Of Goddesses and Failures

Blade stood before Celestia, yielding as ever to her will. His dark blue hair made even mats along his silver coat, his purple hood and cape flowing behind him. An expression of disinterest on his face, Blade stared at his employer. To many, this was insane. A job where you are paid by a corrupt monarch to take out high powers seemed impossible at the time. To Blade, it wasn't a job. The only thing it was to him was a status. He knew everything Celestia did, and may as well have been as powerful, save that he had no influence. Standing in the throne room, he couldn't feel more important. This was where things happened, but he felt strangely empty. Shaking the feeling from him, he watched Celestia pace around him.

"You've managed to do well," she said with an evil smirk. "I'm not sure what it is, but you're doing well." Blade shrugged. He didn't care what she thought.

"Yeah, that's great. Who would be next, exactly? I'm kinda bored just standing here listening to you talk." Celestia frowned.

"Cheeky little bastard, you are. You realize who you're talking to right?" Blade smiled.

"I'd ask the same of you. You know you can't find another pony like me, and you wouldn't dare let me talk about this job here. So don't mind my talk."

"Fine," she growled, "but don't push your luck." Smiling again, she straightened herself. "Luckily, I have what you've come for. Using her magic to pull a list from behind her throne, she scrolled through it, the pages flapping before she found her target. "Fancypants. You know who that is, no?" Blade really wanted to laugh.

"Seriously? I mean, yeah, but him? Really?"

"He holds a lot more power than you'd imagine. He's LITERALLY everywhere. Can't go a day without running into him, and I'm sick of it. Tonight, you do your thing, and bring the body here. The usual, you're probably used to this by now." Blade nodded.

"Fine. See ya soon," he said as he left, being careful to avoid any guards as he left. If they saw him, then the show was over. Too many questions, too little answers. Easily enough, he slipped out of the castle. Blade trotted along the path leading up to the castle, hoping he could make it into Canterlot easily enough. Traffic was always a pain between the castle and the city, and today was no exception, if not worse. Blade walked down to the monorail station. Paying the fare before slipping into a bench by the side of the tracks, he looked around. Happy families stood on each side of him, each with smiling  fillies and lots of cargo, probably for a vacation. Blade closed his eyes, imagining killing each one of them, one by one and watching the remaining cry in despair, before slitting their neck. Blood, blood, crimson red on grey concrete. Red and grey, mix the colors. Smile, smile, whistle while you work. Blade snapped up to the toot of the monorail, looking around at the families again, almost with alert, his jaw hanging slightly open. What in the hell is wrong with me, he thought. Have I really become as horrifying as this? No, you're doing what you have to. Remember your past. You are NOTHING. This is payback, to all the fools in this city, with personalities so competitive they'd split the trophy in half before they'd let you win. You're taking back what you lost. Keep your edge as sharp as your blade. Blade shook it off, boarding the train into Canterlot. He had work to do. Make a friend, keep him close. While he's happy, slit his throat. Blade kept the rhyme in his head while the colorful train chugged along its silver rail. Red and grey, silver of the blade. Spill his blood, the debt is paid.

Target acquired. In his mind, Blade was a hunter, tracking down the prey that had sprung his trap: waiting, searching, looking around. Found you. On the outside, he was nothing. A normal citizen, taking a stroll through the busy streets of Canterlot. In a way, he was. In another way, he was one of two ponies in the city. Him, and Fancypants. In a giant city like this, Blade thought, it's almost impossible to find him. This is gonna be a giant pain in the-Oof! Blade hit the ground hard. Ok, one of two options. Get your ass up, apologize, and move on. Option two, run like hell.

"My apologies, didn't see you there fellow!" The voice was definitely a he. Ok, good. He apologized, stand up, apologize, move on and-

"Fancy, can we get a move on? We need to head to the theater if we're gonna catch the show." Ok, that's a she. So now what do-Fancypants?! Gotcha. Springing up, Blade turned to face the fabulously decorated pony, a mare on either side of him, each decorated as well.

"Jeez, man. Really sorry about that. Ya know, I'll make it up to you." Fancy laughed it off.

"Oh no, good fellow, you don't need to. My mistake!" Oh, this was good.

"I insist!" Blade responded, putting on the best voice he could muster up. It was pathetic to behold, but he hoped Fancy could take some humor. "Meet me at The Canterlot Pub tonight, I'll buy you a drink or two. Fancy looked as though he was considering it, the two girls still excited to see whatever it was they were going to see.

"Alright, it's a deal!" he said, a big grin on his face, shaking hooves with Blade. Blade swooped off as the trio continued toward the theater. Oh ho ho, the hunter was happy. Extraordinarily so. And now we wait, Blade thought, looking down at the blade under the sleeves of his outfit. A giant smile appeared on his face, his dagger shining in the sunlight. Marriage is bullshit, he thought. I've found my love right here.

I immediately regret this. That's the only thought Blade could think. He hated bars, and alcohol in general. He looked around, his eyes narrowing as he glared at all the idiots that came here. All he saw was happy faces, full of joy, laughter, and relaxation. That was the thing he hated most about these places. This wasn't a place to relax, nor a place to really help yourself. The only thing that came out of bars was drunken assholes wandering the streets of Canterlot, creating problems and bad hangovers. But he did have to admire the work that was put into this place. After all, can't get much fancier than Canterlot. Blade found the pony he was looking for: Fancypants, who came in strolling casually through the front doors like it was a walk in the park. Blade smiled; he couldn't help but imagine this guy drunk as all hell, stumbling out the back and asking for cheap sex. Keep your cool.

