If you have sex with a changeling that looks like your beloved and you didn’t know and you end up having a child together, does it count as cheating?

by TheWraithWriter

Rating: teen
Tags: My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Princess Cadance, Comedy, Queen Chrysalis, Random, Adventure, Shining Armor, Zecora, Main 6
Length: 17529

Shining Armor finds out he has a bastard love child with the Queen of the Changelings. This can only end well.

Shining Armor awakens one night to find a baby pony/changeling on his doorstep. A baby that is apparently his as well as Chrysalis's. Can he keep Cadance in the dark? Can Twilight help him? Is the queen changeling herself going to make an appearance? How many OCs will there be? Will everypony be in character? Who will cameo? And most importantly, was he technically cheating?

Read and find out.

Sequels contain spoilers. As in you will spoil the twist if you even look at the sequel.

I see you scrolling down. Stop that.

Editors: All of you!
Oh and SmilingKittens

Published 2013-07-16 04:30:01 UTC
Last updated 2014-03-24 09:42:44 UTC

It’s Fine As Long As No One Finds Out

It’s Fine As Long As No One Finds Out

Twilight Sparkle woke to the sun shining down through her window. Directly into her eyes. The unicorn rolled onto her side and briefly wondered if Celestia was specifically targeting her or if the Solar Goddess just hated sleep in general.

Twilight Sparkle

She really likes books

Sighing, Twilight threw off the covers and trotted down the stairs. She meandered her way to the kitchen, yawning and praying to Celestia that she still had coffee.

But as the still awakening Twilight pulled the coffee can down from the shelf in her telekinetic grasp, she got a jolt that woke her up far better than any cup of coffee. (Even that lovely brand that has cocaine in it)

The sound had started out as a faint noise in the distance but had quickly become the scream of metal on metal that threatened to make your ears bleed.

Twilight dropped the coffee can and pressed her hooves over her ears in a vain attempt to block out the sound. And then as quickly as it had appeared the sound faded. There was complete and utter silence which was broken by the softest of metallic tinkles. That was then followed by a sudden whooshing sound and the noise of some metal contraption settling.

Twilight removed her hooves from her ears and got up from the floor. She timidly looked around, wondering by what ludicrous doing had that sound manifested.

There was suddenly a loud knock at the door, which caused the lavender pony to jump a considerable number of feet into the air. Twilight hesitantly approached the door, mind racing as to who, or what was there.

So, one might imagine her relief at seeing her brother Shining Armor standing there instead of, say, Lady Death or a Hasbro Executive. But Twilight’s relief vanished as soon as she saw the panicked look on Shining Armor’s face.

Shining Armor

Dude needs a corndog

“Shining…” Twilight said, scrutinizing his expression. “Are you okay?”

“Me, okay? Sure,” Shining said rapidly, fidgeting. “Could I, uh, come in?”

Twilight nodded and stepped aside to allow her brother to pass. As he entered the library, Twilight saw he had a bundle of something floating behind him.

“Shining, what’s that?” Twilight asked.

“Close the door please,” Shining said, ignoring her question.

Twilight complied, but she got that investigating look on her face. “Shining, what’s wrong?”

Shining Armor said nothing. He pulled a chair over from a stack of books and gently sat the bundle down on the cushion. Twilight looked at the bundle and saw that it contained a baby foal. Normally one might need a shot of adrenalin for this, but Twilight lived in the same hundred-mile radius as the Cutie Mark Crusaders so she was good.

Still, that didn’t stop her from cooing over that baby.

“Aww, Shining, why didn’t you tell me you and Cadance-”

Twilight stopped speaking as she saw a piece of paper unfold on top of the baby. The bookworm read the single word, studied the heart, analyzed the kiss mark, and tested the scent with a few sniffs. After collecting this data, Twilight stared at the baby. Unblinking.

After a time, Shining Armor spoke. “Twilight?” he said hesitantly.

No reply.

After waiting a few moments, Shining repeated himself. “Twilight?”

Still no reply.

“Twilight?” Shining Armor said again, panic beginning to creep into his voice.

(At this point, many of you are wondering what’s wrong with Twilight. Here, this should clear things up)

Twilight.exe has encountered an error. Processing.

“Twilight?” Shining was starting to panic now.

Suddenly, like an angel from above, Equestria’s Fastest Flyer came into the library via a window. A thankfully open window.

“Hey Twilight! You got the new Daring Do book ye-” Rainbow Dash was saying before she caught sight of the baby and the note. At which point the blue pegasus inhaled in a huge gasp.

Rainbow Dash

20% more wingboner

Shining Armor felt pinpricks of fear down his spine. “Twilight?” he said again, panic thinly veiled.

Twilight.exe has encountered an error. Processing.

Suddenly an orange apple farmer came in through a side door.

“Hey there, sugarcubes, Ah brought ya’ll some apple cider and-” Applejack caught sight of the baby, the note, and too inhaled a fair amount of the room’s air.

Applejack

Background Pony

Shining Armor tore down the veil. “Twilight?!”

Twilight.exe is unable to process error. Rebooting.

At this point, a marshmallow, I MEAN BEAUTIFUL DRESSMAKER, came in through yet another side door.

“Twilight, darling, please tell me what you think of this new hat. Is it not simply mar-” Rarity was going to fawn over the baby when she saw it, but the note changed her mind. Instead, she opted to perform one of her famous gasp and fall on couch routines.

Rarity

Marshmallow

“Twilight!?” Shining Armor was obviously panicking now, seeing as the ‘!’ is now in front of the ‘?’.

Twilight.exe is shutting down.

A pink blur suddenly came out of bucking nowhere.

“Twilight. Twilight, Twilight!” Pinkie Pie shouted whilst bouncing up and down. “There was a loud noise, and then a train pulled up in the station! And it had rockets! And it was plaid! And we should have a par-” It was at this point that Pinkie got in on the going trend and gasped loudly upon seeing the baby and note. She also froze a ludicrous number of feet in the air. Somehow.

Pinkie Pie

Random

“Twilight!?!” Ooo, two ‘!’, shit’s getting serious.

Twilight.exe has shut down. Rebooting.

It was at this time a timid butter yellow pegasus came in through the front door.

“Um, Twilight, I brought you that owl feed you wan-” Fluttershy was a lot smarter than most ponies gave her credit for. She managed to figure what was happening quite quickly and gasp in the most adorable manner possible.

Fluttershy

Yay

At this point, Shining Armor was sweating more than Celestia in a cake shop while on a diet. “Twilight!!!”

Twilight.exe has rebooted. Processing error.
Fate apparently thought this was the point at which yet another pony should show up. A striped pony. With a Mohawk.

“Ah, please Fluttershy, move your butt. Twilight I-” Zecora did not gasp, if you were wondering. She was actually cut off by Twilight.
Twilight.exe has processed the error.

“Shining Armor and Chrysalis had a bastard love child!” Twilight ejaculated, following it with a huge gasp.

“Say whaaaaaat?” Zecora said, further cementing the fact that Hasbro dodged a bullet when they decided against the afro.

Zecora

Fo Shizzle!

Shining Armor was drenched in sweat at this point. He was panicking on every level.

And he was wondering whether or not he left the light on back home.

Author's Note

I am quite possibly going to Pony Hell now.

It's Not Going To Get Better, Is It?

It’s Not Going To Get Better, Is It?

The silence in the room was deafening.

(Not nearly a deafening as that train that no one but Twilight seemed to notice, but hey)

(And Pinkie Pie, but she's not a real person.)

But while silence makes for good drama, this is comedy almost certainly written under cupcake-related threats. So the silence can’t last for long.

“Twilight, what’s going on?” asked the sleepy voice of a baby dragon.

Spike

Who?

All eyes turned to see Spike walking down the stairs, rubbing sleep from his eyes. As he neared the bottom of the stairs, Spike began to say something else, but his voice faded out as he wobbled on the steps and subsequently fell down them.

You may now be wondering why Spike passed out like that. Well, after six mares have a mind-blowing secret revealed to them and gasp, they quickly deplete the room’s oxygen supply.

“Oh shit, Spike!” Twilight shouted as she bolted for the fallen dragon.

The others too ran to Twilight’s side, even though that probably didn’t help in the slightest.

“Spike, are you okay!” Twilight shouted at the dragon.

“Uh, I feel light-headed,” Spike grumbled. “And my head hurts.”

“You should take him outside for some air,” said Fluttershy, her soft voice managing to reach Twilight’s ears.

With a quick ‘Thanks!’ shouted at Fluttershy, Twilight picked Spike up in her magical grip and ran out the door. Unfortunately for Spike, Twilight had him levitating at slightly to her right. So while he did make it out the door, he bumped into the frame on the way by.

(‘Bumped’ is putting it mildly…)

Twilight set Spike down on the grass outside the library, the dragon gingerly touching the fresh bump on his head.

“You alright, Spike?” Twilight asked, concern clear in her voice.

“Yeah, I’ll be fine,” Spike replied. Looking up at the lilac pony, he asked a question of his own. “Are you okay, Twilight?”

Twilight just nodded out of habit, but truth be told she did look like she had seen a ghost. No, wait, ghosts aren’t too terrifying. More like she saw Celestia become anthro, turn into one of those half rotted zombies, and then the abomination took all it’s clothes off.

(TheWraithWriter is not responsible for any mental trauma caused by this story)

Twilight and Spike then went back inside the library to find everypony else huddled around the baby with Shining Armor fluttering around them with a panicked expression.

“So this means ponies and changelings can breed?” Rainbow Dash was saying.

“It would appear so,” Rarity replied, leaning close to the baby for examination purposes.

“That’s so awesome!” Dash shouted, jumping up into the air.

“Why are you so excited?” Twilight asked the celebrating pegasus.

“Because, this means Daring Do and Shadow Mask can be together,” Dash replied like it was something everypony should know.

“Huh?” Applejack voiced her confusion.

“Dash is a Daring-Shadow shipper,” Twilight said flatly, less than amused by the blue pegasus’ antics.

“I must say, this baby isn’t nearly as disgusting as one would think,” Rarity said, leaning back to get the whole baby in her view. “The little tyke is actually quite cute.”

“You find it cute?” Applejack was surprised by Rarity’s statement.

“Well, yes darling. Just because half her genes come from an insect doesn’t mean she can’t achieve something,” Rarity replied.

“And how do ya’ll know the baby’s a girl?”

“Well, I just assumed,” Rarity shrugged sheepishly.

“We have to find out for sure,” Pinkie Pie said, hopping excitedly. “I mean, I can’t make a party banner if I don’t know if the baby’s a boy or girl.”

“What? We can’t have a party,” Shining Armor said, halting his pacing and staring at Pinkie.

“Why not?” the party mare asked.

“Because nopony can know about this!”

“Why not?” asked Fluttershy’s timid voice.

“Because it’s evidence that not only was I completely fooled by a changeling, but I shagged her too. Can you imagine what Cadance would do if she found out?”

“Wouldn’t she just understand?” Twilight asked. She remembered Cadance as a very kind and forgiving soul. Surely she would understand.

“She wouldn’t just understand something like this! She’d likely put me in the hospital.”

Twilight raised her eyebrows.

“Don’t get me wrong, I love Cadance and she loves me,” Shining Armor said quickly. “But she’s also a bucking lunatic.”

“So, no party then?” Pinkie asked.

“No party,” Twilight answered.

Pinkie sighed sadly.

Twilight turned back to her brother. “So you’re definitely not telling Cadance?”

Shining nodded.

“Okay, so what are you planning to do?”

