The wall-eyed mare

by Andrew Stillnight

Rating: teen
Tags: Slice of Life, Sad, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Derpy Hooves
Length: 4367

Life through the eyes of an autistic filly Derpy.

A story about Derpy and how she tries to grow up around ponies that don't understand her. The first few chapters will be innocent, so to speak, but as she grows older, the events in the story will become more severe, and so the age rating will go up. Inspired by Call her Derpy by Serendipity-Kitty

Notice: I have not abandoned this story, in case any of you thought I had. I'm just busy with school at the moment, but I promise you, Chapter 3 will be out soon. Valve time.

Published 2013-07-14 01:50:01 UTC
Last updated 2013-11-14 20:13:33 UTC

Chapter 1: Stupid Eyes

A young filly was trying her best to pay attention in class. Miss Sunrise was writing math problems on the blackboard. She tried to focus her eyes on the digits, but every time she did, the digits would run away from her, to the other side of the blackboard. She bit the tip of her tongue, trying as hard as she could to add the digits together. One of them looked like a long line with a little dash on the top. She thought very hard, and decided that number was “one”. She copied the line-and-dash onto her notes, and moved on to the next digit. This time, it was one vertical dash, coupled with a horizontal dash. She knew that one! It meant “plus”. Happy with her progress, she wrote down “plus” on her paper. The next number was hard. It was very wiggly, full of twists and turns. She focused all her attention on it, and after a few seconds, she recognized the number from her books – it meant “eight”! She tried to copy the squiggly lines onto her notes, but the lines wouldn’t work along. Her pencil started moving on its own, drawing something that wasn’t an eight. Stupid not-eight. She turned her pencil around, erased the not-eight and tried again. Start from the top, then make a small turn to the left, then go down and make a turn to the right and then connect the dots at the top! She bit the tip of her tongue again and the moment she saw the dots connect, she let out a little squeal of joy.
Suddenly, something nudged against her seat. She turned around, looking at the back of her seat. There was nothing there. She touched it to make sure. Yep. Nothing there. When she turned around again and wrote the “equals” symbol, she felt it again. A little nudge against her seat. She almost ruined her “equals” symbol! She turned around once more, and saw the foal behind her, a blue Pegasus called Cloudwings pull back his hoof. She looked at him angrily and pointed her hoof at him.
“You nudged my seat!” she said, but it sounded more like who-udge-my-eat. As the little filly finished talking, miss Sunrise overheard her, and turned around.
“What’s wrong, Derpy?” miss Sunrise asked
“He kicked my seat!” she said, struggling with the words. What she actually said sounded nothing like what she wanted to say.
“What did he do, dear?”
“He kicked my seat! I was doing a math problem and he kicked my seat!”
Once again the words wouldn’t come out right.
“Is that so, dear? Well, just try again! I’m sure it’ll work this time.” Miss Sunrise said.
“But miss Sunrise, he kicked my seat! I’m trying my best here, but he keeps kicking my seat!” Derpy said, or so she thought. She didn’t actually say anything – she just felt scared and went quiet, turning around to work on her math problem again. Okay. The line with the dash plus the wiggly thing equals… Equals… Derpy thought really hard, but she couldn’t find the answer. She closed her eyes and put her right hoof against the side of her head. She liked that. It helped her think. She sat like that for a couple seconds when the lines and dashes changed shape, forming a new line she recognized as “nine”. She opened her eyes, and put her pencil to the paper when her seat shot forward again. She didn’t respond this time, hoping Cloudwings would just leave her alone. She tried to write the digit again, but realized she had forgotten it. Her eye got wet and her chest hurt. A tear rolled down her cheek.
She didn’t understand why every foal she knew was so mean to her. They always called her names, and threw her books away and laughed at her and it really hurt. She’d never done anything wrong to them, had she? Why couldn’t those meanies just leave her alone? The tear fell off her cheek and landed on her paper, messing up what she’d written on it so carefully. She could feel the tears coming up inside her, looking for a way out through her eyes. Don’t come out, please! They’ll just laugh at me again. I don’t want them to laugh at me.
“Children!” Miss Sunrise said. Derpy looked up, biting her lip and trying her hardest not to cry.
“I’ve got to go talk to mister Windrunner for a moment. Cloudwings, could you come here, please?”
Cloudwings wasted no time in running up to miss Sunrise.
“Cloudwings, I want you to write the names of everypony who was bad on the blackboard while I’m away. Can you do that for me?” she asked.
“Yes, miss Sunrise, I will! I’ll do it good, I promise!” Cloudwings said happily.
“I know you will, dear. Now, be good everyone, I won’t be long!” miss Sunrise said before disappearing through into the hallway.

