilight. “Oh, you mean Mister Imaginary, the stallion who has specifically asked you to not to call him ‘Immy’. Well, considering that this is his second stay in this hospital, he’s doing quite well. It’s not as if the magical backlash sent him into a magical coma, or, at least, another week long nap due to magical exhaustion because he nearly spent his entire magic font in less than one second. We managed to avoid that by getting him here in the nick of time.”
“Oh…” Rainbow Dash shuffled her hoof on the tiles, “…so…he’s going to be okay?”
Rarity snorted very unladylike, and replied, “Now why would you ask that, Dame Dash? You and Dame Pie seem to enjoy pranking other ponies, regardless of the consequences. Tell me, you two, are you both continuously looking for ways to top your pranks? I mean…was not the sneezing powder enough? The painted apples? The disappearing ink? The lightning bolts right on top of Princess Luna? The constant insistence of calling her Nightmare Moon, despite the fact that all six of us were there when the Elements of Harmony wiped her clean of that dark power??”
“Hey, we were only trying to give him a new mane cut, just like when Apple Bloom did it to you, Twilight!! And nothing bad happened to you then, either!!” replied Pinkie Pie, somewhat indignant.
Slightly angrier now, the purple unicorn replied, “Oh, is that all?? Well, you do realise that this time, you didn’t use a steel ring, but a horseshoe, which weighs 1,516 percent more than Apple Bloom’s loop-de-hoop? Furthermore, Apple Bloom was careful to not throw it at my horn the moment I was casting a spell, but even then, I was worried when it managed to cause a few sparks!!!” Twilight started pacing in front of the guilty mares, and continued, “You know, Pinkie, I expected something like this from Rainbow Dash, being as careless as she is—”
“HEY!!!”
“—but from you ?? I thought you were a pony who always considered the possible repercussions of the pranks you do! Have you any idea what you two did just now??”
“Yes!!” replied the pink mare. “That’s why we’re here!! We’re here to apologise to Immy, duh!! And Dashie was going to use her insurance to cover for Immy’s medical expenses, but since it was my idea to prank him with the horseshoe, I want it to be my insurance! It was MY fault, okay???”
Rarity rubbed her face for a moment, and hissed, “Pinkie, Twilight just mentioned repercussions . In case you don’t know what that means, it means that your prank caused a lot more trouble than just sending Imaginary to a hospital!” She stomped and glared at them, “For starters, I’ve never seen Pip Squeak cry so much and so loudly for his favourite uncle, whom he considers the ultimate stallion to emulate. In other words, the opinion he has about Imaginary is the same opinion Imaginary has about us!!! And now he saw, in front of his face, his uncle fall to the ground and wallow in the most horrible pain imaginable for a unicorn, and he was powerless to do anything about it! And despite Fluttershy’s help, that memory is going to stay with him for the rest of his life !”
Rainbow Dash and Pinkie Pie winced and backed off slightly.
Twilight stopped pacing and faced them again, “And that’s just Pip. His parents are now without a foalsitter for the time being. Imaginary had agreed to pick up Pip from school because both of his parents are still out working and shuffling their schedules until both can settle down properly. And now one of them is going to have to cut his or her working hours just to pick up Pip from school. And…did Imaginary ever tell you where he worked at?”
“N—no,” stuttered the blue mare.
“He works at the Magic Research Institute in Canterlot. He’s a pencil pusher, yes, but only when he’s actually there. The reason he lives so far away from everypony else is because often times the MRI assigns him magical experiments—mostly dealing with illusion and teleportation—and he needs a lot of open space to carry them out. And now the MRI is going to be without a very valuable employee for at least 48 hours. And that’s just so he can show up and present his findings. He won’t be able to wink to Canterlot to send his work, which means he’s going to have to rely on the normal pegasus parcel service, and you know how long they take!” She snorted, “Ugh…have you any idea of the damage that a magic backlash can do to a unicorn horn?? If he hadn’t released part of his magic charge by shooting Pip Squeak up in the air, the amount of magic that imploded in his horn would have caused him permanent horn damage, and even BRAIN damage!! You two came to say you’re sorry??? Well…” she sighed, “I’m afraid ‘sorry’ is not going to cut it this time.”
Rarity glared at the pranksters and continued, “It’s all fun and games for the both of you…until somepony gets hurt.”
“I’ll foalsit Pip!!” cried Pinkie. “For Faust’s sake, I’ll pick him up from school, I’ll TAKE him to school, on my back, if I have to, but we just want to—”
“—to make things right?” said Twilight. “It would be a start, but right now I doubt that Pip’s parents will even want to talk to you, let alone allow you to go near their colt. Let’s just hope you didn’t lose them as your friends, but right now, it’s very, very doubtful that Imaginary is going to want to be your friend, much less let you give him any kind of party.”
The purple mare shook her mane slightly, and finished, “And I was hoping that the talk we had earlier would have encouraged Imaginary to take the first step and accept the friendship we were so keen on offering him. Now…I’m going to have to start from zero once more, but first, Rarity and I are going to have to go to MRI tomorrow to personally give a full report to Imaginary’s boss…and hopefully recommend a temporary substitute for his work. Dame Rainbow Dash, Dame Pinkie Pie, have a good night.”
Twilight huffed and stomped out of the hospital.
“And have very pleasant dreams,” added Rarity, tossing her mane and refusing to look at the other two, as she also left the building.
And once more, Pinkie Pie and Rainbow Dash were left alone.
Completely alone…
√-1 √-1 √-1
An Imaginary Friend
Dame Sparkle had been correct. Because Imaginary received medical care immediately, the damage done to his horn and magic font wasn’t permanent. And he didn’t have to stay a whole week in the hospital; only five days this time, which was the time needed for his magic font to replenish itself, and for the magic treatments of keratin growth to repair the dent in his horn, that is, while the suppressor ring cancelled out the magic his own horn generated, the unicorn doctors cast spells on his horn to accelerate its natural growth cycle, and thus discard the damaged keratin cells and replace them with new ones, filling out the dent and relieving the pressure on the nerves under it.
That had a slight side effect on all the keratin cells in his body, namely, his coat, his mane, his tail, and his hooves, which in five days grew the length they normally would in seven months. So, by the time the treatment was finished, Imaginary’s coat was shaggier than it would have been during winter, his mane flowed down to his chest, and his tail length would have very much made Dame Fluttershy jealous. He didn’t mind, though, since his new hoof length made him slightly taller.
His sister, brother-in-law, and nephew couldn’t visit him often, again due to their conflicting schedules, but Big Macintosh and Bulk Biceps were able to keep him debriefed on the antics of the Knights of Harmony.
Of which, Dame Sparkle and Dame Belle also gave him their version of their adventures, and, much to Imaginary’s relief, they were able to handle all the time sensitive projects and experiments Imaginary had left pending in his house, and send the results to Canterlot when necessary.
Applejack and Apple Bloom, being close friends, also visited him, giving him a relief from the bland hospital food by bringing a number of delicacies courtesy of Granny Smith.
In the end, it had been Dame Fluttershy who got the job of picking up Pip Squeak from school, and bringing him to the hospital whenever he could. While Dame Sparkle’s worries were justified that Pip could have been traumatised for life after seeing Imaginary’s injury, the fact that he also saw his uncle’s recovery helped mitigate the colt’s mental trauma.
Even Sour Grapes, Applejack’s cousin, was kind enough to pay her friend a visit; after all, an injury to the horn was enough to bring extreme worry to any unicorn friend or relative of the victim.
But, as was expected, the two ponies that didn’t visit Imaginary at the hospital were Dame Dash and Dame Pie.
And that was at the instruction of Imaginary himself.
It was a harrowing five days for the weather mare and the party mare. While the two received constant updates on Imaginary’s condition, the situation at the MRI, and Pip’s well being, the fact that Imaginary refused to talk to them, or even see them, further increased their guilt.
When they heard that Imaginary was being discharged on Friday afternoon, the two decided to come up with a plan.
The brown unicorn was—per hospital protocol—taken out of the hospital in a wheelchair, and, of course, only up to the front door.
And he was escorted by his friends: Big Macintosh, Bulk Biceps, Sour Grapes—and one certain pegasus of her farmhooves—Apple Bloom, Sweetie Belle, Featherweight, Pip Squeak, Spike, and four of the Knights of Harmony: Twilight, Applejack, Rarity, and Fluttershy.
As Imaginary blinked the sunlight out of one eye—because the other was covered by his now very long mane—and he stepped off the wheelchair, the doctor gave him his final instructions, “…and remember, Mr. Imaginary, do not attempt any long-range winking for at least another week, or until you see that the dent has disappeared and your horn is completely symmetrical. Any mid-level spells should be okay for now, and here is the prescription for the keratin growth spell,” he floated a parchment to Imaginary, who grabbed it with his hoof. “You have an appointment Monday morning for a follow-up check of your horn, and the prescription is in case you need another spell. If necessary, you’ll have one final appointment scheduled one week after that, but given your overall health and the size of your magic font, you should be fine by then.”
“Thank you, doctor. I’ll keep in mind the no-long-range-winking order, but I hope I can start again by next week, at least. My job kinda depends on me doing that.”
“I’ll send a note to your boss if you require one, don’t worry.”
The former patient smiled. “Understood, doctor. Thanks again.”
The doctor took the wheelchair back inside with his magic while Imaginary stuffed the prescription note in his long mane.
“So, no winkin’? How are yew gonna get yer groceries now, Immy?” asked Big Macintosh.
The red-brown stallion shook his mane out of his eyes, “I’ll probably have to buy a week’s worth of food and supplies in one day, and hire a pegasus carrier to take everything to my house…”
“You know, Mr. Imaginary,” said Spike, “I could set up with you a Fire Line, in case you need to send a message to anypony to pick you up from your house.”
“And you don’t need to hire a pegasus,” added Dame Sparkle. “I can teleport to your house whatever you need from Ponyville.”
“Well…” he blinked in surprise, “…this is truly unexpected—”
“Why, Sugarcube?” asked Dame Apple, laughing. “Yew didn’t expect such high an’ mighty an’ untouchable Knights an’ Champions like us t’offer help t’an unknown unicorn lahk yew?”
Before he could answer, Dame Sparkle smiled, “Even though ‘greatness has been imposed on us’, Immy, that ‘greatness’ doesn’t automatically prevent us from becoming friends with anypony we want to, regardless of socio-economic or peerage status. If we’re doing all of this for you, it’s because we want to help somepony in need, because we have the ability and the means to help. We’d be dishonouring our own Knighthood and rank of Champions if we knew there was a pony whom we knew we could help, but didn’t. You may have considered us to be ‘stars’ until now, but stars don’t come down from the night sky and help pick up ponies when they’re down.” She sighed, “We’re not stars, Imaginary. We really are everyday run-of-the-mill ponies, like you, who just happen to have been entrusted with different powers and responsibilities. Sure, we may have our stained glass monuments in Canterlot…but we’re not there . We’re here , Immy, here, with you. We’re not unreachable, much less untouchable. It would be a very, very, very lonely life for us if we were. Also, you don’t have to worry about being considered a traitor or an Enemy of the State should anything go wrong. Friends trust each other, Imaginary, and the princesses are our friends, and because they trust us enough to choose our own friends and whoever we want to associate with, Equestria doesn’t have to worry about going through another national crisis because of any accidents or misunderstandings between friends. It took a god of chaos to forcibly impair our friendships to the point that it actually affected the Elements of Harmony, Imaginary, but even then it was that very same friendship that brought us back together. So I don’t think that any accident or misunderstanding on your part would be able to cause a national crisis. And if it was possible, Ponyville would be swarming with guards all day and all night with the only purpose of keeping us safe. But as you can see, Ponyville has remained a very peaceful town since Princess Luna returned.”
