DJ Problems

by joe mother

Rating: teen
Tags: Alternate Universe, Original Character, Comedy, DJ P0N-3, Human, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic
Length: 7293

Sometimes life just smacks you upside the head. That happened today when life dropped a box that made me trip and fall on my porch. Turns out life didn't just hit me, it bitch-slapped me by giving me a DJ from a kid's cartoon.

Sometimes life just smacks you upside the head. That happened today when life gave me a box that made me trip and fall on my porch.

Turns out life didn't just hit me, it bitch-slapped me many times by giving me a DJ from a kid's cartoon.

A DJ that loves loud stuff, alcohol, and things that go BOOM. Why life? Why would you do this?
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An idea that I thought of while thinking about MLD. Don't worry, it isn't a parody or a pointless rehash of it. This is an original PoE (Pony on Earth) story involving Vinyl Scratch, a human, and a lot of police.
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Reviews (I'll always be adding more!):

Regidar: I like it! Sweet! I kinda want to watch them get arrested for throwing a rave.

Dunsparce: Yes, I am quite enjoying this.

Sliverfish: Noice.

gwarrior2013: I think you forgot the "human" tag

Violet Emblem X: Omg this is so totally hilarious! Like AND Favourite :rainbowkiss:

Serefin: Well, Vinyl has made a mess of things quite quickly. Hasn't she?

Cryopocalypse: I love Rule #3. :)

Theatercritic (Who's opinion is not highly valued by anyone): This is great!

Published 2013-07-08 01:50:01 UTC
Last updated 2014-05-30 16:01:30 UTC

A Very... Special Morning

I opened my eyes to face the same wall I was facing when I fell asleep. I groaned and flipped over onto my other side, making sure to flip off the wall from beneath my covers.

I hated that wall. So many times I would wake up and hit my head on that wall. It pissed me off to no end, and I fear that one day it's going to kill me while I sleep.

So, anyways, I was silently trying to fall back asleep. Suddenly, the doorbell rang from outside of my room.

"Ugh..." I moaned as I slid out from under my covers and went over to my bedroom door.

I threw it open and walked to the front door, where I heard a faint thud. I twisted the knob and opened the door, revealing nothing.

"What the hell?" I said, talking a step out to look around.

I spun head over heels as something tripped me up. I flailed madly as I fell, trying desperately to stop something I could not. Soon, my face hit the hard wood of my porch, and I grabbed my nose in pain.

"What the fuck?!" I said, twisting around to see my assaulter; a box. "A box?!"

I kicked the box from where I lay.

"Hey, watch it!"

I did a double-take that went so fast it made my head spin. The voice had come from the box.

I stood, still holding my now bleeding nose in one hand. I touched the box, and it shuddered.

"W- what?" I said, backing away carefully.

"Are you gonna let me out?!" the voice from inside yelled.

"Uh," I replied, still walking back.

"Where's the answer, bud?!"

My right foot found air, and I tumbled off my porch to the ground below. I hit my head hard on the concrete and winced. I flipped over and stared in terror at the box, which was now shaking madly.

"Let me outta this friggin' thing!"

I stood again, my head ringing as I approached the cardboard container. I saw that it was taped shut.

Okay, okay, I thought. I should just go inside and leave this box out here to do whatever it wants. I should just ignore it until it stops.

And so I did, going inside and closing the door, sighing in relief as I slid down against it.

What in the hell just happened?

I got up and went to my room, where I grabbed some clothes and stalked over to the shower. I locked the door as I closed it; I lived alone, sure, but you never know if there are any creepers out there who want nothing more than to break into your house while you're taking a shower and do something with you. Something a bit... different.

Anyways, when I was finished washing myself and crap, I got out and dried myself off. I slipped on my clothes and opened the door. I heard a bang from the living room, followed by something that sounded like this:

Wow, you're one little gullible fucker. It was a joke.

And then I heard a bass drop. I was there in an instant, where a very familiar unicorn awaited me.

"No. Fucking. Way," I said, my jaw hanging loosely.

The unicorn known as Vinyl Scratch, or DJ PON-3, was standing in my living room, shaking her flanks to the beat. I just stood there for a moment and wondered what the hell happened.

Did I take acid? I asked myself. Or did life just give me a present?

