Fallout Equestria: The Sickness Within

Chapter 10: Reunion

“I'll never forget the cider I just drank! It was a moment in time that will never exist again.”

***

“No! Wait! Stop! That’s the zebrican tea set! Don’t set that on top of—”

Thump.

Katshhhhhhh.

Tinkle-ding-clatter-crash.

Huh. Crates were slipperier than Happy remembered.

The buck scratched the back of his head as an exasperated stream of curses began to spill out from the mouth of the brown, necktie-wearing stallion at his side.

It had been a busy few weeks since Happy's introduction to Creek Bend. For both him and the other ponies he'd come to know in his time here.

Serenity had stepped back into the regular rotation for helming caravan runs, stopping at the settlement every few days between her forays into the wastes. Victor had been picking up more local patrols, his sister off scouting new potential wagon routes. Red and Val had been prepping and planning new shipments, meeting with representatives from other settlements to go over the details.

Happy himself had even gotten his old job at the warehouse-house back—and a fancy new jumps-suit to go with it!—though he wasn’t allowed to handle anything but crates and containers that had already been loaded.

Even then, though, the new job wasn't without its own little hiccups here and there.

Taking a breath as he lowered his hoof to the ground, the gray buck's eyes immediately widened, a thousand tiny pinpricks dancing along the inside of his chest as his lungs took in the cloud of fine ceramic dust ballooning up at his hooves. He immediately began hacking—the intensity of the wet, bloody coughs making it difficult to focus as Warehouse's voice filtered in dimly from the background.

"—no no no no no! That was set to ship in two days! Do you realize how hard it will be to replace something like that on such short—"

Happy sighed, eyes still watering as he wiped away the blood with a hoof.

He wasn’t sure what Warehouse was so grumpy about. Here Happy was, going out of his way to teach the stallion how to lift heavy things onto wagons, and all the houseware-pony could do was complain. It was all “no chewing on the wheels!” and “stop making forts out of the empty crates!”

The gray buck shook his head.

What good were wheels that hadn't been sufficiently pre-chewed? What if imaginary dragon-ponies decided to fly in and they didn't have an imaginary base with imaginary pirate-pony cannons to fight them off?

Happy knew how these things worked. He'd chewed more wheels than he could remember. He'd seen the imaginary-plans his clanmates came up with when they weren't hunting. Throwing their old, plastic pony-dice. Filling up their charapter-sheets with scribbly word-letters. Arguing about the word-letters in the one burnt prewar book they had sitting on their shelf.

Happy rolled his eyes.

Trader-ponies these days. It was a good thing Red had sent him here to set Warehouse straight. Ponies like him didn’t know the first thing about running a caravan-van.

“—even listening? No? Of course not.”

From the other side of the wagon, Warehouse sighed, bringing a hoof to his temple.

“Fine. Just...just keep loading the other containers. Gently though! Gently. For the love of the goddesses. Please. Please. Gently.”

Happy nodded in approval. It was nice to see his junior finally being honest with himself. He'd pick up on Happy's advice eventually.

Trotting back over to the nearest stack of crates, Happy wedged his snout beneath the one on top, sliding it over his head and onto his back. It was heavier than it looked—probably full of conduct-drawers, write-typers, or rocks, Happy figured—but no match for the strength and skills he’d been honing as a loader-pony over the course of his two week tenure.

A white stallion with a comically large torso nodded intently in his mind, flexing his dumbbell shaped cutie mark with pride.

YEEEAH!

Happy mimicked the look, furrowing his brow into an awkward scowl as he tensed his own muscles, goose-trotting toward the wagon before him.

Trip.

Uh-oh.

“Oh oh.”

Happy watched as everything before him began to spin, the world around him suddenly drifting forward in slow motion. Tinted green behind the humming analog filter that had set in over his vision, everything he could see and hear seemed to play out at quarter speed.

His front hoof catching on the pile of wooden broom handles at his side.

The crate previously on his back now tumbling toward a stack of crystal decanters.

Warehouse’s irritated expression slowly morphing to one of abject terror.

Happy scratched his head with a hoof, slowly somersaulting through the air amid the distorted sights and sounds around him.

Huh.

It seemed the ground was slipperier than he remembered, too.

***

“Here. You won’t like the taste, but it’s the medicine I promised. Not a full dose, mind you. Just a test dose to see if there’s any side effects we need to worry about.”

Happy raised an eyebrow, sniffing at the large, blue-and-white pill resting in the hoof of the brown doctor-pony in front of him. It had only been a few days since his last visit, but this was the first time the unicorn had offered Happy anything like this. Usually it was just ear-wipers and wooden doctor-sticks, which weren't very good for eating.

Sniff. Sniff sniff.

Happy wrinkled his nose, sticking his tongue out to the side.

The gray buck still wasn’t very familiar with all the different types of trader-pony food, but the treat in the brown unicorn’s hoof smelled like plastic.

Happy closed his eyes, lifting his snout at the offering.

Even he knew better than to eat plastic. Chewing on it was one thing, but eating it was a guaranteed way to bring on the tummy-sick.

