Big Mac's bogus journey

by Nordenfelt

Rating: teen
Tags: Gore, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Comedy, Adventure, Big Macintosh, Dark
Length: 7885

Big Mac takes some damage to the eyes that allow him to wake up to the fact that things are in Equestria.

When his peaceful life is threatened by damage to the eye, by a multicolored daredevil, former quiet stallion, Big Mac becomes a wise cracking hoof-throwing cheesy lined hero!

Published 2013-07-12 22:00:03 UTC
Last updated 2013-07-20 15:46:40 UTC

Atomic Health

Atomic Health

As Big Mac opened his eyes, he noticed he was seeing in black and white, he could see perfectly fine with even better details then before, just in two different colors, he was greeted by the white ceiling; covered with black spots of grime and dust, with the odd cracks and scratches; as he tilted his head slightly to the right, he saw his sister fretting over him.

this is the real thing, and still she is a-

Again?! Shut up!

I will, but I'll talk through you.

"HIYA!" Big Mac shouted at the top of his lungs, scaring his two sisters, the doctor and the entire ward.

Dude! What the hell?! Give me back my body!

Fuck off! This is fun!

"Big Mac!" Applejack said, enforcing him to be quiet for two seconds. "Keep it down!"

"Sorry, sis'" he shrank down into his hospital bed, and gave her puppy eyes.

"It may be damage to his frontal lobe"

He tilted his head again, seeing his little sister, Applebloom, a second ago, she would of been almost in complete tears but now she's shocked and the doctor, waving around an x-ray of his head; the blue curtains surrounded them.

Give me back my body!

No!

"hello, doc," the doctor tilted his head away from the x-ray and towards Big Mac. "Did you say damage to the frontal lobe?" The Doctor flipped the x-ray to the bedside, it showed the his skull; crushed and bent at the front; at the back, it was slightly caved in.

"Yes, yes; also some to your visionary lobe" he tapped at the back of the skull on the paper.

"Is that why I am seeing in black and white?" Big Mac tapped at the rim around his eyes.

"Most likely, though there is no way to reverse it; so you will see like that for the rest of your life," he turned to see the sisters' wide eyes and horrified faces. "I'll leave you with your family" he pulled back the curtains, revealing the rest of the ward.

Holy shit!

What Big Mac saw was not the best sight to see. On one of the ward beds, where a pony should be lying; was a bug like creature, it did look a lot like a changeling but more grotesque and ugly; with bits and pieces of it hanging from it's body, it's chest almost with no skin. It had talons as sharp as razor and as long as a stick, black and pointed.

Okay, don't freak out! Do not freak out!

How the hell are we supposed to not freak out?! It's a fucking corpse over there

Just stay calm.

How?!

I don't know... talk to Applejack!

You mean that-

Shut up!

"Hiya sis" Big Mac tilted his head away from the "thing" and to his sister, giving a weak smile.

"Hello, big brother," she held his hoof. "You're going be fine"

"I know, I know" he make the weak smile slightly bigger.

"You sure?" She asked, giving him a strong grin; showing her teeth.

"Yeah, but hey," he smirked at what he was about to say. "You know you look like a clown if you show your teeth when you smile?"

"I do not!" She shoved him jokingly.

"Applebloom," he rolled over and looked at his little sister. "Doesn't she look like a clown when she smiles with teeth?"

"Yes, yes she does" she giggled as he rolled back over.

"See?" He had the world's biggest smirk now. "Two versus one, we win"

"Do not!"

"Do to!"

"Do not!"

"If you grin right now, you will look like a clown" he chuckled.

"I will not!" She punched him playfully.

"Do it then" he grinned.

"Fine" she smiled; showing all her teeth, and she did look like a clown. "See? I do not"

"You do, Applebloom?" He rolled over and looked at his sister nodding while giggling. "I think that's a yes"

"Well, on that note;" she tipped her hat to her big brother. "The farm needs us, and we have been sitting here for three days"

"Three days?!" He was surprised that one crash could last him so long. "What about the multicolored daredevil!?" He laughed under his breath at his own clever remark.

"She got a few leg bruises, a bump on the head and a feather or two lost but she is fine, well goodbye for later, big brother!" With that, she tipped her hat and left through the door.

Now what?

We wait.

Day one

I am bored out of my mind, bored, bored, bored, bored, bored! Food was terrible, some sort of unidentifiable jelly and bread. No entertainment, I ain't reading a book, that's just boring!

Night one

I have read over five books already, goddamn it! This is just boring, this boredom has made him read! What did I read? My Hero, Golden Horseshoe, The Wrong Fork, Spirit of a Rising Sun, Dreamflow, and some Dub-step fan fiction about some daft punks saving Equestria; yeah. Right; two idiots in helmets are gonna save the world with electronic noise. That is totally going to happen. Well, sleep.

Day two

Damn it! The book thing-a-ma-jig didn't come around today; what the hell am I supposed to do?!

I don't know, find the book pony?

Oh, great you are still alive.

I've been here the whole time, listening to you, wittering on

What have you heard?

