Egghead Tales

by RazedRainbow

Rating: everyone
Tags: Romance, Comedy, Slice of Life, Twilight Sparkle, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Rainbow Dash
Length: 4838

A series of TwiDash drabbles that follow the two mares though their relationship

An series of TwiDash drabbles that follow the two mares through their relationship: The good times, the bad times and all the spaces in between.

Inconsistent updating schedule.

Image by ColinMLP of deviantART

Published 2012-02-19 16:44:01 UTC
Last updated 2012-02-26 15:01:34 UTC

I Would Walk 500 Miles

Rainbow Dash’s eyes scanned the page over and over again, but she couldn’t force herself to digest the meaning behind the words-or even decipher the shapes formed by their intricate curves. Her mind was elsewhere, as it had been for the past few weeks, as it would be for as long as she kept the four lingering words walled up behind her teeth. Bored with tracing the curves of ink, Rainbow shifted her gaze to something more real: Something she could see and smell.

Somepony she could touch.

As was always the case whenever there was a book laid out before her, Twilight was no longer a mare of the world Rainbow occupied. The cyan pegasus admired how the unicorn could be so enthralled by any and every book. Whether it was a two-hundred thousand word war epic or a fifty word article on the importance of dusting the top shelf in your pantry, Twilight found them all to be equally invigorating. Rainbow wondered what kind of romance novels Twilight had read; romance didn’t seem like Twilight’s style, but neither did Daring Do, and Twilight claimed that she had read the entire series... twice. Deep down, Twilight was just like every other pony in the world: Undeniably, unquestionably, unpredictable. It was this basic law of nature that made Rainbow Dash want to ask the question, and it was this law of nature that made the proposition scare her to death.

“Where do we lie?”

Twilight reentered the world of the living, arching a confused eyebrow at Rainbow.

“What do you mean, Rainbow?”

“I mean... uh, where do we lie? As a couple.”

“I still don’t get what you’re going at.”

Rainbow Dash fumbled and stuttered, trying to piece together a puzzle she had already lost all the pieces to. This question had been festering on her tongue for nearly a month, slowly poisoning her mouth and bloodstream with constantly-evolving doubt, and now, as she was finally attempting to get some sort of antidote, she found herself slurring her address. She wanted to punch herself right on the skull, but she knew that, with that fumbled question, Twilight already thought that she had gone completely crazy; self-mutilation would do nothing but add fuel to the fire that was burning their brand new relationship at its seams.

“Look, can I just start over?”

“Please do, Rainbow. I’m completely lost here.”

“Alright. So, you remember a month ago, when Pinkie was having all those troubles with that Donkey fella?”

“Yes, I remember.”

“And, you remember why he wanted to be left alone? Why he had been walking across Equestria?”

A whimsical grin grew on Twilight’s face as she leaned back in her chair, obviously entranced by some sort of reverie.

“Oh, yes. What a romantic tale... So deeply in love that you walk hundreds upon hundreds of miles, just to see the face of the one you adore,” Twilight let her eyelids slowly close, her smile growing wider by the second, “I’m not usually one for romance, but that was a tale I can handle. A little sappy around the edges, but pleasing none the less. I...”

Rainbow Dash turned down the volume, letting Twilight ramble on, uninterrupted. When it came to things like storytelling, book binding, and serial commas, the egghead could go on for hours. At first, Rainbow Dash had found these prolonged spiels about seemingly useless subjects to be annoying, but over time she came to realize that she was just as guilty. Twilight couldn’t give two bucks about how one needs to angle their wings when taking a forty-five degree turn. She didn’t care about what the proper methods of stretching out one’s wings before a marathon. Yet, whenever Rainbow went on these long rants about speed and coolness, Twilight just sat back and let the pegasus speak; she probably didn’t listen to a word of it, but she still made eye contact and occasionally nodded.

“So, Rainbow?”

The pegasus shot up like a gun had been fired, before settling back down when she realized that the only smoke in the room was coming from her own face, heated by embarrassment.

“Yeah, Twi?”

“What did you mean by, ‘Where do we lie?’ I’m still a little lost.”