Fleet Hoof sat back on the stool behind him, rubbing at his temple with his free hoof. In the weeks since he’d first started meeting with Happy, the look of excitement on his face had slowly faded back into one of mild annoyance, the novelty of his new subject gradually wearing off.

“Of all the days for that mare to be gone…”

Fleet Hoof sighed, lifting the pill back in Happy’s direction.

“We don’t have all day, Happy. Just take it. Please. It’ll be over in a minute.”

Hmmph.

Happy crossed his hooves in front of him, letting out a snort.

He wasn’t going to fall for that trick. He remembered what the light blue lily-pony had taught him. That it was only okay to take plastic-treats from strangers on Nighmares-Night.

Blue lily-pony?

Happy cracked his eyes back open, furrowing his brow.

Blue lily-pony? Who was the blue lily-pony again?

He brought a hoof to his chin. For some reason he couldn’t seem to remember.

Beside him, Fleet Hoof frowned, standing back up and approaching Happy’s chair.

“Happy, take it. I spent the last three nights putting this together.”

Happy narrowed his eyes, sliding a hoof up to cover his muzzle as he shook his head side to side.

Uh-uh.

Fleet Hoof’s eyes narrowed in return. A faint, golden glow began to to radiate from his horn, Happy’s eyes widening as he felt a familiar tingle begin to envelop his lips.

“Mmm-mmmph!”

Reaching up with his other hoof, Happy clamped his muzzle together more tightly, Fleet Hoof’s magic failing to pry it open with the added resistance.

“Happy!”

The brown stallion’s eyes flared, his expression shifting into a scowl. Beads of sweat began to roll down his brow, the aura around his horn growing brighter.

“I don’t...have time...for this! Just take...the damn…pill!”

“Mmm-mmmph!”

Happy shook his head again, his lips briefly parting before snapping shut again as he pinched his mouth closed with his hooves.

He knew how this went. It was like when Serenity told him he might get a treat if he finished his oat-burger. Half the time he didn’t even get one! Something about the yellow mare trying to make sure he was getting a "balanced diet" and not "living off of candy and roadkill."

Happy paused for a moment at the memory, a small smile breaking over his lips.

Well, since it had been Serenity in those instances, he hadn't minded it too much.

“You’re open!”

Happy’s eyes widened as Fleet Hoof’s horn flared again, the sudden burst of energy catching Happy off guard as his muzzle popped open, the brown stallion’s hoof shoving the pill down his throat before he could react. Happy let out a gagging sound, his forelegs flailing wildly as he clamped down on the limb in front of him.

“Son of a goddess!”

Amid the overwhelming taste of plastic, Happy could make out the metallic tinge of blood, the hoof in his mouth jerking out from his jaws as Fleet Hoof stumbled backwards. Shallow bite marks had appeared in a ring around the stallion's foreleg, several of them welling up and spilling drops of red onto the yellowed tile below.

Happy continued to gag, swallowing heavily as he felt the lump make the rest of its way down his throat. He shook his head side to side at the taste, grimacing as he shot the doctor-pony a nasty look.

Serves him right for trying to feed Happy a yucky plastic-treat.

In twin poofs of smoke, a tiny devil horned Happy and angel winged Happy appeared on either of his shoulders, nodding in turn.

“Bite bite chomp hoof coming had-had!”

“Think better Happy than institute-school license has humphy-humph!”

Happy nodded in agreement.

The brown stallion had it coming, thinking he knew better than Happy just because he ran a doctor-clinic.

There was another sudden poof as a small, angelic Serenity appeared in front of the three, its wings and halo noticeably better maintained than those of the tiny angel Happy at Happy’s side.

“Happy…”

The eyes of the three Happys widened as the tiny Serenity crossed her hooves, raising an eyebrow in their direction. The three immediately averted their gazes, spit-whistling in different directions.

“Happy...Serenity say-say be nice-pony while Serenity gone, right-right?”

Wincing, Happy slowly nodded, the tiny devil Happy kicking a rock near his hoof while the tiny angel Happy rubbed the back of his neck.

Even though she was smaller than the real Serenity, she had the same stern tone in her voice that Serenity used when Happy did something he wasn't supposed to.

“—Mmm-hmmm...”

“—Yes-yes...”

“—Suppose maybe remember Serenity say-say...”

Tiny Serenity closed her eyes, nodding to the three.

“And-and?”

Happy frowned, exchanging a quick glance with the two tiny Happys. As much as they didn’t want to admit it, they knew this was a battle they weren’t going to win.

Tiny Serenity raised an eyebrow.

“...and-and?”

The three bucks sighed as one—faint, identical pouts breaking across their faces.

“—Happy sorry-sorry.”

“—Be Happy future nice, remember.”

“—No-no happen-happen again-again.”

A warm smile broke over Tiny Serenity’s face as she nodded in approval.

“Good good. Happy good-pony remember think. Even if silly-silly forgetful sometimes.”

She flashed the three of them a friendly wink.

Da-dunk!

Da-dunk!

Da-dunk!