Who you like, who are you friends, how you are planing to kill that thing two beds away from us.

Why do you need to know that?

I am still here, I can hear you

Why?

Because you are literally in my head!

And?

That means I can hear you!

Really?

Yes! Also, I would very appreciated if you wouldn't talk about my sister!

Why?

Because I can hear you![

Is it really that bad to hear compliments about your sister?

It is bad from some-pony like you!

Really? Is it that bad?

When you speak of a lasso and black leather mask? Then yes, yes it is!

Stop your whining!

Stop yours! Wait...What day is it?

Like the sixth, maybe

You've lost track of time?!

Yeah

How!?

Well, I've been reading...a bit

Dude, I watch you read like twenty books in seven hours!

So? That's a bit.

You are a perverted son of a bitch that took over my mind! How are you a book-worm as well?!

Reading isn't that bad.

I would rather do drugs than read that many books in seven hours

Big Mac, winners don't use drugs

Shut up! That's still a shit ton of books!

Yeah, so?

How do you read while having those thoughts?!

What thoughts?

Lasso and black mask thoughts.

Multitasking?

Touché.

Still, what are we actually still doing here?

I don't know, rest and relaxation?

But I want rampage and racket!

Both are R and R, but still there is no need for your version

Why? I have control over your body

You will not ignore me!

I will!

Not!

Do you know what the word fratricide means?

No, I do not.

It means to kill one's sibling, brother *or** sister*

You are not killing my family!

Oh, no, no. Not that; but don't you think we are slightly like brothers?

No, we are not brothers!

We are a bit

Never!

We are like brothers, we are arguing yet we have to live in the same place. Brothers, if you are being technical.

We are not being technical! We are not brothers!

We are sort of.

You are not killing me off!

Why not?

Because this is my body!

This is my body now!

Is not!

Screw this, I'm getting up!

Nuked Files

Nuked Files

Big Mac got up from his bed, he unravelled the bandages his head; covering most of his head, he then straightened it out and wrapped it back around his head, making a sweat band of sorts. As he walked from the bed, he moved away the rest of the curtains, seeing the thing.

That thing is just butt ugly.

We agree, but you aren't killing it.

Why not? I have control of your body.

Don't kill it!

I'm ignoring you now.

As he studied the sleeping thing, it looked less ugly from his bed; the bits were more bloody and darkened; it's eyes were more sunken in with large black bags under it's eyes; it's ribs were gnarled, crooked with many different holes.

The thing looks like it's been hit with a ton of spears.

Yeah, maybe it was a fender bender.

I have never seen whiskey and cider do that.

You haven't had enough of it.

He walked over to the wall; a fire extinguisher hung there, swaying slightly on it's fastenings, it's screws were loose and anything stronger than a light punch would knock it off it's wall.

Blunt, has firing mode, might be low on it's ammo though.

You are not planning to do it!

You don't know me very well.

He wrestled the fire extinguisher of the wall, the steel fastenings and screw came with it; rattling around as he walked back over to the bug.

Dude, come on; leave him alone.

Look at that face; I ain't leaving it not mushed.

Leave it!

It's an "it" now? You just called it a "him" a second ago

**Leave him... or it, it doesn't matter! Just leave the thing!

Again; you don't know me very well.

Big Mac sprayed the head of the insect, it tried to scream but it was frozen by the liquid coming out of the fire extinguisher; frozen in time, it iced over; sparkling in the evening light, the fire extinguisher coughed and spluttered.

Out of ammo.

No shit, you can' kill it now though. HA!

It's already dead, but I just want to smash it.

He raised the fire extinguisher and it came crashing down on the bug's head; went off like a water balloon; The bones had cracked in a sound like thunder and a muted scream, blood sprayed at all angles; squirted over the bed, thick clots scattered over Big Mac, leaving his mane covered in red blobs and leaving his face to be covered in runny blood. Vile and vomit flew onto the bed; his brain smashed into his pillow, fragments of his skull lying around.

Shit. I might want to change my clothes; but with who?

Alien boy?

The shirt's fine, it's the trouser.

Opposite with alien, switch-a-roo

Clever boy.

He switched his trousers and went back to sleep.

Night, Big Mac.

Night, bastard.

"ARGHHH!" A shrill scream awake the whole ward.

What? It ain't a cockerel

No shit, bastard.

"He's been murdered!"

Well, that explains it.

Yeah, that dude you murdered.

I'm going back to sleep.

Let's.

He pulled back the covers and went back to sleep.

Big Mac awake at noon, the sun hung in the sky; high and mighty, burning through the glass, making all the beds burn with it. He got up and went to the books-on-wheels and picked up a book and came back to the bed.

He muttered to himself as he read "A walk in the Everfree Forest... by DashieLives, odd name" he shrank done into his bed and continued to read;

"It was a nice morning in Ponyville, everypony starting to wake up, get an early walk, as for me, I went to check my backyard. Oh the usual, checking my garden. Just looks perfect, I thought to myself, maybe I would sell these plants and flowers!" he muttered quietly...

