One Giant Quarrel

by Herculean

Rating: everyone
Tags: Main 6, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Human, Romance, Comedy
Length: 8304

One he-giant and one she-giant have had a falling out of sorts. The citizens of Ponyville find themselves in the midst of this destructive lover's quarrel.

Giants: tall creatures with massive hands and short tempers. They spend most of their time stomping around the badlands hunting dragons for sport, but on a rare occasion the odd giant will wander close to pony civilization. Little is known about their social tendencies, but today Ponyville has learned something new: giants can have violent, earthquakyous, town destructifying break-ups.

Now a he-giant refuses to leave the Town Hall and a she-giant has made a temporary home at in Sweet Apple Acres' apple orchard. Somepony must do something before the pair eats all the cows, causes every couple in Ponyville romantic problems, and destroys the rest of the town. Twilight Sparkle and friends step up to the plate, but are their feelings on this issue aligned?

Published 2013-12-05 17:00:05 UTC
Last updated 2013-12-05 17:00:05 UTC

I: One Giant, Two Giant, Red Giant, Blue Giant

I: One Giant, Two Giant, Red Giant, Blue Giant

The citizens of Ponyville watched the Golden Oak Library soar across the afternoon sky. A few books fell from the windows like the unwelcome drops of midday precipitation. The library had only ever been uprooted on a few earlier occasions, and none of those days had been good ones. On top of that, the library usually just took a short, vertical flight before re-rooting itself. This unscheduled trip to the other side of Ponyville was an extra cause for alarm for the citizens of Ponyville, who had already been considering their options for fleeing when the tremors started a few minutes ago. Any thoughts of returning home to pack a few odds and ends before leaving were put to rest when a guttural, primal cry erupted from the origin point of the library. Everypony decided just to tuck their tails between their legs and take to their hooves before another airborne establishment could chance to flatten them.

Meanwhile, at the liftoff site of the library which was once it's resting place, Twilight Sparkle stood staring with her eyes bugged wide open and her jaw dropped clear past the topsoil. Even if she could attempt to verbalize what was going on in her head, she felt too confused, amazed, impressed, startled, violated, and speechless to come up with a solid reaction to what just happened and what was now happening. There was a part of her that was relieved to see the he-giant managed to completely miss the she-giant with her house. On the other hoof, had the he-giant succeeded he would not be now reaching for the house across the street from where Twilight used to live to wrap his enormous, tree sized arms around the domicile.

With one more cry of anger, the he-giant ripped the house from its foundation and hoisted it over his head as if he were plucking a turnip. He then took that turnip and chucked it at the only other giant for miles around. The throw was not near as impressive as the hammer-throw that sent the library packing, but a house being smashed into the ground was a fantastic sight to see and noise to hear. The she-giant managed to back step enough to avoid being part of the wonderful explosion of brick and wood that resonated with a crash for everypony who hadn't made it to the edge of town yet to hear. Twilight just kept on gawking.

The she-gaint wasn't near as muscle-bound as her male counterpart, but she had strength enough to pluck a streetlamp from the ground like a daffodil to hock it at his head. Her aim proved to be a bit better, managing to nail him right on the nose protruding from the black bush of his face. The he-giant roared in pain while the she-giant stuck out her tongue and blew a raspberry that made Twilight's ribcage rattle.

The throwing of large objects ceased for a while so the pair could engage as what could only be described by an outsider as a shouting match. The he-giant would yell in some jumbled up semblance of language while repeatedly thrusting a meaty finger at the she-giant. She would in turn throw her hands down and scream at him in the same gibberish in a pitch that would have shattered nearby windows if the previous rubble flying about and violent tremors hadn't already broken them all.

The argument "ended" with one final roar of anger from the he-giant. Based on her change in facial expression, the she-giant recognized this as a precursor to more violence. Sure enough, the he-giant took to his massive, hairy heels and sprinted towards her. The she-giant responded by turning about and sprinting in the opposite direction. They shook the earth as they left the scene of their destruction to go cause some fresh calamity while Twilight Sparkle's eye twitched once before she continued staring into the empty space they left.

The chase was on between the two giants. The she-giant proved to be more lithe and agile than her pursuer, vaulting over houses and making the tight turns around the streets of Ponyville; however, whenever she went over a building the he-giant went through it and whenever she made a sharp turn the he-giant lost his footing and would have to roll over into a building to break his fall. The he-giant never got too far behind the she-giant and the she-giant never managed to keep the he-giant from catching up, but Ponyville was the real loser in this race. Neither giant seemed to care or notice all the little ponies galloping about around their toes. It was a miracle nopony got stepped on.

The tide of the chase turned when the she-giant took a big misstep and ended up with her foot through a roof that wasn't as sturdy as it looked. She tried to simply lift her foot out, but the damage she had caused had collapsed the house in around her ankle. She reached down with her hands to help dislodge herself from the roof, but the he-giant was still hot on her tail. He took notice of her predicament, but instead of speeding up he slowed down. On his way towards her, he plucked a nice looking house that had thus far been spared any damage and carried it towards the she-giant. She looked up, and seeing him with a tool to smash her with was enough to convince her to double her efforts at moving forward. Her attempts seemed to be in vain, however, as the he-giant arrived within smashing distance with house in hands. He raised it high into the heavens, preparing to spike it down on her. She shut her eyes tight and threw up her arms in defense, ready for impact.

