Cloud Charmer or How I Drank Heavily and Became the Pony

by Donut_Pone

Rating: teen
Tags: Comedy, Random, Slice of Life, Human
Length: 1235

A human male accidentally winds up turning into a pony. Did I say accidentally? I meant drunkenly on purpose? I think those are the words I'm looking for. Somehow, I ended up here and this is my story. Stream of conscious? I'm just telling

What has four hooves, a mane and tail? Okay, that one was easy, we all know its horses, technically I could and should be more specific with that statement, and not that it’s the Family Equidae that are commonly known as having said characteristics. Although, can one define Giraffes as having a mane? They’re not really party of the equine family… wait I got off topic again. Back to the original question…

Published 1970-01-01 00:00:00 UTC
Last updated 2013-07-10 20:00:51 UTC

A Long Winded Introduction that Leads Us Back to the Start of It All

What has four hooves, a mane and tail? Okay, that one was easy, we all know its horses, technically I could and should be more specific with that statement, and not that it’s the Family Equidae that are commonly known as having said characteristics. Although, can one define Giraffes as having a mane? They’re not really party of the equine family… wait I got off topic again. Back to the original question…

What has four hooves, a mane, tail, horn and pastel fur? Well naturally you think of a little girls cartoon show from the eighties, which was made, and rebooted various times to sell toys all under the direction of a certain toy company. But I digress, this isn’t about My Little Pony, Hasbro, or the Bronies and their obsessive fandom. In fact, I only really found out about this crap not three months ago? Was it three months? Shit, let me recall this May, June and I think this is July? I’ll have to ask one of the locals how they do months here, its imperative to my sanity. Sanity, Sanity! Yeah! That’s right, the story I’m about to describe to you is simply insanity, that little girls pony show that I have attempted to describe to you, had an obsessive fan base that I accidentally stumbled into, err well, accidentally isn’t the best word here. Drunkenly? Drunkenly on Purpose? Honestly, I don’t even know anymore. See, I am that pastel pony. Through a series of events I have found myself in the world of pastel ponies as a pastel pony. Whoops.

It began May 25th, 2013 with a hangover. Everything always started with a hangover. After recently turning 21, I finally had the privilege of purchasing and consuming alcohol. It wasn’t as if I hadn’t drank prior, in fact I had occasionally prided myself as quite the drinker in college. See, I attended college in the middle of bum-fuck Missouri where there was literally nothing to do, but drink. Or hike, fish or do outdoorsy shit. But fuck that. Damnit, I keep getting off track. Yes, the story begins with a hangover. Not essentially a bad hangover, more of one in which I regret not getting that Taco Bell when my sister offered to drive us. No, I decided to hang back with just my thoughts and the rest of my beer, and my laptop. As I continued to drink alone on the internet, I noticed one of my friends post a silly picture with a pastel pony in it. It was at that point my drunken stupor gave me interest. In my mind this was a topic worth pursuing. See prior to the date of May 24th, 2013 I had heard of these people of the internet who set out themselves to discuss the merits and events of these My Little Ponies. However, I was not one of them and I had no interest of looking into them. Yet, this is where My Little Story begins to take form. See, I had previously lurked and occasionally posted to an online image board discussing a variety of things such as but not limited to Video Games, Television and Anime. Some described the board as a cesspool, but I saw it as a bunch of people willing and wanting to get their opinion out there. I of course am attempting to describe 4chan. Now, I knew they had a board dedicated to My Little Pony, but never before, even in a drunken stupor did I ever think to enter such a place. That was until May 24th, 2013 at 11:43 PM when I was alone, in my basement, laptop in lap, beer in hand and curious to these little ponies.

I think the worst part about that hangover I had the next day was the fact that I remember most all of the events that transpired that night. I remember the humiliating laughs I got when I decided to watch an episode and my sister brought our friends back down to my basement Taco Bell in hand watching me do the dirty deed. I remember how tasty the Doritos Locos Tacos were as I continued onto my 24 Rack creating a ‘drinking’ game to this show. I especially remember the feeling after finishing two episodes where either my drunken stupor brought me to believe that the show was actually good, or simply realizing that the show could actually be good. Regardless, when my friends had finally decided to walk home, I stayed, and I watched a little more and then I browsed. May 25th, 2013 at 12:48 AM I decided to browse /mlp/. In this drunken stupor I responded to someone claiming to be able to transport anyone to this mythical land of Equestria. See, in my drunken stupor I decided that I was fed up with reality, half-way into my 24 rack and only a fifth of my way into my life I decided that I was done. Suicide was unintelligent, no one gained from that, but beginning a new life? That’s what I wanted at 12:49 AM. So I posted. He replied, asking me to fill out one of those OC Creators and post my pony back to the thread. So I did.

In hindsight, I really shouldn’t have made any decisions at that time. I especially shouldn’t have tried to ‘stick it’ to my  school who decided to drop me after only one semester of a sub-par GPA. I definitely shouldn’t have tried to ‘stick it’ to my parents who decided that I needed to ship up or ship out. But most importantly, I reeeeaallly shouldn’t have tried to ‘stick it’ to the person claiming that he could change my life for the better by making the sillies Original Character. It was 1:01, I remember as my alarm that I set on my phone as a joke two weeks ago had just gone off. I turned off my phone, looked at the 24 rack that somehow only had 8 beers left and turned to my laptop and realized what I was doing. Not only was I throwing my life away, but I was giving this anonymous person on the internet the satisfaction of my stupidity. So I decided to turn it around on him. I began creating the goofiest concept of a character imaginable, no ‘mary-sue’ perfect at everything, but one with the weirdest talents. I know that unicorns can’t fly, but I decided to make her specialize in flight magic, why not. Oh yeah, that was another important detail. HER. Try changing that up Mr. Anonymous! Throw in a hardcore mane, and voila! Cloud Charmer was born. Not a bad looking little equine if I say so myself. So I responded to him, and attached My Little Pony. All I got back was a response, “Your shipment will be there in exactly one week! Be prepared for your new life!”

“Yeah Okay” I had said out loud, in a mocking manner in hopes that the anonymous person across the internet would hear it in such a mocking way.

The hangovers, it was always the hangovers that reminded me of the piss poor decisions I have made in my life. But this hangover, on the    mid-afternoon of May 25th, 2013 was the hangover that started it all.