Chapters Pokey's Holiday (or Trixie's adventures in Bureaucracy land)
Friday
“And I’m out of here,” announced Pokey Pierce as he watched the last few seconds of the working day tick past on the residence’s clock.
The cry awoke Trixie from the nap she was taking over the desk opposite, “Huh, whatsit?” she mumbled.
“Pokey’s going on holiday, Pokey’s going on holiday,” chanted her assistant as he quickly dumped the various items from his desk into a drawer before slamming it shut with his flank. “A whole week in Mareami, where the sun is hot and the fillies are hotter.”
“Are you sure that’s this week? I’m thought it was next month?”
“Nope my holiday started about a minute ago, look.” The office calendar floated over, covered in a blue aura, and stopped in front of Trixie’s nose. The whole of next week was covered with the words ‘Pokey’s Holiday’.
“You could have added this at any point, it’s not like it's official.”
“Open the holiday book.”
Trixie wandered over to a bookcase and levitated out a small black bound diary, “I don’t even know why we have this thing it’s only the two of us.”
“Because you always forget when I book holidays,”
Trixie opened the book and flipped through to the current date, as with the calendar the next week was marked off as Pokey’s holiday. “I don’t remember filling this in.”
Pokey sighed, “Turn to the next page,” he said.
Trixie flipped over the page and found a small note stating ‘I confirm that I have agreed to Pokey having this holiday’, beneath it was Trixie’s signature. “Still not sure, we both know you sign my signature better than I do.”
“Ok, this is why I had you make me this.” Pokey held out his hoof which contained a small blue crystal, the crystal lit up and a small three dimensional image of Trixie appeared hovering above it.
“Do I really need to do this? I’m sure I’ll remember,” the projection’s voice was high pitched and squeaky. “Fine,” it cleared its throat, “I, the Great and Powerful Trixie, confirm that Pokey Pierce has the next week off on holiday.” The image looked up at the real Trixie and continued in a sotto voice, “Sorry, future me. He made me do this.”
Trixie looked up from the hologram as it shut off, “I remain unconvinced.”
“Trixie!” wailed pokey looking exasperated.
“Ok, fine. Go have your holiday, leave me here all week.”
“Yes!” Pokey cheered, “Ok, I’ve finished up everything that I could so next week should be quiet. Remember Big Mac will be around about the cider licence on Tuesday and the Mayor’s weekly meeting is on Wednesday, apart from that it’s a normal week.”
“Got it, Big Mac Tuesday, the thing with the Mayor on Wednesday. I did run this office without you for over a month you know, I’m not going to get buried in paperwork after a week.”
“Yeh? So why did I find three months backlog stuffed down the back of the settee when I got here?”
“You just don’t understand my filing system. Anyway,” she smiled, “have a good time, Pokey. Try not to get burned or banished.”
“Thanks boss. I better be off, my train leaves in less than an hour now. I’m back about midday a week Saturday so I’ll see you the following Monday.” He waved his hoof at Trixie before heading out of the main door, closing it behind him.
Author's Note
Sorry for all the spelling / grammar / punctuation errors I've not had this one checked by anyone else.
Pokey's Holiday (or Trixie's adventures in Bureaucracy land)
Weekend - Drinks and a lesson
Saturday
Saturday was normally the day Trixie did the majority of her shopping and any chores that she couldn’t get Pokey to do for her. To that end she only slept in for a few hours before making a quick mental list of the food she would need for the next week and setting out into town to get it.
By the time she got there the market had been open for several hours and was packed with other ponies with the same idea. Trixie was jostled from side to side as she wandered from stand to stand looking for the items on her list. The blue mare liked the shopping system in Ponyville much better than Canterlot, the market in the smaller town had a lot more opportunity for haggling and Trixie considered herself an expert haggler. It was the same as putting on a show really. Her home town of Neigh Orleans had a similar system and she remembered many happy hours shopping with her uncle, she had loved to watch the older stallion argue with the vendors over the price of some item or another.
After an hour or so Trixie’s saddlebags were full of all the items on her list and still had a few bits left from the week’s grocery budget. She wandered around a few of the more luxury stores around the town centre, Carousel Boutique and Amethyst Star’s Fine Jewellers didn’t have much interest for her but she did spend a while browsing the newly opened collectables store but nothing caught her fancy. Finally she stopped off at quills and sofas, she had been considering getting some new furniture for the residency but the prices seemed a bit steep so she ended up buying a pack of new quills from Lyra’s dad instead, in preparation for the work due in the week ahead.
After returning home and packing away her purchases she realised she had been putting off cleaning the house for too long. Cleaning always made her grateful she had been born a unicorn and was able to use her telekinesis to clean the floors and bathrooms rather than having to hold the brush using her mouth like an earth pony.
It was getting late by the time she had finished and she had a quick shower, which messed up the bathroom again. It just didn’t make sense cleaning sometimes. Then she set out for the evening, she was due to have drinks with some of her friends.
****
“Ok, girls tonight is the night,” announced Cheerilee, she Trixie, Carrot Top and Raindrops were drinking together at her sisters bar. The night was young but already the place was starting to fill up. “Tonight, I break my dry spell,” she continued. “Tonight I find myself a stallion. I did all my grading and lesson plans last night, so tonight is all about me.” She looked around at her friends, “Carrot Top, you’re my wingmare if Mr Right has a friend keep him busy while I work my Black Cherry Magic. If you want him, he’s yours, if not just keep him out of the way.” The orange mare saluted. “Trixie...”
“I will point and laugh when you strike out like last time.”
“That was a one off, I had no way of knowing he didn’t like mares.”
“The fact he was kissing another stallion when you saw him might have been a hint.”
“Hey, stallion on stallion is hot.” announced Cheerilee with a wink, Trixie shuddered, “Raindrops..”
“I’ll keep out of the way and not scare anyone off,” said the yellow mare morosely.
“Droppy, I was going to say have fun.” replied Cheerilee resting her head on her hooves and staring up at the pegasus, her eyes wide.
“Ok, I’ll see what I can do.” replied Raindrops trying to look cheerful, “And please don’t call me Droppy.”
Cheerilee scanned the bar for a likely date, her eyes alighted on a pair of earth pony stallions drinking at a table on the far wall. One was light blue with a red mane worn long while the other was jet black with a light green and blue striped mane done in spikes. The latter caught her eye and nodded in her direction raising his glass before looking away. He’s cocky, she thought, I like that, and they're not making out. I won't make that mistake again. I think I’ve seen them working up at the Trust, it’s hard to tell from over here but they're probably ripped. I think I’ve found my target for the night. “Ok girls, wish me luck, I’m going in. Carrot you’re with me.”
The two mares trotted over to the table, Cheerilee putting a little extra swing in her hips as she went. “Hi, guys,” she said with a smile, “Is anyone sitting here?”
“No ma'am,” said the black stallion with an accent, “Would you and your friend care to join us, Miss...”
“Call me Cheerilee and this is Carrot Top,” inside her head she was cheering.
“They call me Tugger and this here is Ditch Digger.”
“Hi” said the other stallion shyly.
“Can I buy you ladies a drink?”
“That would be very nice Tugger.”
“And maybe you could do me a favour in return?”
Cheerilee gave a naughty grin as she sat down, “And what type of favour would that be? Nothing that would get me in trouble?”
“No ma’am, I’d like you to introduce me to your yellow friend over there, she sure is hot.”
****
“I’m going to die an old mare,” sobbed Cheerilee into the latest of a long line of drinks, “No one will find my body for days and when they do I’ll have been eaten by my fish.”
“I don’t think that’s likely,” said Trixie. Behind them Carrot top had been having an avid conversation with Ditch about carrot farming for over an hour, they really seemed to have hit it off. In the corner Raindrops was laughing at a joke Tugger had just told her, they were standing very close to each other now. “How are they going to get out of their tanks to get to your corpse?”
“They’d find a way, fish are smarter than they seem.”
Berry Punch wandered over and looked at her sister slumped over the bar, “She strike out again?” Trixie nodded, “When she sobers up tell her she owes me twenty bits.”
Invigorated by this example of sisterly love Trixie decided it was best to take Cheerilee home for the night and levitated the drink earth pony onto her back, staggering slightly under the weight as she made for the door.
The cool night air quickly sobered up Cheerilee and she made most of the journey to her home under her own power, only occasionally needing to rely on Trixie to keep her upright. The pink mare remained somewhat maudlin during the journey frequently bemoaning her single status. Trixie remained quiet and tried to ignore her friend's whining.
“Are you going to be alright?” asked Trixie as they reached Cheerilee’s door.
“Yeh, I’ll be fine, I’ll probably feel like dirt tomorrow, but maybe I’ll have more luck next week. If nothing else sweet sweet alcohol will always be there for me.”
“Yes, monsieur Bourbon has gotten me through some difficult times.”
“Ah, your secret lover.” they both chuckled, “Well see you on Monday Trixie.”
“See you,” said Trixie waving a hoof as she set course for the residence.
Sunday
Trixie awoke at the crack of noon and then decided that there was no reason for her to be up so early and dozed for a few more hours. Fully rested she ate what she charitably decided to call her breakfast before having a long leisurely soak in the bath.
She eventually remembered that Dinky was coming round for a magic lesson in a few hours and spent some time going through her books for a spell she could teach the little unicorn. A spell for turning apples to oranges caught her eye but she decided that it was too complicated for a novice, maybe in a few years Dinky would be skilled enough for it. Trixie finally decided on one of the minor illusions she normally used to create firework effects for her shows. It looked impressive but had no chance of causing damage if it went wrong.
Dinky arrived on time for her lesson and brought a tray of muffins with her as ‘payment’ from Ditzy for her daughters training. The lesson therefore started with levitation practise and Dinky lifted the cakes to her and Trixie’s mouths. Once she had wiped the crumbs off of herself Trixie congratulated Dinky on her improvement, she had only crushed one muffin in her excitement this time.
“Now have you been doing your exercises this week?” asked Trixie.
The little grey filly nodded excitedly, “Yes, Miss Trixie, every night.”
“Good then show the Great and Powerful Trixie what you can do.”
Dinky concentrated and her horn began to glow and then went out before glowing once again flashing in a repeated pattern.
The light spell was one of the easiest for a foal to learn and was good practice at feeding power into there horn and controlling it. However, Trixie had added a degree of difficulty to the exercise by teaching Dinky the Unicornian code, as Luna had previously taught it to her. Apparently before the tribes had united unicorns had used the coded flashing of their horns to communicate over long distances. Almost no one alive still remembered the full code although the guard had their own simplified version. The filly was a quick learner and already she could reliably flash her own name.
“That’s very good Dinky now I’ve got a new trick for you to learn,” the young unicorn sat down watching her teacher closely, “Watch what I do.”
With a whistling sound a stream of light extended from Trixie’s horn into the air, it shot towards the ceiling where it split into a number of flashing stars with a loud popping sound. Her pupil looked very impressed, as well as a little scared.
“Ok, watch me again. The first part is just like lighting your horn but instead of keeping the magic in you throw it away, but you have to keep concentrating to hold it together. When it gets to the roof just let it go.” Trixie demonstrated again. “Now you try.”
Dinky screwed up her face and her horn began to glow, a thin stream of light started to stretch upwards, but as soon as it left the tip it vanished. She tried again and the stream extended maybe half a dozen hooves before silently bursting.
“That’s very good, now try again.”
After about half an hour’s practise the foal could reliably generate the effect although it still often exploded prematurely.
“Miss Trixie,” asked Dinky, “Why doesn’t my spell make a noise like yours? What am I doing wrong?”
“I wondered when you’d ask about that. You see the firework is really two spells cast at once, one makes the light and one the sound.”
Dinky gulped, two spells at once that sounded hard , she thought.
Trixie noticed her pupils apprehension, “Don’t worry, you’ll get used to it. Eventually you’ll be able to do lots of spells at once. Now listen carefully to the sounds of the firework,” Trixie fired off the spell a few times as demonstration.
“Ok,” now imagine the sound going from your ears to your brain. She created the illusion again. “Now instead of going to your brain have the sound go to your horn and out into the world.” She demonstrated again and thought she heard a quiet echo of the sound from the filly in front of her.
Together the two of them repeated the spell again and again until to the filly’s excitement the bangs created by Dinky’s spell were even louder than Trixie’s and she could repeat them without Trixie’s prompting.
“Ok, now try both spells together.”
