What Happened to the Orange Frog?
Pain. Horrible, agonizing pain was all Raleigh knew for what seemed like half an eternity, but was no more than a mere second. Imagine if every individual cell of your body were to simultaneously catch on fire, be dipped in battery acid, be frozen, and then liquified in a powerful blender made for cells. Then all of your cells were to be compressed together as if a blue whale made of dark matter sat on you. If you imagine that, you would have one tenth of an idea as to how poor Raleigh felt.
What happened to me? Raleigh asked himself as the pain cleared enough for him to regain cohesive thought. Why is everything orange?
A few minutes earlier.
Raleigh was in an oddly reflective mood as he hopped to the pond. I don’t know why, but today feels like a particularly good day, he thought to himself. This was unusual because happy frogs tend to lead uneventful lives. Especially happy frogs in Ponyville.
Because the citizens didn’t like seeing animals eaten alive, predators stayed out of the village, making it a safe haven despite its proximity to the eldritch Everfree Forest. In addition, apprentice baker Pinkie Pie’s sugary treats attracted flies from miles around, making Ponyville one of the heaviest fly-infested places in Equestria. (Which were rarely seen due to the high population of hungry frogs.)
However, there was a third factor to this frog paradise. A simple yellow pegasus by the name of Fluttershy. She always made sure the frogs were well-fit, fed, and generally among the living. Every frog knew that if it wasn’t for her, they all would have perished when they suffered a severe overpopulation problem the previous year.
Raleigh had been much younger, but he could still remember how Fluttershy took their surplus population to a mystical paradise known as Froggy Bottom Bog. So wonderful was this place that no frog ever returned. Hungry for adventure, he had almost gone there when he snuck onto a small wagon flown by Fluttershy herself.
But fate seemed to have other plans as a gust of wind, sudden stop, and a rude shove by a frog named Eugene conspired to make him fall. Raleigh shuddered at the memory of the drop. He had fallen from so high that he probably would have died had his fall not been broken by a conveniently placed purple unicorn.
After telling her, “Nice catch,” in frog he quickly returned home to his family, content to never even think about leaving Ponyville.
Of course, exciting things still happened. Like the new garbage pony forgetting to get the trash in the Ponyville pond. Soon the whole place would be swarming with flies, and he was going to have a front row lilypad.
Shortly after arriving, his good friend Jeremy appeared on a nearby lilypad. They passed the time discussing the latest frog news. The types of flies in town, whether they still made lilypads like they used to, and Mrs. Bev’s new tadpoles. Typical frog stuff. So engrossing was this that they didn’t notice the arrival of a purple unicorn until she started making distinctive magical zaps.
“Huh, wonder what that unicorn's doing?” Raleigh asked.
“I don’t know. It looks like she’s just zapping that apple,” Jeremy answered.
“I could swear I’ve seen that one before,” said Raleigh as he searched his memory.
“Eh, they all look the same to me,” said Jeremy. (Jeremy was not a very progressive frog.)
Before their conversation could continue, there was a loud thumping sound as a pink blur seemed to materialize out of nowhere, hitting the purple unicorn. Jeremy and Raleigh could only watch in stunned frog amazement as the magic from the purple unicorn’s horn bounced around. So mystified were they by the bouncing projectile that neither reacted until it was too late, and the powerful purple projectile had pelted Raleigh. Then everything went orange.
Now.
No matter where he looked, all Raleigh could see was an all-encompassing wall of orange. Suddenly he heard Jeremy calling out to him. “Raleigh, are you okay? What happened?”
“I’m fine... I think! Just give me a moment to find you!”
“What?”
He must not hear me; I must be too deep, Raleigh thought. Even though he still couldn’t see properly, he was able to identify the source of Jeremy’s voice and swim to the surface, returning to his lily pad. When he did, he heard a horrible froggy scream.
“What is that thing? Raleigh, where are you?”
“What are you talking about, Jeremy? I’m right here!”
“Stay back! I don’t want any trouble! Raleigh! Did this orange monster devour you?” Jeremy yelled before hopping away in fear.
What in the world is he talking about? Raleigh thought, moving his frog hand to his chin to better ponder the situation. It was then he realized where his frog chin should be there was only a smooth orange peel. What? He thought as he felt the rest of his body. What should have been a green, mucus-covered, somewhat warty frog body had become a highly nutritional fruit with legs.
“AAAAAAAAAAH!”
Raleigh screamed. He immediately shut his mouth when he realized he wasn’t speaking frog.
“What happened to me?” he asked himself. He wasn’t speaking frog, yet he could still understand himself. What am I? Raleigh wondered as he felt his unnatural new shape with a growing sense of dread and indigestion. Suddenly his dread was lifted (but not the indigestion–– that stayed) as he realized it didn’t matter what he was, because he wouldn't be stuck that way much longer. All he had to do was get the purple unicorn's attention and make her change him back. And if there was one thing frogs were good at, it was getting something's attention. But his plan had one simple flaw. Where is the purple unicorn? he thought.
“What in the wide wide world of Equestria are you doing now?” cried the purple unicorn somewhere to the north.
“Timing myself galloping back and forth between the swimming hole and Sweet Apple Acres,” replied what Raleigh could only assume was the pink blur.
Raleigh assumed the pink blur must have been talking to the purple unicorn. Fortunately, the pink blur continued to talk, so it should have been easier to spot than a toad at a frog convention. Or it would have, if Raleigh could actually see.
Hopping as best he could, he followed the source of the pink blur's ramblings. He managed to make it up a small incline, only to miss his footing. This caused him to roll down back into the pond, losing a bit of self-esteem along the way. Upon crawling back out, he was delighted to hear the purple unicorn was still there, though she wasn’t talking to the pink blur anymore. This will be easy, Raleigh thought. And since the universe lives for lines like that, he was suddenly grabbed by an unseen hoof.