Imaginary rubbed his horn for a moment, and smiled. “You know what, Dame Sparkle? You’re absolutely right. I’ve…been taught to respect and honour ponies like yourself…but unfortunately, Canterlot isn’t exactly known for making it easy to make friends with other ponies. And if you truly want to be as close friends as I am with the Apple Family…well, I’ll do my best to be a friend to you, regardless of my magical prowess.”
Dame Belle stepped up, “We’re so glad you will, darling. Though first things first: could you please refrain from calling us ‘Dames’? Again, we know that is our rank, and we know you want to show us honour and respect, but what we’ve learned in all our adventures is that friendship is something much more important than any title or rank. Yes, there are times when protocol is important, but when it isn’t, well…it would really mean a lot to us if you referred to us by our everyday names.”
The stallion chuckled. “I…I know. That’s going to be a very big habit to break, Dame B…um…” he struggled to remember her first name, “Miss…um…Rarity…oi, I feel so weird saying that.”
“You’ll get used to it, darling. And secondly, before you go home today, you definitely need a session at the spa.”
“The spa? But I haven’t done any strenuous exercise, and I don’t feel stressed out, either.”
“No, but you definitely need to do something about your unsightly hooves and overgrown horn. The growth treatment really did a number on you, and Aloe and Lotus are excellent in horn filing and shaping. Why, they could speed up your recovery by helping your horn reshape itself!”
Imaginary blinked, “Wow, and here I thought they just did massages. Okay, Dame…erm…Rarity…I’ll take you up on that offer.”
Before the group could move on, though, another pony arrived via scooter.
Those are very loud wings, thought Imaginary of the orange filly, as she skidded to a stop.
“Here you guys are!” the young pegasus looked at Apple Bloom and Sweetie Belle. “I’ve been looking all over for you! Don’t you want to go crusading today?”
“We are, Scootaloo,” squeaked the white unicorn filly. “I just came here with Apple Bloom because she wanted to see Mr. Imaginary when he got out of the hospital.”
“Oh, okay. So, are you two coming now?”
“Akchally, Scoots,” drawled Apple Bloom. “We were kinda waitin’ f’r yew cuz we wanted yew here t’hear somethin’.”
“Hear what?”
“Well, now that Mr. Imaginary is good friends with both o’ our sisters, he’s also good friends with us, an’ now we can ask him!!”
“Ask me what, Miss Apple?”
“Oh, of course!!!” Scootaloo realised what her young friend was talking about, and she hopped off her scooter and removed her helmet.
Then, the three fillies sat beside Imaginary, and Apple Bloom asked, “Mr. Imaginary, how did yew get yer cutie mark? It seems rather…um…” she leaned over to look at the now shaggy symbol.
“Very strangely-math-y-like?” Sweetie Belle tried to finish, also staring at the stallion’s flank.
“Yeah,” added Scootaloo, squinting a bit. “It deals with math that the older ponies learn later on in the big schools, right?”
The stallion chuckled for a moment, and sat down. “Well, since I’m now in the presence of friends, I guess now is a good as time as any to explain.” He turned to the fillies, and began, “It’s interesting that you should mention math, Miss Scootaloo. You see, I’ve always liked math, even when the rest of the foals in class hated it, and I always got the highest score in our math tests. Back then, I was also learning a lot of illusion and teleportation spells, and the formulas for those involved a lot of advanced math, which again, I managed to understand faster than the rest of the class. And since most of those spells—pay attention here, Miss Belle—require for a unicorn to use a lot of imagination—for instance, you need to imagine how you want an illusion to look like, or you have to imagine where you want to wink to—I noticed that a lot of formulas included what is called an imaginary number . And then I saw the formula for it. And, very much like you three right now, the formula made absolutely no sense to me, or even my best friend, who also liked math.
“So one day I went to the library and checked out every single book of advanced math that I could find, and I took them home, and I read all I could about this strange imaginary number , but try as I might, I simply couldn’t wrap my head around how it could even exist, if, by definition, it was imaginary . And so I read, and read, and read all night—quite a feat for me, too, since I was only 10 at the time—and to prevent myself from falling asleep I cast an illusion spell on my window so that it would look like it was high noon instead of night—boy, I’m glad Princess Luna returned much later after that night—” everypony chuckled, “but no matter how much I read, I still couldn’t understand it.
“But then, the last book I read explained that the imaginary number is very much like our imaginations: we use our imaginations to first think of a song, or a building, or a book, or a dress, or even a city. All of what we have, every invention, even our food and weather, and even day and night, first exist in our imagination. An apple pie? Well, somepony first had to imagine the recipe, and wonder how a cooked apple would taste like with bread and sugar and cinnamon. Miss Belle, you’ll note that the first thing that your sister does before making a dress is draw it on paper, because she is imagining it. And the author of ‘Daring Do’? You can bet that everything she writes first appears in her head. And even our Princesses first have to imagine the sun and the moon moving across the sky, and in the right path, too, because they also imagined giving our world its seasons, and those are caused by the angle in which the sun moves. The way the stars are laid out at night, you can bet that Her Highness Princess Luna first imagines all the patterns, and then carefully moves them, which is why we should always appreciate her work . And every building and city in the world first exists only in parchment and paper, that is, in the imagination .
“So then this imaginary number , said the book, is a number that while it doesn’t really exist, it eventually forms the numbers that do exist, precisely by combining imaginary numbers with other imaginary numbers. And because imagination is the basis of illusion and teleportation spells, they would be impossible to cast without imaginary numbers, and each spell combines imaginary numbers with other imaginary numbers, and the end result is—you guessed it—the magic that you wanted to cast.
“When I read that, I felt as if my brain had suddenly cleared, as if Dame Dash had cleared an overcast sky in only one second. Every bit of confusion about the formula disappeared, and I finally understood all the written spells that I had tried to understand before, because before then I was looking at the imaginary number as a formula, and not the answer to a formula, as it really is. I literally fell off my bed when that happened. And I would have fallen asleep right there and then too, if I hadn’t discovered this mark on my flank.”
“Wait, you mean that you got your cutie mark…by reading books??? MATH books???? ”
“By definition, yes, Miss Scootaloo. You’ve…tried that already?”
Apple Bloom replied, “No…we’ve tried bein’ librarians…Miss Twahlaght an’ Spike didn’t like that at all…” The two in question snickered at that.
“But we’ve never tried reading the books,” said Sweetie Belle. “And Mr. Imaginary did…”
“Do yew think we maght fannd somethin’ if’n we try that?”
“But it will be so boring !!!” groaned the pegasus filly.
“Or it might be interesting,” said the stallion. “I read math books because I’ve always liked math. You might find math interesting…or history, or science, or weather, or any other subject, but you won’t know unless you first try them, Miss Scootaloo.”
“He’s raght, yew know. An’, by knowin’ more about stuff, we maght learn whut we did wrong in all our other crusadin’ attempts, too!”
Imaginary smiled. “The library is open for every pony who wants to learn.”
“Ah’m in!!” Apple Bloom stood tall. “Are ya’ll with me?”
“Yes!!” squeaked the unicorn filly.
Scootaloo sighed with resignation, and replied with little enthusiasm, “Okay, fine, but if I get bored, I’m going home!”
The three fillies then stood on their hind legs and proclaimed, “CUTIE MARK CRUSADERS—uh…”
They turned to Imaginary.
“Knowledge researchers.”
“—KNOWLEDGE RESEARCHERS, YAY!!!!!!!” And after high-hoofing each other, Apple Bloom and Sweetie Belle hopped on the wagon that was behind the scooter while Scootaloo took her position in front. The three donned their helmets, and with a hearty whoop, the three dashed toward Golden Oaks Public Library.
As the trio sped off, Twilight told her Number One Assistant, “Follow them, Spike. Since they won’t be trying the librarian cutie mark again, they’ll only need your help in getting books off the shelves. I’ll catch up with you in a bit…somehow I think you’re going to need help anyway.”
“Okay, but don’t take too long. I doubt those three are going to be able to stay still in order to read a whole book.” With that, the young dragon followed the Cutie Mark Crusaders.
Imaginary then turned to Rarity and said, “Now then, there’s a spa in Ponyville?”
“You’ve never been to Aloe and Lotus’ Spa? Darling, you’re in for a treat! And I know just what to order for you.”
“I’ll take your word on that, Mi—um—Rarity. I hope they aren’t as expensive as some masseuses I’ve heard about in Canterlot.”
“Oh, don’t you worry about the bottom line, darling. I’ll pick up the tab for you.”
The stallion smiled. Of course: The Element of Generosity. Nopony would have expected less. “If you insist, though I kinda feel weird with a mare paying for me…not that I feel it’s wrong, of course, it’s just…a rather new experience for me.”
“Then we can pick up the tab, instead of Rarity.”
The group stopped when they heard that offer.
In front of them, blocking the path toward the spa, were Dame Rainbow Dash and Dame Pinkie Pie, looking forlornly at the shaggy stallion.
At the back of the rest of the group, Featherweight and Pip Squeak hid behind Bulk Biceps and Dame Fluttershy.
For a moment, Imaginary glared at the two Knights.
The two mares shivered for a moment, because they thought that his eyes glowed white for an instant, but they hoped that it was only a reflection of the sunlight.
After a long while, the brown unicorn simply replied, “You’ll have to speak with Rarity for that. Now, if you’ll excuse me…”
Imaginary then walked around the two mares to continue on his way, but Pinkie suddenly hopped and blocked him again. “Wait!! Immy, please!! We know you’re still upset with us because of what we did to you and your job and Pip and his parents and your friends…and we know just saying ‘sorry’ isn’t going to be enough for you, but we admit we did you wrong, okay? We…we know that our prank backfired and it was a mistake and…and we just want to make it up to you! We want to make things right!! That’s what friends do!!”
The stallion glared at her again for a moment, and replied as he walked around her, “While it’s commendable that you two want to make amends with me, right now I’m not entirely sure that I am comfortable speaking with either of you at this point in time. Like I said before, if you want to pick up the tab, talk to Rarity.”
“Ugh, what’s WRONG with you????!!!!”
Imaginary stopped.
And he fumed.
Because now, Rainbow Dash was blocking his path, and hovering above him once more.
She continued, “We’re trying to apologise and do you a favour!! Just what will it take for you to understand that we’re trying to do what we can to help??!! I mean, our insurance paid for your hospital stay!! Come on! If you want us to do more, just tell us what to do, and we’ll do it!! No strings attached, okay??”
But again, Imaginary refused to look up.
Instead, all he said was, “Dame Dash, with all due respect, I refuse to discuss this further with you if you’re not willing to land and speak to me eye to eye.”
At that, the pegasus mare darkened with anger, but still refused to land.
