Tomorrow and Tomorrow and Tomorrow
A My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic adaptation of William Shakespeare's Macbeth
CHARACTERS IN THE PLAY:
CELESTIA Queen of Equestria (Duncan)
LUNA Princess of Equestria, younger sister of CELESTIA (Malcolm)
CADENCE Princess of Equestria, youngest sister of CELESTIA and LUNA (Donalbain)
RAINBOW DASH General of the Queen's Army (Macbeth)
TWILIGHT
SPARKLE General of the Queen's Army (Banquo)
LYRA, SCOOTALOO,
and CAESAR Equestrian nobles (Macduff, Ross, and Lennox)
DAYLIGHT son to TWILIGHT SPARKLE (Fleance)
SIWARD General of the Zebrican Forces
YOUNG SIWARD SIWARD's son
FILLY and COLT children of LYRA
DOCTOR
BERRY PUNCH Porter to the house of RAINBOW DASH (Porter)
NIGHTSONG Husband of RAINBOW DASH (Lady Macbeth)
BON BON Sister to LYRA, co-guardian of FILLY and COLT (Lady Macduff)
SERVANT servant to NIGHTSONG (waiting gentlewoman to Lady Macbeth)
THREE SPIRITS (three witches)
Various lords, gentlemares, officers, soldiers, murderers, attendants, and messengers
The GHOST OF TWILIGHT SPARKLE and several other apparitions (Ghost of Banquo)
SCENE: In the end of the fourth act in ZEBRICA; through the rest of the rest of the play in EQUESTRIA; and chiefly at RAINBOW DASH's castle
PROLOGUE:
Many a year has passed, dear reader, since you have heard of the actions of our beloved ponies. It is my duty to inform you of events that have occurred in that period, and inform you I shall. The King of Equestria, Skyfire, has died, leaving his eldest daughter Celestia to claim the title of a role she had long been carrying out anyway due to her father's weak condition: that of Queen of Equestria. Upon becoming queen, Celestia made the wise Twilight Sparkle and the brave Rainbow Dash generals of her army. Twilight Sparkle and Rainbow Dash were given small castles in which to raise their new families, as both were recently wed. Tragedy struck both new families rather quickly. For Twilight Sparkle, it came in the form of her husband's death two months after the birth of their first son. For Rainbow Dash, tragedy passed over her husband and instead clutched his talons on her infant daughter, who died after only a year of existence. That was many years ago, and the wounds have begun to heal for both families. Just as the trauma of those events began to fade into memories, the Griffons attacked Equestria, headed by a traitorous mare who served as Celestia's right hoof mare. Even worse is that, as the battle now rages, the griffons have captured the fair Princess Luna! What will become of her? What will become of the lot of them? Dear reader, I will not tell you any more, but let you see for yourself.
ACT I
SCENE I- A hill above a battlefield. Thunder and lightning rages overhead.
Enter three SPIRITS
SPIRIT 1. When should we meet back? In thunder, lightning, or rain?
SPIRIT 2. We'll meet when the chaos is done; when the battle's both lost and won.
SPIRIT 3. That'll be around nightfall.
SPIRIT 1. Where should we meet?
SPIRIT 2. In the forest.
SPIRIT 3. That way, we'll meet with the warrior on her way back to the queen's palace after the fighting.
ALL. Beauty is foul, and the foul is beautiful: Hover through fog and filthy air.
[The SPIRITS vanish]
SCENE II.- A camp where some of the military leaders are planning out strategies.
Enter QUEEN CELESTIA, LUNA, CADENCE, and CAESAR with an attendant to meet a bleeding SOLDIER
CEL. What bloody stallion is that? Can he give any new information about the battle?
LUN. This is a stallion who, like a brave and good soldier, helped to free me from being held hostage by the awful griffons. Thank you from the bottom of my heart, valiant friend! I myself can't recount the events of the battle, as I was in captivity for most of it, so I implore you, please speak if you can!
