Authors note:
I was not on any controlled substance while writing
this. Completely sober.
There wasn't much [Random] fics so I decided to write
one
there is a lot of fucking swearing in here
I didn't put effort into this fic. I hope you like it.
-
Trixie's
Retarted Day
By Axl Crash
It was a Beautiful day in all of
Equestria. Ponyville's infamous Rainbow Dash was soaring though the
clear sky, heading her way to the village of Ponyville until a Pigeon
was flying in her direction. Rainbow Dash did not want to hit the
bird so she lost control and crashed into a nearby cabbage stand.
Rainbow dash took a look at the destruction she made. The Pigeon
perked up a building and started laughing like the Scout from Team
Fortress 2.
“auhahaha, look at you! You look like
you ran through traffic!”
Rainbow Dash then became pissed at the
annoying bird and threw a cabbage at it. She missed. The bird saw the
inaccurate shot and said. “what the hell was that crap?” Furious
with the bird, she threw more cabbages. Missing every time. “No,
Seriously. You suck!” The bird cat-called.
Dash knew she was not going to put up
with that bird's shit. “It's time to fight fire with fire.” said
dash “By that, I mean bird by bird.”
Dash then took out a rocket launcher
that contained Scootaloo in it. Dash aimed the weapon at the pigeon
and said “CHICKEN blaster”
The pigeon knew it was in some serious
doo-doo. “umm.. okay, this does not look goo-” Dash then fired
Scootaloo at the pidgeon before he finished it's sentence. It was an
accurate hit. The pigeon scream as he was falling to the pavement. It
landed next to a tailer.
-
Inside the trailer was Equestria's
greatest magician. The Great and Powerful Trixie. She was asleep
soundly in her bed because it was still early. She was sleeping so
peacefully, It looked like no one could wake her up. That was until
her alarm clock when off, which flung her out her bed as she yell
“HOLY FUCK!”
As Trixie got back on her hooves she
tried turn the alarm clock off. It wouldn't. She repeated the process
until she threw the alarm clock out the window. The alarm clock
happened to hit Applejack who happened to be ridding her bike.
Trixie exited her trailer and
stretched. “Alright Trixie today is the day... to fuck bitches”
she then pressed a button in trailer which transformed the trailer
into her performance staged. As this happened the ponies in Ponyville
came to the scene.
“FEAST YOUR EYES ON THE MOST
SPECTACULAR SHOW YOU WILL SEE!” Trixie then appeared teleporting to
the stage with her magical cloud thingy. “THE GREAT AND POWERFUL
TRIXIE! THE GREATEST MAGICIAN IN ALL-” “Shut up!” a pony in the
audience threw a can at Trixie. Trixie then paused and looked at the
colt who threw the can at her. The audience grew silent.
Trixie used her lazer eyes at the colt
who threw the can at her, which turned him into a skeleton. He said
“Ouchie, that almost hurts as bad the time I got it caught in the
zipper.”
Trixie paused for a moment, the
coughed the clear her voice “THE GREATEST MAGICIAN IN ALL OF
EQUESTRIA!”
As the crowed cheered. Rarity, in the
audience, was sipping her drink. “ what makes her so special?”
Rarity threw her drink to the left. Which hit Applejack ridding her
bike.
-
“For my next trick, I need a member
of the audience to join me.”
Pinkie pie was sitting at the table at
the Sugar Cube Corner porch. Holding a joint. Baked. Saying “ Dude,
a fucking talking pony”
Rarity then volunteered herself just
to see what she had to prove. “ah, you. The cracker.”
“what?”
“The white pony.”
“oh”
Rarity jumped on the stage. She was
asked to enter a box. “I will make the pony disappear!” Rarity
didn't like the idea but she went with it.
As the box closed with Rarity in it,
Trixie waved her hooves at the box and then knocked on it. She then
opened the box and it was dead empty. The crowd cheered. “Now, time
to make her...” Trixie was thinking for a couple seconds. a mare
from the audience said to Trixie.
“Reappear?”
“Shut the fuck up I'm thinking!...
Reappear!”
Trixie repeated what she had done. As
soon as she opened. It was still empty. She chuck for a little bit
and said “ where the hell did she go?”
-
[Meanwhile at the white house]
A man walks in President Obama's
office “Sir you need to hear this!”
“what now?” said the president
“ Believe it or not a character from
the Mane cast is here on the white house lawn!”
“is it Rar-”
“yes”
Obama then ripped out his suit shirt
and appeared he was wearing a T-shirt that said “Brony”. “Bitch,
it's time to make America fabulous” Obama said in a heroic tone of
voice.
