Payback's Something, Ain't It, Partner?

by DashieTheAlmighty

Rating: everyone
Tags: Crossover, Comedy
Length: 1803

Scout pisses Engineer off, and Engi gets payback.

Scout pisses off Engi by practically getting all of his buildings destroyed. Not to mention annoying and taunting him. So, Engi teams up with Spy to make a plan. Somehow, Spy knows that rainbows make Scout cry. Engineer, closet brony, knows just what to do.

TF2/MLP crossover. :D

Published 1970-01-01 00:00:00 UTC
Last updated 2013-07-10 17:41:41 UTC

Thanks, Hardhat!

Scout was running off to the enemy intel.

They were in a game of Capture the Flag. Scout never knew it was that and not "Capture the Briefcase". They were playing on Sawmill, so Scout had to avoid all the saws if he didn't want to be chopped up. It seemed like the afternoon, based on the sun moving downwards. He jumped over to the roof of the RED spawn and jumped off. He would've took some damage, but, thanks to his pistol, everything was alright.

His feet rapidly went down the stairs, straight to the intel. Surprisingly, no sentry or heavy there. Just the intel, sitting there, waiting to be captured.

Scout laughed. "Thanks for the free cap, numnuts!" He said as he ran off.

A RED Demoman was sitting on the base, drinking. When he saw Scout running off like that, he hopped off, still drunk as a bat on acid. He grabbed his stickybomb launcher and ran.

"Lads! We've gott-t-ta Sc-c-cout capping!" Demoman said in his drunkenness.

RED Soldier hopped out of the spawn, trying to figure out what the Demo had just said. But out the corner of his eyes, he saw a BLU Scout, running off towards his own intel. "Holy---" Soldier stumbled. "MEDIC!" He screamed.

Medic came rushing towards him, Archimedes at his shoulder.

"Charge me up, doc. I'm gonna get that Scout!"

Medic nodded and aimed a beam at the Soldier. The Soldier rocket-jumped into the enemy spawn, where he could see Scout, going in. Luckily, the Medic had a Quick-Fix, so the Uber-Charge went up fast. The Medic was also always close to him.

Down from below, RED Heavy called, "DOCTOR! Help me get this tiny baby man!"

Scout, noticing the conversation, was still running down the stairs, hopefully being forgotten by the three. He ran down his  own stairs and ran into his intel room. Engi was there, drinking beer and sitting on his Dispenser. "Nice going, pardner." He said in a Texan tone.

Scout capped it, and as soon as he could he hid behind a sentry. "They'll never know what hit 'em!" He said with a smirk.

Engineer shook his head. "Ya have to go out, pardner."

"Nah, I'll be sneaky like Spy! BOOM! BONK! All dead!"

RED Soldier, Medic, and Heavy all heard the screams of Scout. Medic quickly aimed the beam at Heavy before running off to the intel, Soldier right behind them.

Both Engi and Scout heard the footsteps. Engi realize it was too late. He got out his Lugermorph (which, in case you wanted to know, won it by playing poker with a bunny) and aimed it at the stairs. Seconds after, all three RED men came rushing down, the Uber charged. Both the Medic and Heavy were glowing red with yellow eyeballs, and the Heavy shot the sentry first. Scout, still wanting to sneak up, hid behind the dispenser. Engineer quickly ran off, firing bullets that wouldn't work.

Soldier came in from the back, firing his rockets at the dispenser. Scout was seen, but quickly ran off into his spawn. Soldier tried his best to make the little Bostonian explode, but to no avail. Heavy took out the teleporter and aimed his minigun at the Engi.

Heavy fired.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Engi stood up in the spawn room, his arms crossed.

"What am I gonna do with that boy?" He said, shaking his head.

Just then, the Spy respawned, checking his shirt.

"How'd ya die?"

"Terrible. That icky Sniper threw Jarate at me, and hit me with the kurkri. Stupid Snipers . . . . How'd you die?"

"Scout."

Spy didn't question, instead he nodded.

"I just wish I could get rid of that boy." Engi wished.

"Well, I heard rainbows make him cry . . . Don't ask me how I know that." Spy replied.

Engineer's head shot up, idea in mind. He was a closet brony. He'd been watching a show called My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic. The ponies were almost exactly like his mercenaries, except girls. He knew one pony that would make him cry.

Rainbow Dash.

Ironically enough, she was the most like him in Equestria, the world of ponies; fast and cocky.

"Hey, I got an idea." Engineer whispered to Spy.

So, Engineer and Spy came up with a plan to send Scout to Equestria.

It wasn't easy though. First, they knew they couldn't send the Scout to the real Equestria, that would be impossible. For the next match all Engi and Spy did was sit and think. Finally, Engi's head shot up. "Ah got an idea!"

"And?" Spy asked, awaiting an answer.

"We can make ah' simulation! I--" Engineer stopped, noticing he might release his dark, dark secret.

