Journal of Burnt Oak.
If found, please return to 43 Forest View Ln. Ponyville
1/1/13
I decided today that I should begin to start writing a journal. Well, to be fair, I should say that it was suggested to me by a friend of mine. I really did not feel like doing any such thing, but I suppose that when you are friends with a psychiatrist, you wind up becoming another patient when all you wanted to do was be sociable.
I really don't know how to write in a journal, should I describe myself for those that read it later? Or should I just talk about my day? I don't even know why I'm even bothering to write this down to be honest.
Mind Matters just came by, he was the one that suggested I do this journal thing. Anyway, he told me that I should describe myself, so I, or others can remember what I was like at this moment years from now.
Well, I suppose that if you aren't me, and are reading this journal, you probably found my name and address on the cover, but what you may not know is that I am an earthpony, and that I enjoy walking through the woods, and have a fairly active social life. I don't think that I'm anything special to look at, I have a brown coat with matching eyes. My hair is a darker shade of brown than my coat, and I keep both mane and tail cropped short to prevent accidents while working.
I do a few things to make bits in my life, in the winter I chop down trees in the forest and sell it as firewood. I also make barrels, furniture, and other simple things out of wood and sell them when nopony needs a fire to keep warm. I have been called into either Golden Harvest Fields, or Sweet Apple Acres to help out as extra help on the farms. It's not my favorite thing to do, but in the summer business is slow and I'll do what it takes to stay afloat.
I'm a bachelor, and to be honest, I like things that way. I live in a small apartment above my store, and I have a balcony overlooking the empty space between Ponyville and the Everfree Forest. Maybe this will be the year that I can finally save up the money needed to move to a better location. Where I am now is not the best place for business.
Today, I decided not to do much in the way of work, other than to clean up after the small get-together I had last night. Maybe I will have better luck tomorrow. So for now, I am just lounging on my couch while writing in this journal.
My new year's resolution is to move to that better location for business, and to quit drinking the brew.
1/7/13
Hello again, It's been a few days since anything has really happened, but I decided I should tell you what happened to me today.
Unfortunately I had started my day with my usual routine of having my usual remedy before heading out. I think I should point out that this potion doesn't have anything illegal or anything like that. It's main ingredient comes from a leaf that is fairly commonly used, be it for eating, smoking, or drinking in a sort of tea. This leaf however, has been proven deadly over time. I said that this would be the year I would quit, and for good reason as I found out earlier.
Today, the weather ponies decided that it should snow some more, despite how cold everything is. Oh well, more bits in my pocket I suppose. Once I was ready to work, I went into the Everfree and fell three trees. One ash tree for making more cords of wood to sell and an oak for making a table. Assuming that there is enough of the oak left over, maybe I'll make some chairs to go with it.
I also found a maple tree. At first I ignored it, but then I remembered that I had some leftover ash, spruce and ebony at home from a failed project. I've been reading a book about making instruments lately, so I thought that I would try my hoof at making a violin.
~~What was I writing, I've lost my train of thought for a moment there.~~ Once I had fell the trees, and cut them down to size so they can fit in my cart, I realized I was having a craving. Normally I would have kept it in a flask, either in my saddlebags, or hidden in my cart. Nopony knows that I use, and I plan on keeping it that way.
Today, however, I left my flask at home in my living room. I did this, hoping that I was strong enough to not need it with me at all times. I suppose that I really am weaker than I thought, because at first I headed home at a normal pace, only for the cravings to grow stronger. Before I knew what I was doing, I was flat out galloping through chest deep snow, desperate for just a drop of poison.
That was when I felt a pain that I never knew before. As I ran through the snow, my cart got stuck on something. Of all the things to happen to me, I got tripped up by a rock that I failed to notice before. The straps that attach me to the cart pulled taut, and something gave out in my back.
I couldn't help but scream as I fell to the ground! Before I could really register what happened, or think of what to do, I was buried in snow, and I was starting to panic. Were timberwolves going to find me? Will I be able to get up and to safety before I freeze to death? But the thought that ran through my mind the most was, did anyone hear me scream, and will somepony save me?
