Out of Nowhere

by lifeofthe6

Rating: mature
Tags: Random, Human, Twilight Sparkle, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Fluttershy, Original Character, Sex, Comedy
Length: 4023

Fluttershy, a potion, and a human walk into a bar. Except there's no bar and the potion makes Fluttershy extremely horny and the human (and Twilight) have to fix this before somepony ends up literally screwed.

Peace is shattered once again for Argent Schild as Fluttershy unexpectedly drops in on him at his Ponyville home demanding he... help her. A mysterious potion has caused our favorite yellow pegasus to act quite out of character and she's having a difficult time controlling its effects. Argent and Twilight Sparkle team up to keep Fluttershy out of everyone's metaphorical pants while searching for a cure.

Published 2013-07-13 06:00:02 UTC
Last updated 2013-12-11 04:29:38 UTC

Chapter 1

“I need you to fuck me! Now!”

Okay, I’m going to pretend I didn’t hear that. I’m going to pretend I wasn’t tackled upon answering my door. I’m going to pretend a yellow pegasus mare was not standing over me with a fervent yet pleading look in her eyes. And I’m definitely going to pretend that she completely abandoned her shy and timid attitude to say that she wanted me, a human, to have sex with her.

Any second now, I’m going to wake up in my bed, forget this dream, and speak of it to absolutely no one for the rest of my life.

“Come on! Let’s go!”

God damn it.

A little more than one year ago, the line between fantasy and reality was shattered mercilessly when Twilight Sparkle opened up a portal in my television. I spent my vacation in Equestria and one Elemental adventure later I had my own personal abode just outside of Ponyville. On this most disturbing of days I was staying at my Equestrian home on another holiday.

In her ill-placed excitement, Fluttershy left the door to my housing unit open while she attempted to drag me with her teeth towards my bedroom—or couch, or a different spot on the floor, depending on the amount of crazy that had invaded her mind. Still dazed, I pried her mouth off of my shirt, got up, and closed the door. Perhaps she had been outside too long.

“Good idea, we don’t want anypony to see us go at it like rabbits.”

Yeah, way too long.

“Fluttershy?” I said. She sat and looked up at me. At least she was being responsive. “What in Celestia’s name is wrong with you?” Suddenly her pupils dilated and her expression went blank. I waved my hand in front of her face but she didn’t even blink. I was worried she might actually be sick until she shook her head and looked around as if she had just forgotten everything that just happened.

“Where am I? What am I doing here?” Fluttershy asked. Her voice was back to its normal, soft tone.

“Flutters, you just assaulted me, and not in the knife-y way either,” I told her, “You don’t remember that?” She put a hoof to her mouth in shock,

“Oh, my, did I hurt you?”

“Only mentally,” I replied.

“I’m so sorry, but I don’t remember any of it. Did I say anything strange?” I paused. Why would she ask if she said anything strange?

“Yes… you tackled me as soon as I opened my door and said you wanted me to, uh, go to bed with you, except with a harsher choice of vocabulary.” Fluttershy’s cream yellow face dyed itself a deep pink and she squeaked,

“Oh my goodness, it actually worked! Well, sort of.”

“What worked?” I said, “Fluttershy, what’s going on?” The pegasus sighed and flared her wings for a second before resting them again.

“Well, you see, I was trying to find out how to be more outgoing so I checked out a book from Twilight’s library. There was a recipe for a potion that said it would help me with my shyness and even get stallions to notice me, so I brewed it up without a second thought. I didn’t think I’d do anything crazy like, you know…”

“It looks like that little concoction had a memory loss side-effect, too. Maybe we should go see Twilight to make sure you’re all right,” I suggested. Fluttershy nodded her agreement, and we set off to find Ponyville’s resident bookworm princess.

At Twilight’s, we let ourselves in to find the purple alicorn doing what she did best: studying. That, and trying to get her wings under control. The events leading up to Twilight’s princess-hood happened after I left Equestria the first time.

“Hey, Twi. Fluttershy’s horny.” I said bluntly. Twilight looked up and let both her wings flare so her brain could muster enough energy to ensure that I had actually said what I just said.

“Excuse me?” Twilight turned around to face us.