A purple bolt of magic flew out of the streets and struck the he-giant right between his eyes. The sudden flash startled him and his hands slipped, allowing the house to fall straight down on top of him. His head broke through the floor, but the roof held when his head banged against it. The he-giant's shoulders were covered by the walls of the house, making it difficult for him to reach up and remove what was blinding him at the moment.

The he-giant's trouble with the house was the opportunity the she-giant needed. She regained her composure enough to have the sense to give the house holding her foot a few good, swift stomps with her free foot. She knocked the structure holding her down to the ground and ran free. She ran and ran and ran, putting the he-giant and Ponyville behind her.

The he-giant got it into his head that his arms would not free him from his prison, so he instead decided to use his legs too. He got a running start, jumped, and flung himself headlong into the ground. He, unfortunately for Ponyville, didn't see the Town Hall blocking him from the ground, so he smashed right into it. The structure held up surprisingly well, even if the house around the giant's head didn't. The giant's head, however, apparently suffered a bit more than the he-giant anticipated. He staggered a few times before finally taking an earth shaking seat in the hole he'd made in city hall with his head. He sat there in a daze, barely moving and hardly thinking.

With one giant out in the hills and another giant down for the count, the peace of Ponyville returned to the pieces of Ponyville still left. Curious onlookers began to crawl out of the wreckage, wondering what had brought upon the giants and their destruction. Ponies wandered back in from the safety of out of town, wondering if the coast was clear. Only a few ponies dared to head towards the town center, where half the cause of the destruction lay sleeping.

"Still angry?" Rarity asked, levitating a little more rubble out of her way. She threw a skyward glance at Rainbow Dash patrolling the sky above her. The pegasus looked down at the giant, who hadn't moved too much in the past half-hour. By all appearances, he was asleep. Of course, Rainbow Dash didn't quite have the courage to fly down and check for herself.

"No, he's still just sitting there," Rainbow Dash called down to her unicorn friend on the ground, who was busying herself with clearing a path towards the giant.

"Not the giant," Rarity called back up. She turned her head and looked towards the alicorn in question. "I mean Twilight."

"Yeah, she's still steamed," Rainbow Dash replied, glancing back at her barely airborne friend. Rarity had offered to blaze a trail for her through the rubble, but the incensed Twilight Sparkle insisted on going to the giant as the crow flies. Unfortunately, crows fly much better than Twilight Sparkle can. Between frantically flapping her wings and the heat in her face, she was managing to stay airborne.

"When I get my hooves on him, he'll pay for what he did!" Twilight thunked her two front hooves together to demonstrate what she wanted to do to the he-giant's head, but the action threw off her flight for a few moments. When she managed to realign and prevent herself from becoming one with the rubble below her, she continued her threats. "I'm going to write Celestia and get the entire royal guard down here! He'll wish he'd never come to Ponyville! He's gone up against the wrong Princess, I'll tell you that. I wasn't finished reading those books!"

"It's always books with you," Rainbow Dash said with an added eye roll. She darted back towards her friend and tried to help her along through the air. Twilight grabbed Dash's back hooves and more or less allowed herself to be towed through the air. "What about what he did to Ponyville?"

"When I'm through with him, there won't be anything left to punish for the other damages!" Twilight was lost in her righteous anger, which meant there was no reasoning with her. "Now bring me to him!"

"Are you going to promise not to commit unspeakable acts if I do that?" Rainbow Dash asked, mostly out of courtesy. She knew the answer before Twilight managed to say it.

"I make no promises about that."

"Just let her down, Rainbow Dash," Rarity called up to her friends flying above her. "I doubt she could really do anything anyway."

Rarity had a point. Against a three story tall monster, there wasn't much anypony could do even if they were an alicorn princess and an Element of Harmony. Everypony has their limits. To that effect, Rainbow Dash was getting tired of tugging the flailing princess about. She began the descent down into the clearing around the destroyed Town Hall, right in front of where the giant was taking his respite.

The pair touched down on the edge of Rainbow Dash's comfort zone. She didn't like the idea of giants, creatures that could snatch her out of the sky while standing on the ground. A giant that already had a history of reckless violence was especially frightening, so she waited for Twilight to make the first move. She did a lot of waiting, but the alicorn was just as still as she was.

"Aren't you gonna go teach him a lesson?" Rainbow finally asked. She looked over at Twilight, who looked a lot more at peace than she did a few seconds ago.

"Uh... well... he's a lot bigger when you get this close."

Further conversation was stopped by a sudden shift in the rubble blocking the street behind them. She rocks lifted and moved aside, wrapped in a blue aura. One by one, the jagged stones were cut and placed in a neat arch leading into the clearing. Out of the arch stepped none other than Rarity, who wouldn't have arranged her rubble any other way. She took one look at the giant and knew exactly how she felt.