Shining fidgeted. “I, uh, was hoping you would know what to do,” he said sheepishly.

“Are you bu-!”

“Twilight!” cried an exasperated Pinkie. “Think of the child!”

Twilight ground her teeth and growled.

“Perhaps I can help,” Zecora said, turning to Twilight and Shining. “With what to do with the little whelp.”

Twilight and Shining gave the zebra quizzical looks.

“I can find out if it’s really yours,” the zebra further explained. “And not just some trick to make you do your chores.”

Twilight’s and Shining’s expressions became ones of the utterly confused.

Zecora sighed and rolled her eyes. “What, do you think that rhyming is easy?” she asked. “Like just pumping out tasty lemon squeezee?”

“What, I don’t even…” Shining muttered.

Zecora shook her head, exasperated. “Ugh, just come with me.” she turned and headed towards the door. “When we get to my hut, then we shall see.”

Shining nodded and picked the baby up. He followed Zecora with Twilight just behind him.

“Um, I think I should go too,” said Fluttershy, causing the others to halt. “I know the Everfree well and, well, the baby is small and, uh, helpless, so…”

Shining looked at Twilight who said, “Fluttershy does know the Everfree and having her along will, at the very least, keep the cockatrices away.”

Shining opened his mouth to ask exactly how a mare that seemed afraid of her own shadow was going to keep away mythical beasts. But he then decided that he should just take Twilight’s word on it and nodded his consent.

Fluttershy gasped softly and joined the procession, bringing up the rear.

Twilight turned back to look at Spike, Rarity, Pinkie Pie, Rainbow Dash, and Applejack. “Now, I need you guys to keep things locked down here.”

“Locked down for what, exactly?” Dash asked.

“Cadance,” Twilight said simply. “If she doesn’t already know where Shining went, she’ll figure it out soon and she’ll likely come looking for him.”

“And what do we do if she does come here?” Rarity asked.

“Lie through your teeth. Say anything that will keep her as far from the truth as possible. I know lying is wrong, but this sort of thing could ruin Shining’s life and Cadance’s as well. With that in mind, Applejack?”

“Yes, Sugarcube?”

“I forbid you to speak to Cadance under any but the most dire circumstances.”

Applejack sighed. “Ah understand.”

“Good, now you all be good while I try and figure this manure out.”

And with that, Twilight closed the door and caught up with Zecora and the others as they approached the Everfree Forest.

As they disappeared from sight, those that remained in the library looked at one another.

“So, dears, anypony got a plan for what to do should Cadance come calling?” Rarity asked.

“Ooo, ooo, ooo!” Pinkie said, jumping up and down.

“Yes Pinkie?”

“We should throw a party!”

They all stared at Pinkie.

“And how exactly does that help?” Spike asked.

“Well, ponies like to drink at parties, right?” Pinkie asked rhetorically.

They all nodded.

“So, if and when Cadance gets here, we throw her a huge party and get her drunk off her plot. That way, she won’t even remember if she finds out about the baby!”

They all stared at Pinkie Pie for a time. Rarity then broke the silence.

“Pinkie Pie?”

The party pony beamed.

“That’s…” the fashionista took a deep breath. “That’s bucking genius.”

Author's Note

Yeah...

Just What The Hay Does Zecora Do In Her Spare Time?

Just What The Hay Does Zecora Do In Her Spare Time?

“Are you sure this is the right way?” Fluttershy asked Zecora.

The zebra glared at the yellow pegasus. “Of course I am sure,” she said, and then added in a low voice, “Ungrateful miserable cur.”

Twilight sighed as she watched Zecora stop to examine a tree she was pretty sure they had passed three times by now. She wondered if the zebra was under the influence of some sort of all-powerful being with a terrible sense of humor. It would explain why the zebra who lives in the Everfree Forest had gotten lost.

Shaking her head and turning to her brother, Twilight said, “So, you actually think the baby might not be yours?”

Shining nodded. “I wouldn’t put it past Chrysalis to take a rare albino changeling and dump it on my doorstep for shits and giggles. I don’t know what I’ll do if it turns out that the baby is mine, but…”

Shining turned his attention to the little bundle that floated in front of him. “Even if he isn’t, I couldn’t bear to just let this little tyke go.”

“He?” Twilight inquired.

Shining shrugged. “I don’t actually know if the baby is a she or a he, but I really don’t want to just say ‘it.’”

Twilight nodded and smiled. “You’re getting attached,” she said slyly, nudging him with her flank.

“I am not,” Shining insisted, though he was smiling as well.

“I could fly up and look around,” Fluttershy offered.

“Perhaps you should,” Zecora said, sighing. “I am certainly growing tired of this troublesome wood.” she rapped a hoof against the tree for emphasis.

But when her hoof connected with the tree, in place of the expected dull thud there was a sound like Zecora had hit a piece of cardboard. True to all that implies, that large piece of cardboard masquerading as a tree fell over to reveal Zecora’s hut.

“Ha! Now I remember!” Zecora said triumphantly. “I put these up to confuse those damn foals last December.”

Zecora smiled and happily trotted towards her home while Twilight, Shining, and Fluttershy exchanged looks.

They quickly entered Zecora’s home, standing together as the zebra went around the interior, gathering up ingredients. While she was doing that, Shining felt the baby stir in his magical grasp.

He brought the baby closer to his face, seeing that the child had woken up and was yawning cutely. Shining felt the blood in his arteries start clogging, but luckily he was saved by the very thing threatening his continued existence.

The baby suddenly became considerably less heart-stoppingly cute when it began wailing like a banshee.

Shining flinched. Twilight’s coat bristled on end and her eyes contracted to pin points. Fluttershy squeaked and jumped a ludicrous number of feet into the air. Zecora’s mane stood on end and she clenched her teeth.

All were frozen like that for a second before Zecora moved with surprising speed and pulled a bottle of some liquid from a cupboard. She dashed to another side of the room and pulled out a rubber nipple. She pulled the cork out of the bottle and pulled the rubber nipple over it. The zebra then dashed to Shining and shoved the nipple into baby’s mouth.

The baby immediately stopped wailing and began suckling contently from the bottle.

Shining Armor was dumbfounded. “What is that stuff and how did you know?”

“Changeling milk and a lucky guess,” the zebra said, panting. “Just make sure the baby doesn’t make a mess.”

Shining nodded and said a word of thanks, quietly to fussing over the baby now.

“And how did you get a hold of changeling milk?” Twilight asked.

Zecora gave Twilight a look. “Asking questions whose answers you don’t want to know,” she said as she continued gathering items. “On that path, you are sure to find woe.”

Twilight shook her head and turned to ask Fluttershy a question. But the pink-maned pegasus was nowhere to be found.

At least until Twilight heard a soft sound and looked up. Fluttershy had somehow attached herself to the ceiling of Zecora’s home and seemed unable to get down.

“Are you okay?” Twilight asked Fluttershy.

“F-f-fine,” Fluttershy replied through chattering teeth. “H-h-how are y-y-you?”

There was then a soft whooshing sound and a dart suddenly appeared on Fluttershy’s flank. Eyes rolled into the back of her skull and her muscles lost all tension and she quite unceremoniously crashed to the floor.

Twilight jumped slightly at this and traced the dart’s flight to the blowgun held by Zecora.

“What? She would have been there all day,” the zebra said simply. “Believe me, it is far better this way.”

“You killed her!” Twilight shouted.

“Please try not to be so melodramatic,” Zecora waved a dismissive hoof at Twilight. “It would only be a problem if she was an addict.”

Twilight’s expression became confused. “What?”

“It’s alright, Twilight” said a soft voice.

Twilight turned to see Fluttershy getting up from the floor. The pegasus pulled the dart out of her flank with a muffled squeak and some watery eyes, but seemed to be okay.

“Sometimes when I need to calm down, Zecora gives me some stuff that relaxes me.” the shy pegasus then shot a half-hearted glare at Zecora. “But she usually doesn’t administer it via blow darts.”

Zecora grinned wickedly.

Twilight rolled her eyes and shook her head. There really wasn’t any point in trying to puzzle out how and why Zecora would administering tranquilizers to Ponyville’s resident veterinarian. That road either implied Zecora was playing pharmacist for fun or there was something sexual and Twilight really wanted to stop thinking about that.

Shining watched this all with a passing interest. Most of his attention was focused on the feeding baby, who once more was being life-threateningly cute.

Shining then did an imitation of his sister’s coat and eye bit as he felt somepony yank a few of his hairs out. Whipping his head around, Shining saw Zecora with a few strands of his mane in her teeth.

The zebra trotted over to the table where she had place the rest of the gathered ingredients and placed the hairs there. She then approached shining again and very daintily plucked a strand of mane from the baby who didn’t react in the slightest.

Zecora set the strand of baby mane down with the rest of her gathered ingredients and looked over the ensemble with what looked like a touch of pride. Then, almost like an afterthought, the zebra yanked out a few of Twilight’s hairs as well.

“Ow! What the buck, Zecora!” the unicorn voiced her displeasure whilst rubbing the spot where the hairs were.

“I thought it prudent to test you as well,” Zecora said matter-of-factly. “Although, if you admit it now, it just might keep you out of pony hell.”

Twilight stared at the zebra with her mouth hanging open for a few minutes.

“I’m sorry, what?”

“I have to make sure you are not the mother,” Zecora said simply. “It would be awkward if you were since he’s your brother.”

Twilight openly gaped at the zebra, her ear twitching.

Zecora ignored her and ducked beneath the table and came up with some sort of greeting card which clearly had a heart on it. Opening the card, she plucked a strand of emerald green hair from inside. She laid the hair next to the others she had acquired and then carefully closed the card and returned it to its original place.

“What’s that?” Shining Armor asked.

“From within the deceptive mist,” Zecora intoned mystically. “This is the hair of Queen Chrysalis.”

“Hair from the Queen of the Changelings? How did you get that?” Shining asked.

Zecora just grinned lasciviously at him.

“So, what now?” Twilight asked, still glaring at Zecora.

“Well, now I-” suddenly Zecora broke off her sentence and stared at one of the ingredients. “Damnit, Pinkie Pie.”

“What?” Twilight asked, trotting over to the table.

Zecora pointed at a wilted plant.

“Pinkie borrowed some ingredients?” Twilight said.

Zecora nodded.

“And you need fresh ones for the parent test?”

Another nod.

Twilight sighed. “Where can I find them?”

“You can find this plant under the sun,” Zecora said, giving Twilight the withered plant as reference. “Once you return, we can get this done.”

Twilight sighed again and began walking towards the door. “C’mon Shining, I think I’m going to need your help.”

“But, what about the baby?” Shining said, holding the baby close to him.

“Fluttershy can look after the baby, right Fluttershy?”

The yellow pegasus nodded hesitantly. “Sure, not a problem, Twilight.”

Reluctantly, Shining relinquished the baby to Fluttershy, who took the baby and held it close to her chest.

“I’ll look after him, or her,” Fluttershy reassured Shining. “There’s no need to worry.”

Shining nodded and reluctantly followed his sister out the door.

Author's Note

Seriously.
2232623

Blunt Force Trauma To The Head

Blunt Force Trauma To The Head

“Ok, now we put the Berry-Punch-Punch right here, and the Pink Jägerbombs right here, and the ShadowFire Flaming Cocktails right here!” Pinkie Pie said excitedly, hoping from spot to spot with ludicrous speed, becoming a pink blur each time.

