This Isn't A Game Anymore, It's a motherfucking Fanfic!
No More Ponies
Equestrian Struggle
This Isn't A Game Anymore, It's a motherfucking Fanfic!
By:Vectorgameplay
"Travis Touchdown, what did I tell you about practicing in the Library?! Just look at this mess!" Twilight yelled at Travis angrily.
"Sorry, Twilight but my bro here Spike wanted to learn some of my wrestling moves. He needs to practice if he wants to be the number one dragon in all of Equestria, isn't that right Spik-o?" Travis replied, trying to defend himself from Twilight’s fury
"Yeah, Twilight don't worry about it. Besides, I'm the one who ends up cleaning the library anyway," Spike said in an attempt to calm Twilight down.
"But what about you, Spike? I don't want to see you get hurt," Twilight said, concerned for Spike's well being and safety.
"Don't worry, Twilight babe. It was just some basic moves and Spike's scales are pretty hard. Hell, I think it hurts me more than what it hurts him," Travis replied to Twilight with a grin, "Besides, Spike is a tough kid so you have nothing to worry about."
"‘Nothing to worry about’?" Twilight repeated, concern pretty evident in her voice, "How can you say I have nothing to worry about when you are teaching wrestling moves to a baby dragon?! And how many times do I need to tell you to stop calling me ‘babe’? You know I don't like it!" Twilight said, acting angry but with a visible blush on her cheeks, "I just don't know what would I do without my number one assistant," She said in a sad tone.
"Come on, Twilight if what you need is an assistant all you need to do is ask me. I can take care of you day and night... specially at night, if you know what I mean hahaha... Twilight where are you going? ... Uh, why are you going to the kitchen? ... Twilight, Twilight calm down, wha... what are you grabbing? ... Twilight no, Twilight, TWILIGHT NO! DROP THE FRYING PAN! TWILIGHT DON'T DO SOMETHING YOU WILL REGRET LATER! COME ON, LET'S TALK THIS LIKE TWO RATIONAL PEOPLE... OR PONIES OR... GOD DAMN IT I DON'T KNOW! PLEASE TWILIGHT! TWILIG...
*Whanck*
I know many of you reading this may be wondering: "What the fuck is going on?" I can understand that and to be honest, I still have no clue as to what I am fucking doing since I arrived here. Everything has been so strange and weird without Television and computers with internet or anime... I miss Pure White Lover Bizarre Jelly! But at least they still have video games and arcades. Don't ask me how that is possible, it's too crazy even for me, but hey! What’s life without a little of craziness right? Anyway, I think we should tell you guys how this shitstorm all started, whadaya say? Yes? No? I don't give a fuck because I'm going to tell you anyway. So for the sake of this Fanfic and our totally cool readers, let's do a rewind to the beginning, shall we Author?
Let's Punk!
<-----°Rewind°<-----
*Beep Beep Beep*
It was a hot and sunny morning in the town of Santa Destroy, California, a tourist hot spot famous for its seediness, lack of care for education, and menial population. Funded by multiple corporations like the well-known shopping area Area 51, the Job Centre and K-Entertainment, a corrupt advertising agency; the latter will not allow employment to those without introduction tickets.
These tickets could only be obtained through first working for the Job Centre. This is because as a corrupt advertising agency, K-Entertainment deals with the employment of assassins to weed out ‘undesirables’ for large sums of money. The town is also known to have hosted a Santa Destroy Eight Hour Stamina Meat Festival.
*Beep Beep Beep*
Santa Destroy is also the home of the Santa Destroy Warriors, a Major League Baseball team based at Destroy Stadium. While the Warriors are a professional baseball team, they are apparently inferior to a number of other teams in the league, to a degree at which it is even described in the Santa Destroy Guide as: ‘The only thing they lead in the league is violence towards fans
*Beep Beep Beep*
But the biggest difference that Santa Destroy has is surely the economic system. Despite being set in California – a state of the USA – its currency is not the American dollar but rather the "LB dollar". There is no exact explanation as to why the currency is different to the rest of the country, nor has it been officially confirmed what "LB" is an abbreviation of. But that doesn't stop people from getting up early in the mornings to go work so they can get some money for their families and other habits...
*Beep Bee...Thunk*
"Fuck you alarm clock! I do what I want!"
... Well, maybe it stopped just one person.
"It has been a year since I finally got a first rank in the UAA (United Assassins Association) and mornings still screw me up,"
Travis Touchdown, a thirty-one-year-old American assassin, stereotypical otaku - ‘And let’s not forget pretty damned handsome to boot’ - said while getting out of the bed in his room, filled with professional wrestling and anime collectibles.
Looking in his closet for some clothes, he found what he was looking for: a lightweight red leather jacket, a plain grey t-shirt, some jeans and his signature yellow sunglasses, "Thank god I'm fabulous."
*Ring! Ring!*
"Who can be calling me at this hour so early in the damned morning?" He said while going to the living room of his motel room to pick up the phone, "Hello, who's there?"
"Travis?" Asked a female voice on the other end of the line. It was a voice that Travis knew very well, "We need to talk."
"Silvia! It’s been quite a while since we last talked," Replied Travis to Silvia, an Ukrainian agent of the United Assassins Association and his brother Henry's ex-wife, "Where have you been?"
"Travelling to some countries and seeing the magnificent sights that this world has to offer, but enough about me. How are you doing, tiger?" Asked Silvia.
"Just here living in near poverty in this shithole of a motel but I'm doing just fine. Anyway what do you need?"
"It's about something that happened in the middle of my travels. You see, I was contacted by the UAA. Apparently there is a new member in the organization that has requested a fight with the first rank," Answered Silvia.
