Note: (a dashed line indicates that time has passed, and a solid line means that a day has passed)
Day 1
So after the initial "holy shit a talking pony" thing, I got to meet the rulers of this place, called Luna and Celestia. They were very nice, and told me that I could take up residence in an empty house in a place called Ponyville. I was also given 100 "bits" to help me with costs until I can get a job. I hope that everyone I meet here is this kind.
Ponyville looks like your typical small town; family owned businesses, ponies knowing everyone, stuff like that. My house was near a very pink building, which I found out was called Sugercube Corner; maybe I can get a job there? The house was very nice; two stories, white siding, and a front porch. Opening the door, I found myself in a hallway, with the kitchen on my right, and a bathroom on the left. The living room is nicely furnished, and I decided to explore the rest of the house. There was a workroom next to the stairs, and the stairs led up to two bedrooms and another bathroom. Heading back downstairs, I discovered that the fridge was empty, so I went out to buy some groceries. After buying enough to last me a while, I decided that I should start a journal. Not only is this the most interesting thing that has ever happened to me, but If I ever get home I want to have a record of my time here.
The food and the typewriter ran me 60 bits, leaving my with a little less than half. With only a bit, heh, of money left, I thought now was a good time to go job hunting. I remember thinking that Sugercube Corner looked like a nice place to work, so I think I'll ask there for a job there first.
The owners, Mr. and Mrs. Cake, said that they would be happy to hire me. They said I could work the cash register while my co-worker made the food. Unfortunately, they said that I could only work on days when they didn't, otherwise I'd have nothing to do. They also introduced me to my co-worker, Pinkie Pie, who I can only describe as...odd. She seems nice enough though, and is very funny. Anyway, it's getting late, so I'll continue this journal tomorrow.
I can't fall asleep. I feel tired, but I just laid in bed with my eyes closed for 3 hours. I'm probably just overwhelmed by everything, I'm sure it'll pass. Even if I still have trouble sleeping, I'm sure I can find a doctor to take a look at me.
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Day 2
Still didn't fall asleep last night. I laid there from 11 PM till 7 AM. Just lying on my side with my eyes closed, trying to will myself to sleep. And while all nighters are nothing new to me, I just arrived in an entirely new world, and all I've wanted to do is take a nice, long, sleep filled night. I think I'll ask Pinkie where I can talk to a doctor tomorrow. If all goes according to plan, then I'll finally get some nice R&R tonight.
Pinkie told me about a nurse named Redheart who works at the local hospital. She gave me directions and I took off after work ended. I had told Redheart that I'd been unable to sleep, and was wondering if she could prescribe anything to help me. She gave me some generic sleeping pills and told me to take one half an hour before I went to sleep. I paid, thanked her, and headed home. Since I didn't have work tomorrow, I thought it'd be nice to just do a bit of reading. While perusing the bookshelf, I noticed that almost every single book was a pony version of a book back from home, each of them having a horribly punny title.
It seems that I lost track of time while reading, it's already 8 O'clock. I think I'm finally going to get some sleep.
The god damn pills don't work. I took one at 8 and waited till 9, and nothing happened. Then I took two and waited another hour, with no results. I don't know if I'm immune to pony medicine or something, but I'm getting a bit worried. I know that going long periods without sleep is unhealthy, but what about no sleep? Can you even live without getting sleep? I hope I don't have to find out. I know that this world has magic, I've seen several ponies levitating things, so that must mean there are other types of spells, or something similar. It seems that I have to turn to magic to get some rest.
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Day 3
Another night of me just staring at the ceiling for hours on end. I was making myself a sandwich this morning and smashed a mayonnaise jar after I couldn't open it. I broke down crying after that. I'm so fucking frustrated with what's going on. I'm sore all over and it hurts when I close my eyes. I'm going into town today to see if anyone knows of a magic user who could help me. I don't think I can take another day without sleep. I feel like I'm going to collapse at any moment.
