Ain't No Party Like A Pinkie Pie Party
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“How about here?”
“Nope, a little to your left.”
“Here?”
“Too far left. Try just a smidge right.”
“Here?”
“No, back again.”
“That’s the exact same spot it was already in, Pinkie!” Exie snapped at the pink haired girl, pinching the bridge of her nose in annoyance. “Honestly, if you needed help that badly, why didn’t you just ask more people to come?”
“Because, silly,” Pinkie answered matter-of-factly as she tucked away her clipboard who knows where. “I’ve already got help coming, but that’s for the pre-party decorations. You’re just helping with the pre-pre-party decorations.”
“… Explain that to me, please.” Exie deadpanned, pushing a lock of messy deep red hair out of her face and dropping off the ladder deftly, having finally tacked the last of the multicolored confetti to the gymnasium walls.
“Easy peasy! Somebody else is going to come in once we’re all done, take it all down, and then redecorate again!”
For as nice as Pinkie Pie had been to Exie, showing her around Canterlot High and doing her best to be friendly since moving to this crazy place, she still had difficulty fighting off the sudden urge to slap Pinkie in the head.
Seriously… what kind of a name is ‘Pinkie Pie’, anyway?
Exie sighed in aggravation, sitting on the bottom rung of the ladder with a little dejected plunk. Her black laced up thigh-highs began riding slowly up uncomfortably, but she ignored them.
“… Pinkie, have I ever told you that you can be a real pain in my ass?”
The bubblegum haired menace thought about it for a moment, sticking out her rear while closing one eye and putting her finger on her chin in what was supposed to be a gesture of thoughtfulness.
“Hmm… nope!”
Ecstasy sighed, pulling her black arm warmers a little tighter around herself. The teasing tears along them didn’t do much to protect from chill, and the high ceilinged gymnasium didn’t insulate heat very well. It didn’t help that her short shorts and tank top, whereas stylish, were not very practical. Odd that it would be cold, since it wasn’t even close to being night yet...
“Look, Pinkie-“ Exie began as she stood, already thinking of other things she could be doing. “-I’ve got to get running. Hope your next batch of slaves – er, helpers has better luck witmmmmmpppph.”
Exie suddenly discovered the important fact that it could be very difficult to properly form vowels with someone else’s tongue in her mouth.
Exie’s shocked blue eyes met Pinkie’s and for a moment, she considered pushing the girl away. After a second of recovering from the surprise, Exie’s eyelids slowly began sinking in an indication of her submission. She leaned into the kiss passionately enough to surprise Pinkie right back, who gradually broke away as she placed both hands on the wall on either side of Exie, keeping her safely in place.
“… Well, I’ve got to admit, I didn’t think that would work so quickly.” Pinkie admitted, a little surprised. Exie’s tongue flicked out over her bottom lip, savoring the cinnamon flavored lip gloss that Pinkie had left on her.
“What, you didn’t think I was interested?” Exie asked in an offended tone, placing a hand upon her bosom mockingly.
“Actually, most of the time it’s ‘stop doing that, Pinkie, I’m going to be late’ or ‘you’re violating my personal space, don’t make me get another restraining order, Pinkie’ or sometimes ‘no, Pinkie, that’s the wrong hole’ or ‘I swear to God, I will SHANK you, Pinkie’ or-“
“Mm, I got it.” Exie said quickly, crossing her arms in slight annoyance. “… Have I also ever told you that you have a tendency of killing the mood?”
Pinkie’s arms dropped in dismay, and she sighed heavily as she hung her head. “I know, I know. Mood killer. Yeesh.”
Exie grinned forgivingly, slowly draping her own arms over Pinkie’s surprisingly thin shoulders. She slipped out of her shorts easily, leaving the thigh highs on.“… Tell you what.” She said huskily, putting a single finger beneath Pinkie’s chin and playfully drawing her finger up to her face. Exie traced her forefinger over Pinkie’s trembling lips, and said “Maybe you should do a little less talking with these lips-” she drew in closer to Pinkie, silently sliding her other hand beneath her lilac skirt and brushing bare skin. “-and a little more with these.”
“Now we’re talking!” Pinkie giggled, and her brows furrowed momentarily. She tried to talk, only to be drawn back into a long, drawn out kiss by Exie. A dull heat began rising in her chest, and Exie’s heart pounded in excitement so loudly that she could hear it in her ears. It didn’t take Pinkie long to interrupt again, though.
“Still, a little too easy. I didn’t even get to use the rope.”
That got Exie’s attention.
“… You brought rope.”
“Eeyuh-huh.” A blaze of puffy pink hair bobbed up and down, bouncing long after her head stopped moving.
“… You brought rope.”
“What?” Pinkie asked, wrapping an arm around Exie’s waist and pushing her back against the wall. She held up a small extent of worn rope, pulling it from behind her back. “I’ve got rope stashed all over the place, in case of-“
“Applejack.”
“Well, her too, but I meant in case of-“
“No, Applejack.” Exie deadpanned, subtly pointing behind the excitable pink haired menace at the quite stunned cowgirl.