“Oh, yeah. Well... Let’s say you disappeared off the face of the Earth at this moment. Now, I know for a fact that I would walk off the world itself to find you. I mean, it’s who I am. It’s my Element. However, I... Would you do the same for me?”

“You don’t trust me?!” Twilight’s voice increased and her eyes narrowed. Rainbow gulped and slouched to the ground; she may have been the greatest flyer in Equestria, but Twilight was the greatest mage, and magic would definitely win that fight.

“Nononono, Twilight. Really, I trust you... It’s just... Hear me out here, okay?”

Her purple eyes still glared, but the spark of intense magic had subsided from her horn, signaling that Rainbow had one chance to explain herself before she got turned into a newt.

“Look, Twi... How happy are your parents? Do they love each other?”

“Last time I checked, yes.”

“Well, mine never did. My mom and dad divorced before I was even born. I didn’t even get to meet my dad until after the Best Young Fliers Competition... Can you imagine that, Twilight? The bucking stallion leaves me in the shadows for eighteen years, only to show up in my moment of glory and rain on my parade. Hay, he was just trying to mooch the reward money off of me, anyway... Something about debts. Anyway, my point is... If my mom disappeared, my father wouldn’t even lift his lazy flank off the couch... If I disappeared, he wouldn’t do anything, either... I just...Ugh, why is it so hard to explain? I guess what I’m asking, what I’m saying, is... I’ve seen the best and worst when it comes to this whole relationship thing, and I want to know...”

A purple hoof silenced her ranting. Twilight smiled at her lovingly, her eyes radiating with all the love and faith that Rainbow needed. The pegasus wrapped her forelegs around the unicorn, hugging her with the strength of a world-class athlete. Though the pressure was bearing down on her lungs, Twilight managed to force out a reply

“I’d never stop looking for you, Rainbow.”

Designated Trotter

Rainbow Dash had never actually tried the cider in Canterlot, but judging by Twilight’s tolerance- or lack thereof- for Apple family cider, she was one-hundred and twenty percent sure that the cider of the rich, powerful and famous was weaker than a papier-mache bust of an ant. Two mugs and Twilight was about to fall flat on the floor. Two mugs and the unicorn’s expansive vocabulary and perfect diction had dissolved into mumbling and sentence fragments. Two mugs and she was swinging her forelegs around arrhythmically whilst slurring a song that wasn’t even being played on the one record player in Sugarcube Corner. The pegasus watched in slight horror as Twilight bumped into one of the ninety-nine red balloons that filled the spacious party room that encompassed almost the entire upper-floor of the bakery. Now, Rainbow Dash didn’t know much about physics, but she was sure that a small, helium-filled balloon should not be able to knock over a pony. Leave it to Twilight Sparkle, one of Equestria’s proudest scientists, to break the very laws she enforced on a regular basis. The purple mare was flat on her back, lain out upon the cider and icing covered floor like a rug, laughing, still loudly singing a pitchy rendition of a song no one else seemed to recognize

“Mf...mffmmm, ehhr.”

Rainbow, whom was on her fifth mug and was still (mostly) sober, sighed at the rolling unicorn. She looked up at her friends and saw exactly what she had expected to see: A couple of her friends were respectfully trying to suppress their chuckles (A losing battle in a situation like this), but most of the room had taken to watching the scene unfold as if it were a performance by the town’s newest comedy troupe. However, to Rainbow, this was far from a Pony Python sketch; this was an embarrassment. If it weren’t for the fact that Twilight would occasionally wretch and moan amidst her out-of-key renditions, the pegasus would have guessed that this was some kind of prank, or even pay-back of some sorts. She didn’t know the answer, but there was one thing that she did know: She had to get Twilight out of this perturbed predicament, lest she become the punchline of the town’s jokes.

