Hank Hill Goes to Equestria: Propane is magic!by Desert SaladChaptersPrologueChapter 1: The mysterious midget horses Chapter 2: The majestic midget horses Chapter 3: The leader of the midget horsesPrologueHank Hill Goes to Equestria: Propane is magic! By Nordic West and co-written by Krazz Prologue It was a hot summer day in Arlen Texas, even by most Texan standards. One man, who just got done arguing with his wife over his disappointment of a son, decided to grill some steaks to get his mind off the argument, and hopefully cheer his wife up with his cooking. After he got the steaks out of the fridge, he opened the door and set them down on a table next to his Char-King propane grill. “I sure do love that propane grill of mine”, he thought. After he turned on the grill and put on his apron, he opened the grill and his life was changed forever. Instead of the inside of the grill that he knew inside and out, it was a multicolored portal that quickly sucked him inside. He immediately began screaming profanities and blaming many things on his son Bobby. He also contemplated the possibilities that his friend, Dale, was responsible for this prank...well, at least he thought it was a prank. Once the portal had sucked him in it disappeared and the grill shut it self. The only things that could be heard when the grill quickly closed itself was ,“God damn it Bobby!” -------------------- Twilight Sparkle was jotting down many notes on, well, anything she could write on. She had been working on this spell for eight months now, and she was just now starting to get some progress. After her first failed attempt at casting the spell a couple of days ago, she had been up researching the spells past mages and wizards such as Star Swirl the Bearded hoping that it would give her some insight on what she was doing wrong. Eventually, she was able to get rid of a couple of kinks in her technique in casting the spell and she was confident enough to attempt the spell again. “Oh my Celestia! I did it! I casted the spell! Oh my gosh! I can’t believe it worked.....wait a second, where’s the portal? There’s supposed to be a portal, right?” Twilight ran around the library searching for a portal to no avail. Little did she know that the portal she was frantically looking for was in her bedroom. It was the last spot she would have checked. The man, whose name was Hank Hill, eventually came out of the portal-ish thing and landed onto Twilight’s bed with a soft thump. “What in the hell?”, Hank said as he looked around the room whilst rubbing his aching head. Going through portals causing headaches was something that Hank had never expected. He got off the bed and hit his head on the low ceiling, causing him to yell out “Damn it!” and he rubbed his head again. He was very surprised at the low ceiling, expecting it to be higher. “Is this some kind of home meant for midgets?”, he said before quickly releasing that a midget would get pissed at him for calling them midgets. But then he figured that they’re just tiny people and they couldn’t do a damn thing about it. Midgets tend to not fare too well against six foot Texans. Twilight Sparkle, whom was now looking in the basement, heard an unfamiliar voice with a strange, and foreign, accent and she realized that it was coming from her bedroom. Even though she contemplated not going into her bedroom, she figured “What the hey, I got to go there tonight anyway.” Hank Hill was still rubbing his aching head as was looking around Twilight’s unfamiliar room. By now, he was thinking that the portal he went through was some kind of dream and that Bobby just used some knockout gas to make him pass out and move him to this place....a house for midgets, that is. Hank heard someone walking up the stairs and he slowly walked over to the bedroom door making sure he didn’t hit his head on the damned ceiling....again. Twilight Sparkle was walking up the staircase with caution, not knowing what could’ve come out of the portal worried her. As she approached her bedroom, it opened suddenly. She screamed as she saw the strange creature in front of her, the creature also returned the scream. “What in the hell are you?? Bwhaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa!!!!”, screamed Hank as he shoved his way past Twilight. He wasn’t expecting the staircase to be so close to the door. And he wasn’t expecting to fall down it. As he fell down, with audible thuds, he was screaming “God- ooof! Damn it- ooof! Bobby! Ugh!” Twilight turned around in shock as she saw the strange creature falling down the staircase before eventually hitting it’s head on the floor, knocking itself out cold. “....Spiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiike!! Where are you?”, Twilight screamed as she ran down the staircase. When she got to the bottom and saw the passed out creature, she made sure to carefully walked around it. Spike walked out of the basement very slowly, he was trying to get some sleep but Twilight just had to wake him up with her screaming. He yawned and rubbed his eyes before seeing the passed out Hank and screamed. “Twilight, what the buck is that??”, he yelled as realised that he wasn’t tired anymore. Twilight paced back and forth, trying to collect her thoughts was pain since, well, she just saw a strange creature scream and ask what the hell she was. “I have no idea, Spike! I just casted a spell that I’ve been working on and he showed up in my bedroom!”, she spoke very quickly and was still pacing back and forth. “Uhh, maybe we should.....uhhhh....buck....Oh! Let’s take it to Fluttershy! She’ll know what to do!”, Spike said while realizing that dragging a passed out creature through Ponyville was a bad idea. “Spike, do you really think that dragging around a passed out.....ugghhh! What do I call it?....Doesn’t matter, what does matter is figuring out what to do!”, Twilight said with complete disregard of Spike’s suggestion. “Invite Fluttershy over and maybe she’ll know what to do?”, said Spike with an annoyed tone of voice. “Spike that’s a great idea! Go get Fluttershy and I’ll watch over....this....this...creature”, Twilight quickly said as she began to stare at the passed out Hank Hill at the bottom of her staircase. Chapter 1: The mysterious midget horses Chapter 1: The mysterious midget horses Chapter 1: The Mysterious Midget Horses Fluttershy was sitting down enjoying a cup of herb tea with Angel when suddenly several loud knocks were heard on her door. Of course, the loud noises almost set Fluttershy into a panic attack, however she quickly calmed herself down. Once she got to the door and opened it, she saw an exhausted Spike trying to catch his breath. Once Spike caught his breath he looked up to her and yelled, “Fluttershy! Fluttershy!” Fluttershy looked at him in confusion and said, “W-what is it Spike?.” “Twilight needs you! There’s a strange animal in the library!” Spike screamed. “An animal?” Fluttershy muttered. “W-well what type of animal?” “I don’t know, but it’s big and weird and stuff. Twilight thinks it’s hurt!” Spike said while flailing his arms around. “Oh o-okay”, Fluttershy said with a concerned look on her face. “Hurry let’s go!” Spike gestured towards the library with his arm. After six minutes of running back to the library, they finally made it. Spike quickly opened the door allowing Fluttershy to enter first, he then followed and slammed the door behind him. “This is fascinating” Twilight said under her breath while jotting down notes of the creatures anatomy. Hank Hill was now on his back with a pillow poorly tucked underneath his head. After several long seconds, Fluttershy was finally able to break the silence, “Wha-what is that?” Twilight quickly looked at her and Spike, “Oh good you’re back”, she said with a concerned look. “I’m not sure what it is, it looks like something that’s from the everfree forest … but it’s not, it appeared after I tested this new spell I’ve been working on, sadly it didn’t work the way I thought it would.”, she said with a slightly surprised voice. Fluttershy slowly approached Hank who was still unconscious. She sat down near Twilight and looked at him. “I-I’ve never seen anything like it” Fluttershy looked at Twilight, “Where do you suppose it’s from?”, she asked. “Well I know it came from that