Celestia Cannot Sleep

by Lady Grey

Rating: everyone
Tags: My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Dark, Princess Celestia, Sad, Nightmare Moon
Length: 3630

Her sister vanquished, the sun restored, Celestia abruptly finds herself sole Monarch of Equestria. But the nightmare isn't over yet...

It's over.
The Nightmare is finally over.

There are some things you cannot take back.
The wounds of Eternal Night cut deep in Equestria, in no one more than Celestia herself. Reeling from the painful aftershocks of betrayal and war and grief, Celestia is unraveling. But falling apart now is not an option. Equestria has lost one Princess, it cannot lose the other. There is work to be done, and The Princess of the Day must take on her sister's mantel if they are to survive.

Raise the Moon, Celestia, before the Darkness consumes you...

Published 2016-04-20 12:10:01 UTC
Last updated 2016-04-20 12:10:01 UTC

Haunted

Through jagged remains of stained glass, she stared blankly at the spot, as if the empty courtyard was impossible. As though, surely, it must be a mistake. As though what had happened could not have happened. The full light of day only pulled and warped the shape of objects, as though she had been somewhere else entirely and the grips of eternal night had been a dream. That it was only the echoes of some horrible nightmare ringing in her ears.

It should have never come to this.

"Princess?"

Celestia turned her head away from the scene with effort, as though it might pull her thoughts back to hand as well. Her face was calm, without expression—why wouldn't it be? She felt nothing at all—which suited her now.

The guard stood tall in the livery of the Everfree Palace, worry in his bearing as plain as leaves on a tree. His armor had been patched where it was broken, injuries bandaged. He had all the signs of a hero on him. Of a different battle, maybe, than her own. There had been many. She did not know his name.

He did not meet her eyes when he spoke again.

"Princess, I do not mean to intrude on your grief..."

"I am fine." Rainbow splinters of glass scattered off her haunches as she stood to face him. Of course they would be worried, she had not spoken to anyone since it happened. What an impression that must make. She smiled, for his benefit as much as her own. "Everything is fine."

At this he seemed unable to contain himself. Looking her straight in the eye, he blurted, "Princess, the sun has not set for three days!"

Celestia stopped. Under her smile, everything simply froze as the words sunk in. She raised the sun from this very spot when the battle ended. Three days...? But she hadn’t even….

She felt with horror the edges of the void that had descended into her life.

"Many have not slept your highness," he continued in earnest. "Three days and you have done nothing, said nothing. There is talk, Princess. The people wonder if we have just traded eternal night for an endless day. They worry the crops will shrivel in the field. They fear that without Luna the moon will never rise again." He said, stepping forward. "Some have even begun to wonder...if you have… abandoned us..." He faltered. Suddenly he fell to his knees and bowed his head almost to the floor. "Please, help us, Princess. We don't know what to do."

What was wrong with her? Had she defeated this Nightmare only to leave her kingdom to flounder in neglect? Three days! It was thoughtless, utterly thoughtless, of her to waste so much time. This was over. Life must go on now. Especially now.

She stretched up to her full height, feeling the ache of stiff, treacherous muscles. One step at a time, she descended to the floor. And by the time she stood in front of the guard, she felt the comforting airs of royalty return to her. "Forgive me," she said, touching her horn to the top of his head. "And rise." He looked up at her and then slowly stood up to meet her. He was a good height for a stallion, but she could see lines of stress pull at a face far too young for them. "Tell me, what is your name?"

"Broad Shield, Princess."

"Go home, Broad Shield, it is time you got some rest."

Celestia had rested enough. Too much. And yet the empty hole of the long day had left her worse for wear. She had not eaten, nor slept. Barely moved. It was simply unconscionable. She hadn't even had the decency to leave herself fresh for what needed to happen now.

She left what had been the throne room. The guards saluted her one by one as she walked through the Everfree Palace, and one by one she dismissed them. "This is over. Go home." Few were from the fortress at Canterlot. Most had been stationed here before it became the heart of the Nightmare, her own royal guard. Families awaited them on the edge of the forest. Long anticipated reunions. She echoed the smiles on their faces as they nodded, cheered, laughed. And when she had seen them all, she returned to the ruined throne room, alone.

The sun shone stale there, not even glinting off the scattered glass. Twisted iron and splintered marble littered corners where the shockwaves had thrown it. The remains of great tapestries clung to the walls with ragged fingers of ash. Nothing left of the thrones themselves, obliterated into dust.

