Fallout Equestria: Guardian

"We fight or we die. Isn't that right?"

I woke early the next morning. After I did my morning business, I slipped on my newly repaired riot barding and my weapons. Leaving my room, I said goodbye to Granny Goody and left the bed-and-breakfast. I soon found myself at Sheriff Lonestar's front door. I lifted a hoof and knocked.

"Door's open, come on in."

I went inside to find the sheriff standing in front of a large map of prewar Equestria. "Son, I want you to take a good, hard look at this map, and to listen very carefully to what I say." Lonestar pulled out a baton, gripping it in his hoof. "We are here." He snapped the baton onto a small red dot next to a city marker. "Driftwood, just outside of Baltimare. Here," Lonestar pointed to a star. "Is the Canterlot ruins. Do not go there. When the megaspells were loosed, Canterlot got hit by a nasty one. Pink Cloud. Go in there, and you'll soon find yourself fused to your gear, to the cobbles, or whatelse have you." I swallowed as the sheriff continued. "To the north of Canterlot you'll find Fillydelphia. Stay away from there as well if you value your life and your freedom. A pony by the name of Redeye set up shop there some years back, claimin' to be bringin' civilization back to the wasteland. Big words, but he's just another two-bit warlord buyin' up slaves by the droves." I grimaced as I imagined the hell that Fillydelphia must be. Lonestar moved on to another part of the map, further to the north. "This is Hoofington. Many a scavenger has gone there lookin' fer a quick bottlecap. Ya see, the Hoof has been largely unexplored, so there's a lot of good salvage up there. However, not many ponies make it back. The Hoof has sumthin' called an enervation field. The whole region is dotted with 'em. Ponies what blunder their way into a field find themselves falling apart at the seems. I've seen ponies hopped up on hydra just melt away in enervation fields. Barely made it out of there alive myself." I must have looked as queasy as I felt, because the sheriff shook his head. "Don't worry none about them e-fields, son. You'll only find them out in the Hoof. Nopony knows why."

"Oh, good." I tried to swallow, but my mouth was too dry all of a sudden.

The tip of the baton moved back south, ending on a wooded area. "This here is the Everfree Forest. Full of killing joke."

"Killing joke?"

"Eeyup. Nasty blue plant. Does weird things to a pony. And I don't mean like drugs ya or anythin'. I mean it changes ya. I knew a pony, killing joke turned him inside out. I can still hear that infernal laughter to this day." I paled at that statement. Inside out? Holy shit. The baton moved northwest. "This is splendid valley. It's hellhound country. I never been there. I had the sense to stay away. But rumor has it there's sumthin' there in the old mining town that scares even the hellhounds." The wasteland was sounding scarier and scarier by the minute, and I was turning a very pale shade of my normal green. I held out a hoof.

"Sheriff." My voice squeaked a little. "I don't want to know anymore. You tell me anything else, and I'm liable to curl up in a corner and suck my hoof raw."

Lonestar looked at me for a long moment before sighing. "Very well. Don't want you to lose your confidence, now do we?" I nodded. I looked at my PipBuck, noticing that there was a notice on the map. I opened the auto-map, to find that each location had been added to the map as described by Sheriff Lonestar. The sheriff interrupted my train of thought as I tried to figure out how it did that. "Well, I do have one more thing for you." He held out a grey book with a black skull on the cover. "This is the Wasteland Survival Guide. Should you ever need to know somethin' 'bout the wasteland, you'll probably be able to find it in here." I accepted the book and slid it into my saddlebags. "Well, I won't keep you any longer. Good luck and safe travels." He held out his hoof and I shook it in farewell, leaving his study and home. As I made my way towards the gates of Driftwood, so named for the various flotsam and jetsam found washed up nearby according to Granny Goody, I found my thoughts drifting to Mountain Dew. What was it about that mare? I hoped to see her before I left.

To my sadness, nopony I talked to knew where Dew was. It was therefore with a heavy heart that I approached the gates of Driftwood to take my leave. I was so deep in thought that I didn't notice a figure detach from the shadows by the gates.

