If Only...

by Dragon Genesis

Rating: teen
Tags: DJ P0N-3, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Rainbow Dash, Sad, Romance, Octavia
Length: 5030

Vinyl wakes up with a hangover and extremely troubling news. A week later, see how she copes.

Vinyl wakes up after a party with a major head ache, on the couch, and alone. After taking a quick shower, believing her wife out for the moment, Vinyl gets a visit from the guard as well as condolences.

It has been a week since that day. Vinyl has moved all her stuff and whatever stuff she kept of her wife's into the home they were going to move in later. She now moves one more thing to her new home in Ponyville. One more thing for closure.

The casket of the late Octavia Philiamacora.

EDIT: Rewritten!

Published 2013-07-20 00:30:02 UTC
Last updated 2013-12-06 22:33:42 UTC

If only....

Vinyl Scratch groaned as she was awoken by her ever pounding head. Every throb sent a whole new spectrum of pain through her skull. She could tell already it was from the amount f booze she probably chugged last night.

Groaning again, Vinyl sat up and found her in the living room of her Canterlot home. Not much remained as most of the decorations and pictures that decorated the room were stashed away in the many boxes around the floor. She was surprised that she made it to the couch without tripping last night. She was surprised she was on the couch. By now she would should be waking up with her wife snuggling up to her after brining her home last night. Her wife didn't even come pick her up. It was odd of the usually calm, collected, and organized mare.

"Octy?" called out the white unicorn, instantly regretting it as her voice echoed of the bare walls and sent more pain through her skull. Her wife said no reply. Probably out doing something. Vinyl shrugged it off and decided to go about her morning ritual for after parties. An ice cold shower and deep black coffee.

Trotting into the bathroom, Vinyl got the chance to see how rough she looked. Her mane was more of a mess then usual and would need a good washing. Slight bags sat under her bloodshot eyes, despite them already being red. Cause, you know, they couldn't get any redder.

Vinyl grumbled as she walked into the shower, cursing her hangover as her head pounded in time with the falling of the cold water. Her muscles tightened as the wave of water fell on her, waking her up with a sharp gasp. It was only after a minute or two under the water that she was able to stand it more and went about cleaning, washing out her mane and tail.

Once cleaned to what her wife seemed decent, Vinyl turned off the water and dried herself off with a towel. She sighed as her body started to warm up, her hangover starting to fade away. She brushed out her mane, deciding to style it after she had eaten and drank her extra black coffee. However, just as she was leaving the bathroom, there was a knock on the apartment door, irratating her headache more.

"Celestia damnit! Really?! I'm still hungover!" Grumbled Vinyl, stomping over to the door. She swung open the door and glared at the intruding ponies.

"What is it? It's too early in the morning." Asked Vinyl, glaring at the ponies at her door. Before the door stood two Royal Guards, their helmets removed and tucked at their sides, or on his back for the unicorn guard. The guards exchanged a quick look.

"Ma'am, it's noon." said the Pegasus. Vinyl tapped her chin.

"Noon, eh? Explains why Tavi ain't home yet? So, what can I do for ya? I want to try and rid this hangover." said Vinyl, massaging her temple with a hoof. The unicorn guard winced while the Pegasus looked at her with sympathy. For what, she did not know.

"Miss Scratch, I presume? When was the last time you saw your partner, Miss Philamacora?" Asked the Pegasus. Vinyl raised an eyebrow.

"About eight last night before I headed to my last gig in Canterlot. She was supposed to pick me up at two this morning but I walked home. Why?" Asked Scratch, slightly worried about her wife's well being. The guards gave each other a nervous glance, making the already worried unicorn even more concerned.

"Miss Vinyl Scratch, we are sorry to inform you that your wife, Octavia Philamacora, was found beaten, robbed, and dead in an alley way early this morning." Vinyl's mind stopped dead in its tracks, her hangover disappering as well. Her wife, the one pony who picked her up, got her off drugs, and kept her from slipping into full alcoholic, and marefriend of six years, dead. It was something that she didn't want to believe, couldn't believe.

"No. No no no. Sh-she can't be. I saw her last night. Sh-she kissed me good night. Wished me good luck. Told me she would p-pick me up. Sh-she c-can't b-b-be d-d-d-dead." muttered Vinyl, falling onto her haunches and essentially breaking down.