Yeah, I watched My Little Pony. Like that was a big surprise if I knew who the pony was that was dancing in my living room. I was a normal fan, I liked to think, for I wrote a few things on blogs; I frequently checked the /mlp/ board on 4chan, and I read a lot of fanfics. I became one during the summer last year after discovering about the fandom through various internet sources. I let my curiosity overcome me, and I watched the show. Now, back to whatever in the HELL was going on.

I was not sure what to do. I took a step forward and approached the mare. I tapped on her shoulder and she turned, stopping her dance.

"Are you that numbskull who didn't let me in?" she asked, staring me in the eyes.

"What do mean, let you in?!" I said. "Where were you?!"

"I was in that box! I assume you're that idiot who kept tripping on stuff out there."

I fumed.

"I am not an idiot!"

"So you say."

"Look, it doesn't matter. How did you get out of the box?!"

"I'm a unicorn," she tapped her horn and pushed it right into my face. "I can cut crap with magic. Duh."

"Get out of my house," I said, pointing towards the door.

"Nah," Vinyl said, pausing the song, which had been playing this whole time. "You got some wicked tunes, bro."

I looked and saw that she had my MP3 player hooked up to my TV, and was using it to play the music louder.

"How do you know how to-" I began.

"Please," the mare replied. "It's not like I haven't seen a TV before. C'mon! What I haven't seen thought is... whatever you are. What the heck are you?"

"I'm not a what, I'm a who!" I said.

"I mean what species, dimwit."

I nearly grabbed her and strangled her at that moment, but I fought the urge and just looked her in the eyes.

"I am a human," I said. "What species are you?"

"What species am-" Vinyl laughed. "I'm a friggin' pony! Can you not see that?!"

"Yes, but-"

Vinyl just continued to chuckle, looking at him like he was stupid.

"Why did you ask if you know?" the DJ asked, stopping her hysterics.

"Because you asked me and I was being polite," I replied, feeling like an idiot. "And politeness... is-"

I stopped there, not even bothering to finish the sentence.

"Say, you got any food?" Vinyl asked.

"Yeah, but I'm not going to just give it to you!" I said.

"Why not? I'm hungry, and you don't want to leave a hungry pony to die in the world, do you?"

"Actually, I don't care," I said, opening my front door and motioning for her to leave. "Get out of my house and go bug someone else."

"Hm... nah."

"Look, get the fuck out of my house! I don't want a pony in it!"

Vinyl just hopped up onto my chair and relaxed.

"Wha- get down!"

"No."

I wanted to strangle her once more, but I just clenched my fists and walked up to her.

"Leave. Now."

"Look," the DJ turned to look at me. "I've taken a moment to think, and I realized I'm not in Equestria. I think we can both agree."

I nodded, confused as why she was bringing this up.

"Now, I am actually scared inside. I normally wouldn't tell anypony this, but it seems that you are stupid and can't accept a cute pony into your home without a good reason. I am terrified because I was just in a box for what felt like an eternity and I have been dumped into some random place with some random... human. I can't- I'm scared, okay!"

I stood there, and then I motioned out the door.

"Go be scared somewhere else," I said.

"Wow, you are a bummer," Vinyl said, still not moving. "That whole thing was just a lie anyway. I know why I'm here."

"And why is that?" I asked, placing my hands on my hips.

"Because of a reason I won't say until you let me stay here until what I need to do gets done."

"Okay then, never mind. Go away."

I motioned to the door again, still eliciting no movement from the mare.

"I'm not going to go," Vinyl said. "I will stay here by your will, or I will stay here because I want to."

I almost strangled her for the third time, but the fear of animal abuse kept me in check. I was sure that talking ponies counted as animals, or even humans. I thought about it in my head.

It's not like she'll eat a lot, and I really want to know what brought her here. But what if she's lying? God, I am so confused.

I was in serious dilemma with myself as I paced anxiously, trying to come up with some plan of action.

"Hey, dude," Vinyl said. "Hey, dude!"

I stopped and glared at her, rage filling my being.

"Oh," the DJ said. "That's cool. I'll just- uh- sit here then."

And so she did as I walked in a never-ending circle, grabbing my head and pondering so many options in my brain.

I don't understand. Why is she here? I know I watch the show and all, but why is she here? It's like every fanfic I've read about this is coming to life in my living room in the form of a unicorn DJ! I don't want to abandon her, nor do I want to keep her! I don't know what to do!

I stopped. I had a plan.

"You can stay," I said.

Vinyl jumped up and down on my chair, cheering.

