Itty-Bitty Bite Size Stories

by gallagsp the corgi

Rating: teen
Tags: Slice of Life, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Alternate Universe, Main 6, Romance, Comedy, Random, Crossover
Length: 36655

Short stories all under 500 words!

Short stories all under 500 words! Read and enjoy!

Read the sequel here!

One of the chapters has been made into a full-size story based on Popular request! Check out "Rusted" Check it out here!

4/29/2014 *Now taking chapter suggestions! Send me a message or write a comment with your idea, or post one to my user page!*

This story got featured on 5/3/2014, on 5/7/2014 and AGAIN on 5/14/2014! Thank you everyone who supported this story!

Published 2013-08-01 02:50:04 UTC
Last updated 2014-05-22 15:58:34 UTC

The Journal

It was shelving day in the library, Twilight Sparkle was busy sorting books and dusting the shelves. Everything seemed normal, until she discovered a book hidden behind some others. Thinking nothing of it, she pulled it down and read the cover.

Daring Do and the Spectral Temple

She raised an eyebrow. This wasn't one of her books, in fact, this wasn't even a story in the Daring Do series. Twilight Opened the first page and began reading.

~One Hour Later~

Twilight Slammed the book shut, her face bright red. A fanfiction. Somepony had the nerve to hide a fanfiction in plain sight. And one so graphic at that! Twilight set the book down and looked it over again. She was angry. Who in their right mind would do such a thing? leaving such trash in her library where little fillies could find it!

There was a knock at the door. Twilight calmed herself down and answered it.

"Hello, Rainbow Dash, what can I do for you?"

"Yeah, um, I left my journal here and I kinda have stuff in it I don't want anypony to see."

"Was it a brown leather book, about this thick?" Twilight asked, holding out her hooves for demonstration.

"Yeah, you haven't read it, have you?" Rainbow peered past Twilight and saw the book sitting on the table. "Oh jeez." She blushed and lowered her ears to her head.

"Rainbow, we need to talk."

The Crystal Empire's New Weapon

Shining Armor sat in a simple wooden chair across from his superior. A large, ornate crystal desk sat between them, and his superior sat in an equally large ornate crystal thrown. They were in the midst of a heated argument.

"Think about it," Shining said. "If we introduce this new weapon to the Crystal Arsenal, the empire won't have to rely on our allies as much for defense, and we can be one step closer to actual freedom!"

"I've told you no." His superior responded, a bored look on her face. "This weapon is terrifying. All it will do is make us seem like we're developing some secret "Take over the world" agenda, and I won't have the Empire being associated with that. We are a peaceful nation, and still recovering from the thousand years under Sombra's rule. The last thing the ponies need is word that we are developing new military hardware without their consent."

"But think how we can improve their moral! If they learn about our military development they won't be afraid anymore."

"And what if this weapon falls into the wrong hooves?"

"It won't. I promise!"

"Commander, I said no, and that is final."

"But ma'am, I-"

"No buts. You are to cease development on this weapon immediately."

"Come on, baby! Please let me work with this!"

"Shining-" Cadance was cut short by her husband's best puppy-dog eyes. She sighed. "Fine. You can continue developement, now come here you big goof." She leaned over the desk and planted a kiss on his lips. "I'll see you at dinner tonight, have a good day, love you."

"Yes, your highness!" Shining saluted and left the room. Outside the office, three worried looking crystal statues sat in chairs, the chairs creaking and groaning under the obvious stress from the weight. Shining opened the door and stepped out into the hallway, he sighed and smiled, then turned to the statues.

"Congratulations, boys, you start boot camp on Monday." He said. The statues looked at him and smiled. Operation Living Crystal was a go.

The Darkest Fear

It was unnaturally dark, like all the light in the room had been sucked out with a vacuum. The only source of light was the slight glow that came from the void's only inhabitant.

Celestia looked around cautiously. A deep sense of dread filled her gut but she would not show it. This enemy had made a huge mistake transporting her to this void, she would find a way out, and she would stop whoever they were.

An almost silent tapping filled the void. Celestia looked frantically for the source of the sound but could find nothing. She felt like she was being watched, but she could see no eyes. The tapping came faster and louder, and there was a sickening crunching sound with it now. The occasional airy hiss pierced the noise of random tapping that was almost unbearable. Then she saw them.

Hundreds of blood red sets of eyes, clumped together in groups of eight stared her down. Celestia's heart skipped a beat and she whimpered to herself, all facades of courage fading at the sight of her enemy. Everything in her instincts told her to run, but she was frozen in place by fear. The spiders continued to come closer.

Then, all at once, they jumped at her. The furry arachnids pounced like a timberwolf on a rabbit, covering Celestia head to tail in the terrifying demons.

She screamed. The fear that once froze her in place now drove her to act. She flailed and kicked and yelled, but it was no good. The spiders had overtaken her and she fell to the floor, where they continued to climb on top of her, she raised her hoof in a lat attempt at freedom, but soon it too was dragged beneath the ocean of spiders.

Celestia shot up in her bed, screaming. She looked around frantically, and seeing there was no danger, took a deep breath. It had all been a dream. A terrifying dream. She chuckled to herself and lay back down, quickly falling back to sleep.

Meanwhile, in the Castle Library, Luna sat in a trance like state, slowly stroking her pet tarantula, who had three of its legs wrapped in bandages. The spider looked to her in worry, and she smiled, eyes still closed.

After all, it was her duty to keep ponies' dreams safe... and sometimes use them for revenge.

Rational Thinking

The others stared at Rainbow Dash, looks of shock and awe on their faces. It wasn't the good kind of shock and awe either. One thing Rainbow Dash could not grasp is that when somepony stares at her like that, it means "Sweet Celestia, what have you done?" and not "How very interesting, please continue."

Not catching the hint, Rainbow continued to explain her elaborate and possibly insane plan to get into the Wonderbolts.

"And then after the quadruple corkscrew back-flip I'll-"

"Rainbow," Twilight interrupted, having heard enough to actually estimate the cost of Rainbow's medical bills, "Don't you think that this is all a bit irrational?"

"Silly Twilight," Pinkie Pie chimed in, a knowing smirk on her face. "Dashie can't think rationally."

"Hey! What's that supposed to-"

"She can only think DASHionally!" There was an audible sigh of discontent as the pun hit everyone's ears. Pinkie herself was rolling on the ground laughing at her own pun.

"You know what?" Rainbow said. "That pun was so bad, that I've lost all will to do this trick."

"Just looking out for my friends!" Pinkie replied between fits of laughter.

Sleep-bucking

WUMP

The telltale sound of a tree trunk being struck echoed through the orchard. Normally, this wouldn't be an issue, except it was two in the morning.

WUMP

The sound echoed again. Applejack groggily opened her eyes. She yawned and looked out the window toward the orchard.

"What in tarnation is that?"

She climbed out of bed and made her way downstairs, careful not to wake anypony else in the family. She opened the door with a creak and took a step outside. She stopped suddenly and went back into the house. She reemerged a minute later wielding a baseball bat in her mouth. Just in case this wasn't just some rodent or other vermin raiding her fruit. She stepped of the porch and trotted quietly along the path.

The sound became louder as she got closer. She looked up to see some trees that were missing fruit. She growled in anger and turned the corner, bat raised high to meet the thief.

She froze when she saw the source of the noise. A pink earth pony with a frizzy mane reared back and bucked. Striking a tree with precision only she or Big Macintosh could match. The fruit fell down into perfectly placed baskets, not a single one missed the mark. Then she saw something that really made her anger and confusion flare.

Why was Pinkie Pie snoring?

Applejack slowly approached and put a hoof on Pinkie's withers. The pony snorted but her eyes remained closed. Applejack shrugged and pushed harder. Pinkie stumbled but caught herself before she fell. Applejack was dumbfounded as Pinkie continued to buck apples and carry the baskets to a waiting wagon.

Applejack sat down and watched for bit. Then she called Pinkie's name.

"Uh, Pinkie Pie?"

"GAAAAHH!" Pinkie Shouted. She was awake. She looked around frantically. "What? Who? Where?" She turned to Applejack. "Applejack? What are you doing at Sugarcube corner this hour?"

"Pinkie? This is the farm. You were sleep-walking again." Applejack gestured to the baskets filled with apples. "Only this time it seems you decided to do some harvesting."

"Again?"

"eeyup."

"Oh. I guess my medication really DOES have side effects!" Pinkie laughed. "Just the other day I was baking and then-" She never finished the sentance. Her eyes suddenly closed and she slumped to the ground, snoring. Applejack laughed and leaned back against a tree. She tilted her hat over her eyes and listened to the sounds around her. Watching over the pink party pony while she slept.

She would have to read the label on her medication tomorrow, but for now Applejack was happy to just enjoy the night with Pinkie.

SCP-1485 (Crossover)

Dr. Bright sat at his computer, typing away to fill in the required forms for the latest specimen aquired by the foundation. He froze suddenly, looking away from the monitor and to a blank wall in his office. The surface of the wall rippled and then a pink appendage poked through the liquid surface. The rest soon followed, and Bright found himself nose-to-snout with the specimen he was writting a report on.

"Fourteen-eighty-five, I told you you can't breach containment."

"But its so boring in there!" The pink equine responded. "I came by to see what you were up to, Jackie!"

"I told you, call me Jack or call me Bright. Jackie's a woman's name."

"But I've seen you in a woman before!" Pinkie pointed to the red gemstone surrounded in decorative silver in Dr. Bright's hand. "And that thingamajig is responsible!"

"Pinkie-"

Pinkie gasped. "You actually called me by my name! YES! We're making progress." She rubbed her hooves together. "Everything is going according to plan, doctor. Step two of my 'Make Dr. Jack Bright my best human friend ever so that I can have human friends' plan is to sing a silly song that will warm your heart and raise your spirits!"

"Please no." Bright shrunk down into his chair. He briefly considered pushing the red button under his desk to call a containment breach, but he knew it would do no good. And he didn't want to fill out paperwork for the mass amount of panic and casualties that would follow.

Pinkie sang her song. In as loud a voice as she could.

"JACKIE IS MY BEST-EST FRIEND FROM THE HUMAN WORLD!
HE WORKS FOR THE FOUNDATION KEEPING SECRET STUFF
HE CAN CHANGE BODIES WITH THAT SECRET KIND OF STUFF
HE'S FRIENDLY ON THE INSIDE BUT OUTSIDE HE ACTS ALL TOUGH!"

"Pinkie, please. Do me a favor and go back into containment before they realize you're missing."

"Aw. Do I have to?"

"I'll schedule you an appointment with SCP-999."

"The tickle monster?"

"Yes. That one."

"YAY! I love him, he's so super duper nice and he tickles really good and makes me laugh and-" Pinkie was cut off as she phased back through the wall. Bright turned back to his computer and continued to fill out paperwork. Then it happened.

He cracked a smile.

The Morning After Part 2

Something soft and feathery tickled Twilight's nose, forcing her to wake with a groan. Whatever this irritant was, it was about to have 50,000 volts of pure arcane magic blasting it to smithereens. She swiped at the offending object only to find it was attached to a much larger object, one covered in feathers. Twilight opened her eyes slowly and saw the blue wing laying across her. She followed the appendage down to the sleeping form of a pony next to her. Realization slowly pushed into her mind. She had just two questions:

Why was Rainbow Dash in her bed?

Why did everything smell like sweat and alcohol?

The second was answered as she stretched out her hind leg, the sound of a glass bottle falling to the floor signaled to her that she had done some drinking. It was her birthday last night, after all. She tried remembering what exactly had happened last night. She remembered a party, some drinking, and-

"Oh Sweet Celestia." Twilight slammed her eyes shut and rubbed her temples. "Okay, Twilight. No need to panic. Nothing happened last night between you and Rainbow. Just think for a minute." A thousands scenarios ran through her battered mind, as she decided which ones were possible and not, the list got smaller and smaller until only two remained:

She had gotten drunk and slept with Rainbow Dash

Discord is actually still evil and had teamed up with Chrysalis to reincarnate Sombra and Nightmare Moon, causing a massive end-of-the-world scenario that they had stopped just in time before passing out from exhaustion in her bed.

The second didn't seem very likely, but it was her only hope.

"I'm going to have to apologize later." She thought to herself. "Right now, I need some sleep."

She pulled the blanket over both of them, pulled Rainbow's sleeping form closer, and closed her eyes. They shot back open a second later when she heard Rainbow mutter something in her sleep. Now sleep was physically impossible.

She could have sworn she heard Rainbow mutter "Love you, Egghead."

Twilight sat there, eyes wide open, suddenly afraid of her friend lying next to her. She needed answers, she needed a way out, but most of all she needed a way to tell Rainbow Dash that she wasn't into mares. She cursed silently and blamed the alcohol.

Author's Note

A follow up to "The Morning After" from Twilight's point of view, and an alternate take on the subject. I personally love TwiDash shipping, but I figured I needed a twist on it for this story, also, I felt it necessary to put an author's note explaining all this to clear up any confusion. So yeah. Keep a look out for more updates soon!

Lightning (Rivals Week)

CRACK

ZAP

POW

With each sound, another hay bale in the field below burst into flames. They were scattered around seemingly randomly, but there was a purpose to the position. Some were behind hastily constructed walls, some out in the open, some obscured behind tall grass. The sounds continued, and soon the whole field was burning brightly.

Lighting Dust laughed from her perch on top of a storm cloud. The heat from below warmed her heart and the smoke cleared her lungs. She felt incredible, unstoppable, and totally invincible. Her dilated pupils scanned the scene below within her bloodshot eyes, her yellow teeth shone through her crooked smile. Her mane was horrible and her filthy coat shown through the tattered remains of her cadet flight suit, but she didn't care.

She would have her revenge. After all, Rainbow Dash may be fast...

But nothing is as fast as lightning.

Dreams (Rivals Week)

I don't need your help, Sparkle!

Trixie, we don't have time for this, let me help you!

No! I can do this, I don't need you, I don't need anypony!

This is a death wish! You can't do this alone! Trixie pushed her magic harder, not only focusing her attack, but also blocking out Twilight's magic. She didn't need help. She was the Great and Powerful Trixie, she didn't need anyone's help.

The Ursa roared and opened its mouth. It came down on Trixie. She couldn't stop it.

"Gaah!" Trixie yelled, shooting up in bed. She looked around frantically. Just her cart. no Ursa in sight. She put her head back down to her pillow and turned to her side, she pulled her purple stuffed alicorn closer, careful not to damage the new wings.

In the darkness of her mobile home, all alone on the side of the road, with only a stuffed alicorn plush of a rival-turned-friend to dry her tears, Trixie cried.

Fancy (Rivals Week)

The two mares sized each other up, one taller than the other, both clearly angry. Fluer De Lis scoffed at the idea of facing such a peasant.

The "peasant" was responsible for saving Equestria countless times from evil, something Fluer seemed to have forgotten. She raised her hoof and slapped the other across the face. "Stay away from my husband, you no good hick."

Rarity smirked as she carefully removed her hat and set it aside, letting her flawless mane fall. Fluer watched her carefully.

She ended up with a kung-fu kick to the face.

That started it off, as the two fought, they turned to dirtier and dirtier tactics in order to gain the upper hoof. Fluer may have had the size advantage, but she was no match for Rarity's cunning and overall "I'm kind of used to having to fight for my life-ness". Overall they were well matched, and as the battle raged on a crowd began to form.

Spike and Fancy Pants watched in stunned silence, then without a word, spike offered a bag of popcorn to Fancy Pants. He took a hoof of it and popped it into his mouth, his eyes never leaving the scene in front of them.

Author's Note

Explanation: In my head canon, Fluer De Lis became jealous of Rarity for all the attention she was getting from her husband during the events of "Sweet and Elite", so she did the stereotypical teenager thing of holding a grudge and insulting until it boiled over.

Its my head canon and I'll do with it what I want!

Pink (Rivals Week)

Pinkie Pie didn't like mirrors. There was a very good reason why, and nopony but her knew it. However, today, she really needed a mirror. She gulped and looked into the mirror slowly, breathing a sigh of relief when she saw only herself. She set about fixing her mane, her reflection copying her every move. Then it did something unexpected. Her reflection reached beyond the frame and grabbed a straightener. The reflection began straightening her mane quickly, a grin slowly spreading on it's face. Pinkie gasped and started shaking her head to clear it, but the reflection wouldn't return to normal.

"Hello Pinkie." It said once its mane was straightened completetly. "It's been awhile. How are you, how are your friends?"

"Like you'd like to know!" Pinkie Pointed accusingly at the reflection. "All you do is pull me away from them, make me hate them and make me want to hurt them! You don't care at all!"

"You're right. I don't care." The reflection leaned against the mirror's frame and inspected her hoof. "I don't care at all. In fact, once I get out of here, your friends are all as good as dead."

"You'll never get out."

"Oh, won't I?" The reflection stood up on her hind legs and placed her front hooves on the glass. "I've been working on it for a while, and I think I've just about got it." She slammed her hoof into the glass, sending spiderweb cracks across its surface. Pinkie jumped back in shock and watched as the glass slowly started to fall from the frame and shatter on the floor. Pinkie began screaming as her reflection stepped out of the mirror and began laughing maniacally.

"Pinkie Pie? Pinkie, are you okay?" A voice called from the other side of Pinkie's bedroom door. "Pinkie, I'm coming in!" The door burst open and Mr. Cake ran inside, baseball bat in his mouth. He dropped the bat and raised an eyebrow. Pinkie was sitting on her bed, her mane was straight and her hoof was cut and bloody. The shattered remains of a mirror scattered across the floor.

"Pinkie Pie, what happened?" Mr. Cake approached her.

"I-I, I saw a spider."

"A spider?" Mr. Cake observed the scene with doubt.

"And I panicked."

"Okay... Well, come with me, we'll get that hoof cleaned up."

"O-Okay, thank you, Mr. Cake." Pinkie stood up and followed Mr. Cake out of the room. She cast one last look at the shattered mirror and shuddered as a hundred Mini-Pinkemena Diane Pies watched her with looks of hatred and rage from the shattered pieces of glass.

Author's Note

It was really hard for me to come up with an actual rival for Pinkie. I almost went with Gilda, but Gilda really isn't Pinkie's biggest enemy. I see Pinkie's biggest enemy as herself, hence Pinkamena.

Eclipse (Rivals Week)

Patches of dark and light grass covered the field below. Celestia, aboard her airship Harmony looked down to her ground forces below. The army stood stoically, waiting her commands. Celestia glanced across the field to her enemy's forces, standing in a eerily similar formation awaiting the orders of their commander. Celestia sent word to a small force below, they advanced, and so began the battle.

The enemy countered, and soon the two divisions were locked, neither one being able to advance or retreat. Celestia sent more units forward, but for each advance she made the enemy countered with an equal move. It was like they were toying with her, testing her, holding out until she made a mistake. She would not make that mistake. She would beat this opponent and bring peace to these lands.

She made move after move with her troops, the enemy continued to counter, sometimes they would deal a deadly blow to the forces on the ground, wiping out entire divisions in one fell swoop. Celestia did what she could to stop the onslaught but she could only do so much. Soon, the strategic movements turned into desperate counterattacks and cowardice trickery. Celestia refused to admit it, but she was losing this battle.

She finally made that fatal mistake. Her forces moved to attack, leaving a hole in her defenses. The enemy was quick to flood through the gap, and soon, Celestia's floating fortress was surrounded. She could do nothing but finally accept defeat. She ordered the flag to be lowered, and in shame she bowed her head. The enemy commander boarded her ship and met her face to face. Celestia bowed to her new ruler, showing respect, but not hiding her anger.

"And that was the only game of chess I have ever lost." Celestia said to Twilight over her tea.

"And 'Twas a glorious day for the Lunar Republic." Luna yawned, taking a long draw from her coffee cup.

"So, the game chess was invented by you two?" Twilight said with confusion. "And it was an actual war game where ponies were killed and stuff?"

"Times were different a thousand years ago." Celestia smiled. "And Luna fought dirty."

"Tis a lie! Thou art the one who resorted to cowerdly tactics and treachery!"

"Did not."

"Did too"

"Did not." Celestia said, standing up from her seat.

"Did too!" Luna stood to size her up. They were face to face. "Let us settle this matter honorably in the field of battle!"

"I agree." Celestia's horn glowed and a large chess board materialized on the table. "I go first."

Twilight watched in awe and shock as chess pieces began rapidly moving around the board. She smiled slowly and thought to herself.

Better this than an actual war, I guess.

Author's Note

Bam! The finale to Rivals Week is here! Thanks for sticking with me this long, and thanks for all the feedback I've been getting from people, it means a lot and really helps me out. Thanks for reading and keep on the lookout for more stories soon!

Beast of Burden

"And of course we'll need to stop by quills and sofas again to get more quills..."

"Uh huh."

"And after that we'll stop by the mayor's office to fill out that paperwork, that should take maybe twenty minutes if everything works out how I expect it to."

"Yeah. Okay."

"Spike? Are you even listening to me?"

"Sure. Whatever you want, Twilight."

"SPIKE!"

"GAAH! What?" Spike yelled in surprise, dropping several boxes of scrolls and books he was carrying.

"Were you listening to a word I said?" Twilight glared at him as he struggled to pick everything back up.

"I was trying to, honest! Its just... this is a lot of stuff and I can't carry it all and listen at the same time, its impossible!" Spike balanced a few boxes as he reached for a scroll on the ground. He lost control of them and they went toppling down again. Spike groaned and continued to pick things up.

"Why didn't you say so?" Twilight rolled her eyes. Several boxes were engulfed in purple light and floated into the air. "If it was too much for you, you should have said something."

"I tried, but you were so caught up in your plans that you ignored me."

"Did I?" Twilight looked shocked. "Oh, I'm sorry Spike, you know how I get sometimes. How about I handle this and you take a break. I'll meet you back at the library for an hour." She turned away and began walking.

"Really Twilight? You mean it?"

"Of course I do. You are my number one assistant, after all, not my beast of burden." She chuckled and turned back to face Spike, but he was already gone. Twilight watched a trail of dust heading toward Rarity's boutique slowly settle to the ground.

"Beast of Burden..." Twilight rubbed her chin. "I'm sure there's a spell for that. Maybe something similar to a familiar." She shrugged and began walking to complete her errands.

Author's Note

Not sure what the point in this is, so don't ask. I got bored and hadn't written in a couple of days.

The Human

He awoke tied to a chair in a dark basement. He was scared, hungry, and mostly confused. Even in the darkness everything seemed too bright. The colors were too intense.

