A Minion for the Night

by GnollReader

Rating: mature
Tags: Comedy, Crossover, Flash Sentry, Twilight Sparkle, Random, Princess Celestia, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Alternate Universe, Human, Princess Luna, Original Character
Length: 14718

All of Equestria's princesses have a minion to call their own, a servant, helper and friend. Celestia has Philomena, Twilight Sparkle has Spike... so it is only logical that Luna should have on too.

All of Equestria's princesses have a minion to call their own; a servant, helper and friend. Celestia has Philomena, Twilight Sparkle has Spike... so it is only logical that Luna should have on too. However, they will soon find out that this special minion shares a trait with Luna that she would rather forget.

Borderlands 2 crossover, Krieg the Psycho goes to Equestria.

Rated Mature for bad language and later maybe violence... and capslock, lots of capslock.

Big thanks to Nihatclodra for editing this heap of insanity!

Published 2013-07-11 18:50:02 UTC
Last updated 2013-09-02 23:51:43 UTC

Chapter 2: Dynamite entry

Wow... this place is beautiful!

"I AM THE PURGATORY OF FALLEN SAINTS!" Krieg laughed as he shot down the dark alleys of Canterlot.

Do you even know where you are going? Maybe we should head back to those ponies-

"SHE CAN TASTE THE SALTY PAIN!" Krieg grabbed a ledge and pulled himself upwards with ease.

Guess not...

For a moment, Krieg sat perched upon the roof like some twisted bird of prey, scouting the streets beneath with the moon on his back. Then, he spotted something beneath; three ponies walking through the streets while chatting among one another.

They look young. ...Maybe teenagers? Wait, what are you-

With a short leap, Krieg jumped from the roof and landed on the street in front of the ponies. They immediately stopped their talking and took a startled step backwards as Krieg slowly stood up.

"What is that?" one of the ponies whispered to the other two.

"Don't know. ...Let's just back up slowly so-"

Krieg pointed a finger at the first pony, "ONE PONY!" he pointed at the next pony, "TWO PONIES! HAHAHA!" he pointed to the third, "THREE PONIES! MUHAHAHAHAH!" he cackled with glee.

One of the ponies raised an eyebrow. "Okay... that's just really weird."

"Why is it screaming around like that?"

"Is it some sort of monkey?"

"Don't know. ...I lose track of the weird things now that Discord is around again." The second pony squinted his eyes. "It doesn't seem dangerous," he eyed the axe in Krieg's hand and swallowed. "I hope."

"Should we call the guard?"

That would probably be a good idea...

"ARE YOU GOING TO A FANCY PARTY!?" Krieg suddenly hollered from the top of his lungs, happily dancing from one leg to the other.

"Uhm... yeah?" the pony tilted its head in confusion. "We were heading over to the Dance Cave..."

"Don't tell him that!" the second pony whispered fiercely.

"What? Why not?"

"Twilight, stay here and coordinate the guards during their search. Luna and I shall search from above."

"What should I tell them to do should they find it?" Twilight asked with worry.

"Tell them to proceed with extreme caution." Luna spoke up. "We have yet to find out how dangerous this creature is. They are not to approach it should they find it, not until we arrive. Also, inform them that it is likely resistant to magic."

Twilight nodded. "Okay, I'll be sure to-"

"My princess!" they were interrupted as one of the guards came running towards them.

"Yes, what is it?" Princess Celestia replied.

"We have discovered a strange creature on the streets of Canterlot! Several guards have already gathered to surround it, but we are unsure how to proceed."

Celestia frowned. "Where is it now? Who is leading the guards?"

"Flash Sentry is leading them, my princess," the guard paused for a moment. "The creature is currently inside one of the local dance clubs, among with a large group of civilians. The Lieutenant is getting ready to apprehend it!"

"It is among our subjects?" Luna asked with shock. "What is it doing? Did it take hostages?"

The guard shook his head. "No, princess. It appears it is..." he seemed unsure how to continue.

"It is what?"

"It appears to be... dancing, my princess."

"ARE YOU GOING TO A FANCY PARTY!?" Krieg shouted from the center of the dance floor.

"WE ARE GOING TO A FANCY PARTY!" the ponies cried out in unison as they happily danced.

None of them knew what the strange creature was or where it had come from. There had been a short dispute at the front door to the club, and apparently it had stuffed the bouncer into a trash can... but apart from that it seemed peaceful enough. That, and it was clearly one hell of a party animal.

The moment it appeared on the dance floor it began to whirl around in a frantic whirlwind of arms and legs, spinning its axe above its head as it cackled with glee. The dance was chaotic, wild, primal... and the ponies loved it. Soon, the whole club was engulfed in a mind-wrecking, furious party.

"ONE PONY! TWO PONIES! THREE PONIES!" Krieg pumped his axe up and down with joy as the ponies gave their applause.

This is ridiculous...

"NEVER STOP! NEVER!"

Since when do you even like this kind of music!?

Suddenly, the music stopped and a full squad of guards burst into the club.

"Everypony! Evacuate the building immediately! You there!" a pony in golden armor and with a blue mane shouted at Krieg. "Stay where you are and do not resist arrest! We have blocked all entrances to the building!"

As the ponies around him quickly started to withdraw, Krieg remained standing alone on the dance floor.

Great... we're screwed.

"Put down your weapon!"

Krieg pointed the weapon at the pony addressing him. "ARE YOU GOING TO A FANCY PARTY!?" he shook his buzz axe as if to emphasize his point.

"The party is over! I am Lieutenant Flash Sentry and you are under arrest until the princesses have decided whether you are a threat! Now lower you weapon and surrender peacefully!" Krieg's grip on his buzz axe tightened and his eye narrowed.

Whatever you do, do not hurt any of them! Remember what I told you! I know you don't like uniforms, but they haven't done anything to us yet. They are not deserving!

For a short moment Krieg started to shake violently, then he reached inside one of his pockets.

Oh god! Not that! Can't you just surrender!?

Flash Sentry and the other guards watched as the creature pulled a short, red stick from his pockets.

"DYNAMITE ENTRY!"

The wall of the club exploded into a fireball, ripped apart by the detonation of Krieg's dynamite and covering the surrounding area in dust and rubble. As the club lights caught themselves in the settling dust outside, Krieg happily stepped out into the opening, all the while accompanied by the guards' frantic coughing.

"THAT'S THE STUFF!"

His laughter was cut short as something collided with his back, sending him flying to the ground.

"You're not getting away that easily!" Flash Sentry shouted as he landed in front of him, his armor covered in soot. "Now surrender! You have nowhere to run to-" his words died in his mouth as Krieg started to twitch and shake violently.

Krieg let out a savage scream as he got to his feet, his ribcage cracking and growing and his arms starting to twist in unnatural directions as he got up.

Buddy, I really hope those wings of yours work...

Krieg picked up his buzz axe, giving the pony before him a look of pure hatred and anger. "THESE CURTAINS AREN'T RED ENOUGH!"

Chapter 3: No fence on this fence

"WAARAAARAAAA! SING WITH ME!"

Flash Sentry barely ducked Krieg's savage lunge, the buzz axe going through the wall behind him like it was made of paper.

Control yourself! Focus! He is not your enemy!

"COME FOR THE NUTS AND STAY FOR JELLY!" Krieg laughed as he followed the retreating pony.

"What in all of Equestria are you!?" Flash Sentry jumped out of the way of another frenzied swipe, his wings flapping furiously to gain height. He had been sure he could take on the strange creature at first, after all; it wasn't that big. ...Not at first at least. Now though, he was having serious doubts.

The creature was nothing like it was the first time he had kicked it. It had already been hard then, but now... he might as well have been trying to kick a wall of bricks. ...And the noises it was making, the noises. It constantly switched between laughter, screams of rage and senseless gibberish. It even cried at some point, which only made it more terrifying.

He needed to get a unicorn, he needed magic. If only he could reach the princesses. Flash Sentry ground his teeth as he ducked another swing; he couldn't leave, not with this 6thing running rampage in Canterlot. He needed to come up with a plan, he needed to- a huge hand wrapped itself around his leg. "Uh oh..."

The next moment Flash Sentry was flung downwards and into the ground with enough force to knock the air out of his lungs. When he opened his eyes again, he found himself staring into the red eye of the hulking creature above him. With horror he watched it pull back his weapon for the final blow.

"THERE IS NO FENCE ON THIS FENCE!"

The buzz axe shot down, accompanied by Krieg's mad laughter. Flash Sentry closed his eyes...

NO!

"STOP!" a female voice thundered through the air around him.

Silence. Flash Sentry carefully opened his eyes, wondering why the fatal blow had not landed. He felt his mouth go dry, the blade of the buzz axe was a mere inch away from his face; the terrible weapon held perfectly still but the blade spinning at a terrifying speed. The sound it made alone was enough to send shivers down his spine.

His gaze traveled up further, and into the face of the creature. It was looking away from him, staring at something to the side as it trembled from time to time. Flash Sentry followed its gaze, and spotted Princess Luna and Celestia standing several feet away from them. He realized that it had been Princess Luna's voice he had heard a moment ago.

Luna let out a deep breath. "Now, step away from the pony." Her voice was stern and clear, but Flash Sentry saw the nervous expression on her face.

To everyone's obvious surprise, Krieg slowly backed up from Flash Sentry. His eye never left Luna, even as his body slowly started to shift to its normal form again. Flash Sentry did not dare move; fearful for that if he did, the creature would return its attention to him.

You have got to be kidding me...

"Be careful, sister." Celestia whispered to Luna, all the while keeping a sharp eye on every of Krieg's movements.