The three Happys blushed, the redness in their cheeks deepening as Tiny Serenity flew over to them, giving them each a quick lip-touch on the forehead one by one.

“Now good buck be-be and sorry-say Fleet Hoof chomp-bite, okay-okay?”

The three Happys nodded, unable to meet each other’s embarrassed gazes. After a few moments, there was another poof of smoke as Happy once again found himself alone in his chair, Fleet Hoof’s curses rising up into the air a few hooves away.

“Damnit. That’s what I get for trying to help, isn’t? Damn it all to Tartarus. This better not end up infected.”

Happy winced, his earlier smugness replaced with a faint sense of guilt. Fleet Hoof was a doctor-pony, after all. It was his job to use doctor-sticks and make nasty plastic-treats for other ponies to eat.

Happy scratched the back of his neck, glancing down at his hooves.

“...Sorry-sorry Happy hoof-chomp.”

Fleet Hoof paused, slowly turning to look over his shoulder, eyebrow raised. Studying Happy for a few moments, he seemed to come to a decision, turning back to his injured hoof as he shook his head.

“Not the reaction I'd expected. I...I suppose I might have let my frustration cloud my judgment there for a moment as well, though…”

The brown unicorn sighed, reaching for a roll of medical tape from his work station. Happy watched as he levitated a jar of antiseptic over to his side, dabbing a cotton-ball against his wounds before moving to bandage the limb.

“My father always said I lacked bedside manner. It was the one thing I couldn’t pick up from him, it seems. No matter how good I was with a needle or a pestle.”

Happy tilted his head, listening as Fleet Hoof spoke. The tone of the stallion’s words had shifted. It was almost like he was talking to the air around him more than Happy himself.

Fleet Hoof began to levitate the roll of bandaging around his hoof.

“—That said, it's not as if I ever had the time to learn about that sort of thing outside the clinic. He was always working. And since I was supposed to take over the clinic eventually, I was always working. No time to attend the settlement celebrations. No time to learn how ponies are supposed to interact.”

Happy could see a bitter smile break over the doctor-pony’s face.

“Not that he would have noticed if I had left. The only time he looked my way was if he needed someone to hand him another syringe or a fresh bandage. I was an idiot for thinking I'd get his attention by working hard.”

The stallion’s gaze shifted toward the door. His smile slowly faded into something more muted.

“We used to run a clinic at a settlement next to the Everfree. A quiet place off the beaten path. An idiotic place to build a settlement, of course. Though all the ponies there thought they’d found a special place. An exception to the rule. One that was safe from both the wastes and that monster infested forest, for some reason or another.”

Fleet Hoof’s gaze shifted back toward Happy for the first time since he’d started speaking, his eyes almost empty. There was something in his expression that Happy couldn't place.

“Do you remember your foalhood, Happy? Where you came from? Your father? Your mother?”

Mother!

The image of a mare with a pale blue coat flashed through Happy’s mind for an instant as the word seemed to echo. A wash of confusion followed, the sounds around him growing muted as a lance of pain prodded at the back of his skull.

What was...

Who was…

Fleet Hoof held his gaze a few moments longer, his eyes eventually trailing down to the patch of jumpsuit covering Happy’s cutie mark before shifting away.

“My father knew it was too good to last. Despite the apparent safety. Despite all the herbs you could find at the forest's edge. But he wouldn’t leave because of a mare he’d saved there. Always made the excuse that she wouldn’t make it if he left. Even as a foal, I could see he was letting his attachment cloud his judgment. Even though that mare didn’t see him the same way.”

The stallion levitated a pair of shears off the table, snipping off the remaining length of bandaging he hadn’t used. Setting both the shears and the roll of cloth on the table, he placed his hoof against the floor experimentally, frowning as he put his weight on it.

“That night…”

The stallion averted his gaze. A brief silence hanging in the air between them.

Eventually, Fleet Hoof shook his head, turning back to the workbench behind him.

“...I’m not sure how much of this you'll understand, but let myself or Serenity know if you experience any strange effects from the medication. Dizziness. Fatigue. Uncontrollable bleeding. It’s a test dose—low intensity—but we still want to keep an eye on how things progress. Alright?”

Happy nodded dimly. The faded image of the blue mare was still in his mind, though he couldn’t make out her face or cutie mark amid the haze that had settled in over his thoughts.

She was familiar, though. Somehow. He felt like he'd seen her before. But Happy didn’t know any ponies that looked like that in Creek Bend.

Happy furrowed his brow.

Was she from before? When he was still with his clanmates? In the dark and lonely days before that?

The painful prodding sensation at the back of his skull continued to pulse.

Happy was only faintly aware of being ushered out of the clinic after that, wincing as his eyes adjusted to the fading light of late afternoon. He could see a number of the townsfoalk making their way through streets, some carrying piles of branches and broken wood on their backs as others made their way out with saddlebags full of glasses, mugs, and small wooden barrels. They all seemed to be making their way toward the south end of the settlement, gathering in the wide, open clearing at its edge.

Happy shook his head, shifting his attention toward the growing congregation.