"Not exactly the most fashion forward creature, is he?" Rarity said, taking her place next to her friends. "Faux fur mantles are so out of date and what are those pants even made out of? And the beard? Simply atrocious. Won't somepony give him a good shave and mane cut before we deal with him? We can use the hair to cover up some of those patches of skin on his chest. What on odd creature..."

"Rarity, I don't think his mantle is made of fake fur," Rainbow Dash said, gesturing towards the cape brown fur draped across giant's back and shoulders.

"And I think his pants are made of hide," Twilight added.

Rarity was taken aback for a moment. She looked the giant up and down, but in a new light this time.

"Oh... my... whatever he got the hide and fur from, it must have been very big." Rarity and company all took a collective gulp. "Oookay, how are we going to deal with this one Twilight?"

Twilight was at a loss. She hadn't really planned much further than using a potato masher to extract her revenge, but she could clearly see that was not a viable option now. This giant was a dormant volcano, ready to erupt again at a moment's notice. All acts of aggression ran the risk of setting him off. If they set him off, mapmakers would have one less town to mark down.

"Diplomacy is our only option. We have to figure out why he is mad and then try and calm him down."

"And how will we do that?" Rainbow Dash asked.

"Well, that's the trouble." Twilight knew everything there was to know about giants, but that wasn't a lot. She knew that giants normally lived deep within the badlands where they hunted and gathered for survival. Aside from other giants, they show little desire for socialization and have historically tried to eat all diplomats sent their way. "Nopony understands the tongue of the giants, and they don't understand us either. Chances are he won't be too keen on talking anyway. If we can somehow show we're here to help, we might be able to communicate somehow... buuuut, there is still another problem."

"What would that be?" Rarity asked. The giant suddenly shifted in his seat and shook the air with a grumble, causing another collective swallowing of nerves.

"There is another giant out there somewhere, and there is a possibility she has something to do with all of this," Twilight tells them, but it doesn't do much to aid their situation. If anything, the fact that they're missing one giant made matters worse. "But we have to deal with what we have... carefully."

"Oh no you don't!"

If there was an aspect to chasing a giant through and orchard armed with only a rope that is dangerous, Applejack had not realized it. She wasn't sure what part of the she-giant she could feasibly lasso, but she continued twirling it nonetheless. Nothing and nopony made a mess in her orchard and got away with it without at least a good talking to, not even Discord.

The she-giant didn't see or hear Applejack behind her. She was just walking along in the orchard, head down and trying to catch her breath now that the he-giant was out of sight and far behind her. Applejack didn't know any of this, but purely based on the three or seven trees she toppled during her walk she sprung into defense mode. The cowpony could tell that hollering after the creature wasn't doing her any good, so a more direct approach needed to be applied.

She galloped ahead of the unaware she-giant. Knowing the orchard like the inside of her hat, Applejack ran until she found the apple tree with the gnarled branch on its side. With trained precision, she threw her lasso around the high branch and pulled her rope tight. The high slope of the line wouldn't have tripped or even tricked a pony with two functioning eyeballs in their head, but the unaware she-giant had feet just the right size to fall for the trap. Underneath the canopy of apple trees, she didn't know what caught her foot when she found herself falling.

The massive creature fell down to the ground, her hair making a fuzzy, red arc. She managed to catch herself, but the landing was not easy. There were apple trees everywhere, poking and scraping her hands upon the hard impact. She jammed her knees on a few trees too, but her thick, hide dress offered up some protection for that part of her body. She stayed on all fours for a couple of moments, not moving.

"Gotcha, ya varmint!" Applejack shouted, circling around to where the giant's face was. For the first time, he pony's little green eyes and the giant's big brown eyes met. The pair stared at one another for a few heated but silent moments. The giant slowly shifted to sitting on her knees and bottom, still staring down at Applejack with an expression Applejack couldn't quite place. It wasn't until the giant opened her mouth and starting wailing at unprecedented volume that Applejack could pinpoint what the she-giant was feeling.

"Applejack! What did you do?" Of all the ponies Applejack could have heard in the unholy din the giant was raising, she did not anticipate hearing Fluttershy. Somehow, the timid pegasus was managing to yell at the farmpony from the air while towing an unwieldy large first aid kid with her.

"She was running loose in the fields! I only tripped her!" Applejack shouted back, trying to justify what she had done. Most of the critters that caused damage to her fields didn't show this kind of remorse. "I had to stop her somehow!"

"You could have tried asking nicely!" Fluttershy turned her nose up with a huff and flew on with her payload towards the she-giant.

"She wasn't much fer talkin'!" Applejack's words were undoubtedly lost in the giant's cries. Feeling a bit guilty no matter what she said, Applejack trotted closer to the giant as well.

Fluttershy set her first aid kid down on top of a sturdy looking apple tree, much to Applejack's chagrin. Before administering some physical first aid, she flew close to the she-giant's face to administer some emotional first aid.