"A rank match? It has been a long time since I had one of those," Replied Travis, "But I will have to decline the offer. I don't battle anymore unless I have a reason, since the death of Bishop."
"That's the thing Travis, he also said he is not interested in obtaining the first rank. He said he just wanted an opponent that could give him a real challenge," Silvia said, awakening some interest in Travis.
"And what exactly gives this guy so much confidence to think that he can defeat me in a battle? Travis said, curious about this supposed 'new guy'.
"He has already defeated twelve of the organisation’s assassins. He is actually currently Rank Two on the UAA's list. I haven't had the opportunity to see him myself but people say he is a formidable enemy, you should be careful Travis."
"Don't worry about me Silvia. You know I'm going to be fine as always, did he mention where he wanted to meet for his little bout?" Travis asked, eager to meet this famous new guy.
"Today, Body Slam Beach at twelve PM sharp... Travis... Please be careful!" Silvia replied, genuinely worried about Travis.
"I will be okay Silvia, I promise!" Travis said before cutting the call with Silvia, "Getting back to the old ways I see, I better not keep this guy waiting."
Looking under his bed, he was soon greeted by his pet kitten, a Scottish Fold cat called Jeane, named in honour of his childhood's lost love and later discovered half-sister.
"Sorry little girl, daddy can’t play with you right now, he has some business to attend to," Travis said before grabbing both of his favourite beam katana models, "Blood Berry, Rose Nasty... I missed ya girls!"
After checking that all his equipment was in order, he quickly exited the No More Heroes Motel and left for Body Slam Beach on his motorcycle: the Schpeltiger, "Let's get this party started!"
-Meanwhile-
"Guards, barricade the windows and lock all the doors! Nopony gets out of the castle without my direct order! He couldn't have gotten too far!" Celestia yelled to the many yellow clad armoured guards at her charge.
"Yes, Your Highness!" They all said in unison before tending to the task entrusted to them by their ruler.
Something terrible had befallen the land of Equestria: one of the most dangerous criminals in history and former dictator had escaped his stone imprisonment of more than a thousand years and now freely roamed around Canterlot Castle unabated.
Luckily, both princesses felt his attempt to break free and quickly teleported to his prison but unfortunately it was already too late. His stone prison that once covered his body was laid on the ground in shards and the prisoner himself was nowhere to be found. They quickly sounded the alarm to alert the guards that the castle could be under attack at any moment.
"Captain Armor, I want you and your squad to cover the South and West wings of the castle and the outlying gardens. Luna and Captain Star shall be watching the North and East wings. If you find him, do not fight him alone. Call and wait for reinforcements or for both my sister and I to arrive," Celestia said in a stern tone to the captain of her royal guard. "Do I make myself clear, Captain?"
"Ye-Yes Princess, I understand," Shining Armor trembled under the gaze of the princess, "Do you want me to call my sister and her friends, your Highness?" Shining Armor asked to the worried princess.
"No, I would prefer not to cause a panic amongst the population with the news of his escape if we can handle it ourselves. If the things get out of hoof then call them. Now go!" Celestia ordered to Shining and all the guards present in the room.
They all saluted and went to investigate their assigned posts of the castle and its surrounding grounds.
"Sister!" Celestia turned around to find her sister Princess Luna entering into the throne room, "I have some important news!"
"Luna, please tell me you found him!" Celestia said with hope in her voice.
"Sorry sister but neither I nor Captain Falling Star have found any trace of him," Luna said, looking at the disappointed look of her sister. "But I have even worse news."
"What is it?" Asked Celestia with a worried look.
"It's about the Elements of Harmony... They're... They're gone!"
"WHAT!?" Celestia shouted in surprise at the news of the absence of the Elements, "But... how is that possible? He shouldn't be able to break into the magical barrier that protects the vault!
"That is the thing sister, he didn't. I felt the magical energy of another pony at the vault and that is what worries me the most," Luna said to the now very nervous Celestia
"You mean... he is not working alone?" Celestia asked to her sister, more concerned than ever, “That is most unlike him. Could they be responsible for assisting his escape?
"That's what I'm afraid of dear sister," Luna said with a sad look. "What do you think we should do now?"
"I don't know, Lulu and that is what scares me the most!" Celestia said, with fear of what could happen to her little ponies with the criminal free of his prison.
"What are you planning to do now ... Discord?" Celestia thought before sighing. "Please my little ponies... please be alright!"
-Back to Santa Destroy-
"There it is! Body Slam Beach," Travis said while looking at his cellphone, "And just... one hour late... Damn it. Anyway, where is this guy?" Asked Travis with disappointment, "I bet this guy just realized who he was fighting and ran away, what a pussy!"
"That is kind of a rude thing to say, don't you think, buddy?" Travis heard from behind him.
He turned around to find a man of about fifty, perhaps fifty-five years old with what looked like a Victorian suit with the pants and coat a light brown colour and a red tie around his neck. His white hair had a black streak across the sides slicked back in an English style and a small beard on his chin also white in colour and prostheses made of what looked like gold in his right arm built steam-punk style.
"You know you are an hour late, don’t you?” The man asked to the confused Travis.
"I think I already said this to someone before but I will say it again: it's called being fashionably late, fuckface!" Travis said to the man in front of him. "Anyway, are you that new assassin I have heard of? Rank 2 of the UAA?"
"Where you waiting for someone else boy?" the man asked Travis with a smirk.
"No, but I was kinda expecting someone less... old I guess?" The man let out a loud laugh at Travis’ statement.
"Really? Come on, you have fought very old people in the past. All of them with a very high rank in the organization I might add. What makes me any different from them?" The man asked with a smile.
"Well, one of them had a big as fuck cannon and the other one had a flying technological chair and an Orbital laser. What the fuck do you have?"