Maybe the medicine that Fleet Hoof had given him was just giving his head a case of the tummy-sicks. Maybe it would go away if he did something fun to take his mind off things.

Happy nodded to himself.

That was it. That sounded right. The feeling would pass, just like the tummy-sicks did.

The gray buck trotted forward, increasing his gait to a canter.

Serenity wasn’t back yet, but maybe he would run into Red or Val or Victor. Their smiles might cheer him up.

Allowing the image of the blue mare to fade into the back of his mind, Happy continued forward, leaving the clinic fast behind.

***

“Alright, everypony, alright. Settle down, settle down. I know that there cider the foalks over at Rainy Tree sent us is good drinkin’, but listen up, y’all, listen up.”

A long, playful groan rose up from the crowd of ponies gathered at the bonfire, their shadows dancing across the buildings at the outskirts of the settlement a few dozen hooves away. The sound of distant rad-crickets only faintly audible above the crackle of flame and drunken laughter, those gathered began to shift around to face the red stallion standing before them.

A few voices called back in response as the crowd shifted into place.

“Only if you buy us another round, Red!”

“Make that two rounds!”

“Two rounds and a raise!”

Laughter rose up from the crowd as Red waved a hoof, his deep chuckle rising over those around him.

“You stop nodding off on your wagon shifts and I might consider it there, Mustang.”

“Oh! He got you good, Midnight!”

“Aw, c’mon Red, that was one time!”

“What about that run we did out to Hayflower Fields a couple months back, Middy?”

“Alright—geeze—twice!”

A second round of laughter followed suit, the sound catching the attention of the few stragglers who’d failed to fall in after Red's first address. Happy watched the scene unfold from the back of the crowd, bouncing up and down as he tried to get a better view of the action.

Waiting for the crowd to quiet down, Red cleared his throat, flashing another bright smile.

“Alright, foalks, alright. I won’t keep you too long. Just wanted to say a few words while I had you all gathered here.”

The Red stallion raised a hoof to his side, nodding back toward the settlement.

“I realize y’all have been working your hooves to the bone these days with all these shipments coming in and out. Building a new outfit from the ground up with old dogs like Nimble Shipping and Western Traders out doing their routes isn’t easy, but I think we’ve managed to show ‘em we’re not just a gaggle of colts and fillies playing around.”

“Nimble Shipping? More like Clumsy Shipping!”

“Fuck Silver Stripes!”

“Yeah! Buck that motherbucker!

Red raised an eyebrow, his smile remaining as he waved a hoof to the crowd.

“Now settle down there foalks, no need for name calling. Twister and Stripes are both businessponies, too. No point getting angry at other foalks for trying to make a living. They might get a little nasty sometimes—especially old Stripes—but that don’t mean we’ve gotta stoop down to their level.”

There was another groan from the crowd, a few chuckles intermixing with the sound.

“Hey Val! Your hubby’s goin’ all goody two-hooves on us again!”

Out of the crowd, Happy could see the purple form of Valentine trot up to her husband's side, her coiffed and curled red mane bouncing as she flashed a warm grin toward the owner of the voice.

“Mmm? Wasn’t it those same two hooves that dragged you outta that brahmin trough in San Anponio, Burst? I seem to remember a mare who got kicked out for calling the owner a cattle-hoofer in his own place.”

Another round of chuckles. Happy could see a teal colored mare avert her gaze, a blush rising in her cheeks.

Red smiled, leaning down as his wife nuzzled up against his neck. Happy could see the two of them exchange a couple quiet words, whispering into each other’s ears amid the hum of the crowd.

Happy could feel his chest grow warm at the sight. He remembered a bills-board he’d seen once—one that’d had a mare and a stallion sharing a drink in front of a bunch of pink and purple hearts. A Hoofy-hearts Day party, or something like that.

Happy lifted a hoof to his chest at the thought.

He sure wished Serenity was here.

Back before the crowd, Val finished whispering into Red's ear, the stallion nodding as he turned back to the group.

“Alright, let’s get back on track. What I wanted to say to y’all was thank ya for all the hard work you ponies have been putting in. The late nights, the early mornings—we appreciate each and every one of ya for all you do.”

“If it means free booze, we’ll make sure we keep it up!”

“You said it!”

Red grinned.

“Well that’s good to hear, Dew Drop. ‘Cause we’ve got a little announcement to make.”

A rush of excited whispers passed through the crowd in a wave, Happy’s ears perking up at the sudden shift in mood. He watched as Red and Val exchanged a knowing look, enjoying the growing anticipation.

Val nodded, glancing back up at the other ponies.

“For those of you who hadn't heard, we met with Ruby Dusk a few months back to put in a bid for the Bronco City route...”

She looked up to Red who grinned in return, turning back to the crowd with a wave of his hoof.

“...and we got it, foalks. A solo contract. We make our first delivery next week.”

The hum of the crow immediately gave way to a dull roar, echoed voices filling the small valley as ponies began to shout excitedly over one another.

“Bronco City? That’s been a Western Traders route for years!”

“Wait, the Bronco City? Don’t they put out at least a full wagon of product a week?”