“Well, you see, that book I checked out from you had a potion in it, I kind of made it, drank it, and, um, it made me do weird things.” Fluttershy made intense eye contact with the floor while saying this, face alight with pink. Twilight looked to me for clarification,

“Argent, what the hay is she talking about?”

“I was just relaxing at home when Fluttershy came by. I opened the door and she tackled me, saying she wanted me to… uh… perform an unrepeatable act with her.” Twilight’s eyes widened as she realized what we were implying.

“You guys didn’t actually do it, did you? I mean a pony and a human? Can that even work? I mean, I suppose it technically can, as long as there’s the male—”

“Twilight.” I stopped her. “We didn’t actually do anything. The potion wore off and Fluttershy didn’t remember any of it. We’re just here to make sure she’s okay.”

“Oh! Whew!” Twilight wiped her brow, “For a second there I was really weirded out. Okay, I still am, but less so than before. All right, Fluttershy, let’s take a look at you.” Twilight circled Fluttershy, levitating a clipboard and taking notes as she went.

“You seem to be all right. Where’s the book with the potion I lent you? I want to check one last thing.” Fluttershy dug into her saddlebag and pulled out the book, already marked to the potion in question. Twilight floated it up to her lectern, opened it to the correct page, and read aloud,

“The ‘Whoa Nelly,’ go from shy to sexy in no time at all. With a water base, do the following:
Add salt and mint and dragon’s bell to help yourself come out of your shell.
Combine cinnamon, sugar, and rubies red to have stallions or mares at your stead.
Boil once and stir times three, and after an hour the mix is ready for thee.” Twilight became quiet and continued scanning the page until she reached the bottom, where her eyes widened.

“Fluttershy, did you read the side effects of this thing?” The yellow pegasus averted her gaze and kicked her hoof. Twilight sighed,

“It says here that the potion best be consumed with caution as it can cause minor memory loss!”

“Really? I thought it said that it was the best thing to be consumed to avoid memory loss.” Fluttershy’s genuine look of ignorance prompted Twilight and I to look at her with intense confusion. She glanced at us and said,

“I might need reading glasses.” Twilight returned to the book. After flipping a page, she read for just a second before exclaiming, “Oh, sweet Celestia!”

“What is it?” I asked.

“The side effects continue over here. It says while the potion usually wears off after a few hours it has been documented to cause relapses.”

“What kind of relapses?” I dreaded to ask. As if on cue, Fluttershy answered my question by blanking out, only to return seconds later raising her flank towards me and proclaiming,

“Go ahead! Take me!”

Author's Note

Oddly enough, this was going to be a clop-fic, even though I swore to myself that I would never write one. Then I began writing comedic lines and just couldn't take it down that path anymore, thus keeping my promise intact. It is still labeled mature because of the harsh language and the other sexual themes that will be explored further in the following chapters.

Chapter 2

“Don’t be shy—fill me up like you mean it!” I had to push Fluttershy away multiple times before Twilight finally managed to restrain her with a spell.

“Fluttershy, we’d like it if you would be shy again, if that’s not too much trouble.” Twilight sighed.
Breathing heavily, the yellow pegasus surveyed her surroundings.

“Ooh, I like how you’ve got me held up like this, Twilight. I didn’t think you’d be into this type of play, and it’s a threesome, to boot.” she licked her lips, sending shivers down both of our spines.

“All right, I’ve had enough of this. We’ve got to get this potion out of her system,” I said.

“Agreed,” Twilight nodded, “The book didn’t say how long these relapses were supposed to last, so we’ll have to assume she’ll be going in and out of the effects indefinitely.”

“In and out? I like the sound of that,” Fluttershy said.

“Is there anything in there about stopping this?” I asked.

“Hmm, not on this page, but…” Twilight flipped through the book backwards and forwards multiple times, “Ah-ha! Here it is!” Twilight levitated the book over to me, as if I could read Equestrian.

“It’s been Equestrian law for hundreds of years that potion anthologies like this one include a cure-all or cleansing potion for cases just like this one.” Something dripped on the floor, a sound shortly accompanied by a soft moan—we didn’t have the heart to look.

“Okay, maybe not just like this one, but you get my point.” I looked at the pictures on the page Twilight showed me,

“So it looks like we’re going on an ingredient hunt,” I glanced over at Fluttershy, who promptly flared her wings and winked at me, “Should we lock Fluttershy in here while we go get everything?”

