The Pie In Aj's eye (The Story after Cupcakes)

by The Pie In Ajs eye

Rating: teen
Tags: Main 6, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Dark, Sad, Spike, Tragedy, Scootaloo
Length: 5828

After Pinkie Pie has been brought to justice, AppleJack tells the truth behind Pinkie Pie's cupcakes

After Pinkie Pie has been brought to justice, AppleJack tells the truth behind Pinkie Pie's cupcakes. She tells the truth behind the dissapearance of her best friend Rainbow Dash and others. And she tells us the mental toll the whole tragedy has had not only on her, but on her friends.
This story is not disgusting as in gore. It is really depressing though, Ponies do die but it's not graphic

Published 2012-02-18 21:14:01 UTC
Last updated 2012-02-18 21:14:01 UTC

The Pie In Aj's Eye

The Pie in AJ's eye
by !Uokc6PQRsg

No one ever really did recover from what Pinkie did.

We just couldn't accept what she did. We didn't believe it, nor we didn't want to believe it. And at times, I still don't believe it was her. It was like a hammer slamming on the glass of Equestria and we were the shattered pieces that went in different directions. Pinkie Pie was a serial and psychotic killer who would torture her victims and would use the corpses to her “secret recipe” and serve us cupcakes from the Sugar Cube Corner to the whole village. She took our friend Rainbow Dash, She took Trixie, Twist , Guilda and several other innocent ponies that never should of deserved what they got. But what really threw the salt in the open wound was that, we ate the cupcakes. She gave them to us and we trusted her. We ate the cupcakes without questioning how she made it and we praised her for her perfected work. So, when you put the pieces together, we were the motive to her psychotic ways. And when you think of the logic behind it, we were cannibals, and in a sick fucking way, we loved it.

That morning will stick in my head for the rest of my life. It plays over in my head when I don't want it to and I can't seem to stop it as much as I try. It's like my brain strapped me to a chair and keeps pushing the rewind button and gets off to watching me squirm trying to make it all stop. It seemed like it was just any other day. Me and Mac busy at work, wondering who's been doing the clouds since Rainbow Dash “Had to take a league of absence to attend to her family”. We were too ignorant to find it suspicious that Dash never said goodbye before leaving and not question a bullshit family excuse. Come to think of it, Dash never mentioned a family. A mom, a dad, not a word from Dash about any of them. I'm guessing now that I think about it, there must have been a blow out between her and the family that she's uncomfortable to mention or talk about. What a good advantage Pinkie had on taking her life.

Oh, I'm off topic.

Now this is around the time, Big Macintosh pointed out how Fluttershy was flying around in the air in an frantic pace as if she was looking for something, or someone. Assuming she was taking laps around my barn and house, I guessed she needed me for some help or advice.

“Hey sugar cube, what's troubling you?”

I thought what I said was upset her. She was always the sensitive type so I guess she was more sensitive than usual. Trying to take back my greeting, I could see the pain in her eyes. She saw something she didn't want and only seeing me made it worst. Thinking it was just something happened to her animals. She flew down to me and I tried to comfort her with the best of my abilities. She kept trying to get something out but she couldn't it would only cause her to break out in an hysteric cry that I've never seen before. Ideas to calm her down ran through my head but the only good one is to shake her to make her get a hold of herself. She was finally able to say in a broken down voice what she fought with all her ability to say.

“Their taking Pinkie Pie. They have her...”

After those seven words rang into my ear and was able to make my heart sink into my stomach, I began taking it serious. I told her to lead me to where he was, I never told Big Mac where I was going, or that I was even leaving. With my heart racing out of my chest, I wish Fluttershy told me more specificity what happened. Multiple scenarios started racing through my head. Discord hurt Pinkie, Urza Major hurt her, there was an accident at the Sugar Cube Corner. But who knew other than her this was going to happen.

When we got close to Pinkie's place, we are met by a stench. It didn't smell like a backed-up sewage problem, but worst. It smelt like death, like deterioration, scum. The whole smell was able to stop me in my tracks. But for some reason, Fluttershy kept on going. As if she was already known to this foul and disgusting smell that was lingering throughout the town. We approached Sugar Cube Corner and a crowd that was reduced to holding their nose and murmuring amongst one another. The whole crowd was pushed away by the unforgiving and unmerciful stench, but was glued to where they stood because they wanted to know why there were soldiers raiding Sugar Cube Corner.