"Hey stranger, goin' my way?"

I had a quick double-take. "Dew? What are you doing here?" Not that I wasn't happy to see her, but she looked like she was ready to wage a war. She was wearing the matte-grey armored barding of an Equestrian Army battlefield medic, three pink butterflies painted on the flank. A very large bolt action rifle, probably the one Dew had aimed at me when I had first arrived in Driftwood, along with a pair of saddlebags rested on her back. She smiled, looking as beautiful and deadly as the two grenades hanging off her barding.

"I'm coming with you."

I opened my mouth to tell her that, no, it was too dangerous. However, something told me that telling her that would be more dangerous than letting her come with me. "Alright."

Dew eyed me suspiciously. "'Alright?' That's it? You're not going to say that it's too dangerous or something?"

I shrugged. "Would there be any point to it?" I began walking into the wilderness of the wasteland, nodding a farewell to the two guards on duty.

"No." Dew gave a wry smile. "Guess not. So." She fell into step with me. "Where we going?"

"I dunno. Got any ideas?"

"Well, I don't know for sure, but wherever you eventually decide on going, Baltimare would be a good start."

"I thought we were in Baltimare."

Dew chuckled. "Well, yeah, the state of Baltimare. I was talking about the city of Baltimare."

"Oh." Doi. I jumped over a dried-up streambed. "So, why Baltimare?"

"Well..." MD paused as she navigated around a dead tree. "There's a settlement on the harbor. Boats from all over come and go all the time. We should be able to catch a ride anywhere we want to go."

I thought about it, deciding that I liked that idea. Also, it would be hard for anypony Stable Sixteen sent out after me, once Lock, Shock and Barrel returned from Driftwood anyways, to get me in a boat out on the open waters. "I like it." I stopped at an embankment as I pulled up the map on my PipBuck. "Looks like if we follow the railroad tracks nearby, they'll lead us right to Baltimare without having to play pioneer." I closed out my map. "Now we just have to find it."

"Do you mean this railroad track?" I looked up to find Mountain Dew standing on top of the embankment. I scrambled up after her, seeing that there was indeed a set of railroad tracks on top leading off into the distance.

"I suppose I do." We set off down the track, Dew in the lead. After some time, I found my attention drifting to the grey-green mare. I noticed the way her windswept, two-toned green mane accentuated her beautiful pink eyes. How her bullet-broken cross cutie-mark stood out on her mottled green-grey flank, the way her short, straight tail flicked around. The way her-

"Is that gunfire?" I almost ran smack into Dew's flank as she came to a sudden halt, bringing me back from wherever my mind had wandered. I took off my helmet and listened. For a moment, I thought that Dew had been hearing things, until I realized that the popping I was hearing was in fact gunfire. "C'mon!" Dew galloped at full speed down the railroad tracks.

"Wha-? Wait up!" I mashed my helmet back onto my head and charged after MD as fast as I could. Which is to say, not very fast at all. Although I am strong for a unicorn, and can walk for several hours before needing a break, get me galloping, and I'll be panting for breath like a dog on a hot day before I hit a quarter mile. Now, sprinting over short distances is not a problem for me. No, it's the distance trotting that gets me winded and wheezing like a geriatric hummingbird.

I managed to catch up with MD as she came to a screeching halt at the top of a small ridge. Looking down, we saw the source of the gunfire. An old steam-driven locomotive pulling three cars was under attack from a large band of ragtag, obscenity screaming ponies. Mountain Dew gave voice to their name. "Raiders." That word alone was enough to strike fear into most ponies' hearts. From our vantage point, we could clearly see how the raiders had attacked.

The train had been stopped by a large, dead tree that had fallen across the tracks, presumably knocked down by the raiders. Once the train had come to a halt, the raiders had sprung their trap. The half-dozen-or-so ponies laboring to clear the tree away had been caught flat-hoofed, and looked to have been slaughtered at the onset of the battle. From there, the raiders had surrounded the train and blocked the tracks behind it, preventing it from escaping. With one side blocked off by a sheer, rocky cliff and the other blocked off by raiders, it appeared that if help didn't arrive soon, the surviving train ponies wouldn't be surviving for much longer. Good thing for them that we were there. Dew and I watched as the raiders' latest charge failed, barely, sending another train pony to Tartarus. Dew looked to me. "So, what's the plan?"