“I can taste the cider already!”

The sound of laughter and cheering began to rise up amongst the chatter, punctuated by the sound of hoof-bumps and flank slaps as a few groups of ponies broke out into drunken song.

Happy could see Red and Val give the group another nod before shifting back into the crowd themselves, the two of them immediately met with several ponies eager to hear more details on the new development.

“Seems vee have something to celebrate, don’t vee, pony?”

Happy’s ears perked up as he turned to his side, watching the familiar form of Victor touch down on the ground beside him. The griffon was dressed in the same fatigues as usual, his rifle slung loosely over his shoulder as he gripped two frothing mugs of cider in his talons.

Happy smiled, replying with a vigorous nod.

He wasn’t sure what all the excitement was about, but it seemed like something good had happened for Creaky Bends. Maybe they’d found some good sticks or chewing bones to carry around in their wagon-carts! Maybe even some of the hard-to-find rubbery kinds that squeaked!

Victor chuckled, his thick accent slightly more slurred than usual. He lifted a claw in Happy’s direction, offering the buck one of the mugs.

“Vant to try some, pony? Red says it eez all on zee caravan’s cap tonight.”

Happy raised an eyebrow, taking a step forward.

He’d seen the other ponies walking around with mug-glasses of the same yellow liquid throughout the night, though he still wasn't sure what it was. He'd already lapped up some greenish water from one of the brahmin troughs on his way over, so he hadn't been particularly thirsty.

Sniff. Sniff sniff.

Happy wrinkled his snout.

The liquid smelled like one of the bottles he’d sniffed at in Fleet Hoof’s office. It left a faint burning sensation in his nostrils that wasn’t overly painful, but made his eyes water just the same.

Shifting back onto his haunches, Happy regarded the mug with studious eyes.

Was something like this really supposed to be tasty?

Victor chuckled, offering the mug to Happy again.

“Give it a chance, pony. It isn’t every day vee get a to drink cider zis good. It isn’t as strong as zee stuff vee drank in zee old country, but it eezn’t bad for somezing pony-made.”

Happy nodded slowly, accepting the mug in his hooves. The frothy yellow liquid stared back at him, Happy's blurry reflection twisted and disproportioned in the flickering firelight.

“Snnrrrrk!...”

Happy held back a giggle, the image reminding of the mirror mazes he’d seen standing in old apartment stores and bemusement parks. The ones with all the trap doors and explody-pears his clanmates sometimes set up.

Glancing back up at Victor, Happy could see the griffon take a swig from his own mug, a small dribble of the liquid spilling out from the side of his beak. Looking around, Happy could see more of the other ponies doing the same—some doing a better job of keeping the liquid in their mouths than others. Everypony seemed to be enjoying themselves—wide, happy smiles plastered across their faces as they stumbled back and forth in the light of the crackling fire.

Happy stared at the mug in his hooves, giving it another sniff.

Despite the burny smell to it, there was a hint of sweetness to it as well. Kind of like the sippy-cups of apple-ly juice that Serenity had given him and Gilly while she, Red, and Val had discussed route plans that one night.

Happy lifted the mug to his muzzle, tilting it back experimentally.

Even if he didn’t like it, he could finish one mug to be polite. Victor had been a nice enough bird-pony to bring him one. He doubted it would be as yucky as the plastic-treat he’d had earlier anyways, or worse yet…oats.

Happy nodded in determination as the bittersweet liquid hit his lips.

Just one drink. He could get through that much.

***

“CHUG! CHUG! CHUG! CHUG! CHUG!”

“BRRRRRAAAAAAPP!”

“YEAHHHH!”

Hooves wobbling beneath him, Happy dropped his tenth empty cider mug on the table. His vision swam as the drunken ponies around him rose up in a chorus of cheers and hoof-bumps, their blurry faces blending into one another in the dim light of the flickering bonfire. The gray buck could feel his stomach slosh back and forth as he fell back onto his haunches, the faint burn of the sweet golden liquid simmering in the back of his throat.

“Ha….haha….ha.”

The buck let out a lazy giggle, holding his three, identical, wobbling pairs of hooves out in front of him.

Big pony apple-ly juice was the best.

Happy blinked as he felt a claw land on his shoulder, his bleary eyes taking in the sight of a wibbly-wobbly Victor, the griffon’s face and beak tinged with red.

“Zis pony—*hic*—zis pony—*hic*—zis pony is a good Happy.”

The griffon shook his head, tears welling up into his eyes.

“Vhile he may not have any smarts—*hic*—or skills—*hic*—or smarts…”

Happy could feel the tears welling up in his own eyes.

Victor turned back to him, blinking slowly as the smell of alcohol on his breath mixed in with the smoky air.

“...he eez a very good pony. Zeese vastes vould be a better place if zere were more—*hic*—more simple, happy ponies out zere like him.”

The gray buck sniffled, the tears flowing freely now. Nopony had ever said something that nice about him before.

Happy wiped his eyes with a hoof, throwing his forelegs out to either side.

“Flappy-flap!”

“Happy!”

