Chocolate Chip Muffins

by Superkat

Rating: mature
Tags: Gore, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Dark, Rainbow Dash, Comedy, Dinky Hooves, Random, Derpy Hooves
Length: 4414

Derpy wants to make muffins for the upcoming Summer Festival. She also needs the help of her sister and another unlucky pony.

It's almost time for Summer Festival and Derpy wants to make muffins. She sends Ditzy to get her ingredients. One ingredient, however, is one that can't be bought.

Published 2013-07-09 06:20:01 UTC
Last updated 2013-07-09 06:20:01 UTC

Chapter 1

It was a normal, bright, and cheerful day in ponyville. The sun was out, covering the land in warmth and lifting spirits. Things were busy; each pony doing its respect job or playing amongst those that didn't have an occupation. All in all, it was a great day, like always.

Well, that wasn't necessarily true for one pony. She sat, cooped up in her house on the outskirts of town because no one wanted to be around her, save for her twin sister. And that was only because they were extremely in everything they did, from their interests and hobbies to their adorably sickening personalities. No other pony wanted to take the time to get to know them; they could only focus on the bad things that happened when they were around. Or, well, when one pony in particular came hazardly flying towards the the center of ponyville, dodging and weaving between ponies, houses, and trees. Most times, however, she would hit them all and cause great annoyance. It was a good day when she missed one.

Needless to say, she wasn't really liked outside of insults, bad puns, and occassional comic relief situations. It was because of this that she stayed home, occupying herself with her twin.

"I'm going out!" Ditzy shouted from the front of the house, informing Derpy. "Ya need anything?"

"Yesh," Derpy started, lifting a hoof to count the few ingredients she had left on the counter top to make more muffins. She momentarily stared at what she had; one, too, eight, four, twenty forty. "I need more flour, sugar, chocolate kips, eggs, milk! Like, a lot, 'kay? I has lots of muffins to make!"

Ditzy nodded, making a mental list of what Derpy asked for, before running into the door head first to open it.

"Ditzy, wait!" Derpy yelled as loud as she could, catching the door with one hoof. "I need you to invite Rainbow Dash over! Tell her I have a surprise, okay?"

Derpy smiled when Ditzy shouted back that she'd tell her. It wasn't a promise that Rainbow Dash would come over, but she desperately hoped, for her sanity that the other pegasus agreed and arrived with Ditzy.

While waiting, Derpy decided to make the house presentable. She wanted to prove to Rainbow Dash that not everything in her life was as hectic as she was. There was a little bit of stability in her life, even though it really didn't seem that way.

"Gotta make my mind up!" she sang, sweeping the floor with her tail. Derpy twirled, her sings fluttering as she went up about cleaning the main rooms. "It's Friday! Friday!"

In reality, it was actually Wednesday. Three days before ponyville's summer festival, the day Derpy wanted all her muffins made for. She would be going regardless of how many ponies wanted her there. Derpy needed pony interaction.

"Which seet do I take?" she shouted, turning around to look at the magnificent job she'd done. Rainbow Dash would surely appreciate it, she thought.

Derpy wasn't sure how much time had gone by since Ditzy went out, but she was fairly certain that she should be coming back soon. It was starting to grow dark; the sun was setting to make way for the moon- Derpy's favorite part of the day. Good- no, amazingly awesome - things happened in twilight. She couldn't wait.

Continuing to dance, swishing her tail from side to side, stomping her hooves, and violently moving her head back and forth to allow her mane to flail, Derpy got lost in her mind. She thought of what she was going to give Rainbow Dash for a surprise, because in actuality, she didn't have a surprise for her. Well, she did, but it was more a surprise for herself than the other pony.

Oh, Derpy couldn't wait! Just thinking about it was making her heart race.

"I'm baaaaack!" a voice came from outside.

Derpy smiled excitedly and rammed her head into the door to open it for her twin. They were indentical, almost. Where Derpy was bluish grey, Ditzy was yellowish hue. Their manes were the opposite as well, a perfection contrast against the other, right down to their cutie marks. It was rare for twin ponies to exist, but they did, and it worked well for them.

"Thanks, sis!" Ditzy chimed, pushing her way into the house with the items Derpy requested, sitting them down in front of the island in the center of the room. It was where Derpy did the majority of her baking.

"I got everything yous said you needed."

"Rainbow Dash, too?" Derpy asked when she noticed that the flamboyant pony wasn't there. She felt hurt. Here she had a surprise and fun night planned out for them and the other pony decided not to come over. Go figure. Derpy hung her head in rejection.