"I have a very expensive suit and A LOT of personality!" The man said with a laugh.
"... Okay you may just be the coolest grandpa I have ever met, I’ll give you credit for that!" Travis said while laughing alongside the man. "But really, who the fuck are you?" Travis grew serious again, looking at the eyes of his opponent.
"Well my good chum if you need to know so badly then I will tell you but only because you asked so politely. My name is Discord, god of chaos and disharmony and we..." The now humanoid Discord said with a large grin on his face, “Are going to play a little game!"
"Whatever you want old man, but let me warn you..." Travis said while turning on Blood Berry, "I'm not the one who likes to play soft."
Discord only laughed at Travis’ confidence, "That is good to know kiddo..." Discord summoned what looked like a pair of gloves with claws glowing with a yellow light on them, "Because I don't like easy challenges either. Don't go and disappoint me now, Travis."
"Believe me, I won't," Travis said before both fighters got into their respective fighting stances.
"LET THE GAMES BEGIN!" They both said in unison before rushing to attack one another.
Both weapons collided with each other, sparks flying everywhere the instant the weapons made contact. Both Travis and Discord quickly jumped backward, Travis took the initiative and sliced with Blood Berry in an uppercut motion while Discord - expecting the attack - quickly countered with a fury of punches with his claws, alternating between horizontal and vertical cuts.
Travis was waiting for the right moment for the perfect opportunity and it came to him like a long lost friend. With a single lightning-fast movement brought his sword into contact with Discord's claws, breaking his stance for a few seconds and giving him time to make a small cut on his opponent’s arm. If Discord felt the cut Travis had just made in his arm, he didn't show it. He just backed away from him and smirked.
"Impressive Travis, and here I thought I was going to have to hold myself back to give you a chance."
"Too much shit coming from the one who is losing," Travis said in a calm tone, "Now, are you going to stop talking shit and fight or what?"
"Don't worry boy, we are just getting started," Discord rushed at a high speed to Travis.
He expected that tactic from Discord and lifted his katana to parry and counter the incoming attack.
"You are going to need some new tricks if you're going to have any hope of..."
*Wisplash!*
Travis couldn't finish what he was saying when he suddenly felt something like a whip hit him full in the face," Oow fuck! What the fuck was... is that a tail?” Travis asked, noticing something long and covered in red scales coming from behind Discord
"Maybe~" Discord said with a cocky grin.
"What kind of fucking fighting technique is that?” Asked Travis, surprised that the sudden appearance of the new limb.
"Now who is the one talking shit, huh?" Replied Discord with a laugh.
"Fuck you!" Travis yelled with anger at Discord, running towards him to sever his head from his body and finally put an end to this annoying battle.
Discord didn't even bother to move, he just stood there with a smirk on his face as he watched Travis run towards him like a demon possessed. Travis – once he got within striking range of Discord – charged his katana and jumped, preparing a powerful horizontal strike
The katana hit the ground but it just met air and dirt. There was not a single sign of Discord anywhere, "What? Where did he go?"
"Up here kiddo!" Travis looked up to find a smiling Discord flying with what looked like two mismatched wings coming from his back: a blue angel-like wing and a purple bat-like one
"You got to be shitting me! First the tail and now you have wings? Peachy, just mother fucking peachy!!"
"Believe me, this is the last addition you need to watch out for because real pain starts now!" Discord said, suddenly going kamikaze and dive bombing towards Travis
Travis prepared himself for a counter attack the moment he had the chance but when Discord got close enough to attack, he suddenly disappeared into thin air and leaving Travis dumbfounded. He didn't have time to curse Discord when he felt the sharp pain of his opponent’s claw gauntlets cutting into his back.
He turned around quickly to find nothing but thin air behind him. He felt the claws cutting at the same spot again and again but every time he tried to find the annoying source, his attacker was nowhere to be found. Suddenly he felt someone grab his right leg. He didn't have time to look down before he got lifted up into the air, yelling and cursing.
Once they were high enough, Discord looked down at Travis and started to laugh, "Our flight ends here ladies and gentlemen. We know when it comes to sudden and unexpected air travel you have no choice but to use Chaos Airline and we thank you. Happy landings!!" With that said, Discord released Travis' leg, leaving him to fall from the sky
Travis hit the ground… hard
Discord started descending slowly, looking at Travis' body with a disappointed look, "Shame, just when I was starting to have fun," Discord said as he began to walk away, "Oh well, I guess I will just have wait for someone capable of fighting a decent battle."
"Why do you said that?... This battle isn't over!" Discord turned around with wide eyes as he heard Travis' voice, "Now come here so we can finish what we started, Sir Motherfucker."
"Seems I've underestimated you Touchdown, you are much tougher than you look," Discord said while starting to flap his wings to get back up in the air.
"You are going down, douchebag!" Travis let out a war cry before letting his power overtake him.
"DARK SIDE MODE: BLUEBERRY CHEESE BROWNIE!!"
Discord could feel the power emanating from Travis and it brought a shiver down his spine, a feeling he hadn't felt in a very long time, "This is the moment I was waiting for. I better start the spell now!" Discord thought with a mental smile before snapping his fingers.
Travis took advantage of Discord’s surprised state and charged his Beam Katana before - thanks to his Dark Side Mode - releasing a wave of energy that surged towards the flying mutant. He didn't have time to react as the wave hit him square in the chest and made him crash down to the ground. Discord just started to get back up when he felt a powerful kick right in his jaw that made him fall back down again. Discord barely had time to defend himself when in one quick move, Travis' Beam Katana went through his body
"Game over, old man!" Travis said with a smile on his face, a smile that was soon banished when he saw Discord grinning as he disappeared in a cloud of smoke right in before his eyes, replacing his spot with a white portal in the ground that started to rapidly expand under Travis' feet, "What the fuck is going on?! Was that a copy? And why can't I move?"