Biting her tongue Dinky tried to do as directed but the sound was barely audible and the firework dissolved immediately after leaving her horn. However, after further coaching from Trixie Dinky eventually managed to get both spells to run at once although she couldn’t quite manage to get the sound to synchronize with the image.
“I think that’s enough for today,” announced Trixie looking at the clock, “Your mother will wonder where you’ve gotten to. Keep practising, and I’m sure you can perfect that spell by next week.”
“Thanks Miss Trixie,” said Dinky hugging her teacher’s leg prompting a warm feeling in Trixie’s chest. “I’ll see you next week,” continued the grey unicorn as she pranced out of the door.
Trixie waved goodbye to her pupil and sighed. She enjoyed Dinky’s visits, it felt good to have a foal to look after and teach things to, it always felt a bit maudlin when she left. After a moment she pushed these thoughts and feelings aside to consider some when in the future.
After fixing herself a light supper Trixie admired the setting of the sun and the rising of the moon while writing a few letters to her family back in Neigh Orleans informing them of recent events before going to bed. She read a few chapters of her current book, a detective novel set in her home city, She got a good laugh out of the fact the writer had obviously never visited Neigh Orleans.
Finally sleep overtook Trixie and she dreamt of the Pokeyless week ahead,
Pokey's Holiday (or Trixie's adventures in Bureaucracy land)
Monday
Trixie was quite proud of herself on Monday morning, she managed to wake up on time without prompting. She had a quick breakfast and shower to prepare her for a hard day’s work.
As Pokey had promised most of the paperwork was up to date so she didn’t have much to do. She was just about to make herself another coffee when there was a knocking at the door.
“Come in!” yelled Trixie.
The door swung open to reveal a grey pegasus in a post mare’s uniform struggling under the weight of a bulging sack.
“Bonjour, Ditzy.”
“Morning Trixie,” said Ditzy dragging her bag into the residency, “Thanks again for Dinky’s lesson.” she yawned, “But couldn’t you have taught her something quieter. She was up all night practicing.”
“Heh, sorry about that,” replied Trixie awkwardly, “But on the bright side the sounds are the hardest part of the spell, she’s a quick learner. So is some of that for me?”
“All of it I’m afraid, and there’s some more back at the post office, I’ll bring it down later.”
Trixie sighed, “And Pokey said this would be a quiet week.”
“Where is he anyway?” asked Ditzy emptying her bag onto the table.
“Mareami, he’s on holiday this week. Oh can you take these with you?” Trixie floated over the letters she had written last night.
“Sure thing,” said Ditzy taking the envelopes, “Well good luck then, see you later.” the grey mare waved a hoof and left.
****
Trixie started to sort through the newly arrived post, it mostly seemed to be a single type of form. Then she remembered, it was the time of year to check the employment details of all the townsfolk to calculate their tax rates for the next year. Every pony had to submit a form with their current employment details on it and she had to look up last year’s details before completing a second form with the combined details on them, hundreds of forms had arrived so far and she could expect even more over the coming days. So much for Pokey calling this a normal week!
Still, I’m a hard working mare, I can deal with this , thought Trixie as she rolled up her metaphorical sleeves and got into it. For several hours she sorted through the post, levitated records from the files and completed form after form after form. The pile of incoming paperwork slowly decreased while the pile of completed forms grew larger. She finished Carrot Cake’s paperwork (Small business owner (food based), employed in the same role for 5-10 years), he earned less than Trixie would have expected, maybe she should tip more next time she was in Sugarcube corner. Her hoof quested for the next form to complete and came up with nothing.
Out of forms, she noted, We must have more , she checked the number on the previous form, EZ279 forms around here somewhere. Getting up she stretched to work out the kinks in her back from remaining seated all morning and quickly searched the office, but failed to find what she was looking for.
Thinking about the problem she remembered that Pokey kept additional forms in the basement and ventured down there. One whole wall was covered by a rack containing copies of the myriad forms that the government required to keep running.
Trixie didn’t like coming down into the basement unless she had to, she always felt vaguely intimidated by the files and forms held down there as if all the bureaucracy would smother her. She noted off the codes on the shelves as she walked by until she finally found the one she was looking for. The cubby hole was only part full containing maybe two hundred forms, give or take. If I need to complete these forms for everypony in the town I’m going to need more. A bit more searching resulting in a form ordering form. If there’s a form to order forms what do you use to order that form , pondered Trixie as she walked back up the stairs to the office. Is it the same form or is there a form to order a form to order forms, how far up does it go, does Luna have a form to order a form to order a form to order a form to order a form to order forms? And what happens if she runs out of that form? Best not to think about it, that way lies madness
Now let’s see what do I need to fill in here. Form number, check. Name of form, check. Order size, hum one per pony, let’s say five thousand. Cost code, how much are these anyway? They can’t be that much I’m sure the budget will survive it, check. Now to sign and hoofstamp it, check. How long will this take anyway, see note 2b, bla bla bla 1-3 days processing, up to a week delivery unless express processing is required in which case tick box 6 and next day delivery but extra cost. I guess I don’t need that. So I’m done. I think I’ll hat this one, it is sort of urgent.
Trixie trotted over to her coat rack and retrieved the magic hat she used for her more important messages. She wrote a quick note to say the message was for processing and not Luna and placed it and the form into the hat and activated it. The hat glowed briefly and the letters vanished, already on their way to Canterlot by magic.
The door to the residence slammed open behind Trixie and she jumped before spinning round ready to deal with the intruder.
In the doorway stood an ancient Pegasus mare, her mane white with age and her coat a bleached orange. Her wings were almost bare and she was walking with the aid of a cane but still managed to totter quickly towards Trixie waving a piece of paper in her free hoof, “You. Girl,” she announced loudly, “I want to talk to you about this.”
Trixie relaxed and trotted over to the old mare, “How can I help you, Mrs..”
“Lightning, Blazing Lightning. I’m here to pay this here bill.”
Trixie looked confused, “Bill? Do you mean a tax demand or something?”
“I know what I mean,” snarled Lightning, “It’s disgraceful charging this much of an old mare and then not even knowing what it’s for.”
Trixie desperately tried to get a look at the paper while Lightning continued to wave it in her face. It didn’t look like any paperwork she recognised, she briefly mused that there was a time when she wouldn’t have recognised any paperwork, she had been happier then.
“Ok, if you just come over here I’ll see if I can deal with this.” Trixie trotted over to her desk and plopped herself down on her seat. Lightning limped over after her. Feeling a bit ashamed Trixie levitated over Pokey’s chair for the aged pony to sit on.
The pegasus spread the paperwork out on the table in front of her and then dropped down a small bag of bits. “There you are 29 bits 6 jangles, now hurry up I’m a busy mare you know.”
Now it was still Trixie could get a better look at the form and quickly scanned it, “Mrs Lightning, this is a bill for fire wood from Timber Chopper, you’d need to pay it at her office.”
“What?”
“I’m the representative of the night court, I don’t deal with fuel bills.”
“Yes,” explained Lightning as if it was the simplest thing in the world, “It’s a bill and I’m here to pay it.”
“But you don’t pay it here, this is a government office.” Trixie was starting to get exasperated with the old mare.
“Are you refusing to take my money? I pay your wages you know.”
“It doesn’t quite work that way.” Her stipend came from Luna, but she supposed it ultimately came taxes, although Luna did own some land directly. “But I’m not really refusing I just can’t help you, you don’t pay this type of bill here.”
“I don’t have time for this, I’m a busy mare. Just take my money.”
“I can’t”
“You can.”
“I can’t!”
“Yes, you can! Stop being difficult girl. I want to speak to your supervisor.”
“My supervisor?” Trixie was taken aback, “I don’t have a ...”
“Don’t try to tell me you’re in charge, you’re too young, you’re probably only just out of school. I want to talk to your boss, now!”
“But..”
“Now!” the old pegasus rapidly flapped her threadbare wings rising several inches into the air her face glowing red. Trixie almost fell back off her chair before holding up her hooves in contrition, she was worried the old mare night have a heart attack if she got any more worked up.
“Ok, I’ll go and see if she’s free.”
The old mare started to calm down, “Good, now that wasn’t too hard was it?”
Trixie trotted out of the office for a second and her horn began to glow.
A few second later to Mrs Lightning’s surprise a large dark blue alicorn with a crescent moon symbol on her flank walked into the room.
“Princess Luna!” she stuttered and tried to prostrate herself at her ruler’s hooves, not quite limber enough to manage it.
“Rise my little pony,” announced Luna regally, “I believe you wanted to speak to me?”
The old pony’s jaw worked for a moment without any noise escaping, then, “WelL I was talking to the girl.”
“Her name is the Great and Powerful Trixie, she is my personal pupil and representative of the Night Court to Ponyville as well as one of the best Ponies I have ever met. She is due your respect.”
“I’m sorry your majesty but she won’t let me pay this here bill I owe you.”
“I told you, I mean Trixie explained to you that that bill has nothing to do with the Equestrian Government. It’s for firewood for Luna’s, I mean for my sake.”
“Are you sure, your majesty?” she drew her hood across the floor, “I’m sure I remember paying it here before.”
“I your eternal ruler am sure, I know these things. You must just be confused.”
“Yeh, I do get confused sometimes,” said the old pony sounding defeated, her eye’s starting to wet, “My husband, Streak, used to deal with this type of thing. Now he’s gone, it’s hard to remember it all. Ball said he’d do it for me but he’s a busy colt.”
Luna’s expression turned rather awkward, “Look if you leave the bill and money here I’m sure Trixie can sort it all out for you, just pay a bit more attention in future.”
“Of course your majesty. Anything your majesty,” said the orange pegasus tottering backwards towards the door while trying to curtsey at the same time.
Once Lightning had left the image of Luna faded away to reveal Trixie standing there looking rather embarrassed. “I feel a bit bad about that now,” she said to no one in particular.
She took the bill and money from the desk and looked up at the clock, I was close to lunchtime. Ok, I can take this over to Timber’s place, it’s not too far, then I think I deserve to eat out after all the work I’ve done this morning, she thought. This plan in mind she trotted out of the office, shutting the door and setting the sign to show that the office was closed.
****
After a quick trip to the firewood merchants Trixie spent her dinner hour at a small cafe watching the town wander by. Then she popped into Berry’s bar for a drink or two and did a bit of window shopping. By the time she got back to the office the hour had turned into almost three. With a sigh she dropped onto her chair to look at her work. Her in pile has seemed to have grown why she was away. She shuffled through it, she was right it had grown. The second mail must have arrived while she was away and Ditzy had put it straight into her tray. Trixie listlessly started to complete forms again but her eyes kept being drawn to the clock until, after about an hour, she decided to give up. She wasn’t going to get much done now better to call it a day and get a fresh start tomorrow.
Looking at her pile of completed work she considered bagging it up for posting tomorrow but decided that it could wait until tomorrow and instead started to prepare for the evening, today was her weekly games night with the girls.
As she moved to and from the office tidying the house she felt as if the pile of documents in her trays were mocking her, ‘Look here is a representative who can’t complete her paperwork’, they seemed to say. She thought for a second then levitated both piles behind Pokey’s desk instead. Now the work was out of sight and thus out of mind it couldn’t taunt her any more. Trixie felt she could live with that.
****
There was a knock on the door and Trixie opened it to reveal Ditzy, she had changed out of her mailmare uniform and was carrying a tray of muffins on her back. “Sorry I’m late,” she said, “I had to wait for Sparkler to arrive to foalsit.”
“That’s alright it’s only a few minutes, the rest of the girls are in the lounge.” said Trixie leading the pegasus through the house. “You can put the snacks on the side table over there.” she gestured at a table covered in various treats.
The rest of Trixie’s friends were gathered around a large table spread out in the centre of the room. “Evening Ditzy,” called Carrot Top, the rest of the group called greetings as well. Trixie and Ditzy took their places around the table.
“So Cheerilee, it’s your turn to decide, what we are going to play this week,” said Trixie.
“Cheerilee produced a coloured visor from somewhere and placed it around her head, “I was thinking Poker,” she grinned, “Anyone got a problem with that?”
“Oh, definitely not,” noted Trixie producing a deck of cards from nowhere and proceeding to shuffle the cards from hoof to hoof dexterously.
“It’s been awhile since I played, but I guess not,” said Ditzy, Raindrops nodded her assent as well.
“I used to play a bit at university,” said Lyra, “I’m in.”
