Anthro Clopfic #116457

Chapters

Chapter 1) Mhphlmfmhrm!
Chapter 2) You're Gonna Do What?
Chapter 3) Good Night
Chapter 4) Only If You Give Them Meaning
Chapter 5) Don't Tell Anyone
Chapter 13) Eat Up
Chapter 14) If You Don't Mind
Chapter 15) Don't Think I've Forgotten
Chapter 16) On Thy Knees, Peasant!
Chapter 17) No More Talking
Chapter 18) Eh?
Chapter 6) Why Fight It?
Chapter 7) How About This?
Chapter 8) Apple... jack?
Chapter 9) To Ponyville!
Chapter 10) Happy Hearth's Warming
Chapter 11) And Where Do You Think You're Going?
Chapter 12) Very Funny

Chapter 1) Mhphlmfmhrm!

"Do you think he's about to wake up?"

"I hope so, Fluttershy. We need him alive to help us fix this mess we're in."

I heard voices. I thought it was kind of strange because there wasn't anybody else in my apartment when I went to sleep. I checked. Also, Fluttershy? What kind of name is that?

"He better fix this!" another voice chimed in rather emphatically, "I can't fly right with a body like this. The balance is all off."

"Rainbow, there ain't no need to be yellin' like that. 'Sides, it ain't his fault we ended up like this, and you know it."

I seemed to be the object of some debate. From what I could tell, there were at least four of them. That last one seemed to put 'Rainbow' in her place. Seriously, what is up with these names? More importantly, what are all these people doing in my apartment?

The one addressed as 'Rainbow' replied with a grumble of exasperation. "Twilight, why'd you send Pinkie to get Rarity and the Princess? I could've been there and back by now."

"Because, when he started stirring, I didn't know how soon he would wake up. I need you and Applejack to help me restrain him if he panics."

Well, that completed the inventory of the four voices in the room. From what I could tell, the ones called 'Rainbow' and 'Applejack' were to my left and right, and 'Fluttershy' was above my head. 'Twilight' was farther away in the direction of my feet. I felt it safe to assume that 'Rarity' and 'Pinkie' were two of their accomplices outside. And did they say something about a Princess too? Just what kind of mess are they in, and how am I expected to fix it?

"Seriously?" That was 'Rainbow' again. "He doesn't look that strong. I don't think he could hurt any of us."

"That's not what I'm worried about," 'Fluttershy' replied. "He might hurt himself if he panics too much and falls out of bed." She sounded like she was straining to assert herself.

'That really hurt, Rainbow,' I thought to myself. In any case, I figured it was as good a time as any to stop staring at the back of my eyelids and make my presence known in the waking world.

There are many sights that may greet a man when he wakes up in strange and unexpected circumstances. Depending on the exact circumstances in question, some of these imaginable sights are more pleasant than others. Breasts would definitely fall on the 'pleasant' side of that spectrum.

I opened my eyes to the sight of two massive mounds of wonderful warmth and snuggly softness hovering mere inches above my face, as I lay on my back looking up. Something seemed off about them, though. They were covered by light yellow fur. I felt the heat rising up my face as a certain part of my own anatomy made it clear that it had no complaints. Awkward was about to take on a whole new level of meaning.

"Fine," 'Rainbow' relented with a sigh. "I still don't think we need all four of us to hold him down, though. I bet I could take him by myself."

"Whoa there, sugarcube. We ain't been like this as long as he has. He might have a few tricks we don't know about yet."

I glanced around at the speakers while trying to move my head as little as possible. It seemed they were too absorbed in their own argument to notice I was awake. It was immediately obvious where the one called 'Rainbow' got her name from. Her hair vibrantly displayed all the colors of the rainbow as it draped over her forehead and shoulders.

As for their bodies, each one of them was covered in different colors of fur, and even though they were clearly not human, they were very human-like, and they were very clearly female.

I could tell because they were all completely naked.

"Oh great," my mouth betrayed my state of wakefulness by mumbling my thoughts out loud. A number of things happened at that point. The conversation between the four humanoids stopped immediately as at least three pairs of eyes (and three pairs of breasts) focused squarely on me. I started shifting around intending to sit up and get a better look at everything. 'Rainbow' and 'Applejack' had other ideas and threw themselves over my arms and chest, presumably to restrain me. And my world suddenly turned light yellow when my face was pulled straight into what I assumed was Fluttershy's ample bosom.

"Mhphlmfmhrm!" I spoke into a faceful of fuzzy funbags that were every bit as warm and soft as they appeared to be. Unfortunately, my focus was elsewhere because the two great mounds also had the weight of a person on top of them. It made it hard to breathe. I slipped my arms free from under the two others (thank whatever divine being is running this madhouse for thick blankets) to try and push her off, but something else beat me to it. After a few gasps for air, I noticed a dim purple glow surrounding the poor girl and holding her about a foot off the bed while moving her aside.

'Wow,' I thought, unable to form any more complex thoughts at the moment.

"I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. [size=9]I didn't mean to fall on you like that.[/size] [size=8]Please don't be mad at me.[/size]" I turned my head and saw she was practically in tears as she apologized as profusely and as quickly as she could.

'I never thought it was possible to yell so quietly,' my thoughts spoke up again as soon as I snapped out of my stupor.

"It's alright, Fluttershy," the voice of 'Twilight' said in a reassuring tone. Come to think of it, I hadn't gotten a good look at her yet.

"Yeah, no harm, no foul," I chimed in. "Although, I was just trying to sit up. You didn't all have to dive over me like that." The last bit was directed at 'Rainbow' and 'Applejack', who were still pinning me down.

"Heh heh. Sorry 'bout that," the one called 'Applejack' grinned sheepishly. She and her companion pushed themselves off me, once again granting me some freedom of movement, but at the same time granting me a full view of their boobs.

'Okay, I'm gonna need a blindfold or something if I want to think clearly around these nudist aliens.'

I had intended to pull the blankets with me as I sat up, but my captors were still sitting on top of them after pulling themselves off of me. They got the hint, though, and after some awkward shuffling around on their part, I was able to sit up and keep myself covered.

Through a heroic effort of will, I redirected my attention to my surroundings rather than the distractions in my immediate vicinity. It was obvious that I was no longer in my apartment. In fact, the room by itself was easily twice the size of my little college town studio. The bed was a massive four-poster complete with a curtain that could be drawn if I ever thought of a reason to do so. Around the walls of the room sat assorted tables and dressers topped with expensive-looking vases and trinkets. On one side of the bed, I could see a balcony behind a set of curtains. If the sunlight on the other side was any indication, it must have been close to midday. On the other side, between the bed and the door, was a sitting area with a few chairs and large couches surrounding what I could only describe as a big, round coffee table. Overall, the room just screamed luxury and elegance in a way that my standard-issue bachelor pad just didn't.

"Okay," I said to no one in particular, still making a pointed effort to not look directly at the busty aliens in the room. I must have interrupted something, because the muttering sounds I had tuned out during my survey suddenly went quiet. "First question. Where am I?"

The one called, 'Twilight' replied with an unsure tone in her voice, "Oh, you're in a guest room at Canterlot Palace. It's the safest place we could think of to take you. Ummm, welcome to Equestria."

When I was growing up, my parents weren't excessively strict about things like proper etiquette, but they made sure to teach me basic manners. Something as simple as looking at someone when they are speaking to me was practically a reflex. Said reflex had me staring back down the gauntlet of gazongas at the only alien not on the bed, who smiled sheepishly as I turned my head to face her. She was just as naked as the other three, but unlike the others, she was light purple. There was something else, too. She had a horn growing straight out of her forehead, and what looked like a pair of wings folded behind her shoulders.

'Wait, wings and a horn?' Somewhere, in the back of my mind, a train of thought derailed, tragically killing everyone on board including all the follow-up questions to my first one. Quick glances at the others confirmed that 'Rainbow' and 'Fluttershy' also had wings, and 'Applejack' didn't have wings or a horn. 'How did I miss that?'

I took a deep breath and let it out, managing to piece together enough coherent thought before the silence became any more awkward. "Okay, second question. Who and what are you?"

This time, the answer came from an unidentified voice in the direction of the door. "Ooooh! We're just in time for introductions!"

I turned my head just in time to get smothered again. This time, I found my face pressed into a pair of perky pink play pillows.

"Hi! I'm Pinkie Pie!" exclaimed the wall of pink fur.

"Phplmems tph mmphf ium," I replied. This was no ordinary hug. This... whatever she was, had me wrapped in a bone-crushing full-body hug. I couldn't even move my arms to pry her off. I merely hoped that a display of good manners might earn me back my breathing privileges.

'I'm going to die here.'

"Pinkie, let the poor dear breathe," another unidentified voice gently chided my assailant.

'My thoughts exactly, mysterious voice.'

Once delivered from the devastating death grip of D-cup doom, I took the next few seconds to stare at the bed canopy and enjoy the continuation of my oxygen habit. Meanwhile, I could hear a minor commotion coming from the general direction of the door, but I tried to ignore it.

Despite my best efforts, the bouncing of my bed and the sounds of my alien hostesses stumbling and tripping over themselves called my attention away from the semi-transparent curtains tied to the bed posts. I looked around to see what all the noise was. The aliens were attempting to make their way to the sitting area near the door. However, they appeared to be experiencing some difficulty in doing so, if the way they were bear-crawling across the floor with their butts in the air was any indication. At least from my angle, their tails did a semi-passable job of covering up their backsides.

One of the aliens in particular had more trouble than the others in making her way to the circle of chairs and couches. The orange one with blonde hair had stumbled again and hit the floor with a muffled thud.

'At least there was carpet, or that might have hurt,' I mused to myself. I briefly considered the idea that without wings, she was having a hard time balancing herself. I just as quickly wrote that off since they had humanoid bodies, so they should have been able to walk upright. After all, the pink one wasn't having any problems bouncing around the room, seemingly oblivious to the plight of her counterparts.

The way she fell also just happened to give me a good view of her butt. It was certainly a pleasant view in its own right, but what caught my eye was the image of three apples embossed on her hips. I silently glanced around at the others, purely out of curiosity. Each of the others also had unique markings around the same spot.

"Applejack, are you alright?" one of them asked with concern evident in her voice. I could no longer keep track of which voice belonged to which alien.

"I'll be alright, Twi. Jus'..." Her voice cut off as a reddish-purple glow wrapped around her and lifted her into the air, depositing her on one of the couches. "Ya didn't have ta pick me up," she said to her lavender companion, but gratitude was evident in her voice.

"Is something wrong?" I asked, "I can't help but notice you're having trouble just walking across the room."

The light purple one with wings and a horn opened her mouth to speak, but she was cut off by the light blue one with rainbow hair. "How about we turn you into something else and see how fast you learn to walk," she practically shouted at me.

I winced a little at her outburst, but before I could reply, yet another voice chimed in with a placating tone, "Let's not be rude to our guest. He is not to blame for our current predicament."

"I'm sorry, Princess." If her ears hadn't folded back when she said that, I never would have noticed they were sitting on top of her head.

I barely had time to process the ears thing before I realized how she had addressed the one speaking to her. I slowly shifted my gaze to the 'Princess' as their exchange continued. "I understand your frustration, but I'm not the one you should apologize to." She maintained the same gentle smile on her face as she turned towards me. "Now, if you would join us over here, we can all introduce ourselves properly and explain what has happened... Is something bothering you?"

Indeed, something was bothering me. It wasn't her absurdly long multicolored hair blowing in some non-existent wind. It wasn't the wings folded behind her shoulders just like in many paintings of angels. It wasn't even the ridiculously huge horn extending from her forehead and ending in a needle-sharp point. That she appeared to be a seven and a half foot tall amazon woman? Such minor details were immaterial at that point. It was the same thing that was bothering me about each of the other six aliens in the room (who were all looking at me expectantly when I counted them). It was the reason I finally decided I'd had enough and pulled my blanket over my head.

"You're all naked." I don't think I could have been any clearer about the source of my discomfort.

"Uhh, we don't normally wear clothes." Apparently I wasn't clear enough. To top it all off, I could no longer remember which voice answered to what name. All I knew was that the one that provided this insightful, but disturbing, piece of information had a slight southern accent.

"I was wondering about that, actually," claimed the voice that had saved me from my near-suffocation earlier. "Clothes are not completely unheard of, but articles that cover up a cutie mark are reserved for only the most formal of occasions. I admit I am rather unfamiliar with what you were wearing when you appeared, but I do hope you weren't in the middle of something important."

A quick self-inventory revealed that I, too, was naked underneath the covers. 'Crap.' Unable to parse the implications of what the newcomer had said, I settled on a simple, "What?" as a response.

"Well, the doctors removed it when they examined you, so I took it upon myself to make sure it was properly cleaned. It's on the shelf in the nightstand behind you."

Taking great care to not let anything out from under the covers, I turned and made my way to the opposite side of the bed. Sure enough, my boxers were neatly folded on the shelf and smelling faintly of flowers. The scent must have been the laundry detergent. I wasted no time in pulling them under the covers with me and putting them back on. "Thank you," I replied.

"Oh, think nothing of it. Although, now I really am curious as to what you were doing before."

"Uhh, I was sleeping," I revealed.

That line of discussion went on hold when the 'Princess' spoke up, "As much as I would like to learn more about you and where you come from, I think I would like to know your name first. Would you be more comfortable if we had blankets as well?"

