The Average Life of Lyra and Bon Bon... Or Other Misleading Titles

by SnowFinder

Rating: mature
Tags: My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Rainbow Dash, Romance, Comedy, Bon-Bon, Rarity, Random, Slice of Life, Lyra, Applejack
Length: 23674

Bon Bon is a cocky Canterlot mare. Lyra is a happy go lucky pony. Together, they will save Equestria. Well, other ponies might.... These two are mostly just happy to pay the rent.

Lyra and Bon Bon are one of Ponyville's closest couple. Maybe. Probably. At the very least their lives are a bit on the exciting side. Wrong? Well, this summary is a bunch of lies, isn't it?

Bon Bon is a cocky Canterlot mare. Lyra is a happy go lucky pony. Together, they will save Equestria. Well, other ponies might...these two are mostly just happy to pay the rent.

A joint story showcasing a series of misadventures in the life of Lyra and Bon Bon.

Published 2013-07-06 09:30:02 UTC
Last updated 2013-07-20 02:35:32 UTC

Paying the Rent: Part One

The Average Life of Lyra and Bon Bon... Or Other Misleading Titles
Chapter One - Paying the Rent: Part One

Bon Bon

I'm the mare your fathers warned you about, your mothers wanted to be, and your sons dreamed about. Of course that might make you older than myself, so your father would be a cantankerous old fart. Fuck his perspective- what does he know? The elderly haven't done a damn thing worthy of attention since two lonely old hags in Canterlot found love through a letter writing campaign and birthed the greatest mare of all time with a surrogate from Trottingham. When I busted out of that womb like a batcat out of Tartarus, you're damn right I was pretty awesome.

So if I'm so awesome, why the Tartarus do I live in a too-small apartment in some podunk city near Canterlot instead of trying to bag myself some rich noble so I suck all of his money away like a parasite? I'm too damn nice! I didn't suck up to the mean fillies at school who were the sons and daughters of the rich and powerful–don't let anypony tell you that anything else matters in Equestria except for a sweet rump and connections. Having only half of that relegates you to the lower tier of society, and so I found myself entertaining the sad and pathetic with silly voices. Silly voices, yeah. All my voices are silly... but you'll learn more about that later on (and when you do, I'll slap the shit out of you).

I have no connections and can't afford to live in Canterlot, and my mothers left me with nothing. Well, they died broke–poor mares spent so much on getting me where I was that they had little else. They were happy enough with just me, and I guess I'm grateful for that–would have been more grateful for a mansion with butlers and servants, but beggars can't be choosers and don't let anypony tell you that I haven't begged. I've begged and pleaded and done things for money that I'm not proud of, but all you need to know is that even at my lowest point I'm like ten leagues above you.

Ten leagues above you places me in Ponyville, where I found myself on my last legs some years ago selling bonbons. Get it? Because my name is Bon Bon. Fucking Equestria. I make good bonbons, too. “The best! Better than the rest.” That was my slogan for years, see where it got me? Homeless, with a lease for a crappy apartment in town being given to me by the sympathetic Mayor Mare. Geez, thanks kind overlords for not giving me that damn mansion, your scraps are just fine. They call me ungrateful but seriously, I knew a colt who had a golden spoon at lunch and when a bully stole it, he hit the bully with a golden lunchbox. What I'm asking for is at least practical.

Luckily, I wasn't the only one stuck in this crapsack of a town sniffing Canterlot's endless taint close by. In fact, once you get past the size of the city, the number and variety of it's inhabitants is pretty amazing. It still sucks, but hey, I met somepony. I think Lyra is a pretty cool mare and doesn't afraid of anything, or whatever other dumb meme you want me to force into the ground. Foals these days learn all sorts of dumb shit on the playground. Back in my day we spoke proper Equestrian, not this horse-radish being passed as filling because we're becoming overrun with griffons.

My point is, they're un-Equestrian.

Lyra though, she’s smart and funny, cool and nice, and almost as awesome as I am. It would be impossible to be as awesome as I am of course. If she was, they could just install us as the Princesses. Then I could get that mansion I always wanted. In fact, maybe that's what I'll do someday- overthrow the Equestrian government and get that palace all to myself... and Lyra, of course. She deserves it almost as much as I.

For now, however, we just needed to keep the rent paid before the landlord whipped us outta there faster than Flash Sentry tosses out Twilight's love letters.

In case Twilight Sparkle can read minds: Oh great Equestrian magical overlord, it was a fucking joke. Also, stop clopping to his name at night, you dirty girl.

Lyra

All in all I'd say I'm pretty much just your typical, average mare. I was born to a typical, average home nestled in the most typical and average part of Canterlot. I was the middle child born to a pair of happy, loving ponies eager to provide for the family they so loved. My parents worked typical, average jobs as mechanical lawn ornament designers. They raised us well, and for it I was always happy.

Thinking on it though, y'know, I can't really remember many times where I haven't been happy. Lotsa ponies seem really sad sometimes, going through lives with frowns plastered on their face–but not me! I dunno. Guess I musta lucked out or something. Sure, I'm nothing special, but I'm happy and live a dream life here in Ponyville with a pony I love more than anything in the whole universe! Considering all of that, I don't think I'd want to trade my life for anypony's, not even Celestia herself!

Looking back, it's kind of hard to see just how I got to where I am now. Of course, that's partly because my memory really isn't good, but still. With my humble background, it's kinda a shock that I wound up with such a rich, fulfilled life. I'm not super smart or super athletic, nor am I especially awesome at magic and I'm kind of a awkward. I can remember my dear old dad telling me one day–not long after his business failed but just before mother's sudden, unexplained disappearance–that “life worked in mysterious ways” and that “good things come to those who wait.” I think he might have been right, even if his illness did strike not too many months after that.

Regardless, it was after we lost the home and my older brother ran off with that foreign countess that I really had to step up and find my calling. Now, given my name–Lyra Heartstrings–I was certain I was destined to be a heart surgeon... but that didn't really pan out very well. After the trial, I decided to just fall back on the lyre I had been learning to play since I was a foal. Turns out I'm not bad at that! I had soon fashioned myself as a modern day troubadour, spreading romance and adventure across the land in verse. It's not something a pony can get particularly rich at, mind you, but I can count on at least every twelfth pony who passes me by as I sing to throw a bit or two in my hat.

It was the lyre which lead me to Ponyville. There's something about singing jaunty lyrical poems to the dulcet tones of an old-fashioned instrument that puts a spring in a pony's step and makes her want to see the wide world. You could say I've always had a bit of a tendency to wander off on my own. Sometimes this can lead me to really weird or wonderful places. One of the first and best of those places was Ponyville, a peaceful, charming town built on a foundation of friendship and harmony. It was there that I met my Bonnie Bon, the best mare in the world!

It was pretty much love at first sight with Bon Bon. She's just so nice! She's cute and funny and makes amazing treats too! I really fell for that mare hard, and for once felt like keeping my hooves firmly in one place for a while. The two of us now share a cozy little apartment together and greet each day with a smiling face. I'm sure she could do much better than an average, typical mare like me, but I'm really just so happy to have her. With Bonnie at my side, I really feel like there's nothing that could ever get me down. With her winning attitude and kind smile, my sweet Bon Bon is the rare sort of mare who can make something extraordinary out of even a humdrum life like mine.

"Sweet Celestia where's the bag?!" Bon Bon screamed as she started to look under the couch, lifting it up with inpony strength as her heart raced. If they lost the rent money, they may as well become traveling circus performers. Entertaining thought for a filly, but she had no desire to see Ponyacci's wrinkled flank ever again. The things a filly with a backstage pass could see if she utilized it! She learned to keep her makeup on, which was a life lesson that she never forgot. Ever. The other lesson experience had taught her was to keep her money in a secure location, but Lyra always seemed prepared to almost give her a heart attack with her tendency to misplace things.

"It's right here, Bonnie!" Lyra bounced into view, levitating a bag with big bit signs on it. There was debate as to why they placed their money in a bag but the truth was that Bon Bon wanted to make it very easy and clear for her fillyfriend where the money was at all times so she never lost it. She had done just that one time, and while the wind had sent it flying back to the apartment then, she doubted she could count on it to always cooperate. You only got that "lucky" once in a blue moon and it wasn't something Bon Bon was willing to place her livelihood on again. Bon Bon ran up and snatched the bitbag, finally relaxed once it was in her position.

"Lyra, why are you playing around with the bitbag?"

"You're no fun at all sometimes, Bonnie."

"Nonsense, I'm a hoot and a holler. What were you doing?" Bon Bon finally noticed there something a bit queer–a bit gamey–about her bag. She opened it up and a steady stream of marbles rolled out, cracking against the floor with headache inducing regularity and volume. As quickly as it opened Bon Bon closed it, tying the infernal bag up.

"I was looking for a good marble bag for your Dungeons and Minotaurs session tomorrow. You know how they make the best dice bags!" Lyra offered cheerfully, already anticipating how Bon Bon was planning on leveling up. Lyra had seen her character sheet and it was quite impressive for a huge nerd. Bon Bon went white from terror, imagining now that the bits were running wild about the house, rolling to and fro.

"Where are the bits, Lyra?!"

"They're in the drawer. Geez, calm down sweetie pie, we made more than enough to cover the rent this time," Lyra tried to soothe Bon Bon's panic to little avail. The earth pony galloped to the kitchen and opened the drawer, letting out a huge, earth shattering sigh- big enough to at least move the curtains on the windowsill some. She sat down on the floor, finally relaxed.

"Oh, thank Celestia. I was so worried! I thought we were completely screwed," Bon Bon offered up weakly, joined a moment later by a Lyra pat on the mane as she walked by to get a drink.

"Stop worrying so much! We've got the rent already half-paid, we have more than enough now, it's all good!" She added quickly before downing her water, Bon Bon rolling her eyes.

Granted, she was just trying to comfort her mare, but the fact was she was still wrong. They were up shit creek without a pegasus to save them, though Bon Bon placed the burden on herself to pay for their crappy little apartment. Lyra didn't see it, being a pony of positivity and all, but Bon Bon saw them all. When it rained, the roof leaked. When the landlord didn't pay his monthly maintenance tax, the weather team didn't even bother fixing the damage they caused. None of the doors closed, so privacy was impossible. The shower had wild water pressure. Some days it wanted to blow you out of the town, other days it was a soft mist. Inspirational perhaps, didn't help get you clean. Their neighbors had loud sessions due to the weak walls so Lyra and Bon Bon responded in kind on purpose. You know who got called by the landlord? Bon Bon. Life was unfair.

Bon Bon sighed. "Sorry, I know I'm being a complete pain in the flank about rent. You know how I worry when it's due."

"Don't I ever!" Lyra giggled, Bon Bon deadpanned.

"...Anyway...wanna walk with me to go ahead and drop it into the landlord's box? He shouldn't be up for another six hours or so. Or seven. What time is it?" Bon Bon should really invest in a clock, but Lyra was more than happy to provide that service. She was more than happy to do anything because she was probably the happiest mare in town. “Suck on that, Pinkie Pie, and suck on it good and hard”, she thought for a moment and her eyes lit up.

"Two minutes to midnight!"

"Alright, wanna come?"

"Oh my, so forward!"

Bon Bon buried her face into her hooves.

"Lyra, that was awful."

"Let me get dressed, meet you out front."

"Okay, meet you out fron- wait, get dressed? We're just walking to the..." Bon Bon sighed, knowing it was fruitless to argue with Lyra. She dutifully trotted outside, waiting for her mare to get on with it already. Something itched the nail of her hoof, though she tried to ignore it. It was this annoying tick she got when things didn't seem right, like scratches on a vinyl record, a broken background loop. She always tried to ignore it, stamping her hoof deep into the ground, but it remained. Luckily before she could devote more time to foreboding body tics, Lyra stepped out looking roughly the same, but with more pronounced makeup.

"Lyra, really. Really, Lyra?"

"Well, I was going to wear some nice boots, but they need to be washed."

"Why?"

"Why not?"

Valid answer. Bon Bon shrugged.

"Okay, so we're just gonna pay the rent. Got it?"

"Yep!"

The itching hooves didn't go away as they trotted in the dark of the night towards the landlord's. And because it was Equestria, nothing freak would happen. Probably. Maybe.

Nah, they were boned.

Paying the Rent: Part Two

The Average Life of Lyra and Bon Bon... Or Other Misleading Titles
Chapter Two - Paying the Rent: Part Two

Lyra

Bon Bon sometimes tells me I need to work on my self-control. She's smarter than I am, so I figure it's probably the truth too. I make a lot of mistakes. When I was a foal, I'd sometimes get it in my head that I had really special magic and try and do things like fly or walk through walls or transform myself into a giant mechanical lizard. I wound up in the hospital a lot, and worried the hay out of my mom, the doctors and the teachers. Luckily, I've calmed down since then and don't do that kind of stuff half as much as I used to. These days I'm more likely to just wander on to a random train and fall asleep or eat all of some special bonbons Bonnie was trying to reserve for her customers. Point is, Lyra Heartstrings is not exactly a pony with a lot of restraint.

I explain this now because it's kinda important. Bonnie is so nice and sweet and perfect. Most of the messes we wind up in are entirely my bad. Honestly, you'd think a mare like her would have ditched me by now, but she is so patient and understanding. For whatever reason or other she puts up with all my little screw ups and almost never even gets too mad at me. I don't really get it, but I'm grateful all the same. I don't honestly know what I'd do without a mare like Bon Bon in my life. All the same, sometimes things happen and I kind of wonder if I'm not taking her for granted.

Which, I suppose, brings us back to the story. It was just after midnight and Bonnie had invited me to accompany her to deliver our rent money to the landlord's box. This was probably not a good idea, especially considering what ultimately happened. Bon Bon is such a nice mare though, I can't fault her for inviting me along with her. I was very happy to be going out at night with my Bon Bon. A midnight stroll with my one true love–what self-respecting filly would pass on that? Me, I was absolutely giddy. It probably shouldn't have been about me or about us as much as it was about the rent, but well, as I was saying before...