She thundered, “Grrr…what will it take for you to accept our apology?? Don’t tell me that you’re one of those snobby Canterlot types who are too stuck up to forgive other ponies who are more than sorry!!”
Hearing that, Imaginary growled.
Suddenly, he bent his knees slightly, lowered his head, and scraped his horn on the ground twice.
Then, he froze, and trembling slightly, blinked and straightened up.
He wished he could wink away right now before this mare made him lose his temper.
Breathing deeply, obviously straining to push back his defensive instincts, he replied, “No, Dame Dash, I’m not one of those snobby Canterlot types, as you’re so quick to accuse me, and in case you have any doubt, you can ask your employee and your ‘friends’, who will corroborate that I’m not.” He walked around her and continued on his way. “But right now, I simply do not wish to speak to Dame Pie, or to you. While it is definitely going to take some time before I can sincerely accept your apologies—I’ll have to speak with my nephew to more or less know when—you’re not exactly helping your case with your blatant tribalist attitude! Now, if you excuse me, I would appreciate if you two didn’t block my path again.”
But block his path she did, again.
Still hovering.
“Ugh!! Why do you insist on accusing me of tribalism??? Four of my best friends are non-pegasi, Faust-damn it!!”
Imaginary said nothing, but instead turned to Dame Sparkle, pointed at the blue mare hovering above him again, and sighed.
Twilight looked at the two for a moment, blinked, and suddenly gasped in realisation. The stallion’s gesture very much meant: “no further questions, the defence rests, Your Honour”.
And Twilight knew that Imaginary was right.
With a sigh of defeat, she rubbed her face with her hoof, and requested, “Rainbow, please land right now.”
The pegasus blinked in surprise, and landed in front of her. “What? Don’t tell me you agree with this jerk!”
Twilight sighed again, and explained, “Rainbow, we’ve been reading the Hearths Warming Eve play, and we’ve been studying the situation of the ponies in the Age of the Three Tribes. By that time, practically all ponies had left behind their animalistic instincts and had more or less established a code of conduct, at least within each tribe. When the Age of Harmony began, our animalistic instincts were pushed even further back, and even more during Discord’s reign, and still even more when the princesses defeated him and began their rule. However, occasionally, in moments of great stress, one or more of our base instincts will surface, momentarily, and mostly out of reflex, like whinnying, and, as you just saw now, unicorns will lean down and sharpen their horns on the ground when faced with an extreme danger.”
“So what’s your point?”
“Rainbow, ever since I met you, I’ve considered you to be a hyperactive pony, one that can’t stay still for long, because you love speed, and you love flying, and you love speed flying.”
“Oh, yeah!” she smiled, “That’s the best thing there is!!!”
“And that is a very integral part of you, and it’s something we all accept, and even enjoy, and consider useful, after all, it was your speed that saved Rarity and the Wonderbolts at the Young Flier’s Competition.”
“And nopony has been able to match my speed!” she boasted, striking a pose.
“And, I’ve noticed, that because you have a hard time staying still, even when you’re simply talking calmly to others, you tend to hover above other non-pegasus ponies when you do.”
“I do that?” she asked, genuinely surprised. “I mean…of course I do! Doesn’t everypony?”
“…um…I don’t…”
“Nor I,” growled the muscular pegasus, stepping up.
“Fluttershy and Bulk are right. Not every pegasus does what you do, Rainbow, and…at first…I just took that as a habit of yours that was simply linked to your hyperactivity and inability to stay still. Not to mention that every unicorn and earth pony also ignores that and just takes it as something you just do …so nopony considers it to mean anything at all.”
“So?”
Twilight sighed again. “Rainbow…apparently, Imaginary knows a little bit more about pegasus instinctive behaviour than the rest of us…and believe me, I just considered it to be something of no importance, precisely because you’re our friend and you’ve proven your loyalty and friendship to us over and over again…but…when you hover above other ponies when you talk to them—”
A yellow hoof interrupted the purple mare.
Twilight blinked in surprise as Fluttershy gently moved her aside to speak to Rainbow face to face.
And with a volume in her voice that allowed everypony to hear:
“Rainbow, I’ve always considered you one of my best friends, and I never thought anything of this habit of yours to mean anything bad, either…until now…because Mr. Imaginary is right, and with good reason. The reason he has taken offence of that gesture, and has accused you of tribalism…” she winced, “…is because when you hover above other ponies to talk to them, you’re forcing them to look up at you . You’re…displaying dominance above others…even above Twilight. You…are showing that you think you are higher ranked than other ponies, or at the very least, you’re considering yourself better than other ponies. You’re…proclaiming yourself to be the Alpha Mare.”
The blue mare blinked.
“Wha—? But I am higher ranked!! I’m the bucking Captain of the Ponyville Weather Team!!”
“That may be true, boss,” said Bulk, stepping alongside the yellow pegasus, his gruff voice was calm, but it clearly conveyed an annoyance that Rainbow Dash had never encountered before. “But we’ve noticed that you do this to me and all of your subordinates as well. Whenever you give us the day’s plan, you always hover several heads above us. And the reasons none of us ever called you up on that were, well, firstly, you’re our boss, and secondly, it just seemed practical to rise above others to make sure your instructions can be heard clearly. And for a long time, we all thought we were the only ones you did that to…until today, though if anypony of the team noticed anything else, we didn’t say anything until now because we value our jobs. Perhaps you may not be openly tribalist, but from what everypony is saying here, you are showing tribalist tendencies .”
Fluttershy continued, “And it’s not just with us, Rainbow. Even when you are in front of Princess Celestia, you don’t bow down all the way…or worse, you hover in front of her to look at her in the eye…and with Princess Luna—”
“You didn’t bow down at all ,” snorted Imaginary, glaring at the blue pegasus. “Instead, you deliberately stayed floating on your pretty little thunder cloud and downright refused to land, bow, or even bucking GREET the co-ruler OF ALL EQUESTRIA!!! And worst of all, you thought it was a JOKE to physically assault her! Did you know that Assault on a Princess, whether it’s with malicious intent or not, is considered High Treason, and punishable by death or life in prison? Or do you think that as a Knight of Harmony you are automatically above the law as well as above everypony else, and thusly you have Celestia’s blessing to treat her sister as if she were not only a commoner, but as your own personal target for practicing bucking bolts???”
Rainbow backed up a bit and began sweating nervously.
She had never considered that.
“Tell me, Dame Dash, do you consider yourself an equal to Princess Celestia? Do you consider yourself to be better and more important than Princess Luna? Do you have any hidden illusions of grandeur that you would like to share with all your ‘friends’, besides the very high opinions you have about yourself? And even if you aren’t tribalist or want all pegasi to rule over every other pony, you still proclaim to the whole world that you think you’re better than everypony else! So, no, Dame Dash, I’m not going to bother to look up at you. I’m not going to join in the ego worship that you’re demanding from everypony else.”
“And that,” said Twilight suddenly, “is very likely the source of the conflict, Imaginary. Because nopony else thought anything of Rainbow’s ‘displays of dominance’, not to mention that both princesses chose to overlook that and are very forgiving,” she glared at Rainbow Dash, “she just took in the ‘ego worship’, and very much just basked in it. When you, however,” she turned to the stallion, “refused to look up at her, or even speak to her eye-to-eye, her ancient pegasi instincts kicked in and considered your actions to be a display of a challenge to her dominant status .” She sighed and shook her head. “And Rainbow Dash, being as brash as she is—”
“HEY!!!”
“—let herself be carried away by her instinctive response and thus became extremely hostile to you, Imaginary. She, or at least her instincts, considered you a threat to her ‘Alpha status’, and while she was considerate enough to remain civilised and didn’t deliberately attack you directly, she became aggressive to you by other means: by wanting to buy you at the auction, she would then ‘own’ you, at least for that night. There was also her ‘crashing’ on you, raining on you, and very much trying to provoke you into a physical confrontation.”
She turned to her brash friend, “Rainbow, I know you’re my friend, but you have to realise that not everypony is going to think that you’re Faust’s gift to stallions…or two percent of the mares. And for Faust’s sake, do try to show more reverence to the princesses, please.”
“Oh, I don’t mind her ‘attacking’ me, Dame Sparkle,” his habit kicked in again. “I’ve faced worse, not from pegasi, but from other unicorns. But this is why I’ve been rather…reluctant to accept your offers of friendship…even if they are technically an extension of the friendship I have with Dame Apple, because being friends with you, Dame Belle, and Dame Fluttershy, would mean that I would also be friends with Dame Pie—who still scares me—”
He turned to multicolour mare.
“—and Dame Rainbow Dash. And I certainly don’t want to be friends with an egotist or participate in your ego worship in any way whatsoever. You may not be openly tribalist, but you certainly have a very unhealthily high opinion of yourself. Tell me, Dame Dash, would you want to be friends with that unicorn mare who came by and claimed she was somepony important? That…Great And Powerful Whatshername?”
“Trixie?”
“Yes, her, I think.”
Rainbow Dash thought for a moment, and replied, “No!!! She was incredibly annoying!! She never stopped proclaiming that she was great and powerful and that she was the most magically gifted unicorn in Equestria, even when Twilight showed her up!!!”
“Then you’ve just answered your own question, Dame Dash. The only difference between YOU and that unicorn showmare is that at least SHE didn’t bother hiding behind any instinctive display of dominance and OPENLY declared herself to be an egotistical jerk, but she was no bigot or tribalist: she annoyed all three pony types just the same. YOU, however…sadly…are an egotistical AND BIGOTED jerk and only now are you discovering that about yourself…and even now you refuse to admit that you are, despite the fact that your friends and one of your employees—this includes two pegasi, mind you—have called you up on it. Do you need the princesses to call you up on it as well?” Imaginary snorted, “So, no, you don’t want to be friends with that showmare; that’s all fine and dandy. I simply choose to not be friends with you for that exact same reason, and much less with somepony who has allowed such bigoted and animalistic instincts to surface they way you have.” He chuckled, “You know, right now would be the perfect moment for me to make a very offensive joke about your parents and/or immediate ancestors that would explain why those ancient instincts appeared on you, Dame Dash, but just to prove that I’m the better pony here , I’ll deliberately choose not to say it, much less in front of my true friends and family. And that is all I have to say to you on this matter, Dame Dash.”
The blue mare fumed, almost thundered in anger, and hovered again, “You know, with an attitude like that, it’s no wonder that you don’t have a Very Special Somepony, you jerk!!”
“I HAD A VERY SPECIAL SOMEPONY, YOU ANNOYING PRANKSTER!!!”
Silence.
“Dang, Ah knew there was more t’this,” said Applejack.
The stallion turned around, eyes closed, hung his head, and repeated, “I…once had…a very special somepony…somepony I cared deeply about.”
“Eeyup,” confirmed Macintosh, eyeing with disappointment at his sister’s friends.
“You…you did? But…why aren’t you together anymore?” asked Pinkie, quite sullen at the revelation.
Imaginary sighed.