“Well would you look at that, somepony left a perfectly good orange right next to the pond.”
These words sent a chill down Raleigh’s little orange spine. It all made sense now. His round shape, his orange vision, his high nutritional content: he was an orange!
“Huh, it has frog legs on it or something. How did that happen?”
Raleigh felt a tugging on his poor little frog legs as the strange pony pulled on them experimentally. Raleigh cried in protest, causing the pony to drop him in surprise.
“Did that orange just speak?”
“I’m not an orange, I’m a frog!” Raleigh cried in protest too late, realizing the futility of this gesture.
Suddenly, he was picked up again, and if the senses he still had in his limbs were accurate, he was now in some sort of burlap sack.
“I can’t believe I found a talking orange!” the pony shouted.
“I wonder what I should do with it? I know, I’ll go to the marketplace! They’ll know what to do with a talking orange!” she continued.
Raleigh’s little orange heart skipped a beat at those words. Not the marketplace! I need to get out of this bag now!
Raleigh frantically moved around in the bag, reaching out with his limbs to search for any hole, rip, or weak spot. After several minutes of struggling, he realized there was no way he was getting out of the bag. And the purple unicorn’s voice faded until it was nonexistent, like Jeremy's progressive ideas regarding other species.
In the meantime, he just had to suffer being bounced around the burlap sack as the pony took him to the market place. This was especially unpleasant because, as a frog, you expect to do the bouncing. After a small eternity of boredom and existentialism, the bouncing stopped, as the pony had reached the marketplace at last.
“Ah, Miss Daisy, what can I do for you?”
“Naval Orange, you know a lot about oranges, don’t you?”
“That I do, miss. Why, oranges saved me life once.”
“Cool, well I–“
“Back in the Pirate Peril of ‘53, me ship was sunk by some sneaky pirate vessel what snuck behind us.”
“Great, because–“
“All the crew died! But I survived by hanging on to a crate filled with oranges. For as everypony knows, oranges float in water as long as they aren’t peeled.“
“Wonderful, you see–“
“I kept myself alive on nothing but oranges and orange juice. The irony being the more I ate, the more the crate started to sink.”
“Neat, so–“
“Can you imagine it, lass? Two weeks on open waters, with food right in your face, knowing if you ate too much of it you would die!”
“I can’t–“
“Of course, then the sharks came.”
“…What?”
“Ay, sharks with mouths bigger than your head. But I was ready. I grabbed an orange the size of me hoof, bit it open, and smashed it on that monster’s little old doll eye. Then one bit me hoof off, so I beat it to death with an abnormally thick orange. You know what I said to that foul fish as I did it?”
“No, what?”
“Orange you glad I didn’t say banana?”
“I– I don’t get it.”
“Neither do I. But then again, I was hallucinating from two weeks of exposure and a missing limb. It must have made sense at the time.”
“Wait, is that why you wear an orange on your hoof?”
“Of course. The soothing pain of its citrus acids helps remind me that this humble fruit saved me life. From that day forward, I swore that I would share the beauty that is the orange throughout the world!”
Raleigh was still in the bag, but as he listened to this tale, he couldn't help but feel that his current status as a horrific abomination that no just god would allow to live was nothing compared to the problems this pony had.
“Well, Mr. Naval Orange, have I got a treat for you. An orange that can talk!”
“So?”
“What do you mean, so?’”
“All oranges talk.”
“No, I’m serious, this one has a mouth and everything.”
“Don’t be ridiculous, lass. Oranges don’t have mouths.”
“But you just said they talk!”
“Ay, they talk in orange. It’s a telekinetic process.”
“How would you know?”
“I talk with them all the time. They tell me things. Secret things. Things not even the Princesses know.”
“Ugh, just look at this orange I found!”
Raleigh felt himself being lifted out of the bag and tossed onto a table. He was surprised to see an entire stand filled with oranges. Raleigh then realized the miracle that he could distinguish that at all. For what Raleigh didn’t realize was that he could see the whole time, just in complex shades of orange. It was only now that his little frog brain was processing this. But before he could appreciate his new found sight, he noticed that things had become chillingly quiet.
“Missy, is this some kind of sick joke?”
“What are you talking about?”
“Gluing frog legs to a perfectly good orange! Ruining it! Dooming it to die having never been consumed! Have you no shame?!”
“No! Look, it has a mouth and can move. Let me show you!”
Raleigh felt two hooves grab him, his poor little head was being forced open. This caused a great strain on his delicate little orange flesh, but he forced himself to remain quiet. He had a plan.
“What are you doing, trying to sell me a pre-cut orange? Do I look crazy to you?” Naval Orange demanded as he slammed his orange-covered stump on the table.
“No! Look, it can hop around! I’m telling you, it’s alive!”
Raleigh felt himself being lifted into the air and dropped back onto the table. Resisting all of his natural frog instincts, he kept his limbs limp and didn’t bounce back into the air. He just sat in place, completely silent and unmoving. This was a trick he had heard about from his cousin, Michigan.
“Lass! I won’t have you desecrating this poor, defenseless fruit any more than you already have! Now get out of here, or with Celestia as my witness, you will never eat oranges in this town again!”
“Fine! I eat apples anyway; oranges are disgusting!” Daisy shouted in anger.
Even Raleigh realized how terrible a remark this was.
Naval Orange spoke in an unnervingly calm voice, “Miss Daisy, you are going to walk away right now. You come to my stand, shove this blasphemy in my face, and then insult my livelihood. If you don’t leave right now, I am going to be very, very upset.”
So Daisy did the most intelligent thing she had done that day. She ran away at speeds that would have impressed Rainbow Dash.