She stumbled up the stairs to the east window, landing prone. Bitterly, she snorted. So much for the great and powerful Celestia, the dawnbringer, vanquisher of eternal night—defeated by stairs. Quietly, she picked herself up. At least no one was around to see.

Time to end this terrible day.

She stretched out her wings and raised her horn like a conductor might raise her baton. Lower the sun, raise the moon, return to Canterlot, and then—she thought—then the real work could begin. And she would do it alone.

The Princess of Day began the motion of the heavens. The weak, wavering sunlight quivered at the touch of her magic. And then all at once it collapsed into her care. Three days, of course it would be failing. With the intensity, the grace of a master, she lowered it swiftly to rest on the hills. The golds, the reds, the pale pinks erupted from the horizon in its wake. Then she released it to drift out of sight and mind.

Celestia took the briefest pause, a mental breath, and then turned to the east.

The moon rested below the horizon where, in righteous victory, she had thrown it down to make room for the sun. She reached out for it, calling it to heel.

Nothing happened.

She shook her head and ground her hoof against the floor. Then she tried again. Standing to full height, she seized it with all her strength. Life must go on. She would put the moon back into the sky. And then she would raise the sun in the morning. Then the moon again that night. The days would march on and everything—everything—would be exactly as it was. The Moon twisted and squirmed out of her grip.

This was ridiculous. She was a Princess of Equestria. Every day she lifted the centerpiece of the day, the source of all life into the sky. One mistake and it would rain fire on them all. And so she did not make mistakes. Not one. …And yet she—she could not lift so much as a tiny mirror of light—No! No. Celestia took a deep breath and closed her eyes. Get ahold of yourself. She had won. And so the moon…the moon was…

A cold, dark laughter echoed from a corner of the room. She whipped around, her horn at the ready. Because she knew that laughter. The Nightmare echoed with it. And with screams.

But no one was there.

Fear stabbed below Celestia's collar as she turned to the horizon. To the land covered in a sudden and deepening dusk. To the creeping shadow—the darkness that she had brought. This is what it wanted all along. Night with no moon. From its prison the Nightmare was interfering with her magic. It was trying to force her to make Eternal Day. It held the moon hostage so that she would relent.

But she would not be beaten. She had defeated the Nightmare.And she would not quail before the pitiful tricks of the disgraced. Stepping forward, she gazed at the darkening courtyard below.

She would end this.

Celestia stormed from the room. Her hooves echoed sharply through the palace, the only sound of life. Torches hung unlit, half burned candles wept in sticks where they had been abandoned. Darkness crept unchallenged up the walls. For Celestia it was as though she was walking backward in time. Back into the howling Nightmare. She found the courtyard untouched. In the shadows encroaching from the forest she knew the shape of the ruins well. They were etched into the dark places of her eyes.

Whether the soldiers had considered the place sacred or cursed, she found things as she had left them—the Elements of Harmony precisely where they fell to the tiles in victory. The gems shone dimly as though the colored spheres reflected some light she could not see. She bowed her head to receive the crown of Magic, and she lifted each remaining element in turn. Their aura covered her like shining mail as she prepared for the battle to come.

She would raise the moon, whatever it took. And if she was the only Princess left, she would do it alone.

"Elements of Harmony." She stood tall and proud. All around her they glowed brightly from their cores. She felt the power grow inside of her. Stronger, brighter; suddenly everything was white fire and she was burning. It clawed its way out of her leaving something worse than absence in its wake. Cold fingers dug into Celestia's bones and she fell through spinning fog into nothing.

~*~

"Did you think, dear sister, that you could do it without consequence?"

Celestia's eyes snapped open, her face pressed against the frozen tiles. A hoof rimmed with cold steel scrapped at the stone in her vision. "Did you think you could toss me aside and it would all just go away? Are you really so deluded?"

Panicked, Celestia tried to stand but found her legs unable to bear her. She twisted her head to meet the sound of bitter laughter. Its shape faded in and out of the shadows behind her, only the armor truly visible in the starlight. And the eyes.

The Nightmare stared down at her with contempt. "Why are you all alone, Princess? Have you sent everyone away?" It paced soundlessly out of her sight, then whispered in her ear. "How does it feel to have no one left?"

Celestia jerked her head away and it laughed. Shame washed over her in a sudden flood. And rage. She was not a fool. "You're not real." She hissed. It was an illusion. A dream. A Nightmare. "I banished you."

“There are places even you can’t reach."