"We are sorry, but she is." It wasn't possible, it can't be possible. But it was. And she realized that. She was only aware of her own tears, the rushing to the floor, then nothing.
~~~~~~~~later the next day~~~~~~~
Vinyl was able to leave the hospital at noon the next day. She was told she simply passed out of shock and almost did a second time when she remembered what the guards told her. She demanded to see the body.

Octavia was bruised badly, dark splotches covering her now light grey coat. Her black mane was now starting to become a deathly grey as it decayed. Multiple incisions Vinyl knew didn't come from the doctors opening her up covered her ribs and stomach. The fatal wound, however, was a deep stab wound, behind the head. Somepony finally had enough and ended it, ending one ponies suffering and making many more suffer.

She was told they had found a match for the blade and where investigating at the moment. They asked if she wanted to see the possible killer, but she refused. She knew she would only tackle him and beat him in a fit of blood and tears. The pony who brought her up from rock bottom and stole her heart and was now dead because somepony didn't have a heart.

Vinyl now dragged her hooves over to her apartment, planning on moving her things to Ponyville like she originally planned. She needed a way to take her mind off of Octavia's passing even though she was going to need to take her body back to Ponyville. It was where they met and grew up. It what started a friendship that soon saved her and made her meet the mare of her dreams.

However, she needed to make one call. A call to an old friend, occasional drinking partner, and another childhood friend.
~~~~~~8:00 P.M. in Ponyville~~~~~~
The sound of her phone ringing woke Rainbow Dash from her slumber. The brash Pegasus grumbled as she flipped the pillow onto her head.

"Alright! Hold on to your bucking hooves!" Shouted Dash, flinging the covers off of her and flying out of her bedroom and down into the kitchen where she kept the annoying device. She ignored the sound of another door being opened and answered.

"This is RD, what is it?" Asked Dash, growling slightly as she wiped away the sleep from her eyes. There was a moment of silence except for an occasional sniffle or two from the other end, as if a pony was crying.

"Um, h-hey Rainbow." came a dry voice, as if they hadn't used it in forever. Despite this, Rainbow Dash was able to piece together who was calling her.

"Vinyl? What the hell are you doing calling this late? You know I sleep earlier now especially since I have Scoots now." Asked the cyan Pegasus. There was a moment of silence.

"You don't get the Canterlot paper, do you?" Asked Scratch. Rainbow blinked.

"Uh yeah, haven't read it yet since I've been busy. Why?"

"Check page 3C." came the unicorn. Rainbow Dash hesitated before taking the portable wall pone with her over to the living room. Plopping down on the couch, she grabbed the Equestria Daily from the coffee table and flipped through its pages. She soon came to the appointed page and was confused to see the Obituary. Wearily, she scanned the page until coming to an extremely familiar grey earth pony mare, smiling at the camera as if nothing was wrong.

Octavia Philamacora. Born August 5, 984 CR. Died April 26, 2 RL.
Octavia Philamacora died yesterday morning due to multiple stab wounds after being robbed and beaten. Octavia was a modern day classical star cellist and founder of a school for learning musicians. She is survived by her family, many friends, and wife of four years, Vinyl Scratch.

Rainbow Dash stared at the article with wide eyes, not noticing the tired orange filly walk into the room.

"Vinyl, I-I-"

"It's my fault." said Vinyl. Rainbow blinked.

"Scratch, what the buck are you talking about?! This isn't your fault!" Shouted Rainbow, still not noticing the filly who was intently listening in.

"I was drunk off my ass, Rainbow! I had to have Octavia take me home every night because she knows I'm gone! If it wasn't for that I would have woke up next to Tavi, not on a couch with guards at my door saying she was killed!" Shouted Vinyl, her voice loud enough that it was clearly heard by the shocked filly at the entry way. Rainbow glanced back to see a wide eyed filly and bit her lip.

"Vinyl, look, you didn't know this would happen. None of us did. You can't beat yourself up for something you did not see coming and can't change." said Rainbow softly, Vinyl's sobbing coming n clearly over the phone.

