Salt Mine!

by DetectiveDetained

Rating: mature
Tags: Comedy, Random, Sex, Slice of Life, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Human, Trixie
Length: 7815

When being desperate leads to some very stupid decisions, very stupid events can sometimes follow. Trixie unfortunately made a stupid decision.

Do NOT take this story seriously! It involves some memes, a sprinkle of racism and other absolute ridiculousness. This is a shameless submission. Make fun of it all you want. It is supposed to be a comedic, short, one-shot clop story.

- - - - - - - -

I recommend reading this story before reading this (it's actually funny, and will clear things up a bit).

- - - - - - - -

So it was late one night, and a certain somepony decided to do something stupid. Desperation is an annoying emotion, as it is literally depriving you of something you want and/or need. And when it gets to a certain point, you can snap and do things that you normally wouldn't.

Now, don't you just hate it when you're just sitting in your room, minding your own damn business. When suddenly, something absolutely random, stupid, and utterly retarded happens?!

- - - - - - - - -

I blame Lunaguy for giving me the idea for this fic. Damn Salt Lickers Anonymous!

- - - - - - - - -

Once again, this fic isn't really meant to be anything more than comedy clop (in that order, priority-wise). Had to test my current knowledge (clop writing), so yeah. Hope that, through all the absolute stupidity this fic is (and was), that the audience actually might either;

- Get a laugh out of it.
or
- Get off from it.

Criticism is welcomed. It's probably rushed all to fuck (heh, get it?) but still. All you'll get is a thank you- I can't grow unless I man-up and take a beating.

Published 2013-07-16 17:10:01 UTC
Last updated 2013-07-20 03:28:05 UTC

Mm, Salty!

The stars spread out, decorating the night sky, like sea reflects the light in twilight. I had my head up obviously. I was looking at the sky out through the window. Couldn’t sleep, you know.

By now, I had obtained many things in Equestria, my own plot of land, and my own little house on the very edge of Ponyville too. Everything was going fine for me.

Until tonight.

I had my own computer. Twilight made it with the help of scientists, after I completely lost my salty marbles due to the lack of human-grade technology in Equestria. I had even threatened to take my own life. When that didn’t work, I threatened to tell them the saddest story I ever heard. They scoffed at me- but I showed them. I told them the story of “Hachi” and sent them all into salty tears.

(Hachi is the tale of that loyal dog who spent nearly a decade waiting for his master to return, who had died and would never come back. Rainbow Dash was apparently bawling like a baby- Must be because she was the Element of Loyalty, and realized that dog had more loyalty in him than she could ever have in her life. Remember her Discorded mode?)

SMASH! Went my window as it was busted open. “WAAAAAAGH!” I fell out of my bed, smashing my naughty bits off of the railing. I held back tears of salt in pain as I crawled to the door, groaning in agony.

“Saaalt... mmm...” The familiar voice of Trixie Lulamoon sung out to me in a serenade of hellish, lustful temptation. My leg was suddenly grabbed by a magical force.

Wait, Trixie?! The hell?

“RAPE! RAAAPE- MMMPH! MMMPH!” I screamed, before my mouth was plugged by the magic force.

Trixie grabbed me in her magic field, flipping me over. She released the grasp on my mouth, climbing on top of me. She pressed her lips against mine, french-kissing me. I panicked, and pulled back. “TRIXIE, WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU-MMPFFFHFH!!!” She kissed me again. Her mouth was larger than my own, so she easily sucked and forced her tongue into my mouth. Dear lord, her tongue was rough, and she tasted remarkably salty.

She pulled herself away (reluctantly) to say, “Ever since that day two years ago... I couldn’t get it out of my head... Mmnnn,” She moaned seductively as she licked the side of my neck like a whore, relishing in the small beads of sweat that were produced. “So tasty... so... mmmnnn! Salty...” She muttered under her breath.

‘What the fuck is up with this shit!? Wait a tick...’

- - - - - - - Two Years Ago.

I arrived in Equestria through a mishap of some sort. I didn’t give a shit, all this explanation went over my head. Something about “do you like bananas?” and the universe in the shape of a donut. At least the ponies didn’t care much that I was a human.

But of course, I was in Ponyville. Not enjoying my time there, to be honest with you. Of all the places I’d want to go, one of them was not Equestria. I was a Brony before, but after season three, I just grew a huge hatred for the show. I left it behind, and now it was biting me in the ass.

Hard.

So to get things moving along, I attended a party. Things were said. Drinks were drank. Accidents happened, ponies showed off, and then the WORST. THING. EVER happened to me, of all beings!

Trixie taste-tested my junk. No, it happened against my will, I swear. And everyone saw it. It was a bet, okay!? We played ‘Spin the Bottle’ and it was between nearly a hundred damn ponies (including myself, but I was a human). And the bet was that somepony would get me.

So I thought nothing of it, thinking it’s one out of a hundred chance that I’d get picked.

What fucking luck, right? What FUCKIN’ luck! Four unicorns had to hold me back from kicking her ass, one of them was Twilight Sparkle (the powerhouse). I was like, one in five 'stallions' at the party. And you know what? I was hoping to get truth, dammit. Since equine dicks are probably bigger than human dicks, I felt humiliated. Especially when all of them sat close and fucking watched Trixie fellate me. In turn, I went into total berserker mode.

And oh, I broke those cuffs, and got the hell out of there. I locked myself in Fluttershy’s shed for a week, refusing to come out. Dear fucking Christ I was embarrassed, embarrassed of myself when I walked down the street, hearing mares gossip about me. They couldn’t even whisper, the pieces of shit!