Luna gave a short nod. "Come to me." She beckoned Krieg.

Krieg did not move. Instead, he held up his buzz axe. "I WANT TO RIDE THE PONY!"

Not this again.

Luna put on a scowl. "Not in a lifetime."

"We need to get it away from our subjects," Celestia reminded Luna.

"I know," Luna frowned. "But this..."

Krieg started to dance from one leg to the other. "RIDE THE PONY!"

"I think he wants to-" Celestia started.

"I know what he wants just as well as you do!" Luna snapped back. "But I am not letting him ride me like some toy!"

Clear enough. Let it go man, you can't...

Celestia gave Luna a nudge and whispered. "He's starting to shake again."

"You cannot seriously expect me to-" Luna whispered back fiercely.

Krieg's whole body started to twitch. "WHY ARE THERE NO PEANUTS IN THIS JAR? WHY!?"

Luna gave her sister a glare. "If you ever tell Discord about this..."

"Not a word, my dear sister. Not a word." Celestia replied with a smirk.

"Where are Princess Celestia and Princess Luna?" Twilight Sparkle asked one of the scouts. "Have they found it?"

"It appears that Princess Celestia and Princess Luna have found and successfully contained the creature, my princess," the scout replied. "They are currently escorting it back to the castle."

Twilight let out a sigh. "Good... good. I was worried for one second that-"

"Twilight!" she was interrupted as Spike stormed into the room. "Twilight! You have got to see this!"

"What is it Spike? Can't this wait? Celestia and Luna are-"

"That's just it!" Spike interrupted her with excitement in his voice. "They're coming back right now. You won't believe what they are bringing with them!"

Twilight gave Spike a wondering look, but then she heard an all too familiar voice that pretty much explained what had gotten the little dragon so excited.

"ALL ABOARD THE PSYCHO EXPRESS!" Krieg bounced up and down happily, waving his buzz axe high in the air.

I can not believe she actually agreed to this...

"I cannot believe I actually agreed to this," Luna uttered with a sour face. "This is the most degrading experience I have ever had to endure!" she gave a groan. "And he is heavy!"

"THERE ARE PEANUTS IN THE BACK! WOULD YOU LIKE A CUSHION?" Krieg laughed as he rode upon her back, making Luna blush furiously. Even though she was walking at a modest pace, he was bouncing up and down upon her back as if she were in full run.

"At least he has become somewhat controllable..." Celestia hid a small smile from her sister as she watched Luna struggle under Krieg's weight. "Maybe he really is your minion. After all, he did listen to you."

"If only for a short moment," Luna replied. "How can such a creature be my soul mate? There is clearly something wrong with its mind! The spell must have gone wrong! How is this creature supposed to be perfectly suited for my needs?!"

"FASTER PONY! FASTER! BURN THE MOIST NOISE!"

"Will you at least keep quiet!?"

You wish... you and I, lady...

"Let us get him inside and do our best to keep him calm. We will try to find out more then," Celestia said even as they walked past a completely baffled Twilight Sparkle and Spike. "And make sure that Flash Sentry keeps a good distance from him. ...I don't think it would be wise for them to meet again too soon."

"EMERGENCY EXITS ARE ON ALL SIDES! PLEASE REFRAIN FROM SMOKING DURING THE RIBCAGE SLAUGHTER! NO WANKING ON THE POOP DECK!"

Chapter 4: No brakes on this train

"SUCH PRETTY YET MASCULINE FLOWERS!"

"Stop it! Don't touch me theeeaaaa..." Luna squealed as Krieg's fingers went through the feathers of her wings.

"It seems he likes you," Celestia chuckled as she watched the display.

"He is touching me in most inappropriate places!" Luna shuddered as Krieg petted her. "You try it and see how you like it!"

"Isn't it astounding how calm he is when he is around Luna?" Twilight asked with wonder. "Maybe he really is her minion!"

Luna's expression fell. "Please don't say it like it is already decided."

"DON'T TRY THIS AT HOME, KIDS!!"

Dude, that is just inappropriate!

"MORE EXCLAMATION MARKS!"

"Don't touch that!" Luna batted his hand away.

"THESE STAINS WON'T CLEAN THEMSELVES!" Krieg embraced her in a crushing bear hug.

"Oh... that's so sweet," Twilight smiled as he watched his wanton display of affection.

Huh, she's pretty soft...

"He is crushing me!" Luna gasped for breath.

"Twilight?" Spike's voice could be heard as he carefully opened the door. "Can I come in now and-" he was interrupted by a loud thunk as he poked his head inside.

There was a moment of silence, the alicorns staring at the door in disbelief and horror. Spike's gaze traveled upwards. ...And onto the buzz axe embedded in the wood only inches from where his head was. "Huh?"

Ah, crap.

"FOOD!"

Spike's face became as pale as snow as he realized what Krieg intended.

And here we go again...

Discord hovered through the halls with a happy hum on his lips, occasionally taking a bite from a huge cone of cotton candy. His day in Ponyville had been fun, even if mostly uneventful. These days he simply enjoyed spending time with Fluttershy. But still, what fun would it be if he didn't give Celestia a visit every now and then... and pluck at her strings. He chuckled... just a bit to get her annoyed.

His planning was interrupted by a shout from one of the countless rooms. Luna's room, to be specific.

"Stop him!"

"FEED ME!" Discord raised an eyebrow.

"Get him off of me!"

"THERE ARE NO BRAKES ON THIS TRAIN!" something was thrown over; a loud crash echoing through the corridors.

"Minion! I command you to-"

"FLY ME AWAY TO PEANUT BUTTER CASTLE!"

"He's picking up his axe! Twilight! HELP ME!"

"Don't you dare touch-"

"I HAVE MY HANDS FULL OF MEAT AND A MIND FILLED WITH BACON!"

The shouting and crashing inside the room continued. Discord scratched his head in amusement, it almost sounded like his last visit. Then, just as sudden as the commotion had started, it ended and everything went quiet.

Grinning to himself, Discord nudged the door open. "Ready or not, here I-" he stopped at the sight before him.

There was Celestia, with a heavily stressed expression and holding something that looked like an axe in her magic grasp. Next to her was Luna, heavily panting and seemingly even more stressed than her sister. He also spotted Twilight attending to Spike who was currently gasping for breath. And between them all, bound up in rope sat something that looked very much out of place.

"Alright," Luna panted. "Direct magic doesn't work on him very well, but at least it does on his weapon."

"Let us hope the rope is capable of holding him," Celestia replied with a frown.

"My, my... what have we here?" Discord chuckled as he entered the room. "Are you playing a game without me?"

"PERACUTE PERJURIES ARE PERVIOUS TO PRIME TIME PONYFICATION!" Krieg wiggled his head happily, bouncing up and down in his bound condition.

Much to the surprise of everyone present, Discord didn't even beat an eyelash at the strange sentence. Instead, a little hat appeared in one of his hands, which he tipped in Krieg's direction. "And a fine evening to you too, dear sir."

"THIS JAR OF EYES IS OUT OF DATE!"

"Why yes, we are having fine weather today. Have you been here for long?"

What the...

"ON THE SECOND DAY THE WORLD BLED YELLOW SUFFERING!"

"Indeed, it does, doesn't it?"

Is this guy for real?

On the side, the alicorns and the little dragon watched with dumbfounded expressions, as one lunatic conversed with another. Only after another moment had passed did Luna finally manage to speak. "Why am I not surprised?"

"You can understand what he is saying?" Celestia asked.

No he can't. He's just another lunatic.

"Of course I can," Discord replied. "And he is such a charming fellow too."

"I WILL EAT YOUR BABIES!"

"How can you understand him?" Twilight asked with a disgusted look towards Krieg.

"Call it a... likeness of minds," Discord chuckled. "So. ...Why is someone so amusing here without me knowing? Where did you find him?"

"I HAIL SOUTH FROM THE BORDER OF BURNING SOULS!"

"We tried to summon a suitable minion for Luna," Celestia replied.

Summon? Lady, Krieg just likes punching buttons...

"And just look how that went," Luna grimaced.

"I don't see how you are so disappointed," Discord laughed. "After all, he does fit you perfectly."

"He does not!" Luna snapped back.

"I WANT TO RIDE THE PRETTY PONY!"

"You are not riding on me again!" Luna shouted at Krieg, but immediately cringed when she realized what she had just said out loud. ...Even more so when she saw Discord's huge grin.

"See? You're already warming up to one another. It's simply so heart warming!"

"How does this lunatic fit me?" Luna snarled at Discord in spite of the blush spreading on her cheeks. "There is clearly something wrong with his mind!"

Darling, you don't even know half of it.

"You don't understand?" Discord's smile became sinister. "His state of mind is much closer to yours than you may think. For you see; while you hold a monster within a sane mind, this monster holds a sane mind within itself..." he chuckled. "Take or give two or three..."

Is he... is he talking about me?

"You mean," Twilight gasped. "You mean he is like Nightmare Moon?"

Everyone in the room became silent as they realized what Discord had just told them. They all turned to Krieg, who was still bouncing up and down on the floor.

"He has a split personality," Celestia whispered in shock.

There was a loud snap.

And there goes the rope...

"IT IS TIME FOR A FEAST!"

Spike was already dashing for the door with look of pure panic on his face.

Chapter 5: Peanuts in a bag

Flash Sentry allowed a heavy sigh to escape him as he walked through Canterlot Castle. This had been one of the weirdest nights since his acceptance into the royal guard, ever. Even though he was glad that the strange creature was taken of his hooves he still couldn't help but worry, what in the world was that thing? And why wasn't he allowed anywhere near Princess Luna's chambers?