Ditzy watched, crestfallen, as her sister blankly stared at the floor. She felt helpless.

"She said she be here soon!" Ditzy said.

"Oh, really?"

"Yah, really."

"Oh, goodie!" Derpy looked out, her mood immediately changing for the better. It was a like a bipolar effect that was left unmedicated for too long. Derpy couldn't understand the complexity of her wavering mentality, but she didn't really care, Rainbow Dash would be there in a little while.

Silently they went about putting everything away; each little box placed in its proper place, the eggs and milk set in the fridge. Ditzy helped pick up the stuff Derpy hadn't cleaned up and she set to cooking their dinner, making enough for a third pony. Garden salads were a staple diet in the house and hay muffins was the dessert of choice. She hoped Rainbow Dash liked it as much as they did.

"Hey, Ditzy?"

"Yah?"

"Do ya know whys I asked you teh bring Rainbow Dash over?" Derpy asked.

"Nope."

"... well, you know what tonight is."

Ditzy turned her head to the side, tilting it as she looked back at a sheepish Derpy.

"A Wednesday night?"

"Yesh, but also three days before the festival and I need to make lots and lots of muffins for it, so you know what I was thinking..." Derpy said, trotting over to Ditzy. "We did this before, so will you help me tonight?"

Ditzy blinked.

"Only if you help me," she answered. "And tell me why her."

Derpy sighed. "Rainbow Dash shtarted the insults. She called me 'full retard' and it hurt my feelings, Ditzy. I want to get back at her and I needs more stuff for my muffins to be extra amazinger."

"Okay, but will you help me?"

"Whatchu need my help for?"

"I want to get Pinkie Pie back," Ditzy growled. "She did this to me and I want her to pay. We can use her too, right?"

Derpy nodded frantically, grinning. Of course Ditzy would want to get back at Pinkie. The perfect, innocent, overbearing, and annoying pony wasn't as amazing as all of ponyville thought she was. She was more than that and Ditzy was more than ready to end her reign of terror.

"Nobody gives me herpes," Ditzy whispered. "Call her for me?"

Derpy agreed and located a randomly placed telephone for ponies, dailed Pinkie Pie and asked her to come over for dinner and a surprise. She made it a point to tell her that they had another guest coming over and that they were going to have a blast. Pinkie told her she'd be there within five minutes. Derpy had no idea how long that was.

"Pinkie is coming!" Derpy exclaimed.

Ditzy made a second plate of food.

A knock on the foor brought both ponies out of their thoughts. Derpy ran to answer it, smiling when she saw both Rainbow Dash and Pinkie Pie standing outside in the early night.

"Come in!" she shouted, holding the door open for the two.

"Hi, Ditzy." Both ponies greeted the other sister, earning a hurried nod in return.

"I hope yas don't mind, we made salads with hay muffins." Ditzy said, placing four plates down on the center island. Neither pony objected.

Dinner was great, amazing even... for Ditzy and Derpy, that is. They ate until they couldn't eat anymore, even going as far as to eat what their guests couldn't eat because they'd rudely become extremely stoned in the middle of their kitchen. Ditzy may or may not have had something to do with it.

When the twins were certain that they were too high to really grasp reality, they started making them play games. First they began with a simple game of simon says, the one that didn't listen was automatically out. Ditzy kept them occupied, cracking jokes and making up new games to play so Derpy could vanish to set up her own game.

Sometime later Derpy emerged from the back of the house, a grin set in place as she heard both Rainbow Dash and Pinkie Pie laughing loudly, on that forgot how to breathe level. Derpy liked that mode. In fact, it was her favorite.

"Okay, I'm ready!" she announced, indicating for Ditzy to bring both stoned ponies to her play room.

"Ready? I'm ready, too!" Rainbow Dash giggled, forcing Pinkie to laugh harder.

"Good, because this game is a lot of fun." Derpy told them, leading the way with Ditzy following behind so they couldn't stop or get lost before reaching their destination.

"Yeah! I liek fu-fu-fu," Pinkie struggled to say, giving up halfway through and laughing more.

"We like fun, too." Both ponies said in unison.

Finally reaching the play room, Derpy pushed told them to close their eyes before entering. She didn't want to ruin the game by them seeing everything first. They complied, blinding following Derpy's voice as she headbutted the door to get it open, a loud thud! rang out, eliciting a series of giggles. They were completely and utterly gone.

"Who wants to go first?" Ditzy asked open entering.

"Me!"

"No, meeeeeeeeeeeee!"

"Wha?"

"Does that mean I go first?!"

