Pointless Pursuits

by JC

Rating: everyone
Tags: Rarity, Fluttershy, Pinkie Pie, Slice of Life, Sad, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic
Length: 4148

Fluttershy tried to move on from her own vicious behavior following Iron Will’s assertiveness seminar, but some of her friends have not been able to forget so easily.

Fluttershy tried to move on from her own vicious behavior following Iron Will’s assertiveness seminar, but some of her friends have not been able to forget so easily.

Published 2013-07-13 20:50:02 UTC
Last updated 2013-07-15 21:20:05 UTC

Chapter 1

Fluttershy was relaxing on her couch, hooves tucked beneath her, when she heard a knock at the door.

“Who is it?” she called out.

“It’s Pinkie Pie,” the voice at the door replied. “Can I come in?”

Fluttershy perked up at the sound of Pinkie’s voice. “Of course,” she answered as she hopped down and walked over to the door. Pushing it open with a hoof, she smiled. “How are you doing, Pinkie?”

“Pretty well, thanks Fluttershy.”

Pretty well? Pinkie generally proclaimed herself to feel nothing less than “absolutastically amazing” or something similar. Fluttershy looked more closely at Pinkie’s face. She was smiling, but it wasn’t her customary ear-to-ear grin that made her visible from a mile away.

“For some reason Sugarcube Corner’s not nearly as busy this morning as it usually is, so I thought I’d come over and see what you were up to,” Pinkie continued.

“Oh, I’m not really doing much at the moment either,” said Fluttershy. “The animals have all been fed and are mostly sleeping right now, so I’m taking a little break.”

“Sounds like I came at a great time, then! You got a few minutes to chat?”

“Sure thing, Pinkie!” Fluttershy resumed her place on the couch and gestured to the side she wasn’t using. “Come join me!”

Pinkie came over and climbed up, making herself comfortable.

“Anything in particular you want to talk about?” Fluttershy asked.

“Well, actually…yeah, there is.” She sounded tentative and her smile had been replaced with an expression of uncertainty, perhaps even anxiety.

“You seem kind of down. Is there something wrong?”

“I…don’t know. That’s what I came here to find out.”

Fluttershy felt more than a bit disconcerted at this point, but she was glad that if Pinkie was upset about something she was at least talking to someone about it, instead of isolating herself like she did with that awful birthday party incident.

“Pinkie, you know if there’s anything wrong I’ll do whatever I can to help you, right? That’s what friends do, after all.” At this Pinkie gave a small smile.

“I know you will, Fluttershy. It’s just kind of a hard topic to bring up…”

She trailed off, lowering her eyes. If Pinkie had trouble talking about it, it must be serious. Fluttershy waited patiently for her to resume. After a few moments, Pinkie looked at her again.

“Do you remember that time when you tried too hard to be assertive and just ended up being mean and nasty to everypony?”

Fluttershy’s face reddened. That had definitely not been one of her proudest moments, and she hated to have it brought up.

“Y-Yes, I do. I don’t like to think about it, but I certainly remember it. Why do you ask?” Pinkie breathed in slowly as though she were steadying herself, then continued.

“Do you also remember when you told Rarity and me that fashion and parties are pointless?”

Fluttershy felt the overwhelming urge to look at anywhere other than Pinkie. Out of all the horrible things she had said and done at the time, that one haunted her the most. She had apologized in the end and her friends had at least outwardly forgiven her, but the memory still nagged at her.

“Yes,” Fluttershy whispered, feeling a rising sense of dread at the turn this conversation was taking.

“Did…Did you really mean it?”

Fluttershy felt her heart drop into her stomach. She had hoped they would never follow up on that issue.

“O-Of course not! I just said all those hurtful things because I was so desperate to be assertive and not get pushed around by others anymore. I hardly knew what I was saying by that point!” Fluttershy fought to keep her composure, but she was finding it difficult with Pinkie’s pained but steady gaze fixed on her.

“That’s what I thought too, at first. I figured you had just gone overboard with the assertiveness training, but later I wondered, ‘What in the wide, wide world of Equestria does insulting your friends’ careers have to do with asserting yourself?’”

Fluttershy was under the distinct impression that even if she had had an answer ready for that question, Pinkie wouldn’t have been in any mood to hear it.

“I came here because I wanted to ask again: do you think what I do is meaningless?”