I hesitated for a moment to think about her question, if only for the chance to collect my thoughts. Here I was with nothing but boxer shorts and a blanket between myself and a bunch of big bouncy boobs bequeathed to a bunch of disturbingly humanoid aliens who, for all I knew, had kidnapped me from my own apartment and were all just waiting to pounce and have their way with me. Of course a round of introductions were in order.

"It would be less distracting," I kept my reply simple just to avoid lying. I certainly wasn't comfortable with the situation, and nothing short of waking up in my own bed would reduce that discomfort.

"Very well then," she said without even the slightest hint of hostility or malicious intent. After that, I heard dresser drawers being opened and then some rustling around from the sitting area. A few seconds after the rustling stopped, I risked a peek from my own blanket shelter to see if the coast was clear.

I raised an eyebrow when I noticed all of them wrapped in blankets similar to mine. "Where did all those come from?"

"Oh, we keep plenty of extra sheets, blankets and pillows in our guest rooms in case they're needed." The 'Princess' then gestured towards an empty seat, "Now then, if there are no more distractions, would you mind joining us over here?"

"We brought food!" added the pink one, pointing at a very large serving cart loaded with more kinds of food than I've ever seen outside of a grocery store. She continued on without pausing, "We didn't know what you liked, so we just brought a little of everything, well not everything, just as much breakfast stuff as we could fit on the cart, because we figured you just woke up, so you'd want breakfast even if it's past lunchtime, and we're sharing, so if there's something you don't like, we can eat it instead, so you don't have to be sad about letting food go to waste."

I only listened to about half of that before I tuned her out, pulled the blanket free from the bed, made my way to the edge, and stood up to get a better look while keeping myself wrapped up. It was more like a buffet with various pastries and fruits, as well as some odd items like a couple of coconuts and multiple melons. On the end of the cart were two gigantic jugs of milk to complete the whole layout.

Ignoring the massive buffet for a moment, I walked over to the empty chair. I was tired of the constant distractions. "First thing's first. Who are you, and how did I get here?"

Chapter 2) You're Gonna Do What?

In the absence of a clearly defined agenda, keeping a conversation with eight participants on track is practically impossible. Sure, introductions are pretty simple to pull off regardless, but anything beyond that is basically a crapshoot. One person thinks they're asking a simple question, but all they receive is an ambiguous answer that only raises more questions. Those questions are met only with looks of incomprehension. Lines of discussion go off on tangents with no hope of recovery. And before anyone can stop it, a bunch of naked aliens (who, despite some oddities in their appearance, are very easy on the eyes) get into a heated argument about whether they should be walking like ponies or like minotaurs in their transformed state.

"Are they gone yet?" I asked from behind my blanket blindfold. Yeah, the view would have been lovely, but I wasn't about to spoil the dignity of alien ladies who, as far as I could tell, had no idea why their nudity was causing such problems. I do at least attempt to behave like a gentleman most of the time.

"They're gone," Twilight replied, "You can uncover your eyes now."

"Thank you, now we won't have so many distractions bouncing all over the place." The only ones left in the room were me and the two Princesses, Celestia and Twilight Sparkle. The sheets and blankets that had been discarded during the arguments were now folded and stacked neatly on one of the empty chairs. I reached over to the main table and picked up my breakfast plate before turning back to Twilight. I wasn't about to let a decent cinnamon roll go to waste. "Now, where were we?"

"You were about to explain why we should call you 'Bill' instead of 'Richard', 'William', or 'Mr. Johnson'."

"Because it's shorter? I really don't see why that's such a big deal." I couldn't figure out why these 'ponies', as they called themselves, would make such a big deal out of something so trivial.

"Because we just met!" She responded emphatically before continuing, "I know I have a long name too, and that's why I'm OK with everyone calling me 'Twilight', but only my family and closest friends are allowed to shorten it beyond that. By insisting that I call you 'Bill', you're asking me to act like we're already best friends."

I guess nicknames are serious business around here, but I had my own objections to express. I still owed them an explanation of why their nudity was so bothersome. "While we're on the subject of cultural differences, how about I enlighten you about my problem with you being naked?"

"Yes! Please do!" She shouted back, clearly angry about something. "And then, you can explain it to my friends while you're apologizing for kicking them out! Honestly, you shouldn't make such a big deal out of something so trivial."

Celestia interjected before I could make my retort, "Twilight, there's no need to shout. Let him speak his piece. Losing our tempers won't help us resolve the matter at hoof here."

I was surprised at the purple one's reaction to the gentle rebuke. Her ears folded back as her expression immediately went from anger to contrition. "Sorry," she apologized before turning back to me.

I didn't wait for a prompt to start talking, "OK, I want to clarify something first. Even given the size of this room and all the extra furnishings, it is, for all intents and purposes, a bedroom. Is it not?"

Twilight nodded in the affirmative, but raised an eyebrow at the same time. "Yes, but what does that have to do with anything?"

"Context," I replied simply. "If this were a locker room or communal bath, I might be able to write it off as just an oddity or a fluke. Where I'm from, men and women generally bathe separately, but that's beside the point. It could also be a doctor's office, but that wouldn't explain why you're all naked too. This isn't either of those. It's a bedroom, and there's really only one thing that happens when everybody in the room is a naked adult. You are all adults, right?"

"We are, but I don't see what that has to do with...," she trailed off. I guess that she finally realized what I'd been trying to say. "You mean, you thought we wanted to...," once again, she stopped mid-sentence. Finally, she kept it together long enough to complete the thought, "You thought we wanted to mate with you?"

The look on Twilight's face could best be described as somewhere between shock and horror. Her mouth simply hung open after she had finished speaking, and it didn't look like her eyes could open any wider.

Celestia, meanwhile, had a more thoughtful expression that shifted to a slight smirk when she glanced over at her counterpart.

I decided to rub it in a little more, just to get the point across. "Actually, it was a bit more than just showing interest. By the time two people are naked together, it generally means they're done with all those silly games where they each try to figure out if the other is interested. They're finished with all the foreplay, and it's time to get down for the main event, so to speak. Part of me was just waiting for one of you to pounce and start having your way with me."

I didn't think it was possible for someone to blush like that with a face covered in fur, but Twilight demonstrated otherwise as she sputtered out her rebuttal. "Y-you didn't think we would really do that, did you?"

I leveled a glare at her, "No, I didn't think you would, but my thoughts weren't matching up with what I saw. And for the record, I didn't ask for all of your friends to leave, just the ones who were being loud and obnoxious with their arguing. I couldn't even get a word in edgewise to ask the one thing I've been wanting to ask this whole time."

"Wait," Twilight interrupted, "If your question was so important, why didn't you ask that one first?"

I continued glaring at her while gesturing towards the door, "Like I said, distractions."

"Well, let's hear it, but I think I can guess what you're going to ask."

"Why am I here and not in my own home? How did I get here, and what does any of this have to do with your supposed transformation? You call yourselves ponies, but you don't look like ponies. To me, you look like humanoid aliens with a few pony-like features, and the only evidence saying otherwise is your word for it."

The two Princesses shared a Look. It wasn't some ordinary look that could mean anything. This was a Look with a capital 'L'. That kind of Look only means one thing. I was in for some seriously bad news. Mentally, I braced myself for the worst.

"Umm, I hate to interrupt, but it's time for the patient's checkup now that he's awake." I couldn't figure out if an interruption was better or worse than bad news.

I looked over to the door to identify the newest obstacle in my quest to find out what the hell was going on. What I saw was another pony-person whose body was a very light pink that could almost pass for white. Her hair was a more vibrant shade of pink but still on the light side. On top of her head, I could see a horn, which meant she was one of the unicorn types I was told about before the earlier conversation descended into chaos. She was leaning on a small cart with a few things that I couldn't tell the purpose of from a distance, but it appeared she was also using it to support her balance just as much as to carry her supplies. I also noticed that she was wearing a small nurse's hat marked with the all-too-familiar red cross. Conspicuously absent was any other form of clothing.

I buried my face in the palm of my hand before looking sideways at Twilight and Celestia, "You can't be serious."

Celestia stood up and gestured for Twilight to follow her, "I apologize for this, but we must excuse ourselves during your medical checkup."

"Oh, no you don't," I shot back. "You're not going anywhere until I get my answers."

"We don't plan on going anywhere. We will be waiting on the balcony." I opened my mouth to tell her where to stick her empty promises, but she cut me off. "I understand your frustration, but while you are here, we are responsible for your health and safety. We will answer all of your questions as soon as Nurse Joy is finished."

I just scowled at the two so-called Princesses as they walked around the end of the bed toward the balcony curtain. Twilight struggled to balance herself on two legs, while Celestia appeared to have no problems at all despite any claims of being a quadraped turned into a biped well over 7 feet tall and still wrapped in a bedsheet. I watched the two of them until they stepped through the curtain separating the balcony from the rest of the room before turning around to face the new arrival.

I regarded the nurse silently as she made her way to a chair across from mine. The marking on her hip was a red cross with a white heart in the middle which, upon closer inspection, matched the emblem on her hat. She carefully shifted her weight from the cart to the chair before twisting around to take her seat, giving me a splendid view in the process. I tried not to stare, but her mid-sized mammary mounds, though they were smaller than most of the ones I'd seen since waking up, squished together perfectly between her arms as she leaned on them for support. Her tail kept most of the goods downstairs hidden, but that still didn't leave much to the imagination, especially once she was turned back around and trying to get comfortable in the chair. In the process, I got a good view between her legs. For a second, I thought I saw her lady bits tighten, almost like it was winking at me.

'If I didn't know better, I'd say they were doing this on purpose.'

Upon completion of the impromptu peep show, her horn started glowing a light pink color, and a clipboard and pencil surrounded by the same glow floated off the cart towards her.

'I'm just gonna take a wild guess that glowing horns and glowing objects are connected somehow. Maybe it's related to this so-called magic they keep talking about.'

I cleared my throat to get her attention. My patience had been exhausted a long time ago, and I just wanted to get this over with and get my damn answers.

"Oh," she started, finally realizing I was waiting on her, "Where are my manners? My name is Pink Joy, but everypony just calls me 'Nurse Joy'. I've been in charge of your medical care since you were first brought here."

I could at least handle an introduction. Since paperwork was involved I decided to give my full name, "The name's Richard William Johnson, but I go by 'Bill'. How long is this going to take? I kinda have other things on my mind right now."

"Oh, it's nice to finally meet you, um... Bill." I guess Twilight was telling the truth about having someone call me by a shortened version of one of my names. The nurse was definitely blushing when she paused to address me. Thankfully, she recovered after a quick shake of her head, as if clearing away distracting thoughts, "I just need you to answer a few questions, and then I need to take a few tissue and fluid samples. It shouldn't take long at all."

"Couldn't you have taken the samples while I was unconscious?" In the back of my mind, I knew asking questions would delay things, but my curiosity would not be denied.

"I did," she stated, "but I don't know if you being awake now will affect my analysis, and there are some samples that I can't get unless you are awake."

"Alright," I relented because I was done stalling. "Let's just get this over with."

"Okay then," she smiled as the glowing clipboard rose from the armrest and moved in front of her. "Now, some of these questions might sound silly, but I've never treated anything like you before, so I had to make assumptions."

"Fair enough," I conceded. "Ask away."

"What is your species called?"

"Human."

"Is it normal for you to only have hair in certain parts of your body?"

"Yes."

The first several questions were mostly innocuous, and I answered them mechanically. Yes, I consider myself in good health. No, I haven't been forcibly shapeshifted recently. No, nothing physically hurts right now. Soon, though, she got to questions with a little more substance.

"I had a look at your teeth and scanned the contents of your stomach before you woke up..." she trailed off, looking hesitant to ask her question. "Do you need meat as a part of your diet?"

"Yes, I do. Is there a problem?" I inquired, "And how exactly did you see what was in my stomach?" I'd pretty much resigned myself to the idea that the alien doctors would be poking and prodding while I was asleep, but pumping my stomach seemed a bit too far.

"Just a little magic spell," she said in a cheerful tone, as if she expected me to just accept it at that, but before I could follow up, she answered my other question, "and no, it's not a problem. The palace often entertains dignitaries of other races that eat meat. But the kitchen doesn't stock any unless they're expecting such guests, so they'll have to order some from their suppliers, and you may have to wait a couple days."

"I can live with that," I sighed, "but what was that about magic spells and other races?"

"And I thought you just wanted to get this over with," the nurse shot back with a hint of smugness.

I quickly shook my head to clear out distracting thoughts. For some reason, I kept falling into the trap of idle chatting. I chalked it up to the alien nurse's nudity. Boobs have a way of clouding one's thoughts, sending parts of the mind off on tangents before the rest of it can reel them back in. I let my frustration show when I responded, "I do want to get this over with, dammit." For my own benefit, I added at the end, "We can satisfy our curiosity later. Let's just deal with the critical stuff right now."

"Oh," she perked up, "Then we're done with the questionnaire and ready for the samples."

"Hold on," I interrupted. "Before I let you start poking and prodding whatever you want, just what do you want all these samples for?"

In response, I just got a deadpan stare which I returned. It helped that the clipboard was positioned in a way that blocked my view of her chest. If it weren't, the effect would have been ruined.

"I'm guessing you haven't been told you're under quarantine?"

"Well, it wasn't exactly obvious given the number of visitors I've had."

"Well, you are under quarantine," she emphasized. "Only the medical staff, the Princesses, and those with permission from the Princesses may enter or leave this room. Once we're sure there's no danger to you or the public, the quarantine will be lifted."

"OK," I conceded. As much as I hated the situation, I had to admit it made sense. "What's first?"

