Rainbow Dash stared out the large window, resting her chin on her crossed forelegs upon the egde. Gone were the hues of pink brought upon by Discord, replaced by a sky of the purest blue and a shining sun. The weird patchwork covering the landscape had disappeared, leaving grassy plains and hills spreading all around the castle, along with forests, mountains and more.
Cries of joy rose up from the city beneath, Canterlot, joining the sounds of celebration coming from the throne room she had left a long time earlier. She had no doubt the streets of Ponyville boomed with glee as well; she could even see some particularly large balloons floating above the town from where she stood.
Rainbow Dash cast a glance at a large set of voluminous clouds, hovering leisurely in the distance, and sighed.
Clousdale.
Her home.
She sighed again.
A weighty choice is yours to make. The right selection or a big mistake. If a wrong choice you choose to pursue, the foundations of home will crumble without you.
Just how much was Discord forcing his will on her and how much was her own choice?
Her ears perked up when a soft tinkling echoed behind her.
"Are you alright?" a gentle voiced asked. "Your friends are worrying about you."
Rainbow Dash's shoulders just slumped further as she heaved another sigh.
"I told them I'd look for you so that they may keep enjoying the celebration," Celestia continued as she walked to her side. She folded her legs underneath herself. "Are you alright?" she repeated.
Rainbow Dash merely shook her head.
"What's the matter?"
Rainbow Dash pushed herself from the window edge with a long inhalation. She held her breath for a few moments as she looked one last time at Cloudsdale before exhaling. She pushed further on the wall until she sat on her haunches, and slowly turned her head toward Celestia.
Pink eyes stared back at her, full of compassion and concern. Rainbow Dash summoned all her willpower not to look away, but failed. Her resolve crumbled and her own eyes drifted to the floor before closing themselves.
"I fear I might have betrayed you."
She didn't see Celestia's reaction, and she wasn't entirely sure she wanted to. Her stinging eyes opened again only when she felt something hard and cold lift her chin. She didn't let anypony see her cry if she could help it, but she refused to hide anything to her princess.
"What do you mean?" Celestia asked gently.
Rainbow Dash blinked a few tears away and swallowed a lump in her throat. "Discord made me choose between Cloudsdale and Equestria..." She gave a little sob despite herself. "I chose my home..." She sniffed. "...but I don't know how much of it was Discord and how much was me..."
Celestia's eyes softened as the corners of her brows gave a faint droop and a sad smile tugged at her lips. "I understand."
She let go of the pegasus' chin and lowered her foreleg back underneath herself while Rainbow Dash wiped her eyes with a forehoof.
"Hard decisions are a lesson I wish no one had to learn," Celestia went on as she looked toward Cloudsdale and pure venom seeped into her voice, "a lesson Discord loves to teach for his own amusement."
Her face hardened, and Rainbow Dash couldn't repress a small shudder when she saw hatred flash into Celestia's eyes. She'd never thought about how much Discord had hurt Celestia, directly or indirectly, nor for how long.
Celestia abruptly turned back to her. "I'm certain you'd have made the right choice with your free will intact, Rainbow Dash." She smiled again.
Such a declaration of trust would have normally swelled Rainbow Dash's ego, but instead she bit her lower lip as shame brewed in her heart. "I should have fought him harder. I should have chosen Equestria from the start," she replied with a choked sob. "I should ha-"
Celestia interrupted her. "Don't blame yourself, Rainbow Dash. It's very difficult to give up what's close to your heart, even for the sake of others." She turned her head to look out the window, remaining silent for a few seconds. "It certainly was for me."
Disbelief swept over Rainbow Dash. She'd always pictured Celestia never to make mistakes, though she did know the alicorn could be rendered powerless by Equestria's foes.
Celestia glanced at her from the corner of her eye. "Tell me, Rainbow Dash, do you know what the eternal night wished by Nightmare Moon implied?"
Rainbow Dash blinked. "Uh... Dark and cold?"
Celestia nodded. "And starvation as well, since nothing could grow."
Silence fell upon them again.
Rainbow Dash didn't dare break it and instead looked up once again in Celestia's eyes. It was then that, for the first time, the alicorn looked her age. Centuries of regrets shone dully in her eyes.
"The first victim I was made aware of," Celestia finally said, "was a very young filly, barely older than a foal. Named in my honor." She closed her eyes and lowered her head. "I could have saved her." Her eyes fluttered open as a single tear rolled down her cheek. "Instead, she starved to death, because I chose to indulge my sister even when it was painfully clear she was no more, twisted into the hateful Nightmare Moon."
She turned to Rainbow Dash with a clouded gaze. "I regret having to banish my sister, but if I could change the past..." Her face hardened, sending a slight chill down Rainbow Dash's spine. "I'd choose Equestria over her as soon as she proved unreasonable."
Once again, silence came to reign upon the room as they looked away from each other.
Rainbow Dash stared at her home city one more time, lost in thoughts. The pain in her heart hadn't lessened and yet she felt more at peace.
She lowered her legs until she lay down and leaned her head against Celestia's foreleg. "Do these choices ever stop hurting?"
She felt feathers brush against her back and side as Celestia answered, "no. But you're not alone."