"Hello?" He called. "Is anyone there?" His voice echoed back to him from the walls of the empty room. Then he heard a noise above, and the sound of a creaking door. Light flooded the room as a light switch was flicked, giving him a headache, and there were sounds of footsteps coming down the stairs. It sounded like two people, but something was off, instead of a regular stepping pattern of a person, it was irregular.

"Oh good. You're awake. I was worried i'd overestimated the tranquilizer. I wouldn't want to accidentally kill a specimen like you."

He stared at her in confusion. "Oh you've got to be kidding me."

"What?" Lyra looked at him, slightly offended. "What's so funny?"

"You really expect me to believe that I was knocked out and kidnapped by a talking horse with a serious case of green skin?"

"I didn't kidnap you, I captured you! Humans are incredibly rare."

"Yeah. Great joke. Okay guys! You got me, you can come out now!" He chuckled and waited for his friends to come out of hiding. When none came, his expression changed. "Wait, this isn't a joke, is it?"

"Nope." The pony smiled and came closer. "All my life they called me crazy, they said humans were just a mare's tale..."

"Wait, what are you doing? Stop it! NO! NO! AAAAHHHHHHH!!!"

The basement door burst open suddenly, the sound of more hoofsteps rapidly decending the stairs was drowned out by his screaming.

"Lyra! What are you doing to him?" The human stopped screaming. Lyra looked up from sniffing his hair. "Lyra, what did I tell you about creating interdimensional wormholes in the basement?"

"But Bon-Bon!"

"No buts! This is the third time this month. You apologize to this human and send him back were he came from."

"Yeah, about that..." Lyra responded sheepishly, she ran a hoof through her mane and cast a glance at the human. "I...can't exactly send him back."

"Why?" The human and Bon-Bon said at the same time.

"Well... it involves the atomic structure of uranium, inter-dimensional time-space, and asparagus. "

"I don't want to know. You figure out a way to send him back. I'm going back upstairs." Bon-Bon ascended the stairs and slammed the basement door behind her.

"No, wait!" He shouted after her.

"Well then, now that we're alone..." Lyra grinned and approached him once again. He watched in terror, afraid of what was to come.

Author's Note

Two words short of the 500 word limit on this one! Also, if I were to expand this, it could take several different paths... use your imaginations.

Back of the Line

The Elements of Harmony sat in Twilight's library, each performing their own tasks to entertain themselves. Suddenly, the door burst open and King Sombra stepped inside.

"Muhahaha! I have returned to exact my revenge upon you for killing me!" He yelled. The others looked at him for a moment before returning to their activities. Sombra was confused. "Are you not afraid? I am here to destroy you, yet you do not flinch!"

"We heard it before, bub." Rainbow Dash said from behind her Daring Do book. "Take a number and wait at the back of the line."

"But, wait. What?"

"We're available for revenge between the hours of ten o'clock and four o'clock, with an hour lunch at noon." Twilight deadpanned. Shuffling around some papers on her desk. "If you like, we can schedule an appointment, but we have a waiting list several months long. The line you so rudely cut in front of on your way in is the line for walk-in cases. Many of them have been here for hours waiting, and we have to serve those who came first."

"So take a number and wait at the back of the line." Rarity cut in, idly flipping through a newspaper. Sombra looked around and located a red box near the door. With a groan he took a strip of paper from the stand and moaned when he saw the number. He stepped back outside the door and walked to the back of the line, containing plenty of ponies, several changelings and their queen, a Griffon, a Minotaur, and a cloud of dark blue mist. He stood behind the mist and sighed.

"Sombra?" It said to him. "Sombra! It's me, Nightmare Moon! I havn't seen you in ages."

"Nightmare?" How've you been?"

"Oh, the usual. Feeding on people's rage, planning to bring about eternal night, you know." The mist flowed a bit, indicating it was looking at Sombra's paper. "They got to you too, huh?"

Sombra groaned. Pinkie Pie walked outside the library and called down the line. "Now serving number 273!" Sombra glanced again at his paper.

He would be here a while.

Author's Note

You win a moustache if you can figure out the reference to Sombra's number! Aso, this whole scene is kind of a reference in itself. Figure that one out and win bonus moustaches!

Anti-Climatic

The Crusader's clubhouse was normally a place of fun and creativity, but not today.

Today, sitting, lying, or pacing the floor of the tree house were three young fillies. Each wore a look of boredom and slight sadness. Yet another one of their schemes had failed. The three youngsters were still blank, and they had run out of ideas.

"Welp, Ah'm all out of ideas." Applebloom stated, noticing a groove starting to take shape in the floor from her pacing. "We've tried everything and we still don't have our cutie marks!"

"Yeah. Maybe we should just give up." Scootaloo sighed. rolling over from her stomach to her back.

"Let's face it. We'll be blank-flanks for life." Sweetie Belle groaned from her sitting position. The three sighed in unison, all hope of discovering their special talent fading away.

Suddenly, there was a noise outside the tree house. The Crusaders turned to the door in time to see it burst open, with a clearly upset Applejack entered, followed by an equally angry Rarity and Rainbow Dash.

"Ah can't take no more of this!" The eldest Apple sister yelled. "You've been at this for forever, when are you going to realize that you're special talents are right before you very eyes?"

"What do you mean?" Sweetie Belle cautiously interjected. Rarity placed a hoof on her sister's withers.

"Sweetie, did you ever wonder WHY I leave musical instruments all over the boutique, when I don't play one?"

"And Scootaloo," Rainbow Dash cut in, "Did you ever stop to think WHY I push you so hard with exercise?"

"Look around you, Applebloom." Applejack said, "You did this! All Ah had to do was show you a broken down tree house, and you turned it into a headquarters for your club!" The three elder mares watched as the looks of realization spread across the younger's faces. Three bright flashes of light followed, and they looked down at their flanks.

Applebloom was good at fixing things, so her mark was a wrench.

Scootaloo was athletic, so hers was a scooter.

Sweetie Belle was gifted in music, so a pink heart with a musical note had appeared.

The three fillies yelled in joy, then at once their faces dropped.

"Wait a minute..." Scootaloo pointed accusingly at the older ones. "You told us! That's cheating!"

"Wow, what a bummer." Sweetie Belle said.

"Great. That ruined that for us." Applebloom retorted. "Ya'll could have at least been a little more subtle."

"Oh you've got to be bucking kidding me." Applejack facehoofed and groaned. She turned around and stomped out the door, muttering about "ungrateful youth". The other two followed with similar expressions.

Author's Note

Had to do a TON of editing to make this one fit. It was nearly 700 words when I finished. (I wasn't keeping track like I normally do) But I'm happy with the result. I still managed to get the general idea across.

Don't Try This at Home

Fluttershy watched in horror as Rainbow Dash sat in front of the video camera. She spread her wing and laid it on the table, picking up a knife with her other wing, she grinned at Pinkie Pie, who was running the camera.

"Ready, Pinkie?"

"Ready! Go for it!"

Rainbow Dash began tapping the table with the knife.

"Oh, I have all my feathers..." She sang, moving the blade back and forth between them. "...The knife goes chop! Chop! Chop! If I miss the spaces in between my feathers will come off..."

Fluttershy was having a breakdown, she was hyperventilating, not wanting to watch but not being able to look away.

"And If I hit my feathers, the blood will soon come out, but all the same we play this game 'cause that's what it's all about!" Rainbow Dash paused. Fluttershy breathed a sigh of relief before Rainbow looked at the camera. She raised the knife higher and Fluttershy gasped. Rainbow wasn't done yet.

"Oh chop, chop, chop, chop, chop, chop, chop! I'm picking up the speed..." The blade flew across her feathers like lightning. "...And if I hit my feathers than my wing will start to bleed!" Rainbow finished and slammed the knife onto the table, breathing heavily.

"Alright! You did it, Dashie!" Pinkie left the camera rolling. Rainbow Dash lifted her wing.

"See 'shy, no worries!" Fluttershy was staring at Rainbow's wing. A look of terror came over her and Rainbow looked back at her wing.

"Ouch." Pinkie said, still not turning off the camera. On the table were several of Rainbow Dash's feathers. Rainbow glanced at them before looking at her now featherless wing. Feathers don't bleed, but some still have nerves connected to them.

Rainbow Dash cleared her throat, took a breath, and screamed in pain.

Author's Note

Seriously, the knife game song is one of the stupidest things I've ever heard of. Only someone really stupid or really out of their mind would attempt it. DO NOT TRY THIS AT HOME!!!!!

First Impressions

Summer Flight Camp, fifteen years ago

Rainbow Dash looked across the cafeteria to a small table towards the back. A lone griffin was sitting alone, looking upset. She was leaning over her lunchbox ad looking around nervously.

"what's up with her?" She said to her friend. The timid yellow Pegasus shrugged in response.

"I think her name is Gilda. She's an exchange student from the Griffin Empire up north."

"Why's she sitting all alone like that? And why does she look so nervous?"

"Oh. Um... Griffins eat meat."

"What?" Rainbow Dash looked to Fluttershy "What do you mean 'meat'?" Fluttershy merely shrunk away and bit her lower lip. "Seriously? That is so weird!"

"Wierd? Its horrible! She's eating poor defensless critters!" Rainbow Dash rolled her eyes.

"Flutters, did you ever think that maybe she HAS to eat meat to survive? If she were some horrible carnivorous monster she would've eaten half the camp by now." Rainbow Dash got up from the table. I'm going to go talk to her."

"I'll just stay here, thank you." Fluttershy shrunk even more, practically hiding under the table at this point. Rainbow Dash began walking across the cloud floor of the cafeteria.

She was stopped in her tracks when Gilda looked up at her. Her pupils were pinpricks in her eyes and she had half a sandwich in her talons. A thick pink slice of meat sat between two peices of bread. Overall, the scene was quite terrifying to the young filly. Rainbow Dash pivoted in place and quickly made her way back to her table. She slid into place beside Fluttershy.

"So, how'd it go?"

"She looks busy right now," Rainbow Dash rubbed the back of her head with a hoof. "Maybe I'll try again later when she isn't viciously ripping apart some poor animal's carcase. Heh heh."

Fluttershy's facehoof could be heard across the cafeteria.

Skeletons In the Closet

2 Hours Earlier...

"Twilight! I need your help... if you have time, that is."

"Of course, Fluttershy. What's wrong?"

"Oh, um. I uh, have something I need to tell you, can you stop by my cottage later?"

"Alright. Sure..."

Present time...

Twilight stared dumbstruck at the scene in front of her. Fluttershy stood meakly by her side, in front of them, the closet door was shut, locked, and barricaded, and there were loud noises coming from the other side.

"So, explain to me what happened?" Twilight asked, never taking her eyes off the door.

"Um, well. Remember when I said I had skeletons in my closet?"

"When most ponies say that, they mean it figuratively. Why are there actual living skeletons in your closet?

"Zecora taught me a way to keep my animals friends alive forever... I guess it got carried away..."

Just then the closet door burst open, sending wood splinters across the room. The two ponies screamed as the grinning skull of a bear looked down at them. The body was crudely held together by duct tape and dark magic.

"Welp, we're bucked." Twilight said, catching her breath from the screaming. Fluttershy nodded, too afraid to react.

The Hunger

A slow groan forced its way from the beast's throat, arousing it from its slumber. Within the dark confines of its resting chamber the creature's stomach roared. Another groan and a yawn forced its way out of its maw as it slowly made its way out of the chamber.

The old staircase in its lair posed a new challenge to the beast, as in its groggy state it failed to estimate the last step correctly, causing it to fumble. It yelled in surprise but caught itself, silently cursing the foul stairs.

The creature's hunger was slowly taking over its every thought. It needed nourishment, and it needed it now. It quickened its pace as the grogginess began to wear off, and soon it arrived at its destination. It had entered the feeding chamber, and slowly approached the food stores the beast kept. With brute force the heavy door was wretched open and the beast grabbed a claw full of delicious sustenance.

The crunching and slurping sound sent chills down the pony's spine as she slowly made her way down the staircase after the beast. A satisfied growl followed as she turned the corner into the feeding ground.

Twilight Sparkle flipped the light switch, causing spike to drop the remaining half of a sapphire he was munching and yelp in surprise.

"Spike, what did I tell you about midnight snacking?"

"I can't help it, I'm just so hungry!"

"I don't care. You can wait until breakfast. All this snacking is starting to show on you, plus you're always so tired in the mornings."

"But Twilight-"

"No buts. Go to bed now, mister."

The beast made a slow retreat back to the sleeping chamber, he was beaten, but not entirely defeated. He would feed tonight, he would quell this insatiable lust for food held deep in his gut.

And the feast will be glorious...

The Morning After Part 3

The gentle sound of a rope creaking as it swung in the breeze stirred Applejack from her slumber. The first thing she noticed was her pounding headache, the next she noticed was that she seemed to be floating, upside down, from a great height. She looked around to confirm her suspicions, and indeed, she was dangling from a tree branch outside the library by a length of rope.

"Daggonit. Not again." She mumbled to herself. She reached up to examine the rope tied around her ankle. It was a thick rope with an expertly tied knot, so slipping wouldn't be the issue. Her hoof looked purple from the cut off circulation but she'd worry about that once she got down.

She tried to grab the rope and pull herself up so she was facing right-side up, but when she pulled she heard a sharp cracking sound coming from above her. She froze, then slowly looked up.

A tree branch was cracking from the extra weight.

"Buckin' cider." she mumbled again. Applejack looked at herself questionably. "I ain't that heavy, am I?" Secretly, Applejack did watch her weight. She was pretty self conscious about it. Not for her own sake, but would ponies buy apples from a farm with an overweight spokes pony? She failed to remember that she was more in shape than most of Ponyville.

Applejack risked pulling on the rope again. It seemed to hold this time. She began to pull herself up, she just needed to climb the rope, untie herself, and climb through the window. Easy as apple pie.

Of course, the tree branch had other plans. Applejack managed to reach it and wrapped a hoof around it. she began working at the knot on her hoof. The constant motion of her struggling with the rope shook the branch.

CRACK!

"Oh shoot."

The branch fell. Applejack dropped two stories before landing on the ground with a thud, she groaned in pain before looking up. She only had a brief moment to sheild her face before the tree branch landed square on her stomach. She yelped in pain but soon was gasping for breath.

"I think I'll just lay here a while." She managed to sputter before passing out. It would be three hours before anypony found her, and another five before they found her hat, halfway across ponyville connected to an alcohol powered engine and propeller labeled "The Boozecopter"

Author's Note

Since I mentioned Applejack in part 1 of "The Morning After", I figured I'd better explain what the heck happened to her before someone calls me out on it...

YES, Applejack is fine! She's tough, she'll get through it, she only fell two stories and got the pinned by a tree branch while hungover is all, no big deal.

Cake

Celestia eyed her prize carefully. She looked at it from every angle, surveying it in all its glory. She slowly reached out to touch it, then had second thoughts and retreated her hoof at the last second She returned to looking at it, trying to find that perfect angle.

At last, she found it. The sight before her let her see the treat's best angle. It seemed to glow in an ethereal light, furthering Celestia's need. She found her mouth watering in anticipation, and slowly, ever so slowly, she reached out with her silver fork and cut a small piece off. It came to her mouth and she chewed it slowly, saving the wondrous flavor. She took another bite, putting no less of a spectacle into eating that one.

Luna watched in fascination and confusion. "What are you doing?" She asked.

"I'm enjoying my dessert, sister, is there a problem with that?"

"Are you eating it or making love to it?" She smirked. Celestia glared daggers but turned back to her half-eaten slice of cake, now self-conscious about how she would eat it.

"Like you're any different. I've seen the way you eat moon pies. They aren't even that good."

"Blasphemy! I do no such thing, and frankly, I don't feel like I need to be part of this unhealthy obsession with food!" Luna got up from the table and stormed off, making her way back into her chambers.

She opened the doors and slipped inside, shutting and locking them after her. She made her way to her bed and climbed on top of it, then she reached under and felt around for her own indulgence. She grasped it and pulled it out, looking at it with need.

Luna unwrapped the moon pie and shoved it into her mouth like a barbarian, spilling crumbs all over the sheets and letting out sloppy sounds as she tore into the defenseless snack. Once she finished she let out a content sigh, then slowly turned to the door.

"We really need to get your locks fixed." Celestia said, a smirk on her own face. "Somepony might walk in on you indulging yourself in a most undignified manner."

"Don't judge me." Luna replied, grabbing another pie from under her bed.

Author's Note

Wow, its been almost a week since I last updated. Sorry, folks, I've been busy with college, work, and stuff, but things are less busy now so I should get back to posting regularly.

The Night Life

The sound of dubstep remixes blasted from the nightclub. The crowd gathered on the dance floor, letting the beat of the electronic music take them anywhere. On the stage, Vinyl Scratch under the pseudonym "DJ PON-3" Worked her magic on the controls of her turntable. Each dial and knob needed to be precisely poositioned for the best quality sound. If it was even a tiny bit off, the whole show would be ruined.

Okay, maybe not the whole show, and honestly nopony would probably notice a tiny bit of off sound, but it would drive Scratch to the point of insanity trying to fix it. She suppressed a yawn that tried to escape her mouth.

"Not now, I can go a few more hours." She muttered to herself. She grabbed an energy drink from the cooler behind her and popped the top on it. She put it to her lips and chugged the contents, letting the bitter-sweet liquid caffeine flow down her throat. In minutes, she felt energized enough to keep going for what felt like hours. She grinned and threw the empty can onto a pile of about a dozen other empty cans.

The ponies on the floor failed to notice her chug the can, nor did they notice the dark bags under her eyes that were hidden by her signature shades, brought on from days without sleep. A few, however, did notice when the crash hit, and they watched the DJ pass out on the stage.

The rest noticed when her face hit the table, screwing up the dials and giving the music a sickly shrieking sound. The rest of the night was a blur to Scratch, with her fading in and out of consciousness...

The Next Morning

The steady beep of a heart monitor awoke Vinyl from her relieving sleep. She groaned and rubbed her eyes at the irritating sunlight making its way into the window. Celestia had amazing aim, she thought as she slowly opened her eyes.

She was in the hospital. White walls, all sorts of machinery monitoring her vitals, and the most uncomfortable bed she had ever slept in, and she had slept in a LOT of beds.

She smiled and let a chuckle escape her lungs. "Welp, looks like I overdid it again" She yawned, rolled over, and fell back asleep.

Author's Note

Thus, Vinyl Scratch learned the value of not consuming vast amounts of energy drinks as a replacement for actual sleep, and had to come up with an excuse to Octavia about why her health insurance skyrocketed yet again.

How Celesta Got Her Mane

1564 years ago...

"Now, it is very important that you measure correctly, or the entire potion would be ruined." Starswirl the Bearded said, never taking his eyes off the beaker in front of him. "Luna, be a dear and get me three sprigs of heart's desire from the herb cabinet, will you?

"Yes Sir!" The young filly exclaimed, hopping down from the stool and trotting merrily over to the large green cabinet on the other side of the room. Meanwhile, Starswirl turned to the other occupant of the room. He picked up the heavy potion book he was reading from and slammed it down on the table with a loud crash.

"WHO WHAT WHERE?" Celestia cried as she woke up from the noise. Starswirl laughed at her and turned back to the potion to make sure it wouldn't boil over.

"Celestia, pay attention. If you are to rule this country one day you must take your studies seriously."

"Whatever. When I'm in charge I'll have ponies do this stuff for me." Celestia waved a hoof and set her head back down on the table to resume her nap. " Starswirl's horn glowed and a small spark flew from it, hitting Celestia in the flank.

"Faust Dammit!" She yelled. She grumbled about how Starswirl would spend time in the dungeon once she got her hooves on that crown.

"Language, Celestia. Luna, can you keep an eye on this while I prepare the next step?"

"I sure can!" The filly beamed, taking the glass stirring rod in her mouth and continually stirring the potion.

"Suck up." Celestia mumbled under her breath. "One of these days you'll find yourself waking up on the moon, you little brat."

"I heard that, Tia." Luna responded. "You're just jealous because Professor Starswirl like me more."

"I like you both equally, but Celestia needs an attitude adjustment." Celestia rolled her eyes in response. "By the way, did you do something to your mane?"

"What? No I-" Celestia reached up when she realized her long bright pink mane wasn't resting on her shoulders. "STARSWIRL WHAT THE BUCK DID YOU DO TO MY MANE?!" She cried as the ethreal flowing rainbow of colors caught her eye.

"A princess needs to look beautiful." He said, Hoof covering his grin as he tried to hold back his laughter. Luna dropped the rod and fell out of her stool from her laughter.

Modern times

"And I never figured out how to reverse the spell." Celestia said, sipping her tea. Twilight sat in confusion, wanting to laugh but being afraid to at the same time. That also explains the skeleton hanging in the dungeon with the robes and the words etched into the wall: "Totally worth it"

Author's Note

A look at Celestia's rebellious teenage years, and how Starswirl The bearded is a troll.

Cold Blooded Killer

Fluttershy whistled to herself as she trotted through the market to do her weekly shopping. Her saddlebags were filled with purchased goods and foodstuffs, and the trip was almost complete. She pulled out her shopping list and continued along her merry way.

Suddenly, there was a small crunch under her hoof and she froze up. She dropped the shopping list and looked at the bottom of her hoof. She screamed at what she saw.

An ant, or what used to be an ant, was smashed to pieces. Barely recognizable to her, she began to cry and ran down the street, more than a few ponies watched her go in confusion. She ran down the street and turned the corner, running up the steps to a large building with marble pillars around it.

Fluttershy approached the desk, screaming to the police officer behind it. He waited until she had calmed down, then spoke to her.

"What's this about, Fluttershy?"

"I'm a murderer!" She sobbed, "A cold blooded killer!" She lifted her hoof to the officer, where the remains of the bug were almost worn off from her running. The officer facehoofed.

"Fluttershy, we've been over this before. Bugs don't count as murder victims."

"But- but I..."

"Fluttershy, go home. Its alright. No big deal."

"Okay. I'm sorry, sir." Fluttershy wiped her eyes. "I guess I over reacted again, didn't I?"

"Third time this week, yes."

Meanwhile, outside the station, an army of ants was yelling about why a murderer was getting off scott-free. Of course nopony heard them, for they are only ants.

Breathing Again

It was dark and cold, the void of emptiness surrounded the lone pony, she floated in nothingness, going wherever she went.

