Letting Go~ (Humanization)
We are walking down the sidewalk, we are heading toward her apartment so we can finally spend time together. She offered to drive us there but I suggested that we walk since it would give us some time to talk. I hold her hand tightly as I smile up at her. She gives me a quick glace and returns my smile. I love being with her. I don't know why but...I just feel so happy talking to her, I feel like I am loved. I give her a quick peck on her cheek and blushed. Her cheeks turn slightly red and I giggle from her surprise. I rest my head on her shoulder and we continue our little walk.
"Twilight...when we get to your apartment, what is the first thing that we're gonna do?" I ask her.
She takes a second to think about it. "I don't know, lets see what we can do when we get there alright?"
I giggle softly. "Sure!"
She was one of the very few people who can actually make me smile. A genuine smile. I don't know how she does it but she would always get me onto the brighter side of things. She cares about me; she loves me just like my other friends do. Maybe she loves me more than that but...I'm just counting my chickens before they hatch.
We turn a corner. We're talking about her visiting the city of Canterlot recently. I barely visit Canterlot myself but the way she talks about that place makes it sound like fun. She even said that she may take me there soon.
"I couldn't find a book about animals though. Animals were the only thing that they didn't have in their libraries."
I gave out a playful groan. "If you could have found a book about animals, then you could read more about bunnies. Maybe Angel would stop treating you so badly...."
She smiles and lets out a soft chuckle. "I know. Well, after that-"
Before she could finish, a familiar voice interrupted her.
"Hey Twilight! Hey Fluttershy!" We both stopped walking and turned around. Rainbow Dash and Pinkie Pie were catching up behind us.
"Hey Rainbow, Pinkie! What brings you both here?" Twilight asks, obviously happy to see them both.
"We were just walking around talking about parties and such," Pinkie said. After she mentioned parties, the three just started to talk. They were talking about their day while and how their jobs stink. I just stood next to Twilight, watching the cars pass by.
"Hey Twilight, do you want to go to the movies with us?" Rainbow asks. Twilight wouldn't say yes. She promised me that we will spend the day at her apartment.
"Sure, that'd be nice." My eyes widened. Did she just forget that we were already going somewhere? I don't know somewhere like...her home!
"Yay~! Hey Fluttershy do you want to come too?!" Pinkie asked me.
"...Yeah...sure," I simply said in a whisper. I decided, why not? I could still spend time with Twilight...I guess. And like that, we just started walking to the movies. One of the few times in my life, I could feel my heart just pound with so much anger.
The movie wasn’t all that great either. We were watching a movie that really made no sense to me. I wasn't paying attention to be honest. I was watching over as Pinkie, Twilight and Rainbow were having some time together. They were laughing after Pinkie was saying some jokes and Rainbow would make remarks about the movie. I simply sighed and fell asleep though out the movie.
After the movie was over, we went to do a few things. I don't know what we did though everything after the movies was just a blur. Twilight was walking with Pinkie Pie and Rainbow Dash up in front while I was just walking behind them. I didn't want to ruin their time, especially since I didn't do anything to make things fun. The sun was starting to set and it was getting cold. Twilight told me to bring a jacket earlier but I didn't listen. I see Twilight shivering and I was about to say something until I see that Rainbow puts her arm around her and brings her closely. I don't know what or why but something inside me just snapped.
Seeing her with Rainbow and Pinkie, having a good time with them. Seeing her with people who can bring her happiness. I can't help but feel a little jealous. I couldn't help but feel...pointless. Why was I there? Was I just there so I could be tortured? To see her have so much fun without needing me. She truly doesn't need me. This wasn't the first time. No. There were plenty of times where Twilight seemed to be enjoying the company of others. I know she wouldn't think of it like that but I think it is just my jealousy talking. I'm jealous of her friends, I'm very jealous but I am also hurt. She couldn't see that I'm in pain because I don't really show it to her. She never planned this, i know she didn't. She wants to spend time with me, she misses me when we don't talk to each other at all. I miss her too. But I can't really just stay at the sidelines anymore. Not if this keeps hurting me.
I stop. They keep on walking and seem to have forgotten me.
"Which is for the best...." I try so hard to keep the tears from falling but I couldn't. "Maybe we'll spend time together...if life allows us...." I whisper. I turn around and head home. I wrap my arms around myself to keep me from becoming any colder. I felt my heart quiver in my chest as I'm thinking of what I may do for Twilight. I slide my hands into my pockets and felt something sharp.
"Letting go is the first step...but can I really make it through that first step....?" I pull out a tiny pocket knife from my pocket. I look at the blade and take a quick peek behind me. I no longer see them. I look at the blade once again. "...This little thing may help me through step one...."
And suddenly, I seemed to not have noticed but-- at my second glance I saw her, running towards me with tears in her eyes. Had she realized what she had done? I didn't know. I couldn't know. My heart raced as I gripped the knife. She couldn't have been running towards me. For me.
"FLUTTERSHY!" Her voice was frantic, panicked, broken. "FLUTTERSHY!!!!"
Tears began to fall and I no matter how hard I tried to hold them back, I simply couldn't. She stopped before me, gazing into my eyes as though she were heartbroken. Why?
She stepped forward once again and hugged me, crying as she choked out the words "I'm sorry..."
I gripped the knife harder as I lost control of my tears as though something inside me had just simply cracked--shattered into shards of broken glass. Her gentle hand slid down to mine, grasping the knife. My eyes widened, my heart pounding.
"Please let go of the knife, Fluttershy...."
My fingers loosened and the knife fell to the ground. I buried my head into her chest, her arms wrapped around me. I gripped her shirt.
She whispered softly.... "I'll never let you go."
