Chapters "Ready to go, Silvy?" My Ponyville BFF Diamond Tiara shot me a cheesy grin. We used to hate each other for the stupidest of reasons, but she had apologized and we had been best friends for about two weeks. And now her chauffeur was taking us to La Luxe Spa for our three thirty appointment.
I pushed my saddlebag farther up my shoulder and smiled back at her. "Absolutely."
We climbed into the diamond-encrusted pearl cart and DT's chauffeur drove us to the spa. It was a block away from DT's mansion, I believe.
"Hi!" An all-purple pegasus mare gave us a thin-lipped smile. "Welcome to La Luxe spa! It'll be about a ninety-minute wait before you get your treatments."
"Actually, I have a reservation." Diamond Tiara told the mare. "It's under 'Rich'."
"OK...then a two-second wait! Follow me to your spa caretaker, Miss Lotus." The mare led us to a blue mare with a gorgeous rose colored mane.
"Good afternoon, Diamond Tiara!" Lotus said.
DT must come here a lot, I thought. Judging by the fact that Lotus knows her name.
"And friend..." Lotus trailed off, giving me a sideways look.
"Lotus, this is my BFF, Silver Spoon." Diamond Tiara said.
Lotus gave me an up-and-down look, then half-smiled and nodded. "Nice to meet you."
"You too." I said.
"DT, you're here for a mane wash, a facial, and a hooficure, am I correct?" Lotus asked my BFF.
"Yep." She answered.
"OK, then. Follow me to the shampoo bowls, where you'll meet my assistant and sister, Aloe." Lotus led us to the bowls and we met Aloe, a pale pink mare with a sky blue mane. She had the same water lily blossom cutie mark as Lotus.
My first time at the La Luxe Spa was SO luxurious. Me and DT sat in the third and fourth shampoo bowls and we got our manes shampooed and conditioned. And get this! We even got our choice of shampoo with matching conditioner!!! I chose Paris Amour shampoo and DT chose Island Nectar. I was looking at her choice but I didn't want it because it reminded me of how my parents were vacationing in Butterfly Island and had dumped me for the entire school year.
The beauticians scrubbed the shampoo HARD into my blue-gray waist length mane. When they were done, they washed it all out and squeezed in the conditioner. The conditioner was a little harder to get out, but all the while I relaxed, enjoying the delicious smelling, perfume-y conditioner they were washing out of my hair.
When me and Diamond Tiara were done the dried our manes, curled them, and sat us down in the spinning chairs for our hooficure and facial.
Aloe and Lotus curled our manes, and two new beauticians, Miss Roxie and Miss Quake, filed our hooves and finished them off with a clear polish.
When they were all done, Diamond Tiara gave Lotus her AmEx and Lotus gave her a 30% off coupon on all facials and hot baths.
We left the spa feeling more glamourous then usual.
"OK, DT, Fern said I have to be home by six thirty... so I gotta go." I said. DT's cart pulled up.
"That's OK. See you tomorrow, Silvy." Diamond Tiara hopped in the cart, winked at me, and she and the chauffeur drove off.
I jogged home and was there by six fifteen. It was a one and a half mile jog, and a month ago, that would of taken me two hours but that was reduced by a whopping one hundred five minutes.
For overweight humans, losing weight is hard, but in Equestria, food can be scarce sometimes and you could lose one hundred pounds in one and a half months at a maximum. You see, I used to be the fattest pony in Ponyville, but my friend Goody Gumdrops's mom owned a weight loss camp in Canterlot. Starting two weeks ago,every week, she would send me a 10-pack of her home-made magical weight loss bars. They were amazing. Losing weight when I was an morally obese two hundred twenty-five pound filly had been much easier.
Anyway, I got home in fifteen minutes, said hello to Fern(my butler) and Blossomforth the cook.
When I got to my room, I finished my homework, then opened my Cosmo magazine to a VERY intriguing article...
Yep, you guessed it-COLTS!!!!!
The article said:
"YOU AND YOUR SOMEPONY: How To Make Him Fall For You!!!