-
After that Mishap Trixie decided that
the show must go on. “For my next trick, You will see many of me!”
Trixie summoned a cloud around her. As the cloud faded there was a
clone of herself. The crowd watched in awe as she cloned herself 2
more times. (that's 5 Trixies for you math dumbasses out there).
“Know time to blow your mind”
They all appeared with instruments. A
guitar, another guitar, a bass, drums, and a microphone. and play
“Rebirth of the Temple” by Silent Civilian. It was pretty badass
if you were there. The played through almost a minute of the song
when Twilight Sparkle interrupted and yelled “OH MY GOD! WHAT IS
THIS EMO SHIT!” The band stopped playing “LIKE SERIOUSLY! YOU
GUYS HAVE TERRIBLE TASTE IN MUSIC! THIS IS NOT REAL METAL! THIS IS
SHIT! LIKE, LIKE, ...LIKE C'MON! YOU GUYS ARE PUSSIES! LEARN TO PLAY
A REAL-” A random Honda Civic then fell on Twilight. She appeared
in the passenger seat while Celestia was in the driver's. Celestia
said “cousin, let's go bowling!” “For the last time! I don't
want to go fucking bowling!” The automobile then exploded.
“Alright next trick” said the
Trixie on the microphone. All 5 of the Trixie threw their instruments
which all the the items hit Applejack when she was passing along on
her bike. “DAMMIT!” yelled Applejack.
-
“Now for the finale, I will-”
Somepony from the audience bursted out “Sometimes, I dream about
Cheese” “well ain't that fucking fascinating! Come closer and
tell me more.” “What did I do to deserve this?” A rubber ball
was thrown at the interrupter.
“Now for the finale I will turn
these pot of flowers on a table into a magnificent breakfast. With
pancakes and bacon and a refreshment and bacon and syrup on the
pancakes and bacon and-”
“Muffins?”
Trixie sighed “Yes Derpy, There will
be muffins”
“Really?”
“NO!”
Trixie waved her hooves at the flowers
to build magic and transformed the pot of flowers. But it didn't turn
into any breakfast. Instead it turned into a small rabbit. Trixie
gasped, pointed at the rabbit and said “YOU!!!”
The rabbit jumped to Trixie and
punched her in the face. Trixie stood up an punched him back. It then
started a fist fight. They both jumped into the audience and
exploded. The only people left in the audience is the rabbit and
Trixie. Trixie picked up the rabbit and threw him.
Pinkie pie was still sitting at the
porch. “This is the worst porno I've ever seen” she said. Then
the rabbit hit her in the face.
The rabbit stood up and looked for
something to throw back at her. He picked up pinkie pie and threw her
at Trixie. Trixie dodged the cannonball pinkie by ducking. As pinkie
still flew she hit Applejack who was ridding her bike. Applejack
stood up and said “Fuck this shit” she grabbed a mechanical
device out of her satchel and pressed a button on it. The device went
“Alalalalalalalalalalalala” Then Applejack exploded.
-
The duel still raged on with Trixie
and the rabbit. Punches were thrown everywhere. It looked like one of
the old animated Spider-man fights. Except it was pretty badass.
Trixie then punched the rabbit across
the face which caused the rabbit to lose balance and fall over.
Trixie looked at the rabbit said “This ends now Final Boss”
“Are you going to kill me?” said
Final Boss
“No.” said Trixie “I am going to
let you watch the best movie ever with me.” Trixie then held up a
Dvd.
“Not that movie!” said Final Boss
“Yes!”
“Not Bio-Dome starring Pauly Shore”
“YES!” Trixie then grabbed Final
Boss by his ears. Before she could take him to her trailer.
Fluttershy come up to them with a sad look on her face and yelled
“WWAAAAAIIIIIITTTTTTT!!!” They both looked at Fluttershy. As they
got her attention she looked down and said “I.. umm... I sort of...
want too.. see that movie too... If thats alright?”
-
The Great and Powerful Trixie,
Fluttershy, and Final Boss was watch the TV as “Safety Dance”
plays. Trixie and Fluttershy were smiling and bobbing their heads.
Trixie looked at Fluttershy and sang
“We can dance, we can dance,
Everybody look at your hands”
Fluttershy
looked back at Trixie and sang “We can dance, we can dance
Everybody takin' the chance”
They
both swayed left and right both singing “Safety dance, Is it safe
to dance, Is it safe to dance”
Final
Boss was tied to a chair looking annoyed. “I hate both of you”
And
Everypony lived happily ever after. The end.
Moral
of the story:
Fuck
You! Bio-Dome is the greatest movie ever!