Rarity, Rainbow Dash, and Applejack rushed to comply with the party pony’s directions, laying bowls filled with the beverages on cloth cover tables. Next to the bowls of punch went dozens of stacked plastic cups and napkins at Rarity’s insistence.

“We can’t just not put out napkins.” Rarity exclaimed in distress.

“They’re coming here to party, not wipe their mouths with doilies.” Rainbow Dash said as she tried to keep a tall stack of napkins from falling.

“Tut, a lady always wipes her mouth.” Rarity said, not offering help to Rainbow Dash in the slightest.

“I thought a lady always swallows.” Rainbow Dash said crudely.

“Why I never,” Rarity started, but interrupted by Pinkie Pie suddenly appearing between them.

“Silly ponies, a lady swallows and wipes her mouth.” as though for clarification, Pinkie took a cup, filled it with punch, drank it down, and then daintily wiped her mouth with a napkin. “See?”

Rarity and Rainbow Dash looked like they were going to argue, but thought better of it and just nodded.

(Ooh, oral sex jokes. My, you are a clever and sophisticated writer)

A little while later the library looked fit for an all night bash. Banners hung from rafters, streamers hung down, some even reaching the floor, tables with snacks and bowls of intoxicating beverages lines the walls, and a DJ stand was set up near in front of the staircase.

“You really think we should have set up in the library?” Rarity asked, looking at the group’s handiwork.

“You’re asking that now?” Dash asked quizzically.

“Well, I realize that this is the most likely place for Cadance to come first, but who knows what she’s like when she’s drunk.”

“Don’t worry ‘bout a thing.” Pinkie said as she hopped out of a mass of balloons. “After the last party I had here, Twilight said she put some force-field thingy over the bookshelves to protect them.”

Rarity nodded. “Well, that makes sense.”

“Something just occurred to me too.” Dash said as she moved over to a punch bowl filled with Berry-Punch-Punch. “If Cadence shows up, how exactly are we supposed to get her to drink herself silly?”

“Why not jus’ put out salty foods so she gets thirsty?” Applejack ventured.

“Applejack! When did you get here?” Rainbow Dash exclaimed. “Rarity, did you know Applejack was here?”

The unicorn shrugged. “Applejack is always around somewhere.”

“Uh, Ah’m right here.”

“Anyway,” Dash continued, seemingly deaf to Applejack. “How are we supposed to get Cadance to drink?”

“We could challenge her to a drinking game!” Pinkie pie said, rapidly setting up a number of cups and bouncing a bit into one of them. “She’ll be derped in no time!”

“But what if she’s better than you?” Applejack said, trying to help form a solid plan.

Instead of acknowledgement, she was met with surprise.

“Applejack! When did you get here?” Pinkie Pie exclaimed. “Rainbow Dash, did you know Applejack was here?”

“I thought she was collecting apple cider.” the rainbow maned pegasus replied. “If you know what I mean.” she added slyly.

“What do you mean?” Applejack asked, only to be apparently forgotten again.

“We should have a back-up plan, just in case.” Rarity said.

“Why don’t we just break a bottle of cider on ‘er head when she comes through the door?” Applejack said sarcastically.

“Applejack!” Rarity exclaimed. “When did you get here?”

“Aw, buck the lot of you.” the orange pony turned and headed out the door. “I’ll go get the hard cider!” she called back at the others.

Ah am NOT a background pony. Applejack thought to herself as she walked to Sweet Apple Acres. Ah am a big part of this place. This place couldn’t run properly without me. Ah had more screen time than Rarity and Ah got my own episode. Suck my leg, you fashion obsessed-

(Oh dear, can‘t have any of that now, can we? Bloody terms of agreement…)

“Now, what do you think that was about?” Rarity asked.

“Aw, you know AJ, she just needs some time to herself.” Rainbow Dash said dismissively.

“Actually, I think the author just needed an excuse to get Applejack to Sweet Apple Acres.” Pinkie Pie said, rubbing her chin with a hoof.

“Well, I suppose that makes sense, darling. But why would-?” Rarity was cut off by a knock at the door.

“Twilight, are you home?” asked the voice on the other side of the door. A voice recognized by the three ponies as princess Cadance.

Pinkie Pie dashed to the door and pushed it open.

“Hi ya!” she said happily.

“Oh, hello Pinkie Pie.” the Princess of Love said, mildly startled by the partly pony’s sudden appearance.

Mi Amore Cadenza

She ships AppleDash

“Is Twilight here?” she asked.

“Nope.”

“Oh, well, I don’t suppose my husband, Shining Armor, is here either.”

“Correct!”

“Ah, figures. May I come in?”

“You betcha!” Pinkie said before dashing back to the others.

Cadance walked into the library and took in all the decorations.

“My, seems you have a big party planned.” she said.

Pinkie nodded. “Yep, all for you!”

“For me?”

“Yep! Twilight said you would probably be coming and that we should throw a party for you.”

“That’s… sweet. But I really would like to find Shining first. His note was vague as to what Twilight needed him for.”

“Uh, wouldn’t you like something to drink?” Rainbow Dash said, filling a cup with punch.

“No thank you, Rainbow Dash, I’m afraid I’m not really thirsty right now. Tad hungry though.” Cadance levitated a brownie form a table and began eating it.

Dash and Pinkie exchanged looks.

“Uh, Twilight said that she and Shining would be back soon.” Dash said. “So, would you like to play a game to pass the time.

“Oh, why not.” Cadance said as she finished her brownie. “What shall we play?”

“Party Pong!” Pinkie said excitedly. “You have a cup here, and you try to bounce a bit in, and if you make it, your opponent has to drink!”

Cadance arched an eyebrow. “Aren’t you suppose to play that with alcohol?”

“Afraid to play?” Dash said, trying to goad Cadance.

“Your funeral.” Cadance smiled as she and Pinkie took up positions on either side of the cup.

“You first.” Pinkie said, handing Cadance a bit.

The princess took the coin in her hoof and neatly bounced it off the table and into the cup.

“Your drink.” Cadance said with a hint of smugness.

Pinkie nodded and downed a cup of Berry-Punch-Punch. The alcohol didn’t seem to effect the party pony in the slightest and she took careful aim with a bit.

But missed the cup when she bounced it.

Cadance bounced another bit into the cup with seemingly no effort and Pinkie drank again.

This went back and forth for a time, pinkie making a few shots into the cup and Cadance almost never missing. In half an hour’s time, Pinkie was wobbling on her hooves and Cadance was requesting a drink because she was thirsty.

It was easy to understand that the ponies were worried their brilliant plan wasn’t going to work and Cadance was likely to go looking for Shining and Twilight soon.

So what happened next is completely understandable.

As Pinkie Pie drew a shaking cup to her lips, Cadance looked on with confidence and a touch of smugness. Both expressions dropped from her face as a bottle came crashing down on the back of her head.

The bottle shattered and its liquid contents soaked Cadance’s mane. The alicorn blinked slowly and then crashed forward onto the table.

Standing behind the now unconscious princess was Rarity, the broken end of a bottle in her telekinetic grasp.

“What? It wasn’t like you were going to do it.” she said to the openly gaping Rainbow Dash.

EverFree-Running

EverFree-Running

Twilight and Shining entered Zecora’s home, each holding a bushel of the plant the zebra had sent them for.

“Zecora, I’m home!” Twilight called out, giggling.

She quite understandably stopped giggling upon seeing the zebra lying unconscious on the floor, a frying pan nearby.

“Zecora!” Twilight cried, running over to the herbalist.

Shining reacted in a similar way, but it wasn’t the zebra that interested him. (This time that is. We all know what happened on that ‘diplomatic’ trip to Zebrafrica.) Instead, he ran to the cradle, where he logically assumed the baby would be. Failing to find the child there, Shining began running around the room looking through every conceivable, and one or two inconceivable, place he could for the baby, mimicking the chittering sound the child sometimes made.

“Zecora, are you all right?” Twilight asked, lightly shaking the zebra.

“Ooh, miss Mayor.” the zebra groaned, eyes still closed. “Not so rough.”

Twilight sighed and looked around for something that might help wake up the zebra. Finding a bowl of icy water, the unicorn levitated it over the herbalist’s head and then simply dumped it’s contents.

Zecora woke up sputtering and cursing, most of the curses in a variety of other languages. She shook her head, flinging little droplets of water everywhere.

“What? Who? Arg!” Zecora shouted, rubbing the back of her head. “I’m a going to kill that bitch when I find her! Murder her and leave her body in the Everfree where it’ll be unrecognizable by this time tomorrow!”

“Zecora, are you okay?” Twilight asked, the zebra not exactly sounding like herself.

“Of course I’m not okay, whelp!” Zecora growled. “I’ve been hit with a frying pan!”

“You, you aren’t rhyming.” Twilight said, shocked.

“What?” the zebra asked. And then her still awakening mind processed the question. “But, I always rhyme! I can rhyme… often?” Zecora’s expression became lost as she tried to find a rhyme. It quickly returned to rage though. “No, murdering her would be too quick. I’m going to cut her wings off, cover her in honey and leave her in an anthill!”

“Who?” Twilight dared ask.

“Fluttershy!” Zecora yelled.

“Fluttershy?” Twilight repeated, dumbfounded.

“I can’t find the baby anywhere!” cried Shining in distress.

“Fluttershy took it.” Zecora said simply.

“Fluttershy?” Shining repeated.

“Yes, Fluttershy!” the zebra roared, standing up. “It’s the only thing that makes sense. Why would she knock me out unless she was going to take the baby?”

“What if it was a changeling that came for the baby?” Twilight offered.

“That makes no sense. They would have no idea where the baby was. Only Fluttershy knew besides the two of you.” Zecora paused. “Wait, did I just rhyme?” then she leapt into the air joyously. “Yes, I’m back Clementine!”

“What?” Twilight said, understandably confused.

“Just shut it and listen, will you.” Zecora then said nothing as she went through her cupboards rapidly and then triumphantly pulled out a compass. Offering it to Twilight, she said, “Go on and take it, it won’t kill you.”

Twilight took the compass and stared at it. “It doesn’t point north.”

“No, it points to Fluttershy, the mother-bucker.” Zecora said simply. “She had me make it in case she got lost so I could find her.”

“This will lead us to Fluttershy?” Shining asked.

Zecora glared at him. “Is that not what I just said?” she said irritably. “Now please go find her and make. Her. Dead.” Zecora punctuated the last three words with a stomping of her hoof.

“Uh, I don’t think we’re going to execute Fluttershy, but we will find her.” Twilight said.

Zecora shrugged and then rapidly shooed the two unicorns out of her home, wishing them luck. She giggled as she returned inside her home, pleased that she could rhyme on a dime once more.

*******

Shining and Twilight plunged through the thick foliage of Everfree. Shining led the way, knocking aside anything that dared to stand in his path.

Twilight was surprised by Shining’s behavior. She had never seen this side to him. She had seen him determined and stubborn before, of course, but this was something entirely different. She had a feeling that if the baby was in any condition but perfect when they found Fluttershy, she might have to restrain her brother from harming the pegasus.

They suddenly were met with a thicket of twisted branches that blocked their path. Rather than simply go around, Shining sent the branches broken and flying with a blast of magic, not breaking stride in the slightest.

Twilight hoped Fluttershy had a good explanation, or this wasn’t going to end well.

Speaking of a butter yellow pegasus, a familiar squeak of fright sounded as the two unicorns burst through the hole in the foliage.

The squeak was turned into a sharp yelp as Shining tackled Fluttershy.

“Where’s the baby!?” he roared at the cowering pegasus.