Soldiers?

All the past scenarios were no longer a possibility and I couldn't come up with another one. I finally found Rarity and Twilight who were trying to calm down Fluttershy. The only three ponies who weren't holding their nose, but held a blank stare as they watch the entrance of the store hoping for Pinkie to come out, or Cupcake and Carrotcake, or the babies they just had, Poundcake and Pumpkincake. I needed Answers. pushing through the crowd, I made my way up to where the three were

“Girls, what happened?”

I got nothing but a blank stare from Rarity. Like there was nothing behind the eyes. It was like what was happening sucked the life and soul out of her and just spit out the corpse we call a living pony. Twilight finally realized I was here and she stuttered for the first minute trying to get her sentence out

“we-we-.....well there's 'apparently' been a series of brutal murders that Pinkie Pie committed. But I'm onto her, this is just another one of her pranks. Rainbow Dash is in on it. There's no way that Pinkie Pie killed Rainbow Dash”

My heart skipped a beat. But then I agreed with her. The most cheerful pony in all of Equestria wouldn't harm a fly.

Then just kept repeating in my head.

“The Smell of Death”

Over and over. It kept getting louder and louder till my ignorance was completely sounded out. Over and over. My face was white and numb like I was being drained of all my blood. Over and over. I began shaking, Over and over. Til it made me shake like a leaf over and over. The tension was like a needle getting pushed into my eyes hoping that Pinkie's family was alright and they were going to be fine. It was about this time, I sounded out everyone else, including the soldiers who kept telling each others to back up because they were bringing her out.

The bouncing of the hand truck wheels going off the steps made everyone go silent. Then, everyone disappeared to me. Fluttershy's crying came to a complete halt, as if she wasn't ever crying. I was no longer holding onto my nose, it no longer seemed to bother. I can never forget how her pink Hooves that were strapped to the handtruck was the first I saw of her.

It was Her. Her face.

The Pink party pony reduced down to strapped in a stray jacket, mask over her mouth, and no possible way of moving. My eyes never stayed off her. And what scared me the most, her eyes never stayed off me. She wasn't fighting, screaming, or trying to break free. She was just staring at me as if she was sucking the sanity out of me. Looking into the devil's eyes, I can't say it didn't bother me. It made my heart sink even further than it already did. She looked at all four of us and had a little smirked. Like she didn't have a care in the world. Her smile was like putting a knife into me and opening me up so she can toy around with my insides. It finally got to me. My knees began to get weak and I tried to regain balance only to be caught by Lyra who was telling Bon-Bon to stop yelling out slanderous names, like “Witch” and “murderer”. I couldn't blame Bon-Bon, she was the one of few who were saying what the ones who were too weak or scared to say. I didn't lay my eyes off Pinkie and Pinkie didn't put her eyes off me until she was loaded into the truck.

They finally brought out the parents, who were in on the whole murders. They weren't as restraint as Pinkie but they should have been. Screaming and trying to hide their faces against the crowd. “Give me my children, I want my children” they screamed. But the crowd screamed “No”.
The tears in their eyes wasn't for regret, it was for their children they wouldn't be able to see grow up, or corrupt, like they corrupted Pinkie. It was problably all their fault. There would be no way for them not to know about it. They were in on it as much as Pinkie was. I remember how I was thankful they weren't able to corrupt Poundcake and Carrotcake, but then the thought that I haven't seem them yet made me choke up even more. Wouldn't the children be the first to be evacuated? I thought they killed them. I was trying to breathe but I couldn't. Trying to speak, but nothing was coming out. It's like someone put a knife through my neck.. I began tearing up trying to find out where they were....

And then their they were.

They had no idea what was going on, nor did they care. They had no idea what the family has done. Carrotcake was just happy she could chew on her toy turtle and Poundcake was happy she was riding the white alicorn out of the house. Then it came to me that the only white alicorn in the world was Celestia, and she walked out with the children on her back. She had the same look Fluttershy did, like she was trying to shut a memory out of her head. But she kept her composure and looked assertive. She didn't frown, she didn't look losted, she had a poker face. But it still look like she was fighting to bottle her emotions, as if she was going to release them some other time. As much as she tried to hide, we saw through her. And she saw everything Pinkie has done.