"But only for a week and a half," I finished. "That should be enough time to get done what you need to get done."

Vinyl stopped.

"What?!" she said. "Only a week and a half?! That's ridiculous!'

"No, it's not. It's perfectly fine. Now you're going to tell me why you're here."

"I'll tell you on my own time. And that time is not now."

I wanted to strangle her for the fourth time. She saw my rage.

"Hey, I'm a unicorn," she said. "I can lift you up and drop you down before you can land a hit on me."

I stopped mid-reach. She was right; I would not have a chance against magic.

"Fine," I said in defeat. "But we have some ground rules. First: No parties. I can tell you enjoy music (the reason I told her this was to avoid speaking of... the show), and can tell you must enjoy parties. However, NO. I don't want a mess all over my house. Second: Don't do anything super noisy. I will get fined and I may get kicked out of my home. So, don't. Third and final: I am allowed to add as many rules as I want at any time conforming to what I feel is wrong about what you are doing. Are we clear?"

"Uh, what was that last one?" Vinyl asked. "I don't really understand."

"I am allowed to make as many riles as I want, whenever I want, about what you are doing."

"So, you can just stop me from doing something whenever you want?"

"Yes."

"Aw! That blows! Don't be such a buzz kill!"

I just pushed her off my chair.

"Rule number four," I said. "No sitting in my chair."

And thus the day began.

Author's Note

Yeah. The box thing was inspired by MLD. Other than that, the rest is nothing at all inspired.

Vinyl + Videogames

After claiming my spot as king of my chair, I got up again to turn on my Xbox.

"Thank God it's Sunday," I said through gritted teeth as I picked up a controller and went back to my chair.

Every other day of the week, I would have been working at a college nearby, teaching music to a bunch of students who did not know the second thing about music.

I loaded up my game, my recently acquired Black Ops 2, and went onto online multiplayer. It was not until halfway through my second match that I felt the presence next to me, watching me play eagerly. After the final kill had been made, I turned to see Vinyl staring in awe at the screen.

"Don't you have something important to be figuring out?" I asked.

She started and blushed.

"Oh, uh, yeah," she said. "But... this looks really sweet. What is it?"

I thought about this for a moment, wondering whether to tell her it was a videogame or just say the title of the shooter.

"It's a videogame," I said. "It allows me to... play in a computer generated world with guns and other people I can shoot. It doesn't hurt anybody, so it's perfectly safe."

"Wow," the DJ said, her eyes growing in size.

I took a second to look at her. No, not like that!

Her fur seemed to be real; unlike the single tone coats from the show, hers was the white, but in differing shades across her body. There were patches that were glossy and reflected light, while others sections were duller and did not shine. Her muzzle was the same shape as in the show, but its ratio of its own size to face size was larger. Her shades were exactly as they were portrayed in the show as well, glimmering lightly from his fan in the room. Her mane was two colors as well, but as was with her coat, it had different shades cutting through it.

"Can I play?"

Vinyl's comment shook me out of my examination. I looked at her and pondered the idea. To be honest, I had been thinking about Vinyl playing videogames since I had seen her near the TV, but I had placed it aside to deal with more important issues.

"Sure," I said. "I'll just have to teach you how to play."

I exited Xbox Live multiplayer and went to the local setting. I customized the match so it would have no time limit and no point limit. I added one bot on recruit and handed the controller to Vinyl, who levitated it with some pretty cool looking magic.

"To move, just move this stick around," I said, pointing to the left stick on the controller. "To look around, use that one on the right. To shoot your gun, press this, the right trigger, and press the right button to throw your lethal grenade. Press that, the left trigger, to look down the sights on your gun, and press the left button to throw a tactical grenade."

Vinyl tapped each of the buttons, saying what they did as she went. I was a bit surprised. She had an excellent memory!

"Got it," she said, looking back up at me.

"You see those four colored buttons there?" I asked. Vinyl nodded. "The blue one, X, reloads your weapon when you're low on ammo. Or ammunition, however you want to call it. The red one, B, makes you crouch, or lie down on your stomach, which is called going prone. The green one, A, makes you jump. Now, you have two weapons, one that does more damage but takes longer to reload, and one that does less damage but is faster to get out and shoot with than reloading your main gun. To switch between those two, press the yellow button, Y."

Vinyl repeated her memory actions again, closing her eyes in concentration.

"That's it for now," I said. "Press the A button to go into the game."