“Ok, I guess,” said Carrot Top nervously, “You might have to remind me of the rules.”
Cheerilee’s grin was predatory, “Let’s start with one jangle bets and see where the night goes from there shall we? Now the game is Stud Horse Poker, aces are high..”
The game continued on for several hours, Cheerilee and Trixie were the main contenders, Carrot Top came out about even due to some lucky hooves. While Ditzy and Raindrops lost steadily, Lyra had a terrible game, hardly winning a single hoof. Several times she accused Trixie of cheating and fumed at the magician's ability to seemingly produce cards from thin air.
Ditzy was the first to call it a night saying she had to tuck Dinky in, Raindrops left not much later saying that she had an early weather shift tomorrow. Eventually Lyra stormed out vowing she’d win her jangles back next week.
“So, now the light weights are out of the way, do you want to make this interesting?” asked Cheerilee munching on one of the carrot sticks Carrot Top had brought.
“How interesting?” asked Trixie stacking the coins in front of herself.
“Say one bit bets? Maximum of ten bits?”
“I can take that. How about you Carrot.”
The orange farmer eyed her smaller pot compared to her opposition, “I think I’m ok with that.”
“Where did you learn to play anyway Trixie?”
“Luna taught me, she’s quite the card shark you know.”
“No,” cried Carrot Top scandalised.
“Yep, she’ll disguise herself as a new guard or page or something and get in on a game then fleece the other players. It’s how she gets most of her personal funds you know.”
Cheerilee grinned, “It seems our noble ruler has some hidden depths. Anyway are we here to talk or play?”
The game continued for quite some time going on until the early hours of the morning, the battle between Cheerilee and Trixie first went one way then the other while Carrot Top played cautiously, slowly catching up with the other players. Eventually Trixie had a few good hooves in a row and managed to knock her rival out.
“Sorry Cheerilee, I guess the Great and Powerful Trixie is just too great and powerful for you.” Trixie grinned, “Now I’m sorry Carrot Top but I think your bits are going to go towards the ‘get Trixie a new sofa’ fund.”
However, over the next few hooves Carrot Top’s playing style changed and she started winning.
“When did you learn to play like that?” demanded Trixie as Carrot raked in another hoof full of bits. Cheerilee watched her consternation, grinning.
“Oh, I might have won a few championships back in Fillydelphia.”
Trixie was furious, there was no way that she, the student of Princess Luna herself could be beaten at cards. However, she was soon eating those thoughts as Carrot Top cleaned her out entirely.
“Fine take your money, you shark.” she spat.
Carrot Top mimed a biting motion, “Guilty as charged I’m afraid. We’ll now momma can buy some new shoes,” she looked around at the other players, “I get through them really quickly on the farm. So same time next week?”
“Sure,” said Trixie, Cheerilee nodded, “I need a chance to win back my money.”
Cheerilee looked at the clock, “Is that the time. School starts in a few hours, I’ll have to take a nap during break time.”
“Yeah, I better go to,” said Carrot Top.
Trixie led her guests back to the door. On the way Cheerilee noticed the work hidden behind Pokey’s Desk, “Has Pokey been slacking off?” she asked.
“No he’s on holiday this week.”
“Wow, you’re going to end up snowed in by the end of the week then.”
Trixie drew herself up to her full height, “I am fully capable of running this office by myself for a week, you know.”
“Care to place your money where your mouth is?” said the teacher with a glint in her eye.
“Ok. Twenty bits says I can clear all the work by next Monday morning.”
“You’re on.”
“I’ll take that action as well,” said Carrot Top.
“Fine,” the three mares bumped hooves and separated laughing. “See you all next week. Make sure you bring the money you’ll owe me,” said Trixie as her guests left.
Pokey's Holiday (or Trixie's adventures in Bureaucracy land)
Tuesday
Trixie was awoken by a loud knocking sound. Who’s calling this early? She thought as she blinked the sleep out of her eyes. With a groan she turned over and looked at the clock, Horse apples! I overslept, I knew we should have finished earlier last night. It might have saved me some bits to.
Grumbling Trixie levered herself out of her warm and comfortable bed and staggered down the stairs to the office while trying to tame her bed mane, “Hang on, I’m coming,” she yelled rushing to the door.
She pulled open the door, “Sorry Ditzy, I overslept.” On the other side of the door was a unicorn stallion with a Brown coat and close cropped black mane wearing the uniform of the Equestrian Postal service. “You’re not Ditzy.” concluded Trixie.
“Sorry to disappoint,” said the stallion, “I’m her colleague, Ball Lightning. There are a few mailponies off sick at the moment so we’re a bit mixed up. Do you mind if I come in?”
“Of course not,” Trixie stepped aside. The mailpony walked in levitating a set of mailbags behind him in addition to those on his flanks.
“Another bumper load for you today I’m afraid,” he emptied both sets of bags onto the floor they flew around in his telekinetic aura for a while before they were quickly stacked into tidy piles. Trixie was somewhat impressed, although she tried not to show it, few unicorns could normally carry that much or manipulate that many objects at once. “Normally we’d do two loads but you're not too far from the post office so I figured it’d be quicker to do it this way.” he looked around the office, “Any outgoing?”
Trixie blinked blearily at the new towering piles of paperwork, There must be hundred’s here, she thought, I’ll run out of forms before the new order arrives at this rate. I can’t lose those bets. “Can you hang on a minute?” she asked, “There’s coffee in the Kitchen if you want any.”
“Well, I..” began Ball, ignoring him Trixie turned tail and rushed down into the basement.
Quickly searching through the form rack again the blue mare picked out another form ordering form and started to fill it in, Express delivery this time and let’s say 500, no 750 forms that should tide me over until yesterday’s order gets here . She rushed back up the stairs and her still drowsy brain cells gave a cheer as she smelt coffee. Ball was just exiting the kitchen with a steaming mug of liquid caffeine, he passed it to her. She took a gulp and sighed. “I needed that. Aren't you having any?”
“I’ve got to go.” Ball looked awkward for a moment, “Sorry about gran yesterday, she told me what happened, she’s getting a bit... senile,” he looked down sadly ears flat, ”She even told me she saw Princess Luna here. Thanks for dealing with the bill. I told her I’d do it but she wanted to prove she could do it herself.” he sighed and trotted towards the door. “Anyway, see you around.” he left carrying the empty bags behind him.
Trixie sat for a moment looking into her coffee cup, “I don’t think I deserve this now,” she said to herself. Then took another sip of the drink, there was being penitent and being stupid, not starting the day with coffee was the latter. She finished her drink before putting down the cup and going to make herself presentable.
****
Trixie worked hard for the rest of the morning and the early afternoon dealing with both the huge pile of paperwork and the occasional visit from the locals. She only stopped briefly for dinner and even then she ate at her desk.
To be honest she was starting to miss Pokey already, and not just for someone to help with her workload. It was nice to have someone to talk to in the office. As it was the room felt very big and cold.
Come mid-afternoon she had made a serious dent in the mountain of forms probably over half of them had been completed and neatly stacked ready to be sent off to Canterlot. She was just about to dive back into the remaining paperwork when there was a soft knock on the door. “Come in!” she yelled.
The door opened and a huge red stallion entered the office. “Afternoon Miss Trixie.” said Big Mac.
Trixie eyed him warily, she didn’t entirely trust the stallion and although she wouldn’t tell anyone she felt a little intimidated by him, there was just so much of him. “Good Afternoon Big Mac, what can the Great and Powerful Trixie do for you?” she replied, instinctively dropping into the third person.
Mac smiled, “Well I don’t know about the Great and Powerful Trixie, but Representative Trixie can process this here alcohol licence for the Trust.”
Trixie vaguely remembered Pokey saying something about this but not the details. “Why do you need an alcohol licence, you holding a party up there?”
“Nope, we're gonna be selling this year's stock of hard cider, it's been fermenting all winter. Should be a good batch.” He trotted over to her desk and produced a thick wad of paper as well as a large bag of coin.
Trixie took the coins and forms and quickly flipped through the latter, “This only covers a week is that going to be long enough?”
“We normally sell out fairly quickly, anything left gets shipped off to head office anyway. Can I put you down for any?”
Trixie sniffed, “No thanks, Cider’s not really my drink.” A thought struck her, “Why are you here anyway, doesn’t Applejack normally deal with most of this?”
“Well Applejack doesn’t really believe in hard cider. Oh she’ll have a nip sometimes when it’s cold or she feels under the weather, but she thinks it’s a waste of apples that could be used to feed hungry ponies. It’s a big seller so the Trust wanted it organised by a family member so it was me, Granny or Bloom. It’s a bit too far for Granny to come and well Apple Bloom drinks enough of the stuff that I wouldn’t trust her with the paperwork.”
Trixie stared at the large red pony in shock.
His face broke into a large smile, “That was a joke, ‘course we don’t let Bloom at the Cider, although she’s getting mighty curious about the ‘Big Pony Drink’. We don’t want her to get a mark in vomiting.”
Laughing somewhat uneasily Trixie wrote out a receipt for the money and flicked through the forms again, “You left this a bit late for next week but I see you’ve marked fast processing so I’ll get it out special delivery today. It should be ready if you come back on Friday.”
“That should be just fine, we don’t sell till next week anyway. Thanks. See you then.” Giving a bow the giant stallion left the office leaving Trixie alone with her paperwork again.
With a sigh Trixie put the application aside while she moved the payment into the office safe. Then she slumped back into her seat and started on the pile of forms again.
****
Trixie continued to work hard all afternoon encouraged by the thought of winning the bet with Cheerilee and Carrot Top. By the time her supply of forms was almost exhausted the pile of work left seemed to have shrunk to a manageable size. All she had to do was bag the letters and get them over to the post office. She looked up at the clock and swore, several hours seemed to have disappeared, she’d missed the last post. In fact the post office would be shut by now, she could ask Derpy to let her in but she didn’t want to impose. Still it wouldn’t hurt to let it wait for a night, then she remembered the pile of work from yesterday. Out of sight, out of mind had been right, she’s completely forgotten about it. Not only was it a further pile of letters to post but it was more unfinished work as well.
Looking around the room the piles of work seemed to crowd around her whispering of failure. How could Luna let her into the night court if she couldn’t deal with the paperwork generated by a single small town? Looking for a way out her eyes alighted on her hat in its place on the stand by her desk. It could be used to make half of the work here disappear, literally as if by magic. It was supposed to be only used in an emergency but this felt like one to Trixie.
She quickly penned a note to indicate that this load should be sent to the administrative centre and then spent almost half an hour dumping load after load of envelopes into the hat and watching them disappear. With the room emptier she felt like she could breathe more easily. There was still a few piles of uncompleted work but she had exhausted her supply of tax forms so there was little she could do until the requisition arrived tomorrow. Quite proud that she’d saved so much on postage she hung up the magic item.
It was several hours after her normal closing time and she felt she’d spent too much time inside already so the blue unicorn decided to go for a jog around town. She’d been trying to get fitter for a few months now, given the amount of time she was spending running from various creatures it seemed a good survival trait, and she was beginning to see some benefit. The exercise went some way towards clearing her head but left her tired. She grabbed a quick supper and spent a few hours practicing some hoof eye coordination skills. Her grandfather had always told her to juggle for at least an hour a day to keep her hooves limber. Eventually she called it a night and went to bed. She hoped that tomorrow would be easier than today.
Pokey's Holiday (or Trixie's adventures in Bureaucracy land)
Wednesday - Meeting with the Mayor
Wednesday
The next day seemed to turn up far too quickly for Trixie. It felt like her head had only just hit her pillow before it was time to get up again. Groaning she dragged her weary body out of bed and into the shower, determined to get presentable before the post arrived today. How she hated Wednesdays, too far from the weekend in both directions in her opinion.
Right on time Ditzy arrived with today’s post. To Trixie’s joy the delivery seemed to be much more manageable. Ditzy was less busy as well so the two friends spent a little time chatting as Trixie finished her breakfast before the mailmare had to go to compete her rounds.
Trixie found herself with little to do for the rest of the morning without a further supply of tax forms. She sorted through the post and did what work she could as well as dealing with the few ponies that came to the office in person but mostly just found herself sitting at her desk head in hooves watching the clock slowly ticking the day away.
She was just preparing to go to lunch when there was a knocking at her door. She trotted over to the door and threw it open, to her surprise there was a large white pegasus stallion there wearing a uniform she didn’t recognise.