Tears streaming down their faces, the buck and griffon embraced, the attention of the crowd around them already shifting toward the hoof-wrestling contest that had broken out another table down. Happy and Victor continued to bawl, oblivious, the gray buck reaching out to blow his snout with one of the griffon’s folded wings.

“Phhhhbbththbbbbth!”

The gray buck nodded to himself.

So this is what it was like to be part of a trader-pony clan. Hugs, apple-ly juice, Serenity—so many things he’d never experienced!

Happy grinned, rolling back onto his haunches as he watched Victor flop down face first for a nappy-nap.

It was hard to even imagine how things had been before. The way things were now—all the ponies, all the smiles—he wished things would stay like this forever.

“Mmmph!”

Happy’s eyes widened, hooves clamping over his muzzle as he suddenly felt his stomach somersault beneath him.

Uh oh. It was the same feeling he had when he spent too much time spinning around to get head-dizzy.

Frantically scanning for anything large and bucket shaped, Happy’s eyes darted back and forth between the tables next to him. A few hooves away, he could see the caravan's chef-pony trotting away, muttering as he balanced a tray of empty mugs on his back. All the other nearby mugs were in the hooves of the ponies who had gathered around the farthest table, a burly green mare and scrappier blue stallion squaring off hoof-to-hoof to the shouts of the crowd around them.

Happy could feel his stomach churn again, his eyes growing wider.

Uh oh oh. He wouldn’t be able to hold it much longer.

With one hoof clamped over his mouth, Happy stumbled away from the bonfire, blinking toward the blurry, pony-shaped shadows dancing across the hillside. Reaching one of the large rocks that had tumbled loose in the brahmin stampede a few weeks back, Happy clutched at it with both hooves, panting heavily as he leaned forward.

A few moments passed, his breathing slowing as the gurgling in his stomach died down. First to a low rumble. Then to a gentle calm.

Happy exhaled and smiled, the tension in his back and shoulders fading.

Whew.

He wiped a hoof against his brow.

It seemed the tummy-flops had managed to go away on their own this time.

A few moments passed in silence before the buck's eyes widened again.

"Mmmph!”

Or not.

A few minutes of rainbow-tinted retching later, Happy groaned, flopping down onto the ground with a grunt.

Never again. Big pony apple-ly juice was just oats in disguise.

Happy grimaced, rubbing his head into the dirt beneath him. A dull headache was already beginning to replace the pleasant dizziness he’d felt earlier, the faint burning sensation in his throat fading as his resilient body went about fixing the gullet and liver trauma they'd recently endured.

Happy sighed again.

Was it just him, or were hurty-hurts hurting worse these days? He never used to give much thought to ache-heads or tummy-sicks before. If anything, they'd been exciting—sensations that egged him onward, made his adrenaline flow. Now all he felt like doing was lying down in his comfy bed-bunk and burying his head into the nest of pillows and blankets he'd made there.

Thump.

“Shit!”

Happy’s ears perked up, the blurriness in his vision quickly dissipating as his eyes shifted to one of the other large rocks resting a few hooves away. He could feel a faint, prickling sensation run down the length of his spine, the hairs on the back of his neck beginning to bristle.

Somepony was there. Multiple someponies. Behind those rocks. Hiding.

Happy took a step forward, the fatigue in his limbs forgotten as he felt a low growl start to form in his throat.

Something wasn’t right here. These weren’t trader-ponies from the caravan. They were all at the fire.

Happy could hear another shifting of hooves behind the rock, the same voice cursing a second time, a slightly nasal quality to it.

“Shit, shit, shit! I think they heard us!”

“Heard us? You were the one who dropped your fucking battery clip!”

“Oye. Shut da fuck up.”

“Why don’t you shut up!”

“Yeah! Shut up!”

“Can it, Scalper!”

The prickling sensation along Happy’s neck stopped suddenly, his eyes going wide.

He recognized those voices.

“Okay, okay. On da count ‘a tree, we jump dat fucker. You toss dose chains on ‘im, Scalper, while Rowdy and I ‘oof him from the sides.”

“Can’t we just shoot him, Deuce?”

“Of course not, you idiot. The whole fucking settlement will come running in if they hear us!”

“Fuck you, Rowdy!”

“Fuck you!”

“Shut up, dipshits!”

“Fuck! He’s looking this way!”

“It’s your fault, Scalper!”

“For da love 'a—just get da fuck out dere!”

With the shifting of leather barding, several dark shapes jumped out from behind the rock, the dull glint of rusty chains and blades catching the faint light of the distant fire. Happy could make out three figures—two earth pony stallions and a unicorn mare—moving in his direction, cursing under their breath as two of them broke off to flank him from the sides.

Happy's eyes widened further, an electric jolt running from the base of his neck to his tail as a sudden surge of energy lifted him to his hooves. In an instant, he had launched himself forward, legs windmilling as he propelled himself toward the spiky-haired, chain-wielding pony in front of him

“FRRRRIENDS!”

“Fuck!”

A muffled shout escaped the yellow earth pony’s lips as Happy barreled into him, the two rolling to the ground in a whirlwind of clinking chains and curses.

