Off to a Human Adventure.

Chapter VI

A Mess to be Reckoned With.

Conrad had really out done himself this time, he has managed to ripped down all of the paintings on the walls, knock over all the lamps, and throw half the room to the other side.

“Conrad! CON! RAD!” Even though you know yelling will only send him deeper into what ever hole he had dug in you paperwork. But, once again, the gods seem content with messing with you.

Conrad cam running out of you room with you Crimson Xbox controller in razor, sharp, dagger like, puppy jaws.

“Oh my gosh! A puppy! No one in Ponyville has one of these, well Applejack has one but still!” Said Vinyl as she rushed over to the small brown and white puppy. Whom, like the asshole who raised him, jumped on the opportunity to get a reward.

“Yeah, real cute, Conrad you little devil, what have you done? Really? WHAT have you done? The last time you did something like this, you only throw the papers everywhere! Wait, I’m talking to a dog! AHG! I need to clean up, you keep him from eating the controller.”

“Sure, hey buddy, give it to me. Now, come on.” The sight was disgusting, he obeyed! He looked at me, turned back to Vinyl, widened his eyes and dropped the controller! It that were me he would drop it, bark like a madman, pick it up, run out into the hallway, head down the stairs, and bolt for the park. But her? Sadly give it up and receive a petting!

The cleaning lasted about half an hour, it would have been quicker but a certain puppy felt the need to pull down every pit of painted canvas I put back up.

“Hey Brony, I’m hungry. And so is Conrad.” Asked Vinyl as she walked up to you with Conrad in hand. That dog looked down on you like some Regal to some random maid.

“Hello Hungry, what did you do with, Vinyl?” This wasn’t taken lightly.

“Come on, just make us some thing to eat.” She held Conrad up to her face and made a pouty face. You have got to be kidding me.

“Agh! Fine, just stop that.” Replied you as you got up from you massive chair. You kitchen was one of the very few places that did not suffer from the Conrad/Everything war.

After about five or so minutes of sifting through packages, you found what you were looking for, Ramen. Or at least the closest thing to Ramen.

“What you cooking?” Asked Vinyl as she held her hands behind her back and bent over to smell the now simmering noodles.

“Un piatto di famiglia, Ramen!” You replied with the bast Italian accent you could muster.

“Uh, what?” Replied Vinylin confusion.

“Ramen, an old dish, been around for about a hundred years. It’s good, you know how to use chop stick right?”

“I barely know how to use these, ley along chop sticks or what ever.” She shock her hands in emphasis.

“Right, well, I need to talk to you about the human diet, mainly, you know what? I’ll tell you over supper.”

“Why not over Dinner?” Asked Vinyl as she leaned against the counter.

“Because, I don’t think eating Ramen and talking about the human diet is very... Romantic.”

“Ha!”

“Plus, you may need a vomit bucket.”

“Why?”

“We’ll get to that.”

The smell of the noodles filled you dorm, plus all the steam the pot was letting off.

“Okay Vinyl, it’s done.”

“Cool, let’s eat.” Replied Vinyl as she perked up from her near zombie like state at the table.

The soup was blazing hot, you were surprised about how fast Vinyl slurped up the food.

“Okay, it’s time to have that talk.”

“I know father, when a Stallion and a Mare love each other very much, he puts his.” The look you we giving her was powerful enough to wilt a plant.

“No, about the human diet, I trust Michael told you all about it?”

“No, just told me a little about your history.”

“What parts?”

“The parts about your ancestors sailing across the sea and creating a colonies.”

“This is going to be long night. Okay, first off, Humanity’s History is not one of peace and prosperity, more like one of plots, murder, creation, destruction, and war. Always war, the oldest and most enduring of human practices. I trust Equestria had wars in it’s past?”

“Yeah, like. A thousand years ago.”

“Okay, well in the past 30 years, Humanity has gotten it’s self into 15 different wars, five had happened at the same time. Numberless wars in the past as well. The best known one being World War 2, where, 60 million died, and in the last one, the War of Terra, over ten billion people died! Hell, I served in a unit for two years! Which is where I got the burns and the one bullet wound. When I was a kid, Canada and the United States of America went head to head, nukes we not an option, we had to fight via ground troops, air combat fighters, and battle ships. In the bloody end, we had each other’s capital, Canada threaten to nuke the US of the map if they didn’t stand down, and with over a billion people still living in the country, they accepted, and when I say Canada ‘held’ the capital, I mean thirty seven Canadian troops held the Pentagon and the US had over ten thousand troop in Ottawa and thirty ships in the Quebec Harbor. The US had the upper hand, but they didn’t know it, 90% of the satellite over North American were shot down, we were both blind and deaf. And after that Canada and the US fought side by side in the ‘Battle for Europe’. And most forget about the long trading history they had together before the 2014 ‘Blackouts’. Now for Human Diet! Humans can eat anything our teeth can break and chew, you want to eat dirt?, you can eat dirt, you want to eat plants?, go right a head, you want to eat meat?, dig in, you want to eat bugs?, fine by me, you want to eat chemicals?, by all means enjoy! Hell, what you just ate was a mix of meat, plants, and chemical. Now for our language. English, what I speaking right now, is a very barbaric language, like the letter ‘R’. Every old Langue spoken in Europe is a mix or blend of other language, the ones in Asian and Africa are the same, Australia as well, hell even the ones in North America all sound the same. Now for the best of all, government and social ethics. Every type of government we have tried and we have fucked up, any, hell for a while we tried to live without one, it fell apart really quickly, each of the groups of people formed their own, each was different. Social ethics, most of the Regal people left in the world we killed off in the last war, only the British crown remains, and that is threatening to crumble, they’re looking for the last of the Royal bloodline, but by the looks of it, he or she’s some where in Canada, seeing is how most of England sunk into the sea, and how Canada was the next best thing. An- Are you okay?”