GET AWAY FROM MY PEACE FARMS!

by The Psychopath

Rating: mature
Tags: Comedy, Crystal Ponies, Alternate Universe, Twilight Sparkle, Changelings, Gore, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic
Length: 2446

Twilight Sparkle must protect her peace from invading ruffians

(Inspired by the flash game Peace Keeper of Berzerk Studios)
(Theme of this story)
WARNING: Contains lazors 'n tanks, 'n guns, 'n asplosions, 'n-MICHAEL B-ASPLOSION! BAY-SPLOSION! BAGERSPLOOSH! AND PEACE! TONS OF IT! GALLONS OF PEACE!

There is a future where everypony in Equestria finally attained the level of global peace. Of course, not everypony understands the meaning of "peace". Twilight Sparkle holds her own against thousands of hooligan changelings and jimmy rustling crystal ponies armed with the greatest in peaceful technology who want a share of the peace from the utopia known as Ponyville. They'll have to go through the most peaceful of ponies: Twilight Sparkle.

Published 2013-07-11 20:10:02 UTC
Last updated 2013-07-11 20:10:02 UTC

So much peace

-Day 1-

Twilight Sparkle fumbled a bit with her armor as she realigned some of the segments on it. This suit of protection was blue in color and seemed to be formed of several over-lapping layers of metal. It came with an integrated backpack that held a mini-factory that could reproduce, for her, munitions and energy with the right materials, which Twilight found very fun and riveting. Held in her right foreleg was the "Peace Upholder MK5 Super Upgrader", the most advanced in peace upholding technology and lazor shooty thingies.

The armored pony rested in a trench made within the Everfree forest which had become the only way to enter Ponyville since a peaceful wall of fifty meters was created to keep all the juicy peacefulness within it. She was dug in good, too. Not even the smallest of bacteria had been able to pass her...metaphorically speaking.

"FEEL THE STOMP OF PEACE!" the unicorn yelled as she smashed a hoof into the ground.

There was a moment of silence.

"Ha! Even that bacteria has fallen to my overly peaceful ways." she smirked.

Nothing of note had been happening ever since the trench was built. After all, who would want to steal Twilight's peace? Yet, armored figures approached from the distance, to which Twilight clenched both her weapon and lower lip. The unicorn put her helmet back on. A helmet that kept three lines on its surface. Said lines were cameras made to protect the face of the wearer but still show the wearer what was going on outside. The beings turned out to be armored changelings holding weapons of their own: Mark 1s. They stopped several feet in front of the trench and one of them yelled aloud:

"Hello, there. We've come because we would like a share of your peace. Do you mind if we c--"

"MY PEACE?! OVER MY DEAD, PEACEFUL BODY!" the unicorn yelled out violently.

"Wh--"

The changeling was cut off after an immense salvo of laser projectiles came towards them and blew them all into smithereens, covering the floor, trees, and surrounding general foliage in pieces of armor and blood."

"Good. That'll teach the ne'er-do-wells to not steal my peace."

-Day 2-

"Hey! We only want some of your peace! You have so much of it." a changeling yelled from far away.

Twilight didn't answer.

"Well. We have no choice now."

"For peace!"

The changelings ran forward as fast as they could, firing off salvo after salvo, but they just couldn't reach Twilight in her trench. The unicorn was well trained in peace-keeping and was more than capable of firing back, although she frequently ducked to avoid any more projectiles flying towards her and to let her magazine recharge. Every missed bullet fired from both sides would do naught but singe the ground and tree bark they would hit, sometimes scaring the changelings hiding behind said tree. Unfortunately, this had little effect as the insectoid creatures were still quickly disposed of.

Checking to make sure nopony was left, the friendship-hardened unicorn hopped onto the protected passage and started to fumble through the organs and blood piles for weapons and armor and would yell with joy every time she found something useful. She just didn't care where she found them. However, two changelings had found the time to retreat back to safety when they saw what she was doing.

"Eugh. What's wrong with her? I think her head was screwed on the wrong way." one changeling said.

The other just shrugged.

-Day 5-

"This shall be most Axecellent indeed." a changeling wearing thick gray armor spoke with a smile on its face.

The others moaned and groaned in mental pain.

"What? Have you been chopped to pieces by the axecitement?"

"George. Shut up. Your puns are bad and you should feel bad."

"Why? Can't you see the POINT he's trying to pass?" another changeling wearing yellow armor said.

"Oh peace why?"

Meanwhile, Twilight was dodging more incoming bullets along with explosive, pointed energy beams being shot at her. The newcomers in gray armor were the most annoying. They would stop near the trench and begin tossing axes at her, but they were promptly shot far away, sometimes onto other unsuspecting changelings.