And, indeed, Applejack did look very surprised, walking into the gymnasium with an armful of plastic wrapped confetti to find Pinkie Pie wrapped around someone she’d only met a couple of days ago without pants.
“What in tarnation-?”
“IT’S ROPING TIME!” Pinkie exclaimed loudly with a manic laugh, and within a span of seconds had the cowgirl squirming in panic on the ground before her.
“Pinkie Pie’s lost it again! Quick, somebody git help!” Applejack yelped as Pinkie effortlessly hefted her over one shoulder, and easily hog-tied her with both arms tightly behind her back.
“Oh, calm down.” Pinkie actually managed to say with a straight face as she gently lowered the now-incapacitated Applejack to the floor. “It’s the same as last week, we’ve just got one more person to party with this time.”
Applejack’s face instantly flushed a light red color, causing her freckles to stand out even more than they were before. “Ah thought you said you wasn’t gonna tell nobody ‘bout that!”
“Well, I didn’t specifically say what we did last week, did I?” Pinkie asked slyly, and Applejack blushed even brighter. She motioned for Exie to come closer as Pinkie set about dipping her tongue deeply into Applejack’s mouth as she straddled her, and one of Applejack’s legs slowly began to curl beneath her, her own yellow skirt rippling a little as she did so. Even though her arms were trapped beneath her, she still wriggled heatedly beneath Pinkie Pie for nearly a full minute before giving up, something which Pinkie gladly took full advantage of. She ran a hand through Applejack’s silky braided blonde hair, holding her head up to lean better into her awkward kisses.
Eventually, Pinkie broke away, leaving each of them thirsty for breath. Applejack inhaled deeply, half-lidded eyes watching as Exie tapped a foot against the ground.
“… Er-hem. Forgetting anything?” Exie pouted a little jealously, and Pinkie blinked.
“Ohmigosh, you’re right!” she gasped, bouncing gracefully off of the cowgirl. Pinkie turned from them both for a moment, and a loud squeeee! echoed through the gymnasium uncomfortably loudly, and it suddenly occurred to Exie that if they were caught in here, things could potentially turn very, very awkward very, very quickly.
It excited her even more.
“Got it!” Pinkie exclaimed satisfactorily, presenting her ‘surprise’.
“Actually, I was talking about me, but that works, too. Where did you even get that?” Exie asked as Pinkie slipped every article of clothing off, letting them drop to the floor. Pinkie had, in some impossible way, smuggled into the gymnasium, of all things…
“Like my strap-on?” Pinkie chirruped as she flicked the end of the upward curving sky blue length, watching it bounce eagerly.
Applejack managed to struggle upward enough to tilt her head so that she could see more clearly, and gave Pinkie the greatest deadpan ever.
“You gotta be buckin’ kiddin’ me.” Applejack said, noting Pinkie’s widening smile as she drew closer. “Really, Pinkie? You honestly cain’t be thinkin’ o’ usin’ that.”
“Well, I sure as heck wasn’t gonna use a balloon,” Pinkie snorted, and for some strange reason, Applejack blushed once again.
“I… see…” Exie said ecstatically, rubbing her chin in thought as she smiled as well.
Then again, she was probably smiling because her chin wasn’t all she was busy rubbing.
“H-hang on now, darlin’!” Applejack blurted as Pinkie grabbed her ankle, gently lifting one leg into the air. Applejack’s skirt slid down her thigh, revealing a skimpy pair of bright orange panties. “Y’cain’t jus’ go rushin’ on in!”
Pinkie facepalmed, nodding in agreement. “Right, right – sorry, AJ, I’m just in a bit of a hurry. Pre-pre-party planning and all that, and – ohmigosh, I'm so sorry! I didn’t even think to ask if you were wet yet!”
Applejack, even more flustered than before, looked away from her pink haired friend. She grumbled something that sounded remarkably similar to ‘kicking Dash’s ass for being late’.
“You know,” Exie purred helpfully as she ran her own hands elegantly through Applejack’s hair slowly, “she’s got another hole that’d be great for getting that thing wet really quickly.”
“Ooh! Good plan!” Pinkie said, dropping to her knees and offering the bobbing blue rod in front of Applejack’s mouth.
“… God, you’re cute when you’re blushing.” Exie remarked as she leaned over the cowgirl. “All of your freckles stand out.”
“Ah ain’t cute, ahm-“ Applejack insisted, only to have the ridged blue length jammed unceremoniously into her mouth by an overexcited Pinkie. Exie breathed heavily onto the strap-on, licking it ever so slightly with the tip of her tongue as it was pushed again and again into Applejack’s mouth. She drooled a bit, and Exie licked it back onto the rod for ‘added lubricant’. Pinkie breathed in sharply through her teeth, holding back a squeal as she slowly slid it back and forth in her mouth, poking against the inside of Applejack’s cheek now and again.
“Gee, now your freckles really stand out,” Pinkie giggled as she pressed the length forward again.
Applejack proved once again that she is the master of deadpans, because she did it in the last place she’d ever expected she would.
“Ahfm mffl fliffle flith.” Applejack said, tonguing around the rod.
“Geez, AJ,” Pinkie rolled her eyes. “Didn’t your parents ever teach you not to talk with your mouth full?”