I waited, waited for help, or for my back to stop spasming so I could get up and go home. I'm ashamed to admit that I cried from the pain, and begged for it to leave. The pain slowly went away, and almost an hour later, I was able to get up and unhitch myself from the cart.
It did not take me too long to find the rock that caused all this trouble for me. After a few failed attempts to remove it, I maneuvered the wheels around it. A few moments later, I hitched myself back up and slowly made it back to my shop.
I didn't feel like dealing with unloading any of the wood when I got home. Instead I left the cart in the store room of my shop, and hobbled upstairs, desperate to feed my cravings. I found my flask exactly where I left it, and swallowed down as quickly as I could. The bitter herbs nearly made me gag, but the effect was nearly instant as I felt my body calm itself down and I could finally relax.
Right now I'm sitting in my favorite chair with a bag full of snow on my back, hoping to ease the rest of the pain away. I'm thankful that I don't write with my mouth, or this would be all too painful. If the pain doesn't ease up in another hour, I'm going to the hospital to see if they can give me some sort of medicine to help with the pain.
1/7/13 in the evening
Well, it's official. I just got back from the hospital, and the doctor asked me if I had been eating buttercups or golden chain. I tried to deny it at first, but he pressed on and I admitted to using them in a sort of tea. He then went on to demand to know what else goes into this tincture of mine. After naming the list he seemed quite surprised and asked if I have a death wish! I denied it, but he seemed unconvinced and told me to stop immediately.
I don't want to die, I'm still young! I've got so much to live for, I want to see the Gryphanian continent, I mean, there's still so much I haven't done, so many projects yet to complete, or even begin! When I left the doctors office, I decided then and there that life is too short for me to throw it all away because of a potion!
When I got home, I was determined to dump out the rest of this poisonous brew, but instead found myself drinking it down anyway! Celestia help me, I am so pathetic! I wish I had never picked up this habit in the first place, I wish that I had a stronger will! I wish, I don't know, I guess that I wish that I had somepony to turn to right now. Not a journal, but a real pony that understood what I'm going through, or just listen to me.
Tomorrow morning I'll throw myself into my work, starting with that table. It's nothing fancy, and shouldn't take more than a few days. Maybe I'll even start on the violin as well, I don't know. But as far as tonight is concerned, I'll have hay and carrots for dinner, a sip of my brew, then I shall throw the rest down the toilet before I go to bed.
2/15/13
I was cleaning up around my house today, and was surprised to find this journal under my bed! It's been so long since I've written in you, that I think you should know what's going on lately.
I haven't bought any of the ingredients needed to make the tea in a while, but I still keep finding the things needed to make it in the wilds of Everfree. I gotta admit that when it comes to quitting I am pretty lousy. However, I've gone from taking in a flask a day, to making one last a week. Small steps I know, but steps in the right direction. I try to fill the void with other things, concentrating on my work helps, but only so much. I used to find clarity when I used the brew, nowadays I find that I am a lot twitchier than usual.
However, there are some good things to write about. Yesterday, I found out that my friend had set me up with a blind date this Hearts and Hooves day, and it turned out to be Magdalena of all ponies! We ate out at some restaurant, I can't remember the name, it's some new place. The food was decent, even if the atmosphere was a little too heavy for my taste. I felt so proud of myself for not partaking in my addiction for the entire day!
I saw a few ponies out and about, and of course now that I'm quitting all the ones that use the herb decided to come out of the woodwork and be around me for some reason. It's not as common of a thing now as when my parents were my age, but still there are a few that do so in social settings. While we were out, somepony walked past us reeking of the leaves, like she just used it! As she walked past the two of us in the restaurant, I nearly gagged from the odor, yet had enough of a craving that I almost caved in and asked for a hit. Almost.
Business continues to fluctuate, as is usual this time of year. The weather ponies decided to make it a sunny day today, and it was almost like it was spring, the perfect weather for lovers. I never could understand them myself, and despite my date going well by my standards, I am sure that I won't be hearing from Magdalena any time soon.