Celestia forced her neck upright, madly searching for the source of the voice that faded into the night. If it wanted a fight—! A fragment of reflected light glinted off something not too far off. Small, round... yes! She could see the elements sitting just out of reach. If she could just get them without it noticing….

She would not be helpless. Using the smallest hint of magic—even that felt quivering and painful—she reached for the closest. Laughter tipped, wobbled, and began to roll. Closer, closer. Just a little closer to banish this apparition back to where it belonged.

"Oh, please.” From the shadows a hoof clamped down and brought it to a sudden halt. “Don't make me laugh." The steel toe lifted away and Celestia watched with horror as the crystal turned to stone. "You never did think about consequences." A black mare stepped through the shadows as though they were curtains. "What do you think happened that night my sister? Did you think yourself righteous? Even the Elements of Harmony have deserted you."

A vice clamped on Celestia's throat. "No!" She was wrong. It was wrong. "The Elements are mine, I have done nothing—"

"Is that honestly what you think?" It was almost amused as the starlight solidified into the velvet curve of its form. "Have you looked at yourself lately?"

A chill gripped Celestia as the full shape pulled away from the darkness. Its cold eyes lingered on Honesty for a moment as fingers of granite began to form across the surface.

“I suppose not.” It said, the slightest smile playing across its lips. Celestia could see the relish in its eyes. “Do you think you were innocent in all this?”

Celestia scoffed. “Please! Spare me your grievances.” She was a princess of Equestria and she would not let herself be indicted by a monster. “My conscience is clear. I have only ever done what was best for my subjects.”

“‘My subjects’? Have you forgotten so quickly? There was a time when you shared your throne, Sun Princess. But I suppose even then, it was only—ever—about you.”

“What do you—?”

“You were never very generous with your time, were you, Celestia? Never very generous with your spotlight. Never very generous with your love.” It said with a chill that wrapped itself around Celestia’s heart. “There were all the signs. All the little cries for help. And don’t tell me you didn’t see them. You did. Oh, you gave and gave your little gifts to your subjects, and you felt so gracious. But when it came time to give one scrap of your glory to your family, suddenly your wells went dry!” The Nightmare stood in front of her and Celestia did nothing. She only watched as Generosity was consumed.

Honesty masked.

Laughter frozen.

Would she lose everything before the end?

The Nightmare shook itself with a bitter laugh, tapping a hoof ever so slightly against the next, rosy sphere. “And Kindness?” Its smile twisted and a sudden kick sent the element spiraling off into the dark. The shadow whirled on Celestia with the force of a hurricane. "Where was your kindness when I lay broken on these tiles?! Where was your mercy?!" Celestia flinched as the stomp left splintered stone in its wake. “You presume to call yourself kind? You are nothing but a heartless coward! Or have you forgotten …?” The mare bowed her head and all around the darkness began to churn and whisper. Suddenly the voice was different, it was higher, younger. Full of tears. “How could you? How could you do this to me? You’re my sister! You didn’t even try to save me!”

It pierced Celestia’s heart like an arrow. “You’re wrong.” Luna. Oh God. It was Luna’s voice. But she couldn’t... Luna was gone. And this thing, this Nightmare… she felt the truth squirm in her heart. “I want to—I wanted to save you. But…” Celestia felt tears flow down her neck without stopping. “I was too late, Luna. I came, and there was nothing left of you.” Nothing but a bad dream.

“…And why do you think that was?”

Celestia drew back at the venom of the words, the shiver of contempt. Suddenly the Nightmare’s eyes burned through the darkness.

“Your sister was dying long before that night, you were simply too arrogant to see it! Or perhaps you just didn’t care. She was always a nuisance to you! More a liability toward the end. How often did you clean up her messes? Mend diplomatic ties destroyed in anger? Soothe nobles for whom she seemed as much a danger as any monster on your borders? And every time the little voice in your head thought about how much easier it would be to rule by yourself—how much your sister was holding you back.”

Celestia started to protest, but the words caught in her throat. Because she had thought those things. Wistfully, or in anger. Luna had been so moody, and her outbursts had become almost a daily occurrence. It was just another stupid thing she had to fit into each and every day. And she… she’d had a country to run.

“When did you decide to cut her out of your life? To quietly suggest that she stop coming to court entirely? Six months ago? A year? A decade? Do you even remember anymore?”

Celestia said nothing. There was nothing to say.

“So much for Loyalty...” The Nightmare whispered.

The word burned Celestia, like rubbing salt in a wound. She cast her eyes to the ground as hot tears spilled down her face. Shame overwhelmed her. But a cold and gentle hoof lifted her chin. She would not be allowed to avert her eyes from this.