Haven't you read this?

I remember it...back you go!

He threw it and it landed perfectly on top of the books-on-wheels, as he trotted back over, he scanned the book names, still muttering;

"Trixien Appleloosa Sheriff by Einhander..."

What is that? A fanfic about the great and stinky Tricks?

Maybe, maybe

"Equestria Rim: Elements of Destruction by MerlosTheMad..."

Sounds...science-y

Indeed it does.

"Heavy Baggage by Dotterall..."

That sounds like they are gonna bone.

Eeyup.

"Love Them While You Can Still Have them by FictionFreek..."

Sounds, again, like they are gonna do it.

Yes, yes it does

"Ponies Of Grimerock by Homage..."

Sounds like fantasy bull-crap

Indeed it does, Big Mac

"Flying Low by Gardian..."

Sounds like a flying manual.

Again, it does.

"A sorrowful man and a bitter mare by cobra..."

Sounds like a cheesy love thing.

Again, you are right.

"A fear of needles by...I can't read it"

Sounds better than the others.

Fine, we'll read that one.

He grabbed the book and walked back over to his bed;

"The labyrinth was filled with stone statues and charred wood, the walls blackened by fire. A dim bluish light flooded the dim walls. Blue-glowing torches in rusty iron chains and lavender-glowing moss cling to the ceiling and spread across the floor. Small spiders creep down and up each wall. Stinking smoke wafted up from canisters made of skulls set around the edges of this room. The walls bear scratch marks and lines of soot that form crude pictures and what looks like words in an odd language, not even know to existence." He mumbled, eyes scrolling the pages.

"The mare that walked through had a white coat and spiky hair which had two shades of blue." He muttered.

"She pushed a door open, which made the hinges creak louder than the sound of bubbles emitting from the boiling flasks. Before her was a room which had been a professor’s dream. Three tables bent beneath bottles of liquid, all connected by glass piping. Several bookshelves had been stuffed to with an array of books, jars, bottles, bags, and boxes. The professor who set this all up doesn't seem to be present. But a beaker of green liquid stood burning on one of the tables. Burning torches in iron strips line the walls of this room, illuminating it brightly; they perfectly lit the shelves, lined with jars filled with head." He murmured.

"The heads were all the same, white faces, blue hair and purple sunglasses." He smirked.

Haven't we read this?

No.

It's sounds familiar.

I know, put it back. Sleep? Kill in morning?

You have control of my body, why should I care?

I don't want to damage it.

How sweet of a psychopath!

he walked back over to the book-on-wheels and placed "Fear of Needles" back.

That was a good book.

Shut up! Go to sleep!

Fine.

He lumbered back over to the bed and sort of half fell and half collapsed onto it.

Night, Big Mac.

Night, bastard.

You know it's like two in the afternoon right?

Fine, 'nice nap, bastard

Touché

Big Mac got up, shaking his head and looked around.

No bugs, all is well.

What about the other wards?

More buggy bugs?

There may be a few.

Time to go metal slugging?

Fine, fine; but the fire extinguisher has been removed.

Club?

Where are we going to find a club?

Medical tools.

Ah, a mallet.

Yeah...that thing.

He watched a few doctors walk past, I say walk it was more like "scramble". He watched a few doctors scramble past, dragging a cyan mare with them, she was talking gibberish and had a pan on her head?

That was Rainbow Dash.

Can I?

If you want to have dirty thoughts at this time, then yes, yes you can.

Dude, I would wreck that chick.

Done?

Very much so.

Good.

Going?

You are the one in control.

Just asking.

He slipped out of the ward and saw the long hall that he must of been dragged through a few days earlier, as he looked around, at the very end of the hallway; there was a doorway marked 'Medical Tools' he charged down the hall, trying to be as quiet as possible; though his hooves did make loud clicks on the floor, though none of the doctors took notice, they most likely thought it was another doctor, running to the terminal section.

What are we doing?

Sliding in!

Big Mac tucked in his hind legs; skidding across the floor like a rock star, as the door came closer; he closed his eyes. Then...bump.

Uh?

He fell flat on your face, you didn't go far enough.

Damn it.

he raised to his feet, he was only a meter away from the door; he walked up to it, seeing a padlock. He just punched it, a crunch and a clank later, the door slid open; the weapons and Big Mac's eyes both glimmered in harmony with each other.

Mallets, scalpels, more fire extinguishers, needles, hammers, bedpans, gas cylinders, oxygen masks, chisels, knifes!

Now, don't faint.

I won't, but which ones?!

Find the right gas cylinders, something that kills with a couple of oxygen masks.

Big Mac's going crazy like I am!

Being with you this long makes me crazy.

I know, I know.

Try oxygen.

Oxygen?

Yeah, too much oxygen can kill you.

Quiet killings, good, good.

He placed two canisters on his back and hang a few oxygen masks around his neck, he walked back out the room; looking in all the different wards, a lot of the aliens were in the hospital but so were a lot of doctors; as he looked through the all the wards, he found one; the one with one alien, the one with no doctors, the one were everyone else was sleeping or napping.