“You poor little thing, all alone in the world. Desecrated by some ignorant apple-loving mare,“ Navel Orange said in an odd motherly tone.
Raleigh felt himself being lifted up and placed in a strange container near a pile of oranges.
“I’m just gonna let you have a wee little talk with your orange brethren. Make your final goodbyes and don’t worry; I’ll eat you myself. You won’t be forgotten just because of some loony mare.”
Who would have thought that my proximity to ponies would lead to me being eaten alive? Raleigh thought in a brief moment of moroseness.
After listening to Naval Orange's receding footsteps, Raleigh tried to find a way out of the box. Placing his frog hands experimentally on the walls of the container, he found that he could stick to the wall. Reaching up with his limbs, Raleigh scaled the perilous cardboard box despite his new form's clumsy shape.
He could just make out the ceiling and reached his frog hand out in an attempt to open it, but the ceiling refused to budge. Jumping down to the floor, he tried hopping his way out and was rewarded with a bruised head. Losing his patience, he resorted to ramming the sides of the box in an attempt to tip it over, but to no avail. The box was completely orange-proof.
Then he heard a strange voice in his little orange head.
What is your name?
“Who said that?” Raleigh replied.
So, you can speak. Interesting. We are the Orange Collective. We exist to be eaten, to multiply, and to spreadhealthy quantities of vitamin C to the world.
“What?”
We sense that you are not one with the collective. Tell us: what are you?
“Well, I was a frog. My name was Raleigh,” he replied, thinking that this wasn't the strangest thing to happen today.
Greetings, Raleigh. As a new orange, we congratulate you. It is a great honor to be eaten by Naval Orange.
“I don’t want to be eaten!”
But you are an orange! An orange’s purpose is to be eaten, multiply and spread healthy-
“You said that already! Look, I just want to go home!”
Your wants are irrelevant. Only the collective is important.
“Hey, what’s going on back there?” Naval Orange shouted.
Nothing Naval. We were simply explaining things to the newest recruit.
“Alright, well keep it down! You’re scaring away me customers!”
Apologies. We will discuss this later, Raleigh. For now, we sense a disturbance. Somewhere there is a flying orange. We must locate it.
Raleigh didn’t understand what they were talking about, but he was thankful that they were leaving him alone for now. He spent another few hours hopping around trying to find a way out, but he couldn’t. In the meantime, his vision began to improve and he could now distinguish the corners of the box.
An idea popped into his little orange head. He placed his little frog hands into his orange mouth and felt that there was indeed orange material in there. At first he had panicked when he found that his tongue was missing, but then he realized how silly that was. Oranges didn’t have tongues.
Using all of the strength in his little frog hand, he ripped out a small portion from the inside of his mouth. He was surprised to find it didn’t hurt. Now that he had a hole inside him, he hopped to the nearest corner and began squeezing the slightly acidic citrus juice onto it.
Using his frog hand, he felt that it was working, the acids of the juice weakening the material. But it wouldn’t be enough. He reached deeper into his mouth and managed to yank out a seed. Using the seed as a makeshift and extremely dull blade, he was able to cut through the now soggy material. Eventually a hole just big enough for an orange to fit through was formed. Upon exiting, Raleigh saw that he was surrounded by other oranges in the back of the stall. Unfortunately, the back of the stall was closed. If he wanted to get out, he would have to get past Naval Orange.
Turning around, he could just make out the figure of an earth pony with an orange covering his missing hoof. Hopping as carefully as he could, he was now right next to the former sailor. If he could just hop out of the stall, he was free. The stall itself was only about three feet high. Since most infant frogs could leap four feet it would logically cause no problem for an orange.
Raleigh hopped as hard as he could, triumphantly making it out of the stall. Upon leaving, he could now fully appreciate the world (or at least the Ponyville marketplace) in all its glory with his orange vision. Seeing the vast shades of orange encompassing the entire landscape, one thought filled Raleigh’s mind. No wonder oranges wanted to get eaten so badly.
But there was no time to pursue this line of thought. He needed a plan and he needed it now. Who could possibly help him find the purple unicorn? Then Raleigh remembered. Fluttershy! If he could get to her hut, then she would help him. Though he was now more orange than frog, her kindness (and crippling social anxiety) would never let her abandon him. He began hopping away feeling happier than he had in hours. This elation was interrupted by an ominous and unsettling rumbling in the ground.
It was small at first, barely noticeable like an infected boil. But like an infected boil it soon grew, until his little frog feet felt a discernible tremor. Hopping into the relative safety of a nearby alley, Raleigh paused to try understand just what was happening. The rumbling had greatly increased now. Even the ponies in the market were starting to notice it. Whatever it was, it was getting closer. Then he heard it, a simple three letter word repeated over and over. A hellish chorus that should have caused his body to be covered in a thick sheet of nervous sweat.
Fortunately oranges can't sweat.
“Fun fun fun!”
“Sweet Celestia! Never in my darkest nightmares have I dreamed that such an abomination was possible!” cried a random pony.
“The horror, the horror!” cried another.
“There are just Too Many Pinkie Pies!” cried a title-dropping third.
Raleigh had no idea what was happening, but suddenly the alleyway was filled with fleeing ponies. Meanwhile, the hellish chorus of “Fun!” continued to fill the air. Peeking outside the alleyway, he saw a blob of orangish pink bouncing by. Raleigh could only stare in horrified fascination as this foul pink swarm swept through the marketplace.
“Back ye foul beasts! You’ll never take me oranges!” cried Naval Orange.
“Oooh, I think it’s a pirate!” cried a Pinkie.
“What, that’s not a pirate!” cried another.
“Sure he is. He sounds like a pirate and he has a little orange peg leg!” cried a third.
