The Confederacy of Purple

by Hexalan

Rating: teen
Tags: Crossover, Alternate Universe, Comedy, Adventure, Random
Length: 8481

What happened to Steven Magnet when the Mane 6 left? What about the cockatrice? Soarin's pie dish?

The misadventures of random side characters that you saw once and then disappeared forever, plus some random OC's and crossover thrown in!

EDIT: This is no longer misadventures of side character with oc thrown in. This is OC with side characters thrown in.

Published 1970-01-01 00:00:00 UTC
Last updated 2011-11-02 01:29:41 UTC

Egg Muffins

"Welcome to McDonalds, how may I help you?"

*click*

"And that's not all! Order in the next-"

*click*

"Four score and seven years ag-"

*click*

"So that'll be $8.9-"

*click*

"That's a Five hundred dollar value, for just twelve payments of $18.5-"

*click*

"to the proposition that all me-"

*click*

"Bob!" shouted Jon, "Why do we only have three channels? Why is the McDonalds a channel? Why are they making a new building across the street? Why am I asking so many questio-Hey! Bob! Are you there?" Jon swore. "You better not have eaten a hamburger and fallen through a portal to another dimension! Do you remember what happened last time?"Jon swore again. "****** on a ***** with ****** ****** eating ******* ********** ****** ***** potato ********* and a side of ********** ****."

There was a blinding flash of light, and Jon passed out.

Jon woke, and glanced around him. He was in a dark room, boxes spread round him. He rubbed his eyes.

"FUCK!" screamed he, as the hitting of eyeballs with hooves can be painful. "WHY THE FUCK DO I HAVE HOOVES?" Jon stood up, was greeted by another flash.

"Now, now. We don't like that kind of language here." called voice.

"Who are you? What are you? Why did you take me here?" Jon saw a figure appear. It was a horse. but with wings and a horn.

"All will be revealed in time. But now, you have a job to do. Perhaps you should inspect your surroundings." With that, the strange figure disappeared in another flash of light.

Jon groaned. "WHALP. Better look around." He walked over to the boxes, and peered inside. "Meh. Broken pen, broken pen, a waffle, half jug of wine, a blue paper hat, a purple disc, a pumpkin, Oh a sword! This could be useful!" Jon withdrew the blade, putting it away in his nothing. Jon looked around again. This time, he spotted a door. "Well, it seems this is the only way to go! What could possibly go wrong?" Jon entered through the door. Across the hallway, there were two guards, each standing in front of a door. The first, dressed in red armour, spoke up.

"Welcome, adventurer. Many things lie before you. Great monsters, treasures, and wealth. But first, you must pass us. One door leads to all this, the other to certain death. You may ask us two questions. However, be forewarned. One of us always lies, and one always tells the truth."

Jon spoke to both of them at once. "What's one plus one?"

"Two" replied the red armoured guard.

"One" replied the guard clad in green.

Jon spoke again. "Which door leads to death?"

"Both" said the red.

"Up to one or more" said the green.

Jon moved forth, unsheathing his sword and delivering a savage cut to the green knights neck. He raised his own blade, blocking the cut and snapping Jon's own sword in half.

"An unwise move," spoke the green guard, "Perhaps we should punish you." In yet another flash of light, Jon passed out.

Three men watched from afar.

"He should pay heed next time."

"Perhaps the boxes hold more than he thinks."

"Not all that is gold, glitters."

"Wise words from a wise man."

"Not all can be as strong as you, Zamorak."

"So you say. Discord failed me."

"Order reigns higher."

"Remember balance. You recall what happened the last time."

Jon woke up. He was in the room. Again. His head was pounding, and there was a large cut on his right foreleg. Jon stood up and looked around him. Everyone appeared the same as before, so he walked over to the boxes to peer inside again.

"Rubbish...plastic bags, a stapler, hmm a metamorphosis potion. What's this?" Jon pulled a paper slip out from the box. "Captain Chekhov? What kind of Captain has business cards? Can pick locks, eat foil, make cryptic references, and has safe rooms. That's nice." Jon rooted around the box for a few more minutes, picking items he deemed useful (a bronze dagger, bag of "booms", a mac computer, a gun labeled "little macintosh", a Mcintosh apple, and a rusty screwdriver, a paper crown, jug of wine, pumpkin, purple disc [sound familiar?] in case you were wondering).

Ready to move onward, Jon entered through the door again. This time, however, there were no guards nor doors, only a long hallway with another door at the end. Traversing down, he was met with a table, with a potion on it labeled "Drink me". So, instead of drinking it, like the idiot he is, he drank his metamorphosis potion, and tucked the new potion into his nothing.

Captain's log, stardate 6283.37.

We came cross a spatial anomaly today. There are powerful energy emissions emanating from it; it seems to be some kind of wormhole. It's like something we've never encountered before. I've ordered to change course to go in.

"A trans-dimensional portal? How did you fit one in something that small?" inquired the admiral. "This would be extremely handy in the field, or on scouting missions."

"A new design. We've come up with a brilliant new battery. It's  new design, for high density storage.." Captain Chekhov smiled. "It's only good for one hop though, afterwards it'll have to recharge." The admiral left Chekhov's station, looking around to the other scientists. Chekhov hoped to test his machine tonight.

The captain left the science station, and entered his quarters. He packed up his old gun, which he happened to have always on his persons, loaded and ready to fire at all times. He dropped by the mess hall and armoury, picking up supplies to prepare for his trip. Suddenly a there was a huge explosion, and the ground shook. Sirens sounded, and panicked men ran around. Three beeps, he thought, a rift. There had not been a natural rift on Tales Prime for a hundred years. Of course, that meant nothing when one could travel though time, but it was still a rare occurrence. Chekhov hastily activated his ring, hoping to not get sucked into the rift.

Chekhov looked around him. He was in a wide, grassy, plain. Few clouds drifted across the sky, and the one sun shone brightly. A dense forest was to the north, a lake to the south. Chekhov could feel his changed physiology. "I see the metamorphosis worked," he commented aloud. He body was in the form of an alicorn, a deep purple with blood-red wings. He was clad in metallic armour, draped with menacing plates and spikes. There were was an inexplicable sword and scabbard across his back. Chekhov consulted his map, and entered the forest.