Easy, easy as pie.

Amen.

He attached the mask to the canister, it made a little pop as it did; the pop made Big Mac smirk like a maniac. He walked over, dragging the canister across the floor, making little indents as it went; scratch, clink, scratch, clink, clank, scratch, clank, the green was scrapping of the bottom of the canister; he went closer to the bed and set the other canister down on the end of the bed. He walked the rest of the way and sat the canister down on the chair near the bed.

Looks more damn disgusting then before.

Indeed it does.

Big Mac placed the mask over the alien, it's eyes flutter open; it was about to scream.

Damn!

He lashed it in the face, it's eyes widened quickly.

Damn it!

He punched it straight down, making a slight crack when it came down; the thing's eyes fluttered shut.

Knocked out cold.

Time to die cold.

He turned the value up until it wouldn't go any further, the head swayed back and forth, until it stopped; the condensing stopped, the turned the value back off.

Dead and deader.

What's with the other one?

Cover up.

As he walked past the other canister, he turned and struck the value with the bottom the canister. It tilted to the side, he flipped the canister over like a cricket bat and smashed it again; the value shot up, the oxygen escaped the canister and Big Mac left the ward and back to his own; as he went back to bed, he threw the canisters under another patient's bed.

Night Big Mac.

Night, Bastard

Metal Slugging

Metal Slugging

“Well, this is downright bullshit” Big Mac tapped the other patient’s paper on the headline 'Twilight and her friends save Equestria... again!'

“You might want to calm down a bit there, Mac, people might stare” as Mac turned his head, the patient was right. Just about the whole ward was either staring at him with dumb found looks or trying to glare him into oblivion. “Correction; will stare”

“Alright, Mister Smartass” Mac turned back to his breakfast, staring into the cheap coffee; he could make out a mound of the coffee mix on the bottom of mug.

Mac, the patient and another patient were all in a line.

“But seriously, we are busting our balls out there, doing actual work, almost to death; bare teethed, and these idiot mares,” Mac tapped the photo clumsily with his hoof, and the paper gave out a loud tear, but this time, no-pony turned around. “just let the purple one do it,” he did jazz hooves, and then pointed at his cup; as if it would start dancing. “just letting them go free, not killing them, dumb move, if you ask me, does anyone want to argue?”

Dude, shut up!

It's true though, but your sister still needs-

Again? Shut up!

“Guilty,” the other patient folded the paper and place it on his table, he raised his hoof. “as charged, but seriously, that is the only argument you have?”

Can we name that one smart ass?

Yes, yes we can.

“Yeah, not killing them is stupid, dude,” the red stallion looked up at the other patient. “help me out buddy!”

“Oh, I’m not getting into this! No way!” He chuckled to himself; as if he was king of the world.

This one is annoying.

Yes, yes he is.

“Fine, I don’t need you, I’ll go in half cocked.” He immaturely chuckled to himself; the other two rolled their eyes.

“You are the most immature,” 'Smart ass' made a throttling motion towards Mac; who immediately got a coffee mound thrown in his face “Ew! You ass-hole; what the fuck!?”

“It was in self defense,” He attempted to look posh and Normal, but instead looked like he was nodding off to sleep. “I thought you were going to strangle me, can I help it?”

“You thought? You have a brain?” Most of the sentence was muttered or muffled; as 'Smart Ass' was wiping coffee of his face and chest.

“Maybe he does, it’s probably it a jar in a science lab, though” again, the other patient chortled to myself; while Mac glared.

“What were we even arguing about?” Both Mac and 'Smart Ass' rolled their eyes; both knew the other patient could be the stupidest pony on the planet.

We are calling this one "Dummy"

Okay.

“We were arguing about the Mane Six, remember? You were for them, I was against, got it?” 'Smart Ass' stared wide eyed at him. “What, Smart ass, you want to buy me dinner or something?”

“No, it’s just that I thought you would say ‘We were arguing about who fucked your mother’ or something juvenile like that,” 'Smart Ass' still had the wide eyes .“I bet even Poker Chips thought that” ‘Poker chips’ glared at both of them.

“Well, I can be mature, somehow,” he leaned back on his chair; almost falling off 'Somehow'.

“So; you hate this purple one?” 'Smart ass' tapped the picture; right on Twilight.

“Nope,” Mac leaned into towards the paper “Just,” moved his hoof above the paper. “These six” he circled the entire photo.

“Why?” He further questioned Mac's opinion; and furthered stretch the limitation of his patience.

“Well, it seems unfair that they have all the fame, waiting for their fucking princess or the purple one to do some magic shit,” he repeated his jazz hooves and pointed at his mug. “While, we are breaking our balls, doing jobs, and none of this world know we exist, and that is my argument, can you bring some back? Bitch!” He shot a pointed hoof at the patient, who had spots, dyed brown, by the watery coffee mix.

“Well, they kill things that are threatening the existence of...” He was hushed by a shushing motion from his opponent.