“We…we were still foals when we met at Celestia’s School for Gifted Unicorns. Her name…was Abstract. She was the prettiest filly of them all…she a dark coat with a silvery mane and tail…we…played together…studied together…we even hid together when a rainbow exploded in the sky west of Canterlot and then we saw the giant green dragon head burst out of the roof of one of the towers…we thought that the world was going to end right there and then, and decided to spend our last moments huddled together inside a bush while we waited for the end. Of course, when nothing happened, and the dragon head disappeared, we came out and tried to find out what had happened. It took a few days for our parents to get the official news of Dame Sparkle’s exam results, but that’s another story. We felt so…so right together…despite our young age; we both knew that we were meant for each other. We made each other laugh, we shared jokes, knowledge…and…yes…even magic. I was never very good with telekinesis, but was proficient with teleporting, while she had the precision of a surgeon, but couldn’t teleport a pebble one inch. So, we complemented each other. We even tried to teach each other, and it was working great…until…”
The unicorn stallion looked up to Mount Canter.
“…until her tenth birthday. Her parents set up a huge party in their home, and they invited every foal in school, it seemed. Even…” he shuddered, “…the bullies and pranksters. I begged her not to let them in, but…her heart of gold was very forgiving. After all, who would dare play a prank or even bully a foal right in her own home, in full view of her parents?”
Imaginary turned and looked at an old and rusty horseshoe that was on the ground. “Or, if they did, it would be something…simple…laid back…harmless…” he glared at Pinkie and Rainbow Dash, “And dare I say…non-lethal?”
The mares instinctively stepped back when they saw the expression on his face.
“Or at least that was their intention, according to the official report. One of those idiot pranksters had a knack for working with electric devices, so he had the hilarious idea of taking an average joy buzzer and tinkering with the discharge mechanism and channelled the magic from his horn to it so that it would deliver an extra kick when it shocked its victim. And his little invention worked.”
A smirking grey unicorn colt approached a naïve black unicorn filly, holding out his hoof, as a gesture of momentary truce, in honour of the filly’s birthday.
“Oh yes, it worked just like he planned.”
The filly smiled, extended her hoof, and took the colt’s hoof.
“In fact, it worked perfectly.”
Both foals’ manes and tails stood on end as a VERY loud buzz interrupted every conversation in the room.
“So perfectly…”
The colt smiled cruelly as his victim spasmed.
“In fact, it worked too perfectly…”
The colt and several of his friends laughed when the filly dropped on her right side, still convulsing.
“And they just stood there, enjoying the fruit of their labour…”
Not only was she convulsing, but her eyes were rolled up into their sockets.
“Until they saw that something went very, very, very wrong…”
They continued laughing, but their mockery began to taper off when they saw that she didn’t stop convulsing. Suddenly, a lanky brown colt teleported next to the fallen filly, bucking away the instigator and crying out her name.
Moments later, several fillies screamed in terror.
Then, the mother and father screamed in terror.
Pandemonium followed after that, and the bullies and pranksters took advantage of that to sneak out of the house…
“Abstract never opened her eyes again—”
“Now wait just a minute!!” interrupted Pinkie. “I know my joy buzzers, and I KNOW that even IF some foal tampered with it, the voltage overload wouldn’t be enough to cause permanent damage without connecting it to a VERY large generator!!” The pink mare was face-to-face with Imaginary, pressing her forehead against his, and eyeing him very angrily. “And that unicorn colt couldn’t have channelled THAT much magic without draining all of his magic and passing out himself!”
Imaginary didn’t flinch.
“You’re absolutely right, Dame Pie. The voltage wouldn’t have been high enough…for a normal foal. What those idiot pranksters—whom you are so [gritting his teeth] lovingly defending right now—didn’t know…”
The stallion trembled with rage.
Suddenly, both Pinkie and Rainbow Dash were on the ground, flat on their backs, surrounded by a gold-earth aura, and Imaginary scowled down at them.
“…THEY DIDN’T BUCKING KNOW THAT SHE HAD A WEAK HEART CONDITION!!!”
Imaginary closed his eyes, and let out a deep breath, releasing them from his magic before he exhausted himself.
“We rushed her to the hospital as fast as we could without winking her…it was just too risky to use teleportation magic with her condition…and the doctors worked triple overtime that night, but…nothing could be done.”
The broken stallion looked up.
“Abstract’s funeral was the next day. I don’t think I have ever cried so much since then…or in front of so many ponies. And to add insult to injury…”
The lanky unicorn colt sobbed as he stared at the headstone.
Though it declared her name, it did not display any symbol of any kind.
“…she never got her cutie mark. She died a blank flank. And she never saw me get mine, either,” he glanced at the symbol of the square root of minus one that adorned his own flanks.
“I thought I heard of an unfortunate event back then…I wish I hadn’t been so caught up in my books to find out more about what happened. Were…” Twilight’s voice cracked for a moment, as she tried to hold back her tears. “…were the foals responsible…punished?”
Imaginary looked away.
“Oh yes, they were punished. They received a punishment worthy of their actions.”
“What…what was the punishment?”
The stallion turned to Twilight, “Let’s just say that I personally made sure that those jerks never played another prank on anypony else…ever again .”
Suddenly, he turned to Rainbow Dash and Pinkie, “Are you two jerks still wondering why I don’t want to be your friend? Did you really think it was all about correcting your bigoted attitude or your annoying nosiness and questionings?? IT’S PRANKSTERS LIKE YOU WHO KILLED ABSTRACT!!!” he screamed. “And you nearly left me a vegetable, or worse, you nearly left my sister without a brother, and Pip without an uncle!!! So forgive me if I can’t help but think that you two aren’t exactly mares whom I want to associate with! Forgive me for worrying that any of your pranks has the possibility of backfiring catastrophically !!!”
He stepped closer, making them back away once more.
He growled.
“And forgive me for thinking that you two are the WORST mares that the Elements of Harmony could have chosen for Laughter and Loyalty, because of what you did to Her Highness Princess Luna. Were you two ever aware that because of your ‘innocent pranks’ on Nightmare Night, Her Highness almost postponed indefinitely the re-opening of Equestria’s Royal Night Court?? Were you aware of how much counselling Her Highness Princess Celestia had to give her in order to convince her to not postpone it???”
He glared at them.
“Because of your ‘innocent pranks’, one of the most noble establishments of Equestria was almost shelved indefinitely, after one thousand years of preparations to reinstate it. Not to mention that you two single-hoofedly undid nearly fifteen months of healing and painstaking work Her Highness Princess Luna did to distance herself from Nightmare Moon, not to mention fifteen months of efforts to remove fear, apprehension, terror, and ostracism, from herself as well.”
He turned away once more, and concluded, “And that is all I have to say to you two.”
With a loud pop and a burst of magic, Imaginary disappeared.
He reappeared not very far from there, of course, but it was clear he was heading back to his house.
Twilight rubbed her face with her hoof again. “And now, thanks to you two, we’re all back to square one. Again.”
Pinkie was crying openly, but not quite sobbing loudly. She sniffed, “We…we didn’t know he had something so deep and painful buried inside.”
Rainbow Dash, meanwhile, was trotting back and forth, trying not to cry. “Grr…I’m SO glad I wasn’t there! I would have shown those pranksters a thing or two!! I…I…” she stopped, and looked at her fellow Knights. “I…we messed up big time, didn’t we? Not only does Imaginary not want to be our friend…he downright hates us? Because of all the pranks we’ve done??”
Here, Big Macintosh stepped up, and since he was upset, he was more talkative than normal. “Yew two gals muss’ unnerstand that, eeyup, there are plenty o’ pranks that can be done that won’t hurt anypony. Or even if’n they do, the pony is quick t’forgive. Imaginary told us ‘bout Abstract shortly after we became friends, an’ he asked us not t’mention that t’others, cuz…well, yew can see why. Pranksters killed his VSSP, an’ scarred him f’r life, an’ he’s been tryin’ t’put that behind him, but with all th’ pain he went through, he never tried lookin’ f’r another VSSP, or even date anypony at all. That’s why we asked him t’sign up f’r th’ auction. We…thought he was ready t’move on.”
“And it might have worked, too,” added Bulk, sadly. “You see, after Abstract died, and he…retaliated against the pranksters, he was still bullied at school, but that stopped shortly after he joined a gym and he bulked up, but even then, he never thought any mare would want anything to do with him because of his ‘plain looks’. But we thought things would change for the better if he saw mares, you know, desiring him, and placing an actual value on him. Even now he still can’t believe that the committee thought he was one of the most handsome stallions around…and everything was going well…until you two cast the winning bid. Then…everything spun out of control.”
Twilight sighed, “And knowing what you two did to everypony, and to Princess Luna on Nightmare Night—wait, Applejack, neither you nor Pip Squeak were there when Rainbow Dash pranked Luna—”
“Nope,” said Macintosh, glaring at Rainbow Dash. “Imaginary himself was there. After he had helped his sister an’ brother-in-law get settled in that night, he went t’town lookin’ f’r Pip. As he was searchin’ f’r him…he saw what happen’d in that alley.”
Twilight trembled with frustration, and then turned to the pranksters. “You…you two are lucky Princess Luna is so forgiving! But…nearly cancelling forever her Night Court?? Girls, I know Princess Celestia enjoys—and even gives—a minor prank or two, but did you two really think that Princess Luna was going to be just the same?? She had been locked away for one thousand years !!! And her visit to Ponyville was her first trip outside Canterlot after she came back!!! Pinkie, it’s okay to have fun, but you have to realise that there are times when you have to be serious!! And Rainbow, was pranking so important that you didn’t think it was necessary to greet your princess ??” She snorted. “You know, I don’t fault Imaginary for refusing to be friends with you both. The rest of us are quick to forgive you because we’ve known each other for a long time now…but Imaginary…he only knows you from the stories Applejack and Big Macintosh have told him. And because of what he’s been through, he doesn’t like what he has heard. And now it’s going to be a very long time before that changes.”
She turned to the others, and asked, “Do you think he went home?”
The red stallion nodded. “He pro’lly winked several times. If’n we follow him now, we maght catch up with him in ‘bout thirty minutes.”
“Then let’s go. It’s obvious that he needs his friends right now,” said Rarity, and she suddenly turned to the pranksters, “Which, unfortunately, does not include you two. I’m sorry, Dash and Pinkie, but…you’re going to have to sit this one out. Don’t worry, though, we’ll be sure to talk with you two later.”
With that, Applejack, Rarity and Twilight trotted north, while Fluttershy took Pip Squeak home.
Macintosh and Bulk looked at Pinkie and Rainbow Dash with suppressed anger for a long moment, and then they trotted off as well, with the pegasus carrying his foal on his back.
One unicorn mare, however, stayed behind for a moment.
“G…Grapesy?” stuttered Pinkie Pie, as the spectacled unicorn glared at the two.
“You know you two were complete and utter idiots, right?” she began. “Seriously, you two have acted in such a retarded manner, you should really be sent back through school, because apparently they did not cover manners, or inter-tribal relations. That, or you should move back to Cloudsdale, so you won’t be such a bad influence on Pinkie here, DAME Rainbow Dash…” Sour Grapes trembled with rage for a moment, and then stomped at the pegasus, “…you worthless, cloud-jockeying, shiftless, lay-abouting…chicken ,” she growled.
Then she turned to the party mare, huffed for a second, and continued, “And you, Pinkie, obviously , despite saying you had , did not learn a single solitary THING from your encounter with Cranky Doodle Donkey.”
“Wait, wha—”
“Cranky Doodle Donkey. Remember him? Went to outrageous lengths to avoid you, because he did not wish to be your friend, and you ended up destroying his most precious memento?” She trembled with rage, “Do you not even RECALL that particular event?”