"What am I supposed to do now? I am still coming to Ponyville, it's too late now. But what then, Dash. Tavi kept me alive. She was the reason why I'm still here and alive. What am I to do now that she is gone?" Asked the crying mare.

"Take some time. Settle down then move on. You can't keep her locked away in there forever." said Dash, speaking from her own personal expirence. The sobbing continued for a few more minutes.

"A-alright. I-I should sleep. I have to move in the morning. I-I'll see you tomorrow, Dash." The line went dead as Vinyl hung up. Dash herself put the phone on the coffee table and placed her head in her hooves.

"Celestia bless you, Vinyl. Celestia fucking bless you." mumbled Dash as her own tears trickled down her cheeks.

"Mom?" Rainbow turned to see a teary eyed Pegasus filly looking up at her. Octavia touched many hearts of those Dash knew, Scootaloo being one. Octavia once allowed Scootaloo to be taught under her. Not only did the grounded filly gain her cutie mark in the art of music, a good start on guitar, and a tutor who would always help her, she gained a friend who knew what it was like herself to be told she couldn't do something she loved, only to prove them wrong in the long run. Octavia was close to the young filly and her sudden death was more than world shaking for the Pegasus.

"Come here, baby." mumbled Dash, opening up her forelegs. Scootaloo jumped into her foster mother's loving arms and cried into her shoulder. Dash herself cried, keeping her sobs for a personal setting, keeping herself strong for the Pegasus. They all needed to be strong.
~~~~~one week following the death of Octavia~~~~~
The train ride to Canterlot and now back was not uneventful but full of emotions for the unicorn. The long trip to the mountain city was saved for some sleep. Now? It was for memories. Old, new, sad, happy. A rainbow of emotion filling memories that Vinyl remembers clearly.

Vinyl held Octavia as the mare cried into her shoulder, a crumpled letter in her hoof. It was one that kept the grey mare on edge. It was a reply on her relationship with Vinyl. Her parents never knew of her homosexuality and she was always afraid of what would happen. Now, however, her fears were confirmed.

Dear Octavia. Your father and I are truly disgusted by this news. We have thought that we have raised you nicely. Making sure you were well taught, well taken care of, we even tried to get you a few nice stallions. But now you tell us that all these years we were caring for a disgrace of a pony. Not only that, but your partner of choice is a lowlife DJ. You were a noble pony, Octavia. Highly respected. But now, we can't even claim as our own. As of now, you are no longer an Philamacora, Octavia.
A disgusted mare
Allegra Philamacora.

Disowned. A pony who has always held her family and friends close had just lost. Vinyl had met Octavia's parents a few times. At first glance Allegra and Forte Philamacora were nice ponies. Now, Vinyl saw them in a new light. And it wasn't pretty.

"Sshh. It's okay. It's okay." said Vinyl, stroking the earth pony's mane. Octavia only seemed to cry harder, wrapping herself tighter around her marefriend.

"Look, they are complete assholes, I won't sugar coat it. If they think they are that mighty and lesbians are scum, then what need is there for them?" Said Vinyl. Octavia sniffled.

"B-but that d-doesn't make it h-hurt any less, Vinyl." said Octavia, trying to wipe away her tears, but to no avail.

"I know it doesn't. But I want you to be strong. Because do you know what I want to do? I want them and every lesbian hater that we are not scum. That we are just as talented and deserving of our titles as they are. And I want your support and help on this, Tavi. Because I love you and I won't see you walked on like this." said the unicorn, holding the grey mares chin in her hoof. Octavia smiled through her tears and planted a kiss on Vinyl's muzzle.

"I love you too, Vinyl."

Vinyl opened her eyes, tears wetting the area around them. It was no fair. She told Tavi she would never let anypony walk on her, and yet a pony was able to do more than that. And because of this, she is dead and all he got was life in prison. In Vinyl's opinion, he should be sent straight to Tartarus. Sadly, the princess didn't make good on that sentence, but she did make good on how much the death of Octavia hurt her.

Octavia was one of those few ponies who made friends with the Princesses. She was able to do this when she approached the princesses and the nobles seeking permit to start her school, appearing as a married mare happily married to another. Celestia was impressed by Octavia's confidence while she knew she would be criticized for her sexuality and that the nobles would try whatever they could to make sure she did not get that permit because of this. Despite all that, she still came, even if her own parents who disowned her were part of the group of nobles at that time. Celestia, seeing this mares confidence, passed the permit, officially gave it her own seal of approval, and made sure to check up on the couple to see how their progress was going. She was more than hurt when she found the report on her desk that morning.

In the six years of their relationship, her and Tavi have come so far. They rose as stars in both their genres and as a star couple when they did dual performances. They even made major headlines with their marriage. They created a school larger than Celestia's own school, and helped countless filly's and colts find their talent. Including young Scootaloo who Vinyl had no doubt was destroyed by the news of Octavia's death. She asked where the young filly asked when she came to Ponyville to move her things. Dash said the filly was still taking the news hard and has been in her room since, playing her guitar. No doubt sad songs of pain and lose.

The train came to a slow stop, alerting Vinyl that they had actually made it to Ponyville. Checking to find that she was indeed in the town, Vinyl slipped her large purple shades over her eyes and walked off the train, heading down the cargo cars.

Once she made it to the last car, she stopped before the looming crate with a pit in her stomach. With a sigh, she opened the door to reveal a polished black coffin, a purple treble clef adorning its surface. Vinyl chuckled at all the times Octavia used to tell her to stop staring at her flank. Now, she had the cutie mark memorized enough that she could draw it with her eyes closed. With a sad sigh, she removed it and set it on the platform as she waited for the herse to come pick it up.

"You know Tavi, I find it funny. The posh pony who was able to marry a wild party DJ was the one to die first." said Vinyl with a dark chuckle. "It should have been the drinking mare who would go to the dangerous parts of town for gigs. But it was the saftey cautious mare." Tears slowly spilled down her cheeks.

"I hope that stallion burns for what he did to you, Tavi. We still had so much left. So much to do and all the time in the world to do it. But he stole that. He still you." growled Vinyl, wiping the tears from her face. She smiled sadly.

"I know you want me to dwell over this for long. You would probably be pissed and smack me if I did. I'm going to try and move on, find a nice looking mare and try to settle down with her, keep the school running. Speaking of which, I still need to go through the mountain of cards I got from the kids." Vinyl chuckled. She turned her head and saw the black herse approaching her. She looked back at the casket that held her wife.

"Talk to you again soon, Tavs."
~~~~~~~Ponyville Cemetary~~~~~~~
The Cemetary was always a forbodeing symbol of death to Vinyl. It screamed it. And now, she was in this symbol to pay her respects as a widow, something she would never thought she would need to do. Yet, she is.