By this of course, I mean that I let her do all the talking. She talked about how she loves to bake, but doesn't want to do it for a living, about her friends and what they do for fun, and how she works for Berry Punch by helping her brew, and sell her wares.
Meanwhile, I stayed silent and ate my spaghetti and bread sticks. With a personality this dull, I am sure that she wouldn't care to see me any time soon. Honestly, I am fine with that because I'm not so sure about my business, or myself for that matter. Until I am, I really don't think I should be dating.
As of this moment, I find that my rear hoof is tapping out a rhythm on my floor. Across the room from me I can see the small cauldron I used to use for making my brew. The ingredients are all put away out of sight, but that cauldron reminds me that I could be doing something else.
But I shouldn't. It takes three days to purge the body. I made it past two so far. Just one more and it's all downhill from here.
Back again, I collapsed and made some, just a little bit. I drank down less than a spoonful and am paying for it. I'm coughing, and twitching slightly. I feel dizzy, I need to lay down. Good night.
3/20/13
Happy Winter Wrap Up! It's the first day of spring, so naturally, yesterday was Winter Wrap Up, and Ponyville managed to actually wrap up winter early this year. I suppose that this is due to the inclusion of the librarian, Trylight Spackle? I don't remember her name, this is only the second Winter Wrap Up she managed and to be honest, I hardly ever go to the library.
It's funny how she, Applejack, and their friends, could save the world, and yet I can't seem remember their names. I would ask Applejack the next time I'm helping on the farm, but I'm sure that would come off as weird. Then again, I could ask Pinkie Pie, she's friends with everypony. In fact, I haven't seen her around too much lately, maybe I'll go see her at Sugarcube Corner today.
3/20/13 in the evening
I take back everything I said about Pinkie Pie. In fact, I think I'll just avoid Sugarcube Corner altogether for a week or two. After I left, I found that Ponyville was flooded with a veritable Pinkie storm. I couldn't help myself but to have some of the brew today, heavy on the main herb. I feel sick, I think I might vomit.
4/4/13
Hey journal, it's been a while, a few weeks to be exact. I've been spending the last few weeks in the hospital, and just today Magdalena actually came over to see me! I was so thankful to see her and have some company, she actually surprised me by bringing some of my things, including this journal.
It was nice to see her, but she had to leave to set up her and Berry's stand in town square, and left. I decided to go ahead and look through this journal for a while, and looking back on my previous entry, I feel that I should clarify what has happened.
Turns out I did throw up, I am not proud to admit that, but I did. When it came up, it was black, and followed with blood. Before I had a chance to panic, I passed out. That's the last thing I remember from that night.
I guess it was luck that my friend, Mind Matters, came over for a surprise visit. From what I was told, he had one of my neighbors gallop to get an ambulance while he stayed with me. My pulse was weak, and I was barely breathing, I was told that at one point I had stopped breathing, and he had to perform CPR. When the ambulance got there, they found my cauldron full of the sludge I had made that night, and induced vomiting to help get it out of me.
The next thing that I remembered, was that I woke up. I had no clue where I was, how long I slept or even if I was still alive! I started yelling, bucking, tearing at the devices attached to me! Before I knew it, nurses and doctors were trying to subdue me, and I passed out again.
When I woke up again, there was a nurse in the room with me. She asked how I felt and I told her I felt like I've been run over by a stampede of cows. Turns out that I had a panic attack and they had to keep me under for over a day!
I guess the secret is out now. My friends, all of them, know about my secret. I was afraid that they would reject me for it, but instead found support. They, the doctors I mean, have kept me here in the hospital, in hopes of purging me of the poison in my body.
My senses are dulled, and my eyes are constantly glazed over. Every moment I am awake, I feel the constant buzz of a headache. My mood swings wildly sometimes, and I feel like I'm a prisoner in this room. But over all, I feel F.I.N.E. if you don't know what that means, then perhaps you are the wrong pony to read this journal.
I feel strange not using. It's not like it's a mind-altering drug or anything, except that it is. I don't know how to explain it. It's not like alcohol, or any of those illegal drugs you get from those shifty ponies in a back alley. But it just calms, and soothes me. Gives me clarity, it clears my mind enough to let me think. New ideas on how to perfect my craft came to me when I used my brew.