A scream could be heard throughout the castle, a scream that was steadily growing louder.

"HELP ME!" a little dragon shot around the corner, tiny legs pumping furiously.

For a moment, Flash Sentry wondered what he was running away from. "STOP STARING AT ME!" a high-pitched scream answered the question. A moment later, Krieg shot around the corner with a maniacal laugh.

Flash Sentry felt his shoulders sag, "Please not this again... Just please, no."

Not this again...

Spike spotted Flash Sentry and turned his direction towards him, "Get him off of me!"

"Don't lead him to me!"

"I SEE MORE MEAT FOR THE FEAST!"

Flash Sentry checked his surroundings in panic. Spike had almost reached him and the psycho was close behind. He spotted an open door. "In here! Quickly!"

Both he and Spike made a mad dash for the door, slamming it shut and locking it from the inside the moment they went through. A split second after they had locked the door, something heavy slammed against it and made the hinges rattle in the stone.

"Join the guard, they said!" Flash Sentry threw over a closet and pushed it against the door. "Meet the princesses, they said." Another slam made the wood creak. "See exotic places and meet exciting creatures, they said!" he pushed against the closet with all of his strength.

"OPEN THIS DOOR! OR I'LL HUFF AND I'LL PUFF AND PULL OUT YOUR SPINE THROUGH YOUR BALLOON KNOT!"

Seriously, don't open the door.

"I hate this job! What's that even supposed to mean!?"

Spike frantically added chairs and small boxes to the barricade. "Will you stop whining!? He is trying to eat me!"

"Well, lucky you!" Flash Sentry retorted. "What do you think he's going to do to me!?"

"I'LL PUSH THAT THING IN YOUR SPECIAL COMPONENT AND PULL THE TRIGGER UNTIL IT GOES CLICK!"

Another thump from the door made the pieces of the barricade rattle, but the wood of the door seemed to hold.

Flash Sentry let out a deep breath. "Okay, it seems he can't get through. Quickly, have a look around. Maybe we can-"

"Wait." Spike interrupted him.

"What?! We need to-"

"Don't you hear it?" Spike held a clawed hand to one of his ears. "He stopped."

Flash Sentry calmed down for a moment and listened carefully. The dragon was right, everything had gone silent again. He took a careful step back from the door. "You're right..."

"Maybe he got bored?"

Nope. He's standing right behind the door... and he can hear you talk.

"You want to go check?"

Spike visibly paled. "I'm not going out there again! You go!"

"Like hell I am going to open that door before the princesses arrive!"

The little dragon sat down on the floor with a huff. "So we just wait?"

Buddy, I'm afraid that ain't going to work for long.

"We wait," Flash Sentry replied. "I don't like it either, but I don't think that-" they were interrupted by a noise Flash Sentry recognized all too well.

"What's that?" Spike raised an eyebrow as the screeching sound slowly increased in volume.

Flash Sentry felt his mouth go dry. "That," he swallowed. "Is bad."

Spike tilted his head with worry. "Why?"

There was screeching sound as whirling metal made contact with wood, the spinning blade of the buzz axe cutting through the wood with ease and partially coming out the surface on the other side.

"Oh..." Spike's eyes widened in terror as the blade started to travel across the door. "That's bad."

"DON'T WORRY! AN EMPLOYEE WILL BE WITH YOU IN ANOTHER MOMENT! HAHAHAHA! FEEL FREE TO ENJOY THE SERVICES OF OUR HEALTH SPA IN THE MEANTIME! WE HAVE YOGA CLASSES!" A piece of wood was punched out of the door and Krieg's arm shot through, waving the buzz axe around wildly.

"Keep your head low!" Flash Sentry barked at Spike as he continued to push against the barricade.

The arm was pulled back and a blood-shot eye was placed in front of the opening, darting between Flash Sentry and Spike.

"I CAN SEE YOUUUUU!" It was more of a crazed laugh than an actual sentence.

Stop it! Look at him! He's just a kid!

Krieg's laughter cut off instantly and his gaze traveled over the shaking dragon.

You're scaring him.

Both Flash Sentry and Spike were surprised as the face of terror left the hole in the door without uttering another word. What they heard next though, completely baffled them.

Princess Luna shot around another corner. Where had the creature gone? Was the little dragon well? She would never forgive herself if anything would... she spotted the creature and came to a skidding halt. Nothing could have prepared her for what she was seeing.

The creature was sitting with his back to a wall... and it was crying its heart out.

"I JUST WANTED PEANUTS!" He sobbed.

Luna took a careful step forward, the creature still had its weapon gripped firmly in his hands.

"WHY?! WHY CAN'T I OPEN THIS JAR!?"

Luna watched in terror as Krieg brought the axe to his own head. Immediately, a deep gash opened on his brow but before it had even started to bleed, it started to close again."WHY!?" He brought the axe to his own head again.

Calm down. You need to calm down!

"STOP TALKING TO ME!" There was a sickening crunch as he brought the axe to his face mask for the third time.

He was about to repeat the process, but the buzz axe would not move. Instead, Krieg watched with surprise as a faint blue glow spread over his weapon. He turned his head slightly to look at Luna standing a few feet away from him.

"Don't hurt yourself. There is no reason to be scared." She talked with a soothing voice.

"Princess?" Spike's face could be seen through a hole in one of the doors. "Is that you?"

"Spike, are you alright?" Luna asked without taking her eyes of Krieg.

"We're fine," Spike replied with a worried voice. "Flash Sentry is here too..."

"Don't tell her that!" a fierce whisper could be heard.

"I CAN'T SAVE THE CHILDREN!" Krieg continued to sob as he struggled with his buzz axe. "WHY ARE YOU SCREAMING AT ME!?"

Luna observed his sobbing form with torn emotions, she had gone through a very similar experience once. "The voices... do they hurt you?" she asked after a short moment.

"ALWAYS SCREAMING! ALWAYS SCREAMING AT ME!"

Dude, I never screamed at you.

Princess Luna carefully took a seat next to him and put a wing around him. "Don't worry. We will help you." She carefully lifted a hoof and took the buzz axe from his grasp. "We will find the voices, and we will make them stop."

What?!

Luna patted Krieg's head. "Everything will be fine."

How come I am the bad guy now?

There was a short moment of silence as the two sat next to one another, but the peace did not last long.

"RIDE THE PONY!"

Yeah... ride the pony.

Chapter 6: Peanut butter castle

"SUCH SCRUMPTIOUS SUCCULENCY!"

"Slow down! Not so faaAAAAHH!"

The guards present in the castle watched, dumbfounded and frozen in disbelief at what they were seeing. There was the strange creature from before, running at full speed down the corridors, with Princess Luna seated upon his shoulders, an axe in her magical grasp as she gave a yelp at each corner he took.

Wall straight ahead.

"I CAN SEE THE LADDER!"

"Left! Go left!" Luna shouted desperately.

"FASTEN YOUR SEAT-BELTS FOR THE CEREMONY!" Krieg gave a maniacal laugh as he took a left... and ran straight into Princess Celestia and Twilight Sparkle, all of them coming to rest in a groaning heap of hooves, feathers and wiggling fingers.

"I found him..." Luna managed to croak from her position on the floor.

"I can see that," Celestia groaned as Krieg happily bounced up and down on top of her.

"What about Spike?" Twilight asked from somewhere between.

"He is alright, if shocked a bit. Though I am starting to have the feeling that the creature did not even intend to actually harm him..."

"UUUUUHHHUUUU!" Krieg swooned as he fished Twilight Sparkle out of the pile and gave her a bear hug. "THIS PILLOW IS SOFT BUT IS IT HUGGABLY SOFT?" Twilight let out a gasp as he ran his fingers over her. "I CAN SMELL THE HAPPY SUNSHINE! WHERE'S MY SPOON? I WANT TO EAT THE RAINBOW DROPS!"

"Can't... breath!" Twilight wheezed but started to grow pale when she saw him reach for his axe. "Wait wait wait! That's no spoon!"

She's not a box of candy.

"SHE AIN'T NO PILLOW EITHER!"

The three ponies stopped in their actions, staring at Krieg with surprised faces. "Did that," Twilight asked. "Did that sentence just now actually make sense?"

Lady, none of this is making sense anymore at this point...

"It did... Let me try something," Luna scrunched her face and carefully dangled the buzz axe out of Krieg's reach. "Do you want the spoon?"

"SPOON!" Krieg let Twilight drop to the floor and jumped after his weapon.

"Let us return to my chambers," Luna started to walk with Krieg in tow. "We will need to get to the bottom of this." She made the buzz axe dance. "Come on, try and catch-" she saw Krieg crouch. "Don't. You. Dare."

"RIDE ME TO THE PEANUT BUTTER CASTLE OF SCREAMING FLOWERS!"

A few minutes later the four of them had returned to Luna's chamber.

"Let's not do that again," Luna put on a sour face as she tried to rearrange her feathers. Krieg had simply chucked her onto his shoulders and had made a mad dash for her chambers, with Celestia and Twilight struggling hard to keep his mad pace.

"It's amazing though," Twilight tried to catch her breath. "He doesn't even appear to be tired..." She cast a look over to Krieg, who was currently busying himself by juggling his buzz axe. "Even after all that running. His endurance and strength are amazing!"

Hear that?

"I CAN HEAR THE PHANTOM PAIN CALLING!"

"That isn't everything," Luna commented with a worried glance. "Earlier, when I found him... he hurt himself with his weapon."

"He did?" Celestia eyed his figure with concern. "I see no wounds."

"His wounds closed the moment he opened them," Luna replied. "We have to keep a good eye on him to ensure he doesn't repeat it though."