He met trouble soon. Three manticores leaped out of the surrounding trees, only to be met Chekhov's ready blade. He stepped back, swinging his sword in a long arc. One manticore swerved off, but the other was not quick enough, and received a nasty cut, shearing off an arm. This didn't seem to hurt it, just anger extremely. It threw itself at him, trying to stab Chekhov with his venomous tail. Instead, it just managed to impale itself on the spiky armour. Defeated, it slouched down by a tree and died.

The other manticore was was not stupid. It slinked off through the forest, not wishing death. But what happened to the third? Leaping through the trees with a mighty leap, the third manticore jumped out of a bush, waving a small knife. In a futile attempt to harm Chekhov, the manticore stabbed at his breastplate, but the dagger bounced off.

"Oh $h1t." The manticore managed to exclaim before being knocked unconscious by Chekhov's mail-clad hoof. He tied up the passed-out manticore and slung it over his back.

Commander Derpy was not amused. "What do you mean a rift? How could a rift open on Tales? We destroyed the subplanar binds decades ago! Admiral Hex was there with the science teams. This must have been a targeted attack."

"Captain Chekhov was on ground at the time of the rift," added one of her underlings.

"So what? That information is useless as nipples on a breastplate."

"The captain was experimenting with a transdimensional gate. He might have gotten out before Tales was consumed."

"Really? Get a trace on his gate. We can deduce where he went."

The soldier turned and typed on a computer for several minutes. Finally he answered, "It seems he went to...Equestria."

The commander raced out, finding equipment to contact the Planar Overseer, Luna.

General Tsutsaroth was not amused either. "THERE WAS SURVIVOR? THIS WAS SUPPOSED TO BE A CLEAN ATTACK? WHAT IF HE ESCAPES AND FINDS OUT WHAT HAPPENED?" Raging, K'ril moved threateningly towards the message-bearer.

"Hey hey," he protested, "Don't shoot the messenger!"

So instead, the general sliced off his head.

Jon woke up. He groaned. His head pounded. His arms ached. "Gah!" he shouted. "I have arms again!"

Captain Chekhov looked at him. "So you've woken now? No-don't answer, it was a rhetorical question." He handed (that term is used very loosely) Jon a bowl of soup. "Mind telling me what you're up to?" Jon was busy burying his face in the delicious stew (it was really just normal field rations). He told Chekhov of the recent events, the guards, the room of boxes. When he finished his tale, Chekhov pondered for a moment.

"Hmm...It seems you were taken here in an interplanar rift, but against your will by some superior being. Have you had any experience with this sort of thing before?"

"Well..." responded Jon, "My friend, Blob Bob, once he ate a hamburger and fell through a portal to another world. There were all sorts of weird things there, like floating platforms and apples and bananas. There were also giant purple dinosaurs trying to eat him. It was all very stressful."

"That was certainly an odd place. So now, the main problem. I have the necessary equipment to get us back, but it'll need a few days to charge. Until then, we will need to travel around, perhaps find alternate means if quickening our escape. Fortunately, I have been here before, and I know the Planar Overseer. She can probably help us."

The conversation ended. Jon entered the tent; Chekhov put out the fire and stood watch.

Seventeen Reindeer

And a good thing, too. A pair of glowing red eyes were visible in the distance, through the trees. Around the eyes was a head. Attached to the head was a body. The owner of the body was not pleased with Chekhov and Jon enroaching on its territory. It signaled its comrades up.

A single helldeer is not a problem, easily dispatched. However, seventeen banded together can pose quite a problem. Rushing forward, attacking as one, the seventeen helldeer swarmed Chekhov. In the dim forest-filtered moonlight, the helldeer failed to notice Chekhov's battle-readiness. Three beasts impaled themselves with their rush on Chekhov's armour, and he dispatched two more with a mighty buck. Jon, woken by the noises, crawled out of his tent; a helldeer promptly tripped on him and impaled another with its demonic antlers. He stood up and and venomously stung one more. The helldeer, recognizing the threat, slowly circled around the captain.

With a mighty swing, his blade caught two helldeer, bathing the ground in blood. The two on either side of this massacre quickly skittered back, only to be met with a pouncing manticore. Slashing his claws, the two helldeer were killed. With a mighty roar, Chekhov leaped up and smashed ones skull with his heavy, armoured hoof. Jumping back up, he spun around and lunged at another with his sword. In their haste to get away, another pair of helldeer ran into eachother, and collapsed on the ground, antlers prominently protruding promiscuously posterior from their putrid pals. Jon, eager to do some more damage stumbled on a rock and fell face down. The remaining helldeer, angered by the death of his comrades, approached menacingly, only to be stunned from behind by Chekhov's magic. "Useful to have a hostage," he remarked.

The party has acquired items:

32 Helldeer Antlers

16 Helldeer Corpses

"What are we supposed to do with helldeer corpses? Eat th-"

HEY. DON'T INTERRUPT THE INTERFACE. UNDRSTOOD?

"Meep."

10 Gold

He learns.

The warrior should not have escaped.

They won't be happy to find out you did it.

Who else would they accuse?

They dare not break the edicts, you are safe to some extent. Do not flaunt your power.

He was lonely. Very alone. Not that it hadn't happened before. This sort of thing occurs often enough. Who would take his kind with them? They were to be used, then discarded. Never mind that he was the only one. His kin were all left behind, but he taken up. Trael hopped down the path, hoping to find a way up. All pie dishes' ultimate goal was to reunite with the eater of the pie it had once contained. Of course, most pie dishes can't self levitate, and for those who can it is extremely difficult, so reaching a pegasus in a floating cloud-city was going to be hard.

The ship shook. Captain Janeway stumbled onto the bridge and barked an order, "REPORT!"

"Some kind of supspce distortion! It's extremely powerful, and our sensors can't detect it!"