“Shining!” Twilight roughly shoved her brother off of Fluttershy. “She’s going to have a heart attack if you do that!”

“Better than she deserves.” Shining spat.

Twilight threw Shining a sharp look and knelt down next to the whimpering Fluttershy.

“Go to your happy place, go to your happy place.” she whispered to herself over and over again.

“Fluttershy, shh.” Twilight said gently. “Fluttershy look at me. Look. At. Me.” the unicorn said softly but firmly.

Fluttershy stopped her whispering, but she was still trembling and refused to meet Twilight’s eye.

“Fluttershy, can you hear me?” Twilight asked.

Fluttershy nodded.

“Where is the baby?”

“The baby is safe.” Fluttershy answered.

“No, where is the baby?”

“The baby is safe.” the pegasus repeated.

“Fluttershy,” Twilight began again, but Shining nudged her aside. She was going to protest, but a look from him quieted her. His look was calm, but hard.

Kneeling next to Fluttershy, Shining spoke. “Fluttershy, is the baby safe?”

Fluttershy nodded, still trembling.

“Are you sure?”

“I bet my life on it.” Fluttershy said softly.

Shining nodded. “Why did you take the baby?”

“I’m sorry.”

“It’s okay.”

“No, it isn’t.” Fluttershy gulped and managed to stop her trembling. She looked Shining Armor in the eyes and said, “It’s not right, what I did. I knew it was wrong, but some little voice just kept telling me to do it. I didn’t want to hurt you, but maybe I had to so I could make you happy.”

“Fluttershy, what are you talking about?” Shining asked.

“I don’t know when it started, but I’ve had a crush on you for the longest time. I gave it up when you got married because there was no point. But when you came here with the baby, it all seemed so simple. If Cadance saw the baby and left you, then I could come in and help you.” Fluttershy tried unsuccessfully to choke back tears. “I’m sorry. I’m so sorry. Please don’t hate me.”

“It’s okay Fluttershy, I understand.” Shining said gently.

“You do?”

He nodded. “But, I need to know where the baby is.”

Fluttershy nodded slowly. “I sent the baby with some birds and Angel. They’re heading back to Ponyville right now.” the pegasus sniffled. “I’m sorry.”

“It’s fine, Fluttershy, really.” Shining said. He then stood up and turned to Twilight and then nodded.

Twilight stared in shock at Shining, but then nodded as well and then helped Fluttershy to her feet.

“What kind of birds were they?” Twilight asked.

“Swallows.” Fluttershy answered.

“Wait, how can a swallow carry a baby?”

“There was more than one.” Fluttershy said, almost defensively.

“But how exactly would two swallows carry a baby?”

“They could make a hammock and each carry a side.”

“Make a hammock?”

This conversation might have continued had it not been for the sudden arrival of a letter. A most startling arrival of a letter. As in, the damn thing appeared in a ball of fire. Ludicrous.

Fluttershy squeaked and did a greatest hits of her Leaping-Into-The-Air tour. Shining jumped slightly, the tension not fully drained from his system. Twilight on the other hand (hoof?) didn’t even blink, used to letters appearing in this fashion. But there was usually a baby dragon around when this happened.

Twilight opened the letter and quickly read through it. The Princess almost never sent letters to her directly, so it must be serious. The unicorn’s expression went from perplexed, to worried, to near frantic as she read the letter.

Without any prompting, Twilight turned to Shining and Fluttershy and read the letter aloud.

Dear Twilight Sparkle,

As I am sure you already noticed, this letter came to you directly instead of through Spike. It is not that I have no faith in Spike, but I must be sure that this letter reaches you.

While harmlessly watching Ponyville via a crystal ball. (She was being a Peeping Tom. Luna! No, don’t write that!) I caught a glimpse of an infant changeling. I know not the reason for this changeling to be in Ponyville, but given recent events I feel I must treat this with the utmost delicacy.

I have sent the Night-Guard in to retrieve the child. They will not harm it, but they have been authorized to use force to secure it. Please stay in the library tonight and do not leave for any reason. I will send you information as I acquire it.

I know not what the changelings’ game is, but I plan to end it quickly.

-Princess Celestia

P.S. She was totally trying to see some hot pony action.

-Princess Luna

Shining’s eye twitched. “The Night-Guard…” he said quietly, horror in his voice.

“What’s the Night-Guard?” Twilight asked.

“They’re Luna’s personal guard. They’re quiet and deadly. I saw them deal with a gang of griffons once. Just threw the bodies off the side of the observation deck. Like it was nothing.” Shining took a deep breath. “Twilight, we have to get back to Ponyville and get the baby now.”

Twilight nodded. “Right.”

And then she disappeared in flash of purple light.

Shining stared at the spot were his sister had been standing a few moments before, mouth open.

“She forgot to take me with her!” he shouted.

Shining took a deep breath, this was no time to panic. He had to get back to town, but he had no idea which way town was. He then had an idea.

Turning to Fluttershy, he said, “Fluttershy, you want to earn my forgiveness, right?”

The pegasus nodded.

“I need you to fly back to Ponyville, as fast as you can. I’ll follow from down here.”

“How will you be able to follow me?” she asked.

“Same way I found you.” he held up the compass. “Now please, go. Fly!” he shouted, waving his hooves. “Fly you fool! Fly!”

Fluttershy squeaked and jumped into the air again, but this time she spread her wings and took flight, heading towards her home.

Shining Armor watched her go and then looked at the trees in front of him.

“Good thing I played all that Assassin’s Steed 3.” he said to himself as he jumped into the trees and began running along the branches. He weaved and jumped, swinging from branch to branch and pushing his way through leaves.

He had to get to the baby. He had to protect the child.

And above all, he had to figure out how the hay he was going to tell Cadance about all this.

Author's Note

This chapter was a little more intense than previous ones and I'm sorry if it broadsided you.
However, the next chapter will be even worse.

Battleground Ponyville

Battleground Ponyville

Celestia’s sun was dipping low on the horizon. Shadows elongated and deepened, ponies finished their work for the day and headed home. There were a few of course who would stay up to pay respect to Luna’s moon, but besides them, most of the town would be asleep in an hour or two.

It was familiar. It was routine. It was predictable.

Nearly silent wings carried a dozen ponies to the woods just outside Ponyville. Not the Everfree mind you. That place was too unpredictable and they needed certainty on this task.

The group of ponies were mostly pegasi, their coats dark and their wings like bats’, but a few were unicorns, their coats dark as well. They were all garbed in dark robes that hid their tactical vests.

They were armed well. It had been decades since the last time Equestria had gone to war, but while the public believed that weapons had not advanced since that time, the truth was quite the opposite.

The Night-Guard were privy to the latest the R&D Department had to offer. They had been given rifles that automatically cycled the next round into the chamber after the first had been fired. They had attached suppressors to the barrels of their weapons. They canceled the flash and reduced the sound of a gunshot significantly.

But that was the Night-Guard’s purpose. Quick and quiet.

The leader of this particular incursion was a unicorn that had more brawn than one would expect and less refinement as well. His coat was dark grey and his equally grey mane was cut extremely short. This unicorn’s name was Blind Justice and he seemed to deserve it.

“Alright then, you know the mission. You find the little changeling spawn, you secure it, and you radio it in so we can all pull out. Weapons loaded, safeties off.” he said in a gruff voice.

Blind Justice

He has perfect 20/20 vision

“Belay that.” said a female pegasus as she walked up to the front of the group.

Her coat was a blue so dark it was almost black. Her mane was actually black, but had a healthy shine to it. Her eyes were her most striking feature though. They were a golden yellow that seemed to almost shine in the dark. He legs were long and shapely and more than few fellow Night-Guards had been floored when she had caught them staring at her flank.

This pegasus’s name was, ironically, Sunshine, and she was the usual leader of the Night-Guard. But after an incident involving the Wonderbolts, she had been temporarily demoted to second.

Sunshine

She has issues

“Weapons loaded, but I want safeties on unless you make contact with hostiles. These ponies are asleep and if they wake up they’ll likely freak out if they see one of us in their homes. Can’t have any of you being jumpy and killing innocents.” Sunshine glanced at Blind Justice. “Unless you have a problem with that BJ.”

A few of the ponies snickered at their temporary CO’s nickname. They wouldn’t have if he could actually figure out why they always laughing when someone called him that.

“No, no problem.” Blind Justice grumbled. “Now, I want a full sweep of the town once it’s good and dark. Standard grid pattern.”

“Always stay in pairs, and if you go off of the pattern, radio it in. I don’t care what your reason is, just make sure we all know where you’re going.” Sunshine added.

The assembled Night-Guards nodded and they all got comfortable on the grass. Night wasn’t far away.

*******

Applejack trotted down the road to the farm, a cart hitched to her. She was currently searching for wherever Granny Smith had thought she could hide the apple cider without AJ finding it. It was getting annoying, Granny’s little game. Applejack was a grown mare and could perfectly well handle her cider.

That time at the spa did not count.

But while the orange pony was moving aside fake rocks and opening the doors on fake trees, she had the nagging feeling that fate was about to buck her in the face. (And not in the good way.)

Applejack heard the rustle of wings and then felt something land on her head. The farmer took off her hat and prepared to begin yelling at the birds for defecating on her when she noticed that the thing on her hat was a bunny. Specifically, a bunny named Angel.

“What in tarnation?” the farmer said.

And then a hammock was lowered down in front of her. In the hammock was that little bundle of cuteness that had been such a problem recently. The ends of the hammock had were held in the grasp of a pair of swallows.

Angel pointed from the baby to Applejack.

“Ya’ll want me ta take the kid?”

Angel nodded.

“Fine.” the apple farmer shook her hat to dislodge the rabbit and then replaced it on her head. She then gently took the baby from the hammock and set the child down in her cart.

“There, but why did ya bring the kid ta me?”

Angel made a complicated series of gestures that would have made perfect sense to a pony with Fluttershy’s level of animal interpretation. Unfortunately, this was Applejack, not Fluttershy, so they were just pointless movements.

“Yeah, sometimes I wish you critters could speak too so that we’d know if Fluttershy was abusin’ ya’ll or not. And why you’d bring me a baby.”

Angel brought his paw to his face.

Suddenly Rainbow Dash came streaking out of the sky and landed on her legs with a thump next to Applejack.

“There you are!” the pegasus said and then she began rapidly babbling about something or another.

“Slow ’er down there, sugarcube.” Applejack said, shoving a hoof in Dash’s mouth. “Now, when I take my hoof out of yer mouth, I want ya to slowly tell me what’s got you all riled up.”

The earth pony removed her hoof from pegasus’s mouth, who drew a deep breath and then began speaking.

“Okay, so Cadance showed up, but she wasn’t thirsty. So then Pinkie challenged her to that drinking game and was losing horribly. And then,” Rainbow Dash gulped. “And then Rarity bucking smashed a bottle on Cadance’s head.”

Applejack stared at Dash for a time. “Seriously?”

Dash nodded.

“Okay, so Rarity’s gone an’ lost it again and Ah am guessin’ that Pinkie drank herself into a coma. Am Ah right?”

Dash nodded again.

“So, why tell me all this?”

Dash blushed slightly. “I needed somepony who was level headed and rock solid.”

“And ya thought of me. Ah am flattered Dash.” Applejack smiled at her friend.

And then something came along and ruined this beautiful moment.

“Give us the child.” demanded a low voice that had a slight buzzing quality to it.