This deadpan looked a little more awkward than the others did. Pinkie even stopped her rhythmic pumping after a few seconds.
“… Um… Pinkie…?” Exie said slowly, drawing back a little.
“I know, I know!” Pinkie groaned, pulling the blue length from Applejack’s mouth with a little pop! as she stopped sucking on it. “Mood killer. Yeesh.”
Applejack sighed heavily, and Exie watched her not-quite flat chest rise and fall with interest.
“… Y’know darlin’, I’m havin’ fun an’ all, but mah arms are fallin’ asleep.”
Exie grinned at her chance, brushing a lock of red hair out of her face as she slipped her tank top off and threw it casually. “Okay. Let’s cut a deal, hmm?” she said, positioning herself carefully over the blonde cowgirl. “No fair for Pinkie to keep all the fun to herself; the faster you get me off, the faster I’m going to untie your arms.”
“What?” Applejack burst out indignantly.
“Aw, you’re not going to turn down a game like that, are you, AJ?” Pinkie snickered as she lifted both of her friend’s legs into the air once again. “Besides, that’s not half as much fun as last week-“
“Seriously, what did I miss last week?” Exie interrupted curiously.
“Gettin’ some glitter in yer eye,” Applejack muttered sourly, the heat rising in her face again. She turned her head to the side to avoid talking directly into Exie’s rear end, and began to grumble something else before she, too, was interrupted.
“Ah was gunna git Fluttershy ta’ git myaaaaaaaaaah!” she gasped in incredulity as Pinkie Pie continued with her original plan.
Which was ‘thrust it in while she’s distracted’, unfortunately.
Applejack’s back arched as Pinkie thrust the blue length into her, and she let out a little moan of pleasure. Exie lowered herself a little more, placing her head between the cowgirl’s legs to get a better view. She was eagerly rewarded with a warm tongue flickering across her own panties, and her excitement at finally being pleased after such a long wait grew.
Pinkie grasped one of her own wrists when she held it into the air as she pumped into Applejack lustily. “Ain’t no party like a Pinkie Pie party!”
Exie kept to her word, slowly untangling the worn rope beneath Applejack. Not only was it a little more difficult than she imagined it would be due to her hips continuously being thrust back and forth against the blue rod, she wasn’t exactly in a hurry.
Applejack was pretty good with that tongue.
"Hey - hoo - Exie," Pinkie huffed. "... Guess you're not the only one with a pain in your ass, huh?"
“Almost – ah! – got it… here…” Exie breathed, tongue nearly lolling out of her mouth. She shook her head, trying to keep it clear; it was hard to focus, almost as much so as it was to untie Applejack with one hand. Her other was busy enticingly dancing around the cowgirl’s quivering slit, teasingly guiding the blue length into her over and over again.
“I’m getting close!” Pinkie shouted just as Applejack’s hands were finally freed, and the cowgirl collapsed on her back as her tired arms flopped uselessly beside her. Applejack bit back a cry as Pinkie suddenly jerked the bobbing length out of her, and quickly scooted forward on her knees. Exie, thinking quickly, got out of the way as Pinkie put the end of the strap-on right next to Applejack’s face.
“Imma blow my load!” she threw back her head and arched her own back, and the past the tip of the dildo, a small cloud of glittering confetti burst outward with a shockingly loud bang!
Exie and Applejack jumped in surprise, and Pinkie cackled hysterically as she held up the party popper. She wiped a single tear from her eye as she laughed, finally noticing that she was the only one laughing. Regardless, a small and tired smile was showing on Applejack’s face, and even a twitch around Exie’s lips appeared.
After a minute, Pinkie sighed, throwing up her arms in exasperation.
“… I know, I know. Mood killer. Yeesh!”
“I would have thought it was pretty funny if I’d actually been satisfied yet.” Exie said grumpily, but the grin still wound its way onto her face. She jumped again as another loud bang sounded throughout the gymnasium, and for a split second, she thought that Pinkie Pie had somehow snuck in a much larger party popper. A party cannon, maybe. But that would just be ridiculous.
No, the boom resonating through the room was caused by one of the double inwards swinging doors opening at high speeds and hitting the wall.
Caused by a very, very surprised Rainbow Dash.
“… ‘The buck.”
“IT’S ROPING TIME!”
Author's Note
This was started out as Clop, but somehow mysteriously turned into Comedy on the way. So, it's Clopmedy.
Also, it all started because I'm a Fan of ponies, and I saw a nice piece of Art.
It's a Clopmedy Fart.
Ain't No Party Like A Pinkie Pie Party
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“… And you’re trapped here for another month because the portal closed before you could get back through.” Twilight Sparkle said incredulously.
“Mm-hmm.” Exie nodded, deep red hair bobbing against her ponytail as she did so.
“… And you don’t have any place to stay, and you don’t have any food or money.”
“Mm-hmm.”
“… And you instantly knew my name before we met, because you met me from another world where I’m actually a tree-librarian that lives with a dragon.”
“Mm-hmm.”
“… And you’re actually not even human, you’re a magical talking pony on an elaborate mission to fornicate as often as possible in an attempt to ‘discover an alternate method of friendship.”