1.Get Close To Him
Get Him To Notice You- If he's looking at you a lot, that means he's interested. If not, just keep trying.
Laugh- Don't be crazy about it, like laughing at something he says every five minutes.
Interact- Find out what he's doing, and be there doing the same thing. Bond in a sport or activity both of you like.
Make Friends- Talk and hang out with other guys.
Let Him Know You Are There
Talk- Don't be afraid to talk to him. Say hi and goodbye. Plus, ask him how his weekend went, and what he did. Ask him for help on homework, even if you already know how to do it. And tell him about parties, events, and get-togethers you'll be throwing.
3.Be Comfortable Around Him
Be Yourself-Don't blurt out random things like, "What are you doing after school today??" He might think you're a stalker. Just be yourself.
Class-If he sits next to you in class, SCORE! If you're doing a class partner project, ask him to be your partner whenever you can.
Be There For Him-If you can see he has a problem, always be there for him and help him sort it out.
Style
New Clothes-You don't need a whole new wardrobe to get noticed. A few cool new seasonal items will do just great.
Mane-Talk to your stylist about changing up your hair here and there. Would it look better short? Or if you layered it a bit? Consider these things in order to get noticed.
Find more information in our book-Kick It In Tween Style."
Oh my.
That article just gave me THE best advice for getting in good with my long time crush, Strike!!!!!!!
Diamond Tiara used to like him too, before she fell for a colt in her ballet class that didn't go to our school.
But the huge problem is that I just learned that every other filly in our class is crushing on him too! I mean, who wouldn't! That adorable haircut, his dreamy smile, his blue, BLUE eyes...
Anyway! I was saying that all the other girls in my class liked Strike also. I'm gonna have to beat them off with a stick(not really; it's a saying in case you didn't know). He is MINE!! I just KNOW me and my crush are meant to be!
"Recess? Puh-lease." Diamond Tiara said to me as I followed her outside for recess.
"What do you mean?" I asked her. I had nothing against recess time. I ran laps around the park every time and loved it.
"Seriously?? We just got our manes curled yesterday. And I don't want our hooves to get dirty."
I resisted the urge to tell her that we were ponies and we walked on four hooves so they would HAVE to get dirty, but it didn't really seem important.
"Instead, let's spend the forty-five minute recess time at the mall. I used to do it in fourth grade." She said.
"Are you sure? What if we don't come back to school in time?? And won't Cheerilee and the other teachers notice if TWO fillies are missing??!"
"Silvy, do the math. It takes us five minutes to get to the mall from here. And we could spend thirty-five minutes at the mall, and then come back here in five more minutes. And about the teachers, they stay inside grading papers at recess and they're too dumb to notice when a filly or two are gone."
"Then what are we standing here talking for?! Let's head to the mall!!"
As fast as we could(when no one was looking), we ran to the mall. Both me and Diamond Tiara forgot our lunches, so we each got a yummy bowl of corn and daisy-seed soup. Delicious!
After that, we popped inside a swanky jewelry store. I got a new pearl necklace. Sure, I just got a necklace from DT half a month ago, but that didn't matter. Diamond Tiara got five matching gold bangles, and a silver open-up heart necklace.
We got back EXACTLY when the teachers were herding the students in!
We joined the crowd, hoping no one would notice our new jewelry and call us on it. When we got back inside the school house building, we sat down at our seats and stuffed the jewelry in our saddlebags.
Diamond Tiara and I shot each other a worried look from across the room, then turned back to face Miss Cheerilee and slumped down in our chairs, blowing out a long sigh of relief.
*******************************************
"So you're a Cosmo addict now, huh?" DT asked. I'd asked the chauffeur to drop us off at the indoor market. I in the book section, checking out the magazines. I already had a stack of five Cosmo mags, and Diamond Tiara had five.
"I know. Me too." Diamond Tiara continued when she realized I hadn't answered. "They give the best guy advice, huh?"
"Yeah." I said. "It's really cool how these mags only cost one bit each. Let's go check out."