Pinkie panicked, “Y—yes—b—but—but Immy was already friends with you and Applejack and Big Macintosh and Twilight and Apple Bloom and Bulk Biceps—”
“That doesn’t mean he wants to be your friend. Seriously, you can be a little overwhelming. And just forcing yourself upon anypony is the wrong way to make friends,” she almost pressed her forehead against Pinkie’s, “and you know it.”
Sour Grapes sighed, trying to calm herself down, and then turned around to follow the rest of Imaginary’s friends.
A few steps later, she stopped, and turned, “One more thing, Pinkie. Some ponies don’t appreciate having a nickname just forced upon them. It’s not polite.”
Polite.
That which Imaginary had been to her, and to everypony, right from the start.
“Now if you two imbeciles don’t mind, I will be taking my leave of you. My friend needs me. And you two will be lucky to have any, after this little fiasco.”
Sour Grapes left.
Yet once more, the two remaining Knights of Harmony were left standing in complete despondence.
Alone…
Author's Note
One reason why reading books just MIGHT help Scootaloo: http://fav.me/d5xeuc1
√-1 √-1 √-1
An Imaginary Farewell
It wasn’t Imaginary’s friends who first caught up to him.
As Imaginary was recovering from his first teleportation, he was intercepted by another of Sour Grape’s farmhooves.
He was a sea-foam green pegasus stallion with a sky blue mane and tail, both with a white stripe, and oddly enough, a five-o’clock shadow. He donned a red and white striped shirt, a jaunty sea captain’s hat, and a sturdy leather-looking belt.
As he landed, the stallion seemed to be a touch unsteady on solid ground, for some odd reason. He waited for Imaginary to stop panting, and began, “Ye know, lad, I was catching up with Sour Grapes just now to talk to her about something up at her farm, and I couldn’t help but hear yer altercation with her cousin’s friends.”
The unicorn sighed, “I…I know…I was a bit loud and—”
“Lad, ever had an IQ test done on you?”
Imaginary blinked and looked up at the farmhoof. “W—What? Well, yes I have. It’s common practice to do that at Celestia's School for Gifted Unicorns—”
“I see. Well ye’d better head back and get re-tested, bucko. Yer acting like an idiot.”
Slowly, Imaginary turned to him.
“I beg your pardon?”
“That's right. Lemmie tell you something about tribalism: we're all tribalists, in one form or another.”
“Huh? But…but I never—”
“Oh yes—ye—do ,” he pointed at him with emphasis. “Every moment of yer day ye spend with others, yer head is filled with pre-conceived notions of what we’re all like. Same with, Dame Dash, Dame Pie, Dame Sparkle, Miss Grapes…even Princess Celestia…and yes. Me too.”
Imaginary looked at him in the eyes. “With all due respect, sir, that’s just plain absurd! If what you’re saying is true, then everypony you just mentioned would be antagonistic to everypony else, making friendships impossible, and Her Highness Princess Celestia would be a dictator—”
“Ah, not quite, lad. Yer confusing tribalism with something else.”
The two stallions just looked at each other for a moment, and then Imaginary pressed, “And what, pray tell, am I confusing it with?”
“Why, bigotry. Ye see, being a tribalist means yer living yer life with these nasty thoughts and pre-conceived notions at the back of yer head. Unicorns are always ‘horning in’, earth ponies are ‘like talking to a wall’, pegasi ‘have their heads in the clouds’…but, we can live good lives with those whispers in our ears. Being a bigot , however…” The pegasus looked toward Cloudsdale and sighed, “…that means yer using them notions as an excuse to treat another pony badly. Like, say, how ye treated Pinkie Pie and Rainbow Dash earlier.”
At that, Imaginary growled.
“Listen, you, I guess you didn’t hear the entire altercation, nor did you get the full gist as to why I happened to talk to them the way I did. Right now I could very well explain to you everything that those two mares did to me the moment I winked into town last Monday…” he huffed with anger, “…but I’ve already explained myself enough times for today. If you want more information, consult with Sour Grapes, she’ll happily tell you everything. Now, if you’ll excuse me…”
Imaginary willed himself away from the pony before he could reply, and disappeared, reappearing in another part of town, heading for his house.
However, as he panted and waited to recover before the next wink, he heard a flutter of wings above him.
“Using yer magic to teleport away from the truth? Now that could be considered tribalist, lad.” Imaginary gawked at the pegasus above him, who then finished, “Ye’d best be careful, lad. Yer magic is still recovering from yer ‘unfortunate prank’. But still, I’ve known hermits with a greater social life than you. But I’ll leave ye alone now, don’t worry, and I’ll speak to Sour Grapes, as ye requested.”
With that, the pegasus flew off.
√-1 √-1 √-1
Imaginary’s friends followed Big Macintosh and Bulk Biceps, who were moving at a very brisk trot, but as they eventually left behind Ponyville and the train tracks and headed for the foot of Mount Canter, they all came to realize just how far his house was from the last house and farm in Ponyville.
“I still can’t believe that he winks all the way to the south side of Ponyville!” panted Rarity.
“Eeyup, he does,” replied the red stallion.
“An’ every day!” added Applejack.
“Like I said before, I’m definitely going to get a workout winking back and forth until he recovers,” quipped Twilight. “Oh, look, there he is!”
The stallion in question hadn’t quite reached the Ponyville-Canterlot district line, though his house was visible from very far off. He was currently standing still, eyes closed, sweating, panting, and waiting for his magic to recharge before attempting the next wink.
Then he heard hoofsteps approaching, but didn’t make any attempt to distance himself from them, or even to look up.
Big Macintosh began, “Yew know, Immy, maybe th’ doctor should have also told yew t’not try winkin’ in short stops so many tahms.”
Imaginary still held his head down, “I’ll…mention that to him in…my next check up…” He then shook his long mane out of his face, and opened his eyes to see who else had arrived. “Well…this isn’t surprising…that all of you came here to speak with me…this is what true friendship is all about…I suppose…”
Twilight slowed down and stood in front of him again. “Immy—um—Imaginary…once again, on behalf of the Knights of Harmony, I offer my sincere apologies for the actions and attitudes of Dame Rainbow Dash and Dame Pinkie Pie. Because they’re our friends, we know that often they can be very frustrating to deal with.”
The red-brown stallion panted, “Apology…accepted…Dame…um…Twilight. I…I just don’t know…when I’ll be able…to face them again…not without…so many unpleasant memories…rushing out of my subconscious…despite their desire to make amends…this…just can’t be fixed overnight, you know…”
“We know, Sugarcube,” said Applejack, stepping beside Twilight. “Well, me, an’ Big Mac, an’ Apple Bloom, an’ Granny Smith. We Apples know ‘bout this stuff, Immy. We felt it, an’ felt it hard . After our tragedy, we all buried our noses in our work, tryin’ t’go on, an’ it worked f’r a while…but it wasn’t long until Ah couldn’t look at an apple or apple tree without thinkin’ o’ mah Maw an’ Paw. That’s one reason why Ah left f’r Manehattan…but yew know that eventually Ah came back. No, Ah’ve never forgotten whut happened, an’ no, Ah never will. But what we all learned was that while it will always hurt…yew have t’move on. Yew never forget, of course, instead, yew make sure that yew honour th’ memories…”
Applejack looked at Imaginary, and saw that he had closed his eyes again, but it was not because of exhaustion.
Carefully, she leaned closer, and asked quietly. “Yew…haven’t let go yet, raght, Sugarcube? That’s th’ real problem here, ain’t it?”
Imaginary just sighed, and collapsed on his knees.
“Do you truly think it’s a problem, Dame Apple?” he still didn’t open his eyes. “Abstract’s memories have gotten me through thin and thick. The…vision of what happened at her birthday will never leave me, and with good reason. Because I kept her memories close, especially of the way she thought, I was able to get through the weeks and months after her death. It was her memories that gave me the strength to avenge her and give those pranksters what they deserved, and even that had a positive effect on me. You see, when I found out that what I did to those jerks had made me a few enemies, I eventually joined a gym and started to bulk up. With time, that helped fend off the colts that didn’t like me, and it also helped my telekinesis a trifle. Her memories have helped me select my friends, my colleagues, and even my current job and house. And everything was all fine…” he sighed, and looked back at Ponyville. “…until I heard what Dame Dash and Dame Pie were doing. And, of course, the kicker was on Nightmare Night. What they did to Her Highness Princess Luna is…unforgivable…especially after Night Court was nearly cancelled.” He then looked at Twilight, Rarity, and Applejack. “You…and Dame Fluttershy…have hearts of gold, if you are able to forgive them and still keep strong the bonds of friendship you have with them…you all are truly worthy to be the Knights of Harmony. You…know friendship more than anypony ever could—”
“But you also knew that friendship, when you were with Abstract,” said Twilight. “Yes, what happened was a horrible tragedy, and yes, we all feel your pain, especially the Apple Family, but if you say that Abstract’s memories have been what has kept you going all these years, then…is that how you want to remember Abstract? You’re a grown stallion, Imaginary, are you building memories of your own now? And if you aren’t, do you think that is what Abstract would have wanted of you? If Abstract had survived, what would your relationship be like now?”
Imaginary looked at Twilight and was about to snarl, but then he seemed to stutter quietly, and then his shoulders and head sagged.
“I…don’t know.”
Rarity laid beside him, also exhausted, but pressed on, “The job you have, the house you live in, the friends you’ve chosen until now…those are all the things Abstract would have loved, right, darling?”
He sighed, “Yes.”
Sour Grapes stepped up, not believing what she was hearing, “Wait a minute…Imaginary…you mean to tell me that you’ve been basing your life choices on the opinions of a dead ten-year-old?”
The brown unicorn blinked.
What…
…had…
…he…
…been…
…doing…????!!!!
Sour Grapes shook her head, “Dude…that is just messed up.”
Rarity continued, “Indeed, darling. The job you work in, the house you live in, and the friends you have, are all those the ones you want? Do you really like your job? Do you really like winking into town when few ponies can see you? Darling, are you truly happy with what you have now?”
Here, the stallion had no answer.
Instead, he just turned away, and rubbed his sore horn.
Big Macintosh laid down in front of him, while the rest laid down close by. “Yew never let go o’ Abstract, Immy. A.J., A.B., Granny an’ Ah eventually let go o’ our parents, an’ look at us: we’re runnin’ th’ farm juss’ fahn. Sure, we had our setbacks, but we’re still goin’ strong, because we never forgot, Immy, but we also never stood still in those memories, either, an’ we know our parents would lahk whut we’re doin’ now, an’ how we’re runnin’ th’ farm. Would Abstract like th’ way yew’re doin’ things?”
Silence once more.
Finally, Bulk spoke, “You said you went to her funeral, but did you honestly say good-bye to her there? Did you promise to honour her and her parents by never forgetting her memories? Or…did you swear to keep her alive in your head…at the cost of everything else? Did you seek revenge at the request of her family? Did you promise to live a life that would revere her memories, or a life that would make sure her memories never left you?”
Twilight finished, “There’s nothing wrong in keeping memories alive, but it seems that you used them to build for yourself a house of cards, and when two new pranksters appeared, it all came tumbling down. Imaginary, is this what Abstract truly wanted for you?”
