“I need you to fuck me! Now!”

Okay, I’m going to pretend I didn’t hear that. I’m going to pretend I wasn’t tackled upon answering my door. I’m going to pretend a yellow pegasus mare was not standing over me with a fervent yet pleading look in her eyes. And I’m definitely going to pretend that she completely abandoned her shy and timid attitude to say that she wanted me, a human, to have sex with her.

Any second now, I’m going to wake up in my bed, forget this dream, and speak of it to absolutely no one for the rest of my life.

“Come on! Let’s go!”

God damn it.

A little more than one year ago, the line between fantasy and reality was shattered mercilessly when Twilight Sparkle opened up a portal in my television. I spent my vacation in Equestria and one Elemental adventure later I had my own personal abode just outside of Ponyville. On this most disturbing of days I was staying at my Equestrian home on another holiday.

In her ill-placed excitement, Fluttershy left the door to my housing unit open while she attempted to drag me with her teeth towards my bedroom—or couch, or a different spot on the floor, depending on the amount of crazy that had invaded her mind. Still dazed, I pried her mouth off of my shirt, got up, and closed the door. Perhaps she had been outside too long.

“Good idea, we don’t want anypony to see us go at it like rabbits.”

Yeah, way too long.

“Fluttershy?” I said. She sat and looked up at me. At least she was being responsive. “What in Celestia’s name is wrong with you?” Suddenly her pupils dilated and her expression went blank. I waved my hand in front of her face but she didn’t even blink. I was worried she might actually be sick until she shook her head and looked around as if she had just forgotten everything that just happened.

“Where am I? What am I doing here?” Fluttershy asked. Her voice was back to its normal, soft tone.

“Flutters, you just assaulted me, and not in the knife-y way either,” I told her, “You don’t remember that?” She put a hoof to her mouth in shock,

“Oh, my, did I hurt you?”

“Only mentally,” I replied.

“I’m so sorry, but I don’t remember any of it. Did I say anything strange?” I paused. Why would she ask if she said anything strange?

“Yes… you tackled me as soon as I opened my door and said you wanted me to, uh, go to bed with you, except with a harsher choice of vocabulary.” Fluttershy’s cream yellow face dyed itself a deep pink and she squeaked,

“Oh my goodness, it actually worked! Well, sort of.”

“What worked?” I said, “Fluttershy, what’s going on?” The pegasus sighed and flared her wings for a second before resting them again.

“Well, you see, I was trying to find out how to be more outgoing so I checked out a book from Twilight’s library. There was a recipe for a potion that said it would help me with my shyness and even get stallions to notice me, so I brewed it up without a second thought. I didn’t think I’d do anything crazy like, you know…”

“It looks like that little concoction had a memory loss side-effect, too. Maybe we should go see Twilight to make sure you’re all right,” I suggested. Fluttershy nodded her agreement, and we set off to find Ponyville’s resident bookworm princess.

At Twilight’s, we let ourselves in to find the purple alicorn doing what she did best: studying. That, and trying to get her wings under control. The events leading up to Twilight’s princess-hood happened after I left Equestria the first time.

“Hey, Twi. Fluttershy’s horny.” I said bluntly. Twilight looked up and let both her wings flare so her brain could muster enough energy to ensure that I had actually said what I just said.

“Excuse me?” Twilight turned around to face us.

“Well, you see, that book I checked out from you had a potion in it, I kind of made it, drank it, and, um, it made me do weird things.” Fluttershy made intense eye contact with the floor while saying this, face alight with pink. Twilight looked to me for clarification,

“Argent, what the hay is she talking about?”

“I was just relaxing at home when Fluttershy came by. I opened the door and she tackled me, saying she wanted me to… uh… perform an unrepeatable act with her.” Twilight’s eyes widened as she realized what we were implying.

“You guys didn’t actually do it, did you? I mean a pony and a human? Can that even work? I mean, I suppose it technically can, as long as there’s the male—”

“Twilight.” I stopped her. “We didn’t actually do anything. The potion wore off and Fluttershy didn’t remember any of it. We’re just here to make sure she’s okay.”

“Oh! Whew!” Twilight wiped her brow, “For a second there I was really weirded out. Okay, I still am, but less so than before. All right, Fluttershy, let’s take a look at you.” Twilight circled Fluttershy, levitating a clipboard and taking notes as she went.

“You seem to be all right. Where’s the book with the potion I lent you? I want to check one last thing.” Fluttershy dug into her saddlebag and pulled out the book, already marked to the potion in question. Twilight floated it up to her lectern, opened it to the correct page, and read aloud,

“The ‘Whoa Nelly,’ go from shy to sexy in no time at all. With a water base, do the following:
Add salt and mint and dragon’s bell to help yourself come out of your shell.
Combine cinnamon, sugar, and rubies red to have stallions or mares at your stead.
Boil once and stir times three, and after an hour the mix is ready for thee.” Twilight became quiet and continued scanning the page until she reached the bottom, where her eyes widened.

“Fluttershy, did you read the side effects of this thing?” The yellow pegasus averted her gaze and kicked her hoof. Twilight sighed,

“It says here that the potion best be consumed with caution as it can cause minor memory loss!”

“Really? I thought it said that it was the best thing to be consumed to avoid memory loss.” Fluttershy’s genuine look of ignorance prompted Twilight and I to look at her with intense confusion. She glanced at us and said,

“I might need reading glasses.” Twilight returned to the book. After flipping a page, she read for just a second before exclaiming, “Oh, sweet Celestia!”

“What is it?” I asked.

“The side effects continue over here. It says while the potion usually wears off after a few hours it has been documented to cause relapses.”

“What kind of relapses?” I dreaded to ask. As if on cue, Fluttershy answered my question by blanking out, only to return seconds later raising her flank towards me and proclaiming,

“Go ahead! Take me!”

Author's Note

Oddly enough, this was going to be a clop-fic, even though I swore to myself that I would never write one. Then I began writing comedic lines and just couldn't take it down that path anymore, thus keeping my promise intact. It is still labeled mature because of the harsh language and the other sexual themes that will be explored further in the following chapters.