Felix had run into sleep deprivation based hallucinations before. However, most of the time, they didn't occur on days he had gotten a good nights rest. But, there really was no other explanation for seeing something that could not exist sitting at his apartment table sipping what smelled like coffee.
Felix stared, mouth agape, at the vaguely bipedal creature with the head of a horse, right arm of a lion, the left claw of an eagle, the right leg of a lizard, and the left leg of a goat for far longer than what would have been considered polite. The creature didn't seem to mind; it took another long sip of coffee.
“What.” Felix said. It wasn't a question. Felix's mind was reeling, he was pretty sure he must have had a spiked drink at some point. Which was odd because he was walking in from classes that day. The only thing he had to drink was a mocha-frapa-cappa something from the campus coffee shop.
They generally didn't spike their drinks with high grade hallucinogens. Generally. There was a first time for everything.
The creature turned its head toward him. Felix noted that its eyes were mismatched. Of course they were.
“I didn't hear you come in. My apologies,” it said. “I'd introduce myself, but I'm pretty sure we both know who I am”.
“Discord. But...but...” Felix took a deep breath. It stabilized him somewhat. He blinked his eyes. Discord didn't disappear like he should have.
“How the hell are you in my kitchen?” Felix finally managed to ask.
“I came here. I'm a spirit of disharmony and chaos, I don't really worry about the schematics of how. Following set laws of reality is such a bore,” it replied.
With that, Dicord disappeared. Felix spun around- quickly spotting a new painting of Discord hanging on a far wall. His initial awe was fading fast (it wasn't every day a cartoon character decided to show up in your apartment) and getting replaced with annoyance.
“Fine then. Why are you here?” Felix asked.
“To take you on a one way trip to Equestria, of course. Sadly, I must emphasize the 'one way' part,” the painting replied, throwing up air quotes.
“Hold the fuck on. How? It's just a place in a TV show!” Felix said.
The Discord painting sighed and disappeared.
“Your constant prattling about 'how' and 'why' is getting annoying. I'm just from a TV show, am I not? And I'm here, so taking you there shouldn't be all that difficult,” his TV said with Discord’s voice.
“That doesn't make any sense,” Felix replied, fully aware he was talking to his TV.
The TV glared at him. “Don't state the obvious. It's rude,” it said.
Felix ran a hand through his hair. “Why then? Why take me?” he asked.
“Why not you?” the TV replied.
“Because there are tons of other people who watch the show. And some of them might actually want to go.”
“You don't? Not even a little bit?”
“No. A 'one way' trip doesn't sound that great. I have friends here. A family here. Aspirations and dreams that can only be fulfilled here. And I like having two hands very much, thank you,” Felix paused and continued, “Now, get out of my house and find someone else. Anyone ever tell you how irritating you are?”
Discord appeared again, lounging on Felix's kitchen table. “That's any_pony_. You should start practicing the language,” Discord said.
“A- I'm not going. B- I'm not a pony,” Felix replied and he spun around to face Discord.
Discord laughed and said, “That can be changed. You'd look good in blue.”
Felix felt a shiver of fear. The outside chance that he really was talking with the spirit of disharmony and chaos that might like nothing better than to ruin his day hit him. My Little Pony was a great show and all, but it would make a pretty shitty place to live. If for no better reason than the fact that Equestria didn't have the Internet.
“Pick someone else. I don't want any of this,” Felix said, suddenly regretting being short before.
Discord chuckled and replied, “You don't have a choice.” Felix's vision suddenly went white and he felt strangely light. He tried to cry out a warning. The air was sucked out of his lungs. All that came out was a feeble sigh.
***
Felix found himself on his hands and knees somewhere very different and gulping down air desperately. He looked around in alarm, and felt a false sense of relief when it was pretty clear he wasn't in Equestria.
But there was no way he was still on Earth either. Unless there was some place he had not yet heard of that had a green sky and royal blue grass. And what appeared to be trees made out of brick.
“Hey!” Felix yelled after a few more lungfuls of air. “Take me back!”
Discord appeared hovering over him.
“I'm sorry, but that's not part of the plan. I'd say that you could lodge a complaint with your trans-universal pilot, but that's me. And I'll let you in on a secret,” Discord leaned close to whisper in Felix's ear, “I don't actually read the complaints.”
Felix planted one foot down and lunged at Discord. The spirit dodged easily, chuckling all the while. Felix slammed back into the ground, but he scrambled back on his feet quickly.
“You can't just rip people away from their lives like that,” Felix protested, hands balling into fists.
“I'm pretty sure I just did,” Discord replied, “Wasn't even that hard, to be honest. Not your fault, you wouldn't know how to fight against magic. Your old world had a stunning lack of it.”