- - - - - - - Back To Present Events.

This was starting to push all my right buttons, but I had to resist. I had to think! I had to get out! I needed to distract myself. ‘Don’t give in to the mothafuckin’ ho, mothafucka!’ My inner Stinkmeaner yelled at me in my mind. ‘Or may God guide my pimp-smackin’ hand and have mercy on you, ‘cause I will beat the livin’, mothafuckin’ salty balls outta your cracka’ ass, NYUGGAAAH!’

‘Thank you, Inner Stinkmeaner! NIGGA GIVE ME STRENGTH!’ I soon found myself pushing against... magic cuffs? “I CAN BREAK THESE CUFFS!” I yelled.

“You can’t break those cuffs, and you know it... you beast,” She purred sultrily, licking her lips.

“AAAAAGGGGGGHHHHHH!!!” I groaned as I pulled, pushed and twisted with all my might. Alright, I might have been exaggerating a little (a lot), but I wanted out.

“Yes my love... struggle. Work up a sweat. It’s so intoxicating,” Trixie sang out in a low voice.

‘Ya hear that nyuggah?! You dumbass bitch, she wants you to struggle like a little biaaatchhh, CAUSE THAT’S WHAT THE BITCH WANTS, NYUGGAAAH!’ My inner Stinkmeaner yelled at me. I needed a new Inner voice! Come to me, Tristan Taylor!

‘Holy sh-BEEP on a crap sandwich!’ Well fuck you too, Tristan!

She tore off my clothes, to reveal every last inch of sweat-covered skin, and my boxers. Did I mention it was a hot night of all things? No AC either. Should’ve asked for that instead of a pc with no internet. The unicorn glared at my crotch, licking her lips in immense anticipation. “No no, no no!” I begged. “NOT NOW! I’M STILL A VIRGIIIN!!! NOT THE VAG! NOT THE VAG! IT’S ON MY-” I was then silenced by her magic.

Damn you, inner Nicolas Cage!

“The mere thought of the Great and Powerful Trixie sleeping with such a filthy creature as yourself is...” Trixie stopped talking, saliva forming in her mouth and falling a bit from her lips. All this salt must have made her body create extra spit. “Disgusting...” She whispered. Oh crap... please let that be drool I was feeling between her legs. I winced as she began to slide down and down, licking me every centimeter of the way. She got so into it that she stopped, licking every one of my appendages, including my toes. Once I was calmed, she released her magic on my mouth.

Alright, this was really starting to get to me... dear Christ, she looks so-- NO. No, I will not give in! No matter how much I want to, I will NOT give in to this stupid sexy Trixie. Then again, “Sexy... so sexy... you’re fucking lucky I’m restrained...” I purred.

“Am I now...? Oh, whatever would you do to me? Whatever could you do to me? You know that you can’t do anything to me. You’re at my will...” She growled, tugging on my boxers. “Go on, sweetie, get hard for the Great and Powerful Trixie...” She flicked the tip of my still-limp cock through my boxers, giving it a lot of encouragement. Dear lord, those large purple eyes... Hnnngh... I could see the reflection of my tent pole betraying me.

“Release me and find out...” I spoke. This wasn’t me... although I wished it was. Inner rapist, damn you too! My sword began to perk up. Trixie looked back at my underwear, watching as it would bounce up and down a bit- getting a little larger each time it throbbed violently. Three inches, four inches, and growing at the base as well.

“Mmhmhmmm, yes, the Great and Powerful Trixie knows you can’t resist her...” She then took off my boxers with her magic. As she did, it grew longer and thicker. Five inches, six, seven- Was she making this thing even longer than usual? Or had I not seen it in a while? Probably the latter.

Now fully-erect at its impressive seven and a quarter inches, my painfully engorged endowment sprung up and smacked her flank. Damn you too, puberty, you unfinished-even-though-I’m-twenty-years-old son of a... And what was Trixie doing?

“Oh? Did Trixie do that? It looks so painful...” Trixie teased. She lowered her head, her hot breath moving over my bare skin. “I can practically taste it...”

“Taste... what?” I whimpered as my dick throbbed hard and eagerly, its copious amounts of pre running down the head of it.

She grinned devilishly, her eyes closed a bit as she didn’t answer my question. “The Great and Powerful Trixie came here to sate her hunger... but the Great and Powerful Trixie shall not please another without being pleased herself!” She promptly got into the sixty-nine position on top of me, her hot, painfully hot breaths looming just above the tip of my male endowment. “So long... thick...” The unicorn planted a featherlike kiss on the very tip of the purple crown, sending a jolt of pleasure throughout my body as she sucked up my precum. I knew I couldn’t move, but I wanted to thrust it down her throat, right now.

“The Great and Powerful Trixie thought she said that she shall not please another without being pleased herself!” She repeated. “I’ll let one of your arms go... be good, and I’ll make you love having your mouth full of my marehood...” She whispered. “I love it... salty”

I grew a look of reluctance on my face. “What? Don’t believe the Great and Powerful Trixie?” She asked, before suddenly, she took almost half of my length into her maw. She let out a whinny of pleasure, her knees obviously buckling. She was getting turned on by sucking my dick? Why was this? It was much more apparent when her pink folds became glistening with her succulent, delicious juices. It was strange... My monitor was still giving light, letting me see the wet fur along her crotch.

Dear fuck, I couldn’t resist anymore. I gripped her flank hard with my free hand, making her whimper in pleasure. And then, I raised my head up, gorging on her box. It tasted like chicken- flavorless, bland for the most part.