The crowd stayed gathered til night fell and the words “It's getting late, plus I'm tired. Im going home. I'll talk to you in the morning” was repeating several times. Us four were the last ponies at the crime scene. I finally was able to take a deep breathe and spit out some words.

“It's getting late girls. We should all sleep under the same roof. Lets go to my pla-”

Twilight quickly interupted me to say

“NO! Let's all sleep at my place. We will all sleep at my place.. ”

Although her aggressive response did weird me out, my brain was too numb to see the psychological toll her mind has taken because of what happened today. Rarity was finally able to speak to say yes and we headed to our houses to get all of our pillows and blankets.

When I got to my house, the whole family was waiting in the living room. Granny Smith, Big Mac, Apple Bloom, they were all sitting there, but not a smile on any of them. Cherilee came by and told them the news. I couldn't speak because I didn't know what to say. But I didn't need to, my face said it all. Big Mac finally got up and gave me the hug. Then all my energy, all the emotions that I've been through just released. I began to cry hysterically. It wasn't a normal cry, it was screaming crying, like knifes were being pushed into my back. This was the best feeling all day. I needed that. I got to let it all go, like I was pushing all the air out of a balloon. No one tried to stop me. Apple Bloom left the room, and Granny Smith had no excuse to stop me because she has never been in a situation like this. I cried for a good fifteen minutes. I was finally able to pull myself together, looked up at Mac and with a smile, I said thank you and gave him a kiss on the cheek. I went up to my room, grabbed my sheets, and told Granny I was sleeping at Twilight's for the night. I don't think anything stuck in my head more than when she said “Don't do anything stupid”.

I showed up the same time Fluttershy did. Looking at her was like looking in the mirror. Beaten, disturbed, and confused, but I wasn't trying to hold back a cry.

“Listen, lets walk around a little, just air out a little more. I think it's best the other two didn't see you in the state your in.”

Surprisingly, she replied without having to fight to get a sentence out.

“But, wouldn't they expect me to be in the state I'm in? I am the most sensitive one, right?”

“No sweetie. Out of the four of us, you are looking the strongest.”

We walked away from the front door into the night. We didn't have a sense of direction, nor did we want one. We just needed to leave for a few minutes.

It was an awkward but depressing silence for the first ten minutes. We just walked. It was like we had the same line of thinking so it was pointless to speak. I Finally had to break the ice, even though it was so thin.

“ How are you holding up, Sweetie?”

I kept saying sweetie because the thought of calling her sugar cube made me choke up

“ I guess I'm fine. I'm taking it all in, one by one.”

“Now you know this is going to take weeks to recover from, right?”

“Yeah, I'm aware”

I felt assertive talking to Fluttershy, so I became assertive.

“Now you listen to me Fluttershy. All four of us are going to need each other. We always needed each other but now more than ever. We can't fall apart or it will destroy us not only emotionally, but mentally.”

She was looking down at a ninety-degree angle. As I pushed her chin up, I finally realized she was in a full blown weep. I couldn't say anymore. That's when she finally began to speak her mind in a hysterical cry.

“Why did she do it, AppleJack.? Why? Why, why why why why WHY WHY! How could she! How could she do that to those ponies? How could she do that to Rainbow Dash? And how could she do that to us? She ruined us! And she took her life!”

She became louder and more hysterical. Stomping her feet, flapping her wings. I finally got my hooves around her and that's when she began to stop talking and just cried. She weeped into my shoulder for ten minutes. ponies came out of their houses to see what all the commotion was. Most of them saw what was going on, understood within a matter of seconds, then headed back inside. As soon as she stopped crying she gave me a smile and we walked around the crowd that we're too stupid to know how awkward and inappropriate it is to watch someone cry.

We got to Twilight's house and we were greeted by Twilight. Weird thing is, we didn't knock on the door.

“HEY GIRLS! Why are you so late? Come on in, Me and Rarity got started without you guys”

Got started on what? Twilight had the same exact look in her eyes when she didn't have a letter to write to the princess, but with sadness. I wasn't the only one who saw it, Fluttershy looked at me because she didn't know what to do.

“Let's just go in” I said. And we made our way in.

The floors were covered with books and Twilight was franticly looking through her library for others. I looked at a couple of them on the floors and they either about murder or psychology. I looked over at Rarity who was blankly looking through the books. Spike was sitting in his bed looking down in worry and confusion. I wonder why he hasn't left the bed to see what was going on, maybe it was because he was told not to leave his bed.