"That's incredible! I wonder what else he can-" she stopped as Krieg suddenly squatted in front of her, his blood-shot eye on the level of her own. Twilight gulped nervously as she watched his head twitch every now and then. "Heh... nice minion."

"DOES THE LITTLE PONY WANT A PRESENT!?"

You're not really going to do that, are you?

"A gift?" Twilight raised an eyebrow in surprise.

"Careful, Twilight. I am not sure what he would consider a gift." Celestia carefully observed him.

Twilight put on a hopeful smile. "Maybe he wants to be friends?" she returned her attention to him.

"DOES THE LITTLE PONY WANT A PRESENT?" Krieg repeated his question with strange ferocity.

"Uhmm... I guess?" Twilight managed to answer.

Wrong answer...

Before any of them could even react Krieg placed one of his hands on the floor and brought down his buzz axe with the other, separating his small finger with a loud crunch and a shocked gasp from the ponies.

Krieg picked up the severed finger and held it up in front of Twilight while a new finger started to grow from the stump almost instantly.

"PINKIE FOR THE STINKY!" he laughed happily as he held the bloody trophy towards her.

Twilight looked like she was about to faint.

Krieg jumped in a desperate attempt to reach his buzz axe, but Luna's magical grasp was holding it out of his reach.

"GIVE ME BACK MY SPINE TINGLER! I CAN'T EAT ALL THIS PUDDING WITHOUT A PROPER SPOON!"

"You are not getting it back," Luna barked at him. "Now sit!" Krieg sat down on his haunches like a scolded dog.

Still can't believe that actually works...

Luna gave a nod. "Good." She turned back to Twilight and Celestia. "How is Twilight?"

"He just..." Twilight stammered. "I said... and then he..." she looked at the finger lying on the floor with horror. "What is wrong with him!?"

"We will find out that for ourselves," Celestia shook her head with a sigh. "Try to calm down, we will need your help with this."

Twilight gave her mentor an uncertain look. "Why? What are we going to do?"

"We will enter his mind," Celestia stated with a firm voice. "We shall see for ourselves, what has happened to his mind... and whether the damage can be repaired..."

They... they can't be serious.

"If what Discord said is correct, that is." Luna commented carefully. "For all we know, he could always have been like this."

Enter Krieg's mind? Are they insane!? Tell them to stay out! This is way too dangerous! Stop them!

"THE PEANUT BUTTER CASTLE AWAITS ITS VISITORS! THERE'S MINIGOLF ON THE SECOND FLOOR! DON'T FORGET TO VISIT THE PIT OF HEARTS! COME ONE COME ALL! BRING YOUR KIDS ALONG TO THE PARADE OF ORPHANED TEARS!"

"Steady your mind and concentrate, Twilight." Celestia spoke up. "Only the stars know what we will find once we enter his thoughts."

Lady, entering ain't even going to be your biggest problem... Getting through and out sane again, that's going to be a big one...

Krieg watched the three Alicorns around him with amusement before returning to jumping after his weapon. Then, there was a flash of light and three new voices found their way into his shattered mind.

Chapter 7: Conductor of the poop train

"I... I don't know what to say," Luna whispered as she stood next to Celestia and Twilight.

"Neither do I," Celestia answered. "This certainly exceeds anything I would have expected."

They were standing on a huge field covered with flowers, blood-red blossoms going as far as their eyes could see. And above them, the sky was burning. And set in between the flames covering the sky, countless shards with different pictures hung above them like a dreadful mosaic.

"What could have happened to shatter his mind like this?" Luna asked as her sad gaze traveled over the sky.

"It feels so unreal," Twilight whispered with a feeling of dread. "How can he even find a straight thought when everything is in such disorder? No wonder his words make no sense at all!"

"I think we may find the answer to that question there," Celestia pointed to the side. "Look."

Both Luna and Twilight turned their heads, an expression of surprise entering their faces. "I don't believe it," Luna whispered. "Is that a..."

"A peanut butter castle," Twilight finished her sentence with disbelief.

There, set in the distance and rising out of the endless field of flowers like a hand pointed towards the sky, a huge castle made of giant peanuts and ridiculously large peanut butter jars stood, little banners with peanuts on them flapping in a breeze that none of them could feel.

"Let us go, it will take some time for us to reach it by walking." Celestia started to walk through the flowers.

"Can't we just teleport?" Twilight asked with a frown. "These flowers creep me out," she gulped as she observed one of them. "I think I can see teeth..."

"Teleportation would be too risky." Luna spoke up as she fell in line behind Celestia, "This place has its own rules of logic, I fear. There is no way for us to tell what results using our magic may have here."

Twilight nodded. "Okay, no magic then."

"Only in an emergency," Celestia commented, but suddenly stopped after several steps. "It seems we have encountered a problem."

"What is it?" Twilight asked, as far as she could see nothing had changed. The sky was still burning, and the flowers were still grinning at her with their little teeth.

"We're not moving," Luna commented with a worried expression. "Aren't we?"

"You're right," Celestia replied with a frown.

"But we barely walked a few feet!" Twilight asked. "How can you tell?"

"Experience," Celestia replied as her frown deepened. "Look behind you, do you see any tread-on flowers?"

Twilight turned around. "I don't..." she whispered. "But then, how do we get to the castle?"

As if on queue, the ground next to them started to shift open and a small locomotive with three little carts started to rise from the opening, brightly colored in all shades of brown... and with a Krieg in full conductor clothing seated on top of the miniature locomotive. He even had a little hat on top of his head.

"Is that..." Luna started, but held her nose in disgust instead.

"ALL ABOARD THE POOP TRAIN! PLEASE REMAIN SEATED AT ALL TIMES! NEXT DESTINATION, PEANUT BUTTER CASTLE!"

Twilight made a disgusted face. "Should we really get onto that thing?" she paused. "Is that the same minion as the one we know?"

Celestia shook her head. "No... it is likely to be a shadow... and installment of his desires." She sighed and took as step towards the carts. "We should take this chance."

"But it's made of poop!" Twilight wailed.

"Remember that this is all in his mind only." Luna spoke next to her. "Remind yourself of that fact and try to ignore the smell..." her expression turned sour as she stepped up to one of the tiny carts. "No matter how ridiculous or demeaning this is."

A good ten minutes later, the little train was going at a steady pace through the fields of red flowers, the castle in the distance steadily drawing nearer.

"These cars are too small!" Twilight complained. "I'm getting cramps in my legs!" how Celestia and Luna were able to bear with the tiny carts was a mystery to her... and it looked ridiculous to no extent. The carts were more fit to be toys than actual carts.

"Remember that this isn't your physical body," Celestia commented from her perch on the little cart. "You can only get a cramp here if you believe it to be real." She couldn't help but shift a bit, even if it wasn't real it was still an uncomfortable ride.

"WOULD YOU LIKE SOME PEANUTS!?" Krieg hollered from the front. "WE HAVE A SELECTED VARIETY OF FLAVORS!"

Twilight gulped. "I'm afraid to ask what flavors they serve on a poop train..."

"Then don't," Luna replied with a stoic expression. "It is best to interact as little as possible until we have reached the source for all of this..." she paused as a sound reached her ears. "Oh, please no. Just when I thought this couldn't get more ridiculous."

Around them, the flowers were starting to sing... and Krieg led the chorus. "ALL ABOARD THE POOP TRAIN! LIFE IS PLAIN! SHARE THE PAIN! ALL ABOARD THE POOP TRAIN!" he pulled on a small chord. "POOP! POOP!"

Celestia's face sagged. "Let us hope this ride won't take much longer..."

A full hour later Krieg was still singing.

Twilight was holding her ears by now. "Why won't he stop!? Aren't we there yet!?"

"Just bear with it a bit longer," Celestia replied as a drop of sweat ran down her face. "We're almost there."

"If I ever have hear another song about poop again I'm going back to the moon by choice." Luna mumbled as her face continued to scrunch up in agony.

There was a loud screech and the train came to a sudden halt. "WELCOME TO PEANUT BUTTER CASTLE! THANK YOU VERY MUCH FOR USING THE POOP EXPRESS! OUR STAINS WILL ALWAYS BE THERE FOR YOU!" Krieg cackled from his seat.

Twilight looked up at the castle. "How did we... I could have sworn the castle was still a good distance away only a moment ago!"

"Don't try to understand it," Luna sighed. "This place has its own rules. Just be thankful we can get off this train."

"Be careful," Celestia commented as she stepped off the small cart. "There is no telling what will await us here."

Next to them, the train shot off into the distance with a loud boom, quickly drawing smaller in the distance as Krieg's laughs accompanied its mad speed.

"Are you telling me we could have gone that fast from the beginning?" Luna's gaze followed the train as it traveled towards the horizon. "What a cruel sense of humor..."

Twilight let her head hang with a sob. "I've got that song stuck in my head!"

"Calm yourselves, both of you." Celestia spoke up with a stern voice. "We need to be prepared for whatever we are about to face."

Luna and Twilight both gave a short nod, but Luna quickly spotted a small problem. "Speaking about what we are about to face," she nodded towards the entrance of the huge castle. "How do we get inside?"

Celestia turned around and followed Luna's gaze; the entrance to the castle was blocked by a set of huge... Celestia narrowed her eyes. "Are those... are those waffles?"

Next to her, Luna whispered a small prayer. "Please don't let there be maple syrup too..."

Above them, a small hole was opened and a cauldron was emptied upon them... Luna's prayer had been denied.

Chapter 8: Parade of orphaned tears

"I hate this place," Luna managed to sputter from her syrup-covered face. "I hate this place so much."