It had been like this for a long time, not that time actually mattered here, in the vastness of the beyond, she knew what had happened. How can she not when the moment kept playing itself over and over in her head? The slick rain, the lightning, the runaway cart rolling toward her...

It would be enough to drive anypony else crazy, but she was surprisingly calm.

Then it happened. A light, followed by a noise that pierced the silence. It was her own heartbeat in her chest, something she had not felt in what seemed like eternity.

She drifted toward the light.

"Gahh!" The pony yelled, lifting her head off the metal table. She took deep breaths and looked around.

"Oh, good. You're alive again." Spike said, looking at his claws. "Took you a few weeks longer this time, I was starting to get worried you would never come back."

Twilight rubbed her head and slid off the table. Cursing her own immortality as an Alicorn.

Author's Note

Haven't updated in over a week! My bad. I've been working on a special project for you guys, I won't say what, but I'll say it was highly requested of me to do this and is based off of another chapter in this series of shorts...

...I just gave it away, didn't I?

Singing the Ship Away

Fluttershy and Rainbow Dash sat next to each other on the hill overlooking the lake. The moon shone brightly above in a perfectly clear night sky. Nearby, hidden in some bushes, Pinkie Pie and Applejack were watching intently.

"Do you really think that they actually feel that way?" Pinkie whispered.

"I reckon so. I might not know as much about romance as Rarity, but look at them, if they were sitting any closer together I would consider renting them a hotel room."

"You know what this needs? Something to enhance the mood!" Pinkie stood up and took a deep breath. Before Applejack could resond Pinkie Pie began singing at the top of her lungs.

"CAAAAAN YOU FEEEEEL THE LOVE TONIGHT!" Then Applejack shoved a hoof in her mouth.

"Sugarcube, I understand what you're trying to do, but you're doing it wrong. Listen closely." Applejack now stood up and cleared her throat.

"SHA-LA-LA-LA-LA DON'T BE SCARED, YOU GOT THE MOOD PREPARED GO ON AND KISS THE GIRL!"

"Do you two mind?" Rainbow Dash turned around. "We're trying to watch some baby turtles hatch."

"Wait," Applejack stopped. "You mean this isn't a date?"

"Why the hay would this be a date? We don't roll that way, right Flutters?"

"Um, yes. Not that there's anything wrong with that or anything..."

"Oh. We're sorry girls. We'll just leave" Pinkie and Applejack turned around and walked away. The other two watched them go until they were out of earshot. Then Rainbow Dash turned to Fluttershy.

"Now, where were we?" Rainbow Dash raised an eyebrow suggestively and pulled a bottle of wine out of the picnic basket. Fluttershy blushed and smiled.

"I think we were right about here..." She whispered. Leaning in toward Rainbow Dash. The other mare leaned in as well until there was an inch between their lips.

"I knew it!" Pinkie Pie shouted, bursting out of the picnic basket. "CAAAAN YOU FEEEEL THE LOVE TONIGHT!"

"DAMN IT PINKIE PIE, YOU RUINED THE MOOD!" Fluttershy yelled.

Author's Note

Random Idea that came to me after watching a few Disney movies with my nieces. Yeah, it played out better in my head.

Weather Team Meeting

"Alright, on to the next order of business." Raindrops said to the weather team. "Somepony got a little carried away with the storm last week, so weather team is being supervised to make sure we don't cause any property damage. Thunderlane, how is that forecast coming along?"

"Going good. I have through Thursday planned out so far, trying to find a balance between light showers and sunshine because some of the farmers in town are tired of droughts and flooding." Thunderlane said.

"Good. Flitter, how's Cloudchaser's recovery going?"

"She'll be back in a week. The doctor said she just sprained her wing and needs to rest it."

"Excellent. Anypony wanting to sign her "get well soon" card can do so on the way out." Raindrops shuffled some papers around. "Okay, one more thing. Weather HQ in Cloudsdale is looking for 100% efficiency in all teams. That means no more slacking or lazing about. We'll be going back to our weekly training sessions starting next Monday. Everypony got it?"

There was a murmur of agreement through the team of Pegasai assembled. Raindrops nodded her head in approval. "Alright. If anypony has questions they can stay after and ask me, but other than that, meeting adjured!." Raindrops slammed her hoof on the podium and ponies started to leave the room. All except two.

Raindrops approached Rainbow Dash and leaned down next to her. "See, Rainbow, that is how Weather team meetings are SUPPOSED to go. You aren't supposed to yell at them to work harder when they don't know how to. And weather manager means leading the team, not bossing them around. Anyway, I'm heading off to lunch with Blossemforth. I'll see you tomorrow."

Rainbow Dash said nothing, but grunted through the gag in her mouth and shifted her body so the ropes wern't digging into her hooves. Raindrops laughed and left the room, shutting the lights off and leaving Rainbow all alone in the dark.

The Kitchen Sink

Rainbow Dash pulled her lover closer, glaring at her friends who had surrounded her.

"Rainbow, this isn't healthy, you have to let go." Twilight said, trying to reach out to her friend.

"NO! I love him, I can't!"

"Dashie, he's gone! Please, you have to do this." Pinkie Cried out, on the verge of tears.

"No, I can save him, I can bring him back, he's not gone." Rainbow Dash looked over to the kitchen sink in her hooves. "Please, don't leave me."

"This is getting ridiculous." Applejack facehoofed. "Rainbow, you are in love with a sink. A broken kitchen sink that you ripped out of Rarity's kitchen.

"I feel like this is a metaphor for something.." Fluttershy whispered. "But maybe the love potion can be cancelled out..."

The Cutie Mark Crusaders watched from their hiding place, wondering how much trouble they would be in once they were found.

Party of Doom (Nightmare Night Special)

A sickening crunch, followed by a strange slurping sound pierced the darkness. Twilight Sparkle had locked herself in the closet to hide from the beast, but her friends weren't so lucky. She recalled what had happened, how a simple Nightmare Night celebration had turned into a nightmare.

First there was Rarity, she took a step outside to get some fresh air, only she never came back. Somepony finally went after her, but all they found was a small pool of blood and part of the fabric from her costume. Rainbow Dash volunteered to look for her while the police were called.

She was the next victim. There was a knock at the door an hour later,She was standing there with a blank expression on her face. Then her wings fell off. She couldn't speak, her throat had been torn out. She was dead, just standing there. The killer had propped up her body.

Panic had set in, everypony fled the scene, running out the back door, the killer had placed a trap there. Applejack couldn't duck in time, the blade cutting her head clean off. Her hat falling to the ground in the most dramatic way.

Then the killer stepped inside the building, a mask covering its face, gender indeterminate, but it was fast.

Fluttershy was halfway through screaming when her heart was torn from her chest. She slumped to the ground, blood poring from the hole.

Pinkie Pie was having a breakdown. She was crying in a corner, muttering Celestia knows what, Her eyes shrunk when she noticed the killer's shadow fall over her. It grabbed her and broke her neck, then while she was gasping for breath in her final moments, it finished her off with a sledgehammer.

Twilight hid in the closet, waiting for her imminent demise. She couldn't focus enough to teleport away, she was done for.

Gummy continued to feast on the corpse of his former master, putting his newly grown in teeth to work.

Author's Note

Happy Halloween! (Or Nightmare Night, whatever you prefer) This is one of the most gruesome things I have ever written, and this really isn't as bad as some stuff I've read, so love it or hate it, but I'm going to go eat candy and cry in a corner while demons poke me with sporks. (I have some really crazy Halloween parties...)

Enjoy!

The Other Side of the Coin

Twilight Sparkle stood by the statue outside Canterlot High School, she leaned against it, human arms crossed in front of her. She was somber, remembering the last time she was here. The moon shone brightly above, casting eerie shadows over the grass.

"You know, Princess Celestia has forgiven you, you don't have to stay here."

"I can't go back, Twilight." Sunset Shimmer responded. Staring Twilight in the eye, a hint of sadness showing.

"Why not? The portal is open for another 2 hours."

"I...I have my reasons. I just can't go back."

"Does this have to do with Celestia?"

"Maybe." Sunset Shimmer looked away, rubbing her shoulder anxiously.

"Did she hurt you?"

"Yes. She did."

"Me too." Twilight said, walking over to comfort her. "She's yelled at me, threatened me, even hit me before. One time I interrupted her while she was having a meeting. She punished me by hitting me. I was mad, scared even, but I realized something."

"What?"

"She's flawed. She's just like us. When she gets mad she reacts inappropriately."

"She's abusive."

"Maybe, or maybe she was just angry, and my interruption caused her anger to boil over."

"Did she tell you that?"

"Huh?"

"Did she tell you that you were to blame?"

"Well, I, um..."

"I thought so." Shimmer said, turning away back toward the rebuilt High school. "She's manipulative, uncaring, demented even. Celestia's a monster."

"You know what, she is. She is all those things, and much more. She's sometimes pure evil, but you know what? We all are."

"Keep telling yourself that, I'm not going back to that."

"Suite yourself. Goodbye, Sunset Shimmer." Twilight stepped through the portal and into the crystal palace. She sighed and made her way to her temporary room. She had a lot to think about.

Author's Note

Abuse is not cool. Don't know why I wrote this, because it goes completely against both canon and my head canon, but the idea wouldn't leave me alone.

Wrath

Rainbow Dash cowered under the table, doing her best to hide. Twilight Sparkle just sat in the middle of the room, the charred remains of a book lying in front of her. She looked surprisingly calm, after all, Rainbow Dash did accidentally fry the book with lightning.

"Rainbow... remember when I said not to use lightning in the library, even to practice your tricks?"

"Y-Yes..."

"I thought so." Twilight stood up, Rainbow Dash curled into a ball, making herself as small as possible. "And did you follow my instructions?"

"N-no."

"Correct." She came closer, leaning down to look Rainbow in the eye. "I would appreciate it if you would listen to the rules I set. They exist for a reason, and that was an irreplaceable ancient tome, one that could have very well held the secrets to life itself, not to mention it being worth BILLIONS of bits, and you destroyed it."

Rainbow Dash swallowed hard, fighting back tears.

"I'll give you ten seconds to run, after that, you're dead meat." Twilight said, her horn beginning to glow with white light.

"Okay!" Rainbow Dash yelled, shooting through the window and putting as much space between her and the librarian as possible. The resulting explosion ten seconds later could be heard all across Equestria.

Breach

Red lights flashed, alarms blasted, and a low rumbling sound had the secret facility in a panic.

Ponies ran in circles, checking machinery and computers, yelling into headsets and walkie-talkies, or just trying to separate themselves from the situation all together. Suddenly, the door burst open and a uniformed pony stepped inside. He was tall, with many medals dangling from his shirt. A pair of sunglasses rested over his eyes. He approached one of the more calmer ponies.

"What do we have?"

"We-we have a code red situation, sector fifty-seven has been breached, we can't contain it!" He yelled back, visibly shaking.

"Mother of Celestia." The uniformed pony said, taking his glasses off slowly. "This is it."

"What do we do, sir?"

"Shut down everything, call the princess, and put as much distance between us and that sector as physically possible."

"Its too late!" Somepony else yelled, "We're too late! She's here!"

There was an explosion. Several bodies went flying across the room and a cloud of smoke billowed from one of the walls. Laughing filled the room, and a tall, bipedal figure stepped out of the smoke.

"Wow, you ponies sure do know about all sorts of secret stuff." The human pinkie-pie double said. "But do you know why kidss love the taste of Cinnamon Toast Crunch?"

And then the world exploded. Twice.

Author's Note

I WAS SO FREAKING BORED WHEN I WROTE THIS, AS A RESULT IT MAKES NEXT TO NO SENSE. DEAL WITH IT!

The Consequences Of a Sonic Rainboom

The air whizzed by, leaving a strange buzzing sound in Rainbow Dash's ear as she flapped her wings harder, flying straight up to get some much needed altitude. At the top of her assent she stopped and looked down. It was hundreds of feet to the ground below, the air was thin and she shivered as the cold temperature got to her. Rainbow Dash took a deep breath and dove nose-first toward the unforgiving ground.

The scenery began to blur around her, her eyes watered and the wind pushed back with all its might, but it couldn't win. With the cone of air slowly fading into a rainbow of color, she knew she was close.

KABOOM

The shock wave flew outward as she broke the barrier.

Meanwhile, on the ground, that shock wave rumbled the town of Ponyville. potted plants were thrown from window sills, striking ponies below with clay pots. Windows rattled and shattered, sending razor sharp shards of glass into the street. Somewhere, a gas line burst from the pressure, sparking a fire that would ravage the town. The force of wind and debris that came after from the shock wave blew buildings off their foundations and crushed ponies against walls. Then the intense heat and light hit. Ponies were blinded and burned, shadows became a permanent part of the surroundings as the unshadowed area was bleached. The intensity of it set the surrounding fields and forests ablaze.

Rainbow Dash slowed down, doing a flip before skidding to a stop in Ponyville's town square. She was promptly arrested and had several lawsuits filed against her, from many of the surviving townsponies, which was surprisingly few.

Author's Note

Some Alternate Titles: Rainbow Dash kills everything (again), The end of Ponykind, and "A test to see how well I can describe a nuclear detonation without saying 'Nuclear detonation'"

And I've noticed that I write a ton about Rainbow Dash, but the least amount about Rarity... I'll have to fix that.

The Bonepony's Daughter

The Bonepony worked in silence, carefully arranging the peices for his next magical feat. Of course Nopony would see it, because he kept his dark magic secret, but somepony knew.

He was about to start the ceromony, a dark, forbidden art to bring the dead to life. The carefully arranged bones on the table in front of him were as white as the skull painted onto his wooden mask.

A knock at the door sounded suddenly through the silence, startling him and causing him to drop a spare rib. He quickly threw a sheet over the table and tossed the mask into the corner like a frisbee. The door opened slowly and a small filly stepped inside.

She was greeted at the door by a dog, not a regular dog, however. The skeleton approached her and rubbed its cold muzzle against her. She pushed it away with a giggle, then she turned serious.

"D-dad..." She started. The bonepony watched her carefully. "Dad, we need to talk."

"What is it?" He resonded slowly.

"I want you to stop this." She said. "I want to live a normal life, and I can't because of what you do."

"Why do you say that?" The bonepony said, taking a seat in a wooden chair near the table. "I let you live a normal life, I give you spending money, let you go to school, I let you do all these normal things."

"Yeah, but..." This was it. This was the big moment. The filly took a breath. "Dad, people are starting to think I'm an orphan. Its been a year, dad. You havn't left this old house in a year. Ponies think I don't have any family, and it really bugs me. I want ponies to know that I have a family, but then they start asking questions, and I know you said not to tell anypony what you do, and..."

"Stop." He interupted, standing up and walking over to her. "I never knew it affected you so badly. If it bothers you that much, I'll stop being so secretive. I... I'll slow down my work. The world isn't ready for it anyway."

"Thank you, dad. I love you." The filly wrapped her arms around him in a big hug. He returned it affectionately.

"I love you too, Scootaloo."

"Oh, by the way," Scootaloo said suddenly. "Fluttershy said something about skeletons in the closet and duct tape. Maybe you can help her out with that."

Her father just stared at her. The dopiest look of confusion ever plastered onto his face.

Author's Note

Yeah! Scootaloo! Totally not related to "Flight to the Finish"! Not at all!

YEAH!

The Spell That Ruined The Rest of The Week (Pets Week)

Twilight Sparkle read through the passage in the old book one last time to make sure she got it right. To her side sat her friends, with different expressions on their faces ranging from fear, in Fluttershy's case, to excitement and curiosity in Pinkie's. Ahead of her sat a dog, cat, alligator, owl, bunny, and tortoise. She focused and her horn began to glow, a beam of light shot from the appendage and surrounded the pets in a purple glow. They looked around and at each other, but said nothing.

Not yet, at least...

Author's Note

Another "Special Week" (kind of like "rivals week" from a while ago) I'm doing, this is just the introduction, that's why its so short.

Raging Rabbits (Pets Week)

"Hello, Angel, how are you feeling today?"

"I'm doin' alright, can we move this along? I got stuff to do today."

"Um. Sure, just a few questions is all I want."

"Alright, shoot."

Twilight nodded and looked down at her papers. "Okay, first question: where in the world did you get that fedora?" Twilight raised an eyebrow, looking at the top of Angel's head, where a tiny fedora was sitting.

"That's not important," Angel responded. "I know a guy. Anyway, back to the questions."

"Um, right. Okay, what's the deal with Fluttershy? It seems that one minute she's your best friend and the next you bully her, what gives?"

Angel sighed and took off the tiny hat. "Look, things with 'shy are kinda complicated. Yeah, I love her, she's the mother I never knew, but she needs me more than I need her. She's afraid of everything, and I mean EVERYTHING. She's tough on the inside, but she's afraid that she'll hurt somepony if she lets that out, so she hides it away."

"And you help her bring it out?" Twilight asked.

"Exactly! She just needs a stern push every now and then to get her to think for a minute. Also, it kind of feels good to give her a smack every now and then for naming me Angel."

"What's wrong with Angel?"

"How would you like to be a guy named Angel?"

"Good point. Well, I think we're done here. You can go do what you need to do now."

"Hey, thanks." He said, putting the fedora back on his head. "I got an -ahem- appointment with some squirrels that have been causing some trouble, capisce?" With that he hopped off the chair and out the door.

"What in the name of tartarus just happened?" Twilight said, scratching her head in confusion.

Author's Note

AAAAAANNNNNNDDDDD Angel was a mobster. Game over, everyone can go home now. Not really, I have more to write so I hope you stick around.

Cat Scratch Fever (Pets Week)

A yell, and a hiss, then Twilight slowly opened the door to the interview room. She was scratched up and looking worse for wear. She shook her head and looked at Fluttershy.

"She'll only talk to you. Here's the questions, I'm going to go lay down." She tossed the paper and quill at Fluttershy and made her way up the stairs, grumbling under her breathe.

"Um, Okay?" Fluttershy said, making her way into the room. She entered and shut the door behind her.

"Oh, Fluttershy, darling! Its good to see you again!"

"Hello, Opalescence."

"Oh, just call me Opal, dear, Opalescence puts me on a pedestal, and I'm just a simple feline, I like my tuna just like every other cat, imported."

"Alright, I guess, so Twilight wanted me to-"

"Ask some questions, yes dear, I know. And I will be willing to answer them after my fur gets brushed."

"Oh, of course. Fluttershy said, "and I'm tired of you being so stuck up. You need to realize that just because you have an owner who spoils you doesn't mean that everypony is going to spoil you. You need to get out of that conceited cloud you live in and get realistic."

Opal just stared at Fluttershy. "I-I'm sorry, Fluttershy. I didn't realize i was doing it again."

"That's alright, Opal, I know its hard to change who you are, and I'm proud of the progress you've made, you just need to try a little harder. How about we forget the questions and I brush your fur?"

"I would like that, Fluttershy." Opal said, nuzzling her only friend.

Author's Note

Opal is the least developed pet character in the show. Even Gummy has more development than her.

Identity Crisis (Pets Week)

Owlowiscious yawned and stretched his wings, giving Fluttershy a dull look.

"Are you alright?" Fluttershy asked.

"Yeah, I'm fine, just tired. I AM nocturnal, you know."

"Yes, I know, and I appreciate you taking the time to be interviewed."

Another yawn escaped his beak. "No problem."

"So, how do you know so much about libraries? Twilight said that you could read and you already knew the sorting system when she found you."

"Long story, but the shortened version is that I always wanted to be different from the regular owls, so I learned to read, then I decided that being a pony is a heck of a lot better than being an owl, so I decided to come live with Twilight."

"Being a pony?"

"Yeah, is that so wrong? I don't like who I was born as, so I decided to change."

"My uncle said the same thing..." Fluttershy mumbled, bringing back some strange memories of her uncle in a dress. "So you're now living in a house and you can read, and now you can speak. That's great!"

"Yeah, but its also kind of bad, I mean, I'm still an owl, and I'll always be an owl."

"Oh, that's not so bad."

"I DON'T EVEN KNOW WHO I'M SUPPOSED TO BE ANYMORE!" He yelled, sobbing into his wing. "I'M A FREAK! I DON'T BELONG ANYWHERE!"

"Maybe another time, then..." Fluttershy whispered, cradling the owl in her arms.

Author's Note

Existential crisis Owl. I'm done here.

Crouching Rainbow, Hidden Tortoise (Pets Week)

"Sorry about talking to you last, Tank."

"Its alright, Twilight. I hope you had a nice rest. I understand how Opal can get sometimes."

"Yes, it was quite refreshing, actually. But how are you doing?"

"Fine."

"Fine?"

"Yes, fine. Is there something wrong with that?"

"Um, no, of course not. its just that most of the other pets had a bit more to say than that."

"Well I'm not very talkative. I don't see the point in spouting out my woes when I could be helping others with theirs. If you want to talk, I'll listen, but I don't talk much myself."

"Alright. Anyway, so your situation is kind of a special one. You tried hard to win the best pet competition, even against other competitors who would clearly be better than you, yet you stuck to it and kept going." Twilight adjusted her reading glasses. "What made you do that?"

"When I first saw Lady Dash I knew I was meant to be the pet for her. As you are aware, she's loud and reckless, she's fast and has a very short fuse," Twilight rolled her eyes an nodded in agreement. "but see, behind all that confidence she lacked balance."

"She's good at balancing, I mean, she can stand with all for hooves on a single fence post."

"No, you misunderstand me. I mean a spiritual balance. Lady Dash lacked balance of soul. As her polar opposite, It is my duty to bring balance. She is fast, I am slow. She's loud, I'm quiet. See where I'm going here?"

"I...think so?"

"Think of it like this: If there were no chaos, would we have harmony? And without harmony there can be no chaos."

"Oh, I get it now! Rainbow Dash needs you a much as you need her."

"Exactly. And isn't that what being a companion is all about?" Tank smiled, his face covered in the wrinkles of age.

Author's Note

I went with the Ancient Chinese Proverb tortoise. It worked out the best, and was better than my original plan.

Petship Report (Pets Week)

Dear Philomena,

Hey, its us again. I know its been a while since we've written but things have been pretty calm here. Twilight Sparkle put a spell on us that could make us talk for a while, so that was pretty cool, and we all learned something that day.

PONIES ARE FREAKING WEIRD.

Sincerlely,

Angel, Winona, Opal, Owlowiscous, Tank, and Gummy

P.S. Tell Atticus we said hi.

The pheonix re-read the letter again, then rolled her eyes and chuckled. She turned toward the tarantula across the room.

"Hey Atticus, We got a letter from the Elements of Petitude."