“Mm-hmm.”
“SHINY, CALL THE COPS!” Twilight bellowed, glaring into the kitchen doorway.
“I’m not calling the cops on your friends again, Twily,” a man’s voice drifted out of the kitchen. “you nearly traumatized that poor Trixie girl for life the last time!”
“She blatantly plagiarized my fanfiction, that bitch deserved it! ” Twilight shouted back into the kitchen, settling down glumly in the bright green armchair. “… And they’re not my friends!” A pair of angry violet eyes shined brightly behind a set of low-cut matching bangs, studiously observing the strange trio before her. Her eyes occasionally flickered over Exie’s… ‘unusual’ thigh-highs in distaste.
“Oh, right. I forgot,” the mystery voice drifted back from the kitchen again. “you don’t have friends, because the internet is more important.”
“Nobody asked you, Shiny!”
“Keep it up, squirt – you won’t be getting any meat~balls…!” he called back in a sing-song tone. Twilight opened her mouth to speak, but closed it grumpily and settled even further into the pea green high backed armchair. Her brother’s homemade meatballs were legendary for a reason; although she didn’t like the idea of sharing any of them, which Shining had been all too willing to provide.
She glared again at the blonde cowgirl, mysterious redhead and the damnable pink menace.
Oh, the Pink Menace was one she’d encountered before.
Twilight shuddered at the thought.
Twilight’s home certainly hadn’t been what Exie expected. A little three story suburban home, little white picket fence in a row of identical homes; one could almost smell the ‘keeping up with the Joneses’ vibe. The glass-topped and sparkling clean coffee table separating them belied a shadowy form passing beneath it momentarily, before a lavender dog popped his head out playfully every few seconds and repeated the process.
Which everyone ignored.
“… Er…” Exie said, breaking the awkward silence. “I was… I mean, I was kind of… I mean, I just… Umm…”
“Spit it out!” Twilight snapped, tapping one foot against the carpeted floor in annoyance.
“I was wondering if I could stay with you!” she blurted, only to be greeted with a blank stare.
Pinkie watched the scene unfolding in mild fascination, half-distracted by Twilight’s excessively playful purple puppy. Applejack held her breath, awaiting an answer from the Twilight lookalike.
Oh, it looked like Twilight. Ever since the ‘Sunset Shimmer’ incident, there was no way Applejack could forget a face like that. But according to this Twilight, they’d never even met… which boggled her mind, in more ways than one.
“… Hell no.”
Exie hung her head miserably, messy red hair dangling over her disappointed face. She should have expected as much; an alternate Twilight that had never met any of them certainly had no intentions of simply trusting a group of three strangers inexplicably showing up on her doorstep and asking for shelter.
This Twilight was also much meaner.
“Now, don’t go gittin’ all riled up fer nothin’,” Applejack kindly patted Exie on the back. “Ahm sure she jus’ needs a lil’ time ta git to know ya’ a lil’ better, an’ maybe-“
“Christ Almighty,” Twilight groaned, clasping her hands over her ears. “are you an abandoned orphan from Larry The Cable Guy?”
Applejack’s eyes narrowed dangerously, and her hand stopped mid-pat. Exie didn’t catch the reference, but the other two did.
“… Darlin’, you best be real careful ‘bout what’choo say next,” Applejack growled lowly.
“Take it easy, AJ…” Pinkie said comfortingly, reaching across Exie’s back to pat her friend’s arm. “I’m sure she didn’t mean it. Heck, I’ll bet she doesn’t even check the comments section.”
“... Wait, what?”
“Nothing, nothing!” Pinkie said quickly with a nervous smile, sitting up stiffly and straightening out her slightly wrinkled skirt. She tucked her legs beneath herself and made herself more comfortable on the sofa, before saying “Look, Twilight, I know this is really tough for you to believe and all-“
“More like nigh impossible.” Twilight replied with a deadpan, glancing down at the still-playing dog.
“-but Exie really needs a place to stay right now.” Pinkie finished as if she hadn’t interrupted, and for once, she actually looked pretty serious. It was starting to make Applejack uncomfortable. She would have gladly taken the poor girl in, if her own family had the room; but things were getting harder on the Apple family as it were…
“Yes. I know.” Twilight said, bored, as she tugged a small paperback book from a small pile next to the chair. “You told me about seventeen times already-“
“Eighteen, actually.”
“-and you don’t seem to comprehend the fact that I don’t know any of you.”
It felt like Exie’s heart was breaking; to be so coldly turned away by someone she’d regarded as a close friend such a short time ago. The small, logical part of her brain reminded her that this wasn’t the same Twilight, though. She rubbed her eyes tiredly, sitting up defiantly.
“Big whoop.” Exie said with much more confidence than she really felt. “So, I’ll go somewhere else. Hey, if all else fails, I’m sure a city like this is bound to have a homeless shelter somewhere.”
“You don’t need a shelter,” Twilight grumbled. “You need a psychologist. Ponies. Honestly.” She scoffed, as if insulted that the trio had expected her to believe such utter tripe.
