Chapters And so it went on.
The Mane Six had gathered around the huge piece of metal that had landed in the middle of the Ponyville Nature Reserve Park. (What ponies were doing with a nature reserve, I have no idea but bare with me here.) Along with the princesses. The large piece of metal was obviously not naturally made, for it was smooth and symmetrical, and had been using some sort of strange magic to fly.
Suddenly, a panel on the side of the metal object opened, and a small ramp came out, along with with a seemingly endless amount of steam. After a couple of seconds, a shadow moved behind it, and it seemed to be over six feet tall! And then came the voice.
"God fucking damn it Chase! I said plan Delta ELEVEN , not seven you damn idiot! You could have burned me to a crisp!" This was followed by a series of hacks and coughs. "Just download into the database," the voice finished off wheezily.
"Maybe if Sir would have not slurred his voice when he had said it," a posh second voice replied. "Transfer Complete."
The steam had dissipated enough, that they could seed the figure walking off the ramp, and he could see them. "Chase, analysis of sentient beings within a 20 meter radius."
"Very well sir, 46 chromosomes almost identical to that of a human, breeding between species possible. One heart. Herbivore. If I had to say so sir, their physical appearance would be that of a horse, or pony. Count, 8, two that vary very differently form the others. I may also note that two have wings, and a bone structure built like a bird's, but with bones made out of material I have never seen before, will require further analysis, two with a bone protrusion coming out of there heads, made of the same substance, two with just the substance in their bones, and finally the two that stand out have all the aspects of the winged ones, and the ones with a bone protrusion, only the bone structure is built of that of the ones without either."
"So, I'm looking at pegasuses, and unicorns, and horned pegasuses, or would that be winged unicorns?"
"The term would be pegasi sir."
"Okay, so how do I go about doing anything with them surrounding the shuttle?" James asked his companion, who's voice was now coming from a rather bulky watch.
"Unknown, I would say your best bet would be to make yourself seem as nonthreatening as possible, and walk east. I detect very efficient shelter there. There is a ninety percent chance that they are just a herd of equines, startled by the sudden landing."
"Okay then."
It was then that Celestia started to walk forward, and James stopped moving entirely. Celestia started backing him up against his own ship, until he was cornered. "I'm only going to ask this once, and you better answer correctly, or I'll send you to the sun, are you a threat to us?" She said dangerously.
James on the other hand, was having a slight bit of a mental breakdown. So many things were just thrown at his face, one, this equine like creature just spoke, so that meant it was far more than just sentient, and two, the talking pony in front of him had a sharp and deadly looking horn on her head. What would come out of his mouth next could mean the difference between his life, or his death. He would have to use his quick thinking vast intellect that had been used to get him his huge paying job, that helped him discover that the sun was going to blow up, and helped him escape.
He would have to be quick, clever, cunning.
"How do you fly with such a heavy bone structure?" James asked derpishly.
Celestia emotionlessly stared at James.
James emotionlessly stared at Celestia.
Celestia stared at James.
James stared at Celestia.
Celestia stared at James.
James stared at Celestia.
Celestia stared at James.
James stared at Celestia.
"..." James said.
"..." Celestia replied.
"Can I have a do-over?" James asked sheepishly. Celestia raised an eyebrow, but nodded. "Now that I can focus and prioritize my thoughts, no, I am not a threat to your kind, and I would be very pleased if you would point that really sharp horn somewhere else. Just a suggestion. Heh." Celestia took one step back. "Chase, best course of action?" He asked quietly, even though Celestia could obviously still hear him.
"Unknown sir. perhaps you should just hide in the shuttle for a while?" Chase said, just as quiet.
"I like that plan," and within the next minute, James was cowering in a corner. But not as alone as he would have liked. there was a sudden movement off to his left, but he couldn't see what it was. He looked around, but after seeing nothing he let out a sigh of relief. A moment to soon, unfortunately.
"HIYA!" He heard, and his vision was suddenly pink. Very, very, pink.
"GAH! CHASE FORCE-FIELD!" James yelled in fright. A light blue field of light surrounded him, and expanded slightly, and pushed the pink back slightly. James could now see the source of the pink. It was a very pink pony, with a VERY large smile on her face. "How did you get in here?" James asked.