Fluttershy felt trapped. She didn’t want to lie, but telling the truth would inevitably involve causing Pinkie more pain. She took a deep breath and began to speak.

“Well… I’ve sometimes thought that, yes, but—”

“I knew it.”

Pinkie’s eyes had turned dangerously watery and she was clearly struggling to keep her mouth from trembling.

“All this time you really thought that my parties were worthless. That I was worthless!”

“Pinkie, that’s not true—”

“Isn’t it?” Pinkie snapped in a flash of anger. “You’ve said it twice now. Once as ‘New Fluttershy,’ now again as ‘Old Fluttershy.’ What else do I need to hear?”

It was as though Fluttershy were paralyzed from the sorrow and hurt emanating from her friend, unable to respond, but before she could rally herself Pinkie spoke again.

“Just never mind, Fluttershy. I found out what I wanted to know.” Her voice was deeply sad again. She slowly let herself down from the sofa and walked toward the door.

“Pinkie, where are you going?”

“Away. So you don’t have to be around my pointless self anymore.”

Pinkie’s voice was breaking as her hoof reached for the door. Without even thinking, Fluttershy leaped off the couch and raced toward her.

“Pinkie Pie, wait!”

Pinkie paused, still looking ready to walk out and never come back.

“I have sometimes thought that what you do is pointless, but I only felt that way when I was trying to make myself feel better about what I do.”

Pinkie turned to stare at Fluttershy, eyes still full of unshed tears, unsure of what she meant.

“I don’t have what most ponies would call a ‘proper job,’” Fluttershy pressed on. “I live out here in this cottage, on the edge of a dangerous forest nopony in their right mind would even set hoof into, and I take care of my animals. Other than spending time with you and the other girls, caring for these creatures is almost my entire life. And others look at that and think, ‘What a waste!’”

Fluttershy was now near tears herself, but she continued.

“Almost nopony has ever said that to my face, but I know it’s what some of them say about me to each other. I shouldn’t care, really, but I’ve often comforted myself by thinking that at least what I do really helps other living things. Parties are nice, but they’re forgotten by the next morning. Ponies may enjoy them, but they can definitely live without them, too, and if that’s the case, what’s the real point to what you do?”

Overcome with shame for her own malicious thoughts and pain from recalling the scorn of others, Fluttershy fell back on her haunches and allowed a few tears to fall and dampen the cottage floor. Her confession to feelings of inadequacy had caught Pinkie by surprise, but by the end of it she betrayed no emotion other than an air of unusual earnestness. She walked over to Fluttershy and put a hoof around her neck.

“Fluttershy,” Pinkie began, hesitating before going on, “I know that nopony needs my parties. But that’s kind of like saying that nopony needs to smile. Sure, you can live without smiles, but life’s a lot more empty without them.”

Pinkie turned and looked straight into Fluttershy’s eyes before continuing.

“I lived that way for a long time, you know. Back on my parents’ rock farm, I didn’t really know what joy was until I saw the rainbow from Dashie’s sonic rainboom. Did that feeling last forever? Of course not. But it was enough to keep me going, enough to show me that life could be so much more than what I had known.”

As Pinkie talked, Fluttershy was having her own moment of frank surprise. She had never heard her sound so serious before.

“That’s why I throw parties, Fluttershy. I want to help everyone keep going. The feelings may not last forever, but if anyone at one of my parties has felt happy for even a moment, then not one balloon, not one cupcake, not one confetti bomb has been wasted, and certainly not one moment of my life!”

At the climax of this declaration Pinkie stood up, dragging Fluttershy with her, and dramatically flung her free hoof into the air. After a couple seconds she lost her balance and they both ended up on the floor again. Fluttershy, taken aback at Pinkie’s sudden burst of eloquence and passion, took some time to collect her thoughts before responding.

“That makes sense, Pinkie. And I think when I’ve felt the most confident and happy about what I’ve chosen to do, I’ve understood that on some level. It’s just that sometimes I get insecure about what I’m doing with my life, and when that happens I…well, you already heard me say it.” Fluttershy cast her eyes downward briefly before looking at her friend again.

“Pinkie Pie…I owe you another apology.”

Pinkie raised an eyebrow. “What for?”

“For letting myself think I’m better than you just because I’ve made different life choices. I may not have felt that way all the time, but I have some of the time, and that’s already too often.”