"Aww, there, there. She didn't mean to hurt you so much, it's alright." Fluttershy dared to fly right up to the giant's face and give her a hug on the nose. The giant stopped wailing, mostly out of surprise to find a small creature was holding onto her nose. She crossed her eyes to look at it, but that just made her dizzy. Between the tears blurring her vision and her inability to directly view Fluttershy, she was about ready to swat whatever was on her nose. She didn't get the chance, luckily for Fluttershy.

"See, you're alright. Now, show me where it hurts." Fluttershy flew away from the giant's face and into her field of vision. The curious giant tilted her head and observed the odd creature flying before her. Unsure of what she was faced with, the she-giant reached out with her hand. "Oh, dear! Those look like some nasty cuts!"

Fluttershy swooped out of range before the giant could touch her, but returned swiftly from her first aid kit with a band-aid big enough to mend a house. The giant couldn't make heads or tails of what was going on, which gave Fluttershy the opportunity to put the band-aid over one of the giant's cuts. It stung a little at first, but the she-giant was no stranger to covering cuts with bandages. She recognized the little pegasus's actions ones of care, not aggression.

She waited patiently with open hands while Fluttershy put a few more band-aids over her cuts. All through the treatment, Fluttershy noticed the she-giant making a face like she was trying her hardest not to cry. She had dealt enough with animals to read them very well, and she sensed something more than a few cuts was amiss with this poor creature.

"How's it going Fluttershy?" Applejack asked from the ground. Her shouting was noted once again by the giant, who looked down to see what was going on. Fluttershy noticed that she didn't seem to harbor any aggression in her face towards Applejack, which was a good sign. As good as she was with animals, she wasn't entirely sure she could calm a rampaging giant.

"She looks so sad. Do you know what she's doing here?" Fluttershy asked her friend down below.

"Besides wreckin' my apple trees?" Applejack earned herself a harsh stare from Fluttershy, which told her that now wasn't the time for grudges. "I don't know. She just kinda showed up."

"Giants don't usually leave the badlands. It's awfully unusual to see one."

"Don't you mean 'two'?" Pinkie Pie asked. Somewhere along the line, she had appeared with a nurse's cap inside Fluttershy's first aid kit, which was odd because Fluttershy didn't remember packing Pinkie Pie when she saw the giant from her house.

"What do you mean, 'two'?" Applejack asked from down below, checking left and right to make sure there wasn't another huge giant wrecking her fields.

"You mean there's another one?" Fluttershy asked, wondering if she had enough triple-extra-enormous-band-aid-brand-band-aids for two giants. She might be able to use a clean tablecloth in an emergency.

"Yessiree!" Pinkie Pie answered, casting aside her nurse's cap and bouncing across the trees to land on the she-giant's shoulder. Neither party seemed to mind the presence of the other. "The other giant was being a big meanie, chasing her around and throwing houses at her!"

"Houses?" Fluttershy felt a few beads of sweat form on the back of her neck. House throwing was undeniably rampage behavior. She was definitely going to need more bandages.

"Don't worry, she managed to get away from him," Pinkie Pie told her friends. "He's all the way back in Ponyville sitting around doing nothing, so she's safe now!"

"How is Ponyville?" Applejack dared to ask. Pinkie pondered that question for a second.

"It's been in worse shape." Pinkie put a hoof to her chin and went even deeper into thought. "Sugarcube Corner is still intact. I guess the mean-he-giant didn't wanna throw it because it looks like a giant cupcake and cupcakes don't hurt very much when you throw them at ponies or giants for that matter. Come to think of it, if he gets hungry he might try to eat it because it's a giant cupcake and he is a giant you know!"

"Oh no! He might hurt his teeth!" Fluttershy was not at all equipped to handle giant dentistry. "Oh, this is all just terrible."

"I'll say. The last thing we need is a couple of giants runnin' around Ponyville," Applejack said, her voice getting a little hoarse from all the yelling she was having to do. Her neck was also getting sore from looking up so much. "We gotta figure out what this big gal is doin' so far from home so we can send her and her angry friend on their way."

Fluttershy took another look into the she-giant's eyes. She still looked very sad, but was fighting to hold back her tears. She was somewhere on the crossroad between sadness and anger, or perhaps feeling too much of both to know what to do or how to feel. Fluttershy knew exactly what do to. She flew to where the giant could clearly see her and gave her the warmest smile she could manage.

"What's the matter sweetie? Was that mean giant bullying you?" Fluttershy asked. Not even Pinkie Pie knew where Fluttershy was going with this. "Why don't you tell me all about it?"

Thankfully for Twilight and company, the he-giant didn't seem to care about the three ponies running and flying about his feet. Their shouts for attention had gained a few looks from the giant, who had to lift his shaggy bangs to even get a clear look at the little creatures trying to communicate with him. After a while, though, he lost all interest in them. He was much more interested in using a streetlamp to dig up lines in the street.

Rarity was doing her best to stay out of the giant's way, feeling pretty useless from her position on the ground. It would be unladylike to do too much shouting anyway, especially to something so high up. Meanwhile, Twilight and Rainbow Dash flew around the giant's torso and kept calling for his attention. They weren't having any luck.