“Rowdy! Deuce! Fuck! He’s got me by the neck! He’s got me by the—”

“Friend-friends Happy no-no find-find where-where look-see!”

“—the fuck?”

The two figures at Happy’s sides slowed, their hoof-blades dropping to their sides as Happy proceeded to squeeze the buck beneath him around the shoulders. The yellow pony squirmed in his grasp, struggling to breathe as he tried to protect his glistening green mane-spikes from the dirt and rocks beneath them.

“—My...*cough*...spikes. My….*cough cough*...spikes.”

“—You have to be kidding me.”

“—Well fuckin’ a'.”

Happy swiveled his head, a wide grin breaking across his face as he took in the familiar faces of his two other clanmates around him. Their expressions were a mix of shock and confusion, the red mare facehoofing as the blue stallion squinted into the darkness ahead.

Pushing off from the pretty yellow scalpy-pony beneath him, Happy bounced back onto all fours, tail wagging as excitement continued to flood his chest.

His friends! His clan! It was really them! It really was!

Happy giggled, prancing back and forth.

They were here! They really were! They hadn’t abandoned him after all!

“Happy friends-friends finder sherpa-ponies trady-town sneak-quiet here-here!”

They should have told him they were coming to visit! He would have put together a whole surprise party if he’d known they were coming tonight!

The three other ponies exchanged glances, their looks of surprise shifting into anxious frowns. Happy could see Deuce nod toward Rowdy, the red unicorn bobbing her head in turn as the two of them crept back toward him and Scalper.

Happy nodded in excitement as they approached.

This was great! He had so much to tell them! About his adventures and all the ponies he’d met! There was the clinic, the inventory, the brahmin chasing, the warehousing—

Happy’s eyes lit up.

And Serenity! And Red! And Val! And Victor! And everypony else he’d met in Creaky Bends!

Happy could feel a warmth begin to spread over his chest, more and more realizations springing forth.

He could show his clanmates how not to be not not-raiders anymore! They could be lifter-ponies like he was, too! Life as a trader-pony was wayyy nicer than it was as a raider-pony. Everypony was friendly and smiley, and some of the food was really good, and the beds were really fluffy and comfy, and the fuzzies everything made you feel in your chest were warm, and—

Happy giggled, bobbing his head behind clapping hooves.

“Happy find-friends Creaky Bends trader-ponies food good fluff-bed happy-warms—mmph!”

Happy blinked as Deuce clamped his hooves around his muzzle, glancing back over his shoulder with his one good eye.

“Oye! Not so loud, dipshit. Dose fuckers near da fire’ll ‘ear us, alright?”

Behind him, Rowdy scratched at her mane in frustration.

“How the fuck did he convince them to let him into their settlement? He can't even talk right!”

Scalper groaned at her side, pawing at his head with his hooves.

“I think he chipped one of my spikes!”

“—Shut up, Scalper!”

Scalper stumbled back as the other two barked at him, Deuce offering Rowdy another nod as she turned to keep an eye on the gathering behind them.

Deuce sighed, greasy strands of black mane falling over his eyes as he rubbed his temple with a hoof.

“Fuckin’ a’. Dis wasn’t da plan.”

Happy tilted his head to the side, watching as the dark blue stallion spoke without turning around.

“Anypony notice us, Rowdy?”

“Doesn’t look like it, Deuce. Seems they’re all still getting fucked up on cider. One of those talons is still over there, though. Seems he’s back up and walking again.”

“Fuck.”

Deuce shook his head, Happy’s ears drooping slightly at the sudden shift in mood.

He was surprised his clanmates weren’t happier. This was the first time they’d seen each other in week-months. Maybe...maybe they were just tired from their trip? He knew they could get cranky during long trots, sometimes.

Deuce sighed again, glancing back toward the other two ponies.

“Looks like we missed our fuckin' window, den. ”

“What about the dumbass, boss?”

Happy glanced back to see Scalper rise to his hooves, flashing Happy a nasty glare.

“Maybe we could send him in to make a distraction? Fuck off with a hostage when we see an opening? One fucking talon can’t get us all.”

Deuce shook his head.

“Fuck dat. You remember da last time we ran inta one? Dey’re an even better shot when dey’re drunk, I fuckin' swear. And dey’re aren’t no fuckin’ rocks to hide behind in a fuckin’ open field like dis.”

Rowdy stomped a hoof into the ground, gritting her teeth.

“Fuck. Stripes is gonna be pissed if we come back empty-handed.”

“Couldn’t we just tell him the dumbass is our hostage?”

“Like he’ll fucking believe that, Scalper. The fucker said he wouldn’t let us join the Saddles unless we came back with some results. He's not gonna believe that mangy buck is a settler.”

Rowdy dropped her hoof-quotes, stomping her hooves back into the dirt again.

“Fuck!”

Deuce paused for a moment, the other two ponies grumbling beside him as the stallion studied Happy from a few hooves away. Happy’s eyes shifted between the three, the faint smile on his face waning further.