SOLD. Well, it was very close. The merciless traitor, who is just about the most despicable individual on the whole planet, was winning. Fortune seemed to be smiling like a damned fool on that backstabber. At least, until the brave Lady Dash got out there. Brave- she deserves that name and more. Her sword smoked with bloody execution, and she carved her way down the battlefield until she found your sister, and she freed her and left, but not before she made sure the princess's captor was dead, and killed the most painful way possible.
CEL. Oh brave general! Oh worthy lady!
SOLD. But, of course, this so enraged the griffons that they launched a new assault on us.
CEL. Didn't this dismay our captains, Rainbow and Twilight?
SOLD. Yes, of course it did. (I apologize for my rudeness, your majesty, but my wounds make it hard to think of courtesy at the moment.) But, being the courageous and crafty warriors they are, they hit the griffons back twice as hard. They... Oh!... I could talk of their bravery 'till Equestria turns to dust, but I feel faint and sick. My injuries cry for help.
CEL. Your words and wounds both speak well of you.-- Go, get this stallion a surgeon!
[Exit SOLDIER with attendant]
Who comes here?
LUN. The worthy Lady Scootaloo.
CAES. She looks like she has good news. I've never seen a young officer look that excited.
Enter SCOOTALOO, running
SCO. [excitedly and after a few moments of catching her breath]
God save the queen!
CEL. Where did you come from, lady?
SCO. From where those big griffonian banners used to fly across our land, fanning our ponies cold. Griffonia, with a ridiculously huge army showed up, led by that awful, no good, two timing, traitorous partner of yours, but then Rainbow Dash, and Twilight, but I was really just paying attention to Rainbow Dash to tell you the truth, were like woosh, woosh, woosh [miming swordfighting] and anyway, long story short is that we won!
CEL. Oh, I am so thrilled! But I will have to do something about that traitor of mine, as you put it. She must be executed immediately. We'll give the title Ms. Traitor has lost to the brilliant Lady Dash, as she has earned it and all else I can give her for saving my sister and my country.
SCO. I'll make sure it gets done, your highness. [salutes the queen and princesses and leaves]
CEL. What that horrible backstabber has lost, Rainbow Dash has won.
SCENE III- Woods near the battlefield.
The SPIRITS stand in a small clearing in the woods. Enter RAINBOW and TWILIGHT.
RAIN. Funny how the day seemed so foul, but ended beautifully.
[they come upon the SPIRITS]
TWI. What are you? You don't look like anything of this world, and yet... here you are! Are you even alive? Can you hear me? Well, you look like you understand me. You put your fingers on your lips as if ushering me into silence. Well, if I must be silent, you must speak!
SPIRIT 1. All hail Rainbow! Hail to you, General.
SPIRIT 2. All hail Rainbow! Hail to you, Royal Second in Command.
SPIRIT 3. All hail Rainbow! Hail to you who shall be queen hereafter.
[RAINBOW stands frozen in fear]
TWI. Oh, Rainbow, why are you afraid of these spirits which bring good news? Spirits, are you even real? Is that even possible? And if you are real, why do you address my good friend who is obviously terrified of you? I'm not scared. If you're so powerful, if you are as good at predictions as you say, tell me my future.
SPIRIT 1. Hail!
SPIRIT 2. Hail!
SPIRIT 3. Hail!
SPIRIT 1. You are lesser than Rainbow, and greater.
SPIRIT 2. Not as happy as Rainbow, and happier.
SPIRIT 3. You will be the mother of a line of kings, but you will never be queen. So all hail, Rainbow and Twilight!
RAIN. Stay, you weird trio, tell me more! I don't understand! I know I'm the general, Celestia appointed me to that. I think you're confused though, because I'm not the advisor to the queen. That position's full, and so is the position of queen. After all, how could I be anything but what I already am? Hey! Answer me!
[the SPIRITS disappear]
RAIN. Twilight, what just happened? I'm really confused.
TWI. Well, I guess... er, well maybe... no. Possibly... nah. I don't know.