"What did they say?" The tarantula asked, looking over from his meal of flies.

"Nothing we didn't already know." The bird said, chuckling again. "Nothing we didn't already know."

Author's Note

And Pet's week is DONE! Thank you for reading, more on the way, so keep watch!

P.S. Luna's Tarantula's name came from another fic I read a while ago, and I liked it, so I used it. Its a reference to "To Kill a Mockingbird" which in itself is a decent book.

Santa Hooves (Hearth's Warming Eve Special)

Celestia Knocked on the door to Twilight's chamber before opening it, stepping inside, She was greeted by maps and diagrams sprawled out across the room. Laying on the floors and hung up on the walls. Twilight was busily tacking keys points on one of the maps, connecting them with a bit of string.

"Twilight? What's all this?" Celestia said, looking over one of the maps.

"My route." Twilight responded, still busily putting marks on maps. "Its Hearth's Warming Eve, you know."

"Okay, so what does this have to do with anything?"

"Well, I figured, since I now have near unlimited power, I can make foal's dreams come true tonight." She said, turning away from the maps to face Celestia. "Tonight, I become Santa Hooves!" She exclaimed boldly.

"Oh, my." Celestia said. "Twilight, I hate to burst your bubble, but that job is already taken."

"What? By who?" Twilight said, obviously distraught.

"Well," Came another voice from the hallway. "By me."

"Who's that?"

"Twilight Sparkle, I'd like to introduce you to Mr. Santa Hooves the twelfth." She stepped to the side, allowing room for the voice to enter. The voice belonged to a reindeer, he was tall, about Celestia's height, and he wore a scarf around his neck.

"Your Highness." The Reindeer said, bowing. Twilight rolled her eyes and blushed.

"Please, Just Twilight Sparkle will do."

"Ah, humble are we?" The reindeer chuckled. "Of course. Twilight. So what's this I here about you wanting to take my job?"

"I'm sorry, I just didn't realize you were still around, the books I read said you dies hundreds of years ago."

"That was my father, Santa Hooves the eleventh. I just recently took over."

"Oh. So why are you here?"

"Its tradition for the Princesses to be the first stop of the night on Hearth's Warming."

"Wait, you start your trip already?" Twilight looked at the clock. "Its only four."

"The world is growing, and I'm only one nearly-immortal magical reindeer. I need to get an early start."

"And so, he needs to get going." Celestia interrupted. "Although, I'm sure he could use a bit of help. You wanted to do this, right?" She looked at Twilight.

"If its alright with you, sir."

"Well, if this is your Hearth's Warming wish, then come along, princess! The sleigh awaits!" The reindeer called, trotting from the room.

Twilight smiled like a filly opening her presents on Hearth's Warming day. Santa Hooves smiled back, knowing he had done his job well.

Author's Note

Happy Hearth's Warming, Christmas, or any other holiday you celebrate. I'd actually like to write more with Santa Hooves, maybe I'll write something else later.

Resolutions (New Year's Special)

New Year's Eve was a special time in Equestria. Especially Ponyville. It wasn't so much a celebration of the coming of the new year as much as it was celebrating that everypony had survived the previous year in the supposedly cursed town. Pinkie Pie was hosting the biggest party of the year in the middle of town, with her five friends and everypony else.

"Hey everypony, I have an idea!" Pinkie yelled over the noise of the party. "Why don't we go around and say what we resolve to change about ourselves for the year?"

"Good idea." Twilight said, "I'll go first. I resolve to find a better balance between my princess duties and time with my friends." She looked to the left. "What's yours, Rarity?"

"Oh, I feel like I need to improve my, um, minor obsessive compulsive disorder." She said, tapping her hooves nervously. "That's something that I could work on." She looked to Fluttershy.

"Um. I want to be more assertive, I guess, but not mean or anything."

"I resolve to put together more parties!" Pinkie yelled. "Bigger and better ones! Your turn, Dashie!"

"I'm gonna stop getting drunk and sleeping with my friends." She said without hesitation, taking a sip from her champagne bottle." She noticed the sudden silence. "What?"

"Nothing." Pinkie said. "Moving on with the party!" She got up and walked away.

The Next Morning

Rainbow Dash opened her eyes and moaned, rubbing the pain from her forehead. She glanced over to her side where another pony was laying. It was Applejack.

"CELESTIA DAMN IT!" She yelled.

Author's Note

I know I said I wouldn't be publishing anything for a while, but I had some free time and had to celebrate the holiday. Deal with it.

Also, Rainbow Dash is the village bicycle. Again, deal with it.

Fangs for the Memories

Fluttershy lounged on her sofa, sipping from a juice box filled with apple juice. Her fangs punctured the side of the carton, she found it more satisfying to drink it that way than to use the straw, but would never do it around her friends. The first time she was hit with that spell was painful enough.

Truth is, Fluttershy had been a vampony for years now. She was even an honorary lunar guard and the princess called upon her to "take care of" problems. She didn't particularly enjoy it, but she was paid a hefty commission, and that money could sure feed a lot of animals.

A knock at the door startled her. She jumped and threw the juice box across the room, landing perfectly in her trash can, before getting up to answer it. She didn't take more than two steps towards it when it burst open and Rarity ran inside.

"Rarity! What's wrong?" Fluttershy yelled, concealing her fangs.

"Oh Fluttershy! Its horrible! Simply dreadful!" Rarity cried. Her voice sounded a bit different, like she couldn't form her words correctly. "This morning, I woke up to the sunlight burning my skin! My eyes were blood red and I had nasty fangs!"

"Really?" Fluttershy said, A bit of anxiety building in her gut.

"Yes, I couldn't leave my house until just now, and I ran here first. I think I'm a vampony."

"Show me." Fluttershy said. "Show me, and I swear to Luna if Rainbow Dash put you up to this as some kind of joke, I will personally-" She stopped and covered her mouth. "I mean um..."

"Fluttershy, are you a vampony?"

"No! Of course not, why would you think that?"

"Because your fangs are showing..."

"Oh, my."

"Fluttershy, did you bite me?"

"Well... maybe?"

"I see."

"I'm sorry Rarity, I was going to Canterlot and I just smelled you and I couldn't resist."

There was a long silence as Rarity took all this new information in. She came closer to Fluttershy before pulling her into a hug. Fluttershy squeaked in surprise."

"Apology accepted, dear. Now you need to tell me all about being a vampony. This is a big change for me and I'll need your help."

Author's Note

Yeah, I don't know why I went with this. I guess because I need more Rarity. Normally I don't like writing stories based on episodes but "Bats!" is an episode i just couldn't resist doing a short story on.

Stallion's Night Out

The Watering Hole was Ponyville's only bar, due to the small size of the town, but it was usually pretty quiet. Tonight was an exception however, for sitting on the bar stools were 4 stallions and a dragon, each laughing and joking around.

"And so then I said to her, Babe, this weapon will totally help out the empire," Shining Armor said, gesturing with his glass of whiskey "And then she totally caved, true bucking story!"

"Nice!" Thunderlane yelled, giving Shining Armor a hoof bump before downing the rest of his beer.

"Eeyup." Big Mac said, waving at the bartender to send him another hard cider.

"YEAH!" Yelled Bulk Biceps, before he started bench pressing a table for no reason.

Spike just laughed.

Suddenly, the door burst open. and four mares stepped inside, looking furious. They approached the stallions, who shrunk under their stares.

"Shining Armor!" Cadance yelled at her husband. "You know that NONE of what you said is true, you had to beg me to let you work on that experiment, which, might I remind you, was a complete failure."

"And what do you think you're doing, Mac? You have to clean out the cellar tomorrow morning, and being hung over ain't going to help you." Applejack yelled at her brother.

"Yo, Thunderlane, you said you were going to confirm those cloud orders from Cloudsdale so that we can make up for last week's mess up in the forecast, which you botched up!" Rainbow Dash yelled to her subordinate. "I had to spend the night tied up in town hall and trusted you to get that done right!"

"Spike, you arn't even old enough to be in here! Go home and get to bed this instant, young drake!" Twilight Sparkle pointed to the door. Three of the stallions and the dragon slowly got up and made their way towards the exit, looks of sadness and a ruined night on their faces.

"Well, now that they're gone," Cadance said, taking the stool her husband formally occupied. "Let the Mare's night out commence!"

Bulk Biceps, who was left shell shocked, slowly frowned and got up from his stool, his head hanging low. He was stopped by Twilight.

"Hey, Bulk, why don't you join us? Seeing as how your other friends have been kicked out?"

"YEEEAAAAAHHHHH!" He yelled, hopping back onto the stool and ordering a pink lemonade with a shot of vodka, telling the bartender to put a little umbrella in it. He joined the mares in their night of fun, because who cares who you have fun with?

Author's Note

I start class tomorrow, so here's something thrown together last-minute to hold you people over until I can get something else written.

*EDIT: Had to change the name from Snowflake to Bulk Biceps because that's now his canon name

Ambassador

The Ambassador stood on the high cliff, watching the small community work down below. He watched as his kind went about their daily business, gathering food, constructing shelters, or just socializing in the summer heat. He smiled to himself, a bit of sadness hidden deep in his heart. He thought they had it good back where he was from, then that tyrant was finally overthrown, and they saw the light of harmony for the first time in who knows how long. He didn't want this position, to be the ambassador to Equestria, but he was the most qualified for the job, and as their new leader had put it, "We must look out for our kind more than ourselves, please, take up this responsibility for the good of everyone."

He had done so with a heavy heart, knowing very well what his new job entitled. He would have to convince entire nations that his kind are different now, set up diplomatic relations, set things right. All this with no guidance whatsoever, no one had ever held a position like this before.

He heard gentle hoofsteps behind him. He turned and smiled, then bowed before Princess Twilight Sparkle.

"Hello, Liberty." She said. "How goes the settlement?"

"Quite well." He buzzed. "We have expanded quite a bit since we were allowed to settle here. The cliffs make a good defensive situation as well from those who still do not trust us."

"Give them time." She said. "You wouldn't believe how much flak I'm getting for letting this pass. I have Luna's support but Celestia is still holding onto the old ways. Ponies are going to blindly follow here until somepony can convince them otherwise." She smirked. "That sound familiar?"

"All too familiar." He said. "You know, there really isn't that much difference between us. We both want what's best for our kind, we were both forced into a position we don't necessarily want but are still working hard at," He looked to the princess. "And we're both willing to forgive our enemies."

"No," Twilight said, wrapping a hoof around the changeling. "not enemies, but friends."

Author's Note

Set some indeterminate distance in the future, after Chrysalis was overthrown and changelings switched over to a democracy.

Spike'd

A young dragon leaned against the bookshelves, head hung low but eyes darting around the room. A small smirk was hidden on his face by the glass of punch he brought to his mouth. The smirk was caused by watching another pony approach and activate his trap. Soon, the whole party would have taken a bit of the poison, and soon spike would be able to move forward with his plans.

"Hey! Great party, huh Spike?" Pinkie Pie yelled in his ear. He screamed a little at the surprise, then took a deep breath.

"Haha! Yeah, Pinkie, you really outdid yourself this time!" He said, smiling.

"Oh, by the way," Pinkie said, leaning in closer. "I know you spiked the punch."

"W-what?" Spike stuttered. "Oh please don't tell anypony it was me! I just wanted to have a little fun is all."

"Spike, I'm ashamed at you." Pinkie said. "Everypony knows that vodka is weaksauce to put in punch! That's why I added a whole bottle of tequila and some whiskey as well." She gave spike a wink. "If you're going to go in you need to really go all in."

Spike stared at her in confusion. Pinkie's number one party rule was that ponies could have fun without any substances, that included booze. He wondered why Pinkie had violated her own rule, then he got his answer.

"Ah bet I can dddrink moar than you can!" Rainbow Dash yelled, pointing at Applejack.

"Yer *hiccup* on, raindrow bash!" The farmpony slurred in response, before dunking her face into the punch bowl and slurping it up. Rainbow Dash did the same.

"Everypony knew you did it, spike." Pinkie said. "We just figured it would make you feel better and help satiate that dark, twisted side you have."

Spike smiled guiltily, A bit of a dark glint in his eyes and his heart pounding in his chest with excitement.

Oh yes, this was going to be awesome. Spike went upstairs to grab his camera. After all, someone needed to capture all the embarrassing events that would unfold tonight.

Zecora's Rough Life

Zecora sat in the middle of her hut, eyes closed and murmuring ancient incantations to herself as a large black cauldron boiled in front of her. Everything was at peace, just the way she liked it.

CRASH

Well, almost at peace.

The door burst open and Twilight Sparkle ran inside, knocking over a few bottles of rare ingredients that Zecora had made the mistake of putting too close to the door. She slid to a halt inches from the zebra.

"Zecora! Changelings have invaded Ponyville! I can't stop them alone!" The princess yelled. Zecora rolled her eyes and stood up, making her way to a large cabinet.

"I have the assistance you seek," She said, retrieving a green bottle. "Drink this and through their disguises you shall peak."

"Thanks Zecora!" Twilight yelled, running out the door. Zecora was about to resume her meditation when the door burst open again.

"Zecora! Applebloom's been possessed by my ancestors again!" Applejack yelled. Zecora grabbed an old book from a nearby shelf and tossed it to her. "Read from the passage on page twelve, to send those spirits back to hell."

"What? Um, Alright, thanks." Applejack left, only to be replaced by Rainbow Dash.

"Zecora! When I woke up this morning my radicalness levels dropped by 19 percent! Help!"

"You need some shades, sharp as razor blades." she said, giving her a pair of sunglasses. Rainbow Dash put them on and breathed a sigh of relief before flying out the window with a crash.

Zecora Groaned and turned back to the door. Pinkie Pie and Rarity were standing there.

"What is it, pony folk, another run in with poison joke?"

"Well, not exactly. Pinkie Pie got carried away with some fireworks and now my boutique is on fire."

"And you did not call the fire crew before here you ventured into?

"Wait, Ponyville has a fire department?" Pinkie Pie said. "Whoops!" She turned and hopped away, Rarity turned to follow.

"If I get one more pony here, I'll explode from anger, I fear!" Zecora yelled, rubbing her temples. Then there was a small knock at the door.

"WHAT IS IT?" Zecora yelled, "SURELY YOU HAVE NOT COME JUST TO VISIT!"

"Um, actually..." Fluttershy said, shying away. "I did come to visit, I brought lunch and everything, but if this is a bad time-" Fluttershy never got to finish her sentence as she was pulled into a hug by Zecora.

"Fluttershy, you are so kind! One of the only ponies I do not mind!"

Author's Note

Writing Zecora dialog is both fun and frustrating... maybe I should write more Zecora...

And does anyone just ever go to Zecora's place just to say "Hi"? I mean, Twilight tried to that one time but ended up getting turned to stone, so she never actually made it there. I wonder if Zecora gets lonely.

Inspiration

Twilight sat at her desk, a quill floated slightly above a blank piece of paper. She knew what she needed to write, she just didn't know how to write it. She hated getting writer's block, and it was driving her crazy trying to fight through it.

A quiet knocking at the door drew her attention away from the paper. "Come in." She said. The door slowly opened and Spike stepped inside, carrying a tray with a tea kettle and cup on it.

"Twilight? I thought I'd bring you some tea. You've locked yourself in here for days. What's going on?"

"Thanks, Spike." Twilight said, levitating the tray over to the desk and pouring herself a cup of the warm tea. "I'm fine really, I just don't know how to write this last part of my little project I've been working on."

"Alright, so what do you have so far?" Spike said, peering over Twilight's shoulder. She gasped and covered the paper with her hooves.

"No no no! Its not ready yet!"

"Twilight, you don't have anything, do you?"

"No. Unfortunately I don't. I wanted to make the ending a surprise for the reader, but I can't figure out how to do it. You've read all the other parts, so you know how it goes, All the evidence is pointing towards Miss Pennyhoof as the killer, but there is still some suspicion about Dr. Quicksilver. I left off at the detective about to reveal all the evidence and say who he thinks did it."

"So what's wrong with that?"

"I need it to be more of a twist."

"Here's an idea: how about I write this part?" Spike said, "Think about it, I know this story just as well as you do, I know what you're going for here, and you need a break."

"Alright Spike. Take over for me, I'm going for a walk." She said, getting up and leaving the room. Spike sat down and began to write.

The detective stood near the fireplace, looking into the flames as he smoked a pipe. He turned to the crowd of anxious ponies, all the evidence was coming together. He turned to one of the police officers in the room, calling to him.

"Good sir, lock the doors! The killer is in this very room!" There was a gasp as everypony looked around, wondering who it was. The detective smirked before gesturing with his pipe. "Yes, the killer is none other than..." He paused, building the tension. "ME!" He yelled out, pulling a knife from his over coat and slaughtering the remaining ponies one by one.

THE END.

Twilight turned to Spike. Then she began to laugh.

Author's Note

Twilight's Murder Mystery Novel went on to become a Manehatten Best seller, then it was made into a movie and it ruined Twilight's writing career with how terrible it was.

This chapter describes me for the last week for this compilation and since the last chapter was published for Rusted. I have some serious writer's block right now that I'm working through slowly. I have 3 more chapters of this I want to write but can't get it on paper, plus one of them requires me to do some outside research and I want it to be accurate, so I may have to contact a couple of my old High School teachers and a few of my friends. If you want a hint, it involves language.

Dragon's Tastes

Rarity watched with mild curiosity as Spike dug up the earth to uncover more precious gems. She watched as he grabbed the jewels from the earth and looked longingly at them before throwing them into the wagon. More than once he needed to wipe the drool from his chin because his mouth was watering so badly.

"Alright, dear, that's enough for today." Rarity said, breaking spike out of another gem-filled daydream. "Let's head home, its getting late."

"Yes ma'am!" Spike said, wiping the dirt off his claws and grabbing the wagon handle, he began to pull it back towards town.

"Spike," Rarity said. "Why is it that dragons like valuable materials so much?"

"I don't know, they just taste good." Spike said. "Really, they kind of taste like pony foods, or at least they do to dragons. To ponies they probably taste like rocks."

"So what would say, a ruby taste like?"

"Depends. What kind of ruby are we talking about? Fire rubies actually taste a bit like cinnamon, while regular rubies are more cherry flavored."

"Is there really that much of a difference between gems of the same family?"

"Sort of. Jungle Emeralds are more grainy than regular emeralds, but rubies have the biggest difference."

"And what about sapphire?"

"Blueberry."

"Diamond? Topaz?"

"Diamond in its purest form isn't really conceivable to taste, legend says only dragons who have found immortality can taste it, but topaz tastes like buttered popcorn. Really, the more rare the gem, the more of a rarer taste it has, if You can understand what I'm saying. Some of them are actually pretty terrible, like quartz just tastes really bitter, impurities in that only mask the flavor a tiny bit..."

Rarity listened while spike talked. She was interested in this concept, and she wanted to know all she could about it, after all, eventually she would have to choose Spike as her special somedragon, she was just waiting until he got a bit older and understood the world a little better.

But she knew he had good taste.

Author's Note

What DO gems taste like to dragons? We may never know...

Questionable Content

"Alright girls! I'll see you later!" Twilight said, waving at the three fillies walking away from the library. She shut the door behind her and made her way to the basement, where her laboratory was waiting for her.

She opened the door an made her way down the stairs, excitement slowly working its way into her chest, her heart began thumping faster and faster as she came closer to her destination. She giggled to herself as she opened the storage closet and flipped a large lever inside. A machine in the corner lit up and came to life, the central chamber spinning rapidly as a motor hummed.

After a while, the machine slowed and came to a stop. Twilight watched as a glass door slid open and a large form slumped out of it. Twilight approached it and knelt down next to it.

It was purple, with two eyes and four legs. It had wings and a horn. Twilight reached down and brushed its mane out of its face. It took a breath and opened its eyes.

"Oh, is it tuesday already?" The clone said, yawning.

"It sure is." Twilight said, slowly moving her face in towards her clone's.

Suddenly, the basement door slammed open with a crash, causing both Twilights to jump in fright.

"Twilight? Are you down here?" Spike said.

"SPIKE GET OUT OF HERE!" Twilight yelled. "IT'S TWILIGHT TIME!"

"...Twilight, you have issues." Spike said, turning around and shutting the door as he went back up stairs.

Author's Note

Saw Twilight Time, couldn't resist, I apologize...

Triumph

"My good ponies!" Twilight Sparkle cried, slamming her hoof on the podium. "Today is a wonderful day. Today we have triumphed over our foes, trampling them into the dust, never to bother us again. Today we have vanquished the most vile of evils, forcing it to turn tail and flee like the coward it is!"

"Alright, Twilight, that's quite enough."

"We have seen the end of days and we have survived through it!" She continued. "Though many were lost, they shall never be forgotten, and may their souls rest in peace forever, let their spirits be free now, as we are free as well!"

"Twilight, please-"

"Just know that today, dear brothers and sisters, we stand united as one, and we shall never surrender to the tyranny of our enemies, we shall never give one inch to invaders, not one innocent drop of blood to those who mean us harm, for today, we show the world that we are here, and we are ready for anything they throw at us, for we are..."

"Twilight Sparkle!" Celestia yelled from the doorway. "Professor Chalkdust sent for me, saying you were causing some sort of disturbance. I guess he was right." She turned to the crowd of students who had gathered near the podium. "All of you go to your next exams. The day is not over yet."

"EQUESTRIA!" Twilight yelled, before her head slammed on the podium and she slumped to the floor. A small snore could be heard and a glob of spit hung loosely from her mouth.

"Note to self" Celestia said, rubbing her forehead. "Make sure Twilight doesn't pull any more all-night study sessions before midterm exams." She chuckled. "I'd hate to see how she acts for finals."

Author's Note

Had some extra time, and since my midterms are actually scattered over several weeks due to much of my classes being cancelled due to massive snowstorms that wrecked my hometown, I figured I'd be better off than most other colleges who haven't been as fortunate to have nearly 2 weeks off total. It throws everything else off, but hey, at least my brain isn't fried.

The Ring

He played that moment over and over again in his mind. How could he not? It haunted him like the spirits of the dead, and they had haunted him for a long time.

Now Ahuizotl, you know I love you, but I can't give you the ring til I've properly proposed...

That moment. That moment that would ruin his life forever... and yet here he was, approaching a cabin out in the middle of the woods, his army of henchponies hiding in the forest, but none of that mattered.

He raised his claw tail and reached for the door...

Knock Knock Knock

"About time you showed up." said a voice from the other side. Daring Do opened the door slowly. "You're late. I was expecting you sooner."