"This is ridiculous, Twilight!" Rainbow Dash complained to her tired friend. "Just let me fly up in his face and yank his beard or something. That will get his attention!"

"No, stay away from his face!" Twilight warned the eager pegasus between pants. She wasn't used to this much flying. "We don't want to irritate him!"

"Well, I think he needs to be irritated!" Without waiting to be stopped by Twilight, Rainbow Dash darted up towards the giant's face. She didn't tug on his beard because the hair looked so dense and curly that she was afraid of getting tangled up inside it. Instead, she settled on just shouting at the giant. "Hey! Big guy! We wanna talk to you!"

The giant kept his eyes on the ground and his work. Rainbow Dash didn't note even the smallest reaction from him, but then she heard something. She heard a noise like the rushing of wind somewhere to her right. One glance was all she needed to note that there was a hand coming straight at her. She beat the air with her wings and took the quickest route out: up.

She watched the giant swat the air where she had been as if he were batting away an annoying fly. She watched him as he continued to scratch away at Ponyville's street with his improvised writing tool. From up high, the lines almost looked like there was some kind of order to them. Curious, Rainbow Dash flew up higher and higher. She hovered right over the center of the giant's drawing and rotated until it looked like something.

It took her a few seconds, but she could clearly see what the giant was drawing. She dove back down to earth, with a good idea what the giant's problem might be. She dove down, and down until she arrived to where Rarity and Twilight were worriedly awaiting her arrival.

"Rainbow! Are you alright?" Rarity asked. "He almost flattened you!"

"Was that really worth it?" Twilight glared at Rainbow with righteous anger, but she wasn't aware of the question's answer.

"It was, Twilight. I know exactly why the giant is upset!" she said, confident enough to make her companions believe her. "He might be tearing up the streets, but he's drawing a picture!"

"A picture of what?" the unicorn and ex-unicorn asked at the same time.

"It wasn't a masterpiece, but I'm pretty sure it was a picture of two giants with a big heart around them," Rainbow Dash told them, but her answer was met with skepticism.

"How does that help us figure out why he's angry?" Rarity asked.

"Are you suggesting he's upset because he's lovesick or something?" Twilight was having trouble believing that theory. "I don't think giants do that kind of thing. Besides, he didn't seem awfully taken with that she-giant he was chasing around." Twilight's statements caused Rainbow Dash put a hoof to her chin and puzzled for a moment, but she came up with a response awfully quick.

"Maybe they had an argument." It was a simple suggestion, but a fair one to make. The three mares turned their attention back to the giant, who was still scratching the ground. He paused, for a moment, and gave his work a good look over. Suddenly, he became very cross and roared at his picture as if it had insulted him somehow. He set to frantically scratching the image away with his stick, but soon tossed it aside in favor of stomping it out with his bare feet. The whole town shook with tremors until he was satisfied with his destruction. Still looking quite peeved, he rocked the town once more as he sat down with a crash back onto Town Hall.

"I think you might be onto something Rainbow Dash." Twilight wasn't sure what to do with a pair of giants having relationship issues. She hadn't really ever had romantic issues, so she didn't have a lick of experience in the area. She turned to the only pony she thought might be able to help out. "Rarity, any idea on what to do?"

"Well, just one." Rarity looked around for a few moments before putting a ponderous hoof to her mouth. She turned to Rainbow Dash and dished out some orders. "Go find out where the she-giant is. We'll need to get the two back together."

"I don't know if that's a good idea," Twilight said in earnest warning. "The last time they were together, Ponyville suffered."

"I didn't mean in a physical sense, Twilight," Rarity told the princess. "I mean we have to get these two giants to put their argument behind them and get back to being in love!"

"And what makes you think that's better than arguing?" Rainbow Dash asked.

"Together is always better than alone, Rainbow Dash," Rarity answered with a toss of her mane and a flick of her tail. Rainbow Dash was in no more of a position to deal with relationship issues than Twilight, so she decided to trust Rarity for the time being. "Now, go find the she-giant so we can figure out how to get them to kiss and make up."

Rainbow Dash saluted and flew off, completely unsure of where exactly she could find a runaway she-giant. That left Rarity and Twilight alone with the fuming he-giant.

"Mhmm... yes... mhmm." Fluttershy continued smiling and nodding. Applejack and Pinkie Pie just watched her, at least they did their best to watch her. Seated in the palm of the she-giant's hand, it was hard to see around the giant's fingers from down on the ground. The she-giant herself was seated cross-legged on the ground, but even that was too high. The two earth ponies were left to wait on the ground while the she-giant talked on and on in her strange tongue to Fluttershy.

At long last, the she-giant lowered Fluttershy to the ground, who hopped off and joined her friends back on terra firma. The giant got down close to the ground too, leaning forward onto her hands to get a better look at the relatively small ponies. She neither smiled nor frowned, but watched them with a neutral, yet curious, expression.

"Well, any idea what's buggin' her?" Applejack asked. "She talked an awful lot."

Fluttershy smiled gently and tilted her head to the side. "I didn't understand a word she said."

"Great, so what was the point of all of that?" Applejack shot a glance over to the giant, who was staring back at her with wide eyes. "Is she gonna leave or what?"