With little hesitation, the Element of Loyalty scooped up the Element of Magic, and carried her out of the room, down the stairs and out of Sugarcube Corner; much to the dismay of several ponies, including Pinkie Pie, whom had, somehow, produced a large tub of popcorn to enjoy the spectacle with. The party pony sighed, devoured the rest of the popcorn in one gulp, and the party burnt on into the night

“Oh no...It grrfi faaa...” Twilight cried at the slowly-fading, plastic pastry-encrusted bakery. As the two ponies rounded a corner, and the saccharine temple disappeared from sight, Twilight bleated out one last time. “Reeeeeeee.” If it weren’t for the fact that she needed both of her forehooves firmly planted on the ground to keep moving, Rainbow would have slammed one against her own face a long time ago. Everypony had given her advice on how to deal with a relationship; what to say, when to say it, what kind of flowers to give your partner on her birthday, what kind of candy to buy her for Hearts and Hooves Day, etc. What they hadn’t told her was how to deal with a drunken unicorn. Rainbow wanted to put a muzzle around Twilight’s mouth and cease all her babbling, but at the same time, Twilight was also one of the most powerful unicorns in a Equestria when it came to magic. Rainbow was scared to death that, in a drunken haze, the purple mare would hallucinate a spider on the back of her neck, attempt to incinerate it, and wake up, sober, to the sight of Kentucky Fried Rainbow Dash. It was this fear that kept making the pegasus duck each time Twilight moved, and it was this paranoia that kept her hooves moving, praying that the library was just around the corner. As she bounded around yet another familiar corner, Ranbow was treated to the silhouette of a tree, and she quietly rejoiced, thanking Celestia, Luna and whatever other deities may exist in the universe, for letting her get Twilight home without having to suffer third-degree burns in the process. She ran to the door with enough velocity to pull off a Sonic Rainboom, nearly knocking over a groggy Spike as she charged through the door and up the stairs

“Drink this.”

Twilight tried to knock the glass of water away, swinging her hooves wildly through the air to no avail. She tried to push it away with telekinesis, but simply wound up grasping a nearby copy of The Unabridged History of Equestria, nearly crushing poor Spike when it fell to the floor with a clatter. Finally, the purple unicorn succumbed to Rainbow’s pestering, and meekly sipped the water - nearly spilling the entire glass on her bed. Satisfied, the pegasus set the glass down on the night table, leaned back on her haunches, and exhaled the breath she had been holding for the past hour. She had another bill to add to “The Law of Rainbow Dash”: Never, under any circumstances, let Twilight Sparkle consume more than one mug of cider. The new rule was pending ratification, but Rainbow was sure it would make its way through the houses of coolness, awesomeness and radicalness with ease.

Rainbow chuckled at her ever-increasing level of “eggheadedness”, and nearly passed out: Carrying Twilight around took more out of her than she had originally anticipated. Rubbing her tired eyes, Rainbow arose from her slouched position, and began to make her way over to the guest bed (which was conveniently placed two paces away). However, her progress was halted by a desperate, purple hoof and pleading, violet eyes.

“No...No leave..youfsleelzwitehm...” the unicorn blacked out mid-plea; her point made it across, though, and Rainbow smiled, happy to oblige. Carefully, she inched her way under the covers, briefly moved around to get into a comfortable position and wrapped Twilight in a tight embrace. The unicorn briefly regained consciousness and gave the pegasus a light peck on the muzzle before passing out again. Rainbow smiled and tossed the “never let Twilight drink” bill into the garbage.

Friendship Letter #70

Dear Princess Celestia,

This is going to be a long one.

As you know, Hearts and Hooves Day was this past Saturday. Now, I’ve expressed how much I detest this holiday many times in the past; I believe I even wrote a very vehement letter speaking out against it last year. My problem with Hearts and Hooves Day, or at least the celebrations surrounding it, is that too many ponies are completely unaware of the history and meaning behind it. To most, it’s an occasion covered in scented candles which are fueled by mounds of candy and gooey poetry. If they knew the truth behind the holiday, then they surely would not be celebrating: Who in their right mind would celebrate the collapse of their kingdom? I guess that’s why heart-shaped chocolates leave such a bitter taste in my mouth; nopony seems to truly appreciate history anymore.

However, this year something did change. For the first time in my life, I opened myself up to the more “materialistic” side of things, and found myself actually taking part in certain...festivities.

