And yall wondered why Applebloom was so stupid
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My Little Conspiracy Theory: Apple Family Inbreds
And yall wondered why Applebloom was so stupid
And yall wondered why Applebloom was so stupid
It was a gloomy day in Ponyville. The air was frigid, the sky was grey, and Twilight was on her period. It was the perfect day to share a conspiracy with the world. For two crusaders would rise, but one would fall. For today was the day the little school fillies would be giving presentations on family legacy's. Teams of two to three horses had one week to put together reports, power points and interviews. While the other kids scrambled to get their shit together in one week time, two fillies by the names of Scootaloo and Sweetie Belle had there reports done for over a year. Now it was there chance to share it with the world, starting with one classroom.
Applebloom sat bitter in her desk watching Diamond Tiara and Silver spoon give there report on Diamond's dad. If there were aloud teams of three, why hadn't her best friends included her? They did everything together after all! In result, she had been forced to work with *vomits in mouth* Snips and Snails.
The class bitches finished there presentations and Applebloom bitterly clapped. Mrs. Cherilee spoke up.
"That was an amazing report girls! Next up Scootaloo and Sweetiebelle!"
The classroom clapped as Scootaloo and Sweetie Belle arose. They were carrying a laptop, a file labled "NO.20822" and they had all sorts of cables.
"Hit the lights!" Scoots ordered, and Sweetie did just that
Scootaloo plugged the computer into a projector and projected the beginning of a PowerPoint on the whiteboard. The image read "Apple Family inbred's. A powerpoint by Scootaloo and Sweetie belle." Some of the class chuckled, some gasped. Apple bloom merely blushed. What were these idiots saying??!
"Girls! That is extremely inappropriate!" Mrs. Cherilee exclaimed
"Shut your whore mouth mrs. Cherilee! Its time for the world to know!" snapped Sweetie Belle
Mrs. Cheerilee did just that and cowered away to the far side of the room. Scootaloo began to speak.
"For the past year me and my close friend Sweetie Belle have been slowly putting together the pieces of what we believe to be a massive conspiracy that will shake the world!" The class room stood mesmerized as Sweetie belle changed the picture of the power point. The picture was just a bunch of random cutie marks, Scootaloo explained.
"For the past two years, me and my closest friend Sweetie Belle have been trying desperately to obtain our Cutie marks. During our constant struggle we have learned that a cutie mark is determined by three things, Bloodlines, Hidden Talent, or just getting extremely good at something. Now, about a year ago me and Sweetie Belle met Applebloom,"
The class turned and stared at Applebloom
Scootaloo continued, "Now after a few appropriate red neck inbred jokes with Sweetie we realized that we were onto something much bigger...a conspiracy!" Sweetie Belle changed the picture on the slide The new picture contained the newest Apple Family reunion picture.
Sweetie Belle explained. "As you can see in this picture, its a large portion of the apple family, this is where our conspiracy theory starts. If you look closely you'll realize that all the horses with cutie marks in this picture have apple related cutie marks, not strange considering this is the Apple family right? Wrong. For over one thousand years there hasnt been a stallion or mare who had received a cutie mark past there childhood, that means as you all know, you achieve your cutie mark when you're still young. Now this is where it gets weird. The Apple farms have always been FAMILY owned since its founding. Meaning you had to somehow be in the Apple family to work the fields. Now if you notice all the grown Stallions and Mares with apple cutie marks in an Apple family picture, that means they have been in the Apple family since they were young! And if you look at all the couples in this picture, they both have APPLE cutie marks! Now if you look at all the fillies in the picture, it stands to reason that there parents are IN the apple family picture, with there apple cutie marks , and the Apple family is fucking each other!"
Sweetie Belle gasped for air while the class nervously mumbled. Applebloom's mouth gaped to the floor.
"HEY! You guys can just accuse my friend of being an inbred!" Twist snapped from the back of the classroom.
"Uh, Yuh huh!"Scootaloo began, "Dont you think its a little strange that theirs ONLY Apple cutie marks? Say someone married there way into the family, they would have a different cutie mark then an Apple. But as you can see in this picture there all Apple related, so shut yo bitch ass up!"
Twist shut her bitch ass up
"Also," Sweetie said, "its Applebloom's sister mentioned that in Apple bloodlines cause the children to get there marks late, since the family is fucking none of the kids that are OUR age have there cutie marks. Don't you find it a little off that most kids our age have there marks but not one Apple family kid has there's yet?"
The class fell silent trying to make sense of what they were being told. Could this possibly be true?
Diamond Tiara broke the silence.
"Okay okay, so what if Applebloom and her entire family is an inbred, Its not like that was a secret! "
"HEY!" Applebloom snapped
Diamond ignored her and continued, "So wheres the big conspiracy in all of this?"
Scootaloo explained. "Ok ok, so after me and Sweetie pieced this whole thing together we did some research and talked to scientists and stuff. After about a year of searching we figured it out. If the Apple's fuck each other long enough and are pared precisely to the right family member, eventually the Apple blood will mix so much that one will give birth to a genetically enhanced super apple, Literally! The apples genes can be manipulated and mass produced! Meaning they can patient there apples and grow them to what ever shape and size they want! If this is done correctly in time they will become the most powerful produce supplier in all of Equestria!"