"Actually, could you move over here?" she gestured at the couch next to her chair. "It'll be easier if we're closer together."

It was the request I'd been dreading all along, but once again, cold logic prevailed over ingrained cultural instinct. If needles were going to be involved, I would certainly want the nurse wielding them to be able to see what she was doing. Reluctantly, I got up and walked around to the couch the nurse had indicated and seated myself.

As I sat down and adjusted my blanket to keep it from hanging on the floor, I hadn't noticed that Nurse Joy was also relocating to the couch. The exact second I looked up, I was greeted by a pinkish-white butt emblazoned with a red cross that had a white heart in the middle moving directly toward the spot currently occupied by me. I corrected this by scrambling as fast as I could to the opposite end of the couch.

The sound of my movement got the nurse's attention and drew a small snicker. "Oh, there's no need to be shy," she teased.

"You were about to sit on me." The thought wasn't an unpleasant one, but that part of my head was too busy confusing contexts for me to trust its judgment. Still, I could feel the heat rising in my face.

"Oh, I'm sorry then. I guess I wasn't paying attention," she said, turning to face me. "I just... Is something wrong? Your face is all red. Are you getting a fever?" Her tone shifted to concern as she spoke.

"NO! No. Everything's fine, really. Everything's perfectly fine," I answered frantically.

Apparently, I wasn't as convincing as I had hoped. Now, the nurse was making her way toward my end of the couch, on her hands and knees with her breasts hanging down, tantalizingly obscured by her upper arms. They swayed in time with her crawling as she approached.

"Are you sure?" She closed in and pressed herself against my blanket defenses while reaching up to my forehead. I had nowhere to retreat from the advance. She was close enough that I could feel her breath on my cheek, and if it weren't for the blanket, she would have seen exactly how 'perfectly fine' everything was. "If you're getting a fever, we need to get you out of that blanket to cool you off."

'Dammit'

"You're burning up!" she exclaimed almost as soon as she touched my forehead.

I didn't even have time to react as the same glow that had supported her clipboard before completely enveloped my only covering and pulled it open, exposing what I'd been trying to hide. My boxers now resembled a tent, much to my embarrassment.

Nurse Joy also noticed my situation, but instead of showing disgust, righteous indignation, or even professional indifference like a sane individual might, she started giggling. She did at least try to hold it in at first, but soon enough, the giggles became full-blown laughter. I couldn't really call it a belly laugh, because she didn't have much of a belly to speak of. Still, her jugs, jiggling gently with jocularity, ensured that my traitorous member remained standing at full attention.

Thankfully, the nurse pulled away and shifted herself to lean against the back of the sofa while she continued her assault on my pride. Meanwhile, I slowly pulled the blanket back over myself, curled up, and prayed for death. I'm not exactly hung like Seabiscuit, but that's no reason to make fun of a guy.

"Oh, it's not that bad," she tried reassuring me, after catching herself. Now she was back to intermittent giggling. "I just think it's funny that you think it's such a big deal."

'Yeah, yeah, laugh it up. Let it all out. I didn't need my dignity anyway. Wait, what?'

"Really, it's nothing to be so embarrassed about. I'm a medical professional, and this isn't the first time I've treated a stallion. This isn't even the first time I've seen your penis. Who do you think examined and cleaned you while you were still asleep?

'Your bedside manner needs work.'

"Uhh, what?" Once again, I found myself unable to articulate my thoughts.

My inquiry went unnoticed. The nurse continued speaking as she turned to retrieve something from her cart. From my angle, it looked like a small cup with some kind of stretchable collar around the top. "Besides, I need a sperm sample anyway, and with you already erect, I only have to cast one spell instead of two. It's also better to get it before the blood draw anyway."

"Wait, what?" I asked again, louder this time.

What I assumed to be the sample cup floated over to me courtesy of the nurse's horn glow. The collar looked like something to hold it on the end of my dick and keep anything from spilling out. "I'm taking a sperm sample. Just attach the sample cup to the end of your penis, and I'll cast a spell that causes immediate ejaculation."

"You're gonna do what!?" I couldn't believe my ears. I'd been giving this whole magic thing quite a lot of leeway, but I sure as hell didn't trust it being used on the most delicate part of my anatomy.

The nurse finally paused, as if she had just noticed my misgivings, and gave me a level stare, "I'm going to cast a spell on you. Just make sure you get it in the cup and don't spill any."

"Hell no!" I replied emphatically. "I'm not letting you use magic on my junk. I don't trust it or you that much."

"I assure you, it's completely harmless and painless, but if you'd rather do it the hard way, you can take these into the bathroom and provide the sample yourself." As she said this, a pair of what could only be magazines flew out from one of the lower shelves of the cart. I snatched one out of the air to confirm my suspicions.

On the cover was a pair of pony-like creatures striking what I assumed were meant to be provocative poses. While they still weren't quite like ponies from Earth, there was definitely more resemblance than the aliens I'd seen so far. Idly, I flipped through a few pages and saw the sort of things one might have seen on the Discovery Channel way back before it became total crap. Clearly, Playcolt was the type of publication sought by adolescents for the insightful and thought-provoking articles.

I'd seen enough, so I pointed to the proffered pony porn periodicals and proclaimed, "Sorry nurse, this isn't gonna cut it. Any other options?"

"No," she said flatly, "It's either that or the spell. I got to where I am by being a professional, and I don't plan to stop now."

'Says the nurse who just laughed her tits off at my boner.'

"Fine," I sighed, resigning myself to the inevitable. I reluctantly opened my covers and exposed my manhood. The collar on the cup stretched out easily enough, and I let it retract around the shaft of my dick. "Let's just get this over with before I go limp."

I could see the smugness written on her face at that. She just said, "Alright, hold still please," before her horn started glowing.

I just barely noticed the matching glow around my dick when everything erupted into a world of pain. I'm no expert on torture, but on a scale of one to red-hot nails being jammed up my urethra, this was a solid nine. Naturally, I expressed my discomfort.

I don't know how long or how loud I was screaming, but by the time the pain subsided, and I had calmed down, both Princesses were back in the room. The nurse was practically in tears sputtering out apologies to anyone in earshot.

Meanwhile, I became vaguely aware of the now filled sample cup still hanging from the end of my penis. How it had stayed on there was a mystery, but I didn't care. Fortunately, there didn't appear to be any physical damage, and it was a small consolation that I wouldn't have to go through the ordeal again. I detached the container and set it on the table in front of the couch before pulling my covers back around me.

When Nurse Joy noticed me moving around, she was at my side in an instant, wrapping me in a hug while apologizing profusely for the mishap. I barely registered the contact and said nothing in response. Instead of going back out to the balcony, Celestia decided to supervise the remainder of my checkup.

Luckily, the rest of the sample collection went smoothly. Everyone was worried about whether or not the blood draw would elicit the same amount of agony, but there was no problem at all. I figured as long as no one used magic on me directly, I wouldn't have the bad reaction. I said nothing the whole time and just provided whatever they wanted to take: saliva, hair clippings from various spots, even fingernail and toenail filings. The nurse also wanted a urine and stool sample, but since I didn't have to go, she just left a collection kit and instructions before packing up her cart and leaving.

Once again, I was alone with the two alien Princesses, and there were no more pending interruptions to stop me from getting the answers I wanted. I, of course, had already jumped to my own conclusion based on recent events.

'I'm dead, and this is Hell. This is all punishment for some grievous sin I must have committed in life.'

Celestia brought my mind back into the present by interrupting my internal monologue, "I imagine you are tired of waiting on answers to your questions by now."

"That's putting it mildly," I deadpanned, "Let's hear it."

In response, Twilight Sparkle spoke up, "It's my fault. I was experimenting with trans-dimensional magic that would let me observe other worlds. A couple months ago, I found your world. It caught my interest because it defies our conventional theories about what is needed for..."

"You're getting off topic," I cut her off. It might have made for interesting conversation, but I wasn't in the mood to tolerate any more tangents. "What did you do?"

To her credit, the purple Princess recovered quickly, "Like I said, I took an interest in your world, and after observing for a several weeks, I thought it might be safe to attempt a portal. Four days ago, I tried opening one, but something went wrong. The anchor for the portal started absorbing all the magic. I had no choice but to cancel the spell and pull back on the link."

"I can see where this is going," I interrupted again. "I'm going to take a wild guess that I was the 'anchor' you were talking about?"

Her ears folded back as she hung her head in shame. Even her voice lowered, "When it was all over, you were on the ground, unconscious in the spot where our end of the portal would have been. Our transformation was a side effect of the backlash."

At this point Celestia added her commentary. "What she says is true. However, I cannot allow her to accept all responsibility for what happened. My sister and I authorized her attempt to open a doorway between our worlds, and we also lent our power to Twilight and her friends in doing so. We, too, share much of the blame for what happened."

Twilight's eyes went wide as she turned to the other Princess. I could see her mouth starting to form words of protest.

Celestia simply held up a hand, presumably to forestall any arguments. "We can discuss this in private later."

Twilight conceded before turning back to me, "We know what went wrong, so we'll be able to send you back, but we can't until we find a way to release all the magic you absorbed. Is there anything else you want to know?"

"Later," I said. There were plenty of questions I could have asked, but I already had enough to process as things stood. I'd only been up for maybe an hour and a half, and I was already feeling drained. "I just want to be alone right now to think about all this."

"Are you sure?" Twilight asked, standing up and beginning to move in my direction. "If there's anything..."

"Get. Out." I cut her off again, this time with no small amount of anger in my voice.

"Very well. We will speak again later. Come with me, Twilight. Your friends are probably waiting on us." At that, the last of my alien abductors left the room.

Being dead might have been easier to deal with.

Chapter 3) Good Night

The Princesses' departure left me alone with my thoughts. Immediately, I began thinking about the situation I now faced. If I really was dead, then this was a fucked up start to my afterlife. It could also all be a dream, but the more time that passed, the less likely that possibility seemed to be. For starters, just thinking about the possibility of being in a dream should have ended it. I spent a few minutes trying to will myself awake anyway, just in case. It didn't work.

Out of boredom, I considered all the dream cliches I could think of. I may have been naked and in the spotlight, but so was everyone else, and I at least had a blanket to cover myself with. Given the physical proportions of most of the 'ponies' I had met and the fact that I had yet to see any males of their kind, it could have been one of those types of dreams. On the other hand, pretty much all we did was talk for about an hour. A dream would have taken a different track, and I surely would have woken up right when it got to the good part. I pressed my tongue against my teeth, but they were all firmly rooted in place, not likely to start falling out on their own any time soon. Finally, I got brave enough to step out on the balcony and noted its height above the ground and, more importantly, its structural stability. It would certainly be a long fall, more than long enough to wake up from a bad dream, but it appeared just as solid as the palace it was built into.

While I was thinking about the balcony, it occurred to me that I was technically under quarantine still. I shouldn't have had a balcony open to outside air. I soon noticed a very faint, reddish-purple bubble surrounding me. Looking across to one of the other towers, I saw banners and flags swaying in what looked like a fairly strong breeze, but I couldn't feel a thing from where I stood. Maybe it was some sort of barrier, probably more of that 'magic' the aliens were talking about before. Tentatively, I reached out to test my theory. I was somewhat apprehensive due to my earlier experience, but all I felt was a transparent wall.

There wasn't much else worth noting on the balcony, just a bench and a pair of planters that stood empty. While the bubble seemed to block wind and solid objects, it must not have been intended to insulate temperature differences. There was a definite chill in the air, even more so than inside.

'I wonder if this place has seasons like Earth does,' I mused to myself as I stepped back inside.

Earth. Home. With everything going on since I woke up, it hadn't really hit me that I was somewhere far away from home with no way back. Now there were no such distractions.

How long would it take for someone to notice I was gone? School was already out for holiday break, so no one would notice my absence from class. I didn't have a job, because I had plenty of money to live off of while attending classes, and work would have drastically cut into my study time.

How long before my family realized something was amiss? I wouldn't be able to return their holiday calls, and I wouldn't be visiting them now that I'd been abducted by aliens. Surely, they would figure it out by then.

If nothing else, my landlord would definitely notice me failing to drop off my rent check, but that wouldn't be for another couple weeks.

It was overwhelming: thinking of home, my family, my friends. I had no way of telling them I wouldn't be around for the holidays. I couldn't even tell them I was alive and, for the most part, okay. I let myself fall onto the bed, wrapped myself tightly under the covers, and cried my eyes out into the pillow.

I got up when I realized I needed to use the bathroom. I must have zoned out at some point, because when I looked up, the sun had already set, and another food cart had appeared in the sitting area. I was a little hungry, but food could wait while I took care of business. Unfortunately, it meant leaving the blanket behind and braving the chill of the room.

The bathroom looked like it was built for a person half my size. The counter was barely higher than my knees, and the top of the mirror was right around eye level. Luckily, whoever dropped off the food had thought to leave the stool and urine sample kit on the counter, presumably to remind me that I still had to give those samples if I ever wanted to leave the room. As luxurious as my accomodations were, I didn't want to spend all my time locked up here, alone, with nothing to do but dwell on my situation. I began to regret sending the Princesses off, if only because then I would have had someone to talk to.

The 'toilet', as far as I could tell, was little more than an oddly-shaped basin that rose about a foot out of the floor and had a seat with a U-shaped channel at the back. I had to squat down to make sure everything went where it was supposed to. Then, I opened up the collection kit and tried not to make a mess out of the whole thing.