Oh, Princess...I’ve never felt so content with capitulation

My plan for Hearts and Hooves Day was to read through the same book I do every year, The Truth Behind Hearts and Hooves Day, and lecture anypony within earshot about the forgotten meaning behind the holiday. Unfortunately for me, Sweetie Belle, Apple Bloom and Scootaloo all seemed to be “interested” in the book, so I let them borrow my one copy. I thought that they would get to the end of the introduction, get bored and return the book to me. However, as of the writing of this report, the book has not yet been returned: It has been five days and I’m getting worried that it’s destroyed; rotting under a tree in Sweet Apple Acres.

Anyway, this unforeseen complication left me with nothing to do except brood around the library. Spike managed to somehow get Rarity to agree to go on a “date” with him, so I was left alone with my books and my thoughts. Normally, I would be fine with this, but over the past few months (Now that I think about it, it’s been over a year since I came here! Wow!) I’ve found it increasingly difficult to fully immerse myself into a story. I still love reading, but my mind tends to wander in the wakes, causing my consciouses to float from the story’s grasp and get stuck in more mundane topics: Like games, food, parties...

Love...

There’s that cursed four-letter word. Forgive me for inserting such a vulgar topic into my letters, Princess, but for reasons unknown, the word “love” was ricocheting around my skull a lot on Hearts and Hooves Day. Maybe it was a premonition, maybe it was the atmosphere getting to me... I don’t know for sure. However, I’m leaning towards the former of the two, because the word was still floating around my mind when she trotted in.

A while back, I made the mistake of introducing Rainbow Dash to the “joys of reading”. At the time, it was just something to keep her mind occupied while she was cooped up in the hospital. However, I didn’t expect her to embrace the art with the tenacity that she has: Everyday, she’s in the library, reading (and in some cases, rereading) books in the Daring Do series or looking for some new adventure to delve into. I’ve tried to get her to check out non-fiction, but, aside from reading through the occasional Wonderbolts biography, she seems to be content with loud, over-the-top adventures. Despite my selfish wishes that she broadens her literary horizons, I’m more than happy with her company; we never really spent much time together before she broke her wing, but now I almost wish that she would break it again. Okay, maybe that’s going too far, but still...

I guess I’m starting to enjoy her company too much.

Forgive me, I’m straying off subject again.

So, Rainbow shows up at the library and barges her way in; seemingly unaware of the large “closed” sign that I had hung in the window. Normally, I would have lectured her and kicked her out for ignoring the literal warning signs, but on that day I felt like I needed the company. I stayed at the desk, sulking and acting like I was reading one of the miscellaneous books I always have strewn over my desk, while Dash went to her usual spot on the stairs, flopped down in a likely-uncomfortable position and began to read Daring Do and the Quest for the Sapphire Stone for the second time in a week. I let her read for a good half-hour before I decided to interrupt her.

“What are you doing here, Rainbow?”

“Reading.”

“It’s Hearts and Hooves Day?”

“So?”

“Don’t you have anything planned?”

“Sure I do.”

“What is it?”

“Reading.”

I’ve slammed my face into many books over the years, but this was the hardest contact I’ve ever made.

“Are you kidding me, Rainbow?”

“And what plans do you have, Twilight? A date with Staliongrad’s most sweeping tales of romance?”

She got me there; I didn’t have any plans. Still, at least I have the excuse of being Ponyville’s resident “egghead”: No stallions or mares are going to bust down doors to get to me. Rainbow, however, is a world-class athlete: If she wanted to go on a date, she would have to throw a lottery, because every single pony from Ponyville to Fillydelphia would be lining up to get a piece of her. The key word there is “if”. That’s what I’ve always admired about Rainbow: She never shackles herself to any facets. Sure, she has some preconceptions, like with the whole “reading” thing, but even then she eventually gave it a shot. That’s what I love about her: She does what she wants, when she wants to.

There’s that word again... love.

Anyway, I told her that I didn’t have any plans and things returned back to their usual, tranquil state. This silence lasted fifteen minutes before Rainbow spoke up again.