“Sounds like what you need…” the sing-song voice drifted back into the room cheerily as a friendly platter of steaming meatballs bobbed in front of Exie’s downcast face. “… is a big ol’ plate of meat~balls!”
Exie glanced up, expecting to see a grumpy face followed by a short tuft of violet hair. Something similar to the human Twilight Sparkle currently trying to ignore her by sticking her nose into a book, really. Considering the fact that Exie had never been granted the chance to meet her brother since moving her small business, Sew Fine to Ponyville, the new development only served to surprise her further.
Standing a good head taller than her, Shining Armor’s abdomen was the first thing Exie saw. A wall of well trained, formed muscled wound its way upward, plainly visible beneath the skintight robin’s egg blue tee shirt, complimenting his matching cerulean hair and large eyes. Powerful legs flexed with ease beneath a pair of white jeans as he bent, delivering their (graciously free) meal.
… Sweet Tartarus, he’s a HUNK.
He grinned at her, displaying a row of dazzling white teeth as he presented the steaming plate to her.
“Hope you guys like meatballs – aside from cereal and cold noodles, that’s all I’m much good at cooking, I’m afraid.” He said in a friendly tone when he carefully placed the tray on the glass coffee table, as if trying to make up for his younger sister’s rudeness.
Eyes glistening with admiration, Exie slowly slid off the sofa and onto her knees, one hand lightly gripping his larger one. She noted that it was gloriously ring-free.
“Twilight’s brother – no, Sir, I will gladly savor the taste of your balls.”
Twilight’s book dropped out of her hand and fell to the floor with a muffled fwump, surprising the dog. She fumbled to grab it again, and all-but hid behind it as her face slowly flushed a bright red. She might have looked a little more convincing when she tried to pretend that she was reading, if only the book were held right side up.
Applejack’s mouth opened and closed several times, but nothing came out. Even Pinkie looked torn between giggling and correcting the pony-turned-human. Then again, Exie just might have meant exactly what she said.
Shining, to his credit, didn’t so much as blink. Perhaps because of the sudden shock.
“… I’m…. I’m just going to… go. Go. Go and… Uh… Yeah. Make more… make more meatballs. Yeah.” He said dimly as his hand slid from her grasp, and without turning, he slowly backed out of the room. His wide blue eyes stayed locked on them as he went, slowly scooting back onto the kitchen linoleum from the carpeted floor.
After several long, uncomfortable moments, a loud yelp came from the other room.
“… Static ‘lectricity. Ouch.”
“I like him.” Exie grinned, leaning back to make herself more comfortable between Pinkie and Applejack.
“Hell no.” Twilight deadpanned. She promptly pointed toward the door, glaring at them. “Now get out of my house.”
“I heard that, Twily!” Shining’s voice echoed back from the kitchen as the sound of sizzling greeted their ears. The wondrous smell emanating from the seasoned meatballs was distracting Exie terribly, and she realized just how hungry she was. “You’re not throwing your friends out until after they’ve properly complimented the Glorious Meatballs From Heaven!”
Twilight grumbled something about them ‘not being that good’, and scowled at the trio; almost as if they’d leave on the principal of having to look at an angry Twilight. Applejack might have, had Pinkie not been spending her time making funny faces back at Twilight.
Exie curiously popped one of the much-hyped meatballs into her mouth, and almost dropped it from the heat. The scalding temperature aside, waves of marvelous taste flooded over her tongue, and her eyes nearly bugged out of her head as she moaned in flavor-based ecstasy.
“… Iph pho goooooood…” she sighed in content, chewing slowly.
“Yeah, AJ made that face when she was eating out, too.”
“Pinkie Pie!” the cowgirl spluttered, clapping one hand across Pinkie’s mouth in mortification. “Tone it down, darlin’!”
The tray of meatballs remained largely untouched, sitting between them and the (quite agitated) Crankylight Grumple.
“Oh, god; these are really good!” Exie swallowed appreciatively. “What did he make these with?”
“Meat.” Twilight deadpanned once again with a straight-face power to rival Applejack.
“… Wait.” Exie swallowed again hard, mouth suddenly dry. “… Wait.”
“No, meat.”
“Meat as in… meat as in meat meat? As in, chopped up animals?!”
“No, genius.” Twilight seethed. “Meat as in muh-fuckin’ tofu.”
“I-I think I’m going to be sick,” Exie said suddenly, one hand flying to her mouth.
“NOT on our carpet, that’s brand new!” Twilight barked, shifting uneasily.
“Aw, it’s not so bad, Exie!” Pinkie tried to console her. “Just think of it as a ‘different experience’. You know, kind of like taking it up the ass.”
“Pinkie!” Applejack said dangerously. “What’d I jus’ say ‘bout tonin’ it down?”
“Okay, okay! Yeesh.” Pinkie grumbled, crossing her arms. “Sorry. I meant to say, taking it up the ass and pu-“
“Pinkie Pie!”
“Fine, fine!” she waved her arms over her head in exasperation. “I’ll tone it down more! Two in the pink, one in the stink.”
“PINKIE PIE!”
“Now what?”
“Darlin’, ya gotta tone it down!” Applejack insisted, nervously glancing back and forth between Twilight and Pinkie. It wouldn’t do to go driving them apart even further so soon.