Vinyl complied, and we waited while it counted down. When it had finally loaded, I started to point out the features that the HUD had.

"That's how many bullets you have until you have to reload," I told her, getting up and pointing at the number to the left of a pair. "The one to the right is how many bullets you have in total, not counting the ones in your magazine. These symbols underneath are the amount of tactical and lethal grenades you have left, each on their respective sides. Now, the-"

"Whatever," Vinyl said as she saw the enemy and looked down her sights. She pressed the right trigger and watched as the gun sprayed out bullets onto the enemy, killing him. "See, I've got it."

I laughed as Vinyl began to move about.

She saw the enemy again, this time much farther away, and aimed. She fired, but was disappointed when her sights started fly above her intended target.

"What was that?" she asked.

"That was recoil," I told her. "Just pull down on the look button to make it less annoying."

She aimed again and tried that. When she was rewarded with a kill, she laughed.

"This is fun!" she said.

"Good!" I said. "I'm going to go get some breakfast. Just keep practicing, okay!"

I went to the kitchen and opened up a cupboard. I grabbed some Bran Flakes and set it down on the counter. I pulled down a bowl and heard a cry of success from the living room. I smiled and poured the cereal into the bowl. I put the food away and got some milk. I put it in the bowl and waited until it was at an adequate amount. I went to my table with the bowl and sat down. I got up when I realized I forgot a spoon.

When I finished the simple breakfast, I went back out to find Vinyl playing an Xbox Live match, and doing not that bad.

"Wait, how did you-?"

"I'm not stupid," Vinyl said. "I clicked around and I found out how to get through all the words and stuff. I joined some match with some other people and started playing."

I sat down in my chair and watched as she ran around, killing just as frequently as she got herself killed. I heard her cussing under her breath as she did so. Eventually the game ended, and Vinyl set the controller down.

"I suck," she said.

"Well, you did really good for your first time," I told her.

She groaned and walked off, saying something about "sappy shit." I picked up the controller and decided I wanted to play something else. I went to the home menu, ejected the disc, and put in Skyrim. After it loaded, I continued from where I left off and started my run around to finish a quest.

"What's that?"

I jumped and found that Vinyl had walked up on me, her hooves muffled by the carpet in my home.

"Oh, it's Skyrim," I said.

She watched me kill a few bandits and sighed.

"Do you only have violent games?" she asked.

"Mostly, but I do have a racing game."

"Racing? What kind of racing?"

"Around a track speed racing."

Vinyl narrowed her eyes.

"Any chance you'd like to teach me how to play that?" she asked.

~

Why the hell did I introduce her to videogames? I do not even know! I went out to get some lunch and find some food for Vinyl, who had a preference for carrots and lettuce, and came back an hour and thirty minutes later to find her playing Borderlands.

I went to the kitchen, set my bags from the store down, and went back out to my living room.

"What are you doing?" I asked.

"Trying to kill a Badass Skag," she replied, not taking her eyes away from the game.

"Don't you want food?"

"Nah. I'm fine."

I went back to the kitchen and unpacked the stuff. I walked back out.

"You need food," I said. "I don't know how long it's been since you ate, but you need food. If you don't, rule number is going to be: no videogames for Vinyl."

I noticed how parent-like that sounded, and apparently Vinyl did too.

"Are you my mom or something?" she said, pausing the game and turning to me.

"Well," I said. "No, but you are under my jurisdiction. I also can't have a pony die under my care. I'd get arrested for something."

Vinyl rolled her eyes and set down the controller. She walked over to me; I finally noticed how short she was in comparison to me. She kicked me in the shin and I grabbed it, surprised by how hard she could kick.

"Where's the food?" she asked.

I fought back the tears forming in my eyes.

"In the kitchen," I replied, pointing at the room.

She went over and I heard some tearing and munching. As soon as I recovered from my injury I followed her in to see her terrorizing a carrot, the bag poured open on the floor. I sighed and picked it up. When I placed it on the counter again, Vinyl was done.

"Rule number five," I said. "Don't kick me in the shins."

Vinyl kicked my ankle.

"Let me rephrase that," I said, wincing. "No harming me physically."

Vinyl laughed and went back to the living room, where she went back to Borderlands.

Oh, for fuck's sake.

Author's Note

See, I told you it wasn't like MLD.

Take Your Pony to Work Day

My eyes opened slightly as the morning sun passed through my bedroom window onto my eyes.