Bonnie and I left the apartment in good spirits, rent money in tow. We began our fateful journey to deliver our rent without a hitch. You see, the landlord, he doesn't really live that far away. In about ten minutes we were over halfway there just going at a leisurely pace. It seemed very much like we were fated to make our all-important delivery. That's when it had to get a little more complicated. Me and Bon Bon happened to cross paths with another pair of ponies trotting in the opposite direction.

"Yeah, I really think she's got the atmosphere down pat. This idea might be the best she's had in awhile," Flitter said to Cloudchaser just as we entered earshot. They're a pair of local pegasi. I'm not really sure what they do, but they always seemed nice enough to me and they seem like such a happy couple too, just like me and Bonnie.

"I'm not sure that's saying much considering how her last few ideas have gone," Cloudchaser replied giving a small laugh.

"Aww, c'mon! You know you had lots of fun! You drank enough for three mares!" Flitter countered loudly.

Cloudchaser then nuzzled her mare's ear and stroked one of her wings with her hoof. "Trust me, Flit, tonight's fun hasn't even started..." she spoke directly into the ear, drawing a blush from her partner.

The two had been talking quite loudly, so it was kind of hard to ignore, even though Bon Bon had this look on her face like she was trying to with every fiber of her amazing being to do just that. Me... well, as I explained at the start... yeah...

"Hi guys! How are you tonight?" I popped up right in front of them and started with a big grin. Cloudchaser laughed and shook her head. Flitter rolled her eyes. Bon Bon gave a sigh.

"Oh, hello Lyra. Bon Bon. What are you two up to at this late hour?" Cloudchaser said, finding an amused smile. "Out for a late night stroll?"

"Something like that," Bon Bon muttered dismissively, but with a smile. "Now, come Lyra. We'll have time to goof off after we've dropped it off."

"I know!" I called back before shifting my attention again to the pegasus couple. "It's been good talking to you two, but me and Bonnie have important plans!" I said.

"So do we," Flitter said, kind of terse-like.

"See ya around," Cloudchaser added more friendly, but with an awkward laugh. "Oh! But if you have the time, you might want to go check out Sweet Apple Acres. You know that new storefront Applejack had built–the one she's been trying for months to find something to do with? She's made it into a bar this time, and tonight's the grand opening. Drinks are good and cheap; it's quite the party down there."

Looking back, it was these fateful words that led me and Bonnie down out ill fated path. Anything "new" tends to make that poor self-control I mentioned before crumble like something extra crumbly until I go bouncing off like a child who has her eyes on a brand new toy.

The thing is, I don't even really like to drink. Alcohol isn't very tasty and it makes me feel really funny even after only one drink. I know Bonnie likes it though, and I do like getting out with other ponies and having a good time. The pub we tended to favor, the Rusty Sandcat, it was all the way on the other side of Ponyville too. If Applejack had a new, closer bar it was worth getting excited for.

"Ooh, Bonnie, we should check it out!" I started, hugging her right foreleg tightly as the pegasi began to walk off.

Bon Bon gave a small sigh and then nodded her head. "Okay, Lyra, but first, let's take care of the r--!"

"Yay! This is going to be fun!" I declared, cutting off whatever she was going to say with a super tight embrace. "C'mon, Bonnie Bon. The nightlife waits for no mare!"

With that, I galloped ahead in the direction of Sweet Apple Acres. Bon Bon gave chase. "Wait! Lyra, no. Let's... Ugh! Please! There's no reason we can't do this first..."

"Do what first?" I asked, tilting my head, my excitement shamefully taking me out of the moment.

Bon Bon brought her hoof to her face. "Oh, Lyra... The rent! We need to drop it off!" she replied loudly.

"Oh yeah," I responded with a toothy grin. "But you said it yourself that the landlord won't even be up for hours! There's no reason to rush that. It's not like the rent money could go anywhere!"

"But still... wouldn't it be better to just get it over with? We could have it done in ten minutes. There's really no reason at all not to..." Bon Bon said, looking unconvinced.

"Aww, trust me, Bonnie! We'll want to get to the bar as soon as possible before the peak crowds start to drift out," I rationalized. I don't think I really knew what I was talking about, but it sounded like the right kinda thing to say and I was eager.

"Honestly, Lyra..." Bon Bon muttered, though by this point I was already rushing off blindly again.

I didn't stop either, even as she continued to call out to me. Nope, I barreled ahead with no regard for anything until we were standing right in front of AJ's new bar. With a wide smile on my face, I then bounced right on through the door. At that moment, I was completely determined to have the best time I possibly could. It seemed to me like there wasn't anything that could go wrong.

Bon Bon

I made sure not to show her the eviction notice because frankly she would have forgotten what an eviction notice was and used it to wipe her cute little bum bum. Then when I actually needed to reference it to remember through my hangover addled memory what it was I needed to pay, I would have needed to take a wild guess. You can laugh but fuck you, it's happened–more than once. And frankly, I didn't want to possibly worry her. She is a little ball of positive energy given form and few things would be sadder than seeing that spirit of hers cut on the sharp edges of reality. And it would have been my fault–I gambled half our money on perfecting new chocolates that were either promptly stolen at the market, given away, eaten by Lyra, or completely destroyed by Derpy.

Fucking Derpy. I'm always under attack by idiots.

Speaking of, Flitter and Cloudchaser after the midnight hour are nothing but bad news. They were good enough during the day, a cute young couple like Lyra and I, but as night their brains turned off and their inhibitions flowed without anything to stop them. I hate ponies like that who think the world revolves around them and in how many kinky ways they can get off. Listen dumbasses, this world revolves around me and it's about how many ways can I get off! They can't touch my level, so why do I find myself always on the receiving end of their lunacy? Once again a short trip to the landlords was somehow delayed by something they said or did.

Lyra bought their poison hook, line, and sinker and within a few moments she had made the decision for the two of us, hopping over to Applejack's new bar. Applejack's new bar, eh? That mare was always trying to do something new nowadays. Whenever I needled her saying maybe life on the farm was growing stale, she'd get all pissed off and retort that she was just looking to expand the family business. Maybe that was true–the Apples had resources to die for, and several cider seasons of greater and greater yields meant that the bar made sense. When I entered, it made even more sense.

It wasn't some super fancy establishment with all sorts of comfy cushions and pointless decorations. Dimly lit and cozy; It looked just as a bar should, with few embellishments save a pool table, some darts, other bar games that I invariably suck at after I've had a few drinks. Not that I was any worse than anypony else who was completely sober, as awesome and together as I am at all times–it only brought me down to their level. There were a few Apple-family related insignias and carvings though, and even tokens from her famous friends. What a jackass.

"Howdy! Welcome to Sweet Apple Saltlick," Applejack bellowed far too loud from behind the counter, a growing stable of inebriated stallions in front of her."

"Heya Applejack! Wow, this place looks awesome!" my fillyfriend started, and to be honest she was right. It looked pretty good. Sturdy, well-designed, lots of care–Applejack had put more effort into this than her failing love life, which was a shame because it meant all sorts of stallions tried to hit on her, which meant fewer spent their time flirting with me and loading me up with free drinks.

"Well, thank ya kindly! What can I doya for?" she asked, obviously not at all surprised. Arrogant bitch, only I'm allowed to be that self-assured!

"How about five...hard clementine cide-"

FUCK THAT NOISE.

"Woah! Lyra now, please. We can't really spend this..." but I knew I had to get her something, or else she'd pout and her pout powers were off the chart,"...but I suppose we can both have one cube of salt?" I offered. Hey, salt was good and cheap. Applejack sighed, a little disappointed probably that she couldn't suck us dry of bits.

"Two cubes, comin' up."

"Now, why would two pretty mares want that?"

A deep, confident voice spoke nearly on my neck and I resisted the urge to reflexively buck. I hate ponies breathing down my neck, figuratively or literally. I turned around to give him a piece of my mind...

...Hello there, hot stuff!

Lyra was quick to survey the bar after entering. It was a nice place, full of all sorts of familiar faces. Applejack was there behind the counter. Rainbow Dash was at the very end, completely passed out on the bar next to a tall, mostly empty cider mug. The town's biggest barfly, Berry Punch was sitting dead center and was noticeably wobbly. All around her were a bunch of familiar stallions, including Magnum, Carrot Cake from Sugar Cube Corner, Thunderlane, Noteworthy and AJ's own big brother, Big Macintosh.

The stallion who happened to speak to the two of them was not one Lyra knew at all, however. He was a handsome unicorn with a burnt orange mane and a gray coat. From his tone and the obvious way his bright blue eyes tried to pierce into Bon Bon's soul he quickly revealed he was quite interested in her. This made it all the more obvious he wasn't a local. Everyone in Ponyville knew that Lyra and Bon Bon were an item. This sort of situation happened a lot when dealing with out-of-towners, but Lyra found it was usually easy enough to clear up. She just needed to make it perfectly clear her perfectly perfect Bon Bon was perfectly off limits.

Lyra started focusing an acute glare at the stranger, and called out: "Hey! You listen up now, mister!" It was right then, as she came to a pause, that the unicorn happened to have an idea.

Nine times out of ten Lyra having ideas ended in some manner of disaster. She knew this all too well, but in this case it just seemed perfect. They were at this fun bar with all these ponies, but Bon Bon didn't want to buy drinks. Salt was okay, she supposed, but it was a little salty for Lyra's taste. It wasn't a very social refreshment either, and Lyra knew Bon Bon would prefer some cider. Now, It was a fact that stallions who were interested in mares liked to buy them free drinks. That made the setup just perfect! They just needed to flirt back with this guy and they could have all the free cider they could ask for. It was foolproof.

Utterly failing to mask her mischievous laugh and too wide grin, Lyra flipped back her mane, revealing her woeful inability to act seductive. "What I mean to say is, I'm the cute one here. Look at me too!" Operation Free Drinks had officially begun!

Bon Bon stared blankly at her fillyfriend and silently mouthed some stunned words. She seemed at a loss, but Lyra was sure that once she caught on she'd be all over Lyra's brilliant scheme. Bon Bon loved getting free stuff as much as the next mare. At the very least, Bon Bon had finally put the parcel containing the bits for the rent down to her right on the bar. That told Lyra she wasn't going to fight the fact that the two of them were there to stay at least for a little while.

"Though I suppose you'll have to be the judge of that once you've bought us each some drinks!" Lyra clumsily blurted out. Bon Bon very nearly fell off of her barstool.

The handsome stallion looked at either of the two mares and gave a laugh. "Well, who am I to refuse such fine fillies as yourselves," he said, causing Bon Bon's jaw to go slack. He then smiled and looked at Applejack. "Another for me and a pair of a ciders for this lovely pair of mares, sweet barmaid."

Applejack shot an uneasy glance at the stallion. "Well, all right, hon," she said as she turned to fetch a couple mugs. She started to fill the stallion's mug first with fresh hard apple cider. "But just so you know, these two here are--"

Lyra suddenly banged her hoof loudly against the bar. She couldn't have Applejack blowing their cover. Operation Free Drinks needed to be a success. Bon Bon's evening depended on it. She glowered obviously at the orange mare as she quietly muttered "Sorry. I was just excited."

AJ gave an awkward laugh and stepped back when she noticed how Lyra was looking at her. The apple mare was a notoriously awful liar, but she was also very accommodating with ponies she knew. Her grin widened to a ridiculous point. "Er... w-what ah mean to say is, these two here are some of my best customers, so you best be treatin' them nice now. Got it?" Applejack said with a very stiff nod.

"Of course, of course," the suave stranger replied with a laugh. "Though might I ask how an establishment–even one as agreeable as this–might have regulars on the the very day it opens?" he added, glancing up at the big board listing the grand opening specials.

"Well...er... I-I..." Applejack back up nervously, nearly tripping over a barrel right behind her. She was clearly at a loss.

"Applejack means in all things. She has quite the enterprise with Sweet Apple Acres. They're products get sold all over Ponyville. This bar is just the latest venture," Bon Bon, kind as she always was, did her best to bail out the other mare.

"Yup. That's it. These two are buyin' apples from me left and right!" AJ declared, looking relieved. She hurried back to filling up the ciders. She placed a mug before each of them. "Y'all enjoy now!" she added before quite hurriedly cantering off to find another customer who might need her for something.

"And I can see why," the stallion spoke as he sipped his cider. "The quality of the apples speaks for itself. You two must have have quite discerning palates when it comes to such things."

Lyra wasn't very sure what a palate was, so she just nodded. "Yep. We have the best palates ever!"

"Well, I do make some damn nice chocolates if I do say so myself," Bon Bon asserted as she put down her already half depleted mug of cider. "Nothing but rave reviews."

Lyra nodded. She loved Bon Bon's bonbons. There was nothing better. At that moment, the cider was tasting pretty good to her too though. Sure, she didn't care too much for alcohol, but AJ's apple cider was sweet enough that it went down easy. The fact that she had worked so hard for it just made it taste all the more better. Flirting was tricky and she wasn't even sure she was doing it right. The stallion still seemed interested in them though, so she was sure she was doing okay.

"Oh? You're a confectioner then? How very fitting for a mare so obviously sweet," the stallion said in a charming voice, making eyes at Bon Bon again.

"Oh, stop..." Bon Bon said coyly, waving her hoof and blushing noticeably. Lyra knew her mare as not being particularly humble; compliments could at times be her weakness.

"But it's true. To find such a vision of beauty in this small town... I'll have to make certain to come and sample your sweet treats before I leave," the stallion said, narrowing his eyes. Bon Bon gave a soft laugh.

"Well, I certainly hope you like what you get," Bon Bon started back with a smile. "Most of my customers leave satisfied."

Lyra wasn't liking how the conversation was going exactly. The strange stallion was staring at Bon Bon a little too much, and while she was glad to see Bon Bon had finally embraced Operation Free Drinks, her acting was almost too convincing. The mare couldn't help but insert herself back into the conversation.