"That was quite the display of power, friend! Couldn't have expected any less from the so called 'Crownless King'. I knew you were the right one!" Discord said to the overly pissed Travis while the white portal started to engulf both of them.
"What are you talking about? You talk to me as if you know me. Who the fuck do you think you are and what the fuck is this thing?" Yelled Travis with anger in his voice.
"We, my friend, are going to travel to a very, very far and magical place."
"Where are we going and why do you need me to go there?" Asked Travis with both anger and confusion.
"We are going to a place very different to this or any other in this world. The name is not really that important right now but I think you could call it 'Paradise' if that's what you want," Discord said with a roaring laugh, "As for why are we going... it's because I wanted to give that place one last hope for when the time of the final battle arrives. But I have another reason and that is to also to show 'you' that there are still ‘heroes’ out there and that one day - sooner than what you think - you will become one. We shall be seeing each other again that day. With that said, I think we should be leaving now, pleasure to fight against you Travis Touchdown... Please say hi to Celly for me!"
"Who?" Travis asked Discord, confused by the request of the old man.
"The one with the huge ass, you will know who I’m talking about when you see her and whatever you do, don't piss her off or she will banish you to the moon," Replied Discord to the now very confused Travis
"Banish me to the... Are you fucking serious?" Travis said with an annoyed tone.
"Yes, yes I am!" Discord said before the darkness surrounded both of them.
After the white portal finished engulfing both of them, Body Slam Beach fell into complete silence except for the sound of astonishment of a little boy on a tricycle that managed to watch the entire fight from a close but safe distance on the beach
"Oh, man... That was totally wicked!"
Author's Note
A No More Heroes/My Little Pony Crossover, I finally did it!
This story is placed after No More Heroes 2: Desperate Struggle so if you haven't played the game watch out for Spoilers!
Anyway, if you like it, please tell me what did you like in the comments below!
If you didn't like it, Please tell what you didn't so I can do it better next chapter!
Special thanks to Draconis187 for Editing this story!
Game Over.
Meet Royalty And Royally Screw It Up
No More Ponies
Equestrian Struggle
Meet Royalty And Royally Screw It Up
By:Vectorgameplay
"Where in Equestria is he?!" Celestia yelled in irritation as she sat on her throne, "The guards have already covered the castle, Canterlot and Ponyville but we still haven't found a single trace of Discord and worst of all he hasn't attacked yet."
"But your Highness... isn't that a good thing?" Shining Armor asked the overly stressed princess.
She just looked at her captain of the royal guard directly in the eyes for several seconds as if he had just asked the stupidest question in the known world.
"No it is not... it is not good at all!!" Replied Celestia to the nervous stallion.
"But why exactly isn't it a good thing?"
"Why? You want to know why? I will tell you why!" Celestia faced Shining Armor with a look of delirium, "The longer he takes to attack, the more evil the plan he has prepared for us gets… can't you see it? The whole kingdom... no, the whole world is in extreme danger with him out there. It already happened once and he almost destroyed everything. I'm NOT going to let it happen again!!"
"Sister, calm down!!" Luna said to her - now hyperventilating - sister as she entered the room. "Leave us please, Shining Armor. This is a private matter between my sister and I."
"But of course, your Highness," Shining said while walking out off the room. "This is not going to end well," He muttered under his breath before leaving the room.
"Are you okay sister? You never act like this when it comes to threats against the kingdom," Luna said to Celestia with a concerned look.
"Yes, Lulu. I fine, it's just" - Celestia stopped for a second, trying to find the correct words to express how she felt - "my mission is to protect my subjects, my little ponies from every danger or threat they face. I just want the best for them... but now that Discord is out there with no way to find him and with the Elements of Harmony in his power, there is nothing we can do to stop him... I feel so useless!" Celestia said while looking at the floor in shame and sadness.
Luna could only just stare at the sister. She had never seen her in such a state: weak, worried... scared. "Please sister, don't sell yourself short. I'm sure everything is going to turn out just fine, perhaps we coul-" Luna couldn't finish what she was saying when she felt Celestia's hoof been placed against her mouth, muffling any sounds.
"Shhhh... did you hear that?" Celestia said in a hushed tone, forgetting what just happened mere seconds ago, her mood forgotten as well.
"Hear what?" Luna asked, confused at Celestia’s sudden change of attitude.
"It looks like it came from outside!" Celestia said, rushing through the window. She couldn't believe what she had just seen happen outside of the castle.
It was a huge white portal hovering in the air in the middle of the Everfree Forest. But what really amazed her was that something came out of the portal or to be more specific, fell out of it. She couldn't distinguish what it was but one thing was for sure: it was falling directly into the Everfree Forest.
"Luna, call Shining Armor and the Elite guards now! We are going to the Everfree!"
-Meanwhile in the Everfree Forest-
"Oh God… My head is killing me!" Travis yelled in agony at the horrible pain in his head.
After being teleported to whatever place he had been taken to – and thanks to Travis' bad luck - the portal opened in one of the worst places it could have decided to open: midair. Travis tried to adjust his position while falling to reduce the damage that the fall could deal, but for some reason, his body didn't answer the same way it used to.
He could feel some limbs on his body that weren't there before but that didn't matter to him right now. He was too focused on the fact he was falling to the ground. In the end he hit the ground but instead of landing with his legs and rolling with the fall, along the ground to distribute the hit to his body in Parkour style... he fell face first right into the ground.
Enough said, it wasn't a pleasant feeling. "You think, author?"
