You ever just wanted to hit some living thing with a golf club and not get arrested for it? Well thanks to some scientists in IDontCare land you can; Fluffy Ponies! A marvel in science has created a (barely) self aware organism that is borderline retarded!
Let me explain, once upon a time in the magical world of Kansas there were group of brony scientist who were trying to recreate a “My Little Pony”. They released some details but all the bronies needed was “real” and “my little pony” in the same 140 characters and everyone was going buttfuck crazy over it, following, liking, donating, etc. which put alot of pressure on the scientist causing a freak accident with some weird chemical that blew up their equipment creating several Fluffy Ponies of multiple genders, ages, and races. They kept their creation a secret so they could observe the Fluffies.
They discovered many things of the Fluffs, many things indeed. One of the major things was their speech patterns, they had the speech capacities of a three year olds, here’s some examples: wuv, bebbeh, muma, milkies, poopy, munsta, hooman, nummies, owwie, hewp fwuffy, yadda yadda yadda you get the idea.
Other observations have proved that they mate similar to rabbits: sex, birth, care, repeat. An experiment was conducted between two “herds”. Herd A was looked after, played with, fed, etc., while Herd B was released in a closed area of a nearby forest and were observed contently. Herd B became more dependent of other Fluffies then Herd A, which was dependent on their human caretakers, and even elected a leader which they proclaimed it as a “Smarty Friend”. As the herd was longer left in the wooded area they became more aggressive (if you could call puffing your cheeks and saying “dis fwuffy wand now” aggressive) to other creatures that resided there, smaller such as squirrels and rabbits fled while others just ignored them completely.
A scientist suggested an experiment where the fluffies faced a predator to test its combat skills if any, nothing bad like a dog or some shit but like a snake, the other scientist agreed and decided to separate the herd by scattering it they found the part of the herd with the most amount of Fluffies, 1 male, 1 mare, and 2 foals, and released the snake upon them. The male instantly realized it was a threat and charged it its choosing the battle cry of “NO, BAD MUNSTA DIS FWUFFY WAND!” then proceeded to bat at it profusely it took the snake about a minute to realize something was trying to engage combat upon it.
After swiftly dealing with the male by eating it it slithered towards the now cowering female which was repeatedly saying “nuu cwy bebbehs, muma here.” Over and over giving it postion away much quicker than its multi colored coat and mane did. Again the Fluffy was disposed of quickly along with the foals. The experiment was quickly labeled as failed and the snake was released deeper into the woods and proceeded to have a comic adventure.
How do I know it had a comic adventure? That, my little bronies, is a story for a different time now back to the Fluffies. More observation concurred as they figured out that sometimes in a Fluffy litter they are “runts” of the litter, much like any animal that gives birth to litters. The runts are treated as rejects at birth and not taken care of by the mother, instead they proceeded to call it a “bad bebbeh.” or “dummeh bebbeh” and do one of two things: they either leave it and it starves to death or they show pity and crush under their hooves.
After further observation they no longer collected any new data and let the now “feral” Fluffies go into the wild.
A month after the research was completed they decided to release the Fluffies into the public, of course the public rejected at first saying that it just wasn't the same but, over some time they grew to love the Fluffies. New stores and adoption centers in every town and city just for the Fluffies.
Fortunately or unfortunately because of their high breeding rate no laws were placed that it was illegal to murder these creatures as long as it didn't physically hurt another human so the Fluffy enthusiast were split into three groups, neutral, which is the smaller of the groups, means that they were treated like any other pet, hugboxers, which is second place on this chart, treated them like a human, and abusers, which is the highest of the group, abuse them and treat them as either breeding equipment to make money or as stress relievers and great ones at that judging they were so cheap!
That just about sums up the history of the Fluffies now lets get on to the abuse shall we?
“Get a Fluffy they said, it’ll be fun they said!” I muttered to myself as I cleaned up the fifth piece of shit in the last two days. My friends suggested a Fluffy Pony because of the recent death of my dog, Joe, and I was too cheap and lazy to go buy one so I found one, it was pretty easy to be honest, I just put down a bowl of spaghetti in the front yard and just peered through the window every once in a while until I saw a few om nom nomming on that spaghetti then I just picked one I liked and went outside to be greeted with, “NU! Bad hooman dis fwuffy wand now!” I stared in confusion then knelt down and stared at the Smarty, finally after about a minute I broke the silence, “look here you lil-”
He cut me off “WEAVE NOW!” He puffed his cheeks further and I stood up and slightly put my hands up, “alright ya got me, I’m leaving.” I said putting on a show as I slowly trudged to the front door. I looked around the room for a item to “scare” off the Fluffies. There it was, a slightly bent, rusted 9 iron, it was dads, he absolutely adored golfing before he died, it was his favorite club and it didn’t age well but still held up for some nostalgia when I shot some balls into a nearby field.
I grabbed it and went back outside to see the fuckers shitting all over my lawn, “Oh you fuckers are dead.” I muttered and I walked back to the Smarty. The little fucker saw me and yelled again, “Smawty sad weave or Smawty gif biggest ouchies!” I stifled a laugh as I approached, “ohh how cute!” I said before grabbing it by some fluff on the back of its neck, “WET SMAWTY DOWN NOW OR SMAWTY GIF BIGGEST OUCHIES!” He screamed in my face.
“Ohh, bad move Flufftard.” I said dropping the club and grabbing one of his legs, “WET GO OF SMAWTYS WEGG-”
SNAP
The Flufftard scream in agony as I broke one his legs, then another, then the next, then the next, and then I dropped him on his back. “Owwies!” He cried as I picked up the club and put my foot on his chest. “Nuuu fwufy sowwy! Pwease wet fwuffy go, Smawty wiww be guud pwomise!” He started to plead as I lined up the club with his head.
“Fwffy pwomise?” I mocked as I peered down the feild. “Yus fwuffy pwomise!” He giggled, “sowwy dis hooman alweady gave yu a chance.” I said as I swung hearing several sickening cracks and pops as i decapitated th Flufftard and the head soar into the fields a good forty yards away.
I heard the other Fluffies scream as the head landed, I guess in all the adrenaline I forgot the entire reason I even came outside, I dropped the club and grabbed both of themby the scruff of their necks checking genitals, “one male,” I said looking at the blue Fluffy with a bright yellow frizzy mane, he shit himself. “And one female,” I said looking at the teal Fluffy with a curly hot pink mane. Itd be a problem if they mate but i already had my share of bloodlust for today and took them both inside.