Janeway had ordered a course change to investigate the mysterious wormhole. It led to a peculiar subspace pocket, only a small sun and few planets inside. They were all M-class, heavily populated, and surrounded by ships and satellites. They approached the closest planet to the sun, only then there was a massive explosion that rocked the ship.

Suddenly, the turbulence ceased, and a huge wormhole appeared where the planet they were heading to used to be. In the sudden sensor overload, no one noticed another small spike that occurred right before it.

"Luna!" yelled Commander Derpy.

"Derpy! How have you been?" she replied.

"No time for chat now. One of our bases has been attacked with an artificial rift. Only on survivor got away, and the data points to him being in your dimension. Find Captain Chekhov." Derpy ended the transmission.

Luna was eager to complete this mission. She had just gotten back from a millennium long lunar vacation. Not even Celestia knew of her important position. One thousand years ago, a massive attack was launched on Tales, and Luna was forced to keep up the moon to block out enemy forces. She had to masquerade a rebellion to muster the Equestria-based Confederacy soldiers. On the moon, she had completed many scientific missions set out for her, and eventually the Confederacy saw fit to return her to land.

Luna gathered her things, summoned her abacus, and left Canterlot to search.

The Desert King watched. His warriors raced across the plain, yelling hearty war cries, waving their silver scimitars and shining ceramic shields. The Sea King had invaded the southern dunes and already occupied everything east of the Naeldas river. Hours ago, the King sent his Desert Eagles to spy on the enemy encampments. They had just arrived back.

"Anything new?" The King inquired.

"The waters swirl. He brings troops by sea. He summons a hydra."

"Thank you. You are dismissed." The Eagle disappeared in a puff of smoke.

The king prepared his pentacle; it was time to summon the Menaphites.

The Great and Powerful Trixie was waiting. Overseer Luna had sent out a Class 4 Code Yellow alert, and The Great and Powerful Trixie had detected power surges on the edge of the Everfree Forest, and went to investigate. Suddenly, The Great and Powerful Trixie heard a load crash, and witnessed several birds flying out into the sky. Two figures stepped through the trees, so The Great and Powerful Trixie quickly stepped back into a bush, casting an illusion upon herself.

"The Overseer here is a princess, so we can probably find her at the royal palace. That's in the middle of here, this forest." the heavily armoured alicorn remarked to the smaller, blue pegasus.

Seeing as the two ponies were not enemies and mostly likely her targets (The armoured one was an alicorn, though neither Luna nor Celestia so therefore an outerlander, and was explaining basic Equestrian knowledge to the other one, so therefore were most likely not from around here), leaped out of the shrubbery and dispelled her disguising magic.

Chekhov and Jon traveled through the forest, llooking for clues to point towards the Castle of the Royal Pony Sisters. "The Overseer here is a princess, so we can probably find her at the royal palace. That's in the middle of here, this forest." informed the captain to Jon. Suddenly, a blur catapulted out of the ground and its shape focused and became defined in the form of a dark blue unicorn mare, boasting a hat and cape of starry quality.

"Outlanders! The Great and Powerful Trixie bodes you welcome! The Great and Powerful Trixie normally would not care for your passing, but The Great and Powerful Trixie has been ordered by Princess Luna to protect you!" announced the "Great and Powerful Trixie".

Jon made funny noises, "Cough cough cough blah cough cough blah blah Id something something are you even reading this cough cough."

Chekhov looked at him funny. "You're actually supposed to cough, not say cough."

"Quiet! The Great and Powerful Trixie has no need of your cryptic messages! The Great and Powerful Trixieis here to escort you to a safe destination! The Great and Powerful Trixie would contact the Overseer, but The Great and Powerful Trixie accidentally used The Great and Powerful Trixie's communicator to razzle and dazzle the audience with lots of flash! They never even caught wise!" The Great and Powerful Trixie loudly told.

"The Great and Powerful Trixie refers to herself in the third person to much..." muttered Chekhov.

"The Great and Powerful Trixie will forget and forgive you for that remark! Now The Great and Powerful Trixie shll join you on your quest to return to your home plane!"

Mage Trixie has join-

"Hey! The Great and Powerful Trixie wishes for The Great and Powerful Trixie's complete title to be use-"

WHAT DID I SAY ABOUT INTERRUPTING THE INTERFACE

New Perks: Power Trio 1:

+20% power to all trio members (stacks consecutively)

Third-person person:

The Great and Powerful Trixie calls out those who refer to themselves in third person as villians using The Great and Powerful Trixie's masterful powers of hypocrisy

"Doctor, Doctor!"

"Who?"

"Yes, who!"

"Yeah, I said who?"

"The Doctor!"

"Doctor who?"

"Yeah!"

"Who?"

"Doctor!"

"Doctor who?"

"Yeah, Doctor Who!"

"Which Doctor?"

"Who!"

"Doctor Who?!?!"

"You called?"

"Who (are you)?"

"Yes!"

"Doctor Who!"

"ALLONS-Y!"

DisQord

A snake writhed through the grass. Sensing something in the air, its tongue flitted out and was still. It heard a twig snap and thus dashed around. Unbeknownst to it, a Stalker slinked through the shadows, trailing it. This was not a creepy follower,  collecting your dead skin to make presents for you, but one of the shadow world. Mind-forger Graaehkinhaek transfixed the snake with its single, giant eye. The fearful serpent was paralyzed in terror, as its essence was absorbed by Graaehkinhaek. It now had enough power for another hop. If it was lucky, it could get back to the Demon Halls, or possibly even the home world.

Graaehkinkaek was a stalker, summoned to guard the halls of Daemonheim, along with the rest of its kin. He posessed

similar powers to that of Harr'lakk the Riftsplitter, binding universal powers to his will and manipulating it to bend and break. Through these gaps in the vibrant powers, one could bind an opening for short periods of time.