“Trixie Lulamoon?” he asked in a gruff voice.
“Yes?” asked Trixie shuddering at her hated second name.
“Special delivery for you, sign here.” the stallion forced a clipboard into her hooves.
Trixie stood bemused for a moment before releasing this must be the forms she’d requested yesterday, At last , she thought, Good to see the Night Court bureaucracy is running as smoothly as it normally does. She added her mark to the form and looked up to see the stallion balancing a large crate on his back and walking somewhat unsteadily into the residency.
“Where do you want them?” he asked.
She pointed to a clear space by the door, “Put them there. But there must be some sort of mistake. I only ordered a few hundred forms not a crate full.”
“Sorry, Representative but you just signed an order for four crates. If there's some sort of problem you need to take it up with head office. It’s more than my job's worth to not deliver them.”
“But..” stammered Trixie, “Wait did you say four crates?”
“Yep,” said the stallion gratefully dropping off his burden and pointing out the door. There stood a sky chariot with a second identical stallion still harnessed to it. That pegasus had apparently pulled the long straw and stood looking vaguely board while his partner started to remove a second crate from the back.
“What am I supposed to do with all of these?” cried Trixie shrilly.
“Well that’s up to you madam representative, I only delivery them, you can use them as toilet paper for all I care.” he dropped off the second crate with a crunch. He continued to ignore the smaller mare’s protests while he brought the third and then the fourth crates into the residency.
Finding herself ignored Trixie desperately started to flip through the clipboard contents as if it might hold the answer to her problems. “What does it mean, transport weight over maximum, rest of order to follow by alternative method?” she asked.
The delivery pony leaned on one of the crates and look the clipboard in his hoof. “Well you ordered over seven hundred boxes of this form, each of these crates contains eighteen boxes so you’ve ordered about forty crates. Well there’s no way we’d manage to get all of those on an air chariot for quick delivery so the rest would come via land cart or maybe train, probably tomorrow or the day after.” he tore off a sheet off the clipboard and thrust it into Trixie’s hooves. “Pleasure doing business with you,” he said to the stunned mare before leaving the building, hooking himself into the chariot and taking off into the sky. The vehicle quickly became a small dot in the distance.
****
Trixie was just deciding what to do with the crates of forms she had just received when there was another knock on the door. She briefly considered ignoring it but given how the day had gone so far that would probably just get her into more trouble.
“Come in,” she yelled.
A tan earth pony mare with a grey mane entered. It took Trixie a few seconds to recognise her as the Lady Mayor Ivory Scrolls, although she was wearing her trademark cravat (a fiery red today) she lacked her standard glasses and was wearing a pink summer dress. Trixie didn’t think she had ever seen the Mayor so casual before even outside of her official role. Trixie stared at the Mayor, was she wearing make up? She could see hints of eye shadow, and was that lipstick?
“Oh, representative Lulamoon,” said the Mayor awkwardly, “I didn’t expect to see you today, I expected to have a da... meeting with Mr Pearce.”
“Pokey’s on holiday this week so you’ve got me instead.”
“Oh, is he off this week? I thought it was next month.” replied the mayor sounding extremely disappointed, her ears drooped.
What’s wrong with me? thought Trixie, I’m the representative here. Pokey’s just my assistant, what’s he got that I haven't?
Part of the role of the representative was to liaise with the other branches of the Equestrian government, in this case the mayor’s office. When she had first gotten the job she had gone to a few of the regular meetings with the Major, or more commonly one of her assistants. Trixie had generally hated them. Although Ivory Scrolls was a nice enough mare Trixie found her horribly boring, during one two hour meeting about zoning Trixie had literally fallen asleep. She’s since been happy to hoof most of the responsibility for the weekly meetings to Pokey while she went to any emergencies. Pokey could give her a quick breakdown of anything important which was said at the weekly meeting.
“It’s a shame,” continued the Mayor, “I’ve always found my lunch meetings with Mr Pierce to be most stimulating ,” she blushed brightly.
Trixie considered the Mayor’s words, thinking she might have missed something important that was going on here. Her stomach grumbled. Lunch! That was it, it’s amazing what you can miss when you’re not paying attention.
“Well I’ll be taking Pokey’s place this week, so where are we eating?”
“Oh, I have a reservation at the La Maison D'herbe, but I suppose we could go somewhere else instead...”
Trixie’s ears pricked up, that was the fancy prench restaurant that had opened up a few weeks ago, she’d heard some good things about it but it was supposed to be very expensive. Then it hit her, as it was a business meeting the meal was presumably an expense thus effectively free, that was clever, she’d have to remember that. “Oh no, I’m sure that will be fine,” she said with a smile, “Shall we be on our way?”
“Um, Ok then. Do you have your agenda?”
Trixie glanced at her pile of unfinished work which was luckily hidden from the Mayor by the mass of her desk. The required document was probably somewhere in there but she didn’t know where. She quickly levitated out a few random papers and a notebook waving them in the Mayor’s face. “Right here.”
“I guess we should be on our way then,” said the Mayor looking a bit worried.
“Yes,” agreed Trixie grabbing her cloak and hat from the stand and opening the door, “After you.”
****
The restaurant turned out to be as good, and as expensive, as Trixie had expected. For some reason the table the Mayor had booked was at the very back of the restaurant in a dimly lit corner near a small fountain. Even if Trixie had brought an agenda with her she would have been hard pressed to read it in the light.
A smartly dressed black unicorn stallion with a white mane was waiting their table and after giving them a few minutes to get comfortable glided over, “Would Mademoiselle and Mademoiselle care to order now?” she asked in what Trixie suspected was a fake accent.
Ivory Scrolls quickly scanned through the menu, “I think I’ll start with the onion soup please then a salad.”
Trixie weight up her options for a bit longer. “J'aurai le même démarreur,” she said.
The waiter blinked, “Pardon?” he asked his accent disappearing.
“Vous ne parlez pas un mot de prançais et vous?” Trixie continued, the waiter continued to look puzzled. “I’ll have the soup as well, could the chef add some chocolate to it? And the eggplant parmesan for the main course, could I have a barbeque sauce on that?”
The stallion looked at Trixie as if she had grown a second head. “I’ll see what the chef can do. Can I get you some drinks?” he asked rallying somewhat.
“A bottle of the house red, please,” said the Mayor to Trixie’s surprise, “Two glasses,” she added. The waiter nodded and moved away.
“I didn’t think you normally drank at meetings, if so I’d come to a few more,” joked Trixie.
“Oh, I normally don’t but I had a few for courage earlier, and it seems a shame to stop now,” said the Mayor glibly then seemed to realise what she’d said and blushed slightly.
“For courage?”
“Ah, here comes our drinks,” said the mayor changing the topic, the waiter filled their glasses and wandered away leaving the bottle, the mayor took her glass and raised it, “To Luna, may be rule wisely for ever,” she toasted and took a generous mouthful. Trixie responded in kind. “Anyway, the meeting.” Ivory brought out her agenda and peered at it myopically holding it only a few inches from her face. “Farm subsidies first I think, I really should have brought my glasses.”
“Did you forget them?”
“No, I decided to do without them, you know what they say ‘stallion’s don’t make passes at mare’s who wear glasses’,” she giggled and took another mouthful of wine before seeming to pull herself together. “So the first point is about the farming subsidies for the third quarter, now as you know currently the Apple Trust gets, bla bla bla bits bla bla bla claim...”
Trixie started to tune out the mayor as she launched into the subject. This place seems nice, she thought looking around the restaurant, Not very crowded though and I don’t think much of the staff. The drinks are good though . She took a sip of her wine.
“And what do you think representative?” said the Mayor.
“Hum,” said Trixie her train for thought broken, she savoured her drink to give her some time to think, What was it she had been talking about? Apple Trust subsidies wasn’t it? “I don’t think it would hurt to look into it a bit further, maybe check everything is going on by the book.” Ok that was probably vague enough to cover most situations and would probably just move the problem on a week or two until Pokey can deal with it .
The Mayor looked surprised for a moment, “That not what I thought you would say given your position but I agree it might be the best for the moment, I’ll get someone on to it and we can pick it up again in a few weeks. Oh here comes our starters.”
The waiter returned levitating two bowls alongside him, “Your soups Mademoiselles,” he looked at Trixie, the chef informs me that sadly we do not have any chocolate to hand and sends his apologies, however, I did persuade him to include the sauce for your main course.”
“Thank you,” said the Mayor, “Another bottle of the same please,” she motioned to the suddenly empty bottle of wine.
Trixie tried a spoonful of the soup while Ivory enthusiastically started on hers earth pony style. Not bad thought Trixie, A bit bland without the chocolate but it’s got a tang to it, is that mint?
The two ate in silence for a few minutes before the Mayor decided to return to the working part of the lunch, “Now on to point two, zoning, I feel that bla bla bla...”
Oh great the zoning thing again, we could be here for hours. Hang on, did I remember to post that alcohol licence thing from yesterday, I hated most of the paperwork, no I didn’t did I, it’s still on the table. I better remember to do that when I get back, otherwise I’ll get AppleJack on my back telling me all of Equestria would starve if they can’t get their hooves on some booze.
“Need you to break the tie tomorrow, ah here’s our main course.” concluded the Mayor looking up.
Grateful for the interruption Trixie started on her sauce coated meal while the Mayor grazed on her salad and started on the second bottle of wine.
“Trixie,” said Ivory after they finished their meal, the official was looking rather flushed alter drinking most of a bottle of wine by herself, “Have you always wanted to be a representative?”
“No,” replied Trixie without pause, “It just sort of happened. Luna just appointed me. It’s growing on me though, but as you know I want to be a mover in the Nightcourt one day and representatives a good starting point for that. How about you, have you always wanted to be in politics?”
The Mayor took another sip of wine, “Well I remember wanting to be a Wonderbolt once,” she chuckled, “I was heartbroken when my parents told me you needed to have wings and I wasn’t going to grow any. But most of my life I’ve wanted to help people and organise things I’m good at the minutia you know. It’s just somewhere along the way I feel I stopped being Ivory Scrolls and became just the Mayor. People look at me and they see that the Mayor but underneath I’m still a mare with a mare’s needs. You know what I mean?” she stared intently at Trixie.
“No, I don’t think I do,” said Trixie beginning to feel uncomfortable.
“It’s like my mane, when you look at it what do you think?”
Trixie started to sweat, “Umm, I really like your mane? Grey is very distinguished.”
“Distinguished,” she snorted, “That’s just another way to say old. I’ll tell you a secret.” Ivory leaned forward and looked furtively from side to side, “I dye it! I’m a natural pink!”
Trixie tried to wrap her brain around this revelation, she couldn’t imagine the mayor with pink hair.
“But no one wants a public official with pink hair, to frivolous. It’s like I said to my niece, Pinkie I said...”
“Pinkie? Pinkie Pie’s your niece?” Trixie almost shouted before realising where they were.
“Oh yes, her mother’s my sister. I saw Pinkie was going crazy on that rock farm. So I had a chat with Cupcake, she was in my class at school, about the grants for taking on apprentices and the tax breaks for renting out part of the shop as housing. So here she is. Anyway I said to her, they see pink and they think party, they see grey and they think government. Of course that girls gone and made a life out of partying. I’m very jealous really.”
Trixie didn’t know what to say.
“Just like I’m jealous of you.” said the tipsy mare pointing a hoof in Trixie’s general direction.
“Me? Well I suppose being Luna’s pupil is a great honour.”
“Oh, not that, you work with that hunk of a stallion Pokey and his magnificent horn, I don’t know how you get any work done sitting opposite him all day,” the mayor was practically drooling now and Trixie’s skin was crawling like it was trying to get off of her, “If he was my assistant I’m sure I’d have all my meetings horizontally, or over a desk.” The Mayor shuddered, “I’m sure he’s very good at dictation.” She moved closer to Trixie, “Is it true what they say about the size of a unicorn stallion’s horn?“ she whispered.
“Ireallywouldn’tknow,” squeaked Trixie, “IsthatthetimeIhavetogoIlefttheovenon, bye.” She grabbed her cloak and hat and ran out the door as quickly as her hooves would carry her.
****
Trixie made it back to her office in record time and slumped into her seat and tried to calm down. What the tartarus had been up with the mayor, was she going into heat or something? She shuddered in revulsion. She know on a hypothetical level that Pokey was an attractive stallion but surely he couldn’t be all that, could he? She decided to try and put the Mayor’s words aside for the moment and focus on the job at hand.