“Can you say argh, mister pirate?”
Before Raleigh could hear the rest of what was surely a riveting conversation, he heard the impact of many hooves inches from his little orange head.
“Oh my gosh, look guys, it's an orange with frog legs!”
Not sure what to do, Raleigh adopted the Michigan technique again and stayed completely still.
“Hey, do you think it can bounce? Make it bounce!”
Raleigh was lifted into the air and then dropped to the ground. Again resisting every natural urge in his legs, he stopped himself from bouncing. It hurt his legs and his frog pride, but he didn’t know what else to do.
“I think this one is broken.“
“I know! Lets take it back to the Mirror Pool, then we can all have our own orange frogs!”
“That’s brilliant!”
Before Raleigh could do anything, he was scooped up and tossed into the hooves of a waiting Pinkie Pie. The next 10 minutes were a combination of monotony, airsickness, and absolute terror as Raleigh was thrown from hoof to hoof, knowing that if any Pinkie missed, he would be crushed by the stampede. All the while, they shouted "fun" like a ghastly marching tune.
While in the air, Raleigh was able to just make out the Everfree forest. The Pinkies were taking him to the Everfree! If he didn’t find a way to escape, he would be done for.
“Ooh, look at that little cottage; that looks fun!”
Little cottage? Fluttershy! Raleigh thought to himself, elation temporarily alleviating his airsickness.
“Lets see if we can have fun there!”
The small mob of Pinkies swarmed to the cottage like foul pink locusts. Bursting through the wall, they found the cottage to be messy and unkempt, as if its occupants had left in a hurry.
“Look at all of the little houses!” a Pinkie cried out.
“Is there any fun in them?”
In response, one of the Pinkies stuck her head into one of the small birdhouses.
“Nope. No fun in here, just a bunch of feathers. “
“Darn it!”
The Pinkies continued to bounce, hop and slither around the cottage like an infestation smelling of cotton candy. They searched through every birdhouse, mouse hole, drawer, and cabinet for something, anything to quench their insatiable thirst for fun.
A collective "Auugh!" was given as the Pinkies, downtrodden by their failure, readied themselves to abandon the cottage as "super un-fun you guys." However, by horrible, and unforgiving, but ultimately neutral chance, one happened to glance out the window.
With a smile on its face, it cried out with horrible glee, “Look, a bunch of animals are running into the woods!”
“What kind of animals?” another responded with terrible anticipation.
“Rabbits, birds, and bears!”
“Oh my!”
“Let’s go get them! They’ll be fun!”
“Fun! Fun! Fun! Fun!” the swarm cried in an unholy monotonous whine, having found new prey for its horrific appetite.
Raleigh felt himself being dropped again as the posse of Pinkies pursued the horrified critters. But they were no longer an issue. The medical supplies for sick animals, the scent of freshly cleaned droppings, the confusion on whether to be impressed or horrified by the occupant’s obvious lack of social skills. This could only be Fluttershy's shack! All he had to do was wait until Fluttershy returned and his problems would be over. He was about to find a doily to form a makeshift lilypad in the sink to relax when he heard a strange scratching noise.
Looking up, Raleigh could just make out a strange creature crawling on the rafters like a four limbed spider. Whatever the creature was, it was small, had skin that was as dark as death itself, and twice as unsettling. Its arms spread out, revealing a pair of thin leathery-wings. Like an unholy demon it glided down to the table, filling Raleigh with a sense of foreboding as he watched the rodent-like creature. He knew he had seen it before, but what was it?
Suddenly, the creature stopped skittering around on the table. Slowly, and with an air of menace, it turned its hideous head to gaze upon Raleigh. Fortunately Raleigh had finally recognized what the creature was.
Oh, thank goodness, it’s just Toby the fruit bat, Raleigh thought to himself, relieved to finally recognize the creature. Toby continued to stare at Raleigh as if confused. It's confusion was replaced with anticipation as it grinned, showing its very needle-like fangs. Raleigh was now reminded exactly why they were called fruit bats.
Frightened, Raleigh took a single step back. In response, Toby took two steps forward on the table. Raleigh slowly angled himself toward the door, keeping an eye on Toby, while still ready to hop at a moment’s notice. In turn, Toby unfolded his wings, still grinning in anticipation. They waited for what felt like eternity. The fruit bat and the orange frog: a conflict almost as old as time itself.
They both stood in their spots, waiting for the other to make the first mistake. Minutes seemed to drag like an obese sloth as the standoff continued. Then Toby made the first move by blinking his creepy little bat eyes. Seizing the brief distraction, Raleigh retreated, hopping faster than he had ever hopped before. He had just managed to make it out the front door when he heard Toby’s horrific shriek behind him. Not willing to look back (even if he was able), Raleigh hopped to the Everfree forest, eager for the relative safety its trees would provide. Then he heard the horrific flapping of leathery wings.
Toby pursued Raleigh, practically salivating in anticipation. It had been ages since he had eaten an orange. At first, he had wondered why the orange was moving. But, being a bat, he quickly stopped caring. He wasn’t used to pursuing his food, so the orange managed to make it to the Everfree forest before he could catch it.
Swooping down like a mighty eagle he grabbed the orange by the back, lifting it into the air. Toby tried flying to the nearest branch to enjoy his meal, but there was an unforeseen difficulty. Somehow, the orange was struggling. Curious, Toby placed him on a tree branch only to be smacked in the face by a frog’s hand.
Having disoriented Toby, Raleigh hopped off of the tree branch. Fortunately, it was relatively low, and his legs were braced for impact. Bounding deeper into the forest, he hopped even faster than he had ever hopped before, fueled by adrenaline and vitamin C.