"I got held up by something." Ahuizotl responded, reaching into his bag and pulling out a small box. "Here." He tossed the box her way. She causght it in mid air and opened it.

"Ahuizotl, what is this?" She asked, looking at the small golden ring she now held in her hooves. "I thought all the rings were destroyed when the temple broke apart."

"This isn't from the temple, Daring Do." He said. "Now Daring, you know I love you, but I can't give you the ring til I've properly proposed."

"Ya know what? You suck." Daring said, wrapping her enemy in a hug. "Now where are we going to dinner?"

Author's Note

Heheheheh. Heehhahahhaaa! HAAAAHAHAHAHAHHAAAHAHAHAAAAAAAAA!!!!!!!!!!!!! I SHIP IT AND YOU CAN'T STOP ME! MUHAHAHAHAHAAA!!!!!

Yeah, also, I'm not dead. Just busy. Ya know, life and stuff. :D

Ghosts of Wonderbolt's Past

Author's Note

Mild Spoilers in this one, but not really, because only names and clothing of characters from "testing testing, 1 2 3" are used, not any of the plot elements.

Also, I'm going to start marking any chapters based on s4 episodes as spoilers, so get used to it :P

Ghosts of Wonderbolt's Past

"What's up, fillies and colts? How's everypony doing tonight?"

"Oh. Hello Commander Easyglider. Purpledart, I though you said this was a private affair."

"I may have lied a bit." Purpledart said. "Well at least Firefly isn't here."

"Oh. I brought her, too."

"Why? This was supposed to be a private get-together! Did you bring all of the others?"

"Um... maybe?"

"EASYGLIDER I SWEAR TO CELESTIA I WILL END YOU!"

"Well at least my uniform is comfortable, unlike yours, Firefly."

"You really had to bring me into this? I thought you were better than that, and what's with that bomber jacket, anyway?"

"Wearing a bomber jacket makes you a bomber pony! Duh."

"Okay, I've had enough from you two, you do this every time we-"

"ENOUGH ALL OF YOU!" Spitfire yelled, sitting up in her bed and throwing a pillow at the ghosts. "FOR BUCK'S SAKE ITS 2:30 IN THE MORNING, I HAVE TO GET UP AT 5 FOR DRILLS AND I CAN'T SLEEP WITH YOU GUYS BLABBERING ON LIKE IDIOTS! AND ANOTHER THING, WHY DO YOU ALWAYS INSIST ON HAVING THESE STUPID PARTIES IN MY ROOM AT SUCH A LUNA-FORSAKEN HOUR?"

"Spitfire, it's tradition that the ghost of the former Wonderbolts leaders come and haunt you at night. You know this."

"Well I'm breaking tradition. all of you out!"

"You seriously can't-"

"DO I LOOK LIKE I'M KIDDING, MOTHERBUCKER? I SAID GET OUT! ALL OF YOU, OUT IN THE NEXT TEN SECONDS OR I'LL HAVE YOU ON SPECTRAL LATRINE DUTY FOR A THOUSAND YEARS! DO I MAKE MYSELF CLEAR?"

The ghosts mumbled to themselves.

"I SAID AM I CLEAR?"

"Crystal, ma'am." The ghosts responded, making their way out the door to Spitfire's room.

"I never thought a mortal would be scarier than we are." Easyglider said once he left the room.

"I say it's your jacket."

"I CAN STILL HEAR YOU!" Spitfire yelled. The ghosts fled in terror.

The Cult

It was quiet, as it very well should be at midnight in a small town like Ponyville. Then suddenly, the sound of hooves could be heard marching through the streets, accompanied by haunting singing and chanting. Ponies looked out their doors and windows to see what the commotion was.

Marching towards the center of town was a large group of ponies. They wore robes with sweaters on top, and knit caps on their heads. Towards the back, four ponies carried a large platform, and sitting on the platform was a giant ball of yarn. Surrounding the platform were a group of armored ponies with bits of yarn tied to their armor and weapons. They looked ready to attack anyone getting too close to their yarn ball.

Twilight Sparkle watched from the library balcony as the group approached town square, A number of ponies had left their homes to follow the yarn, and they gathered around in a circle. One of the robed ponies came forth to speak.

"Greetings, fellow Equines! Allow me to introduce myself. I am Father Knitting Needles of the Order of the Holy Yarn. We have come to this town tonight because we wish to spread the glorious word of the Yarn. The yarn is good, the yarn is bad, the yarn is chaos and harmony, the past and future, life and death, the yarn is creation and destruction, the yarn is all." He looked around, and adjusted his sweater. Rarity would have had a heart attack if she saw how ugly it was. "We have come here today to have you listen to the yarn. It speaks to us all, open your hearts and minds and the yarn will let you in."

"This is weird." Spike said, standing next to Twilight. She nodded in agreement.

"Now," The pony said, gesturing to the yarn. "The yarn hungers. The yarn wishes for you citizens of ponyville, to sacrifice your most powerful sorcerer to the yarn. The yarn hungers, do this for the yarn and you shall be granted a woolly and fuzzy future.

"Okay, that is really weird." Twilight said. Spike ignored her. He was too interested in what was going on below.

"BRING THE YARN TWILIGHT SPARKLE!" The pony said, pointing directly at Twilight. The crowd turned toward her.

"Where did they all get those ugly sweaters?" Twilight said, the crowd began to move her way.

"Spike? What's going on?" Twilight said, backing up from the railing. "Spike?"

Spike adjusted the collar on his ugly sweater and began walking towards Twilight. "The yarn hungers"

Author's Note

Based on this image: http://jittery-the-dragon.deviantart.com/art/Pointless-pony-tips-1047-430707561

...I thought it was funny... :/

The Weather Queen

Wind whipped through everypony's manes as they stood on the outskirts of Ponyville, they watched the dark sky nervously, the menacing looking clouds threatening to unleash their pent-up rain and lightning any moment now.

This storm was going to be a bad one, not just because of its severity, but also because it was unplanned. The storm had rolled in from the Everfree forest, a region that played by its own rules.

The ponies watched the clouds for any sign of Rainbow Dash, or the rest of the weather team, who had been dispatched to break up the dangerous storm before it could cause any damage. They had been gone for an hour already, having flown straight into the storm.

Suddenly, the sky lit up with lightning and thunder cracked. The ponies looked up and saw something falling toward the ground. It was a pony. Twilight acted quickly and used her magic to slow the pony's fall.

Raindrops was unconscious, but she woke when Twilight shook her.

"What's going on?" Twilight said. "Are you okay? Where are the others?"

"Something was in the storm." Raindrops said, shakily standing up. "It attacked Rainbow Dash, then she attacked everypony else. Something happened to her."

The others looked to each other in confusion, then a chunk of clouds started to spiral down to the ground. The others saw that Rainbow Dash was riding it.

"Rainbow, what's going on? Can't you control this weather?"

Rainbow Dash looked to the others, her eyes glowing white. She approached them, her hoofsteps sounding like thunder, electric sparks shot from her body and into the ground.

She grinned at the others. "Is that any way to talk to a queen?"

"Rainbow, what are you talking about? What's happening?"

"Rainbow Dash isn't here, There is only Queen Nimbus."

"Who? And what does this have to do with the weather?"

"I... AM... the weather!" Dash yelled, thunder booming and amplifying her voice. "And you will show me the respect I deserve!"

"Twilight..." Fluttershy whispered. "I think we should run..."

"Good idea... everypony else in?"

"Yup." they all said simultaneously. "Spike, let the princess know that Rainbow Dash has been possessed again, please." Twilight said.

"Wait, what do you mean 'again'?" Raindrops said, trying her best to keep up with the group as lighting fried the ground around them. Rainbow Dash chased the group, surfing on a cloud and shooting all sorts of weather at them, laughing evilly the whole way.

Yup, just a regular Tuesday.

Author's Note

OK... This one I might actually extend, I like the premise of it, and I think I can make it work out. Even if the chapters are shorter it would still be a multi-part story that would work with this awesome idea...

Hail Queen Nimbus, by the way...

The True Meaning (Easter Special)

Fluttershy trotted merrily through White Tail wood. She wore fluffy bunny ears on her head, (artificial fur, of course) and carried a small pastel blue basket with her. The basket contained colorful plastic eggs, and inside the eggs, was candy.

Fluttershy rather enjoyed this time of year, the warm weather, the bright colors, and all her animal friends came out from hibernation and their families started to grow. She really enjoyed Easter, or as it was called in Equestria, Bunny Day.

Bunny Day traditions were simple, color a bunch of real eggs with dies and paints for decoration, then hide a bunch of candy-filled plastic ones across town for the fillies and colts to enjoy. Fluttershy rounded a corner on the path, then stopped suddenly.

Two figures were standing in the clearing, partaking in a heated debate. One of them was a tall human with a beard and wearing a white rope. The other was... a giant bunny with oversized features.

"Look, Easter bunny," the human said. "I don't care about your traditions, you celebrate Easter all wrong!"

"Jesus, darling, you just don't understand! No one here in this universe has ever heard of you!"

"I died for their sins, and you make a mockery of it!" The two must have heard Fluttershy, for they turned to her, looking shocked.

"Um..." They both said.

Jesus took a deep breath and approached Fluttershy, kneeling down to be at eye-level with her. "Hello, little pony. What do you have there?" he said, pointing at the basket.

"Um... Bunny Day eggs?"

"I see. Well, did those eggs die for your sins?"

"What?"

"Were they nailed to a Cross by their hands and feet and left to die, before being stabbed, then were they buried in a tomb, only to rise out three days later?"

"I'm confused..." Fluttershy said, backing away.

"I thought not." Jesus said, standing up. "Easter bunny, I don't appreciate the way you disrespect this holy day, but I guess I can't change it." He turned away and waled down the path, fading away into the sunlight.

Fluttershy turned to the Easter Bunny. "What just happened?"

"Business..." The Easter Bunny said. "Me making tons of money and some self-righteous hippy trying to stop me."

Lightning struck a tree nearby, even though there were no clouds, causing Fluttershy to jump.

"I heard that!" a voice boomed from above. Fluttershy fainted.

Author's Note

So its a day late... whoop-dee-freaking-doo.

I was raised Christian, and I still consider myself one, though I'm not a practicing Christian who goes to church every Sunday and reads the Bible, but even I know Jesus appreciates a good joke every now and then.

Obligatory Religious reference out of the way, thanks for playing.

Background Pony Battle Royale

"I SWEAR TO LUNA!" Bon-Bon yelled, rolling backward over a toppled column and pulling a grenade from her backpack. She pulled the pin and tossed it. "LYRA! YOU HAD ONE JOB! ONE FREAKING JOB!"

"I SAID I WAS SORRY!" Lyra responded, reloading her shotgun from behind an overturned carrage. "HOW WAS I SUPPOSED TO KNOW CANTERLOT PONIES DON'T LIKE BEING CALLED STUCK UP?"

"NOPONY LIKES THAT!" Bon-Bon said, letting loose with another burst from her AK-47. The bullets ricocheted off of the sidewalk and walls, almost striking Vinyl Scratch, who was hiding around the corner of a burnt-out building.

"TAVI! WHERE'S MY COVER FIRE?" She yelled into her headset, rubbing her bandaged and bleeding leg.

"I CAN'T GET A CLEAR SHOT! YOU NEED TO GET THEM OUT INTO THE OPEN!" Octavia responded from the third story window of the hotel, her sniper rifle gleaming in the sunlight. "How's your ammo?"

"About empty, got one clip left." Scratch said, checking the ammunition on her M16. "Where's Minuette? She still alive?"

"Not sure. Her radio stopped working an hour ago... wait! She's behind them!"

Minuette slowly approached Lyra and Bon-Bon from behind, her MP5 equipped with a silencer. She stopped short, aimed, and almost fired.

KABOOM!

Minuette was thrown to the side by an explosion, she winced as she tried to get back up, her leg was clearly broken.

"Not one of ye's gonna survive this!" Berry Punch laughed, taking a swig from her wine bottle as her grenade launcher hung loosely at her side. She wiped her mouth and grinned, raising the weapon right at Minuette. "You bloody Canterlot ponies! Ye got no respect for the good folks down in Ponyville, now do ye?"

"I told you not to mess with Ponyville." Derpy said, knife dripping with blood as she walked up to Minuette.

Suddenly, a bright flash lit up the sky. everypony stopped and looked up in confusion. Princess Celestia decended from the sky.

"WHAT IN THE NAME OF HARMONY IS GOING ON HERE?"

"Ponyville insulted Canterlot..."

Celestia facehoofed as heavily armed and armored guards stormed the streets, arresting everyone.

Author's Note

And thus, everypony involved was sent to a national military prison for the following crimes:

Breaking and entering a secure military armory,
Theft of military hardware
Terrorism
Destruction of public/private property
Endangerment of political officials
Public disturbance
disorderly conduct
public drunkenness

Sentence was life with no chance of parole. The feud continued in prison, leading to the eventual murder of every one of them.

Announcement

Construction workers finished connecting the long wires to the last wooden post in town. At the top of the post were four metal cones, painted white, each blazoned with the golden oak leaf emblem of Ponyville's seal. Following the wires led back to town hall, where they then went into the wall and straight to the mayor's office. The wires connected to a transmitter and microphone on her desk.

"Thank you for helping set this up, Princess." Ivory Scrolls, the mayor, said.

"It was my pleasure. I think its a good idea to set up a system like this to help keep the citizens of ponyville informed, especially since so much seems to happen to this town."

"I know. There's a reason they say this town is cursed." The mayor said. "Alright, I think the workers are done, shall we test it out?" The mayor pushed the button on the microphone, a loud crackling could be heard outside as the dozen or so radio towers came to life.

"Attention citizens of Ponyville!" The mayor said. "This is your mayor speaking, testing out the new town-wide alert system. Thank you, and have a nice day!"

"Well, that worked great. Glad to see you really do care about the citizens." Twilight said.

"Oh, I don't." the mayor said, taking Twilight by surprise.

"What?"

"I couldn't give a rat's rear end about this town. As far as I'm concerned everypony in this town is a low-brow dirty hick. I'm kind of glad when all these disasters destroy everything because it means everything gets rebuilt, adding a little bit more modernization each time. These ponies are stupid as well, they'll listen to anything I say without question, its actually-"

Suddenly the door burst open, the mayor's secretary ran through the door. "MAYOR! THE MICROPHONE IS STILL ON!"

The mayor stopped and looked at the microphone, the little green light was still on. The looked at Twilight with a look of worried shock on her face.

"Yeah, I can't help you with that." Twilight said, walking out of the room. The mayor cowered under her desk as she heard an angry mob forming outside. "Good luck, mayor."

Author's Note

And now for an announcement of my own:

I AM ACCEPTING SUBMISSIONS FOR THIS SERIES!

That's right. You can now send me any ideas for this story that you want, as well as for the sequel that will become a reality once this story reaches 100 chapters (Which is actually going to be fairly soon!) Again, I want to thank everyone for supporting me and my writing, and this is my way of saying thanks, by letting you tell me what to write.

Alright then, some quick rules:
-Story must be able to be told in 500 words, or must be a blatant cliffhanger (see some of the other chapters for examples)
-No gore or explicitly sexual content. (I'd like to keep this story rated "teen", thank you.)
-Story must be of good taste and at least a tiny bit thought out, nothing obviously dumb or trolling
-I have the right to approve/disapprove of anything you suggest, and i'll try to get any suggestions out within a week of them being suggested.
-Collaboration between readers is allowed and encouraged! The more, the merrier!
-I will put the names of the suggestors in author's notes at the end of each chapter suggested. If you do not wish to make your name known, send me a pm instead of a comment on this story and tell me you don't want your name on it.

Done Crusading

"So girls, what kind of crusading adventures are you going to have today?" Rarity asked the three fillies.

"Meh. I don't really feel like doing anything. Scootaloo said. She bit into her apple while lying on Rarity's couch. She looked bored.

"Yeah, I think I'm just going to sit here a while." Sweetie Belle said. She was lying on the rug in the middle of the room.

"Me too." Applebloom said, leaning against the couch while lying on the floor."

"Now that sounds like lazyness." Rarity said. "Why don't you three go to the park? It's such a lovely day."

"Hmmm... Nah." The three responded at the same time. The three sighed. Scootaloo threw her applecore toward the trash can, hitting the rim and bouncing away. Rarity looked at her.

"Scootaloo, aren't you going to pick that up?"

"Maybe later."

"I HAVE AN IDEA!" Applebloom yelled. The other two barely looked at her. "Maybe we can earn our cutie marks in doing nothing!"

"Sounds good to me. Let's get started." Sweetie Belle said before she rolled over on the rug. "This plan is foal-proof."

"Whatever." Rarity exclaimed. "If you three feel like being lazy, then so be it. Just don't come complaining to me when you're bored and can't find anything to do." She turned her nose up and left the room, leaving the three to their laziness.

FOUR WEEKS LATER

Rarity opened the door to the room. She sighed, then slowly shut it. Outside of the room, she leaned against the wall and shook her head. Applejack stood by, not quite sure what to do.

"Its dreadful, Applejack." Rarity said, wiping a tear from her eye. "Its been four weeks and they haven't moved. I'm worried about them."

"You know them, sugarcube. They're stubborn as a mule. Can't be long now until they come out."

It was a year later until they came out, 300 pounds heavier, with a thick coating of cheese puff dust on their coats.

"Well that didn't work." Applebloom wheezed. Scootaloo nodded and Sweetie Belle sweated profusely, grabbing her chest as her heart tried to pump blood through her overweight body.

Author's Note

Idea By NewKidOnTheBlock, in which the CMC get lazy.

Ladies and Gents, I present to you: AMERICAN STEREOTYPES!

Transformation Station

Twilight Sparkle stood back and wiped the sweat from her brow. She removed her goggles and took off her lab coat. She admired her work momentarily before she approached it again. She noticed something off, and grabbed a screwdriver. She carefully lifted the tool to an exposed screw and twisted in back into place. Twilight couldn't take any risks with a loose screw. This machine was too important.

She had asked her friends to meet her here at 3 o'clock, a quick glance at the clock near the stairs confirmed that they would be here at any minute. Twilight was giddy with excitement, she couldn't wait to show off the machine to her friends. Then an idea struck her.

"Why should I show my friends the machine when I can show them what it does?" She said to herself, stepping inside and adjusting a dial. A glass door slid shut and Twilight pressed a button. The chamber filled with smoke that smelled a lot like roses. She coughed and gagged a bit as the smoke filled her lungs, but then just as quickly as it came, it cleared away and the glass door slid open.

Twilight looked herself over in a mirror before she heard a knock at the door. She was taller, and noticably thicker. Her jaw was more square and she saw muscles beneath her fur. She grinned and trotted up the stairs to answer it. When she did, she was greeted by her friends, who all gave her a strange look.

"Hello, girls!" Twilight said, her voice suddenly much deeper and rough sounding. "I see you noticed something's changed."

Their reactions were mixed. Rarity looked surprised, she blushed a bit. Applejack looked straight up confused, she stammered for what to say next. Pinkie Pie was laughing on the ground, and Fluttershy had on an even deeper blush than Rarity.

Rainbow Dash had a blank look on her face. Twilight looked at her, then waved her hand in front of her face.

"How did you do this?" Applejack finally managed to spit out. "How'd you turn yourself into a stallion?"

"I built a machine in my lab," Twilight said. "It can turn you into a few different creatures, even switch genders."

"And switch genders is did." Rainbow Dash finally blurted out, catching a quick peek at Twilight's undercarriage. She circled around Twilight. "Dashie like..." She waggled her eyebrows suggestively. "So, how about you turn me into a griffin and we can really make this a party?"

Everyone else simultaneously facehoofed.

Author's Note

Use your imaginations here... you're all smart people, you'll figure out what happened next.

Pixel Berry98 suggested the gender-swap idea, and I, of course, had to put my own little twist on it.

92/100, folks. Things are kinda rough this week because of exams, but I'll try to get everyone's suggestions written as soon as I can.

The Magpie Method

"There is an old legend," Princess Luna said slowly, looking at the sky. "One from a forgotten age, where ponies were much more superstitious. Where they would count birds to determine the future."

"I may have heard of it." Cadence said. "Its an old rhyme, isn't it?"

"Yes. You know of it?"

"Sort of. I know parts of it."

"Then you are aware of how it starts?"

"One for sorrow, two for joy, three..." Cadence slowed, unsure of the next line.

"for a girl, four for a boy." Luna continued.

"Five for silver"

"Six for gold, seven for a secret never to be told." Luna looked to her niece, a knowing smirk on her face. "There are different versions, but that is the most widely accepted one, yes." She turned back to the sky, where seven crows flew in circles, cawing occasionally. Cadence looked up as well, clearly confused. They had not been there a moment before.

"What the..."

"tell me, Cadence, have you told your husband?"

"Told him what?" Cadence said, suddenly worried."

"You know what I mean." Luna said, eyes still on the sky. "In this world we live in we must all learn to keep secrets, but sometimes secrets are best out in the open. Think of it like a dream, everything is fine and well, but at some point we must all wake up."

"That's a strange way of putting it."

"Is it?" Luna smiled again, then turned and walked away. "And I think it's time you woke up." She faded away.

Cadence shot up in her bed, breathing heavily. It had all been a dream. She set her head back on the pillow and sighed, then turned to face her sleeping husband. She sighed again and swallowed hard. Maybe Luna was right.

She reached out an shook her husband. He opened his eyes and looked at her.

"Shining, we need to talk."

Author's Note

WHAT MYSTERIOUS SECRETS DOES CADENCE HOLD??? WILL WE EVER FIND OUT???

Spoiler: No, we won't. I'm not continuing this specific arc. If you feel like continuing it go ahead, just let me know because I'd like to read it.

Dungeons my Flank

"Alright, make an evasion roll." Pinkie Pie said. Twilight threw down the 20 sided die.

"Seven." She said.

"You fail. The goblin sticks his spear into your body and you bleed out. Only a magic life potion or a necromancer can revive you, and the party has neither." Pinkie said, reading from the dungeon master's book in front of her.

"You mean Flutteshy can't do it?" Twilight said. "She's the cleric."

"Nope. Fluttershy's healing spells can only heal you if you're hurt, not dead."

"Well that's a load of garbage."

"Tough luck, Twi. Should've made a Paladin instead of a mage."

"But Applejack already made a Paladin, what benefit could two paladins have to the party?"