portal … but that’s to the extent of my knowledge.”, Twilight said with a frown. “Oh” Fluttershy replied. Her attention quickly went back onto Hank, she then began to stroke his head with her right forehoof. “It’s okay big guy I won’t hu-”, Hank suddenly rose his head and jolted his head towards Fluttershy. Without taking a single breath he screamed, “Bwhaaaahaaaaaa!!!” Fluttershy quickly screamed back, “Aaahhhh!” Hank Hill got mad, his face scrunching up with a new angered expression. “God damn it Bobby!”, he yelled. He slowly sat up, “Where the hell am I? Bobby!” Hank quickly begins looking around, observing his new location. “Bobby?”, Hank asked, his sight now looking back at the multi-colored midget horses. Twilight and Fluttershy looked at him in curiosity. Fluttershy was lying on the ground trying to catch her breath. Hank looks at both Fluttershy and Twilight with a lot anger. “Will you two take off those damn masks, or else I’ll kick your ass!” Hank yelled while his face was turning into a tomato. Fluttershy began to back away; Hank’s sudden outburst had scared her. Twilight on the other hoof, was surprised that this creature had been angered this much. “Dale! Bobby! Ya’ think this is funny? This is just flat out annoying! Now I won’t ask again, take off those damn masks!” Hank Hill screeched. “Mask? What do you mean by that?”, Twilight said with a confused look on her face. “You know what I mean Bobby! Or are you Dale? Doesn't matter! Take off those masks before I take them off for you!” Twilight was now really confused at the thought that she, and Fluttershy, weren’t actually talking multi-colored midget horses. “Umm....We’re not wearing masks...sir?”, Twilight said, with a very confused look still on her face. “You know damn well what I’m talking about! Now take off those masks!”, Hank had yelled while approaching Twilight. Twilight didn't know whether to back off or stand her ground against this strange creature, figuring that if worst came to worst she could use her magic to stun Hank. “Now,” Hank was now standing directly in front of Twilight, “take off the damned mask!” Twilight looked up at the towering creature in front of her, “I’m....not wearing a mask?” “That’s it! I’m taking it off for you since you’re too stupid to listen to me!” , Hank yelled while grabbing Twilight’s horn. “Dagnabit! It won’t come off!”, Hank said while trying to pull of Twilight’s horn. “Ahhh! Let go of me! That hurts! Ahhhh!” , Twilight yelled while trying to get Hank’s hands off her with her forehoofs. “What in the hell? Did you use some kind of super glue for the horn Bobby?”, Hank yelled. By now Fluttershy was in a corner crying and covering her eyes. “Let go of me now or I’ll be forced to use magic!”, Twilight yelled. “Bobby, you know magic isn't real! Ahhhhhhh!”, Hank quickly let go as his hands were burnt by Twilight charging her horn with magic. (Is that how you describe that?) “What kind of.....Bwhaaaaaaa! They’re real! Bwhaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa!!!!” , Hank yelled while realizing that the talking multi-colored midget horses were, in fact, real. “Yes,” Twilight straightened out her messy mane and rubbed her horn, “we are real! Encase you didn’t know, you’re in Equestria.” Hank backed away, he was in utter shock. Him? In some place called Equestria? This must’ve been a dream....or was it actually real? These were the thoughts that were rushing through Hank Hill’s mind. “What the? How the hell am I here!?!? I’m supposed to be in Arlen making steaks for the family!”, Hank Hill yelled while backing away from Twilight. By now Fluttershy had stopped crying and began stand back up. “We....we won’t hurt you”, Fluttershy said timidly. “How the hell are a bunch of midget horses supposed to hurt me!?!?”, Hank Hill said before continuing with his rant, “If two-hundred Texans could hold off over nine thousand mehicans at the Alamo then how in the hell can two midget horses hurt me, a Texan?” Chapter 2: The majestic midget horses Chapter 2: The majestic midget horses Chapter 2 -- The Majestic Midget Horses Twilight was confused at Hank’s sudden outburst, and was confused that he had called them midget horses. They were ponies, so of course they would be shorter than regular, non-midget horses. But none of that mattered to Hank. He was still freaking out that he was....well wasn’t in Arlen. He didn’t know where he was. The only thing he knew about the place he was in was that it had talking, multicolored, midget horses in it. “Uhhhh.....what’s a Texan?”, asked Twilight while raising an eyebrow. Hank rolled his eyes, “Are you idiots? What do you mean you haven’t heard of Texas?” “What’s Texas?”, Twilight asked while her eyebrow was still raised. “What’s Texas?!?!”, Hank yelled. “Texas is a state in the greatest country on Earth! The United States of America!” “America?”, Twilight asked. Twilight’s facial muscles were now beginning to tire since they were being stressed out with all facial movements. “You haven’t heard of America either? What am I surrounded by? A bunch of communist midget horses?”, Hank yelled while raising his arms up in anger. And surprise. “First of all, we’re not “midget horses”, we’re ponies”, Twilight said, finally lowering her eyebrow. “Ponies? Talking multi-colored ponies? Am I in some kind of world meant for little girls?” Hank yelled. By now he was frustrated at the fact that he wasn’t home. He wasn’t able to grill up those steaks to get his mind off of his son, who had disappointed him yet again by telling him he didn’t want to get into the propane business. “What are you talking about?”, Twilight said. She would have raised her eyebrow again, but her facial muscles were still tired. “I’m describing the....place that I’m in right now! This place is just...weird”, Hank shuddered in between “just” and “weird” “You’re in Equestria. This is a land populated of ponies. There’s pegasi, earth ponies, and unicorns.”, Twilight said. “Pegasai? Unicorns? I am in world meant for little girls! Bwhaaaaaaaaaaaa!”, Hank yelled. Hank by now was starting to come to the conclusion that yes, he was in a world meant for little girls, and yes, it was populated by talking, multicolored midget horses.....or ponies. “Little girl? Is that what your kind calls their young?”, Twilight asked. She was now very intent on learning more about this strange, tall, bipedal species that likes to yell and call ponies midget horses. “Well, yes and no. But that doesn't matter! I got to find a way home!”, Hank said, finally calming himself down. “Yes, we do have to find a way to get you home. Scientific research will have to wait. Oh, we never properly introduced ourselves. I’m Twilight Sparkle.”, Twilight smiled while she finished that last sentence. “I am Hank Hill. Assitant manager at Strickland Propane”, Hank held out his hand expecting it to be shaken. “Fluttershy,” Twilight said, “would you like to introduce yourself to...Hank here?” Fluttershy was on the ground, shaking in fear of this very loud creature. Her eyes were clenched shut. She refused to say anything. Twilight looked at Fluttershy, “Fluttershy … aren't you going to introduce yourself to our … guest?” Fluttershy slowly looked up, uncovering her eyes, “Uh, h-hello” Hank looked down at her, causing her to yelp and cover her face again. Hank Hill sighed, “Alright, this is just asinine. Now stand up and shake my hand like a true Texan would”, Hank Hill then slowly crouched over and grabbed Fluttershy, bringing her to all four hoofs. She trembled and Hank rolled his eyes again. “Fine, don’t shake my hand, be disrespectful”, Hank hissed. Twilight walked closer to the two and looked directly at Hank, “Hey! There’s no reason to be rude” “Rude?!”, Hank slowly turned his head to Twilight. Hank then points to Fluttershy. “She’s the one being rude” Twilight looked at Hank square in the eyes. “That may be true, but that’s still no reason to act rude”, Twilight said in a calm and rational voice. Hank began to ponder the fact that he’s arguing with a multi-colored horse, “Wait … what hell him I doing talking to horses in the first place?”, Hank raised his voice in anger. “Ponies,” Twilight corrected, “we’re ponies. Not horses.” “Fine, ponies”, Hank said. He shuddered while he said the word “ponies” “Alright, now