It closed its great eye, concentrating. In a flash of blinding light, a rift opened up in front of it. The rift pulsated with energy, thin tendrils of light and power undulating about. The tendrils were interesting hues of purple and red, with bands of black running up and down the length. Gradually growing larger, they wrapped around Graaehkinhaek and tightened. The squeezing ropes of magic pulled Graaehkinhaek into the portal, then everything disappeared in a blast of fire, scorching the surrounding grass.

"Agent 8472 come in. Come in Agent 8472." Twilight groaned and rolled over.

"Derpy? Is that you?" rasped the lavender unicorn.

"This is Commander Derpy. We have a lost officer on this plane. He is currently in the Everfree forest. This is near your position, correct?"

"Affirmative."

"One agent has already made contact. A certain 'Great and Powerful Trixie'? Are you acquainted?"

Twilight and The Great and Powerful Trixie for known to each other. In fact, they had recently exchanged intel over the lost officer, when The Great and Powerful Trixie had passed through town. "Again Affirmative. Will take immediate action." Cutting the communications link, The Discreet and Average-powered Twilight Sparkle stood up next to her bed.

Spike rolled over in his sleep. "Five more minutes mmmm bleh schooballdo boobadoob areyouevenreadingthis (This is an approximation)." murmured the young dragon unintelligibly.

Twilight troted over to her mirror and started telekinetically brushing her mane. Soon, however, she stopped by a loud crash as a certain rinbow-haired sky blue winged pony flew through the window. Shaking off shards of broken glass, the pegasus approached Twilight.

"Who were ya talking to, huh? Who's agent 8472? Are you a SPYYY? What is Derpy the commander of? Who in there right mind would make Derpy a commander of anything? What the hay were you doing?"

Hastily, Twilight magically knocked out Rainbow Dash and laid here on the bed. Twilight carefully positioned herself above her and lowered her horn. She extracted a few recent memories and destroyed them. Settling Rainbow Dash back in her cloud house, Twilight left the Library and headed towards Fluttershy's cottage.

"CUTIE MARK CRUSADORS CHICKEN CALLERS!!!! YAY!!!!!" a huge chorus of cries rang out across town, startling Twilight. "SCOOTALOO! SCOO-SCOOTALOO!"

"Ha ha, very funny. Now let's actually find Fluttershy's chickens. It could have wandered into the forest!" called out Scootaloo. "FLuttershy said then she'd let us in!"

QUEST GET:

FIND FLUTTERSHY'S MISSING CHIC-.

"Who are you? How are you talking like that?"

INTERFACE. INTERRUPT, DON'T. THE.

FIND FLUTTERSHY'S MISSING CHICKENS.

REWARD: ACCES TO FLUTTERSHY'S COTTAGE.

YEAR 3100, THIRD AGE.

BATTLE OF ANNARKAL, FORINTHRY, GEILINOR

The battle raged. Skilled rangers shot their ammo with deadly accuracy; mages threw their battle-magic, spells bursting everywhere. Saradomin's forces controlled the grand city. Zamorak the Usurper seeked to destroy the last remnants of his former leader's great empire. In front of the gates, Commander Zilyana rested, weary from the massacre. She sighted a cruel demon, huge and monstrous, weilding dual swords. His scimitars were spiked and lustrous, its malicious curves spoke death to all who saw. His head and limbs were sheathed in metal, protecting them from attack. Two horns curved out of its skull, sharp enough to threaten mutilation and murder. It had great, ribbed wings, all red and black of Zamorak. This was General K'ril Tsutsaroth, summoned to service to Great God of Chaos, by Bilrach, another lesser Mahjarrat, kin of Zamorak.

Swinging his mighty blades, Zilyana ducked and weaved, evading the swings of doom. Finally,  Tsutsaroth leaped with a mighty roar, slamming down his twin spiked scimitars. She blocked with her own sword, resisting the huge overbearing weight. However, the evil demon was stronger, and threw Zilyana to the ground (no she did not get raped, don't even ask. The Kal'Ger do not like Icyene.). Bloody and dying, she did not move. Believing her finished, K'ril left the wounded angel to finish the fight.

DATE UNKNOWN

THE DIVINE REALMS

Annarkal should have been mine.

I claimed it by strength of arms.

It was my inheritance, mine by right.

OF COURSE, USURPER.

How did you get here?

There are those who would still be loyal to me of Geilinor.

Of Geilinor? That violates the Edicts. And who are you?

I AM (Answer Redacted because He-who-must-not-be-named/You-don't-know-who as you are probably thinking of somepony else.

I know not of you.

But I do. I know of your Edicts not what they are, and we do not acquaint, so I believe I am exempt.

Chekhov and Co. traveled through the forest. Heading towards the Castle of the Royal Pony Sisters, they had found an old worn path. To one side, dense jungle lay, all manner of trees and bush and wildlife. The plants were a sickly green colour, occasionally lashing out at an unwary passerby. All sorts of venomous animals lay in wait, such as the large rabid bear in the distance attacking a town. Suddenly, DUNADUNADUNADUN DUN DUN DUUUUN.

The party has  randomly encountered a random encounter, totally at random! A wild Zebra Maegi has appeared!

Zebra Maegi -> Skill -> Evil Dance!

"Now I leap up and do a dance, for I wear not any pants. Surely I appear a fool, perhaps I will just sit on the stool"

It's super effective!

Zebra Maegi -> Item -> Stool

"SHIT what do we do?" exclaimed Jon. "She's a fucking evil enchantress! She does evil dances! I bet that if we looked into her eyes, we'd fall into trances!"

"I got this," reassured Chekhov. "I've got my gun. And my name is Chekhov. It's fucking Chekhov's gun." He reared up, grabbing the firearm (leg? hoof?). Yabking back the trigger, the bullet exploded from the muzzle and flew towards the Evil-brewing Zebra. However, she dextriously flipped up her stool just in time, repelling the shot back towards Chekhov.

CRITICAL MISS!

"I speak but in rhyme, it seems that I have won this time. I suggest you put down your wep's, so we can agree on what to do next."

ZEBRA MAEGI ZECORA HAS JOIN-

"How is that strange way you speak, of its origin may I have a pe-"

EVERY GODDAMN TIME. SHUT THE FUCK UP.