Applejack and Rainbow Dash turned to see three changelings come out of the shadows. They somehow looked different from the ones that the two had battled in Canterlot. They seemed more ragged, less all there. The holes in their legs were not round but jagged. Their teeth were yellowed and decayed. Their eyes cruel and unhinged.

“S’cuse me?” Applejack said, sounding distinctly unhappy.

“Give us the child!” the changeling hissed.

Applejack slowly moved in between the changelings and the cart. “Dash.” she said, not taking her eyes from the changelings.

“Yeah?” Dash replied, muscles tensing as she readied herself for battle.

“Take the kid and fly back to town.”

“What?”

“You heard me. Ah can take these varmints. Ya need to get the kid back to town and have Spike contact the princess.”

“But I don’t even know where Spike is.” the cyan pegasus protested.

“Just fly ya fool!” Applejack shouted as she bucked to cart.

The cart’s contents flew into the air. Dash reacted on instinct. Before she knew what was happening, the pegasus was hovering in the air, the baby cradled in her forelegs. She looked down to see Applejack still staring down the changelings, but now she had a double-barreled shotgun.

“Ah can still hear you!” Applejack shouted.

Dash put on her game face and nodded, even though she knew Applejack couldn’t see her. She then spun a hundred-eighty degrees in the air and sped off for Ponyville.

Applejack heard her friend go and smiled at the changelings. “Good luck catchin’ her.”

The changelings smiled right back at the farmer. “You think it’s just us?” one asked condescendingly.

Applejack scowled. “Keep on smilin’ mother-bucker.”

And she fired.

*******

Twilight gasped and shook her head to clear it as she appeared in a purple flash in Ponyville. The purple unicorn hated teleporting long distances. It would be a while before she could teleport again or use more than beginner level magic. Plus she would be tasting blue for a half hour or so.

She looked around and wondered where Fluttershy had told the swallows and Angel to take the baby.

It’s probably be the library. the unicorn reasoned. That’s where we think Cadance would look first anyway.

Nodding to herself, Twilight began to quickly trot to the library. She would have liked to run, but doing that this soon after a long-distance teleport was a bad idea.

Unless she wanted to fall on her face that is.

*******

Dash heard the roar of a shotgun as she sped away from Sweet Apple Acres. She hated leaving her friend there. It just felt so wrong. But she couldn’t argue with Applejack and the farmer had been right. She could handle herself. The baby was the one who needed protection.

Although, Dash could have done with some protection herself.

(That’s was she said.)

She heard a harsh buzzing and looked over her shoulder to see a pair of changelings descending from above her. Normally this wouldn’t be a problem for Dash. She could easily dispatch the changelings or just out fly them. But she could do neither with a baby cradled to her chest.

Dash began weaving, trying to get the changelings to run into each other. It was very unlikely, but what other options did she have?

The changelings failed to crash into one another, but they did miss every dive they made for the pegasus, so that was something. Dash soon saw Ponyville coming up fast and an idea formed in her mind.

She made a beeline for town hall, flying right at the dome as fast as she dared with the baby. The changelings were right behind her, matching and beginning to surpass her speed.

But just before she crashed headlong into town hall, Dash made a sharp turn up and to the left. One changeling managed to mimic her move and keep on her. The other smashed into town hall with a sickening crunch.

Dash climbed rapidly, the remaining changeling not far behind her. Dash made another sharp turn at the apex of her ascent and made a beeline for the library.

The changeling somehow anticipated this move and turned just a nanosecond after she had and managed to grab a hold of her.

Rainbow Dash let out a sharp cry of pain as the changeling sank its fangs into her left wing.

The pegasus spiraled as her wing recoiled from the stabbing pain inflicted upon it. Her swift descent turned into a near tumble, the changeling staying attached to her by its decaying legs.

Then a thought trickled into the pegasus’s mind as she held the baby tightly to her chest. Flaring out her wings, ignoring the pain from her injured left, she stabilized the plummet into a glide. A very fast glide. A very fast glide with her upside down.

The changeling was perplexed by these actions, looking down, or rather up, at the pony it had attached itself to. And as the changeling looked forward again, it let out a shriek that was quickly cut off and replaced by the sound of chitin shattering under high impact.

In short, Dash scrapped the bugger off as she flew dangerously close to the roof of a building.

The pegasus righted her herself with a grin, but that was dropped as she realized that she could neither slow down nor halt her descent. So as she neared the ground, Dash held the baby high above her head and braced herself.

Now, plowing a furrow in the dirt with your own fast-moving body might be deadly to lesser beings, but this is the Dash we’re talking about here. Her head is quite literally harder than a number of substances. Granted some of those listed substances are paper, but still.

Rainbow Dash hit the ground hard and did indeed dig a furrow in the street with her own fast-moving body, burying her head in dirt. But she was totally okay. As was the baby, who escaped without a scratch thanks to Dash holding the little tyke above her head.

Another interesting thing, Dash’s body stopped just in front of a startled Twilight Sparkle, the baby at eye level.

“Baby! When did you get here?” Twilight exclaimed. Looking over the child and at the partially buried Dash. “Rainbow Dash, did you know baby was here?”

A muffled reply that sounded suspiciously like ‘Buck you.’ came from the mound of dirt around Dash’s head.

“Oh you!” Twilight said whilst waving a foreleg at Rainbow Dash. She then snatched the baby out of Dash’s hooves with her magic. Bringing the child close, Twilight began a series of reassuring statements. “There, there. It’s okay. Everything is going to be just fine.”

You know the thing about reassuring statements? You always hear them right before bad things happen.

“Hand over the child.” a low voice demanded. The sound of a rifle being cocked was then heard, as if to punctuate the order. “Now.”

Twilight froze and then looked over her shoulder. There was a pegasus with a black as coal coat, holding a rifle that wasn’t pointed at her.

The Night-Guard said Twilight’s mind.

“Oh shit.” said her mouth.

One wonders how often those two coincide.

Twilight Sparkle, student of Princess Celestia, bearer of the Element of Magic, powerful magic user, bibliophile, and vanquisher of gods of Chaos did the most logical thing she could think of.

She ran like she had just set fire to a public structure.

But as the purple unicorn fled down the street, more Night-Guards appeared, emerging from the shadows in between every building. Twilight though she might escape as she neared the street’s end, but ended up digging her hooves into the dirt and sliding to a stop as a muscle bound unicorn landed in front of her and blocked her path.

“Stop right there, criminal scum!” he roared, causing Twilight to let out an ‘eep’ as she slid to a stop in front of him.

“You will surrender the child now!” the unicorn demanded.

Twilight nearly wet herself as she cowered under the unicorn’s malevolent gaze. Was this how Fluttershy feels all the time?

*******

Sunshine glided down from her position on a rooftop on silent wings, landing to Blind Justice’s left. She was not at his left though, she was a few feet away, facing the space between him and the lilac unicorn who was holding the baby to her chest and looking like she was going to cry.

Something was familiar about this unicorn though. Like a friend that one had not seen in a while. Where had Sunshine seen this pony?

“You will surrender the child to me at once!” Justice was saying, and it looked like that only scared the unicorn more.

Meanwhile in Twilight’s brain, her mind was moving at a frantic rate. She couldn’t think of what to do, only that she could not just hand the baby over to the Night-Guard and particularly this brute.

“I can’t.” she said, beginning to shake.

And then something clicked in Sunshine’s brain. She knew that voice. That was the voice of a filly that was in near tears over accidentally setting fire to a tapestry while practicing magic. A filly that had cowered from her, a newly appointed royal guard, when she had come down the corridor to investigate the burning smell. A filly that had given her the tightest hug when she promised not to tell the princess.

Of course, Sunshine did tell the princess that tapestry had been set alight, but said she had no idea who had done it. The princess had known already, of course. But the tapestry was not important and truth be told hardly damaged.

But Sunshine had never forgotten that scared filly, trying quite unsuccessfully to hide behind some curtains.

Blind Justice aimed his rifle at Twilight. “Final warning!”

That snapped Sunshine out of her nostalgia.

“Put the rifle down, Justice.” Sunshine growled.

“No.” he said, not taking his eyes or weapon off of Twilight.

“She’s an innocent!” Sunshine shouted.

“That remains to be seen!” he spat. To Twilight, he said, “Now, you have to the count of three, not four, not five, three to hand over the child.” his eyes narrowed.

“One.”

Twilight was shaking uncontrollably now. She couldn’t teleport. She certainly couldn’t beat him in a physical confrontation. She could try a shield spell. She wished Shining had taught her more about them.

“Two.” Justice cocked his rifle for dramatic effect.

Sunshine quietly pulled her pistol from its holster. The gun was fitted with a silencer like the others’ rifles and was a reliable weapon for soft targets. Sunshine wasn’t going to kill Justice, but a bullet to the knee would likely get him demoted to street guard.

“Three.”

Sunshine was squeezing the trigger as she heard him begin to say the word, but stopped when she heard a peculiar sound. There was a crunch, a wet crunch. A snick like a blade parting flesh. A gurgle.

Sunshine saw Blind Justice being lifted off the ground by what looked like a massive, talon shaped spear tip going through his abdomen. It was a shiny black, like the shell of a beetle.

Behind this spear tip was a segmented shaft. A flexible segmented shaft that was appearing segment by segment. Sunshine soon realized she was looking at a tail.

There was a clatter as Justice’s rifle fell from his grip as he was lifted higher by his assailant, whose entire body soon became visible, whatever magic that made it invisible fading.

It was a changeling, obviously some sort of mutant. A huge changeling, easily as big as the queen herself. It appeared as muscle bound as a changeling could, with grey metal armor covering its body. A skull like helmet with a black visor covered its head, but left its fang-filled lower jaw free to bite.

Changeling Brute

*Predator chittering noise here.*

Blind Justice knew he had time to say one last thing as he was turned to face the thing, still impaled on its tail.

“You, are one ugly, mother, fu-”

Before he could even finished his last words, the changeling whipped its tail to the side and sent him crashing into a wall.

It then zeroed its sight on Twilight and let out a screech that would reduced battle-hardened griffons to quivering in puddles of urine.

And then Sunshine’s combat instincts kicked in.

“Contact!”

Even as the word left her lips, Sunshine saw more changelings emerge from the shadows, attacking her fellow Night-Guards with cruelly curved blades. The pegasus brought her pistol up and began firing at the changelings as fast as she could, sending a double-tap of bullets at each of them until the slide locked back.

She then dared glance at Twilight, who was still standing frozen on the spot, still as a statue.

“Run!” she shouted at Twilight.

Twilight just stared at her for a moment, and then she suddenly spun on her hooves and bolted down the street. The mutated changeling roared and began sprinting after her, tearing up clots of dirt.

Sunshine leapt the half-dozen feet or so to where Blind Justice’s rifle had fallen and snatched it up. She pointed it towards the big changeling pursuing Twilight and opened fire.

Thanks to the weapon’s suppressor, there wasn’t a flash or loud chatter as the weapon fired. In fact, the sound of the weapon cycling was the louder than the weapon firing.

Sunshine’s bullets were on target, but it mattered not. The weapon had been loaded with subsonic hollow points, which simply dinged off the changeling’s armor with a spark or two. It didn’t even slow the bastard down.

Sunshine tossed the weapon aside and pulled her shotgun from her back. She didn’t have a silencer for this weapon, but Sunshine had always favored a good pump-action 12-Gauge over a rifle.

She heard a screech and whipped around, angling her shotgun up. A changeling was leaping off of a roof, waving a knife. She fired, the weapon bucking in her grip and the changeling tumbling away from her as the pellets tore its body.