RAIN. Hey.
TWI. What?
RAIN. Your children will be kings. That's pretty cool, eh?
TWI. [imitating the voices of the SPIRITS:] And you shall be queen.
[both giggle]
Enter SCOOTALOO.
SCO. Guess what, Rainbow Dash? I'll tell you what! The queen is impressed with you! Really impressed with you! She heard how you saved Luna and is going to make you her second in command! I don't know if you've heard, but the mare who used to be second in command is a traitor, and has been executed. I'm so happy for you, Dashie! [SCOOTALOO hugs a stunned RAINBOW DASH, and then steps back embarrassedly and coughs awkwardly.]
Uh, sorry. Anyway, hail! Most worthy Second in Command!
TWI. No way!
RAIN. Ah, well... Thank you! I'll visit the princess in just a bit. Scootaloo, would you mind maybe going ahead? Twilight and I will catch up in a minute.
SCO. Anything for you, Rainbow! Besides, you're a national hero now!
[SCOOTALOO exits.]
RAIN. The spirits told the truth! See, I'm second in command, just like they said I would be!
TWI. Yeah, Rainbow I see.
RAIN. Well, aren't you excited! Your son is gonna be king!
TWI. I just... I have a bad feeling about this. Often times, dark spirits will try to win you over with good news to get you to trust them. Oh, don't make such a sad face! It's just that this happens a lot in books and I've studied lots of cases of things like this and... I don't know.
RAIN. I don't either.
[They both go to leave, but RAINBOW lingers for a moment.]
RAIN. [to herself] These things can't be bad: after all, they bring good news. But they can't be good either, because if they are good, why would they suggest that I am to take Celestia's place as queen? Obviously, the position is full, and Luna and Cadence are slated to take it if it ever cleared up. Why do these things make me think about... no. It's too awful. I love my queen, right? I am to protect her. Oh God, please keep these dark thoughts in my head, where they can't hurt anypony. Seal these thoughts inside the prison of my mind.
TWILIGHT calls from far ahead.
TWI. Come on!
RAIN. Coming! [to herself] Who knows? If fortune made me second in command without my doing anything, maybe the same thing will happen with the queen's position.
TWI. Come on! We're waiting for you!
RAIN. Uh... sorry. My slow brain was just reminding me of things I forgot. Ladies Twilight and Scootaloo, let's go see the queen.
[RAINBOW meets up with TWILIGHT, who is a few feet behind SCOOTALOO.]
[to TWILIGHT] I think we should take some time to think about what just happened. Also, I think we need to be sure to tell each other our honest thoughts without fear of what the other will say.
TWI. Of course!
RAIN. 'Till then, I don't think we should tell anypony about this.
TWI. Alright.
SCENE IV.-- A room in the palace.
Enter CELESTIA, LUNA, CADENCE, CAESAR, and Attendants.
CEL. Is the execution done on the traitor?
LUN. My liege, I spoke with one who saw her die. Apparently, she frankly confessed her treasons, begged your highness' pardon, and issued a deep repentance. Funny, nothing so became her life as the leaving it, and she died as one who had been studied in a perfect death, to throw away her most precious gift as if it were a mere trifle.
CEL. If only you could just look at someone and tell whether they were good or bad. She was a gentlewoman in whom I placed a lot of trust and responsibility.
Enter RAINBOW, TWILIGHT, and SCOOTALOO.
CEL. Oh worthiest lady! You are deserving of everything I could possibly give to you; everything anypony could possibly give to you and more!
RAIN. Oh, my queen! I don't need payment! The service and loyalty I get to give you is payment enough! Your job is to receive our duties, and our duties are to you, and your sisters, and the state. By protecting you and your family, we make sure Equestria is always peaceful and happy.
CEL. You are welcome here! Now, you are like a seed, and we will be sure you grow into a beautiful flower. Noble Twilight, you are no less deserving. Come, let me hold you to my heart.