"I can understand that feeling," Celestia replied with a sour face. Just like her sister, her whole coat and mane were covered in the sticky substance. "At least the gates are open now... Maybe this is required to enter?"

"It's all over my feathers!" Twilight complained, but her mouth fell open as she took another look at Luna and Celestia. "But how..." there wasn't even a trace of the syrup left on them.

"Keep in mind that none of this has any real substance, we only see images of his desires and thoughts." Luna explained. "Forget that the syrup is there, ignore it and it will not be there. Let your belief become stronger than his own."

"Make my belief stronger than his?" Twilight scrunched her face for a moment, but then she closed her eyes and concentrated. "The syrup isn't there, the syrup isn't there..." she continued to chant to herself.

"Good," Celestia suddenly spoke up with a small smile. "You're making progress as always." Twilight opened her eyes in surprise to realize that she was no longer covered in the sticky liquid. "But keep cautious, I have a feeling that we have only scratched the surface up to this point."

"Let us head on in before they get another kettle ready." Luna started to walk through the gates, but came to a halt a short way through. "What in the world..."

"What is it?" Celestia asked as she and Twilight stepped up to Luna, but they too found themselves staring straight ahead in disbelief.

"The peanut butter castle awaits its visitors," Luna spoke softly as she remembered Krieg's words. "Bring your kids along to the parade of orphaned tears," she swallowed. "How terrible..."

In front of the three alicorns, a phantom parade marched through the castle courtyard... a parade of crying and sobbing children.

"Are those..." Twilight watched the parade with a terrified expression.

"Memories of past faces," Celestia commented with a sad voice. "Ghosts... Something terrible must have happened for them to be imprinted into his memories so clearly." She continued to observe the parade as the wails and sobs echoed through the courtyard. "Every face is absolutely defined..."

"What?" Twilight asked confused at her mentor's statement.

"They're phantoms," Luna explained as the ghostly procession continued to walk by them. "When someone you know passes away, a phantom image of that someone remains in your memories." Her face grew sad as she watched the faces of the crying children. "The more the loss of that someone hurts us, the more their existence was important to us... the clearer their memory becomes."

Twilight watched the crying parade, the cries of the children making her heart ache. "So, all of them... are..."

"They are," Celestia replied with deep sadness. "And he chose to carry their memory with him... though I shudder to imagine what terrible thing could have caused this."

"You don't think he..." Twilight's eyes widened in shock.

"No," Luna spoke up. "Memories like that would be very different," she was silent for a moment as she remembered his words. "I can't save the children..." she whispered, and the children started to scream. "Why are you screaming at me? Always screaming... Always screaming at me..." she closed her eyes with a shudder while both Celestia and Twilight listened to her words with silent dread. "How terrible..."

The three alicorns watched in silence, as the screaming and crying parade of orphaned tears marched through the peanut butter castle's courtyard.

The procession continued for a while, and at some point Twilight stopped counting their faces and tried to block out their cries. Even when the parade ended and the last of the children walked past them, she still could not bring herself to look up and after them. It was simply too sad for her to bear.

After the parade had passed, the three alicorns stood in the courtyard for a moment longer; each of them lost in their thoughts and trying to contemplate what they had just witnessed.

It was Luna that broke out of her trance first. "Let us continue. We came here for a reason." The other two could only nod as they solemnly followed her towards the main entrance of the castle.

In front of the large set of doors, a little toll booth was set up; a tiny Krieg in a strange uniform, a huge mustache and with a peanut hat on top of his head waiting for them impatiently.

"YOU'RE LATE FOR THE TOUR!" the little figure shouted at them, he barely reached Celestia's knees. "DID YOU REMEMBER TO BRING YOUR SPOONS? YOU CAN'T TAKE THE TOUR WITHOUT YOUR SPOONS!"

"Spoons?" Luna asked with a frown. "We don't have any-"

"YOU CAN'T EAT THESE DRAPES WITHOUT A PROPER TOOL!" the little Krieg went inside the toll booth and stepped out again carrying three large silver spoons. "WELCOME TO THE RIBCAGE SLAUGHTER!" he handed each pony one of the spoons.

Behind the little Krieg, the doors of the castle slowly opened to reveal a passage of utter darkness. "TRY OUR SPECIAL GAMES! THEY BRING OUT THE RED IN THE BLOODLESS SEA!" even as he finished the sentence, a loud thump could be heard echoing through the hallway and into the courtyard outside; a thump that steadily repeated itself.

"What is that sound?" Twilight asked even as she watched the silver spoon in her grasp; it felt strangely different from everything else inside this place.

Celestia was quiet for a moment, but her expression was steadily growing troubled. "Luna," she spoke up softly.

"I know," Luna replied as she swallowed down a non-existent lump in her throat. "There seems to be no other way though... let us go." She closed her eyes and put the spoon under one of her wings. "Don't forget to visit the pit of hearts," she whispered to herself, already dreading what they would see next.

She couldn't help but smirk though, when she realized that the floor and ceiling were made of bacon.

Author's Note

I'm on a roll. Sorry for the sad chapter, but I think it needed to be done.

Chapter 9: Pit of hearts

The sound was louder here, deeper; more present and clear. Inside the pit of hearts, countless hearts were nailed to the walls; not a single glimpse could be caught of the walls or the ceiling beneath. And all of the hearts were beating as one.

"Ewww..." Twilight cringed as another heart beat made the walls shudder. "What kind of memory is this supposed to be?"

Luna's gaze traveled over the countless hearts; gruesome as it was, the display was unlike anything she had ever seen before. "A promise," she whispered almost out of hearing.

"A promise?" Twilight asked. "How can you tell?"

"Luna is the ruler of the night," Celestia commented quietly. "And she is also the guardian of dreams," she looked towards her sister. "She has always had an insight into these things far deeper than anyone else," her expression turned into one of worry. "But it is not without risks to have such insight..."

Princess Luna took another long look around the room and then raised her hoof to point at something at the far end. "Look."

Twilight and Celestia followed her gaze, and spotted a blood-covered Krieg at the other side of the room.

"WHERE IS SHE!? IS SHE SAFE!? WHERE IS SHE!?" Krieg screamed as he ripped off one heart after the other, each of them spraying him with more blood only to reveal more beating hearts beneath. "RIP THE FLESH!" Krieg continued to howl. "SOMEWHERE BENEATH THESE MOUNTAINS OF FLESH!"

"Somewhere beneath," both Celestia and Twilight turned to Luna as they heard her whisper the words. "Somewhere beneath all this flesh-"

"GOTTA TEAR THEM ALL OUT! IF ONLY I HAD A SPOON-"

"To rip them out faster-"

"CROSS MY HEART AND HOPE TO DIE! CROSS MY HEART AND HOPE TO DIE! LITTLE GIRLS LIVE AND LIARS DIE!" he continued to rip out hearts. "DIE! DIE! DIE!"

"Rip the flesh..."

"Luna," Celestia started to approach her sister with a worried expression.

"Rip the flesh..."

The heart beats came to a sudden halt, and Krieg suddenly turned towards them. "Princess," Twilight whispered with dread, trying to gain Celestia's attention as the blood-covered Krieg slowly walked towards them.

"Rip the flesh." Celestia whirled around as she heard Krieg's voice next to her, shocked by his sudden presence and even more shocked at how calm his voice suddenly was.

Luna took a step forward, her eyes half-closed and a dreamy expression on her face. "Somewhere beneath these red curtains," she whispered to him.

"Somewhere beneath these red curtains," he replied quietly as they now stood face to face.

"Luna!" Celestia spoke up.

Luna's eyes fully opened again, but she remained calm. "It is alright... I understand now." She looked into Krieg's twitching eye with a sad expression. "You promised it to them... didn't you?"

"Cross my heart and hope to die," he solemnly whispered back. "If only I had my spoon..."

Luna was silent for a moment, but then her magic flared up and a deep-blue replica of his buzz axe appeared next to her.

"What are you doing?!" Celestia asked in shock.

"Trust me. I know what I'm doing," Luna didn't take her eyes off the blood-covered Krieg. "Here. Take this spoon," she watched him reach for the weapon. "And then, rip the flesh." He froze and looked at her. "Again... and again. I'm sure you'll be able to find her one day."

Krieg tilted his head and silently observed her for a moment, but then his hand tightened around the handle of the weapon until his knuckles cracked. "Rip the flesh," it was a whisper at first, but as Krieg repeated it the hearts started to beat again and his voice became louder and filled with joy. "RIP THE FLESH!" he brought the axe down onto the hearts with a happy scream, slowly cutting a hole into the wall of flesh. "MY SPINE TINGLER SINGS WITH JOY! SING ME A SONG OF SALTED WOUNDS AS I RIP OUT YOUR LYING HEARTS!"

Luna watched him as he dug deeper and deeper into the wall, until the hearts closed behind him and he could be heard no more. She continued to watch the spot where he had disappeared. "Good luck..." the hearts grew silent again.

"What just... what just happened?" Twilight asked, still shocked at Luna's actions.

"Sister," Celestia spoke up carefully. "What was the meaning of this?"

"It was a promise," Luna replied with a quiet voice. "A promise he couldn't forget even if he wanted too... He's searching for someone."

"For who?"

"I don't know," Luna shook her head with a sigh. "I think we should leave this place," she nodded towards the other end of the chamber. "It seems he is letting us pass on," unnoticed by the other two Alicorns, a large door had opened inside one of the walls.

"This place doesn't look as bad as the last one..." Twilight carefully spoke up as she and Celestia followed Luna's lead.

"That's what's worrying me," Luna commented from the front. "Be on your guard."