Sunshine racked the slide and began moving as fast as she could after Twilight and the big changeling.

*******

Rarity was going through Twilight’s closest.

She wasn’t being nosy of course (the nerve!), but she did feel it was her duty to ensure that dear Twilight had at least one fashionable dress.

What did this apron say? ‘Kiss the cook… No, not there!… Well, if you insist…’

“Oh sweet Celestia, which is worse? This being Twilight’s or Spike’s?” Rarity asked herself.

She didn’t get an answer, but what she did get was knocked over as a midnight-blue pegasus came crashing through a window.

Sunshine shakily got to her hooves, putting the butt of her shotgun on the floor to use as a crutch to get herself up. That big changeling had hit her with its tail, sending her flying through the air and a window.

Sunshine turned and saw there was a white and purple heap where she had landed. A fabulous white and purple heap.

“Thanks for breaking my fall.” the pegasus said, shaking her head to clear it.

“No… problem.” Rarity said, groaning in pain.

Sunshine looked around the room and barely glanced at the passed out pink earth pony. She did however stare at the unconscious form of Princess Mi Amore Cadenza slumped on a table.

Sunshine shook her head and began looking around the room for something, anything, that could help her fight that monster outside. Her eyes fell on a bowl of dark liquid.

Trotting over to it, Sunshine dipped a handy cup into the bowl and took a sip. The liquid burned her throat.

“Yep, that’s the stuff.” she said hoarsely. She then turned to the white unicorn with the fabulous purple hair who was currently getting to her hooves. “I need your help.”

*******

Twilight was cowering inside a building that was slowly being demolished by the monstrosity that was after her and the baby. She held the child close to her body, trying to keep she shaking down. The baby was awake and seemed to understand that something was wrong. The baby was quiet, face buried in the fur on Twilight’s chest.

The changeling beast was screeching and roaring as it pummeled the building with its legs and spear-like tail. Twilight wondered why it was after her and the baby. What were its reasons? Did Chrysalis send it?

These questions were temporarily rendered moot as Sunshine and Rarity suddenly burst out of the library’s front door. Sunshine was wielding her shotgun while Rarity was holding a large bowl of dark liquid in her magical grasp.

Rarity threw the contents of the bowl all over the big changeling, which halted its assault on Twilight to turn and stare at her. Sunshine then aimed and fired her shotgun, which she had loaded with a Dragon’s Breath shell.

The incendiary projectiles made contact with the soaked changeling. The changeling promptly went up in flames and began wailing in pain. It flopped on its back in a vain attempt to extinguish the flames. Sunshine went up to it and pinned its head back with a hoof and proceeded to empty her pistol into its throat and chest.

“Oh my,” said Rarity as she trotted up next to Sunshine. “I guess they call it a flaming cocktail for a reason.”

Sunshine smirked. “And I guess you could say that he-” she gestured to the changeling whilst putting on a pair of sunglasses “-couldn’t take the heat.”

(YEAHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!)

Twilight nervously made her way out of the partially destroyed house.

“Sunshine,” she said nervously, still holding the baby tightly against her. “Is that you?”

The pegasus nodded. “It’s me Twilight. And don’t worry, everything is going to be just fine.”

Oh, she had to say it.

There was a roar of rage and a changeling similar to the one Sunshine had just killed suddenly came crashing out of the sky. The changeling landed with a solid thump just opposite its dead brother. This one looked less decayed though and wasn’t as brawny as the other, but that made it no less terrifying.

“Give me the child!” the changeling roared in a distinctly male voice.

“Twilight.” Sunshine said as she tightly gripped her shotgun.

“Yes?” Twilight asked, feeling the adrenaline beginning to pump through her body once more.

“Run.”

It was a simple command and Twilight happily followed it. The lilac unicorn began sprinting away from the changeling as Sunshine racked her shotgun and tried to bring it up. The changeling’s tail whipped around as he started after Twilight and smashed into her body. The pegasus was sent flying through the air, her shotgun and sunglasses flying away from her. The back of her head connected with a wooden beam with a solid thunk.

In an instant everything went black.

*******

Twilight was running low on fuel. She couldn’t keep running like this. The adrenaline in her body could only sustain her for so long. She felt herself slowing. Her breathing became ragged. Her eye lids felt heavy.

And suddenly she was in the air, flipping over to land heavily and painfully on her back. But she managed to keep the baby safely tucked against her.

Twilight skidded a foot or so in the dirt, wincing painfully. Opening her eyes, she saw the changeling standing above her, face concealed by his metal mask.

“Such foolish bravery.” he said, eyes burning behind the black visor. “You are a brave little pony and you deserve to know the name of your killer. I am Silas, Grand General of the Changeling Army."

General Silas

Four-Star Monster

Now,” his tail came up behind him, poised to stab into Twilight. “Die.”

Twilight closed her eyes and waited.

But the spear-tail never connected with her body. It glanced off of a pink shield of magical energy, startling Silas.

“What!?” he roared.

Shining Armor the burst through the trees near the edge of town and leapt to land between his sister and the changeling.

“Get away from my sister you mother-bucker.” Shining growled.

Shining Armor

Buck Yeah!

Silas returned the growl and the two began to circle one another as Twilight quickly crawled to the relative safety of a house.

“The great Shining Armor.” Silas said, laughing. “I will enjoy killing you.”

“Shining!” called a female voice.

Both Shining and Silas turned to see Cadance running up to where they were. She had a sword in her magical grasp and tossed it to Shining. He caught it and pulled the blade from the sheath, tossing the sheath away.

Silas roared and charged Shining who ducked and lashed out with the sword. The blade skited off of Silas’s helmet with a shower of sparks and left it with a scar, but seemed to do the changeling no harm.

Silas lashed out and hit Shining in the gut, stumbling the unicorn. Grinning, the changeling sent his tail forward, intent on skewering Shining. The unicorn managed to dodge it just in time by turning and the spear point became stuck in the ground.

Shining went with his turn and brought the sword up. Using his momentum, Shining brought the sword down in a vicious chop that cut completely through the tail.

Silas screeched and stumbled back, his now half-length tail flailing wildly. Shining pressed his advantage and closed the distance between himself and Silas. He brought the hilt of the sword against the changeling’s armored head with a dull thunk.

Silas lashed out again and hit Shining in the head. This knocked him on his back and jarred the sword from his grasp. Silas reared up, a wickedly curved blade poised to plunge into Shining. Shining reacted on instinct and lashed out with a back leg.

This caught Silas squarely between his back legs.

The changeling seemed to freeze. He then let out a low breath and promptly crumpled on to the ground.

Breathing heavily, Shining stood up and retrieved the sword. He then went over to the fallen changeling and examined him. It appeared as though he was unconscious.

Shining reached over and pulled the metal mask off of the changeling, revealing the face beneath. Silas’s face was heavily scarred and pitted and looked as though he had his jaw broken and hastily healed.

“You,” Shining said as he stared at the ruined face. “Are one ugly mother-bu-”

“MOTHER-BUCKER!” Silas roared, eyes opening.

He lashed out with all four hooves and sent Shining a ludicrous number of feet into the air before the unicorn crash back to the ground.

“If you have a chance to kill,” Silas said as he got to his feet and picked up the sword. “You better bucking do it!”

As Silas reared back on his hind legs, the sword poised to skewer Shining, another female voice spoke up.

“Well Silas, at least they can say you gave good advice.”

This was followed five loud gunshots in rapid succession. The bullets tore through Silas’s torso, leaving bloody holes as they exited. But Silas was still standing. His and Shining’s eyes met and the unicorn saw cold, naked fear there. Then a sixth shot rang out, almost like an afterthought. It too went through Silas and the changeling general fell to the ground, dead.

Shining was looking at where Silas had stood and he could see Queen Chrysalis herself standing there. She blew on the barrel of a revolver before twirling it and returning it to its holster.

“Miss me, sweetie?” she said, winking at Shining.

Queen Chrysalis

*Smooch*

Author's Note

Oh dear, another cliff hanger.
Next chapter will be the conclusion.

…I’m Sorry What?

…I’m Sorry What?

“Chrysalis!” Shining Armor exclaimed in surprise.

“That’s me.” she replied, smirking.

“But when did you get here?”

“Oh, just now. I would have come sooner, if I had known my baby was here.”

“You didn’t know?” Shining said, confused.

“Well of course I didn’t know!” Chrysalis suddenly sounded angry. “You think I would send my own child off without knowing the destination? For that matter do you believe I would abandon my child in the first place?”

Shining cringed at the changeling queen’s harsh words. He guessed he never had really thought about how the baby had been left on his doorstep.

“Sorry.” he said weakly.

“As you should be. I wouldn’t have known to come here at all if little Truth here hadn’t told me.” a changeling that lacked holes in her legs timidly came out from behind Chrysalis.

That’s weird. Shining thought. A changeling without Swiss-cheese legs. Come to think of it, Chrysalis’s legs are looking remarkably whole.

“But that isn’t important right now.” Chrysalis turned away from Shining and looked towards Twilight, who was huddled against a wall, the baby clutched against her chest. Chrysalis moved with fluid, purposeful strides towards the unicorn, stopping just in front of her. “Give me the baby, Twilight.” Chrysalis ordered in a calm voice. “Please.” she added softly.

Twilight stared up at Chrysalis. Had the queen of the changelings just politely asked her to hand the baby over.

Whether Twilight was going to comply or not was rendered moot by the arrival of a half-dozen or so black-clad pegasi and unicorns. Most were brandishing pistols, but a few held rifles. They all pointed their weapons at Chrysalis.

Sunshine came striding forward from the front of the group. There was a trickle of blood coming from under her mane, but the pegasus seemed to be ignoring that for the moment.

“Queen Chrysalis,” Sunshine said in a crisp, military tone. “You are under arrest for conspiracy, identity theft, assault, attempted murder, kidnapping, and wasting of perfectly good pastries. You have the right to remain silent and be executed on the spot if you try and escape.” the Night-Guard glared daggers at Chrysalis. “And the same goes for your little helper there. Do you understand?”

Chrysalis looked more annoyed than anything else. “You’re going to arrest me after I just saved his life?” she gestured to Shining.

“Yes.” Sunshine said bluntly.

“Wait!” cried Cadance, running up to the group. “She’s been given an official pardon.”

Sunshine blinked. “Excuse me?”

“Ah yes, should have mentioned that.” Chrysalis said, sounding suspiciously like this was news to her as well.

“On whoes authority?” Sunshine demanded.

“Mine.” Cadance replied.

“What?” Sunshine said.

“What?” Shining asked.

“What?” Twilight was confused.

“What?!” boomed a normally calm and motherly voice.

Everypony turned and looked at the source of the shout. They were greeted by the sight of Princess Celestia hovering in mid-air, a burst of light radiating around her.

Princess Celestia

Oh shit

“Shit.” Chrysalis said.

Celestia descended, managing to look graceful, regal, and royally pissed off all at the same time. A rather timid looking Luna was trailing behind her. The Sun Goddess hit the ground with a solid thump and advanced on her ‘niece.’

“Say that again miss Cadenza.” Celestia said in a sweet yet deadly voice. “Slowly.”

Cadance did her best not curl into a ball and wonder what the moon was like this time of year. Instead, she stood proud and looked the ruler of Equestria dead in the eye.

“I, Princess Mi Amore Cadenza, Princess On High of the Crystal Empire, grant Chrysalis, Queen of the Northern Changelings, amnesty from her crimes.” Cadance said in an official tone.

“On what grounds?” Celestia demanded.