Trixie began to bob her head up and down, struggling to take it past the halfway point. But she seemed as though she wanted to take it all- even though I knew she couldn’t without hurting herself. She sucked long and hard on my shaft, milking the precum out of it like a milkmaid, drinking up every last delicious, salty drop. A particularly hard squeeze of the haunch made her whimper, and made her marehood’s juices flow onto my tongue. Rewarding me fruitfully for my efforts, she forced down more than half of my shaft, almost making me throw my head back from the astounding amount of pleasure.

Weirdly enough, my computer had the image of Barack Obama in his “not bad” look.

“Why haven’t you any more?!” She demanded. “I licked you clean... give the Great and Powerful Trixie more now! She demands it!”

“I don’t know what the hell you’re talking about... but get rid of the other arm’s restraint and you’ll get whatever the fuck it is you want... just keep sucking.” I held back a shit-eating grin as she released the other restraint, and began to deepthroat me eagerly. Whatever it was that she wanted, she was going to get it, even if it meant killing me in the process. “Oh... fuck!” I moaned in gratification to the sensation, getting back to work on her increasingly delicious slit, even though its relatively bland flavor remained. Her tongue, being longer than a human’s, coiled a bit around my length. It heightened the whole experience to a new level, as if it were a snake wrapping around a leg- a boa constricting its poor victim. Only, in my case, the victim was one lucky son of a bitch.

With both hands, I squeezed her cheeks roughly, then slapped her haunches hard. They jiggled a little bit as her knees buckled, entertaining me as she struggled to keep from collapsing. I could practically feel the fiery blush on her cheeks. She picked up the speed of her works, bobbing her head up and down faster and faster with each minute that passed.

In return, I began to suckle on her clit. Doing this resulted in her screaming in a tremendous amount of pleasure, although muffled by my cock. This made it insanely better, as her scream sent vibrations all along my shaft, almost tickling it. Tantalizing it in a hellfire of burning pleasure.

In return for my sufficient, naughty efforts, she managed to painfully swallow the entirety of my length, which was throbbing hard as she did so. Tears ran down from her eyes, as her nose was now poised above my balls. I groaned, bucking my hips just as she pulled me out of her mouth, gasping for breath only for a single moment before suckling on my balls. With her magic, she gripped my cock unexpectedly. She stroked the amazing, magical cock-glove up and down my length. It was better than a handjob, and much better than masturbating. The pressure was nearly perfect- each and every part of my cock slid through the tunnel of purple with ease, but it was tight. And I loved each and every millisecond of it.

“So, why does the Great and Powerful Trixie want sex from a ‘disgusting creature like myself’?” I teased. I made sure I added emphasis to my words, sending hot air against her sexual juices, which made her shiver. This beast in heat purred, and bucked her hips to rub her lips against my own, making me kiss her labia, causing her to moan in great pleasure as my tongue was sliding up and down her slick and wet slit.

She shot me a look after taking my balls out of her mouth, very hesitantly though. “After tasting you... your glorio- I mean disgustingly filthy, salty cock...” She sucked on the tip of it, barely resisting to take it all in again. “... the Great and Powerful Trixie became a salt addict... she couldn’t help herself... and she found the source of her corruption. You!” She scolded, before swallowing my cock whole again, the warmth of her tongue taking my mind over once again.

How long would this last? Has it only been three minutes?

Because it felt like three fucking hours. “Well...” I panted a little bit. My tongue was rather sore now, and it was becoming harder and harder to hold back my impending orgasm.

Now since I had a habit of masturbation back home, it really did help my sexual stamina. Not a lot, but enough to help me resist having an orgasm before I needed (or wanted) to. But right now, I was pushing myself. Squeezing her firm yet soft flanks as Trixie bobbed her head up and down my shaft with ruthless abandon, ropes of saliva becoming visible as I looked between her shaky legs. Her moans were becoming a crescendo of pleasure, which filled the air with delight, and my endowment with vast pleasure. I could tell that she was on-edge as well, but there was no way I could hold back long enough to bring about the all-famous but rare ‘simultaneous orgasm’. I continued to munch on her box, before she stopped sucking on me, coming up for a loud breath. “I... I can’t take it anymore!” She exclaimed, getting up and off of me.

‘Fuck, what I think is happening isn’t going to happen, right!? R-RIGHT!?!?’ I panicked, and tried to squirm, but she quite literally shot me down, by restraining my arms once again.

“The Great and Powerful Trixie said she would not stoop to this... but your oral work has made her...” She got right up in my face, meeting eyes with me. “... wild.”

Unexpectedly, she sat down on my member, the head struggling to go in a bit. She was tight, but likely not a virgin. She panted and moaned as the head got past her entrance. I groaned in pleasure, the sheer pressure of her nethers against my own making me go crazy- it was the tightest squeeze I’ve ever felt on a part of my body. Her marehood was squelching wet, and very hot. From the sheer heat, I thought that my cock would melt, but I knew that it wasn’t even possible in the back of my head. My tongue lolled out of my mouth, and I twitched and spasmed. Trixie’s eyes fluttered as she bit her lip, beginning to slide up and down my length. The farther she went, the more she gasped and moaned- and it was really not helping me.

“Ahhh,” Trixie moaned like a whore. “Trixie hasn’t... taken one this big before...” Then again, I could believe her. She probably raped another guy just to get rid of her virginity, and he must have been small. The unicorn was almost reluctant to take more into her cavity. When she heard no response from me, she just looked down at my face. She let out a groan of disappointment as she realized I had become lost to the pleasure, still hanging onto my dignity by a tiny thread. Which was merely in holding back from giving her a payload of baby-batter.