"Oh Applejack, can't she stay here for a while?" Fluttershy asked, but her friend could only drop her jaw in response. "She sounds very upset. I think she might... well, need someplace to cool off for a while."

"No... no, no, no, no!" Applejack quickly retorted. She grabbed both of her friends around the necks and pulled them into a huddle. "Now Pinkie, you said there's another giant, right?"

"Yup! A big meanie giant," Pinkie replied.

"Then all we gotta do is get the two of them together and they'll go back to Giant-Land or somethin'."

"Uh... hold on a second," Fluttershy said, furrowing her brow with an intense look of concentration. Applejack waited patiently for her to come back with her thoughts on this plan. "Don't you think 'big giant' is a little redundant, Pinkie Pie?"

"Huh? Is it?" Pinkie Pie asks, rubbing her chin with her hoof.

"Well, giants are, uhm, by name... well... big," Fluttershy tried to explain, but the point didn't quite get across to Pinkie Pie.

"Ladies, would you mind focusing?" Applejack tried to call the huddle back into order. Her two friends turned and look at her as if they'd just noticed Applejack was around. "We've got a big problem right now."

"Is that what you're trying to say?" Pinkie Pie asked, turning her attention back to Fluttershy much to Applejack's dismay. "That there can't be a big giant because giants are just always big?"

"Oh, that's it exactly!" Fluttershy smiled and flitted her wings, happy that her friend was able to put it better than she could. "If it's a giant we already know it's big."

"But what about a giant that's big even compared to other giants?" Pinkie Pie raised a valid question which gave Fluttershy pause. This time she put her hoof to her chin and gave it a good thinking about.

"Well... was the other giant big by giant standards?"

"Huh... I don't know," Pinkie Pie said, putting the ticker in her head to work. The situation was complicated for sure. "I can't say I really know what a giant thinks is big..."

"Because a giant is big, right?" Fluttershy was dead on once again, getting a few nods from her friend. "I mean... just imagine how big something would have to be before they thought it was big."

"Wow, that'd be enormous!" Pinkie Pie exclaimed while vainly trying to show how big "enormous" was with her hooves. She stretched and stretched, but it just wasn't in the cards. Instead, she lost balance and fell on her face, but she was back up quick enough.

"I'm serious here!" Applejack shouted. She was fed up with all the antics going on right now. The current predicament they found themselves in called for a lot more decisive action for Applejack. "Are you going to help me get this giant back to town or not?"

"Oh, that's a great idea!" Pinkie Pie shouted right back at Applejack, somehow knocking off her hat with the volume. "We can get the giants side by side and see if the giant in town really is a big giant!"

"That would be nice." Fluttershy turned her back on Applejack with Pinkie Pie, heading towards the she-giant who was still watching them intently. Fluttershy took to the air, causing the she-giant to watch her rise with vast curiosity. "Oh, I just realized something."

"What's that?" Pinkie Pie asked, bounding into a nearby tree and reappearing from out the she-giant's hair. She took a seat on her shoulder and braced herself as the giant stood up.

"The word 'big' could be a reference to how mean he is. He could be a 'big meanie' of a 'giant.' You see?"

"Oooh, yeah! Maybe that's what I meant!" Pinkie said, not at all finding it strange that not even she knew what she meant. As per usual, it seemed nopony knew what Pinkie Pie was on about. Nevertheless, she kept chatting with Fluttershy about syntax while the giant followed Fluttershy back down into town.

Applejack was left with her jaw hanging open back in the orchard. After a few more seconds of processing the situation, she grunted and smacked herself in the forehead with her hoof. It hurt, but it was nothing compared to the pain of busting her brain to figure out how things had gotten out of control.

She did, however, take solace in the fact that the giant was gone now and no further harm would be wrought upon her precious orchard. Resigned to what had come to pass, she heaved a sigh and set to work on repairing the damages.

"Twilight, this isn't getting us anywhere."

"Maybe not, but this is fascinating! Nopony has ever gotten a chance to observe giants up close like this. I mean, look at this! This is groundbreaking stuff!"

"I'm sure it is, but this giant smells bad and I want to go back down..."

The two ponies stood in the palm of the giant, who had finally shown more interest in them since Rainbow Dash left. The mares had originally avoided his grasp, firing magic at his burly hands to try and get him to stop. Magic, however, didn't seem to have an effect. Curious, Twilight allowed herself to be captured. Somehow Rarity got swept up too, and now she could do nothing but watch Twilight conduct experiments on the giant's thumb.

"Nothing I do has any effect on him! Just watch!"

The thing was, Rarity had been watching. Twilight would do some spell and it would strike the giant's thumb and disappear. Rarity didn't care anymore. She just wanted Rainbow Dash to come back with the she-giant already.

"This is astounding!" Twilight said for probably the billionth time. "Is it possible that giants have some kind of natural resistance to magic? Is it hereditary? Evolutionary? Dietary?"