"I don't know, but that's not important at the moment, because you're new in town and that means that you don't know anypony, and if you don't know anypony, that means that you don't have any friends here, and having no friends must be a real bummer, so I would like to offer to be your friend, OH that means I get to throw a 'welcome to Ponyville party' for you, and I never get to throw those anymore, except for that one time Twilight came to town, but that was like a whole two years ago, and I haven't been able to throw one since, not that I haven't thrown any parties, cause that would be BOOORING, cause I throw lots and lots of parties for my friends, and that's a lot of parties since I'm friends with everypony, and I mean everypony , in Ponyville, so that brings me back to the point I was trying to make originally, asking if you would like to be my friend, because--" Pinkie was finally cut off as the force-field went down, and James had stuck a hand over her mouth.
"God Damn, shut UP." James said firmly, but not like he was trying to be mean. Pinkie nodded happily. "Okay, I am going to remove my hand from your face, and when I do, I want you to calmly, in twenty- five words or less, explain what you just said again, am I understood?" Pinkie nodded. James put his hand down.
"I'm going to throw you a party later to welcome you to Ponyville, and so that you can make friends! Also, would you like to be my friend?" Pinkie said at a normal speed. James was surprised that the pink pony could actually talk at a normal speed.
"I, uh, I guess Pink Pony?" James replied questioningly.
"Oh, I haven't given you my name, sorry James, I'm Pinkie." Pinkie said, still talking at a normal speed. James nodded.
"Uh yeah nice to meet you, wait, how did you know my name?"
"I know a lot about you, but that's not important, what you need is a tour of Ponyville! Come on!" Pinkie said, zipping away.
"WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON!" James yelled at the top of his shuttle.
Sometimes a lie is easier to take ~Discord
What is hardest to accept about the passage of time, is that the people who once mattered the most to us are wrapped up in parentheses ~John Irving
"Sir, if nobody believes you, why would you make space for more than just yourself?" Chase asked the man working on his seventh set of blueprints for his ship. It was perfect for almost any disaster he could think of. Except one, the only one that mattered.
"Because life is sacred Chase, This is the most important lesson I could ever teach you damn it, All life is sacred.And besides, I don't think I could go on alone in the universe. Knowing that I would be the only human would hurt. And besides, humans have always survived, since the dawn of time, we have been resilient, and able to grasp ideas. So why wouldn't anybody else not grasp this idea?"
"Sir, the ideas that humans have been able to grasp have almost never been immediate. Most taking years, some even hundreds, the odds of them believing that Solaris is going to explode within their lifetimes is exactly 7,000,000,000 to 1, by rough estimate."
"You know Chase, sometimes the facts are not what a person needs. For instance, I first built you when I was only eleven. You know why?"
"My prime directive is to help you at all costs."
"Yes, but way back then, you had another directive, and I know I haven't gotten rid of it."
"To be your friend through and through. And I always will be."
"Then could you please, for just a little while, encourage me, instead of telling me that it won't work? I kind of need the reassurance right now."
"I believe as your friend, you should take a break, and pour yourself a shot of whisky. You are quite tense."
"I think you have a point there. Might as well stop for the night."
"What do we do?" Chase asked. "Twilight, you've been asking that question for the last ten minutes!" He answered himself.
"Uh Chase, are you malfunctioning?" James asked.
"Do not worry, he has just passed out, he should come to any moment now, as a matter of fact, judging by the fact his brain is emitting confusion, I would say he was waking up right now." Chase replied. James's eyes fluttered open slowly, and he was met with a rather colorful picture of six colorful ponies. He stood up, and straightened his collar.
"How long was I out?" James asked.
"Two hours sir, by rough estimate," Chase replied.
"I need a drink."
consider this a page break
James sat at a booth, the six ponies surrounding him all looking worried as he sipped his beer. "Well, at least I know that beer exists here," he said with a chuckle. Nobody laughed. They were currently in Ponyville's best (and only) bar, the Drunken Dragon.
"James, why did you faint?" Twilight asked. James' smile was quickly replaced by a look of pain and sorrow, if only for a moment. he stayed silent, a frown on his face. after about twenty seconds, he sighed.
"Look around yourself. All around you, tell me what do you see?"
Twilight raised an eyebrow, but looked around the bar. Rainbow Dash had left the group and was having a drinking contest with a large pegasus named Snowflake, and seemed to be winning. A wonk eyed pegasus mare was showing a tan stallion with an hourglass on his flank how to pick up a drinking glass with his hooves. The barpony was wiping down the bar he was behind. Twilight turned around again. "I see ponies going about their business. What does this have to do with my question?" Twilight asked, slightly annoyed.
"Now, imagine, if every single person in this room, in this town, even this entire world, was gone, and you were left. How does that make you feel?" James asked. Twilight pondered this for a moment.
