the first chapter filled with an incredible amount of pointlessly childish and stupid humor in the form of a crapload of run-on sentences
“Holy ballistic bacon bananas batman!” Christopher Lloyd exclaimed for no conceivable reason, causing batman’s eyes to explode from the pure untainted perfection of the statement, coating his stuffy butler Alfred with his eyes magical turtle flavored kool-aide.
“What is it that has your panties in such a tightly wound knot oh bozo the clown haired one?” Abraham Lincoln asked licking the nearest window with an incredible amount of vigor that could only be matched by john McCain in a big fluffy bee costume riding a big sexy walrus.
“I think I may have discovered a portal to an alternate dimension populated entirely by small colorful hoofed mammals found to be incredibly obsessed over by males in our society even though ninety five percent of the population there is female!” the deloreon pimpin scientist shouted, stuffing cheerios into his nostrils and emptying a jug of milk over his head before beating himself in the face with a spoon.
“That’s incredible!” the top hat toting human bullet catcher squealed with glee, having now moved on from window licking to stuffing his face with crayons.
“i'll show you how it works!” the half crazed Lloyd giggled,” you take an ipad, and you put it in the microwave!”
“Glorious! Finally something an apple product is good for fending off rabid three legged gophers with lisps!”
With a theatrical flourish Lloyd reached deep into his trousers and pulled out an ipad from what he so fondly called “natures pocket.” After beating some handicapped rodents with it he thrust it into the microwave.
Meanwhile, somewhere someplace where things were that were there, Steve jobs’ legs grew legs and ran into an electric fence leaving jobs to violently insert caterpillars into his rectum until the Russians had a moose parade.
As Lloyd set the microwaves nuclear powered timer to half past potato, Lincoln was gluing skittles to his cat that went by the name of Chester, dark ruler of all. After Chester had been well coated in skittles Lincoln ate him and played the electric banjo.
With a loud whooshing noise similar to that of air passing through a politicians head, a black hole appeared in front of the microwave along with Morgan freeman on a yodeling Indonesian bison.
“Live long and prosper you shall twilight sparkle, for the rebel fleet shall soon take over Hogwarts and not even the tardis will be able to stop the covenant from stealing all the coffee and donuts.” Freeman announced in the world’s worst impression of a furbie in a toaster.
Then Lloyd tore off all of his clothes and ran into the wormhole with a primal utterance of unexplainable origin followed by Lincoln and all of the power rangers who melted at the sight of something that I’m not going to describe because taking the time to describe a disco duck the size of a minivan sitting in a kiddie pool full of easy cheese playing yahtsee with a bottle Ronald McDonald and Donald trump would be a long and tedious process that I don’t feel like taking the time to explain.
Please continue to the next chapter if you have not yet put your face through your abdomen in confusion.
the next part of the story where they actually make it to equestria and stuff happens that does
Christopher Lloyd and his bearded and obnoxious cohort ex-president Lincoln blasted out of princess celestias butthole with a force so incredibly intense you could probably do something kind of harmful with it.
“What in the name of me?!” celestia yelled, setting down the now wet banana she was holding and dismissing her royal guard who walked away with a slight limp (yes, that was a terrible joke, butt I digress) “who are you two seemingly mythological hairless primates who so explosively manifested in my glorious used food dispenser?”
“Well my ever exuberant talking horse friend I am the great and not exactly all that powerful Christopher Lloyd! Only the most respected and well known goat jugglers in the history of bacon and spam sandwiches!” the now frazzled and sprinkle covered (because celestias anal cavity is chock full-o-sprinkles) Lloyd screamed, repeatedly smacking celestias plot until his arm fell off.
“And I’m Steve from accounting” said Steve from accounting, who had somehow materialized and fell out of Lloyds “nature pocket.” After a few seconds of awkward silence and a clopping noise from the other side of the nearest wall Steve exploded with an incredible amount of absolutely nothing.
Abraham Lincoln was busy rubbing lunas upturned belly as she lay in a puddle of her own drool, back legs kicking uncontrollably and making little squeaking noises as her eyes rolled back into her head and kept rolling until they left the room completely. Eventually she melted into pure nutella that Lincoln proceeded to cram into a suitcase covered in a barbershop quartet of singing cheese-its.
“Well Christopher Lloyd and the now absent Steve from accounting and that other guy who seems to be stuffing his face and briefcase with my sister, what brings you to the universes most colorful and creepily friendly dimensions?”
“I am not entirely sure of the answer to that fantabulously clichéd question Mrs. God-horse! I suppose ill have to consult with my POKEDEX!”
Seemingly out of nowhere Lloyd pulled a little red box out of seemingly nowhere and consulted it. “I’m a pokedex you insignificant bucket of dead carp! I only order pizzas! I don’t tell people why they decided to do stuff that leads to the stuff that causes stuff because of the stuff brought on by the stuff!” the pokedex announced in its incredibly dull and monotonous voice before hailing a cab and blasting off into deep space where it slowly lost the sanity that it didn’t know it had and created AOL out of spite for humanity.
“well that was mildly unexpected” Lincoln grunted, having now taken to stuffing scootaloo into a KFC bucket (let the butthurt commence!) while they all sat on their duffs playing dodge ball using sweetie belle as the projectile of choice, they completely failed to notice a small horde of six colorful mammals entering the throne room wearing fez’s and raccoon hats.
“Twilight! My supposedly faithful stalker who spends her incredibly monotonous days with her face plastered to any form of text! How are you!” the princess with the star on her bum smiled, shooting spray cheese in the air and beating Lloyd with a pool noodle.
“it's just absofrikkenterriblyawfulhorribledisastrous!” the pink one screeched, her eyes rolling into the back of her head as she bounced around the room in a way that defied physics and logic and other things that get defied by stuff like that.
“What in the name of starswirls left testicle is wrong?”
“The elements of harmony are broken!”
“WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAT?!”
“I tried to use them to resurrect a dead squirrel this morning so I could get an entertaining reaction when I poked it with a stick but they didn’t even charge up!”
“I know just what to do!”
“What would that be oh Christopher Lloyd who came from my anus?”
“Lightning! And lots more talking in exclamations!”
“YAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAY!”
So they all went outside and stood on the roof holding TV antennas and wearing their dopy little necklaces until they got struck by lightning and the mane six exploded and splattered Lloyd, Lincoln and the princess in their absofruitolicious insides.
“Well that was about as affective as sitting on a big bottle of antacid tablets like I seem to tend to do on a daily basis despite the warning to talk to my physician” Lloyd frowned.
“well it’s too late!” celestia yelled, “cuz I’m gonna rob a bank with a kielbasa and frame Bill Cosby for the whole thing because he owes me twenty dollars and a lawnmower and his firstborn and that Speedo he borrowed!”
With that celestia ate Abraham Lincoln and sat on Christopher Lloyd, sucking him deep into her intestines where they lived happily ever after except for Steve from accounting because he took out a contract on his cat and then ceased to exist because he never did, you were only imagining all the references to Steve because Steve doesn’t exist and you should feel ashamed for taking advantage of people who don’t exist.
With that sad ii will leave you with the mental image of Jeremy Clarkson skinny dipping in your sink.
THE END AND STUFF!!!!!!!!!