"Yep, my Bonnie Bon is the sweetest most awesome mare in Equestria and I love her and her chocolates more than anything ever." Lyra blurted out all at once, grabbing a hold of Bon Bon's nearest foreleg and clinging to it tightly. Bon Bon seemed entirely unsure how to react.

"I... uh... see," the stallion spoke, seemingly confused as well. "So what do you do then, miss?" he asked, looking at Lyra this time.

"Ooh, I'm a musician," Lyra said with a proud nod.

"Ah, a noble calling. What do you play? Classical?"

"Yep! Super classical!" Lyra nodded eagerly. "I'm a lyrist!"

"Lyrist?" the stallion started, taken aback.

"I play a lyre! The instrument of choice for traveling minstrels hundreds of years ago," Lyra explained with a grin.

"I... see... how...uh... fascinating..." the stallion muttered, his smile getting a little wider. He looked back toward Bon Bon, and noticing her mug was now empty. "Would the lovely mare like another drink?"

"Ooh, I know I want one!" Lyra piped up as she powered down the rest of her drink and slammed the glass down on the bar.

Bon Bon groaned. "Lyra... that's–" she started.

"It's no problem," the stallion interjected. "Another round, barmaid!" the stallion called out.

Another round came. Then another. Time passed quickly as the couple enjoyed conversation with the stallion, Applejack and the other patrons. Lyra was wobbly drunk after just the first round and downright incoherent after the third. She continued to notice how the strange stallion would look at Bon Bon and how she'd talk to him back. She was grateful to the guy, since it was because of his generosity that Operation Free Drinks was such a resounding success... but it became increasingly hard for her to not be jealous. As the evening progress the certainty that something very stupid was going to happen inched closer and closer to one hundred percent.

"... and then the dumb pony came along and crashed right into it! My cart was in pieces for weeks." Bon Bon laughed heartily as she finished a story. The stallion gave a chuckle.

"How unfortunate. You would think ponies would be more careful. For a lovely mare like you to have to endure such things, it's not right!" he asserted.

Bon Bon nodded. "That's damn right. Honestly, that mare is just a menace! I don't deserve any of that crap," she said, slamming her hoof down as Applejack came to her with a new cider.

"What do you deserve, my dear?" the stallion started with a smirk.

"More nights like this one!" Bon Bon replied.

It was at this moment that Lyra stood up rather abruptly. For a while now it had just been back and forth between these two and she had had enough! This was supposed to be about her and Bon Bon wasn't it? It was their date, and yet they hadn't even talked to each other at all! She was fed up.

"That's enough! Operation Free Drinks is aborted, effective immediately!" Lyra declared boldly.

"Operation what?" Bon Bon questioned blankly. "Lyra, what the hay are you talking about?"

"No! What are you talking about?! This is enough! This has been no fun at all! Let's go now and deliver that big bag full of bits there and go home!" Lyra loudly rambled, petting the rent money awkwardly.

"Lyra... I think you've probably had enough..." Bon Bon said in a low voice... "We probably should get–"

"No, you've had enough!" Lyra started inanely, as she suddenly made an awkward jerk on her stool.

There was no helping what happened then. The inebriated unicorn mare toppled backward quite quickly. Her extended hoof caught on Bon Bon's full cider. The glass mug flew forward at an angle, drenching Bon Bon in the process before smashing to pieces on the bar floor. Now on the floor, Lyra looked up anxiously at a rather none to pleased looking Bon Bon. She gave an awkward laugh.

"Lyra..." Bon Bon muttered, her displeasure evident.

"I'm sorry, Bonnie..." Lyra said, rubbing the back of her head, feeling somewhat sobered by what had happened. "My bad."

Applejack rushed toward them then with a mop. "Don't worry girls, ah'll take care of this," she said. Nodding to Bon Bon, she added, "There's a restroom that way there. You can use it to freshen yourself right on back up."

Bon Bon gave a long sigh and nodded. "Thanks. I think I'll do that," she said as she trotted off.

Lyra was feeling pretty regretful at that point about how things had unfolded. Wanting to make up for it, her eyes went to AJ. "You want me to help?" she asked as she lifted herself up off the floor, only to promptly slip on some cider.

"Nah, don't you worry, sugarcube," the other mare said. "These kinds of things happen. Ain't nopony gonna blame you for nothin'."

Lyra found a weak smile and her way finally back onto her hooves. "I'm sorry all the same. Poor Bonnie. I really always am such a screw up. I sometimes wonder why she puts up with it all."

"Ah, hon, that much should be obvious. Y'all got something special. That mare really cares about you," AJ assured warmly as she continued to mop up cider and glass. "With love like that, there ain't nothin' two ponies can't overcome."

"I hope you're right," Lyra said.

She smiled weakly, lost on the thought as she continued to watch AJ clean up her mess. About the time it was all mopped up, Bon Bon was back as well. Lyra looked at her and gave a small nod.

"I'm sorry, Bonnie. I really am. I just kind of got carried away. You're always telling me I need to work on it, but I can just be so helpless," Lyra said in an earnest voice.

Bon Bon smiled and gave Lyra a small hug. "You know it's fine. I couldn't stay mad at you for anything."

"Yeah. But it was stupid coming here in the first place. We should really get going," Lyra said, reassured some.

Bon Bon nodded. "Fine by me, let's just grab the bits and...!" Bon Bon cut herself off very suddenly as she stepped back toward her seat. "Lyra, where is the rent money?"

Lyra was surprised by the question. She stepped toward Bon Bon, looking all across the bar for the bag of bits but to no avail. Sure enough, the money for the rent was nowhere to be found.

Paying the Rent: Part Three

The Average Life of Lyra and Bon Bon... Or Other Misleading Titles
Chapter Three - Paying the Rent: Part Three

Bon Bon

I've always hated stallions. Not because of any eww look at that giant horsecock reasons or because I was raised in a society that relegated them to second class, but because they were always trying to leap into your folds like it was a golden cave of happiness. Mind you that mine probably is a golden cave of happiness of Lyra's expressions are anything to go by... but that's besides the point. They simply try and try and try and while I know it's the fault of my amazing pheromones and their dullard nature, it's still a motherfucker to deal with. It wasn't a huge bother when free drinks were involved, but the fact that I was having to babysit an increasingly toxic Lyra while playing him for drinks all while still keeping my wits about me sucked increasing crotchtits.

None of this would have happened had my love just not been such a dunce as a drunk. She got a bit jealous, a lot less happy and flirty, and she wasn't really capable of holding her own anyway–and because she couldn't, the night was a total fuckup. Like a giant flaming globe of fire in the heart, she had fallen and as I washed up I noticed what the hay should have been clear from the beginning. It all fell together in my brilliant head and golden brain.

Shouldn't it have been obvious they were a couple? Lyra couldn't act her way out of a paper douche, I didn't start playing along until we were a bit into it, and Applejack was about as helpful as a wet fart when it came to deception. That asshole must have known, saw our bag, and liquored our admittedly fine asses up. She falls eventually, he takes our money. What an asshole! Sonofabitch motherfucker. Well, he screwed with the wrong Earth pony.

“Sweet Celestia he took our money!" I screamed out in a half-drunken rage, liquor masking the edges of my eyesight in a film I was having trouble deciphering anything resembling good volume. I half-trotted, though it was probably a stagger–an awesome stagger mind you; even drunk my legs move like beautiful works of art you creepy weirdos–across the room, eyes scanning the happenin' bar for any sign of that piece of shit who had my money. Just the normal group of losers: Berry Punch, the recovering alcoholic who enabler Applejack was killing slowly in the name of her family; Carrot Cake, drinking away the memories of sleeping with his cow of a wife; Noteworthy, finding inspiration at the bottom of the mug as to how to make his name more than an ironic punchline; and Big Mac, just sitting there looking like a hot motherfucker.

Hey, fillyfooler or not, I can admit prime real estate when I see it. Hot. Damn.

I finally saw that piece of shit guffawing about with two others at the end of the bar, a tall unicorn and a short pegasus. Good, we had a bushel of sister-fucking cumbuckets assholes. THEY WOULD REAP THE WHIRLWIND OF MY HOOVES.

I promptly tripped on one of the floorboards and fell as I took my first step in their direction.

"Unf."

Gravity is a sonofabitch.

I tried to pull myself up under the cover of a general “HURRA!” from the bar. Those assholes were right there, buying a round for everypony up front. The sound of MY bits hitting the countertop and Applejack scooping them up and laughing only boiled my blood further, a feat I wouldn't have thought possible. It felt like red-hot lava about ready to burn through me, but I'm made out of 100% tempered incredible and I managed to wobble up to my hooves and stagger across the bar. Along the way I grabbed an empty cider bottle from Rainbow Dash's table–dumb slut had probably been rejected by Applejack during a drunken advance early and stewed in her defeat, if the number of cider bottles was any indication.

Finally, I found myself almost gliding towards the trio until I propped my failing body up against the bar, the hoof with the beer bottle hiding underneath.

"Hey, dude," I said, changing my voice inflection effortlessly. I have many skills, as you'll come to see, and I am the best at everything I do. I have more voices in my head than you've heard in your life and I'm not referring to any drug induced psychosis. The thief turned around, his amused smile more infuriating than Lyra's sleepwalking; some unicorns needed to wear more protection, it turns out–she had had to convince her doctor to not put all of where the horn had gone into that medical report.

"Oh, look at you. A bit flustered–I hope you're ready to drink, I just ordered a round for all my good friends here at the bar," he spoke a little too loudly, a little too proudly, and his two friends chuckled. He did look at me a bit quizzically however, my voice catching him off guard.

"I love some good drinks, buddy," I changed her voice again, this time almost sounding colt like. I trotted around him, positioning myself right next to him, between him and his two friends. The grin on my face was too wide, and he shot me a bemused look. He knew I wasn't here to be friendly, and so did his unicorn friend who started reaching for his own bottle.

"Listen darling, if you hadn't lied to me then I would have just moved on but if you and yours thought you could just get free drinks from me all night and not pay the bloody piper, you're wrong," he sneered, so sure of himself. I couldn't wait it out any longer.

"Well ya see sweetie the problem is–" I began, my voice incredibly high pitched and annoying as all hell. As he was wincing, I uncoiled like a cobra and smashed Dash's disease-ridden cider bottle across his face. It exploded in a shower of glass, sending his head cracking against the countertop. I ducked, knowing what was next. The unicorn swung the bottle and ended up hitting his pegasus friend who was so drunk at this point he was only half there anyway. The pegasus then went cracking against his half-full salt-cup, sending it's cheap wares flying.

I turned around and charged that unicorn dumbass, backing him against a pillar, and then took him by his pretty little horn and jabbed it right into the pillar. He tried to pull himself free of it, but he had no shot. This wasn't my first rodeo. Hell, I've gotten into more bar fights than some ponies have had sex, and I feel no shame in saying I'm equally skilled in both. Like I said, I'm everything you wish you could be, mare or stallion.

I wasn't done yet though. I was still a bit pissed, to be perfectly honest. So I punched him. Once. Twice. Five times in and I had exhausted it, the unicorn falling off of the pillar sans horn. I then wiggled his entirely too small piece out of the pillar and hoofed it around.

I smiled and turned back to the countertop, a straight-faced Applejack looking over the three broken stallions.

"They get a little too comfortable with you, sugarcube?" she asked, giving me the benefit of the doubt. I guffawed, tossing the woefully small horn on the counter.

"No. Fucker tried to steal my rent money! Even used it to...buy everyone a round...I think?" I said, finishing off the drinks. Never let good drinks go to waste. She eyed the horn, her worry rising.

"Uhh, that's a clean break, right?"

I laughed.

"Yeah, no diagonal. I made sure he was nice and straight. Look at how small it is!" Heck, even Lyra's was bigger and mare's horns were supposed to be a bit on the slender side. This one was like a toothpick.

She joined in.

"Aww, haha, reminds me of mah first coltfriend's when Ah was a lil' filly," She smiled, lost in some good memories. Then her memory turned a bit hungry and she shook her head, letting go of the horn right quick.

"Well, Ah'll make sure he takes it 'fore he leaves. Good thing unicorn horns heal easy," She nodded, taking the horn behind the counter. I shot her a queer look, but was interrupted by Lyra.

Lyra

Bon Bon has to be the nicest pony in all of Ponyville. I mean, I guess there's Fluttershy, but... I dunno, my Bonnie has her beat, I think. The trick is that Bonnie is nice and kind to everypony, but she really doesn't have to be. She's not some timid wallflower; she's a pony who really has it together. She's nice to everypony because she wants to be. I think that's one of the things that's so great and special about her. It's certainly one of the reasons I love her so much.

Of course, there is a flipside to that bit. Bonnie is really good at just brushing things off, especially when they're my fault, but if you ever so happen to wrong her, you really better watch out. Being taken advantage of by strangers is one thing my mare can't tolerate, and once you push my Bonnie past her snapping point, she can get a little scary. To put it in other words, this was far from the first date of ours which had ended with multiple bloodied stallions unconscious on the floor before us.

"That was so cool, Bonnie!" I declared loudly, rushing forward to tackle my mare, who was mildly taken aback by the sudden display of affection.

Secret confession time: I may have fallen for Bonnie because she's so nice and sweet... but seeing her go wild and kick some flank, that kinda really gets me going too. it had been quite the shock to see the bits disappear. I had felt so stupid and terrible in that moment, because really all of it was my fault and I just didn't know what to do. Bon Bon did. She galloped right into action and took back what was ours. This moment, it really drove home how much I need her. I was smiling, but there was still this sort of regret bubbling inside of me. I kept thinking on what Applejack had just said to me, and I started to wonder how far I had to test it before everything just snapped in two.

"That stupid jerk deserved it!" I added with a bold nod. "Can you believe how he kept looking at you? He's a no-good creep and stupid too."

Operation Free Drinks had been admittedly short sighted. It was probably a given the guy was going to see right through everything and try and flip it back around on us. I'm not super smart and I'm the first to admit that. That said, this dumb mean thief’s idea was obviously flawed, even to me. I mean, if I was gonna rip off a pair of mares, even I wouldn't have been so stupid as to stick around after grabbing the money. Honestly, what did the jerk expect? He musta seriously underestimated my Bonnie. Either way, he had been dealt with and wasn't going to be a problem anymore. Convinced of that, I let Bon Bon go and stepped back.