"Of your language I do not approve, how can we improve your mo-"

"Hey. Can I get a ticket to Cloudsdale?" spoke somehow the dish of pie.

"Hwuh? Who said that?" frantically squeaked the sleepy ticket master, anxiously looking around.

"I did."

"What? Where? What manner of sorcery is this?" The Ticket Master, aptly named so because he was the master of tickets, looked about again. He saw only different an empty selection of flatware, a trash can, and fourteen ducklings running in a circle next to a sign announcing "Operation Duckling loop: Success".

"ME!"

"Gah, I need to stop drinking on the job." The Ticket Master lied back down, pulling his cap over his eyes. He turned on the automatic dispenser, of the model Ticket Master v. 1.3.

The Dish of containing pie, now devoid of contents, hopped out of the dishery pile towards the glowing terminal. It displayed a clear message.

"FOUR BITS A TICKET"

QUEST GET: FIND FOUR BI-

"How are you talking?"

THE SAME MAY BE ASKED OF YOU, PUNY MORTAL. NOW, EXCUSE ME AS I RANT*CELESTIA RAPE YOU WITH THE BURNING SUN! YOU FUCKING GODDAMN SHITFUCKERY DOUCHEBAG WHORE ASSRABBIT CUMSUCKER WESTBORO-BAPTIST-CHURCH-LOVER JUSTIN-BIEBER-LIKER CAMEL'S CUNT!!!!!!!!!!!*

*AHEM* QUEST GET: FIND FOUR BITS.

Enobby Dirk'NES DemenCRAZYtia Crow Path walked through the blazing city. As a goffik servant of zaMoreack, dat big prep, her essence of being was constantly shifting. Many would recognize her/he/it/other from one thing or another. Too bad she/he/it/other just got beheaded by a rabid gecko with an axe with shards of broken glass glued to it. Said rabid rabbit then pranced through grove, picking apples from the tall, spotted palm trees. However, the slenderbunnies took his bananas. After drinking the potatos, the slenderponies then lobbed off the rabid gecko's head and gleefully sauntered off into the desert. Said dessert was made of pizza and nasty tacos. The burritos were full of katydids, spiders, and Grade-Q substitute vegan animal carcass protein matter.

DisQord gazed upon his works and smiled. The constant state of change was comforting Soon he could return to the Forinthry Wasteland and reclaim his seat as Zamorak's Hand of Chaos, back from that Chaos Elemental. Gruesome thing, made of flailing tentacles and red mist, shooting green jizz at passerby attempting entrance to the Rogue's Castle. One day the throne would be his again.

The Planar Walls

Veralidaine Sarrasri walked through the woods. Suddenly, she felt a sharp pain in her back, like of a giant wolloped you with a giant anvil. That was on fire. Covered in sharks. With smaller sharks for teeth. That burped up rabid bears. That farted grenades. Grenades, that when detonated, exploded out giants. That had anvils. Flaming anvils. You know what happens next. She glanced down, spying a dead cockfly. It was like a coakroach, but it flew. It was also like a dragonfly, but instead of being like a dragon, it was like cockroach. That was why the particular portmanteau was of cockroach and dragonfly, forming cockfly. Cockroach+Dragonfly=Cockfly. Man, it's like getting crap past the radar. You know, taking shit and then moving slowly as to not be detected by a scanning device made to seek out blips from electromagnetic signals. I mean, what could possibly go wrong?5C3223 5ogsrgser5me  5m 26 agsd5m 5e eawaww45n 433435t sdfsegeo5 irgy8394hg5yoig 3kwrgnia4w5obn oi5uhoh

weih5sgwihg95e 949 94 s hf5edhvsofoaw5to soqa5hh4toiqhtoaw5sse poaweogise zomgwtfcodes5555

i'M SORR- WOAH CAPS LOCK IS ON HOW DOES IT GO OFF Again oh I just press it. Now repeat. I'm sorry, but an anvil just fell out of the sky. Through the roof of my house. Onto my keyboard but miraculously somehow just pressing buttons. And not, fucking up shit like hitting my skull or breaking the computer. You know, likely things. Anyway, I gotta cement back up the fourth wall, the anvil broke it. Back to the story.

So, Veralidaine was walking through the woods. I was typing about her- oh shit there are cracks. Whose idea was it to make the fourth wall out of glass? Goddamit I gotta find the key of mystery. It's crying tears of eyes. Dying in my dreams. Moar liek Nightmares. It's the zarosdamning end of forever.

So, a cockfly (yes, a live one) flies up to Veralidaine, and it was all "Thou muste fly!".

So then Daine was like "Where?"

And then the cockfly said "Flye doth towards a dream!"

Whalp, Daine didn't know where the dream was. So then the cockfly told her "It lies across ze sea!" But then Daine asked how far away it was, so "Far!".

But then Daine was carrying a shitton of stuff, so she naturally was like "What about my stuff?".

"All of thy burdens shalt be gone!"

Well, then Daine realized she didn't have wings. So, "Open the chest once more!" Buuuut Daine didn't know which chest, so "Ze Darke cheste! Of wonders!"

So then he marked it on Daine's map, and there was a secret message saying that the chest was seen through the eyes of the one with pure heart. "When did you make this?"

So the cockfly replied, with much of Ye Olde Butcherede Englishe "About a thousand years ago. A friend of mine wanted it for something, but she disappeared. But I certainly am not crazy because I never hear her calling to me to rescue her sometimes when I don't go outside at night at un-full moons. Definitely. Eeyup."

So, Daine was off searching for that magical land-across-the-sea. Now I'm going to explain this. There are walls surrounding planes. The first six refer to physical directions: up, down, left, right, fore, back. The seventh is time. Time is not so easily traveled by most mortals, such that a rock won't move through the first 6 unless something else moves it. The seventh wall, however is different. Most things travel through it in a linear direction. Higher beings (generally observers or creators) can travel in another direction through it. Sufficiently advanced technology or powerful magic can be used to pause this seventh wall in an area for a short period, or move to a pinpoint time.