"Yesh." Ditzy said, leading Pinkie farther into the room, instructing her to keep her eyes closed. Pinkie did as told, refusing to open them until the magic words were said. Ones that she didn't even know.

"Yous come with me," Derpy said, tugging on Rainbow Dash's mane. She could only follow Derpy into another room.

This room, a separate portion of the attic, was shut off from the rest of the house. It was eerily quiet. Rainbow heard the door close behind them and she asked if she could open her eyes yet. Derpy told her yes and she did as told. Rainbow Dash smiled as her eyes took in the room around her. The walls were painted in bright, neon colors, and toys littered nearly every inch of the floor. It was an actual playroom.

"Want someting to drink?" Derpy asked. "Ditzy made this fruit punch today and I really like it. Try it?"

"Okay!" Rainbow Dash said happily.

Derpy exited the room momentarily, drifting off into the small hallway keeping one pony from the other, until she reached a mini fridge sitting in the corner with a stack of red solo cups on top. She poured Rainbow a cup and returned back to the room to find the other pegasus rolling around on the floor, sandwiched between a pretend kitchen set and a book shelf.

"Here ya go," Derpy handed her the cup, watching intently as she took a sip, testing it in her mouth, before grinning.

"Mm! Really good!" she laughed, downing the substance and handing the cup back, insisting for more. Derpy obliged happily.

Three cups later, Rainbow Dash couldn't tell the ceiling from the floor. She lay on her side, flailing her limbs as she giggled and played with the toys on the floor. Somewhere in the back of her mind, her sober self was incredibly happy she actually agreed to come visit.

"I'm going to do something," Derpy said. "I'll be back soon, okay?"

"Okaaaaay," the other pony drawled.

Ditzy stood, a grin in place, beside the table in the corner of the room.

"Having fun?" Derpy asked, looking at her sister and the project on the table.

Ditzy could only nod in response, cackling over the body of Pinkie Pie. A river of blood flowed down the leg of the table, collecting on the stained wooden floor. It was clotting, sadly, darkening in areas beside her left back hoof. Small speckles littering her light hide. Ditzy didn't even know it was there.

She'd done an amazing job, nearly everything was intact as she pulled and pushed, moving the insides of Pinkie Pie around, squirting blood into the open air and laughing as it hit her face. She didn't care, in fact, Ditzy was sure if probably tasted like heaven.

"This," she ripped out a portion of the small intestines, squishing it between both front hooves, "is the," she dropped it to the floor, yanking more out and wrapping it around her neck, blood dripping down her throat and forcing her mane to stick together, "last time," Ditzy gritted, removing the rest of the intestines and throwing them down with a plop! and a squelch! as it bunched together in a bloody pile, "you ruin another someone's life."

Derpy watched in fascination as her twin worked. It was like watching an artist; the way she moved, the sounds each organ made as she pulled, pushed, yanked, and ripped; it hit her in the center of her being and she couldn't wait until she could get her hooves on the completely obliterated pony in the other room.

Ditzy continued, removing Pinkie's entrails like she was an old professional, licking the blood off her mouth as it flew up to hit her. She'd been right, it tasted lovely. Her body was covered in blood, caked in places, and dripping down her into places that simply felt right. Pinkie, the town whore, who had given her herpes, lay with her ribs on display atop the operating table. Her innards littered the floor, some in the bucket intended to go down into the kitchen.

"Hurry up," Derpy said. "I want a turn."

"Okay, let me clean up. Go get her," Ditzy responded. "Make her close her eyes!"

Derpy nodded and headed back to Rainbow Dash, stopping briefly to get her a cup of Ditzy's home made, strawberry moonshine.

"Ready?" Derpy asked the other pony.

"Yeah!" Rainbow Dash shouted eagerly. "Let's go!"

"Close your eyes again."

"Okay! Did Pinkie Pie have fun?"

"Yeah, but she's sleep now. Ditzy made her tired."

"Oh," she nearly walked into a wall, "okay."

Derpy was pleasantly surprised when she reentered the room. Ditzy managed to clean it up nicely and an added display on the wall fit the mood nicely. Derpy was proud of her sister; mainly because she never would have thought to do what she'd done.

"Climb these stairs," Derpy instructed, helping her walk up the tiny stairs beside the table.

"Lay down, on your side."

Rainbow Dash did as told and jumped when she felt something cold latch onto her hooves. "Wha?"

"Precaution."

"Oh. Okay. Can I open my eyes now?"

"Yeah," Derpy said, a maniacal grin flitting across her face.

Rainbow Dash looked around, unsure of what she was supposed to think of her new surroundings. This room wasn't like the promising place she'd been moments prior, in fact, it was dark. Different, and...