I asked around town and the general consensus was that a unicorn named Twilight Sparkle might be able to help. Apparently, she's a student of Celestia, one of the princesses I met. I was told that she lives in a giant tree that was converted into a library, meaning it should be easy to find. I knocked on the door to the tree after finding it, and a tiny dragon answered. I asked if I could speak to Twilight, and he showed me in. Twilight was sitting in a chair, deep in a book. She glanced up and said hello. Saying hello back, I began to tell her why I was there, giving her the gist of my problem. I also asked if she had any spells that could induce sleep. She said that she had several, but would start from the bottom, as she had no clue how I would react. She led me to a couch and motioned for me to lie down, while she trotted a few feet back. Her horn started to glow, and a sparkling cloud of cyan gas began to form. The cloud covered my head and tinted my vision green. This lasted for about ten seconds, and then it was over. Twilight asked me if I felt any different, to which I said no. She then proceeded to try the rest of the sleep spells, each stronger than the last. None of them worked, though they all looked pretty. Twilight began shooting off questions: Why am I seemingly immune to magic? Did I mind if she did a few tests, they wouldn't be serious? On and on she went. I politely told her that I was against being tested like some sort of lab rat. Luckily she understood, and wished me luck on finding an solution. I said my thanks and headed home to try and formulate a way to fall asleep.
Its been a couple of hours since I got back from Twilight's, and I only have a couple of ideas, most of which are too hair brained to work. The only reasonable one I have is to meet with Redheart again and ask if they could put me under with sedatives, hopefully forcing my body to sleep. The others are either ridiculous, drinking until I pass out, or last resort, killing myself. Even though tomorrow is Saturday, I still have to work. I'll go see Redheart afterwards and see if I can't get some sleep. If I'm still unable to get any sleep, then I think I'll go to Twilight's library to check out a few books on sleep. One of them has got to hold the answer.
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Day 4
It's getting harder to remember things unless I direct a huge amount of focus on them. I went to the bathroom and forgot what I was doing until I wandered into my workstation and looked at what I wrote. I've decided to go to work today, even with my irritability, since I need the money. Turns out that I'm paid at the end of each day instead of bi-weekly or something like that.
I was snapping at customers the entire day, and even yelled at Pinkie once. She started to tear up after that, so I told her that I was just having a bad day. She perked right up after hearing that. I think I have a crush on her; she's the most kind, patient, and funny pony, or person, I've ever met. Too bad my visit to Redheart crushed any good feelings I had. When I told her my idea, she said that it wouldn't work. I learned that proper sleep, the kind that gives you rest and restores your mind and body, involves the brain going through several stages. Even if I was put under, she said, my brain wouldn't go through the stages, giving me no real rest. I swear to god I almost had a breakdown right there. I was all out of fucking ideas. She told me that she was truly sorry, but there was nothing she could do for me. I headed back here to grab something to eat and wallow in my sorrows for a bit. My last and only hope is that Twilight's library has a book on what I have, and a way to cure it. I'm heading over there after I finish this sandwich.
It's all over. I have no hope left in getting better or ever getting any sleep again. There were books in the library about sleep, and one even talked about what I had been experiencing. I don't remember the name of what I have, Fatal something or other, but two things about it popped out: there is no known cure, and every pony diagnosed with it has died within 18 months. I have a year and a half to live, probably even less than that. I don't think I'll be going to work anymore. In fact, I wont be leaving this house anymore. After all, what's the point? I'm going to die fairly soon, and there's nothing I can do about it. Even worse, multiple books mentioned that sleep deprivation comes with several horrible sounding side effects: weight loss, delusions, hallucinations, memory loss or lapses, problems with short term memory, dementia, and a ton of other things. The one that worries me the most is dementia. Forgetting who I am, where I am, where I've been, all the ponies I've met. But I can't change anything. All I can do is sit here and feel my body slowly shut down, and my brain slowly degrade. This is hell.
_________________________________________________________________________________________________Day 7
I've started hearing things. Nothing major yet, just barely audible sounds. Doesn't change that fact that I've started to hallucinate. I haven't left the house since the last journal entry. I'm down to my last breakfast.