“We can’t risk her getting out and, uh, doing everypony, so she’s going to have to come with us.”

“Please don’t say come.”

“I want to cum with you guys, too!”

“Oh, man, I heard how she spelled it!” I slapped my forehead. Twilight undid her restraint spell, but before Fluttershy could make any more advances she was enclosed by a magic bubble, which she licked in an attempt to get at the purple princess.

“I forgot you could do that,” I said.

“I have to keep her contained somehow,” Twilight shrugged. The three of us set out, Fluttershy afloat in her anti-sex sphere, toward the town square where the first of our ingredients awaited us. While we expected ponies to look at us while we were out, seeing as we had a captive with us, we didn’t expect said captive to treat it like one of those cages you see at some of the darker clubs of Manehattan. Fluttershy shook around and rubbed her flank against the sides of the bubble for all to see, taunting just about everypony, mare or stallion, as we went. I’m pretty sure she was in violation of some sort of law. In a society where clothes aren’t the norm, a certain amount of decorum must be expected regarding such actions—an amount the Element of Kindness (or too much kindness) currently had a severe deficiency of.

We finally arrived at Berry Punch’s fruit stand after about the twenty-fourth “fifth-leg” joke.

“Hey, Princess. Hey, human guy. What up with the bubble?” Berry leaned on her counter, a mixed look of bemusement and confusion splayed across her face.

“Fluttershy’s… out of sorts because of a potion. We’re here to pick some things up for a cleanser,” I explained. Berry looked up at Fluttershy, the latter of whom stood on her hind legs, licked her hoof and pointed downward while biting her lip. The earth pony began laughing hysterically, pounding her hoof on the table.

“Hahaha! She looks worse than that time I downed a keg of the Apples’ aged cider! I knew booze could make some ponies loose, but if a potion did that to her? I’ve been drinking the wrong stuff when I want a quick one!” Twilight groaned,

“Look, Berry, we just need everything you have that’s full of anti-oxidants. Raspberries and cranberries would be preferable.”

“Just take what you need,” Berry wiped a tear, “Seeing shy lil’ Fluttershy act like that for a couple minutes is payment enough.” As we walked away we realized that our passenger had been quiet for a time now. Looking back, we saw that the blank expression had returned, and seconds later the real Fluttershy’s personality took hold,

“Wha-where am I? What happened?” She looked at Twilight and I for answers, but our tired faces said everything. “Oh, dear. Did I do weird things again? I’m sorry… Could you let me out of this bubble, though?”

“No can do, Flutters. There’s no telling when the potion will take hold of you again. That’s why you’re with us while we get what we need for your counter-potion.” I told her.

“Oh…” Fluttershy appeared dejected. She turned toward Berry Punch’s stall, who mimicked her earlier gesture, causing her to blush intensely. Berry resumed laughing. “What’s so funny?” Fluttershy asked.

“Nothing, Fluttershy,” Twilight interrupted Berry before she could ruin any of Fluttershy’s actual innocence, “Now let’s get to Sweet Apple Acres. Applejack has what we need next.”

“So that potion she made is makin’ her act hornier n’ a colt on his first day of puberty?” Applejack asked.

We stared at her for a second.

“Ah ain’t great at makin’ those up all the time. Anyways, what do y’all need from me?”

“Apple tree bark,” Twilight said plainly.

“Mah cousin? I know Fluttershy’s live n’ all, but A-Bark’s the kind o’ stallion that gets in trouble for hangin’ around schoolyards an—”

“No, not that one. I mean actual bark from an apple tree. The specific properties of the fibrous filaments in the bark of an apple tree are key in the cure-all potion we need for Fluttershy.”

“Right, ah knew that,” Applejack scrunched her face and shifted her eyes. “Follow me, we’ve been savin’ a bunch o’ bark fer kindlin’ in winter. Ah can give y’all some.”

“Um, it’s not gonna be like the time Pinkie’s rock cakes blocked twenty ponies up for a week and Nurse Redheart had to make them eat extra-fiber oats, is it? There’s still blood on some of the sheets at the hospital and I don’t want any part of that.” A bout of silence rolled through the barn.