But I doubted that I could go for much longer. I wasn’t used to being raped by someone, let alone a pretty mare like her. But she kept going, and going, and going! I was going to go insane at this point.

Suddenly, she let out a loud cry, and her horn lit up. Snapping me out of the trance was a practical explosion of magic, and her walls rippling with squelching contractions. The explosion made me shield my eyes with my... hands? But I thought they were bound to the floor! I looked down to my feet, and they were unbound too.

Trixie fell limp on top of me, looking into my eyes. Did she just orgasm before me? And let me go? A devilish smirk crossed its way onto my face as I got out and up from under her. She gasped as I grabbed her by her mane. Viciously I shoved my still-hard endowment into her muzzle. Trixie protested, but she couldn’t hold back as the smell of salt hit her nose. Eagerly and tiredly, she slurped my cock back into her mouth. But instead of her doing the work, I was using her as an oral fuck-toy. “Y-you wanted some, you’re gonna fucking get some!” She looked up at me, her eyes watering for the second time. Almost as fast as she could blink, I rammed my shaft down her throat, and began to wildly buck my hips as she gagged on it. My eyes rolled into the back of my head, my tongue lolled out of my mouth again.

She shook her head, and I could feel it- she didn’t want me to let loose in her mouth. “You’re gonna swallow like the small, obedient bitch you are... do you understand me?”

All she did was nod, as she was drained. She closed her eyes, and I began my assault on her throat once more. The sound of gagging filled the room, as her oral intruder breached her throat repeatedly, before finally, I let loose. Trixie gagged and protested physically, but soon, she just accepted it as I came, wave after wave into her mouth and down her throat. She gulped multiple times, tears streaking down her face as she swallowed. “I bet after all that salt, you’re still thirsty, nyuggah?!” I did my best Stinkmeaner impression as I let her fall to the floor.

“The Great and Powerful Trixie wants... more salt,” Trixie moaned as she licked the tears which fell from her eyes.

I seriously needed a cigarette. ‘Dammit, I forgot to renew my restraining order.’ I thought in vast annoyance.

“So... who’s gonna call the damn cops this time?”

“Trixie thinks she might be pregnant from last time, you idiotic, inconsiderate fool!”

“FFF... FFFUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU-”

Salt Mine - The Tranzizzled Tranzlation, 'yo!

This chapter is purely for the comedy- I pretty much made it with Gizoogle. Same chapter, just... gizoogled up.

Da stars spread out, decoratin tha night sky, like sea reflects tha light up in twilight. I had mah head up obviously. I was lookin all up in tha sky up all up in tha window. Couldn’t chill, you know.

By now, I had obtained nuff thangs up in Equestria, mah own deal of land, n' mah own lil doggy den on tha straight-up edge of Ponyville like a muthafucka. Everythang was goin fine fo' mah dirty ass.

Until tonight.

I had mah own computer n' shit. Twilight juiced it up wit tha help of scientists, afta I straight-up lost mah salty marblez cuz of tha lack of human-grade technologizzle up in Equestria. I had even threatened ta take mah own game. When dat didn’t work, I threatened ta tell dem tha saddest rap I eva heard. Y'all KNOW dat shit, muthafucka! They scoffed at me- but I flossed em. I holla'd at dem tha rap of "Hachi" n' busted dem all tha fuck into salty tears.

(Hachi is tha tale of dat loyal dawg whoz ass dropped nearly a thugged-out decade waitin fo' his crazy-ass masta ta return, whoz ass had took a dirt nap n' would never come back. Rainbow Dash was apparently bawlin like a funky-ass baby- Must be cuz dat biiiiatch was tha Element of Loyalty, n' realized dat dawg had mo' loyalty up in his ass than dat thugged-out biiiatch could eva have up in her game. Remember her Discorded mode?)

SMASH! Went mah window as dat shiznit was busted open. I aint talkin' bout chicken n' gravy biatch. "WAAAAAAGH!" I fell tha fuck outta mah bed, smashin mah naughty bits off of tha railing. I held back tearz of salt up in pain as I crawled ta tha door, groanin up in agony.

"Saaalt... mmm..." Da familiar voice of Trixie Lulamoon sung up ta me up in a serenade of hellish, lustful temptation. I aint talkin' bout chicken n' gravy biatch. My fuckin leg was suddenly grabbed by a magical force.

Wait, Trixie?! Da hell?

"RAPE! RAAAPE- MMMPH! MMMPH!" I screamed, before mah grill was plugged by tha magic force.

Trixie grabbed mah crazy ass up in her magic field, flippin me over n' shit. Right back up in yo muthafuckin ass. Biatch busted out tha grasp on mah grill, climbin on top of mah dirty ass. Right back up in yo muthafuckin ass. Biatch pressed her lips against mine, french-kissin mah dirty ass. I panicked, n' pulled back. "TRIXIE, WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU-MMPFFFHFH!!!" Biatch busted mah crazy ass again. I aint talkin' bout chicken n' gravy biatch yo. Her grill was larger than mah own, so she easily sucked n' forced her tongue tha fuck into mah grill. Dear lord, her tongue was rough, n' dat dunkadelic hoe smoked remarkably salty.

Bitch pulled her muthafuckin ass away (reluctantly) ta say, "Ever since dat dizzle two muthafuckin years ago... I couldn’t git it outta mah head... Mmnnn," Biatch moaned seductively as she licked tha side of mah neck like a whore, relishin up in tha lil' small-ass beadz of sweat dat was produced. Y'all KNOW dat shit, muthafucka! "So dirty... so... mmmnnn! Salty..." Biatch muttered under her breath.