“Hey, Derpy.” Cloudwings said.
Derpy looked at Cloudwings, still biting her lip.
“You’re stupid. Your eyes are weird.”
Derpy bit her lip again, trying her hardest not to cry.
“Why are your eyes weird, Derpy?” he said. More tears tried to force their way through her eyes, but Derpy pushed them back.
“I don’t know…” she said, but the words sounded strange again.
“Can’t you talk normal?” Cloudwings teased.
“Why can’t you talk normal, Derpy? Is it because you’re stupid?” he said. Each word hit Derpy as if it were an arrow striking at her heart.
“I don’t know…” she said again, her voice fading into a whisper.
“Leave me alone!”
“Talk normal, Derpy! We don’t know what you’re saying if you talk stupid.” Cloudwings said. Derpy couldn’t take it anymore, and she burst out into tears. Her cries were met with laughter by her classmates.
“Stupid eyes, stupid eyes, stupid eyes!” they shouted at her.
“My eyes are not stupid!” she said, but her tongue started hurting halfway through the sentence, so she messed it up again.
“Stupid eyes!”
Derpy closed her eyes and put her hoof to the side of her head, trying to shut out the voices. It didn’t work.

Author's Note

So there we go. Let me know what you think guys!

Update: I've decided I'll turn it into a full-fledged fic. Thanks for the feedback so far, everyone!

Chapter 2: Muffin

Derpy was sat on her bedroom floor with a puzzle. Mummy had given her weirdly shaped blocks and a box to put them in, but no matter how much she tried, she couldn’t get the blocks to fit into the box. The box had a lot of funny holes in it, too. There was a square hole and a triangle hole. There was a star hole too! Derpy liked the holes. She liked to run her hoof around their edges and feel them.
And then there were the blocks. All sorts of long, weird-looking blocks. There was one that kind of looked like a long square. She tried to put it into the box, but no matter what she tried, it didn’t fit in any of the holes. She’d tried to put it in sideways and diagonally, but nothing worked. So Derpy didn’t play with the blocks anymore, they didn’t like her so she didn’t like them. The box was nice to her. The box didn’t try to make her think so hard. Derpy played with the box, just feeling the edges and seeing the shapes in her mind. She started with the round one – circle, she thought it was called. As she moved her hoof around, the circle started to take shape inside her head too. It was green on the inside and blue on the outside. When the circle was finished, she grabbed it with her mind and put it aside.
She moved her hoof towards the next hole. Four lines, about equal in length with sharp corners. Derpy thought for a moment, but couldn’t think of the name for the hole so she just kept touching the edge some more to see it in her head. A bright spark drew the lines for her, and she connected them with her mind. The shape was yellow and brown with a pulsating red edge. She put it next to the circle and moved on to the next shape.
This one consisted of three lines – two long ones and a shorter one. Derpy knew this was called a triangle. She felt around the edges again, and the triangle started taking shape in her mind too. The triangle was magnificent – instead of just being a single, flat colour, the triangle looked like a rainbow seen through a diamond. The edge constantly changed colours through the rainbow as well, but it was never the same as the inside of the triangle. She looked at it, intrigued. After a few seconds, she reached out to touch it. The second her hoof connected to the triangle, it exploded into a million tiny, razor sharp slivers of glass that flung at her head and hit her ear and it screeched and it hurt and it wouldn’t stop the hurting in her ears she couldn’t take it it hurt it hurt it hurt so bad why wouldn’t it stop? Derpy covered her ears with her hooves, trying as hard as she could to stop the screeching but it just kept going. She cried for what felt like hours and suddenly, the screeching was gone and she felt something warm holding her. She knew that smell – it was mommy’s smell. Derpy liked mommy’s smell. She smelled safe. She stopped crying.
“Hello mommy.” She said, but the words came out wrong once again.
“It’s alright, sweetie, you’re going to be okay. Mommy’s here, don’t worry.”
She heard what mommy said, but she had no idea what mommy was talking about. She wasn’t worried – how could she be worried when mommy held her? Mommy was silly like that. Derpy burrowed her muzzle into mommy’s coat and felt the night ponies gently tugging at her eyelids.