“Okay’ did you say ‘threatening the existence’? This is some priceless shit! The first time they defeated someone together was nightmare moon, for promised eternal night, next it was Discord, just changing reality, then weird shape shifting ponies, just wanting to steal love birds. ‘Threatening existence’ my,” he smashed the table. “Fat,” he bashed it again. “Ass” he hit the table so hard it shook; only a few looked around though.

“A world without no light, no order and no love isn't a world” he smirked; as if an argument with Mac would be ended with logic.

“It is a world, Mac's world, and baby, it looks like a good world” the ponies that were sane, two out of three, rolled their eyes.

“So, you would live in a world without light, without order, and without love? You sociopath bastard” 'Smart Ass' didn't raise or fall the argument, just stretched Mac's patience even further.

“Look, no light, no bitches complaining about tans, no order? Who gives one? We could go around, doing our job, instead of being glared at as if we are bastards of hell. No love? No marriage? No divorce? No giving some mouthy bitch half your stuff, my world beats this one’s ass, hooves down!” He hit the table again; making the mugs jump and dance around the cloth, the only person who looked now was the Doctor behind the cart, glaring directly at Mac. He saw and he waved.

“But without light, we would all be blind, simple as” 'Smart Ass' crossed his hooves, and glared, same as the mare.

“So? Then every-pony is equal,” Mac saw the upraised eye brows on the puzzled idiots “Some-ponies are blind, then every-pony is blind, everyone is equal”

“What about those who are deaf? Or paralyzed?” Mac glared across the table; it seems in this group, glaring is second nature to them.

“Well, not equal for every-pony, but more equal than before, can we get to the real argument?” They all nodded their heads in time.

“Well, it the naked eyes of normal ponies, we are mindless monsters” 'Smart Ass' took a gulp of his tea; a spitting noise was heard after, a result of him spitting out the powder.

“Not mindless, we are methodical” Mac carefully tapped the table; as if he was finding a good hand of cards.

“Well, methodical as we are, to the naked eye, we are still monsters” 'Smart Ass' put his mug down; he was purposely deforming his face to get the taste of coffee mix out of his mouth.

“How do we even get health care?” 'Dummy' interrupted the verbal warfare, stopping it temporarily; but might have turned a war on himself.

“You don’t know?” Both 'Smart Ass' and Mac said together; with the same level of confusion.

“Jinx” Mac said, as childish as possible.

“We aren’t foals anymore; stop being one, but seriously, 'Poker Chips', you don’t know how we get health care?” 'Smart Ass' was disappointed with the both of them.

“Nope, so what do they do, run a device around an area and detect psycho kinetic energy?” If 'Smart Ass' eyebrow rose any higher, it could be on the moon.

"You are just an idiot" Mac said as he pulled the curtain to himself, blocking the image of 'Smart Ass' and 'Dummy'.

Thank Celestia, alone with thoughts.

Amen

...nap?

Yup!

"WAKE UP!"

OW! Who's that?!

I don't know, open your damn eyes!

As he opened his eyes, it was a doctor; a mare one.

"ummm..hi?" He muttered.

"Time to go home" she smiled.

Home?

Yeah, home.

We are going out with a bang!

Oxygen tank with a scalpel?

Bit like that.

"Okay, I'll just go to the bathroom"

he got up and went to the medical tools storage, grabbing two hammers, three scalpels, two oxygen tanks and two straps for the tanks.

Okay, one scalpel in that strap, two in this one, a tank in that one, a thank in this one. One hammer under this strap, and one in the mouth.

You are seriously doing this?

Yes.

Fair enough

"Mister Mac what are you-" Her argument has cut short by a canister to the head, as it hit her forehead, there was a slight click and a mush.

Smooth, real smooth.

I know!

He walked into a ward and saw another doctor;

"Macintosh, I don't-" a scalpel was thrown at his neck, slitting it as it went across.

Damn, we got pretty good accuracy.

It's called 'luck' dear friend.

The ward was shocked at Big Mac doing this, one attempted to calm him down.

"Dude, just calm-" A hammer crashed down on his head, making a loud smack.

Okay, okay; shouldn't we kill like an alien now?

Good idea.

Way in the back, was one of the things; Big Mac teared one of the canisters of his back, snapped out the value and throw it at the thing. Hitting it square in the chest, it rocketed at the wall; exploding into a million green pieces.

"Get down!" A voice sounded behind him, but too late; the hammer already came down on his head.

Darkness...perfect

Indeed it is

waiting

Day one:

Perfect in a padded room.

It's your fault!

How?

Going nuts with a canister and other tools!

You told me too!

I thought you were joking around!

Well, I wasn't!

Shut up! You killed about three innocents that day and only, like, two aliens.

So?

So? Really? We are going to be stuck in here until death!

Oh.

Oh yes!

Day two:

Bored!

We are in a padded room...with nothing to do...because of you.

So?

We are stuck in this because of you!

And?

You are saying you are bored!

Because I am.

Think of something.

Ha.

Don't start singing!

Too late!

I don't know where you're going

But do you got room for one more troubled soul?

I don't know where I'm going but I don't think I'm coming home!

