Sweet Apple Acres has always been like a second home for me. With Applejack here it's a given that I would spend just as much time here as I would in Cloudsdale. She's my best friend in a lot of ways, ways none of the others could be. If I'm ever in trouble she's the first pony on the scene and ready and willing to do whatever she can to help. I love that about her. They say my Element is Loyalty but sometimes I wonder if Applejack really is both Truth and Loyalty and I just got one by default. Because I'm not really all that loyal. At least, not in the ways that really matter.
Fluttershy lives on the farm now, too. Now that she and Big Macintosh are together it only made sense for her to move in. That was not an easy time for AJ. As much as she loves Fluttershy and her brother, Applejack didn't want to hang around while they started their new lives together. So, with Apple Bloom, she made her own house on the farm. I'm there a lot, too. But I also find myself at the main house a lot. It's a habit I'm trying to break but it's just not easy.
She's happy, that much is obvious. I've never seen her smile like that before, never seen her so confident. That wasn't even a word I'd ever associate with Fluttershy. But that's what Big Mac makes her. It's nice to see but at the same time it makes her...different.
By now everypony knows the story of what happened when we were fillies. About how Fluttershy was being bullied and I came to her rescue. What they don't realize is that before that day we were closer than acquaintances. Fluttershy was my best friend. Yeah, I know. We couldn't be more different if we tried but I think that's why we got along so well. We were Yin and Yang. And when she realized she liked life better below it changed so much. We changed. We grew apart and became close to strangers. I realized how much she meant to me but there was no way I was going to say it. That just wasn't my style.
It took Twilight coming to town and stirring things up for us to realize how much we'd lost. We got to know each other again, got to remember who we used to be to each other. She was as timid as ever but with this new passion of hers, Fluttershy had a certain strength. I was still arrogant, driven and obnoxious. But just like when we were kids she didn't seem to mind. And slowly she became my gravity, the thing I never thought I needed but kept pulling me back down to earth. I tried to pretend it wasn't there, tried to fight against it but it was a losing battle.
There was a night after Winter Wrap up a few years ago when she was trying to help get some new nests situated. She was high up in a tree, I was pacing and venting about something, and there was a snap. I looked up in time to see Fluttershy falling down with a scream, too in shock or too scared to remember she had wings. And I caught her before she hit the ground. The fall could have killed her. She threw her hooves around my neck and hugged me tighter than I thought possible from such a timid thing. "Thank you, Rainbow Dash," she whispered in my ear. "You're always saving me."
That was it for me, that moment. Something fell into place inside me and I realized that I liked being her hero. Not because it gave me bragging rights or served in inflating my ego just that much more, but because it made me feel special. Like Fluttershy needed me. I liked that feeling a lot. I liked the feeling of her embrace, the warmth and the scent of her body. So I held her just as tightly and tried to commit everything of that moment to memory.
The next time we saw each other we were with our group of friends. I caught her stealing glances at me as many time as she caught me looking at her. Sometimes we'd chance a shared smile but nothing more. That night I met her at her cabin and we spent every hour until dawn talking, holding each other, staring into the fire. We decided it would be best to keep it secret from everypony else. Ponyville is a great place to live but rumors spread there faster than a flame on a path of gunpowder. It wasn't that we didn't want anyone to know, we just wanted to keep it for ourselves and not share it for as long as we could.
And then I left. It was all my fault. I was only going to be gone for a month and that was it. Spitfire invited me to a special training camp, remembering me and my speed from our encounters before. Fluttershy and I wrote often but we were both lonely. When camp was over and I was offered to tour with the Wonderbolts, not as a team member but as a way of getting in more with the team and getting my name out there, I couldn't resist the opportunity. And when I wrote to Fluttershy to tell her, I told her not to wait for me. It wouldn't be fair to ask that of her when I didn't know when I'd be back again. I loved her too much to make her save herself for me. And so we went back to being friends.
She told me about Big Macintosh in the letters she still sent. I never wrote back because it was too hard, but she never stopped. She said it felt right being with him, that he made her feel safe and stronger than she ever did. I think that was what hurt the most. Did I not make her feel safe? Didn't she say I was always saving her? It was enough to let me release her and accept the advances I'd been warding off from Soarin for so long. And so life continued.
By the time I returned home, Fluttershy was packing up her cottage. It was going to be turned into a sort of hospital and sanctuary for the animals of Ponyville and she'd make the daily commute from Sweet Apple Acres. I surprised her that night when I opened her door. She tripped and nearly fell trying to get to me and I caught her just in time. Again. Her cheeks flushed with color and she said those words that always made me stop breathing. "My hero." Two little words had time reversing and we were back together the way we used to be. I kissed her and she didn't try to stop me. This was where we both belonged, but she didn't see it that way. We would allow ourselves this last night but that was it. She was starting her life with Big Macintosh, she loved him and she didn't want to hurt him. But we both needed that night.
It's been three months that she's been there now, three months since I've become better friends with Applejack. I'm still with Soarin, though it will never be anything serious. We don't see each other often and I know when he's away there are others. I can't fault him for that when I have another as well.
Big Macintosh has gone to Appleloosa on a delivery run leaving Fluttershy at home alone with Granny Smith. He'll be gone for a few days at least and we both know what that means. I wait until it's dark to make sure Applejack doesn't see from her house. Fluttershy is already in bed and asleep but that doesn't stop me from crawling into her window. Her eyes open when my hooves hit the floor. We're both ashamed of this sneaking around but we're both too addicted to each other to stop it. She lifts the corner of her blankets and I crawl in beside her. This time she holds me, my head to her breast and my hooves resting gently against her rounded belly. She's getting bigger every day. As she runs a hoof over my mane I can almost pretend the baby inside of her is mine.
"I'm sorry," she whispers.
I nuzzle up under her neck and breathe her in. "There's nothing to be sorry about."
"I wish I wanted to let you go."
"I don't."
We lay there for a long time, silent and comfortable. When I hear her crying all I can do is kiss her and promise that somehow everything will be all right.
Neither of us believes it, but it is enough for tonight.