I'm almost in tears while typing this. A couple of hours after I finished the last of my food, I heard a knock at the door. I wondered who it could possibly be, and went over to answer it. I nearly had a heart attack when I saw that it was Pinkie at the door. It also seems that my looks have gotten worse with no sleep, because as soon as she saw me she had this worried look on her face. She told me that I hadn't come to work in the past couple days, so she wanted to check up on me. I almost closed the door on her, but she gave me these puppy dog eyes that I just couldn't ignore. I invited her in and told her everything, only keeping out the fact that there isn't a cure and that I have less than a year and a half to live. She immediately told me that she would come to my house after work each day and stay with me for as long as I needed, to make me food, to help me cope, or even just to talk to. I tried telling her no, that it wasn't her problem, but she kept insisting, and I finally caved in and agreed. Just before she left I tried to get her to leave me alone by telling her that I was out of money and would soon be unable to work, but she told me she would be more than happy to buy me food. I was in tears after that, and we hugged for who knows how long. She really is the kindest mare out there, thank god for Pinkie.
Since I was still able to cook, clean, eat, etc for myself, Pinkie just hung around to talk to me, which was amazing. I could finally dump all my feelings onto someone. She listened through it all and assured me that everything would turn out fine in the end. And while I still felt like complete shit and was more exhausted than I had ever been in my life, it made me happy that Pinkie cared about my well being so much.
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Day 10
I've started seeing things now, in addition to the auditory hallucinations. Once again it's nothing major yet, usually just flickers in the corner of my vision, but it's still hallucinating. The auditory hallucinations have steadily gotten worse. They're about as loud as a whisper now, but there's no meaning to them; it's just incoherent mumbling and talking.
I can't trust myself to cook anymore. I was making eggs and I must have spaced out for quite a while, because one moment I was cracking the eggs into the saute pan, and the next moment I smelled something burning. When I looked down the eggs were burned to a crisp. What if I zone out when I'm cutting something? Or when I'm trying to light the gas burner? I can't take those kinds of risks anymore. I know Pinkie wouldn't mind cooking for me, but I still feel guilty since I'm giving her all this stuff to do.
Pinkie came over, and when I told her that she'd have to do my cooking, she said she didn't mind one bit. Pinkie is really wonderful, nothing ever seems to bring her down. After she made me dinner, I discussed the worsening hallucinations with her. Again, her personality didn't falter, and she told me that everything would work out in the end.
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Day 15
Both the auditory and visual hallucinations have gotten worse. The visual ones have become persistent and more common. I'm seeing ponies that aren't there, furniture that isn't there, and some things that just pop in and out of sight. The auditory ones are the worst though. They're constant now, and as loud as a normal conversation. They're still incoherent, but sometimes they blur together and become this horrible buzzing sound, as if a colony of bees had settled inside my head.
I tried killing myself with my razor, but I couldn't go through with it. I must have stood in the mirror for half an hour, trying to will myself to cut my wrists, but I was scared of the pain. Literally anything would be better than being me right now.
Pinkie came over and made a nice dinner, asked me how my day was, the usual. I realized that I could never let her find this journal, lest she commit me to some mental ward. Why she hasn't done so already is beyond me, but it might be because she thinks that this will pass, or that she thinks that she can take care of me all by myself. Whatever the reason, I'm still glad that she's here. I seriously doubt that I'd be alive right now if it wasn't for her.
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Day 25
I weighed myself this morning, and saw that I had lost nearly 10 lbs, bringing me down to about 180. I don't think I have long left now that I've started to lose weight. In addition, both types of hallucinations have gotten significantly worse. I'm actually stumbling into things because all the visual hallucinations are messing with my sense of where I am in the house. The auditory hallucinations are now loud enough to make me want to cover my ears, even though it would do no good. I try to act as though I don't hear them when Pinkie talks to me, but I think she knows how bad it's getting, because I can feel myself shouting to be heard over the imaginary voices. I'm also beginning to have difficulty walking in a straight line. It feels like I'm drunk; I have almost no sense of balance and it seems like the ground is spinning. Pinkie helps me walk whenever she's here, but when she isn't I have to either move very, very slowly or lean against the walls to move. I'm getting more useless every day, and it's fucking pathetic how much I have to rely on Pinkie.
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Day 40
I've lost 10 more pounds since my last entry, bringing me to 170 lbs. I think the hallucinations have gotten as bad as they're gonna get, because I haven't noticed any changes. I think the dementia is setting in, because I'm beginning to forget about things that happened on Earth. If there's a god out there, please let me remember my time here until I die. The walking problem has only gotten worse, Pinkie still helps me, but when I'm alone I either have to use the walls to lean on, or crawl on the ground. I've tried walking without any assistance and I fell on my ass every time. I'm just like my old man before he died; almost totally helpless without assistance, and slowly losing my mind to dementia.