“Tone it down even more?” Pinkie said incredulously. “All right, if it suits your ‘tenders sensibilities’.” She said with her own frumpy air quotes.
After a long stretch of silence, Pinkie spouted “Two in the goo, one in the poo.”
“DAMMIT, PINKIE PIE!”
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“Well, this sucks.” Exie sighed heavily, wishing her shorts had pockets to angrily stick her hands in. She glumly kicked a pebble from the cracked sidewalk into the street, but the little stone could only relieve her of so much frustration as it bounded along its course and skidded to an eventual halt.
“Aw, cheer up!” Pinkie said positively, walking backwards so that she could speak face to face with her friends. “Just because Twilight’s all grumpy and dumpy doesn’t mean we can’t still have fun!”
“Ah don’t think she’s too worried ‘bout havin’ fun, Pinkie.” Applejack groaned, noting as the sun slowly began to set. The long, low shadows cast by the suburban homes steadily increased in length, giving the already empty street an even lonelier air. “Poor thing might be a bit worried ‘bout where she’s gon’ stay fer the night – heck, fer the next month. Ah’d take ya in, sugar cube, but…” she trailed off, lost in thought.
“Ooh! You could stay with me and the Cakes!” Pinkie suggested helpfully, prancing backwards along the curb and somehow managing to maintain her balance. “I’ve got a sleeping bag, and everything!”
“I’d be more than grateful, Pinkie Pie.” Exie said sullenly, messy red ponytail bobbing slightly in the breeze. She wished she’d gotten back to the portal in time; if only she had, she wouldn’t have to bother will all of this. Then again, she didn’t have a bed in Sew Fine, either. The little sleeping bag at the shop wouldn’t be too different from a sleeping bag from Pinkie.
But, then again, Pinkie.
“Really?” the pink menace grinned suddenly. “Just how much more than grateful?” she winked playfully, skipping backwards. Without awaiting an answer, she promptly turned around and began skipping along the curb facing forward.
“Killing the mood, Pinkie.” Exie grumbled, evidently still sore over the unpleasant surprise of being denied her return home and being so ungraciously tossed out by Twilight.
“Things’ll turn out jus’ fine, ah’m sure.” Applejack said assuredly. “And ‘sides, it could be worse; ya could’a gone ter Rarity fer help.”
“How does that make it worse? Rarity’s not so bad.” Exie thought back to the unicorn she’d known in Equestria, wondering what she looked like in this world.
Applejack snorted. “Ever since the ‘Sunset Incident’, she’s been gettin’ all snooty n’ such; an’ ah mean even more’n ‘fore.”
Pinkie Pie gasped, turning on the spot. “AJ! You shouldn’t talk about your friends behind their backs like that!”
“Ah know, ah know.” Applejack said shamefacedly. “It jus’ burns me up, thinkin’ ‘bout how she’s got all this here time fer stickin’ bits o’ string together, but she won’t even watch mah lil’ sister fer ten minutes. Lazy, that’s what that is.” She crossed her arms across her chest in a manner that had nothing to do with the rapidly cooling breeze, a frown settling on her face.
The general air of unhappiness emanating from the other two began threatening to smother Pinkie, and her normally poofy pink hair deflated slightly.
… How in the hell does her hair even do that? Exie thought absentmindedly as the mildly crestfallen Pinkie thought up something new to cheer them up.
“Got it!” Pinkie burst out, a wide smile spreading over her face. “How about a ‘slumber party’?”
“How about ‘no’.”
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Exie wound up accepting Pinkie’s offer for a month-long slumber party.
Not just because Exie technically had no place to stay, but because Pinkie’s hair instantly went flat. It wasn’t so much the ‘hair’ part that disturbed Exie, it was more of the ‘threatening to horribly violate her with a crowbar if she didn’t comply’ part that convinced her to stay.
Pinkie cheered up relatively quickly once Exie submitted.
Applejack had protested that she needed to ‘pick up some things for her family’, and Exie was slightly jealous of the cowgirl for managing to slip away from the slightly crazy party addict.
“Whelp – here it is!” Pinkie gestured before her in what she hoped was an impressive display, swinging her arm around to make absolutely certain that Exie didn’t miss a single inch of the building. “Sugarcube Corner! Ain’t she grand?”
Exie eyed the moderately worn building, catching the setting sun glinting brightly off the glass window display, presenting numerous cakes and pastries for the world to see. The brick building had been painted to look like a massive gingerbread house, and a couple of authentic candles were lit on either side of the door. She supposed it was meant to give the place a ‘homely’ look, but she was instead reminded of a certain fairy tale that involved a couple of ponies being kidnapped by an evil witch in a gingerbread house.
Well, Pinkie might not necessarily be ‘evil’, I guess…
“Well?” Pinkie asked expectantly, hopping excitedly back and forth from one foot to another.
“It’s – uh, it’s – it’s very… nice.” Exie said lamely, peering through one of the windows. “But I... think this is a bakery.”
“Technically, but I live in the flat above the Cakes.” Pinkie claimed as she kicked opened the wooden door, a small ding! sounding through the building.