And I said I'll check in tomorrow if I don't wake up dead,

This is the road to ruin,

And we're starting at the end!

Say yeah!

Let's be alone together!

We could stay young forever,

Scream it from the top of your lungs!

Say yeah!

Let's be alone together!

We could stay young forever,

We'll stay young, young, young, young, young!

Does that song even exist?!

Maybe, I just made it up...I SHALL CONTINUE!

You cut me off, I lost my track!

It's not my fault, I'm a maniac,

It's not funny anymore, no it's not!

My heart is like a stallion!

They love it more when it's broken,

Do you wanna feel beautiful?

Do you wanna?

Well, you shut up!

Never, I am going to sing again!

I'm outside the door, invite me in!

So we can go back and play pretend,

I'm on deck, yeah, I'm up next,

Tonight I'm high as a Pegasus!

Will you shut up?!

Never!

'Cause I don't know where you're going!

But do you got room for one more troubled soul,

I don't know where I'm going but I don't think I'm coming home!

And I said I'll check in tomorrow if I don't wake up dead,

This is the road to ruin,

And we're starting at the end!

Why can't you shut up?!

Because I am singing!

Say yeah!

Let's be alone together!

We could stay young forever,

Scream it from the top of your lungs!

Say yeah!

Let's be alone together!

We could stay young forever,

We'll stay young, young, young, young, young!

Shut up! SHUT UP! SHUT UP!

Fine!

Day three:

Hey, dude.

Yeah?

If Luna can enter dreams, then why isn't she dead yet?

Uh?

Well, if she can then she enters many different ponies' dreams at separate times then she must, at some point, enter a dream that is of zombies or she might enter nightmares.

I think she can choose which ones she enters.

Fine; you have to admit, it would be pretty awesome would it be if some-pony wrote a story about her going into nightmares and freaking out.

It would be pretty awesome.

Another thing.

What?

What if Discord is Starswirl the bearded?

Two things; the princesses would probably get really depressed and Twilight would abandon magic.

Uh?

Both the sisters are almost in love with Starswirl because of his breakthroughs in magic and Twilight, sometimes, never shuts up about him.

Oh, okay; then.

It wouldn't bother me though.

Why?

Discord may be reformed, but I don't think grudges can be reformed.

I see where you are coming from.

Yeah. He ain't got a grudge against me though, so I am good.

Ah, I see.

Day four:

BORED! BORED! BORED!

I must admit; I am as well, but at least I ain't shouting it!

Fine! Fine! But seriously what is there to do?! We are in a straight jacket in the middle of a room!

Draw?

How?!

Draw normally.

I meant with what.

Your blood.

Why on...seriously, the only person who would draw in their blood is a mad colt in a blue box!

Where did you get that saying from?

Which one?

The "a mad colt in a blue box" one.

Old friend.

You are my insanity, you don't have friends.

Fine, let's say another universe.

Another universe?

Yes; one with magic in sticks, a detective with a blue scarf, four idiot school boys and three people working in the basement of a building on machines that only need to be turned off and on again.

Odd universe.

Actually, for dramas, it's pretty good.

Dramas?

Like shows.

Ah, okay.

Screw this, I'm out!

Big Mac got up, walked to the door and began eyeing it.

Are you stupid? It's a door, we are in a straight jacket! We could-

The door buckled with the first kick and came loose with the second. As the third made it unhinge and throw itself across the floor, he walked through the doorway; with a smirk on his face.

Fine, smart ass.

What did I do? I wasn't being smart.

It was just a- fine!

Where the hell is every-pony?!

The hospital was completely deserted, ward beds scattered; some overturned. Medical tools where everywhere.

Aliens.

Touché.

A fire extinguisher came from one of the rooms and crashed across the floor about two rooms ahead. A black hoof grabbed the door frame and dragged the rest of the alien body out.

Hide!

Indeed!

He hid in the other ward and watched as the alien looked into the padded walled room, sticking it's whole head in; Big Mac looked around and saw a mallet, he stretched his hoof over to it and flailed at it; finally getting the grip, he threw it at the back of the Alien's head. Making a loud thwack, it's body sank into the room.

"BOOM! HEADSHOT!" He had a silent celebration and carried on, as he walked he picked up the fire extinguisher and a scalpel that lay next to it.

As he made his way downstairs, he saw no other aliens and no other ponies; as he made his way to the main reception, he saw a skeleton slumped over the counter.

"I'm going to have to check out, my room is just too mediocre" he said to the non-moving skeleton.

When he got his silent reply of nothing, he carried on with a grin on his face; he kicked open the door to a destroyed Ponyville, with buildings burning and aliens everywhere.

"I like these odds"

As the aliens saw Big Mac; they all hissed like snakes and ran at him.

"I count ten versus one, I like these stakes," he snuffed at the ground with his hoof. "ALL IN!" He yelled, as he ran forward he smiled like a maniac.

As the first one came, he swung the extinguisher at him; hitting him in the chest. The body bounced back, impaling itself on a pile of debris.