‘What tha fuck is up wit dis shit!, biatch? Wait a tick...’

- - - - - - - Two Years Ago.

I arrived up in Equestria all up in a mishap of some sort. I didn’t give a shit, all dis explanation went over mah head. Y'all KNOW dat shit, muthafucka! Somethang bout "do you like bananas?" n' tha universe up in tha shape of a thugged-out donut fo' realz. At least tha ponies didn’t care much dat I was a human.

But of course, I was up in Ponyville. Not trippin' off mah time there, ta be real up in yo' faaaaaace biaaatch! Of all tha places I’d wanna go, one of dem was not Equestria. I was a Brony before yo, but afta season three, I just grew a big-ass hatred fo' tha show. I left it behind, n' now dat shiznit was bitin me up in tha ass.

Hard.

So ta git thangs movin along, I attended a party. Things was holla'd. Y'all KNOW dat shit, muthafucka! Drinks was drank fo' realz. Accidents happened, ponies flossed off, n' then tha WORST. THING. EVER happened ta me, of all beings muthafucka!

Trixie taste-tested mah junk. Fuck dat shit, it happened against mah will, I swear fo' realz. And mah playas saw dat shit. Dat shiznit was a funky-ass bet, aiiight!, biatch? We played ‘Spin tha Bottle’ n' dat shiznit was between nearly a hundred damn ponies (includin mah dirty ass yo, but I was a human) fo' realz. And tha bet was dat somepony would git mah dirty ass.

So I thought not a god damn thang of it, thankin it’s one outta a hundred chizzle dat I’d git picked.

What fuckin luck, right, biatch? What FUCKIN’ luck! Four unicorns had ta hold mah crazy ass back from kickin her ass, one of dem was Twilight Sparkle (the powerhouse). I was like, one up in five 'stallions' all up in tha party fo' realz. And you know what, biatch? I was hopin ta git truth, dammit. Right back up in yo muthafuckin ass. Since equine dicks is probably bigger than human dicks, I felt humiliated. Y'all KNOW dat shit, muthafucka! This type'a shiznit happens all tha time. Especially when all of dem sat close n' fuckin watched Trixie fellate mah dirty ass. In turn, I went tha fuck into total berserker mode.

And oh, I broke dem cuffs, n' gots tha hell outta there, so peek-a-boo, clear tha way, I be comin' thru fo'sho. I locked mah dirty ass up in Fluttershy’s shed fo' a week, refusin ta come out. Dear fuckin Christ I was embarrassed, embarrassed of mah dirty ass when I strutted down tha street, hearin mares ghetto hype bout mah dirty ass. They couldn’t even whisper, tha piecez of shit!

- - - - - - - Back To Present Events.

This was startin ta push all mah right buttons yo, but I had ta resist. I had ta think! I had ta git up son! I needed ta distract mah dirty ass. ‘Don’t give up in ta tha mothafuckin’ ho, mothafucka!’ My fuckin inner Stinkmeaner yelled all up in mah grill up in mah mind. Y'all KNOW dat shit, muthafucka! ‘Or may Dogg guide mah pimp-smackin’ hand n' have mercy on you, ‘cause I'ma beat tha livin’, mothafuckin’ salty balls outta yo' cracka’ ass, NYUGGAAAH!’

‘Nuff props, Inner Stinkmeaner playa! NIGGA GIVE ME STRENGTH!’ I soon found mah dirty ass pushin against... magic cuffs, biatch? "I CAN BREAK THESE CUFFS!" I yelled.

"Yo ass can’t break dem cuffs, n' you know dat shit... you beast," Biatch purred sultrily, lickin her lips.

"AAAAAGGGGGGHHHHHH!!!" I groaned as I pulled, pushed n' twisted wit all mah might fo' realz. Alright, I might done been exaggeratin a lil (a lot) yo, but I wanted out.

"Yes yes y'all, mah love... struggle. Work up a sweat. It’s so intoxicating," Trixie busted up in a low voice.

‘Ya hear dat nyuggah?! Yo ass dumbass biiiatch, dat biiiiatch wants you ta struggle like a lil biaaatchhh, CAUSE THAT’S WHAT THE BIZZNITCH WANTS, NYUGGAAAH!’ My fuckin inner Stinkmeaner yelled all up in mah face. I needed a freshly smoked up Inner voice biaaatch! Come ta me, Tristan Taylor!

‘Holy sh-BEEP on a cold-ass lil crap sandwich!’ Well fuck you too, Tristan!

Bitch tore off mah clothes, ta reveal every last muthafuckin last inch of sweat-covered skin, n' mah boxers. Did I mention dat shiznit was a funky-ass bangin' night of all thangs, biatch? No AC either n' shit. Right back up in yo muthafuckin ass. Should’ve axed fo' dat instead of a pc wit no internet. Da unicorn glared at mah crotch, lickin her lips up in immense anticipation. I aint talkin' bout chicken n' gravy biatch. "No no, no no!" I begged. Y'all KNOW dat shit, muthafucka! "NOT NOW! I’M STILL A VIRGIIIN!!! NOT THE VAG! NOT THE VAG! IT’S ON MY-" I was then silenced by her magic.

Damn you, inner Nicolas Cage!