Now I just sit in this hospital room, hooves twitching and and mind reeling away. I feel like somepony took away my control, and I'm fighting to get it back. Sometimes I think anypony that is trying to help me quit is really my enemy, even if they do it out of love, and the wish for me to live longer.
4/7/13
Magdalena came over today, I never expected her to do so, again. I figured that after Hearts and Hooves Day she would lose interest in me, and leave me be. But, I suppose that somewhere in her, she thinks that she has to be my savior. Maybe she thinks that if she does this I'll grow closer to her, or that I may develop feelings for her. Maybe she's right.
I have been growing attached to her. In case you haven't noticed, I never cared for dating or anything like that. Most ponies find me to be cold, and factual. I don't show emotions, not just in my writing, but in general. I tend to constantly have a dull expression on my face, as if I really didn't care about anything. But, I don't know what it is about her that makes me smile so much! Every time she has come over to see me, she just lights up the room and I want to get up and go somewhere with her, but I can't.
Oh, before I forget, I should let you know, Pinkie Pie came over the other day and apologized. I told her that it wasn't her fault, that I made myself sick. I can't help but envy her a little, in her foal like ways. She asked why I would do such a thing, and I simply shrugged and said that I don't know.
But then, after she left, I sat back and thought about it. Where did I pick up such a nasty habit? I guess the obvious answer, is at home. Both my parents would partake in the herbs in different ways. My dad would chew on the leaves, while my mother would smoke the leaves in a pipe. When I was young, almost everypony used the leaves in some fashion or another.
I used to swear up and down that I would never use those dreaded leaves, I knew then that it was bad for ponies, I knew that it was a slow killer. What I did not figure was how easy it was to fall into becoming a user of the stuff. I remember what happened though to change that. It started when my mom got sick, her lungs just could not take all the smoking any more.
Not too much later, my dad got cancer in his mouth. It was hard on us all when he passed but we managed to make it for a short while. I guess though, that with my dad gone, my mom just sort of gave up. When she died, I knew then that it was the leaves that did them both in, and yet, when I went to clear their stuff away, I kept the left overs and brewed my first tea out of the leaves.
I thought to myself that one cup of this elixir in their memory wouldn't hurt, and I blanched at the taste. I added some roots, herbs and berries to the mix to make it taste better. What started as a drink in their memory, turned into a drink to numb the pain. Any time I felt a twinge of guilt, or stress, or pain from the memory, I drank it. It's a slippery slope, one day I'm drinking the leaves to get rid of my parent's left overs, next thing I know I am buying ingredients to make more. Then I'm actively searching the Everfree for the leaves growing wild.
Oh Celestia, I'm actually beginning to tear up. All these feelings are starting to come out of me from writing, I don't want this! All it does is make me want to reach for my flask and drink up. Maybe I should stop writing about it. If I don't think about it, maybe I won't want it as badly. Tomorrow, I'll go home, hopefully I won't slide back down, and I'll be able to just concentrate on work.
4/9/13
Well imagine my surprise when I came home! It's just a little after midnight, and everypony just left from my welcome home party. Magdalena is still here, sleeping in my bed. I think that over the last several days of her seeing me, she has decided that we are a couple now. I'll admit that I can see us as a couple too, now that I know her better. However, I'll stay out here in the living room, the couch is good enough for me.
I guess that this is the beginning of a new life for me. Pinkie Pie threw the party, and of course that meant that the party was a lot bigger than I would have ever usually wanted. Most everypony at the party, I knew. Applejack and Pinkie's friends came over too, for a little while anyway. Turns out I was wrong about the librarian's name, it's Twilight Sparkle, not Trylight Spackle.
Of course, not everything is all roses, one of my old friends came over and he was smoking some of the leaves. RIGHT IN FRONT OF ME! Do you know how hard it was for me to walk away from that temptation? Oh I cursed Luna under my breath for that temptation, and then quietly asked for her forgiveness as I stepped out. I tried to clear my mind while outside, only to find a few cords of wood out behind the shop, reminding me that I have work to do in the morning. When I came back in a few minutes later, I found that he was gone. I guess somepony else found what he was doing and sent him on his way, perhaps I'll write to him and let him know not to bring the leaves here.