we got to find a way to get me out of here”, Hank said. “I think if I cast the spell again you may be able to go through the portal to get back to...where is that you said you were from? Mexas?”, Twilight said while trying to recall the place where Hank said he was from. “Texas. I’m from Texas. Texas is apart of the United States of America.”, Hank said while rolling his eyes. The purple midget horse had annoyed him by forgetting that he was from Texas and not some place called “Mexas” “....Buck. I can’t remember the exact way how to do it....Give me a second.”, Twilight tried to remember the exact way how to cast her spell. After a few failed attempts, she gave up. “Ugghhh! It’s not working!”, Twilight said with an annoyed voice. “What do you mean it’s not working? Didn't you use your midget horse...er pony magic?!?!”, Hank yelled, angered yet again. “I just used my magic! It’s a spell, after all. Ughh! Why can’t I get it to work? It worked twenty minutes ago!”, Twilight yelled. “Wait...it was you who sent me here? You....you....I’ll kick your ass!”, Hank yelled while approaching Twilight. “Kick my....donkey? What?”, Twilight said. She was confused. She hadn’t heard the word ass before, unless it was used to informally say the species of somepony (Or would it be somebody now that there’s a human in Equestria?) “What? How do you not understand that I’m gonna kick your ass for sending me here?!?!” Hank yelled, his face now turning into a tomato....again. Fluttershy was scared by Hank’s recent outburst and she had gone back into the corner to cry and cover her eyes. “I don’t even know a donkey so how are you going to kick it?” Twilight said, still confused over Hank’s word choice. Hank by now had realised that Twilight didn’t understand that when he said “ass” he meant her plot. So Hank thought about how should he word his threat of kicking Twilight’s plot in a way she could understand. “I’m gonna kick your flank for sending me here!” Hank yelled while feeling a slight sense of accomplishment that Twilight could now understand his threat. “Why? It was just a spell that just happened to send you here! I didn’t mean to send you here!”, Twilight yelled. “Well....I....kick....your...ass.....augghhh!” Hank said, now realising that kicking Twilight’s as- err, plot wouldn’t get him anywhere. So he thought about what he should do. “Well then, what should we do?”, Hank asked, now calming himself down. “Huh, I don’t really know. I haven’t really given it much thought.”, Twilight said while pondering what to do about Hank. “Maybe I should take you to Princess Celestia, I think she could probably help you”, Twilight said before realising that a strange, loud, bipedal creature would probably cause a commotion in Ponyville. “I’m assuming this “Princess” of yours is your leader or something?”, Hank said. “Ehh, yeah something like that”, Twilight said while running about trying to find a fresh piece of parchment, a good quill, and some ink. Hank became confused while looking at Twilight rummaging around for writing materials. “So who’s the king?”, Hank said in a sharp voice. Twilight only glimpsed at him for a second before going back to looking for her materials. “Uh, we don’t have one” She replied. Hank scratched his head before asking another question, “Well, who’s the queen?”, He said slowly becoming more impatient. Twilight found a quill and finally stopped, she then turns her head upward to look at Hank. “... We don’t have one either”, she replied with a slight shrug. Hank became more confused. “What? That just sounds ... asinine, if there’s no queen or king then wouldn’t that make your princess the queen?” “Well uh … it’s a little more complicated than that”, Twilight said while walking over to a table. Hank’s voice became a little more aggressive. “How the hell would it be ‘complicated’ look at it like this, if we have no president and a vice-president then that vice-president becomes the president”, Hank said with an agitated voice. Twilight looked back up at him. “Wha- what’s a president?”, Twilight looked with curiosity. Hank rolled his eyes, then released a sigh. “How stupid can you midget horses be?” Twilight looked offended, then completely turned to him. “Stop calling us midget horses, we are PONIES, and I will have you know that I am very intelligent. Besides who are you to judge?”, Twilight's voice became more hostile. Hank looked menacingly down at her. “For one: you don’t know who the president is, which just baffles me. If you didn’t know he’s the leader of the most powerful nation of the free world! Two: it seems as though you all ignorantly follow this ‘princess’ of yours. And three: You ARE a midget-horse, so I will not stop calling YOU a midget-horse”, At this time Hank’s face was pure red, like a tomato and his eyes were widened. Fluttershy was cowering in the corner, before quickly getting up with a slight scowl on her face. She then stated in a slightly audible tone. “I’m tired of you acting so mean to my friends” She then slowly trotted directly to him, looked up and stared him in the eyes and began to perform the “stare” on him. Hank’s face soon turned with an extremely angered look. Fluttershy soon froze. Realizing that the “stare” had no effect on Hank, but instead he was intern giving her the “stare” Before anything else could happen Fluttershy began to softly whimper. Spike quickly looked at Hank and said, “Hey! Leave Fluttershy alone” Hank’s vision slowly turned to the dragon. Spike’s facial features quickly turned to those of fright. He then began to mumble “Well uh, i-if you’re fine with doing uh that of course” He then jolted for Twilight, trying to hide behind her. Twilight looked down at the now frightened Spike and back up to Hank. “What’s YOUR problem”, she sneered at Hank. Hank began to rub his forehead, before taking a deep breath. “MY problem!?” Hank’s eyes narrowed on the small purple pony. He then raises his left arm and begins to point at Twilight with his index-finger. YOU’RE my problem. YOU’RE the one who brought me here! YOU’RE the one who’s uh … who’s trying to force their communist ideologies on me! And furthermore YOU’RE the one who’s going to get a boot up your ass, if YOU don’t get me home soon!”, Hank finally finished trying to catch his breath. Twilight took a breath and began to speak, “I apologised for sending you here, it was an honest mistake, and finally on that note. What’s a communist?” Hank couldn’t believe what he had just heard, he felt as though he just finished listening to one of Dales crazy conspiracy theories on how Ronald Reagan was working with the Martians to destroy the world. Hank then pulled his glasses off and pinched the skin on his nose bridge. “J- just send that damn message to your princess” “Alright”, Twilight said with a sigh. She turned back to the table, picked up the quill from the small ink pot and started to write a letter to the princess. Chapter 3: The leader of the midget horsesChapter 3 -- The Leader Of the Midget Horses Midway through the letter Twilight was interrupted by a loud knocking at the door. She let out a frustrated sigh and said, “Spike go see who it is.” Spike simply rolled his eyes and walked over to the door. When he opened it slightly he was surprised to see Gilda. “Oh, it’s you little dweeb, I was told that Twilight may know where Rainbow Dash is?”, Gilda said. “Ummm....uh...give me second”, Spike said while slowly closing the door. “Twilight, Gilda’s here! What should I do?”, Spike said while flailing his arms around. “Uh...what does she want?”, Twilight said while raising an eyebrow. “She said she was told that’d you know where Rainbow Dash is.”, Spike said. “Tell her that I don’t know where Rainbow is”, Twilight said while returning to her letter. Spike turned around and slowly opened the door, “Twilight doesn't know where Rainbow Dash is. Sorry” “Thats a lie, dweeb, I bet she’s in there and just doesn’t want to see me”, Gilda said as she forcefully pushed her way through Spike and into the library. “What is that? It looks like some weird and stupid monster from the Everfree forest” , Gilda said in shock as she saw Hank for the first time. “Who you calling stupid, midget...err...lion-bird-thing!”, Hank yelled. “Obviously you, stupid. You’re pretty ugly