"Pinkie Pie?!" she shouted, eyes wide as she looked across the room, behind Derpy.

On the wall, nailed to the dark papering, was Pinkie's lifeless body. Her legs had been spread apart, a nail through each hoof, blood sliding down the wall and pausing before it was able to reach the floor. Her body had been cut open and her hide removed, leaviing behind nothing more than stretched muscles. She could see inside of her, see her rib cage, and how every other bone was missing on either side. Her body was hollow, save for Pinkie's colon that was sticking halfway out of her body, pulled from her ass and tangling in what remained of her bloody tail.

"What..." Rainbow began to panick. "I don't want to play anymore!"

"But we haven't even started," Derpy deadpanned.

"What happened to her?!" she yelled, but it came out more slurred and hard to decipher.

"She lost the game."

Rainbow shook her head, begging and pleading to be released. "I don't want to play! I want to go home! Please!"

Her crying when unnoticed, much like Derpy's had when she'd been treated badly. It wasn't that she didn't hear the scared pony, because she did, it was that she finally had her where she wanted her and she wasn't going to stop anytime soon.

"I'm gonna tell ya the rules now, okay?"

Rainbow Dash tried to shake her head.

"Number one, you have to be quiet. If you're not," Derpy held up a metal muzzle, swinging it from her left hoof, directly in front of Rainbow. "Number two, if you don't do what I tell you, this is going to be a lot harder on you than me."

She blinked, confused.

"Good, you're already playing the quiet game." Derpy smiled, walking away for a moment.

Rainbow Dash allowed herself to look around the rest of the room, eyes sweeping over the entire expansion. She could feel the contents of her stomach creeping up into her throat, threatening to spill. There had been more victims... many, many, more.

In the corner, seated in a heart shaped chair, was a pony clearly made out of the hides of other ponies. Pinks, greens, light shades of purple, and oranges were all stitched into one to form one giant pony. One, weirdly shaped, six winged, monster. She could see different cutie marks, each one giving off a new identity. Ponies she'd never known had played this game and lost. So many had met the same fate as Pinkie Pie, who was still watching her, from her spot on the wall.

Her mouth was open, tongue cut out and teeth kicked in. She had no eyes, they'd been removed. Pinkie was watching with no eyes and she squirmed under the hold of the metal cuffs holding her in place. That was enough to make her empty her stomach all over the table.

She could taste bile, which made her gag. The smell of blood - copper - and vomit filled her nose. Rainbow couldn't breathe.

She just lay there, looking around, tears silent falling from her eyes as she paid attention to the last place she would see. Skulls were mounted to boards and hung on the wall like game trophies; a complete spine, made out of what she assumed different ponies, went along the roof of the room, connecting each side together. And from this, legs dangled, moving slightly with a draft that was only hitting the top of the room.

"I don't want this..." Rainbow cried.

"I don't want it either," Derpy said, placing down several tools beside the pony.

"You didn't listen," she said, sadly. "You broke my first rule. I don't understand how that rule is so hard to listen to! You just lay there and shut up!"

Derpy shook her hoof in Rainbow's face as she pulled the muzzle over her, tightening to behind her eyes. It dug into Rainbow Dash's flesh, cutting into with tiny razors and bringing forth a small stream of blood. Derpy watched as it dripped onto the table and into her parted mouth.

"Does it taste good?" Derpy asked, curious.

"Let me see," she muttered, picking up a newly sharpened knife. "Let's remove these first. They'd look nice on Cheerio."

Rainbow vaguely wondered who Cheerio was.

Derpy brought the knife up and aligned it along the bottom of one of Rainbow's wings, the sharp point digging into her skin and drawing blood. She brough her free hoof up, grabbed the primaries and pulled hard, listening to Rainbow as she whimpered. Derpy slowly started to drag the knife along the axillaries, slicing the hide open and pulling it back as to reveal the muscles that were flexing under her touch. It beautiful, really. Watching them contract and constrict as Rainbow tried to escape.

"Sittin' on the toilet," Derpy sang to herself before lifting the knife and jabbing in into the center of her wings and pulling downwards towards her stomach. The hide tore, ripped, blood squirted out in ribbons, decorating the wall behind the table. "Now flush!"

Rainbow tried halfheartedly to get away even thought she knew it was useless. She couldn't move, the cuffs were too tight and the muzzle would dig into her face anytime she moved. Tears flowed freely, mixing with the blood and burning.

"Oops." Derpy said sheepishly. "My bad."