The large crates stacked by the door caught her eye, and she recalled the problem with her order. Walking over to the boxes she used her power to yank open the wooden lid and examine inside. There cushioned by a layer of straw were a number of cardboard boxes. Trixie lifted one out, it proclaimed to contain one thousand copies of EZ279 she did a quick calculation, A thousand forms per box, eighteen boxes per crate, four crates, I’ve got over seventy thousand forms in front of me and almost a million forms to come, what am I going to do with them all?
Someone messed up here and it wasn’t me! she thought, them a further idea struck her and she rushed back into the basement, she scanned the racks for another ordering form and read it through fully. Note 12b, please note that each item refers to a box, refer to ordering list OL126 for the number of individual items per box , with trembling hooves she searched for the relevant form which did indeed contain a list of forms and the number of forms per box. It did indeed confirm her previous error. Surely someone somewhere thought that ordering enough forms for the entire population of the town a hundred times over would be a little strange?
Then she remembered her original order, five thousand boxes of one thousand forms each, five million forms. What have I done? When Luna finds out about this I’ll be lucky to be put in charge of a foal’s birthday party let alone the government of Equestria. There’s got to be a way to fix this, some form to undo the other forms she thought desperately throwing form after form around her as she searched for a solution. Nothing. What idiot didn’t think of coming up with an un-ordering form?
Then something caught her eye, it was a box very much like the one she had removed from the crate above shoved under the rack of forms. She examined it, it contained the very forms she had ordered. With a yell she kicked out at the box, it didn’t achieve much apart from hurting her leg, closer examination revealed a further two boxes like it. They had been here all along! She hadn’t needed to order to anything in the first place. She felt a thin stream of laughter escape from her mouth at the ridiculousness of it all.
Suddenly Trixie had a brainwave, it all seemed so simple, All I have to do is go back in time to before I made the order and stop myself doing it, that would sort it all out.
Then she blinked and realised she was becoming hysterical. All she needed to do was write a letter explaining what had happened and cancel the order. She could hat the letter to Canterlot now and catch things before they went too far, the rest of this order probably hadn’t left yet and the larger order was probably still being processed. She let out a deep breath, this was still salvageable. She could fix this.
Now calm she spent quite some time writing out a letter that suggested that somepony in her office, who might possibly be her and that couldn’t be proved might have made a bit of a mistake in ordering just a few to many forms and that the previous order should be cancelled as soon as possible. It was a blatant attempt to remove any possible blame from herself. She was quite proud of it. She popped it in the hat and waited for it to disappear.
And waited.
And waited.
Nothing happened. She shook the hat and peered at it, it looked like her hat. She case the Alicorn’s eyes spell Luna had taught her and examined it further. The transportation spell was still in place but it seemed that something was blocking it from the other side. Suddenly here was a burst of magic and a letter materialised over the hat, flying, quite painfully, into Trixie’s horn. She staggered back and grabbed at the letter with her hooves. She blinked away the tears from her eyes and opened it up.
Dear Representative Lulamoon
It has come to my attention that last night you used the magical transmission device gifted to you by her majesty to transport no less than three hundred and twenty eight (328) separate items of non critical mail to her majesty’s personal office. It has been highlighted to you in the past this device is to only be used for the most urgent of communication and should not be used for your daily tasks. Her majesty is currently unable to deal with you directly as she is, and will be for the next fortnight, engaged on a tour of the outer provinces of Equestria. She will be informed of this matter upon her return.
Yours sincerely
Money Penny
Personal Assistant to HRH Luna Equestris
Trixie threw the message aside with an annoyed grunt. Damn, Money Penny , she thought, Trust her to pick up on my use of the hat. Still I’m not Luna’s student for nothing. A little alteration to the spell matrix and I should be able to bypass her and get the form straight to the right office. Trixie’s horn glowed brightly as she worked and after a few minutes the letter disappeared.
Well that’s that, it’ll be a cold day on the sun before Money Penny can outsmart the great and powerful Trixie
With a whistling sound a letter flew from the hat at breakneck speed Trixie had to throw herself aside to avoid being decapitated by the rogue stationary. The letter circled the room several times before slowing and hovering in front of Trixie’s surprised face. It unwrapped itself and Trixie’s eyes began to scan across it, as she did a booming voice emitted from the envelope knocking the blue mare back across the room into a pile of unfinished work.
Dear Representative Lulamoon
Equestrian, DO YOU READ IT?
Do you know how rare the spell on your hat is? There are less than a dozen in the whole land, do you recognise how great an honour this is? Do you?
The hat is for urgent business only, you use it if Corona herself is burning your house down, not file your paperwork, not to ask for cooking tips, not for help on the Equestria daily crossword. URGENT BUSINESS ONLY!
Your use of this hat will be suspended until Princess Luna returns and I am sure she will have very stern words to say to you. In words of three syllables or less so you understand then. YOU ARE IN TROUBLE!
Yours sincerely
Money Penny
Personal Assistant to HRH Luna Equestris
As it finished the letter burst into in a bright flame and fell to the ground in a shower of ash. Picking herself up Trixie cautiously crept towards the hat now resting on the floor. She examined it closely. No longer was it a powerful magical artefact, the spell linking it to Canterlot has been broken, now all that remained was a rather snazzy piece of millinery.
OK, maybe Money Penny’s smarter than she looks
****
Trixie spent most of the rest of the afternoon in a daze trying to find a way out of her problems. She briefly considered faking her death, changing her name and moving to the Mild West to start a new life but she’d always found tumbleweeds creepy. Maybe make the residence invisible so they didn’t have anywhere to deliver to?
Considering her problems Trixie eventually decided that she should get a train to Canterlot and try to deal with the problem there, upon checking the time table she saw that the next train wasn’t until tomorrow morning. However, having a plan made her feel a bit better. Deciding that she should make herself at least somewhat useful she slumped back into her seat and started on the paperwork again, the new forms getting an airing. Determined to complete all the work in front of her an hour turned into two, then three, then five. Finally Trixie fell asleep at her desk slumped over a form.
Pokey's Holiday (or Trixie's adventures in Bureaucracy land)
Thursday - Council and forms
Thursday
“Wake up!” A blurry tan shape appeared in front of Trixie’s still sleep encrusted eyes, “You’re going to be late!”
“Wha..?” mutter Trixie blinking, she was lying on something hard, her desk. The shape slowly resolved itself into Ivory Scrolls leaning over her. “I’m not Pokey!” Trixie blurted out jumping pack and falling off her seat. She landed with a heavy thump.
“Of course not. Why would you? Oh..” The Mayor’s cheeks burned red and she seemed to look everywhere apart from into Trixie’s eyes. “About yesterday,” said the Mayor looking awkward.
“What yesterday?” said Trixie picking herself off the ground and peeling a drool encrusted letter off her face “I’ve chosen to forget anything that might have happened yesterday.”
“Thanks.”
“Why are you here anyway? What time is it?”
“The council meeting, you’re needed to break the tie.”
“What tie? When was I told that?”
“I told you yesterday during our meeting.”
“The meeting I’m choosing not to remember?”
“Ah, well you need to hurry, it’ll look bad if you turn up late.”
“Can’t I at least get some coffee first?” said Trixie looking desperately into her kitchen for the life giving substance.
“No time,” cried the Mayor shoving the unicorn out of the door using her head.
Trixie’s trip across the short distance from the residence to the Town hall was one of the quickest she had ever had. The streets were quite full and the sun was high indicating that Trixie had slept for quite a while despite her awkward position. It was mere minutes after the journey had begun before Ivory was pushing Trixie through the door and down the corridors to the council chamber itself.
The chamber itself was not very grand, given its role, but was currently full. The whole eight pony council was present as well as one of the Mayor’s assistants, Crimson Ribbon, taking notes. At present the entire council was staring at her in a rather unfriendly way.
“Glad you could join us Miss Representative,” said Applejack, the Apple trust representative, “Now maybe we can get this over with and back to normal business.”
Trixie took her place at the table and glanced around self-consciously, she was sure she must look a wreck and tried to surreptitiously tidy her mane.
The Mayor took her place as well, “Now that we have Representative Lulamoon present. We can begin the proceedings. In order for her to get better acquainted with the issues, I think we should have the minutes read before a further vote, Crimson if you would be so kind...”
The stallion stood and flipped through his notebook, and began to speak in an emotionless monotone, “Minutes of the 32nd meeting of the Ponyville Town council in the year 1001 AC..”
As the assistant continued to drone on Trixie could feel her adrenaline rush fading and her eyes beginning to droop, the room was very warm. Once this is over I need to find out when the next train to Canterlot is, she thought, Then... forms... return.... gblzzz...
“Representative!”
Trixie jumped in her seat, she had fallen asleep. She turned to the Mayor who had once again awoken her. “What?” she mumbled.
“How do you vote on the matter of the Prohibition act? The council it tried. Councillors Column, Applejack, Delta and Strict have voted against, while Councillors Blue, Pillow, Rich and myself are for. We require you to place the deciding vote. What is the night court’s position in this matter?”
Prohibition, as in no booze? Why hadn’t anyone told me this vote was so important, Trixie thought desperately
“The night court votes against,” announced Trixie.
Everypony looked surprised, even the members of the council she had just supported.
“Are you sure?” asked Filthy Rich.
“Yes?” replied Trixie looking unsure, what had she just voted for?
“Very well,’ said the Mayor looking grave, “The motion to extend the term of the town opt out from the 876 West Everfree prohibition act has failed. From next Monday morning Ponyville will be a dry town.”
Trixie froze in place, her pupils shrinking down into tiny dots at this news. The words ‘dry town’ seemed to echo around her head. She was peripherally aware of the rest of the meeting taking place around her but she didn’t take any of it in. What had she done? No booze, life wouldn’t be worth living any more, she’d be lynched! She was suddenly aware that someone was talking to her, she looked up to see that the room was now mostly empty just herself, Crimson and a green coated unicorn, Councillor Strict Discipline, remained. It was the councillor who was talking.
“I have to say representative, I really didn’t count on your support in this matter, I had believed you ensorcelled by the demon drink. I’m glad you saw sense.”
“Yeh,” mumbled Trixie, “I guess I have hidden sober depths.”
“Well, if you do need anything, I’m in your debt.” Strict trotted out of the room, head high.
“What did I just do?” Trixie asked herself.
“Voted to apply prohibition.” said Crimson, “We’ll technically the entire province has been under prohibition for over a century but we and most of the other towns use a loop hole to opt out each year. I don’t think anyone thought you’d vote against it. I doubt it’ll last long, the mayor can call another vote in a month. But until then I don’t think you’ll be a very popular pony once the town finds out. Still at least the Apple Trust will be selling hard cider next week, their special licence overrules local ordinance, that’ll cushion the blow.”
“Yeh, lucky about the licence,” replied Trixie weakly remembering the document was still on her desk in the residence. “I’ve got to go,” she rushed out of town hall as quickly as her legs would carry her.
****
As soon as she approached her house Trixie saw that something was wrong. The fact that she couldn't see her house was part of the problem. The view of the whole building was blocked by a large covered wagon two stories high. The prongs at the front could hitch up at least a dozen ponies. Such a vehicle would only be used for the heaviest of loads. With a sinking feeling Trixie realised that her full order of forms had arrived.
The team normally pulling the wagon were currently unloading it and as expected crate after crate were piling up around the residence reaching almost to the roof.
Closing her eyes and fighting against the urge to just go somewhere and get drunk while she still could Trixie forced herself to canter towards the organised chaos. “Stop! Stop!” she yelled.
The working ponies carefully avoided her but otherwise ignored her entirely intent on moving more paperwork from the wagon to the ground. “Who’s in charge here?” she shouted.
“That’d be me ma'am,” came a voice from the wagon. Trixie looked up to see an overweight earth pony with a receding mane perched on a seat set at the front of the vehicle. He was wearing a wife beater and a red cap and talking through a mouthful of sandwich. “You representative Lulumoon?” he read from a clipboard.
“Trixie!” she insisted.
“Yeh, Trixie Lulumoon. Got this here form for you to sign for all these forms.” he began to laboriously climb down from his perch, sandwich still clutched in his jaw.
“Look there’s been a mistake, I don’t need all these forms. Just take them back.”