too, dweeb”, Gilda said hoping to piss off Hank. “Shut the hell up or I’ll kick your ass!”, Hank yelled while pointing at here. “Oooooooo, you gonna have to make me shut up, stupid dweb!” Gilda said. “That’s it! I’m kicking your ass!”, Hank yelled while he kicked Gilda in the side wing with his steel toed boot. Gilda went back flying, hitting the wall and causing a couple books to land on her head. She coughed before saying, “That the hardest you can do, dweeb?” Hank walked over to her and kicked her in the plot, much harder than last time causing Gilda to skwak in pain. Hank kicked her again in the plot and this time she groaned loudly. Gilda, whom by now was on the verge of crying in pain, began to run to the door. While she was running to the door, Hank stayed on her plot like Rainbow Dash to Applejack, kicking Gilda the whole time. When Gilda finally managed to get to the door she opened it and was kicked out by Hank. Hank continued to chase, and kick, her all the way out to the street before Gilda finally realised that she can fly, even though it’d cause her pain. Hank nodded in appreciation of his fight with Gilda before noticing a bunch of shocked ponies staring at him. He could’ve sworn he saw a pony with lyre cutie mark being held by a cream colored mare with a dark blue and pink mane. “What the hell are you all looking at?!?!? You’ve never seen a man kick someone’s ass before?!?!?”, Hank yelled loudly as he could before turning to walk back to the library. Twilight and Fluttershy by now were standing in the doorway with complete shock. They had just witnessed Hank kicking Gilda’s ass. Fluttershy, of course, was secretly thinking to herself that this was the funniest thing she had ever seen. When Hank finally got back to the doorway he said, “What? You’ve never kicked someone’s ass, err, flank before?” When he finished speaking he pushed his way past the two mares into the library where he sat down on the staircase, thinking that the way how everyone reacted was just asinine. What, they never kicked some asshole’s ass before? What is this, Canada? Twilight and Fluttershy walked back into the library, making sure to close the door on the way back. “What did you just do?”, Twilight yelled. She was very surprised, she’d never seen someone get their flank’s kicked before. “She was very rude, and she didn’t stop insulting me when I asked her to! So I did what any sensible man would do, I kicked her ass!”, Hank said. “Just because someone is rude, it doesn’t mean you should beat them up!”, Twilight said, realising that the guards could show up and arrest both Twilight and Hank. “Is that how things work here? It’s asinine if you ask me. Some need their asses kicked! It teaches them a lesson; not to be rude to someone after they’ve been asked to stop!” Hank yelled, not understanding that in Equestria everypony is usually supposed to be polite to everypony else. Twilight simply let out a frustrated sigh and went back to writing the letter to Princess Celestia. Spike was trying to hold back from laughing, he thought that Gilda getting her flank kicked was hilarious. Fluttershy, on the other hoof, was silent, and calm. Although in her head she was laughing very, very hard. After a short while Twilight finished the letter, and called Spike over. “Spike, could you please send this letter to Princess Celestia?”, Twilight said while using her midget horse magic to levitate the scroll over to Spike. “Yeah, I got it.”, Spike said while grabbing the letter. After Spike sent the letter a few minutes of an awkward silence everypony (Again, would it be everybody instead since there’s a fuckin’ human in Equestria?) in the room were suddenly teleported to the throne room. There was nopony there except Princess Celestia and Princess Luna. Hank realised where he was and that the two ponies he saw must’ve been the leaders of this strange world. Immediately once Twilight, Fluttershy, and Spike realized they were in the throne room they bowed, except for Hank who was standing just trying to comprehend what had just happened. Princess Celestia looked at Twilight before saying, “Ah Twilight, my faithful student, it’s nice to see you again. Please rise there is no need to bow before me”, she said with a faint smile. Princess Luna glanced over to Hank and noticed that he didn’t bow, “WHY DOES THOU NOT BOW TO THY PRINCESSES?”, Luna yelled with some confusion. Hank looked at her in the eyes before saying, “Because thou only bows to the president of the United States of America!” Hank yelled mimicking Luna’s Royal Equestrian voice. Princess Luna looked at Hank, shocked that he would dare mimic her. “HOW DARE THY MIMIC THY PRINCESS”, she said with some slight agitation. Hank chose to ignore responding to her and changed the subject, “Anyway the purple one was tellin’ me how things work around here. And I think it’s pure asinine, you’re nothing but a no good communist society, hell it’s like this place is ran by a bunch of hippies!” Hank finished. Princess Celestia cocked a brow at this. “And what might hippies be?” She asked in curiosity. Hank looked at her with a shock plastered face, “You’re telling me you don’t know what hippies are?! Why hippies are nothing but peace loving, no clothe wearing, vegetarian, animal rights lovin’ nutjobs!” Hank paused to catch his breath. “Hippies, as you describe them, sound very similar to our society”, Princess Celestia finished. Hank gasped at this. “WHAT? So you’re telling me your empire is made up of nothing but damn communist hippies!?” Princess Celestia sighed at the new word she just learned. “And what, may I ask, is a communist?” Hank looked at her square in the eyes, not sure if she was stupid or just uninformed. “A communist is someone who oppresses the people, controls every SINGLE factor in their lives … and forces them to grow turnips for their weak military, that may I add, that America’s military could kick their ass in a fight”, Hank said with a confident smile. Before Princess Celestia could get a word in, Hank continued, “Also you’re people are rude. When that loud mouthed bird … lion …. thing began calling me names no one stood in to help, so I did what any proud Texan would do, I kicked her ass, and after I taught her a lesson in respecting others, I get blamed! What type of show are you running here? Where’s the police? And capital punishment?”, Hank lashed out. Princess Celestia looked at him, taking slight offense to his rude remarks concerning her citizens. “And who are you to judge? I don’t know how things work in your place of origin, but it seems barbaric, I-” Before Princess Celestia could finish her sister, Princess Luna, interrupted. “I agree with our visitor, whatever happened to the dungeons? Or hanging pegasi by their wing tips for hours on end? It actually seems as though once you banished me the punishments deceased, you’re not going soft on the empire are you Celestia?” Princess Luna questioned. Princess Celestia looked at her sister, not believing that she had joined the side of the rude visitor. “W-well it was difficult maintaining it all after you were banished. Besides, putting hundreds of our followers in the dungeons would of looked bad, that’s when I decided to just abolish it all” Princess Luna looked at her sister before looking back at Hank, she smiled and said, “Well I think it should be reinstated. I personally think that ponies get off WAY too easy nowadays and this has lead them to be disrespectful to the government” Princess Celestia sighed, “Luna, now is not the time for such discussions. We have more important matters at the moment.” “Fine sister, we really should be dealing with the situation at hoof. And now would be good time to ask, Twilight, how do we send this creature back to wherever it came from?” “Well the spell that I used to send him here didn’t work...So I don’t know what to...Oh! I know! Maybe the Elements of Harmony could be used to send Hank back to where he came from. Princess Celestia, could you please teleport the other elements here?” Princess Celestia simply nodded and with a flash the other elements of harmony appeared in the the throne room. Applejack and Rainbow Dash were on top of each other for some reason before quickly getting off of each other and blushing. Pinkie Pie and Rarity were simply surprised that they were no longer at their homes doing whatever it is they were doing.