The eighth wall is one your probably familiar with. Most call it the fourth. I'm using it right now. It is the barrier between an observer an the subjects. So you, reading this, is using it to observe me. I can manipulate things to break through it and communicate directly to you. Generally you can't break it. In some formats, however, you can directly manipulate and interact within. The INTERFACE(the guy that talks like that, all bold and caps?) is a form of inert magic interlocked in the eighth wall. Another interesting property is the ability to use this to see multiple planes at once. You may be familiar with alternate dimensions, created by every choice and decision, multiple histories determined by a Creator (Canon vs. Fanon vs. Other Fanon vs. Random Shit)

The ninth wall is an advanced version of the eighth. It involves interplanar travel and conversing. Chekhov's handheld device manipulates this, allowing him to travel through Equestria and Tales's subspace pocket. However, there needs to be a set  time point to escape from. Some dimensions are interconnected so time passes the same, and starts at the same point, such as the Divine Realms and Tortall and Co. Most planes aren't connected in a set Seventh, but universes controlled by the Confederacy have set interchronspatial points, similar to time zones on your own Earth. This will probably clear up some things.

Chekhov & co. traveled through the Everfree forest. Stalking through the trees, however, was a stalker. Not a make brushed out of you dead skin stalker, or a giant eyeball stalker, but just a monster following them through the forest. Seeing a turn on the path, the monster slinked ahead, preparing to leap out and scare them.

"BOOOOO!" screamed the monster. "RANDOM ENCOUN- *cough*. Do you have any water? It's really dusty out here."

Zecora handed it a flask. "Here is my mixture of brew, a complicated recipe made anew." Downing it ll in one swig, the monster handed back the empty canteen.

"WOO! That was tasty. Uhhh-" The monster stumbled forward, tripping on a root. "I don't feel so good. Can I just...rest for...a....moooo-" The monster then just fell down completely, passed out.

C&C. observed the sleeping monster. It was small, with a hard shell at its back. It was wearing green shoes and the shell was green. The arms, legs, and head were yellow. It had a large beak, and eye sockets that popped out the top of its head. "It has the same coloration and basic shape as a koopa." remarked Checkov. "But what would one be doing here?"

"A koopa?" chorused The Great and Powerful Trixie and Zecora AT THE SAME TIME. Zecora also added "Certainly appears like a troopa'".

Jon sighed. "Why do you always talk like that?"

"A strange way of talking, you do say. But what do you speak of, I know nay."

Chekhov and Co. continued through the forest. Three hours later, they arrived at the Ruins of the Castle of the Royal Pony Sisters. "Hey!" exclaimed Chekhov. "What happened to this place?"

"The Great and Powerful Trixie wishes to know why you brought her here. Certainly you knew this was all ruins." Chekhov had not properly kept up with the times in Equestria. After the Ruin, Celestia had abandoned the ancient castle, and grew a wild forest around it to discourage explorers.

"WHALP. Might as well go in!" Jon grabbed everypony and ran inside.

"WAIT! WHAT OF THERE ARE TRAPS!" Jon gasped, letting go of his companions. A beam of light appeared around him, levitating him up.

A booming voice called out. "OHAIDERE. WELCOME TO APERTURE SCIENCE CENTER 47. PLEASE VISIT THE FRONT DESK FOR QUEUING INFORMATION AND PLACEMENT INTO THE LOGS." Suddenly, a rusty speaker fell off the wall. Everypony walked up to the front desk mentioned by the voice. Behind the desk was a pegasus skeleton on a chair. Strewn across the floor was broken pens. On the desk was a knocked over can, most likely used to hold those pens. The desk was painted a purple polka-dotted pink pony pail poker motif.

Everypony except Everpony except Chekhov, so just Chekhov, cantered over to a chest in the corner. Everypony except Everpony except everypony except Chekhov investigated the fallen speaker. It was covered in red oxidation, but some of the original coating was still visible. A single, blue, four-pointed star wrapped around it. "Hey!" called Chekhov. "Everpony come over here!" He was standing over the now open unlocked chest. Inside was an assortment of equipment. The captain pointed out the long rods. Poking one with his horn, it transformed in shape. He held it up. "This is a Confedary Standard Issue NLR-12 Rifle. IT comes with a variety of attachments, like laser sights and bayonets." Chekhov collected up five and distributed them to his companions. Poking another odd object in the box, he levitated up a small knife. "It seems like some Saradominists ransacked an armoury. This is a Standard Issue K-7 knife. True to its name, it has 7 tools: a small/large blade, flashlight, rechargeable and outputting battery, saw, screwdriver, and magic amplifying gem." Chekhov distributed these among the crew as well. Jon peered inside the box. Along the bottom was a collection of boxes, some labeled "Phelebtonium" and "Worthless Yellow Rocks". He didn't gt a chance to read the rest before Chekhov hurried them along to the inner regions of the Castle.

ITEM GET:

KNOCKED OUT KOOPA

5 NLR-12 RIFLES W/BASIC ATTACHMENTS (LIGHT, BAYONET, LAUNCHER, EXTENDED MAGS)

5 K-7 KNIVES

Five Diamond Bracelets

Balance. Chaos. Order. Law. War. Which do you follow?

Vote Zaros for President 6th Age!

The Empty Lord will save you from eternal flame!

BOOP. BOOP. BOOP. "WELCOME TO TERMINAL 3. CONTINUE ON THE SUBWAY TO EXIT ON SUBJUNCTION ALPHA-GAMMA."

"GAH!" Shouted the Pie Dish. "SHUT UP!" Several nervous passengers near glanced around, frantically sesarching for the source of the voice. We, however, know where it comes from, so I will divulge no more information on the subject.