The most surprising thing was that her armor had gotten bronze plating on some areas and her weapon was much more powerful, this being proven by a bullet literally passing through one of the tree and decapitating a hiding changeling. The others just watched as the body fell down, and it took them longer to scream in fear.

"YAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH! MY PEACE BULLETS ARE THE MOST POWERFUL!" the unicorn shouted once more.

"How did she even get her weapon like that?" one of the changlings said in horror behind the lines.

"I don't know."

Suddenly, explosions could be heard coming from the place where Twilight Sparkle was. Apparently, a box with the peace sign had fallen from the sky and landed right onto the battlefield. Shooting it, she discovered a missile launcher: The Pacifisticator. She could be heard yelling like a maniac as missile after missile obliterated everyone in a large radius, throwing body parts everywhere, sometimes near the changelings behind the lines. Craters form with every explosion and trees were uprooted and thrown high into the sky by the impacts as well. Screams filled the air micro-seconds before the sound of each explosion, though, but the changelings carried on.

"Why are we charging at her individually? Shouldn't we just all go in at once?" a chengeling soldier asked.

"What would that accomplish?" another asked.

"To swarm her and get past her?" the first changeling said after a facehoof."

"Oh. LET'S HAVE A GO AT IT!"

"AAAAAAAAAH!"

A whole group of the armored troops swarmed towards the trench with the intent of capturing it, but the swarm of bullets coming from the Peace Keeper's weapon was enough to push many back and cause several other to explode, literally.

"Uh-oh. There's too many." Twilight thought to herself.

There really was too many. Looking up, she could see lasers flying and sharp projectiles being tossed towards her, although she was more than capable of rolling out of harms way. To rectify this problem, she took a grenade, prepped, then rose out of the trench yelling:

"VIOLENCE IS NEVER A SOLUTION!" before tossing said grenade.

"GRENADE!" a changeling yelled before an immense explosion shook the ground.

Body parts showered the encampment nearby, confusing several changelings and crystal ponies stationed there. One of them recieved a piece on his head then started yelling and screaming while flaying his forelegs everywhere before face-planting on the ground. It's hard to be bipedal.

One of the crystal ponies, who wore an olive green suite of armor and held a shotgun, picked up one of the bloody pieces of meat and held it up to his face, then squeezed it as others gathered around. He tightened his eyes and frowned.

"This is the work of somepony truly peaceful."

-Day 10-

The entire line of the forest had become an immense painting ground for blood and limbs as well as craters. The relentless peace talking hadn't stopped for days, and Twilight hadn't even gotten out her trench for the same amount of time. She intercepted some chatter on the enemy com-channel though, and listened to it while she fired a Pacifisticator.

"Why don't we just go through the forest. You know. AROUND the crazy unicorn."

"No."

"Why not?"

"...I dunno."

"What do you mean?! We've been hiding behind the trees in that little speck of forest whenever we fight her! Why is it so hard to simply take two steps to the side and go around her without her noticing?"

"Because that's not part of the plan."

"What plan? Go head first into a death trap?"

"...Yes."

The communications cut off after that, but Twilight heard enough. She had just about killed the last changeling and crystal pony soldier who came by. However...

"It's time to blow her up with peaceful thoughts!" yelled a soldier from somewhere.

"How does that even make sense?!" answered another.

"Because thinking is a great weapon!"

"But that doesn't kill!"

"Yes it does."

"Just go, Peaceful Thought Promoter."

An immense changeling in orange armor walked up towards the trenches while equipped with what looked like yellow harpoon launchers.

"STAY AWAY FROM MY PEACE FARMS!" Twilight yelled at the top of her voice.

"Nonsense! Feel my back-handed compliments!"

The harpoons were fired towards Twilight who fired back, although these sticks were insanely inaccurate. The only problem was that they had begun to blink. Noticing this, the Peace Enforcer ducked, letting an immense explosion blow right over her.

"Ha! You missed!"

"No! I did that on purpose. I was giving you positive energies with positive thinking."

"Nuh-uh!"

"Yuh-huh!"

The soldiers behind the line were about to give up and just leave.

The ensuing fight was violent, to say the least. Twilight had upgraded her weapons and armor yet again, and this time, her gun had a spread, allowing her to reach a wider area. To this, the Promoter simply fired his weapons into her trench. Defying all logic, the mare managed to avoid each explosion by rolling away and shooting back.

"Stop moving! How am I supposed to fill you with peaceful thoughts?"

"How about having a peaceful grenade OF PEACE?!"

"Uh-oh." said a soldier behind the lines.

Needless to say, it began to rain body parts after the Promoter was defeated. He stood no chance against peace of that magnitude.