"That's right. Bastard seriously crossed the wrong pair of mares," Bon Bon snorted, still fired up from the fight.

"Ugh... what's with all this noise when I'm sleeping..." a groggy voice left the nearby Rainbow Dash as she started to sit up.

Applejack coughed and then stared at the rainbow maned mare. These two were the best of friends. They along with their other friends had some of tightest knit bonds of friendship in Ponyville and were all ponies the community really seemed to admire. I looked up to all of them personally.

"Pardon the noise, hon, but you happen to be sleeping right smack dab in the middle of my bar," Applejack said with a sarcastic bent, giving a laugh.

"Ah, that so..." Dash started as her mind struggle to catch up. She looked around, noticing the stallions on the floor. "Woah! There was a bar fight and I missed it?!" she exclaimed.

"That's right!" I started excitedly. "Bonnie went to town on these suckers with one of your bottles!"

"Nice!" the pegasus said, grinning at Bonnie. She then looked back toward Applejack. "Got yourself an out and out rumble on the first night! I told you this bar was gonna be totally awesome!"

"Yeah, yeah. Gotta say it's been a little messier than ah anticipated," Applejack said through a sigh. She looked really worn from the rough evening. "Makes you wonder if working the bar's always gonna be so rough..."

"Well, ponies plus alcohol can tend to be a volatile combination," Bonnie interjected, looking as if she had come back down from her high.

"Maybe you could get Mac to work the bar instead," Dash suggested, becoming a little quieter. "Then we could stop by and get some drinks together sometime."

Applejack narrowed her eyes and sighed. "You know ah'm not the kinda mare just to shove the burden off onto somepony else, Rainbow. Besides, ah already told ya ah ain't--"

"Yeah, yeah, I know," Dash cut the other mare off purposefully. "I just mean... uh... it'd be fun to see which of us could drink more some time, don't you think! We could have a contest."

"Ooh! That sounds like fun!" I piped up suddenly. It was always fun to see two of Ponyville's best compete.

"I hope you're not intending to join in, Lyra. Tonight has proven what we already knew–you are not a mare who holds her drink very well," Bon Bon started, shaking her head.

"Ah think it sounds like a right stupid idea anyway." Applejack rolled her eyes.

"Aww!" Rainbow pouted and slumped in her stool. "Well, either way, I think I'm ready for another cider!"

"And ah think you're ready to go home!" Applejack quickly countered. "You're already rightly sloshed. Ah put anymore in you and it ain't gonna be pretty. This mare has enough messes to clean up as it is without adding more," she added as she glanced toward the still unconscious stallions.

"But c'mon! Applejack, for me..." Dash whined, but the other pony just put her on ignore.

"I think it's also time for us to split. Thanks for the evening, Applejack. It was... uh... fun..." Bonnie spoke up with a forced grin.

"Yeah..." the apple mare sighed. "Thanks for dropping by you two."

"No problem..." Bon Bon started as she fully secured the bit bag in her hooves. "And... about the drinks and everything..."

"No need to worry about it, hon. Y'all didn't order any drinks. The gentlecolt here did. Big Macintosh and me will make good and sure he pays up for it too," Applejack said, shaking her head and actually going so far as to push the bits the stallion had taken from their bag back toward them. "As for everything else... we'll take care of it for now. In the future, just maybe think twice before trying to pull one over on guys like that. It never leads to anything good."

"Yes, ma'am!" I started up immediately, giving a salute. I really felt like I had learned an important lesson that night. Unfortunately for myself, Bonnie and everypony else who has ever met me ever, I tend to forget most lessons I learn. At that moment, I was sure it would stay with me forever though. Of course, I was also still pretty drunk at that moment, so I'm not really sure what I was thinking.

Bon Bon smiled and gave one final nod toward Applejack before turning to leave. I followed readily, more than ready to get out of there. I waved back at Dash and Applejack and everypony else before turning to Bonnie.

"Well, that was a delightful evening, wasn't it?" she asked. i realize now she was probably being sarcastic, but I'm not particularly good at picking up on such things even when I'm sober, and well... yeah...

"No! It totally sucked!"

The pair walked off into the cool night, more than happy to leave Applejack's bar with the bits they had almost managed to squander. It hadn't been the first nor would it be the last time that they hung onto the bottom rung of life by the enamel of their oversized teeth, and they never seemed to learn from it. Maybe it was Bon Bon with her inner arrogance or Lyra with her inability to make better choices, but it was a common occurrence. The same went for Lyra not catching the sarcasm.

"Yeah, it did suck, didn't it?" Bon Bon replied, rubbing her head. She still had her wits about her but that was only because she had the tolerance of a minotaur. Lyra was a better drunk anyway, happy if a bit jealous. Ponies liked getting her hammered–fewer ponies got hammered with Bon Bon's hooves that way. Simple and sound logic.

"Did you see Berry in there? I thought she was trying to clean herself up," Bon Bon asked Lyra, allowing the unicorn to steady herself against her Bonnie. Lyra turned, a smile confirming she wasn't there at all.

"I don't really think they had berries there, silly. It's a bar," she replied confidently, Bon Bon nodding her approval. Well, not approval, just acceptance that her mare was absolutely sloshed and in no condition to hold a conversation.

"Yes, it was most definitely a bar," Bon Bon chuckled, followed by coarser laughter from Lyra. Then Bon Bon tried to talk and it came out a series of small whispers and grunts, causing Lyra to look at Bon Bon with the greatest of confusion. Bon Bon smiled, but kept silent–her body felt a sudden surge of weakness and the two walked and staggered the rest of the distance.

It wasn't too long, or at least it didn't feel like long to the pair of drunk mares, before they arrived at their landlord's residence. Bon Bon tried to place the rent bits into his mail slot once, twice, three times before she succeeded, smiling as she fell into her Lyra.

"Alright, let's get home," she muttered gutturally, her muscles a bit on the weak side. Lyra squeezed her tight.

"Are you okay, baby?"

Bon Bon nodded, her throat on fire.

"Well then, I know just what will make you feel better!"

Bon Bon raised her eyebrows.

Lyra waggled hers.

Fuck yeah.

It had turned out to be a big tease. Lyra led Bon Bon home, a little spring in their drunk steps. But the moment they got home and their backs hit the beds, Lyra was out like a light. Her snores shook the apartment for a few minutes until Bon Bon pushed her on her side. She then attached the rubber protector on her horn–almost getting blinded once was one time too many for Bonnie's tastes. After making sure Lyra was all nice and cozy because Celestia help everypony if she had a bad night's sleep, Bon Bon walked into the washroom and lit a candle.

"Son of a bitch," she thought to herself, too weak to talk. She had begun to suspect that she hadn't walked away from the bar fight as unscathed as she had thought. Maybe it had been a flying piece of glass. Maybe that pegasus had done something, or even the unicorn. Whoever it was, a nice, long cut extended shallowly on her inner front legs. She cleaned the wound and bandaged it up, not suspecting it would-

"NO MY BONNIE NOOOOO!" Lyra screamed, tackling Bon Bon to the ground.

The pair rolled until they hit the side of their large bathtub, rolling back a little with Lyra on top.

"They got little Bon Bon! They got her!" Lyra started to cry, Bon Bon finally managing to kick her off.

"For land's sake Lyra, it's just a small cut! I'm fine!" She yelled back, immediately regretting every second of it as her throat once again felt like it was on fire.

"Y-you sure?" Lyra said, sniffling. Bon Bon nodded, trying to get up. Lyra wiped her nose, her glossy eyes focusing on the toilet. A moment later, she lunged at it, opened it, and threw up. All Bon Bon could do was sigh and crawl out of the bathroom and pull herself on top of the bed. A few minutes, Lyra staggered into bed as well, and finally the two prepared to sleep.

"Bon Bon..."

"...Yes?"

"I think I...drank too much."

"Yes."

"Bon Bon..."

"...Yes?"

"Thanks for kicking some flank."

"Yes."

"Bon Bon..."

"...What?"

"I'm tired."

"Go to bed."

"Bon Bon..."

"...Shut up and sleep, Lyra."

"...I love you..."

"Go to bed."

"Bon Bon..."

"Go. To. Bed."

"Haha, that stallion had a small horn."

"Yes."

"Bon Bon...Bon Bon...Bon Bon...Bon Bon..."

"Lyra, go to bed."

"I looooove yoooouuuu!"

No response. Lyra's eyes opened to reveal Bon Bon less than an inch away, her eyes wide open and bloodshot piercing into her soul.

"Go. To. BED."

Lyra's eyes slowly shut and Bon Bon laid back down again. A few moments later, Lyra's hoof managed to find it's way in rest on her face.

Bon Bon was too far gone to give a damn.

Dresses and Messes: Part One

The Average Life of Lyra and Bon Bon... Or Other Misleading Titles
Chapter Three - Dresses and Messes: Part One

Lyra

I woke up the next day not really remembering much. I felt really icky and my stomach hurt really bad and my head was pounding and, well... let's just say I was not especially eager to get out of bed. Even after I was awake, I just kept rolling around, groaning and whimpering into my pillow as I stayed bundled up snugly in my sheets. It just sort of felt like I lacked the will or the power to do anything else.

"Lyra, get out of bed already! It's 2:00 in the afternoon!" Bon Bon shouted at me from the door.

I rolled over onto my stomach and raised my head to look at her. "Bonnie...?" I groaned, as I brushed the mane out of my eyes, even though it was all gross and sticky with sweat.

"Lyra! Seriously, I get you’re hung over, but you gotta get up already!" Bon Bon was really loud and it made my head hurt even more.

"I duun feeel goood..." I murmured as I tried to lift myself up. I gave up quickly. My body just felt so heavy. I didn't want to go anywhere. "I dun think I can moove...." I added as I buried my head in my pillow.

That was when Bonnie reached out and grabbed me by the hoof and started to pull. Bon Bon is normally pretty strong, I'm not super heavy and she was evidently very much determined to wake me up. That combination was enough to finally get me to move, and move quickly as it were! Bon Bon tugged really hard and I went flying right from the bed. Bonnie landed on her back, pinned to the ground with me right on top of her.

"I guess I don't mind this position all too much..." Bon Bon said, smirking as she looked up at me.

I was less happy though. "Bonnie... I feeeel sick..." I started. The sudden movement hadn't been very good for my stomach. I retched noticeably.

"Lyra, n-no!" Bon Bon started, alarmed and terrified, trying to push me off of her.

Luckily, I found enough control to not vomit all over Bonnie. Instead, I made a hasty break for the bathroom... of course, I was so out of it that I ended up tripping and running into the doorframe instead. I fell over backwards and blacked out for a while. I don't know if I ended up throwing up or not. All I do know is that I was back on the bed when I came to again, and despite the bump on my head, I actually felt a little better somehow.

"Finally awake again, you idiot?" Bon Bon started as I lifted my head slowly. She was glaring.

"I'm sorry..." I said. I don't think I had any idea what I was apologizing for on account of my head still being kinda fuzzy.

"Lyra, what am I going to do with you...?" Bon Bon said through an exasperated sigh. "We drank the same number of drinks..."

"We drank...?" I asked, tilting my head aside. I think I only barely remembered who I was at that moment. Other stuff was kinda beyond me.

"You don't remember? Applejack's bar? The fight? Operation Free Drinks?" Bon Bon tried to remind me, rolling her eyes at the thought.

"Operation wha...?" I started, looking confused.

"Urgh!" Bon Bon grunted in frustration, throwing her hooves up. "Just never mind, Lyra. Nothing that happened last night matters in the slightest."

"Ah, okay," I said, giving a nod. I really trust Bonnie, so I was happy to take her word for it. There was one thing though, one thing I knew was important. After a pause, I spoke, "Bon Bon...?"

"Yes, Lyra?"

"Did we do it last night?" I asked in an innocent, distant voice. Bon Bon just stared at me blankly.

"No. You were drunk off your ass and I wasn't far behind you. Neither of us were in the right state to have any of that kind of fun last night." Bon Bon replied.

"I didn't think you thought that it was fun..." I said, more than a little confused.

"What? Lyra, what could possibly have given you the idea that I didn't enjoy sleeping with you?" Bon Bon was clearly rather taken aback.

"Sleeping with me? You're funny, Bonnie. Whoever said anything about that," I said through a big yawn.

My mare just stared at me in puzzled silence for about a full minute.

"So did we drop the rent money off or not?" I decided to just ask my question again.

Bonnie blinked several times. "Oh! The rent!" she started giving a chuckle. "Yeah, yes we did, Lyra. The rent for this little slice of heaven of ours is all paid up."

"That's great!" I started with a big smile. This time I missed the sarcasm on Bonnie's words on purpose. I know she doesn't like the apartment much, and I guess she probably does deserve someplace better, but to me any place where I live with Bon Bon really is a slice of heaven.

"Yeah," Bon Bon gave a small, awkward laugh. "Anyway, get up. I'll make you something to eat so your stomach can settle."

"Okay," I said, nodding and finally finding my way off the bed and this time for good.

Bon Bon proceeded to make me breakfast–or well, I wonder if breakfast is the right word... It was almost 3:00 by the time I was eating it... But anyway, it was good. Bon Bon is known for her chocolates, but she cooks other stuff pretty good too, at least for my tastes. She made up a hearty stew of vegetables, and it was really what I needed I think. Once my stomach was less achy, my head stopped hurting quite so much too and I started to remember a little of the night before.

Not that there was much good to remember. I had acted pretty stupid and nearly ruined anything because of it. Nothing new, but definitely unfortunate. Still, I was happy we had managed to deliver the rent. You see, there's a reason that I remembered to ask about that even when I didn't remember anything else, and it's not just because I know it's an important thing. It just so happened that at that moment, Lyra Heartstrings was a pony with a plan long in the works.