"Or maybe he's an enormous giant and you're spells are teeny-tiny," Rarity mumbled. The giant's hand moved and she stood completely still. Rather than go down, they were headed up again towards the giant's head. Twilight didn't seem to mind the ride, but then again she had wings. There was only enough room for the two mares to stand shoulder to shoulder if they didn't want to stand on the very edge, so every time the giant's hand even twitched Rarity was sure she would topple off.

"Hello there!" Twilight greeted the he-giant once again. His face remained passive as he stared at them. "We mean you no harm!"

"Yes, I'm sure he was absolutely terrified we might hurt him," Rarity said, but she still didn't dare to move a muscle. At any second, this giant could decide to have a little snack. She kept still, not even moving her eyes. She read somewhere that predators won't attack you if you don't struggle; it takes the fun out of it or something crazy like that.

The giant poked Rarity with his finger, making her scream. He retracted his finger and she stopped. He poked her again, achieving the same result. He repeated this several times, doing some experimenting himself apparently. Twilight made no move to help, but instead watched with captivated interest.

While this was going on, a slight rumbling could be heard in the distance. Once the group became aware of it, the two ponies and one giant turned their heads to see the she-giant following two pegasi through town.

The he-giant got up from his seat and started moving towards the she-giant. On his way, he placed Twilight and Rarity on a random rooftop. He stood by, waiting for the she-giant to approach him. When she came, Fluttershy and Rainbow Dash joined their friends on the roof. Pinkie Pie jumped down from the she-giant's shoulder onto the rooftop, smiling from ear to ear.

"Let's get this party started!"

"We're not here to party, Pinkie," Twilight reminded her. "Did Rainbow Dash tell you the plan?"

"I guess so," Fluttershy answered. "We thought of the same thing, kind of. I just hope they can work it out."

"It's up to them," Twilight said, looking up at the massive creatures. The others watched too, waiting for the giants to break the ice.

In significantly quieter tones than earlier, the two began to converse. Neither smiled or talked very animatedly, but they talked. Nopony could tell if they were exchanging apologies, asking questions, or commenting on the weather. Whatever they spoke of, they spoke civilly. Voices weren't raised and blows weren't exchanged; however, they made very little eye contact. The she-giant did most of the talking while the he-giant listened, fists clenched at his sides. After a good five minutes of talking, they stopped.

The she-giant reached behind her neck. She grabbed something with both hands and pulled, after which a snap was heard. She produced the biggest necklace anypony had ever seen and handed it over to the he-giant. It was a relatively simple thing, really just a string with a kind of charm hung from it. He took it, and without another word the she-giant turned around and headed back to Sweet Apple Acres. The he-giant stared down at the necklace in his hands in silence.

That concluded the giants' conversation.

"So... what just happened?" Rainbow Dash asked, but her friends shared her confusion except for Rarity. One look at her was enough to tell she was distraught.

"Oh... my... this isn't good..."

The he-giant took the necklace and tied it around his own neck. He turned back around and returned to his "chair."

"No, this is not good at all," Rarity said, turning to the rest of her friends. "I know you're all a little wet behind the ears when it comes to relationships, but when a mare returns a gift like that to a stallion it's normally symbolic of breaking up."

"They weren't broken up before?" Rainbow Dash asked, wetter behind the ears than most.

"Not officially." Rarity knew the logic wasn't as sound as it could be, but when you bring love into any situation things get weird. "Sure, he threw a few houses at her in a fit of rage, but they could work through it if they tried. Now that they've taken the time to discuss why he was throwing houses in a calm, rational setting, but it seems there is something else in the way of getting them to move forward. Now that they know they can't move forward, they will go their separate ways."

"Aww... that's so sad." Fluttershy started tearing up. "I-I always cry a-a-at these pa-a-arts in mo-o-ovies..."

"Well, problem solved anyway, right?" Rainbow Dash said. "Now they won't fight anymore!"

"Our problems aren't solved yet, girls. We've still got a situation here," Twilight said, gesturing over to where the he-giant was seated. "They may have sorted out their relationship, but they aren't leaving. The she-giant is going back to Sweet Apple Acres and the he-giant is still here in Ponyville. The point of getting them together was so they would leave together."

"Well, they should leave, right?" Rainbow Dash asked. "Why stay here after breaking up? Shouldn't they go home?"

Nopony in the group had an answer for that question. Whatever the issue was between these two creatures, it ran deeper than they could see. It would help a great deal if they could understand what was being said, but that was out of the question entirely.

"I don't think our original theory is wrong," Twilight said. "Our task might be a little more difficult now that they've broken up, but I still think getting them back together will convince them to leave. We don't want to giants taking up residence in Ponyville. I mean, who knows what they'll do! If things get out of hoof, Ponyville could get in a lot of trouble. As a Princess of Equestria, I feel it is my duty to make sure the citizens are safe from this threat. I can't do it on my own, so I'd like to ask all of you for help. What do you say? Want to help me get these giants back together?"

Twilight extended a hoof to her friends and smiled. The four mares just kind of stared at her.

"... I don't know Twilight. That she-giant was kind of a jerk to the he-giant," Rainbow Dash said. "She gave that thing back to him. I say he's better off without her."