“I’ve got it, dear!” a man’s voice drifted down from above as hurried footsteps thumped awkwardly down a flight of stairs.
“IT’S JUST ME, MR. AND MS. CAKE!” Pinkie shouted at the top of her lungs, and Exie cringed from the noise.
“… Pinkie, do you mind trying that again?” Exie said in a snarky tone. “I think I can still hear out of my other ear, I’m not completely deaf yet.”
“WHAT’S THAT?” Pinkie bellowed, causing her to flinch again.
Well, I’m deaf, now.
Surprisingly, Exie had not gone deaf. However, her ears were still ringing uncomfortably when the bearer of the stair-voice came into view. A rather thin Mr. Cake rounded the corner, nearly tripping down the flight of stairs behind the bakery’s front counter.
“Ah!” he yapped in surprise, stumbling to his feet. “Kids, how many times have I told you not to leave your toys around th- oh, there you are, Pinkie.” He said with relief, taking notice of Exie and nodding politely. Bright orange curls of hair poked out from beneath his white cap, and a leather apron dusted with flour belied his busy day. A small amount of stubble covered his evenly square chin, which he scratched thoughtfully as he eyed the newcomer.
“Brought a friend back, eh?” Mr. Cake said friendlily as he began closing up shop. “Let me guess; babysitter assistance for the twins?”
“Nope!” Pinkie said, turning around the ‘Open’ sign for him as he began locking the front door and carefully checking the ovens in the corner to make sure they were off. “She’s homeless!”
Carrot blinked, stopping abruptly. “Wait, what?”
“What she means is,“-Exie interjected quickly- “that, er… I’m only homeless until I can get back on my feet, and, um… Pinkie offered to let me stay here.”
“Oh, my goodness!” Mr. Cake said with concern. “What happened?”
“Uh, I was… locked out of my… building. I mean, apartment. My… apartment building.”
“For a month?”
“Nopon- I mean, nobody else could take me in.”
“They turned you away?”
“Um, no… they… died.”
Carrot blinked again, staring directly at her.
“… They died.”
“… Yes.” Exie nodded slowly. “After I was locked out.”
“… The… the whole… everyone in the building…?” he whispered in horror. “How?”
“… Uh… it burned down.”
“Oh, you poor thing!” Cake flung his arms around her, giving her the biggest hug he could manage. “You – you’re probably traumatized!” he wailed, and even Pinkie looked a little tearful.
Regardless of the fact that she knew that Exie was obviously lying through her teeth.
“Of course you can stay,” he blubbered, and Exie dimly noted that she was being slowly smothered with flour. “You just let us know if you need anything, anything at all – tell you what. You two just head right on up and make yourselves comfortable, I’ll make you a couple of nice cups of cocoa. Just give me a couple of minutes to find where Cup put it, and I’ll bring it up for you.”
Mr. Cake’s overly generous display of kindness surprised Exie, and he released her with a little sniffle as she slowly followed Pinkie up the stairs.
“… I think I just fucked up.” Exie hissed to Pinkie Pie, glancing over her shoulder in case Carrot was close enough to accidentally overhear her.
“Nah, maybe a little too... dramatic.” Pinkie said offhandedly, stomping loudly up the stairs. Exie grimly noted that her faux-leather thigh-highs weren’t exactly meant for climbing stairs as steep as the Appleloosan Mountain ranges, and they chafed painfully. “See, if you would have tried that with Twi, then maybe… well, probably not even then. She’s a meanie.” Pinkie fumed, evidently still put off by Twilight’s rejection.
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Pinkie’s room was something of an anomaly.
A large room, and brightly lit from every angle; strings of holiday lights, strobe lights, disco lights, lava lamps, and even a single sun lamp provided the room with plenty of warmth and light.
It’s like fifty fire hazards rolled into one, Exie thought dryly.
“Nice, huh?” Pinkie said gleefully, pulling out a small sleeping bag from the closet. The closet itself was oddly spacious and neat, similar to the rest of the room. A small bed sat in one corner next to the room’s only window, overlooking the city. A woven multicolored rug adorned the center of the wooden floor, which was rapidly covered by the bright yellow sleeping bag.
“Mm.” Exie hummed, trying not to look disappointed. The bed looked much more comfortable than the sleeping bag, anyway.
“You know, I never really got what it is with people and sleeping bags,” Pinkie said distractedly as she unrolled it for Exie. “I mean, what kind of crazy person takes a bunch of bags full of stuffing and then sews them together? And then, then they expect you to take that and sleep in the woods with it?” she giggled, finishing her bedding preparations for her sleepover companion. “Talk about cuckoo.”
“Almost as crazy as living in a gingerbread house?” Exie asked sarcastically, cocking an eyebrow.
“Hey, I didn’t build it.” Pinkie said defensively as she flicked on a couple of lava lamps, watching the bubbles slowly rise. She toyed with the idea of breaking out a couple of board games, or maybe a pillow fight, or some other form of cliché sleepover tactic.
“What, did your parents find this place like this, then just set up shop?” Exie asked curiously as she sat cross-legged on the meringue colored sleeping bag.