“Maybe, but you’ve been through a lot too, you know. You may sometimes feel like what you’re doing isn’t important in other ponies’ eyes, but you don’t have to keep having those thoughts. After all, the other girls and I will love you no matter what!”

With these words Pinkie wrapped her friend in a tight embrace. After getting over the initial shock, Fluttershy happily reciprocated, enjoying the softness and warmth of close contact.

“Pinkie Pie, will you forgive me?”

“Of course I do, you silly filly!”

A few more tears escaped from Fluttershy’s eyes, but this time for a different reason. “Thank you, Pinkie. You’re a true friend.”

“Aww, you know us true friends have gotta stick by each other, in good times and bad.”

After another minute or so, Pinkie stepped back from Fluttershy and gave her a much more Pinkie-like smile.

“It’s great that we had this talk, but I need to get back to Sugarcube Corner. By now, Mr. and Mrs. Cake could be swamped in there for all I know!”

“Okay, Pinkie, I’ll let you go. Thanks again for being so understanding!”

“Think nothing of it, my mellow-yellow, animal-loving friend!”

Pinkie gave her a wink and a one-hoof salute, then bounded out the door. Fluttershy watched her progress down the hill and over the bridge until she was finally out of sight.

“I really do forget,” she said to herself, “how valuable it can be to open up to your friends.” She looked at the pastoral scenery around her as though it were one such companion.

“And yet…” she ruminated, “Even now, I didn’t tell the full story.”

The sound from the innocuous but constant flow of the nearby brook was almost like a response, but not quite.

Chapter 2

It had been a couple days since Pinkie’s visit, and in the intervening time Fluttershy had had ample opportunity to mull over the conversation that had transpired between the two of them.

Thanks to the loss of her characteristic self-restraint (not to mention her consideration of others’ feelings) after internalizing Iron Will’s lessons, the matter of Fluttershy’s life occupation versus those of her friends—an issue particularly sensitive to her—had made its way out into the open, and in the worst way possible. She had hoped against hope that her little outburst would somehow escape comment or inquiry, but Pinkie Pie’s simple determination to know the truth had speedily disposed of that futile aspiration.

Still, it had been all for the best. They had reconciled with each other, and Fluttershy no longer felt burdened by hidden feelings of ill will toward a friend. The one thing that surprised her was that it had been Pinkie who approached her, not Rarity. As if in answer to her thoughts, there was once again a knock at Fluttershy’s door.

“Who is it?” she called out, shaking her head to clear it of her musings.

“Rarity. Do you have a moment?”

Considering what Fluttershy had just been thinking about, Rarity’s unexpected arrival seemed far too convenient to be normal. Even so, she did her best to put aside any misgivings. “Coming,” she said as she made her way to the door and opened it.

“Hello, Rarity. What brings you here?”

Fluttershy tried to sound pleasant, but she couldn’t help but notice that Rarity looked decidedly less than cheery herself. Her eyelids, accentuated by her long lashes, were lowered, and the expression on her face was not overly grim, but serious nonetheless.

“If you’ve got the time to spare, I was actually hoping to have a little chat with you.”

Fluttershy’s heart nearly stopped. Pinkie Pie had shown up just days ago wanting to “chat,” and the next thing she knew they were having a raw, emotionally charged confrontation in her living room. The coincidences were becoming difficult to ignore, but she decided to invite her in anyway. If her hunch was correct, it would be better to go ahead and get this over with.

“I’d be happy to, Rarity, please come in! I’ll go get us the floor cushions so we can be comfortable.”

Fluttershy headed upstairs and went to where the cushions were, beside her bed. She took two of them in her mouth and dragged them back downstairs where Rarity stood in the main room, looking somewhat out of place surrounded by all the mouse holes, birdcages and bags of feed.

“Here you go, Rarity,” Fluttershy deposited one of the cushions in front of her.

“Thank you,” Rarity said as she settled herself onto it. Fluttershy got onto her cushion as well, and for a few seconds there was an awkward silence as they simply stared at each other.

“So…” Fluttershy began, feeling like she already knew the answer to the question she was about to ask. “Is there something in particular you wanted to talk about?”

“There is,” Rarity answered tersely. “I want to speak with you about the behavior you displayed after you were influenced by the teachings of that Iron Will.”