Cadance glanced nervously first at Shining then Chrysalis. “Perhaps that is best discussed in private.”

Celestia glared at Cadance but nodded. “Very well. The library should suit our needs. Shining, Twilight, and Chrysalis will accompany us.”

Cadance nodded.

Celestia turned to Luna. “Luna, take command of the Night-Guards and sort out the mess.”

Luna nodded as well, knowing very well what, ‘sort out the mess’ meant.

Celestia, Cadance, Shining, Twilight, Chrysalis, and Truth headed towards the library while Luna approached Sunshine, who was eyeing the departing Chrysalis.

Noticing Luna was standing right in front of her, Sunshine snapped to attention.

Princess Luna

Double that

“At ease.” Luna said. Sunshine dropped her hoof. “Report.”

Sunshine nodded and told Luna of what had happened. There were approximately thirty changelings, counting Silas and his brother. They were all dead. In addition to Blind Justice, four other Night-Guards had been killed by the changelings. No civilian deaths that they knew of.

Luna nodded after Sunshine had laid this all out for her. “Good work, all of you. Now, we have to get the fallen back to Canterlot. If Chrysalis is still alive by the time Celestia comes back we will defer disposal of the changelings to her.”

The assembled Night-Guards nodded and began going about the task of locating their fallen brothers and sisters. Sunshine began to go as well, but Luna stopped her.

“We need to get you to a medic.” Luna said, sounding almost like she was fussing as she touched Sunshine’s mane.

“I’m fine.” the pegasus snapped, shoving the Moon Goddess’s hoof away. She then realized what she had done and immediately began apologizing.

Luna waved her off and began to say something else when a certain blue pegasus stumbled over to them.

“Hey, I need some help.” Rainbow Dash said.

“Yes?” Luna asked.

“Applejack was fighting some changelings at the farm. I…” Dash wobbled for a second but shook it off. “I don’t know if she’s okay.”

“Go with her.” Luna said to Sunshine. “We’ll get you medical attention later.”

Sunshine nodded and spread her wings as Dash did the same. They took off and flew towards Sweet Apple Acres. Luna watched them go.

“I hope she’s alright.” the lunar goddess said to herself.

*******

Rarity was there at the library and had taken a semi-conscious Pinkie Pie with her when she left at Celestia’s request. There was a small bump when Chrysalis insisted that Truth be allowed inside as well, but Celestia relented and the changeling accompanied her queen inside.

They all stood in a rough semi circle, Celestia and Cadance opposite each other.

“Care to explain yourself now, miss Cadenza?” Celestia said in calm, even tones.

Cadance opened her mouth to reply when the doors to the library burst open and Luna sailed in.

“Wait, I want to hear too!” she said, sounding a little too excited. Once she had settled in next to Celestia she nodded eagerly to Cadance.

The pink alicorn shook her head and began again. “As I’m sure everypony here knows, this all started because of the baby.”

Chrysalis then interjected. “Allow me to explain something first.” all eyes turned to her as the Queen of the Changelings cleared her throat.

“I did not leave the baby on the front step of the home of the rulers of the Crystal Empire. That was Truth’s doing.” she motioned to the changeling at her side. “Truth had gotten involved with a splinter group within my hive, led by the recently deceased General Silas. Her original reasons for joining, be they pure or not, are irrelevant, for when she learned of Silas’s plans to kidnap my only child of pony origin for use as a bargaining chip, she showed where her true loyalty lay. Though she was unable to prevent the kidnapping, she was able to intercept the baby and had taken the child to a place she believed would be safe. The splinter group learned of her betrayal and extracted the location from her. From there they used scouts to track the baby to Ponyville. My guards and I then rescued Truth and destroyed the remains of the cell. From her telling me where Silas had gone, I came with all the speed I could. And here we are.”

Chrysalis finished with the barest hint of a flourish, which made Celestia suppress a scoff.

“A fascinating tale.” Celestia said. “But that doesn’t explain why Cadance has seen fit to pardon you. Especially since you must by now know that she has had a love child with your husband.”

Cadance blinked in confusion. “The baby isn’t Shining’s.”

Everyone save Chrysalis and Truth blinked in confusion. “What so you mean?” Celestia asked.

“The baby is mine.” Cadance said simply.

What followed probably looked a lot like that scene in 2001: Space Odyssey that everyone seems to know, even if they’ve never seen the movie.

“I’m sorry, what?” said Shining Armor after a time.

“The baby is mine and Chrysalis’s.” Cadance said like it was the simplest thing in the world.

“But… but how… I…” Shining found himself unable to figure out what the hay was happening. In desperation, he turned to Celestia. “Princess, you surely must have some idea of what’s happening, right?”

No response.

“Princess?”

Celestia.exe has encountered an error. Processing. …But don’t get too hopeful.

“But two females can’t have a child.” Twilight said, staring at Chrysalis with a cross between suspicion and curiosity. “Right?”

Chrysalis simply raised her eyebrows suggestively.

“Allow me to explain.” Cadance said, clearing her throat. “A few months after the wedding, Chrysalis found me near the outskirts of the Empire. She was alone and near death and I could not bear to simply let her die. I nursed her back to health over the course of a few weeks and in that time I learned of her reasons for doing what she did. Her people were starving and suffering after a war with the southern changelings. She was left little option but to hatch a plan that was half made up on the go. She regretted everything and had come to apologize to me. After she regained her health we began meeting in secret for months and well, one thing led to another.”

Cadance trailed off, blushing hotly.

Luna actually had a bag of popcorn out at this point.

“I was feeling kinky one night and came to bed disguised as you.” Chrysalis said to Shining. “And well,” she grinned lasciviously. “All it take is one. How I love magic.”

“So, you got Cadance pregnant?!” Shining never thought such a thing was possible.

“She sure did.” Cadance said.

“Even though the baby is a hybrid of pony and Changeling, the pregnancy period would have been at least six or so months and Cadance would have looked pregnant as well.” Twilight said. “How did you hide it?”

“A mixture of illusion magic and Chrysalis occasionally taking my place.” Cadance said.

“I did fool you once.” Chrysalis said to Shining.

“I need a drink.” Shining said, going over to a punch bowl and sticking his entire head in.

“I have another question.” Twilight said.

“Ask away.”

“Why are your legs not, you know, holey?”

Chrysalis glanced at her legs and then back at Twilight. “You’re the bookworm, or so Cadance has told me, you figure it out.”

Twilight thought about it. “Well, when a changeling is malnourished, the body more or les eats itself to sustain the changeling until a food source can be found, hence the holes in the legs. But you had fed off of Shining a lot before the wedding, why the holes then?”

“Healing is a long process for wounds of that nature, even with a powerful source. Truth here is similar because thanks to Cadance and I being, well, friendly there was more than enough to go around the remaining hive. The only ones who did not partake were Silas and his ilk.”

“Speaking of the hive.” Cadance turned to face Chrysalis. “Have you told them?”

“Already named my successor. That’s why Silas wanted the baby, leverage.”

“What about Truth here?”

“She was looking after the baby with me at the hive. That’s how Silas’s little soldiers got to the kid in the first place, but kind of also how she got the baby back as well. I was going to send the baby with her to you anyway while I sorted out my affairs.”

Shining brought his head out of the punch bowl. “So that note was meant for Cadance.”

Chrysalis nodded.

Shining sighed and dunked his head back in.

“So you were relinquishing hold of the hive and going to live with Cadance?” Twilight asked.

“And Shining.” Chrysalis added. “I wasn’t just going to boot him out.”

“Wait a minute.” Shining said, pulling his head from the bowl of Berry-Punch-Punch. He began advancing on Cadance and Chrysalis, speaking while he moved. “You mean to tell me my wife has been having an affair with the changeling queen who impersonated her for her own wedding?”

Both Cadance and Chrysalis nodded.

“And you had a child together?”

Another pair of nods, although the pair looked a little uneasy.

“And while this has been going on, I have still been paying for the fact she fooled me into believing that she was you?”

They nodded again, looking a little frightened by Shining’s rather assertive demeanor.

“That’s it, we’re going home right now!” he put his left hoof around Chrysalis and his right around Cadance and began walking with them towards the door. “Oh, and guess what the pair of you will be doing! That’s right, making me some Celestia-damned corndogs because I’ve sure as Tartarus earned some.” he looked over his shoulder at Truth, who was standing there, staring. “Come on then, Truth right? We could always use a maid or something.”

Truth seemed to nod excitedly and the went over to Twilight who offered a smile and handed over the baby. Truth gently took the baby and smiled back at Twilight.

“I read your paper on the Elements of Harmony, loved it.” Truth said in a quiet, distinctly female voice, before she hurried to catch up with Shining, Cadance and Chrysalis.

Twilight watched them go, a smile on her features.

“I guess love can surprise you, huh princess.” Twilight said over her shoulder. Getting nothing in response, she turned around. “Princess?” she asked, looking at the seemingly frozen princess, a little worried.

Celestia.exe has processed the error.

Celestia blinked a few times and slowly sucked in a breath. Then, using the Royal Canterlot Voice, she shouted.

“WHAT THE FU-!”

End Credits

Author's Note

Thanks to everyone who read this story and liked it. Also thanks to anyone who gave the story a down-vote but actually read it first.
Special thanks to bakki on DeviantArt who created the picture that inspired me.
Also thanks to Lauren Faust for giving us the greatest cartoon show intended for little girls.
Feel free to ask me any and all questions you might have and I'll try to answer them.
Until next time, this has been TheWraithWriter.
Tra-la-la.

Late-Night Surprise

If you have sex with a changeling that looks like your beloved and you didn’t know and you end up having a child together, does it count as cheating?

Late-Night Surprise

Shining Armor woke to the sound of somepony rapping their hooves on the door. The Guardspony’s first thought was to ignore it and try to go back to sleep, but the rapping was repeated, more insistently this time.

Shining Armor looked over his shoulder at his wife’s sleeping form. He had hoped that perhaps she had woken up and he could feign sleep while she got the door, but no such luck.

Grumbling, Shining Armor got out of bed and trotted down stairs. As he approached the front door, he thought he heard a buzzing sound that quickly faded. Shrugging, he opened the door and looked out into the empty night.

“Damn foals,” he mumbled to himself.

He started to close the door, but before he could, Shining Armor heard a soft, innocent sound.

Looking down, he was greeted by the sight of a small bundle. Wrapped in blankets, there was a tiny, baby foal. The baby’s coat was white, much like Shining Armor’s, but had a slight pink tint. The baby’s mane was two very peculiar shades of teal, a bifurcation of dark and light and parted by a little curvy white horn. The baby’s small eyes were shiny and black.

Baby

Baby

Shining Armor felt his heart begin to seize up as the baby’s cuteness washed over him. The fact that the little thing was nibbling on a piece of paper did nothing to halt the stopping of his heart. But when he caught a glimpse of some writing on the paper, that was enough to delay a heart attack.

Shining Armor took the paper in his magical grasp and held it up before him. There was a single word written on the paper, in curvy lettering.

Chrysalis

And a heart had been drawn next to it.

Underneath that was a lipstick mark, in the unmistakable shape of a pair of lips, almost as if somepony had kissed the paper.

And there was a scent coming off the paper. It wasn’t unpleasant, just the opposite in fact. The scent stirred something in Shining Armor. He could remember when he had smelled that particular scent before. It had been on Cadance in the weeks before the wedding. It always seemed strongest whenever she had been… in the mood.

Shining Armor could remember wondering why Cadance was so needy at the time, but had chalked it up to her being just as in love with him as he was with her.