“And this is why I don’t live in Ponyville,” I said.

“To answer your question, no. The bark will dissolve in the mixture, but the cleansing properties will remain.”

Applejack led us to the barn and Twilight and I each took a mouthful of the aromatic wood and placed it in our saddlebags. As we left Sweet Apple Acres, Applejack called to us,

“Good luck, y’all! Glad I could be of some assistance.”

“I’ve got something you can assist with, babe.” Oh, dear. Fluttershy had lapsed back into the potion’s effects.

“This can’t end soon enough,” Twilight sighed. I nodded my agreement. It seemed the worst of it was behind us as we had two of the three necessary ingredients for the counter-potion, but little did we know our crusade was about to get a lot… harder.

Author's Note

As I was going through this chapter I realized my OC Argent is totally unnecessary in this story. I can't totally take him out, though, as he has already been established in the first chapter, so his role has been downplayed to that of an active observer/support role for Twilight rather than a central character.

Chapter 3

I came. I didn’t want to, but I had to, and apparently Fluttershy’s potion also imbued her with the skill to perform the best—and only, pony blowjob I’ve ever had. I prefer to go with that explanation because the alternative was that she was always that good at fellatio. I apologized in my head to the two or three human girls who had given me one before, as they had just gotten outdone by a flying pony. This speculation only reached my thoughts after the emotional trauma of having been forced into bestiality by a pegasus high on the weirdest aphrodisiac anyone has ever seen.

Perhaps I should go back a in time a bit. It’s easy to get ahead of myself when trying to rush through the most awkward time I’ve ever been aroused.

Twilight and I were still dragging Fluttershy along in her magic bubble as we scoured Ponyville for the last ingredient we needed for the cure-all that would finally return this butterfly-butt back to her normal self.

“We need WHAT!?” I yelled, startling nearby birds.

“Stop being so loud,” Twilight rubbed her ears, “I just said the last ingredient is called ‘seedomale’, but I’ve never heard of any plant or fruit like that. The book says we need it fresh, too.”

“That’s because it’s not a fruit. You need to break down the word. Seedomale,” I said, hoping Twilight would understand. A raised eyebrow told me she was still drawing a blank.

“Seedomale,” I repeated, “Seed o’ male. Seed of male. The seed of a male. The last ingredient is some guy’s jizz!” Fluttershy smirked, and Twilight’s face contorted into one of pure disgust.

“Sweet Celestia, you’ve got to be kidding me! She’s got to drink that?”

“You told me that the book said the last ingredient in any cure-all potion is related to the potion it’s countering. Well, that happens to be the ingredient specific to the Whoa Nelly.”

“Well I’d like to know what stallion would be crazy enough to just give us some.” Twilight said.

“I wouldn’t.” I retorted.

“Who says it’s got to come from a pony?” Fluttershy spoke up. She appeared to be enjoying watching Twilight and I retch at our revelation of what the last ingredient was.

“Oh, no,” I waved my hands, sensing where this was going, “Someone else is gonna do this one. I couldn’t even think of doing anything like that here in Equestria.”

“You don’t have to have sex with anypony,” Twilight pointed out, “You can, y’know, get it out yourself, right?”

“True, but I couldn’t even think of pleasuring myself in a land full of ponies. It would be all I could think about!”

“Then go ahead and think about it,” Fluttershy licked her lips, “If you can’t do it, I will.” As uncomfortable as it made both Twilight and I, the three of us knew this was happening one way or another,

“Let’s go back to the library,” Twilight sighed, “I’ll get the brew going in the basement while you two… get to know each other.”

We returned to the Ponyville library where Twilight sent Spike away on a very long list of menial tasks to avoid any unnecessary awkward conversations. She retrieved a cauldron from storage and levitated it downstairs with the rest of the ingredients, save for the one still dormant in my loins. Wordlessly she smirked as she disappeared into the basement.

Yeah, just wait until you have to jack a guy off to save Equestria or something, princess, I thought. I was so distracted I had forgotten that Fluttershy had been released from her bubble and wasted no time getting at my pants the second Twilight’s tail was out of sight.

