Dear Diary;
Okay, seriously? What the fuck? Celestia got me this wide ass of a diary to write in. Ever since I was full of malicious intent with anger, I was defeated by the Elements of Harmony. You know, the objects that Celestia made to make me look inferior to her true power?
Her fucking tail is flowing around the room all the time. She needs to quit being so lazy. I'm glad that my mane isn't flowing. It better not. If it starts to flow in a while, I'll have to smack a bitch.
The Elements of Harmony are currently consisting of this magical being, Twilight Sparkle, her ~~loyal~~ honest friend, Applejack, a loyal pony on a high amount of steroids called Rainbow Dash, a generous pony who likes Canterlot so much that she uses her love of it to hide her own insecurities known as Rarity, a shy pony called Fluttershy, who uses animals for her own selfish desires, and Pinkie Pie. Okay, this crazy fucker is on drugs. Whatever this pink pony is on, I want it, and I want it now! I bet that all of this time, Celestia's fur was made of cocaine.
There was also this dragon called Spike, who is clearly a workaholic. Celestia told me today that Spike can breathe letters to send to her using his fire breath. Celestia says that she used a spell for that. I'd expect nothing less from Celestia, that high and mighty bitch. But seriously, this fucking dragon is a baby! How can he even puke when he gets sick. Does he have to barf out letters covered in vomit or something. Fucking gross.
Before I was defeated by the elements of harmony, I was called Nightmare Moon. I wanted to make the night last forever so that I would look even sexier than usual, if that's even possible. And don't bring up that bullshit that I was jealous of Celestia, fuckers.
Sure, I apologized for my actions towards Celestia, but it would be really nice to strike vengeance on her now and again. We're sisters after all. I should be the fucking ruler of Equestria. Celestia keeps on saying how I'm too rash or some shit like that.
I'm generally very anti-social. I want to be adored by others, but I'm too shy. Celestia keeps on going on about this friendship bullcrap. If friendship is so great, why hasn't any of it come to me? Friendship is good? What a pile of shit.
I know that I'm a little angry right now, but I could care less. What matters is that now I can brainwash others to my advantage.
At least I got a kickass party from Pinkie Pie. Fillies were putting flowers over me and everything. Take that, Celestia. I'm so thrilled and ecstatic with happiness that I'm being worshipped by these ponies. This will definitely not backfire on me. I bet no matter how scary I look, they'll still love me. That's how I roll, bitches, though I still don't get Pinkie's deal. My theory, she's craving information from others to kill them in the future.
Celestia kept on offering to give me cake that they were serving at the party. She probably wanted to stop me from looking better than her by making my ass as big as hers.
With love from your most powerful deity,
Princess Luna
P.S. Moon>Sun
P.P.S. I don't know what I can do with my life. I just want to be loved.
Author's Note
And thus my first chapter is complete. I hope you have enjoyed it. For those of you following Rarity's Diary, I will try my best to multitask between the two of these.
Dear Diary;
Crazy ass sister, her weird attitude's spreading to her student. So the other day, Twilight sent Celestia a letter saying how Applejack is the best friend a pony could ever have, and that she's always there to help anypony.
There's so many fucking problems that I don't know where to start. Firstly, "best friend a pony could have?" For Celestia's fucking sake, be accurate with your letters to her. If Applejack is the best friend a pony could have, why didn't you bring her to that shitty Grand Galloping Gala?
Secondly, if Applejack really is the best friend a pony could ask for, then why wasn't she the one who threw me that kick-ass party when I came back. Applejack got nothin' on Pinkie Pie.
Twilight also mentioned that Applejack finds it hard to accept help, and that while friendship is about giving of ourselves to friends, it's also accepting what our friends have to offer.
BULLSHIT!
Celestia offers nothing to me except surprisng me by stealing all of the cakes and bananas from the fridge. She should be like Pinkie Pie. I'm sure Pinkie Pie made absolutely no kind of problems for others today.
Dear Diary;
Celestia needs to get the fuck off of her throne. What the fuck is up with her?
I think I've calmed myself down from my exuberant uproar of anger so I shall calm myself,, so a royal event called The Grand Galloping Gala is coming up. When Celestia asked me if I wanted to come to this auspicious occasion, I declined, stating that I don't want to be around ~~ponies better than me~~ ponies who think that they're better than me. Royal pricks. Especially Prince Blueblood. He only got that name because he must've been punched so hard that his blood turned blue. Royal cunt.
So because Celestia has no other friends besides myself (because I am far more superior), she invited Twilight and one guest to attend the gala. I was chatting with my Royal Guard homies, and I asked them why Celestia didn't just send six tickets to Twilight. The guards responded that Celestia may have meant for Twilight and Spike to go. This could work in some sense of the situation, but firstly, she said Twilight Sparkle plus one guest. Cryptic bullshit coming from our royal leaders mouth. Secondly, Celestia is so lonely that she would probably want a load of guests. She should be more laid back and relaxed, like me.
So, with all of this in mind, Twilight Sparkle couldn't choose any of her friends to take with her, so then she just sent the tickets back to Celestia. Good for her for challenging Celestia. When the world is mine, I won't kill Twilight Sparkle. She can serve as one of my slaves instead.
But immediately after Twilight expressed her distaste over the offer of going to the gala, Celestia was all like "Oh, hell naw, bitch! Your going to the gala whether you like it or not".
What made things worse was that Twilight sent a letter to Celestia saying about how she learned a valuable and important lesson that you should share your blessings with others, and now, because of my dumbass sister, Twilight can't learn any of this. Fuck it! What kind of fucking lessons is my sister trying to teach Twilight, anyway? Is she just teaching Twilight to fucking worship her? Subliminal fucking messaging is what it is. I swear, maybe I should get some revenge on Celestia. Do you think I should, diary? Wait, why am I asking you? All you are is a fucking book. Pardon my royal tongue.
With hopes of overthrowing Celestia,
Princess Luna