I'm a silly mare and not very smart and my plans tended to not work out very well as a result, but I was sure this one was going to be different. Had anything happened to the rent money though, my plan probably would have just backfired and made Bon Bon really angry with me. You see, I don’t usually make a lot of money with my act and I'm supposed to put it all toward the rent. Usually I'm happy to do just that, but recently I had gotten this crazy idea in my head to do something special for Bonnie. In our relationship, the gifts she gets from me are usually songs I sing to her or extra cuddling. She seems to like those kinds of things just fine, I guess, but to me it always felt like I was getting off easy never having to buy her anything nice. Not too long ago I had decided to change all that and for once get my Bon Bon something really nice that she'd like.

Bon Bon didn't really notice my secret. I worked harder than usual. A few of the trains I got on weren't on accident, like usual, but instead because I heard about festivals going on in other towns where I thought my music might be appreciated and I can make a little more. Eventually, about a week before the rent was due, I had enough money to put toward the project. I didn't even think to wait then and relinquished my bits, though I really probably should have. Had we not been able to get our bits back the previous night it would have ended up a disaster. I mean, a nice, pretty gift probably doesn't go as far when you've been evicted...

Luckily the rent matter had been accomplished and everything was still moving according to plan. I was glad too. This was one case where I really just wanted everything to go perfectly. When it comes to making Bonnie happy, I take things very seriously.

"Thanks, Bonnie! That really hit the spot!" I said as I finished the meal. "I feel a lot better now."

"And it's a good thing too. Alcohol makes you seriously useless, Lyra," Bon Bon replied, shaking her head. I smiled.

"Yep! But you know I'd endure anything for my sweet Bonnie Bon!" I exclaimed vividly. Bonnie smiled.

"Seriously though, let's not do anything that crazy for a while, Lyra," she said.

"Yes, ma'am!" I instantly replied, giving a playful salute. I then nodded and looked at my Bonnie for a while. "Speaking of which, what are we going to do today?" I asked.

Bon Bon

Yeah, what were we gonna do? That was the question that burned me right in the gut and left me feeling bit pissy about how it had all gone down. I’m not the happiest hangover pony and I knew that for sure. I always wanted to bite some heads off...but waking up with a fucking cut on my leg I had even less reason to be an especially perky or happier pony. Add to this that I just lost most of my day’s profits to sleep and my world was already a bit rotted by the day’s efforts.

And I don’t really want to take it out on Lyra, but if my memory served me right this was all her fault. And my memory is pretty good, just like the rest of me. Once in awhile she needed a reminder that, by Celestia on high, we needed to keep our hooves about us–maybe on us once in awhile, but mostly about us. She had kept me away from work all day, and we were so short as it was that we couldn’t keep up. I couldn’t afford to not be working!

Neither of us make much money, despite Lyra being the most talented musical mare in the whole damn world and me making delicious chocolates that deserved to have the royals themselves fighting one another to the death just to take a whiff. But when you live in a town of fakes and charlatans who spend more time sucking each other off for favors than doing anything worthwhile, you face an uphill battle for respect. And profits. Especially the profits.

Well, I don’t know. It’s too late to go to work, so that’s probably shot. I suppose we can go out and take care of some chores. Well, maybe I can. Are you up for it?” I asked a little harshly, feeling bad about it immediately. I was still pissy. Hell, I don’t mind knocking some heads in a bar if the cause is just, but, holy Tartarus, I wouldn’t like getting arrested for murder. That would put a damper on my plans and let me tell you, I have big plans for Lyra and myself.

See, I’m not just shooting you full of poppy flowers when I tell you that I’m the best. I’m the best at everything. In that marketplace, on my path, even in bed! I’m the best. I’m also the best at scheming, and I have big plans. Because I deserve it. Because Lyra deserves it. We deserve it more than the fat cats and the ambitious ones around us who already have everything but are always wanting more. I deserve more. I deserve everything. Lyra deserves to sleep in a bed of roses being tended to by dozens of servants ready and willing to give her back rubs at a moment’s notice.

That’s what we deserve, but we don’t have it. So I’ve been scheming. Listening. No one thinks to worry about me, thinking I’m some dumbass mare who just wants to stick her face in Lyra’s sweet folds. Now mind you I want to do that too, but I also want much more. And for my plans to work, I need some money. I need to work. And being drunk doesn’t help anything.

“Sure!” Lyra said, bouncing around. She was as full of energy as I was full of anger at the fact that she didn't feel as awful as I.

“Well, good. I’ll go to the market and see if I can sell some chocolates for a few hours, then I’ll meet you at the park before we head home. Sound good?”

“Yeah! What do I need to do?”

“Talk to Ficksitup and see what it’d cost to repair the roof here-” to emphasize the point, a single raindrop fell through a crack. It was stinky drop too, meaning it had been trapped up there and creating mold. Have I mentioned that I’m allergic to mold?

“Then get something for dinner and talk to the Mayor about your application.”

“I don’t know, that’d mean a lot of travel...”

“Yeah, but it also means more money and job security. Can you think of any better career option for a musician in this town?”

“Well, I guess Octavia does okay for herself...”

“She does. Then again, you’re so much better than she is. Definitely a lot more fun at a party!”

Lyra giggled, nodding as she bounced away to gather her things. I sighed, knowing that I had to get to work as well.

Getting ready to work is never fun. It’s a lot of work getting the cart mobile and frankly I need to come up with a better way. I went to the little covered shed that’s attached to our place and voila, there was my cart. It was cold as a minotaur’s butthole, which was a good sign that the unicorn I had blackmailed into keeping this place perky cold was still doing his job. Good thing to, I lost the picture with him and his wife’s sister.

I gathered up my various chocolates, each one already in their separate bag. I’m sort of a stickler for keeping things organized, but not because I have some sort of disorder. I like myself a good mess as much as the next mare. Nah, here it was just about business. Each sort of bonbon was separated into different classes and levels of freshness. I normally had a stock for a full week, then I’d make more when the shed was empty. Pro tip: Sell the oldest bonbons first. Thanks to the way I make them and the great workings of the shed, they were still fresh. Delicious. Plenty addictive on their own–though my attempt to make them more so by putting some nice illegal everfree leaf into a few so Lyra and I could have some fun only ended up with us becoming afraid of our shadows... which sort of killed my enthusiasm for that kind of experiment.

I am not, it turns out, fit to be a drug kingpin.

Put the chocolates into the various little drawers on the cart. Hitch the wheels up so it can move. Drop the sign, release the lock, open the shed. It sounds easy, but all in all it’s ten minutes of work. And as I’ve told you, I deserve to be pampered like a fucking Goddess, not worked like a farm pony. Silly Applejack, physical labor was for plebs.

“Lyra, I’m leaving! Love you!”

"Love you too, Bonnie!" Lyra called out excitedly, a huge smile plastered across her face.

The moment Bon Bon was gone, the smile fell and she felt a strange and awkward pain right in the pit of her stomach. No, it wasn't the hangover assaulting her some more, but instead a mix of guilt and anxiety. Lyra was a generally carefree and upbeat mare, but she was not quite some oblivious foal. She didn't show it a lot, especially not in front of Bon Bon, but she did have thoughts and worries that would often nag at her. Sometimes, invariably they got in the way, even as Lyra always did her best not to be a burden.

The fact was, Bon Bon had been trying to get Lyra to apply at the Mayor’s to try out for the Ponyvile Symphony Orchestra or a while now, and well, she wasn't in any hurry to do so. She knew Bon Bon really wanted more than she had and she really was only able to do so much to help their situation with just her busking, but that didn't change the fact that she really liked playing the music she wanted to play. Playing stuffy music with the orchestra, it just wouldn’t be her. Also, it would be like working a normal job, and... she had tried working other jobs before, and it never really worked out for anyone to say the least...

Lyra sighed and glanced blankly upward at the drip in the roof. Bon Bon made their apartment her piece of heaven, but once Bon Bon had left even Lyra could notice the cracks. Sometimes she wondered if everything else was like that too. Could all that she and Bon Bon had together be cracked and dripping, teetering on the brink of collapse and she just didn't realize it? The thought made her tear up a little.

The unicorn brushed her tears aside and gave a rigid nod. She needed to expedite her plan. Once Bon Bon saw her gift, she would both realize how very much she meant to Lyra and maybe she'd also see that Lyra could make more bits with her music when she put her mind to it. She was convinced it would be enough to mend absolutely everything–that was until a drip of moldy water landed right on her muzzle. Okay. Maybe, it wouldn't fix the roof.

No, she really would need to go see Mr. Ficksitup like Bon Bon has said if she was going to help get that little problem sorted out. She'd also gladly bring home dinner. She wasn't going to go to the Mayor's though. Maybe she'd tell Bon Bon she had, maybe not. Either way, she had another destination in mind for the day. Nodding once more to herself, she collected her wits and started toward the door. Then, locking the apartment door behind her, Lyra Heartstrings emerged onto the Ponyville streets.

She moved through town at a brisk pace, not taking time to dally as she often might. She wanted to do her best by Bon Bon, so she had to do her best to stay on task. First on the agenda was going to get the estimate on the roof. Ficksitup was an older earth pony stallion who worked as a general repairpony in town. Lyra had always thought he was nice enough. He worked fairly cheap compared to others in town too, which she supposed was the best part. He had helped them patch up the apartment a couple times now. His place wasn't too far away, so Lyra found herself there in no time. She gave a knock at his door.

"Ah, Miss Heartstrings," the portly, mustachioed old Ficksitup started as he emerged. "What can I do ya for, today?" he asked as he showed her inside his office and workspace.

"Hiya, Mr. Ficksitup!" Lyra answered the stallion. "Bonnie sent me because she wanted to know how much it'd cost to fix the roof."

"That so? Well, what's the problem this time? Ol' Derpy crash on through it again?" the stallion asked, giving a hearty laugh.

"No, it's just a small hole or something... but it leaks sometimes and it smells all icky and gross," Lyra said, scrunching up her face.

"So you'll need to get the roof patched and probably have some mold cleaned out up there?" The stallion nodded. "Well, I'll have to take a look at the damage, but it sounds to me like it won't be quite as bad as the last few jobs you two have had for me."

"Really? That's great news!" Lyra started cheerfully, giving a little bounce.

"Hold your horses, missy. Just because you won't be out as much as before doesn't mean it'll be free," the handystallion spoke in a serious voice.

"How much would it be exactly?" Lyra asked, feeling suddenly a bit unsure.

"Well, patching the roof is one thing. The bigger concern we have is the mold. It'll be hard to say for sure until I know what kind of damage it's caused up there. In the very worst case, more extensive repairs might be needed," Ficksitup explained thinking it over. "I won't know for sure until I've been up there and scoped it out for you guys, but this kind of repair could run anywhere from 120-400 bits."

Lyra's eyes bulged. Did this kind of stuff really cost that much? She grimaced weakly and looked down. The anxiety from before started to return to her. Come to think of it, Bon Bon was usually the one to take care of errands like this or they went together. Lyra wondered if she hadn't sent her here this time alone so she'd pay attention and maybe feel a little guiltier about not being so helpful financially. Then again, Bon Bon probably hadn't known how much the repair was going to be in the first place so that probably wasn't it.

"I can come over tomorrow and scope it out for you. Hopefully it's not too serious, though either way this is the kind of problem you don’t want to let sit and fester. It'll only become worse with time," Ficksitup continued as Lyra stared ahead blankly.

"Yeah," she said in a low voice.

"Something else the matter, missy? You seem awfully preoccupied?" the stallion questioned, looking the mare over.

Lyra glanced at the other pony for a while and then over at some tools on the side of the room that she didn't even know the purpose of. She smiled faintly. "You're good at fixing stuff, right, Mr. Ficksitup?"

"I'd sure hope to think so," the stallion replied with a chuckle.

"How would you go about fixing something when you don't even know for sure if anything's broken?" Lyra asked plaintively. "Everything looks perfect and amazing but the little things make you wonder sometimes if there aren't little cracks and holes somewhere that you can’t see that might make it all fall apart someday?"

Ficksitup seemed surprised by the nature of the pony's question. He gave a long sigh and nodded to the pony. "Did the two of you get into a fight or something?" he asked.

This time Lyra was surprised by the response. She tilted her curiously as she looked at the handystallion. "Well... yeah, we did. Or, well... not we. She did though. I kind of just watched."

The earth pony stared at the plucky mare completely baffled now. "Huh? What are you talking about?"

"The fight at the bar last night! You should have seen it! Bonnie really took it to these three stallions! She was totally awesome. There was so much blood! She even tore this one guy's horn off," Lyra started excitedly, nodding her head.

Ficksitup blinked. "Ah... I... uh... see... that, wasn't quite what I meant," he muttered vacantly. Giving a frustrated groan and a shake of his head, he then continued. "Regardless.... what'd I'd suggest if you can't see any holes is to just do your best to keep the foundation strong and keep a keen eye out for signs of any breaches. That's really all you can do."

"Huh?" Lyra started. "But there is a hole. It's right there in the roof and it drips nasty water. I thought I already went over that part..." she added, looking upward slightly.

Ficksitup brought a hoof to his face. "No! That's not...! I know that!" he started in frustration. "I was just continuing off of your earlier metaphor."

"What's a metaphor?" Lyra asked, even more confused than before.

Ficksitup stared slack-jawed for a moment before just shaking her head. "Never mind, Lyra..." He gave a long breath. "You can run along now. I'll be over in the morning to give you a proper estimate on the work that needs to be done."

"Okay!" Lyra replied giving a nod. "See ya then!"

She waved bye to the stallion who just smiled and laughed back at her before turning to leave. Her steps were somewhat heavier now, as her thoughts gave them weight. The roof was going to cost as much as 400 bits to fix. That was kind of scary. Everything had just went into the rent so there wasn't much to spare. She looked downward and sighed. The gift she had ordered for Bon Bon had been 125 bits, enough to cover the repair if it was on the low end of what Mr. Ficksitup had told her.

