Colgate: Heroine of Helpless Horses Who Are Hurt

by Lucky Seven

Rating: everyone
Tags: My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Colgate, Comedy, Random
Length: 1011

Colgate is secretly a super heroine! Seriously, read the long description. The poem is better than this.

In the middle of the night,
When you think you're out of sight.
When you find yourself wandering the streets,
There's one pony you don't want to meet.
Because if you see her,
it means the end for you for sure.
No place is safe from this mare,
so don't try hiding anywhere.
So, criminals, you better watch what you do,
Because Toothpaste Mane is coming for you!

Published 2013-07-30 03:50:02 UTC
Last updated 2013-07-30 03:50:02 UTC

One-Shot

Colgate: Heroine of Helpless Horses Who Are Hurt

Written by Seven81493

Edited by Miss Dark Angel

As I look down upon Manehattan, a thought enters my mind. Without me, these ponies would be helpless. I’m the reason this city has been free of crime for the past year.

Yes, you heard right. I’ve kept this town clean of cavities, tooth decay, plaque, and even chipped teeth for an entire year. I know, I know. I’m awesome, no need to tell me. But yeah, without me, this town would be done for. And it looks as if something is going on down there. Multiple lights are flashing out of the windows of a nearby building, and it’s my job to see if they’re partying in a healthy manner.

Effortlessly, I leap and bound from building to building, making my way down to ground level. Eventually, I land and find myself in front of one of the most horrible places you can possibly go to.

A nightclub...

I shudder just at the thought of stepping one hoof in there, but I have no choice. With no choice but to stop this nightclub menace, I stand on my hind legs and kick down the front door karate style. All heads turn towards me as I make my way inside. Every pony in this town knows who I am, and nopony would dare to try and stop me.

No pony except for her.

Ever since I began protecting this town from the relentless onslaught of tooth related issues, she’s been there to thwart me.

“DJ-Pon3, what do you think you’re doing?!”

As I yelled at the deejay behind the turntables responsible for providing the club with its music, she lifted her stupid looking sunglasses up. Upon noticing it was me who had yelled at her, she gives a smirk.

“Toothpaste Mane, how nice of you to come...”

“Don’t patronize me, Pon3! You know why I’m here! I know about the black market candy sales you’re running!”

“Let me guess. You’re here to try and stop me, aren’t you?”

“You’re darn right I am!” I yell at her, confident that I’m about to put this mare in her place.

“All right, but if you think it’s going to be easy...” she replies to me, lifting a few vinyl records into the air with her magic.

Epic Fight Music

“...You’ve got another thing coming.”

As my sworn enemy says that, she lets loose the records right in my direction. Swiftly, I duck and roll to the right, before tipping over a table and taking cover behind the round top. I would say sorry to the ponies that were using it, but I have bigger concerns at the moment. Namely the insane mare hurling vinyl records at me. Though it seems as if she has a pattern, and it shouldn’t be too hard to figure out.

By now, everypony has cleared out of the club, leaving just the deejay and I. Suddenly, I see my opening and take off towards her at lightning speed while she reaches down to get more records. By the time she lifts her head up to look at me, I’ve thrown a right hook that connects with her jaw, knocking her to the floor. As she rubs it, I decide to make a quip.

“Your jaw hurts? Maybe you should take better care of your teeth.”

“You know,” she begins responding to me, “that would have been a good one-liner if this fight was actually over.”

Giving a scowl, I ready myself for another attack, which comes incredibly quickly. The alabaster mare jumps and extends a hind hoof towards me, hoping to land a jump kick, but I roll to the left at the last possible second. With no way to react, Pon3 is helpless to my next move. Grabbing hold of her fore legs swiftly, I spin her around in my grasp and let her loose, sending her flying into the club’s bar. As she contacts it, it breaks into hundreds of pieces and I’m forced to shield my eyes, lest I get shards of wood in them.

But just as it appears as if I’ve won, the deejay takes advantage of my situation, swooping out and landing a left hook on my head, next to my right eye. Before I have time to react, I feel pressure on my chest and realize she’s thrown me down to the floor. I shield my face just as she rains punches down onto it. As I look for something, anything, to aid me, I take notice of a leg that had broken off of one of the bar’s stools when her body had impacted it.

I begin reaching my right hoof for it, but this leaves my face vulnerable. As I feel the first blow hit my nose, I grab hold of the leg. As a second blow hits right below my left eye, I slam the leg into the side of her head, causing her body to go limp. I let out a sigh of relief, happy to have come out of the fight the victor. Using my right foreleg, I push her body off of mine and get up slowly. It looks as if her black market candy selling has come to an end. But just as I’m about to leave, a large shadow makes itself apparent, being cast from behind me.

As I turn around, I come face to face with my worst nightmare.

“Come on, Colgate, it’s time for dinner.”

“But mom! I have to report Vinyl to the authorities! It’s what a true hero would do!”

“Well, you can report your sister to the authorities after dinner, now come on. You too, Vinyl.”

Reluctantly, I follow my parental unit to the kitchen, where dinner awaits. Vinyl is close behind, and I whisper to her, “Get ready, sis’, because the true battle begins after dinner.”

“Oh, it’s on!”

At this point I can’t help but think to myself, I’m totally gonna be a superhero when I grow up.