"Me?" Nod. "Well, okay..." I chewed my lip as I thought, glancing at the besieged train and back at Dew. Her sniper rifle caught my eye. "Okay, here's the plan. You stay here and shoot anything that gets too close for comfort to me or the train. I'll head down and give you a signal to start firing. Got it?"

Dew unslung her rifle and twirled it so she ended up looking down the scope. "Got it. Go."

I started making my way down the steep face of the ridge. My plan was to get behind the raiders, catch them in a crossfire between myself, the train and Dew's sniperfire. Unfortunately, the hill had other ideas. A loose chunk of shale gave way beneath my hoof, sending me wailing like a banshee down the slope at full gallop in a futile attempt to keep from going down face-first. "YEEEEEEE!" Thinking that this was the signal, MD opened up, taking out the raiders that seemed to be in charge, or at least the biggest. Seeing me barreling towards them in a huge cloud of dust and dirt, screaming like a demon and watching their leaders fall to pinpoint accurate gunfire sent the raiders into a panic. By the time I crashed in a heap at the bottom of the incline, the last raider could barely be seen disappearing over the grey horizon.

"Ow."

I heard earth shifting and rumbling slightly as Mountain Dew slid down to come to rest next to me. "Nice plan."

"Ermph." I ignored the sarcasm in her voice. "It worked didn't it?" I asked, ignoring the fact that it hadn't exactly been the plan I had in the first place.

A very large brown, sandy-maned earth pony with a cutie-mark of a train whistle trotted up to us as Dew helped me to my hooves. He looked at me with a tilted head as I dusted myself off. "So, uh not to be ungrateful or anythin', but who th' hay are you?"

I opened my mouth to answer, but Dew beat me to the punch. "He's Guardian Angel." I gave her a dour look. "What?" I just sighed and facehoofed.

The train pony lifted an eyebrow. "That pony DJ Nite was goin' on 'bout?"

Once again, Dew answered for me. "Yup!"

The train pony grunted. "Well, then, Mr. Angel, what brings you here?"

"Just heading for Baltimare."

"I see." The train pony looked over his shoulder at the train. "Wish Ah could offer ya a ride. But them raiders done killed mah strongest train ponies. Now, we don't have enough to pull it."

"Wait, wait, wait." I held up a hoof. "You pull the train. What's wrong with the engine?"

"Nuthin'."

"Then why-"

"We don't got any coal."

I looked at the train pony. "You do know how an engine works, right?"

"Eeyup."

"How?"

"Ooh, I know this one." I looked at MD. She cleared her throat. "You burn the coal and the smoke makes it go."

The train pony nodded. "Tha's it in a nutshell."

I shook my head. "True, but that is an extremely simplified version of how a steam engine works."

Dew looked at me with a perplexed expression. "Steam?"

I nodded. "The coal just provides a fire, which heats up the water in the boiler. The water turns to steam, which makes the engine work, then the steam condenses back into water."

Dew blinked at me. "How do you know this?"

I put a hoof to my chest modestly. "I read."

The train pony scratched his head, then perked up. "That means...we don't need no coal! We can just burn about anythin'!"

I smiled at him. "Bingo!"

The train pony's face fell. "'Cept, there ain't no water in the boiler."

I tapped my chin, trying to think. "Do you have any water in your cargo?"

"Yeah, but-" The train pony's eyes lit up again. "Kid, yer a genius!" He dashed off, yelling at his fellow train ponies as he went. "Boys, chop up that tree fer firewood and pull out the water barrels! We're drivin' this train to Baltimare!"

"The fuck you yammering on about, Piston?"

"I'll 'splain as we go!"

As the train ponies started running back and forth to fulfill Piston's orders, Dew turned to me quizzically. "So, what are they doing with the water?"