Lyra's knees trembled. What should she do? The gift was custom made, but the maker was so thoughtful she just might be able to get a refund if she asked nicely. Would she be able to do that though? Could she give up on this gesture of love that she had invested so much in to put her bits instead toward repairing the moldy roof of the apartment Bon Bon hated so much? She felt entirely helpless as she ran it all through her mind. She just wanted to make Bon Bon truly happy; why did it have to be so hard?

Whatever her choice ultimately was she knew where she had to go now. Her hooves started to move faster until the familiar ornate building was in her sights. Carousel Boutique: this was where she'd have to make her choice. She gave a hard gulp and stepped toward the door. Nodding once to still her nerves, she walked in.

Dresses and Messes: Part Two

The Average Life of Lyra and Bon Bon... Or Other Misleading Titles
Chapter Five - Dresses and Messes: Part Two

Bon Bon

By the time I got to the market I was already out of it. I was tired, angry, and unwilling to deal with customers. I was as far above them as they were above thieves. I am the eternal rock of their contentment and for all of their annoyances they broke upon me like bits against the surf. I made bank off of them because my shit is the best shit of all the shit, and I’ll stuff your mouth full of bonbons to prove that. See, chocolates needed to be done just right. The right consistency and preparation, the right percentage of cocoa, proper cooking time, the whole shebang. And I’m the best at it all.

But I still had to deal with customers, and some days I just didn’t have it in me to put up with their bullshit. The majority felt so entitled and tried to haggle with you, but this wasn’t the big city where a small businesspony had endless possibilities. I have a small client base, missy! I can’t afford to let you get away with paying me two bits less than everypony else, nor can I afford to waste my time on it.

Also, here’s a few tips if you’re a customer: Stop loitering. You piss us all off. Buy something or leave the cart or shop. We want to either make money or take a nap. If you help us do neither then you’re a waste of not just my time, but every retailer’s time both big and small.

Not that any of that mattered. By the time I set up and was ready to sell, it was four in the afternoon and the majority of the day’s business had passed me by. The little colts and fillies had chosen their place to get fat and die quickly. Sugarcube Corner always had the majority of their business but today they had all of it. Total loss of maybe fifty, sixty bits just right there. I usually made around three-hundred a day which barely covered costs. Today I was losing bits by merely existing.

Only a few ponies came up to even look at my wares, the dry part of the day when I had arrived just kicking off. I just sat there, kicked back with shades as the sun died and the customers along with it when suddenly-

“INCOMING”

Cherry Berry got off of her lazy flank and started sounding the air raid siren conveniently placed a foot or so from her stand.

No, no, no, no, no, no, no. Not this! Not now!

Cloudchaser burst out of a cloud and rocketed to the ground, her eyes wide with terror.
“She’s hopped up on sugar and headed this way!”

“How long?!” I asked, my shades still on because even when I was about to shit myself I had to remain cool as ice.

“A minute, tops! From the west!”

Fuck my life.

I did what everyone who owns a cart shop in the marketplace was trained by awful experience to do. I grabbed a single bon bon, jumped up, and tossed it onto the roof my cart. I shot, I scored. Everypony else was doing the same: making an offering to the Goddess of Destruction headed our way. Immediately after, we all beat our way to the newest shelter, my beautiful hooves taking me to Karat’s jewelry. Right behind me was that floozy Serena who by all intentions I held up a little at the entrance. She had made one too many passes at Lyra and her carrot stand could go to hell.

She, Cherry Berry, and I crashed Karat’s shop, who himself was drawing the blinds. Outside, panic. Ponies screamed and ran around like retarded sheep, filtering hurriedly into shelter. They squeezed through tight doors, jumped over one another, punched, kicked, and bit one another until only one was left, alone and surrounded by locked doors.

“Ha! You dumbass! Serves you right!” Cherry belted out along with a few other choice words, eliciting giggles amongst us. Roma stood in place and turned around, panicking, and I hope she pissed herself. She was an uptight, rude, mean cuntflap and deserved every terrible thing that happened to her.

“Think she’s gonna try and pass her cart off as somepony else’s?” Serena asked, her little dumb head thinking dumb little thoughts.

“After what happened to Burnt Oak, nopony would dare try that again,” I replied with a giggle, cracking my front hooves together while Cherry laughed.

“Yeah! Besides, Roma’s voice is like broken glass-” of course she had to say that, standing in front of the window just as Roma dove through it an effort to escape the market with a shower of broken glass. She hit the ground, rolled, got back on her feet, and staggered over another row of jewelry in a mix of disorientation and momentum. Cherry was knocked out, and Serena and i had to fight down a raging fit of giggles.

“Shut the hell up, she’s here!” Karat whispered venomously, drawing all conscious eyes out the window as we beheld the sign of our destruction.

She flew in haphazardly from the sky, tapping a few clouds which grew dark by her touch before returning to normal reasonlessly from the ground. It was Cloudkicker and Flitter probably, hopping on the clouds from above. Our most hated goddess then looked around the marketplace, a mixture of happiness, joy, and confusion evident across her features. Little did she know that to us, she was considered a more powerful force than all the Princesses. She was judge, jury, and executioner of the court of Ponyville who tried the crime of conducting business. Before her businessponies fled and behind her livelihoods were ruined.

She didn’t mean to, but Derpy Hooves was by definition a walking disaster. She was reasonably intelligent, don’t let that crazy ass eye fool you, but everything she touched fell to ruin almost immediately. She was smart, funny, witty, honest, and loyal–a good friend. But she would put you out on the street after destroying your business if you ever happened to interact with her. She was our Goddess, our terrible, awful, all-powerful Goddess and as intelligent as she was, the concept of deceit was unknown to her.

So we hired a few pegasi, the roster changing daily, to keep a good Derps watch. When we got the call, the marketplace would empty and we all left offerings to our supreme ruler. She would wonder what the hell was going on, shrug, collect the items, and.

Wham, bam, thank you ma’am.

After a few minutes, she left with her items. A few minutes later, we slowly filtered out of our hidey holes. Roma and Karat started getting into a heated argument as Cherry came to, trotting out alongside me as the yelling match behind us grew louder.

“Do you think we need a better system of dealing with her?” Cherry asked as I trotted to my cart.

“Probably. We’ll discuss it at the next meet. I’m packing it in,” I replied bluntly, pulling my sign down.

“It’s only five-thirty.”

“I’m way too hungover to deal with this today. See ya tomorrow, Cheers.”

Lyra

Walking into the Carousel Boutique, I still had no idea what I was going to do. My poor little heart was feeling so heavy. It made me wish I was smarter, more talented and just generally more like Bonnie. She would know what to do, what was truly important. I really wished I could just ask her about it... but of course that was absolutely out of the question. I knew what choice she'd tell me to make. What I didn't know, however, is which choice would make her happier. This was one mistake I really didn't want to make too.

Now, Carousel Boutique is probably one of the most magical places in all of Ponyville. I seldom see reason to fawn over other mares, not when I have my Bonnie waiting for me back at home, but Miss Rarity is so pretty and talented and amazing it's hard not to be blown away in her presence. Like Bonnie, she's also really nice and caring too. She goes out of her way for ponies she cares about, and even sometimes ponies she doesn't even know. She's also best friends with Rainbow Dash and Applejack, who we ran into the night before.

Knowing Rarity, I knew I had my options open, but all the same I was really just so unsure. I had worked so hard to get my special gift for Bonnie, but was it just being rash and wasteful to offer such a thing when the money could instead go toward something more practical like the roof? It made my brain hurt thinking it over. Ultimately this proved quite distracting and I just happened to run right into another pony. I fell over backwards onto my flank.

"Urgh... what in the world...?" a startled voice began. I looked up and steadied my spinning head to see a familiar mare. No, it wasn't Rarity, but instead somepony likely there as a customer just as I was.

"Oh, hiya, Octavia!" I started, grinning at my fellow musician pony, who like me had been thrown to the ground by the sudden collision. "Sorry bout that! I was thinking too much and got distracted."

"Is that so?" the other mare started as she picked herself up and brushed herself off. "I can believe the latter with ease though the former seems an odd fit."

"What's a former and why do you want it to fit you oddly?" I asked, confused as I stood back up too. Octavia's one of those ponies who sometimes will use bigger words and I don't quite get what she's saying anymore. I respect her bunches as a fellow musician though. Both of us answer to the call of music, which naturally makes us kindred spirits. Because of this, it just seems natural for me to treat Octavia like a good friend, even if sometimes she looks at me strangely.

"Never mind, Lyra," Octavia half sighed. "What brings you here today?" she asked, not seeming all too interested.

"Ooh! I came here to see Rarity!" I declared with a bold nod. Octavia quickly buried her face in one of her hooves.

"Really now, Lyra that much should be entirely obvious to anypony," Octavia spoke, rolling her eyes. "I mean to ask the need you have to see Miss Rarity. You've never seemed a mare who would be suited to or particularly interested in finery."

I tilted my head aside as I considered this question a while. I was kind of unsure what to say, particularly because I still wasn't entirely sure what she was talking about, but mostly because given my situation I still didn't entirely know what I was gonna do there. Ultimately I just nodded kind of vacantly and said, "I dunno yet."

Octavia gave a small groan and shook her head. "You know you really shouldn't go around squandering the time of others. Especially not of those for whom that time is valuable."

"Oh, believe me, Octy! This is super important!" I told the other mare with a smile, slapping her on the back to reassure her. I would never think to waste Rarity's time: I wasn't sure how Octavia had even gotten that idea. "Where even is she anyway?"

"Miss Rarity is in the back, preparing my order," Octavia started with a huff. "The Ponyville Symphony Orchestra has commissioned Ponyville's premier fashionista to once again design our ensembles for the coming concert."

I grinned weakly, suddenly recalling what Bon Bon had told me to do today. Octavia was one of the biggest stars of the Ponyville Symphony Orchestra, a classical musical troupe employed by the town who performed concerts and travelled Equestria representing the "best of what Ponyville offered": or something like that. Bonnie had long been encouraging me to join them, but I had always insisted it didn't suit me at all. Octavia was a kindred spirit, but we were still very different. At the same time... considering the burden I currently was faced with, I had to wonder just what was best. I gave a look downward at Octavia's finely hooficured hoofs and sighed.

"Ah... right... the orchestra," I stared in a low voice. "H-how's that going for you?"

Octavia looked at me with her eyebrow raised. "Just what are you getting at?" she asked. She then gave a sigh and answered blankly, "Our ensemble is regarded as one of the best. Thanks in part to my work as a soloist, we are highly sought after. Even many in Canterlot will book us over local troupes."

"I see, I see," I started, not really caring about all that. "And how much does it pay again?" I smiled widely as I pushed us toward the point. Octavia gave me a flat look.

"You wouldn't possibly be considering applying for a position, would you?" she asked, giving a small laugh. "Are you truly under the delusion that a common street musician might be of the right calibre to perform with the Ponyville Symphony Orchestra? Whatever do you expect us to do with that antiquated instrument you haul around?"

My face scrunched up and I felt kind of angry. I wasn't quite sure what Octavia was saying, but I was pretty sure she was making fun of me. "Hey! Bon Bon thinks I could do it and she's never wrong about anything, that means I can! Besides, ponies love my performance! I'm a good musician!" I shouted, giving a little stomp of my hoof.

Octavia shook her head and closed her eyes. "It doesn't truly matter if you are a good musician, Lyra–Well, actually it does, but It's more than just. It's about discipline! The orchestra is a rigorous schedule of performances, each of which must be completely immaculate despite the wear of constant travel," she explained with lots of fancy words. "The symphony is clockwork and we are the spinning gears set perfectly in place. If even one gear falls out of place, the unit shall cease to function as a whole."

I gave another stomp when she was through. As much as I didn't get a lot of it, I didn't want to back down for anything. "Yeah, well, I may not be a gear or a clock or anything, but I know I know I can do stuff when I know that Bon Bon is counting on me."

"It doesn't change the face that the Orchestra is not some medieval faire," Octavia rolled her eyes again. "What use would we have for a lyre?"

"I could play something else. LIke, maybe one of those really big, full sized lyres!" I attested, still pretty fired up.

"You mean a harp...?" Octavia blankly muttered.

"Yeah. That," I said nodding. I had never played one before, but how different could it really be? it was pretty much just bigger, right?

"Lyra, I'm sure you'd find the harp to be quite a different beast," Octavia said.

"It's a beast?" I started, taken aback. "Like the scary kind with sharp teeth and everything?"

Octavia mouthed some words silently before replying. "For Celestia's sake, Lyra. I don't mean literally! It's a figure of speech!"

I still didn't really get it. The harp was a figure of speech? What did that even mean? Figuring I'd just get more confused, I decided not to question it. "Well, even if it was a big scary beast I'd just get my Bonnie to beat it up for me! she's so strong and cool. You should have seen her wipe the floor with these three stallions at AJ's bar last night!"

Octavia seemed uninterested in what I was saying at first, but then suddenly something in her eyes lit up. "AJ's bar? You mean to say Applejack has started a bar in town?"

"That's right!" I said. "Last night was the grand opening!" I gave a small nod. "Oh, but don't go unless you want to get your money stolen by creepy jerks who hit on your fillyfriend."

"Lyra, you know I'm single and don't partake in common drinks," Octavia said shaking her head. "But that is beside the point. This could be potentially problematic. I'll have to talk to Applejack at once..." She looked down for a second and then back over at me. "Lyra, I need to ask you something about the bar and I want you to answer me honestly."

"Sure thing!" I chimed.

"You know my associate, Berry Punch, I trust?"

"Yep! The town drunk! She's really silly," I said with several more nods.

"No! That was her former reputation, but under my guidance that mare–and more importantly her significant other–have freed themselves from their formerly decadent lives to instead follow a path of clean and healthy living," Octavia started, now looking rather intense.

"Oh?"

"Yes! Which is why I must know. I had already visited every bar in Ponyville and had informed the owners that the two of them were recovering alcoholics and should not be served under any circumstances, but..." the mare trailed off, a fire burning in her eyes. "Tell me, Lyra! Was Berry at that bar last night?"

"Well..." I muttered, trying to recall it all. "It's still a little fuzzy... but, yep! I remember seeing her."