***

“I don’t know what to do, Cloudwatcher. It seems like she’s just getting worse every day.” Mommy said to the funny man.
“Yesterday she was just sitting there, just… touching the edges on the box when she completely freaked out because a dog was howling in the streets. She screamed like I’d never heard her scream before – I was so scared.”
Derpy didn’t understand what mommy was talking about now. She understood some words – Cloudwatcher, the funny man that came to talk to her sometimes. Dog, an animal mommy didn’t like. Scared. How Derpy felt all the time. The funny man said something, but it was too quiet for Derpy to hear. After that, he came towards her and squatted in front of her.
“Hey there, bubble butt.” He said. Bubble butt. That’s what the funny man always called her, because she had a hard time sitting still.
“Hey there, mister! How are you doing today? I’m doing great!” Derpy wanted to say. But again, the words played with her tongue, making them all jumbled so that they sounded like nonsense.
“Are you feeling okay?” he said. Derpy nodded – if she told him, the words would just play with her tongue again.
“Would you like to play with the box, Derpy?” the funny man asked. Derpy nodded again. The funny man smiled.
“Alright then, I’ll be right back.” He said. He stood up, walked towards the door and disappeared. Derpy felt sad. She didn’t want the funny man to disappear. He was nice to her.
“Mommy?” she asked.
“Yes, sweetie?” her mother answered.
“Where did the funny man go?” she asked her. It sounded more like “where funny man”.
“Mister Cloudwatcher went to get your box. He’ll be back soon.”
“Oh.” Derpy said. She didn’t quite understand it, but she trusted her mother. She sat down and looked outside the window. A bird sat on the windowsill. It hopped around for a bit, turning its head fast, like birds do. It looked at Derpy. She looked back.
“Hello, mister bird.” She said. The bird didn’t say anything back. Rather, it just hopped around some more and flew away when the door opened again.
“Here you go, Derpy.” A voice said. Derpy thought for a second. That was the funny man’s voice! She turned around and saw the funny man holding the box with the weird-shaped blocks. He put it down in front of her, and took one of the blocks.
“See this, Derpy?” he asked her. Derpy nodded.
“Can you tell me what shape this is?”
Derpy looked at the block. It was green, with three edges. She held out her hoof, and the funny man gave it to her. She felt around the edges for a moment, and realized she was holding the triangle again.
“Triangle.” She told him.
“Very good, Derpy!” the funny man said happily.
“Now, can you tell me what this is?” he asked, as he gave her another block. Derpy felt the edges of the block again. This one was very strange. It had a lot of edges, and five sharp corners. Derpy ran her hoof around the edges. The shape started showing itself inside her head again. It looked very familiar, but Derpy couldn’t place it. Five sharp corners. A lot of edges. Five sharp corners with a lot of edges. Derpy thought and thought, but it was no good. And then, she realized where she’d seen it before. She held the block up to the window and stared outside for a second.
“Star.” She said with a big smile.
“Good job, Derpy! You found a new one!” the funny man said. Derpy smiled a lot that day.

***

Mommy had put Derpy on her back, and was walking her home. Derpy had found two new shapes today – star and square. Mommy sung a bit while she was walking, and Derpy felt fuzzy inside. She liked this a lot. Suddenly, something darted away from them and hid behind some trashcans. Derpy cocked her head and looked at the funny thing. She climbed off of her mothers’ back.
“Derpy? What are you doing, sweetie?” mommy asked. Derpy didn’t answer. Instead, she kept looking at the weird little fluffy ball. She walked closer to the trashcans and kneeled to see what it was. She reached out and took a hold of the furry ball. She held it to her chest, and felt its fast, jagged breath.
“Look, mommy.” She said, holding out the furry thing.
“Oh? You found a kitty, Derpy?” mommy asked. Derpy looked at the fluffy thing.
“Kitty?” she asked.
“That little thing you’re holding. That’s a kitty, Derpy.”
“Kitty…” she said, looking at it.
“Do you want to take it home, Derpy?” mommy asked her. Derpy looked at the warm fluffy ball. No, at the warm fluffy kitty.
“Yes, I do.” She said.
“Okay then, give it to me a moment. I’ll see if it doesn’t belong to anypony else.”
Derpy held out the kitty and mommy took it. She looked at it for a while and handed it back to Derpy.
“Looks like it’s okay, sweetie.” She said. Derpy’s heart jumped.
“Would you like to give it a name?” asked mommy.
“A name?” Derpy asked.
“Yes.” She said. Derpy thought very hard. She liked this fluffy kitty. It had the same colour as that thing mommy bakes that she liked very much. What was it called again? She thought some more, until her eyes lit up.
“Muffin.” Derpy said.
“I’ll call him Muffin.”