"Man of the hour! Come on, we'll have a drink or two!" Fancy nodded, trotting over to where Blade sat at the counter. Sitting down, he then proceeded to order a long string of beverages, presumably for the two of them, before they finally got to talk.

"I can't thank you enough, good sir! We'd have to split the bill, surely?" Blade smiled. Doesn't matter who pays, I'll have your money by the end of this anyway.

"Of course not! All on me, after our little run-in today!" Fancy smiled. This was his kinda guy: kind, and one who was willing to pay for booze.

"Haven't seen you around at all. What exactly do you do?" Blade froze. Of course. The asshole's not even drunk, and he wants to know THAT.

"Well," he stuttered, "it's sorta confidential. I work privately for Princess Celestia," he finished, only ending after he'd made sure no one else was around to hear them. Fancy laughed.

"Oh yeah, she's got private workers for EVERYTHING, doesn't she? If you know what I mean," Fancy winked, then laughed uproariously once he saw the look on Blade's face. "What, I wouldn't think she's the type to pleasure herself!" Oh good. Blade relaxed, glad that his head was off the line, then joining in laughter at the thought of the Royal Guard gangbanging her. Jeez, I've hit the gutter.

The night wore on and on. Lots of ale and talk. Now was a perfect time. Too drunk to notice, and too happy to care. Blade took out the little bottle of sleeping pills he'd brought, waiting till Fancy used the bathroom to "enhance" his drink. He sat back down, having emptied his bladder. 1 minute, 2 minutes, 3 minutes. 10 minutes, and Fancy's noble head was planted firmly on the counter, snoring so loud that the bartender actually brought out a set of earplugs for himself. He turned his attention to Blade.

"You here with him?" Blade nodded.

"Yeah, I'll take him home, don't worry about it." Picking up his limp body and lifting Fancy onto his back, Blade strolled out the door just as casually as he had come in. Damn, he thought, these are some strong sleeping pills. Gotta try 'em some time. For now though, he smiled, you're coming home. He began his trek to the castle, the moon hanging in the sky and the stars gleaming beside it. He cut through a path on the left of the castle, using the shrubbery as a hiding place, in case any prying eyes were about. Blade was too delighted at his work. He couldn't help but whistle a happy tune.

Any day now, princess. Usually, all he had to do during the night was go to the window directly to the right of Celestia's private quarters, Celestia would clear the room, open the window, and the body would be brought in. Blade was nervous, because he didn't want to risk being seen, but she was giving him no choice. The hell is she doing? Blade thought back to his conversation with Fancy. Heh, perhaps she is the type to pleasure herself. He allowed himself a brief smile before the princess finally opened the window.

"Took you long enough!" Blade whispered as Celestia helped him into her room. He flung the body down, assuming Fancy wouldn't wake up. Luckily enough, he didn't. Celestia nodded and opened the hidden door behind her bed. It's amazing that no one knew about this, he thought. Because these was her private quarters, not even the Royal Guard were allowed in. The duo walked along the single metal corridor as light bulbs on strings dangled overhead until the hallway opened up into a large room, full of black garbage bags and spots of dried blood. You didn't have to open the garbage bags to know what was in them; the room stank of decaying corpses.

"This room is never getting any better. How many bags you think we're up to?" Celestia smiled.

"Not sure, we can count later. Either way, you know what you need to do." Blade walked to the corner, where a fresh supply of duct tape and garbage bags were ready for use. When it comes down to it, he thought, this is all you ever need to get rid of something. Alright, let's get this done before-

"Huh? W-where, uh...Oh, my head..." Fancypants was up, but luckily too handicapped to do much than try and sit up weakly. Blade trotted over to him.

"You're home now," Blade smirked.

"The hell is this?" he sputtered. Celestia loomed over him.

"Blade, you doing this or not?"

"Yeah, yeah, chill out." Fancy sat up.

"Princess? Where am I? Why are you here?"

"Blade! Now, please!"

"Alright, alright. Fancy, check out these bags! Cool, right?" Fancy was really, really confused.

"I guess so, where the hell am I though? And why does it smell like-" Blade jumped behind him, sealing his mouth with a strip of duct tape, and then bindings his legs and arms together.

"I can't stand to hear your voice another second longer. So here's the problem. You do too much, talk too much, and have too much influence." Fancy grew angry, mostly because he didn't like the feeling of his mouth being sealed and lying on a cold metal floor.

"Mffle! Ermmahamffle!" Blade laughed.

"That will never get old. Alrighty then, time to finish this up." Blade walked over to Fancy, blade under his right sleeve. He swung his arm down, slitting Fancy's neck right down the middle. Blood began to spurt, and Blade grabbed the plastic garbage bag and enveloped the now bloody body in it. He sealed the top and middle of the bag with duct tape, and threw it into the pile. If he didn't bleed out, he'd run out of air. Blade turned around, and Celestia sighed.

"How long does it take to kill a pony? Jeez, hurry it up next time." Blade grinned.

"Pfft. You'd get it if you tried it yourself." The two left the room, their hoofsteps echoing off the metal floor. Those were the last sounds Fancy heard.