Fluttershy could contain herself no longer. “Oh, really? It’s very funny that you should say that. Pinkie Pie paid me a visit only two days ago asking about the exact same thing. Quite a coincidence, huh?”

“Oh darling, that’s no coincidence. I suggested the idea to her some time ago.”

Rarity’s admission to conspiring with Pinkie was so smooth and readily given that it caused Fluttershy to blink in surprise.

“She and I were highly relieved when you apologized to us and decided to stop acting so ghastly to everypony, and the reaffirmation of our friendship was genuine, make no mistake about that. However, we realized not long afterward that there was something still bothering us.”

Fluttershy closed her eyes and let out a little sigh, bracing herself before speaking.

“You mean what I said about you two wasting your time on pointless pursuits, right?”

“Yes.” Rarity’s eyes narrowed a little at the memory. “We felt that remark was of a different caliber than anything else you said or did during that time, a cut above the rest, if you will, and we wanted to know just what was it that inspired you to say such a thing?”

Fluttershy regarded Rarity with a furrowed brow before responding.

“I’d be happy to explain, but why didn’t you just come over at the same time as Pinkie and ask me then?”

“We had already decided that a one-on-one conversation would be more productive.”

“I see. And have you spoken with Pinkie since she came here?”

“Oh no! I’ve been very occupied by business at the Boutique for quite some time now. Engaged with something of little value, according to you.”

Rarity’s tone was noticeably bitter, and Fluttershy could see she would have her hooves full mollifying her. Rarity may have represented the Spirit of Generosity, but she could definitely hold a grudge when she wanted to, as opposed to Pinkie, who was much more likely to forgive and forget. Then again, Rarity was justified in feeling wounded; she had insulted her life’s work and passion, after all.

“Listen, Rarity…”

Fluttershy didn’t feel much more comfortable discussing the subject now than when it had been Pinkie staring at her expectantly, but at least this time she was prepared to explain herself without becoming too emotional.

“When I said that your pursuit of fashion was pointless, that was definitely something I’ve thought before,
but—”

“Oh ho, is that so? And here I was ready to be charitable assuming you merely got swept up in the moment ‘asserting yourself!’”

Fluttershy only had time to reflect that she really needed to take lessons from Pinkie on how to talk faster before Rarity kept on going.

“So that’s what you think of me, is it? You’re a fine one to talk, Miss Live-out-in-the-woods-like-a-hermit-surrounded-by-animals! What gives you the right to make judgments on ponies such as myself who actually work for a living? What gives you the right to take something I love dearly and treat it as so much dirt? What gives you the right to—”

“Nothing!”

Rarity was so caught off guard by this interjection that her mouth hung slightly open from being cut off mid-sentence, her hooves frozen in the midst of wildly gesticulating.

“Rarity,” Fluttershy said quietly but firmly. “I was wrong to ever think that your career is meaningless. I only did it because I’ve often been insecure about my own life choices.”

Rarity’s eyebrows went up a little as the anger in her face slowly gave way to curiosity.

“Taking care of the animals that I keep around here is a huge part of my life. It’s what I love to do, but sometimes other ponies look down on me for not having a ‘proper job.’ Now and then I feel so bad about it that I comfort myself by thinking that at least what I do helps other living creatures. The clothes at a boutique like yours are nice, but nopony really needs them. That’s what I’ve told myself before, anyway.”

Rarity took all this in with a pensive expression, her head tilting to the side.

“But I know I’m not better than you because of what I do, and I never have been. I just feel so unsure of myself at times that I’ve let myself think that way. Those thoughts are wrong, and I only hope you’ll forgive me for having them, Rarity.”

When Fluttershy had finished, Rarity looked as if she were weighing her words carefully. At length, she spoke.

“It’s a bit strange, really. I make it my life’s work to design and sew fashionable clothing in a town where almost nopony bothers to wear clothes at all, much less anything stylish. And yet, I keep going because I earnestly believe with the right clothes you can almost make a new pony out of someone, really do something for them.”

Rarity paused, a wry smile overtaking her face before she continued.

“There are, of course, more practical considerations: a roof to keep over my head, bills to pay, and my own mouth to feed, just to name a few.”

At this Fluttershy involuntarily twitched, but Rarity did not notice.