"Where the fuck am I?" Travis asked to himself while he laid on the ground, looking at his surroundings. All he could he were trees, a lot of tress surrounding him on every side of every style and shape. "A forest? How am I in a fucking forest?"
Suddenly the memories of the battle came back to Travis. He remembered everything: the meeting, the battle, the weird as fuck combat techniques of the old guy and at last, the portal. "That should be how I got here! When I get my hands on that fucking old man again I swear I'm going to cut his hea... HOLY MOTHER OF GOD, WHERE ARE MY HANDS?!!"
Travis couldn't help but freak out at the moment he stared at what used to be his hands, now replaced by what looked like snow white stubs… hooves."Okay Travis, calm down, calm the fuck down!! Please tell me you at least still have a dick... yes there is! Thank god. Now, you are probably hallucinating... yeah that’s it. You hit your pretty head very hard on the ground and now you probably have a concussion but you have had worse. Now let's just... get the fuck out of here, this place is creeping me out!" Travis thought before trying to stand up on his hind legs just to fall face to the floor again.
"This is going to take longer than I thought"
-30 minutes later-
After half an hour of walking - and falling - through the dense forest, Travis finally gave up at trying to walk on his hind legs and started walking on four legs which felt strangely very natural for him. Maybe the ability came with the body or his brain just adapted to Travis' new form, not that it was really important anyway. After a little while walking, Travis found a small river with crystal clear water.
"Oh thank god. I'm so thirsty," Travis said before drinking the cold water of the river. Travis didn't see it at first due to his thirst but as the water calmed again, he could see it: his reflection in the clean water.
What Travis saw made no sense. He saw a small snow white horse with the same jet black anime haircut for a mane staring back at him, "Good to know that even when I'm a horse, I’m still god damn hot!"
Looking lower down his body he could see what looked like a pair of pure white wings and - "wait wait wait... If I have wings, then that means I could have just flown down or at least fucking glided instead of falling face first to the ground? … And you tell me this now? Author, you fucking douchebag!" - a messy jet black tail.
But the next thing that caught Travis' attention was a weird tattoo on his back side. “When did I get a tattoo on my ass... uh, flank. Whatever… where did it come from?"
The tattoo was what looked like a red Santa Destroy's star with a blue beam katana - or Blood Berry to be more specific - in the middle. "I will deal with this tattoo later. This place is getting too weird even for me. I need to go anywhere else right now!"
"HALT!"
Travis was about to try take flight when he suddenly heard a shout from behind some bushes. "Oh thank god, you don't know how happy I am to finally find some normal..." Travis silenced himself the moment he saw the owner of that voice. Behind the bushes came out a stallion with a white coat like him but with a two toned blue mane dressed in purple armour and a... horn on his head? Behind him came more and more horses, Travis lost count after thirty. Some of them were white, some others were gray, some of them had a horn, others had wings and the rest had nothing at all. Every one of them was wearing golden armour and carried a spear. "... people."
Suddenly all the guards started surrounding Travis, forming a perimeter: the winged ones covered the air while the ones with the horn as well as the normal ones covered the ground. Travis had nowhere to go.
"Your Highness, we found something!" Shouted the stallion in the purple armour who was obviously the leader of the other guards if his demeanour was any indication.
"Can someone please explain me what the fuck is going on?" Asked the confused Travis in his always polite way.
"We could ask you the same thing, my little pony," Said a regal voice coming from behind Travis who turned around to see who the one addressing him was.
In front of him were none other than both Princess Celestia and Princess Luna.
"Greetings, loyal subject," Princess Luna was the first to speak. "We hath graced thou with our presence here so that thou might behold us, the royal sisters! Rejoice in our presence, we simply desire thy love and admiration!"
"She means, ‘hello, nice to meet you,’" Celestia said to Travis’ puzzled face. "Anyway, let's continue. My name is Princess Celestia, goddess of the sun and co-ruler of Equestria. This is my little sister Princess Luna, goddess of the moon and co-ruler. Now may you please tell us your name?"
Travis tried to speak but nothing came out of his mouth. He was stunned by the mere presence of the royal sisters, he couldn't even think clearly. Just three words came to his mind at that moment: "Gorp, Fnark, Schmeggle."
"Do you think he is alright Luna? I think we broke him," Celestia asked to her younger sister.
"He is alright, he is just daydreaming. I can hear what he is thinking thanks to that but I don't understand the meaning of the words he is thinking of... maybe he doesn't speak Equis," Answered Luna with a concerned look. "Here, let me try to rouse him... *cough, cough* ... ART THOU ALRIGHT SUBJECT?!!" Luna said, using her Royal Canterlot Voice.
"Holy shit!" Travis lost his concentration due to the powerful force of Luna's voice and fell backwards onto the ground. "What the holy fuck was that?"
"Please keep thy profanities for when thou art not in our presence," Princess Luna said in a calm tone to Travis.
"So-sorry ma'am," Travis said apologetically.
"Apology accepted. Now please answer our question, who art thou?" Luna asked Travis with a smile .
"Travis... Travis Touchdown" Travis said with pride in his voice.
"Now Mister Touchdown, the next question is paramount and we need thou to answer it the best way thou can," Luna said suddenly growing serious. "Do thou know the whereabouts of Discord?"
"Discord?... Oh right, the old man. Well, we both got transported here by that weird portal so I guess the old bastard should still be here somewhere," Replied Travis to Princess Luna.
"He’s still here?! Guards, divide into groups of ten, cover as much of the area as you can. If you find anything, notify me immediately. If he is still here, we'll get him!" Celestia shouted with hope to her troops at the possibility that Discord was still in the forest.