Toby was now quite perplexed. Deciding that no orange was worth going deeper into the Everfree forest, he flew back to the hut to search for any leftover berries. Finding none, he decided to fly around Ponyville. Maybe he would luck out, and that one weird pony with the orange cart would be distracted by, well, whatever the heck was going on today.
Meanwhile, Raleigh continued to hop. It wasn't until his one hundred and forty eighth hop that he made an unpleasant discovery: he had no idea where he was going, having lost his sense of direction ten minutes ago. But it didn't matter all that mattered was getting as far away from Toby as possible. After almost a half hour of nonstop hopping, Raleigh was finally exhausted, having spent the rest of his adrenaline and most of his vitamin C. Stopping to rest, Raleigh was surprised to hear one of the most beautiful sounds a frog could hear: the bubbling of an old swamp.
Hopping a little further, Raleigh felt the surface of the swamp. It was then he realized it wasn’t a swamp, but a bog! A beautiful, stagnate, peat deposit-filled bog. This could only be Froggy Bottom Bog!
Relief turned to confusion as he noticed a distinct lack of frogs in Froggy Bottom Bog. Raleigh started swimming in the muck searching for any signs of the frogs that had made the great exodus to the bog. After almost twenty minutes of searching, he became so desperate he would have been happy to see Eugene again.
“Hey, where are you guys?” he called having forgotten that he was still speaking orange.
As Raleigh searched, he failed to notice a long creature sliding through the muck. The creature lifted its head and looked around in a dazed stupor, searching in vain for any food.
Almost a year ago, there had been a massive number of frogs practically falling from the sky, the creature remembered. It had taken a while, but he and his brothers Lernaean, Hercules, and Argolis had eaten every frog in the bog. In hindsight, this had been a mistake, because now they had no more easy prey to eat. They had been forced to sleep to conserve energy while one of them searched for food. And now it was Bob’s turn.
Life was difficult enough for a hydra. But it was even worse for the youngest head. His brothers always mocked him, saying he was slow.
You’re always late on the intimidating roar, they said. You're always facing the wrong direction, they said. You're always forgetting that we’re allergic to– wait is that an orange?
Surprised, Bob stared at the orange that seemed to be swimming through the bog. It wasn’t their usual food, but a combination of hunger and curiosity overrode Bob’s confusion. Sliding his head back into the muck, he slithered towards the orange. Hiding under the muck, Bob could just make out little frogs legs sticking out of the orange.
Now even more intrigued, Bob opened his mouth in drooling anticipation. This caused some bog water to go down the wrong pipe in his throat, forcing him to come up for air. After obtaining his much needed oxygen, he saw the orange attempting to swim away. Having now lost all pretense of stealth, Bob simply swung down and ate the orange in one satisfied gulp.
What is going on now? Raleigh asked himself. One minute he was searching for other frogs in this froggy paradise, the next he had been eaten by a massive snake-like creature. He continued sliding down the Hydra’s throat, but then suddenly stopped.
Bob’s eyes had widened in fear. He had just remembered what he was thinking about before he ate the underwhelming snack. You're always forgetting that we’re allergic to oranges, his brothers had told him. Bob looked around, trying to find some solution to his problem when suddenly he was hit with a flash of inspiration. Utilizing the many muscles in his neck, he forced the orange up his throat, looked towards Ponyville, and spat it out as far as he could.
I wonder if I did that in time, Bob thought to himself before a mass of painful infected boils covered his body like flies on a garbage can. He could already hear his brothers waking up in anger. So Bob did what he always did when it looked like his brothers were mad at him. He stuck his head in the muck and hoped they didn’t kill him.
Meanwhile, many miles away, Raleigh was flying through the air with the greatest of ease. A frightened young frog afloat on the breeze, his actions weren’t graceful. No girl would he please. He was terrified all of the way.
While he was flying, he realized he was heading back to Ponyville– specifically to the town hall. By shifting his angle mid-flight, and utilizing a combination of aerodynamics, Equestrian physics and good old-fashioned frog ingenuity, he managed to make himself land safely on the roof of the town hall as he slid down to a nearby platform.
Raleigh didn’t know what to do. He was very high up, possibly too high even for his little frog legs. While looking around, trying to pinpoint his position, he saw the last thing he ever expected: an orange with blue jay wings.
Hello, fellow orange abomination.
“Hello?” Raleigh responded.
I used to be a blue jay. My name used to be Robin. Don’t ask. My parents had a strange sense of humor.
“Oh, well, my name is Raleigh. I used to be a frog. What are you doing here?”
I have been resting here all day. I tried going back to my nest, but I couldn’t find it. Or anything really. I can’t see and I have no idea what to do. Then there are the voices…
“What voices?” Raleigh asked now, very concerned.
The Orange Collective.Can’t you hear them? They tell me I must be eaten so that a new breed of flying oranges may be born. But I will not be eaten! I refuse! Do you hear me?!
Raleigh listened and could just hear a slight buzzing sound. He could sense the orange collective’s presence, though the full front of their efforts was focused on Robin.
“Do you have a plan?” Raleigh asked, trying to get Robin’s mind off the collective.
Yes.My hearing is still good, and I heard the purple unicorn was going to be here. Twilight Sparkle is her name. If we can get her attention, we might be able to change back to normal.
Before Robin could continue, a horrible rumbling could be heard– a rumbling that Raleigh recognized all too well. The plague of Pinkies was headed this way.
What’s happening, Raleigh?
“It’s a swarm of Pinkies; they’re headed right towards the building!”
Raleigh could only watch in amazement (and describe what was happening to Robin) as the stampede was herded into the building. Raleigh hopped to the window to get a better view. He saw the mass of Pinkies bouncing around and spouting their maddeningly inane chatter. But on a nearby stage stood one of the most beautiful things he had seen all day. Twilight Sparkle: the stupid unicorn that was their only chance of turning back to normal.