DT gave me the magazines and I went into a checkout lane and gave the clerk ten bits.
"Silvy, I won't be at school on Wednesday or Thursday because I have to go to my Aunt Berry Dreams's wedding in Las Pegasus." DT said, facing me once we got out of the store. "She appointed me to be a flower girl."
"Cool!" I smiled at her as she slid over to give me some space in the cart. "I was a flower girl at my cousin Sugar Plum's wedding. When are you leaving?"
"Tomorrow morning. At seven am."
"Whoa. I'm getting ready for school at that time."
"No worries, Silvy. I'll call or send you a letter once I'm there, OK?"
"Sounds cool."
DT's chauffeur dropped me off at my mansion first where I hugged DT goodbye before she left. I tumbled inside the house with the magazines and galloped up the stairs I swung my saddle bag off my shoulder, flipped onto the bed, and whipped out a magazine. I quickly turned to the colt advice pages. I read them all.
1.Being His Friend
When He Lets You Get Close To Him, Be His Friend At First- There is no such thing as a somefilly who isn't first and foremost a friend.
2.Find The Value In His Opinions And Suggestions
Keep True To Yourself- This does not mean betraying or belittling your own beliefs. Yours are just as important as his.
Listen To What He Has To Say- Always hear him out.
Have Conversations With Him- Attraction often starts when we have a great emotional connection with someone by really bonding with them.
Ask Him About His Background- Like his parents, his foalhood, his siblings. These things are private, so be respectful.
3.No Gossip
Try Not To Say Anything Bad About Him To Friends- No matter how much you trust your friends, if they get mad at you they could go behind your back and tell other foals what you said.
Stick Up For Him If He Gets Teased Or Involved In A Fight- Don't make him wonder if you're his friend make it absolutely clear.
Get Close With His Friends If Possible
Small Talk- it's fine in the beginning, but don't rush it, or it'll seem weird.
5.Start Doing Stuff Together
Group Suggestions- Beach, lake, skate park, football game, amusement park, movies, state fair, or just 'hang out' after school.
When I finished the magazine, I laid on my bed in awe. I would do all those things for Spike unequivocally.
I flopped off the bed and pulled out enough bits to go to the salon. The plan was to skip school tomorrow and instead, get a hot bath, a facial and get my mane done relaxing in a salon chair at the La Luxe Spa.
But enough about that. I had to pick an outfit for school tomorrow. Since I lost all that weight, I could finally fit into a size 15 saddle. Seven sizes more than Diamond Tiara, but what does that matter?
I went into my closet and picked out a blue saddle with pearly white and orange frills. Matching it with my blue fake-pearl necklace, I was set and ready to go.
Wait! I realized that my hair was plain, boring GREY. And Blossomforth claims that she was a hairstylist before she got into baking. And she had some hair dye every color of the rainbow. And I JUST got a salon break, so I couldn't go again so soon.
Hmm... are you thinking what I'm thinking??
Instead of going to the spa tomorrow, Blossomforth could wash and dye my mane!!!!!!!!
Woo-hoo!! It's perfect!!
Am I not BRILLIANT!?!?!?!?
I did what I said I'll do and skipped school on Wednesday. Instead, I asked my cook and former hairstylist, Blossomforth, to dye my mane for me.
"Hi, Blossomforth!" I grinned up at her. She was in the kitchen stirring a yummy-smelling broth. "May you do my hair, please? I would like it washed, conditioned,and dyed. It doesn't have to be in that order, alright? I'll ask my daddy to give you a raise...!" I sing-songed to her.
"Sure, Silver Spoon! I'm done making veggie soup for now." She poured the soup into a plastic baggie and sealed it. "What color would you like it dyed?"
"Pink, please."
"Good choice. It brings out the color in your eyes."
"Change of mind. I'd like my tail dyed, please."
"OK, sit in the spinning chair in the giant bathroom with your tail hanging above the pearl bathtub. I'll bring the shampoo, conditioner, and the pink hair dye in a minute."