Behind the open door, a seemingly endless corridor of blackened concrete led into the darkness, the walls lined with foreboding, heavy metal doors. All of them were locked and barred but at every door they passed, voices could be heard coming from behind them.

"Commence injection... make sure he remains conscious..."

"BADASS CRATER OF BADASSITUDE!!"

"The force fields are down! The experiment is on the loose!"

"WE AT TORGUE BELIEVE THAT THIS IS FUCKING AWESOME!"

"Right now, you like 'pow'..."

"I punch the initiative!"

"But when I'm done you gonna be like 'piddy-PAOW'!"

"Stairs?! NOOOOooooooo!"

"Hodunks chose that as their emblem 'cause they love skinny chicks. And they love skinny chicks 'cause they's pussies."

"What are all these voices?" Twilight asked in wonder.

"Recent memories," Celestia replied in front of her. "It means we are drawing nearer to the center."

"You are right," Luna stopped and spoke up. "But I fear that we still have one more barrier to overcome... ready yourselves."

"What do you-" before Twilight could finish the sentence, the lights in the corridor stopped working and the voices died down.

"This," Luna's voice could be heard whispering in the dark, a slight tremble in her breath. "Will not be as simple as the last one..."

With a flash of light, the three Alicorns found themselves inside a huge room filled with piles upon piles of toys; all of them ablaze in a searing fire that ran up the walls of the room like a slow stream of water. As the fire crackled around them, plastic faces melted, puppet hair burned and glowing sparks flew through the air; they spotted Krieg inside the center of the room. He too, was burning.

"SO COLD!" Twilight took a shaking step backwards as she heard his voice through the roar of the fire. "GIVE ME GASOLINE! TAKE MY SKIN, DRAIN MY BLOOD AND FILL MY VEINS WITH MOLTEN DESIRE! FUEL MY FLAME! FEED MY RAMPAGE! I AM BURNING BUT SHIVERING COLD AT THE SAME TIME!" he turned towards them, fire escaping the edges of his mask with each word. "MAKE ME FEEL THE SEARING DARKNESS!" his blazing form took a step towards them. "GIVE. ME. YOUR. SOUL!"

Author's Note

Getting closer to that chewy center! Sorry for the short chapters, but I can never get myself to write for more than an hour at a time... let's just call it a defiency of the mind ^^

PS: Got my fearst pearlescent weapon today, the Unforgiven... Yay :D

Chapter 10: Burn for me

"Quickly! This way!" Luna led the Celestia and Twilight behind a small mountain of burning toys. The flames were surprisingly cold, even though the flames crackled and roared no heat could be felt. The burning Krieg on their trail though, was a different matter. His fire was hotter than anything they had witnessed before.

"Did you see his face?!" Twilight gasped in horror as she tried to catch her breath. "And he... he breathed fire! I thought only dragons could do that! And that face! I mean."

"Calm yourself, Twilight! Panicking will not help us here!" Celestia tried to calm her, but she was just as shocked as her student.

After screaming his demand to them, he had pulled back his mask to reveal a face set in flames that was composed of nothing more than boiling skin and bone; and when he had opened his mouth a stream of searing flames escaped. They had barely had enough time to jump for safety.

"Is he following us?" Celestia turned to her sister.

"I can't see him," Luna replied and squinted her eyes. "The fire makes it hard to spot anything," she searched the surroundings. "I can see the exit!"

"Luna," Celestia's voice was suddenly very anxious.

"Oh, no..." Twilight cringed.

Luna did not notice. "If we make a run for it we may be able to-" something caught her attention and she looked up.

Standing on top of the burning pile and leering down at them with a hate-filled eye stood Krieg, ablaze in his flames as his skin started to boil. "STOP STARING AT ME AND TAKE YOUR PLACE IN MY BLOOD-HOUSE SLAUGHTER!"

Luna started to take a careful step backwards. "No sudden movements... maybe I can talk to-"

Krieg reached for his mask. "LIVE INSIDE ME FOREVER!"

Luna changed her mind. "Run!"

The three took off in a dash for the large door on the other side of the room, feeling the searing heat in their backs as Krieg bellowed out another breath of fire. "YES! YES! RUN INTO MY ARMS! EMBRACE THE FIRE!"

"He's gaining on us!" Twilight shouted in horror.

"Faster! We're almost there!" Luna ignored his mad howls and the burning form chasing them, but even without looking she could feel him draw closer.

"GIVE ME YOUR SOUL!"

With a last desperate push the three Alicorns shot through the door and three magical auras slammed the heavy steel door shut as one. They took a step backwards, uncertain whether the door would withstand Krieg's flames. However, even as they watched... the door started to freeze shut, a thin layer of ice slowly starting to cover its entire surface.

"Is it going to hold?" Celestia asked with concern.

"For a while," Luna breathed heavily. "I can not help but wonder who built these doors though..."

"Was that a promise as well?" Twilight asked with a ragged breath.

"I don't even want to know what that was," Luna shook her head. "Come now, we should hurry."

Twilight gave a short nod. "You're right, I don't want to-" she paused. "Oh..."

Celestia gave her a worried look. "Is everything alright? Did you hurt yourself?"

Twilight checked her wings with a confused face. "I lost my spoon..."

Luna made a puzzled face, but worry quickly replaced the expression. "Sister. What about you? Do you still have your spoon?"

Princess Celestia checked her wings. "I still have mine... why?"

Luna reached under her own wing and pulled out her spoon. "Three spoons were given, two rooms we have passed... two spoons remain."

Celestia's eyes widened. "You think they are keys?"

Princess Luna remained silent for a moment, carefully observing the spoon in her grasp. "Maybe... but not for the rooms. There is another intention behind these."

"Should we... go back and look for mine?" Twilight gulped at the thought even as she said the words.

"No. I fear we have spent far too much time here already. We need to carry on and hope that two will suffice for whatever he has intended." Luna replied before laughing to herself. "If only I had my spoon... That's actually not bad."

"Not. Funny." Twilight put on a sour expression.

Celestia sighed. "Let us head on and hope that we reach the end of this madness soon."

Five minutes later the three Alicorns had already encountered another problem; a junction.

"Three directions," Luna made an unhappy face. "If any of these passages even leads to the right door, that is."

"How do we decide?" Celestia spoke to herself. "There is no telling how his mind works or what he actually intends to-"

"Wait!" Twilight interrupted them. "Do you hear that?"

"Someone is humming a song-" Celestia whispered and her eyes widened in surprise. "I know that tune!"

"Tia! Lulu! Little Twilight!" Discord greeted them with a laugh as he floated down one of the corridors and towards them. "Fancy meeting you here!" he ignored their shocked expressions and took a look down the corridor they had just come from. "Enjoying the attractions too, I see? Haven't tried the fire pit yet, though. After all..." he made a dramatic pause. "I don't want to get burnt, do I?"

"Is that the real Discord?" Twilight asked with an expression of pure bewilderment.

"He is," Both Luna and Celestia replied with a deep frown.

"What are you doing here?" Celestia demanded from Discord.

"Well, you see; First I went and took a dive in the spaghetti pool, then I visited the fountain of bacon, fascinating architecture by the way... they have these little statues that shoot blood all over the ceiling! Bloodsplosion! Don't know what that means, but I love that word!" he scratched his chin and pointed down the way he had come from. "Then there was the mini-golf on the second floor, meat grinder on the third, exploding sheep on the fourth and right now..." he pointed down one of the corridors. "I'm heading down to the fifth floor. There's supposed to be a tunnel of disembowelment there that will make your eyes fall out!" he chuckled. "Probably your spine too!"

"That is not what I meant!" Celestia scowled at him. "Why are you here?"

Discord shrugged. "The gates were wide open, so why not? I could spend days in here! You can not imagine the stuff he's got packed in here!"

"Trust me," Luna spoke up. "We can."

"You saw them then? The parade of orphaned tears!?" Discord clapped his hands with glee. "Did you know that there's one every hour? I was heading out there right after the tunnel of bloody brides!"

"I thought it was called the tunnel of disembowelment?" Twilight scrunched her face.

"Oh, you're heading there too?" Discord held up a hand. "You have to be this crazy to be allowed onto the ride though."

Celestia let out a groan. "Discord."

"Yes, Tia?"

"Get out of this castle and out of his mind. We already have enough to worry about without you running around and causing problems."

"Me? Problems?" Discord made a shocked face. "Then I guess I can't help you find what you're looking for..." he acted uninterested.

"You know where to find-" Luna started.

"Yes." Discord cut her off. "I know where he is. I took a peek a while ago. Thought I'd meet him myself and chat a bit. But I... He..." Discord seemed to hesitate.

"But what?" Luna pushed on.

Discord turned his gaze to her and with a serious expression none of them had seen before he spoke three words. "He scares me."

There was a shocked silence. "Well, anyway I feel I overstayed my visit anyhow," Discord stretched his arms with chuckle. "I guess I'll go hit the Nipple Bar for a quick shot and then I'll head on out... I'll see you on the outside once you're back!" he started to float up and through the ceiling. "By the way," his arm pointed down one of the corridors. "He's down this way," his arm disappeared into the ceiling. "Hope you brought your spoons!"

Silence.

"Wait!" Luna suddenly called up. "What do you know about the spoons!?"

There came no answer, Discord had already left.

"This is it," Luna spoke carefully. "Be careful. There is no telling what awaits us behind this door."

They had taken the corridor Discord had shown them, and it had quickly led them to a huge door with rusted hinges and a looking glass in the center so dirty that nothing could be seen through it.

"Stay close to me, Twilight!" Celestia spoke up. "I don't want you to become lost."