“Hey, Twilight! It’s getting kinda late. Ya wanna grab a bite to eat?”

The pause lasted epochs. My mind was petrified. I stuttered out something about it being Hearts and Hooves Day, saying that there were going to be no available tables anywhere: Rainbow just chuckled at my behavior.

“There are plenty of places that have empty tables on Hearts and Hooves Day. You just gotta know where to look.”

Then, without even asking me again, she rose from the stairs and walked towards the door. I stumbled in her wake, vexed at my stubborn hooves: My brain was screaming at me to stay put, but my heart was whispering to follow.

I’m glad I listened to my heart for once.

This letter has gone on longer than usual. I apologize

Rainbow and I went to one of street cafes that are littered around the aptly named “Restaurant District”. It wasn’t anyplace fancy (I can’t even remember the name of it) and the food was terrible, but that was what made it perfect. It was a place where we could talk and eat, away from the mushy soliloquies and flickering candles. It was... I guess “nice” would be the proper word. After we finished our food (and after Rainbow quit yelling at the waiter about his “lousy service”: Her words, not mine) we made our way back to the library. It was getting late and I was half-asleep at the time, but I remember how everything seemed slightly more radiant. It could have just been the fact that it was a full moon, but at the same time I can’t help but wonder if it was my brain sending a signal: Begging me to invite her inside. Instead, we just stood in the doorway, doused in awkward silence. Finally, I spoke up, and what I said... well, let me just write it down for you, word for word.

“Thanks for this, Rainbow. This was a really nice date.”

I actually said date... I’m such an idiot.

To Rainbow’s credit, she didn’t even seem to notice my slip-up. She said her goodbyes and flew back to her cloud-house: I went up to my room and let insomnia take over.

It’s been eating me up, Princess: Using the term “date”. Was it really a date? I personally believe it was. I mean, you can have dates that are strictly non-romantic, right?

Right?

But, at the same time, was it non-romantic? In the recesses of my mind, I kind of hope that it was romantic. I hope that the feelings I felt when we were eating were feelings of love and not just food poisoning. I... I don’t even know, Princess. I’ve completely lost track of everything.

I want to go up to Rainbow and ask her to go with me to dinner again: Repetition is the best way to prove or disprove a hypothesis, and what better way to find the answer for “love” than with a second date? Then I would know how everything fits into place. Then I would know if I really do... love Rainbow.

It still feels weird writing down that word, Princess. Now that I mention it, it feels weird writing this letter. These letters are meant to be about “lessons”: They’re not supposed to be my own personal diary, and yet I’m using them as if they were one.

So, that’s how I spent my Hearts and Hooves Day, and the week after: Stuck in an existential crisis. I may go and ask Rainbow about...”going out”, but, honestly, my nerves are probably going to get the best of me. Considering the matter at hoof, this letter will likely end up being either the prelude to disaster or the prologue to something grand. I’m hoping for the latter.

Sorry about the long-windedness, Princess. I have a lot on my mind right now.

Your faithful student,

-Twilight Sparkle

Samskeyti

Samskeyti

‘Bye...’

How many times have I said that phrase?

It has to number in the thousands, if not the millions.

It is a stock phrase I used to say to Princess Celestia each time I finished an after-class tutoring session. It is a simple statement I’ll quickly utter over my shoulder to Spike before I leave to go to the store. I always say it to Pinkie Pie at the end of every party. I always say it to Fluttershy after we’ve spent the entire day hunting for a missing bunny. I’ll always say it to Applejack after helping her with yet another harvest of apples at Sweet Apple Acres. I’ll even say it to Rarity after one of our spa dates. I said it to my parents after I had gotten accepted to Celestia’s School of the Magical Arts, and I say it to them at the end of every visit. I’ve said it an innumerable amount of times to an innumerable quantity of faces: Enunciating it should be a breeze, but the word just keeps getting caught up in my throat. The syllables burn and the letters choke.

‘Bye...’

It is a feathery word

It is crushing my diaphragm.