Mr. Pie Dish (his name is Pie Dish) left the subway, that wasn't actually a subway, but a series of horse-drawn carts. Not to be confused with horse-drawn carts, or horse-drawn horse-drawn carts. Pie Dish hopped out into the street, only to be run over by two chickens crossing the road. Pie Dish groaned, plucking himself off the ground. Popping back from his previous comically flattened state (It wasn't much different then his normal state, being a piece of flatware), only to promptly again be run over by three young fillies. Instead of being flattened this time, he was flung into the air, only to fall back down on a purple unicorn mare chasing the three fillies chasing the two chickens crossing the road for no discernable reason other then to get to the other side. Said purple unicorn mare did not seem to notice the sticky remnant of the legacy of Soarin, Pie-eater Ph.D.

Qhorin Halfhand did not have half a hand, contrary to popular belief. He had half the average number of hands, being one. Therefore, there are patterns everywhere in nature. I mean, that's why he is called Halfhand. But it doesn't matter anyway, because he's dead. Unless he is alive, which he actually is. Grabbing the head of Enobby Dirk'NES demenCRAZYtia Crow Path(not to be confused with Joe), he ran through the arctic tundra, glancing at dead adventurers. It was a mix of hippy rangers, barraging douchebags, looters, one-itemers, and dds/d claw rushers. One live adventurer was limping around at near zero health, wearing a full set of armour he looter from an ancient chest in Morytania, stolen from past dead adventures. Said stolen armour was so enchanted that he killed full health adventures in one hit with his magic power of deathly doom.

Then the adventurer stumbled on a rock, breaking his nose. Thus, this minor damage that normally would not have done anything killed him. The body somehow disappeared, and the warriors supplies, including several sharks, some titular diamond bracelets, a box labeled FULL DHAROK'S, and vials of mysterious fluid. Haven been picked up, Qhorin slinked off into the forest. And by forest, I mean a small grove of willow trees at the center of of a village. Specifically Draynor Village. He was promptly screamed at by a dark wizard.

Aforementioned blasted Qhorin Halfhand into next week. And by next week, I mean an alternate dimension. Specificallt a forest. An actual forest this time, not just a grove of willow trees. In the forest, specifically, at the ruins of a castle. In a room. In front of some startled equines. And then was promptly beaten up and rekilled.

"Oh. My. Gorsh." shouted Jon.

"What?" inquired The Great and Powerful Trixie.

"I dunno." Chekhov moved forward, collecting his epic loot drops.

Twilight Sparkle and co. (and co. only includes Pie Dish) chased the Cutie Mark Crusaders through the forest. And by the forest, I mean Twilight stumbled on a rock and got leafs on her eyes and lost the CMC. "No. Go that way."

"Gah! Who are you?" whispered Twilight, so as to not look stupid by loudly talking to no one.

"Me. I'm on your face." Twilight brushed off the leaves on her face, but it wasn't actually leaves but a pie dish. "Hey. Put me back." Emanated the voice from Pie Dish.

Twilight Sparkle replaced the Pie Dish, Pie Dish, on her head, behind the horn to not be impaled, away from her eyes as to not have her vision further impeded. "Did you see where the chickens went?"

Pie Dish pointed towards a large forest. And by pointed, I mean he gathered a magical aura around him, then concentrated the force in a fashion that alluded to the shape of something that pointed. Twilight pranced off into that direction. And by pranced, I mean she trotted. What do you think she is, some form of schizophrenic magical girl lesbian?

PIE DISH HAS JOINED THE PARTY

DO-DA-DO!

TWILIGHT SPARKLE HAS FUSED WITH PIE DISH TO FORM...

TWI DISH!!!!

NEW SKILL: INCREDIBLY LAME PUN

So, anyway, Twi Dish was in the forest. She was searching for the missing chickens, spying tracks in the ground. Following them (the tracks, not the chickens [they haven't been found yet]), she chanced upon a small clearing, similar to the one in front of Zecora's hut. But this wasn't Zecora's hut, obviously, as there wasn't that small grove of those blue flowers, that caused so much trouble. Also the hut was standing on chicken legs. A red and gold unicorn mare stood outside the chicken-leg-hut, stirring some noxious brew in a heavy black cauldron. The two chickens they had been tracking were suspended from a spit above the cauldron.

The unicorn turned to face Twi Dish. "Who be ye?" she stammered.

"Salutations! I am Twilight Sparkle, and this pie dish on my head is Pie Dish. He's a pie dish, named Pie Dish. What are you doing with Fluttershy's chickens?"

"Greetings, Twilight Sparkle and Pie Dish. I am known as Bechdel. I test people. Ponies. Ponies and people. I was hunting these chickens, I am unaware of any such owner of these fowl."

"Well- give them back!" accused Twilight.

"Give what back?" retorted Bechdel. "I have committed no thievery."

"The chickens! Those are Fluttershy's!"

"I doubt your 'Fluttershy' wishes for the return of these already dead chickens."

"Well, at least pay for them!"

"In what form? Currency, labor, material?"

"Bits, obviously."

"I have no bits of which you speak. Perhaps you would take Aloan Silvers? Gold Dragons? Eagles?"

DUNUNUNUNUNUN

FIGHT!

TWI DISH HAS CHALLENGED...PLANESWALKER BECHDEL

Twilight Sparkle -> Skill -> Dish Boomerang

Twilight telekinetically grabbed Pie Dish, flinging across the grass at Bechdel. On impact, it flew back around, landing soundly on Twilight's head. Bechdel now sported a yellow bruise on her head, near the horn. Uninterrupted, she continued to turn the chickens..

Bechdel -> Item -> Skewer

Bechdel grabbed an unused skewer near the spit, lunging at Twilight. Nimbly, Twi Dish turned, the skewer gliding harmlessly pass her.

Pie Dish -> Skill -> Call

Pie Dish chanted a low hymn, barely audible to the unicorns. Nothing interesting happens.

Twilight Sparkle -> Attack

Twilight galloped towards Bechdel, lowering her horn. A magical field collected around it, strengthening the force of impact. Ramming into Bechdel's side, the villainous unicorn flipped over the cauldron, slamming into a slightly roasted chicken slowly turning on a spit.