Author's Note

And so we see the introduction of Derpy's pet, Muffin! As always, let me know what you guys think, and if you'd like to make a suggestion to the story, please don't hesitate to make a post about it! I'll see what I can do for it. I hope you liked the second chapter!

Chapter 3: Of Muffins and Shapes

Three weeks later
A kitten laid asleep on the windowsill. The sun gently caressed it with it’s warm rays, and it purred of contentment. Derpy sat in front of it, watching its belly gently rise up and fall with each rapid breath it took. She watched as its tiny cat nose wrinkled up every now and then. The kitten yawned, stretched and curled itself back up, tucking its fluffy little tail beneath its chin. Derpy watched the kitty. The soft creaking of a door slowly opening sounded through the room and a shadow crept onto the floor, up the walls. Derpy ignored it. She was looking at Muffin. Muffin the cat. A hoof gently touched her shoulder, and Derpy flinched.
“Sshh…” a soothing voice said.
“It’s okay, sweetie, it’s just mommy.” The sultry voice continued. Derpy calmed down.
“Hello mommy.” She said. Then she looked at Muffin again.
“Muffin looks pretty.” She said after a few moments. She heard mommy gasp, after which she went quiet for a moment.
“Yes… She does, doesn’t she?” mommy said.
“She’s very pretty.” Derpy said, after which Mommy gently pulled Derpy closer to her and into a warm embrace. Derpy smelled mommy’s scent and suddenly felt very tired. She looked up at mommy’s face and felt something wet fall on her forehead. Mommy’s cheek was shiny. Derpy felt her eyes slide shut, until she quietly fell asleep to mommy’s odd breaths.

***
“It’s incredible, Cloudwatcher! She talked to me and I didn’t even ask her anything!”
“Calm down, Midnight. What’d she say?”
“She said Muffin looks pretty. I didn’t ask her anything, she just said Muffin looks pretty! Ever since I let her have that kitten, she’s changed. She’s getting better at talking, she seems calmer, she even starts playing with it! She never did anything, other than just sitting around! And now she’s talking! She’s talking, Cloudwatcher! Like, actual conversation talking! ” Midnight Melody rambled.
Mommy was talking to the funny man. Her cheeks looked shiny again. Derpy sat on the floor with the box she had to put the shapes in. The funny man didn’t say anything for a while. Then, suddenly, he asked if Derpy wanted to play with the box.
“Yes.” Derpy said.
“Alright then.” The funny man answered. He sat down in front of Derpy and grabbed one of the shapes, holding it out.
“Can you tell me what this is, Derpy?” he asked. Derpy reached out and took the shape. She looked at it for a couple seconds.
“Square.” She said.
“That’s right! Good job! Now, how about this one?” the funny man said, as he chose another shape. Derpy took it again, and stared at it for a few moments. She touched the edges of the shape, and saw it in her head.
“Star.”
“You’re absolutely right, Derpy! Okay, one more, alright?” the funny man asked. Derpy thought for a moment. One… One wasn’t that much. She nodded. The funny man took another shape, and once again handed it to Derpy. She took it out of his hoof and looked at it for a moment. She touched the edges for a while, waiting for the shape in her head to finish. It had four lines, two long ones and two short ones. It kind of looked like a square, but it wasn’t.
“Not square.” She said. The funny man said it wasn’t a square indeed. Derpy played with the image in her mind for a bit longer, until she remembered.
“A rectangle.” She said. The funny man didn’t answer for a few moments.
“Well done, Derpy! Well done! Okay, you can go play again now.” He eventually said. The funny man stood up and walked back to mommy.
“This is remarkable. How long has she had that kitten?” he asked.
“About a month now.” Mommy answered.
“And when did you first notice her behavior starting to change?”
“Three weeks ago. I came into the room, and instead of sitting around, she was playing with Muffin.” Mommy said.
“Muffin is pretty.” Derpy said. Mommy and the funny man didn’t answer.
“It’s not unprecedented for autistic foals to improve once they get a companion pet, but this is remarkably fast. And I’m sorry, but I’ve got another appointment. But, your daughter is exceptional, Midnight. She really is.”

Author's Note

Well then, a short, yet significant chapter. I didn't really know what to do with this, but I think it turned out quite nice. As you'll probably realise by now, Muffin will play a significant part in the story.

In other news, I apologise for how long this chapter took. I've been crazy busy lately. Also, sorry it's so short - I'd have made it longer, but I simply don't have the time.

Anyway, I hope you enjoyed! Don't forget to let me know what you think, and feel free to message me if you have any ideas or suggestions for the story!