Many others, including the two rulers of Equestria, stood in the small town Cemetary, gathered around a single grave. Octavia's black casket hovered above the hole, waiting to be lowered. She stood there, taking in the scene.

Vinyl Scratch wore a dress for the second time in her life. First she wore it for her wedding, now she wore a black dress, the dress of a widow. The wedding band stayed secured around her horn as a reminder that Octavia was still there.

The pony that was previously speaking stopped and motioned for her to walk up onto the platform to say her piece. Vinyl hesitated, looking around at the faces of the school students, princesses, towns people, fans, and friends that surrounded her. She took a deep breath herself before walking up to the platform.

"I knew Octavia my entire life. Starting from this very town, to the time we met again in Canterlot six years ago to the night I kissed her good night and she said she would pick me up in the morning. I used to go everywhere she went and in turn she would follow me." sad Vinyl chuckling a bit.

"I remember when we were teenagers, not even eighteen yet, Octavia's parents hit it big and climbed the society ropes. She moved to Canterlot while the orphan unicorn stayed behind in Ponyville while her best friend moved away.

"I tried to move on but became an addict, an alcoholic, and had drug deals going on behind the clubs I played at. My life fell apart when I lost that venue and was busted for possession. Six years ago, Octavia found me on the streets of Canterlot, skinny, tried, hungry, and trying to kill myself. I was gone."

"Vinyl? Vinyl! Don't!" Shouted Octavia. She followed the seemingly familiar unicorn up the stairs of building to its roof. It was until under the lights of the surrounding buildings that the unicorn resembled the familiar figure of her best friend.