The class fell silent in shock. The moment of intensity lasted mere moments before getting interrupted by what sounded like fapping noises. The class turned to Applebloom who was clapping slowly in her desk.
"Bravo, bravo! Looks like you two aren't as stupid as I thought!" Applebloom said slowly rising from her seat
"Is...is this true Applebloom? Mrs. Cherilee asked
"FUCK YES ITS TRUE!" Said Applebloom pulling out a large handgun from the desk
The class gasped, some hid under desks, and pip tried bolting for the door. Applebloom shot a single round in the air stopping pip dead in his tracks.
"NO ONE IS FUCKING LEAVING FOR THE NEXT EIGHT HOURS! NOW YALL GET ON THE DAMN FLOOR!"
Everyone did so except for one little pony. Scootaloo, stood tall looking her inbred friend in her inbred eyes.
"Didnt yall fuckin hear me bitch!?" asked Applebloom pointing the gun at her head.
"So what? You're just gonna kill me? Scootaloo challenged. "Its time for the world to know, and if you kill me you and you're family will just be in even more trouble!"
Applebloom laughed. "If yall are dead who in the hay is gonna find out?"
"HAH! I talked to Rainbow Dash this morning, she has a full copy of this report, and shes on her way to tell Celestia right now!"
Applebloom snickered. "Bitch don't yall make me laugh now! Its to late! Applejack's gonna board a train to Appleloosa in twenty miinutes. There, her and my cousin Brae burn are gonna get it on! After the seeds are planted the Apple will sprout! Literally!"
"SHES NOT GETTING ON THAT DAMN TRAIN!" said Scootaloo trotting for the door
Applebloom cocked her gun "I wouldn't do that if I were yall! she said pointing the gun in Scoot's direction
"Applebloom I know you! You're a horrible aim and I bet you couldn't shoot me if you were two feet away from me!"
Applebloom sighed. "Yall...yall are right," she said in defeat. But suddenly, before anypony could react she grabbed Twist and slammed the nose of the gun to her temple, holding her still with a tight headlock.
"If yall leave Twist dies!" said Applebloom mockingly
"PLEASE DON'T LEAVE!" cried Twist desperately trying to escape the death grip of Applebloom
"I-I have to!" said Scootaloo
"NO! PLEASE DONT LET HER KILL ME!" pleaded Twist with snot bubbles forming in her nose.
"Twist, these bastards are fucking with nature! If you die you'll be a hero to our country!"
"Please dont go.." she pleaded once more
"I'm sorry..." Scootaloo whispered putting a pair of sunglasses on.
As she left the building she heard a heart shattering BANG. A noise that brought back memories of her orphan childhood. If she hurried she could murder AJ, and RD would tell Celestia! Then the Princess would buck the cum out of the apple family's balls and no babies could be produced! But she needed to hurry and get to the train station...
AJ sat restless at the train station.
Cmon twenty more minutes...She thought to herself.
Over the horizon she could see thick black smoke coming from what looked to be near the Apple farm. But that was the least of her worries, and she had a much bigger objective to focus on.
Suddenly a familiar Cyan blue Pegasus flew onto the plat form.
"Why howwwdy rainboe!" the orange inbred chirped
"AJ, YOU NEED TO LISTEN TO ME! That stupid bitch Scootaloo...WELL she isnt THAT stupid! She figured it all out!
"What in tarnation!? How in the hay did that little scrub figure it out!?
"Look I dont know, but I torched the farm and we need to go now!" RD commanded
"Go where? And wheres Braeburn?
"Were going to Canterlot castle where Celestia ordered a secure vault for you two to do it in. Fluttershy is escorting Brae Burn there now, both barns are torched but we need to go!"
"Wha-wha how!?"
Rainbow Dash bent over signalling for AJ to get on her back.
"Are..are yall sure?"
"JUST GET ON! Dash yelled "It'll be good practice for later tonight!"
And with that Apple Jack got onto Rainbow's back an the two flew off into the dark clouds on there way to Canterlot.
Scootaloo arrived at the train platform 5 minutes before the train was due. She looked around helplessly not seeing any sighs of Apple Jack. She ran over to the ticket booth and asked the guy.
"Did you see an Orange earth pony anywhere around here?" she asked, her heart pounding
"Ya mean the one that smells like inbred? Her and some Blue Pegasus flew off five minutes ago..something about doing it in some vault up in Canterlot," The ticket sales man said while stroking himself to the thought of the Pegasus and The inbred "doing it".
Scootaloo's heart sank. How could her big sister just betray her like that? And why would Celestia allow such things to commence right under her roof? Could the conspiracy be bigger then she could have imagined?
Scootaloo fell to her knees and began to wept just as heavy rain began to fall.
Celestia watched her crying through magic mirror, chuckling to herself. "Silly Scootaloo, no matter who you are ill always be one step ahead of you!" said the Princess to herself. It had been a wise 50 million bit investment to hire Fluttershy and Rainbow Dash as damage control. And now the puppet master would get her genetically enhanced super apples. Putting all small farms out of business and suing all who had any traces of her patented apple. Cause even the princess of the sun needs some new shoes.
Fuck Mon Santo.<------The end.
Author's Note
My theory.