“I’m afraid I can’t do that Miss, see the work order says to bring them here and well if I don’t follow work orders I’ll get into all sorts of trouble back in Canterlot. Just sign here and I can get out of your mane and you can enjoy all your new forms here.”
“I’m not signing anything. I don’t want these forms. Take. Them. Back!”
“Sorry no can do. If you don’t sign for them well I’ll have to say you weren’t here and we left them in a safe place.”
“Safe? They’re all over the street now!”
“That’s safe, everypony can see them so no pony can steal them.”
“There’s rain due this afternoon, I’ll end up with five thousand boxes a papai mache.”
“Well if you signed the form I could ask the colts..”
“Hey!” yelled a particularly burley worker pony.
“Sorry Blossom, colts and filly, to move them into your residence. But unless you do I gots no choice.”
“You can’t treat me like this!” Trixie exclaimed stamping her hoof on the ground, aware how much it made her look like a filly throwing a tantrum, “I’m Luna’s student!”
“Well princess Lulu I guess we’re at an im-pas-se,” he sounded out each syllable separately.
Trixie glared at the slovenly work pony, he looked back with lidded eyes. Trixie looked around quite a crowd of onlookers had built up now although she only recognised a few of the faces. She needed to deal with this before anyone she cared about, or had bet against, turned up.
“Fine,” she sighed in defeat, “Give me the clipboard.”
“Pleasure doing business with you.” said the stallion with a smile as she signed the form.
“Just don’t expect a tip.”
“Ok, colts.” he yelled.
“Hey!”
“And filly. We’re moving all these boxes into the house now.”
There was a grumble from the workers.
“Lulu here will show you where to put it all.”
“Aren't you going to help?” asked Trixie.
“Do I look like a pony who isn’t lazy?”
“Yes,” she said weakly, “or no. Whichever gets you to work.”
“Sorry, I only drive the cart and occasionally shout encouragement, everything else is management. I’m sure you can manage.” With that he climbed back up to the wagon, stretched out and apparently fell asleep.
Grinding her teeth and muttering to herself Trixie walked over to the herd of worker ponies. She instructed them to place the boxes in the basement and when that quickly filled to bursting, the office, then the kitchen, then wherever there was space. Work stopped for the mandatory hours lunch break during noon when the labourers all crowded into the residence and devoured their way through most of the tea, coffee and biscuit supply.
After the break they all returned to work. Eventually they were forced to empty some of the crates to slightly reduce the space they took up. Eventually, after several hours work just as the first drops of rain were falling the last of the boxes were packed away. The residence was literally bulging at the seams, the basement was a solid block of paper and the office had a single path, only just wide enough for a single pony to pass, free between towers of paper reaching to the ceiling.
The teamsters waved as they left and hitched themselves up to the large wagon. The foreman seemed to awake for the first and started to pick up the ranes. “Ok, Stallions,” he yelled.
“Hey!”
“And mare. Let’s get going we need to be back in Canterlot by tonight.” He gave a tug and the wagon started to make a slow turn, straight through the fence surrounding the residence which collapsed. Some of the watching ponies stomped in approval at the entertainment.
Trixie watched with resignation as the wagon ignoring the damage and turned down the high street before slowly picking up speed and disappearing into the distance.
****
Trixie dragged herself into the residence and looked for a place to collapse until her head stopped spinning. All around her piles of forms swayed gently in place. The sofa was covered in paper but with some effort she, if not cleared it, at least managed to make a pony shaped nest in it for her to curl up in. She closed her eyes for a moment and when she opened them several hours had passed. With a curse she staggered out of the bed of paper almost upsetting another pile a forms in the process. She checked the time, if she left now she might just catch the last train. Most of the offices in Canterlot would be open all night so she should be able to sort something out when she got there.
Energised by her plan Trixie rushed out of the door towards the train station slamming the door behind her. The breeze thus created slightly unbalanced a large pile of forms which gently but inevitably, like a glacier, started to slip sideways towards its neighbour only to be stopped by a blue aura as Trixie rushed back into the office. Straightening the pile she clambered towards her desk and lifted the forms covering it to search under them. When she didn’t find what she was looking for she lifted the desk itself to search under there. Finally she found the Apple Trust paperwork, grasped it in her mouth and ran back to the door, closing the door gently this time.
Running to the station she was once again thankful that Raindrops had insisted she start exercising, so much of her life seemed to involve running to or from things nowadays. Just as she arrived she could see the last train starting to pull out of the station. Frantically her horn glowed and a large pile of rubble appeared on the line. With a cry from the driver and a hiss of steam the train pulled to a sudden stop. Many of the passengers were picking themselves up as Trixie jumped into the last carriage and the conductor gave her an evil look, “Sorry,” she muttered as she took a seat and the train started to move off again.
****
The train journey went without incident, although tempted to try to sleep Trixie decided to stay awake. Given the way her day had gone if she fell asleep she’d wake up in the Crystal Empire. Instead she planned her nights work. First to the office responsible for the alcohol licence, hopefully that would be enough to appease the population of Ponyville once they found out about the prohibition thing. Once that was done she’d see about getting all those forms removed from her house, then catch an early train back and forget this entire nightmarish week. She didn’t think she’d ever appreciated what Pokey did before, she’d have to make sure he never found out about all this.
It was dark by the time the train pulled into Canterlot station and the city had been awake for several hours. Pushing past the crowd of commuters Trixie started to orientate herself when she spied a familiar red maned brown coated stallion only a few yards away deep in conversation with a white mare. Greengrass , Trixie though, she looked for a place to hide only to have the Duke walk straight past her without batting an eyelid. She stood stunned for a moment before catching a glimpse of herself in a window, and nearly reared back in horror. No wonder Greengrass hadn’t recognised her she didn’t recognise herself, she looked a wreck. She realised that she hadn’t washed all day and her mane looked like birds could nest in it, her normally immaculate coat was ruffled and her eyes were sunken. Before she could do anything she’d need to tidy herself up, she briefly considered getting a room at a hotel but she didn’t have the time, instead she decided to do what she could in the station rest rooms.
A distinctly better looking Trixie exited the washrooms a bit later, she had managed to get her mane under control and tidy her coat somewhat. Filled with renewed purpose she set off to obtain the alcohol licence only to realise she had no idea where she would go to do that. Thinking for a moment she decided to start at the castle itself, there should be someone there who could help and if nothing else she might meet up with Money Penny and give her a piece of her mind and maybe a hoof where the sun doesn’t shine.
Trudging through the city she quickly found herself at one of the smaller gates into the castle, there was no need to draw too much attention to herself after all. Despite its position it was still guarded by a strangely familiar pair of pegasus guards, she read their badges and felt her heart sink.
“Evening officers Moonlight Smiles and Frolicsome Meadowlark,” she sighed, “Here’s my ID.” she handed over her papers.
“Trixie,” said Moonlight his eyes flicking from side to side, “Are you alone?” His partner dropped into a combat stance looking around.
Trixie grinned evilly, “Well I can’t see anything else around can you? But you never know when an invisible bear might turn up. Now can you gentlecolts give me a hoof?”
“What can we do for you?”
“I’m looking for the office where you get licences for selling alcohol.”
“Going professional are you? I thought you just liked drinking the stuff.”
“I don’t touch alcohol myself,” said Moonlight, “My body is a temple.”
“I think that’s one of the offices over in Clover square?” said Frolicsome.
“Yeh, I had to go there to get the paperwork for my sister’s wedding, took ages, and then it was all wasted when that good for nothing groom didn’t turn up. If I ever get my hooves on him, I’ll..” he snarled.
“Calm down Moonie, you know it’s bad for your blood pressure.” said his partner soothingly.
“I just get so angry, she was crying for weeks and to leave her in her condition. What are we going to do when the foal’s here?”
Frolicsome have his partners a wing hug, “I’m sure you’ll manage, I’ll do what I can to help.” he turned to Trixie, “Sorry about this, representative, he’s very close to his sister.”
Feeling awkward Trixie started to sidle away from the pair as Frolicsome started to nuzzle Moonlight, “Thanks for that, I’ll just be off now. I hope your sister feels better.” with that she cantered off into the city.
It didn’t take long for her to find Clover Square, it was one of the major bureaucracy hubs in the city outside of the castle itself. The building had been opened a few hundred years ago when the administration needs of Equestria had outstripped the space in the castle. Ponies were swarming over the buildings like insects carrying paperwork from office to office, running the organs of state.
In a surprisingly short period of time she located the room she was looking for, it was full of some of the most board ponies she had ever seen. At the far end was a board stating ‘’Please wait until your number is called’ She walked over to the receptionist and took a number ‘172’ she checked the board, it currently read 84, she could be here for hours.
She turned to the receptionist and gave what she thought was a winning smile, “Look, I’m in a bit of a hurry here, is there any way I can get this sorted out now?”
The receptionist looked up from filing her hooves, “No,” she said.
“Look I’m a representative, doesn’t that count for something?”
“No.”
“I’m Luna’s personal student, for Luna’s sake,” yelled Trixie.
“No.”
“I’m one of the elements of Harmony, I saved you from Corona.”
“Well in that case,” the receptionist leaned forward over her desk, “No. Anyway it’s time for my break I’ll be back in half an hour.”
“Fine, but just see if I save the world next time Corona attacks.” Fuming Trixie slumped into a chair and watched as the clock slowly ticked away the hours.
Pokey's Holiday (or Trixie's adventures in Bureaucracy land)
Friday
Finally after what felt like an eternity imprisoned in the waiting room without even a selection of out of date magazines for company Trixie’s number was called.
She took a deep breath and trotted into the office, it was small and messy with piles of files covering most of the floor, for a moment Trixie was reminded of the state of her own house. Then she drew her attention to the middle aged mare behind the desk, she was a unicorn and both her mane and coat were the same dull shade of grey. I guess grey really does mean government , thought Trixie. Much of the room was the same colour, the only hint of colour in the entire room was a single picture on the desk showing the smiling face of a young light blue unicorn mare.
“I’m sorry for the delay,” she said in a monotone, completely lacking any sincerity. “My name is Dull Grey. How can I help you Miss.”
“I’d like to process these papers please.” Trixie pushed the pile of paperwork over the desk. Grey took them in her aura, also grey, and slowly scanned through them one page at a time. Somewhere in the background a clock ticked away the seconds slowly, it felt to Trixie like it was cutting away her life one tiny fragment at a time.
“This seems to be in order. The finished licence should be with your office by the end of next week.”
“Could you speed it up a bit, there was a mix up it should have been with you several days ago.”
“I’m sorry but time scales are time scales. If I rushed this through I’d have to rush them all through.”
Ok , thought Trixie, I can do this, I’m a show mare. Time to put on a show.
Trixie gave a theatrical sigh and let her nuzzle quiver a bit, “Well thanks for your time, Ms Grey. I just don’t know what to do now,” she put a hitch in her voice, “This is my first big job and if I come back empty hooved, my boss is sure to fire me. It’s just me to look after my mother and my sisters.” she let a single tear roll down her cheek.
“Well,” said Dull hesitantly, “There might be something I can do to help.”
“Really,” said Trixie excitedly, “You’re such a great pony.”
“Well you remind me of my daughter. Just don’t tell anyone I did this for you.”
“My lips are sealed,” said Trixie making a zipping motion with her hoof.
Dull pulled out a form from her desk and started to write on it. “Now if you just give me the processing charge.”
“Charge?”
“The 200 bits for the licence.”
Trixie thought back to the bag of money Mac had given her and how it was still in her safe, in Ponyville, miles away. Her heart fell. “I left them at home,” she stuttered.
Dull sighed, “You work for a representative right? Do you have their charge code? We can take it from that account.”
Trixie quickly gave out her code, she could still salvage this, Dull went through a list from her desk. “That’s odd. This code’s been suspended. It’s apparently been overcharged, something about a massive order of forms.”
Trixie felt like screaming, those forms seemed to dog her every step. “Couldn’t you wave the charge, just this once?”
Dull gave her a strict look, “I’m sorry, I might be able to bend the rules to get this done quickly but it still has to be paid for. You really need to talk to your boss about this.”
Giving her grudging thanks Trixie turned and slouched out of the door in defeat. She checked the clock again, the offices would be closing in about four hours. Maybe if she could sort out the form thing she could get her code unsuspended and then get back here in time to get the licence. Given how things had been going so far it didn’t seem likely but it was a plan.
Trixie wandered over to the receptionist not really expecting anything but willing to try, “You wouldn’t happen to know where I go to see about returning forms would you?”