I went upstairs to the bathroom and did what she said. Blossomforth soon came and shampooed my tail. She washed it out, then added the dye. She let the dye sit for a bit, then conditioned my tail. When it was all out, the dye stayed in place.
Blossomforth let me turn around to see my tail.
I gasped. My tail wasn't PINK! It was-
I never finished my thought. I screamed and tumbled to the ground.
Then everything went black.
*************************************************
"Silver Spoon. Silver? Are you OK?" Blossomforth said.
I slowly opened my eyes. Blossomforth was looking at me with a concerned look.
"You screamed and passed out when you looked at your tail. I am so, so sorry, Silver Spoon. I accidentally labeled the green dye 'pink' and the pink dye 'green'. An honest mistake." Blossomforth explained.
I looked at my tail and could not BELIEVE the HOT MESS Blossomforth had made of my tail. It was SO not pink. It was green, alright. And not only that, but it was an ugly, queer, dull, bronzy green with streaks here and there of the original gray to heighten the ghastly effect. Never in all my life had I seen ANYTHING as grotesque as my tail at the moment.
"AND IT'S SEMI-PERMANENT DYE!" I hollered. "HOW long is this stuff gonna stay in?!?! HUH?!?!?!"
"The rest of the month," Blossomforth answered coolly.
I saw stars, then, BAM!!!! THAT was the sound of my head hitting the floor again.
********************************************************
I woke up in my bed. I checked my purple digital clock on my nightstand. 11:49 pm.
I had guessed that when I passed out for the second time five hours earlier, Blossomforth put me in the bed. I realized there was a star sticky note on my forehead. I tore it off and read it.
"Sorry!" The note read. A picture of a sad face was next to it. "~Blossom."
"ARGH!" I ripped the note up and tossed the pieces into the recycling bin next to my bed.
Then I fell asleep.
**************************************************************
"How am I supposed to show my face at Ponyville Elementary again?" I sniffed to Blossomforth, and buried my face in my hooves. Which, by the way, fat STILL jiggled off from. "I am NEVER going to live this down!!!!! It's your fault, Blossomforth!!!!!!!!!!!! Can't you read!!!!????"
"Put a dressage bun cloth over it. Nopony will notice." Blossomforth said coolly, oblivious to my temper. "There's a pink leopard-print one on the flower table. It's from my dressage days when I was your age, twenty-five years ago. My dressage team showed in Canterlot and won quite a few competitions. Plus also-"
"Great idea!" I said quickly, before she launched into a story about her old dressage pony ballet days. I'd heard them only one million times. And it's always the same story- Blossomforth started when she was four, met a colt when she was nineteen, got married when they were both twenty-three, but divorced at twenty-four before they even got a chance at having a foal or two. It's all just SO PLAIN BORING!!!!! Ugh!!
Anyway, I grabbed the cloth on the flower table and hoisted my saddlebag onto my shoulder. I told Blossomforth on my way out, "You know, you're smarter than you seem."
When I got to school my tail was in the dressage cloth. A TEENY bit of green showed, but I hoped no pony noticed, or else there went the rest of my popularity! What I had, anyway. In math class, Strike handed me a note.
Oh.
My.
I really, REALLY hoped it said something... romantic, I guess. Like: "Can you be my girlfriend?" OR 'I'll give my right arm to date you!"
But NO such luck!!!! The note said: What's the answer to #6?
I jotted the answer on the back of the paper and gave it back to him.
Strike gave me back a different note, and it said: Thanks so much, Silver Spoon. You have NO idea how much I had struggled with that stupid algebra problem. I keep forgetting the formula for the Pythagorean Theorem as well. Anyway, me and my four friends from the intermediate colts's school are going to Sugar Cube Corner on Saturday night. I'm buying. Would you like to come? It'll give us a chance to know each other better.
OK. THIS is where I fainted. Not really.
I wrote Strike back almost immediately. I wrote: Yes, please! Sounds good! I love that bakery!
My note was casual, but inside, my stomach was doing somersaults and my head went dizzy.