"Neither do I," Twilight swallowed.

"Are you ready?" Luna asked while giving them a last, checking look. "Good. Then let us see what lies at the center of all of this."

She gave the door a push, almost expecting it to be locked. To her surprise though, it simply swung open a bit, not giving the slightest resistance.

"You finally got here, huh? Is the crazy guy with you too?" a male voice they all recognized as Krieg's calmly greeted them. "Guess not..."

Luna took a deep breath and fully pushed the door open. Behind the door, the three Alicorns found themselves in a yellow rubber cell... with a Krieg in a straitjacket sitting against one of the walls. The cell itself was tiny, barely large enough for all four of them to fit inside. Krieg watched their surprised faces. "Not what you were expecting?"

"Not really..." Luna raised an eyebrow, wondering why the supposedly sane part of his mind would be in such a place by free will and tied up in a suit usally reserved for the mentally insane.

Krieg sighed. "Well, neither are you." A small laugh escaped his mask. "It's close enough though, so it will have to do..." he leaned his head to the side. "You did remember to bring your spoons though, didn't you?" his eye narrowed as he saw Twilight cringe. "Please tell me you didn't lose it."

Twilight didn't respond, but only gave an ashamed nod instead.

Krieg's head sagged forward and onto his chest. "Great... just great."

"What is the meaning of the spoons? Why do you need them?" Luna asked with concern in her voice.

"They're nothing to me, really..." Krieg replied without lifting his gaze. "I don't need them," he looked up and into their eyes. "You do."

"For what?"

Krieg's eye wandered over Luna's form for a short moment before returning to Twilight. "To get out again... what else?"

Chapter 11: Bury the flesh

Luna's gaze studied the creature before her, but because of the mask and the straitjacket encasing him there was not much to see. Except for his eye; unlike the ones they had met before, his wasn't bloodshot. It even looked calm to a certain extent. She took a careful step towards him. "Do you know who we are?"

Krieg slightly readjusted the angle of his head to observe her. "I do... though I still have to figure out what you are. You're Luna," he nodded behind her; where Celestia was trying to calm a panicking Twilight. "And they're called Celestia and Twilight Sparkle... and you're princesses."

"I don't want to stay here!" Twilight wailed. "I'll go insane!" she started to become desperate. "If I can find my spoon, everything will be alright. I just need my spoon..." her expression turned crazed. "IF ONLY I HAD MY SPOON!"

"TWILIGHT!" Celestia's voice thundered through the cell. "Control yourself! Don't become part of his mind!"

Twilight gasped and her eyes blinked as she looked around herself in confusion. "I... I... was that me? What happened?"

"You got scared, kid." She turned around to see Krieg give her a strange stare. "Good you're back though, there's already enough insanity here as it is."

"Who are you?" Luna asked while giving her sister another short glance to make sure she was taking care of Twilight Sparkle.

Krieg turned his head towards her and slightly shifted in his straitjacket. "Me? Or the guy swinging the buzz axe?"

"You have different names?"

"We had... at least I think I remember..." Krieg sighed. "Krieg."

"What?" Luna asked with surprise.

"My name is Krieg," he replied softly, almost as if the words caused him discomfort.

Behind Luna, Twilight Sparkle had regained enough of her composure to take interest in their conversation. "Krieg? That's a strange name..."

"So is Twilight Sparkle," Krieg chuckled.

Twilight tried to ignore his comment. "Does it mean anything?"

"It does..." Krieg's voice became quiet. "It means war." He picked his head up and looked Luna in the eyes. "You do know what war is, right?"

"We do," Luna replied feeling a slight passing of unease at his words. "Tell us, are you the original one?"

"The... original?" Krieg seemed surprised at the question.

"Before the insanity spread, before the ones born from it took over... the original personality of this soul. Are you it?" Luna repeated her question.

Krieg stared at her with a confused look to his eye, but then a snort of amusement escaped him.

"Why is that so amusing?" Celestia asked with an angered expression. "We are here to heal you."

"Heal me, they say..." Krieg's laughter died down and his voice became tired. "I remember back when we were sane... how we could go for days, weeks or even months without screaming about bicycles made of meat." Twilight made a disturbed face. "Then again... I guess none of us ever really was sane to begin with."

He let his gaze travel over the three alicorns. "I come from a place where there is madness everywhere... and insanity is simply a matter of time. We never split... it was always us from the very beginning... until we found ourselves in a place even madder... and I locked myself in here."

"You chose this place?" Luna carefully searched the walls of the rubber cell for any signs. "Why?"

"I wanted a quiet place... away from the screams. Somewhere I could think again..." he gave Luna a curious look. "Do you want to know how I am insane?"

Luna weighed his question carefully. "How?"

"I have a dream... a desire," he whispered. "To kill the deserving... every single, lying one of them. So that in the end, everyone could live in a beautiful paradise..." a soft laugh escaped him. "Of course that means, in the end... when all the deserving are gone..."

"There's just you left to disappear..." Luna finished his sentence with a sad expression. "You're suicidal... aren't you?"

"Amongst many other things, I guess..." Krieg chuckled. "Scared the strange guy that came along with you senseless when he saw it..." he sighed. "Sometimes, for a short while... I like to pretend that we can actually be a normal being one day. But then I realize... I don't want that, and neither does he."

Luna studied him for lingering moment. "How do we control him?"

"Huh?"

"How do we control him? The one swinging the axe?"

"You don't." Krieg's answer was short. "He's a weapon. He needs to fight, and he needs to kill. As long as he does what he was intended for, he'll be safe enough to be around the innocent... and I'll be able to hold him back."

"And if he doesn't have anyone to fight?"

"Then I won't be able to hold him anymore..." he studied her face. "He seems to respond to you, which is strange. But the way I see it, if there is no one for us to kill here... you should just kill us and save yourself the trouble."

"How could you say something like that?" Twilight asked with shock in her eyes. "Don't you want to live a normal, peaceful life? Don't you want to be normal?"

Krieg turned his head to her. "Ever heard; If it's white it ain't right?" he saw Twilight's confused expression. "Guess not..."

Under them, the floor of the cell started to shake.

"You should get your spoons and leave..." Krieg spoke with slight concern in his voice. "He's coming for you..."

"But I lost mine!" Twilight wailed.

"Then make one with your magic," Luna replied sternly. "Use your senses and let your will form what you need..."

Twilight concentrated, struggling at first but then, she managed to produce a small, purple spoon. "Alright, now I can..." she was cut off as the door to the rubber cell was violently ripped of its hinges.

"FEEDING TIME!" a huge and deformed Krieg screamed at them. The Alicorns tried to shrink back, but there was no room left in the small cell.

"No, stop!" the Krieg in the straitjacket shouted as the raging Krieg made a jump for Twilight Sparkle.

Twilight watched, frozen in terror as Krieg moved towards her. Suddenly, Celestia stood before her, trying to act as a shield for her student. "Twilight! Get behind-"

"TIME FOR A SLAUGHTER!" a savage backhand strike from Krieg flung her off her hooves and into one of the walls, a deep gash adorning the white coat on one of her legs.

Luna saw Celestia sink to the ground, but before she herself or Twilight could take any action a voice next to her spoke up and caused the rampaging Krieg to freeze. "I told you..."

Luna and Twilight turned their gaze away from the frozen Krieg towering above them and towards the bound Krieg on the floor... His head was hanging low, eye fixed on the floor and his whole body twitching. "I told you..." he continued to chant. "I told you what would happen..." the rampaging Krieg took a shaking step backwards.

"I told you... I told you..." the other Krieg started to shake violently. "I warned you! I told you..."

Before the Alicorns' terrified eyes, the walls of the rubber cell fell apart, leaving them on a small platform floating in an endless expanse of darkness. Slowly, as Krieg continued to chant the words he started to stand up; and started to grow. ...And grow.

With a shredding sound, the straight jacket fell apart as Krieg continued to grow while his voice became louder and louder. "I TOLD YOU WHAT WOULD HAPPEN! I TOLD YOU!" he continued to grow, until all of them were looking up at the giant form of the screaming and thundering Krieg... the rampaging Krieg had been reduced to a shaking heap by now.

Amidst his deafening screams, Luna saw Krieg pull back an enormous buzz axe. "I TOLD YOU I'D DO IT! I TOLD YOU!" the buzz axe came down with a roar and shot towards the shaking Krieg.

The world around them fell to pieces.

Twilight shot up from the ground with a scream and looked around herself in shock. They were back in Luna's chambers, the two Alicorn princesses slowly getting up from the ground as well while looking just as confused as herself. "What happened?" she whispered to herself. Everything felt like a bad dream at this point.

Next to her, Luna let out a gasp that made both Celestia and Twilight turn their heads.

In the center of the chamber, lying in a pool of his own blood lay Krieg... the buzz axe deeply embedded in his own chest with his fingers still locked around the handle.

Chapter 12: Behind crimson curtains

"It's been three weeks already... and it still feels like a dream..." Twilight hung her head as she walked next to her mentor. "How is Luna?"

"She has not left his side... She still visits him whenever she can." Celestia sighed. "She still hopes for him to wake up again, but I fear that the damage done to his mind is irreparable... even if his wounds have healed faster than anyone could have anticipated."

Not a single day. It hadn't even taken a single day for the gruesome wound in his chest to heal. Before the startled eyes of the hospital's personnel, the wound had started to close itself on the operating table within hours. It had only added to the commotion that his bloody appearance had already caused. The whole castle had been in a state of shock.