"Whoa girl, calm down. Where's the fire?" Travis said with his cocky attitude. "It's not like that guy is a big deal."
Celestia was shocked at Travis’ attitude, referring to Discord. "Discord, the master of deceit and god of chaos is not a big deal? Where have you been living, in a cave?"
"It would be cooler than that stupid motel room I call home," Travis said with a laugh. "But yeah, he wasn't that big when we fought, so..."
"Wait wait wait, let me see if I got this right. You fought Discord, all by your own and you can even say that he wasn't that of a big deal? Please don't make me laugh!" Shining Armor said with a grin to Travis.
"Was I talking to you dumbass? No? Then shut the fuck up!" Travis said with anger to the Captain of the royal guard.
"You better start showing more respect you little..." Shining Armor started to say but was cut off by Princess Celestia.
"Shining Armor, behave yourself!" She said with authority in her voice. "He is our only hope to finding what Discord was doing after he escaped from his stone prison, so I suggest we treat him the best way we can."
"Yeah, listen to the lady, Shining!" Travis said with a cocky smile on his face.
"Yes, Your Highness," Shining replied to the Princess, turning back to look at Travis and throwing imaginary daggers at him in his imagination.
"Now, Mister Travis. Could thou please join us in the castle for a little chat? We could use thy information in capturing Discord," Princess Luna said with a warm smile to Travis.
"And what if I refuse to follow you guys?" Travis asked with curiosity
"Then you will be taken as a prisoner and we would interrogate you anyway," Shining Armor said aggressively. "So you had better come with us on good terms or we will force you."
"I would like to watch you try dickhead!" Travis said while getting on a battle stance.
Shining Armor rushed to Travis at high speed, preparing himself to take the stallion down. "Now listen here you big arrogant, you better..." Shining didn't even have time to finish what he was saying when he suddenly felt Travis tuck his head under his armpit, hoisting him up into the air then quickly falling back onto the floor with huge force, slamming Shining's head into the ground, leaving him K.O’ed.
Brain Buster (Vertical Suplex)
Travis quickly got to his hooves, looking at his surroundings he could see a bunch of guards with their mouths almost touching the floor and two shocked princesses standing still on their spots.
"He... he knocked out the captain in just... five seconds!" One of the guards said to his team but loud enough for everypony in the immediate area to hear it. "Five... bucking... seconds!"
"Well that was certainly a rather...'unique' move you pulled there, I must say," Celestia said, impressed at Travis' display of ability. "You piqued my curiosity, Travis Touchdown. Now I'm more eager to bring you to the castle so you can answer my questions."
“Like I said before to your cute little sister right there," Travis said while pointing to Luna who had a light blush on her face for being called cute. "I don't know if I want to go with you two. Let's just say I'm not too fond to interrogations."
"Very well!" Replied Celestia, receiving a confused look from Luna. "There were going to be just a few questions and we were going to give you lodging in the castle… but if you’d prefer to sleep in a cave right here in the Everfree forest all cold, hungry and alone so be it. Let us not forget the Timberwolves, Manticores and Ursa Majors hunting in the night but if you prefer to deal with that, who are we to stop you?" She said with a cocky smile on her face.
"We hath observed what thou hast performed there" Luna thought while containing her laugh.
"...You win this time lady but I want some answers too!" Travis said with a bit of discomfort.
"Fair enough. Guards, stay here and inform me if there are any new developments surrounding Discord's location. Now, Travis Touchdown, please follow us to the castle so we can clarify our doubts about each other," Celestia while turning around to go back to the castle.
"Oooh right, I almost forgot, Discord said hi Celly"
Celestia froze in place at hearing the nickname that Discord uses for her. "What did you just call me?" Celestia said while turning back to face Travis.
"Celly... That's what the old man said: ‘say hi to Celly for me,’" Travis replied, confused at the Princess’ sudden change of mood.
"But how did you know it was me?" Celestia asked, thinking she already knew the answer to the question but was still a little curious.
"He told me to say it to the one with the huge ass. That's all he said," Travis said before suddenly realizing what he just did. "Oh no.
"Travis," Celestia said with enough authority to send a shiver down Travis' spine.
"Y-yes ma'am?"
"Please don’t call me that again," Celestia said in a very calm tone but Travis noticed the look she was giving him. The look that - even without making a single sound - said everything he needed to know: "Call me like that again, come on, make my day. I dare you, I double dare you motherfucker, call me that one more god damn time!"
Travis gulped at the mere thought of what the princess would do to him if he did. "Yes sir... uhh lady... uuuhh princess... your Highness!" He said nervously while saluting like a royal guard.
Celestia didn't say anything. She didn't need to anyway. She just took flight and returned to the castle with Luna restraining her laugh the best she could next to her and a nervous Travis trying his hoof at flying behind them. He was rather shaky but he somehow managed to stop crashing and follow… after the fifth time.
25 minutes later - Canterlot's Castle
"What do you mean she is not here?" Twilight asked to one of the guards in the throne room.
"I'm sorry, Miss Sparkle but as I said before, the Princesses left to attend to a personal matter. That's all we were informed, if you want to know more on the subject then you will need to wait for her to return. I'm sorry for the inconvenience," The guard replied to the stressed Twilight.
"But this is extremely important! I need to tell her about the strange burst of magic unleashed in the Everfree Forest!" Twilight said, almost yelling at the poor guard who was just doing his job.
"I know and I'm sorry, Miss Sparkle but there is nothing I can do concerning their private matters," The guard said apologetically and with a little bit of annoyance.
Twilight let out an annoyed grunt. "Fine, I will wait for her, hope she doesn't take too long in whatever she is doing"
The guard breathed a sigh of relief at hearing Twilight’s response. "Finally! I can see why she is the Captain's sister. She is very dedicated when it comes to doing her job," He thought before returning to his post at the right side of the throne.