"Da mere thought of tha Great n' Powerful Trixie chillin wit such a gangbangin' filthy creature as yo ass is..." Trixie stopped rappin', saliva formin up in her grill n' fallin a lil' bit from her lips fo' realz. All dis salt must have made her body create extra spit. "Disgusting..." Biatch whispered. Y'all KNOW dat shit, muthafucka! Oh crap... please let dat be drool I was feelin between her legs. I winced as da hoe fuckin started ta slide down n' down, lickin me every last muthafuckin centimeter of tha way. Right back up in yo muthafuckin ass. Biatch gots so tha fuck into it dat her big-ass booty stopped, lickin every last muthafuckin one of mah appendages, includin mah toes. Once I was calmed, she busted out her magic on mah grill.

Alright, dis was straight-up startin ta git ta mah dirty ass... dear Christ, she looks so-- NO. Fuck dat shit, I'ma not give in! No matter how tha fuck much I want to, I'ma NOT give up in ta dis wack dirty Trixie. Then again, "Sexy... so sexy... you’re fuckin dirty I’m restrained..." I purred.

"Am I now, nahmeean?.., biatch? Oh, whatever would you do ta me, biatch? Whatever could you do ta me, biatch? Yo ass know dat you can’t do anythang ta mah dirty ass. You’re at mah will..." Biatch growled, tuggin on mah boxers. "Go on, dopeie, git hard fo' tha Great n' Powerful Trixie..." Biatch flicked tha tip of mah still-limp ding-a-ling all up in mah boxers, givin it a shitload of encouragement. Dear lord, dem big-ass purple eyes.. yo. Hnnngh... I could peep tha reflection of mah tent pole betrayin mah dirty ass.

"Release me n' smoke up..." I spoke. This wasn’t mah dirty ass... although I wished it was. Inner rapist, damn you too! My fuckin sword fuckin started ta perk up. Trixie looked back at mah underwear, watchin as it would bounce up n' down a funky-ass bit- gettin a lil larger each time it throbbed violently. Three inches, four inches, n' growin all up in tha base as well.

"Mmhmhmmm, fo'sho, tha Great n' Powerful Trixie knows you can’t resist her muthafuckin ass..." Biatch then took off mah boxers wit her magic fo' realz. As her dope ass did, it grew longer n' thicker n' shit. Five inches, six, seven- Was she makin dis thang even longer than usual, biatch? Or had I not peeped it up in a while, biatch? Probably tha latter n' shit.

Now fully-erect at its impressive seven n' a quarter inches, mah painfully engorged endowment sprung up n' smacked her flank. Damn you too, puberty, you unfinished-even-though-I’m-twenty-years-old lil hustla of a.. fo' realz. And what tha fuck was Trixie bustin?

"Oh, biatch? Did Trixie do that, biatch? It looks so painful..." Trixie teased. Y'all KNOW dat shit, muthafucka! Biatch lowered her head, her bangin' breath movin over mah bare skin. I aint talkin' bout chicken n' gravy biatch. "I can practically taste dat shit..."

"Taste... what?" I whimpered as mah dick throbbed hard n' eagerly, its copious amountz of pre hustlin down tha head of dat shit.

Bitch grinned devilishly, her eyes closed a lil' bit as her dope ass didn’t answer mah question. I aint talkin' bout chicken n' gravy biatch. "Da Great n' Powerful Trixie came here ta sate her hunger... but tha Great n' Powerful Trixie shall not please another without bein pleased her muthafuckin ass!" Biatch promptly gots tha fuck into tha sixty-nine posizzle on top of me, her hot, painfully bangin' breaths loomin just above tha tip of mah thug endowment. "So long... thick..." Da unicorn planted a gangbangin' featherlike lick on tha straight-up tip of tha purple crown, bustin a jolt of pleasure all up in mah body as her big-ass booty sucked up mah precum. I knew I couldn’t move yo, but I wanted ta thrust it down her throat, n' aint a thugged-out damn thang dat yo' ass can do.

"Da Great n' Powerful Trixie thought her big-ass booty holla'd dat her big-ass booty shall not please another without bein pleased her muthafuckin ass!" Biatch repeated. Y'all KNOW dat shit, muthafucka! This type'a shiznit happens all tha time. "I’ll let one of yo' arms go... be good, n' I’ll make you ludd havin yo' grill full of mah marehood..." Biatch whispered. Y'all KNOW dat shit, muthafucka! "I gots a straight-up boner fo' dat shit... salty"

I grew a look of reluctizzle on mah face. "What, biatch? Don’t believe tha Great n' Powerful Trixie?" Biatch asked, before suddenly, dat dunkadelic hoe took almost half of mah length tha fuck into her maw. Right back up in yo muthafuckin ass. Biatch let up a whinny of pleasure, her knees obviously buckling. Right back up in yo muthafuckin ass. Biatch was gettin turned on by suckin mah dick, biatch? Why was this, biatch? Dat shiznit was much mo' apparent when her pink foldz became glistenin wit her succulent, delicious juices. Dat shiznit was strange... My fuckin monitor was still givin light, lettin me peep tha wet fur along her crotch.

Dear fuck, I couldn’t resist no mo'. I gripped her flank hard wit mah free hand, makin her whimper up in pleasure fo' realz. And then, I raised mah head up, gorgin on her box. Well shiiiit, it smoked like chicken- flavorless, bland fo' da most thugged-out part.

Trixie fuckin started ta bob her head up n' down, strugglin ta take it past tha halfway point. But her big-ass booty seemed as though dat biiiiatch wanted ta take it all- even though I knew dat thugged-out biiiatch couldn’t without hurtin her muthafuckin ass. Right back up in yo muthafuckin ass. Biatch sucked long n' hard on mah shaft, milkin tha precum outta it like a milkmaid, drankin up every last muthafuckin last delicious, salty drop fo' realz. A particularly hard squeeze of tha haunch made her whimper, n' made her marehood’s juices flow onto mah tongue. Rewardin me fruitfully fo' mah efforts, she forced down mo' than half of mah shaft, almost makin me throw mah head back from tha astoundin amount of pleasure.