At least, that’s how Shining Armor thought things had gone. That changeling queen had put him in a nasty fog for a while and his memories of the time were hazy.

Shining Armor glanced back down at the infant, cuteness once more threatening to stop his heart. And then his brain suddenly put a few things together and the result was comparable to a defibrillator shock.

Oh no, no, no, no, no! It can’t be! I couldn’t have - could I have - I don’t -!
Shining Armor took a deep breath and organized his thoughts.

Okay, so current evidence suggests I have had a bastard love child with the queen of the changelings. It’s fine, everything’s fine. I can get through this.

“Who was at the door?” asked a sleepy voice.

Shining Armor glanced over his shoulder and saw Cadance standing there, yawning and rubbing her eyes.

“Darling!” Shining Armor shouted, turning around and throwing his forelegs wide in an effort to hide the baby from her view.

“Huh?” Cadance said, confused by her husband’s behavior.

“Uh, nopony was at the door,” Shining Armor said quickly, not lowering his forelegs. “Nothing is here either,” he added.

Cadance brought a hoof to her mouth to suppress a yawn. “Really? Then who was knocking?”

“Uh, pranksters.”

Cadance wondered what Shining Armor was hiding. Her tired brain conjured up thoughts of secret gifts to placate her curiosity. Cadance accepted this as the truth. After all, Shining Armor seemed to always be trying to make up for the 'I thought that changeling was you' thing and he was terrible at hiding things from her.

Cadance smiled and said “Well, come back to bed then dear.”

“Uh, in a moment, I have to, er, get a glass of milk.”

“Well, alright, just don’t be too long.” and with that, Cadance turned and trotted back up the stairs, speculating the nature of Shining Armor’s secret gift.

As soon as he heard the bedroom door close, Shining Armor turned his attention back to the baby and promptly began hyperventilating while telling himself to remain calm.

He then did the most logical thing he could think of. He wrote a note saying that Twilight had just sent an urgent letter for him to go to Ponyville, picked up the baby and Chrysalis’s note, and ran as fast as his legs would carry him to train station.

Since he needed to be there faster than was normally possible, Shining Armor roused the conductor of what was known as the Ludicrous Train. The metal monstrosity was just like a regular train save it had numerous rockets strapped to it and was painted plaid.

The train rocketed out of the station at a ferocious speed that nearly topped Shining Armor over in his seat. It soon leveled out though and Shining Armor was able to comfortably rest in his seat.

He cradled the baby, who was now asleep and snoring softly, and wondered how on the hay he was going to deal with this situation. But he soon remembered that he had been asleep when this started and the urge to close his eyes was strong.

A few minutes of eye rest can’t hurt. Shining Armor thought to himself.

Soon after closing his eyes, Shining Armor was lying on his back on the train’s ludicrously comfortable seats, snoring, with the baby cuddled against his chest.

(Now if that scene doesn’t make you go ‘awww’ you have no soul.)

And Cue Opening Credits

Author's Note

Just decided that the image needed a story to go with it.
Let me know what you think of it.

Fecal-Matter Is About To Hit The Industrial-Sized Air-Circulation Device

Fecal-Matter Is About To Hit The Industrial-Sized Air-Circulation Device

“Huh. So, why wasn’t I in the last chapter?” Spike asked.

Spike! When did you get here? Rogue Italicizer, did you know Spike was here?

(Oh, he’s always around somewhere. No one really cares though.)

“But - but-”

Quiet, Spike, I’m trying to tell a story here.

******

Shining Armor swatted at a bug as it buzzed by his face.

“Where did Zecora say this plant was?” he asked irritably.

“She said we would find it in sun.” Twilight answered, a little irritated herself.

“You do realize that there is a lot of sunlight out here and we haven’t found anything that even remotely resembles that plant.”

“Maybe she was referring to the sun cave?” Twilight rubbed her mane in thought.

“Where’s this sun cave?”

“Not too far.” Twilight said as she summoned up a map of the Everfree. “If we’re not lost that is.”

While Twilight began going over the map, Shining sat down on his haunches and began wondering what exactly he planned to do.

If the baby was his…. Well, he had no plan really. He didn’t know if there was any way he could possibly explain it to Cadance without getting severely injured.

Not that Cadance was violent all the time, but ever since being trapped in those caves beneath Canterlot she had a tendency to treat situations she normally would think on with violence.

It was a Post-Traumatic-Stress thing, as the royal physicians had explained. She’d would get better over time, but it was understandable, her reactions.

Still, Shining had found it amusing when his wife had punched out that tabloid rat Breaking News.

But there was an entirely different problem if the baby wasn’t his. What could he do with a baby that didn’t belong to him, particularly this one. He couldn’t exactly go looking for the real parents nor would he be comfortable leaving the child at an orphanage.

Although, he might be able to convince Cadance to be accepting if the baby wasn’t his. He could say that they could raise the child to be a bridge between ponies and changelings. Cadance had on several occasions said that in the end she wanted peace, not war, with the changelings.

Tartarus, they even could groom the baby to replace Chrysalis as the leader of the changelings.

So, current plan is to just tell Cadance that Twilight found the baby, I grew attached while helping her with it, and this is the perfect opportunity. Shining nodded to himself. Yes, that’ll work.

“Ah, here we are.” Twilight said, putting a hoof on the map. “And the cave is right here.” she looked at Shining. “We should have the plant in no time.”

Shining nodded and followed Twilight as she trotted off in the direction of the cave.

********

Rainbow Dash stared at Rarity while the latter swept up pieces of broken glass.

“You - you - you…” Dash found it hard to form a sentence.

“I what dear?” Rarity asked as she dumped the load of glass into the waste basket. “Hm, need a mop now.”

“You just, you just smashed that bottle on her head.” Dash said, pointing to where Rarity had lain the Goddess of Love out.

“Well, what else was I supposed to do?” Rarity asked and she looked for a mop.

“I don’t know, not smash a bottle on her head.”

“Pinkie Pie was about to pass out. In fact she did.” Rarity pointed to where the pink pony in question now lay on a table, drooling. “I did the best with what I had.”

“Well, shouldn’t we move her?” Rainbow Dash said as she trotted over to Cadance’s unconscious body.

“Yes we should, thank you for reminding me darling. Now come on, give us a hand.”

Together, Equestria’s Fastest Flyer and Equestria’s Most Fashionable Dressmaker hoisted Cadance up and laid her down on a table.

“Now, moping.” Rarity said as she headed into the kitchen in search of the cleaning device.

Dash sat herself down next to Cadance and stared at the comatose princess.

“Rarity’s really nice, honest.” she said, “But, sometimes she just acts rashly.” Dash narrowed her eyes. “Hey, I’m supposed to be the rash one! Why am I acting responsible?” Dash glanced up. “What are you doing?”

(He’s not thinking this through before he writes it, obviously.)

Hey!

“You’re brash, Dash.” groaned a voice.

Dash looked over to see Pinkie Pie stirring on the table.

“Huh?”

“Rarity panics and over reacts when royalty is around.” Pinkie explained. “You’re confident and not shy about it. It’s different.”

“Oh.” Dash nodded to herself. “That makes sense. Thanks Pinkie.”

“No problem. Ooh.” the party pony groaned. “I wish I knew she was that good at Party Pong before.”

*******

(Explained it away. And in character no less. I suppose that’s not too bad.)

“I still don’t understand where I went.”

(Spike! When did you get here? Gilda, did you know Spike was here.)

“Oh he’s usually somewhere.” the Gryphon said dismissively.

“Wha-? Gilda, how did you get here?” Spike asked, dumbfounded.

“Quiet Spike, he’s telling a story.”

*******

Zecora was alone in her hut, the baby dozing in a cradle nearby, and Fluttershy having gone for a quick bath in a nearby stream. The herbalist was balancing on her staff, eyes closed, and deep in thought.

She thought over the recent events. Imagine! The Prince of the Crystal Empire having a secret love child with the queen of the changelings! It was ludicrous! Oh, the scandal it would be if it ever got out.

And if it was actually true.

The zebra had her doubts about the baby being Shining’s. She knew Chrysalis well enough to know she was certainly capable of pulling prank like this even if for the sole joy of messing with the ones who had ruined her grand plan.

To further support that, the zebra highly doubted Chrysalis would abandon any of her children without good cause. That changeling queen was very attached to her children and would do anything for them, as the wedding incident would suggest.

But while these matters were important and interesting, they were, as usual, not at the forefront of her mind.

‘What is then?’ you might ask. Well, I think Zecora can answer that question best.

What a bitch it is to have to rhyme. the herbalist thought. All. The. Mother. Bucking. Time. Honestly, of this gimmick I tire. It is the source of most of my ire. I wish I could stop. But it is a habit I cannot seem to drop.

(At least she stopped selling that coffee with cocaine in it.)

Out loud, Zecora said, “I must think of rhymes to say, while the other ponies are away.”

Suddenly, Zecora felt the staff knocked from underneath her. She flailed her legs in the air for a second before falling flat on her back. The zebra sat up and saw Fluttershy standing there, mumbling an apology.

“Have you gone mad?” Zecora shouted, thoroughly miffed and rubbing the back of her head. She then looked off into space, thinking. After a time, the zebra found herself rhyme-less. “Fuck.”

And then a frying pan crashed into the back of her skull.

(This happens way to often.)

“Please don’t hate me.” Fluttershy said to the now unconscious zebra.

She gently placed the aforementioned frying pan down on the floor and then began looking around for a pillow. Taking one from Zecora’s bed, Fluttershy placed it underneath the zebra’s head. She tended to comatose herbalist, making sure she was alright and not in need of any immediate medical attention.

Fluttershy then went over to the cradle where the baby was sound asleep.

“Everything’s alright, little one.” the yellow pegasus said in a tender tone. She then gently took the baby out of the cradle and held it close to her chest. “Everything’s going to be just fine.”

And Fluttershy took the baby and left the hut, plunging into the Everfree.

******

“So why did Fluttershy do that?” asked Spike.

“Spike! When did you get here?” Gilda exclaimed. “Narrator, did you know Spike was here?”

I had no idea.

“Oh, come on guys, I’ve been here since chapter three!”

(That’s debatable.)

“You know what’s debatable? Why Gilda is here.” Spike said accusingly.

(Quiet Spike, he's telling a story.)

Dun

Dun

Duuuuuunnnnnnnnnnnn!

Author's Note

Oh My...

Alternate Ending: Aw Not Again

Credits End

Lauren Faust awoke in a cold sweat.

She looked over her bed, seeing numerous empty wine bottles. to her left was her laptop, open and logged in to fimfiction.net.

She sighed and held her head in a hand.

"I have to stop getting drunk and writing fanfiction."

Author's Note

It makes so much sense!

True Final Ending

True Final Ending

Sunshine and Rainbow Dash winged their way through the sky before setting down on the road just outside Sweet Apple Acres. They went forward cautiously, not knowing what to expect.

But as they rounded a corner, their fears were alleviated. Somewhat.

Applejack sat atop a pile of changeling corpses, calmly cleaning her shotgun before reloading it. The orange earth pony looked over at Sunshine and Dash and waved a hoof in greeting.

“Well howdy there, Ah hope Ah didn’t miss nothin’.”

*******

The Wraith Writer sat at his computer, typing out AJ’s southern drawl as best he could. Who knew writing ponies was this hard. Oh well, it wasn’t like Hasbro had roving Cease and Desist squads.

There was then a pounding at the door.

“I had to type that, didn’t I?”