The red-brown stallion lifted his head, and opened his eyes to look at the mountain city.
He spoke, “I…I never said good-bye. I did everything…except say good-bye…”
He lowered his head and covered his face with his hooves.
Big Macintosh stood, and sighed, “Then yew know what yew have to do. We’ll get yew home now, Immy, an’ when yew’re ready, we’ll help yew out any way we can.”
The unicorn stallion could only nod. For someone very eloquent, he truly had nothing more to say, thanks to his friends.
And thanks to his friends, he managed to make it home. Since he was completely exhausted, Rarity lifted him on top of Big Macintosh, and the red stallion carried him on the last leg of the road to his house.
And there, his friends made sure he was properly settled in, and returned to Ponyville.
And they left Imaginary all by himself.
Alone…
√-1 √-1 √-1
One week later…
The gravestone stood on its spot as it had always done since that sad day, proclaiming Abstract’s name, but not displaying any insignia of any kind, indicating that the filly had indeed died before finding out what her special talent was.
A bulky and shaggy brown unicorn stallion clopped up to the grave.
“I…I don’t know how many times I theorized about what your cutie mark would have looked like. A calculus formula? A thought balloon? Or even more, a symbol of a specialization that would require telekinetic precision: A surgical mask? A scalpel? Clockwork gears? Or even yet, an integrated circuit?”
The gravestone didn’t reply, as was expected.
Imaginary cleared his throat and continued, “Abstract, the Knights of Harmony…um…my friends…advised me to come here and…talk things out. I haven’t come here since your funeral…I just didn’t see the point, but…I suppose…it’s best for me to just say all that I’ve wanted to say for so long…a lot of stuff has been building up since I tried to save you…
“I don’t know if you’ll be glad to know that…the colts responsible…were expelled from CSGU. Not because of anything they did there…or because of what they did to you…it was because they could no longer perform advanced magic. After the funeral…I…hunted them down…teleported them all to the border of the Everfree Forest…and just unleashed every milligram of rage that was in me. I didn’t actually blast them with energy bolts, I…used my teleportation talent to wink them several metres in the air and let them fall into the ground…over and over again…and then I got the great idea of teleporting their entire bodies…except for half of their horns. Coupled with them falling repeatedly on their heads…their…horn and magic growth were stunted because of what I did. They had to go to magic remedial school to re-learn the most basic spells…but they still live with that handicap.”
Imaginary sighed.
“Was I sorry for what I did to them? Eventually…I suppose…eventually I felt sorry, and even afraid, because their friends and relatives in CSGU sort of knew what I did, even though those jerks were too scared to say that I did it, so I was never punished, not that anypony would blame a distraught 10-year-old colt, but…back then…I could only feel rage and anger for what they did to you and your family…and to me. I’ve been asked,” he looked at Twilight, who was close behind him, along with the rest of his new friends, “…I’ve been asked if you would have been proud of what I had done. Honestly? Considering that those idiots betrayed your trust, in your face, and in your parents’ face, and in your own home…I…”
He thought.
“It would be a trifle presumptuous for me to say that you wouldn’t, or even that you would, despite how well we knew each other then. Would I have been proud of you if the roles had been reversed, and it was you who got consumed with rage over my death?”
He looked down.
“I can only say that I don’t know. All I knew then is that I had to avenge you. The adults weren’t doing enough against bullies and pranksters…and…when I saw them lying on the ground, begging for mercy, I…”
His voice cracked.
“It felt good. Not that I enjoyed watching them suffer, but…it was because I felt that you had been avenged. Of course, it only lasted for a moment, and shortly after that I started feeling sorry and sad and guilty and afraid…”
He looked to the clouds.
“But as to whether you would have approved or not…my final answer is: I don’t know. And nopony will ever be able to know. And…and…” he sighed, “…that brings me to my next point.”
Imaginary squared himself, and continued, “For a long time, after you died, whenever I met anypony, I would wonder, ‘would Abstract have liked him or her?’ Or I’d think, ‘I wonder what Abstract would have thought about this spell or theory or experiment.’ And then I started thinking, ‘would Abstract have liked for me to be friends with this colt or mare? Would Abstract want me to associate with this pony at all?’ And then, I realized, that…that…”
He covered his eyes, “That…I had turned you into my Imaginary Friend…pretending you were always next to me, reading with me, talking with me, giving me your opinion, approving or disapproving of friends, colleagues, experiments, school work, research…”
His eyes watered, “…because I missed you so much…my love…”
He paused, letting it all out.
Behind him, Twilight, Rarity, Macintosh, Applejack, Fluttershy, Bulk Biceps, Sour Grapes, Squall (the pegasus stallion who berated him earlier), and Spike stood by, in respectful silence.
“And…and now…my friends have helped me realize…that…I was basing my life on the hypothetical opinions of a ten-year-old! I mean, even you wouldn’t have approved of that, and that’s a solid fact, not an abstract one!” he chuckled, still sobbing.
“Still…” he sniffed, “…something good did come out of all this. I joined a gym so the other colts would stop harassing me, and now I look quite intimidating…but now I only go because it’s healthy…and…I suppose I like the way I look. I’m no longer the lanky colt that you fell in love head-over-hooves with…and I also realised that…if…if I grew up…and my way of thinking also matured…then if you had lived…you would have also grown up and your way of thinking…and opinions…would have changed and matured as well…but since you didn’t…it’s impossible for me to say what your present opinion over any matter would be…and it is wrong for me to live my life thinking that I do know what it would be. So…”
Imaginary sat on his haunches.
“I…will no longer hypothesise about your opinion on any matter. Not that I never valued your opinion, you know I always did, but…your opinions, the ones I am sure of…are those of a filly who no longer knows me. I’m…I’m sorry, Abstract, but it has to be this way. And as such…”
He had to clear his eyes again.
“I…I’ve decided to start dating again. I won’t be looking for your clone, of course, nor will I ask myself if you would approve of the mare I’m with. We had a wonderful time, Abstract, but…that time was tragically stolen from us…and it cannot be restored, not even by the princesses. You won’t be coming back to me…it is I who will eventually come to you, hopefully in the distant future. I’m really sorry about this, Abstract, but…I have to do this. I don’t know how many mares have tried to get close to me and…I brushed them off without even knowing it. I don’t even know if I already blacklisted myself because of the way I’ve been living with you as my Imaginary Friend…but if I have…and I end up old and alone…”
He sighed.
“It won’t be your fault, don’t worry. It will be the fault of an idiot stallion who never learned to put things behind him and move on with his life. Therefore…”
He stood.
“…I’m moving on. I’ll always miss you, and I’ll always love you…but I have to say good-bye. Good-bye, Abstract. Thank you for giving me the best childhood ever. Thank you for all the wonderful memories. Thank you for all the magic tips. Thank you for letting me know what true love is; I’ll certainly know what to look for if it happens again. Thank you…for everything…”
He breathed deeply, and felt an emotion buried deeply within him start to bubble up, to surface. He knew what was happening, and since it was the first time it happened to him, he allowed himself to flow with the magic that emerged, and then enchanted the very air around him.
And the music began.
Moments later, he sang:
“Seems like it was only yesterday
She was living here, yeah, she was living here.
No one knows why she has gone away.
It isn’t very clear, no, it isn’t very clear.” He then sighed, and looked at some storm clouds in the distance,
“Into every life a little rain must fall,
And losing one you love is like a storm…” He cocked his head,
“But storms are passing…” He chorused,
“I hear…Abstract…
Singing in Heaven tonight.
And in between the sadness
Oh, I hear Abstract…
Telling me that she’s alright…” He paused for a moment, and then turned to his two best friends as they came up to stand beside him,
“Life goes on even after life.
That’s what I believe, yeah, that’s what I believe, wo—” Macintosh backed him up,
“Abstract’s gone, but she will still survive.” He continued solo, pointing to his chest,
“In a memory…that I’m keeping here with me.
Silencing the voice of mortal tragedy,
Oh, listening to whispers of the soul,” Now Bulk backed him up,
“All is peaceful…” Solo once more,
“I hear…Abstract…
Singing in Heaven tonight.
And in between the sadness
Oh, I hear Abstract…
Telling me that she’s alright…” He paused again to wipe his eyes, and now his two close friends chorused in their deep voices,
“Into every life a little rain must fall,
And losing one you love is like a storm.
But storms are passing.
I hear…Abstract…
Singing in Heaven tonight.
And in between the sadness
Oh, I hear Abstract…
Telling me that she’s alright…” They took a deep breath, and repeated,
“I hear…Abstract…
Singing in Heaven tonight.
And in between the sadness
Oh, I hear Abstract…
Telling me that she’s alright…” Again they paused, to take a deep breath. But now, Imaginary finished,
“I hear Abstraaact…I hear Abstract.
I hear Abstraaact…I hear Abstract,” he whispered. His friends backed him up on the second part,
“Oh, I hear Abstraaact…I hear Abstract, yeah yeah…
Oh, I hear Abstraaact…I hear Abstract, yeah yeah…” Now Imaginary shouted,
“Oh, I hear Abstraaact…!!! Yeah yeah! Yeah yeah!
Oh, I hear Abstraaact…!!! I hear Abstract, yeah yeah yeah…
Oh, I hear Abstraaact…!!! Oh wo…oh wo…
Oh, I hear Abstraaact……!!!”
With that, the music faded. He nodded his thanks to his two close friends, and sighed again, feeling…oddly relieved.
He stepped back, and with a strain, levitated a bouquet of magnolias and placed it in front of the gravestone.
“Good-bye, my dearest Abstract.”
He turned and walked away, joined moments later by the rest of the ponies and the baby dragon.
His friends.
As they left the gravestone behind, Big Macintosh asked, “So, yew’s gonna start dating, finally? Any mare we know?” he chuckled.
“Don’t rush me, my friend,” he sighed, “It’s already difficult enough for me to ask myself if I will approve of the decisions I make. I now have to figure out what my own current likes and dislikes are before I can compare them to a potential VSSP. And then I’ll start visiting Ponyville during a time of day when everypony is not barely waking up or getting ready for bed. And perhaps, if a Mare Auction Fund Raiser is ever set up, I just might decide to go shopping myself.”
Sour Grapes snorted at that, “I know three mares that won’t be in that shindig.”
Imaginary smiled and approached the spectacled unicorn, “Because they already have their own VSSP’s?”
“Well since one is me, then yeah.” She then turned to the two others in question, “Now if only a certain cousin, and a certain fashionista, would just…GET OVER THEMSELVES…”
Imaginary laughed while Applejack scrunched her muzzle again, and Rarity just whistled, trying to seem aloof. “Say, Miss Grapes, I hear that you gave Dame Pie and Dame Dash a rather…poignant dissertation , shortly after I did. I must say that you certainly have a talent for compressing ideas and packing them with a much more brief, yet more powerful, punch.”
“It’s called being blunt, or as Applejack calls it: ‘As subtle as a horseshoe to the forehead.’”
He laughed again, rubbing his overgrown horn, “Yes, I certainly know what that feels like. But still, you gave those two a much better wake-up call than I ever could.” He sighed, “Thank you, Miss Grapes, for being my friend as well, and being there when and where I needed you most.”
“My pleasure. It's not like I have a lot of them.”