"You what?" Spy raised an eyebrow, curious.

Engineer sat down, trying to find a quick excuse. "Mah daughter made me watch the show when ah was at home." Looking at the face of Spy, Engi couldn't believe his lie worked. "Ah remember all of the show!"

"Why wouldn't you just forget about z'it?" Spy said with his french accent.

Engineer looked around, embarrassed. All though Engi was sure Spy didn't know he was lying, Spy absolutely knew it. He was a lier himself. He could detect a lie, and make a lie with a straight face.

"Ah don't have aynthing else to remember besides mah creations." Engineer said, thinking he had a good excuse.

" . . . Fine. I vill distract ze Scout while you work on your . . . simulation."

"Thanks, pardner." Engi said, tipping his hardhat. Spy simply nodded and walked off.

Engi decided he had to work on this 'simulation' now.

First he started off with a metal oval. He put in straight up, got a table, and slid it over. The oval fell off, so Engi remembered he had something that could fix that. He fiddled around in his pouch around his waist and found tape. He stuck the tape to the bottom of the oval and put it on the table. It barely stood up, but it was okay. Now for the simulation. He went off and asked the Admin for an extra computer. The Admin, reluctantly, gave him one and Engineer happily trotted back to the spawn. He hooked it up and tried his best to make a code for a simulation of Equestria. In about seven hours, he was finished. He swept sweat from his forehead off and saw the simulation, just to make sure. Sure enough, Equestria was there, with all the different ponies and animals. He once again looked through his pouch and found a USB, plugged it in, waited, then pulled it out. He put it back and walked over to the 'entrance'.

He grabbed the entrance and walked over to his secret room, with a big note on the front: "DO NOT ENTER". Engineer slipped open the door and plopped the entrance down. He grabbed his flamethrower and started burning some of the metal out of the oval. The metal fell off, and Engineer started to dispose of wires and put them in. He put them in such a way it made the entrance for Equestria.

"Suck on that, Oculus Rift." Engineer whispered  to himself.

He installed the switch and wired it to work with the other wires. He flipped the switch and looked up. There it was, the simulation he created. All he had to do now was go in there, build a teleport exit, come back here, build a teleporter entrance, persuade Scout in going in, and enjoy the fun. But he had done enough work for that day. He decided to talk to Spy and said his work was almost done, just another two hours tomorrow. Spy agreed and they both walked back to their respectful resting places.

I Am Scout, Rainbows Make Me Cry

Hey, I'm Scout.

You might know me. I mean, you probably do know me. You're reading this. Why else would you be reading this?

Anyways, I pissed off Engineer yesterday. I thought I had the chance with those three REDs, but I was too quick for them! Unfortunately, Engi wasn't. All his buildings got destroyed, and your's truly made it happen. I just love pissing people off. Especially people from my own team.

Anyways, I haven't seen Engi for the last couple of matches. I've also noticed Spy has been distracting me from the spawn room, keeping me alive. I think something fishy is going on. Why else would that shape-shifting rat be with me?

I decide to visit the spawn room, where Hardhat is sitting there, a devilish smile on his face.

"Hey pardner. Why you back here?" He asks.

"I'm just seeing what's going on. Why aren't you building any more buildings I could destroy?" I smirk.

"Nah, ah decided to build something way more. Ah reckon it's the level four sentry."

Woah, that's cool. I wanna see what it does and how it kills. Probably just the same old same old, firing bullets, shooting rockets. But hey, ya never know with Hardhat.

"Where can I find it? I wanna see how it kills." My two favorite things: Killin' and Pissing people off.

"Just go through that tele ah put up. It's also level four." He says, devilishly.

I hesitate for a moment, but think Eh, what the hell. I step onto the teleporter and stand there for a split second. Then, I feel myself being transported into another place. Oh, how I love that feeling. I close my eyes in delight as I hear one faint laugh from Engi.

I can't wait to see the level four sentry. I decide to count down in my mind.

5...4...3...2...1!

I open my eyes to see something very different then Teufort.

It's a field, dotted with trees. The sun is going down, marking it afternoon. There's a little bench over to the side, and on that, I spot light-blue, covering up the brown bench. The grass feels weird on my legs, probably because it's never cut. I feel stunned. I back away, tumbling to my back and laying on the ground. I swipe my head back and forth. What the hell am I doing here!? I decide to check out the color of light blue on the bench. I run over, as fast as I can. But what's there shocks me the most.

It's a light-blue unicorn, sitting up straight like a normal human being. It's hai-- I mean mane, is a mixture of white and light-blue. It's face looks bored until it sees me. It gasps and hides behind the bench. "Wha-What are you!?" It screams. Wait, it can talk too!?

"I-I'm a human . . . ."

The unicorn's eyes widen, and it hops up and down. "YEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEES! FINNNNANAAALLLLYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY!"