TWI. If I grow there, the harvest is all yours, my queen. [they hug]
CEL. My many joys today seek to hide themselves in drops of sorrow. The events of today have made me decide to make a proclamation. Sisters, family, generals, and you who are close to me, I will establish my estate upon my sister, Luna; who we name the First Princess of Equestria. But, of course, Luna is not the only person who will receive honor today. Honor, like stars, will shine on all deserving ponies. On this day, Rainbow Dash will officially hold the office of Second in Command! And, to celebrate, we will visit you at your castle! That is, if you don't mind.
RAIN. Of course not, your highness! It'll be lots of fun! I'll go ahead to help my husband prep the house for such an important visit. Sadly, I guess I better get going. [to herself] First Princess!? If I'm going to be queen, I'll either have to take that spot or somehow skip over it. Stars, please don't shine. I don't want to have to see what my hoof wants me to do. [Exit RAINBOW]
CEL. Brave Twilight Sparkle- she is so valiant that her qualities are like a never ending bouquet of character. Let us follow after the warrior who goes before us to bid us welcome, for she is a peerless mare.
[Exit all.]
SCENE V.-- A room in RAINBOW's castle
Enter NIGHTSONG, reading a letter.
Nightsong. They met me after the battle had been won. It seems to be proven that they know more than any mortal can. I wanted so much to ask them more questions, but they disappeared. When I stood there, dazed by there predictions, out of nowhere come officials telling me their predictions were true! Like I said earlier, they told me that I would be queen hereafter! I thought you would like to hear such good news, and that you, my perfect partner, might have some thoughts which could be helpful. So be happy! Be excited! I'll see you soon.
Hmmm... you're a general, and Second in Command, and you're promised to be queen. The only problem, dear, is that you're such a... do-gooder. You aren't going to be queen without getting your hands dirty, love! Ugh! It's not that you don't have ambition, because you do, but you don't have the... resolve to get done what needs to get done. You wouldn't play dirty, but you don't care if you win dirty! If only I could be you, I'd make sure you do what you have to to fulfill the destiny that was spelled out for you!
Enter Attendant
What's the news?
ATTEN. Queen Celestia is coming here tonight.
NI. No way! Is my wife coming too? How come she didn't say anything?
ATTEN. She is coming. Apparently she's racing far ahead of the royal carriage. She'll be here any minute.
NI. Tend to her quickly, she brings great news. [Exit Attendant]
The raven is hoarse from shrieking about the fatal journey of the queen into my castle. Come, you supernatural beasties, strip me of all inherent kindness, and fill me from hoof to forelock with cruelty! Make my blood cold and thick! And please, please, stop the passages of my heart that circulate remorse. Come, thick smokes of hell, obscure sight so that we don't have to look at what we have to do. And, if you have any power at all, please don't let any holy thing keep us from doing what needs to be done!
Enter RAINBOW DASH
Come here my little general! Come here my little Second in Command! And you shall be queen hereafter? Hmm... that's quite a prospect, don't you think?
RAIN. Dear, Celestia will be here tonight.
NI. And when is she leaving?
RAIN. She said she'll be leaving tomorrow.
NI. She's not leaving tomorrow. As a matter of fact, she'll never get to see tomorrow. Oh, come on, your face is like an open book, sugar! You'll need to seem warm and welcoming, as innocent as a flower, but be the serpent in the metaphorical garden. If you play your cards right, tomorrow you will be queen of the land.
RAIN. I have to get ready, but we'll talk more later.
NI. Hey, don't worry! Leave all the planning to me.
[both exit]
SCENE VI.-- In front of the castle.
Enter CELESTIA, LUNA, CADENCE, TWILIGHT, CAESAR, LYRA, SCOOTALOO, and Attendants.
CEL. What a lovely castle! Oh, how I love the smell of country air.
TWI. Hey, look! There's a little martlet bird up on the castle wall. They used to reside in ancient temples. It's said that they only go places where kindness abounds. They don't like chilly palaces or anything like that, but cozy, happy places. It's a good sign.