PrologueHank Hill Goes to Equestria: Propane is magic! By Nordic West and co-written by Krazz Prologue It was a hot summer day in Arlen Texas, even by most Texan standards. One man, who just got done arguing with his wife over his disappointment of a son, decided to grill some steaks to get his mind off the argument, and hopefully cheer his wife up with his cooking. After he got the steaks out of the fridge, he opened the door and set them down on a table next to his Char-King propane grill. “I sure do love that propane grill of mine”, he thought. After he turned on the grill and put on his apron, he opened the grill and his life was changed forever. Instead of the inside of the grill that he knew inside and out, it was a multicolored portal that quickly sucked him inside. He immediately began screaming profanities and blaming many things on his son Bobby. He also contemplated the possibilities that his friend, Dale, was responsible for this prank...well, at least he thought it was a prank. Once the portal had sucked him in it disappeared and the grill shut it self. The only things that could be heard when the grill quickly closed itself was ,“God damn it Bobby!” -------------------- Twilight Sparkle was jotting down many notes on, well, anything she could write on. She had been working on this spell for eight months now, and she was just now starting to get some progress. After her first failed attempt at casting the spell a couple of days ago, she had been up researching the spells past mages and wizards such as Star Swirl the Bearded hoping that it would give her some insight on what she was doing wrong. Eventually, she was able to get rid of a couple of kinks in her technique in casting the spell and she was confident enough to attempt the spell again. “Oh my Celestia! I did it! I casted the spell! Oh my gosh! I can’t believe it worked.....wait a second, where’s the portal? There’s supposed to be a portal, right?” Twilight ran around the library searching for a portal to no avail. Little did she know that the portal she was frantically looking for was in her bedroom. It was the last spot she would have checked. The man, whose name was Hank Hill, eventually came out of the portal-ish thing and landed onto Twilight’s bed with a soft thump. “What in the hell?”, Hank said as he looked around the room whilst rubbing his aching head. Going through portals causing headaches was something that Hank had never expected. He got off the bed and hit his head on the low ceiling, causing him to yell out “Damn it!” and he rubbed his head again. He was very surprised at the low ceiling, expecting it to be higher. “Is this some kind of home meant for midgets?”, he said before quickly releasing that a midget would get pissed at him for calling them midgets. But then he figured that they’re just tiny people and they couldn’t do a damn thing about it. Midgets tend to not fare too well against six foot Texans. Twilight Sparkle, whom was now looking in the basement, heard an unfamiliar voice with a strange, and foreign, accent and she realized that it was coming from her bedroom. Even though she contemplated not going into her bedroom, she figured “What the hey, I got to go there tonight anyway.” Hank Hill was still rubbing his aching head as was looking around Twilight’s unfamiliar room. By now, he was thinking that the portal he went through was some kind of dream and that Bobby just used some knockout gas to make him pass out and move him to this place....a house for midgets, that is. Hank heard someone walking up the stairs and he slowly walked over to the bedroom door making sure he didn’t hit his head on the damned ceiling....again. Twilight Sparkle was walking up the staircase with caution, not knowing what could’ve come out of the portal worried her. As she approached her bedroom, it opened suddenly. She screamed as she saw the strange creature in front of her, the creature also returned the scream. “What in the hell are you?? Bwhaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa!!!!”, screamed Hank as he shoved his way past Twilight. He wasn’t expecting the staircase to be so close to the door. And he wasn’t expecting to fall down it. As he fell down, with audible thuds, he was screaming “God- ooof! Damn it- ooof! Bobby! Ugh!” Twilight turned around in shock as she saw the strange creature falling down the staircase before eventually hitting it’s head on the floor, knocking itself out cold. “....Spiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiike!! Where are you?”, Twilight screamed as she ran down the staircase. When she got to the bottom and saw the passed out creature, she made sure to carefully walked around it. Spike walked out of the basement very slowly, he was trying to get some sleep but Twilight just had to wake him up with her screaming. He yawned and rubbed his eyes before seeing the passed out Hank and screamed. “Twilight, what the buck is that??”, he yelled as realised that he wasn’t tired anymore. Twilight paced back and forth, trying to collect her thoughts was pain since, well, she just saw a strange creature scream and ask what the hell she was. “I have no idea, Spike! I just casted a spell that I’ve been working on and he showed up in my bedroom!”, she spoke very quickly and was still pacing back and forth. “Uhh, maybe we should.....uhhhh....buck....Oh! Let’s take it to Fluttershy! She’ll know what to do!”, Spike said while realizing that dragging a passed out creature through Ponyville was a bad idea. “Spike, do you really think that dragging around a passed out.....ugghhh! What do I call it?....Doesn’t matter, what does matter is figuring out what to do!”, Twilight said with complete disregard of Spike’s suggestion. “Invite Fluttershy over and maybe she’ll know what to do?”, said Spike with an annoyed tone of voice. “Spike that’s a great idea! Go get Fluttershy and I’ll watch over....this....this...creature”, Twilight quickly said as she began to stare at the passed out Hank Hill at the bottom of her staircase.
Chapter 1: The mysterious midget horses Chapter 1: The mysterious midget horses Chapter 1: The Mysterious Midget Horses Fluttershy was sitting down enjoying a cup of herb tea with Angel when suddenly several loud knocks were heard on her door. Of course, the loud noises almost set Fluttershy into a panic attack, however she quickly calmed herself down. Once she got to the door and opened it, she saw an exhausted Spike trying to catch his breath. Once Spike caught his breath he looked up to her and yelled, “Fluttershy! Fluttershy!” Fluttershy looked at him in confusion and said, “W-what is it Spike?.” “Twilight needs you! There’s a strange animal in the library!” Spike screamed. “An animal?” Fluttershy muttered. “W-well what type of animal?” “I don’t know, but it’s big and weird and stuff. Twilight thinks it’s hurt!” Spike said while flailing his arms around. “Oh o-okay”, Fluttershy said with a concerned look on her face. “Hurry let’s go!” Spike gestured towards the library with his arm. After six minutes of running back to the library, they finally made it. Spike quickly opened the door allowing Fluttershy to enter first, he then followed and slammed the door behind him. “This is fascinating” Twilight said under her breath while jotting down notes of the creatures anatomy. Hank Hill was now on his back with a pillow poorly tucked underneath his head. After several long seconds, Fluttershy was finally able to break the silence, “Wha-what is that?” Twilight quickly looked at her and Spike, “Oh good you’re back”, she said with a concerned look. “I’m not sure what it is, it looks like something that’s from the everfree forest … but it’s not, it appeared after I tested this new spell I’ve been working on, sadly it didn’t work the way I thought it would.”, she said with a slightly surprised voice. Fluttershy slowly approached Hank who was still unconscious. She sat down near Twilight and looked at him. “I-I’ve never seen anything like it” Fluttershy looked at Twilight, “Where do you suppose it’s from?”, she asked. “Well I know it came from that portal … but that’s to the extent of my knowledge.”, Twilight said with a frown. “Oh” Fluttershy