-Day 15-

More explosions shook the camp as a crystal pony and a changeling played cards of tranquility.

"Uhhh, more upgrades?" the crystal pony asked.

"More upgrades." the changeling answered.

"Where is she getting those upgrades?"

"I don't know. I've never even seen her leave the trench."

Meanwhile, several crystal ponies headed towards the trench with the intention of defeating its defender, only to see that, while Twilight fired at them, her silvery armore suddenly became golden.

"WHAT THE PEACE JUST HAP--"

The soldier was cut off by one of the unicorn's bullets blowing him to smithereens.

Back at the base, the two continued their card game non-chalantly.

"I've been wondering, how does shooting our guys make them explode?"

"Nucular bullets?"

"You mean nuclear bullets?"

"..."

-Day 20-

After a mass charge, yet another gigantic soldier was coming onto the frontlines. This one had a cobalt armor as well but held two immense machine guns on the sides of its armor. This changeling seemed intent on passing.

"We'll pass through, as this is serious peace-talking business."

"This is my peace! You can't have it!"

"Can't you share your peace? You've got, like, gallons of it!"

"How about I share gallons of peaceful lasers instead?!"

More changelings hid behind as massive volleys of bullets were being shot on both sides, although some were still confused at what had been said.

"The Pacifier is really an idiot. That's not even how peace works."

"Yes it does. We have tons of barrels at the base."

"THOSE ARE ENERGY CELLS, YOU IDIOT!"

"Oh."

The amount of shots being fired by the Pacifier were enough to nearly blot out the sky, but Twilight held firm as she activated an EMP, locking the suits of the enemies in the vicinity.

"Hey! What did you do? I can't move!" the giant changeling complained.

"Too bad! You are but a brute and a jimmy-rustler. You must perish!"

"A jimmy-ru--"

More explosions followed. It was bad enough that nearly all of the area was covered in blood, guts, and mechanical pieces, but now the forest was drenched in them. The trees and ground had turned red, and limbs "grew" on the tree branches rather than leaves. It was a great day for peace indeed.

-Day 23-

"We're more peaceful than you!" yelled a soldier at Twilight.

"No, I'm more peaceful than you!"

"What? Are you still a filly? Can't you just take wh--"

"NO! I'M MORE PEACEFUL THAN YOU!"

This was followed by an immense spread of bullets that pierced anything and everything they touched.

"Where is she getting those upgrades?!" one of the crystal ponies yelled as she fleed the carnaged.

-Day 30-

This time, the whole army had come, and were promptly obliterated by Twilight's fully upgraded weaponry. Small tanks piloted by the crystal ponies had come, but the mare promptly destroyed them with her rifle. All that was left now of the peaceful discussions were ashes and cinders, until a very loud voice echoed through the forest.

"I've grown tired of playing fair. We don't even know where you're getting your upgrades, or how you've even beaten us back! All we wanted was some peace! But you've--"

"STAY AWAY FROM MY PEACE FARMS!"

"Wh...How are you even supposed to make farms out of pea--"

"I'LL SHOW YOU WHAT PEACEFUL MEANS!"

"...I--"

"PEACE!"

"I'M JUST GOING TO DESTROY YOU WITH THE CALM COUNTER!"

Through the forest trail came roaring an immense beasts of metal. It had two machine guns in the hull, an immense, rounded turret with three gigantic barrels, not to mention the turrets hanging from the side of the loud beast.

"This time, you'll never defeat us! We have the most powerful peace keeping machine of all times! WE-"

Twilight, however, was thinking about something, then she said:

"Sweet. My grenades are fully upgraded now."

"-AND WE'LL-Wait. What?"

*ding*

The grenade was tossed onto the tank and rolled a bit on the elongated from of the hull. There was a moment of silence, but nothing happened. After all, this was supposed to be a "final boss" of sorts, and simple tactics would never be able to destroy one. It would take the Peace Enforcer hard reflection and cunning to--

An immense explosion the likes of which nopony had ever seen was created by the tiny grenade. The power of said explosion was so great that it reached the stratosphere, going so far as obliterating the entire forest and everything in it...except for Twilight. Her hip-deep trench saved her life. After that, any remaining troops turned tail and fled, the Peace Enforcer having protected her peace farms peacefully and without violence.

"What's she talking about? We're still here."

"And what's with the 'non-violence' thing? There's so much blood and stuff everywhere. Come to think of it, how come the forest is still here despite that blast. Shouldn't we have all been obliterated? I mean, what did she even put in her grenade? HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE?!"

"D...Don't try and figure it out." a crystal pony put his hoof on the changeling's back and sighed.