Enter NIGHTSONG
CEL. Here comes the honored host! I'm so sorry to trouble you with our presence, but it's because we love you and your wife. Thank you for your pains.
NI. It's always a pleasure to have you here! Pains? Don't be ridiculous! They're nothing compared to the honor of having you and your companions at our humble home.
CEL. Where's my Second in Command? We tried to catch up with her, but we couldn't compete. I think her love of you must have carried her along. Noble Nightsong, we are your guests tonight.
NI. You and your friends are welcome to anything we have.
CEL. Take me to my hostess; we love her highly, and would love to be in her presence. By your leave, host.
SCENE VII.-- A lobby in the castle.
Servants prepare for dinner. Enter RAINBOW.
RAIN. [to herself] If I'm going to do this, I'd better do it quickly. If only I could just do it, and have no consequences. The only problem is that these things do have consequences. Besides, I am the queen's friend, her subject, her stinking Second in Command! She's here as my guest! Those are four really good reasons why I shouldn't harm a hair on her head. Besides, she's such a good queen! Kind, merciful, gentle, level-headed. Her virtues will screech at me while I kill her. They will scream so loud, everyone will hear them and know what I've done. Let's face it: I have ambition, but I can't deliver on it.
Enter NIGHTSONG
What's the news?
NI. She's almost done with dinner. What are you doing here anyway?
RAIN. Did she ask for me?
NI. You silly thing, you know she has.
RAIN. I won't do it. She's honored me and I don't think that I should betray her.
NI. What, was your ambition drunk? Does it wake up sickened by what it freely did last night? This isn't the brave lady I love. What, are you afraid to put your money where your mouth is? Do you want to live a coward who lets "I dare not" wait on "I would not" like a little puddy tat who wants fish but won't get his widdle bitty paws wet?
RAIN. Shut up! Who's more brave than me, huh? Certainly not you!
NI. You're just a little coward when it comes down to it. My God, I have bottle fed a little filly, and know what it is to love one's children, but if a little filly was what stood between you being queen or not, I would take that infant, and while she was still smiling up at me, dash her little brains out.
RAIN. But what if we fail?
NI. How about you grow up a bit, and we won't fail! When Celestia is asleep, and I'm sure she'll sleep soundly after such a long day, I'll sneak into the room of her chambermaids and get them drunk enough to forget the night. Then, when they lie unconscious, what can't you do to the unguarded Celestia? Her chambermaids will seem to blame, especially since you'll use their daggers and smear the blood on them.
RAIN. You think so?
NI. Who would believe anything else? We'll explode with grief upon her death, and it will seem sick to say that it was us.
RAIN. Alright! I'll just have to play the kind hostess for a bit longer. [both exit]
Tomorrow and Tomorrow and Tomorrow
Act II
SCENE 1- A room in RAINBOW DASH's castle
Enter TWILIGHT SPARKLE and DAYLIGHT
TWI. How's your night going, buddy?
DAY. Pretty good.
TWI. I'm glad.
DAY. What time is it, mommy?
TWI. Let's take a minute to figure it out, sweetie. The moon is up, right?
DAY. Right.
TWI. And the bell hasn't rung yet.
DAY. Right. It rings again at midnight, so it must be a bit before then.
TWI. What a smart boy! [TWILIGHT kisses DAYLIGHT on the top of the head] Hmm... the stars aren't shining tonight. Do you know why?
DAY. Why?
TWI. Because they'd run out of star juice if they tried to shine every night!
DAY. Mommy, you're silly! There's no such thing as star juice!
TWI. There most certainly is!
DAY. No there isn't.
TWI. Ugh... Mommy's too tired to keep arguing with you. She tried to get some sleep, but she couldn't.
DAY. Why not?
TWI. Just a nightmare. No big deal. Shhh... someone's coming. [shouting] Who is it?!
Enter RAINBOW DASH and a servant with a flashlight.
RAIN. Gosh, Twi, it's just me.