“No.”
“I thought so, well, you’ve been very helpful, not!”
“Oh, wait, actually I do, I think that’s central admin it’s just across the street.” The receptionist pointed out of a window.
“Thanks, I could kiss you, but I won’t,” said Trixie as she rushed rushed off in the direction indicated.
**
“Forms, sure just submit a QZ456 form and we’ll get you all the forms you want. You want to return forms? Why would you do that? Try complaints, their up in the castle, north wing 4th floor.”
**
“We’ll this isn’t a complaint, you made the mistake, unless you want to complain about yourself. Deliveries are arrange from central admin down on Clover square.”
**
“I think I remember arranging to return forms, we’ll need a copy of the original order and form H2SO4, I think you can get one from up in the castle.”
**
“Try next door.”
**
“H2SO4, we don’t use them anymore maybe if you talk to central admin.”
**
“Forms, sure just submit a QZ456 form and we’ll get you all the forms you want. Didn’t I see you earlier?”
**
“Ffurflenni beth ydych chi'n siarad am? Mae hwn yn siop esgidiau!”
**
“Maybe someone in the loading docks can help you?”
**
“Sorry Toots love to help you but we’re closed for the day. Maybe if you come back after the weekend?” The supervisor put a far too friendly hoof on Trixie’s flank and gently guided the bewildered mare out of the large loading area before slamming the door.
Trixie looked up at the sun now starting its ascent into the sky, around her the city was just starting to go to sleep. Four hours! She had spent over four hours being pushed from office to office and she had nothing to show for her work. She was exhausted, her head ached, her hooves throbbed, she wanted to sleep, she wanted to cry, she even briefly wished for the peace of death. This was a worse torture than anything Corona could ever do to anypony, this was beaurocracy.
She wandered the city like a zombie for a while, mind blank, hooves on autopilot. When she came to she found herself in a small donut shop in the backstreets nuzzle deep in the fried treats and without even the smallest dollop of mayonnaise to help with the flavour.
Defeated, she had been utterly defeated by the system she had spent all night wrestling with. Now all she could do was return to Ponyville and face the music.
Still Trixie thought, What’s the worst that can happen? Ok, the town is going to be fairly upset about not being able to buy alcohol, but it’s not like they're going to lynch me, some might even thank me. The Trust might not be happy about not being allowed to sell their cider but Mac said they sell it in other places they’re not going to make a loss. Her mood started to brighten, the donuts were really good. As for the forms well I’ll sort something out, it’s not like Luna will banish me for over ordering too many, it probably happens all the times. I’m just making a mountain out of a molehill.
With renewed purpose Trixie stood and trotted from the shop to the train station just in time to catch the next train to Ponyville. She fell into a deep dreamless sleep for the whole of the journey.
****
Trixie was awoken by the conductor shaking her when the train pulled into Ponyville station. She yawned and stretched, although she felt better than she had a few hours ago she was still groggy and wished for nothing more than another day or so’s sleep, but she should open the residence for the day. She wouldn’t make her performance this week any better by closing for the day, plus maybe if she looked through the files enough she might find a solution to her problems. Perhaps she could sell the excess forms as firelighters or something, at least she’d make up some of the cost and it would be cathartic to see the paperwork in flames.
As she trotted through the town Trixie couldn’t help but notice the evil looks she was getting from the ponies about town. Most glared at her, one or two crossed the street to avoid her, one even spat at her hooves. With a sinking feeling she arrived at the residence to see a large crowd surrounding the building muttering to each other.
“What’s going on?” asked Trixie to a random pony as she approached the crowd.
“Well I’ve heard that the representative banned all alcohol from the town,” replied the pony not giving Trixie a second glance.
“I heard that she’s found a loophole that allows her to get all the booze she want while leaving the rest of us dry.” added a second pony.
“It’s disgraceful,” said a third, “Making decisions for us like that, who put her in charge anyway?”
“Err, Princess Luna?” suggested Trixie.
“We’ll maybe her majesty didn’t know what a sneaky, deceitful pony her representative is. If she ever stops hiding in her house I’ll give her a piece of my mind.”
“Never trusted her,” noted the original pony, “Making nice with Corona when she first turned up.”
“What a minute.” said the second pony pointing at Trixie, “You’re her! You’re the representative.”
“Hey,” yelled the third, “She’s back here, Trixie’s here.”
It seemed to Trixie that the entire crowd turned as one to face her, she had to fight very hard against her instinct to turn invisible. She scanned the crowd looking for familiar faces, she saw Cheerilee standing next to her sister near the residence her foreleg over the pink mare’s withers. In the middle of the crowd she thought she saw Lyra give her a friendly wave.
The crowd opened for her in silence. Nervously she started to trot forwards towards her home, preparing to gallop if the crowd turned more hostile. Suddenly a stallion rushed forwards causing her to rear up, “It’s her fault,” he yelled, “She’s the one stealing our booze.”
“Now hold on a minute,” came a rumbling shout, Trixie saw Big Mac effortlessly push his way through the crowd and stop between her and the stallion who skidded to a halt then started to back away. “I don’t want any trouble here,” warned the large red earth pony.
The crowd give Trixie and her protector at bit more room as they reached the door of the residence. Trixie turned to look at the mob.
“Now I’m sure the representative had a good reason for what she did,” said Mac, “Isn’t that right Trixie.”
Trixie swallowed as all the moisture seemed to evaporate from her mouth, “Err,” she stuttered looking out at the sea of ponies in front of her, normally she would love to be in front of such a crowd but right now she wished she was anywhere else but here. “Well, the thing is,” she took a deep breath, “You see the thing is, it was all a mistake, I didn’t mean to vote that way, I’m sorry. I’m so sorry. Please don’t kill me!”
The crowd was quiet for a moment processing this revelation. Then everypony seemed to be talking at once, yelling at Trixie, who backed away pushing herself flat against her door.
Big Mac once again stepped forward, “Listen,” he bellowed, “The Mayor has told me that she can sort all this out in a month, you only have to go without booze for a few weeks.” The crowd seemed to debate amongst themselves for a few moments before yelling even louder. “Anyway, Trixie herself has made sure that the Apple Trust can hold our normal Cider sell next week, I can personally guarantee we’ll have enough for everybody. Isn’t that right Trixie.” Mac turned to the blue unicorn.
There were a few yells from the crowd about ‘an Apple Trust conspiracy’ but most seemed reasonably happy with this state of affairs.
“Err, about that, there might have been a bit of a mix up.” Mac stared at her in astonishment. “Sorry,” she said lamely.
“Burn her!” cried Berry Punch leaping forward from the crowd hooves swinging just in front of Trixie’s face, she was barely held back by her sister who dragged her back into the crowd, “Burn the witch!”
“Que le Tartarus” cried Trixie in shock.
“She’s talking in Fancy, she’s going to put a spell on us,” cried an orange mare in the crowd, Big Mac gave her an evil glare.
“She turned my Lyra into a bear,” yelled a cream coloured mare. The crowd quieted for a moment and stared at the aqua unicorn next to her who quailed under their gaze, “She got better,” Bon Bon mumbled.
“Burn the witch!” yelled the crowd beginning to surge forward.
“Oh, come on, you all see magic every day. Some of you are Unicorns,” the relevant section of the crowd look abashed.
“Smash her windows!” cried a random stallion.
“Window pane!” gasped Trixie.
“Hey, it’s been a slow week, I’ve got bills to pay.” said the stallion.
There was a yell from above and the approaching crowd of angry ponies stopped in their tracks as a yellow pony with a blue mane dropped to the ground in front of Trixie. The representative was sure she felt the ground shake as Raindrops hit it. The crowd took one and in many cases several steps back.
“You know who I am,” intoned Raindrops surveying the crowd, “You know what I’ve done in the past.” She and Mac took a step forwards. The crowd started to disperse as several of its members suddenly decided they had to desperately be somewhere else. “Now leave Trixie alone.”
“Trixie,” growled Raindrops her eyes locked on the crowd in front of her.
“Yes?” said Trixie nervously.
“Whatever, you’ve done. Fix it!”
“I don’t know how,” whined Trixie wringing her hooves.
“Then figure it out, or I might be on their side,” she nodded towards the retreating crowd, “next time.”
“I think you better go lie low for a while Trixie,” said Mac, “Me and Ms Raindrops will make sure these,” he gestured to the crowd, “Don’t cause you any trouble for the moment, but some of them might be back.”
Not needing to be told twice Trixie rushed into her house only to emerge a second later with a hastily written sign stating “For Luna’s sake were closed”, she hung the sign on the door before quickly disappearing back into the building and locking the door.
****
Trixie spent the rest of the day hiding in her own house. She kept the curtains drawn and would occasionally peek out of the windows. Although there was no longer an angry crowd surrounding the building many passers-by stopped and glared at the residence some even shook their hooves in anger. It appeared that her mistakes had not quickly been forgotten.
Trixie was just thinking of preparing supper, although today’s events had mostly killed her appetite, when there was a knocking at the door. “Go away, were closed.” she yelled.
“Trixie, it’s me Carrot Top. Can I come in?” came the reply.
Trixie hesitated for a minute, she didn’t want to be yelled at by one of her friends, but she probably deserved it. “Come in,” she sighed unlocking the door.
The orange mare entered and then stared at the mess around the building, “Trixie, why is your house full of boxes and stacks of paper?” As the door shut a pile of paper shifted in the breeze it started to bend until Trixie’s aura carefully straightened it.
“No it isn’t”
“I can see them, they fill the whole place.”
“Oh, these,” replied Trixie as if she hadn’t seen them before, “It’s an illusion.” she bluffed
“An illusion?”
“Yes I’m practising making illusions of boxes in case of box related emergencies.”
“Looking confused Carrot Top poked the nearest box with her hoof, “They’re solid.”
“They’re really good illusions.”
The earth pony shook her head at this and seemed to accept it, “Look Trixie, I’ve got to talk to you about something.”
“Trixie is sorry about the prohibition thing, it was all a big mistake.”
“What prohibition thing?”
Trixie blurted out the whole story to her friend, her mistake in the meeting, the Apple Trust application even her trip to Canterlot. By the time she was finished she felt a little better.
“So no cider, this year then,“ mused Carrot Top, “That should hurt the trust, but I guess I’ll be selling less hangover cures this month,” then she shook her head. “Look Trixie, you shouldn’t blame yourself about all this, it isn’t your fault.” she paused for a second, “Ok I guess it is really but you weren’t the only councillor who voted for the prohibition thing and the forms were an honest mistake.”
Trixie nodded slowly.
“Anyway, I didn’t come here for that. I’ve been told there’s going to be an investigation into some of the subsidies the farmers union have applied for and I was going to ask if you knew anything about them?”
“I don’t think so,” Trixie considered for a moment, then thought of the meeting with the Mayor a few days ago, she remembered something about subsidies then, she hadn’t really been listening, “Oh, I think that might be my fault too,” she wailed, “I thought it was about the Apple Trust but I think I suggested the mayor investigate the subsidies. I’m sorry.”
Carrot Top looked exasperated, “Trixie, you’ve got to stop doing this, you have to realise that what you do affects other ponies, you're responsible for doing what's right for them.”
Suddenly angry Trixie yelled, “Well I didn’t ask for this job. I never wanted to be a representative.”
“No,” growled Carrot Top, “You wanted to be a member of the night court, but don’t you think you’ll have to make decisions there which will affect other ponies? If you can’t manage here what do you think you would do there?”
“I don’t know, I just thought it would be easier than this, that I’d be able to do things, that it’d be exciting, not just be all this paperwork.”
“Trixie, paperwork is how everything gets done, it’s not fun but it’s necessary. You can get things done, but it doesn’t just happen by itself you have to work at it. You fill in a form here and somepony gets to have their wedding by the lake, another one and somepony builds their dream home. You are important and what you do matters, but that’s both a blessing and a curse.”
Trixie seemed to deflate, “I’m sorry, it’s just everything’s been going wrong, I miss Pokey, he made all this seem easy.”
Carrot Top stepped forward and nuzzled Trixie, “Trixie, it’s ok, I know the union deserves every grant it applied for, we’ll still get them just a month or so later. If there’s anything I can do to help just tell me and I know any of the girls would do all they can as well.”
“Thanks but I caused this, I need to fix it.”