I made my way around, I first to say hi to was Rarity. She had the blank stare like she did this afternoon, and it wasn't anywhere, anytime soon. There was nothing I can do about it. There was no shaking what was on her mind. It was as if she is still in shock and her mind is still trying to comprehend everything that happened. I wouldn't think Rarity's shock would last this long. but to be honest, it is too much for a pony to take in all at once. It was like being hit by a train of horrible and disturbing news.

“Hey Rarity, how are you holding up?”

she glanced up for a minute then look back down at the psychology book she was skimming through. She didn't look me in the eyes. She got as far as my chest, realized who was talking, then she looked back down.

“Hey AppleJack, I'm fine. I'm holding up, I guess. How about yourself?”

It was glad to hear her talk. It was a sign of improvement from not talking at all to making small talk

“Oh I'm good sugar cu-”

I tried to stop before any more of it came out, but Rarity already caught what I was going to say. She looked up at me for a few seconds then went back to skimming through the book mindlessly

“it's alright. I guess you are going to stop using that name you were about to call me?”

Struggling to get the sentence out

“Lets not talk about it”

Twilight came over

“GIRLS! This isn't a sleep over, we need to get to work, so get to work.”

Those words got under my skin. I had to say something.

“Twilight, you can't be serious about all this. We can't find out why Pi-”

Interrupted by her again, which was slowly wearing my patience,

“WAIT! Spike, outside!”

She didn't let him go on his own. She picked him up with her powers, threw him out the door and closed the door. Now I felt like it was okay to yell if I had to.

“Twilight, listen to me. Whatever reason Pinkie did wasn't reasonable and wasn't in the best state of mind, like yours is right now. What we need to do is put all these books away, and try to recover and mourn from out los-”

This bitch interrupted me again and was loud about it.

“NO! WE ARE NOT PUTTING ANYTHING AWAY! We got to find out why Pinkie did it, and maybe even cure Pinkie Pie! Now this book says that her state is a mental illness that would spark irrational behavior. But she wasn't born with it, not according to this book with all possible born illnesses. So, it had to be a virus she got! But what type of virus would have a mental toll as extreme as hers? In this book...”

Hearing her go on was like needles to the ears. I started to say to stop louder and louder until I drowned her out. It was like she was infecting my head with her crack pot theories. Then I let her have it

“WE ARE NOT DEALING WITH THIS NOW! WE ARE GOING TO DEAL WITH THIS TONIGHT OR TOMORROW OR THIS WEEK OR THIS MONTH. THIS IS NOT HAPPENING. EITHER YOU PUT THESE FUCKING BOOKS AWAY OR THIS IS THE LAST YOU SEE OF ME”

That was the first time I ever swore in front of my friends. That was the first time I ever swore. It wasn't like me to do this. The only thing I could do was hold my mouth and look around. Twilight looking at me in confusion. Fluttershy was in shock too that I would ever say such a thing. And Rarity looked as surprised as you can when you are dead behind the eyes. I guess what happened that day really did change me as a pony. Taking a deep breathe, I said

“Listen, I'm sorry. I shouldn't of said that or yelled at you like that. I just want to go to bed now. I want to sleep. Let's just see what happens to Pinkie before we start looking for cures and what not. Please, I'm begging you.”

There was then a knocking at a door. It was Spike with a letter he coughed up.

“Hey girls. I just got a letter from Princess Celestia. 'Dear Twilight, I wish to see you and your friends first thing in the morning. It's urgent and not up for debate”

Twilight took the letter and began reading it

“Gee, Princess Celestia never sent a letter like this. She would have came here. I don't even wanna know what you all did.”

What Spike said took me a minute to understand. When I finally realized that Twilight didn't tell Spike what happened, my neck snapped towards her direction. She knew that I knew. But then I guess what she said made me understand why

“He's just a baby”

We all went to bed but we didn't sleep. We didn't talk either and no one checked to see if the other was up. I kept on thing about that day. The smell, the horror in my friends eyes, the disturbing look in Pinkie's. I began to think that maybe twilight's right and we should be looking for a cure. But even if we did, what would it changed? She still killed Rainbow Dash and others. I don't think she will be able to live with that wearing so much on her conscience and just end up killing herself for forgiveness. Pinkie Pie was now a lost cause. But now, does that make us lost cause? There was so much time for so much thinking. I can't remember what I was thinking throughout the night, but it really doesn't matter, does it?