TWI. Why aren't you asleep? The queen is. You know, she was in a really good mood tonight. Oh! Before I forget, she gave me this watch to give to Nightsong. [pulls out a gift-wrapped box and gives it to RAINBOW] She felt bad about having him prepare such a big place for so many people on such short notice. He really is such a great stallion.
RAIN. Yeah, we would have loved to have the place perfect for you guys, but we didn't have much time.
TWI. [to DAYLIGHT] Honey, do you want to go over and look at my sword for a minute while the grown ups talk?
DAY. Sure! [TWILIGHT gives DAYLIGHT her sword from her sheath and he trots off with it]
TWI. I keep having dreams about the spirits. I guess they told you some truth, huh?
RAIN. Yeah. I think we should talk about that if you ever have an hour to sit down with me.
TWI. Of course.
RAIN. I was just thinking... if you ever came into a position where you had to back me up, your loyalty would be rewarded.
TWI. I'm not sure I know what you mean, but I'll support you in anything reasonable.
RAIN. Anyway... good night.
TWI. The same to you. [Exit TWILIGHT and DAYLIGHT]
RAIN. [to servant] Go tell my husband to ring the bell when he's ready for me. After that, go to bed! It's really late. [Exit servant]
[RAINBOW suddenly becomes fixated on an invisible point in the room. She walks around it, waves her hoof through it, jumps at it, tries to attack it, and generally looks as if she is trying to decide whether the object of her fixation is real.]
Are you really a dagger? Come on, beautiful, let mama grab you. Oh, you're tricky! I can't grasp you, but I can see you! You can't be real. I must have spent too much time in the sun. Oh, but you're as real as the dagger at my waist. You look like it, anyway. Now you have blood on you? I call foul. This has got to be fake. There's no such thing. I'm just being chicken, that's all. You know what, you stupid spirits who create this illusion? Forget you. I'm Rainbow Dash! You can't scare me off that easy!
[A bell rings.]
The bell is my invitation. Please don't hear it, Celestia. It's calling you to either salvation or damnation. [Exit RAINBOW]
SCENE 2- A large room in the castle with a big sink in it
Enter NIGHTSONG
NI. The drink that made them drunk makes me bold! What quenched their thirsts filled me with fire. What was that? Oh, it was the owl. The owl is the little fellow who yells out goodnight to those who are down for the count. Bad for Celestia, good for me.
RAIN. [from another room] Who is it? Wait, what?
NI. Ugh! Now I'm scared she didn't do it. What's wrong with her? I laid out the daggers where I said I would. I mean, I would have done it myself, for crying out loud, if Celestia didn't look a bit like my mother when she sleeps.--Rainbow Dash, you're back!
Enter RAINBOW DASH
RAIN. It's done. Did you just hear something?
NI. Nothing but the crickets crying and the owls screeching. Didn't you say something?
RAIN. When?
NI. Now.
RAIN. Just now?
NI. What other now is there, moron?
RAIN. Whatever. Do you know who's in the second room down that way?
NI. Just Cadence.
RAIN. Oh, my hooves! Just look at them!
NI. Oh, would you shut up about your hooves? What about Cadence?
RAIN. As I was coming here, I thought I heard her talking in her sleep. She cried "Murder!" so loud she woke her waiting maid up, and the two of them said their prayers and went back to sleep.
NI. So what?
RAIN. Well, when they said "Amen," I tried to say it too, but I couldn't. It got stuck in my throat! Oh, Nightsong, I'm going to Hell! [RAINBOW bursts into tears]
NI. Come on now, don't cry.
RAIN. But why couldn't I say it? After that, I thought I heard a voice say "Sleep no more! Rainbow Dash kills the sleep of the innocent!"
NI. What are you talking about?
RAIN. It said "Sleep no more! The general kills in your sleep! The Second in Command kills in your sleep, so sleep no more! Rainbow Dash shall sleep no more!" The whole house must have heard it!