I tried to pay attention in class, but my head was too dizzy to think. I believe I failed my English quiz. I couldn't write.
After school, I tried again to wash the dye out of my tail. It didn't work.
But no time to harp on that now.
I have to pick out an outfit for my "date" with Strike and his buddies!!!
SQUEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
PS-Was I exaggerating a bit? Because I am not really sure...
You see, I used to be BFFs with Diamond Tiara. I was her second-in-command. We ruled the school together with a few other fillies. We had known each other since my first time at the Ponyville Park when I was three years old. Our parents bonded and we played together. We NEVER used to have fights.
Until one day, I saw Diamond Tiara come to school in a brand-new pair of pony-socks. I asked her why she shopped without me and Diamond Tiara got all mad and said that we didn't have to do EVERYTHING together. I said that I thought that was exactly what we did. She screamed, " REALLY?!?! So if I jumped off a cliff, then you would do it too??? HUH?!?!?!?! Is THAT it, Noi??????!!!!!!!!!!! Or if I accidentally got hit or run over by a cart? Or eaten by a manticore?? Would you want to get hit or run over by a cart, or eaten by a manticore also?!? Get real, Noi!!!!!!! You are NOT my blonde clone!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! And I think it's time for you to GROW UP AND GET A LIFE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
Hot tears stung my eyelids, threatening to break through. I buried my head in my hooves. When I looked up, I saw Diamond Tiara stomping towards the classroom. all that day at school, Diamond Tiara had told the rest of the girls how much of a "baby" I was, and they all laughed at me and ignored me if not laughing. I felt horrible.
But not as horrible as I felt when after school that day I saw Diamond Tiara and Silver Spoon.
TOGETHER.
Diamond Tiara wanted to be that fatso's best friend. She even gave the stupid girl the friendship necklace! OUR FRIENDSHIP NECKLACE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Silver Spoon DOES have an enviable pelt, even for Diamond Tiara. But that is NO excuse to drop me!!!!!!
What is WRONG with Diamond Tiara??!! I hadn't done ANYTHING to her, and she and her new friends are treating me like crap.
Diamond Tiara's group does seem to like Silver Spoon as a friend. They give her nice compliments here and there and have conversations about fashion but they don't invite her over for sleepovers and stuff. Thank Celestia.
That time when I'd lost Diamond Tiara as a friend was at least nineteen days ago.
And I've been thinking ever since: Silver Spoon is fat. If I was fat too(fat but fashionable) will I gain my popularity back?
Yes.
**********************************************************************************************
Friday morning I woke up for school at six and made pancakes, which I drenched in butter, syrup, and powdered sugar.
I also packed a great big lunch of five triple chocolate cupcakes, melted butter for a drink, a side of ten sticks of butter, and the main course was six buttered cheddar biscuits.
Throughout the day, blocked out miss Cheerilee's lectures and lessons, and daydreamed about being the fattest and most popular girl in school. And when that happens, no pony would even CARE about Silver Spoon or Diamond Tiara anymore. They'll be too focused watching ME. Fat, fashionable, popular Noi.
Miss C. passed out our math quiz grades today. I had totally forgotten.
C-. That was my grade. But, whatever. No pony's gonna care about my grades when I'm fat and fashionable.
I threw the crap in the trash and when Silver Spoon passed me, I got a sneak at her paper. A-.
When it was time for lunch, I gulped down my food quicker than anyone else did. I felt more bloated than I ever had in my entire life. I knew this getting-obese thing was going to be hard, but I at least had to try.
On Saturday night I decided on a yellow and blue Western saddle. It was girly, but not too girly. I spritzed on lavender perfume and put on my lip gloss. It was called Pink Frosting. It was yummy and tasted just like strawberry butter-cream. And I wanted to taste nice, in case me and Strike......well, you know.
I made sure my tail was tied up in a tight little knot and fastened with a blue dressage cloth that matched my saddle.
It'll be horrible if Strike saw my tail and died.
I took the short walk to the bakery and Strike and all his buddies were inside.