replied. Her attention quickly went back onto Hank, she then began to stroke his head with her right forehoof. “It’s okay big guy I won’t hu-”, Hank suddenly rose his head and jolted his head towards Fluttershy. Without taking a single breath he screamed, “Bwhaaaahaaaaaa!!!” Fluttershy quickly screamed back, “Aaahhhh!” Hank Hill got mad, his face scrunching up with a new angered expression. “God damn it Bobby!”, he yelled. He slowly sat up, “Where the hell am I? Bobby!” Hank quickly begins looking around, observing his new location. “Bobby?”, Hank asked, his sight now looking back at the multi-colored midget horses. Twilight and Fluttershy looked at him in curiosity. Fluttershy was lying on the ground trying to catch her breath. Hank looks at both Fluttershy and Twilight with a lot anger. “Will you two take off those damn masks, or else I’ll kick your ass!” Hank yelled while his face was turning into a tomato. Fluttershy began to back away; Hank’s sudden outburst had scared her. Twilight on the other hoof, was surprised that this creature had been angered this much. “Dale! Bobby! Ya’ think this is funny? This is just flat out annoying! Now I won’t ask again, take off those damn masks!” Hank Hill screeched. “Mask? What do you mean by that?”, Twilight said with a confused look on her face. “You know what I mean Bobby! Or are you Dale? Doesn't matter! Take off those masks before I take them off for you!” Twilight was now really confused at the thought that she, and Fluttershy, weren’t actually talking multi-colored midget horses. “Umm....We’re not wearing masks...sir?”, Twilight said, with a very confused look still on her face. “You know damn well what I’m talking about! Now take off those masks!”, Hank had yelled while approaching Twilight. Twilight didn't know whether to back off or stand her ground against this strange creature, figuring that if worst came to worst she could use her magic to stun Hank. “Now,” Hank was now standing directly in front of Twilight, “take off the damned mask!” Twilight looked up at the towering creature in front of her, “I’m....not wearing a mask?” “That’s it! I’m taking it off for you since you’re too stupid to listen to me!” , Hank yelled while grabbing Twilight’s horn. “Dagnabit! It won’t come off!”, Hank said while trying to pull of Twilight’s horn. “Ahhh! Let go of me! That hurts! Ahhhh!” , Twilight yelled while trying to get Hank’s hands off her with her forehoofs. “What in the hell? Did you use some kind of super glue for the horn Bobby?”, Hank yelled. By now Fluttershy was in a corner crying and covering her eyes. “Let go of me now or I’ll be forced to use magic!”, Twilight yelled. “Bobby, you know magic isn't real! Ahhhhhhh!”, Hank quickly let go as his hands were burnt by Twilight charging her horn with magic. (Is that how you describe that?) “What kind of.....Bwhaaaaaaa! They’re real! Bwhaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa!!!!” , Hank yelled while realizing that the talking multi-colored midget horses were, in fact, real. “Yes,” Twilight straightened out her messy mane and rubbed her horn, “we are real! Encase you didn’t know, you’re in Equestria.” Hank backed away, he was in utter shock. Him? In some place called Equestria? This must’ve been a dream....or was it actually real? These were the thoughts that were rushing through Hank Hill’s mind. “What the? How the hell am I here!?!? I’m supposed to be in Arlen making steaks for the family!”, Hank Hill yelled while backing away from Twilight. By now Fluttershy had stopped crying and began stand back up. “We....we won’t hurt you”, Fluttershy said timidly. “How the hell are a bunch of midget horses supposed to hurt me!?!?”, Hank Hill said before continuing with his rant, “If two-hundred Texans could hold off over nine thousand mehicans at the Alamo then how in the hell can two midget horses hurt me, a Texan?”
Chapter 2: The majestic midget horses Chapter 2: The majestic midget horses Chapter 2 -- The Majestic Midget Horses Twilight was confused at Hank’s sudden outburst, and was confused that he had called them midget horses. They were ponies, so of course they would be shorter than regular, non-midget horses. But none of that mattered to Hank. He was still freaking out that he was....well wasn’t in Arlen. He didn’t know where he was. The only thing he knew about the place he was in was that it had talking, multicolored, midget horses in it. “Uhhhh.....what’s a Texan?”, asked Twilight while raising an eyebrow. Hank rolled his eyes, “Are you idiots? What do you mean you haven’t heard of Texas?” “What’s Texas?”, Twilight asked while her eyebrow was still raised. “What’s Texas?!?!”, Hank yelled. “Texas is a state in the greatest country on Earth! The United States of America!” “America?”, Twilight asked. Twilight’s facial muscles were now beginning to tire since they were being stressed out with all facial movements. “You haven’t heard of America either? What am I surrounded by? A bunch of communist midget horses?”, Hank yelled while raising his arms up in anger. And surprise. “First of all, we’re not “midget horses”, we’re ponies”, Twilight said, finally lowering her eyebrow. “Ponies? Talking multi-colored ponies? Am I in some kind of world meant for little girls?” Hank yelled. By now he was frustrated at the fact that he wasn’t home. He wasn’t able to grill up those steaks to get his mind off of his son, who had disappointed him yet again by telling him he didn’t want to get into the propane business. “What are you talking about?”, Twilight said. She would have raised her eyebrow again, but her facial muscles were still tired. “I’m describing the....place that I’m in right now! This place is just...weird”, Hank shuddered in between “just” and “weird” “You’re in Equestria. This is a land populated of ponies. There’s pegasi, earth ponies, and unicorns.”, Twilight said. “Pegasai? Unicorns? I am in world meant for little girls! Bwhaaaaaaaaaaaa!”, Hank yelled. Hank by now was starting to come to the conclusion that yes, he was in a world meant for little girls, and yes, it was populated by talking, multicolored midget horses.....or ponies. “Little girl? Is that what your kind calls their young?”, Twilight asked. She was now very intent on learning more about this strange, tall, bipedal species that likes to yell and call ponies midget horses. “Well, yes and no. But that doesn't matter! I got to find a way home!”, Hank said, finally calming himself down. “Yes, we do have to find a way to get you home. Scientific research will have to wait. Oh, we never properly introduced ourselves. I’m Twilight Sparkle.”, Twilight smiled while she finished that last sentence. “I am Hank Hill. Assitant manager at Strickland Propane”, Hank held out his hand expecting it to be shaken. “Fluttershy,” Twilight said, “would you like to introduce yourself to...Hank here?” Fluttershy was on the ground, shaking in fear of this very loud creature. Her eyes were clenched shut. She refused to say anything. Twilight looked at Fluttershy, “Fluttershy … aren't you going to introduce yourself to our … guest?” Fluttershy slowly looked up, uncovering her eyes, “Uh, h-hello” Hank looked down at her, causing her to yelp and cover her face again. Hank Hill sighed, “Alright, this is just asinine. Now stand up and shake my hand like a true Texan would”, Hank Hill then slowly crouched over and grabbed Fluttershy, bringing her to all four hoofs. She trembled and Hank rolled his eyes again. “Fine, don’t shake my hand, be disrespectful”, Hank hissed. Twilight walked closer to the two and looked directly at Hank, “Hey! There’s no reason to be rude” “Rude?!”, Hank slowly turned his head to Twilight. Hank then points to Fluttershy. “She’s the one being rude” Twilight looked at Hank square in the eyes. “That may be true, but that’s still no reason to act rude”, Twilight said in a calm and rational voice. Hank began to ponder the fact that he’s arguing with a multi-colored horse, “Wait … what hell him I doing talking to horses in the first place?”, Hank raised his voice in anger. “Ponies,” Twilight corrected, “we’re ponies. Not horses.” “Fine, ponies”, Hank said. He shuddered while he said the word “ponies” “Alright, now we got to find a way to get me out of here”, Hank said. “I think if I cast the spell again