Weirdly enough, mah computer had tha image of Barack Obizzay up in his "not bad" look.

"Why haven’t you any more?!" Biatch demanded. Y'all KNOW dat shit, muthafucka! "I licked you clean... give tha Great n' Powerful Trixie mo' now! Biatch demandz it!"

"I don’t know what tha fuck tha hell you’re rappin' about... but git rid of tha other arm’s restraint n' you’ll git whatever tha fuck it is you want... just keep sucking." I held back a shit-eatin grin as she busted out tha other restraint, n' fuckin started ta deepthroat me eagerly. Whatever dat shiznit was dat dat biiiiatch wanted, dat biiiiatch was goin ta git it, even if it meant cappin' me up in tha process. "Oh... fuck!" I moaned up in gratification ta tha sensation, gettin back ta work on her mo' n' mo' n' mo' delicious slit, even though its relatively bland flavor remained. Y'all KNOW dat shit, muthafucka! Her tongue, bein longer than a human’s, coiled a lil' bit round mah length. Well shiiiit, it heightened tha whole experience ta a freshly smoked up level, as if it was a snake wrappin round a leg- a funky-ass boa constrictin its skanky victim. Only, up in mah case, tha sucka was one dirty lil hustla of a funky-ass biiiatch.

With both hands, I squeezed her cheeks roughly, then slapped her haunches hard. Y'all KNOW dat shit, muthafucka! They jiggled a lil bit as her knees buckled, entertainin me as her big-ass booty struggled ta keep from collapsing. I could practically feel tha fiery blush on her cheeks. Right back up in yo muthafuckin ass. Biatch picked up tha speed of her works, bobbin her head up n' down fasta n' fasta wit each minute dat passed.

In return, I fuckin started ta suckle on her clit. Bustin dis resulted up in her beatboxin up in a tremendous amount of pleasure, although muffled by mah cock. This juiced it up insanely better, as her scream busted vibrations all along mah shaft, almost ticklin dat shit. Tantalizin it up in a hellfire of burnin pleasure.

In return fo' mah sufficient, naughty efforts, she managed ta painfully swallow tha entirety of mah length, which was throbbin hard as her dope ass did so. Tears ran down from her eyes, as her nozzle was now poised above mah balls. I groaned, buckin mah hips just as she pulled mah crazy ass outta her grill, gaspin fo' breath only fo' a single moment before sucklin on mah balls. With her magic, she gripped mah ding-a-ling unexpectedly. Right back up in yo muthafuckin ass. Biatch stroked tha amazing, magical cock-gludd up n' down mah length. Dat shiznit was mo' betta than a handjob, n' much mo' betta than masturbating. Da heat was nearly perfect- each n' every last muthafuckin part of mah ding-a-ling slid all up in tha tunnel of purple wit ease yo, but dat shiznit was tight fo' realz. And I loved each n' every last muthafuckin millisecond of dat shit.

"So, why do tha Great n' Powerful Trixie want sex from a ‘disgustin creature like mah dirty ass’?" I teased. Y'all KNOW dat shit, muthafucka! I made shizzle I added emphasis ta my lyrics, bustin bangin' air against her horny-ass juices, which made her shiver n' shit. This beast up in heat purred, n' bucked her hips ta rub her lips against mah own, makin me lick her labia, causin her ta moan up in pimped out pleasure as mah tongue was slidin up n' down her slick n' wet slit.

Bitch blasted mah crazy ass a look afta takin mah balls outta her grill, straight-up hesitantly though cause I gots dem finger-lickin' chickens wit tha siz-auce. "After tokin yo thugged-out ass... yo' glorio- I mean disgustingly filthy, salty cock..." Biatch sucked on tha tip of it, barely resistin ta take all dat shiznit up in again. I aint talkin' bout chicken n' gravy biatch. "... tha Great n' Powerful Trixie became a salt crackhead... dat thugged-out biiiatch couldn’t help her muthafuckin ass... n' she found tha source of her corruption. I aint talkin' bout chicken n' gravy biatch. You!" Biatch scolded, before swallowin mah ding-a-ling whole again, tha warmth of her tongue takin mah mind over once again. I aint talkin' bout chicken n' gravy biatch.

How tha fuck long would dis last, biatch? Has it only been three minutes?

Because it felt like three fuckin hours. "Well..." I panted a lil bit. My fuckin tongue was rather sore now, n' dat shiznit was becomin harder n' harder ta hold back mah impendin orgasm.

Now since I had a g-thang of fuckin yo'self back home, it straight-up did help mah horny-ass stamina. Not a shitload yo, but enough ta help me resist havin a orgazzle before I needed (or wanted) to. But up in dis biatch, I was pushin mah dirty ass. Right back up in yo muthafuckin ass. Squeezin her firm yet soft flanks as Trixie bobbed her head up n' down mah shaft wit ruthless abandon, ropez of saliva becomin visible as I looked between her shaky legs yo. Her moans was becomin a cold-ass lil crescendo of pleasure, which filled tha air wit delight, n' mah endowment wit vast pleasure. I could tell dat dat biiiiatch was on-edge as well yo, but there was no way I could hold back long enough ta brang bout tha all-hyped but rare ‘simultaneous orgasm’. I continued ta munch on her box, before her big-ass booty stopped suckin on me, comin up fo' a funky-ass bangin breath. "I... I can’t take it no mo'!" Biatch exclaimed, gettin up n' off of mah dirty ass.