“If you’re sure? If this is about that bet, it doesn’t matter”
“Yeh, I’m sure, and it has nothing to do with the bet. Thanks for being such a good friend, I don’t deserve you.”
“Probably not, but you’re stuck with me now,” said Carrot Top with a grin. “See you soon.” with that she trotted out into the night.
Trixie felt energized by her talk with her friend and busied herself cooking a simple meal for herself. She almost burned down the house before she realised that some forms had been stored in the oven. However, she managed to put out the fire before it caused serious damage and the only side effect was her food being slightly charred. Over supper she had an idea as to how she could fix at least one of her failures this week. However, rather than rushing into it, this time she decided to sleep on it. She couldn’t get anything done before the end of the weekend anyway if it still seemed a good idea tomorrow she’d try it.
Staggering into her bedroom she found her bed covered in the ever present paperwork. Sighing she spent half an hour clearing it before collapsing forward into its welcoming embrace. She was asleep before she even hit the sheets.
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Pokey's Holiday (or Trixie's adventures in Bureaucracy land)
Weekend - Bureaucracy land and return of the Pokey
Saturday
Trixie walked the halls of Canterlot castle they were at once familiar and strange. For some reason the halls were empty of ponies but full of forms stretching all the way from the floor to the ceiling far above. They towered far over her head, swaying in the breeze like strange trees. It felt like the paper had eyes which were following her as she went. Some instinct told her she was being followed by something just out of sight, panicked she ran increasingly fast from room to room.
Finally her flight brought her to the throne room. It had seemed to have grown to an even larger size than normal, the far end, including the throne itself, was enveloped in darkness. Trixie slowed to a stop and looked around, even here paperwork was piled high around her stretching up into the darkness.
“Trixie.” came a voice from the far side of the room, Trixie recognised it as Princess Luna but it seemed to have a scratchy undertone the princess of the night did not usually have. “Come closer.”
Although unwilling Trixie’s hooves refused to obey her and she slowly cantered forwards towards the sound of Luna’s voice. She came to a halt just at the foot of the throne although only feet away she could not seem to bring her eyes to focus on the chair and its occupant.
“Are you ready Trixie? Are you prepared for the next phase of your life? Your new form?”
“New form? I don’t understand.”
“You want power don’t you? You want to be part of the night court? Well this is the cost. Come and join me.”
Suddenly Luna leant forward out of the darkness, instead of a flesh and blood pony their sat an alcorn shaped construct formed out of folded paper.
Trixie staggered back gasping.
“What’s the matter Trixie? Don’t you like paperwork?” asked the false Luna. She shot out a hoof and grabbed Trixie by her arm pulling her towards the nearest pile of paper.
“Wait, I don’t want this,” yelled Trixie, struggling both physically and with her magic but the grip was unbreakable.
With a flip of her hoof Luna threw Trixie into the pile of forms which toppled down around her. Trixie struggled trying to escape but the paper seemed to suck her down. Suddenly one of her hooves broke out of the pile and she pulled herself free. Gasping she collapsed onto the ground
Around her a horde of paper ponies had gathered, she recognised the whole of the night court there watching her, they began to chant, “One of us! One of us!”
Trixie backed away using her arm to shield her face. But the limb she raised was not made of flesh and blood. Like the other ponies around her arm was made of paper, panicked she turned to look at herself, her entire body was formed of forms. She tried to cry out but not a sound escaped from her paper lips.
“Welcome to the herd!” announced Luna.
****
With a scream Trixie awoke to see piles of paper rising over her bed. She screamed again and threw herself off the bed and into a further pile of forms which collapsed onto her. In panic she lashed out with her telekinesis, forms, boxes and the other contents of her bedroom were thrown aside burying the floor in a deep layer of paperwork.
Breathing heavily Trixie started to come back to her senses. It had all just been a dream. She looked around at the mess and swore, she’d have to tidy all of this up now. But first she needed to clean herself up, she was soaked in sweat and she hadn’t bathed properly in two days now. Trying to keep her breathing under control Trixie staggered out of her room and down the corridor towards the bathroom. She had to empty the shower of the forms that had been stored in it before she could use it.
****
Once clean Trixie felt almost equine again. The idea she had had yesterday was still on her mind and it seemed to make sense. It was simple really, all she had to do was her job, not cut corners, and just do it.
While she had been away a pile of post had built up, not overwhelming but enough to keep her busy for most of the day. There was also things left over from earlier in the week but if she kept at it all day she should be able to get it all done. But first she thought about Carrot Tops problem, the audit of the union’s grants. She ran through some of the dusty procedure notes in her cupboards, once she had cleared the forms from in front of them. As she suspected, she could act as an auditor herself, if she did it all herself then there shouldn’t be any delay and the grants could be paid out in the next few weeks. She’s need to get the files from the basement to check some things but it didn’t seem too hard.
She opened the door to the basement only to find that the whole room was full of crates from floor to ceiling. Ok, maybe it would be a bit harder than she had thought.
After half an hour of sweating and moving boxes around, followed by two hours of calculation and writing she was finished. It had not been half as hard as she thought it would be, in fact she had sorted some extra funding for some of the union projects. Carrot Top should be pleased. Maybe this paperwork did get something done after all.
Her first task completed Trixie moved on to the rest of the backlog with renewed vigour.
****
Many hours had passed before Trixie next looked up from her work. To her surprise her in tray was entirely bare, she was completely up to date and it had only taken most of the day. She stretched to work the kinks out of her back. Her rumbling stomach reminded her that she should probably see about getting something to eat. Then she remembered that the larder was almost empty and if she didn’t hurry the market would be shut soon. Still she carefully bagged up all the outgoing post and placed it close to the door so she wouldn’t forget to take it to the post office on Monday.
This resulted in her head being very close to the door when a loud knocking was heard, she jumped back in surprise. She tripped over one of the many boxes covering the floor and fell awkwardly. She blinked to clear her vision only to see a vast pile of papers falling on her from above. She braced against the impact but felt the weight of countless sheets of paper cover her completely from horn to tail knocking the air from her lungs. She struggled briefly against the press of the forms with both her limbs and her magic but it was no use, she was completely trapped.
Well, she thought to herself, I did always think paperwork would kill me someday, I never thought it would be this literal. Still it’s quite comfortable in this womb of forms, I suppose this isn’t a bad way to die actually, maybe someone will find my corpse eventually and erect a statue to me; The Great and Powerful Representative Trixie, Luna’s personal student, element of magic, died in the line of duty, sort of.
There was a faint sound from outside her papery tomb, was there someone out there? I’m not going to smother without a fight , she struggled against the weight above her and suddenly her right fore hoof was free. It brushed against something warm and she heard a girlish scream. Taking as deep a breath as she could she yelled, “Help me!”
“Trixie? Is that you?” came the reply, it was Pokey, what was he doing here?
“Get me out of here!”
Trixie felt some of the weight lift off of her chest and suddenly she could see again. Framed in the light was Pokey’s face, covered in sunglasses and wearing a large straw hat. To Trixie it was one of the most beautiful things she had ever seen. “What are you doing there?” he asked.
“Drowning,” she gasped.
“You certainly got buried in your work.”
She glared at him and he looked a little abashed, “Just help me out.”
It took half an hour for the two of them to completely excavate Trixie from the pool of paperwork. She limped over to her chair and plopped herself down while Pokey leaned against one of the boxes.
“Just as well I decided to pop in once I got home. What happened while I was away?” he asked.
Trixie took a deep breath and proceeded to give a shortened version of her woes over the last week. Once she stopped she feared that he’d burst into laughter at her misfortunes but instead he looked at her sympathetically.
“That was harsh,” he told her, “But you should see some of the mistakes I made when I started here?”
“What mistakes?” she asked suspiciously.
“Oh nothing too big,” he replied backpedalling, “I guess I’m just better at hiding them than you are, plus I’m the assistant so there’s a limit to what I can get blamed for. Anything big is officially your fault.”
“You know I might have to check some of the files from when you started now, I’m starting to get used to this paperwork stuff now. Anyway haven't you got a home to go to?”
“Yeh, I suppose I should unpack, but I’ll see you tomorrow.”
“Tomorrow? That’s still your holiday.”
“We’ll it’ll look bad if I keep working for public enemy number one, so I should try to improve your reputation. Besides, I’ve got some ideas on how to fix your problems.”
As she stood to let Pokey out Trixie’s stomach growled noisily.
“Have you eaten anything today?” he asked.
“I got a little caught up in my work, before it decided to attack me,” she made a face, “I forgot to go shopping as well.”
“So we can eat out, my treat.”
“Pokey, that too kind. You don’t need to do that.”
“Don’t worry, I can tell you about my holiday while we eat,” he gestured for her to leave the residence, “While I was away I met these two guys, Sonny and Rico were their names and...”
Sunday
This time Trixie’s sleep was not interrupted by nightmares and when she awoke it was almost noon. She completed her morning ablutions and trotted down to the office to find Pokey was already there at his seat.
“Morning Boss,” he said, “I saved some donuts for you,” he gestured at a greasy bag sitting on her desk.
“You shouldn’t have,” she said picking out the first of the treats and biting into it.
“We’ll unlike you I have to keep my slim figure so I couldn’t eat them all. Anyway I think I’ve sorted out your problems.”
Trixie let her barb slide off of her, “How?” she asked.
“Well the prohibition thing was the easiest. I went to the Mayor’s house and asked for a look at the wording of the original law.”
“How is your relationship with the Mayor?” asked Trixie remembering Ivory’s outburst from a few days ago.
“Fine, she’s always been very friendly and helpful to me, she’s definitely got my vote come election time.”
“I think it may be more than your vote she wants,” muttered Trixie, Pokey looked confused, “Anyway continue.”
“Well the law has a whole bunch of loopholes in it: - It doesn’t cover anything purchased before it came into effect, only covers purchases in Ponyville and only applies if the only thing you purchase is alcohol. Thus if you buy, for instance a form,” he levitated one of the many forms around the building, “and a beer, you can still get the beer post prohibition. So I managed to hoof off a few thousand forms to the bars around town to sell until we can get the law changed again. They’re still not happy with you but I don’t think they’re baying for your blood any more. Now for the Apple Trust problem that’s a bit more complicated but I think if I get into Canterlot tonight with the money I can get a form sorted out, a few ponies own me favours. Which leaves me to the third problem, the forms.” he glanced around at the towering piles of paper, “If you hadn’t unpacked them I could probably just get them returned you just send in an order form with a negative number on it. I’ve already done that for the rest of the express order, which knowing how those go out will probably arrive in a month or so. However, this time of year everybody needs loads of these forms, everyone in the whole of Equestria has to complete them, which is probably why they had so many available to send to you in the first place. So we can arrange to send them to other offices when they need them in exchange for stuff we actually need, you might have to learn to live with them for a while but I think we can get rid of them all eventually.”
Trixie looked impressed at all this planning, “Wow you are good at this!”
“That’s what my last performance review said.”
“What review, I didn’t write a review.”
“Well you signed one, it was very glowing. I’m expecting a good raise based in it. Anyway, as to using all of our budget on the forms, well look at this.” he held up a sheet of paper. “This is our stationary budget, now what’s that?” he pointed at one entry, much larger than the rest.
Trixie squinted at the writing, “That’s you, that’s your salary.”
“You really think I’m a pony shaped piece of stationary?”
“Well I didn’t know what else to do when I hired you.”
“There’s a special budget for staff you know, I sorted it out during my first week on the job.”
“I’ve been paying you twice? Is that how you can afford all that horn sharpening and enlargement equipment?”
“No.” said Pokey sounding annoyed. “You’ve been paying it into a holding account, we can just access it and use it to get whatever we need for the moment. The only thing I can’t fix is your hat, I’m fairly sure Money Penny exceeded her authority there. She really doesn’t like you, did you melt her house or something?”
“No I didn’t.” said Trixie sounding annoyed, “You melt one ice palace and they never let you live it down. Still I guess I’ll have to take responsibility for that, Luna will probably yell at me about that but I’ve done worse so it shouldn’t be too bad. Anyway you’ve really worked on all of this, I’m beginning to agree with that review I didn’t write. But I have figured out how to stop any of this even happening again.”
“How?”
“I’m cancelling all of your holidays from now on.”
Author's Note
Well that all folks.
Not my best work I think, its not that funny a comedy and a very pedestrian slice of life but I think its got some fun bits in it.
Turned out much larger than I'd though it seems each story I write is longer than the previous ones.
Feedback please!