Twilight waited in the throne room for about five minutes before she heard the doors being opened by Princess Celestia entering the room.
"... and please take good care of our little guest, he has valuable information we can use in the future so treat him the best you can, understand?" Celestia said to a maid walking along side her.
"Yes, Your Highness! Right away!" The maid replied before quickly walking away to do as Celestia requested.
"Princess! I'm so glad to see you!" Twilight said cheerfully at the presence of her mentor.
"Twilight, what are you doing here?" Celestia asked her excited pupil.
"I came here to inform you that there was an immense flow of magic that came from the Everfree forest," Twilight said with the same excitement she has when she explains something she read in a book, "If I remember correctly, that kind of power indicates either a time travel spell or an incredibly powerful long distance travel spell was performed. We need to find what caused it immediately!"
Celestia only smiled at the excitement of the young librarian. “Don't worry Twilight. My sister and I have already seen to it and as far as your assumptions are concerned you are correct with it being the latter. It was long distance travel spell. We found a stallion in the middle of the landing site. We are going to talk to him right now... Actually, now that I think about it, you could be a really big help with a little task. Do you think you are able to do it?"
"Of course, Princess. I will do anything to help you!" Twilight said cheerfully.
"Now listen here my faithful student, what I'm about to tell you is top secret. You can't anypony, not even your friends and it must stay as such unless I inform you to the contrary. Do you understand?"
"Yes, Princess. I understand," Twilight said, nodding her head.
After telling everything that happened in the Everfree forest -except of course the part where Travis knocked out Shining Armor - to Twilight, they both walked together to the guest room given to Travis.
~o~
"Man, in my book of weird shits that could have happened to me, this surely takes first place!" Travis said as he laid on the bed in one of the castle’s many guest rooms, waiting for the Princesses to arrive so they could start the questions. "I wonder what those two hot princess chicks want to know? ... I bet they want to do some kinky stuff with the crownless king!!
I highly doubt it Travis.
"And why exactly is that Author? If I saw correctly, the story have a romance tag on it, so...?"
And I remind you just two simple words: Teen Rated!!
"That doesn't mean we can have a quick one off camera and besides if the readers want to see it then you are forced to do it, so your argument is invalid, dickhead!!"
... gosh, I hate when you are right
Suddenly Travis' IRL conversation was cut off by a knock on the door.
"Sorry to cut this chat short but I have some royal business to attend! If you know what I mean," Travis said with his iconic confidence as he went to open the door.
"Princess so nice to see..." Travis started to say when he opened the door but stopped when he saw that the pony in front of him was not one of the princesses but a lavender Unicorn mare with a confused look on her face instead.
"Hi... May I... May I come in?" The Unicorn asked Travis with a nervous smile.
"...Yeah sure, I guess" Travis said in disappointment.
Sorry Travis but your princess is in another castle!
"You're a bastard, you know that?" Travis thought before turning his attention back to the new mare.
"So...Who are you and why are you here?" Travis asked to the mare in front of him.
"Oh right, excuse me... My name is Twilight Sparkle. I'm Princess Celestia's personal student," Twilight said politely to Travis with a smile.
"She is the princess' student? Well yeah she has that nerdy air around her," Travis thought while looking at Twilight. "Now, why are you here? Not that your presence is a problem, just curious!" He asked to Twilight still with a confused look.
"Well, Princess Celestia asked me if I could take care of the questioning. I hope that is not a problem," Replied Twilight with a cheerful smile.
"Naah it's fine, but I have some questions too if you don't mind," Travis said politely, it bugged him a little that it wasn't the Princess who was going question him but he wasn't going to say that to her personal student!
"Don't worry, now let's get started!" Twilight said with a friendly smile before taking a seat. "First, what is your full name?"
"Travis Robin Touchdown," Answered Travis as he sat in front of her.
Twilight quickly summoned a quill and a piece of parchment with some ink with her magic. She sat down and started to write in front of a... for some peculiar reason, a very calm Travis.
You are supposed to freak out! Why aren't you freaking out?
"First: because I have been teleported to a magical world ruled by colourful, talking horses. I have been turned into one of them with wings and met others with a horn and others with both of them for some reason that I consider extremely hot. Little can surprise me right now!"
"And second: because the scene of the human freaking out about those kind of weird as shit powers is highly overused and bad. You should feel terrible for thinking about using it here. Nuff said!"
...Okay?
"Now, what's your question, Travis?" Asked Twilight with that cheerful smile that refused to leave her face.
"Oh right. Where are we right now?" Travis asked Twilight.
"You are in the city of Canterlot, capital of Equestria right now. Princess Celestia told me you are kind of a natural at fighting, mind telling me where you learnt it?"
"I have had my fair amount of masters in the beautiful art of fighting!" Travis said with pride in his voice. "From Randall Lovikov, a drunken guy that I found at the Bar Plastic Model to Ryan Yamazaki, owner of Ryan Yamazaki's Ultimate Workout Gym and last but no less important, Thunder Ryu, ex-professional wrestler. Always reminding me to keep my ass clean! May his soul rest in peace," Travis said with sadness at the memory of his old master.
"Ooh... I'm... I'm sorry for your loss," Twilight said with pity in her voice. "That sir, Thunder Ryu… he seems very important to you."
"Yeah he was, you could say he raised me since I was in my teens, he was the closest thing I had to a father," He said with a little of sorrow.
Even when Twilight already knew the answer but her natural curiosity got the better of her. "And what happened to your parents?"
"Ahh that's an easy question. They are dead!"