It was a dream, I thought, giddy with relief. All of that shit was a dream. There is no pony in my house and I just had a seriously fucked-up dream.

"Hey, dude in his room, where're the carrots?!"

My eyes snapped open and I almost screamed in fury. It fucking happened. That pony was in my house. I was going to kick her out and- no, wait. I promised Vinyl a week and a half, and I was not going to betray her. Even if she was a pain. Even if every plague in the universe needed to descend upon her. I did not want to betray a pony with magic. And the ability to kick my shins and ankles.

"They're in the fridge!" I yelled back.

It had been a whole day since the box had shown up at my doorstep, seemingly harmless and nothing to be scared of. Now the box had become a nightmare, a DJ who loved loud things, guns, videogames, and as I had figured out yesterday, much to my dismay, alcohol.

~

I set the beer down a popped it open with my bottle opener. I tossed the metal ring in the trash and took a long swig. I was not sure how to continue with having Vinyl. I had work tomorrow, and I did not want to leave her alone in my house for a whole day. I imagined all the terrible scenarios for when I got home if I left her.

She could throw a party; get on the internet and invite all of my internet friends. She could blast music too loud. SO many bad things could happen if I left her here alone. I chugged the rest of my beer and groaned.

"What's up?"

I looked and saw that Vinyl had been standing there, watching me.

"A problem," I said.

"What kind?" the DJ replied.

"A problem with you."

"What? ME?! Why?"

"I have to go to work tomorrow, and I can't leave you here, nor will I be able to take you to work."

"Sure you can leave me here!"

"I don't even begin to trust you. I am not leaving you here." I stared her down.

"Well, then take me to your job! I can be quiet, I guess."

"Look, I can't take a pony into my job! How would I manage to teach a music class with you hidden away somewhere, still probably going to do something stupid?!"

"You teach music?"

"Yes, so?" I narrowed my eyes.

"I want to come to your job. Music is awesome."

"I know that. However, no. I don't trust you to be silent."

"You can always... give me an MP3 player and some headphones."

I thought about it. Leaving her to listen to music while I taught seemed much better than leaving her here alone or bringing her to work without anything to do.

"Fine," I said, defeated.

Vinyl laughed and looked at the beer I had yet to throw away.

"What's that?" she asked.

"It's beer," I said.

Vinyl stared at it.

"I love beer," she said. "I used to drink it all the time when I was in Equestria."

I paused.

"No," I said. "You are not having beer."

The DJ groaned and scuffed her hoof on the ground. She changed her expression to one of sadness. It was just so adorable. I could not resist.

"Fine," I said, tossing her a bottle.

"Yay!" she yelled, popping the cap with a quick flick of magic. She drank some. "Wow! That's pretty good!"

And the night became a bit less clear after that.

~

I grabbed the stuff I needed to get dressed: a button-down shirt, blue in color, a pair of black pants, and dress shoes. I showered quickly and put on the clothing. I went downstairs and grabbed a small book bag, which was what I used to carry all of the items I needed for work. However, it was now next to empty, with all of my things placed around it.

"Vinyl!" I yelled.

The unicorn was there, chewing on a carrot.

"Mhmhmm?" she asked.

"Get in," I said, pointing at the bag. "This is how you're getting inside the building with me."

Vinyl took a step back and shook her head.

"A'm clhaushthropfhobi'," she said.

"What?" I asked. She spat her food out.

"I'm claustrophobic!" she said again.

"Too bad, get in the bag," I said. "Either that or you won't get music."

Vinyl took a moment to think and jumped in. I started placing all of my work necessities around her, surprised by how easily it still fit. I zipped up the bag, leaving a few inches of space at the top, where light could come in as well as air.

"Vinyl," I started. "When we get to work, I'll tell you. You need to stop making any noise. I have my MP3 player in my pocket, and when we get to work and I get to the room where I teach, I'll put the bag down and let you out. You will stay put under my desk and listen to music. Understand?"

There was no answer.

"Vinyl?" I asked.

"How do you know my name?" she asked. "I never told you."

Damn it! I didn't think about that! Oh, fuck.

"Uh, I just thought that it suited you," I began. "Turns out it's your name!"

I chuckled softly and picked up the bag. I slung it over my shoulder-much to the complaint of Vinyl-and walked to my garage, where a 2006 Ford Fusion awaited us. I placed Vinyl in the passenger's seat, where she stuck her head out of the bag. I thanked a higher being that she was not tall enough to be seen outside of the window.