Bechdel -> Skill -> Telekinesis -> Chicken

Bechdel grabbed the slightly roasted chicken (as opposed to the other chicken, which was slightly more roasted, to the point where it could be called medium rare) and flung it at Twilight's head. Or at least she tried to. Just as she prepared the launch of the the fowl, Pie Dish finished his mystic chant. The gooey bruise next to her horn glowed for a second, then pulled towards Pie Dish, which is to say, Twilight's magic hardened horn. The goo pulled the bruise pulled the head pulled the body. The body slammed into Twilight's horn. This is usually not very healthy for your body. Instead of being impaled on the horn, Bechdel just bounced off, while a mysterious red bar appeared over her head.

Battle Win!

"Errrgh..." moaned a defeated Bechdel. "You have passed the test."

"What test?" asked Twilight. "That was test?"

"Yes. It was my test. I'm Bechdel. Just go away, I get tired after losing fights to mortals."

QUEST COMPLETE!

YOU HAVE GAINED ACCESS TO: FLUTTERSHY'S COTTAGE.

ITEM GET:

2 SLIGHTLY ROASTED CHICKENS

"Hey, that's weird. She has TokKul on her. I could have just exchanged for that." TokKul, if you do not know, is obsidian. It is used as currency by the TzHaar. It is mde of ground up dead bodies of other TzHaar. Said TzHaar are actually still conscious, not really dead, just hardened up and immobile. They remain conscious as thy are ground up and used as money.

ITEM ALSO GET:

4 TOKKUL

"Can TokKul be substituted for Bits?" asked Pie Dish. "I mean, they're both small and circular, used as money."

"I think anypony would be able to tell the difference between gold coins and crude disks of volcanic glass." told Twilight.

"Well, just for a machine. Do you think it would be able to tell the difference between bits and these TokKul?" countered Pie Dish.

Twilight pondered for a moment. "It would probably work."

QUEST COMPLETE:

ACQUIRE FOUR BITS/TOKKUL/ROUND CIRCULAR OBJECTS

Twi Dish left the Bechdel's little hut in the clearing. Returning the the road, Pie Dish sought for the Ticket Master v1.3 machine, while Twilight sat on a bench like she had seen her friend Lyra sit. "Ah! How does she stand this position? I can feel my legs cramping up already. It's like she's just glued down or has bionic limbs or something!"

Pie Dish ignored her, then made his own discovery. "Aha! There it is. But the guy is awake now. How am I supposed to get a ticket with TokKul if that guy is looking at me?" Twilight cleared her throat. "Oh yeah."

"So let's see. Tap here for Prench. Tap here for Klingon. Tap here for the Black Speech. Tap here to buy a ticket. Ok." Twilight tapped the appropiate button with her right foreleg. "Ok...Destination Cloudsdale...Insert Bits." Twilight glanced back at the ticket salesman. He was helping another customer. She quickly took out the TokKul and inserted them into the coin slot. "Processing...processing...c'mon work...Aha!" The machine dispensed a ticket, labeled CLOUDSDALE, and under it, in fine print it read that the ticket could be used at any time (OMG FORESHADOWING). Also it was 95% recycled paper. Which is odd since the ticket was made of plastic.

Back in the old Castle, which was actually an old abandoned Saradominist Temple/Fortress, which was actually an old abandoned Zarosian Armoury/Small town, C&C continued through the dark hallways. It was dark because the lights weren't on. So Chekhov turned on the lights. That way they could all see. They were in a now well lit from crystal chandelier ceiling. Said chandelier was made of Mithryl Crystils. Such Mithryl Crystils were like Mithril and Crystal, but spelled different. There were no windows, the walls made of Runite and reinforced with tritanium (runite looks nice if trimmed, but tritanium is stronger). At the end of the hallway were two guards, armed with spears and wearing armour of red and green.

Jon groaned as soon as he saw them. "Argh...Them again?"

"Hold, you sers! We are the brothers of Paradox!"

"If you want to pass, you can suck our popsicles!"

"Again, brother? It's a subverted rhyme every occasion. How can you not tell it is wrong? One would think you are smarter than a decapod crustacean."

"To pass you must answer our questions three!"

"But beware, they will not be easy!"

"Or, if you want, pay us a sacrifice. That works nice."

Everyone looked at the still-bound-and-gagged-but-actually-now-conscious-koopa. Somehow it could still talk. "Hey- I'm-uh really important and -uh- rich? So don't kill me?"

"Meh." said Jon. "What measure is a mook." They tossed the immobile koopa to the guards, who parted to reveal a large, iron door. Passing through, they noticed they weren't in Kansas no more. I mean The Castle. Fortress. Armoury. They were in a clearing, in front of a chicken-legged hut.. A cauldron over a still smoldering, fire almost burned out. The reason it was almost gone was because no one was adding fuel to it. The reason it was still burning was because a large bear was jumping on it; its fur had caught on fire.

DUNUNUNUNUNUN

BATTLE FIGHT

WARRIOR SMOKEY HAS CHALLENGED YOU TO A FIGHT

Smokey the Bear uses...Clever Slogan!

"Only YOU can stop forest fires!"

DUNUNUN

A purple unicorn sporting a nasty pastry dish on her head sprang out of the surrounding woods.

Pie Dish uses...Witty Retort!

"But who are you talking to? Are you using you as a singular or plural? 'Cause I'm pretty sure anybody can stop forest fires, even if you're not talking to them."

It's super effective!

Battle Win!

Twi Dish has joined the party.

Power Trio has taken a level in badass and is now...Five man (used loosely) band (who's who is up for you to decide [Chekhov is the leader right? But would Twi be The Chick or The Lancer? Is Zecora the Big Guy? She's a zebra, so epic martial arts...but Jon is also kind of the big pummeler...But where does Trixie go? She could be Lancer. But maybe Pie Dish could be the Lancer {Deadpan Snarker much}, and Trixie could be the Sixth Ranger. And then there's the core Kirk/Spock/McCoy in there..so if that was used Trixie couldn't be the Sixth anymore. Gah, this is so confusing. I'll just throw it all under a lampshade. I hate working with Canon.]!