Pinkie blinked, and said “Actually, I’m adopted.” She sounded a little sad about it, and didn’t look up from the lava lamps.
“… Oh.” Exie mumbled, doing her intended response injustice.
“… I know, I know. Mood killer. Yeesh.” Pinkie hung her head dejectedly.
She wished that she could think of something to say, something to make the situation a little more lighthearted; something a little more Pinkie-esque. Exie could think of no such thing.
“Maybe we should just… get some sleep.” Exie proffered, placing her thigh-highs against the wall, and Pinkie silently nodded as she began dimming lights and turning off lamps. A knock on the door let them know that cocoa was incoming, and they wound up drinking it in awkward silence.
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“I know, dear.” Cup said, staring at the ceiling. Carrot quietly paced back and forth at the foot of their bed, clasping at his hands in distress. He always looked a little silly in his striped pajamas, and Cup had a little difficulty taking him seriously when he’d initially started speaking to her.
“I mean, we can’t just throw her out into the street,” Carrot said in agitation, scratching his head with a sigh. “Have you seen the girl?”
“Yes, dearie. I have.” Cup said, patting the bed beside her in indication for him to lie back down. She hated seeing him upset.
“For god’s sake, Cup, she looks like she’s been just barely getting by through... less than reputable means!” he said miserably as he crawled into bed next to his wife.
“That’s an awful lot to judge on appearances alone…” Cup said uncertainly, clicking the bedside lamp off so that they could sleep in relative darkness.
“True…” Mr. Cake said quietly after a few seconds. “But, still. I can’t stand seeing someone’s life going right down the gutter at such a young age… She’s… what, barely as old as Pinkie?” a hint of despair crept into his voice.
“Pinkie’s a legal adult,” Cup said pointedly.
“Pinkie also can’t hold down a job because of-“
“I thought we weren’t discussing that anymore.” Cup interrupted, and Carrot fell silent.
After several long minutes of listening to each other’s breathing, Carrot sighed heavily.
“… I’m just… worried, hon. Between business, and the kids, and now this-“
“I know, dearie.” Cup said consolingly as she stifled a yawn. “Everything will work itself out, I’m sure.”
“Yeah. I suppose we can sort things out in the morning,” Carrot let out a long yawn of his own as he settled down to sleep. “Things will work out. What could possibly go wrong?”
A split second later, both of them sat bolt upright in bed after hearing an ear-piercing, bloodcurdling scream.
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Exie stared up at the ceiling in silence, listening to the quiet breathing of Pinkie Pie in the shadows from the relative comfort of her still-open sleeping bag.
… This was a stupid idea. She scolded herself. Oh, Twilight wants you to run an errand for her. Oh, turns out Twilight just wants a guinea pig for magical alternate-universe testing. Oh, Twilight ‘forgot’ to mention that the portal closes in a short time span. Stupid, Exie. Stupid, stupid, stupid.
She rolled over onto her side, trying to push the angry thoughts buzzing in her head away so that she could get some much needed sleep.
She was stuck here.
And even worse, she still wasn’t satisfied.
She bit back a sigh, rolling onto her back again. Exie had almost drifted off into an uneasy sleep, just barely beginning to lose consciousness when she felt it.
A ticklish, playful touch on her bare leg, just above her ankle.
Exie grinned in the dark, her heart suddenly beating much louder.
“… Pinkie, I’m trying to sleep.” She whispered mischievously, noting that the light, cool touch on her skin was slowly winding its way up her thigh.
She giggled in excitement, trying not to move as the cool touch gently poked across her leg, gently touching her belly button.
“P-Pinkie, stop – I’m ticklish!”
“... I didn’t know you were ticklish.” Pinkie replied.
From her bed.
Exie’s hand shakily felt toward whatever was touching her, and felt... smooth scales.
“AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAGH!” she shrieked, flinging the creature off of herself as she scrambled in the sleeping bag, desperately struggling to get to her feet.
A single lava lamp clicked back on, and Pinkie bounded out of bed to save her pet.
“Gummy, ohmigosh, are you hurt?” Pinkie gasped as she cradled the toothless reptile in her arms. Gummy, whereas thoroughly surprised, was relatively unharmed by his sudden contact with the wall.
“That crocodile has a name?!” Exie wheezed, backed against the opposite wall as she tried to keep her heart securely within her ribcage.
“Alligator,” Pinkie corrected her. She sat ‘Gummy’ back down on the floor, patting him kindly on the head as he scampered off to the closet, crawling into a hand woven basket. “And yes. I… might have forgotten to introduce you to Gummy.”
“NO, YOU THINK?!”
Exie gradually caught her breath, sweat beading at her brow. She supposed it could have been worse; Pinkie could have kept a pet tarantula.
She instantly pushed that thought out of her head, but too late; it was guaranteed to be haunting her sleep now.
Exie did not like spiders.
And she was beginning to dislike alligators.
“… Are you… going to be okay…?” Pinkie asked slowly, clambering back into bed as she clicked off the lamp.
“… I’m sleeping in the bed tonight.”
“… But I’m already-“
“SLEEPING IN THE GODDAMN BED TONIGHT.”
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Author's Note
Now with twenty percent more plot.