‘Fuck, what tha fuck I be thinkin is goin down aint goin ta happen, right!, biatch? R-RIGHT!?!?’ I panicked, n' tried ta squirm yo, but she like literally blasted mah crazy ass down, by restrainin mah arms once again.

"Da Great n' Powerful Trixie holla'd dat biiiiatch would not stoop ta this... but yo' oral work has made her muthafuckin ass..." Biatch gots right up in mah face, meetin eyes wit mah dirty ass. "... wild."

Unexpectedly, her big-ass booty sat down on mah member, tha head strugglin ta go up in a funky-ass bit. Right back up in yo muthafuckin ass. Biatch was tight yo, but likely not a virgin. I aint talkin' bout chicken n' gravy biatch. Right back up in yo muthafuckin ass. Biatch panted n' moaned as tha head gots past her entrance. I groaned up in pleasure, tha sheer heat of her nethers against mah own makin me go crazy- dat shiznit was tha tightest squeeze I’ve eva felt on a part of mah body yo. Her marehood was squelchin wet, n' straight-up hot. From tha sheer heat, I thought dat mah ding-a-ling would melt yo, but I knew dat it wasn’t even possible up in tha back of mah head. Y'all KNOW dat shit, muthafucka! My fuckin tongue lolled outta mah grill, n' I twitched n' spasmed. Y'all KNOW dat shit, muthafucka! Trixie’s eyes fluttered as da hoe bit her lip, beginnin ta slide up n' down mah length. Da farther dat biiiiatch went, tha mo' she gasped n' moaned- n' dat shiznit was straight-up not helpin mah dirty ass.

"Ahhh," Trixie moaned like a whore. "Trixie hasn’t... taken one dis big-ass before..." Then again, I could believe her n' shit. Right back up in yo muthafuckin ass. Biatch probably raped another playa just ta git rid of her virginity, n' he must done been small. Da unicorn was almost reluctant ta take mo' tha fuck into her cavity. When dat freaky freaky biatch heard no response from me, she just looked down at mah face. Right back up in yo muthafuckin ass. Biatch let up a groan of disappointment as she realized I had become lost ta tha pleasure, still hangin onto mah dignitizzle by a tiny thread. Y'all KNOW dat shit, muthafucka! Which was merely up in holdin back from givin her a payload of baby-batter.

But I doubted dat I could go fo' much longer n' shit. I wasn’t used ta bein raped by one of mah thugs, let ridin' solo a pimpin' mare like her n' shit. But she kept going, n' going, n' going! I was goin ta go crazy at dis point.

Suddenly, she let up a funky-ass bangin cry, n' her horn lit up. Right back up in yo muthafuckin ass. Snappin me outta tha trizzle was a practical explosion of magic, n' her walls ripplin wit squelchin contractions. Da explosion made me shield mah eyes wit my... hands, biatch? But I thought they was bound ta tha floor playa! I looked down ta mah feet, n' they was unbound like a muthafucka.

Trixie fell tha fuck limp on top of me, lookin tha fuck into mah eyes. Did she just orgazzle before me, biatch? And let me go, biatch? A devilish smirk crossed its way onto mah grill as I gots up n' up from under her n' shit. Right back up in yo muthafuckin ass. Biatch gasped as I grabbed her by her mane. Viciously I shoved mah still-hard endowment tha fuck into her muzzle. Trixie protested yo, but dat thugged-out biiiatch couldn’t hold back as tha smell of salt hit her nose. Eagerly n' tiredly, her big-ass booty slurped mah ding-a-ling back tha fuck into her grill. But instead of her bustin tha work, I was rockin her as a oral fuck-toy. "Y-you wanted some, you’re gonna fuckin git some!" Biatch looked up at me, her eyes waterin fo' tha second time fo' realz. Almost as fast as dat thugged-out biiiatch could blink, I rammed mah shaft down her throat, n' fuckin started ta wildly buck mah hips as she gagged on dat shit. My fuckin eyes rolled tha fuck into tha back of mah head, mah tongue lolled outta mah grill again.

Bitch shook her head, n' I could feel it- her dope ass didn’t want me ta let loose up in her grill. "You’re gonna swallow like tha small, obedient bitch yo ass is... do you KNOW me?"

All her dope ass did was nod, as dat biiiiatch was drained. Y'all KNOW dat shit, muthafucka! Biatch closed her eyes, n' I fuckin started mah assault on her throat once mo' n' mo' n' mo'. Da sound of gaggin filled tha room, as her oral intruder breached her throat repeatedly, before finally, I let loose. Trixie gagged n' protested physically yo, but soon, she just accepted it as I came, wave afta wave tha fuck into her grill n' down her throat. Right back up in yo muthafuckin ass. Biatch gulped multiple times, tears streakin down her grill as her big-ass booty swallowed. Y'all KNOW dat shit, muthafucka! "I bet afta all dat salt, you’re still thirsty, nyuggah?!" I did mah dopest Stinkmeaner impression as I let her fall ta tha floor.

"Da Great n' Powerful Trixie wants... mo' salt," Trixie moaned as she licked tha tears which fell tha fuck from her eyes.

I seriously needed a cold-ass lil blunt. ‘Dammit, I forgot ta renew mah restrainin order.’ I thought up in vast annoyance.

"So... who’s gonna call tha damn cops this time?"

"Trixie be thinkin she might be pregnant from last time, you idiotic, inconsiderate fool!"

"FFF... FFFUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU-"