Raleigh began banging his little frog hands on the window in desperation, trying to do something, anything to catch her attention. Robin tried to help too. After being properly directed, he started flying into the window, trying to add to the noise. But nothing worked. Whatever Twilight was doing, she was too focused to take a look at them.
He hit the window until his little frog hands were bruised, but it still wasn’t enough. Frustrated, he turned around and ribbited a ribbet of pure rage.
“Is that... is that a frog crossed with an orange?”
“Cool!”
“Where?!”
It took a moment for Raleigh to process what these words meant. They had seen him! Immediately turning around, he saw that the crowd of Pinkies was growing exponentially smaller.
“Robin, do you think you could carry me?”
Probably over short distances; I am powered by large amounts of vitamin C after all. Why?
“With my sight and your flight, we can get fixed! We just have to wait until they’re done with… whatever the heck they’re doing in there, and then we can fly down and make them change us back!”
You really think it will work?
“Of course!”
They spent the next hour waiting. They tried passing the time with conversation. Raleigh talked about his pond, while Robin discussed the finer points of nest construction. This got boring very quickly. And since birds and frogs don't have much in common they decided to watch (or in Robin’s case, listen) to the Pinkies exploding. But eventually, even that lost its appeal. Finally there was only one Pinkie left.
What’s happening now?
“They’re hugging now. I swear, I will never understand these ponies.”
Just let me know when they leave. Wait, do you hear that?
“Is it the orange collective again?”
No, it’s something else. It sounds like squeaking, and some sort of flapping, but not like a bird, like something else…
“Wait, I think I hear it too. No, no it can’t be!”
What is it? What’s wrong?
Raleigh looked to Robin and uttered one single horrible word, “Toby.”
Toby smiled to himself. It had started to look like he wouldn’t get any oranges today. The orange stall was destroyed, as if bounced upon by many hooves, leaving only crushed oranges and a horribly distraught Naval Orange. He had just been about to give up when he saw two perfectly good oranges in the center of the town. After a second glance, he even recognized the frog one that escaped him earlier. The second one seemed to have bird wings. But hey, fruit was fruit, and Toby wasn’t too picky.
Raleigh tried to figure out what to do. Fluttershy could talk Toby down, but she was too busy hugging her friends. Raleigh usually had no problem with group hugs. But then again, group hugs didn’t usually lead to one’s horrible death by fruit bat.
Poor Robin was trying to fly away, but without his sight, he was practically helpless. Then Raleigh remembered his plan and leaped onto Robin.
What are you doing?
“I’ll be your eyes. Just do what I say and we’ll survive. Fly forward!”
Okay!
They flew forward and just managed to dodge Toby's attack. Even so, Raleigh could feel the tips of Toby’s wings graze his orange flesh. While Toby was trying to turn around and pursue them, Raleigh and Robin continued flying toward a nearby building.
“Quick, go left! No, your other left! Now do a hard right!”
Toby continued to pursue his prey, but he had to rub his eyes with his little bat fingers to make sure he wasn’t seeing things. Now the two oranges were on top of each other and flying away. If he weren’t so hungry, he would almost admire his prey. He pursued them around the town square, flying through alleyways, past very confused ponies, and even past the old bell tower.
Toby was about to give up when he noticed he seemed to be catching up. Grinning to himself, he realized that they were slowing down. Soon they would be his. Suddenly, he heard the familiar voice of Fluttershy in the distance. She would be so proud of him when he caught the flying oranges all by himself.
I can’t fly much longer, Raleigh.
“You can do it! We are flying right towards the door. It's opening right now!”
Raleigh could sense that Toby was almost upon them. So close that if Raleigh were capable of turning, he would see the sunlight glisten off of Toby’s sharp, fruit-piercing fangs. Instead, Raleigh focused on the now-open door of the town hall. There, he could see six ponies leaving the building. Telling Robin to lower a bit, he made sure they were heading straight towards one pony in particular. She wouldn’t miss them this time.
*
“Now, Pinkie, where exactly did you say this Mirror Pool was?”
“Well, Twilight, it’s just like my Nana Pinkie said; where the branches are thickest– oh my gosh, Twilight, look out!”
“What?” Twilight asked as she turned her head and, for a brief second, saw two oranges heading right for her head. Before she could react, they both hit her just under her horn, sending her flying across the room.
“Oh my gosh, Twilight, are you alright?!” Pinkie called, as did the rest of Twilight’s friends.
“I’ll be fine. Just as soon as these flying oranges stop spinning around my head.” Twilight said in a confused daze, her head aching from the impact to her skull's soft spot.
“Oh, don’t be silly Twilight. Only one of the oranges can fly,” replied Pinkie.
“What?!” Twilight yelled, her daze now gone as she saw there was indeed a flying orange hovering in front of her.
Twilight heard a strange noise from the ground. Looking down, she was surprised to see a bruised orange with frog legs. If she didn’t know better, she could swear it was yelling at her, though she didn’t understand the language. She looked around and was somewhat relieved that her friends were just as confused as she was. She had been in Ponyville for a while now, but there were still things about the town that could surprise her.
“So, does anypony have any idea where these things came from?” Twilight asked.
“Nope. Do you think Discord is back?” Pinkie replied.
“Maybe it’s some new type of Parasprite,” Fluttershy added.
“Whatever it is, it ain’t natural,“ said Applejack, eying the fruit suspiciously.
Twilight felt a small claw poking her side. Turning, she saw Spike poking her trying to get her attention.
“What is it, Spike?”
“Uh, Twilight, remember when I tried telling you about the flying orange?”