The second came jumping, as he came down; Big Mac pulled back and slashed the scalpel upwards, tearing at his head. The body sprawled across the ground; he ran on.

The third was just sprinting, Big Mac went from a run into a slide and held up the fire extinguisher. As he closed his eyes, he heard a loud clank and a wheeze; he got up from the slide and continued running.

The fourth was using the fifth as a shield, charging forward. He threw the scalpel forward, the fifth alien's head caught it and it limped in the fourth's hooves. He threw the body down and hissed again, as he sprinted at Big Mac with no shield; he held one of his hooves up in a block. As Big Mac swung the Fire extinguisher low at the legs and saw the block going down, he punched the alien's head; flicking the fire extinguisher around into the other hoof, he smashed the alien in it's eye. As he ran on, he pulled the scalpel out of the thing's head.

The sixth ran again, as he ran; Big Mac shrugged.

I thought they would of learned by now.

Appears not.

He threw the fire extinguisher forward like a lance and winded the alien, as he pulled it away; he gutted the alien's chest.

the seventh had a large club and walked forward as Big Mac sprinted.

Finally, some diversity.

Indeed.

As both swung, he parried each other; they did it again; again and again. Until, Big Mac threw the scalpel at the alien's chest; as it blocked the scalpel; making the steel blade fly off somewhere, Big Mac swung at it's legs; hitting it successfully, it fell to it's legs and lay there.

"Touché!" Big Mac screamed as he brought the extinguisher down on his head.

The rest ran away.

Damn, what do we do now?

We wait.

Oh, I need a drink.

Going Postal

Going Postal

It happened on Hearts and Hooves day eve. Big Mac was in orchard, preparing for cider season with his sister, Applejack.

A bird soared and turned in the cloudless sky, beneath it was the straw houses of Ponyville; crowds of ponies, smiling and happy.

In the distance, Big Mac could see little fillies running around, dragging chalk around and laughing like kids should, as he tilts his head slightly to the right; he sees almost the same except its mares running around, dragging their colts around and grinning like maniacs with shopping bags galore.

He let out a quiet laugh, smirking as he continued his work; places basket down by tree, kick said tree, wait for apples to fall, when apples fall in basket, move baskets to any tree; rinse and repeat. He grumbled when he kicked the tree and nothing happened, he bucked it again, still nothing.

“Work, damn it!” He muttered under his breath as he kicked again.

Come on you idiot! Quick, knock them down before-

“What’s the matter? Ain’t as strong as yah sister?"

Damn it, speak of the devil and it shall appear.

Applejack’s voice came from behind Big Mac, though he didn’t turn around; he knew she was smirking but he plastered on his best fake smile and turned around;

“No matter, just a stubborn tree, that’s all” he spoke with his usual kindness; he turned back and bucked again; still nothing

.

“Come on, you a city slicker? Just kick the tree!” She pushed her brother aside and kicked the tree with enough force that the wood around the impact cracked and shattered but; still nothing

“How was that, city slicker?” Big Mac smirked as Applejack stuck out her bottom lip and mumbled.

“It’s...it’s impossible!” She finally spoke with a star struck sense of confusion, her eyes as wise as eight balls.

“Hold on...” he went off to the barn, opening the door and a few bangs came from the barn.

Inside the barn, Big Mac was shifting around for some components.

“Where are you?” He muttered to himself, bashing away some old furniture, eyeballing around; he kicked away a stool, making it crash against a wall and break, shattering it and spreading the pieces; one of the legs flew towards Big Mac’s head but before it could break his nose, he punched it; sending it flying back to the wall where it busted.

“Where are you?” He mumbled again, lashing away a rusty paint bucket; it ricocheted off a stepladder, it span on the floor and after a few seconds, fell on it’s side.

“Come on, where are you?” he murmured, shoved a broke piece of wood out of his path; it creaked as it fell.

“There you are!” He grinned; showing his teeth made him look like a mad man.

Back outside, Applejack scuffled around on her hooves; mumbling.

“What in the hay are you doin’!?” She finally shouted at the barn after a few more crashes, after a while a voice replied;

“You might wanna move away from that tree” knowing that this is probably not going to end well, Applejack took more than a few steps back and used a tree as a shield.

“I hope he knows what he’s doing” she mumbled as the barn door crashed open, as she peeked around, she wished she hadn’t; there was Big Mac, wielding a large wooden plank over his shoulder with a paint bucket fastened at the end.

“Don’t move!” He shouted, it was muffled through the wood but Applejack could make out what he was saying.

“Okay!” She shouted back, hiding behind the tree.

“YEEEHAAAY!” He charged at the tree, gaining speed with each step; the bucket shaked and juddered with each step too, the wood bit into his shoulder; his teeth gritted as it bit in deeper, the tree got closer and closer; then impact; CRASH!

“Damn” Big Mac’s voice shuddered at almost every letter.

“You okay, big bro?” She looked around from the tree and saw her brother sitting in the dirt, his head shaking.

“I’m fine” he spoke with his common gentleness, still with his head juddering and shaking.