Oh, one more thing - I'm looking for someone who can proofread new chapters when I write them. I only need ONE person for this, so if any of you feel like you'd like to contribute, send me a message and I'll get back to you as soon as I can!

-A.S.

Chapter 4: Blue Rectangles and Red Circles

“Bye mommy” Derpy said as Mommy dropped her off at school. Mommy smiled.
“Bye, sweetie. Have fun, okay?” said Mommy.
“That won’t be a problem, will it, Derpy?” Miss Sunrise asked. She took hold of Derpy’s hoof. Derpy didn’t like it. Miss Sunrise smelled weird. Mommy didn’t. Mommy smelled nice. Calm. Derpy liked Mommy’s scent. Miss Sunrise smelled scary. Chaotic. Mommy smiled. Derpy liked it when Mommy smiled.
“I’ll see you tonight, alright, sweetheart?” she said. She stood up, turned around and walked outside of the school playground, through the gates and onto the streets.
“Bye Mommy.” Derpy said as Mommy disappeared behind the school building. Miss Sunrise let go of her hand and walked away, into the principal’s office. Derpy didn’t follow. She didn’t care. Miss Sunrise smelled weird. Derpy looked at the gate. It was blue. It was long and blue. Derpy thought for a bit. She knew that shape… Four corners. Two short edges. Two long edges. A wheel on the lower long edge. That wasn’t supposed to be there, so she thought of the shape without the wheel. She thought really hard and finally, it came to her. Rectangle. Derpy smiled. She felt so proud of herself! Mommy would be happy to hear that she’d seen a big blue rectangle. She might even make muffins! Derpy let out a little squeal of joy.
“What’re you laughing about, stupid eyes?” A voice came from behind. Derpy turned around and looked at Eric’s torso. She froze for a few seconds, until she hesitantly pointed at the gate.
“Rectangle.” She said.
“Wow, that’s great!” Eric answered with a smile. Derpy tried to smile a little bit too. Eric wasn’t being mean to her, so she was sure it was okay.
“Thank you.” She said.
“No problem! I mean, now we know it’s not just your eyes that are stupid, it’s your entire head!” Eric replied, laughing. Derpy wasn’t smiling anymore. She felt sad again. Eric walked over to her and pushed her really hard. Derpy’s legs got tangled and she fell over and she felt a sharp pain in her lower right front hoof and it hurt it hurt it hurt so bad and she wanted to cry but they’d just laugh again and it hurt so so so so bad! Despite her best efforts, Derpy couldn’t hold back the tears, and she started crying. Her hand hurt so much. She looked at it. Three red streams ran from her hoof down her leg, where little red droplets fell to the ground, making bright red circles on the floor. Derpy screamed. It hurt. She was scared. She screamed louder. It scared her more, so she screamed even louder. A Unicorn spell picked her up and she panicked, her limbs flailing, hitting anything within their reach, but the spell was unaffected. Derpy cried and cried and cried until the tears stopped and then cried some more. She felt so scared and her hoof hurt so much.
“Sshh, you’re gonna be alright.” A soothing voice said. A soothing voice with a terrible smell. Derpy cried.
“Okay now, this may sting a bit.” The voice said again. Suddenly, Derpy’s hoof hurt a lot more. It felt like something wanted to eat her hoof, so it was sticking needles in it to make it nice and soft. Derpy cried.
“It’s okay, it’s okay. I took the glass out, you’ll be fine now. I need you to be strong, okay?” the voice said again. Derpy noticed the pain in her hoof fading the slightest little bit.
“Derpy? Can you be strong for me, can you do that?” the voice kept asking. Suddenly, Derpy realized she knew the voice and the scent it belonged to. Miss Sunrise. She nodded, carefully. Miss Sunrise smelled weird. The next thing she knew, fire was pouring on her hoof and she screamed and cried again. The feeling didn’t go away, and then something started banging on her hoof ever so gently, yet rough. Derpy was in so much pain, she just cried and screamed and cried.
“I’ve disinfected your wound, Derpy. Now no little bugs can get in it.” Miss Sunrise said. Derpy thought Miss Sunrise could put the little bugs in it again, so she tried to stop crying.
“Okay, good, you’ve calmed down a bit. I’m going to call you an ambulance, so we can get this cut looked at, alright? Just sit tight for a moment.”
Miss Sunrise got out her phone and took a call. Derpy was in pain, and it hurt her a lot. The next thing she knew, she smelled Mommy’s scent in a car she didn’t know. Derpy rested her head on Mommy’s chest, took a deep breath and fell asleep, as the pain faded away.