NI. Sweetheart, who would have said that? You undermine your strength by thinking so insanely about things. [leading RAINBOW to the sink and turning it on] Let's get a little water going here, shall we? Maybe you'll feel a little better. [seeing that RAINBOW DASH still has two daggers] Why did you bring these daggers? Didn't we agree that you were going to hide these with the chambermaids? I bet you didn't smear Celestia's blood on them either! Get back there and finish the job!
RAIN. No. I will not. I can't look at Celestia again. I won't.
NI. You big baby! Give me the daggers. Only a little filly doesn't understand that the difference between the dead and sleeping is painted by the fears of childhood.
[Exit NIGHTSONG. Knocking from further inside the castle.]
RAIN. What was that? Ugh, what is wrong with me? Every noise is terrifying. [staring at her hooves] I bet all the water in the world couldn't wash these hooves clean. If I tried to wash my hooves in the ocean, I bet they would turn the blue water red.
Re-enter NIGHTSONG
NI. My hooves are the same color as yours, but I would die of embarrassment if my heart was as pale as yours is. [Knocking again] More knocking? Rinse off your hooves quick! We have to get back to bed before anyone can know we're up.
RAIN. I've never been more ashamed of myself. [Knocking] You're gonna wake the dead with that knocking! Actually, I wish you could. [Exit both]
SCENE 3- A hallway in the castle
Enter a porter, BERRY PUNCH. Knocking within. She begins to stagger drunkenly down the hallway towards the door.
BER. Yeah, yeah, I'm coming. Don't you people ever get tired of coming and going? Heh, I wonder what it must be like to be the devil's porter. Knock, knock, knock. Who's there, in the name of the- ah, what's his name? Oh, yeah. Who's there in the name of the devil? Here's a farmer who stored more crops than he needed and starved his village. Come on in, and bring a sweatband- it's hot in here. [knocking] Knock, knock! Who's there in the devil's name? Oh, it's a smooth talker who couldn't sweet talk his way outta here. Welcome! You can roast your goose here, if you know what I mean. [knocking] Sheesh! You guys sure are persistent! Never a moment's rest. Eh, I'm tired of being the devil's porter. [knocking] Seriously?! I never get any thanks anyway. Nopony remembers the porter. [Opens door]
Enter LYRA, carrying a COLT, and BON BON, holding the hoof of a FILLY. LYRA sets the COLT down, and BON BON, COLT, and FILLY walk ahead a bit. LYRA stays behind to scold the porter.
LYRA: Did you really go to bed late enough that you couldn't possibly have taken less than twenty minutes to answer the door?
BER. Well, your ladyship, I was drinking until two o'clock. As you know, booze is a provoker of three things.
LYRA. Do I even want to know?
BER. Booze provokes sleep, piss, and, as my grandma used to call it, lechery. The third one is the trickiest. You see, drink kinda, you know, makes you want to, but makes performance pretty... meh. Am I right?
LYRA. I can't say, but I can say that you are hung over. What kind of staff does Rainbow Dash keep around here? Have you seen your boss anywhere?
Enter RAINBOW DASH over by BON BON and the children. LYRA walks to them.
BON. How are you, noble lady?
RAIN. I'm great. Good morning to both of you!
LYRA. Is the queen up yet?
RAIN. Not yet.
LYRA. She told me to wake her up this morning. I almost forgot. That would have been bad.
RAIN. I'll take you to her.
LYRA. You're so sweet. Sorry if I woke you up.
RAIN. Ah, no sweat. Here's the door to her room.
LYRA. I've got this. It's not a big job, and it's the least I can do for my queen. [Exit LYRA]
BON. Is Celestia leaving today?
RAIN. Yes. Erm, she said she was.
BON. What a night, huh? At our place the wind was so strong it blew some chimneys down! The gusts sounded like cries of death or something.
FILLY. There was an earthquake too! I keep trying to tell everypony there was an earthquake, but nopony believes me.
RAIN. Well, it was a rough night.