When Pinkie came over today I noticed that she wasn't as vibrant as she usually is. She still tried to act cheery and whatnot, but it was like she was forcing it. Her tail and mane also looked a bit less poofier than usual.
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Day 70
I lost 15 pounds since I last weighed myself, bring me down to a dangerously low 155. I've forgotten even more things about Earth. I don't remember where I lived, what my job was or if I even had one, if I was in school, etc. Pinkie is faring no better. She still comes over each day and cares for me, but I think she's doing it just out of necessity. Her mane and tail are completely flat, and hold none of that bright pink color that they used to. I'm starting to experience migraines that completely stop me in my tracks. They are the most painful things that I've ever experienced, and I usually spend several minutes writhing on the ground in pain. The first time it happened to me was when Pinkie was around, and for a couple of minutes, she was back to her old self. It didn't last though, as she was back to being flat maned the next day. I also have to take breaks when wall walking because I get so damned tired. I'm getting weaker by the day, and I think that my heart is just going to stop one day, if this dementia doesn't kill me first.
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Day 120
I told Pinkie that I was finally getting some sleep, and that she didn't have to come over anymore. As soon as the words were out of my mouth she lit up like the Sun: her smile returned, her hair became poofy again, and she started crying and hugging me, saying that she was worried that it would never end, but now everything was going to be okay. It was bullshit though, I still hadn't slept a wink since I got here, I just think that I'm only going to last a couple more days, and I didn't want her here to see me die. The dementia has slurred my speech, something that I had to force away while talking to Pinkie that day. I also weigh in at a puny 120, and my ribs are starting to show. Please god just end it soon.
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Day
I've lost track of time for the past couple of days, though it could have been weeks or hours. The point is, this is going to be my last journal entry. The hallucinations have actually gotten worse; the only thing that I know is real is the chair I'm sitting on, the table the typewriter is on, and the typewriter itself. Everything else around me is a jumbled mess of colors. The noises are so loud that I'm essentially deaf, and I can't even hear the sound of the typewriter. I don't think that im ging tu bee
wait
I don't think I'm going to be able to type after today. In fact, I don't think I'll live to see tomorrow. The dementia has gotten so bad that I've forgotten the majority of things that have happened since I got here, Pinkie being the only thing that I clearly remember. I don't evn no hw tu
stop
I don't even know how to get to Sugarcube Corner anymore. I don't remember how to use thing in the bathroom, how to eat, and how to walk. I actually had to roll myself out of bed since I didn't have the strength to lift myself up. I crawled to the stairs and slid down, taking nearly an hour to get to my workstation and pull myself up to the typewriter. I have to keep re-reading what I've typed, because I keep forgetting what I'm doing. I can sea mi rebs
focus dammit
I can see my ribs so clearly that it looks like someone spread a thin sheet of rubber over them, and I can actually see part of my pelvis since my stomach is so retreated. I have to keep taking breaks every couple of lines because my fingers get sore. Almost al uf mye memur
hang on
Almost all of my memories are fragmented. Nothing seems to be connected to anything else, and I keep forgetting where I am. my vishun iz faeyl
just a bit longer
My vision is slowly failing, so I have to finish this. I wonder what I could have acomplished had I ben able to sleep. Wuld I have married? Could I have goten my dreem job of being a teachur, teacheng kids and waching them groe up? Maybe I would have traveld acros equestreea, seing new sigtes and meating new peepul. would i have groun old wit anuthur poni adn
please god let me finish
Would i have goran old wiht sompone by mie sid, shareng luv and expeerences? who wuld it hav ben? ill nevur kno now beecus of tis
just a couple more lines
I'll never know now because of this fukking disees there was soe much i wantd to dew but note enuff
oh god its happening
Pinkie Pie u werr the best frend i culd evr aks fore i luved the tim i spet weth u adn mabe et coold haf bn smting mroe if i gote bettr bt i dndt pikni i luv yu if u evr gt tis alwys rmber tat mmo dad sore ef i worry u i luv u
mi nm iss annomse