you may be able to go through the portal to get back to...where is that you said you were from? Mexas?”, Twilight said while trying to recall the place where Hank said he was from. “Texas. I’m from Texas. Texas is apart of the United States of America.”, Hank said while rolling his eyes. The purple midget horse had annoyed him by forgetting that he was from Texas and not some place called “Mexas” “....Buck. I can’t remember the exact way how to do it....Give me a second.”, Twilight tried to remember the exact way how to cast her spell. After a few failed attempts, she gave up. “Ugghhh! It’s not working!”, Twilight said with an annoyed voice. “What do you mean it’s not working? Didn't you use your midget horse...er pony magic?!?!”, Hank yelled, angered yet again. “I just used my magic! It’s a spell, after all. Ughh! Why can’t I get it to work? It worked twenty minutes ago!”, Twilight yelled. “Wait...it was you who sent me here? You....you....I’ll kick your ass!”, Hank yelled while approaching Twilight. “Kick my....donkey? What?”, Twilight said. She was confused. She hadn’t heard the word ass before, unless it was used to informally say the species of somepony (Or would it be somebody now that there’s a human in Equestria?) “What? How do you not understand that I’m gonna kick your ass for sending me here?!?!” Hank yelled, his face now turning into a tomato....again. Fluttershy was scared by Hank’s recent outburst and she had gone back into the corner to cry and cover her eyes. “I don’t even know a donkey so how are you going to kick it?” Twilight said, still confused over Hank’s word choice. Hank by now had realised that Twilight didn’t understand that when he said “ass” he meant her plot. So Hank thought about how should he word his threat of kicking Twilight’s plot in a way she could understand. “I’m gonna kick your flank for sending me here!” Hank yelled while feeling a slight sense of accomplishment that Twilight could now understand his threat. “Why? It was just a spell that just happened to send you here! I didn’t mean to send you here!”, Twilight yelled. “Well....I....kick....your...ass.....augghhh!” Hank said, now realising that kicking Twilight’s as- err, plot wouldn’t get him anywhere. So he thought about what he should do. “Well then, what should we do?”, Hank asked, now calming himself down. “Huh, I don’t really know. I haven’t really given it much thought.”, Twilight said while pondering what to do about Hank. “Maybe I should take you to Princess Celestia, I think she could probably help you”, Twilight said before realising that a strange, loud, bipedal creature would probably cause a commotion in Ponyville. “I’m assuming this “Princess” of yours is your leader or something?”, Hank said. “Ehh, yeah something like that”, Twilight said while running about trying to find a fresh piece of parchment, a good quill, and some ink. Hank became confused while looking at Twilight rummaging around for writing materials. “So who’s the king?”, Hank said in a sharp voice. Twilight only glimpsed at him for a second before going back to looking for her materials. “Uh, we don’t have one” She replied. Hank scratched his head before asking another question, “Well, who’s the queen?”, He said slowly becoming more impatient. Twilight found a quill and finally stopped, she then turns her head upward to look at Hank. “... We don’t have one either”, she replied with a slight shrug. Hank became more confused. “What? That just sounds ... asinine, if there’s no queen or king then wouldn’t that make your princess the queen?” “Well uh … it’s a little more complicated than that”, Twilight said while walking over to a table. Hank’s voice became a little more aggressive. “How the hell would it be ‘complicated’ look at it like this, if we have no president and a vice-president then that vice-president becomes the president”, Hank said with an agitated voice. Twilight looked back up at him. “Wha- what’s a president?”, Twilight looked with curiosity. Hank rolled his eyes, then released a sigh. “How stupid can you midget horses be?” Twilight looked offended, then completely turned to him. “Stop calling us midget horses, we are PONIES, and I will have you know that I am very intelligent. Besides who are you to judge?”, Twilight's voice became more hostile. Hank looked menacingly down at her. “For one: you don’t know who the president is, which just baffles me. If you didn’t know he’s the leader of the most powerful nation of the free world! Two: it seems as though you all ignorantly follow this ‘princess’ of yours. And three: You ARE a midget-horse, so I will not stop calling YOU a midget-horse”, At this time Hank’s face was pure red, like a tomato and his eyes were widened. Fluttershy was cowering in the corner, before quickly getting up with a slight scowl on her face. She then stated in a slightly audible tone. “I’m tired of you acting so mean to my friends” She then slowly trotted directly to him, looked up and stared him in the eyes and began to perform the “stare” on him. Hank’s face soon turned with an extremely angered look. Fluttershy soon froze. Realizing that the “stare” had no effect on Hank, but instead he was intern giving her the “stare” Before anything else could happen Fluttershy began to softly whimper. Spike quickly looked at Hank and said, “Hey! Leave Fluttershy alone” Hank’s vision slowly turned to the dragon. Spike’s facial features quickly turned to those of fright. He then began to mumble “Well uh, i-if you’re fine with doing uh that of course” He then jolted for Twilight, trying to hide behind her. Twilight looked down at the now frightened Spike and back up to Hank. “What’s YOUR problem”, she sneered at Hank. Hank began to rub his forehead, before taking a deep breath. “MY problem!?” Hank’s eyes narrowed on the small purple pony. He then raises his left arm and begins to point at Twilight with his index-finger. YOU’RE my problem. YOU’RE the one who brought me here! YOU’RE the one who’s uh … who’s trying to force their communist ideologies on me! And furthermore YOU’RE the one who’s going to get a boot up your ass, if YOU don’t get me home soon!”, Hank finally finished trying to catch his breath. Twilight took a breath and began to speak, “I apologised for sending you here, it was an honest mistake, and finally on that note. What’s a communist?” Hank couldn’t believe what he had just heard, he felt as though he just finished listening to one of Dales crazy conspiracy theories on how Ronald Reagan was working with the Martians to destroy the world. Hank then pulled his glasses off and pinched the skin on his nose bridge. “J- just send that damn message to your princess” “Alright”, Twilight said with a sigh. She turned back to the table, picked up the quill from the small ink pot and started to write a letter to the princess.
Chapter 3: The leader of the midget horsesChapter 3 -- The Leader Of the Midget Horses Midway through the letter Twilight was interrupted by a loud knocking at the door. She let out a frustrated sigh and said, “Spike go see who it is.” Spike simply rolled his eyes and walked over to the door. When he opened it slightly he was surprised to see Gilda. “Oh, it’s you little dweeb, I was told that Twilight may know where Rainbow Dash is?”, Gilda said. “Ummm....uh...give me second”, Spike said while slowly closing the door. “Twilight, Gilda’s here! What should I do?”, Spike said while flailing his arms around. “Uh...what does she want?”, Twilight said while raising an eyebrow. “She said she was told that’d you know where Rainbow Dash is.”, Spike said. “Tell her that I don’t know where Rainbow is”, Twilight said while returning to her letter. Spike turned around and slowly opened the door, “Twilight doesn't know where Rainbow Dash is. Sorry” “Thats a lie, dweeb, I bet she’s in there and just doesn’t want to see me”, Gilda said as she forcefully pushed her way through Spike and into the library. “What is that? It looks like some weird and stupid monster from the Everfree forest” , Gilda said in shock as she saw Hank for the first time. “Who you calling stupid, midget...err...lion-bird-thing!”, Hank yelled. “Obviously you, stupid. You’re pretty ugly too, dweeb”, Gilda said hoping to piss off Hank. “Shut the hell up or I’ll kick your ass!”, Hank yelled