COLT. I know I'm not very old, but I can't remember a night like it.
Re-enter LYRA
LYRA. Oh, my... I feel sick! It's terrible! Words can't describe the horror I've seen!
RAIN. What is it?
BON. What's wrong, Lyra?
LYRA. It's more evil than every work of Discord combined! A killer has broken in and stolen the most precious item in the house, the life of our Celestia!
BON. You can't be serious!
RAIN. Wait, what?
LYRA. I'd rather stare at a billion cockatrices than go back in. Don't ask me to say anything else. Just go in and see for yourself. [Exit RAINBOW]
[BON BON gathers the children and takes them away]
Ring the alarm bells! Murder and treason! Twilight and Cadence! Luna! Wake up!
[alarm bells ring]
Enter NIGHTSONG
NI. What's wrong? What's up with that horrible alarm? Come on, speak!
LYRA. Oh, Nightsong, you're too gentle a soul to hear this terrible news.
NI. [aside] Oh, really?
Enter TWILIGHT SPARKLE
LYRA. Twilight, Twilight! Celestia's dead.
NI. Woe, alas.
TWI. Please, Lyra, tell me this is all some sick joke!
LYRA. I wish it was.
Re-enter RAINBOW DASH
RAIN. If I had died an hour earlier, my life would have been perfectly happy. From now on, I can't view any thing the same. How could someone find it in themselves to hurt a wonderful mare like Celestia?
Enter LUNA and CADENCE
CAD. What's wrong?
RAIN. Your family, and you don't even know it yet. Your sister is dead.
LYRA. She's been murdered.
LUNA. By whom?
LYRA. Her chambermaids. They were covered in blood, and so were their daggers. The bloody weapons were under their pillows.
RAIN. Even so, I feel bad that I killed them.
NI. What?!
LYRA. Why did you do that?!
RAIN. Okay, well I'm sorry that I loved my queen enough to lose my self control when I saw her corpse covered in stab wounds.
NI. You know what, I think I'm going to be sick. The room's spinning. Who turned out the lights! Someone catch me! [NIGHTSONG "collapses" onto the ground, knocking over a shelf on the wall. LYRA and TWILIGHT rush to help him. Servants carry help carry NIGHTSONG out]
TWI. How about we all take a few minutes to straighten out our thoughts and then meet in the hall? [Exit all but LUNA and CADENCE]
LUNA. What shall we do? Let's not meet with them. One of them has to be the culprit, and disgusting displays of grief are something the traitorous pony does easy. I'll go to Zebrica; they have always welcomed our family.
CAD. You're totally right. Someone around here is after the monarchy, and you and I are next in line. Besides, if they don't find the killer, they'll assume you and I assassinated our sister to take her place. I'll go to Griffonia as soon as possible. I can't help feeling like there are daggers in mare's smiles here.
LUNA. Let's not be dainty and slow in our leaving, but shift away. The quicker we are, the safer we are. [Exit both]
SCENE 4- A room in the castle. Enter LYRA and SCOOTALOO.
SCO. How's it going?
LYRA. Well... you know how it's going.
SCO. Yeah, I guess I just meant... do they know who did it?
LYRA. The pair Rainbow Dash killed.
SCO. Well, that's good, right?
LYRA. [silently stares at SCOOTALOO for a moment] Anyway, Luna and Cadence ran off, which makes it look like they had the maids kill Celestia. It's strange, though. Luna and Cadence always seemed to genuinely love their sister. Doesn't it seem a little far-fetched to say they killed her?
SCO. I don't know. Hey, doesn't that mean Rainbow Dash is going to be Queen of Equestria?
LYRA. She's already been named queen. She's being coronated in Manehattan tonight.
SCO. What'd they do with Celestia's body?
LYRA. She's in the royal tomb.
SCO. So I guess you're off to Manehattan.
LYRA. No, I'm going home.
SCO. Well, I'm going to Manehattan with or without you.
LYRA. Enjoy. [Exit]