"Putting it in the boiler."

"Oh, doi." Dew bopped her forehead with a hoof. "Of course."

We watched as the train ponies finished emptying the last barrel of water into the boiler. By my estimations, it couldn't have been more than a quarter full, but if I remembered properly what that book of trains had said, it should easily get the train to Baltimare. As the train ponies all clambered aboard the cars, Piston poked his head out the engine's cab. "Well, what're you two waitin' fer? C'mon up! ALL ABOARD!" Eyes wide, Dew and I clambered into the cab with him as he threw a few levers, a roaring fire already burning in the fireplace. With an almighty hiss, the train engine shuddered as the pistons engaged, the large drive wheels spinning on the steel rails as they fought for traction.

CHUG.....CHUG.....CHUG....CHUG...CHUG..CHUG.CHUGCHUGCHUGCHUGCHUGCHUGCHUGCHUG...

We soon found ourselves positively flying down the tracks at speeds I never could have imagined in my life. Piston turned, seeing the looks of awe and glee on my face and Dew's. "First time ridin' the train?" He had to shout to be heard over the wonderfully loud steam engine. I nodded, beaming at the experience. I can't speak for Dew, however, as I had my attention on the wasteland zipping by us, or were we zipping by it?

I jerked back my head as something zinged off the metal by my head. Piston glanced out the window and cursed. "Raiders! They scare easily, but they always come back in bigger numbers!" I hooked a handlebar in my fetlock and leaned out of the cab. I looked behind as the wind buffeted me violently. There, galloping next to the train were several dozens of wagons being pulled by slavering earth pony raiders. Somehow, they were keeping up with the speeding train. I screamed into the cab. "How are they keeping up with us?"

Piston yelled back as he vigorously pulled several levers and hoofcranks. "Probably hopped up on Buck and Stampede. The Buck to give 'em more strength and endurance and th' Stampede ta make 'em meaner than Tartarus." He glanced back down the train and cursed. "Shit, but they're a determined bunch. Don't think we can out run 'em. Any more speed, and we'll burn off our water afore we gets ta Baltimare."

I leaned back out to see a raider getting ready to jump from his wagon onto the train. "Oh no you don't!" I yanked out Krieger and a burst of fire knocked the raider out of midair, knocking him unpleasantly beneath the tearing train carriage. I fired another burst at the pony pulling the wagon, but the Buck and Stampede running through him made him near unstoppable. Snarling, I emptied the rest of the clip into him, one of the last bullets finally entering an eye-socket and sending him crashing in a heap, the wagon flipping over his prone body as the yoke dug into the earth, tossing screaming raiders everywhere. I winced as a few were ground to ribbons beneath the carriage. Most of a clip to take out a single wagon. Sadly, Krieger wasn't going to cut it, not with dozens of wagons filled to the brim with raiders left. I leaned back into the cab and turned to Piston, still yanking feverishly at control levers. "We need more firepower if we're gonna stop 'em!" A loud BOOM reverberated in the engine's cab as Dew blew the head off a raider, causing the wagon she was pulling to turn and tumble violently across the ashy ground. Okay, I needed more firepower.

Piston hooked a hoof over his shoulder as he continued tweaking the controls. "Last car, haulin' cargo fer th' Steel Rangers in Baltimare. Y'might find summat in there."

I turned to Dew. "You gonna be okay?" She nodded. A nasty thought occurred to me. What if the raiders managed to get too close? With her bolt action rifle, she wouldn't be able to get off more than one or two shots before getting overwhelmed. I voiced my concerns, but Dew merely smiled predatorily and pulled out a nasty looking knife with a boomerang-shaped blade that bent forward.

"Me and Kookie here will kiss 'em goodnight!"