"Wow, heavy." She said simply.
"That's why I fainted, hell, that's why I'm even here. I am James D. Hyden, the last living human in the universe. I've always been known as the luckiest man to ever live, and with good reason too! When I was born, I was sent to an orphanage, only to be picked up by an extremely wealthy family. I was known to be one of the smartest minds of the earth when I was only twelve. I remade the entire world I had lived on so it was better in almost every way! And in the end, when the earth dies, I managed to be the one, and the only one who got off of it! But my good luck is a curse as well, for I am the last one! I can be surrounded by people, but I will always be alone." He had said this with increasing volume, until he was shouting it. After this, he started to do one of the only things his own mind would let him. He couldn't cry, not now, so he began to laugh. It started with a chuckle, but grew, until he was sore in his side.
"Ouch!" James yelled, his laughter stopping quite suddenly. Everypony at the table looked at him weirdly, and surprising enough, he still hadn't drawn any more attention to himself from his crazed laughter.
"I hope you have come to your senses sir, if not, the next shock will be stronger." Chase stated.
"Yes, I'm fine, sorry about that."
"What's your favorite kind of music James?" Pinkie asked. Now it was James' turn to give somebody an odd look.
"Where did that come from?" he replied. Rainbow Dash leaned over and whispered in his ear.
"Don't try to understand her. Trust me, it leads to nowhere." James shrugged.
"Well, that's a question not easy to answer, the one you seem to inquire, Two spectrums of of one rainbow, one instrumentally smooth, the other electronically crude. While I would start it off with some strings, later I'd add some swing, and to top it off I'd drop the bass," he finished. His eye twitched as he realized what he just said, when a white pony with an electric blue mane on stage pressed a button and some music started playing. Suddenly, everypony in the room began rearranging the tables and chairs to the sides of the room, and scrambled around to either side of the room, with the mares and stallions on their respective side. They all began to tap their hooves, as the lights dimmed. Now only their tapping hooves could be seen by James. A mare started humming a deep note,
deep in every heart, there is a spark
a magic unlike any other, just let the music flow"
"Here's the thing, called jazz!" a stallion called out
"A raging fire, this time with a swing, So boy here's the thing,"
The mare finished off as a spotlight shone over James. The poor man had no idea what was happening.
"No, no, there is no thing, I really, really just don't sing,"
.
"Seems like a lie to me honey," The mare called out with a silky laugh.
James' 'damn it' was drowned out by the dubstep that played next. "Chase, what in the good name of God, is going on here?"
"I'm not entirely sure, this is hard for me to process," his friend replied.
"Here's the thing, called jazz" the stallion said again
"a one two three four" a different stallion called out repeatedly as they all danced, save for James. Some ponies were doing cartwheels, and others flips, most however were still on their side, tapping their foot.Two spotlights shone, one on James, and the other on the White mare with the luscious red mane. Suddenly a saxophone could be heard, as they all began to sing together.
"instrumentally smooth, electronically crude, when put together, the song makes you!
Just let the music flow, just let the music flow.
on every 'flow', the note would hold just a little longer than the other ones.
The music calmed down, and a grey earth pony began to strum on a cello softly while the saxophone went back to its normal loop.
Just let the music flow, let the rhythm take your soul, lift yourself up and out, Get on the dance floor now
The ponies were dancing once more, and finally it ended with a large pyramid of ponies, and several fireworks going off behind them. The lights turned on again, and everypony went about their business, the Mane Six going back to the booth James was sitting at. He stared at his beer, debating whether or not to dump it out or start chugging. Choosing the former, he threw it in a nearby trash bin. "What, the fuck, was that?" James asked the six mares.
"What do you mean? I thought it was fantastic, the best one this month! Oh you have great taste in music, I wonder if that means that you have good taste in sweets? Oh you can come and try some of the sweets that I make at Sugarcube Corner, we'll have cupcakes and candy and normal cake without the cup, hey there's a question why do they call it a cupcake when you obviously don't bake it inside a cup, and they certainly don't taste like cups, actually I don't think I've ever eaten a cup, not that I would, because they would taste really bad, and more they're made out of glass and the glass would break in my mouth and that would hurt a lot, so no I wouldn't eat a cup, unless it was made out of something yummy like chocolate, because chocolate is really good, and won't hurt my mouth like--" James, for the second time that day, had his hand over Pinkie's mouth.
"In twenty-five words or less, rephrase that sentence so I can understand what you are saying, alright?" He said, slightly annoyed.