Twilight was shocked, not for the answer Travis gave her since she expected that response but what she didn't expected was the calmness of Travis’ voice as he replied.
"...Okay? How about siblings, do you have siblings?"
"Yes, I have a brother, his name is Henry but our relationship isn't the best at the moment. If we saw each other again we would probably kill each other... Literally... And about sisters, I only have a half sister but she died four years ago."
"Oh… sorry. Touchy subject I guess," Twilight said with a blush out of embarrassment.
"Not at all, I was the one who killed her anyway!"
Twilight stopped writing at the moment Travis said that, to say she was shocked would be an understatement for the state she just fell into. She was just plain horrified.
"Wh-what!? Why would you do something like that!?"
"Long story short, she was the one that killed my parents and it was my job anyway."
Twilight didn't know what shocked her the most. The fact that Travis' half sister killed his parents ending in him killing her or the fact that Travis didn't seems to give a single buck about it. No sign of shame, pity, remorse... nothing. Twilight didn't want to continue asking but Celestia made her mission clear: to find as much information as possible about this mysterious stallion, no matter how difficult to process it may be.
"Wh-what do you me-mean about THAT being yo-your job?" Twilight asked, stammering out of nervousness and shock.
"She was the first rank in the United Assassins Association. At that time I wanted to become the number one of the assassins. At the beginning I had to fight a fancy old guy called 'Dark Star', he just talked some weird shit about him being my real father but then she appears... Jeane was her name by the by. She killed him with just one blow. One. Fucking. Blow. She started to tell me her story, bla bla bla bla, we fought, she almost killed me but I got a little of help and I managed to beat her at the end."
"I... I can't do this anymore," Twilight said while getting up of her seat. "This should be enough for the Princess... Thank you for your time," She said, totally freaked out at Travis’ summary of his life.
"Hey, where are you going? We just started to have fun! And besides you still owe me like four or five questions!" Travis said with his cocky attitude.
"Sorry, but I don't have enough time. I need to give this report to the Princess right now," She quickly said, don't wanting to be the room anymore.
"Come on! Just one quick questions and then you can go!"
"Fine, but make it quick!" Twilight said, turning back to face Travis.
"Are you single?" Asked Travis with a charming smile and receiving very visible blush from Twilight who quickly left the room, leaving the white Pegasus stallion alone again.
"I will take your silence and quick exit as a ‘yes’!" He said with a grin before getting off his seat to lay on the king sized bed in the room.
7 Minutes Later - Throne Room
Both Princess Celestia and Princess Luna sat on their thrones, dumbfounded while reading Twilight's report of Travis' past. A tough and traumatic foalhood. A very troublesome relationship with the only family he has, having to end his own half sister’s life and - based on his job description - many others. The Princesses couldn't help but feel a mixture of both fear and pity for him.
"What do you think we should do with him, sister?" Luna asked to her older sister.
"I don't know Luna, but what really confuse me is, why would Discord sent us somepony like him?" Celestia said with worry to her sister.
"Why don't just put him in the dungeon?" Luna asked again while looking at her sister.
"Because so far he hasn't done anything illegal, even though he claims to have committed murder we don't have any proof to verify that statement."
"Then what do you suggest we do?"
Celestia thought deeply for a while, trying to remember every useful detail she could of their last conversation before finally coming up with something. "Wait, do you remember what he said when we first met him, Luna?"
"What do you mean, 'Tia?" Asked Luna with a confused look.
"He said he fought Discord if I remember correctly. Do you think what he said was true?"
"Well..." Luna started to think for a minute before answering. "He has a great ability at fighting as we saw earlier with Shining Armor's incident and we detected some residual chaos magic in him which means that he actually made contact with Discord's magic, so yes, it is highly probable he did. Why?"
"I think we can use that to our advantage," Celestia said, turning to smile at the younger sister who eyes went wide when she realized her older sister’s plan.
"Are you thinking what I think you are thinking, 'Tia?"
Celestia just smiled wider at her sister. "Luna, please set a meeting with both Travis and the element bearers. We have an announcement and a little explanation to make."
-Meanwhile in the Everfree Forest-
"Sir, the Princesses haven't come back for us and it's been quite a while. What do we do now to get out of this forest?" A royal guard said while awaiting orders from his captain.
"In desperate times we pray to the greatest source of wisdom in all of Equestria!" Shining Armor said with a serious look before looking inside of his saddlebags. "Soldiers, I present you all with..." He paused to add dramatic tension before pulling out the item. "The Magical Conch Shell!!" He shouted in excitement.
"I... Are you serious?" Said one of the guards looking at the item his captain was holding.
"Oh magic conch, what should we do to get out of this forest?" Shining Armor said before pulling on a little cord at the back of the shell with his magic.
"...Nothing" Said a feminine voice coming out of the conch shell.
"THE SHELL HAS SPOKEN!" Yelled Shining Armor before sitting on the ground, doing nothing.
The other guards just stared at him, dumbfounded and with wide mouths almost touching the floor. "...Ahh to Tartarus with it, GLORY TO THE MAGIC CONCH!" they said before sitting alongside thier captain to do just that.
Nothing...
Author's Note
And another chapter done! Sorry guys for the delay, University is getting most of my time right now! But hey, all those long hours of boring class help me think in funny things for this story so be happy about it! University works for something!
Anyway way, as you can see, those red parts of the text are me communicating with Travis since he is also very able to break the 4th wall (just wait until he meets Pinkie!!). Do you like it, I thought it was original at least. Please tell me!
Also, lots of References guys, go catch them all!!
One last thing, if everything ends good, maybe we can have our first Equestrian Struggle soon! so wish me good luck at writing this because im going to need it!
GAME OVER
*INSERT COIN TO CONTINUE*