While I tended to nature's call, I looked around the bathroom. Thankfully, the bathtub was big enough to accomodate someone my size, and it even had a showerhead that I might be able to fit under. On the counter was everything I needed to maintain basic hygiene. I had a toothbrush, toothpaste, a small selection of soaps and shampoos for the bath, and a few hairbrushes of different sizes. I would've preferred a comb, but I could probably ask for one later. Washcloths and towels of various sizes hung on racks in appropriate places. Since this was a guest room in what I assumed was their royal palace, everything had ornate gold trim and looked as clean as if it were on a showroom floor.

I got worried when I noticed that there wasn't any toilet paper, but then I found a pair of levers within easy reach that had diagrams next to them to indicate their function. One indicated a mass of liquid going down a drain, so I guessed that was the flushing lever. The other appeared to be a jet of water directed at the backside of a pony-like figure. I'd never used a bidet before, but I had some idea how they worked and could recognize one if I saw it. Apparently, alien toilets had them built in.

Upon completing my business, I left the collected samples on the counter and washed my hands in the sink. I had to do it in an awkward kneeling position because everything was so low, but given the design of the fixtures, the diagrams on the toilet levers, and (more vividly) the images in their porno mags, I found it easier to believe that the pony-aliens really were transformed quadrapeds. What I'd seen so far didn't make any sense otherwise.

I walked back out into the main room and headed towards the food cart. The layout was similar to the one earlier. This time, the spread resembled something more like a salad bar with all sorts of leafy greens and other raw vegetables laid out. There were even a few flowers to choose from. However, what stood out to me was the note leaning against a bowl of what looked like spinach.

Bill,

I wanted to apologize again for what happened earlier, but I didn't want to disturb you while you slept. Words can't express just how sorry I am for causing you pain. It violated everything I stand for as a practitioner of medicine. If I had thought there was even the slightest possibility you would react the way you did, I wouldn't have insisted on using the spell. I have informed the others that until we learn more about its effects, the use of magic directly on you is strictly prohibited unless your life is at risk.

I know a simple apology letter may not earn your forgiveness, but I hope you can at least understand that we don't intend to harm you.

Sincerely,

Pink Joy

In truth, I hadn't really thought much about the incident with the nurse since I found out the circumstances of my arrival. Sure, it hurt more than anything I could remember, but it was only temporary. I had bigger problems occupying my mind. Whether or not I would see my home again stood chiefly among them, and from my position, there was dick-all I could do about it.

One thing I could take care of was how hungry I was after everything I went through since waking up in this crazy place. The cinnamon roll, while very tasty, hadn't done much toward filling the void in my stomach. I pushed the food cart towards the bed, so I could shelter myself from the cold while I gathered my meal.

Most of the cart looked like a salad bar minus the bacon bits, but everything had a clear lid or cover over it, most likely so I could see what it all was without leaving all the food exposed for hours. That didn't really appeal to me very much. I didn't get over six feet tall by eating rabbit food, and I didn't intend to start now. Fortunately, I found something more suitable on the end. I made myself a peanut butter and jelly sandwich and stuck it on a plate with some potato chips. I also poured myself a glass of water to wash it all down with.

I decided a little change of scenery might help me clear my head while I ate. I took my blanket and my meal out to the balcony so I could eat under the stars.

The bench was wide enough for me to sit with my legs folded up in front of me, and I made sure to wrap myself up completely to keep the cold out. I still left gaps for my hands to hold onto my food and drink, but I managed to not freeze. A clear sky allowed the stars to provide plenty of light for me to see while I ate.

My guest room must have been at the back of the palace, because the balcony overlooked a nearly vertical cliff face that dropped into a wide valley below. I could see small clusters of lights in the distance that I guessed were towns or villages.

I was only a few bites into my sandwich when movement in one of the other towers caught my attention. Judging by the multicolored hair, I realized it was Celestia. I couldn't see the expression on her face, but I noticed her looking in my direction before heading back inside. I paid no mind and continued eating, shifting my attention back to the stars.

I wasn't much of an astronomer. The only constellations on Earth I could identify with any confidence were Orion and the Big Dipper. Still, I knew deep down that that didn't matter, because I wasn't on Earth, and none of the constellations would match anyway. I was just stargazing for lack of anything else to do, and having something pretty to look at helped to calm my thoughts.

Several minutes later, as I finished the last remains of my meal, a new voice addressed me, "Would you like some company? I have wished to speak with you since my sister informed me of your waking."

Only slightly startled, I turned to see who had addressed me. Another one of the alien females met my eyes with a gentle smile on her face. This one had a horn and a pair of wings just like Celestia and Twilight Sparkle, but her coloration was a dark shade of blue. Her hair and tail, which resembled the night sky, blew in the same non-existent breeze that Celestia's did. She was also naked, but that was par for the course so far. However, that didn't stop me from quickly looking away before I replied, "Yeah, sure, I don't mind."

The newcomer apparently picked up on my reaction, because she asked, "Do you truly find our lack of adornment so disturbing?"

I hesitated to answer. Although it was nice to have someone to talk to, this wasn't a conversation I wanted to have right now. I just gave a noncommital grunt in response.

She tried a different tack, "I notice you still retain your coverings even when alone."

"It's cold," I said.

"Winter begins in a mere fortnight," she stated. "If you are cold out here, then perhaps we could go inside?"

"It's cold in there, too. Besides, I'd rather be out here right now. Staring at the walls gets boring after a while."

"Very well. Then I shall join you out here. Pity you cannot see my Moon from this side of the Palace. It is quite magnificent this night." I detected a hint of pride in the mysterious pony-woman's voice.

"Just who are you, anyway?" I asked, tired of not having a name to put with the voice.

"I am Luna, Princess of the Night." As she introduced herself, she sat down next to me.

"You can call me 'Bill'," I replied, more out of politeness than anything else. She didn't talk like a doctor or nurse, so it only made sense that she was a Princess.

"It pleases me to make your acquaintance, Bill, though I understand if you do not share my sentiment." As she said that, she draped her wing over my shoulder, wrapping it around and pulling me closer.

I tensed at the contact. Like Celestia, Luna was definitely bigger than me, and I didn't want to take my chances in a physical struggle. Her being naked didn't help things either. On the other hand, the chill that had been starting to penetrate my defense was completely cut off by the added layer.

"How considerate of you," I replied, after a brief pause, "but don't get too friendly with me. I just want to go home as soon as possible."

"And you shall be returned to your home world with all due haste, once we have learned a way to proceed."

'That's what the other ones said,' I thought to myself.

Luna continued, "You can relax as well. If you mean what I believe you mean when you say, 'Don't get too friendly,' know that I have no intention of, 'pouncing and having my way with you,' as you so eloquently phrased it to my sister and her student." She sounded amused, but I wasn't sure. I'd been making a point to not look at her since she sat down, instead rotating my focus between the sky, her wings, and various points on the floor.

So the royal family weren't all related by blood. Thinking back to my interactions with the other two, I assumed Celestia was Luna's sister, and Twilight Sparkle was the student. Although Twilight did most of the talking, Celestia was clearly in charge, judging by how everyone deferred to her. I also picked something else out of Luna's words, "They told you about that, did they?"

"They did, along with everything else that has transpired since you awoke."

I didn't raise my voice, but I did let my anger put an edge on my reply, "Then you should know that after all the crap you and yours have put me through since I've been here, you're lucky I'm even being civil."

The Princess took a deep breath and let it out before she said, "I am grateful for that much. It is our genuine desire to help you."

"But you don't know what you're doing any more than I do." I'd had several hours by myself to think about things, and I wasn't about to accept empty words.

After another pause, she finally admitted, "I cannot refute your words."

"Then the least you could do is tell me what you're doing and why. I deserve that much. None of this taking what you want from me while I sit here without a clue. I'm no doctor, but I wasn't born yesterday. I know blood test results don't change just because I woke up."

Once again, Luna hesitated, probably thinking about what to say next, "After your ordeal with the ejaculation spell, I see no reason to conceal our purpose. You are indeed correct that the collection of those samples was not to determine the safety of lifting your quarantine. We are looking for ways to extract the magic you absorbed when the portal to your world collapsed. Due to its unique nature, we cannot do so by more direct means."

My mind flashed back to Nurse Joy's spell. "Speaking of which, do you even know how your so-called magic affects me? I don't want a repeat performance of before."

"The magic you absorbed should be harmless, as it has no will attached to it. As for the incident in question, the nurse did not anticipate your sensitivity to magic, which greatly amplified the effect of her will on the effect of the spell."

That answered some things, but only raised more questions, "Why didn't she anticipate it?"

"There was a miscommunication between the guards and the medical staff." Luna paused, but took my silence as a cue to elaborate, "When we attempted to open the portal, we did so in a remote location. When the spell failed, you laid unconscious in our circle, and we thought it best to transport you here for examination. The guards responsible for your transport reported that you began to stir during your transit. They cast a dreamless sleep spell in order to avoid having to deal with a panicking creature with unknown capabilities. The spell should have worn off after a few hours. Instead, it lasted four days."

'In other words, the left hand doesn't know what the right hand is doing. Typical.'

Oblivious to my internal musing, the Princess kept talking, "Make no mistake, the doctors and nurses charged with your care were not chosen lightly, nor were the guards who accompanied us to the portal site. Their report contained every detail. It was simply not delivered to everypony who needed to see it. That error has since been corrected."

"Well that's one mystery solved," I mumbled to myself.

"What do you mean?"

"Huh what?" I stammered before catching myself and finding some words to fill the gap. "Oh, I'm just trying to make sense of what's happened."

"I see," Luna replied. "May I ask you something?"

"Sure," I conceded, seeing no harm in a little conversation.

"Why have you not looked at me since we have been talking?"

Now it was my turn to be confused, "What do you mean? You're naked. Didn't the others tell you about that?"

"They did, but I do not believe that is the underlying cause for your discomfort."

"How do you figure that?" I asked, not too thrilled about being psychoanalyzed by an alien. "Please enlighten me about my own thoughts and feelings."

"The nurse showed you a pornographic magazine did she not?"

"Yes," I confirmed, wondering where Luna was going with this.

She continued, "The ponies in that magazine were naked, and yet you reported no arousal at all from the images inside. If the absence of clothing was sufficient to explain your reaction to Twilight and her friends, then you would have been aroused."

"So what do you think it is?"

"I believe it is our resemblance to females of your kind. Am I wrong?"

'Shit.' I wanted to argue, but she had me dead to rights on that one. On top of that, it brought my mind around to the thoughts I'd been trying to ignore for the entire conversation. Except for the tails and the wings, everything from their knees up to their shoulders and down to their hands was close enough to human women that it made no difference to the more primitive parts of my brain. If anything, certain aspects were slightly exaggerated to enhance their appeal, much like how a photo in an ad might be altered to make the model more attractive. Granted, there was an added weirdness factor due to the layer of dense, short hair covering their whole bodies, but in this case, that wasn't enough to distract my traitorous libido.

While I hesitated, Luna stretched her legs out into my field of view and said, "Take your time to think about it."

I was thinking about it alright, and while sifting through the mental images from earlier in the day, I noticed things that I hadn't been paying attention to before. The similarity definitely ended at the knees. They still had hooves where a person's toes would have been. I could also see what was most likely the remnants of the pony body structure in what were now their heels (or whatever those backwards knee things on a horse were called). It gave the impression that they were all trying to walk around on their tiptoes. 'Small wonder they can't walk around without tripping over themselves.

That just left their faces. They didn't fit neatly into either the 'human' or 'pony' category. Sure, there were some vaguely pony-like features such as ears on top of the head and a short muzzle. There were also human features. The style and placement of their hair wouldn't be out of place on Earth (disregarding the colors of course), and they were able to show the full range of human facial expressions, unlike any ponies or horses from back home. So, they weren't completely human, but they weren't completely pony either. The overall effect was alien, but not unappealing.

After a few minutes, I finally broke the silence and sighed, "Fine. You're right. Happy now?"

Luna hooked a finger around my chin and turned my head to face her. "There is no shame in admitting when you like what you see."

Shifting uncomfortably, I moved my head back to face forward again. "But that doesn't make it any less distracting," I countered.

"That is something you must learn to deal with. You are a guest, not a prisoner. At sunrise, your quarantine will be lifted, and you will be free to come and go as you please."

In response, I just closed my eyes and took a deep breath.

At that point, someone else made her presence known on the balcony. She was one of the night nurses checking to see if I was still there. I couldn't see her from where I sat because Luna was in the way. I waved a hand out to confirm my presence, and that seemed to satisfy the nurse.

"It is getting late," Luna stated. "Perhaps we may continue this tomorrow."

I opened my mouth to reply, but all that came out was a big yawn. I guess being out cold for four days didn't do much for fatigue.

"Get some rest. The others will likely ask you to join them for breakfast in the morning."

"Fine," I finally grumbled, getting to my feet as soon as Luna removed her wing. I made my way inside ahead of her.

Once inside, I started rummaging through the dressers that Twilight Sparkle and her friends had gotten their blankets from before. My current one was covered in bread and chip crumbs from my lunch-slash-dinner-slash-midnight snack.

"What are you looking for?" the Princess asked as I finished searching one that was full of nothing but bedsheets.

"A big, heavy comforter," I replied. "With the room as cold as it is, these thin blankets aren't gonna cut it."

"You shall find them in the tall wardrobe to your right."

"Uhh, thanks." I walked past another low chest of drawers to the wardrobe Luna pointed out. It also had a thinner blanket like the one I'd been wearing as a robe all day. I took one of those too, just for good measure.