"You like good music, would you like to come with me to Sugarcube Corner and eat some treats?" The pink mare asked in a more understandable speed.
"Alright, I'll go, because you seem to be the one thing that has the capability to make sense when asked. Wow, that sounded weird." James said.
“Friendship is unnecessary, like philosophy, like art.... It has no survival value; rather it is one of those things which give value to survival.”
~C.S. Lewis
The walk to Sugar Cube Corner wasn't a long walk, and James found out why it was called that immediately. For one, the house was on the corner of Sugar St and Cube Blvd, and as for the house itself, it was built to look like a gingerbread house! "This place isn't actually made of gingerbread is it?" James asked. Pinkie giggled, and walked inside. James sighed, but followed in. The pink mare was sitting at the bottom of a staircase, and she patted the spot next to her. James cocked an eyebrow, but sat down next to her. immediately, she hugged him. James was surprised, but hugged back. Uh, Pinkie Pie, why are you--"
"I'm so sorry about what happened to your home," she said sadly. James gently pushed Pinkie off of himself. His eyebrow once again rose, as he looked at the Pink Mare. Her mane and tail had lost all of their poofiness, and had flattened out. "I don't think I can ever even imagine that much pain, I think the closest I've ever gotten was when two of my sisters and both of my parents died." Pinkie let out a quiet sob. James looked around, having no idea how to comfort the seemingly bipolar pony.
"Is it alright if I hug you?" He asked softly. Pinkie nodded, and James gently put his arms around the mare.
"Shutting down main senses... Done." Chase said with a beep. James chuckled at his friend's courtesy.
"Accidents kept me alive so many times you know. I knew my home was going to disappear because of one. Hell, even Chase was designed by a slight accident." James glanced at the pink mare he was holding. She was still sniffing and looking at the ground.
"I was only eleven when he was made. I had already made the database, and had programmed the personality, all I needed to do was get the damn thing into my arm, and upload the personality. The second part was easy, but the first, it hurt. I had to actually put it into my arm, not just around it. Well, when I finally got it on, I hooked it up to the personality file, and started to download, and I actually got 97% of it in, before the system crashed. Well, I thought I would have to start all over, but I didn't. The result was better than I could have ever dreamed! Instead of making a program, I made a person." James finished proudly. Pinkie giggled slightly.
"You're lucky that the author gave me fourth wall powers, or I would have never gotten that," she spoke, nuzzling up against James. Her mane and tail were back to normal.
"You're so random." James said laughing, "Now, I remember hearing something about yummy treats?" Pinkie Brightened up at this. She quickly pushed herself off of him, and excitedly started talking.
"Oh that's right! I had totally forgotten that I had offered you treats, and since you excepted my offer it means you must have a sweet tooth, and if you have a sweet tooth I shouldn't keep you waiting for sweet treats, because that would be rude, then again so was hugging you randomly, at least according to Rarity, but then again everything seems to be rude to her, so I just don't know what--" Pinkie's voice became muffled as she went into the kitchen, and then came out with a tray of sweets on her back, "So I told her, 'Don't make me use the flour, but she didn't listen so I dumped it on myself, but instead of laughing she just fainted after saying something about personal hygiene. I didn't get it, it makes the cake twins laugh every time, and I mean every time! So I--"
"Pinkie--"
"--Had no idea why she would faint, maybe it was from being so funny, I mean it is pretty funny--"
"Pinkie I--"
"--but she only faints when she wants to--"
"PINKIE PIE!" James yelled, finally getting the hyper mare to stop talking.
"Yes?" She replied with a giggle and a snort.
"You're talking faster than I can process right now," James said with a smile. Pinkie giggled and nodded, putting the tray of sweets in front of James. She then sat down next to James once more. She then proceeded to shift her gaze from James to the treats repeatedly. James looked at Pinkie for a little longer, then turned his own sight to the assortment of sweets. Shrugging he grabbed a cupcake with a rainbow swirl frosting. He slowly brought it to his mouth, and--
"NO NOT THE CUPCAKE!" Pinkie screamed, slapping the cupcake out of James hand. It sailed through the air and landed with a splat on the floor in front of them.
"Um, okay..." James put his hand over the tray, and pointed at a brownie. Pinkie nodded happily. James shrugged and took a bite out of it, only to become slightly sick. He stood up, and just before he thought he would retch, he fell to the floor, passed out.
"But I even got rid of the cupcake!"
I know Pinkie, I know.