"Well, one, you're kind of an anti-undead thing. Paladins get bonus attack against undead enemies." Applejack said, looking at her spell list. "And this scenario we're playing has a lot of ritual circles and graveyards, and I have a feeling that Pinkie's going to keep them coming."

"So can a priest, and a priest can do healing magic just as well as a cleric." Twilight responded. "In fact, why didn't you go with a priestess, Fluttershy? At least you'd be able to defend yourself."

"Because Rainbow Dash's spells would have made it worthless."

"And there's another thing! How can a thief just do whatever they like? And how does a thief counteract a priest?"

"Because its in the rules, Twi." Dash said. "We need a thief because I can get in, strike first, get out, and get bonus loot at the end of battles. Rarity playing barbarian means we hit hard, Fluttershy makes sure nothing kills us, Applejack is our tank, and you are supposed to be our ranged and magic side, but your character was seriously lacking in any spells to help our party, all you really did was deal chip damage and activate traps."

"I pretty much eliminated that Hydra all on my own! My fire spell was the only way to make sure it didn't grow more heads!"

"We had firebombs and torches in our inventories, Twi. We knew Pinkie would throw something like this at us."

"Ugh. Fine. Maybe I should stay dead then? You know, since I'm apparently not contributing anything."

Twilight sat back and watched the rest of her friends play. In the back of her mind she kept thinking about how they'd be lost without her, but they kept getting farther and farther and farther. Eventually they beat the final boss, claiming their rewards.

"This sucks." Twilight whispered to herself.

Author's Note

I have never played dungeons and dragons before, but a few of my friends did, they got me seriously curious about what its about, so I might check it out sometime.

High Roller suggested this one, in which they play dungeons and dragons and Twilight starts complaining about it.

Immunity

Rainbow Dash stood behind the table. Her hoofcuffs and Orange jumpsuit indicating that she was on trial. It made no sense to her, but oh well, nothing to do about it now.

"Rainbow Dash, you have been accused of armed robbery, aggravated assault, and grand theft. How do you plea?" The judge said, looking directly at rainbow.

"Not guilty on account of being an element of harmony."

"Oh! That's right!" The judge said in a mocking tone. "I forgot about the section in the law that said that you were immune from being arrested and charged with criminal offenses! Get those hoofcuffs off her right now, Balif, open the door, Miss Dash here is free to go!"

"Wait, really?"

"No." The judge said. "You are immune to nothing. We have these laws for a reason, Rainbow Dash. Being the element of Loyalty does not mean you get to do whatever you want. Not even Princess Celestia can get away with everything she wants.

"I can't?" Celestia said from the jury. "Wait, why can't I?"

"Princess, why are you even here?" The judge said, placing a hoof against his forehead. "No disrespect, but this really doesn't involve you, and you really aren't part of a jury of her peers."

"I was promised there would be food." Celestia said. The judge groaned.

It was going to be a long trial.

Author's Note

No one suggested this one, just my own brain after watching some YouTube videos about court cases gone bad.

Nothing to see here, carry on.

The List

In a great castle with white walls and tall towers, located in the capital city of Equestria, there was a room that contained a regal throne. One made with gold and gems of only the highest quality, upon this throne sat Princess Celestia, bringer of light, Spirit of the sun, and ruler of this land. In front of her she held an old piece of parchment.

The parchment was well worn, with stains and krinkled corners. One side was singed a dark brown, and much of the writing was worn and faded, barely legible. Celestia read over what could still be read, then held up a quill and ink. She dipped the quill into the ink and pressed it to the parchment, right next to a peice of writing. She crossed out some writing that was already there and wrote next to it.

Discord-Imprisoned (twice) REFORMED

She moved up a few spots on the list to a new name, again pressing the quill to the parchment. Crossing something out and writing next to it.

King Sombra- Imprisoned Destroyed??

She moved up, near the top of the list, where the names were barely noticeable. She squinted hard and located the proper name, writing over it again in modern ink so it was readable again. She added a small note to this one.

Tirek- Imprisoned (twice)

She looked over the rest of the list. Most of the names were crossed out completely, enemies that had perished long ago. Those who had lived as long as her were the ones with special notes written next to them. Celestia tapped her chin and went to the very bottom of the list, there was hardly any room, but she squeezed in a new name, and a special note.

Princess Twilight Sparkle- WATCH CAREFULLY

Author's Note

I figured with all the villians that attack Equestria Celestia would have to start keeping track to avoid any confusion as to who attacks her and when, and what happened to them.

I had this idea a long time ago, but didn't really know how to get it into writing.

97/100

3 more to go...
3 more....
3 MORE TO GOOOOOOOOOO!

The Sky Heroes

Twilight Sparkle paced back and forth, staring at the ground and mumbling to herself. The stopped, glanced at the three waiting ponies, then went back to her pacing. Her horn glowed and books began to fly of the shelves at her, the would flip through them and toss them to the side as quickly as they came to her.

While flipping through one book she stopped suddenly and turned back a few pages, rereading a passage. She slammed the book shut and turned to the waiting ponies.

"You three are not normal pegasai." She said slowly. The others looked to each other in confusion. Twilight continued. "This book tells of an ancient prophecy in which three pegasai of the three great clans would fight as one to stop a great evil. She turned to Rainbow Dash. "You said that your family is directly related to Commander Hurricane, correct?"

"Yeah, on my dad's side." Rainbow replied. "Why?"

"Rainbow Dash, you are a member of the Spectrum clan. They invented rainbows, Dash. They were a peaceful clan that held a lot of power within the Pegasus senate because of their wealth."

Twilight turned to Lightning Dust. "The Spectrum clan was rivals with the Thunder clan. They were aggressive and violent, and it is actually their work that led to the pegasai being run under martial law for centuries. Commander Hurricane managed to take over, however. I assume that if we traced back your lineage it would lead straight to the Thunder clan."

Spitfire spoke up. "So how do I fit into all of this, princess?"

"Spitfire, Celestia knighted you a few years back, didn't she?"

"Yeah, I'm a knight."

"How did she address you when you were knighted?"

"Lady Spitfire of the Embers. I thought she was just making something up to sound all official."

"The Embers were a sub-section of the Meteor Clan. They were basically responsible for keeping the other clans at peace because they had a powerful magic to summon meteors to crash down to earth. Mess with them, have your home destroyed by giant space rocks, get it?"

"Okay?"

"If I'm interpreting this right, you three are the ones who need to unite the remaining clans and unite all your powers to save the world."

Suddenly, a loud explosion echoed from outside. Twilight looked out the window and saw a giant pillar rising from the ground.

"I suggest you get started. Looks like your bad guy is getting a head start."

Author's Note

Another one that could be made into an awesome story. If only I had the time or energy. I like to think that the ancient Pegasai, before Celestia and Luna, were run like the roman senate, but with more powerful clans having more power in the senate. Think of it like a political party, except you are related to everyone in your party and you have the power and money to hire assassins to kill the other party members if you wanted.

Time is Ticking

"My name is Twilight Sparkle, and I have anxiety."

"Hi Twilight." The group of ponies responded.

"Where should I start? Well, I guess my anxiety mostly comes from time. I always feel like I have something to do, and I can't miss anything. I feel worried that I'll miss something important if i don't schedule it, plan every little detail, and then spend every waking minute thinking about it until it happens. I get nervous, like if i miss one little detail I won't have time to fix it. I feel scared that I can't do everything to completion, and that I'll let ponies down."

"That's very good, Twilight. The first step is admitting you have a problem. Now when did this start for you?"

"I don't know. I guess when I was a filly. I was accepted into Celestia's School for gifted Unicorns. They had a very strict timeline that you needed to follow. It might have just been the professors I got, but if I was even one minute late to the class I would receive a failing grade for that day, and I wouldn't be allowed in the classroom. It grew to a point where I'd show up almost an hour early to everything, and it just continued to grow from there. I needed to have everything planned out to the exact minute."

"Very well. I think I'd like to speak with you personally. How does next Thursday sound?"

"What time?"

"I'm free all day, whatever time is most convenient for you."

"That's a lame answer. Really. I have an appointment at eight with the dentist, and that could take anywhere between thirty minutes to three hours depending what they find, then I need to meet with Cherilee for a bit about the upcoming field trip to the library, then I have to meet Pinkie Pie and she's a DISASTER to schedual times with, and... and..."

"How does four o'clock sound?"

"Fine. I'll see you then."

"Good, now, lets move on to-"

"But where will we meet?"

The therapist sighed and facehoofed.

Author's Note

In which Twilight learns the value of letting loose and realizing that not everything is going to work out perfectly. Not my best chapter, but I like it.

99/100

The finale will be posted right after this one.

The Finale

I sigh, a deep, sad sigh, but also one full of relief. As my soft paws make their way across the floor, I realize just how awesome it is to be a bipedal welsh corgi in a magical land of ponies.

That's right, I went there. Anyway, I make my way into my room, where my laptop sits open on my desk. I maneuver the mouse to the internet and click, bringing up the browser, then I move to my bookmarks bar and click again.

There, in front of me, sits a blank word document. The title of this document: The Finale. The final chapter in a 100 chapter story of stories. Yeah, it's that meta. I can't think of how I should end this journey. I know it isn't the end of course, but it still holds a special place in my heart as the first thing I've ever completed here.

Should I finish with a grand finale with fireworks and celebrations? With ponies laughing and singing? Or should I go a more subtle route? Decisions, decisions.

Suddenly, a knock at the door startles me from my trance. My ears move toward the sound before I even register it. My collar jingles a bit as I turn my head. "Come in." I say. Nothing happens. "Come in!" I say again, a bit louder this time. Still nothing. I sigh and stand up, making my way to the door, reaching up and grabbing the handle with my paw, I twist it and pull the door open.

That's when I realize I must be in hell, because there is an army of angry ponies looking at me, each seemingly boring holes into me with their rage.

"h-hello?" I say, confused.

"THERE HE IS!" Pinkie Pie yells from the back. "GET HIM GIRLS!"

I scream as the ponies tackle me, suddenly ashamed of some of the things I've written. After all, why else would a bunch of ponies want to kill me if it hasn't been for the horrible things I've written about them behind their back.

Author's Note

THIS CHAPTER IS SOOOOO META IT ISN'T EVEN FUNNY!

And here's the finale! Itty-Bitty Bite Sized Stories is finished, 100 chapters, over 30,000 words, and tons of time and effort put into this.
It was entertaining, stressful, and a whole lot more all at the same time.

Yes, I self-inserted myself into this story as a corgi, no I don't feel any shame in that. For a better idea of what my corgi alter ego looks like, see my profile, though that picture is technically King from Housepets!, a webcomic by Rick Griffin.

I want to say thank you to everyone for helping and supporting me for over a year with this thing. Expect round 2 within the next few weeks with Itty-Bitty 2: Revenge of the Tiny

The Therapy Session

"Welcome back Twilight, I assume everything's been going well?" The stallion in the chair said.

"Yes, Doctor, thank you. That medication you gave me has done wonders for my anxiety." Twilight responded, looking up at the ceiling from the couch she was laying on. "I feel so much more relaxed now, and get this: I almost whe the whole week without triple-checking the calander."

"That's excellent news." The doctor scribbled some notes onto a notepad. "Have you been feeling any strange urges or impulses, or any side effects of the medication?"

"Not really. Sometimes though I get this itch that won't go away."

"Really?"

"Yes, right under my horn. I can't reach it to scratch at it because its inside my head, but it still really bugs me."

"Well, a minor irritation can sometimes-"

"Bugs?' Twilight interupted. "I don't like bugs. They drive me crazy."

"Alright... As I was saying, a phantom itch-"

"Crazy? I was crazy once. They put me in a round room and told me to find the corner."

"Twilight? Are you feeling okay?"

"Of course, doctor. I feel- Corner? I couldn't find a corner. That bugged me." Twilight's eye was visibly twitching now. "Bugs? I don't like bugs. They drive me crazy."

"You said that already." The doctor wrote more notes on the paper.

"Crazy? I was crazy once. They put me in a round room and told me to find the corner."

"Twilight, please, I-"

"Corner? I couldn't find a corner. That bugged me."

"I THINK WE'RE DONE HERE!" The doctor yelled, Twilight yelped and jumped at the outburst.

"You don't have to shout, Doctor." Twilight said as she started fo rthe door. "Oh, and I feel like these sessions can be cut down to once a week instead of twice, don't you agree?"

"Of course. I'll see you next Tuesday then." He said, watching her go. Once the door shut he sighed and wrote one more thing on his paper, drawing a big circle around it in red ink.

HOSPITALIZE

Desert Duel

Applejack spat into the dirt road. She lowered her hat to cover her eyes and began walking forward. Her spurs jingled and her boots dampened the sound of her stride on the soft earth. The buildings surrounding her were locked up tight, nopony would be stupid enough to come out at a time like this. She stopped in the middle of the road and looked up at the clocktower in town. The time was one minute until high noon. The pony across from her stared her down, she waited for the clock to strike.

Time seemed to freeze in that last second before the bell tolled. Then it came. Applejack drew her weapon and fired, her opponent doing the same. Applejack felt warm fluid run down her coat. She looked up in surprise and fell to the ground in slow motion. She landed on her back, her hat rolled off her head and down the street. Her opponent approached her.

"Darling, I know I told you to be more dramatic, but it's only a water gun fight." Rarity said, helping Applejack to her hooves.

The Morning After

Rainbow Dash awoke to the sound of birds chirping. She craned her neck to find the source, only for a sharp pain to shoot down it and into her back. She rubbed her sore neck and moved more slowly.

She was sore all over, her head was killing her, and she smelled like sweat and alcohol. The sun was too bright and the birds' chirping was too loud. Her mane and feathers were a mess. She closed her eyes and set her head back down onto the bed.

The bed felt different, it was lumpy, and she could make out the distinct creaking of metal springs beneath its rough surface. She opened her eyes again and looked at the bed. Just a regular mattress, not her own cloud bed. She shrugged it off, maybe she stayed at a friend's house last night.

Wait, why couldn't she remember anything that happened last night? She sat up quickly, sending another bolt of pain through her body. She ignored it and looked around. Yeah, she definitely stayed at Twilight's. She didn't know why she didn't realize it sooner, she was surrounded by books, and she only owned a few books, plus the obvious fact that she wasn't surrounded by clouds.

It was then she heard a slow breathing next to her. She looked over to see Twilight looking just as bad as she did. She was sleeping soundly, a smile on her face. Rainbow Dash began to put two and two together.

"Oh buck me." She said, not louder than a whisper. She wracked her mind for a clue, anything that would give her a hint to what had happened the night before. Then it hit her, it hit her like a ton of bricks.

Twilight's birthday.

It was a little known fact that Twilight could actually hold her liquor pretty well. She was still drinking with Rainbow and Applejack into the early morning, after that it was fuzzy, Rainbow remember stumbling after Twilight up the stairs, watching as she moved her flank and flared her wings, that seductive look in her eyes...

The sound of Twilight groaning in her sleep snapped Rainbow out of her trance. The rest didn't matter, she figured. She turned over on her stomach and put her head back down, she put one wing over twilight and curled up next to her.

The rest didn't matter.

Hidden Agendas

"This had better be good, General, you know my time is precious." The mysterious mare in the shadows said to one of her subordinates.

"Yes ma'am, and I would never think to come to you unless it were of the utmost importance." The general removed his beret and held his salute, he was nervous. His boss was not known for her hospitality when it came to being interrupted. Whether it was good news or not.

"Well?" She responded. "Get on with it, I don't have all day."

"Uh, Right, my apologies, ma'am." He cleared his throat and took a deep breath. "We have reports from the front. The enemy is being routed, several have been captured and are on route to our testing facilities. The scientists have had a major breakthrough in uncovering their magic abilities, and they expect a full understanding and utilization by the end of the month."

"Good." The mare smiled a crooked smile, sending chills down the general's spine. "And what of the resistance?"

"All that remains are a few pockets of resistance left. The west zone is nearly entire under your control, ma'am." He swallowed hard, not wanting to deliver the next bit of news.

"You seem troubled, general. What else is there?"

"Well," The general shifted uncomfortably. "We have reports of an enemy commando that isn't in our database. Captured enemy forces refuse to reveal her identity, even if threatened with death."

"What DO we know, general?" The mare's satisfied mood was quickly fading to anger.

"We know that she's a Pegasus with multiple hair colors, we know she's fast, and we know she has abilities beyond what a normal Pegasus should be able to do. She survived a nuclear-scale blast that she created when she impacted the ground." This news didn't surprise the mare. Then again, not much surprised her.

"Very well, general. You are dismissed."

"Ma'am, I suggest we come up with some way to-"

"Dosvidanya, General, you are dismissed. I have much to think about. I will do something about this new threat.

"Yes ma'am." The general left the room. The mysterious mare chuckled to herself, her scowl turning to a sinister smirk. This commando was not an issue. She figured, leaning forward slightly so the light illuminated her face. In fact, she would deal with her personally. After all, she was Fluttershy, Rainbow Dash's best friend.

Dinner at The Parent's.

The clatter of plates and silverware filled the inviting home of the Sparkles. It was tradition for everypony to get together every Sunday for dinner. It was Twilight's mother's idea. The idea came to her after Shining Armor's wedding, realizing just how empty the nest had really become.

The sound of laughter flowed from the home as everypony shared stories and jokes from their adventures. Then the dinner took the same turn it always takes.

"Twilight, dear, have you met anypony special yet?"

Yup. That turn. Twilight groaned as she lowered her fork and looked directly into her mother's eyes. "No, mom. I haven't."

"Well why not? You can't expect me to wait on your brother to give me grandkids." At this, Shining Armor and Cadence blushed and looked away. "What about that Flash Sentry fellow? He seemed like a wonderful colt."

"He was. Until SOMEPONY got him re-assigned." Twilight glared at her brother. "What was that about? You just so HAPPENED to need him in some Celestia-forsaken wasteland to keep watch on the border? A border, mind you, that is the absolute maximum distance away from Canterlot as physically possible in Equestria?"

"I can neither confirm nor deny your suspicions. It's classified." Shining Smirked and gave his trademark 'I know something you don't know' look. Earning him glares from everypony else.

"Son, what was that about?"

"Dad, it was just a re-assignment. No big deal."

"Shining Armor..."

"Okay, fine! I had him moved as far from Twily as possible! He was interested in her, dad."

"And?" Twilight said. "You have no idea how happy that made me!"

"I was just protecting you."

"From what?" Twilight yelled "My one chance to be happy and live semi-normal?" She got up from the table and went up the stairs to her old room.

"Son, You, me, living room. NOW"

"DAD!"

"NOW MISTER!" Shining Armor got up and followed his father into the living room. He turned into his father's gaze and took the verbal bashing like a soldier. What seemed like an eternity later, his father finished.

"Now I want you to get that boy transferred back to Canterlot, apologize to your sister, and invite him to dinner next week so that I can be the one to judge him. Not you. Got it?" His father raised an eyebrow and tried to hide his smile.

Shining Armor chuckled at this. "Yes sir. Right away."

"Good, now I'm going back to finish my peas before they get cold. Dismissed."

Proud to Remain

A knock on the door sounded through the mostly empty house. Applebloom looked up from the kitchen table and went to answer it, leaving her half eaten meal behind. She walked to the living room, causing the floorboards to creak and groan. She had meant to replace them but hadn't had the time to. She opened the door and frowned.

"Hello miss. Is your mother home?" The pony in the business suit said.

"First of all," Applebloom replied, leaning on the door frame. "You should know that I never knew my mother. Second, if you're from the bank, then you should know that I'm not interested in selling, no matter how much you offer me. And third, I'd never give up this farm. Now get off my property before I make you get off."

"Ma'am, you are making a huge mistake. This land is worth a lot, and we're willing to pay you for whatever it takes to get it."

"Listen here bub, 'cause I'm only saying this once. I inherited this farm from my family, we've been on this farm for generations, and I said I'm not selling. I'm not giving up everything my ancestors worked so hard for just so some fancy money-grabbing idiot can build a parking lot. This here farm still provides half the food in Ponyville, and exports to five different cities as well. This farm was, is, and forever will be my place of business and my home. I'm an Apple, and I'm damn proud to be, so get the BUCK off my farm."

"I see. Well, thank you for your time, have a nice evening."

"I will once you leave." Applebloom spat in disgust. The banker turned and made his way down the dirt path, onto the cobblestone road near the entrance to the farm, got in a waiting luxury carriage, and made his way back to the bank. Applebloom watched him go, then turned and went back inside.

She stopped in front of a framed picture hanging on the wall. All around were her relatives at the last family reunion. The family continued to grow, but there were a few spots missing.

She looked toward the ceiling.

"I miss you sis. And Granny and Mac to, and I'm proud to have had a family like you."

Cider (Rivals Week)

"Well look here brother, its the same in every town." Flim said to Flam, showing him the label on the bottle he was drinking. "Those Apples have a monopoly on pretty much everything, don't they?"

"Well, it is Applejack Daniels you're drinking. Why not just drink another brand?" Flam responded, downing another shot of whiskey.

"Because they make it the best, I just can't drink anything else." Flim downed the rest of the bottle, throwing it against a wall with a crash. "I'm telling you, those ponies are dominating everything! I can't go anywhere without seeing apples!"

"You gonna clean that up, or am I gonna have to make you?" The bartender said to Flim, pointing to the shattered glass across the room. "Also, you two need to get out. You've been at it for three hours now and you're both wasted."

"Hey, have you ever had your dreams crushed by a family of farmers and their friends?" Flam stumbled out of his barstool, pointing accusingly at the bartender. He raised an eyebrow in response.

"If you're talking about the Apple family, then that explains a lot. Applejack has a tendency to do this to her competition."

The two drunken scam artists looked to the bartender in shock. "You know her?" They said simultaneously.

The bartender laughed and pointed to his cutie mark, which was a bottle of apple cider. "I'm related to the girl. Remember fellas, we Apples are everywhere, from Canterlot to Ponyville and Manehatten to Appleoosa, and remember, you mess with one of us, you mess with all of us." He whistled through his teeth and a buff stallion walked out of the back.

"Hey Orchard, escort these fellas off the premises, will ya?" The one called orchard, obviously the bouncer, snorted and approached the two. The drunken brothers screamed and ran out the door as fast as they could. The bartender watched them go, then turned to the bouncer. "Write a letter to cousin Applejack, will ya? Tell her she ruined another business."

Metal (Rivals Week)

"Nopony's ever said no before..."

"Baah"

"You're right. I shouldn't get so worked up over it, it is just one pony."