Luna spoke up again, "Would you mind if I helped myself to some of this food? I am feeling rather peckish at the moment."

"No, I don't mind," I said absently. I was focused on more important things than a food cart stuffed with more food than I could put away in a whole week. I laid out the clean blankets on the bed without looking up while the Princess browsed the selection of salad ingredients.

'With any luck, I'll wake up back in my own bed, and all of this will have been a really strange dream.'

"If you will excuse me, I bid you good night," Luna said, apparently done assembling her snack.

I just grunted in acknowledgement as I made my way to the bathroom to brush my teeth.

"And Bill," she got my attention. I actually turned and looked, having been addressed by name. For once, I actually managed to focus on her face. Surprisingly, the look in her eyes gave the impression of sadness, or possibly regret. "If I may offer some advice from a pony who has learned the hard way, you do not have to be alone if you choose not to be."

I just stood there, unsure of what to say. Before I could find any words, she strode to the door and out of the guest room.

I went back to brushing my teeth. After that, I downed another glass of water and then climbed into bed to try and get some real sleep. Luna's parting words still sounded in the back of my mind.

'What did she mean by that?'

Chapter 4) Only If You Give Them Meaning

Morning sunlight greeted my eyes, so I returned the greeting in the way any sane person would. I wrapped a corner of the bedsheet around the top of my head in order to cover my eyes so I could go back to sleep. To my great disappointment, the bed I slept on was still two sizes too big for me rather than the other way around. This meant that I was still in alien fantasy land and not at home.

"Oh, Richard," came a singsong voice from the direction of the door, "it's time to wake up." Speak of the devil, it was that purple witch responsible for my whole predicament.

My answer to that was to pull the rest of the covers over my head, leaving only a small gap for breathing fresh air. I would not succumb to the morning without a fight.

"Come on," she continued in her cheerful tone, as if that would entice me. "Don't you want to get out of this room? You're not under quarantine any more."

"Outside will still be there in two hours."

"But breakfast won't be," she said, irritation beginning to creep into her voice.

Tempting, but I still had an ace in the hole. These ponies still didn't know that I was a bachelor and a college student, and that granted me the amazing ability to skip meals and subsist entirely on junk food.

After a couple minutes, Twilight cracked first. "We don't have time for this!" she snapped. I could feel the tugging on my covers before the heavy comforter finally came free. I still had the blanket underneath, but the edges had been pulled loose. I scrambled to pull them back in, but the she-devil was faster. "Get up!"

"Cold!" I exclaimed, oblivious to her concerns. Luckily, the comforter was still within reach despite having been yanked off of me before. I pulled it back around me for warmth as I finally sat up, glaring daggers at my tormentor. "Alright, I'm up."

"Good, the others are waiting for us in the dining room, so do whatever it is you humans do in the morning, and I'll show you the way down there," she said, reverting back to the insufferably cheerful voice and smile of a morning person.

My stomach chose that particular moment to make its hungry noises, ultimately defeating any protest I could have raised. Grudgingly, I made my way to the side of the bed. While the sunlight took the edge off the cold room, I still needed to ease my way out from under the covers.

'Crazy nag, thinks she can order me around.'

After brushing my teeth and using the toilet, I beelined for the dresser I'd found all the bedsheets in last night. I selected one that felt thick enough that I wouldn't freeze to death in what the ponies considered 'room temperature'. I began wrapping it around myself in a way that it would stay on and keep me covered and warm while still giving me freedom of movement.

The nag had other ideas. "You're not going down there wearing a bedsheet," she deadpanned.

Without stopping what I was doing or turning to look at her, I fired back, "I'm not going down there naked."

"You have clothes."

"My skivvies don't count, and I'll still be cold." Clearly, explaining the concept of underwear to a nudist alien would be an uphill battle.

"I'm not letting you go to breakfast dressed like that."

"I can wait." It was finally my turn to lay on the smug, "Because I have absolutely nothing else to do all day, and you can't keep me in here any more because I'm not under quarantine."

Two minutes later, I stepped out of my guest room with Twilight in tow. Technically, the purple Princess was supposed to be leading me out, but she still had trouble with walking. Although, it was amusing to watch her try using her wings to compensate for lack of coordination on two legs. On the plus side, I had new things to look at, so I took in my new surroundings while my breakfast guide caught up.

Across the hall from my room was another bedroom, but instead of one big bed, there were four smaller ones on the far side. I could see a pair of them occupied by sleeping nurses, probably off shift. Where the sitting area would have been in my room, there was what looked like a conference table (but lower to the ground) that had several books and stacks of paper.

"Can I help you?" a nearby voice inquired, nearly causing me to jump out of my sheet.

Regaining my composure, I turned in the direction of the voice and saw a nurse leaning on a desk. I quickly turned my head away once I confirmed that, like all the other nurses, she wore nothing but a hat. "N-no thanks," I stuttered, "I was just looking around."

"Well, as you can see, we've turned this room into a little doctor's office, so if you need anything, don't hesitate to stop by. One of us will always be here to help."

A question came to mind just before I turned to leave. I had to ask because I knew it would bug me until I got an answer, "There is one thing. Where is the doctor? All I've seen so far are nurses."

"Oh, Doctor Stable is probably hiding in his lab testing the samples we collected. He prefers not to meet his patients if he can avoid it.

'So that leaves the nurses to do all the real work.' I nodded in acknowledgement and then walked back out. Twilight had finally made it out of my room and was now walking down the hallway ahead of me.

"If you wander off and get lost, I'm not stopping to find you!" she shouted at me.

I said nothing and set off behind her. What the nurse said had put more thoughts into my head. She referred to the doctor as a 'he'. I ran a quick mental inventory of all the ponies I'd seen so far. If they really were ponies, then that would make the horned ones unicorns and the winged ones pegasi, but the Princesses all had horns and wings, so that would make them winged unicorns (or horned pegasi). In any case, they were creatures straight out of legends and fairy tales back on Earth. The problem was that they were all female. The only variety I had yet to see was the pony with a penis.

'The mythological male,' I thought to myself.

The distance between my room and the dining room wasn't very far, but with Twilight leading the way, progress was slow. I quickly got bored of looking at the decor, which pretty much fit my idea of generic palace fare. The columns and banners weren't of much interest, and the tapestries depicted a bunch of four-legged ponies doing something or another that I couldn't be bothered to go on about. At least there was carpet I could stay on. I didn't want to take chances with how cold the bare stone parts of the floor were. With the sightseeing accomplished, I decided to pass the rest of the trip pestering Twilight with questions.

Much to my chagrin, she was all too eager to indulge my curiosity. I just idly mentioned the unbelieveable unlikelihood that two completely different species from two completely different worlds would somehow be able to speak the same language. That prompted a history lecture about an event in the pre-tribal era, long before Celestia and Luna were born (as if that was supposed to mean anything to me). I couldn't follow all the details (something about something called the elements of harmony), but the end result was that whenever someone speaks, their words would be understood. In my mind, I just boiled it all down to, 'Like the story of the Tower of Babel, but backwards.'

We eventually rounded the final corner, and Twilight indicated the room where food awaited. However, I quickly took interest in what was standing outside of that room. On either side of the door stood a pony with cropped hair and short tails. They were roughly the same height as me and had no breasts, sporting a more masculine build instead. Also, they had the same color scheme, unlike the females I'd seen so far: blue hair and tails with white hair covering their bodies.

"They do exist," I blurted out as I moved past Twilight to get a better look.

"What are you talking about now?" she asked with mild irritation.

"Males," I replied.

"What's so special about them?"

I turned back to her and raised an eyebrow. "I haven't seen any until just now. I was starting to think they didn't exist."

One of them let out a small chuckle while my back was turned. "Permission to introduce ourselves Princess?"

Twilight just nodded, and I turned back to see who spoke.

"I'm Sergeant Scud Runner, and this is Corporal Raincloud. You must be the alien they quarantined in the guest wing."

"Yep," I confirmed. "You can call me 'Bill'."

"Introduce yourself properly, Richard," Twilight interrupted. "Tell him your full name."

I shot the Princess a dirty look while thinking, 'Make me.' Instead of speaking my mind directly, I let out an exasperated sigh before responding, "Are you still going on about the name thing?"

All she did was glare at me with her arms folded across her chest, but the way her tits squished together kind of ruined the effect.

I turned back to the Sergeant to avoid losing my composure, rolling my eyes in the process. "My name is Richard William Johnson, but I prefer everyone calls me 'Bill'."

The Sergeant just smirked and nodded, offering a fist. I bumped it with my own, assuming it must be their world's equivalent of a handshake.

I figured I could ask them a couple questions to learn more. As a bonus, it would probably annoy Twilight as well, so I counted it as a double victory for myself. "How am I supposed to tell you two apart? You both look the same."

"I'm the one who can stand up straight," said the Sergeant. I glanced over at the other one, noting that he, like the nag behind me, was using his wings to balance himself.

"And how come you look the same, anyway? Everyone else has wildly different colors."

"The guards' armor is enchanted to give them a uniform appearance while on duty," came the voice of a certain someone who decided to interrupt again.

That earned another raised eyebrow from me. "But they're not wearing any armor."

"That's because they were transformed too. Their armor doesn't fit any more."

The Sergeant cleared his throat, "Codpiece still fits."

'At least someone around here has their priorities straight. Although, I wouldn't trust that kind of magic that close to the family jewels.'

I craned my neck to get a look at the Corporal. He hadn't said anything yet, probably because he was to busy not falling over to join the conversation. Still, I didn't want him to feel left out. Sure enough, there was a piece of metal covering his gentlemen's area in much the same way as a jock strap. Something looked a bit off, though.

"It looks kinda flat," I thought out loud. "Does it really all fit comfortably under there?"

Once again, the Princess of interruptions did her thing, a little louder this time, "Oh, for the love of... They're sheathed, so nothing sticks out like it does on you."

"Wait!" I exclaimed, suprised at this new revelation. "You mean they can just tuck it all away when they're not using it?"

"Yes," she answered, clearly frustrated, as she was now facepalming.

'Now that's just not fair,' I thought to myself, considering how much easier life would be if I could hide inconvenient boners.

"Can we please just go inside?" Twilight continued, oblivious to my inner musings.

"I'm not stopping you," I said innocently. "It's not like I'll get lost going through a door."

The look of pure hatred on her face made my morning complete. Then she closed the gap and shoved me towards the door. "Get in there!"

To their credit, the two guards had already resumed their stoic expressions and were looking straight ahead.

I managed to get myself turned back around and facing the right way while Twilight kept her hands on my shoulders, partly for balance, partly to keep me moving forward. Upon clearing the door and seeing what awaited inside, there was another problem. I stopped and stood there, transfixed, caught like a deer in the headlights (high beams, to be precise), six pairs of them.

A seventh set of headlights rear-ended me, "What is it now?"

"They're all staring at me."

"That's because we're late. If you hadn't stopped to talk to the guard..."

I cut her off, "If you hadn't been walking so slow, I wouldn't have had time to get bored."

"You were the one who wouldn't get out of bed!"

"You wasted time trying to make me come down here naked."

"YOU HAVE CLOTHES!!!"

The other Princess in the room cut me off from telling Twilight how wrong she was by clearing her throat. "I'm happy to see you two getting along so well, but perhaps you could join us for breakfast?"

A loud 'Pop' went off next to me, followed by another one at the far end of the table. After the brief flash of light, Twilight appeared behind Celestia and took a seat between her and the white unicorn, whose name I'd forgotten. For my part, I just stood there with my jaw on the metaphorical floor from what I'd just witnessed.

"Don't just stand there. We saved ya a seat," chimed a friendly voice. The orange pony it belonged to pointed to a vacant spot between herself and the yellow one. I'd forgotten their names as well, so I decided to refer to them as 'Applebutt' and 'Butterfly' until I could relearn all their names. I figured I could work off of their butt pictures until conversation revealed their actual names.

I steeled myself and walked to the indicated seat. 'Just think of it like a strip club. Yes, they're all naked, but that doesn't really mean anything.'

Like the bathroom counter, the table was low, which meant I had a cushion on the floor rather than a chair. I parked myself between the two ponies and surveyed my food options. I went with blueberry pancakes, scrambled eggs and a glass of orange juice. The only thing missing was bacon. Come to think of it, that was a pretty glaring omission.

Despite my attempts to shut out everything except the food on my plate, one of the ponies got my attention by speaking up. I looked up in time to see the white one with dark purple hair addressing me, "Pardon me, Bill. I couldn't help but notice you're wearing a bedsheet. Is that normal for your world?"

"Well," I paused, considering my next words carefully, "No. Humans normally wear clothes all the time, but I don't have any right now, so I used this instead."

She closed her eyes for a moment. "I know what it's like to not have the clothes you want, and with everypony transformed like this, the clothes we have don't fit any more. Still, we wouldn't have minded if you hadn't worn anything."

"I would have minded. Didn't Twilight explain this to you yesterday?"

"She did," the pony confirmed, "and I agree with her that you overreacted."

For some reason, Twilight was giving me a smug look from across the table. I just gave her my best 'This isn't over' face, which only increased her smugness. Out of the corner of my eye, I noticed Rainbow Dash whispering into the white pony's ear. She whispered something back, and the two shared a giggle.

'Better watch it around those two.'

"And really," the rainbow-headed pony chimed in, "a bedsheet? What's wrong with what you had?"

"I was cold," I finally let out, not in the mood to explain underwear.