Vinyl's ribs were easily countable from Octavia's standpoint. Her mane and coat were duel and dirty from weeks without being washed. Broken purple sunglasses rested upon her eyes, no doubt some other form of glasses for the near sided unicorn.

Vinyl took a step back from the roofs edge and looked back at Octavia, her tired eyes resting upon her. They were blood shot from either exhaustion or other.

"T-Tavi?" Questioned the mare. The grey mare nodded, her eyes tearing up at her friends state.

"Sweet Celestia, what happened to you Vinyl?" Asked Octavia, shaking her head. Vinyl scrunched up her nose and yanked it back at the city behind her.

"Fucking Canterlot happened. It took the one pony I loved, it took my money, my life, my strength. It left me with nothing. Hell, I can bet you if one more body showed up on the street they wouldn't pay it much mind." said Vinyl with a snort.

"Pony you loved? Vinyl, you don't mean..."

"That I love you? Yeah, I do. But what does it matter? I'm an ex-addict, Tavi. I was just released a few weeks ago from rehab. I mean, who the hell would want a washed up DJ like me?" Asked Vinyl, chuckling darkly as she took a step towards the edge. Octavia's eyes went wide.

"I would!" She shouted, causing the white unicorn to freeze mid-step. She looked up at Octavia with wide eyes. "I would to love to have a washed up DJ like you to hold and be held. I don't care if you used to do drugs. I-I just don't want to see you jump because you think no pony loves you, because I do, Vinyl. Please, don't jump." pleaded Octavia, crying. Vinyl stared at her, her own eyes tearing up.

Stepping away from the edge, Vinyl approached Octavia and brought her into an embrace, crying into her shoulder.

"I love you, Tavi." whispered the unicorn, tears streaking down her eyes.

"I love you too, Vinyl." said Octavia, stroking her mane.

"She took me in, cleaned me up, gave me a home and got me back on my hooves. We dated for one year, engaged for another, and the past four were as mare and wife." Vinyl took that moment to take in a deep breath and wipe away her tears, trying to collect herself.

"I-I never really told her how much it meant for her to take care of me the way she did. I know I told her that I loved her, that I cared for, and I proved that multiple times, but I don't feel like I expressed my graditude enough to the one who s-saved me." said Vinyl, wiping away more tears. Vinyl Scratch wiped away what she could and stepped down from the platform.

For the next two hours Vinyl sat through ponies paying their respects to her late wife and the occasional condolence. It was painful to sit through, but the presence of Dash was comforting, her cyan wing holding onto her tightly. Vinyl allowed her head to fall onto the cyan shoulder, her normal glasses sliding slowly down the bridge of her nose.

Finally, after burying the casket, Vinyl now sat in front of the gray gravestone with Rainbow Dash and Scootaloo on either side of her. A single bouquet of roses sat on the dirt. Vinyl took in a shaky breath.

"I guess this is it for now, Tavi. I got to look for work, rebuild my life, run the school. I-I won't be alone with this, you know. I know that y-you will always be here, a-and I have Dash to watch over me. I-it will be nice." Vinyl wiped away her tears and stood. "Good-bye, Tavi. I love you."

Author's Note

That's right, I rewrote it. It's longer and more detailed than the original. Shortly after this is up, I might have an epilogue posted.

Epilogue - Moving Forwards

Vinyl groaned in her sleep, clinging tighter around the furry object in front of her. Images of a grey mare flashed before her minds eye as her dreams faded away into the waking world. Vinyl clung tighter to the object as if it would bring the mare back.

"Tavi..." muttered Vinyl, nuzzling into the object. The object chuckled, a pleasant feeling for Vinyl as the smooth fur massaged her face.

"Nope. Want to try again?" Asked a female voice, a little scratchy. Vinyl chuckled herself, finally starting to wake up.

"Hmm, smart ass tone, firm ass, soft wings.....Dash?" Asked Vinyl, opening her red eyes to the world. The cyan Pegasus laughed.

"She does remember my name! I might not be a cellist but I like to think I'm a good pick." said Rainbow Dash with a smirk. Vinyl reached up and bopped her on the head.

"Maybe. You can prove yourself by not cooking breakfast this morning." said Vinyl, sitting up with a yawn. "Sweet Celestia, it's early." Rainbow's eyes widened. For some reason, saying that seemed to have a reaction that would certainly. Vinyl caught this and smirked.