Strangely, shortly after he had been brought to the hospital, several younger ponies had come to inquire about him and if he was well. Even though neither Celestia or Luna knew how they had learned of Krieg, the visitors seemed eager for his recovery. There had even been several invitations to different dance clubs.

"Did she say anything about her visits to his mind?" Twilight asked.

"Sadly, not much..." Celestia replied. "I know that she regularly enters his mind, but she barely tells me of her visits and much less of what she has found. She told me that he was her responsibility. And I will respect that."

Twilight shook her head. "I don't understand why she would want to go back to that place. What does she hope to find there?"

Luna felt tired. The last three weeks had been exhausting for her. Seeing him lying so absolutely still, it felt so unnatural, so wrong. Not to mention her visits into his mind.

For three weeks, and untold to her sister she had entered his mind. And for three weeks, she had found herself in the endless fields of red flowers. No train appeared, no songs were sung. Even the flowers seemed still. In the distance, always waiting for her in silence lay the shattered remains of the peanut butter castle.

Not tower, no wall had remained standing; even the waffle gates had fallen apart. No matter how often she had searched the ruins, they always remained quiet and desolated. No matter where she looked or how long she stayed, Krieg was nowhere to be found.

And still, Luna refused to give up. She was not willing to accept this end.

For what felt like the hundredth time, she concentrated, and entered his mind.

A mere moment later, she had returned to the fields of blood-red flowers; and just like always, she saw the crumbled remains of the castle waiting for her in the distance.

Luna let out a sigh, for some reason she did not feel like going there today. But these endless fields of flowers, no matter how grotesque they appeared with their unmoving teeth, they gave her a strange sort of calmness. This place was almost like a home for her these days.

In the fields of blood-red flowers, Luna decided to go for a walk.

She didn't recall how long she had been here, walking quietly through the endless fields and lost in her thoughts. She remembered all the sides of his personality they had encountered; all those fractured and shattered thoughts, memories and desires.

Luna paused for a moment to look around herself, finding that her walk had taken her far into the endless plane. The peanut butter castle was nowhere to be seen. Her sad gaze traveled over the blood-red flowers surrounding her, and stopped as she noticed a small hill on the horizon. Something she had not seen before.

Luna started to walk. "Somewhere beneath these red curtains..." she whispered as her pace increased.

All around her, countless little mouths started to whisper, their quiet voices carried by an unseen current. "Beneath these red curtains..." Luna started to run.

"Somewhere beneath these red curtains..." she ran up the small slope.

"Beneath these red curtains..." the flowers started to chant.

Luna reached the top of the small hill, panting for breath as she looked into the valley below. As her gaze traveled over the valley of crimson flowers, a small smile found its way onto her face and a tear escaped one of her eyes. "You will surely find her..."

Down in the valley, a figure slowly got to his feet, a strong arm raising a deep-blue buzz axe towards the sky. "RIDE THE PONY!"

Yeah, ride the pony...

Somewhere in Canterlot castle, both Flash Sentry and Spike felt a shiver run down their backs.

Author's Note

And with that it's finally complete. Sequel will come soon, so await more glorious capslock!

Thank you all for your comments, I hope you enjoyed the ride and will continue to enjoy it as I carry it on.

Chapter 1: The shiniest meat bicycle

"This is so exciting!" Twilight clapped her hooves as she stood next to princess Celestia. "I've never done a summon like this before!"

"Must we really do this?" Princess Luna seemed unsure of what to think of this situation. "I already told you I am fine without one."

Celestia gave her sister a smile. "Was it not you that said only yesterday that we should always hold on to old traditions?" Luna slumped. "Besides, you rejected all animals that Fluttershy had to offer. So, yes. In order to find a creature who is your soul mate, we must do this."

"You could always take the hamster," Twilight Sparkle suggested. "It really seemed to like you."

"And what would the princess of the night do with a minion like that?" Luna snapped back. "I have no interest in cute and cuddly things to portray myself. I demand a minion that befits my royal status. A strong and reliable fighter! A wild and yet noble being! A-"

"A minion that matches its master's noble ancestry. Yes, yes..." Celestia sighed. "That is the reason why we are here. This summon is specifically designed to find you a minion ideally suited for your needs."

Luna huffed. "Then let us get on with it. I have duties to attend to."

Celestia gave a short nod. "Very well, take your positions." Both Luna and Twilight went to their respective corners of the summoning circle. "Now," Celestia let out a long breath to clear her mind. "Let us begin."

Outside the room with the three princesses, two members of Celestia's royal guard stood on duty. They had clear orders not to let anyone pass, lest the ritual would be disturbed. It also meant that they had to remain perfectly still at all times, as not to disturb the magical flux in the vicinity.

Two minutes after the ritual had actually started, the two were finding the latter task increasingly difficult. ...Mainly due to the fact that they could actually feel the Alicorns even through closed doors. The amount of magic released by the three was incredible, and it shook the very ground under their feet.

"Are they trying to blow up the castle again?" the first guard whispered to his companion as they tried to remain still.

"First, that was Princess Sparkle alone. Second, she tried to make it float not blow it up," the other guard turned its head slightly as it whispered. "And third, shut up or they'll really blow up the castle this time."

"If they blow up the castle I'm resigning," the first guard mumbled to himself.

There was a loud poof from inside the chamber, and the two guards looked down in surprise to see a carpet of thick smoke make its way through the gap under the door. Inside the chamber, they could hear the three princesses cough.

"What happened, princess?" Twilight could be heard calling. "Did it work?"

"I think it did," Celestia managed to croak. "What is this smoke? It smells terrible!"

"Well, where is it?" Luna sounded slightly irritated between her own coughs. "I can't see a... what in the name of Equestria is that?!"

At this point, a fourth voice came to life. ...And the very sound of it was enough to startle the guards outside. What it said though, served to totally confuse them. Even more so because it was screaming loud enough to make the doors vibrate.

"I HAVE THE SHINIEST MEAT BICYCLE!"

There was a yelp and a shout, then more screams and the sound of tables being overthrown. Snapping out of their surprise, the two guards quickly grabbed the handles of the doors and pulled them open.

At first, only smoke could be seen as the sounds of rampage and yelps continued. Then, something shot out of the smoke and towards the two guards. ...And both their mouths fell open.

It was Princess Luna, screaming and shouting furiously as she ran at full speed. And on top of Luna, bouncing up and down upon her back while laughing maniacally and wildly swinging around something that looked terribly familiar to an axe sat... they had never seen anything like it. It seemed to wear some sort of clothes on its lower legs and there was some sort of strange mask on its head, a single, blood-shot eye could be seen looking around wildly.

"JUST ADD TWO SPOONS OF WATER!" the creature shouted with insane delight as it swung the axe above its head. The two guards didn't even move as Princess Luna shot past the two of them, too enthralled by the psychotic creature straddled upon her back.

As Luna shot down the corridor and out of sight the sounds of the mad laughter quickly died down, just in time as both Princess Celestia and Twilight Sparkle found their way out of the smoke and into the open.

"What happened?" Twilight looked down the corridor with panic. "What was that voice? And where is Princess Luna?"

Celestia frowned. "I am certain that the spell was not corrupted. ...But we had better go and find out just who or what we invited to our world."

What is this place? Why are there ponies here? I told you not to smash that button! Nothing good ever came from Hyperion!

A good way down another corridor, Luna was still screaming as the terrifying one-eyed creature rode upon her, bouncing up and down with each of her panicked steps, laughing like an idiot all the... laughing like an idiot?

"Enough of this foolishness!" she came to a sudden halt, the creature on her back flying off and landing on the floor several feet in front of her with a loud thud.

Did that pony just talk? I don't think we're on Pandora anymore...

The creature stood up, fixating Princess Luna with a twitching eye. "I WANT TO RIDE THE PONY!"

Listen, I don't think...

"You what?!" Luna seemed shocked by his statement. "How dare you treat me like this! I am Princess Luna of Equestria!"

Great, royalty... say that you're sorry and introduce yourself! Do it now, Krieg!

Krieg's head twitched from side to side for a moment, then he held up his buzz axe. "I DESECRATE THE BLOOD-STAINED TOILET SEATS!"

Still not listening to me, huh? Great...

Krieg pointed a finger at Luna. "RIDE THE MEAT BICYCLE!"

Luna scowled at him. "No!" she reached out with her magic, but found herself unable to hold him. "What devilry is this?!" she snarled at the confused-looking Krieg. "Why is my magic not working?!"

Did she just say magic?

Krieg beat his buzz axe against one of the walls. "FLY ME TO THE BASTION OF RUSTY NIPPLES!"

Luna took a careful step back as she glared at him. "Mind your language, you ugly beast!"

The moment Luna had said the word ugly, Krieg seemed to freeze and even his constant twitching stopped. Luna saw his eye narrow.

Oh boy...

Princess Celestia and Twilight Sparkle had been searching for several minutes when Princess Luna suddenly shot around a corner with a frantic look on her face as she galloped towards them at full speed.

"HELP ME!"

"LET ME STIR UP YOUR SALAD!" Krieg shot around the same corner, waving his axe around himself wildly and striking down any furniture in his way.

"STOP CHASING ME!"

Stop chasing her you lunatic!

"STOP SCREAMING AT ME!" Krieg sobbed as he chased after her.

More of them up ahead! Make a right!

"I AM THE CONDUCTOR OF THE POOP TRAIN!"

Krieg shot to the left and jumped through a window at full speed, continuing to laugh even as he landed in the courtyard below.

Close enough...

Author's Note

Sorry for all the caps... IT'S JUST THAT IT PURVEYS THE COMPLEXITY OF KRIEG'S PERSONALITY A LOT BETTER!!!
Again... sorry for the caps. So sorry.