I suddenly felt a warm body press against my right side. "Well, why didn' ya just say so? Me and Fluttershy can keep ya warm."

I felt another warm body brush gently against my left side after she spoke. I admit that having two ponies squeezing me in from either side did wonders for keeping me warm. However, things were warming up for entirely different reasons as well.

"Well done, Applejack." Even Celestia was jumping in on the act. "Now our chambermares won't have to clean and restock his bedsheets every day." The mischievous look on her face told me all I needed to know about how red my face was.

I knew the score. Seven humanoid aliens were pressing the advantage of an astounding array of arousing assets. I could see from the giggling on the other side of the table that they knew exactly what they were doing. I was completely defenseless, but that didn't mean I wouldn't go down fighting.

"And besides, you've probably never heard of a toga party," I blurted out. Yeah, even I didn't know where I was going with that one.

I suddenly became aware of a third warm body leaning into my back. Two pink arms draped themselves over my shoulders and pulled me into a tight embrace. "I want to know all about these toga parties," came a whisper in my ear.

"Th-they're nothing," I stammered desperately. "Forget I said anything."

"Awww, but that's no fun," the voice cooed. "You can tell me. I just want to know what a toga party is."

"Well, uhh..." I trailed off, trying to grasp any semblance of a coherent thought. "Everyone shows up wearing a toga and gets drunk, and there's loud music. Not much more to it than that." After I said that, I couldn't shake the feeling that I had just made a horrible mistake.

"Alright, girls, I think he's had enough." Twilight spoke up finally with a shit-eating grin. The ponies invading my space backed off at her word.

'And not a moment too soon. I think I was close to a little seepage there.'

"You fight dirty," I said, glaring back at the newly appointed bane of my existence.

"It wouldn't have worked if you didn't make such a big deal out of it." She punctuated her retort by sticking her tongue out at me.

"I didn't tell you about my concerns yesterday just so you could abuse it for laughs at my expense."

Rainbow Dash decided to add her two cents, "Oh c'mon! Don't tell me you're one of those boring stiffs who can't take a little teasing."

I said nothing and went back to eating breakfast. I hoped to escape the torment by refusing to participate.

With no further entertainment coming from my seat, the others broke off into their own conversations while they ate. I managed to overhear the names of the other two ponies whose names I had forgotten. Hopefully I wouldn't forget again. One would think that with such distinctive appearances, it would be easier to remember names. If anything, that only made it worse. I would always be doomed to remember faces instead of names.

At least I got something out of the whole breakfast ordeal. Rarity offered to take me to a friend of hers who specialized in tailoring clothes for stallions. Given my current wardrobe, I couldn't exactly refuse.

"So, what now?" I asked the room at large once the background noise had dropped off.

"Well," answered my least favorite pony, "We were hoping you could help us with walking on two legs. I also want to test a theory about releasing the magic trapped inside you. It's not very likely, but if it works, it could let us get you home that much faster."

To my surprise, her proposal was actually reasonable enough that I couldn't think of any objections to it. All I said was, "Okay."

As we were all getting up to leave, Celestia pulled me aside. "There is one more thing, Bill. My sister wishes for an audience with you in her private chambers. I can take you there and let the others know you'll be joining them later."

I let her lead me down a different hallway than the one leading back to my room. Unlike the walk down, my guide had no trouble matching my walking pace. She walked beside me and used her hand on my shoulder to wordlessly direct me towards our destination. Meanwhile, I puzzled over exactly what Luna would want to talk to me about and why she would invite me to her room instead of a more neutral part of the palace. Celestia, for her part, seemed content to leave me to my own thoughts, which was fine by me.

We made good time on our trip to Luna's room. As we approached, the door opened, with Luna standing just inside in all her naked glory. I already knew they were both taller than I was, but standing near them both made me feel smaller than I've ever felt in my entire adult life. The only way I could describe it would be to compare them to women of average height (and above average breast size) with everything scaled up until they were the same height as basketball players. These two ponies, unlike all the others, had been turned into freaking amazon women. My eye level fell somewhere just below Luna's chin, and if Celestia ever pulled me into a frontal bear hug, I'd be motorboating a pair of knockers at least as big as my head.

"I am glad to see you again, Bill." Luna's voice shook me out of my momentary distraction.

I looked up at her, caught off guard and unsure of how to react. "Oh, uhh... Nice to see you too," I hesitantly replied. I could feel my own embarassment rising in my cheeks as I averted my gaze.

'Smooth.'

Celestia walked over to her sister, and they began speaking quietly to one other. I took the time to survey the room. The general layout on the lower level was surprisingly similar to my own. There was a giant four-poster bed on the far side and a sitting area closer to the door and all kinds of dressers and whatnot lining the walls, but that was where the similarities ended. The decor had a distinct 'Moon and Stars' theme going for it where my guest room was more 'generic opulence'. There were stairs up to a second level in place of a direct exit to a balcony. I drifted over to the circle of chairs taking everything in while the two Princesses chatted.

I barely had time to sit down before they finished talking about whatever it was they were talking about. Celestia left to do whatever it was she did during the day, so once again, I found myself alone with her sister.

"How was breakfast?" Luna asked as she made her way over and took a seat opposite from me.

I paused for a moment to consider my response. "The food was good."

"And what of the company?"

Judging by her quasi-innocent tone, she was directing me to the topic I wanted to avoid. "Celestia told you about that, did she?"

"Indeed, we keep no secrets from each other. However, I would like to hear your thoughts, and I would prefer to see your face when you address me."

The way she spoke caught me off guard. She had been more relaxed last night, but now, I kind of felt more like a child being scolded.

"Well?" she prompted.

"They were a bit more," I paused while simultaneously trying to think of an appropriate word and keep my gaze above her neckline, "friendly than I was expecting."

Luna raised her eyebrow at that but said nothing. I did my best to maintain a neutral expression, but if the warm sensation in my face was any indication, I'm pretty sure it didn't have the intended effect.

The Princess finally broke the awkward silence. "They know why you get so flustered around them."

"I know. It just doesn't seem normal that they could just shrug it off, though."

"It is not normal. It is most likely a side effect of our transformation." At my questioning look, she elaborated, "Do not misunderstand. Twilight Sparkle and her friends are friendly mares in their own right, but we have heard from many of our subjects about mares feeling as if they were in heat since being turned into this new form."

"And what does that mean, exactly?"

"Generally, when a mare goes into heat, she is able to mate and bear foals."

I wasn't quite sure how to feel about that particular revelation. "In other words, they're all ready and willing to go for it."

It took a moment for Luna to process my words, but I assume she got the idea when she recoiled as if slapped. "Absolutely not!" she exclaimed. "There are, of course, subtle changes in demeanor, but we would not have built our civilization were we slaves to such base instincts. Try to think of it as us being a little more open-minded, more accepting of strangers in our midst, and more willing to forge new relationships. A small show of light teasing was their way of inviting you in, so to speak."

I closed my eyes and rested my forehead on my hand while I thought about it.

After a few seconds, I heard Luna take a deep breath and say, "I see that words may not be sufficient." I looked up in time to see her rise from her seat and gesture for me to follow. "Come with me. I will show you what I mean."

I followed the Princess through a passage under the stairs. I was about to ask where she was taking me when I caught a glimpse of what was in front of us.

My question was anticipated before I could even collect my thoughts. "You and I shall take a bath together."

I stood there in stunned silence. The word she used was 'bath', but 'swimming pool' was the first thing that came to my mind. At a rough guess, I'd put it at around a third of an Olympic-sized pool. Although, most swimming pools don't have steam rising from the surface in between mounds of soap bubbles.

The room that housed it was also rather impressive. The near side continued the 'Moon and Stars' decor that dominated Luna's bedroom. The far side bore a brighter, sunny look, and there was another entrance over there as well. Even the vaulted ceiling reflected the contrasting themes.

"This is the royal bath I share with my sister. It was built to be a gathering place for nobles and palace staff as well, but they have never shown much interest. You mentioned communal bathing to Celestia when you first awoke, therefore, I believe this will help me demonstrate my point."

"Which is?" I asked, growing more nervous by the second.

"That nakedness means nothing in this world." Luna was already in the water moving towards the other end. "Do not waste time. The water is fine, and you can easily stand on the bottom. If you have not joined me in two minutes, I will pull you in whether you are dressed or not."

It didn't help that her back was mostly turned. She was still walking at an angle, so her wings and tail didn't hide everything. As the water rose above her knees, I couldn't help but notice the curves of her body even more as she moved toward what I assumed was the deep end. It made it that much harder thinking about what I was going to do.

"And do not even think about running away," she called. "I have magically locked both entrances."

I took my only remaining option. A wet bedsheet not only wouldn't keep me warm, it would most likely no longer provide the desired level of concealment. As for the boxers, they don't do much good for hiding boners anyway, so getting them wet wouldn't help either. I found a conveniently located stone bench and discarded both. I just had to get in deep enough to crouch down before the gentle psycho turned around.

Luna must have taken my haste for eagerness, because when she did turn around, she just smirked at me.

'Or, she's just fucking with you, like the others were.'

At least the water was hot enough. "Alright, I'm in the damn water. Now will you tell me why we're doing this?"

She became serious once again. "As I said before, I intend to demonstrate that nudity and proximity need not result in carnal knowledge, as that seems to be your main concern given our appearance. But in our world, most ponies choose to forgo clothing, and because the clothing that exists does not fit our new forms, you will be surrounded by naked mares. There is no avoiding it unless you choose to isolate yourself in your guest room, never coming out and spending your entire time here bored and alone. Until we find a way to right the wrong we have committed against you, all we can do is provide you with food, water, and shelter. We bear no obligation to alter our society merely to appease your sensibilities."

"You didn't have to drag me in here just to say that," I pointed out.

"Indeed not. I wish to accomplish one other thing before I retire for the day."

I should note how difficult it is for a human male to maintain his bearing while sharing a bath with an alien princess given absurdly sexualized human features by unquantifiable forces. Not even I was capable of such a feat. I couldn't even maintain eye contact.

"I need your assistance with cleaning my wings." She lifted herself out of the water just enough to unfurl them, letting the water drain off the trailing edges. I'd never seen any of the winged ponies with their wings completely opened, and for once, I could take my eyes off the more feminine parts of her anatomy. At a rough guess, I'd put Luna's total wingspan just short of twenty feet. "In this body, I cannot reach the ends to properly straighten the feathers." She held out a strange brush-comb thing to emphasize her predicament before reaching over to hand it to me.

I suddenly found myself conflicted. On one hand, who did this pony think she was asking me to do favors like that for her? On the other hand, it would help distract from other parts of her body that may as well have had signs painted on saying, 'Your **** here.'

"But I don't know how to do this properly," I said, taking the offered feather-straightening device.

"Worry not. It is very simple. I shall guide you along the way."

"Is this even appropriate?"

"It carries no special meaning. My sister and I often preen each others wings, and many pegasi will do it for their friends as well."

I was skeptical, but I started where Luna pointed out on her left wing. The water wasn't an issue since it just ran straight off. All I had to do was align the feathers, and the preening brush (as Luna called it) made the task a one-pass job. I finished the left wing in just a few minutes despite the large span.

As I made my way over to do the right wing, Luna spoke up again. "What if I told you that allowing another to preen her wings is one of the most intimate gestures a pegasus could make?"

I paused a moment to consider what she said along with everything else I'd seen and heard this morning. "I'd say you're just fucking with me now," I finally decided before continuing to brush.

"Now you are learning," she sounded pleased. "Such gestures are significant only if you give them meaning."

"Then what's the intended meaning here?"

"That is for you to puzzle out on your own."

I looked up at her only to see the most impish grin on the dark Princess's face I'd seen so far. At my reaction, she lit up her horn and took the brush out of my hand, letting it hover in front of my face for a few seconds and then resuming the job of preening her wings with her magic instead. She closed her eyes and began humming a tune to herself.

I slowly backed away just in case she decided to demonstrate other 'meaningless' gestures.

"You are dismissed. I will see you again on this evening."

I didn't question it. I just got the hell out. Oddly, a towel that hadn't been there before sat next to my bedsheet and boxers. I dried myself off and got dressed (at least what passed for dressed around here) before making my way out.

I left Luna's room even more confused than I was when I walked in.

Chapter 5) Don't Tell Anyone

I considered my options after leaving Luna's bedroom. There wasn't anyone waiting for me outside, so I figured there wasn't anything urgent. I vaguely remembered Twilight mentioning something about something, but I couldn't remember what it was. By my reasoning, it must not have been very important if I couldn't be bothered to remember it. Either way, I had no idea where she'd gone off to, and I was mad at her to boot, so I saw no reason to actively seek her out. I also could have just gone back to my room, but that would mean more staring at the wall until either someone wanted me or lunch time came around.

'Well, I've got this great big palace to get hopelessly lost in. Perhaps some aimless exploration is in order.'

With that decision made, I set off. Although, getting myself hopelessly lost proved to be more difficult than expected. The two big Princesses' rooms shared a dead-end hallway (assuming by layout that the only other room belonged to Celestia). Beyond that, the layout was rather simple. I'd remembered passing two atriums with stairs on the way to and from breakfast, but hadn't gone up or down either of them. The dining room was pretty much right in the middle, presumably for the Princesses to dine privately with their personal guests. There were other hallways leading out from the atriums, but they seemed unremarkable, probably more rooms for the Princesses' more favored guests.