The Nightmare held her face up thoughtfully. “Magic…” It said, gazing at the crown for a moment before cracking a sudden and poisonous smile. “Magic you may keep, dear Princess. You always did use power to get what you want.”

“You snake.” The kick was fast and vicious and the Nightmare recoiled with a gasp. Celestia found her feet at last, she found her hatred. She burned with it. She did not wait for the shadow to recover but came down upon it with both hooves and all her crushing might. It screamed and it was not enough. She stuck again and again at the face of the thing.

And she wept. “I may have failed my sister in every way, but you are what killed her. You ate away at her light and turned her into a Nightmare, and you will never--”

With a final strike the helmet cracked clean in two, spinning away. Celestia stared down to where the shadows had retreated. Her own face smiled back. And then it laughed.

The reversal was so fast it might not have happened at all. Celestia smashed to the ground as the Nightmare stood over her and it smiled her smile and it told her the awful truth:

“You destroyed your sister, Celestia. You turned her into a monster. And you will Never. Be. Forgiven.”

~*~

Celestia’s eyes flew open in utter darkness.

And she wept.

She wept for the sister she could not save. She cried so hard that she could not breathe without gasping and still the tears would not abate. Pain tore through her chest where her heart should be leaving only awful truth in its wake. She had killed Luna by her own horn. And it had been a slow death.

There was no Equestria in that moment. There was no crown. For Celestia there was only the awful silent darkness, the jagged hole by her side where her sister should have been.

A cool touch wiped away Celestia’s tears. A magic she knew. She closed her eyes and saw herself reflected in a great silver mirror. Her reflection wore battle armor and blood dripped from her horn. With head bent low, she scraped her hooves at the ground as though preparing to charge. Her eyes were dark with hatred. The more Celestia looked into them the darker they became. With a scream her reflection leapt at her and the mirror shattered.

And yet it did not. When she looked back the mirror was whole, save a single crack that split it in two.

Her reflection stood tall this time, but she was not proud. Her body, naked of regalia; her wings neither folded nor lifted, but hanging limply to the ground. Her eyes were empty, streaked with tears. Across her chest lay the great black crack, as if a piece of her was irrevocably missing. With a hoof Celestia felt the gash across her heart.

Is this who I am now? She thought, feeling the edges of this hole which she had torn in her life. She knew herself at last. I am broken without her.

Celestia opened her eyes in a void of darkness and in that moment the weight on her heart seemed impossibly heavy. But this time Celestia did not turn away from the pain, she stood to meet it.

And as she rose… so did the moon.

Silver light brushed past her wings lighting a land that was changed: darker, in memory of a night so dark it swallowed the sun whole. Less beautiful, in mourning of the one who had loved it best. Unforgiving.

“No...” Celestia whispered. All around her dull stone spheres cast shadows too large for their size. “No!” She pulled them toward her, feeling for something, for any trace of what they were, but to no avail.

The Elements of Harmony were dead.

Celestia pulled the crown from her head--Magic, whole, alone, useless--and she trembled with fear. A cold wind picked up her mane as she turned to the moon.

From its surface a mare’s shadow stared down on her with quiet contempt.

You will never be forgiven.

~*~

The patchwork soldiers stood in a disordered herd at the edge of the forest, centered around one Broad Shield, injured hero, field-promoted captain. Almost a dozen all told, who hurriedly ordered themselves into lines at her approach. “Well done! Three cheers for the Princess!” Someone called from the back. “Sun and Moon! Sun and Moon!” They began to chant, but fell into silence at the look in her eyes.

Broad shield stepped forward dropping his helmet in his haste. “Princess Celestia, is everything alright? Are you injured? We can send a detachment to Everfree, call a doctor.”

Celestia walked right past him, then paused. When she spoke her voice was quiet and harsh. “Burn the bridge,” she said. “Let no one enter this accursed place ever again.”

And with that she stalked off into the twisted darkness of the trees. The soldiers called after her, but she did not hear them. In unbroken strides she descended into the oppressive quiet of the wild wood. And yet for all the shadow of the Everfree Forest she never seemed to escape the quiet gaze of the moon hanging overhead. She knew that she might walk a thousand years under bright sunshine or darkest night and never be rid of moonlight on her back.

It was the Nightmare’s Moon. Her moon, now. She would not be forgiven.

And she would not be allowed to forget.

Author's Note

Happy Birthday Fedora Mask!
Full Author's Notes Here.