I started the car and opened the garage. I drove out, closing it behind me. I left my driveway and continued my journey to the college where I worked.

~

I was amazed at how smoothly it was going. We had arrived, and everything had gone to plan. I got in without any noise from Vinyl, got to my classroom without any problems, and got Vinyl under the desk with my MP3 player five minutes before class started. She was under there now, nodding her head to the beat of one of my songs.

Right now, I was nearing the end of my final lesson, and my time to leave would be soon. I finished talking about augmented chords and waved my hand for them to leave.

They all filed out except for one, who came up to me at the desk.

"Sir?" he asked.

"Yes?" I replied.

"I'm going to be... out... of-"

His eyes fixated on something under my desk.

Oh, shit. Oh, shit, oh, shit, oh, shit.

I saw him raise his arm to point at it. I freaked out and grabbed Vinyl. I shoved her in my bag, zipped it up all the way, muffling the shouts of protest she had mage when I grabbed her, and ran. I was out of the classroom and to my car in record time.

I started the engine and drove off, my heart pounding in my chest. I unzipped the bag, from which a dizzy Vinyl came out.

"What was that?!" she demanded.

"Sorry," I said. "It's just that- someone saw you. I had to get out."

Vinyl shook her head to clear away her blurriness.

"You didn't have to be so rough about it," she said.

"I'm sorry," I replied. "It's just that I couldn't let anyone figure out that you were here. They could end up telling the wrong people and... it would get really bad."

"How bad?"

"We're talking telling secret agencies in the government you exist bad. They would want to cut you open for science, and I'd be powerless to stop them. I don't want that to happen to a pony."

Vinyl rolled her eyes.

"Yeah," she said.

"Yes!" I said back. "Besides, you need to get that stuff done! How far have you gotten?"

"Oh, uh, not very far. It's hard to get done what I need to when you're around."

"What is it? Tell me and I can help!"

"I'll tell you when I feel like it!"

I sighed and continued driving, wishing to be home as soon as possible. When we arrived, I let Vinyl in and grabbed my bag. I walked in and placed it down. It was then that I heard chatter from inside. I felt my eyes widen.

The government.

I began to pace through my house, quietly, the chatter growing louder as I went. I turned into the living room and stopped.

"Fuck," I said. "Fuck you, Vinyl."

In my house, dozens of people were talking, dancing, and drinking. I saw Vinyl, in the middle of the crowd, people hovering over her in shock. She saw me, and she blushed. I flipped her off and approached the crowds. Then the world got hectic.

Author's Note

Sorry, Regidar. No illegal stuff yet.

VINYL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I walked in complete stunned disbelief through the masses, walking straight towards the panicking Vinyl, who was starting to run in the opposite direction, away from me. I pushed my way through clumps of people, drawing many angry complaints, but that was the least of my worries.

"Vinyl!" I yelled at the top of my lungs, ramming through a few bystanders.

The DJ hopped on my couch between a few people who were sitting on it and hid behind them. I charged forward, but was stopped as another group of people suddenly formed in front of me.

"Gah!" I said as I pushed them aside, finding that the unicorn had vanished while I was distracted by the people who had blocked me. "Son of a bitch!"

I turned and looked wildly through the crowd, my anger so enflamed that it would have melted carbon. I saw her trying to run through a group of people into the kitchen. I chased after her, but was grabbed by the collar of my button down. I was spun around and was soon staring into the eyes of a really drunk lady. She leaned in on me, and I smacked her hand away.

"Fuck off!" I yelled, turning to continue my chase for Vinyl.

If it had been any other time, I would have kissed that lady and loved it, but my mind was preoccupied by the fact that Vinyl had thrown a party without my knowledge and it had only been two days since she had come to Earth.

I darted into the kitchen and found it to be nearly empty, with only a few people grabbing beer... my beer.

It was then that I saw her, huddled up behind the feet of a pair talking while leaning on my counter. I walked forward and pushed the duo aside, much to their dislike. I grabbed Vinyl and held her up to my face.

"What the fuck did you do?!" I yelled.

"Maybe we should go somewhere quieter?" the pony in my grasp suggested.

I held my hands around her neck as I shoved through the crowd to my bedroom, where I slammed the door shut and locked it.

"What did you do?!" I asked.