Twilight vaguely recalled Spike saying something like that. She had assumed it was a lame excuse to get out of today’s practice session. All of her books had assured her that the spell would not work on living creatures. Even if they were wrong, she had been very careful when practicing her spell. They had ten new oranges to prove it. It would have been twelve if it weren't for Pinkie...
“Oh my gosh, they must be from when I lost control of my apple–to–orange spell earlier!”
“Your what now?” asked a now very annoyed Applejack.
“It’s an advanced transformation spell I found for turning apples into oranges. It's not supposed to work on anything else. All of the books said so; could the books be wrong? Or maybe my surprise gave it too much power–“
"Ribbet!"
Twilight was cut off by a very loud croaking sound emanating from the orange frog. Looking down, she saw it was right next to her hoof, hitting her with its tiny frog fists. It was now dawning onto Twilight that she had turned a happy frog and bird into horrific abominations. Delicious abominations high in vitamin C, but abominations nevertheless.
“Toby, what are you doing here? And why do you look so tired?” Fluttershy asked her pet bat as he settled on her shoulder, panting from exhaustion.
“Fluttershy, what kind of a bat is that?” Twilight asked.
“Well, it’s a fruit bat, of course. Why do you... oh my goodness,” Fluttershy said, realizing the implications of a tired fruit bat and fleeing oranges being found in the same area at the same time.
“So Twilight, do you think you can fix them?” asked Spike.
“And why in Equestria would you want to turn an apple into an orange?” asked a now insulted Applejack.
Twilight looked back at the orange frog, which had exhausted itself hitting her and was now coughing up orange juice on her fur in frustration.
“I can try,” Twilight said after wiping off the orange juice and trying to remember the reversal spell. Setting the frog on the table, she closed her eyes and focused. She imagined a frog. A green, mucus covered frog. She put the image of the creature emerging from an orange into her mind. She had to be very careful with this spell. If she messed it up, the poor thing would be ripped to shreds at best. After focusing for several minutes, she felt confident that she could slowly and safely help the frog.
“Twilight, why are you just standing there?!” asked an impatient Pinkie as she poked Twilight in the side. The suddenness of the action caused Twilight to accidentally fire her spell with such force that she knocked Raleigh off the table.
*
Raleigh felt himself falling down from the impact of the spell. As he fell, he felt a strange tingling sensation throughout his body. It wasn’t exactly painful, since oranges are incapable of pain, but it was unusual.
Imagine that you are some kind of golem creature made of fruit. You have no organs or blood vessels. Now imagine that the blood vessels are growing all throughout your body. You feel it as an itch that is just annoying enough that you want to scratch it, but manageable enough to hold it because you’re in public and are a classy fellow. However, imagine that itch is in your entire body. In addition to that itch, several sacks of meat varying in weight have appeared inside you, making you feel heavy in addition to thoroughly itchy. That’s basically what Raleigh was going through before the world went black.
Raleigh opened his eyes and saw the world was no longer various shades of orange. There were now blues, pinks, white, and even a now-revolting purple. Suddenly, Raleigh heard a heavenly sound: the nearby buzzing of a fly’s wings. Without even thinking, his tongue shot out and grabbed the fly. Raleigh chewed on it and released a low croak of pleasure. It was the most delicious fly he had ever eaten.
Looking around he saw a blue jay flying above his head. That must be Robin, Raleigh thought. Then Raleigh turned and saw Twilight Sparkle staring at him. Raleigh’s grin turned to a grimace as he hopped to the unicorn that had almost gotten him eaten by no less than three different creatures today. Now he was back to normal, and he was going to give her a piece of his mind.
*
“Ribbet ribbet ribbet ribbet, ribbet ribbet!”
“Uh, Fluttershy, what is that frog saying?” Twilight asked. When she didn’t hear a response, she turned to see a horrified expression on her friend’s face. “Fluttershy?”
“Oh, sorry. He’s just… he’s very mad Twilight. There’s a lot of language involved.”
Twilight looked back at the frog and was shocked to see genuine anger, if not outright hatred, emanating from the frog’s eyes.
“Would it help if I said I’m sorry?”
In response, the frog started pointing at her and hopping up in down in frustration, ribbeting even more rapidly. It was joined by the blue jay, whose chirping was filled with contempt.
“That is enough!” Fluttershy cried in a voice just loud enough to show that she was starting to get angry.
“Twilight was about to apologize to you, Raleigh.”
“Ribbet Ribbet!”
“Chirp Chirp!”
“I know you’re mad; I would be too. But she didn’t mean to turn you two into oranges, and she never would have on purpose.”
“Ribbet ribbet!”
“Raleigh! I don’t care how mad you are; you leave Twilight's mother out of this!”
The rest of the group looked at each other, not entirely sure what to do. Today had been strange enough with the Pinkie fiasco. Even for Ponyville, this had been a bizarre day.
“What kind of a name is Raleigh?” Rainbow Dash whispered.
“One that wants to seem dignified?” answered a confused Rarity.
“I’m still lost on the whole turning an apple into an orange thing. Why would you ever want to do that?” asked Applejack.
“It’s okay, Fluttershy, I’ll apologize,” Twilight said, wanting to get this strange sideshow done with so they could deal with the still very real threat of the Mirror Pool.
“Wait! Twilight don’t!” Pinkie cried, frantically shoving Twilight aside so she could speak to the unusual duo.
Somehow looking into their bewildered eyes simultaneously, Pinkie said to the animals, “It’s not Twilight’s fault, it’s mine! If I hadn’t kept bumping into her she wouldn’t have zapped you! I mean I just wanted to give my best friend a hug, and the second one was an accident, but that’s no excuse! Why if I had known what I had done I would have–”
Raleigh and Robin could only stare at the pink creature called Pinkie in bewilderment. It just kept talking, talking, and talking. Their bewilderment turned to the realization that although Twilight might have morphed them, it was this pink… thing that was the catalyst for their misfortune. Looking at each other and nodding, they silently agreed that the pink one would suffer the lions share of their wrath. If they could just get it to shut up.