This wasn’t how he’d expected their reunion to go. He thought they'd be more excited to hear what he had to say. About his adventures. About seeing each other again.

The way they were acting now...the things they were saying...they didn't seem very happy to see him.

Happy watched as Deuce raised a hoof, nodding to the other two.

“Oye. I got a plan.”

Rowdy and Scalper raised their brows. Deuce turned to Happy, placing a hoof on the gray buck’s shoulder.

“Oye. Mutt. Dose ponies over dere been keepin’ you like one of deir own, right?”

Happy could feel a small shimmer of excitement return.

Maybe they were listening to him after all!

He nodded, smiling a bit more broadly.

Deuce’s gaze didn’t falter.

“Good. You know da big red pony, den? Da one built like an ox?”

Happy nodded again, a faint nostalgia rising in his chest as he remembered his sit-talk with Red a few weeks back. He was sure his friends would enjoy their sit-talks, too, once he introduced them.

He nodded again.

Deuce nodded in turn.

“Good. You tink you can get ‘im out here tomorra' night when nopony's 'round? Bring da red pony to dese rocks all quiet like?”

Happy paused for a moment, parsing out the meaning behind Deuce’s words.

They wanted to meet with Red? At these rocks? Tomorrow?

Happy glanced around.

This was kind of a silly place to meet with Red when there was a whole fun settle-town to explore just over there, wasn't it? To bring Red all the way out here just to meet them was a little—

A lightbulb lit up over Happy’s head, prompting Rowdy and Scalper to take a confused half step back.

"—The fuck?"

"—How did—"

Happy giggled, slapping a hoof to the ground.

Ohhh! Happy knew what this was! They were being shy-ponies! The idea of being around all the other ponies at once probably gave them a case of the tummy-sicks.

Happy closed his eyes in understanding.

He knew how that felt. He’d been a bit of a shy-pony when he first met everyone here, too.

Glancing back up to Deuce, Happy nodded emphatically, blurring the image of his friends around him. The gray buck understood completely. He'd make sure nopony else was around so they wouldn't have to feel nervous.

Happy could see Deuce reply with another nod of his own, two grins forming on the faces of Rowdy and Scalper at his sides.

The buck held back a giggle of his own.

This was great! His clanmates already seemed excited for it!

Deuce straightened, maintaining eye contact with Happy as he dropped his hoof back to the ground.

“Good. Dats da plan, den. Red pony. Dese rocks. Tomorrow night. Don’t let da big pony know we’re gonna be here.”

Happy continued to bob his head. Surprise parties were more fun than regular parties, after all.

Deuce turned back to Rowdy and Scalper.

“Okay. We got a new plan, den. Scalps, you’ll distract da griffon tomorra' while Rowdy and I meet up wit da mutt over here.”

“Wait. I have to distract the griffon? Why me?”

“Because you’re expendable, spike-brain.”

“Fuck you, Rowdy!”

“Fuck you, Scalper!”

“Quiet, you two.”

Deuce glanced back to Happy one last time.

“Red pony. Dese rocks. Tomorra' night. Got it?”

Happy giggled again, offering Deuce a salute. He couldn’t wait for tomorrow to get here.

Without another word, Deuce motioned toward the hillside, trotting quietly into the night. Rowdy and Scalper followed suit, the latter flashing Happy one last glare before shifting back in line with the other two.

Happy waved as they passed out of sight, flashing giddy glances back over his shoulder as he tried to stifle his laughter.

So much to plan for, so much to do! If it was a surprise party, should he bring balloons? Streamers? Party horns?

Where could somepony find balloons, streamers, and party horns anyhow?

Swiveling on hoof, Happy made his way back toward the festivities, spit-whistling a merry tune.

It turned out the voice—which he hadn’t heard from in weeks, come to think of it—had been wrong after all. His friends hadn’t abandoned Happy. They’d just gotten really really lost.

Happy bobbed his head in understanding.

The wastes were bigger than they looked, after all. His deep experience and knowledge as a trader-pony here in Creaky Bends had taught him that.

Happy sighed, glancing back toward the group of ponies growing wider in his field of vision. He could see Red and Val talking to a smaller group that had assembled near the fire, hooves over each others’ shoulders as Red’s booming laugh echoed throughout the valley.

The gray buck smiled.

Now that his old clanmates were here, things would be even more fun. He knew it. They would like life as a not-raider so much better. He was sure Red and Serenity would like them, too. They were his first friends, after all.

He even remembered the first day he’d met them. His clan. All those day-years and fort-calendars ago.

The buck giggled, the image of an old, sepia tone cinema reel clicking to life in his mind.

Yes, he remembered it like it was yesterday…

*****

Perk Achieved!

Party Buck: Enjoy that first round? Keep ‘em coming! Aside from the occasional blackout or two, the duration of any side effects from drugs and alcohol are greatly reduced. Granted, you may need to toss in a few more caps to get your money’s worth, but at least you’ll be ready to jump back into the rad-rat race come Monday morning.

The active duration of any chems or alcohol is reduced to half and the effects of chem and alcohol addiction now heal over time.