Finally bored of wandering around upstairs, I decided to try my luck downstairs. Sure, that meant I'd be risking more awkward pony interaction, but I'd rather deal with that than the suicidal boredom of waiting in my room for something to happen or someone to want something from me. At the bottom of the stairs, I picked a hallway and resumed my wandering.

As I walked, I startled at least a few of the guards, but they made no effort to impede my progress. When I asked one of them about it, he said that the guard was aware of my presence in the palace, but I walked much more quietly than he expected.

'Score one for soft feet.'

Eventually, I reached what must have been the entrance hall. It was another atrium, but instead of stairs to the upper levels, there was a giant door with more guards around it than I'd seen anywhere else in the palace. Across from that was another large door leading to what I decided was the throne room, if the number of guards inside and the dais at the far end was any indication.

I briefly considered looking around outside, but then I realized that while I could stick to the carpet inside, outside would be nothing but bare ground or stone pathways, and I wasn't quite ready to test that with my bare feet yet. Instead, I headed to the throne room.

There was a brief misunderstanding at the door with the herald, something about needing an appointment, among other things. After a little attitude adjustment, he was ready to announce my attendance to the royal court. A guard who had stepped away as soon as the argument started returned to inform us that Princess Celestia was ready to see me. I glanced up to see that she had indeed taken her place atop the dais.

'At least she has the decency to cross her legs.'

As instructed, the herald announced my entrance. "Presenting His Eminence, Sir Dick Willy Johnson, Emperor of the Pen Islands."

One of the guards flinched as I stepped right on past the point where the herald had wanted me to stop and kneel, but Celestia waved him off and gave me permission to approach. She maintained a neutral expression at least until I reached the top step and sat down about an arm's distance away from her, turning to face the room as I did so.

"Do you have an issue that needs my attention, Sir Johnson?" I could practically hear the smirk in her voice.

"Nah, I'm just bored," I replied. "No one was waiting for me when I got done with Luna, so I tried getting lost, but it didn't work."

"We genuinely meant it when we said you are not a prisoner. Besides, didn't Twilight say she had something for you?

"I think so, but I can't remember what. If it was so important, she could've waited for me outside Luna's room."

"Perhaps she expected you to return to your guest room? I believe she sent Pinkie Pie up there to wait."

"She expected wrong," I said flatly. "I don't plan to spend my time here as a shut-in."

"Even if our customs make you uncomfortable?"

"Luna's already given me plenty to think about on that front. I get that it's your world and your rules, and I can live with that. It's just..." I trailed off while considering my next words, "It's easier said than done. Now that I've had time to think it over, I get what you were all trying to do at breakfast. Individually, it was just a little flirting to try to lighten the mood and make me feel less awkward, and if it was just one or two of you, I might have handled it better, but with all seven of you doing it and Twilight acting like a ringleader, it's just overwhelming and has the exact opposite effect."

"Are you upset at Twilight?"

"Of course I am. She's most of the reason I'm stuck here, and on top of that, she keeps trying to order me around."

"Did you forget that my sister and I are also partially responsible?"

"No, but at least you two actually listen to me without interrupting. Luna seems to enjoy leaving me with riddles, but she doesn't mince words on the important stuff. Twilight, on the other hand, just decides things and acts like I'm the jerk for not going along with it. It's like she sees me as an inconvenience rather than a person with my own thoughts and opinions."

Celestia paused briefly before replying, "My sister has her reasons for approaching matters the way she does, but her story is not mine to tell. As for my student, would you like me to relay your message to her, or would you rather tell her yourself?"

I really should have seen that one coming. It was an obvious bait question, but there was no way in hell I would pass up the chance to give that pony a piece of my mind. "Where is she now?"

"Most likely in the banquet hall," Celestia replied. "That's where Twilight, her friends, and the rest of the palace staff have been practicing how to walk on two legs since every pony was transformed."

Rather than showing me the way personally, Celestia gave me directions to the banquet hall and sent a messenger up to my room to collect Pinkie Pie. Meanwhile, she went back to doing Princess stuff. The route was simple enough. If I'd continued my aimless wandering instead of dropping in on the Royal Court, I likely would have found my way there on my own. At least I had a purpose now.

The sight that greeted me when I arrived was a strange one to say the least. At first glance, one might have mistaken it for a bedroom supply warehouse given the number of mattresses and pillows piled up all over the place. Then, I finally saw Twilight and company practicing their bipedal gait in a sort of walking course between mattress mounds and pillow piles. I quickly learned the reason for all the bedding when Applejack tripped over herself and just barely managed to direct her fall enough to land on the nearest mattress.

Next up was Twilight. Since they hadn't noticed me yet, I quietly went to the nearest pillow pile and waited for her to start her walk. Then, I grabbed a pillow and chucked it at her. Since I was throwing from across the room, I missed horribly, which didn't surprise me in the least. It did, however, surprise its intended target, who jumped away from the impact point and landed on a nearby pillow mound.

"Using your wings is cheating!" I shouted at her.

"What? Since when?" inquired the incredibly irritated pony.

"Since half of your friends don't have them," I pointed out. "Celestia and Luna don't even flinch when they walk."

"Princess Celestia and Princess Luna have been around almost as long as our recorded history and have experienced things we can't even imagine."

"All of which are irrelevant to me," I proclaimed. Although, I made a mental note to ask about their ages later. "They are capable of walking without relying on their wings for balance. Therefore, you are capable of walking without relying on your wings for balance."

Our argument was interrupted by Applejack, "I hate to interrupt your bickering, but are you gonna help us learn to walk or not?"

"Well," I started to answer before pausing to think for a moment, "really all you can do is practice. There's not much for me to do other than supervise."

And supervise, I did. I watched each of them attempt a few more trips through their makeshift obstacle course before I got bored of throwing pillows at Twilight. Fluttershy and Rainbow Dash also shifted their wings to adjust their balance, but it was very easy to find my attention directed elsewhere during their walks.

"Alright, I get it. You're mad at me," the purple one said after I'd finally managed to hit her with a pillow. "What do you want?"

"I want you to treat me like a person. I have my own thoughts and feelings about the situation I'm in. I'm fine with adjusting to an alien planet full of ponies who have no problem running around naked, but I'm not going to accept you just deciding without my input what I'm going to do about it. I may be a guest, but I'm not here of my own free will. I won't make unreasonable demands. I won't ask you to stop being you just for my sake, but I won't take orders either, and I won't stop being me just for your sake."

I knew I'd gotten my point across because by the time I finished chewing her out, Twilight's face could have gone in a picture dictionary under the word 'contrition', at least if I was reading her body language correctly. I was pretty sure that was what the scolded-child expression and and the folded back ears meant.

Satisfied from speaking my piece, I let the ponies continue their practice. Pinkie Pie eventually showed up, but when I wanted her to run the course, the others said she didn't need the practice.

"What do I win?" she asked, having completed the course while the others tried to argue with me. She didn't trip or even stumble, not even once.

"The right to supervise all future practice sessions," I replied. "Congratulations."

I then addressed the remainder of the breasts vying for my attention. "The pink one's in charge now. I'm taking a nap." At that, I got up and headed for the nearest pile of unused mattresses.

"But why?" came the inevitable objection from Twilight's general direction.

I had my answer ready before she even spoke up, "Because she has demonstrated that she is capable of walking around on two legs. There is nothing I could possibly tell you about it that she can't also tell you." As I pulled a mattress off the pile, I added one more thing just to rub it in, "And she doesn't even need wings to help balance herself."

Twilight just huffed at that and went back to her practice, yet another refusal to acknowledge that I'd won the round.

Upon my return to the waking world, I became aware of a hand gently stroking behind my ear and lightly playing with my hair. I also became aware of something sitting near my face. It wasn't touching me, but I knew it was there from how my pillow no longer sat level. Realizing it was probably one of the ponies, I thought about complaining, but that part of me was quickly shouted down by the more reasonable part. Whoever it was, their ear scratching abilities were top-notch, and the result made me feel all warm and fuzzy inside.

I opened my eyes to see who my newfound company was, and all I saw was a wall of yellow with pink butterflies on it. After focusing my eyes to get a clearer view, I noticed the curves suggesting just enough firmness to hold the proper shape and just enough softness for all the squeezy, snuggly funtimes I could possibly desire. I briefly considered wrapping my arms around it, pulling it closer and burying my face in the fuzzy yellow and pink paradise.

'No, bad thoughts. Go away. You are not needed here.'

"Mghrhmm," I grumbled, eloquently indicating that I was now mostly awake and aware.

"Welcome back to Equestria," came Applejack's voice from some unknown direction.

"How long was I asleep?" I asked as I sat up, making sure to keep my covers wrapped around me. Not having clothes of my own would be so much easier if the locals' idea of room temperature weren't notably colder than mine. Then I would only have to worry about the basics.

"I reckon 'bout an hour judgin' by when you stared snoring."

"Lies," I replied. "I don't snore."

"And I don't lie. You ever come visit Ponyville, you ain't sleepin' at my place. With you and my brother sawin' logs, none of the rest of us would get any sleep."

I paid her no mind as I glanced around at my audience. "What are you all staring at?"

Rarity fielded that one, "Oh, we were just marvelling at how such a tall and indimidating figure as yours could be so adorable while sleeping."

I just glared at her.

"What? Too much?" she asked with just a bit too much innocence in her voice.

"Just a little," I replied. "Where are the others?"

"Rainbow Dash, Pinkie Pie, and Twilight all went ahead to make sure lunch is ready," Fluttershy answered. "We stayed to wake you up and see if you were hungry. I hope you don't mind."

Right on cue, my stomach answered her better than any words I could've come up with.

The walk up to the dining room was mostly uneventful, if a little slow. Watching the ponies trying to climb the stairs proved rather educational about just how difficult it was for them to adjust to their bipedal forms. I stayed at the bottom just in case any of them fell or otherwise needed assistance. I even managed to not let my eyes linger for an ungentlemanly length of time on any one set of lady bits. Before long, we were back at the dining room and taking our seats.

"I'm glad you decided to join us, Bill," Celestia addressed me almost as soon as I sat down. "I presume you've talked to Twilight about your thoughts on your treatment?"

"We've reached an understanding," I said simply.

"Good, because I have some news from the doctors about your test results."

"Then why isn't the doctor telling me about it in private?" I asked. "Or is doctor-patient confidentiality not a thing here either?"

"Not when it's a matter of sovereign interest, I'm afraid. Remember how we told you that we were far away from population centers when we attempted to open the portal to your world? Only Luna, Twilight and her friends, myself, and a select few guards were present for that. Yet the aftermath has affected every pony in Equestria. As Princess, it is my duty to ensure their well-being, and that gives me the right to know."

"Okay," I conceded grudgingly. "That excuses you, Luna, and Twilight, but what about these others?"

"Their level of involvement in the events leading up to your arrival also grants them need-to-know privilege."

I knew I was fighting a losing battle here, but that didn't mean I had to like it. "Who else needs to know?"

"The medical staff assigned to you, Luna and I, Twilight, and her friends all have need-to-know privilege, as well as Princess Cadance of the Crystal Empire."

I frowned slightly at the disturbingly long list of ponies who would be privy to my medical status.

Twilight took my pause to ask a question, "Was the Crystal Empire affected too?"

"Yes," Celestia confirmed. "In fact, she's currently preparing for an emergency trip here to discuss it."

"Great," I butted back in. "More Princesses, just what I need right now. Is there any more royalty I need to know about?"

"None of any importance," Celestia said. "Now would you like to hear the test results or not? The doctor says he found a non-fatal way to extract the magic from you."

'Yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes! Hallelujah, I'm going home!'

"Well, what are you waiting for? Let's hear it!" I demanded, not bothering to restrain my enthusiasm.

"Alright, alright. I can see you're eager to find out. Let's see," Celestia paused while turning to the correct page in what I assumed to be the doctor's report. "The report says that the sperm sample was the only one that yielded any significant amount of the magic locked inside the patient's body. Recommend regular stimulation to climax as frequently as the patient's physiology will allow."

That wiped the smile off my face almost immediately. Glancing around, I noticed I wasn't the only one sporting a red face either. Meanwhile, alarm bells sounded alongside visions of Nurse Joy's insta-cum spell flashed through my mind. The pain from that was still fresh in my memory.

'Nope, nope, nope, nope, nope, nope, nope! Not gonna happen! Anything but that!'

I closed my eyes, took several deep breaths, counted to ten forwards and backwards in my head, and I still couldn't calm myself down after what I'd just heard. What should have been good news turned out to be the exact opposite.

A voice spoke up from my left side, just barely audible enough to register what was said, "Umm, Bill? Are you alright?"

I looked up and saw Fluttershy and the others giving me concerned looks. "I'll be fine," I sighed.

"Ya don't look fine," came Applejack's voice from my other side.

"Just give me a minute," I snapped back.

I closed my eyes again and tried to tune out the looks undoubtedly directed my way while I tried desperately to collect my thoughts. Silence reigned for what felt like several minutes.

"Can I just ask one thing from all of you?" I finally asked.

I didn't look up or even open my eyes, but everyone else in the room voiced their general assent.

"Don't tell anyone else," I said simply. In truth, I was affording them way more trust than I was ready to, but I just didn't have any other choice. If the powers in charge of this world had decided that they needed to know, then it was far too late for me to say otherwise. Still, I could try to control the damage.

"You have our word," Celestia said with surprising finality. "Except for those I've already mentioned, no pony will learn of this."

The conviction in Celestia's voice caught me off guard for a moment, but I recovered enough to reply, "Well, if it's all the same to you, I'd like your word in writing."