"Baah"

"Yeah. I shouldn't let it bring me down. It's been a few months and I should be over it by now." Iron will grinned, he jumped up onto a large rock on the side of the path. "Iron Will is unstoppable! Iron Will will show her! Nopony messes with Iron Will and gets away with it!"

"Hey! You!" Iron will jumped back down from the rock and turned to face the new voice. "Yeah, I'm talking to you!"

"Um, hello, what can Iron Will do for you, ma'am?" He looked down at the pony below him.

"Why'd you have to corrupt Fluttershy like that? That was a jerk move buddy, and I don't like jerks messing with my friends!" This pony looked off, maybe it was the two different eyes, or maybe the large canine tooth sticking out from her lip.

"I'm sorry ma'am, that was a few months ago. Is she still acting strangely?"

"No, but she told me about you, so I thought I'd find you myself! The pony sized him up. "If I ever catch you around my friends again, there will be hell to pay, got it, bub?" Her stare was frightening, Iron Will began sweating, but couldn't break away from her gaze.

"Y-yes ma'am. I apologize, my program has never caused a pony to act like that before. I'm not sure what went wrong."

"Yeah, well just don't let it happen again, got it?"

"Yes ma'am."

"Good. Now get out of my sight." The pony walked down the path away from Iron Will. She turned a corner and once she waas out of sight, she transformed.

"Oh thank you Discord!" Fluttershy jumped out of the bushes and hugged the pony-turned-draconequus around his long neck. "I can't thank you enough for helping me with this."

"Its no problem, Fluttershy, just please, next time tell somepony like that off yourself. Do you know how unconfortable it is for me to transform into a mare? Even for a little bit?"

Fluttershy giggled and hugged him tighter.

Why Sombra Has All Those Stairs

Twilight Sparkle climbed one last stair of the infinite spiral staircase before collapsing, gasping for breath. Spike, a whole three rotations behind her, was just as exhausted, if not more. He swallowed hard and yelled to Twilight.

"What's with all these stairs? What's the point?"

"I'm not sure." She responded, her breath finally catching up with her. "Maybe its another one of his tricks." An idea struck her. She thought for a moment before using her magic to lift spike onto her back. "Hold on, I'm going to try something." Her horn began to glow, The gravity spell she was going to perform was complicated.

Her ears turned to face up the staircase. The soft sound of metal rapidly clinking together broke her concentration. The glow on her horn faded and she gave Spike a confused look. The dragon shrugged, equally confused.

The clinking became louder and louder. Worry began to surface on Twilight's face. Did Sombra set traps on these stairs as well? She took a defensive stance and prepared for the worst.

A little metal spring turned the corner and curled down the stairs. It harmlessly went by the pair and continued on its merry way. Twilight looked to Spike again, even more confusion on her face.

"Was that a slinky?"

"Yup. I guess even Sombra likes to have fun."

Dream Job

The living entrance to the hive oozed to the side to make way for a returning changeling. He was beaten, bruised, and cut up.

But he also looked satisfied.

Several others came up to meet him, as he had just returned from a scouting trip and they wanted to hear about it, and they wanted to know how much love he had consumed to look so full and by changeling standards, overweight.

"How was it?" One of them buzzed.

"You look great! It must have been a feast!" interrupted another. They continued to swarm him with questions, but he ignored all of them and began walking deeper into the hive. They followed behind, still trying to get some answers.

He let his thoughts drift as he neared his destination. It seemed like only a few days ago he was a simple drone working nursury duty, as he was hatched to do. It was hard work taking care of all those eggs and larvae. He had to feed them and wash them, turn the eggs every two hours so they would grow properly, maintain the nursery cells so they could support the next generation, the list went on and on. Most drones never got to change duties for their lives, they were stuck with what they were hatched to do.

This one was different. He wasn't as mindless as the others. He was what they called a "Thinker" He had ideas and wants other than to serve the hive, though it was still his top priority. There was a fine line between "thinker" and "traitor".

That was how he ended up becoming an infiltrator. They were the ones who disguised themselves and spied on a target to make it easier on the drones and soldiers to invade.

He neared his destination and stopped. Chrysalis's chamber lay ahead of him. The others had stopped talking and were standing a few steps behind. They all stared at the door in both fear and awe.

"Enter." A voice called from the other side. The changeling stepped through the entryway and bowed before his queen. She nodded once and spoke. "Well, what do you have to report?"

"It's a goldmine. So much love and hardly any defenses! This place is ripe for the picking!"

"Excellent. You have done well."

"I love this job, I'm proud to serve, and I don't think anything could stop us there!"

~One Month Later~

"Okay, maybe I didn't check their defenses well enough." He said. "But it was good while it lasted, right?" He tried to ignore the fact that a giant purple bubble had sent them flying through the air. Chrysalis looked at him with enough rage to melt his carapace. She raised a hoof and hit him.

"THAT'S FOR BEING A FREE-THINKER!" She yelled.

A blob in the hoof

Pinkie Pie looked down at her hoof again, making sure she didn't drop it while walking on three hooves. Her friends watched her from a distance, worried looks on her face.

She ignored them and focused on walking, and not dropping her precious cargo. It would be catastrophic if she did. It could very well mean the end of the world. She held onto it with shear willpower. Everything in her instincts told her to drop it and run the other direction, but this was too important.

"What is that thing?" Rainbow Dash asked. "And why is Pinkie carrying it?"

"I'm not sure, but it can't be good." Twilight responded, eyes never leaving Pinkie. "I'm going to go talk to her."

Twilight began walking toward Pinkie, calling her name. Pinkie ignored her and continued to walk.

"Pinkie, what are you doing?"

"Carrying something." Pinkie responded.

"Care to tell me what?"

"Can't. Must focus."

"Why?"

"Smooze'll eat me."

Twilight was confused, though it didn't take much to confuse anypony when Pinkie was involved.

Twilight turned back to her friends and shrugged. She walked back to them. "I'm still worried. But Pinkie seems to be doing something important, so I think we should just let her go."

"If'n you say so, Twilight." Applejack said. "Just, that thing she's carrying, it scares me."

"Me too, Applejack. Me too."

Pinkie Continued to walk, continued to focus. Her friends didn't know how much danger they were in. She needed to get as far away from here as possible, and she wouldn't stop until she was. The blob on her hoof jiggled a bit, and her heart skipped a beat, but it settled back down. Shear willpower was her only ally right now, the only thing keeping this blob from consuming everything in its path.

Because after all, nothing can stop the Smooze.

Author's Note

Another one suggested by NewKidOnTheBlock, dude sent me several prompts, so that'll keep me busy.
This one was: "Pinkie Pie has something in her hoof, her friends look worried."

Chapter 91/100...

Only 9 more to go!

The Secret Gamer

"OH COME ON!" Vinyl Scratch shouted into her headset. "WHAT THE BUCK WAS THAT?" Her anger was directed towards her TV screen, where a pony in camouflage clothing was repeatedly lowereing and raising his hindquarters over the face of another dead pony. "AND WHO THE BUCK T-BAGS ANYMORE?!"

"Vinyl? Are you alright in there?" Octavia cautiously opened the door to her friend's bedroom. She immediately recoiled as the smell of half-rotten pizza and empty energy drink cans flooded her nose. She swallowed hard and pushed past the wall of stink into the room. "Vinyl, I heard you shouting. Is everything alright?"

"Huh? Oh, yeah, everything's fi- OH YOU SONNOVA MOTHERLESS GOAT!" The DJ screamed into her headset again. on screen, her character was killed again by another enemy.

Octavia rolled her eyes. "Vinyl, its been three days. You need to take a break from that silly game and do something. All this yelling can't be good for you, and don't you have a show next week?"

"Yeah, I do." Vinyl said, rubbing her temples during the killcam. "Ugh. You're right. My eyes are killing me from staring at that screen." She logged out of the match and turned off the console. "I'm going to go for a walk. You want to come with?"

"Oh, no thank you. I need to practice my cello for my concert this weekend."

"Alright. Suit yourself." Vinyl Scratch walked past her and left their apartment. Octavia looked out the window and watched her walk down the street. Once she was out of sight Octavia sighed.

"Now that she's gone..." She said aloud,sitting in Vinyl's gaming chair and turning on the console. She secured the headset to her ears and picked up the controller.

CelloMast3R has joined the game

One Hour Later

Vinyl Scratch pushed open the door to the apartment sighing in content. That walk had really helped her calm down and clear her head. She was just about to walk into the kitchen when she heard noises coming from her room.

"BOOM! HEADSHOT MOTHERBUCKER!"

Vinyl couldn't believe her ears. She quickly ran to her room and threw the door open. Octavia was standing on her hind legs, doing some sort of dance while an end-game leaderboard flashed across the screen. The name CelloMast3R was highlighted at the top of the list.

"What the heck?" She laughed. "Tavi, what gives?"

Octavia turned to face her, surprise on her face, she yelped and dropped the controller. "Oh, um. Hi, Vinyl..."

"Sup?"

"If you tell anypony about this I will personally shatter all of your records."

"Fine. Deal." She stuck out her hoof and Octavia accepted it, a small blush spreading on her face.

The Show Must Go On

The sound of applause was deafening. The pony on stage smiled her trademark smile, waving her magician's cap in the air with a bit of flair. The crowd quieted down after a few minutes, waiting for her to say something. The show was coming to a close, after all.

"Thank you, thank you all!" She yelled, her voice magically magnified to be heard through the vast amphitheater. "I really appreciate you all coming out tonight, I can't tell you how much this means to me." She smiled again, this time a bit more somber. "Although, I have some news. Tonight will be my last public show." The crowd suddenly became uncomfortably silent.

"Yes, I know, this is a shock to all of you, but don't be upset. I have my reasons for retiring but the show is not over! I'm passing on the cape and hat to some lucky filly or colt right here tonight." She removed her cape and folded it nicely in her magic, setting it on a covered table on stage and placing her hat next to it.

"I am going to be taking that lucky colt or filly under my wing, as to say, and teach them my magic. They'll learn how to perform, how to do my spells and tricks, and most importantly, how to entertain the masses!" She stretched out a hoof and gestured to the crowd, who cheered and yelled and stomped in response.

"Now, without further a due, let's pick that lucky child." Her horn glowed and a giant glowing arrow formed in the sky. It began to spin and twist in the air, going faster and faster until it finally stopped suddenly. It was pointing at a young filly in the very front row.

"We have a winner! Come on up here, little one, don't be shy!" The filly nodded and quickly made her way onto the stage. "What's your name, kid?"

"Um, I-I'm Trixie Lulamoon."

"Well, Miss Trixie, that is one incredible name for a magician. Are you ready to take on great responsibility? Will you take your studies seriously and try your hardest?" Trixie nodded, still awestruck at being picked.

"Good." She said, lowering the hat onto Trixie's head. "Then by the power invested in me, Mystica the Magical, I hereby dub thee... Trixie, The Great and Powerful!" There was an explosion of fireworks and the crowd roared. "And remember, no matter what happens, the show must go on."

"The show must go on." Trixie repeated, a small smile spreading on her face.

Rusted

Rain fell from the dark clouds above, soaking the field and the lone pony who decided to stay. Not that she had much of a choice.

Her neck creaked as she looked to the sky, the droplets of water gently landing on her face, but she didn't care. She had a job to do, and nothing could stop her.

Except for maybe that Celestia damned rust. The Pegasus stretched out her wings and looked down at herself. Her once polished iron armor had turned a dark red. It was worse in some spots and some spots she could even see holes in it as the rust ate away at the metal. She didn't know how long she had worn that armor, but she dared not take it off, not until she accomplished her mission.

Her mission was simple, get home. She estimated it was about three or four years since she last saw home, since she was captured and had escaped from the war. Hard to keep track when you're worrying about so much else, like when your next meal is... or if you'll be something else's next meal.

The creaking and groaning of the armor plates didn't bother her anymore, nor did the pain from the cuts and scrapes under her armor. It was just simply part of the job.

Suddenly, she froze. There was a light up ahead. She drew her sword, rusted and dull, and braced herself for the worst.

She lowered her blade when she saw a group of ponies approach her. One of them walked up to her, giving her a good look before speaking.

"Shimmering Blade? My name is Captain Shining Armor. We're here to take you home."

The pegasus smiled as much as her tetanus allowed her to, and she slowly reached up and took off her helmet. She cried for the first time in years.

"About bloody time..." She whispered, not being capable of any more volume.

Author's Note

A testament to the courage and strength we are capable of when we have the motivation, even through the worst possible circumstances.

The Pegasus in this story was a POW during a war with the Griffins, she escaped and the Equestrians pulled out before she could be rescued. Much like what happened in Vietnam.

Not my best work, but it has the most meaning behind it.

EDIT! This has been made into a full-sized story! Check it out here!

Roll the Bones

I don't belong here Twilight thought as she scanned the crowd of questionable individuals Why did my friends drag me here?

"Twilight?" Applejack said next to her. "You going to play or what? We kind of need the money."

Oh, right. we're stranded in Las Pegasus because we don't have enough bits to afford tickets home.

"Right, sorry. I was just thinking." Twilight picked up the set of dice in her hoof and shook them a bit. She threw them on the table a bit harder than necessarily. Earning her a questionable gaze from the pony running the table. Twilight ignored it and looked at her dice.

It showed two one's. The table operator pushed a pile of chips Twilight's way while calling out the roll to the other gamblers. The other ponies at the table grunted in approval of this risky move. Twilight felt a sense of euphoria and a smile found its way onto her face. She picked up the dice again and threw it down. This continued for several hours.

Before long, Twilight was encouraging her friends to join her, and had gathered a crowd of ponies to watch her lucky streak.

"Uh, sugarcube? I think we have more than enough to get home. You can stop now." Applejack said. Twilight shoved the dice in her face.

"Shut up and roll the bones. We're not going home until I break a thousand."

"Why are we even here anymore?"

"Because we are. Now are you going to roll or what?"

Applejack sighed and half-halfheartedly rolled the dice. There was a long pause. Applejack looked down at the dice. Suddenly sweating. She glanced over to Twilight, who was in turn glaring daggers at her.

Applejack had lost everything.

"Well, Applejack. What was that you were saying about having enough to get home?" Twilight said, a little too calmly for comfort. "Let's just hope Fluttershy is doing better at the slots..."

Author's Note

I have never gambled in my life, but I was inspired to write this after listening to "Roll the Bones" by Rush. Hence the title. Pardon me if I don't know proper gambling etiquette, but I assume it's a big no-no to cause a scene at a table, so Twilight is trying to control her temper.

The Quiet Ones

"And I swear," Applejack yelled out across the table. "She just kept on going like there was no tomorrow! I'm telling ya, Granny, that pegasus is going to get herself killed!"

"Applejack, what did I tell you about yelling? I'm hard of hearing, but you'll wake the dead at this rate." Granny Smith responded across from her. "Why can't you be more quiet like your brother?"

"Like Big Macintosh? You're kidding, right? He never says ANYTHING! Ain't that right, Mac?"

I never can say anything because you refuse to cease speaking long enough for me to share my thoughts. I can't go anywhere without ponies saying I'm simple minded because they never hear me speak. It is just not true! I have three science PhD's for Celestia's sake! I am a philosopher and an activist for equality and think of only the greater good! I have quite intellectual conversations when given the opportunity but given your habit of speaking without thinking, I am not given the pleasure of having said conversations., and another thing, dear sister, you are not the one in charge of this household, you may be the face of the Apples, but without our Grandmother's knowledge, my work ethic, and dearest Applebloom's creativity you wouldn't have any home at all, let alone one of the most successful businesses in Equestria. I for one am ashamed that you have such a closed mind and refuse to see another's point of view just because it is foreign to you. It has come to the point of racism, and I will not be associated with a Tribalist. Ah, to the moon with it! I'll play along for your sake, you poor, naive fool.

"Eeyup." Big Macintosh replied slowly.

Teacher Conference

Cherilee opened a drawer in her desk and pulled out a rather large stack of papers. She brought those papers over to a student desk and dropped them with a loud thud. Scootaloo winced at the paperwork.

"As you can see, Scootaloo has been in a lot of trouble this semester. That's why I asked you to come in."

"Well, technically, you asked her parents to come in, and they asked me because they couldn't make it." Rainbow Dash said, taking a paper off the top of the pile.

"Yes, well, anyway." Cherilee continued. "She's been skipping class, turning in assignments late and half-done when she turns in any at all, and she's been harassing some of the colts on the playground."

Rainbow Dash looked at Cherilee and raised an eyebrow. "What do you mean, 'harassing'"

"I mean flirting, Rainbow Dash. Scootaloo has been Flirting with a few of the colts. particularly Rumble."

"He started it!" Scootaloo butted in, Cherilee and Dash ignored her.

"This is very serious, Rainbow. If Rumble's parents find out about this, Scootaloo could be in a lot more trouble than just detention."

"Alright. I understand. I'll get this sorted out with Rumble's parents. Thunderlane can help me out with that. Anything else I should know?"

"Yes. Her tests are, well, bad." Cherilee said, pulling another piece of paper from the pile. "Take this test. It was a science test over heat loss and heat gain." She gave the paper to dash, who read it over.

"I don't see what the issue is, a "C" is still a decent grade, her writing is a little hard to read but..." She stopped and looked at Scootaloo. Scootaloo froze up.

"If a chemical solution has 20 milliliters of water at 30 degrees and the solution is cooled in a freezer with a rate of heat loss equal to 15 degrees per minute, what will the temperature be after 5, 10, and 20 minutes?" Rainbow Dash read. "And you answered "Not hot enough to be 20% cooler."

"Heh. I guess I was daydreaming?" Scootaloo shrunk in her seat. "I mean, um, I well,"

"Stop it, squirt. That was funny, real funny." Dash smiled. "I appreciate the humor, and that you were thinking of me."

"So, I'm not in trouble?" Scootaloo asked slowly.

"Yeah, you're grounded. This may seem weird coming from me, but your grades are important, kid. One week, no video games, snack food, or flight lessons."

Scootaloo slammed her forehead onto the desk ad moaned. Cherilee put a hoof to her mouth to hide a smirk."

Bonnie and Lyde

"Lyra, where is all of our savings?" Bon-Bon called out, her voice echoing through the empty safe hidden in the wall.

KRACKAPOW!

"Oh not again." She facehooved, making her way toward the basement door. "Lyra, are you down here?" She said through the cloud of smoke.

"Yeah, I'm down here..." Came the nervous reply.

"Where is all of our savings? You know, the money we use to pay the bills and buy food?"

"Um, based on the size of that explosion, I'd guess the 53rd dimension by now." Lyra said, coming up the stairs. She was unscathed, except for a thick layer of soot covering her face. "Maybe the 54th, I'll need to crunch some numbers and-"

"LYRA! What did I tell you about interdimensional wormholes?"

"Not to open them up in the basement?"

"And what was that?"

"Me opening up a wormhole in the basement?" Lyra replied sheepishly. "But on the bright side there were no humans this time." She grinned. Bon-Bon felt a rush of relief come over her.

"Well that's a relief."

"I opened up another pony dimension, and I found our doubles!"

"oh no." Bon-Bon muttered under her breath."

"Please tell me you left them in that dimension."

"Not exactly."

"Hey Bonnie, have you seen my fedora?" A voice called from the basement.

"What, do I have to do everything for you, Lyde?" Came another voice. "Ugh, nevermind. Let's just get out of this basement."

Bon-Bon looked to Lyra with a mixture of anger and horror. Lyra shrugged and looked down the steps, where two eerily similar ponies were ascending the stairs.

"Hiya, doll. Name's Bonnie, and this here's Lyde. We really outta thank your gal over there for busting us out of a sticky situation." The leather jacket clad Bonnie said to Bon-Bon. "See, we was just -ehem- making a withdrawal from the bank when the cops showed up." She looked to the Lyra double. "Lyde, say something to our gracious hosts, ya big galoopa."

"Have you seen my fedora anywhere?" Lyde responded. Bonnie facehoofed.

"You gotta excuse her, she's a bit slow at times, but I love her anyway. Now what's this I here about your life savings being sent to Celestia knows where?"

"You heard that?"

"Yup, and I think we can help ya, all ya gotta do is show us to the nearest bank, think of it as us returning the favor.

"The nearest bank is First Ponyville, head down the street and take a left." Bon-Bon replied without hesitation, not even caring anymore.

"Thanks, doll. We'll be back in a bit." Bonnie winked.

Author's Note

Saw an advertisement on the History Channel for some new Bonnie and Clyde show premiering, instantly thought of this. Don't judge. Not my best work, but the most fun for me to write.

Circuit Celestia

Luna watched her sister from across the room carefully. There was something off about her today, but she couldn't quite put her hoof on it. She seemed normal enough, she was humming quietly to herself while she did her usual routine of reading letters near the fireplace, she lifted her quill with her magic and dipped it in the inkwell before pressing it to a scroll to write a response. Something completely normal.

But something was still off. Celestia must have sensed that she was being watched, because she stopped writing.

"Is something wrong, Luna?" She asked. "You've been staring at me for the last hour and a half."

"Oh. No, its nothing."

"Are you sure? You seem kind of tense."

"Yes, its just, something seems kind of... Off about you today."

"What do you mean?"

"I'm not sure, you just seem different today."

"Well I can assure you tha-" the sound of magic hitting metal stopped Celestia mid-sentance. She turned to face Luna. Half the skin on her face was missing, underneathe lay metal plates and a glowing red eye.

"I knew something was off!" Luna shouted, her horn smoking from the spell "You're a robot!"

The robot shreaked and twisted its neck around in a frightening way. Suddenly, all the doors to the room burst open and guards, servers and other castle staff stepped inside, all replaced with meal bits and wires.

They closed in on Luna, she grinned as her horn began to glow.

"I've always wanted to fight off an evil robot army!" She yelled as she let loose the first spell.

An Apple a Day

"Thanks for coming by Twilight. Applebloom's real sick." Applejack said, leading Twilight up the stairs to Applebloom's bedroom.

"Its no problem, AJ. I'm sure its nothing major." Twilight said, adjusting her saddlebags, which were filled with books and equipment to help her diagnose the illness.

"I don't know. She was fine yesterday, and now she's bedridden." The two stopped in front of Applebloom's door.

"I don't understand why you called me though. wouldn't a doctor be more qualified to look at her?"

"Yeah. Doctors don't really like coming here."

"Why not?"

"Well... you ever here that phrase... 'an apple a day keeps the doctor away'?"

"Yes. But doesn't that refer to getting a proper amount of vitamins found in fruit to prevent you from getting sick?"