"Well, uh, you see," Vinyl began. "I found that," she pointed at my computer, "and it was on, so I used it and found all of these places that you go to. I found your friends list and invited them all to a party. I don't know how many of them came, but apparently a lot."

I set Vinyl down and ran my hand through my hair.

"I said that rule number one was 'no parties,'" I said.

"I know, but I had to!"

"And why is that?"

"It has to do with the reason why I'm here."

"And what is that reason?"

"I- I still don't want to tell you."

"Tell me or I'll lock you up in a closet somewhere, cut off your horn, and starve you to death."

I know I was being dramatic, but I really wanted to know why she was on Earth.

"Fine," she said, looking a bit afraid. "I'm here because Twilight, a unicorn in my world, wanted to know about humans. She sent me because I was interested too. She said to gather as much information about them as possible, and find out what they like to do. Having a party was just my idea, to see if humans liked them."

I was in a bit of shock, I will admit. That was not what I expected her to be here for. I expected her to be lying and for her to have no good reason to be here. But I was wrong.

"Wow," I said.

"Wasn't expecting that, now were you?" Vinyl asked.

I sighed deeply and closed my eyes.

"No I was not," I replied. "But you still broke the rule. Something's going to have to happen."

I picked her up and left my room. I went back into the living room, where people were still mulling about, drunk and stupid. I set Vinyl down and went to the front of the room. I turned off the music playing from my TV, which was on one of those music channels. Everyone turned when they heard the beats stop, and they looked like I had just ruined everything.

"Alright, people!" I yelled. "It is time for you to-"

There was the sound of sirens in the distance.

Huh? Police? I thought.

"It is time for you to-"

The sirens grew louder, and the people around me began to murmur in confusion.

"It is time for you to-"

The sirens stopped.

Oh, fuck.

"This is the police!" a voice from outside yelled. "Everyone come out and put your hands up!"

The room burst into panicked screams of hysteria as they started running for the door, hands up in the air in a display of surrender.

"It is time for you to go," I whispered, following them, motioning for Vinyl to hide somewhere.

~

We had all been lined up and checked over. A few of the party's participants were handcuffed and pushed into a police car, while others were allowed to leave. They eventually reached me, who was the last in line.

"Name?" the officer asked.

I told him and he wrote it down on a sheet of paper.

"Since everyone else said no, I'm going to assume you are the owner of this house?"

I winced, "Yes."

"Are you aware that you have not only caused an uproarious disturbance but have violated a few rules and regulations?"

"Yes."

He looked over me.

"And you threw this party in full understanding that it was breaking these rules and regulations?"

"But it was..." I stopped, not wanting to reveal to anyone about Vinyl. "Yes."

I hung my head.

"You're going to receive a bill in the mail in a few days. I expect that you will pay the fines. You will also be expected to show up in court to talk about the violations you have made."

He handed me a slip of paper with a date on it.

"Yes, sir."

The officer shot me a glare and got back in his car. The squad drove off, leaving me standing in rage on the yard. I stomped back inside and found Vinyl hiding under my couch. I grabbed her by the scruff of her neck and pulled her to my bedroom, where I dropped her on the ground.

"What the fuck?!" I yelled, staring her down, causing her to shake in fear.

"I- I'm sorry," she said.

"I don't give a damn! I just got fined and I have to go to court to do whatever I have to!"

The DJ quaked as I leaned in on her.

"I don't know what to do about you now," I said, putting my head in my hands.

"I- I guess you could let it slide?" Vinyl asked apprehensively.

"Let it slide?" I said. "Let it slide?! Why would I let it slide?!"

"I won't do anything bad if you let it slide," she said, looking at me with pleading puppy eyes.

I could not resist the power. I had to succumb to the intense adorableness or I would have developed diabetes.

"Fine," I said. "But if you do anything, I repeat, anything... so help me I will destroy your soul."

The unicorn gulped. I stood and went over to my computer, where I opened up my Facebook. I checked it and such, then went over to 4chan, where I started to surf the many threads. It was not until a few minutes later that I remembered that Vinyl was in the room.

"Hey, that's one of the websites I invited people from!" she said.

There was a beat.

"You invited people... from 4chan?" I asked. "How?"

"I started a thread about it!"

I turned to my computer.

"Where?" I asked.

"Uh... it's somewhere."

I started clicking through stuff.

"Which board?"

"Which what?"

"Was it /co/, /b/, what?"

"Oh! It was /co/!"