I knew that this moment was coming, but that doesn't make it any easier to swallow. It’s a well-known fact that nopony can stand ground against the eternal, relentless waves of time forever: Not even the fastest pegasus in Equestria. The forces of time and gravity are laws that even Princess Celestia cannot repeal, and the sands of the infernal hourglass are constantly falling, grain-by-grain, slowly inching towards an unavoidable denouement. Every book has a last page, every cake has a final piece and every rainbow has an end.

Samskeyti...

Joints...

Attachment...

I have grown too attached to her: I have grown to expect too much. Rainbow Dash is not the type of pony to slow down for anything. No matter how much I long for it to be so, Rainbow will never, under any circumstances, surrender to the simple life. She lives on the edge—she is the edge—and no amount of pleading from a silly little bookworm like me could make her bat an eyelash; let alone slow her down. No amount of embraces will confine a brash mare like her to a four-walled room. Rainbow, like her namesake, needs the open sky: She needs freedom.

And I need her.

I—

“What’cha writing there, Twilight?”

Purple hooves immediately covered the scrawled ramblings.

“Nothing, Rainbow. Just some notes on an experiment.”

As always, Rainbow raised an eyebrow; Twilight had always been a terrible liar, and it was evident that she was lying at the moment, but it was also clear that Twilight was uncomfortable. A year or two ago, Rainbow would have persistently pressured the unicorn into spilling her guts, or just stolen the scroll when she wasn’t looking. However, relationships have a way of swaying even the most unswayable of mares, and Rainbow decided to let Twilight keep whatever she had written down a secret.

‘Although I may sneak a peek when I get back...Just in case.’

“Alright... Well, I’ve gotta go, Twi. Mayor wants a big storm, but I should be back in a few hours.”

The two mares shared a quick hug, and Rainbow began to head out the door.

“Be careful, Rainbow.”

“I’ll be fine... It’s just a storm. I can form those babies in my sleep

The pegasus took to the skies and flew towards the center of town. Rainbow looked over her shoulder at the forlorn unicorn standing on the doorstep of the old tree.

“Bye, Twi. See ya in a bit.”

“Bye!”

Once the pegasus was out of sight, Twilight shuffled back into the library. She sat down at the desk and stared the various papers that were still lying upon it: Various articles, graphs and books—all related to one subject.

The Dangers of Weather Control...

Equestrian Weather Service: Casualties and Fatalities...

A Guide to Work-Related Injuries...

How to Take Care of an Injured Loved One...

Overcoming Loss..

Her eyes shifted to the window and then back to the desk; settling on the journal she had been writing earlier. She grabbed a quill and began to write once more.

‘Bye...’

There’s such a finality to that word.

I try to hide my fears, but they are there: They are evident.
I just pray that they never come true.

A/N: Samskeyti is the alternative name for this song. This was the song I listened to while writing this piece and thought it was a fitting title.

Friendship Letter #71

Dear Princess Celestia,

I’m going to make this brief.

So, I actually went through with what I said I was going to do in the last letter. I found Rainbow, asked her to go to dinner with me and waited for rejection. However, she didn’t yell at me or reject me: Nay, she simply smiled and said that she would love to. No begging, no crying, no bribery, no persuasion: She simply said yes.

The “date” went by without a hitch: Our conversations were just as lively as they were last time, and the food was actually edible. After we finished, we went back to the library: I wanted to invite Rainbow in, but she said that she couldn’t stay. Apparently, the weather patrol had to produce a massive storm at the break of dawn and Rainbow needed the rest. At first I was dejected about this, but then she said something that washed all the bitterness away.

“This was cool, Twilight. We should do it again. How does tomorrow sound?”

I couldn’t pounce on this opportunity fast enough: A primitive instinct grasped my head and made it bounce up and down in a vigorous nod. Rainbow did what she always did in these situations: A hearty chuckle and a heavy pat on the back.

“You’re such an egghead.”

She disappeared into the night sky, leaving me to blush in embarrassment, alone... or maybe it was a blush of an entirely different nature.

Could this be it, Princess?

Could this be love?

Your faithful student,

-Twilight Sparkle