“It's still _my_ world,” Felix corrected.
“Sure. Well, since you aren't saying anything I feel like hearing, how about you sit down and let me talk for a while. It's only polite I tell you a little bit about my plan,” Discord said.
“I don't want to hear anything you have t—mufff,” Felix found his mouth was being zipped up by a over sized zipper.
“Muurrhuff!” Felix protested. He tugged at the zipper, it wouldn't budge. He sat down on the ground in a huff, glaring a Discord.
“Much better,” Discord replied. One of the brick trees spontaneously combusted, only to be put out by what looked like a localized downpour of frogs.
“As you may have guessed, you aren't in Equestria yet. I needed to take you to a... space... between your world and Equestria. The rigid physical laws of your world are such a bother to overcome every time I want to have a little fun, and I'm currently barred entry from Equestria due to those pesky elements of harmony. So, I welcome you to my realm- the space between the millions of worlds out there.”
Discord happily sighed as the sky suddenly shifted color from green to brown. Felix looked up at the sky in shock and realized there wasn't actually a source to the daylight. This place had no sun.
Discord continued, “There are no laws of reality here to hold me back. In fact, the only reason this particular part makes any sense at all is because you're here. I didn't want to shatter your little mind with true chaos. You see, I need--”
Discord stopped as the ground started contorting, twisting into shapes that would be more at home in a Dr. Seuss book. Discord paused while he waited for it to finish, his eyes shining with mirth. Felix resumed glaring at the spirit.
“I didn't want your little mind to shatter because I want you in charge of all your mental faculties when I send you to Equestria. Your very presence there will be something that is out of harmony. You will cause a subtle shift in the walls that prevent me from going to Equestria myself. Your existence will eat at them. And, after a while, you'll weaken them. And I'll be doing my best to bring them down from my side. Soon, I'll rip a hole just big enough to slip through and then I'm back far faster than those silly sisters could possibly anticipate,” Discord was smiling when he said it, but even his mismatched eyes betrayed his real emotions. Complete anger and rage.
“Murgh. Mumff!” Felix said.
“That was either why, how, or how dare you. I'll pretend it was why. I'm feeling generous today. Out of all the millions and millions of worlds out there, Equestria is one of the few I've ever been ejected from. Twice. I plan on returning and showing those naive foals you can't remove me- ME, spirit of all chaos- from your world,” Discord was fuming. His breath was coming in huffs.
Felix felt that shiver of fear again. He also noted that during Discord's tirade, the ground had turned to water. Which would have been irritating if he wasn't sitting on top of it, perfectly dry. The sky was now also a slightly more comforting pink.
“But enough of that. First, if you're still human when you get to Equestria, you'll stick out like a sore thumb. I need you to integrate with society for my plan to work. So, you might want to say goodbye to those precious hands- they'll only hold you back where you're going.”
“Murgh fuff! Mughhhh!” Felix protested as he jumped up from his sitting position and ran across the water at Discord. He cocked a fist back to punch the spirit of chaos, but suddenly found his hand bound behind his back. He tried to keep running forward, only to find that he couldn't move at all.
“murgh!”
“There, there. Look, to make it up to you, I'll let you be a unicorn. You'll get to use magic, isn't that nice,” Discord said. He laughed again, before he continued.
“Actually, it's not nice. The added strength of the earth ponies is to obvious an advantage for you to have, and I've heard from several reliable pegasi that learning to fly is, in fact, quite simple. You don't need any help, as I get the feeling you'll be spending most of your time trying to resist my plan. You'll need a teacher to learn magic or some way to study it on your own, both of which will require you to at least acknowledge another pony's existence. Which only helps me. Now, what color...”
Felix found the zipper had been removed from his mouth. “I'll never help you,” he spat.
“Just what I wanted to hear. How does teal sound, maybe with a with a few hair highlights--” Discord snapped his fingers.
Felix had just enough time to mouth a profanity at Discord before his vision when white and he found himself gasping for air on his hands and knees again. Except for the fact that his hands weren't blue. And had fingers. Felix looked over his shoulder in alarm- Discord had actually done it.
He was more of an aquamarine pony, to be honest. With four damnable hooves. His mane was light brown- there were no highlights. Felix found himself pawing at the ground in rage.
“You-- you actually did it. Do you have any empathy?” Felix demanded.
“Now, now. Don't be so upset. It's not like you can go back to your apartment like this. Off to your new home, my little pony. And always remember- Discord is watching. Go forth. Mingle. Accept your new life. I'm sure it'll be filled with wonderful adventures.”
Felix felt his vision go white for the last time. He heard the sound of a tree branch snapping . His head exploded in pain. He felt dizzy and everything went black.