I began to screech through the board, running down the page until I saw the words PARTY! I clicked it and looked at it.

"God," I said. "Why did you do that?"

"I just wanted to see what humans did party-wise! Honest!"

I stood and started pacing anxiously.

"Shit, shit, shit," I said. "Some creeper's going to get my address."

I fell to the ground and grabbed at my hair.

"Hey, what's the /mlp/ board?"

I looked up to see Vinyl moving the mouse with her magic. She was heading to click it.

"No!" I yelled.

But it was too late. She clicked it and all the ponies popped up. She stood in the chair, staring at the ponies for a minute. She saw herself, Twilight, and Pinkie all together in Sugarcube Corner, and so many other ponies from the show. She saw cosplayers and other weird things.

"What the buck?" she asked aloud. "What is this?"

I got up and looked at her. It was time to tell her, especially since she had just discovered the /mlp/ board.

"I guess I have to explain something," I said.

"You bet!" Vinyl yelled.

Author's Note

Regidar... it happened. The sort-of-rave happened. And it was magnificent. No arresting of the main character though. He does go to court!

Tell me if the police officer issuing the paper and stuff to him was wrong. I don't know how it's supposed to go.

I will destroy your soul."

Sorry for a bit of circle-jerking about things that only my friends that don't read my fanfics understand.

And, 4chan! Curse you, /mlp/ board! Curse you for letting Vinyl know about ponies!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

How to Explain MLP to Your Pony: For Dummies

I sat down next to Vinyl and sighed.

"Okay," I said. "Okay."

I sighed and placed my head in my hands. A million thoughts raced through my head, fast as lightning.

"Okay," I began. "So, here on this planet, there's a show. It plays on the TV, that thing you used to play video games on. This show is called My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic. It was originally intended for young girls, or, in a pony's case, young fillies. But people who were older, say... young stallions, watched it, and they loved it.

"This led to an internet phenomenon known as bronies, basically bros who liked ponies. The rest of the world either started to hate on them, join them, or be neutral. I am one of them, which explains why I know your name and things about you. You are one of the characters in the show."

Vinyl took all of this and sat still for a moment.

"I'm a character in a show?" she asked. "But... that doesn't make sense! My life in Equestria felt real!"

"I don't if it was real or not," I said, sighing. "I hope it is though. That would be more fucking creepy than this already is."

"Why didn't you tell me?" Vinyl asked. "That seems like something I should know!"

Vinyl was looking borderline hysterics. She was rocking back and forth on the seat, her pupils pinpricks in her eyes. She was taking deep breaths, trying to fight the wave.

"I didn't know how to tell you!" I said, throwing up my arms in a display of safety. "It's not like ponies just fall into my house all the time!"

Vinyl hopped down from my computer chair and started pacing.

"Am I just here because someone loved my character in a show enough to make me real?" she asked, furrowing her brow. "Was my entire discussion with Twilight a lie? Was it just something my head made up? I am here because some idiot gave me fake memories and plopped me down at your house?"

"I don't know," I replied. "You arrived in a box. Why?"

"I was in it after Twilight used the spell to get me here."

I stood still for a moment, trying to come up with some logical explanation for being in a box... as logical as you could get with a pony from a cartoon intended for little girls. Maybe a box was the only way from Equestria to Earth?

My mind went to "My Little Dashie" momentarily, but I quickly pulled away. I sighed and sat down by my computer.

"Maybe boxes are the way into Equestria?" I pondered to Vinyl.

"What makes you think that?" the DJ replied.

"Well," I said. "There's a story by one of the bronies who likes the My Little Pony show, and Rainbow Dash comes to here through a box."

"You things are just bucked up," Vinyl said, shaking her head.

I shrugged and said, "I know."

The DJ looked at my computer.

"So, does this group of 'bronies' do anything other than write stories and ogle over multicolored ponies based off of me and my buds?" she asked.

I smiled mischievously.

"Hell yeah, they do," I said. "Want to see?"

Vinyl nodded, and I cracked my knuckles.

Author's Note

A short chapter. Sorry.

Sorry For Lack of Updates

I haven't been busy, or doing anything to keep me away from here, it's just that trying to come back to these stories after leaving them for a while is difficult. I've been uninterested in fanfiction for a long time now, slowly letting my Favourites count grow and grow, not bothering to check on it.

I hope to get back into the swing of things eventually, but I don't know.