Derpy didn't mean to slice so low, but whatever, she did. Slowly, one by one, she forced the knife deeper into Rainbow's back, cutting around her wings, hitting her spine and laughing with each painful breath the other pegasus took.

"One, seventeen, eighty five!" Derpy yelled, jerking the hoof holding onto Rainbow's wings. In one fluid movement both tore from her body; tendons hung loosely from the base, dripping profusely into the darkened hide on their owner. They were dealing with phantom movements as they twitched and convlused in the air.

Rainbow could only scream out around the razors digging into her, forcing them deeper. Derpy dropped the blue wings in front of her, watching as Rainbow's eyes went wider than they had before.

She lay, whimpering, each pain receptical tingling and hurting. Why her? What had she done? This wasn't fair.

"It's such a shame, Rainbow Dash. I'd like to talk to you," Derpy told her, pushing down on the muzzle, gaining another strangled whimper. "Can you be quiet now?"

Rainbow, despite everything, nodded slightly. Derpy removed the muzzle.

"You really don't have to be quiet, I just wanted to use that. Ditzy just got it for and I hadn't broken it in yet. Works nicely, yeah?"

Rainbow Dash couldn't speak. She couldn't answer her.

"What's next?" Derpy questioned. "What do you think?"

No response.

"Okay, that's a good idea."

Derpy picked up a hammer she'd placed against the leg of the table. One by one, she brought the head down onto Rainbow's legs, each bone offering a different sound, creating a wonderful symphony of cracks!, snaps!, crunching!. Ligaments tore, ripping and popping. The natural cracking of her joints releasing their gassy build-up brought by the protecting liquid popping. It sounded like magic.

Rainbow Dash cried out, screaming at the top of her lungs as her legs were beaten and broken. Pieces cut through the flesh, splinters were visble with bloodied tips. Derpy couldn't wait for more.

Retrieving the original knife from its spot in Rainbow's back, she brought it down to her loin, cutting into the skin and around her cutie mark. This would finish the friend she'd been working over for years. Derpy was pleased when she managed to tear it off the muscle without doing too much damage, so much pleased that she held it to her face, inhaling the copper scent and running her tongue along the bottom. Ditzy wasn't lying when she said the blood of the frightening was a unique taste. She could get used to this.

Rainbow was on her way to going into shock and she was finally starting to not feel the pain. She could feel Derpy working on her body and hear the sounds of her cutting her open, starting with the crotch area and forcing the knife deeper into her barrel. The knife pulled the muscles, tore open her organs, and when Derpy finally stopped at her heart, she could hear the satisfied laugh come from the pegasus.

She stuck both front hooves into Rainbow's body, wedging them between her ribs and forcing them apart with sickening crunches. They snapped, stabbing her stomach and lodging in her stomach. Blood gushed out in a tidal wave, spilling all over the floor and coating Derpy in crimson warmth.

"Still there?" Derpy asked, bending down to look into the dying eyes of Rainbow Dash. There was life, but it was hidden, lost in the back of her mind. A tiny, barely audible whimper escaped her mouth.

"That's depressing," she muttered, following what her sister had done and slowly began to rid Rainbow's body of her entrails, cutting part of the small intestine with the knife that had already caused so much damage. She wrapped it around her neck, momentarily stopping to tie the ends together in a bow. This would make a lovely necklace for the summer festival.

She yanked, toyed around with her insides, poking at her diaphragm. The pony body was beautiful sight and Derpy felt lucky to get to play with it. She watched as her lungs would slowly fill up with air and take ages to fall back down.

"I have one more thing for you to see, okay?"

Rainbow Dash forced herself to watch as the knife came towards her face, hovering dangerously close to the eye against the table before it was pushed forward into the center, effectively blinding the pony as her life flashed before her. This was it. She stopped feeling anything hours back and she welcomed it.

Derpy knew she was gone when she could no longer feel the open cavity raise and fall against her, when she stepped in a puddle of coagulated blood, and when her body began to relax as waste and vomit made its way through both ends of the body that once belonged to her tormentor.

"Ditzy!" Derpy shouted, turning around to watch the door.

She was covered from head to toe in blood; bright red in spots and completely black in others. Her mane was matted down, a deep orange. She kept one hoof in the dead body, smiling happily when Ditzy entered the room.

"Well, that took forever."

Author's Note

I wanted to write something to show you guys my dark side. Yes this is grusome and a "Cupcakes" rip off but I wanted to change from the sugar coated stories for a bit. I hold nothing against Derpy or any other character and I don't mean to make fun but some things in this story are said to keep it original, funny, and enjoyable. Thanks for the read!!! Stay 20% cooler!