Unlike breakfast, lunch was somewhat subdued by a strange combination of tension and awkward silence. Although, given the bombshell recently dropped, that wasn't exactly surprising. I'd almost completely lost my appetite, but I still nibbled on a few assorted things. I excused myself early and went straight to my room thinking it would help clear my head if I was alone for a while.

I sat on my bed facing the balcony with the covers wrapped around myself and over my head. I don't know how long I'd actually been sitting there, but I wasn't any closer to sorting my thoughts out than I was before.

"Hey Richard," I heard Twilight call out from the door.

"What do you want?" I snapped. "I'd rather be alone right now if you don't mind."

"I'm just here to let you know my offer from this morning still stands. Just because we found one way to release the stored magic doesn't mean we stop looking for better ways."

"Wait, what?" Confused, I turned to address my visitor more directly. "What are you talking about?"

"Did you forget already? This morning I offered to help you try something that might fix this mess a lot quicker."

"Let's hear it then."

"Well, I figured that since you have all that magic sitting inside of you, the simple and obvious solution would be to see if you could cast it."

Simple and obvious: those two words that rarely describe solutions to complicated problems filled my mind with suspicion. However, it was also just crazy enough to work. Really, it could go either way.

"I'm listening. How do I cast magic?"

"It's not that simple," Twilight answered. "Since you've probably never done anything like this, we have to approach it like you're a novice, which means you have to clear your mind in order to properly concentrate."

My whole body sank at that revelation. "I've been trying to do just that for I don't even know how long now."

"Maybe I can help. When I was a little filly first learning to control my magic properly, Princess Celestia showed me a few relaxation techniques."

"Like what?"

"Umm, well," she hesitated, "I'm not sure about the best position for this body, but the idea is to concentrate on matching your breathing with mine. I think it would be best if you turned back around."

"Okay," I said. I wasn't sure where she was going with this, but I did as instructed. I only got more nervous when I felt her weight join mine on the bed, and before I could process that, I felt myself wrapped in an embrace from behind. The warmth was certainly not unwelcome, but the sudden physical contact and the mental image of what was now pressed against my back definitely had the opposite effect from what was likely intended. The conflicting thoughts set my heart into overdrive. I could almost feel it trying to pound its way out of my chest.

Thankfully, Twilight seemed to realize her mistake before I had to point it out. "Oops, sorry. Didn't mean to startle you like that. Would there be a better position to try this in?"

Pulling my mind out of the gutter for a moment, I replied, "Back-to-back maybe?"

There was a pause while she shifted herself around. There was another pause before she finally spoke up again, "Okay, this might sound like a silly question, but how do you fold your legs when you sit down like that? You've always kept them under your blanket when you sit down, so I haven't gotten a good look at it."

"You just cross your legs in front of you," I said, not having realized before that something I took for granted would cause this kind of trouble.

As she shifted around some more, I could just hear her mumbling something about Pinkie being right again. Eventually, she settled down and leaned her back up against mine. "Huh, this is actually more comfortable than I thought."

"So I'm just supposed to match my breathing to yours?" I asked, hoping to nudge Twilight back to the topic at hand.

"Yes, but I have to warn you about something. I don't want you to get your hopes up too high on this working, especially not the first time. The chances of you actually being able to cast magic are very slim."

Well that was a definite confidence booster. "Why?"

"It's because of where you came from, the reason why your world drew our interest in the first place."

"Why didn't you mention this before?" I asked.

"You interrupted. After that, there were too many other things to worry about."

"We have time now," I pointed out.

"Well," she began. "To put it simply, your world shouldn't be able to support complex life with such low amounts of ambient magic, let alone intelligent life capable of building a civilization. Your Sun is too close to the galactic center to benefit from the magic that's mostly concentrated in the outer arms."

The reasoning was simple enough once I thought about it for a moment. Since Earth didn't have anywhere near the amount of ambient magic as Equestria, it only followed that no creature from Earth would adapt to take advantage of it.

That still didn't stop Twilight from trying to explain how to try and connect my mind to the pool of it now inside of me. The problem came up when I couldn't understand what I was supposed to feel when I did. I just had no concept to go on.

Our conversation eventually drifted back to the subject of differences between our worlds. Apparently, when Twilight and Luna discovered our world, it turned everything they thought they knew about where life could come from on its head. From my perspective, it was a bit weird to think that humans and other life on Earth would be considered extremophiles by an alien race. It even made the blatant recklessness of trying to open an artificial wormhole between worlds understandable. If it hadn't been me on the short end of the stick, I might have even found it forgivable. In any case, once the effects of the initial failure were dealt with, academics from both worlds would have a field day learning from and about each other.

Unfortunately, apart from improving my mood, not much else was accomplished. I was no closer to casting magic than I was when I woke up from the botched sleep spell. Still, I made Twilight promise not to give up. Strangely, when she did promise, she recited some strange little rhyme and went through an even stranger pantomime that culminated in her punching herself in the face.

After that, she left to go get ready for dinner, which would be in the banquet hall rather than the dining room for some reason. My stomach loudly reminded me of how I'd neglected its needs at lunch, but I had some time to wash up first. I decided that at the very least, a shower was in order.

The sight that greeted me when I made it down to the banquet hall was definitely not what I expected. All the pillows and mattresses had been cleaned up and neatly stacked along the walls where they would be out of the way. There were now two tables near the center of the room, one covered with food and one with assorted drinks. I might have done a double-take at the party decorations scattered about if I hadn't noticed something else.

Applejack was the first to notice me staring. "Howdy, Bill. What do ya think?"

What I was thinking was a complete mystery to me at that moment due to a temporary shutdown of my mental faculties. All of the ponies had wrapped themselves in what might have been bedsheets at some point in the past but had since been cut down to something that could be said to resemble togas. Granted, one would have to take a certain degree of license with the definition of 'toga', but one generally doesn't nitpick these sorts of things when in the company of well-endowed female humanoids.

I eventually regained enough thought processes to form a coherent response, "Uhh, what is all this?"

"It's a toga party, silly." In my speechlessness, I hadn't noticed the pink one close in on me from the other side, and I nearly jumped out of my nonexistent shoes when she answered my question. "Juuuust like what you told us about this morning. I set up the party decorations, and Rarity made the togas. I thought about making it a surprise toga party, but then I realized you were probably EXPECTING a surprise party, so I didn't."

Pinkie kept rambling on, but I tuned her out while slowly increasing the distance between her and myself. Incidentally, that put me within hailing distance of the toga-maker herself.

"Pinkie and I thought after this morning that if we wanted to make you feel welcome here, we should try and do it in a way that makes you feel more comfortable around us, and if us being naked was making you think inappropriate thoughts, perhaps we could have a welcoming party where we all wear clothes like you're used to."

I remained speechless. Sure, I appreciated the gesture, but I couldn't really put words to what I was thinking at the time. Technically, what they were wearing could be called 'clothes', but it was also clear that Rarity and the others had different ideas than I did about what to cover and what not to cover.

Her own getup was a prime example. She'd wrapped the main part around her midsection and tucked a strip down the middle in front, giving the impression of a very high-cut dress (at least the front part of one). Up top, she had the sheet draped over one shoulder, which left her boobs in a sort of one in, one out arrangement.

The others were mostly similar in that they could almost be considered decent by human standards in one part only to leave it wide open somewhere else. This had the peculiar effect of making it even weirder than if they had just been naked.

After the exchange of pleasantries, I beelined for the drinks table to find an anchor for sanity. Whatever the next couple hours held in store, I was sure of one thing.

'I do *not** want to be sober for this.'*

Two drinks later, I was back in the familiar, almost comfortable, territory of arguing with Twilight. "Okay, so when you make the portal or wormhole or whatever, you have to have an anchor on the other side to stabilize the connection. How is it that you can't tell if what you're anchoring to is an inanimate object or a living person?"

Unfortunately, her way of answering questions involved incomprehensible lectures about magic flux and signatures. We had already established that I had no basis for understanding on such topics.

A pink hand found its way into my line of sight. "Ooh, ooh! Pick me! Pick me!"

"Yes, Pinkie?" I played along after finishing another drink.

"It's like reaching into a bag of candy," she said, brandishing a bag of candy as she spoke. I tried not to think about where it came from while she continued. "You can look into the bag and see all the different colors, but when you reach inside, you can't feel the colors, and your hand is blocking your view, so you can't see what you get until you pull it out. See?"

I did, in fact, see. She demonstrated it. "Okay, now I get it, the demonstration wasn't exactly necessary though."

"True, but now I have a bag of candy. Want some?"

Some time later, I had enough social lubricant in me to not care that the ponies' botched attempt at clothing themselves had backfired and made things even more awkward. So what if Celestia's toga only failed the human decency test because it was made out of the same see-through material that the curtains around my guest bed were. It was damn sexy, and that was fine by me.

Eventually, though, the party wound down. After all, tomorrow promised to be another busy day. Rarity reminded me of her intention to take me somewhere to get proper clothes made. Twilight said she'd help me try to find better ways of getting all that sequestered magic out of me. Finally, Celestia mentioned there would be a surprise waiting for me at breakfast in the morning. All things considered, I was about as close to my happy place as I ever expected to get.

As the others were heading off to bed, I noticed that Rainbow Dash was hanging back, alternating glances at me and at her friends as they progressed down the hallway. She gestured to me once they had gotten far enough away for her satisfaction. I hadn't actually talked to her very much since I'd woken up in this world, but I had a good guess of where this was going. It appeared that bedroom eyes were universal, even on alien planets.

"Sooooo," she drew out the 'o' in the standard suggestive manner.

"What," I interrupted in a deliberate attempt to throw off her game.

"Oh, you know," she continued undeterred. "I was just thinking. Now that we know how to get the magic out, we could have a little fun while getting us what we both want."

"And what is it that we both want?" I may have been drunk, but I was no dumbass. I just had to be sure.

"Don't play dumb," Rainbow Dash chided. "You want to go home, and I want my pony body back." Then, she switched to a more playful voice, "And as a bonus, we each get to be the first of our kind to do it with an alien from another planet."

If I had been a more philosophical or introspective drunk, I might have debated the morality of sexual contact with intelligent non-humans. I might have noted the possibility of the morality police objecting to the fact that we had both spent the past few hours loading up on liquid courage. I could have even raised concerns that we had just met barely more than 24 hours prior when I came out of my spell-inflicted coma.

However, I was not a philosophical or introspective drunk, and the only thing going through my mind was, 'What would Shepard Commander do?' Unfortunately, the obvious answer of, 'all of them, at the same time,' wasn't on the list of things I thought I could pull off, so I settled with what was offered instead.

I just hoped my plans wouldn't be thwarted by whiskey dick at the worst possible moment.

I followed Rainbow Dash on the way to her room. This time, rather than pretending to be a gentleman, I took great interest in the scenery. Aside from the two large wings growing out of her shoulders and back, the rainbow-haired pony-woman had a rather petite build. However, that didn't mean she lacked for curves where it mattered. In the meantime, I'd lowered the waistband on my boxers and set my hands to work doing just what the doctor ordered under the cover of my blanket. After all, I was still feeling a little rebellious about my circumstances.

Once again, I waited at the bottom of the stairs while my companion made her way up, and once again, I took the time to enjoy the view of her perfectly proportioned posterior. I may be a breast-oriented man, but that doesn't mean I can't appreciate a nice ass when I see one. I rested one hand on the banister while using my other hand to tickle the soft spot underneath where the tip met the shaft, continuing to work myself up for what I had planned.

Finally, we arrived at Rainbow Dash's guest room. She grinned at me coyly as I dutifully shut the door behind myself. She knew she was putting on a show for me, and she made the most out of it as she slowly removed and discarded her 'toga' on one of the chairs. Her breasts were definitely the smallest of the ones I'd seen so far, but I didn't care. I'd always considered shape to be the most important thing, and hers were still beautifully round and squeezable by any standard.

Under my blanket, I'd switched to using both hands to work the tip in alternating strokes. I knew I was close because I could feel the anticipation starting to dribble out the end.

Rainbow sat herself down on the bed and gave me the 'Come hither' look. "Don't chicken out on me now. Let's see it."

Smirking slightly at her challenge, I wordlessly opened my own covering and left it on a sofa as I made my way over. In our privacy, I no longer felt the need to conceal myself.

"Now that's what I'm talking about." After voicing her approval, she turned over and presented herself for my access. "Hard and fast, please."

"Sure thing," I said, giving myself a few more pumps before lining up my entry. I briefly thought about playing the 'Oops, wrong hole' game, but I figured one prank was enough for this one.

Sliding myself in, I was reminded that despite outward appearances, alien anatomy was very different from that of a human. For the first thrust, I went a little slower to savor the sensations. As I went in deeper, I could feel her sides contracting and pulling me in further, and when I pulled outward, she resisted my motion, which helped my cause even more. I was already close to going off when I first inserted myself, and as a result, it only took a few more quick thrusts to get my release.

I came inside Rainbow Dash.

"I win!" I declared as I finished. I let the last few spurts inject more of my juice into her nethers before withdrawing.

"What?! That's it?" she asked frantically, clearly not enjoying the prank as much as me.

"Eeyup," I replied with a satisfied grin on my face.

"Then do it again, and this time don't leave me hanging like that."

"No can do," I replied. "It'll take at least a couple hours before I can fire off another one, and I plan to be asleep by then."

I got dressed and headed back to my own room for the night. I knew there would be fallout from my little prank, but I'd already decided that was future Bill's problem.

Chapter 13) Eat Up