"Silver Spoon!!!!!!!! We're SO glad you came!" Strike smiled at me then pointed at an all-brunette colt. "That dude over there's Caramel Coffee."
Caramel nodded at me and Strike pointed at a blue pegasus colt with a brown mane. "He's Chip Mint."
Chip grinned at me and introduced me to a green colt with a dark blue mane and a brown colt with a beige mane that was the teensiest bit overweight. "Those two are Green daze and Lickety Split."
"Hi guys. I'm Silver Spoon." I smiled at all of them.
"Should we order now? I'm hungry!" Caramel whined.
"I was thinking about getting a banana split to share with Lickety." said Chip Mint.
"I'm getting the caramel latte." Caramel mumbled. "Decaf."
Well no wonder he was called CARAMEL COFFEE.
"Maybe I'll get the matcha green tea chocolate cake." Daze said.
"I'm going to get to get one of their new giant triple chocolate cupcakes. Want to share with me?" Strike asked me.
"It's nice that you thought of me, but no thanks. I'm going to get their whole chocolate cake." I said, smiling.
Everyone jumped back.
"Are you serious?!?!?!?!?!" Lickety cried.
"What's wrong with that? I've been on a diet for a little while, and I want to eat something I enjoy." I shrugged.
"Okaaaaaaaaay...... I'll take our orders." Strike said and rushed off. I heard him order for us, and the mare at the cashier desk said, "Colt, you are one big eater."
Of course she didn't know that it was for all of us.
When Strike came back with our sweets, we carried each of ours outside and ate. Hey, it was October, and it'll start feeling like fall soon, so we had to enjoy the warmth while it was still there.
The guys were all done in half an hour, and I was halfway done with my cake.
"Go, Silver Spoon!" Green Daze cheered. All the other colts joined in.
I was full at that moment, but my new friends's cheers brought a feeling of optimism in the air. I ate another spoonful and finished the whole cake in an hour. By then the guys were screaming and cheering.
"That was cool." Strike whispered to me. "I really go my bits's worth, buying you that cake. The diet thing isn't gonna work. I like fillies that are bigger, fatter."
REALLY?!?!?!
So all that weight I lost was for nothing?!?!
I did it for Strike to like me, and for Diamond Tiara to quit making fun of my weight. Me and Diamond tiara became friends, but what about Strike?? I NEVER would have known he was a fat admirer if it wasn't from what I had done.
From this moment forth, I, Silver Spoon, will put all my sweat and tears into becoming the fattest pony in Ponyville!
WAIT!!!! Forget Ponyville!!! I, Silver spoon, will put all my sweat and tears into becoming the fattest pony in EQUESTRIA!!!!
Plus, using the colt tips from my Cosmo pre-teen magazine, Strike would fall for me, and forget ALL the other fillies that were crushing on him!!!!
When I got home to my mansion I went straight to bed. But I remember getting up at one forty-five in the morning and sneaking down to the kitchen and back up to my room. I had brought back up a whole pack of Twinkies and Ho-Hos, which I devoured in my bedroom before I fell asleep again.
Tomorrow I would let my friends know that I was considering getting fat again for Strike.
I woke up the next day and sat up in my bed. "NO." I thought.
There was no way in hell I was gonna get fat again for Strike. I mean, a guy who is fat fetishism is not worth it.
I put on my glasses and braided my mane. then I put on my purple saddle and walked down the stairs. I was going to go for a stroll around Ponyville.
As I walked throughout the small town, I began to appreciate it more. Once you got over the fact that the ponies squish grapes with their hooves to make grape juice, it was an interesting and reasonable place. I stopped into Sugarcube Corner and ate a strawberries and cream cupcake before I went home. For the entire day, I slept, ate, did my homework and watched TV.
Fifteen days later was a week before the Nightmare Night ball. Everypony was going with a date.But there was only one itsy, bitsy, teensy, weensy, teeny, weeny, little, small problem..............................................................
I HAD SEVEN DAYS TO GET A DATE FOR THE NIGHT MARE NIGHT BALL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
And now THIS was no piece of cake.