while pointing at here. “Oooooooo, you gonna have to make me shut up, stupid dweb!” Gilda said. “That’s it! I’m kicking your ass!”, Hank yelled while he kicked Gilda in the side wing with his steel toed boot. Gilda went back flying, hitting the wall and causing a couple books to land on her head. She coughed before saying, “That the hardest you can do, dweeb?” Hank walked over to her and kicked her in the plot, much harder than last time causing Gilda to skwak in pain. Hank kicked her again in the plot and this time she groaned loudly. Gilda, whom by now was on the verge of crying in pain, began to run to the door. While she was running to the door, Hank stayed on her plot like Rainbow Dash to Applejack, kicking Gilda the whole time. When Gilda finally managed to get to the door she opened it and was kicked out by Hank. Hank continued to chase, and kick, her all the way out to the street before Gilda finally realised that she can fly, even though it’d cause her pain. Hank nodded in appreciation of his fight with Gilda before noticing a bunch of shocked ponies staring at him. He could’ve sworn he saw a pony with lyre cutie mark being held by a cream colored mare with a dark blue and pink mane. “What the hell are you all looking at?!?!? You’ve never seen a man kick someone’s ass before?!?!?”, Hank yelled loudly as he could before turning to walk back to the library. Twilight and Fluttershy by now were standing in the doorway with complete shock. They had just witnessed Hank kicking Gilda’s ass. Fluttershy, of course, was secretly thinking to herself that this was the funniest thing she had ever seen. When Hank finally got back to the doorway he said, “What? You’ve never kicked someone’s ass, err, flank before?” When he finished speaking he pushed his way past the two mares into the library where he sat down on the staircase, thinking that the way how everyone reacted was just asinine. What, they never kicked some asshole’s ass before? What is this, Canada? Twilight and Fluttershy walked back into the library, making sure to close the door on the way back. “What did you just do?”, Twilight yelled. She was very surprised, she’d never seen someone get their flank’s kicked before. “She was very rude, and she didn’t stop insulting me when I asked her to! So I did what any sensible man would do, I kicked her ass!”, Hank said. “Just because someone is rude, it doesn’t mean you should beat them up!”, Twilight said, realising that the guards could show up and arrest both Twilight and Hank. “Is that how things work here? It’s asinine if you ask me. Some need their asses kicked! It teaches them a lesson; not to be rude to someone after they’ve been asked to stop!” Hank yelled, not understanding that in Equestria everypony is usually supposed to be polite to everypony else. Twilight simply let out a frustrated sigh and went back to writing the letter to Princess Celestia. Spike was trying to hold back from laughing, he thought that Gilda getting her flank kicked was hilarious. Fluttershy, on the other hoof, was silent, and calm. Although in her head she was laughing very, very hard. After a short while Twilight finished the letter, and called Spike over. “Spike, could you please send this letter to Princess Celestia?”, Twilight said while using her midget horse magic to levitate the scroll over to Spike. “Yeah, I got it.”, Spike said while grabbing the letter. After Spike sent the letter a few minutes of an awkward silence everypony (Again, would it be everybody instead since there’s a fuckin’ human in Equestria?) in the room were suddenly teleported to the throne room. There was nopony there except Princess Celestia and Princess Luna. Hank realised where he was and that the two ponies he saw must’ve been the leaders of this strange world. Immediately once Twilight, Fluttershy, and Spike realized they were in the throne room they bowed, except for Hank who was standing just trying to comprehend what had just happened. Princess Celestia looked at Twilight before saying, “Ah Twilight, my faithful student, it’s nice to see you again. Please rise there is no need to bow before me”, she said with a faint smile. Princess Luna glanced over to Hank and noticed that he didn’t bow, “WHY DOES THOU NOT BOW TO THY PRINCESSES?”, Luna yelled with some confusion. Hank looked at her in the eyes before saying, “Because thou only bows to the president of the United States of America!” Hank yelled mimicking Luna’s Royal Equestrian voice. Princess Luna looked at Hank, shocked that he would dare mimic her. “HOW DARE THY MIMIC THY PRINCESS”, she said with some slight agitation. Hank chose to ignore responding to her and changed the subject, “Anyway the purple one was tellin’ me how things work around here. And I think it’s pure asinine, you’re nothing but a no good communist society, hell it’s like this place is ran by a bunch of hippies!” Hank finished. Princess Celestia cocked a brow at this. “And what might hippies be?” She asked in curiosity. Hank looked at her with a shock plastered face, “You’re telling me you don’t know what hippies are?! Why hippies are nothing but peace loving, no clothe wearing, vegetarian, animal rights lovin’ nutjobs!” Hank paused to catch his breath. “Hippies, as you describe them, sound very similar to our society”, Princess Celestia finished. Hank gasped at this. “WHAT? So you’re telling me your empire is made up of nothing but damn communist hippies!?” Princess Celestia sighed at the new word she just learned. “And what, may I ask, is a communist?” Hank looked at her square in the eyes, not sure if she was stupid or just uninformed. “A communist is someone who oppresses the people, controls every SINGLE factor in their lives … and forces them to grow turnips for their weak military, that may I add, that America’s military could kick their ass in a fight”, Hank said with a confident smile. Before Princess Celestia could get a word in, Hank continued, “Also you’re people are rude. When that loud mouthed bird … lion …. thing began calling me names no one stood in to help, so I did what any proud Texan would do, I kicked her ass, and after I taught her a lesson in respecting others, I get blamed! What type of show are you running here? Where’s the police? And capital punishment?”, Hank lashed out. Princess Celestia looked at him, taking slight offense to his rude remarks concerning her citizens. “And who are you to judge? I don’t know how things work in your place of origin, but it seems barbaric, I-” Before Princess Celestia could finish her sister, Princess Luna, interrupted. “I agree with our visitor, whatever happened to the dungeons? Or hanging pegasi by their wing tips for hours on end? It actually seems as though once you banished me the punishments deceased, you’re not going soft on the empire are you Celestia?” Princess Luna questioned. Princess Celestia looked at her sister, not believing that she had joined the side of the rude visitor. “W-well it was difficult maintaining it all after you were banished. Besides, putting hundreds of our followers in the dungeons would of looked bad, that’s when I decided to just abolish it all” Princess Luna looked at her sister before looking back at Hank, she smiled and said, “Well I think it should be reinstated. I personally think that ponies get off WAY too easy nowadays and this has lead them to be disrespectful to the government” Princess Celestia sighed, “Luna, now is not the time for such discussions. We have more important matters at the moment.” “Fine sister, we really should be dealing with the situation at hoof. And now would be good time to ask, Twilight, how do we send this creature back to wherever it came from?” “Well the spell that I used to send him here didn’t work...So I don’t know what to...Oh! I know! Maybe the Elements of Harmony could be used to send Hank back to where he came from. Princess Celestia, could you please teleport the other elements here?” Princess Celestia simply nodded and with a flash the other elements of harmony appeared in the the throne room. Applejack and Rainbow Dash were on top of each other for some reason before quickly getting off of each other and blushing. Pinkie Pie and Rarity were simply surprised that they were no longer at their homes doing whatever it is they were doing.