It was finally morning. Everyone began getting up at the first sight of sun. We all looked at each other, then I finally took control and said

“Lets get going, shall we?”

It was a quiet and long journey to Canterlot. No one had speculations on what the summoning was because we all knew. We were all either looking out the window or down at out feet fiddling with out hooves. The train was empty. It was just us four and someone in the back with a vivid blue and baby blue hair color. Someone I didn't know. When we got to canterlot, there was an uneasy tension in the air, as if something happened in here too. The hopes of a more lively place than home quickly vanished and I soon felt empty and hollow again. I thought, usually this place is lively and happy as Ponyville used to be, but it seemed glum.

I guess word spread fast around there. As I was passing through town, I could see in the corner of my eye the pink in each newspapers. They plastered her face all over their papers. It was their front story that everyone read and was talking about. I guess they didn't mention our names or show our faces in the newspapers because no one really cared for us being there.

We finally made our way to the castle. No trouble getting in, they were expecting us. Walking through that long hallway was the longest walk in my entire life. Seeing the gang in the window things made me tear up. Luna was there. Celestia had her back turned towards us. I guess the whole thing really did affect Celestia and Luna was there for emotional support. She finally turned to us looking stronger than yesterday, but that really isn't saying much. She had to hold a strong leader figure as she began to tells us something that will forever be burnt into my brain.

“Girls, I know you are all in mourning and shock of what happened to your friend Rainbow Dash. I am deeply sorry for what happened. But I need to inform you of this now. Before I continue, I must tell you that what is said in this room stays between all of us. Any word of this gets out and chaos will fill throughout Equestria, we have enough of a uproar as it is with the murders of your friend. Pinkie Pie tortured & killed innocent ponies from all over Equestria. Now with a heartless act like this we would sentence her life imprison. But she is going to be sentenced to death for what she did with the bodies. After the victims lacked a heart beat, she would remove all body parts from the corpse. We found only the skeleton and the skin of the ponies she killed. After we couldn't find the insides, we were able to trace through DNA tests and Blood samples of the ponies into... in-into the cupcakes that were being produced from sugarcube corner. She forced cannibalism unknowningly to Equestria, even to us. I'm sorry girls...”

It's funny. I don't remember what happened when I heard that. I just blacked out. Or I shut it all out. There's parts of my memory after everything that I don't remember. I just remember leaving the castle and going home feeling more dead inside than I already did. Everyone looked dead behind the eyes. Fluttershy was tearing up, Rarity showed no emotion. Just her mouth opened looking down. Twilight was deep in thought. She was problably thinking that what she heard was a clue and a breakthrough in her studies that will never be complete. As for me,

I didn't care about me.

I don't remember much after we got back home. That whole week became a blur after Celestia's words. My mind went into a state where the only good things stuck in my head and the bad things were blacked out from my memory. Good things like when the town did a lighting of candles for those who were killed by Pinkie. Or when the wonderbolts did a tribute show over the town for Rainbow Dash, their biggest fan. Everyone wore white ribbons, which gave me hope and made me feel like I had a whole town for support. I don't remember when they hung Pinkie Pie and her family. I'm not sure if I even went. But honestly, why would I want to destroy myself with that memory? She is still a friend and just having that memory of her hanging from a rope aside her family would just fuck me up more than I already am.

I didn't eat for a couple of weeks. And if I did, I made sure it was ingredients that came from my farm. Other ponies thought I lost it. I wish I could tell everyone how they ate ponies from the cupcakes so they could understand. But I made a promise. Plus, I wouldn't be able to deal with the uproar and the chaos that would be caused by it. I would take showers at least twice a day. Scrubbed my body til' I started to bleed. The showers would be so hot that I would have third degree burns when I left the shower. I was soo dirty, I had to be clensed of what I did, or ate. I was hospitalize twice because of it. But that's nothing compared to the other ponies.

Twilight finally snapped a month after everything. She wouldn't leave her house or do anything. She was called back to Canterlot by Celestia to live in her old place before Ponyville. I think Spike finally contacted Celestia to tell her what Twilight was doing. I could only imagine the confusion Spike was going through at the time. He must know now, problably Celestia told him. I guess now Twilight is being watched closely by Celestia but allowing her to continue trying to find whatever she's trying to prove...