Anyhow, I have to take some medicine that the doctor prescribed me. It's supposed to help keep me from going back to that brew. I hope it works.
5/15/13
I never thought that I would say it, but life is good. If I was told a year ago that I was going to quit taking the elixir, fall in love, and finally live life instead of going through it in a numb haze I would have laughed and denied everything.
In seriousness though, the medicine that I got from the hospital has done wonders, and I feel like a new stallion! I have not used once since March, and I just feel like doing things!
OH! I almost forgot to mention that despite the slow business from all this hot weather, I have not once had to go do farm work! Instead, I've been going to market with Magdalena and Berry and helping them sell wares, but I also have a book to show what kind of work I'm able to do, and had a few more orders than usual.
Magdalena and I have been spending a lot of time together. Sure, we go out on dates once in a while, but with business being slower for me, I've mostly been helping her and Berry with their business, and she's been helping me with mine. In fact, we've been talking off and on lately about how I plan to move, and she said that I should move in with her!
I may do that, her cottage is really nice, and since she runs the shop from a small vending tent downtown, we have been thinking of having some ponies help us convert the bottom story into a proper store, where I can make barrels for the spirits in the back, and she can sell Berry's drinks, and a few of my knickknacks out front.
That's all in the future though, right now, It's just a little after midnight, and Magdalena's sleeping right next to me. I really am lucky that we found each other, right when I needed her most. I think that she may even be the one. I don't know how to explain it, so to whomever might be reading this, forgive me. I feel like, like she completes me. As if I never knew I had a missing piece and yet, there she is, just waiting for me. It really is a great feeling to know that she's there for me.
One of the things that we've been doing lately, is that whenever I go to cut down any trees at all, she has come with me into the Everfree. At first she was scared, but as soon as I showed her the safe paths and the sights that are within, she discovered the dark beauty of the woods. Every time we are there, we tend to go to the same clearing and she brings a phonograph and she plays music while I work to the rhythm. She has even found a new hobby to keep her busy while I work, photography! I'm really excited with the work she's done, and I even use some of them in my shop to show where I get my trees from!
Every once in a while, I still find myself wishing that I could have just a bit of those herbs again, but they aren't as strong as they once were. I don't need it any more, I have a reason to live, and life is good.
5/19/13
Well, I've got some good news! Today was another slow day for me, and since I had no need for fresh wood, I decided to help Magdalena run the stand in the square today. As usual, I put up a sign on my shop letting potential customers know where I was, locked up and left for the day.
Anyhow, I get over there, and have the usual hellos and she gives me a quick kiss before I don the spare apron and wait for something to happen. We talked about a few things like where to get lunch, when suddenly a gryphon came up to the stall. Magdalena went to greet him, but he mostly ignored her for a few moments before asking if she was the owner of the stand.
She said no, Berry was, but she was at home bottling some wine and that we could help him with anything. That's when things started to speed up.
He said that he heard of Berry's legendary winemaking skills, and wanted to test her ability on crafting a special beverage. Something that is called, "Legionnaire's Summer Wine."
Mag's began freaking out slightly at this while I stood confused. Before I could understand what was happening, the shop was closed up and we were nearly galloping to Berry's place with the gryphon. Magdalena ran into the house without even knocking, and started shouting for Berry. A few moments later, the pair came out and the gryphon introduced himself and started to flash his talons around.
Now, by Talons, I mean money from the Gryphonian continent, not his actual talons. I gotta admit, the system they use for money is weird. It's all paper, or silver coins, no gold coins like here. The three of them went into the house to talk business and I decided to excuse myself.
I spent the rest of the day watching the stand in the town square. Mags didn't come back until it was time to pack up. When she did she told me about how they agreed to fill the order and would need to make twenty casks of the special wine, and it would take three months to prepare.