“Let’s see what we’re working with here,” Fluttershy said, undoing the button on my fly and unzipping it with dexterity I didn’t think was possible with hooves. Of course, I was flaccid. Zero action was happening down below, which seemed to disappoint the out-of-her-mind yellow pegasus for a brief moment.

“I sure hope you’re a grower,” she chortled in her small voice.

“Quiet, you,” I quipped right back. Fluttershy got to work. I was expecting hooves to be remarkably uncomfortable handling my junk, but as she began to stroke I noticed they were surprisingly soft. Soft and smooth. In my confusion I guessed that pony hooves were selectively hard, soft, dexterous, or rigid, depending on what the task at hand was. If only I could say the same about my penis.

No, it wasn’t unresponsive—on the contrary. The sensation of Fluttershy’s hooves got me pretty hard nearly instantly. Whatever she was doing, she knew how to do it well. For the sake of the little remaining innocence I attributed to this world, I hoped that this skill came from the effects of the potion and not Fluttershy’s prior experience. In retrospect, even if it was the potion that made her a sex-expert, it would still crush the innocence in the fact that a potion that made you awesome at sex existed in Equestria.

As if in attempt to rein in a beast that had suddenly awoken, Fluttershy took my member with both hooves to steady it, and immediately plunged her mouth over it.

“Holy crap!” I gasped, a cry that only got Fluttershy’s attention enough to look up at me, see that she was apparently doing a good job, and then work harder at her task. I would be lying if I said that I didn’t try to hold it in longer just to experience Fluttershy’s tongue and hooves for just a moment more. And one moment more did I last. Fluttershy used her mouth as a receptacle for my cum before then depositing it in the beaker that Twilight had set aside earlier. She got a stray drop for herself before licking her lips again and declaring,

“Now that wasn’t so bad, was it?” I could only nod in response. We took the beaker down to Twilight who was stirring the brew. She looked up and saw that the extraction was successful,

“Ew,” she said, “All right, go ahead and pour it in. It should react right away and turn white.”

“Really? White?”

“Hey, I didn’t write the recipe.” Fluttershy had almost taken a sip of our last ingredient before I snatched the beaker away from her and poured its contents into the mix. The liquid bubbled and steamed for a moment before resting in a milky white color, like Twilight had said. The alicorn then levitated an empty bottle and scooped some of the antidote out of the cauldron and floated it over to Fluttershy.

“Drink up,” I said, “I’m sure I’m not the only one who wants the old you back as soon as possible.”

“But I’m not thirsty,” Fluttershy said smarmily, knowing full well we knew what she was referring to.

“DRINK.” Twilight demanded. Fluttershy downed the bottle in one gulp and promptly collapsed. Assured that the antidote had done its work, Twilight and I sighed the biggest sigh of the day. After a short silence,

“You mouth-fucked a pony—”

“Shut up.”

The Element of Kindness was out for most of the evening. Luna’s moon was high in the sky by the time she came to. Twilight and I were reading by candlelight waiting for her to awake.

“What happened? Am I cured?” Fluttershy asked.

“I’m pretty sure you are,” Twilight assured her, “Why not have Argent take you home? You two are so close, after all.”

“What does she mean by—”

“Nothing, Flutters. Let’s go.” I quickly whisked her out of the house.

Our commute back to Fluttershy’s cottage was mainly silent. The occasional night-strolling pony would say hi. Berry Punch stumbled out of a bar we passed only to start laughing hysterically when she spotted Fluttershy. A few fireflies distracted us as we passed the creek coming up to her place.

“I’m so, so sorry for causing you so much trouble today, Argent. I hope you can forgive me,” Fluttershy spoke up as we arrived at her door.

“Hey, we do things we regret sometimes. The best thing we can do about them is learn from our mistakes so we don’t do them again. Or at least research potions more before we make them,” I shrugged. Fluttershy nodded and pushed open her door.

“Oh, Argent? You know how I was going in and out of being myself and the, uh, ‘other’ me?” I nodded.

“Well, I do remember some of the stuff that happened and, uh, when we were at Twilight’s earlier, well… Let’s just say there was a point where I was more myself than you thought I was. Goodnight!” The door slammed, and I stood as still as the creek for a good ten minutes contemplating my day.

“I think I’ll stay away from Equestria for a while.”

END.

Author's Note

Argent saves the day! Kind of... Y-yay...?