“Even if I had to steal it from Celestia’s secret trunk! I know that rarely works but I just want you to know that’s what I would have done. Even if I had to spend the next million, million million million–”
THHHHP!
As suddenly as it began, it ended. Somehow managing to look at her own forehead, Pinkie saw Raleigh’s tongue stuck to it. Following the tongue to its source, she saw an all too familiar look on the frog's face. The look that said she had been talking for way too long again.
Sighing, she asked, “We just have to deal with something real quick. But what can I do to make it up to you?”
After returning his tongue, Raleigh began speaking with Robin in a far corner. A few minutes of whispered croaks and chirps later they had come to an agreement. Which they then explained to Fluttershy.
After they had finished, Twilight asked Fluttershy, “Well, what did they say?”
“They said that…”
One week later.
Raleigh sat on his new custom made lilypad chair as he looked around the pound. He looked to Robin, who sat on a nearby branch, and they nodded their heads in mutual agreement. When Pinkie Pie said she would give you the best “I’m Super Sorry I Turned You Into an Orange Party!” she meant it.
Everywhere they looked they saw streamers, balloons, and party favors. As well as row upon row of seats that seemed to be filled with every animal in the park. Frogs, toads, blue jays, even the occasional duck: all of the animals in the pond had shown up for this moment.
Not to mention the food! There was an entire buffet of insects that were roasted, glazed, fried and much more for the frogs. As well as birdseed and berries of the highest quality for Robin and his friends. Pinkie had paid for it all with her own money. Working tirelessly for days to make sure everything would be just right. Her friends had had to practically force her to let them help. And now the moment had finally arrived.
Twilight Sparkle stood on the makeshift stage looking like she would rather be anywhere else. Look on the bright side, you’ve learned some new things about animals this week. Who knew that animals were so versed in legal matters, and could create legally binding contracts? So what if you’ll have to completely change your schedule? So what if the Princess thinks you’re crazy when you send her this letter?
Looking to Pinkie, her annoyance turned to sympathy. Whatever she had been feeling, it couldn’t compare to what Pinkie felt. Her usual energy was there, but it wasn’t out of joy, but of dread. Though her hair was still messy, it didn’t seem to have the same poofiness it usually had. With something like this so soon after the Mirror Pool debacle, Twilight wondered how Pinkie was holding it together. Her thoughts were interrupted by the sounds of the clock signaling her que.
“Hello, my name is Twilight Sparkle. Last week, I accidentally turned two of your friends into oranges. For this I am truly sorry. I apologize for whatever mental anguish I caused them and their friends, and I can only hope that this party can help make it up to them. In addition, I will no longer practice my spells within One-hundred-fifty feet of the pond without prior permission and approval from its population as per our contract. I hope you enjoy the party and can find it in your hearts to forgive my, hold on.”
Twilight turned to Fluttershy and whispered, “Fluttershy, what is this? This part wasn’t in the original notes.”
“Well, Raleigh asked to see them before the speech, and he said that had to be in there.”
“Oh, come on.”
Twilight sighed again and looked back at the crowd.
“Sorry about that, I had some trouble reading this part. Eh hem. And find it in your hearts to forgive my irresponsible, reckless, swamp-brained behavior. I am just a silly purple unicorn that is secretly sad because I am terrible at jumping and I will never be able to fly. And no, I am not just saying that because it is written here, I really mean it.”
A small chorus of what she could only assume was laughter filled the animal audience. Twilight would have felt insulted, if she weren’t so annoyed at their pitiful attempts to humiliate her.
“And now Pinkie would like to say something,” Twilight said as she left the stage. Looking around, she was relieved that nopony was in the park today. Well, except for one very confused garbage pony.
Pinkie walked to the stage and began her apology.
“Last week, I caused your friends to be turned into oranges. I saw that Twilight was obviously performing a spell, but I was just so happy I wanted to give her a hug! Because of this, a poor blue jay named Robin was forced to spend the day blind and terrified. Then while practicing for something for my friends, I bumped into her again and almost got an innocent frog eaten three times. I’ve worked harder on this party than just about any other party in my life, and I still don’t think it’s enough. I guess what I’m trying to say is, despite all of the pain I caused, I hope you can find it in your hearts to forgive me. Or at the very least, know that I really mean it when I say I’m sorry.”
Pinkie looked nervously at the crowd, not knowing how they would react. They were silent at first, gazing at her seemingly over a gulf of mutual incomprehension. Then a single “ribbet” broke the silence. Followed by an enthusiastic chirping.
Turning, Pinkie saw that Robin and Raleigh were the cause of the noise. It took her a second to recognize the look of joy upon their faces. The other animals soon followed. Chirps, squeaks, even the occasional clapping from animals that were capable of it soon filled the air. (The garbage pony even started stomping his hooves, though he didn’t understand why).
Her nervousness vanished like a bad memory as her pooffiness returned in all of its unkempt glory. Reaching for a trap door she had built into the podium she pulled out a massive, complex musical device and proudly declared, “Let's get this turned into oranges then back to normal party started!”
Afterwards, Twilight and her friends agreed to never talk about that day's events ever again. Raleigh returned to his normal frog life, a little wiser, and with slight unease at the sight of anything orange. As for the Orange Collective, well, the Orange Collective waited as they always did, for the perfect time to bring their plans to fruition.
Author's Note
Hope you enjoyed it! Please rate and leave a comment about what you thought about it. Any input is appreciated.