..If she has anything to prove. She can search to the day she dies. I don't think you can crack the mind of a psycho path. And even if she does, what's going to happen? Will she get all better? Able to return to me and Fluttershy? Or will it get worst? Would she drive herself to death? This must be on Celestia's mind. Maybe, Celestia has a team assembled trying to help Twilight and hopefully, get her back to normal. So she can come back to us. So she can be in our arms again. And we can sleep in her treehouse and Fluttershy, her, and I can have sleepovers. It won't be the same, it will never be the same. But maybe, it would be better than it is now...

...Maybe, Just maybe.

Rarity moved to Canterlot too. I guess she was too bothered living in Ponyville so she took Sweetie Belle and their stuff and moved to Canterlot to get away from it all. I couldn't blame her, If I could financially able, I would move out of here too. She has friends there that she got while she was there a while back. so I guess she would of be better off there, she wouldn't have trouble fitting in, and had some friends she could fall back on...

we were somewhat wrong.

Zecora told me she sees her all the time. She says she looks worst and worst every time she stops into Zecora's place. She always ask for these type of hallucinatory medicine's that aren't needed unless relieving pain after a major surgery. Zecora said it is dangerous for the quantity she is taking them in. But there's nothing I can do. I have no control over her. It's like she is trying to kill off what's left of her soul. She is going to die, and it's a knife through my heart to have the feeling that there's nothing I can do about it.

We never expected Scootaloo to do what she did. The biggest fan of Rainbow Dash snapped worst then all of us. She took her own life. In her last hours of being alive, she destroyed the Cutie Mark Crusader's tree house. But then she went ahead and she burned down sugar cube corner down to the ground, with her in it. I woke up to the ashes, it burnt all night and a crowd was speculating what happened. I couldn't blame her. She did what we all should of done. The worst part is that a filly was so depressed she would of taken her own life. Sweetie Belle and Applebloom didn't believe it. Their reaction wasn't as worst as to what has happened to us, but it did leave a mark in the two fillies. The Cutie Mark Crusaders are no longer together, and the tree house has been abandoned in the state that Scootaloo left it in. I guess it reminds them of Scootaloo, but in a sad way. I could just imagine the smile on Scootaloo's face as the place began to collapse upon her. Like it was a act of revenge, a martyrdom for her hero. A stupid act that should have been expected from the filly.

She left a letter in the Tree house. I found it but I kept it to myself, It's better off that way. I can still remember what the letter said before burning it in my fire place that night.

“I'm with her, now. This is what I want. I'm going to be happy again.”

I guess the only one that really survived this wreckage was me and Fluttershy. Fluttershy could of never moved away from her animals. She is too connected to all of them. And what she has been through, taking another lost would just be a death wish. We still hang out, talk. She comes over and I go over. I guess if we still have each other after this, we will be together forever. Possible roomates when we move out of our homes. She is my best friend for life, even if it is going to be a short one.

As for me...There's nothing much about me

I guess after the week pasted by everything went back to normal. I continued working and selling apples and apple treats. The days slowly tick away while I slowly die. I guess after all I've been through you would think I'm a tough pony...

But I'm not...

I worry every day that it's going to happen again. I worry everyday that Fluttershy will end her life, or someone will end it for her. I can't blame Twilight for being crazy, because I wonder the same thing. The same thoughts run through her head as of mine. I fight everyday to get out of bed . I just wish one day that I don't wake up. So I don't have to feel these memories haunt me and make it feel like they are pushing a knife slowly through my throat every time I try to cry or try to talk about it. I can see my Rainbow Dash, I can see my Pinkie Pie, they are having fun. They are waiting for me. Me and Dash can race again. And Pinkie Pie could throw us a party. No, no she wouldn't be crazy. She would be the good ol' Pinkie Pie. The cheerful Pinkie Pie that is energetic, happy, and full of excitement. And both of them are putting some pranks together on me. And Scootaloo's with them. I can see it and I can be with them, but I can't seem to pull myself to end my life. I couldn't do that to my family, or fluttershy. But then why? Why haven't I gone crazy? I'm on the edge and I've been pushed multiple times but I haven't fallen. My thoughts are dark but my intentions are bright. There has to be an answer. There has to be an answer to why my mental stability hasn't given up. But what is it?...

I don't know, I guess an Honest days work is my answer...