"That fool!" Octavia started immediately. "She'll slip and she'll bring Vinyl with her back into that world of debauchery. I can't stand for it." She gave a frustrated stomp. "This must be stopped at once!"

"What must be stopped now, darling?" a lovely nearby voice spoke. I turned around to see Rarity there, bringing out a large wheeled rack that seemed to have over twenty black and white outfits on it.

"Ah, Rarity? You're done?" Octavia started, looking over the symphony dress uniforms.

"Indeed. Twenty six matching dress uniforms for the Ponyville Symphony Orchestra," the fashionista said with a nod.

"Excellent, in that case, I really must hurry. You can just trust me to have someone return the rack, can you not?" Octavia started, already wheeling it toward the door.

"Ah...well... no, I wouldn't mind so long as it is returned," the fashionable mare replied. Octavia nodded and then just started out at full speed. "I look forward to seeing the... show..." Rarity added, though the other mare was long gone by the time she finished.

"Huh. Guess she really was in a hurry," I said, nodding. Rarity glanced at me.

"Ah, Lyra. Good afternoon, darling!" she started with a grin. "Yes. That was quite impressive haste, wasn’t it? I do wonder if perhaps I was too slow in gathering up her order..."

"Nah, she seemed more concerned about what we were talking about," I said.

"If I may pry, what might that be?" Rarity asked, looking curious.

"Oh, about how Berry was at AJ's bar last night," I said, nodding.

"Ah, so you were there for the Grand Opening?" Rarity gave another question. "Applejack kept hinting that I should come, but I found myself quite caught up in the order for the Orchestra and couldn't attend." She smiled weakly. "Out of curiosity, who did you see there last night?"

I nodded again. "Well, me and Bonnie of course. Cloudchaser and Flitter were there before us, and I already mentioned Berry. There was also Big Mac and Noteworthy and Mr. Cake and those three terrible stallions who Bon Bon had to beat. Oh, and your dad was there too."

"Ah, I see... It's doubtful I missed very much in that case," Rarity said, smiling more fully.

"Oh, and Thunderlane and Rainbow Dash were there too and some others I can't remember since it's all fuzzy still," I said. Rarity glanced aside.

"Ah... well... maybe it might have been somewhat fun after all..." she muttered indistinctly.

"Anyway, Rarity," I started, wanting to get to business. "I needed to talk to you about Bonnie's dress."

"Ah, perfect timing actually! As it so happens, I put the finishing touches on that this morning!" Rarity said. "It's all ready to go."

"Ah... I... uh... see," I said, not having a clue how to react.

"You weren't hoping to make some last minute changes now were you?" Rartiy asked, catching onto my worry.

"Well... I don't know... I'm really not sure what I'm supposed to do," I muttered weakly. "I'm not even sure I want it anymore." Despite what I had just admitted, Rarity smiled at me for some reason.

"Tell me everything, dear. I can help you sort it all out," she said as she draped a hoof over my back. I nodded as I looked her in the eye.

"This was supposed to be a special surprise for Bonnie. It's the first real thing I've ever given her and I worked so hard to make it happen but at the same time, our roof is all leaky and it might end up costing a lot and the money I spent on the dress could have gone toward that instead and I just don't know what will make Bon Bon the happiest." Pretty much everything just left my mouth all at once.

"Well, darling, that does sound like a dilemma, and I would gladly refund your bits if that is what you truly feel is best," Rarity said without hesitation. "However, I do think you may be thinking too hard on this. Whether it is with a beautiful dress or just financial support, I would suspect Bon Bon will be delighted to see you take such initiative for her."

"Maybe... but i really just want to make Bon Bon the happiest pony ever!" I asserted, not really sure.

"Then follow me darling," Rarity said, throwing back her mane and stepping away. Curious, I followed her until I was in one of the back rooms.

She stopped right in front of an amazingly beautiful gold and black dress. It was seriously awesome. Bold and showy, but in the good way. It was the kind of dress that told everypony everywhere that the pony wearing it was the best pony ever. It was perfect for Bonnie in other words. Glancing at it, I could already see her wearing it.

"It's perfect..." I said, captivated.

"I made it to your specifications. I must say I am quite proud of how it has turned out," she said, running a hoof along the fabric.

"I think I'll take the dress after all," I said, having made up my mind. Bon Bon was going to love it. Rarity had worked so hard on it too. It was worth more than just the money or the work that had gone into it. I was confident Bon Bon would see that too. "You're right, Rarity. This'll make her really happy. You really know what to do when it comes to love!"

The other unicorn gave a chuckle and shook her head. "Considering you have a special somepony and I do not, it would follow that you're actually ahead of me in that regard," she said.

"Aww, but that's just because you're so amazing. I'm sure you could have any stallion in Ponyville if you wanted, but for a mare like Rarity only like a prince or something would do!"

"Oh, no, I'm through with princes, Lyra. The fantasy is fine enough, but I’ve come to the realization that actual princes are hardly so ideal," Rarity assured me with a smirk.

"Oh? Then what kind of guy is your type, Rarity?" Maybe it was a little rude asking, but now I was like insanely curious.

"Hmm... well..." Rarity said, starting to blush. "Rather than a prince, what I would say is best suited for a fair maiden such as I is, a knight. Perhaps rougher around the edges, but charming in their own way regardless. Bold, courageous and unwaveringly loyal–the resilient sort who would push past the limits of what even seems feasible just to save somepony in need."

"Huh. I guess that does sound pretty cool," I said, tilting my head. "I hope you find a pony like that, Rarity."

"T-thank you, Lyra," the other mare replied, smiling.

"Anyway, I should probably take Bonnie's dress and go," I said. "I need to get back home and I still need to pick up dinner."

"All right," Rarity said as I stepped toward the dress to gather it up. I had already paid up everything, so I was free to just go. "I'm glad to hear you are pleased. I do hope Bon Bon is as well."

"Thanks!" I replied. "I'm sure she will be!"

The walk home for both parties couldn't have been any different. Bon Bon's failure of a day stuck with her like a bad odor, grumbling to herself about Applejack spiking her cider or a dozen other conspiracy theories to rebuff the thought that she had just experienced another normal, crappy day at the market. She'd get over it the next day. She had to. For all of her enormous faults Bon Bon had somepony else depending on her and she was nothing if not responsible. In fact, you could say–

Suddenly, Pinkie Pie.

"Hey there!" She greeted Bon Bon directly in her face, her eyes touching Bonnie's. Bon Bon pulled back.

"Pinkie, what the–where'd you come from?!"

"Home, silly!"

"Of course. What do you want?"

"I wanted to invite you to a party at Sugarcube Corner!"

An invitation fell from the sky onto Bon Bon's nose.

"I'm not really in the moo–"

She was gone. Bon Bon sighed, frustrated, and used her tongue to work the invitation down to her mouth. Better in her mouth than to risk being seen carrying an invite from her rival. She chewed it and swallowed it, adding it to the night's indignities as she continued her trot home. It wasn't too long before she was in the garage and had her cart put away. She stomped into her apartment ruefully.

Lyra, for her part, bounced her way home, her worry superseded and eventually crushed like a rodent by her joy at doing something so loving for her Bon Bon. She deserved the love for being so responsible, and it made Lyra feel good to the core to know she was capable of taking such a risk. As a filly she had never dreamed such a thing was possible, but now as a mare she knew that the greatest feeling you could have was being on the giving end of a gift.

She had entered the apartment just a few minutes before Bon Bon, having time to get washed up and ready for her love as the dress hung in the main room. Lyra was in the middle of brushing her teeth when she heard the garage commotion, leapt up, and ran into the main room. Of course she was still brushing her teeth, but dental hygiene was important! It wasn't just Colgate who told her, and subsequently sold her the exclusive line she had come up with, but even less profitable dentists said it was important!

The door opened.

"HASHY I 'OVE BON 'ON DAH!" Lyra yelled out, jumping up and down. Then she realized she was still brushing her teeth and absentmindedly tossed her toothbrush away with such force it stuck like a knife in a clay wall. She turned back to Bon Bon with wild, expectant eyes.

"It's a beautiful dress just for YOU!"

Dresses and Messes: Part Three

The Average Life of Lyra and Bon Bon... Or Other Misleading Titles
Chapter Six - Dresses and Messes: Part Three

Lyra

I was somewhat surprised to find the moment of truth had already come. Bon Bon was home earlier than usual, indicating that something must have happened at work to cause her to want to cut her already shortened day even shorter. It was especially surprising considering she had told me initially to meet her in the park later.

I had swung by a little cafe in town to get some sandwiches for dinner after leaving Rarity's and had then come home to get cleaned up and ready to go and meet Bonnie. I was in the middle of brushing my teeth when I heard her putting her cart away and realized the night would be going slightly off the script I had envisioned. All the same, I did my best to greet my Bonnie with as much cheer as I could before showing her the dress.

"It's a beautiful dress just for YOU!"

"HUH?!" Bon Bon exclaimed, looking completely flabbergasted by what she was seeing in front of her. I just smiled.

"I hope you like it, Bonnie," I said warmly.

"Lyra, where in all Tartarus did this even come from?" Bonnie replied, looking completely at a loss.

I laughed giddily. "Well, Rarity made it, of course," I said. "It came from Carousel Boutique!"

"And how did you acquire it, Lyra?" Bon Bon inquired, still not showing much emotion one way or the other. I was starting to get kind of worried. "You didn't do anything bad, did you? I know you wouldn't just take something nice like this from somepony..."

"Of course not, silly!" I started with a goofy grin and a nod. "I bought it the normal way just like anyone else!"

"You don't have any money, Lyra!" Bon Bon shouted, still looking at a loss. "Please don't tell me that bitch Rarity tricked you into paying for this on some kind of credit. We won't be able to afford it."

"Bonnie!" I shouted n disapproval. "Rarity is super nice!" I asserted. "And besides, that's not what happened at all. I paid fully for this dress in advance over a week ago!"

"But how?!" Bon Bon continued to shout. "None of the rent money was missing...you still contributed around your normal amount. Unless you just tripped over a big ass sack full of bits one day I can't see how it's even possible."

"Silly, Bonnie. There wasn't anything like that," I said, shaking my head. "For the past month, I've been working harder than ever just so I could get this for you."

"But how...? Not all of Ponyville appreciates your music..." Bon Bon said through a sigh. "Even if you spent more time each day busking, I can't see you ever being able to get anywhere close to two hundred and however many bits this would cost." She looked downward in though for a moment and then back up at me. "Have you been working a second job all this time?"

"Nope," I said with another shake of my head. "But... you know how four weeks ago I 'accidentally' fell asleep on that train to the Crystal Empire and wasn't able to get back for five days?" I glanced aside from my mare for a moment. "Yeah, that wasn't an accident. Turns out since they're all basically from 1000 years in the past, stuff like lyre music is still really popular there and they were having this big faire that needed performers... I was able to get almost a hundred bits on that one trip alone–which even with the cost of the train tickets paid for over half, especially since Rarity was willing to work at a bit of a discount for me when I told her about everything..."

Bon Bon stared in shock. "But why?" she exclaimed. "It's wonderful if you can find new ways to make more bits... but why a dress? Your extra bits could have gone a long way toward the rent and maintenance."

"I know!" I replied, tearing up a little. "But... I wanted to... just this once get you something special..."

"Lyra?" Bon Bon started, her voice coming down a few levels as she looked me over.

"I love you, Bon Bon.... more than anything ever. But I'm never able to show it very good," I spoke earnestly, my voice shaking somewhat from anxiety. "B-but I usually contribute so little... a-and every time it's your birthday or a holiday or an anniversary all I can do is sing for you or give you extra cuddles and kisses and stuff, while–even if its just chocolates–you always get me a real gift." I looked at her then, more tears in my eyes. "Just this once I wanted to do it different than that. I wanted to get you something special, something that actually meant something more, something to adequately show you just how much you really mean to me."

"L-Lyra..." Bon Bon murmured after a moment, she was crying a little. "I never knew you–... I mean..." she moved toward me then and raised her hoof. She then lightly hit the back of my head. "You idiot! Those things... your gifts... they always meant plenty to me. I was never anything but happy with you. I didn't need anything like this..."

"So you don't like it?" I asked closing my eyes and trembling. I opened my eyes again to find Bonnie kissing me. My eyes widened and more tears left them.

"I love it, Lyra..." Bonnie said, smiling at me. "But more importantly, I love you, and you don't need to do these kinds of things to make that true."

"But you deserve them, Bonnie! You deserve all of the best things a pony can get," I said with a nod. Bon Bon embraced me.

"Damn right, I do! Still, our budget really can't take you pulling this kind of crap too many times, Lyra," she said in a more or less cheerful voice as I hugged her. She gave a warm chuckle. "Though I gotta say that after my shittiest day in a long while, feels good to come back home to something like this."

"Yay!" I cheered gleefully. "I'm so happy!" Tilting my head then, I recalled some other stuff I wanted to tell Bonnie. "Oh, by the way, Mr. Ficksitup is coming over tomorrow to check out the roof. He said it'll probably be at least 120 bits but could be more depending on the mold."

Bon Bon stepped back wordlessly, she looked at me really seriously before looking at the dress. I shook my head.

"I know what you're going to say, Bonnie, but I won't let you," I said, shaking my head. "I thought about it a lot today, and some things... they're just more important than having the money..."

Bonnie smiled weakly and gave a sigh. "I know, Lyra. I won't ask you to take it back," she said, as if it was hard to say it. "I'll cherish it... it's just..." She closed her eyes and gave a small groan. "Nah, screw it. We'll make it work somehow. I'm sure we can."

I smiled and bounced toward Bonnie, hugging her again. "Yay!" I then bounced back and moved the dress toward her with my magic. "That all out of the way, you have to try it on! I can't wait to see you in it! You're going to look so amazing!" I spoke like a giddy foal.

Bon Bon chuckled and grabbed the dress. "Yeah, yeah. Just you wait; the real thing is gonna be twenty times sexier than whatever you're imagining," she said with a grin.