“Enough about me, though. I can understand what you’ve been through, and under the circumstances it makes perfect sense that the pressure from others might cause you to feel resentment. Rest assured, though, you can always count on your friends to love and support you regardless of what you do. And, when need be, forgive you,” Rarity added with a smile.

“Thank you so much, Rarity,” Fluttershy offered a timid smile in return.

“I am curious, though. You said you don’t have a ‘proper job.’ If that’s the case, what is the source of your income? I know for a fact you can afford to buy things at the market, but where do you get the money?”

This innocent question immediately wiped the smile off Fluttershy’s face. Just when she thought she was in the clear, too!

“Umm… I get by.”

Rarity pointedly raised an eyebrow.

“Honestly, Fluttershy. If that non-answer was supposed to satisfy my curiosity and keep me from asking further questions, I have to say that it achieved precisely the opposite. Now I really need to know! Are you still doing model work for Photo Finish on the sly, by any chance?”

“Absolutely not!” Fluttershy shook her head emphatically. “I told you I hated being a model, and I meant it. You couldn’t get me to do that job again for all the bits in Equestria! Or even all the bunnies!”

“All right, I hear you. Besides, I suppose if you did something as public as that, you wouldn't likely ever be accused of not having a ‘proper job.’ Well then, do you treat other ponies’ animals when they’re sick or have broken limbs or things like that?”

“Actually, I do make a little bit of money that way. Our local veterinarian is very capable, but there are some ailments even she doesn't know how to treat. Ponies will come to me when they have nowhere else to turn.”

“Even so, that doesn’t sound like enough to live off of.” Rarity put a hoof to her chin, deep in thought. “I’ve got it! You make a living by waiting until everypony’s at work, sneaking into their homes and then burglarizing them!”

Fluttershy let out a squeak at this vile calumny.

“T-That’s ridiculous! I can’t believe you have such a low opinion of me, Rarity!”

“Oh please, darling, that last one was just a joke,” Rarity said in between giggles.

“Okay, you can stop guessing now. I’ll tell you.” Fluttershy’s voice had a note of resignation to it. “My parents still live in Cloudsdale and they’re pretty well off, so they’re able to comfortably send me a certain number of bits each month. That’s where most of my money comes from.”

Rarity’s eyes widened at this unexpected revelation.

“So you mean to tell me,” Rarity spoke slowly, “that your primary income is a monthly stipend you receive from your wealthy parents?”

“Yes.” With her shoulders slumped forward and her head bowed, Fluttershy looked strangely forlorn.

“Well… I certainly didn’t see that one coming. It’s quite a surprise, to be sure, but I don’t understand why you would feel the need to conceal it from me.”

Fluttershy lifted her head, her expression pained.

“If I had mentioned it before, I would have looked even worse for mocking you and Pinkie’s career choices. ‘Fluttershy, the daughter of rich parents, snout turned up at the little ponies who have to work with their hooves or horn for a living!’ My putting you two down sounds bad enough when I’m just somepony who has no job, but when it turns out I’m rich with no job and thinking those things…” Fluttershy broke off, unable to continue.

Rarity gazed at Fluttershy thoughtfully, then spoke.

“As I said before, I can see why you felt anxious. Bringing it up now could have undoubtedly suggested unfortunate implications. However, I must confess I’m disappointed that you haven’t trusted us enough to share these kinds of things any other time before this. I’m glad that you’ve done so now, but still.”

Fluttershy gave a sad nod at this assessment.

“You’re right, Rarity. That’s why I decided to tell you just now. I thought about it as we’ve been talking, and I realized that I’ve gotten myself into two different, unpleasant conversations in just three days that I could have avoided if I had only been more honest and open with you girls. I want to do better, though. I want to actually communicate without hurting others at the same time!”

Fluttershy's voice was suddenly full of determination and her eyes blazed with newfound resolve. Rarity eyed her approvingly.

“Well, Fluttershy, it's a difficult balance to strike, but you know we'll be happy to help you along the way. I can promise you also that however much you’re willing to open up to us, we’ll embrace you that much more in love and acceptance.”

Fluttershy rubbed her eyes a bit with her hoof and smiled softly. “Thanks, Rarity. I'm really looking forward to it.”

“As am I, dear. I’m very glad we had this talk.”

Fluttershy’s smile grew.

“I’m glad I had this talk too, Rarity. Both of them.”