I slung Krieger on my back and clambered over the train pony shoveling wood from the once-defunct coal-car. Jumping the gap between cars, I pulled on the door to the first car. I punched the door in frustration when the locked door didn't budge. Deciding that there was nothing for it, I took the high road. Swinging into the slipstream, I clambered up the ladder on the side of the car onto the roof. Had it not been for the visor of my helmet, I would have been blinded by the sooty ash-smoke from the engine and the wind. As it was, I was soon covered in black soot from head to tail. I crossed the top of the freight car to find several train ponies on the far end of a flatcar, pinned down behind stacks of crates by cackling raiders right below me. Snarling, I drew my knife and dropped amidst them. A few screams and several spurts of arterial blood later, I stood wiping my knife off on one of the prostrate bodies at my hooves. I ran over to the train ponies guarding the final freight car, and my destination.

"I need to get in there."

The lead train pony made as if to argue, before deciding that a stallion covered in raider blood might not take 'no' for an answer. Wordlessly, he opened the door, closing it behind me as I entered the third car.

I stared in wonder at all of the shiney metal crates marked "demolitions," "ammunition," and such. I opened the nearest crate to find a long metal tube with some smaller, finned tubes resting next to it. My PipBuck labeled the larger tube as a 'missile launcher.' As awesome as that sounded, despite how badly I wanted to fire it, I decided that flinging high explosives around a moving train was a very bad idea. The next crate I opened had combat shotguns stacked neatly in rows. I supposed that the shotguns, while perhaps enough to bring down a raider on Buck and Stampede with one shot, would not be very good at range, where I wanted to keep the raiders. I was about to move on when a sparkle of light from under a canvas tarp caught my eye. I shoved aside some crates and gingerly yanked away the cover. I lifted up the helmet visor as I whistled in amazement.

Sitting on the crate before me was a large-bore heavy machine gun mounted on a saddle-like device. A fully loaded ammunition belt snaked from the top of the gun on the right, over the back of the saddle and into a metal box mounted on the left side. I ran a hoof reverently over the perfect black finish. I carefully lifted the battle-saddle in my magic and settled it on my back over my barding, buckling slightly from the weight. Cinching the straps tight, I took the control rod in my teeth, grinning as I made my way back to the door, pausing once to snag a few apple-shaped grenades from an open box. Rearing up on my hind legs, I bucked open the door.

I galloped out of the last car to find that the train ponies were once again hunkered down behind their crates, raiders swarming over the flatbed before me. Grinning feraly, I leaped up on top of the nearest crate and spread my hooves. Properly braced, I bit down on the control rod. With a roar like a buzzsaw, the machinegun blazed a line of death across the train, cutting raiders to bloody pieces. I played the gun across the flatbed, cackling in adrenaline fueled glee, the mule-kick of the gun shaking me like an earthquake. As the last raider on the train fell to pieces, I turned my new gun on the raiders still riding wagons alongside the juddering train. The big bullets of the machinegun blew huge hoof-sized holes in the wagons and the ponies pulling them. While Stampede and Buck may have dulled the pain of getting shot, it is very hard to keep running at the speed of a locomotive when one of your legs is suddenly and violently removed. Raiders died by the droves at my hooves as I rained fiery retribution down on them from the train, blood and body parts and burning vehicles littering the tracks behind us. As the last wagon pulled up alongside the train, my machinegun spat its last bullet, the raiders on board jeering and taunting me. The maniacal grins of the raiders vanished suddenly as I produced a grenade and tossed it sans pin into the biggest one's hooves. "Happy Hearth Warming!" The poor raider gave me a very plaintive look.

KRABOOM!

The last wagon exploded, a violent rainbow of death, light and screaming sound. As the miniature mushroom cloud vanished around a bend, I found myself shaking violently as I came down off my adrenal high. I suddenly found myself trying not to hyperventilate as I recalled every close bullet, every slashing blade that had come close to killing me. Utterly exhausted, I plopped my flank down on the flatbed, closing my eyes. It would only be for a minute...

I didn't awake until the train pulled into the settlement in the Baltimare train station.

Level Up!
New Perk: Big Guns Never Tire - You are filled with enthusiasm for big guns of any kind, the bigger, the better. +10 proficiency points towards the big guns category. In addition, Heavy weapons only weigh you down half as much as normal.