She wandered into the back then with the dress. I stood in place eagerly waiting for her to emerge, the anticipation growing quickly with each second that passed.

Bon Bon

Sometimes, I want to strangle to death the mare I love so much. She couldn't just do something silly and dumb and I couldn't just yell at her for a few minutes and then trot outside to suck in the dirty town air before we had wild makeup sex. Of course not. That would be easy and silly and it wouldn't make me feel any differently than I deserve to feel. Instead, she had to be so good and nice and sweet and that only made the fact that it was a damn retarded thing to do even worse to swallow.

Not that I was going to say that to her. Not after all the effort she had put into it. I'm a royal thundercunt, but I'm Lyra's royal thundercunt. Like a mother to a child the worst thing i could imagine is her tears, and the second worst was thinking I'm the cause of her sadness. Once in awhile I had to bap her around the ears to get her attention or prove a point, but those were occasions that gave rise to my own, err, humble fury that I had to resort to such methods. But she hadn't done anything to deserve it–well, she had... but fuck it, the dress was pretty. Pretty enough for me to keep my anger lidded up.

As I went back to get dressed, I bit our bed and screamed into the sheets. WHAT THE FUCK! We needed the goddamn money! AHHHHH! AHHHHH! THE ROOF WAS STILL LEAKING ONTO MY FUCKING MANE GODDAMNIT IT ALL AHHHHHHHH!

"Ah," I said after a few moments of thrashing on the bed. I'd have Lyra make it. Her fault. I redid my beautiful mane, put on some beautiful makeup on my beautiful face, and worked my way into the dress. She had taken rather exact measurements, that perverted, wonderful lover of mine. It was snug but comfortable, my top half encased in sensual grace. Rarity did great work, even if she wanted to go snout-first into Rainbow Dash's unwilling crotch more desperately than was healthy for her.

After a few more moments of prep, I felt rather spiffy and trotted to the door and pushed it open.

"Madame, I believe zat your lover is ready, yes?" I whispered sensually out into the living room in my best Prench accent as I entered slowly. It sounded pretty good too. I had gotten lost in that weird-flank portion of Equestria as a filly and had to hitchhike various pegasi rides back home. And no you dirty lecherous stallions, I didn't get fucked. Bon Bon doesn't get fucked. Bon Bon fucks... But still, no, I didn't have sex with them.

That was the Stalliongrad trip.

"Oh! You look...wow!" Lyra was stunned and I couldn't blame her. And in your heart, you know you couldn't either.

"Ah yes, vow is such a vonderful descriptor, my dear," I replied breathily, approaching her and swaying my backside seductively. She was suitably entranced and I bit her ear playfully, tugging with a vicious smile. She had spent all the money all the time and we had a leaking roof–after tonight the roof wouldn't be the only thing leaking all the time.

Three swift knocks on the door interrupted the mood, though I refused to let go of her ear. Damnit, I hadn't had sex in three whole days and if I didn't get it soon I was gonna start clopping to smells and that was a sign of desperation. Not that I spoke from experience! I was too good for that. Most of the time.

The knocks continued and I let go, though I kept the smile.

"Keep me avake, darling," I gave Lyra a deep kiss that matched my accent before pulling myself away and trotting to the door, smile vanishing along the way. This is why I needed hired muscle who could beat the shit out of anypony who dared approach me as I was starting to get riled up. I opened the door slowly, sighing.

"What do you-"

"Bon Bon, do you have my money?"

My eyes opened. Uggh, not him.

"I'll have your money when I have your money. You said I didn't have to pay un-" I began in protest, but the Earth pony the size of Mount Holyshit simply placed a hoof up to my mouth. Normally I would have bit him, but Lyra was still in the room behind me and she'd become a casualty of our brawl.

"Nnope. Ah lent ya those bits on account of you an' yours 'needing' it," he looked me up and down, "and Ah don't think that's the case anymore, naw is it?"

I hated slightly smug Big Mac. He was a hunk if there ever was one, but I couldn't believe that alarm bells hadn't run last night. I had taken out a loan months ago when time was tough, and he was generous with both it and having me repay it. He had pushed it back and back and just the past week he had said she didn't need to pay him back for another month. But hell, they had gone out partying, he was there, and now here she was in a pretty dress. Looked bad.

"Look Mac, I can exp-"

"Nnope."

"You aren't even going to listen?"

"Nnope."

I sighed. "How long?"

"Y'all got seven days."

"In full?"

"Eeyup."

I raised my eyebrows. "Whatcha gonna do if I don't pay?" I said.

He stared at me blankly. "Seven days, darlin'-"

"Hey! You don't get to call me that. Only Lyra can, you piece of shit!" I snapped, more angry about the situation than anything else.

"Who's that at the door, Bonnie bear?" Lyra asked, blissfully unaware.

"Nopony, darlin'. Be a dear and prepare for me, yes?" I bellowed back towards her immediately deep in my Prench before turning back to Big Mac. This had gone on long enough and for the greater good it had to end.

"Get the hell out of here, you big oaf! I'm trying to get laid here!" And with that I shut the door and locked all the locks, not that all eight of them would matter. If he so much as touched the door it would probably buckle and the force of impact would likely vaporise the room. What must it be like to be in a solid rut with him? He was a nothing but muscle. Uggh, sex. SEX.

I trotted back towards Lyra, licking my lips. "My dear, I vould think you should begin to-" I started, trailing my hoof alongside her neck. But then Lyra happened.

"Oh, I know what we should do!" She leapt into the air and started bouncing in place, her energy overwhelming and shocking all at once. I had to stop my accent...and then I applied my normal one.

"What?"

Lyra stopped in place suddenly, tilting her head in place as she thought. She had kind of forgotten what she was gonna suggest on account of being kind of hungry. She hadn't eaten since the meal Bonnie had made for them that afternoon when she woke up. Ah, that must have been it! She gave a small nod and smiled at her mare excitedly.

"We should eat dinner! I went and picked it up on the way back today like you told me to," Lyra cheerfully suggested.

"Huh?" Bon Bon started, taken aback as she was clearly expecting other things. After a pause she gave a small chuckle. "Ah yeah... Food. Guess we definitely could stand to eat before we get to anything else."

"Yay!" Lyra cheered before bouncing over to the kitchen table. The bag from the cafe was still sitting atop it. Lyra opened it up to pull out a small box containing some sandwiches.

"Ah, cool. So what did you get?" Bon Bon said as she walked to the table and sat down.

"I got the Green Leaf Deluxe," Lyra said, pulling out a sandwich stuffed full of green leaf vegetables and herbs. "And for my sweet Bonnie Bon, I went sweet and got the Berry Delight." The unicorn nodded and brought out the other sandwich, this one full of fruit and jam and dusted with powdered sugar.

"Heh... In that case, maybe I should change out of this first," Bon Bon said as she eyed the gooey contents of her sandwich. "It'd be a shame to get jam all over this dress."

"Nah, I'm sure it'll be fine if we're careful, Bonnie. Besides, I still haven’t had enough of you in that dress!" Lyra shook her head. "C'mon. Let's just eat."

"Ah, alright," Bon Bon sighed and grabbed her sandwich. Lyra did the same and soon they had both started eating.

As she ate, Lyra's mind lingered on all that had transpired. A number of things were nagging at her, but none more so than the unknown element. Lyra wasn't very smart or aware of things around her, but she had her moments of keen perception. She was able to pretend like she didn't notice things when it might trouble Bon Bon, but it's not like she had no clue as to the things going on around her. Big Macintosh had a very distinctive voice and Bon Bon had been kind of terse and angry when she talked to him. Lyra couldn't help but be a little concerned by it all.

"So..." Lyra started after taking a few bites of her sandwich. "What did Big Mac want?" she asked in a quiet voice, glancing aside. Bon Bon froze at the question. A glob of jam dropped from her sandwich as she tensed up somewhat. Lyra reached her hoof out quickly, catching the gooey dark jam before it met the delicate golden fabric of Bonnie's dress. "Woo, that was close," she said as she licked the jam off her hoof slowly. Bon Bon put her sandwich down and sighed.

"Yeah. Nice catch, Lyra," Bon Bon said with a wide grin. "Wouldn't want to get this pretty, expensive dress all messy would we?"

"Bonnie..." Lyra started, giving the other mare an intense stare. She could tell Bon Bon wanted to change the subject, but she wasn't about to allow it.

The earth mare gave a long sigh. "All right, Lyra... I'll tell you about it," she said, in a heavy voice. "Tomorrow though. Tonight, we should just try and be happy."

Lyra didn't let up her stare at first. This evasive answer wasn't what she was looking for. All the same, it did tell her something. Bon Bon didn't usually lie or try to keep secrets from her unless she was convinced she was protecting her from something. In this case, she could only assume this meant money was involved and Bon Bon wanted to spare her any more guilt over the dress. Even if she was concerned and did continue to feel pangs of guilt, she appreciated that sentiment from her Bonnie and would try her best not to dwell on it, at least for that night.

"Okay, Bonnie," the unicorn said quietly, giving a soft nod.

Bon Bon smiled weakly and went back to quietly eating her sandwich. Lyra did the same. A protracted silence set in as the two went about finishing their meal. This was interrupted suddenly with the powerful sound of thunder crashing not too far away. Bon Bon almost dropped the last few bites of her sandwich.

"No. It can't be.... There wasn't a storm scheduled for tonight, was there, Lyra?" she started with a grimace.

"I dunn–"

"Woo! Alright, guys, let's get tonight's storm started!" the unmistakable shout of Rainbow Dash could be heard on the other side of the thin apartment walls. "Then we can all hit up AJ's place for some drinks!" The voices of a bunch of rowdy weather ponies voicing their approval resounded.

"Yep! There was," Lyra said, smiling vacantly and nodding. More thunder sounded, followed by the sound of rain beginning to pour.

"FUCK!" Bon Bon shouted. Her eyes darted upwards. "The fucking roof..." as if on cue, the slow drip of the roof picked up in speed until it was a steady flow. "Shit! Those brainless winged cunts! Why now of all times?!"

"I'll get something to collect the water," Lyra said with a nod. The last thing they needed was the floor getting water damaged too. She rushed off to find a large pot to collect the rainwater.

"Good thinking, Lyra," Bon Bon said, sighing as she stood up and stepped toward the leak, continuing to glance upward at it. The water started to leak faster than before. "Ugh, I think the hole is getting bigger. Hurry, Lyra!"

"Okay," the unicorn replied as she finally found their largest pot. Grabbing hold of it with her magic, she stood and turned toward Bonnie before breaking headlong into a canter.

That was when she caught her hoof on a floorboard that stuck out ever so slightly. She tripped, the pot flying off into the far corner of the room while Lyra herself tumbled straight into Bon Bon, knocking the other mare onto the floor. Lyra grunted as she sat up. She glanced toward Bon Bon. That's when she noticed it! Bonnie had been knocked directly under the leak. Her beautiful dress had been cleanly soaked.

"Ugh... Lyra..." Bon Bon started as she started to pick herself up as well, even more of the beautiful golden fabric losing its shimmer as she moved around under the leak.

"No..." Lyra muttered feebly. "No! It's ruined.... After everything... after trying so hard... this... this is all I get..." she said as she began to cry a little. Bon Bon moved toward her on the floor.

"You idiot!" Bon Bon said, giving a small laugh as she lightly smacked the back of her fillyfriend's head. "It's fucking rainwater. It's not going to ruin anything. Wash it, dry it, the dress will be as beautiful as before."

"Oh yeah!" Lyra started, opening her eyes wide. She laughed and rubbed where Bonnie had smacked her with her hoof. "Guess I overreacted," she said, feeling dumber than usual.

"Yeah," Bon Bon said, shaking her head and standing up. "But even when it comes to messes that aren't so easily fixed, we gotta keep trying." She nodded and smiled at her mare. "With enough work, someday we'll have everything we deserve and won't have to deal with so much shit anymore."

Lyra just stared ahead as Bonnie went to retrieve the pot. Her mare's words resonated with her. It made her think. It made her want to act. Standing up suddenly, she gave a big nod. "I want to help," she said.

"Help?" Bon Bon started, looking back. "Help with what, Lyra?"

"With making our dreams come true," the unicorn said slowly.

"You're already helping, Lyra. Every bit you make counts." Bon Bon said as she walked back toward her mare with the pot, putting it finally in place.

"I could do more. I know I could," Lyra said in a low voice, determination entering her eyes. "I just need to try. Something like giving you a nice gift... it shouldn't ever have to be this hard! I want to make it so I can give you all of the beautiful things in the world, but with none of these awful feelings attached."

"Oh, Lyra..." Bon Bon spoke, looking not really sure how to react. A smile appeared on her face as she shook her head. "You silly mare..."

"I mean it, Bonnie," Lyra said resolutely. "I'm going to do it. I'm going to apply for a spot with Octavia in the Orchestra. If that doesn't work, I'll just try something else! I'll try everything if I have to until I find something that gets us what you need."

Bon Bon giggled fondly as she looked upward. "Let's just focus on one thing at a time, Lyra," she said. "For now, the most important thing is fixing the roof."

"Nope," Lyra replied, shaking her head. "There's something that needs to come before that."

"Huh?" Bon Bon started. "What's that?"

"Getting you out of that wet dress," Lyra said with a grin. Bon Bon laughed.

"Good point. Wouldn't want to catch cold or anything," she said with a shrug. "I'll take it off."

"I'll help," Lyra chimed.

"I'm not sure I need help taking off a dress, Lyra," Bon Bon started, glancing at her mare.

"Of course not, silly!" she cheerfully replied. The unicorn then gave a mischievous smirk and narrowed her eyes before trotting up to Bonnie. "But it'll be more fun that way"

"Oh..." Bon Bon spoke as Lyra gently nuzzled her cheek. Her eyes widened as she realized what her mare was implying "OH!"

"So, you want my help after all?" Lyra asked coyly before kissing all along Bon Bon's neck.

"Yeah... let's hurry up and get this off..." Bon Bon replied through a dumb grin. Lyra just giggled.