I asked if I could help at all, and she said that she just needed the barrels made, and I had to use oak with very high standards, and each barrel had to be made with three slats of apple wood.
Well, needless to say I got to spend the rest of my day making a barrel. I'll do more tomorrow. Things might get brief because I'll be keeping this journal on hoof for notes.
5/20/13
Oak must be of a younger age, (roughly between 40 to 50 years if possible.) Fine grain, low resin. Wood needs medium toast. Apple wood can come from any aged tree, (preferably one that could still bear fruit.) Also needs medium toast.
Stock in shop within specs will supply for 10 barrels. Required, 1-2 apple trees, 4-6 oak trees. Max output, 3 barrels a day. Time limit, 10 days from this point.
5/20/13 (evening)
I managed to get three barrels ready today, and started work on a fourth, tomorrow I should be able to do four before I go get more trees in the forest.
Also, I need to see if Applejack can help with the apple wood.
5/21/13
Today I managed to produce four barrels. I haven't seen Magdalena the last couple days, I guess she's being kept busy with Berry. I saw Applejack while I ran to get myself a lunch and told her about what's going on. She said that there's a couple trees that have been uprooted back when the Flim Flam brothers were here. She says they are useless to her, so I can have them.
Tomorrow, I'll try to get Mags to come with me when I go into the woods. I miss her already.
5/22/13
Mags is too busy. Found some herbs in the forest, but I ignored them. I guess I'm just too used to having her around when I'm in the forest now, because it felt strange being alone in the Everfree today.
I brought home a total of three oak trees, and Big Macintosh brought over the two uprooted apple trees while I was out. It's really late, and I don't think that I could stay up a moment longer. I spent the last six hours cutting planks out of the trees.
5/23/13
I brought the first nine barrels I had finished today, and got in trouble, with Magdalena. Four of them are over toasted. So, I need to go find at least three more oak trees to complete the order and have enough of the right wood. Fortunately, I won't need to get more apple, as the two trees the Apple's gave me is more of a surplus with how big they are.
I think I might be over working myself lately, between the cutting, barrel making, toasting and delivery for just the barrels. Not to mention the two tables, five chairs and twelve wagon wheels I have on back order.
I'm starting to crave again...
5/24/13
Made a total of eleven barrels so far, delivered on demand. Berry is really putting Mags through the paces, having her run everywhere for the needed ingredients. She's too busy to see me lately.
Went into Everfree to clear my mind. I feel better.
5/26/13
Nearly done cutting up all the needed wood. Nine barrels to go.
5/30/13
Finished the barrels. Still no sign of Mags. I miss her, but at least I can still go to the Everfree to clear my mind.
6/7/13
Saw Magdalena in town square today, when I tried to talk to her, she told me she was very busy and galloped off. I'm sure that things will be fine when things slow down and the wine is in the casks to age.
6/8/13
Feeling fine. Finished wagon wheels today. Took time in Everfree.
6/10/13
I feel fine. Everything's fine. I am happy. Just me, and the forest again.
6/15/13
Feeling ill lately. I saw Berry Punch and Magdalena, I acted like everything was okay but I think they might have noticed. She says she'll see me later tonight. I'll just go to the forest real quick first.
6/17/13
I think she's on to me, Mags seems a little too interested in how I feel, and what I'm doing in the woods so much lately. I just told her that everything's fine.
6/19/13
Still gonna keep things short, everything's fine. I'll be seeing Mags in a few more days when they are all done with their part of the work.
I'm so lonely in the forest...
Bitter herbs, dark roots, bright flowers and strange berries are everywhere around me.
It's always dark in Everfree.
Where am I? I think I'm at home... I don't recall... so sick...
Author's Note
The pony in this story, Burnt Oak, is not an OC, and is property of Hasbro. (seen below)
This story is dedicated to any one out there that has been, or known anyone that was or is an addict of anything.
From those that are trapped by street narcotics, to alcoholics and tobacco fiends. May you find a way out of your own trap.
Changes on 2/17/14 Changed character of Burnt Oak's Marefriend from Berry Punch, to Magdalena, because I forgot that I had already used her in a pairing in a previous story.