"Well, kind of. Better you just see for yourself." Applejack opened the door and the two stepped inside.

"Hello, Applebloom. How are you feeling?"

"Not too good, Twi." Applebloom responded weakly. "I've never felt this sick 'fore"

"Well don't worry. I'll figure out what's going on." Twilight said as she reached into her saddle back ond pulled out a thermometer. "Stick this under your tongue, please." Applebloom did as she was told. Twilight watched as the liquid in the thermometer slowly rose... and kept rising. it reached the top of the glass tube before dropping all the way back to the bottom, then it rose again to the top. Twilight watched this in amazement.

"Alright, so we can't get an accurate reading of your temperature..." She said, pulling out a book from her saddlebags. "Can you tell me what is wrong, so I can look up your symptoms in here?" Twilight opened up the book, looking at Applebloom expectantly. Applejack tapped her on the shoulder.

"Uh, Twi? The book is on fire."

"WHATINTHENAMEOFALLTHINGSGOODANDHARMONIOUS!" Twilight yelled, dropping the book. The flames had appeared out of nowhere and were slowly burning the pages of the book from the center, the circle slowly grew before the flames put themselves out. An image of an apple had burned itself into the pages.

"Mother of Celestia." Twilight said, recovering from the shock. "Applejack, you don't need a doctor."

"We don't?"

"You need a demonologist, and a botanist, and you need them now." Twilight said, packing up her bags before running for the door as quickly as she could.

Author's Note

The ghosts of Applejack's ancestors don't like doctors very well...

The Dirty One

Rarity removed the mask and took off her rubber hoof gloves, she observed the sparkling clean bathroom with reverence. She took a deep breath and the smell of bleach and other cleaners filled her nose. It was a good smell. She looked down at the floor, where the perfectly polished checkered tiles reflected the vanity lights just right. Her eyes drifted up to the mirror, spotless and streak-free, down to the sink, where the faucet shone with glory. Even the toilet was clean. Rarity stood back to admire her work.

She had been spending the entire day cleaning, and not just her regular cleaning, either. She had rented giant carpet scrubbers and industrial grade cleaners to get her home and place of business absolutely sanitized. She stepped out of the bathroom and made her way down the hall. She knocked on Sweetie Bell's door before twisting the knob.

What lay beyond the door almost gave Rarity a heart attack. Mold and mildew covered the walls and ceiling, giving the room a deadly sort of smell. What little floor could be seen was stained and filthy, not to mention all the garbage and dirty laundry piled up everywhere. Rarity gasped as she saw a tentacle reach out from under the bed and grab a rotting slice of pizza before retreating back into the dark.

Sweetie Belle popped her head out from under a pile of laundery "Look Rarity! I cleaned my room!"

"What in the name of Celestia is this?" Rarity scolded. "You did no such thing! Look at this mess!"

"No, my room is clean, look." Sweetie Belle pointed. "I made a path from the door to my bed and from my bed to the closet."

Rarity threw up in her mouth a little before swallowing it, sending a shudder down her spine. "How are we even related?" She wispered.

"I know! When a mommy pony and a daddy pony-"

"THAT'S NOT WHAT I MEAN, SWEETIE BELLE!" Rarity yelled, cutting her sister off from giving the most awkward speech known to pony kind. Rarity used her magic to hover her cleaning supplies from the bathroom over to Sweetie's room. "I've got to quarenteen this entire room. Come back in four to five days..." She lifted Sweetie Belle out of the rubble with her magic and tossed her out the window before she donned a full yellow hazmat suit.

"It. Is. On." She yelled, diving headfirst into the filth.

Author's Note

Ha! Finally wrote some Rarity where she actually plays a major role! HUZZAH!

Give The Dog a Bone (Pets Week)

Several Hours Later...

Winona sat on the chair, looking around. Her tongue hung loosely from her mouth and her tail. Twilight sat across from her, quill and paper at the ready.

"So," She asked the dog. "How are you, Winona?"

"What? You say my name?" The dog responded, tilting her head to the side slightly. "Oh, I'm doing fine, sugarcube. say, where's master at? Can I see master?"

"If by Master you mean Applejack, then no. In order to keep these interviews impartial she was asked to leave the room."

"WHAT!!?!" Winona yelled, jumping down from the chair. "WHAT DO YOU MEAN SHE LEFT?!" She ran towards the door and started scratching at it. "MASTER! MASTER COME BACK! I'M SORRY FOR WHATEVER I DID, PLEASE DON'T LEAVE ME HERE! COME BACK!"

"WINONA! SIT!" Twilight yelled. The dog stopped and sat down. "Now, I know you're worried, but Applejack will be back after the interview, it should only take an hour or so."

"Wait, how long is an hour?"

"About seven hours in dog year, I guess." Winona stared at Twilight, then started scratching at the door again.

Twilight facehoofed. This was going to be a long hour.

Intellectual (Pets Week)

"No, you want to round to 57 AFTER you do the math, its more accurate then rounding DURING the math."

"Hmm, I should've guessed that." Twilight responded, scratching her head with the eraser of her pencil. "Still, that doesn't explain how a magical bolt of energy could travel through a 6 inch concrete wall without suffering from any distortion."

"Well, what kind of magic was it, Twilight? Elemental magic reacts differently than ethereal or even arcane magic does."

"It was just some basic magic energy, I don't know what to categorize it as. It has a bit of energy similar to a fire spell, but its also arcane."

"Hmm. Interesting. Did you, perhaps, try focusing the bolt into a tighter... for lack of a better word, grouping?"

"Yes, i wanted to make sure it COULD go through the wall, I just wanted to measure the distortion."

"Well, then perhaps you focused it too hard. Maybe it did distort, but on a microscopic level while passing around the molecules in the wall."

"Wait, that would answer a few questions..." Twilight began scribbling on the paper, working out calculations in her head. "That's it!" She exclaimed. "Thank you, Gummy. How did you learn so much about experimental quantum mechanics?"

"Years of studying young Pinkie Pie. I have some interesting theories about how she does what she does."

"Care to share?"

"Oh, I'm sorry, Twilight. This is way over your head. I wouldn't expect you to understand." The alligator said, cleaning his monocle with a handkerchief. "Well, I believe our time is up. It was pleasant talking to you, Twilight. Take care." Gummy flopped out of the chair and clumsily waddled his way toward the door, leaving an awe-struck Twilight to watch him go. She looked down at her paper and frowned. She had gotten absolutely nowhere with his interview.

The Royal Budget

Four Alicorns sat around the table. The youngest one sat flipping through a stack of papers and writing down notes and numbers on a notepad. The other three sat quietly and waited for her to finish.

"Alright." Twilight Sparkle said, setting down her pen. "As you know, as part of my royal duties, Celestia so graciously put me in charge of all the budget work. And thanks to that wonderfully thought out decision, i've discovered a few things. Let's start with you, Celestia."

"What ever are you talking about, Twilight? I gave you an important position, and I spend my portion of the budget carefully." Celestia said, a bored look on her face.

"Right, because you put so much thought into purchasing a golden tiolet to go inside your golden toilet. And what about that gem encrusted throne carried around by those foreign stallions? Bet you were up for days trying to decide on such an important decision."

"She got you there, aunty." Cadance said, trying to hide her smirk. Celestia gave her an angry glare but said nothing.

"Oh, Cadance, here's your cut of the budget, better than Celestia's, I'll give you that, with fewer personal purchases, and I like that you put a good portion of your personal funds toward inproving the Crystal Empire, but do you really need that many bedroom related toys for you and Shining Armor? I don't even want to think about that."

"Kinky." Luna said, pearing over Twilight's shoulder to read off the list. "I see you took my advice on the fuzzy hoofcuffs." Twilight rolled her eyes.

"Luna, you are by far the most impressive. Glad to see you are donating over a million bits toward charity with each of your allowances, that's almost 25 percent."

"Well, I do my best to help the country."

"And the other 75 percent was spent on comic books, video games, and cartoons."

"ITS MANGA AND ANIME!" Luna yelled. "There's a difference!"

"Whatever." Twilight said. "Now, are we going to improve our spending to get things that actually matter?"

"Yes, Twilight." The others said.

"Good. Meeting adjured." Twilight said, making her way out of the room.

"So should I cancel that order on the gold toilet to go inside the gold toilet inside the gold toilet then?" Celestia said, tapping her hooves together nervously.

"WHY DO YOU NEED SO MANY GOLDEN TOILETS?" Twilight yelled from down the hall.

Rumors

"And this is where the rainbows are made." The Pegasus in the white coat said, pointing to the factory floor below the balcony. All around him fillies and colts stood, most looking bored, but a few, especially the young Pegasai, looked at least a bit interested, so the tour guide continued. "As you can see, the workers must wear protective clothing at all times, because rainbows can permanently stain their mane and coat. Even their wings need to have protection."

"Excuse me, sir?" A young filly said from the front. She was an orange Pegasus with a pink mane.

"Yes?"

"Is it true that rainbows are made from foals that you guys kidnap and then you grind them up into rainbows?"

Silence. The room got completely silent. Miss Cherilee was the first to speak up. "Scootaloo! What kind of question is that?"

"No, its quite alright, ma'am." The guide said. "We get that question a lot. No, that is just a rumor. Our rainbows are made mostly from water with some natural dyes and a stabilizing agent, no ponies at all." There was an audible sigh of relief from the filly, and a few others who had also heard that rumor.

"Alright, everypony, lets keep walking. Our next stop is the snowflake floor, and each of you will get a chance to make your own snowflake!" The guide continued on with a smile on his face.

Scootaloo glanced down at the factory floor one last time, unfortunately, just in time to see Rainbow Dash walk out of a door labelled "No Entry". She thought about yelling for her idol, but then she saw what she was wearing.

A protective suit with a lot of red splattered onto it.

Scootaloo gasped and ran to catch up with the group.

Author's Note

"In the Rainbow Factory, where your fears and horrors come true..."

Rock On

Rainbow Dash landed softly on the doormat of the library. Slung over her flanks were her saddlebags, loaded up with plastic cases. Each of the cases contained a small round disk. The disk was shiny on one side, but the other side had a picture on it, a different picture for each disk, interrupted only by a hole about an inch in diameter in the middle.

Rainbow Dash entered the library and set her bags down gently, her ears instantly found themselves filling with a familiar song. She smiled and looked around the library, the music played, and Rainbow Dash saw Twilight facing away from her. She was on her hind legs, using her wings for balance, and was banging her head as she played her air guitar along with the solo in the song. She was wearing a black t-shirt that had a bunch of locations and dates on the back of it.

She turned around and opened her eyes. Rainbow Dash laughed out loud as Twilight quickly dropped down to all fours, blushing. She turned down the volume on the stereo. Rainbow Dash read the front of her shirt. It was for Rash's "Clockwork Angels" tour.

"Sorry, Rainbow Dash. I guess I got carried away."

"It happens, That's what's awesome about this kind of music." She glanced over toward the stereo and winced when she saw CDs and cases scattered all over the place. She walked over and started putting the disks back into their proper cases. "Hey, can you not just leave them out like this? This is how they get scratched up and these things cost me about 30 bits a piece."

"Yeah, sure." Twilight said, already going through Rainbow's bags. "What else do you have here?"

"Oh! I brought you some good stuff this time!" She trotted over. "Brought you some Aeropony, Expensive Trap, The Guards," She looked down at one that Twilight held. "Yeah, that's a good one! Princess is one of my favorite bands of all time!

"You sure have a lot of it." Twilight said. "Oh, you even have The Weevils and Crossbows n Daisies.

"Yeah, Rock music is pretty much its own universe, happy now that you stopped listening to that classical music?"

"Well, I'll still do that when i'm studying, but this is a great way to relax." Twilight said, sticking another disk in the player and cranking up the volume.

Author's Note

Alternate Title: Lets see how many band names I can parody in under 500 words

Bonus points if you can name all the bands parodied in this one

Rock is my favorite genre of music, but I'll listen to anything really. Also, remember CDs? Yeah... good times

Sympathy for a Draconequuse

As he opened his eyes and rubbed the pain from his head, a feeling of dread slowly rose up in the evil pony's chest. All around him was a white void, and in front of him a large throne stood with a creature the likes of which he had never seen before. The creature looked at him and smiled. "Oh good, you're awake."

"Where am I? what's going on?"

"Welcome to purgatory, you weren't exactly a pleasant pony so you'll be here a while before you get sent straight to hell. This is my domain, you can call me... you know what? Why don't I just introduce myself." He snapped his talon and a stage appeared, on which a band of other strange creatures stood with instruments.

"Please allow me to introduce myself, I'm a draconequuse of chaos and fate..." He began to sing, the others began to play. "I've been around for a few thousand years, such a long long time to wait. I was around When Celestia had her moment of mortal pain, redemption came easy, for she was one of the greats. Pleased to meet you, can you guess my name? But what's puzzling you is the nature of my game. Stuck around in Old Canterlot, when I saw it was a time for a change, corrupted Luna and her followers, said that her envy was to blame, I was a tank, and the general's rank, when great war came and the bodies stank. Pleased to meet you, can you guess my name?"

"Discord?" The pony yelled over the noise. "You're Discord, aren't you?" The music stopped and Discord looked down at him in disappointment.

"You weren't supposed to actually guess yet, but yes, I am Discord."

"Wow, I'm a huge fan of your work, it actually inspired me to create my own chaos, what do you think of what I did?" He said, looking up at his idol hopefully.

"Not bad, but I still have to send you to hell."

"What for? Aren't you the God of Chaos?"

"I'm a spirit of chaos, not a god, and I'm reformed, buddy, so I don't do that anymore.

"Well, crap." The pony said as a black hole appeared beneath him and he was sucked down into the fiery pits of hell.

"Some ponies have no respect for the song..." Discord said, sitting back down on his throne.

Author's Note

Thought I'd make a parody and put it in writing form because I don't have the talent or equipment to make an actual parody, so as a result, this a a shortened version of what the full thing would have been, and a very rough version of it.

My head canon says Discord lives between dimensions, where universal laws don't apply, so he decided to make it into purgatory.

A Change of Position

20 Years Ago...

"ATTEN-HUT!" The captain yelled, sending the crowd of new recruits into a frenzy to get into line. The captain approached and walked up and down the not-even-close-to-straight line before turning and yelling at the recruits. "WHAT THE BUCK IS THIS? THIS ISN'T MAGIC KINDERGARTEN, LADIES, OUR LINES MUST BE STRAIGHT! NOW ALL OF YOU, DROP AND GIVE ME FIFTY!" The line dropped and began pumping out push ups.

"All of you are worthless maggots!" He yelled. "Every one of you is walking vomit! You wouldn't last a single day in a war, any of you." He approached one recruits and knelt down next to him. "What's your name, Private?"

"Shining Armor, Sir!" The recruit responded.

"Well Shining armor, you look like the worst one out of all these guys. I bet you go home crying to your mommy after a week."

"No sir. I will not."

"What was that, maggot?"

"I will not go home. I will not give up, and some day you will be saluting me!"

The captain laughed, and sentenced Shining Armor to latrine duty for a month.

Modern day...

"Atten-hut!" The captain yelled, the line of recruits scrambling to get into line. The captain and another pony approached the line. "Your Highness," The captain yelled, "Recruits ready for inspection, sir!" He saluted his superior, a small smirk clearly visible.

"Thank you captain." Shining armor responded, a smirk on his face as well. "Alright, listen up ladies, I have a story to tell..."

Author's Note

Attention! You will read this chapter and you will enjoy it, maggots!

A Nation of Dogs

A sprawling city, unlike any ever seen before, stood before the king. His view from the balcony of his castle covered all of his domain, from the raging river that supplied his pack with water to the large abyss that led straight to the pits of tartarus. A wall surrounded the kingdom, pillars stretching up to support the millions of tons of rock above them. Gemstones dotted the rocks around the city, casting a rainbow of colors upon the underground paradise.

The king smiled, then turned and made his way back into the castle. Everything was good.

"BROTHER! THERE YOU ARE!"

"WHO LET FIDO IN HERE? GUARDS!" The King called at the sound of his brother's voice.

"Oh come on, Sparky! Why you no let brother Fido into the castle?"

"Here's three reasons: one, you smell, two, you have fleas, and three, you denounced your royal status and decided to lead a rag-tag band of mangy mutts. By the way, how's that whole 'kidnap surface dwellers and make them work for you' thing, going?"

"Eh... well, that's why I'm here..." Fido sat down and began to scratch himself. "see, I had this one pony. magic one who could find gems, and then she was annoying and wouldn't stop whining, and it hurt my ears!"

"So?" Sparky said, taking a seat on his thrown. "Maybe it taught you a lesson?"

"I need to ask you a favor... I need more food until I can get more workers..."

King Sparky sighed. "Fido, I can't help you. You denounced the royal name, gave up your princehood, and then decided to lead a group of ferals in hopes of one day claiming the thrown. That makes you an enemy to the state, and therefore, I could call the guards and have you arrested."

"But what about everything i've done for you?"

"Name one thing."

"That time my pack helped you fight that monster that came from the pit?"

"Your men turned and ran with your tails between their legs. All you did was distract it."

"...That was plan all along?"

"I'll give you five minutes head start."

"Just like old times?" Fido tapped his front claws together nervously.

King Sparky smiled. "Just like old times. Now get going."

The howls and barks of the guards could be heard five minutes later.

Author's Note

Another prompt that could very easily be made into a full fic.

I like diamond dogs, they're pretty unique. My theory is that the diamond dogs seen in the show are barbarians, or as I call them "ferals" that don't have an actual home, while actual full-sized cities and kingdoms are found underground all across Equestria.

The Force is Strong With This One

Celestia watched the bright portal in the sky, she stood ready, not sure what was going on. The royal guard stood by her side, spears and swords shining as brightly as their armor. Suddenly, a large ship burst through the portal. It was triangular, with a large tower near the rear of it. It seemed to absorb all the light around it, its black paint contrasting the white light of the portal.

"I know this ship." Celestia whispered to herself. "He's back." She turned to the guard. "Everyone get to the castle, sound the alarm and don't let anypony in or out. I'll be back in a while."

The guards did as they were told, Celestia watched them turn and leave, then she took to the air and approached the ship. She felt a tugging drawing her in, making her unable to move on her own will.

She was dragged into the hanger area of the ship. When she touched down an armada of white armored soldiers pointed their blasters at her. She frowned, then stood up, causing them to flinch.

"At ease." A soldier in a grey uniform said. "She won't try anything." He turned to the door. "Lord Vader, the prisoner is here."

"Very good. You are dismissed."

The stormtroopers broke rank and walked away. Soon only Celestia and Darth Vader were left in the hanger.

"I know you are not alone." Vader said through his helmet. "I sense... your sister?"

"LUNA! NOW!" Celestia yelled, drawing her lightsaber from under her cloak. Suddenly a shadow in the corner of the room came to life, shooting toward Vader. The shadow formed into Princes Luna, who had a lightsaber of her own.

Soon, the two princesses each had their sabers at Vader's throat. He laughed evilly, then drew his own blade and rolled backward.

"I will get you, Celestia. Equestria will soon follow the emperor!" He yelled, pushing a button on the wall. The forcefield at the hanger door dropped, and Celestia and Luna were ejected due to the pressure differences. The two fell to the ground below.

"I sense much anguish." The emperor said behind Vader. "Celestia has regrets, and Luna has much anger. They will join us. Don't you worry."

Author's Note

Suggested by "The Color Green" who asked for a Mlp/Starwars crossover. I hope I delivered. ;P

Chapter 88/100. 12 more to go...

A Barrel Full of Innuendo

"Come on Big Brother! Put it in!" Applejack said, leaning over a corked barrel

"I'm Trying! Its just too tight!" Big Mac replied.

"You've fit it in much smaller things before, don't even get me started!"

"Pfft. Let's not make this harder than it already is."

"You know I like it hard."

"And rough."

"The rougher the better." Applejack smirked, twisting to the side to make it easier for Big Mac. "Now hurry up and get it in there! We don't have much time!"

"Maybe if we lube it up?"

"With what? What could we possibly use to get it wetter than it already is?"

"We got some motor oil."

"...That might just be crazy enough to work. Go ahead." Aj said. Big Mac fetched a can of motor oil from a shelf. "Let me take that." Aj said, grabbing the can. She squirted some oil onto her hooves. "Let me rub it down, get it nice and slippery."

"There we go." Mac said. "Let's try this."

Big Mac positioned himself and gave a big push. He grunted. Aj gasped as she felt it move into place.

THUNK

The barrel of cider slid neatly into place on the already overstuffed wagon. Big Mac wiped his brow. Applejack breathed a sigh of relief. "Well I'm glad that's over." She said. "Alright, lets get this cart delivered."

Applebloom stood around the corner of the barn, back pressed against it. Her eye was visibly twitching as she tried to erase from her mind what she thought she had heard.

Author's Note

OH GOD WHAT HAVE I DONE I'M SO SORRY I'M SO SORRY I'M SO SORRY I'M SO SORRY!

Idea suggested by High Roller, you twisted, twisted person.

A Simple Object

A simple wooden cube sat on Twilight's desk. She stared at it, watching it, observing its every detail. She had a sickly feeling about this box, and it scared her. It was given to her by a mysterious pony in a dark alley. He had some sort of necklace on a chain around his neck, with an insignia she didn't recognize. He told her to take the object, but didn't give her a reason why or tell her what is was. Looking back, she wondered what drove her to take the cube in the first place. The whole situation practically dripped criminal intent.

From what she could tell, the cube was one solid piece of wood. There were no gaps where pieces would have been fit together, no screws or nails, no glue, nothing. It was a perfect cube. The edges were rounded out, and the cube was shiny from a layer of shellac. The wood grain was orientated top to bottom, the darker bands thin against the lighter solid wood. She picked it up in her magic and shook it. A small rattling could be heard inside. She set the box back down.

Twilight Had an idea. She stepped back and closed her eyes, her horn glowed, and she cast a spell. A cone of black light lit up from her horn, staying in place and pointing towards where she looked.

The spell was an x-ray spell, allowing her to see into the box. It was a fairly new spell, so it wasn't perfected yet, but it was a cloudy image. The box was indeed hollow on the inside, with a small cylinder. The cylinder had a few metal wires coming from it, with what looked like a clock attached to the wires.

"Oh for buck's sake." Twilight said. Just then, the time bomb concealed in the wooden box detonated, destroying a good chunk of Twilight's home.

Author's Note

Chapter 96/100
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4 more chapters to go.