“Anything happen to that tree?” She asked; her eye still on her brother’s bobbling head.

“Can you check? My head is still a bit shaky” he’s voice juddered with each bobble; she looked around at the tree, it had splintered; looked like a crater in the moon’s surface, be still no apples; they hung fine and dandy on the branches.

“Nothing” She said, hoping that Big Mac wouldn’t go mad.

“Damn it” his voice went to the side of anger, his head had stopped shaking. He walked over to the tree and punched it; cracking its surface.

“We can just leave the tree, you know?” She pondered, hopeful that it would stop Mac from going insane.

“Fine, fine” he mumbled, getting up and walking over to the bucket.

“You okay, big brother?” She spoke softly, tapping Big Mac on his shoulder.

“Fine, I am fine” he burbled, putting the basket on his back; walking off.

The basket bumped and slid around on Big Mac’s back as he walked over to another tree; his face showed “defeat”; his sister tried to shake it from her head, and turned back to another tree, as she looked away, he started to punch the tree, he wasn’t trying to make the apples fall, he was just punching it.

Stupid tree! Making me look bad! He punched the tree, splitting it’s surface, an apple fell into the bucket.

Damn you tree! He thumped it again, making the split bigger, two apples fell into the bucket.

Curse you to hell! Big Mac hit the tree a third time, making the crack bend around the side, five apples dropped into the bucket.

You nuisance, you pest; screw you tree! He smacked the tree for the last time; this time, all the apples and even a few leaves fell out.

Damn, I should calm down he walked to the bucket, counting nineteen apples and pushed it up onto his back.

He walked to another tree, lay down the bucket and a soon as he was about to buck it, a shout thundered;

“LOOK OUT!” but it was too late, as soon as Big Mac looked up; the last thing he saw was the face of a multicolored daredevil, the second thing he saw was darkness.

Damn, my head; wait, darkness...perfect

It is, isn't it?

Who are you?

Oh, sorry about this, well I am new... you

No, I’m stayin’ here

Oh, you are not, please get your ass out of this body.

No! I am stayin’!

You are not!

Yes, I am!

Leave before I go medieval on your ass!

Who says I won’t do the same!

Go or... hell, I’ll give you a fair fight.

Fair?

Yes, fair...like I pretend I’m defeated, you turn around and a stab you in the back.

That doesn’t sound very fair.

Well, no. It may not but you cannot fight yourself.

You are not me!

You will die; there is no doubt about it.

I will not die, I will live; you’ll die!

Yippie-ki-yay!

Wake up!

No!

Wake up, goddamn it!

Like I said 'no'!

Wake up, or I'll start singing!

So?

Fine!

You spin me right round, baby,

right round like a record, baby,

Right round round round,

You spin me right round, baby,

Right round like a record, baby,

Right round round round!

Shut up!

No, wake up! Wake up or new song!

I am trying to sleep!

The hell you are!

You've Been Hit By,

You've Been hit By,

A Smooth Criminal!

Why can't you just shut up and let me sleep?!

Because it's time to wake up! Bitch!

You're the bitch! Let me sleep!

No! New song!

We Can Change The World Tomorrow,

This Could Be A Better Place,

If You Don't Like What I'm Sayin'

Then Won't You Slap My

Face?

**SHUT UP!* Let me sleep!*

Screw your sleep!

'Cause this is thriller, thriller night,

And no one's gonna save you from the beast about to strike,

You know it's thriller, thriller night,

You're fighting for your life inside a killer, thriller tonight!

Let me sleep! Goddamn it!

how about...no!

Welcome to your life,

There's no turning back,

Even while we sleep,

We will find you acting on your best behavior,

Turn your back on Mother Nature,

Everybody wants to rule the world!

Let me fucking sleep!

No!

Why not?

Because it's time to wake up!

It isn't! let me fucking sleep, you stupid shit!

"Is he okay?" a voice echoed through the darkness.

Show time!

As Big Mac opened his eyes, he was greeted by the white ceiling; covered with black spots of grime and dust, with the odd cracks and scratches; as he tilted his head slightly to the right, he saw his sister fretting over him.

That must of been the voice, damn she is-

Say another word and you are dying!

How? I am part of your cracked sanity

He tilted his head again, seeing his little sister, Applebloom; almost in complete tears and the doctor, waving around an x-ray of his head.

"Hi" he gave a weak smile, opening his eyes to the amount they would let him.

"Big Mac!" Applebloom shot to his side like a colorful cereal bit out of a slingshot and hugged him so tightly, it almost stopped the red stallion from breathing.

"Hiya, little sis'" he said. "How are you?"

"I've been scared" he gave him puppy dog eyes and he hugged her back.

"There is not a need, I'm still alive" he lifted her up. "And I can still protect you if zombies eat our neighbors" both giggled at the statement.

"That's good" she said back, taking away the puppy dog eyes.

"Yes, yes it is" he put her down.

now, you know this isn't real. You are still asleep, trying to trick me.

And?

That was wrong.

how so?

I am going to take over your head and control you.

Like hell you are.

Watch me!