"Excuse me." Rarity shot a angry look at the colorful pegasus. "He was being a total brute to that poor girl. I don't care what they were arguing about, but she obviously deserves somepony better than him!"

"She shouldn't have made him so angry that he had to throw stuff!" Rainbow Dash instigated a full on debacle with Rarity. The two faced each other and got nose to nose. "The guy is a total wreck after what she did! If she wants to leave, then good riddance."

"I can't believe you're on his side!" Rarity retorted. "That girl did nothing wrong, but he nearly killed her! Oh, it figures you would side with him."

"What's that supposed to mean?"

"Oh, nothing." Rarity decided not to let things descend into petty insults. Now wasn't the time for that. "We don't need to get them back together, we just need to show them they're just fine on their own."

"But, they were in love!" Fluttershy said, getting between the two arguing ponies. "We can't just let her give up on him. Oh, we need to help her find it in her heart to forgive him."

"But what about the he-giant?" Pinkie Pie asked. "He remodeled a lot of houses trying to hit her with one. If anypony needs to apologize, it's him!"

"Nopony needs to forgive anypony else!"

"They looked so sad..."

"No, it's out of the question!"

The four continued bickering and bickering and Twilight felt powerless to stop them. She looked back at city hall, to where the he-giant was staring motionlessly at the sky. She looked towards Sweet Apple Acres, where the she-giant had already moved out of sight. She looked back at her friends. The giants had argued and separated, and now it looked like their turn.

"Fine, do what you guys want!" Rainbow Dash took to the air. "I'm going to convince the he-giant to leave on his own!"

"Wait, Dash!" Twilight shouted after her, but it was no good. Already, the others were leaving too. "Girls, we need to come up with a plan together!"

"Well... maybe it's for the best, Twilight," Rarity said."We'll divide and conquer, alright? Fluttershy and I will work on the she-giant while Pinkie Pie and Rainbow Dash try to reason with that barbaric he-giant."

"Okay, if that's what you all think is best." Twilight wasn't of that mindset at all, but she was outnumbered. The situation was already out of her control as it was.

"Don't worry, Twilight. I'm sure we'll figure this out," Fluttershy told her friend, giving her an assuring smile. "The he-giant and she-giant can't stay mad forever."

"Yeah!" Pinkie Pie shouted, bouncing up and down on the roof. "He'll-giant will she-giant the truth and she'll-giant want him-giant back!"

"Right... they need names," Twilight said after listening to Pinkie Pie's thoroughly nonsensical statement. "If we keep calling them he-giant and she-giant or him and her we're going to go nuts."

"How about Smashy and Crashy since they like to destroy towns?" Rarity suggested, bearing just a bit of animosity for what the giants had done to Ponyville.

"How about He-giant and She-giant since they're giants and one is a girl and one is a boy?" It was unclear if Pinkie Pie had been paying attention to anypony other than herself. "Or maybe Bonnie and Clyde? Jessie and James? Abbot and Costello? Adam and Steve? John and Jane?"

"Pinkie Pie, are those even names?" Twilight had to ask as her suggestions started getting especially weird.

"Well, how about Flute and Drum?" Fluttershy suggested. Her friends all collectively stared at her. "I mean, well, she's really long winded and he makes noise by hitting things. It just... made sense to me I'msorrydon'thurtme!"

"No, Fluttershy, I think those will actually work," Twilight said, repeating the names again under her breath. "Alright, for the time being the he-giant is Drum and the she-giant is Flute. Whatever we decide to do, our main goal is to keep them from going on another rampage. Think of ways to convince them to head home, but don't make them angry! Got it?"

"Got it!"

Even if Twilight was opposed to it, she let her friends free to deal with the problem how they saw fit. Rarity and Fluttershy headed to Sweet Apple Acres while Twilight accompanied Pinkie Pie to Town Hall. Between all of her friends, they had to come up with a solution somehow. Twilight hung on to this hope because right then it was all she had to hang on to.

Applejack the last of the broken branches into her barrel. She sighed and looked about at her work. She had managed to clean up the mess, but there was no telling what kind of long term damage had been done at the moment. She began pushing the barrel back towards the barn with her head, fuming from today's unexpected complications. She hoped to Celestia that she would never see another giant as long as she lived.

"Um... Applejack?"

"What is it Big Macintosh?" Applejack kept her head down and kept pushing, not bothering to look up at her brother as she passed him by.

"We have a... problem."

"And what might that be?" Applejack lifted her head and turned towards her brother, at least she tried to. Looking up, she didn't see him anywhere. It sounded like he was somewhere between her and the barn before her, but the large stallion had somehow vanished.

"Up here."

Applejack looked up and finally spotted her brother being dangled by a large hand gripping his yoke between its index finger and thumb. Flute was crouched around the side of the barn, holding Big Macintosh out in front of the barn door for Applejack to see. The mare looked up at the giant looking down at her. Flute jangled Big Macintosh around a bit, as if to bring attention to him. When Applejack made no move to do anything, Flute furrowed her brow and shook him a bit more violently.

Applejack did not understand. She didn't understand anything.