He just nodded, but as he walked past, he whispered, “…Stormfront is very lucky to have you…”
“…I’m lucky to have him…” she whispered back with a smile.
He raised an eyebrow. So no more “Wait…what?”? It looks like the auction “woke her up” and finally made her hurry things up with the Object of her Morning Analysis after all…
Suddenly, his path was interrupted by the gruff sea-green pegasus.
Squall stared at Imaginary with a frighteningly stern expression for a moment. Then, it softened as he spoke in a surprisingly soft tone for such a gruff voice, “Don’t worry, lad. I won’t be giving ye empty platitudes about old wounds healing. Scars might fade, but they never quite go away. No, I’m just going to pass along some advice a wise friend in the Chineighs Empire gave me. He said, ‘Holding onto anger is like drinking poison and expecting the other pony to die.’ If you can, let it go. The best start is to forgive the pony yer holding most responsible. The easiest way to do that, is to find yerself a mirror.”
“I’ll certainly do that, Mr. Squall, and thanks for the ‘wake-up call’ back in Ponyville. I—really needed quite the stern talking to myself.”
“Yer welcome, lad.”
Imaginary was about to continue again, but this time, another pegasus blocked his path, though this time, the pegasus was a butter-yellow mare.
“Um…Mr. Imaginary…and Twilight…everypony…I…I just want to clarify something…if that’s all right with you…”
The ponies in question just looked at Fluttershy for a moment, waiting, and then Imaginary had to coax her, “Yes, it’s okay with us, Dame Fluttershy, by all means, proceed.”
“Well…it’s just that…there has been a bit of confusion concerning some of the things I’ve done. I…I don’t wrestle bears…”
“What, you don’t??” asked Twilight, “But I saw you knock down a full grown grizzly and you held him down with a very elaborate trick of leverage—”
“Y…yes…about that…I wasn’t wrestling Mr. Bear, I was giving him a massage. I don’t wrestle anypony…or anyone…there’s too much risk there of either wrestler getting seriously injured…um…and…sorry for interrupting you, Twilight…that was very rude of me…”
Imaginary and Twilight looked at each other, and the stallion said, “Point taken, Dame Fluttershy. I’m sure the other Knights will keep that in mind in the future.”
“Th…thank you, Mr. Imaginary…but…you…um…don’t have to call me ‘Dame’…not if you really don’t want to…”
“Oh, right, sorry about that,” he winked at her, making her blush very intensely, squee with embarrassment, and hide behind her mane again.
Once outside the cemetery, they were met by two more mares.
Dame Pinkie Pie and Dame Rainbow Dash were waiting for them, and although they had remained outside, out of respect for Imaginary, they had caught plenty of the stallion’s eulogy.
The pink mare was looking at the unicorn through tear-filled eyes, and it was obvious she was holding herself back, because all she wanted to do now was pounce on the stallion and give him a sympathetic hug, knowing he had lost his VSSP so tragically. She didn’t, naturally, because she knew Imaginary would not be comfortable with that just yet.
And the blue mare was pacing back and forth, once again trying to hold back her tears, and pushing down her instinct to hover above the rest.
Pinkie sobbed, “Immy…Imaginary…we’re…I’m so—”
“Sorry!!!” blurted Rainbow Dash. “We’re sorry, okay?? I mean, I don’t think either of us have ever been sorrier in our lives!!! And if I had been at Abstract’s birthday party…I would have shown those bullies and pranksters a thing or two!!!” The pegasus was clearly crying now. “And I would have joined you in giving those jerks what they deserved!!! Because nopony deserves to die so young, and much less before they find their special talent!!! Imm—Imaginary…we’re so sorry for opening old wounds. We have no idea how to make it up to you…because…because we just don’t, okay??? We’ve never been in a situation like this one before!!! We have no idea what to do to make it better!!! We have no idea…”
She stood in front of Imaginary, and lowered her head.
“We…have no idea…of what to do…so you won’t hate us. Yes, we were stupid pranksters. Yes, we were brash and aggravating and careless and frustrating and annoying and inconsiderate and disrespectful, and everything you said about us!!! We…we admit it, Imaginary. But…please don’t hate us. Whatever you want us to do to make it up to you, we’ll do it. Even if we have to go to Tartarus and back…we’ll do it. Because…” She looked at him in the eye, “Because we’re not the pranksters who killed Abstract. We are Knights of Harmony and Champions of Equestria, and by Celestia—and Luna—we’ll do anything you ask in order to prove that to you.” She breathed deeply, and closed her eyes, “That is all we can do, Imaginary. Beyond that, if there is any way we can gain your trust and friendship, say it, and we’ll do it.”
The two mares sat in front of him, defeated.
Imaginary sat as well, and replied, “As Knights of Harmony and Champions of Equestria, I have no doubt that you both would go to Tartarus and back, if I just gave the word. But just to clarify things, Dame Dash, Dame Pie, I…I don’t hate you. Believe me, I hated those bullies, and you heard what I did to them, but it would take much more out of you for me to actively hate you. And considering all you said just now, I believe your sincerity, and I accept your apologies.”
The two looked up, expectantly.
“We’re not friends quite just yet, mind you. Being friends means that we are going to have to trust each other, so for starters, you both are going to have to earn my trust. But, I won’t ask for anything impossible, nor for anything I myself wouldn’t be willing or capable of doing.”
He leaned closer, “First, we can start with me asking for your respect . I want you to respect me, and my opinions, and the choices I make. I want you to respect my family, respect the way I choose to look, respect my privacy, respect my job, respect my desire to talk or to not talk, and above all, respect my personal space. You don’t have to like or agree with everything I do or say, of course, because I respect your decisions and opinions, and if you really disagree, I’m all for having an open and rational discussion about what you think is wrong. And...” he sighed, “…I won’t ask you to stop with the pranks.”
Both mares looked at him with surprise.
“I…suppose pranking is part of who you are, and the Elements of Harmony chose you two for a reason…a reason none of us know yet, so somehow your pranking is part of Harmony and Friendship, I guess. And I know you two are not malicious or bullies and you really don’t want to hurt anypony, but all I ask is that you really, really think things through. You could have hurt Dame…um…Twilight by messing with her experiment, you know, and maybe even Spike. Just…plan your pranks a little bit more carefully, please. And do make sure that the pony being pranked will also laugh at the end. And the third thing—for now—I know you both were sincere in your apologies, and I accepted your apologies, but do remember that I’m not the only one who ended up having a bad time due to your pranks. There’s also another pony you have to apologise to, and you two know where you need to go in order to do so. And because you both are Knights, you have plenty of more access to do it than any other pony. If you can do all of this…then it will be a start.”
Rainbow Dash straightened up, and replied with conviction. “I can, and I will, Imaginary.”
Pinkie reached over and was about to hold his hoof, but after hearing his request about personal space, she sadly withdrew her hoof. Still, she also replied, albeit sadly, “I also can, and I also will. But…Immy—I mean—Imaginary, you…still don’t want to be friends with Rainbow Dash or me?”
The unicorn thought for a moment, stood, and replied, “Considering what you’ve done, and what I’ve been through, and how I lost my VSSP, it’s…going to be a very long road ahead of us before I can call you my friend, Dame Pie.” Pinkie’s mane and tail would have deflated at that point, but he continued, “However, I’m not saying that it’s downright impossible . I mean, stranger things have happened in Ponyville, right? For now, I won’t downright reject your offer, and I will take time to analyse it and consider it. Perhaps I won’t call you a friend just yet, but we can start with me calling you the friend of my friend, and not just a pony I know. If things work out, we’ll move up to ‘friendly acquaintances’, and once I know that I can trust you both, then, and only then, I’ll gladly call you my friends.”
The party mare’s face lit up, and she smiled.
He continued, “And no, you may not hold a party to celebrate that.” Pinkie would have become sad again, but he added, “However, my brother-in-law’s birthday party is coming up next month. Perhaps…” he looked toward the town and sighed, “…perhaps…we can start with that, and see where things go from there, if he still wants to, of course. And maybe I’ll go into town tomorrow afternoon to get a few goodies from Sugarcube Corner. I hear that Princess Celestia herself said that the cupcakes and muffins there are among the best she’s ever tasted.”
Pinkie’s face lit up.
“Maybe I’ll stop at Sweet Apple Acres for an apple pie or two as well…”
A.J.’s face lit up.
“…and perhaps I’ll visit the library too. I think I saw a few tomes there that caught my interest, and, why not, I could have a small chat over some tea. Perhaps I can get some insider info about when Princess Luna’s Royal Night Court will finally open again; I’ve been looking forward to attending the re-establishment ceremony…”
Twilight’s face lit up.
“…and maybe while I’m in Ponyville I’ll take a look at what the current trend is in formal wear…”
Rarity’s face lit up.
“…and perhaps I might break the monotony of my house by adopting a pet, or maybe get one for Pip…”
Fluttershy’s face lit up.
“…and, of course, with my house being in such an open space, perhaps a demonstration of acrobatic flying may also break the monotony there as well…”
Rainbow Dash’s face lit up.
Pinkie was about to jump for joy and throw fireworks and streamers in celebration, but instead, she just looked at him tenderly and replied, obviously straining to keep herself in check, “Thank you, Imaginary, that really means a lot to us. To me .”
The two brohoofed each other, and the whole group left the area.
As they headed for the train station, Rarity asked, “Will you be winking back to your house?”
“Actually, now that you think about that…no, I think I’ll be taking a long walk today. I’ve been winking back and forth so many times; I’ve very likely missed quite a bit of the scenery. After that, I’ll go to my sister’s house tonight and talk to her about Abstract. There’s plenty that she needs to hear, too.”
“Sounds like a sound lesson,” said Twilight, smiling and relieved that Imaginary had taken her advice.
“That is most true, Dame Spark—er—Twilight. And speaking of which, Mr. Spark—er—Spike, may you be so kind?”
The dragon smiled and pulled out a quill and parchment.
Imaginary began, “To Her Highness, Princess Celestia Helios of Equestria, and Her Highness, Princess Luna Selene of Equestria, on the twenty-third day of… ” he trailed off.
“What?” asked Spike, confused at Imaginary’s sudden silence.
“Scratch that. Write, ‘Dear Princess Celestia and Princess Luna’… ”
Epilogue: An Imaginary Talk
√-1 √-1 √-1
Epilogue: An Imaginary Talk
Princess Luna sat on the throne, somewhat bored, but not as much as other nights. She looked down at her night chamberlain, a dark grey unicorn mare with a dark blue mane and tail, white horn-rimmed glasses, and a silver dotted line on her flanks, “Dotted Line, have We any petitioners tonight?”
The chamberlain leafed through her notes and replied, “There is the Caribou ambassador; he wishes to continue discussing about the trade agreement he spoke with your sister two days ago, and…no, you don’t have any petitioners tonight, Your Highness.”
“Well, it appeareth that We have some time to observe the dream realm tonight. ‘Tis a much more efficient way of seeing petitioners who can’t journey to Canterlot.”
“Actually, Your Highness, you don’t have petitioners,” she looked closely at her notes, “but you do have two mares requesting a private audience.”
“A private audience? That is quite unusual. Who maketh the request?”
Dotted Line’s eyes widened a bit when she read the names, and then replied, “I…I think you might know them, Your Highness.”