Rainbow Dash smiled.
Worry clawed at the edge of Celestia's mind when she entered the room. Rainbow Dash was slumped against the edge of the window, chin on her forelegs. She stared on sadly, shoulders sagged.
Celestia approached her quickly, hoping she could help her. "Are you alright?" No reaction. "Your friends are worrying about you."
A long sigh left the pegasus' lips as her shoulders sagged further and her eyes looked more forlorn.
Celestia walked to the window and lay down by Rainbow Dash's side. She glanced at what the pegasus was watching, Cloudsdale and her heart tightened slightly as she thought about Discord's concept of entertainment.
"I told them I'd look for you so that they may keep enjoying the celebration." Fear had now replaced Celestia's worry as she spoke. "Are you alright?"
Slowly, almost imperceptibly, Rainbow Dash shook her head.
Celestia resisted the urge to wrap her wings around her to comfort her. "What's the matter?"
Rainbow Dash breathed deeply and sluggishly pushed herself to a sitting position. She turned her head toward her just as slowly.
"I fear I might have betrayed you," she lipped.
Celestia's suspicion grew at those words. She didn't believe Discord whenever he claimed Laughter was his favorite Element; she'd always suspected it was Loyalty. He loved mind games and psychological torture, and conflicting loyalties were sure to entertain him, more so than ever when they didn't need brainwashing to hurt their owner.
She chose to confirm her suspicions before continuing however. She pulled one foreleg from underneath herself and gently lifted Rainbow Dash with her gilded hoof until two purple eyes looked back at her, brimming with tears.
"What do you mean?" Celestia asked softly.
More tears spilled as Rainbow Dash closed her eyes an instant. She gulped and reopened them before speaking. "Discord made me choose between Cloudsdale and Equestria..." A sob escaped her as she struggled to form her words. "I chose my home..." She sniffed. "...but I don't know how much of it was Discord and how much was me..."
Celestia felt a little part of her already tired heart break at the pegasus' words, a feeling she'd grown used to across the years. "I understand." She placed her foreleg back underneath herself, leaving Rainbow Dash's head to sag pathetically as she wiped her eyes dry. "Hard decisions are a lesson I wish no one had to learn."
Anger flared in her heart as she spoke the next words, gazing at Cloudsdale. "A lesson Discord loves to teach for his own amusement."
The faces of all those who lost their life or sanity to his games never ceased to haunt her dreams.
Celestia then chased these thoughts away; she couldn't help them anymore, but she could help the pony next to her. "I'm certain you'd have made the right choice with your free will intact, Rainbow Dash."
To her surprise, this didn't ease the pegasus' mind. Her ears flopped down onto her head as her composure slumped further and she bit her lower lip for a few moments before speaking. "I should have fought him harder. I should have chosen Equestria from the start." Her sob broke a little more of Celestia's heart. "I should ha-"
Celestia stopped her right there. "Don't blame yourself, Rainbow Dash. It's very difficult to give up what's close to your heart, even for the sake of others."
She turned her head to gaze upon the moon, discreet guest of the afternoon sky.
"It certainly was for me," she finally said.
She noticed an expression of utter shock on Rainbow Dash's face from the corner of her eye before speaking on. "Tell me, Rainbow Dash, do you know what the eternal night wished by Nightmare Moon implied?"
Rainbow Dash just blinked at her, lost. "Uh..." She scratched the back of her head with a forehoof. "Dark and cold?"
Celestia nodded. "And starvation as well, since nothing could grow."
Not even Nightmare Moon's heart, she lamented idly as silence filled the room. Memories from a millennium past surged forwards in her memory. Luna refused to lower the moon, citing ungratefulness from the inhabitants of Equestria as a reason. Celestia tried to reason her, but there was too much pain in her sister's heart, and that pain had turned to hate in a dark twist of fate.
Celestia watched her ponies soldier on despite the cold and hunger after she'd chosen to bow before her sister. She'd been so certain Luna would come back to her senses once she witnessed the suffering she inflicted.
She'd been so wrong.
"The first victim I was made aware of was a very young filly," Celestia told Rainbow Dash at last, "barely older than a foal. Named in my honor."
And dead because of her, along with all the other casualties she'd learned about after banishing Nightmare Moon. The old, the weak, the young... All counted on her.
"I could have saved her."
She could have saved them all. Celestia allowed herself to mourn this loss; her most loyal subject could see her cry.
"Instead, she starved to death, because I chose to indulge my sister even when it was painfully clear she was no more, twisted into the hateful Nightmare Moon." She turned to Rainbow Dash. "I regret having to banish my sister, but if I could change the past..."
They'd have lived.
"I'd choose Equestria over her as soon as she proved unreasonable."
Please forgive me Luna, thought Celestia as the room fell silent once again.
Rainbow Dash just looked back on Cloudsdale. Her eyes still betrayed pain, but Celestia could now see some peace in there. She lay down beside her, resting her head on the side of Celestia's foreleg. "Do these choices ever stop hurting?" she asked softly, almost a whisper.
Celestia wrapped one wing around the pegasus. "No," she stated. "But you're not alone."
Celestia's thought drifted to her sister, to her student, to the Elements of Harmony.
And neither am I, now.