"You little b-" Rainbow was cut off by a heavy guitar chord, causing Vinyl's ears to splay back and the mare to hum peacefully.

"Hmm, Invisible Kid. A good song, to say the least." said Vinyl as Scootaloo went into another measure of the song. Vinyl stood and walked over to the wall. Banging on it three times.

"Alright, squirt, we got her." said Vinyl. The music stopped, letting Rainbow release her ears.

"You two planned this?" Asked the cyan mare in disbelief. Vinyl grinned as her glasses, a simple black rimmed pair, floated onto her nose.

"And this, babe, is why you don't prank me." said Vinyl, pecking the mares cheek as she trotted past. Rainbow blushed and followed.

"Did Tavi ever have to put up with this?" Asked Dash, shaking her head as she followed Vinyl down the stairs of the ground home. Vinyl chuckled.

"She threw me off the bed to wake me up once. In return, I set up my speakers next to her bed and turned the volume up all the way. Poor mare was deaf for ten minutes." said Vinyl, chuckling with a sad look in her eyes. Rainbow saw this and wrapped a wing around her.

"You know what day it is, right?" She asked. Vinyl took a deep breath and nodded.

"I do."

"Then go. I think it could do some good." said Dash, pushing her forward with her muzzle. Vinyl nodded.

"A-Alright. Just stay away from cooking." Rainbow rolled her eyes.

"No promises!" She called out to Vinyl as the mare walked out the door.

~~~~~~~~~

The morning air was cool as Vinyl made her way towards the streets of Ponyville towards the Cemetery. The clouds over head helped add on to the foreboding feeling of her trip. Leave it to the weather team to create a depressing day of today of all days.

Vinyl chuckled darkly at the irony of the weather. Of all the days, it was this one. It matched her current mood however. Gloomy.

Walking through the cemetery, Vinyl's eyes looked at all the graves of ponies that occupied this stretch of earth, some far longer than others. One stretch of earth, however, was what acquired her attention. A gravestone with a treble clef adorning it.

"Morning, Tavs. It's, uh, been awhile. My new marefriend had me come out here. I guess I was just afraid of seeing you again. Why, I have no damn clue. Just was. But, you know, I'm here.

"I've been dating Rainbow Dash for the past three months. She's been good to me, comforting me after I lost you. I forgot to tell you this but your parents never did show. They were absent from the funeral and came to the school a month after. I asked how they were dealing with your death. You know what they said? They asked why they should care. They only came down to try and take the school, saying it wasn't under my name and that I wasn't fit to even handle the workload because I was a widow and a fucking filly fooler. You should have seen the black eye your mother left with." Vinyl chuckled.

"Back to, um, Dash and Scoots. Scootaloo is doing well. I've taken her under me considering I was always more reversed in the modern music than you. I remember when you surprised the crap out of the filly and played Metllicolt on an electric guitar! We laughed so hard at her face.

"She actually has a gig later tonight. I actually heard talk that Metalicolt was keeping an eye on her,impressed. I haven't told her. Wait for them to show at a gig, ya know. She has been working hard and it's amazing what she could do.

"Then we have Dash. She was flirting with me off and on after I got settled down. She said it wasn't meant to do anything but you know that really didn't work out. Three months. Nine months of recovery.

"I won't lie and say I don't miss you. I do. But, it's been getting better. Might even get hitched again if this keeps going, ya know. Hope life is more forgiving with this one." Vinyl chuckled and wiped a tear away. "I miss you, Tavs."

"You ready to go?" Vinyl jumped to see Rainbow walking up to her, a sad look on her face. Vinyl looked back at Octavia's grave before nodding.

"Yeah, yeah I'm ready. You better have some way to make up for me coming out here and crying my eyes out, Dash." Rainbow chuckled and smacked Vinyl's flank with her tail.

"I can find a few things to make up for it." said Dash with a wink, making Vinyl blush.

"She is also more feisty than you." mumbled Vinyl, shaking her head as she followed the mare. Moving forward from her past.

Author's Note

Well, odd shipping but a shipping no less. DashxEverymare! Anyways, a nice little way to wrap up this little sad fic.