“We do? Well, bid them to enter, then.”
Luna turned to the unicorn guards at the main doors, who then used their magic to open them.
The two mares stepped in, slowly, with their heads and ears down.
One was pink with a dark pink mane and tail, and had a cutie mark of three balloons.
The other was sky blue, with a rainbow mane and tail, and had a cutie mark of a cloud shooting a rainbow lightning bolt.
Luna raised her head and exclaimed. “Two of the Knights of Harmony! Thou wishest for a private audience with Us?”
Dame Rainbow Dash raised her eyes a bit, and replied forlornly, “Yes, Your Highness. Pinkie Pie and I…want to talk to you about what happened on the last Nightmare Night in Ponyville…”
√-1 √-1 √-1
Meanwhile, somewhere in Ponyville…
“WHAT??? My allowance is being suspended??? My jewellery is being auctioned off???!!!”
“Of course, sweetheart! You didn’t expect me to pay for all those silly bids you and your friends did, right? I knew all those nasty rumours of you and your friend being bullies couldn’t have been true. Instead, you have shown your true talent, and you are shining like a real diamond tiara. And what’s more, I never knew you could be so generous, why, even more generous than the Element of Generosity herself! I just knew that one day you’d put all your bits and jewellery to good use! And all in benefit of orphans, many of which don’t have their cutie marks yet, too!!”
Filthy Rich smiled and patted his daughter’s withers.
And his daughter galloped off to her room, crying in her usual spoiled brat tantrum.
Alone…
THE END / DAS ENDE / DIE EINDE / EINDE / EL FIN / O FIN / LE FIN / IL FINE / SFÂRŞIT / KONIEC / КОНЕЦ / BEIGAS / LOPPU / ΤΈΛΟΣ / סוף / TAMAT / LIAU LIAU / DANEH O’ / 剧 终 / おわり / UXUL / TLAMILIZTLI
Author's Note
All characters and places are © Hasbro. Used without permission, EXCEPT FOR:
Imaginary and Abstract, who are © The J.A.M.
The brown pegasus colt is also © The J.A.M.
Sour Grapes, Dusty, Queenie, Earshot, and Brass Horn are © The Incredible Werekitty
Stormfront and Squall © Abel DuSable
Hefty Pockets was named by Georg
Mount Canter was named by vren55
The “Hearth’s Warming Eve” dialogue was written by Merriweather Williams
Fashion consultant: The Incredible Werekitty
“I Hear Leesha” (I Hear Abstract) is © 1989 Reunion Records/Universal Music Publishing Group, Sony/ATV Music Publishing LLC. Written by Michael W. Smith and Wayne Kirkpatrick. Used without permission. Lyrics adapted by The J.A.M. Performed by The J.A.M., Peter New, and Jason Thiessen.
Special thanks:
The Incredible Werekitty
Able DuSable
Nathaniel T. Freeman
Michael “niftykoala” Phillips and Mr. Poniator for the Apple Spice commercial
Elmundodelcaballo.com
and
General Zoi for his Pony Creator
¡Zacatepóngolas!
Until next time, remember:
I
AM
THE
J.A.M. (a.k.a. Numbuh i : “Just because I’m imaginary doesn’t mean I don’t exist”)
Good evening.
√-1 √-1 √-1
An Imaginary Prologue
Sweet Apple Acres and Grapevine Hills were the last settlements south of Ponyville, the last claims of the fertile lands of Canterlot Valley before the feared enchanted soil of the Everfree Forest and its free-moving clouds and weather.
Heading north, first there was the Ponyville Elementary Schoolhouse, then the market district and Town Hall, and even further north was the Golden Oaks Public Library, and then the hospital on the outskirts of the town. Several housing developments were being built next to the hospital, though some ponies complained that the work there was going too fast and with shoddy labour and materials.
Further north was the pristine east end of Whitetail Woods, and north of that was the Unicorn Mountain Range, though despite its name, several earth ponies had rock farms in that area. The tallest mountain of the range, northeast of Ponyville, was Mount Canter, which held near its peak Equestria’s Capital City: Canterlot.
Northwest of Canterlot was the impressive pegasus cloud city of Cloudsdale.
All of these towns and cities, and many others, were held together by a recent invention: the railroad.
And it was near the railroad that connected Ponyville and Canterlot where two stallions were walking one autumn afternoon.
Not that they were walking right next to it; the train whistle was actually rather distant from their current location, because the two stallions were walking away from the tracks and toward the mountain.
It wasn’t the first time they had come this way; the first time had been several years ago after the two had befriended a third stallion, whom, it seemed, lived here, in the middle of nowhere.
Or, actually, in between Canterlot and Ponyville.
“He’s not going to agree.”
“Maybe not, but if’n he doesn’t, at least we’ll know we tried.”
“He refused to get a date for Nightmare Night! What makes you think he’ll be up for something like this??”
“His sister an’ brother-in-law were settlin’ in town! Yew couldn’t expect him t’drop everythin’ juss’ f’r a date, raght?”
“I suppose not, but you know how difficult it is to get him out of his house during ‘business hours’.”
“He has an important job. But maybe…just maybe…he’ll take a break…for once.”
“Let’s hope you’re right…”
The two stallions, one very muscular and red, and the other even more muscular and white, though slightly shorter, continued on their way toward a solitary chalet that stood in the middle of a field, framed by woods on the south, east, and northwest, an open field on the west which led to the railroad tracks, and the foot of Mount Canter on the northeast.
A tall stone fence marked the property boundary, broken only by two wooden gates in front and back.
A metal mailbox embedded in the fence—labelled with an odd mathematical formula—signalled postal workers where to leave the occupant’s correspondence.
Next to the mailbox, near the top of the stone wall, was a red plastic button.
The red earth pony stallion had to rear up to reach the red doorbell with his front hoof, and the two heard a muffled ringing inside the chalet.
Big Macintosh Apple and Bulk Biceps waited outside for a few moments, until a very loud magical “ping” rang next to the gate.
Another muscular stallion, though not as large as the first two, suddenly appeared next to the wall and opened the gate.
He was a red-brown unicorn with a dark mane and tail, both with a few highlights. Not quite as tall or muscular as Macintosh or Bulk, he was still quite buffed in comparison to other unicorns. His legs faded from brown to black on his hooves, marking his fetlocks, and his left hoof held an analogue watch.
His cutie mark was the same that was on his mailbox: a mathematical formula that seemed somewhat contradictory, at first:
The Square Root of Minus One
√-1
Most math novices would consider that to be contradictory and illogical because the formula has no solution: any negative number squared yields a positive number.
But, its true meaning is only known to those ponies who aren’t math novices.
They would know that the formula isn’t a formula at all, but rather the solution to a formula:
The imaginary number.
It was that solution, in white, that adorned the unicorn’s flanks.
And that was also precisely the stallion’s name: “Imaginary”.
Up in his face, his copper-gold eyes glistened with calmness and friendship. His voice was somewhat deep, but not quite as deep as Macintosh’s:
“Ah, Mr. Apple, good to see you again, and you too, Mr. Biceps, I see you’re back from Cloudsdale. You sent off your application?”
“YEAAAAAAAAHHHHHH!!” replied the muscled pegasus.
“Fair enough,” said Imaginary. “What brings you two to my humble home in the middle of nowhere?”
Macintosh pulled out a paper from under his yoke, and tossed it to the unicorn. Before it could drift to the ground, Imaginary caught it with his magic. The paper flickered for a moment with a gold-earth aura, and the unicorn visibly strained to get it upright.
“Darned telekinesis…I can do everything but …ah, let’s see…‘…the Ponyville orphanage is in need of funding…fund raising activity……bachelor auction’????” The stocky unicorn looked at his best friends. “You two are signing up to be auctioned off?”
“Actually…” said the huge earth pony, “We were kinda hopin’ yew’d join in.”
“YEAAAAAAAAHHHHHH!!”
Imaginary unstopped his right ear. “Wait, you want me to sign up for this as well? Look, I know the male-female ratio in Ponyville is rather skewed, but what could I possibly have that would help this auction?”
“Well, for starters, we’d finally get you out of that stuffy house of yours for a reason that wouldn’t have to do with buying groceries or lab supplies…or going to Canterlot to send your reports,” added Bulk in his normal voice, which sounded rather calm, since he wasn’t trying to show off in front of any mares.
“I don’t know…I’d expect you two to rake in just about every spare bit in Ponyville by yourselves…I wouldn’t be surprised if females formed herds in order to pool their funds just to buy you , Mr. Apple.”
Macintosh chuckled. “An’ why wouldn’t any mare go out o’ her way t’get a good price f’r yew ? Ah know yew’ve lived here f’r a long time, but not many ponies know yew back in town. Yew jess’ maght come off as ‘exotic’ an’ bring in plenty o’ bits yerself. An’ it is f’r charity.”
Imaginary looked at the white structures of Canterlot up to the northeast, and then at the idyllic town of Ponyville to the southwest. “This……this is quite a tall order that you’re asking from me, you know.”
“We know what happened before. But we wouldn’t ask this of you if we knew you weren’t ready for it,” said Bulk.
“I…I have no say on who buys me, right? I’m stuck with whoever bids the highest?”
“We’re not askin’ yew t’fall in love, Imaginary. We’re…just wantin’ yew t’have a nice night…after all these years, an’ all the hard work yew’ve done…at least treat yerself t’a pleasant evenin’ with nice company.”
“It’s not falling in love that worries me, guys.” He turned toward the town again, and looked at two structures. One was almost completely white, the other was brown and cream. “Let’s just say that there are some…ponies…that I would like to avoid.”
“Avoid?” asked the pegasus.
“I’ll give the auction some thought, but honestly, I doubt I’ll bring in more than two bits. Let me talk to the organizers…and……” he sighed, “…I’ll do what I can to help…………………”
√-1 √-1 √-1
Author's Note
[…unWARP!!!]
Good evening.
This is my first attempt to write for MLP:FiM while using a self-insert OC. However, there will be no pairing him with any of the Mane 6, or any of the background characters, either. This is just a brief story of one lone stallion, and his POV of a number of events from Season 1 and Season 2, and his problems with 2 of the Mane 6.
It takes place shortly after “Luna Eclipsed” but before “Hearth’s Warming Eve”.
It also takes place within “The Sour Grapes Chronicles” continuity.
Tara Strong
Andrea Libman
Tabitha St. Germain
Ashleigh Ball
Cathy Weseluck
have
ONLY AN IMAGINARY FRIEND
with
Peter New
Michael Dobson
William Lawrenson as Pip Squeak and Featherweight
and introducing The J.A.M. as Imaginary
Special appearances by
Michelle Creber as Apple Bloom
Madeline Peters as Scootaloo
Claire Corlett as Sweetie Belle
Chantal Strand as Diamond Tiara
Shannon Chan-Kent as Silver Spoon
The Incredible Werekitty as Sour Grapes
and
Able DuSable as Stormfront and Squall
Written by The J.A.M., a.k.a. Numbuh i
Edited by Nathaniel T. Freeman
Some segments were co-written with The Incredible Werekitty
Edit alert! Updated Snowflake's name to Bulk Biceps, and added a phrase or two!
Thanks to Corey Powell for giving more depth to BB's character in "Rainbow Falls"!
Enjoy the edits!
