See, This is Why we Can't Have Good Things!

by ininbbtfctub

Rating: everyone
Tags: Other, Comedy, Random, Adventure, Derpy Hooves, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Human
Length: 1235

NO DERPY, YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO POST THIS ON FIMFICTION!!!!

NO DERPY, YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO POST THIS ON FIMFICTION!!!!
She did it already, didn't she?
This is what happens when you want to bring ponies to real life....

Published 2012-03-18 07:44:02 UTC
Last updated 2012-03-18 07:44:02 UTC

Derpy!

Hello! Just refer to me as Riloussa for now. I'm a digital reality scientist, and I've been practicing an experiment to bring entities into reality. This method requires a large amount of energy, a 1 extremely complicated code and one subject matter that I had to code to be sentient, I am a giant brony... Derpy Hooves.

My alarm clock rang, blistering through my dreams. I got up and did my daily routine, today I was extra cheerful. I love my job, I get paid for attempting to blur the line between reality and digital reality. Awesome job, isn't it? I went to my job, also pulling out my notebook, this notebook carried everything I've been working on for the past 2 years. I picked up my pencil and wrote:

Day 695

The machine is done, I'm attempting to bring entities into reality. Test one is commencing...

As soon as I arrived at my workstation I readied and fired the first ray, causing a little block of plastic to appear onto the plate. Energy readings were fluxuating disastrously.  The entire lab blacked out for half a second, thankfully no one else was at the lab at the time.

Continued...

The energy readings were fluxuating dangerously during the entire process, it is apparent that we need more power. If we want to bring a entity like Derpy into reality, we need about 20% more power than an average power plant. How fitting...

I walked to the laboratory's personal power plant, it produced about the same amount of electricity of a regular power plant. I walked towards the power output switch, and proceeded to turn the knob to DANGER! which increased its output by about 15%. I broke the switch, causing the entire system to spark. The siren rang, noting that I had 10 minutes to complete whatever I was doing. If I didn't the entire electrical plant would shut down and lock me in until the maintenance bots repaired the problem. I wrote while I ran

Continued...

I managed to get the power activated to its full potential, but I only have 10 minutes to finish or else I'll be without power.

I ran to my workstation, which was a long run as I work close to the exit. Don't know why... Anyways I ran then activated the Derpy's code. The entire system whirred, exploded twice and finally fired the ray.

Continued...

The ray apparatus seems to like exploding, I wasn't able to see if Derpy manifested so I waited until the bots fixed the power plant.

I pulled out my laptop, maybe Equestria Daily has some funny news. I read that Derpy was changed. My laptop ceased to exist afterwards. I looked in the manifest chamber, then D'awwwwed as it was the cutest thing you could ever see. I mean, she looked like this basically

Just so adorable. Looking at me, cocking her head sideways.

"Who are you?" She asked

Oh crap.

Derpy in a car

Okay, let me get my thoughts straight. I built a ray that makes ponies, and now Derpy is here breaking 1,000 dollar equipment. WHAT WAS I THINKING!!! Derpy Hooves, why'd I have to pick the most destructive pony. Why didn't I pick Fluttershy! Ugh... I need to think.

Okay I got it! I'll take the equine home and find out a way to get it back in the TV show. How long has it been? It feels as if weeks. Now there's one problem, how am I supposed to fit a pony into my car? Let alone a pegasus. Hmm... Oh the carbon thingy's done. What'd I expect, it is made of carbon. Meaning I built actual life... How dumb does that sound. I just cloned her and put her in reality. Yeah... That doesn't sounds like a poor excuse of plot.

How the heck does Derpy fit, its a small 2 door and she just walked in and lied down in the back seat.

"No Derpy, we're not stopping at the corner store for some muffins" I told the cross eyed mare.

"But I like muffins" She replied.

"I don't have the money to do so!" I told her.

"I'll give you the bits!" She told me, despratley wanting muffins

"We don't use bits as currency" I told her.

"Currency?" She said, confused.

"I'll explain later" I told her, not wanting to hurt her little mind.

We stopped at my house, late at night. I'm not exactly rich, I have a small sized house with a weaksauce computer. Derpy was fascinated with everything. So many times was 'ooh wazzat' said.

"What's this?" she asked pointing at my television.

"Derpy, go to sleep" I told her, pointing at a extra matress I had for guests.

This ran on for hours

WHAT WAS I THINKING!!!

Explaination

D'awww.... I can't tell the truth, or at least that she came from a kids television show. I had to act like I didn't know her, hard when you just heard he voiced got changed in the television show.

"Hello! Pony!" I said, acting like I didn't know her but I knew what an equine was.

"Hello! Whatever you are!" she responded. Soooo Cute!

"Wings? Ponies can have wings?" I asked her acting like I wasn't already up to speed.

"What are you anyways?" she asked disregarding my other question.

"Homo Sapien, human a bipedal creature with more intelligence than most other animals on our planet.." I responded "Answer my question now"

"Wait... Bipedal? whats that mean?" she asked me

I mental facepalmed, of course she didn't know what those complicated words meant. "Bipedal means 2 legged" I told her

"Oh! I thought you meant 2 pedals! I was like 'He doesn't have any pedals!'" she responded. Dear god where's my insulin...

Pretending I had a teleporter and accidently teleported her here I told her some mumbo jumbo about giga-watts.

"Are you hungry? Want some sweets?" I asked her.

"You have any muffins?" She asked me.

We walked to my lunchbox, I tossed her my blueberry muffin and she ate it. Hoofed animals cannot operate muffins, Derpy could. Watching her eat a muffin, if I hadn't already taken insulin I would've gone into a coma. How HURK!!!

Damn insulin wasn't strong enough.... anywho I walked towards the machine, busted. Simply busted. In my mind I was shouting "NOOOOOO!!!!! NOW I CAN'T HAVE A TWILIGHT SPARKLE!!!!!" but my outward emotions said "meh."

I walked around the pony, she was 2-d at all angles. Wait what? Yes she was 2-D at all all angles, you know that Fluttershy rotating camera that they had in the most recent episode? Eeyup, at all angles...

"So how are you?" I asked her, yes i'm trying to start a conversation with my favorite pony.

"Good! if not a little dizzy" she responded as she pruned her wings. A feather flew to the ground. My mind went "meh" and I picked up the feather. One of my other scientists had something to check for carbon based life. I walked to it and scanned the feather.

"Ooh what are you doing" she said as she picked up a microscope. For conveince I'm going to put a damage meter right after she breaks something

DAMAGE METER : $150

DAMAGE METER : $500

DAMAGE METER : $1,000

This won't work...

This is not going to be good....